Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog: 02/17/2008 - 02/24/2008





Thursday 21 February 2008

The person in the mirror

People close to me will tell you I hardly pass a mirror without stealing a glance at myself. Oh I love looking at myself. Not to check if there's a freckle on my face or if my lipstick is smudged or if I look good without make-up, or if my hair is out of place...oh no, I don't care about such things. I look at myself because I love what stares right back at me...ME! I love me so much...much more than anyone else loves me.

I don't feel there's anyone more beautiful than me, more intelligent than I am, more decent, more friendly. I don't care if you have the best life, the best job, beauty, fame, wealth etc...I don't wish to be you!

There are people who inspire and motivate me...in fact I have a role model...but there's no one I would rather be but ME

Oh I love me...so much!

In this society, we're taught that praising ourselves is selfish and wrong. If it's wrong and selfish, then I want to be wrong and selfish. Because I know praising myself for things that are good about me helps me love myself more and nourishes my self-worth.

I'm never scared to say what I feel, how I feel it. What I think and how I think it. A reader of this blog sent me a text yesterday and said 'Never change your down to earth way of blogging'. The thing is; I don't know how to be anything but down to earth. Loving myself gives me a lot of self confidence, makes me more true to myself and most importantly the ability to be free.

There are people out there who for reasons best known to them don't like themselves. Is it because of what people say to you or about you? To hell with people! They don't know you, you shouldn't give them the right to bring you down. I'm not saying you shouldn't listen to what people have to say about you...you should! But don't let their criticisms break your spirit. Because I know for sure when everyone around you tells you you're worthless, you start to believe it. How can everyone be wrong? you'll wonder. Oh, they can be wrong! And they are wrong! What do they know about you?
They have no right to tell you you're a bad person.
They have no right to tell you you will fail.
They have no right to spread false rumours about you.
They do have a right to dislike you...and you have a right...not to care.

If people give themselves the right to bring you down without your permission, then take the right back by not giving a HOOT what they think, by being gentle with yourself. By being kind to yourself. By being patient with yourself. By praising yourself as much as you can. Tell yourself how well you are doing with every little thing. Treat yourself as you would treat that someone you love with all your heart.

Love yourself for being who you are, doing what you do, saying what you say, thinking what you think, and feeling what you feel. When you do that, you make space for yourself to be, do, think, feel, express, and accept yourself as you are.

On this blog there are people who for reasons best known to them send me nasty comments...very very nasty comments. When I see this comments I smile. It doesn't bug me at all. Sometimes I wish I could extend a hand of friendship to these negative people because I know they have a problem...but they come as anonymous...what can I do? But more than those who are nasty, I believe that at least 80% of readers of this blog genuinely like me...why? I think when people see you radiating self love...they are drawn to you!

It hasn't always been like this for me. There was a time in my life when people's opinion mattered so much. If I heard anything negative about myself, I won't be able to sleep for days. I go around trying to be nice...looking for approval, trying to defend myself. But one day I realised that people's opinion don't define who I am.

For instance, I used to be good friends with comedian Tee A. In my first year in Unilag, Tee A was in his final year. We were friends for a short while and...weren't friends anymore. Several years later he told someone close to me that I am a 'club girl'. You know what it means to be called a club girl in Nigeria? When I heard it, I confronted him. I said to Tee A, have you ever seen me in a club? a party? in a hotel with an pot bellied man? I don't do stuff like that...don't ever say such things about me ever again. (Of course he denied saying it)

That experience taught me that people will think and say what the hell they like about you regardless of who you really are. They take you at face value. How can you call me a club girl when I don't even go to clubs. I don't have anything against clubbing, but it's just not my scene. All through my years in the university I can count how many times I went to a club. Usually after a fashion show that ended late and the models couldn't go home or an after party at a club after a show. Left to me I'd rather sit at home watching TV or read. So how do you justify calling me a club girl? Where did that come from?

As I grew older I realised some people derive a lot of pleasure in bringing others down. I also realised that those in the habit of doing so are people with self loathing. They themselves hate who they are and try to bring you down to their level by trying to break your spirit with hurtful words.

People who don't like themselves are people who are empty inside.

You want to be as beautiful as Genevieve Nnaji but you are not.

You want to be as famous as Tuface...but you're not.

You want to be as a rich as JJ Okocha...but you're not.

You want to be as intlligent as Wole Soyinka...but you are not

You want to sing like Fela Anikulapokuti...but you can't

You want to write as well as Chimamanda Adichie...but can not

you want to speak as eloquently as Fela Durotoye...but can't

So what if you're not? So what if you can't? There's something you have that no one else in the world has. There's something beautiful inside you...find it, appreciate it. Accept yourself exactly as you are.

Stop criticising yourself, it never changes a thing. When you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. When you approve of yourself, your changes are positive. Make the decision to love yourself in every moment...unconditionally...no matter what. When you learn how to fulfill yourself in that way, you stop searching for it outside of yourself and you begin to appreciate the person staring right back at you in the mirror.

Whatever your situation, whatever you've heard, whatever bad experiences you've had, no matter what mistakes you've made in the past, take a moment next time you look into a mirror, muster up a bit of kindness and acceptance for the person looking right back at you. Just because people say we're no good, doesn’t mean we have to believe them.

Here's the chorus to Mary J Bliges' new single...'Just Fine'
So I like what I see when I'm looking at me when I'm walking past the mirror
No stress through the night, at a time in my life ain't worried about if you feel it
Got my head on straight, I got my mind right I aint gonna let you kill it
You see I wouldn't change my life, my life's just..
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, oooohFine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
Just fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
You see I wouldn't change my life, my life's just fine

And like Whitney Houston said in her song 'Greatest love of all'
"Learning to love yourself, is the greatest love of all,"

So love yourself...UNCONDITIONALLY! No one deserves your love more than you!

Tuesday 19 February 2008

This thing called life.

Through out last week I was very happy. I found myself in a place I hadn't been in a long time...if ever. A happy place. For the first time in my life, I understood what it meant to be on cloud 9. But the thing about cloud 9 is; it's a temporary place to be. Yesterday I was brought back to reality.

I have this really great friend, Azubuike. Known him since our days as aspiring top models in the late 90's. He was actually the first and only male model to ever ask me out. But in those days I used to think no man in real life was good enough for me. I had my eyes set only on the guys I saw in hollywood movies...yeah I know! Silly!

Anyway, Azu and I became best of friends after his love advances failed. Surprisingly, we kept in touch for many years after he quit modeling and started working as an artist. In the last few months we grew extremely close. Mostly because he found love through me. He came to the office one day when a casting was going on and saw a model he later told me was love at first sight. I made the introductions and the rest like they say...is history.

Azu was the first person to tell me I might be in love. He was with me one day when O called and after talking to him Azu said you're in love. No, I'm not I argued. So why did your eyes light up? And why are you quivering? he said. I didn' argue with him. The thing about Azu like everyone who knew him well will tell you, he loves love. He breathes, eats, talks and dreams love. Love was the only thing that made sense to him, the only thing that explained the beauty of life. The only thing he cared about.

On Monday February 11th, he called me on the phone to chat and during our conversation he asked me when O was coming again. I told him. He asked "Are you going to let go this time?" "No!" I replied. "I want to take my time. Be extremely sure before anything happens..."
Azu replied "Unfortunately, TIME is something we humans don't have. If I were you, I'd go for it. Take a risk, be happy. Talk to you later" He said and cut the phone.

Later never happened. That was to be our last conversation.

On Valentines day, Thursday February 14th, in his usual adoration of love, Azu took his girlfriend out to celebrate the day. At 10:15 pm, Azu went to drop his girl at home at Anthony Village. For those familiar with the structure of Anthony village, you will agree that the roads aren't very wide and most of the streets are enclosed.

After dropping the girl, Azu made to turn his car to head back towards the direction he'd come from...while trying to manoveure his large car in the narrow street, unknown to him, four armed robbers who had just robbed two streets away were heading towards his direction, trying to make their escape through the street Azu was. Seeing his car in the middle of the road and thinking he'd been trying to block their escape, one of the armed robbers got out of the car and shot Azu point blank in the chest.

After shooting him, the robbers reversed their car and found another escape route.

Azu died instantly. He was just 33 years old.

This thing called LIFE. How fragile it is. One minute we are here making all this plans...the next minute, it's all over. And we can never get it back.

When I think about him...I smile. Even though death snatched him so young...Azu lived his life to the fullest. He did every single thing he wanted to do. If he had lived another 30 years he only would have done the things he had done before over and over again.

He grabbed life by the horns and was never afraid to take risks.
He never forgot how to laugh.
He was never too proud to cry.
He wasn't too stubborn to smile.
Azu lived life in the moment. And he lived it to the fullest.

Shame to death!

I heard about his death on Sunday and I have been thinking so much about life since then. There's so much we take for granted. So many things we don't understand. So little time we have to do the things we want to do.

When I talked about O on my blog last week, a friend of mine called me from the US and scolded me for talking about and mentioning his name. What if it doesn't work out with him? she worried. I remember exactly what I said to her. If it doesn't work out with O, I will move on to the next one. If that doesn't work out, I will move to the next and keep moving till it works out because I'm not afraid to love, I'm not afraid to live and I'm not afraid to take risks.

I always go after what I want. I wanted love...I went looking for it. I wanted a magazine...I started it. I wanted my own company...I started it. I want a modeling reality TV show...I'm already working on it. I want a talk show some day...it's going to happen. I will never quit believing in myself because I know that as long as I believe I can, I will always have a reason for trying. Not just trying to find love or success, but also trying to find the meaning and essense of life. My ultimate goal is to say one day...I lived my life to the fullest.

Who has seen the movie 'Life is beautiful'? Remember the huge smile on the face of the lead actor, Roberto Benigni, when he was being to led to his death by the German soldiers? People say he had that memorable smile on his face because he didn't want his young son, who saw him being led away, to know that the soldiers were taking him away to kill him. Maybe...but I also think he had that smile because he had defeated death. In the middle of war, hunger, degradation and death, he smiled constantly. The movie is titled life is beautiful, and seeing that you'd think it would be about happy and beautiful things but it was set in the middle of war when the Germans tried to wipe out all jews from the face of the earth. Despite being surrounded by all this all, life was still beautiful to him...and he wasn't afraid to die. That's what happens when you've lived your life to the fullest

Sometimes we fail to realise what little time we have on earth. And we go through life with no purpose or meaning. We blame everyone else but ourselves for our sadness and misfortune instead of realising that life is an accumulation of our very own choices. Both the good and the bad things are as a result of repeated choices over a period of time. But whether good or bad, the beautiful thing about life is that it's never too late to turn it around. Every single minute we are alive is an opportunity to start all over. Decide NOW to make every second of your life count because when you really think about it, the only thing that is assured in life is this moment and death. So cherish every moment of life and make it worthwhile.
Don't run away from love but towards it, because love is the deepest joy. A lot of people tend to hold back after they've been hurt or let down. They say, I'm never going to love again. How dare you give another human being that kind of power over you? Don't let anyone hold your happiness in their hands, hold it in yours, so it will always be within your reach.

Don't blame others, and don't walk around waiting for someone to apologize to you.
Don't let go of hope, because hope gives you the strength to keep going when you feel like giving up.
Don't be afraid to take risks, don't be afraid to love, don't be afraid to say sorry, don't be afraid to ask, to cry, to smile, don't be afraid of happiness, don't be afraid to dream, don't be afraid to achieve, don't be afraid to say how you feel.
If you're not happy in your job...you can walk away.
If you're miserable in your relationship...you can walk away.
If you want a baby...have one.
If you want love, go look for it.
If there's someone you want, something you want...go for it NOW! 'cos now is all we really have.
No one says it will be easy...but even if you fail, at least you will definitely know that you tried.

Take a day off and the do that thing you've always wanted to do. Live free, fly like a bird, take every single happiness you can get. Make the most of what you have and don't worry so much...living a life of worry guarantees a sad life. If you're going to die one day and never come back, why live life SAD? Don't let life cheat you...embrace everything good about it.

Cloud nine might be a temporary place to be...but the clouds could be a permanent place to be...it's up to you. In sadness, in sickness, in hunger, in all that is bad and evil, you can always be in the clouds, by not letting life defeat you and making the very best of every situation .

Like Albert Einstein said “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

And like Azu my friend said..."Time is something we human beings don't have"

Do what you want to do now...because when you really think about it, there's no guarantee you'll live to see the next minute.

Azubuike, rest in peace! Thank you for teaching me how to appreciate life. You'll always be remembered.


Sunday 17 February 2008

Little Johnny Jokes + Animal crackers & Mischievious kids

It's 3am in the morning and I'm still awake. A nutritionist recommended something for me to take to help with my appetite (still trying to add a little weight) and instead of making me sleep, its keeping me awake. Not fair o!

So instead of just lying awake on the bed...let's blog.

Little Johnny jokes
Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
Little Johnny replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
"Oh?" replied the man. "Did your grand father eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
"No" replied Little Johnny , "he minded his own fucking business!!"

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little JOHNNY . He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then Little Johnny says, "I have a question for YOU.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone." To which Little Johnny replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."

Little Johnny returns home from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
" Why?" asks the father."
"The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3?' I said 6," replied JOHNNY .
"But that's right!" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me, 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the fucking difference? " asks the father.
"That's what I said!"

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"
JOHNNY says " Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little JOHNNY , that's a mouthful."
Little Johnny says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."
The teacher responded, "Excellent, Michael!" Then, she reluctantly called on little JOHNNY .
"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said "Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!"

KKK endorses Obama...wonder shall never end!

KKK members in Tennessee rally against Hillary Clinton and support Barack Obama

White Christian Supremacist group the Klu Klux Klan has endorsed Barack Obama to be the next President of the United States of America .

Speaking from his Kentucky office in Dawson Springs, the Imperial Wizard exclaimed that anything or anyone is better than having that "crazy ass bitch" as President.

Animal crackers

Mischievious kids...some mothers do have 'em

Let me go back to bed to see if I can catch some sleep. If I had a man lying next to me, this would be the best time to wake him up...All night long...lol!

If this continues tommorrow, I'm dumping the vitamins in the trash....Ssshhh, don't tell her o...lol! But seriously what kind of vitamin keeps you awake? Or is there something else keeping me awake? My brain isn't even functioning well...
Anyway, I will survive!

Meanwhile, if you love art, click here to see the works of a Nigerian artist called Michael Adeniyi...http://www.artwanted.com/artist.cfm?ArtID=35818&SetBG=Yes
See y'all later.
Stay blessed!

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