RCCG student that killed his father: LIB reader shares her own story | Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog

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Friday, 11 July 2014

RCCG student that killed his father: LIB reader shares her own story

From a female LIB reader...please read!
In light of the story you posted on your blog about the RCCG student that killed his father, and the response to it by comedian: Wale Gates, I will like to share a little bit of my story to educate my fellow LIBers on the dangers of abusing their power and authority over their children, I believe there are a lot of people with stories similar to mine that will have the courage to speak out after they read my story, and they will also realize that they are not alone in their experience. While the action of the RCCG student was despicable and evil, the truth of what led to it may never be known, but I believe there is an opportunity for a  lot of people to learn from that unfortunate story about how parents can sometimes push their children to the extreme limits.
While my experience did not end up a tragedy as that of this unfortunate young man, I believe it might have had the same underlying tone and pattern. 
I am a 40 year old successful woman who is based in south Africa, I’m happily married to a wonderful man and just had a bouncing baby girl, I have a good life and i love my life, but the only thorn in my life is my relationship with my mother. I grew up having a very toxic relationship with my mum, a relationship that soured after her divorce from my dad while i was a child, after the divorce my mother took all the children with her and for some reason singled me out by physically and emotionally abusing me repeatedly, she believed i have a lot in common with my dad whom she hated with a passion.I grew up in a home where my mother will call me various malicious names, and repeatedly tell me i will not amount to anything in life, she once told me she wishes she had aborted me when she was pregnant with me, i remember being chased out of the house as a teenager, and left to sleep outside alone overnight for not properly doing house chores.

This toxic relationship endured into my adulthood, I grew up never having the opportunity to have all the beautiful things a relationship with one’s mother can bring, every time something great was happening in my life my mother was always there around the corner to “pour sand in it”, she went as far as cancelling my wedding a few times because I would not invite one of her friends to it, she has managed to destroy every meaningful relationship I have with all my siblings and extended family members by telling lies about me and going on a campaign of ensuring i am cut off from everyone, all attempts over the years by family members to show her that she was being malicious to me went on deaf ears, she spent most of the discussions denying every thing i accused her of doing to me and convincing everyone that i am a liar. I have personally approached her on several occasions to see if i could get her to change but that also failed. 

Not to long ago she claimed that she came to visit  my family and i since i was pregnant with my daughter and close to delivery, while she was around she almost destroyed my marriage by sowing seeds of discord between my husband and i, she went as far as gossiping about me with everyone that cared to listen; this included my friends and neighbours , it became so stressful for me that i couldn’t take it anymore, she did not even consider that i was heavily pregnant. One faithful day i told her she had to leave, out of my house and my life before she manages to destroy the best things in my life, that until she repents and realizes the errors in her ways i was not willing to relate with her again, while it was disheartening for me to take that action it was the most liberating thing i have ever done. Rather than repent, my mother have again gone on a campaign of letting her minions know that I “chased” her out of my home and that i’m so ungrateful after all she had done for me.

Sometimes when you push a child to the wall you never know what they might do,while i could never dream of killing my mum, the anger and rage she evoked in me could have easily led me to a dark place if not for the grace of God. The general idea of a mother is someone who is nurturing and ever loving, my experience have been far from that, there are things my mother did that i cannot even add to this writeup. A lot of nigerian parents do not know anything about parenting a child, their mentality is that you should raise a child the way your parents raised you, this approach involves flogging the child and abusing him/her emotionally as one wishes, there is nothing systematic to it. While some of these children grow up and forgive their parents, even going as far as replicating their upbringing on their own kids, some realize that things could have been different and are willing to stop the cycle.

254 comments:

1 – 200 of 254   Newer›   Newest»
Unknown said...

How pathetic. Ogunaomi@gmail.com

Unknown said...

How pathetic. Ogunaomi@gmail.com

Anonymous said...

My mother is just the same..cant say I hate her but I cant stand her..most important thing is we dont raise our own children the way we were raised..

Unknown said...

Hmmmmmmmmmmm.
D SITUATION IS UNDERSTANDABLE BUT THE ACTION IS WRONG.........
KILLING ANODA HUMAN CAN NEVA BE JUSTIFIED....... ITS WRONG..
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GDMONI LNDA ND LIBERS... AV A BLESSED FRIDAY ND HAPI WKEND.
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Moye B

unknown said...

Linda biko post my comment!! I offend you?? Nice write up ma! May the lord comfort you and may you be the best mum to your children! My parents especially my dad only dealt with us when necessary. I'm 22,cant even remember the last time he touched me,only scolds us verbally now. And my mum is not the strict type. I thankGod for the kind of parents I have but at the same time..i understand or can imagine how people with abusive and wicked parents feel! God help us all!! Amen,

Nwa Aba said...

I have heard, so should we spare the rod?

Alloy Chikezie said...

Hmmmmmmm! Na wa o! Yes the rate at which some parents abuse their children is repugnant, especially in Africa, in Nigeria and child abuse must be condemned at all levels, because these abuses affects the child psychologically and can cause emotional truama to the child even when he/she becomes an adult


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unknown said...

Linda post my comments!! Kilode naa??

Anonymous said...

A lot is wrong with Nigeria as a whole, the people, the government and the nation. God help us.

unknown said...

Linda post my comments!! Kilode naa??

unknown said...

Linda biko post my comment!! I offend you?? Nice write up ma! May the lord comfort you and may you be the best mum to your children! My parents especially my dad only dealt with us when necessary. I'm 22,cant even remember the last time he touched me,only scolds us verbally now. And my mum is not the strict type. I thankGod for the kind of parents I have but at the same time..i understand or can imagine how people with abusive and wicked parents feel! God help us all!! Amen,

Nzuonyi said...

You are right dear,I pray for Gods intervention on d RCCG son.

Hoyeen said...

Hmmmm well said.....Nigerian parents nd deir cruel ways of bringing up children

Anonymous said...

I really dont buy the idea of justification of someone killing his parent.if that is the case then i have the right to kill any person that does evil to me regardless of who the person is.if you didnt have a good relationship with parents ;that doesnt empower any to justify murder

Unknown said...

My dear u neva can tell d reason y d dad was hitting dat boy. Urs is a different story frm d boy's own. Maybe his dad was beating him bcos of one or two bad things he must have heard frm skul authorithies. D truth is dat no matter d demon in u, neva u raise ur hands on ur parents. Wen my mum or dad try to beat me(dat was den sha), I alwas conjure d spirit of Usian Bolt n find my way.. What is there to just to run n behave as if ur dad can beat u wen u know he can't. Just make him feel he's still d strongest n den apoligise to him.. Dat boy dnt know wat he has turned himself into n d guilt of killing d one who brought him to dis world will totaly destroy him.

Kike said...

I reckon with you poster! Though mine is my father. I sometimes wonder if anything will change if he dies tomorrow. Looking back at the pains he caused us whilst growing and still causing sef!!! Isssshhhhh

God help us

Anonymous said...

Hmmmmm #bright bravo#

Anonymous said...

Ok...oo! Parents una dey hear so...oo!

SVC said...

Iya Nı wura!

Bosslady said...

I pray that the grace of God will continue to be upon your life. Please make sure you forgive your mum but also love her from a distance

Bonita Bislam said...

Well said.Some parent makes you wonder if you're truly their offspring.The kinda punishment some parent mete out on their kids all in the name of discipline is appaling.Don't wana even remember some of my childhood experience.This generation of parent should try and correct the wrong of bad parenting,that's the only way forward.Thank God for social media and the new ways of thinking.

Cute G said...

If this is true, , it's really so pathetic . I'm happy that you moved on, and thanks for using this medium to sensitise the would be parents parents and those that have been abused. To add more to that I have a friend of which she and her sister was always checked by thier father , he puts his finger into thier vagina to check if they were still virgins, he flogs and nakeds them in the presence of their little brothers.The most annoying part is he does all these in the presence of thier mother.She supported him all through.these are girls that are even in thier teens.13 &14.
What kinda adult would they grow up to become?
What kinda relationship would they have wt thier father?
Bt its comforting to knpw that they are both happily married and living abroad and take good care of their parents.
Child upbringing is a sensitive issue because its a once in a lifetime experience for that child.

oluwaferanmi said...

well stated.

Juliebabe said...

Wow!! sorry about that but in everything give thanks

Anonymous said...

I feel u so well.I went thru same issues almost similar to yours .my mum will curse at every slightest opportunity.i never knew God could show mercy on me by giving me a very good life and sure cancelled the curses.i prayed so well though.but I have moved on.i have forgiven her.she is trying to show me love now and yes I do love her .i can't have another mum.most times when I vent anger on my adorables ;I quickly cuddle them and correct them in love.i don't want them to have same experience.i was not brought up in love.now as an adult ,I thought to myself that maybe because she was raised by her step mum.she lost her mum(my grand mum) when she was 9yrs.i prayed to God to uphold me,teach me and never make me a failure as a wife and mother.

#King said...

Well said..some parents are too difficult bt I thank God for my parents...........................................#KingOfKings

Slim said...

So sad to hear of what u went tru and what is a norm in our society but hopefully,we can stop the cycle because it constitutes to a chain of events leading to the climax we r today as a people and nation..

Anonymous said...

sorry.. patoswife@gmail.com

Anonymous said...

Pls I do not agree with you.there's no justification whatsoever for a child to raise his hands on his parents talk less of killing under any circumstance.
This trend is alien & synonymous with deviant children who are either on drugs or whatever.
You have narrated ur situation.but how do we know d kind of child u were,d friends u kept & d general lifestyle u adopted which maybe influenced ur mum's actions.
I say this as a mother cos no mother will generally set out to destroy her own child for no reason except one with some mental disability.
Now you a mother,can u fanthorm the thought of these ur children abandoning u in future giving flimsy excuses???pls this Rccg killing is most despicable & shd not be rationalized under any guise.

Anyikwa chinonso said...

A very sad story....

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Unknown said...

the thing is that the boy was just possesed by evil spirit. God help him.

Unknown said...

i guess there is more to it than what meets the eye,perhaps that boy shouldn't ve gone that far but God knows the hell he must have been subjected to.......just saying

Anonymous said...

The only difference between her story and mine is that I didn't. Give my mum the opportunity to show her mean attitude to me.I ran for my dear life before she messes me up psychologically.I wasn't even up to a year when their marriage broke,so why should I pay for whatever she feels my dad did to her?I don't visit her else she kills me out of anger abeg cos her own demon makes her very violent.my only fear is dat I don't chase my daughter away too when I have her

BONARIO NNAGS said...

Thank God you never contemplated attacking your parent with a kitchen knife, before reaching for a cutlass when the the knife wasn't enough.
As for the RCCG student, who was once a student of OAU but was withdrawn from the school due to his cult activities and still didn't turn a new leaf while in his new school,where he continued abusing drugs.
The same bible that told parents not yo provoke their children, also pointed out in Proverb 13 vs 24, that whom so ever spares the rod hates the child.
It takes so much for one to kill another human talk more of ones parent.

~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA LUMIA

Anonymous said...

i agree with you that there are some parents that never act like parents but then the truth is the same way we say there is nothing a woman can do that gives her husband the liberty to hit her, that's the same way no matter how bad a parent is or how bad the up bringing, there is no justification for a child to to murder his or her parent.

Anonymous said...

You are not alone. And you took the right action. I pray that God will open her eyes and help mend your relationship.
Some mothers do not openly abuse alone but spiritually. It is God's light alone that can break such devilish hold.

Unknown said...

Quite an interesting story. I can easily relate to the writer's story very deeply. It's a typical Nigerian single-parent scene of growing children after a broken marriage.

However as a parent , I also want to say women/mothers usually vent their frustrations and regrets from a bitter marriage experience on the kids when they exhiibit exuberance and sometimes these vents come with the least provocation or on a bad day. but the case for fathers is different.

Attempting to justify aggression/violence towards one's parent under the context of a bitter relationship is by no means an iota to be condoned.

Firstly our parents bore us especially through infancy and to adulthood, this is not a small feat.
Hence my take on it is to walk away from such parent, never react or compensate their bickering and lashing in similar kind.
In most cases, a parents wish is for you to have a better life and future than they had.

I truly hope your story inspires someone to get out of similar instance peacefully and go chase the life they truly want.

I'm happy you pulled through and hope that someday your mum accepts that she made some mistakes. However you should also admit there were instances where you erred and though keep the distance, try and provide for her financially when you're able to.

Anonymous said...

Is quit unfortunate. We all need d holy spirit to direct our actions. Parents sometimes cn be vry mean n push their children to d wall bt be still, d storm wil be over. Pretex4luv@yahoo.com

Oluwasegun O said...

His daddy may be wrong by slapping his 21 year old son for whatever reason as you suggest BUT The boy is actually wrong and insane for Killing or even raising his hand against his daddy for slapping him.

I dare not talk to my father anyhow when I was 21 years of age. Honestly, I don't even dare squeeze my face when he is talking except if am staying far from his hand because a Slap will refresh my memory. For God sake, I was under his tent at that age and everything I get is from him.

He knows the way to the kitchen to take a knife but that same guy cannot walk-out of the house and leave the daddy alone.

Look stop comparing Africa with the western world. the way we were brought up is what gave us the little sanity that we have in this part of the world.

Take it or leave it, the kind of respect most of these kids give outsiders is much more than what they give their parent. A boy like this always have mates in the University that slap and beat them up without making noise.

If you cannot withstand the beating or whatever of your parent, park out of the house and try feeding yourself so that you can have a case against them. Turning your mother to a widow is not a solution.

However, it may be more of spiritual attack than physical.

unknown said...

Linda still doesn't wanna post my comment? I offend you? Make I no swear for una oo

Unknown said...

It is well

Unknown said...

Only God knows and sees our inner pain and struggle.

Anonymous said...

I relate with this..
But its not my mum..
Mum has been the best thing that will and can happen to me..
I can take a bullet for her but can't stand to see her cry after I'm gone..
I'm a young lady, I'm 22, just graduated with a good result.
I'm the last child, I've got 3 elder brothers.
My dad is a thorn in my flesh.
Since I'm the only girl, I was always locked indoors..
I go to school, come home straight, I read always, yes its a good thing but its affecting me now.
I don't have any friends.
When I was young, 15, the boys that came to my house were just friends, their parents knew me but mine didn't know them.
Innocently, I invited them to the house to meet my parents, that single act has caused me pains.
Dad came back, he stripped me naked, chased me out and gave me the beating of my life..
I was naked, he used belt on me. My mum wasn't around, she was called on phone, she hurriedly left the office, the speed at which she drove, she had an accident.
I have scars on me.
She didn't die but it was a near death experience.
I went to school and I kept to myself for months. I stopped talking to my peers.
School was my solace, home wasn't.
He cut my hair always with razor blade because he didn't want guys looking at me..
But I was still cute..
I wished dad beat me sometimes, but he didn't, rather he killed me emotionally and psychologically..
He called me names, called me a prostitute. I'm still a virgin but dad calls me a runs girl..
I remember when I chewed gum after he warned me not to, he threw me from the first floor down. I was taken to the hospital, I didn't die.
Dad felt since I was the only daughter he didn't want me to get pregnant, my brothers weren't pushed to the wall, but what they saw me go through was painful.
When he's not around, I'm happy, I smile, I talk, but as soon as I hear his car horn or voice, I get moody and run away..
We might be having a family time, my mum and brothers, as soon as we hear my dad's voice, we stop laughing.
I remember when I wrote my post jamb, I had a score he felt was too low, he called me names, at the end, I gained admission..
My dad with all his money never paid my fees through out my nursery, primary and University days .
My mum did..
He never paid my brothers's fees too..
My mum did..
I stayed in the hostel, during hols when my roommates all went home, I stayed back. Home was hell for me.
When he calls on phone to check on me, he's calling a runs girl, that I walk around.
Now I've got a phobia for staying out, because I feel going anywhere apart from lecture hall or my room will make him catch me and strip me naked..
I don't respect dad, I fear him.
I've prayed for his death..
He's caused me pains..
This aint beating physically but I'm dead psychologically and emotionally...
Cause of his ways, my brothers don't return home again.
I don't have the heart to kill, maybe if I could, I would.

Anonymous said...

This is so touching.
Cooldavoe@yahoo.com

Anonymous said...

I relate with this..
But its not my mum..
Mum has been the best thing that will and can happen to me..
I can take a bullet for her but can't stand to see her cry after I'm gone..
I'm a young lady, I'm 22, just graduated with a good result.
I'm the last child, I've got 3 elder brothers.
My dad is a thorn in my flesh.
Since I'm the only girl, I was always locked indoors..
I go to school, come home straight, I read always, yes its a good thing but its affecting me now.
I don't have any friends.
When I was young, 15, the boys that came to my house were just friends, their parents knew me but mine didn't know them.
Innocently, I invited them to the house to meet my parents, that single act has caused me pains.
Dad came back, he stripped me naked, chased me out and gave me the beating of my life..
I was naked, he used belt on me. My mum wasn't around, she was called on phone, she hurriedly left the office, the speed at which she drove, she had an accident.
I have scars on me.
She didn't die but it was a near death experience.
I went to school and I kept to myself for months. I stopped talking to my peers.
School was my solace, home wasn't.
I wished dad beat me sometimes, but he didn't, rather he killed me emotionally and psychologically..
He called me names, called me a prostitute. I'm still a virgin but dad calls me a runs girl..
I remember when I chewed gum after he warned me not to, he threw me from the first floor down. I was taken to the hospital, I didn't die.
Dad felt since I was the only daughter he didn't want me to get pregnant, my brothers weren't pushed to the wall, but what they saw me go through was painful.
When he's not around, I'm happy, I smile, I talk, but as soon as I hear his car horn or voice, I get moody and run away..
We might be having a family time, my mum and brothers, as soon as we hear my dad's voice, we stop laughing.
I remember when I wrote my post jamb, I had a score he felt was too low, he called me names, at the end, I gained admission..
My dad with all his money never paid my fees through out my nursery, primary and University days .
My mum did..
He never paid my brothers's fees too..
My mum did..
I stayed in the hostel, during hols when my roommates all went home, I stayed back. Home was hell for me.
When he calls on phone to check on me, he's calling a runs girl, that I walk around.
Now I've got a phobia for staying out, because I feel going anywhere apart from lecture hall or my room will make him catch me and strip me naked..
I don't respect dad, I fear him.
I've prayed for his death..
He's caused me pains..
This aint beating physically but I'm dead psychologically and emotionally...
Cause of his ways, my brothers don't return home again.
I don't have the heart to kill, maybe if I could, I would.

dolapookiki@gmail. com said...

Hmm, sometimes I feel like I am d only female who has such mum, cos my friends have loving pictures of they and their mother. As much as I try to be dere for ha, she just won't change. But I know it'll make me a better mum

Anonymous said...

It is unfortunate but the truth is that many Nigerian parents are abusive towards their children. I have many friends whose parents basically tortured them. We need to realise that we can correct children without being cruel!

Anonymous said...

Wale Gates or what do you call ursef, there is no justification whatsoever that would pass for taking away the life of a human. If you support the guy, then you are equally supporting Boko haram for taking away the lives of people for religious and selfish gain.

Anonymous said...

I'm surprised you held out so long. There is definitely a fine line between child discipline and child physical/emotional abuse. Anywhere else but Naija, it would have been called self defense. But in Naija, its murder since abuse is rife. I feel bad for the guy.

A friend of mine was telling me recently how their father used to slap them even though they were 30yrs of age. Parents need to realize that it does get to a point where you leave your child to live their life, make their mistakes and just cut the umbilical chord. You cannot keep slapping a 20/30 yrs old somebody and not expect retaliation especially in this day and age.

Unknown said...

Hmmmmm!

ujunwa said...

Speechless... could that be possible?

Anonymous said...

Speechles.... I must say that am lucky 2 have loving and caring parents

Omolayo said...

May God be with you nd forgive you and your mother

Chizzy said...

I can so relate to this story cos it is very similar to mine. I too had a mother who was (still is) terrible with her tongue. The few months I lived with her some months after I got my bank job was hell. Please note that I was 26yrs at this time. I couldn't take it anymore and got an accommodation. I thought I had finally gotten the peace I so craved for. For where! When my cousin came to stay with me and my mother found out she started writing nasty, venomous letters to me that I should get rid of my cousin (cos she was keeping malice with my cousin's mother, who is her junior sister). She called me all sorts of unimaginable names, said my cousin and myself were running a brothel and we were prostitutes, etc. I kept returning her letters and begging her to stop sending me these letters and that I won't send my cousin away. She never stopped. The last time I returned her letter I warned her never to come to my place again, that I don't want to have anything to do with her again and that if she does or sends me a letter she shouldn't blame me for what I would do. She stopped. For 3 good years I never visited her nor called nor even asked after her. I stopped sending stuff to her. To be honest, I really didn't want to have her in my life again cos she was making my life miserable even though I was no longer living with her. After 3 years she sent her friend to me in an attempt to make peace. To cut a long story short, I now have a relationship with her but I keep her at arm's length. I am even closer to my dad whom she tried to poison my mind against when we were younger.

Anonymous said...

Well... i understand your plight but its still no excuse to kill.. Dont drive yourself crazy, because someone else is driving you crazy..wisdom is the principal thing.

Anonymous said...

this sad killing has brought out a disheartning trend among nigerian parents. my husband and i also have a story a mile long but in my case, my mom condoned and added to the abuse. my parents recently got back together after years of seperation today, reconciliation tomorrow and tok out their frustration on us children physically and verbally. i remember dad beating my elder sis so much, d moppin stick broke on her back. in my case, mum would hold me with my ankles upside down and use my head to "pound" the floor for mundane reasons. they were always telling us we would turn out useless like the other person. to this date, my immediate elder and younger sisters have a bad relationship with my parents especially my dad. i was able to compartmentalise it and move on but this killing saga just brought out a flood of emotions in. imagine whipping a 4 year old with copper wire till she bleed because forgot to feed the chickens after trekking over an hour from school under the hot sun. my mum even accused me of sleeping with my dad causing me unquantifiable pyschological scarring... the list goes on.... im happily married with kids and will NEVER go down that road. i look at my kids and im horrified at the things we went through at their age. i will be going back to nigeria next year to visit and trust me, i will bring it up with them. i have since forgiven them.

Unknown said...

Sorry 4 all u went tru.....but d fact still remains dat fighting back ur parents is not good. What happened to taking to ur heels whenever de hit u? Anyway may Good forgive d boy dat killed his father. Also find a way to make up wit ur mum.

Anonymous said...

Well written, I can relate to this in every way and concur that violently beating a child, all in the name of correcting them only drives them to dark Places which ends up having negative effect on them and the family as whole.

ary said...

Damn that's some story, I didn't know those types of mothers existed this side of the world, but it is true what she said some parent take this spare the rod and spoil the child thing to the extreme! I have seen kids so scared of their parents you'd think they were adopted! I know kids who act a fool when they escape the smothering grasp of their parents. They push and push, till something gives. I still maintain not everyone is cut out to parent.

Anonymous said...

That mother in this story is probably not your mother. Go and do a thorough investigation. She either adopted you or your dad had you from another woman.

Unknown said...

something most have prompt the young man to do so. i went through the same experience when i was a teenager. if i am the first son i would have murdered my father because i was the second son and have 4 brothers, a sister and a young beautiful mother that i don't want to turn into a young widow. so, i had to learn how to calm myself. i almost dropped out of school and my father could not register me for WAEC my mother has to sale some of her wrappers just to register me for WAEC and sometimes i will not b given food for days and so many things i don't want to say. though my father is late now and i didn't miss him.

kels Ekwensu Hotbill$ said...

FOR REAL I HAVE ALSO BEEN IN THIS SHOES WERE I WAS PLANING TO KILL MA FATHER COS THE ILL TREATMENT WAS BEYOND FATHER AND SON ISH*** BUT THANK GOD HE KEPT ME ENDURING TILL THOSE DAYS WERE OVER

PARENT GOT TO KNW THAT DISCIPLINING A CHILD SHOULD HAVE ITS LIMIT .. XX OF DISCIPLINING TURNS MALTREATMENT

Unknown said...

U have said it all.... I once had similar experience with my Dad... but thank God I was able to overcome d odds

Anonymous said...

Dear Poster,
I totally relate with your story. I thank God for his grace else it takes the grace of God for me not to kill my father too. My father is wicked in every sense. The things he does to my mother and sister can not be said with words. I've left him in the hands of God. Typing on a blackberry can be stressful else I would have said it all.
Poster,i beg u to forgive your mum like I've learnt to forgive my dad. You need peace of mind. It is well with you.

Anonymous said...

some parents can be annoying at times but I still maintain my stand on this:there is no justifiable reason for killing one's parent

Anonymous said...

Na linda life story be dis ooo. She lie about the country and marriage.

Mykel said...

I absolutely agree with the writer. Not until i had become somewhat successful in life, did i finally make up with my father. He later realized the folly in his child training template, but hey, the damage was already done. Thank God i amounted to something in life at least

Anonymous said...

Thank God ur married now and in ur husband's haus. Dis goes out to all of you who still live with their parents. Bonario nnags take note.. All this go and pay for dstv, buy kerosene, buy fuel shows you are still very much under their care. When a case like this comes up, control your anger.

Anonymous said...

Nne,I support ur decision!! It is well

Samson O said...

it is really sad and disturbing to see how some parents in Africa treat their own biological children. Parents generally in this part of the need orientations and fear of the Lord. thank God u and ur Courage

CHERRY said...

I never knew some mothers can be so wicked as to telling her child she suffered to give birth to all this,n even to d extend of telling the child she could ve aborted her, God I thank you for my kind of mum.

Anonymous said...

100% right. beating a child shld be d last resort in any circumstance, also verbal abuse affects a child till death only few recovers from it scar.

Unknown said...

Sad!

Anonymous said...

Thank God For Your Life. (Linda's Man)

Aphrodite said...

I'm sorry about what u went tru Ma'am, Yes we know some parents can be extreme, and some even downright malicious, due to a reason best known to dem.
But i don't see how your story really relates to this young man that murdered his father in cold blood, i don't understand why u people are trying to justify what he did, if it was anger, the anger woulda disappeared immediately he stabbed his father, but nah, he got a cutlass nd slashed his fathers neck, den stashed his body in a box then drag it into da woods, when the police came over the found him in a "Relaxed mood", now get this, if it was anger, the boy woulda bin agitated, he would av fled d scene, or become a nervous wreck, but they found him "Relaxed" like nothing happened. So tell me how ya'll can sit and justify such a Mean, calculated and malicious act? You pple need to wake up and smell the coffee, that boy is a cold blooded murderer. Pls everyone should refrain from justifying such an evil act o.

Parents should also be careful the kinda seed u plant in ur children, i'm not against swatting ur children on d bum once in a while, but Extreme Beating? C'mon, ya'll should Chill da Fuck out, beating dem won't correct anything it will even harden dem.

Unknown said...

A different ball game all together but thank God u did not rise ur hand on her.

Anonymous said...

I also have a horrible relationship wit my mum. She says horrible and awful tins to me,I find it easier confiding wit others. I get so jealous wen I see how my friends relate to Deir mums. I av a child now n I never allow her handle my child for reasons best known to me. She Neva bath or carry my child. Trust me,my mum is worse Dan urs.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your write up, I hardly comment on a blog but with what you have written I have to, Let us go by what the holy books says about our parents, that we should honour them so that we may live long and always have mercy from God. Because you didn't like the treatment you got from your MUM,did you hack her to death? Stop giving justification to what he has done, his actions are Ungodly. Am sure nobody has the complete story, but why should he kill? he could have walked out of the house and avoid all this mess rather than put the whole family into dismay. Do you think his mother would ever heal from the pain, this story will not end in his generation, it will continue to linger on.

Unknown said...

As far as am concerned, this writer hasn't said anything. What did your mum do to you? Gossiping you to neighbours? What exactly did she say to them? What seed of discord did she sew between you and your husband? You need to be precise.

Anonymous said...

You are right about most nigerians. They are horrible. It's that demon of hatred they grew up with. They think you should suffer bcus they suffered. And some of them even use their children for rituals. Devils. I feel you but don't kill your mom oh. Just ignore her. It's your time now. Treat your children well. Don't go to hell with those that chose to live by torturing their children. And nigerians always say we have the best up bringing. Sure they raised us right, that's why our country is all fucked up with evil politicians brought up with d same manner. Though I like the way kids respect adults in nigeria. Adults in nigeria are mostly of d devil. They love to punch and kick innocent kids out of anger but don't have the guts to beat boko haram their mate in wickedness. Some parents are not good to their kids quite alright but still try as hard as possible to prevent cursing and fist fighting with your parents. It doesn't look good on you. Just ignore them and live happy with your husband. Also pray for your parents to change. God will answer.

Anonymous said...

so sad, what some will do to make you look so stupid. i urge Nigerians to shun child abuse... its killing the relationship we are suppose to have with the children and parents.

Anonymous said...

You are not alone in this dear. I admired the courage it took for you to write this. i hv a friend who hv suffered fate in the hands of her mother. I do hope parents will learn from this.

jenny said...

True talk!some parents can be so cruel to a particular child.parents should learn to love their children equally and not to prefer one child over another.it brings discrimination in d family

Olubukola Ozone said...

This is a very touching story. In my wildest imagination, I would neva av tot dat ones biological mother would do all those to her child. I mean, its disheartning... Some parents should try and change thr approach to child upbringing, as some approach could bring out d beast in thr children and make dem do d unthinkable in d process

OSINANL said...

EH YAH...
SOME MOTHERS ARE LIKE THAT

Anonymous said...

Piff what a sad story. Jopeyemi@gmail.com

comfort said...

So interesting and I pray all parents listen 2 this and change 4 good.

Unknown said...

Wow... u really tired.. I believe also many gals would have killed her jst to have peace

Anonymous said...

I equally Gates comment on the issue and to as follow: 1: you both seem to miss the point,the young in question is a drug addict (he admitted to taking drugs),2: Like what you rightly said, nobody knows what caused the row that led to the father's death, (but l believe it has to do with the young man's attitude after taking drug), 3: I'm a mother, yes parents can sometimes be over bearing but that does excuse what the young has done. As far AS I'm concern you people are just wiping unneceesary sentiment over the issue.

Anonymous said...

I can relate with your story, God help this generation to see the light.

Anonymous said...

I faced something of sort from my dad,he would hit ,kick,slap me @ every given opportunity,I recall on two occasions he locked me out of the house and I had to sleep on a table outside,i lived in constant fear of being hit everyday,strict rules that was worse than being in a military rule..all this didn't stop until I was 18,it affected me badly I became withdrawn,emotionally unstable ..its 6 years down the line am yet to recover from the scars and memories and the father and son relationship isn't really there,we hardly talk or I open to him..

Anonymous said...

DEAR LINDA, I DONT THINK YOU SHOULD CALL IT "RCCG STUDENT" RATHER, IT SHOULD BE RUN STUDENT... HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND

IBM Concierge&Errand Service said...

OMG......my haert is shaking for all wat u go through...all will b fine till end my dear ur mom wil repent 1 DAY.......#shalom

Anonymous said...

this story is so complicated. here she talks about her mother. and the title says her father. lindodo which one is which abeg.

Unknown said...

So pathetic!

Anonymous said...

i seriously feel wah the libs wite said.really felt wah u went thru while reading .........linda ikeji shld just make up a campaign abou how parent maltreat their children may be dis will put a stop in mother and child malice..

SouthEastern said...

Poster your situation is an issue of a transferred hatred.Due to your resemblance of your dad either physically or character wise. seeing you reminds your mother of whatever she never liked about your dad hence the hatred. I think your mother has to seek spiritual help because only getting closer and knowing God fully will liberate your mother from such wickedness of the heart

#God answers all prayers#
Happy moments - Praise God, Difficult moments-Seek God,
Quiet moments -Worship God, Painful moments-Trust God,
Every moment - Thank God.

Unknown said...

So sympathetic, but not only Nigerian parents.its all over the world

David Iyke said...

Yes the Bible said that we should spoil the rod and spare the child,we should not be overreacting to our child simply because our parent somehow maltreated us.Good writeup from an understanding fellow. You did not take a bad decision by pushing her out of your house before she disgrace you out of your own happiness! kelechi360@gmail.com

MY TURN said...

I totally understand where you are coming from... Linda can you send the contact of this lady i totally resonate with her story my email address is yosore06@gmail.com

Anonymous said...

WTF

Anonymous said...

Well said my dear! Atleast parents should know that emotional and physical abuse can lead a child to do the unthinkable

Unknown said...

mehnnnnn na wa o. ife neme. May God never let me get to the point where i will hate any of my children or treat them with distaste. God abeg o. My grand mother was worse than this to my mum, my annoyance is that my mum kept trying to show her love. me ke no time o, if u do me bad, i leave u to urself, no time for rubbish.

bbm 7439955a said...

That's true. Thumbs up to my parents. Chief and lolo P.N Ozy. Luv them much. Yea best parents ever. Cheers. ENGR Emy

Anonymous said...

I definitely and absolutely agree with this one hundred percent. It's a tragedy that majority of Nigerian parents raise their children with so much beatings guised as discipline. A child that has only just come into the world knows nothing and what a tragedy that their first experience should be regular beatings and words or hatred again guised as discipline. There are other ways of raising children into responsible adults in society without scaring them emotionally and physically. When a child is your friend and can relate to their parents it shows in every other area of their lives. Western parents don't beat their children but not all Western children are wayward look at Barack Obama and other exemplary western people they had a different upbringing but still grow up to be something. So parents you can raise good successful children without breaking their hearts with your words and your fist.

michiny said...

dats sooo unfair of her, i hope she repent someday

Anonymous said...

You made the best decision by sending her away. Being a mother is not just about giving birth, that's just the beginning. A mother is the person that gives everything she has to make her child happy, not necessarily the biological woman that birth the child.
From your story, it is possible that your mum is bitter towards you because of your TRUE dad. She might know that you are not from who you think is your dad and this could be one of the reasons for divorce because it doesn't make sense to single one child out.

Mrs. Evelyn said...

My dear, I felt d pain u feel cos I went thru hell wit my mom. Mine is even worst cos I look exactly lik her nd it keeps remaining me of her even nw dat she is late. My problem nw is dat am married wit a son nd I treat him same way, each time I promise to stop I do more. I cry wen ever I do it den go straight to d mirror nd tell myself, u took after her nd u act like her. I hate myself for dis dat I keep my distance frm my son nd maybe dat is y God hs refused to gv me another. I still pray for mercy nd change, so help me God. Dis is bcos of d torment I went thru frm my mom.

Mrs. Evelyn said...

My dear, I felt d pain u feel cos I went thru hell wit my mom. Mine is even worst cos I look exactly lik her nd it keeps remaining me of her even nw dat she is late. My problem nw is dat am married wit a son nd I treat him same way, each time I promise to stop I do more. I cry wen ever I do it den go straight to d mirror nd tell myself, u took after her nd u act like her. I hate myself for dis dat I keep my distance frm my son nd maybe dat is y God hs refused to gv me another. I still pray for mercy nd change, so help me God. Dis is bcos of d torment I went thru frm my mom.

Anonymous said...

Alot of people have strories to tell. If you have the kinda parents that didin't abuse you in anyway while growing up, be thankful for that.









CoolDiva speaks!

Anonymous said...

Hmm... there's a difference between discipline and pure wickedness borne out of hatred. Your story comes from the latter.

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with this write up. u did d right thing.Some parents push their children to d limit.Their excuse is "spare d rod n spoil d child".

Anonymous said...

I cannot over emphasize the point I will make now - UNLESS YOU ARE TRYING TO DEFEND YOUR LIFE OR SOMEONE ELSE'S, **YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TAKING SOMEBODY'S LIFE**!

Shikena!!

What is it with all these people queuing up to sympathise with this killer? Is it a case of "trying to defend our own"???

Able mom said...

I only veiw this story from one angle and that angle is that his father was meant to die that day and another angle is why did the boy/man put the dad inside a box after killing? They is a hiden truth.

Unknown said...

the truth is that we still have a choice not to pay evil for evil, no matter how bad it is...u still have a choice to let it go.....let it be a part of ur past memories....before acting think...take a deep breathe...walk around....his actions are nt justifiable....he shld have been patience....life is a game, in order to win, u play with sense. anyways he just wasted his life.

Anonymous said...

Nicely said

Anonymous said...

how does this story relate to that of the RCCG guy.. Smh

Chichi said...

(((sighs)))... But why a mother do such evil to a child she bore in her womb for nine months? There is more than meets the eyes. May God help us.

Unknown said...

Singing # it's an odd world, it's a strange world, unbelievable, strange things are happening...# hmmmmmm
I'm honestly short if words!

Anonymous said...

HHmmm..very true.

Anonymous said...

i totally agree wif her.. parent shud set a good relationship with their children, n not a toxic one #Doro classy#

Unknown said...

Hmmm...your story is so touching. i dont think i could ever have tolerated her this much. Pls ignore her from now on, and focus on ur new family. Pray always so that d devil wont have a hold on ur new life. Wish u well!

katt said...

True, my mom used to call me ugly and also looked down on me a great deal,
I never felt like killing her, but I had anger and resentment towards her

Anonymous said...

Dats just d truth,it appened 2 a frnd of mine,d last day she went 2 c her moda,she cursed her nd beats hell out of my frnd,tell her next tyme she comes she wuld delibratly kill her,ow can a moda grw hate 4 ur own kind,it abnormal,no mata condition she stayed in ur 4 nine mnth...its madness...leta again she went 2 inform d moda abt her weddin nd dat tym was smtin else,she slapped her nd told her she wuld nt prosper wit her husband pushed my frnd away,wit anger my frnd retaliated nd beats up her moda,since dat tym she neva went back,nd nw she has her baby...nd lives ok...its wield...##CherryC##...

Anonymous said...

Dats just d truth,it appened 2 a frnd of mine,d last day she went 2 c her moda,she cursed her nd beats hell out of my frnd,tell her next tyme she comes she wuld delibratly kill her,ow can a moda grw hate 4 ur own kind,it abnormal,no mata condition she stayed in ur 4 nine mnth...its madness...leta again she went 2 inform d moda abt her weddin nd dat tym was smtin else,she slapped her nd told her she wuld nt prosper wit her husband pushed my frnd away,wit anger my frnd retaliated nd beats up her moda,since dat tym she neva went back,nd nw she has her baby...nd lives ok...its wield...##CherryC##...

Unknown said...

A beautiful piece. Many Nigerians suffer severe abuse at the hands of their own parents. I hope we will start to enforce the existing laws against child abuse.

Anonymous said...

God will help him...nkemdirimeverista111@gmail.com

Anonymous said...

My dad has a funny way of showing his love. He believes that when he is hard with no love and care (just providing the money and controlling us)it makes us strong and matured.
I have come to understand that side of him but it's not enough.

Love and connection between parents and child should be the first priority of every parent. Money and control are secondary.
Most times i wish i am married so that i can do anything i want with my husband and kids. Still praying though.

#PICCANTO#
lausmithuj@gmail.com

Livvsreamblog said...

Ok

Anonymous said...

Hi there
Thank you for your write up, while I sympathies with you (honestly I do), I however do not agree with your last paragraphs.
Fair enough, a lot of Nigerians parents do no know their limits and believe they can 'Lord over heir children' and a God given right and authority, but there are limits to everything.
Too much of something is bad enough, an pushing a child to their limits causes resentment! That why a lot of older people (especially in Europe) end up alone and old, without any help or family in a care home, with no one to leave their inheritance to.
You seem like a very logical woman from your write up and you are very correct.
My parents did smack me when I was naughty, but what they never did was go beyond their limit ad act like crazy people in e name of discipline!
Yes, some parents act like crazy people ll in the name of discipline because they they think he have a God give right to discipline their children and these methods border on outright child abuse!
Some people make fun of using koboko with pepper or whatever but tat is wrong!!! Koboko is bad enough why make it worse for the child?
But yet they wonder why after 35 years their children resent them.....
Just a thought anyway
But thanks fo rsharing

SOJI PASTOR said...

this is very pathetic and unbelieving able...thank God for his grace of endurance in ur life...pls try n make it up wid her,shes ur mum...GOD BLESS YOU

Anonymous said...

true talk most Nigeria's mothers don't care for their children especially here in Delta state once you lost your dad u are on your own

Anonymous said...

Linda i heard this thing and i told my friend that that father must have done something to provoke that boy. there is only so much one can take. Our arents dont help matters. not everything is by shouting and beating and emotional blackmail. im a victim too. i used to wonder if i was an adopted child when i wass a kid. i cried a lot and hated my life. there is only so much one can take. even the bible tells Fathers not to provoke their children to wrath.

Anonymous said...

Linda i heard this thing and i told my friend that that father must have done something to provoke that boy. there is only so much one can take. Our arents dont help matters. not everything is by shouting and beating and emotional blackmail. im a victim too. i used to wonder if i was an adopted child when i wass a kid. i cried a lot and hated my life. there is only so much one can take. even the bible tells Fathers not to provoke their children to wrath.

I say this... said...

Makes a lot of sense

Anonymous said...

Hi lib readers...wow we have similar case,truly ur write up will force alot 2 come out and say something,nothing justifies killing,but when u face parental bullying I tell u,u may consider it. I thank God 4 who I am today,have done all what I knw I can 2 make my mum happy wiv me,still no way...I use 2 think am d problem,I got 2 knw sometimes parents just don't luv their kids...It baffles me,cos I luv my 2 sons like mofedaku,I can never separate them,luv one more than d other or turn them against each other like my mum did us. At this stage of my life,am happy,am at peace with myself...cos in the end I only answer to God.

Idaresit Etteh said...

Madam well done; you have talked it all, but all the while you didn't mention any of the things your mother accused you of. You only kept on condemning her from beginning to end. I sense here you must have done something wrong that led to her leaving her marriage; i don't know; I had a girl friend back then in Secondary school who slept with her Father and her mother happened to know and became angry with her to an extent she had to move out of the house, so please am not supporting child abuse, I have not given birth yet but i have a sweet mother, but i can assure you, your complain is way too much. be a bit open and truthful unless she didn't give birth to you. "Adopted you know"

Anonymous said...

Even though parents atimes tend towards the extreme when it comes to discipline. The truth is there is no smoke with fire; no parent unless mad will try to kill a child they gave birth to.
Enough said about abuses. While I do not belittle whatever the writer is saying. There is no smoke without fire. We know teenagers can be a hand-full.
Stop justifying murder especially ones parent. We were all flogged Koboko, Mr. Black(the flexible rubber used on the tarrazzo floors), Omo rogun (turning stick for Eba), Broom, Igbaju, Igbarun, verbal assault, all sorts. But, I am the better for it & I still love my mum. And there is no day she does not call and pray for me.
Bitterness will only cause you more harm than good. Find healing.

Anonymous said...

Even though parents atimes tend towards the extreme when it comes to discipline. The truth is there is no smoke with fire; no parent unless mad will try to kill a child they gave birth to.
Enough said about abuses. While I do not belittle whatever the writer is saying. There is no smoke without fire. We know teenagers can be a hand-full.
Stop justifying murder especially ones parent. We were all flogged Koboko, Mr. Black(the flexible rubber used on the tarrazzo floors), Omo rogun (turning stick for Eba), Broom, Igbaju, Igbarun, verbal assault, all sorts. But, I am the better for it & I still love my mum. And there is no day she does not call and pray for me.
Bitterness will only cause you more harm than good. Find healing.

Anonymous said...

Super story! Back to reality. Parenting in this generation has gone sour. Many children are abused physically, emotionally and verbally. That is why so many children go up with hate and become nusiance to the society at large. It is wrong for one to take someone life even though we know some people dont deserve to live and it is illegal to snap off their breath.

www.justhealthng.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

This is an interesting topic. I was also abused by my father & stepmother. Outside flogging & verbal abuse & 2 of my junior ones were labeled witches by my step mum. According to my step mum I was d most wicked witch of them cos I was about 11 yrs old & knew how to stand 4 what I belived in eventually we were taken to a native doctor by my father & finally sent to live with my grandmother. It was a traumatic experience as a child. But I thank God that he gave me d spirit of forgiveness in abundance. I am happily married with kids & a major figure in my family. It's really sad what kids go thru in d hands of some parents. After reading d first post it got me thinking. I wish this boy involved will get a fair hearing & I wish there will b a turn around in his life. I also wish his mother & siblings will find it in there heart to forgive him & win him over to d side of Christ with love. It's really unfortunate am really sad. WHAT HAS HAPPENED CANNOT BE UNDONE. LET HIS LIFE BE SPARED.

Bolateetoh said...

May d great Lord bless ur family n give u d grace to raise ur children in d way of d Lord. Ur joy shall not be soiled by d evil of dis world. God will make u outstanding in all ramification, IJN, amen.

Anonymous said...

The student had many more options other than killing his father. His decision to murder and mutilate his father's body was inexcusable. As an adult, he had the power of reason. He should have handled the dispute differently. Child abuse is wrong but so is murder by an adult male with the ability to choose other means to resolve a conflict with a family member.

Anonymous said...

no excuse to the act.. love2nicee@yahoo.com

REXOVIC said...

hmm.... God help us parents.....

Unknown said...

Most parents abuses their kids in d name discipline them.

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Anonymous said...

I agree with ur views especially about the way parents emotionally and physically abuse their kids, but one thing I have decided to do with mine is to discuss issues with them a let them air their own opinion. I really want to understand them because my mom never gave me that chance and made me rebel. But I thank God for my life because it could have been bad.

ify said...

Yes i agree. Some nigerian parents abuse their children physically and emotionally. I have heard (and experienced to an extenet) stories of people's lives with their parents and no matter how small (i.e. emotional instead of physical, etc) abuse goes on to muck up your life if you are not watchful. I think flogging your child is okay when done with reason but picking on your child or preventing them from expressing themselves appropriately also leads to bad behaviour (and general unhappiness and negativity). Although this is not to encourage it. I do not blame some parents that do these things out of ignorance. I just believe they have also been abused in some way and now think that's the way forward. Breaking this cycle requires forgiveness of self and parents and being more watchful of our behaviour towards everyone and not even just our children so that they can learn that too :D
P. S. so sorry for the lady in this post. u r strong. God bless!

Unknown said...

#God Help Us oooo....

Anonymous said...

I dont believe in that theres no smoke without fire thing. Trust me. I've seen situations whereby parents hate their child for no reason. I have a cousin like that. She constantly mistreated her young son right from a tender age. What exactly did he do?? Absolutely nothing. What can a four year old do?? If you havnt expirienced something, its hard to understand it. Your mom is different thank God for that but other parents arent.

jbankzE said...

Dis lady is soooo right coz ma grandma does same fin 2 ma mom nd she stil do shit till date..... I won't take t bt ma mom swallowd al her mom does coz she is born agin.....sum parents r evil nd shouldn't ve gottn kids coz dey dstroy dem wif dia tongue.... Its well.

~@iamJbankz Olamide's PA~

Unknown said...

I've abt fathers bt for a mother to do that to her own child? May God help us and I pray he helps me to be a good parent whenever I start to have my children cos my mum is so precious to me.

Anonymous said...

I understand this write, almost same with my experience.

Chic Aris said...

My dear I can relate to your story, Mine is the same. Can't stand her, but I have forgiven her. God help us to be better parents.

Anonymous said...

Nigerians and follow follow, now everyone had a simillar experience because one person stood up to talk....no be all of una dey lay courses on the young man....


XDON D DON

Anonymous said...

Are you sure she's your mother? Sounds like she may be transferring her anger for your father on his love child. Why single you out otherwise?

Anonymous said...

I can relate with the Author of this article.

Many Nigerian Parents are clueless when it come to parenting.

My experience growing up has made me very resolute to ensure it does not replicate itself, and conscious that Parenting is a lifelong assignment which i have to put deliberate effort into.

My relationship with my mum is nothing short of a Horror movie that cannot be put on print. As much as i could not kill her, i often wished she will just sleep and not wake up (i am not sure this has changed).

I am married now with Children and when i think of all i experienced in the hands of my Mum, I know for me to be alive and where i am today, it is only by the Mercy and grace of God

I condemn totally the boy's (who killed his father) act, however there is a bigger and fundamental anomaly which led to the act, which if not addressed, could only lead to more of such occurrences.

God bless Nigeria

Anonymous said...

I can relate with the Author of this article.

Many Nigerian Parents are clueless when it come to parenting.

My experience growing up has made me very resolute to ensure it does not replicate itself, and conscious that Parenting is a lifelong assignment which i have to put deliberate effort into.

My relationship with my mum is nothing short of a Horror movie that cannot be put on print. As much as i could not kill her, i often wished she will just sleep and not wake up (i am not sure this has changed).

I am married now with Children and when i think of all i experienced in the hands of my Mum, I know for me to be alive and where i am today, it is only by the Mercy and grace of God

I condemn totally the boy's (who killed his father) act, however there is a bigger and fundamental anomaly which led to the act, which if not addressed, could only lead to more of such occurrences.

God bless Nigeria

Anonymous said...

My view on this is that the boy-killer was also a drug addict. as a young man, his bones are still stronger than his dad's./ if he had mistakenly pushed his dad and hurt him, it would have been likened to self defense or something of some sort, but to bring out a knife is a premeditated act, and then cutlass.. its just the act of the devil. I ma sure he knows he has no excuse, he attends one of the most expensive schools in Nigeria nad what is his problem. His case is almost similar to the case of the Nigerian boy who disguised himself and killed his mom abroad, I guess in USA.....its a sad story
Everyone has story.
i also suffered it from my parents, as a first child.. it made gave me fears, timidity and low self esteem. Mine was borne out of frustrations my parents suffered after suffering so much from poverty, and having enjoyed good life and wealth. Only GOD has made me come out of the situation, I am still coming out.
i didnt understand until lately,my younger siblings didnt go through that as much as my immediate younger brother and I did.
I am married with kids now and pray for GOD's grace to take care of them.

Mena Peters Triflections said...

That's what we are all saying. Sigh

Mena Peters Triflections said...

Go back and read then think, is sparing the rod the same as abusing a child? Some people...kmt

Mena Peters Triflections said...

Do you even understand the meaning of justification? Nobody is justifying, just trying to enlighten people to avoid future occurrence. There is always a root cause of every problem. THINK

Anonymous said...

I was abused by my father too.he made me feel inferior and i had no self esteem for a long time,thank God for Christianity,it helped me heal and forgive.

Anonymous said...

Awww, girl, i feel your pains. Some parents are becoming so crude in their relationship with their children. But knowing fully well who she is, i don't think it was wise bringing her to your matrimonial home.It doesn't prevent you from taking care of her financially and otherwise.I pray she repents soon.

Anonymous said...

Waoh Dear> your story touched my heart. You see, couples are important in the upbringin of a child. Even though your mum went overboard, its the hatred she felt for your dad that she transferred to you saying you look like your father or so. it doesnt justify her action though.

And even our men sef... hmmm,thats another story though women have their fault too.
Just last nite i was begining to reminisce on wot Paul talked abt marriage; that if its possible nt to marry cos some spouse will push one to almost do the "unthinkinkable"

Unknown said...

Can two wrongs right the wrong?. The bottom line is that this boy was under the influence of drugs.
The period between the ages of 18-24yrs is a time of conflict between parents and their children because the child will want to left alone while the parent want to have control.Most of us had this experience why didn't we killed our parents?

nella said...

Hmmm na wa for the stories we read. Heavenly Father, thank you once again for the wonderful dad you gave us on earth. After all I have seen and read, I can confidently say my dad is the best!!! Not that he spared the rod, but each time it was for our own good. We had a father we were not afraid of, rather we were always afraid to hurt the feelings of the great,humble and kind man whom we love so much. R.I.P. daddy, we miss you everyday. 😢

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

My story is exactly d same.. all i can remember of my childhood was pain from my mother.. now dat am grown i had to mak a decision , i forgive her but she's out of my life foreva... to me i dont av a mother. I'll advise u to forgive but take ur distance.. the Lord is ur strenght. Olly

Anonymous said...

I don't understand why people are coming up with these pathetic storiesnow. Are they trying to plead a case for a murderer? Didn't they read the part that said the boy is into hard drugs? Do they know how hard it is for a parent to correct a child who is into drugs or cultism? I have seen stubborn children who appear to be on mission to doom their innocent parents. Why is everyone turning the story in favour of this boy. Whether anybody likes it or not, if you were an obedient child, your parents would have no reason to beat you mercilessly. When you made mistakes and they tried to correct you, if you were a good child you would have accepted your mistakes and taken corrections, not trying to fight it.
There's a price to pay for everything. A price for being a bad child.

Anonymous said...

No one is trying to justify the killing, they are just trying to shed light on the difference between discipline and battery.

Unknown said...

This is really an issue parents should deliberate on,because their act can make or break a child.

Anonymous said...

The boy is a killer.my parents hit me also growing up till the point I felt they weren't my really parents but guess what I love them die.there the best thing that every happened in my life.

Anonymous said...

You did not say what you did wrong. You must have been a bad girl who caused your mother pain. She might have had her excesses but you dont know what your kids will 'call child abuse' in the 10 years time.

I once told my daughter to stop eating chocolates, so that she can loose weight, because she is overweight, she said I was abusing her emotionally.
I have a daughter who was just so rude, arrogant, disobedient, disrespectful, destructive, selfish, inconsiderate and lazy. I love her, but I did not spare her. I practically forced her to get a degree. She went round saying I am a wicked mother. I did not hide her misdeeds. Running from one indulging Aunty's house to the other where she showed her true colour in no time and moved elsewhere
Thankfully, she has found Christ and very successful. She is so grateful to me now for not sparing her. It could have gone the other way. We are best of friends now.

Anonymous said...

As far as an concerned your case is totally different from that guy's own,urs is a pure case if abuse,ur parent separated, your mum doesn't love you,but his is quite different cos his parent were not separted,he attends a school for privileged children,his dad does not maltreat him,so he is not justified atall...but thank God he has realised his mistakes,and has asked for his mum forgiveness. I just pray God rests the soul of his father and forgive his sins.And the boy should just repent and ask for God's forgiveness. It is well.

Anonymous said...

yours is different Ma.

Anonymous said...

I totally understand this LIB reader's story. I for one m the last born, (fortunately) I got only trickles of d madness my mum put up all our lives. I have grown up not trusting her and most of her judgements, not knowing how to show emotions and receive back, not understanding that love between mother and child. It took ONLY THE GRACE OF GOD TO KEEP I AND MY SIBLINGS SANE, HAPPY AND EMOTIONALLY , SOCIALLY AND SPIRITUALLY HEALTHY(at least to some extent). It baffles me how a mother can be that way..but well, I just believe no matter what we are born into God has a reason it happenedd that way and ONLY GOD is ur source of sanity and happines. Too bad he killed his father...he will now learn a lot from this experience although the guilt will hunt him..but God can heal him. MOTHERS AND INTENDUNG MUMS, I IMPLORE YOU BE THE WOMAN GOD HAS INTENDED YOU TO BE.

sweetie said...

Am not in support parents beating der children,but dey av right to discipline der children.in ur writing up d only offence ur mother claimed is she believed u have a lot in common with ur dad whom she hated with a passion and u left to sleep outside alone overnight for not properly doing house chores which I still believe der sometin still hiding in btw I tink u don't voice out. but let b sincere there is no smoke wit out a fire,some children ar very frustrated,ur parents cannot develop hatred one night without no reason,av seen a mother dat her un timing death came through thinking of her daughter way of life and leaded to high blood (stealing,drugs,prostitute) d child whom she sold pure water under sun jst to become somebody in life. av seen a father whom went to prison 3times cos of his son,d guy always ran away 4rm home anytime he committed outside.the last prison his father went was SAR but at d end of his struggle in life he corpse was brought home 4rm SAR. 10% of parents ar jst b wicked but 90% av reason 4 der action, wen my father was alive we all gav him rest of mind,in home where der is no much but der ar love and happiness. At d age of 80yrs my father was sick,I spent 5months wit him in UCH. I slept der,I took care of him, I never left him 4 once despite d fact I knew is old enough to go and rest.I don't want to lose my dearest father,I wished der is no death. Wen ever family and friends came 4 visit ,they don't cry cos of my father,they weep 4 me.I looked sick and hanger. I was always advised to go home and make use of my life dat dad is old and his not going to survival.I told dem dat if GOD ll finally take him ill surely b der to giv him last kiss and say goodbye to my first love. Not all parents ar wicked.some children do frustrate their parents. I always asked dis question several times i see d boy picture. How could u killed ur own father no matter d situation. Der ar a lot of kids whom fight hand to hand wit der parents and sons whom beat der parents.may GOD forgive and show mercy on d 2 side.

Anonymous said...

I don't want to believe you don't know how to read. Didn't you see where she condemned murder?

Anonymous said...

In my case my father is just meeeeeen don't knw wat to classify him. One lazy man I ve ever seen in my life. We barely get along bcos I just hate his lifestyle. He only care abt him self. Buy new clothes every week without bothering weda the children wears or not. Father who locks himself in his room bcos of food. A father who prefers to fix his car than to pay a child's hospital bill or even give money for school. Well like she rightly said so many parents does not knw wat parenting is all about. I once told my father if I had the opportunity to kill him I will. My father. Thinks only of him self nd no body else. If I'm to write about him. Lib no go reach.

Amarachukwu. said...

Thank God for the kind of parents I have..so lovely,so understanding...

Tunde Eldorado said...

Hmmm...O ma sheee o... What a pity

Anonymous said...

Even though parents atimes tend towards the extreme when it comes to discipline. The truth is there is no smoke with fire; no parent unless mad will try to kill a child they gave birth to.
Enough said about abuses. While I do not belittle whatever the writer is saying. There is no smoke without fire. We know teenagers can be a hand-full.
Stop justifying murder especially ones parent. We were all flogged Koboko, Mr. Black(the flexible rubber used on the tarrazzo floors), Omo rogun (turning stick for Eba), Broom, Igbaju, Igbarun, verbal assault, all sorts. But, I am the better for it & I still love my mum. And there is no day she does not call and pray for me.
Bitterness will only cause you more harm than good. Find healing.

Anonymous said...

u'all should understand one thing. it is neva fair to judge one side of a story, ur moda or fada doesnt like u, live with it and search not for pity that is why God made us human , to be strong. besides no man as the right to take anoda's life no mata aw brutal they are, sins u cant give a life, neva taketh, God neva promised a smooth road but he promised to be der at all 3ru, meet him at the gate of mercy and ur problems are solved.

Beloved said...

Mrs. Evelyn, repeat these words in capital letters and say them until you mean it.
'I DECLARE IN JESUS NAME, THAT I'M NOT MY MOTHER AND I DO NOT ACT LIKE HER. I LOVE MY SON AND I AM THE BEST MOTHER TO HIM'

You must change your mindset and use words to change it. You may look like your mum but you are not your mother. Change your mindset. Everyday say these words as many times as possible and believe it. It is well.

Anonymous said...

Thank u for dis response. We have heard frm d writer's side but we haven't heard frm d mum. Wat kind of a child were u wen u were growing up? U must hv been an evil one!

Anonymous said...

See stories and memories of child abuse in Nigeria. That means our celebrities are not left out. Let me guess with the like of
Olamide badoo
9ice
Wizkid
Blackface
Tuface
Abeg guess the rest

Even you self Linda. They have waylaid you slap before.

Princess Charming said...

Na wa oh! She didn't say there is a justification!

Anonymous said...

Well, growing up was hell for me, my mother is so wicked dat she even beat me with pestle, she will cook and eat in my presence and she wont give me, funny enough she does same to my sisters and brothers, even my brothers will say anybody that take after our mother will not stay in her husband house in this century. though i did not love her truly but i never thought of killing her. Only God knows why some parents behave that way cos my father use to tell her pls dont kill these children, your wahala is too much. Even up till today i use to doubt d way she relate with my sister, u will think she is her adopted child. truly some parents are wicked. but that doesn't justify killing.

Anonymous said...

21 is way too late for that kind of discipline and dangerous especially from a very obviously disturbed Young Adult...by 7 years old if discipline hasn't worked then it cannot work at 21....there must be other means of bringing them into line..I do agree with the majority and you can see on here how Domestic abuse of wives and children is rampant in 9ja

Having said that I would never have killed my Dad..my own I like watching the movies late as a Teenager and my Dad hated the fact that when he came in from his Social Club... I was still awake..how did he know??...by touching the TV Screen was still very warm..knew beating was in order..
all that was to change one night..think I was 14 by mistake the koboko he used hit the side of my face had a scar but lied at school..but vowed he did never touch me again by not doing wrong..I matured at 14...and that was it..but other kids have behavioural problems...and would still do it and go on to do worse things..

Me and the Old man..cool as ice these days..didn't want me travelling to the UK(many moons ago) thought I would go AWOL like some other kids had ..but he's well proud of what I have managed to achieve!!
End of the day...2 wrongs don't make a right...and shame something so tragic had to happen in order to address this issue!!

Anonymous said...

U be amebo of d highest order. Must u know? ME.

Anonymous said...

The writer is not trying to justify this kid murdering his dad but trying to just explain circumstances that can lead to the situation as a result of African so-called 'parenting skills.'

Having a child does not give anyone the effrontery to beat them blue black. I'm all for scolding children with the odd swat but when it comes to pushing your child down the stairs etc that is ABUSE!!!. My dad when we lived in Nigeria chased me and my sis (i was 4 she was 8) with a belt around our compound for playing outside. The belt buckle got my nose and slit it open. My mum did not speak to him for days because of this. He has done worse since. calling us prostitutes even denied us as his children. Now my sis is a successful barrister and I'm on the cusp of a career in legal services. I have tried to forget but I have forgiven. Gotta rise above it.

Unknown said...

I also been the same situation , my father was pastor and a bastard all i feel for him is hate in my heart , i can't stand him in front of him , i hate him so much ,all i wish at him @ 14 for him to be dead , he was wicked and cruel ,we never said anything positive about me and all my brothers ,he show no support for anything ...You can imagine calling his church members to judge his son taking soup in the pot without him there ...1 nite he put pepper in my eyes and my penis and tire me up like common criminal because i spent the 400 hundred my cousin gave me .....i hate him so that all i do right now is runaway from him ...My growing up was ugly because of fear of him ...Thank God i am grown up now ,No matter he did to me as child ,i still love him and also take care of him ...becos his my father ...

Anonymous said...

It obvious a lot of youth have parent issues. Most of us are talking from experience. Linda please do more research and stories concerning this issue as its quite enlightening and helpful in becoming a better parent.its also healing

Anonymous said...

Please, I want everyone who seems not to realize that parents can do things that can eventually lead their children to violence to view this video, if you can actually stomach it. After that consider you comments. Pls Linda post my comment, everyone needs to see this. Thanx.

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=8ec_1355358096

Anonymous said...

Common, spare your own nau, since you don't understand what she wrote. The moral of the write-up is, there should be a balance. Never spare the child but never abuse them either, every parent should know/learn to know where to draw the lines. I flog my little girl, but I talk to her more and give her time-outs which she hates, or refuse to give her what she wants as part of punishment. So she knows we love her but won't let her have her way all the time. Finally, Never ever verbally assault your child, it's the worst form of punishment. Some children grow up feeling the way his/her parent made him/her feel as a child. I often tell my daughter how much we love her everyday and she tells us too and we tell her how important she is and will be in the future and how beautiful she is etc. It helps alot. Let's not let the devil in our lives now that we are grown-ups. Let's make better for our children what our parents didn't make for us. We are a better generation. S

Unknown said...

I had a similar expirience, all I finally believe is that i don't have both parents.
I now live in spain with my wife and three lovely kids, parents can some times be so cruel to their children. my own children will not see what i have seen.

Anonymous said...

In as much as some times we get maliciously abused by our parents is no reason why we should raise a finger at them or having them killed.As africans we all have been abused in one way or the other by our parents.so d question is do we hv to kill or hit our parents at every abuse? So many of us hv endured and overvomed abuses frm our parents.i seriously believe thre is no justification to his action by killing his dad.in my own time i let out my anger and fustration on the electronics and furnitures at home.

dhobiz said...

Iwu ezigbote anu ofia,so you can't differentiate between correcting a child and maltreating a child,all her mom did is totally out of hatred,i remember my dad chasing me out of the house at night for a noise my sibling made and my coming to take me in early in the morning,there's always a way to correct a child without creating hatred because until one becomes an adult you can never think about those treatment without feeling like doing something bad to them.

Aby said...

Linda, i must say that the LIBer's story is heart touching but is totally different from the RCCG boy's story.

Let me put it to you that the RCCG boy's case was more of a weed or spiritual matter.

Am not disputing the fact that most Nigerian parents are mean to their children in the name of invoking good upbringing in the child(ren).

Many of us experienced series of beatings and spankings from our parents but i thing is for our own good, and i will also add that it worked for some people.

i didnt have a good time with my mother while growing up but today i wont crucify her for what she did.

I endured it all and now am a strong and free woman.

We should learn how to tolerate all situations because the only constant thing is change.

As for the young lady, she may have been the cause of the fight between her parents. You know, couples will not tell you the totality of the cause of their fight?

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