Dear LIB readers: Am I wasting my time with this man?
From a female LIB reader
Please I need your opinion on something that is keeping me up at night. I met my boyfriend in November 2010 and after only four months of dating he proposed to me on Valentine's Day in 2011. I was really excited and believed he didn't want to waste time and was eager to marry me. But it's going to three years now since we got engaged and he hasn't said anything about a wedding. Every time I mention it he tells me I'm acting desperate that I should calm down that if he didn't want to marry me he would not have given me a ring. We are both over 30 so I don't understand the delay. What bothers me most is that he's not even talking about it. I suggested we get married the last week of December 2013 so we can begin a new life in 2014 but he said he will let me know when he's ready. Should I give him an ultimatum or just be patient?
Nne ga sie ike ooooo (in igbo big accent). He won't walk down the aisle with u. If he is not yet for 3 fucking good years then he won't be ready ever. If u wanna try, stay and watch 2014 also come and pass. Am speaking frm exprience, don't let ur emotions get the best u. It won't be easy but u got to save urself. It happened to a friend of mine,5yrs engagement and before u knew it, the guys got married to another babe within 2 months of meeting her. Ife ne eme oooooo. Give him back his ring. God will send your own man. Lindodo better post my comment oooo
My sister run for your life,the guy tied you down with d ring so he no man can take u and the end story might be that "my mother or family has someone else they want for me".RUN
U were lucky, please poster dnt try this cos u myt end up a single parent. Or u can fake the pregnancy tale n see his reaction, if its negative, please take off.
These men/boys are wicked and just like to toy with us. Give you a cheap ass ring to keep you with them so u'd not collect plenty things from them cos u r looking and thinking better picture, before you know it; it's your money you are putting into everything cos u are seeing "WE". My dear, it happened to me and I did a bolt on him. Its better to be a single girl than to be divorced. Remove that rubbish on your finger fast and hit the road!!!
I tell u oh, dis is more than witchcraft, infact, this is wizardcraft, how can a man put a ring on a woman for 3yrs, babe Pls start Olympics now, b4 you'l hear it has ended alrdy.
Look babe, just bounce, give him which ultimatum, doesn't he know there's no time on ur side? Or is he back dating? 3yrs isn't months, if he had married u since he proposed, ur 1st child shld have Bn over a year by now. Pls just walk on without looking back. The guy is scam! That is, dust ur slippers now and start walking. You will find a better man biko.
Pleas don't waste your time with him because you will be the loser in the end. I have seen somebody that did INTRODUCTION and waiting for the wedding proper and they never got married, not to talk of giving you just an ENGAGEMENT RING, NA TODAY PLEASE DON'T BE DECIEVED, MOVE ON
Engagement is wen a man proposes to a woman with a ring in marry her in few months. WITCH CRAFT is wen a man engages a woman 4 years to scare other men away. Madam give am ultimatim abeg, mke e no b say na handcuff him put 4 ur finger
My dear, that your method is a recipe for disaster. I pray that you won't come back to this blog in a few yrs with articles reading "did I make a mistake" or " my husband doesn't love me, should I leave" etc. He's not stupid, he knows u trapped him and when you fight he'll point it out. Since you're preg already, God bless you in d future but don't advice any1 to go that route, it's terrible
Babes, U are in d best position to know if he is faithful to U or not. But my candid advice? Return his ring and ask him to come back when he is ready to take U to d alter. Meanwhile, live a normal single ladies life. But , don't be desperate & pray fervently.
My dear, I reckon you began playing wife as soon as you received the ring right? He's just had a wife without spending money. No he won't want that. Therefore, learn from your mistake and move on. Even if he agrees now, that'll be born out of pity, the marriage won't be fun for u. The ceaseless tears will only worsen as he obviously is mean and self centered. Start life again, don't let d devil trick u into blivng that Uve invested too any yrs 2 let go. Cry now but you'll be the better for it. Start this year by making urself happy. God bless u
I think something is wrong somewhere, u need to ask urself sm ques, what is u people's relationship wt God like, hw well do u know ds guy's immediate family n very close associates who ordinarily should've started asking ques by now, any other challenges u think might just be a hindrance but it's not been discussed; like health etc, if all these is sorted out and he is NOT reacting positively n immediately; pls take a walk, today is still morning
lol..It's funny how people are quick to give advice.People will give you advice,but remember they are not the ones wearing the shoe.The 1st question i would ask you.There must be a reason why you are still with this guy for three years ring or no ring.And i am sure that is a good thing,if not you must have taken a walk long ago.Everyone says you should look for another guy.But really how many good guys are out there.He might be rare guy that is why you have stock with him so far.Ok what if you take a walk and then the next guy proposes to you in a few months and then jilts you after a year.You will be years older,then the next guy comes,does something similar.You are still adding to your age.Before you know it.You start to question yourself.My dear i am not telling you to wait on him,neither am i telling to take a walk.You know best.People have different reasons for not wanting to take that step.A guy might not have resources that is why he wont want to.Yes people that don't have get married,but as it is everyone has standards.Some women might be the type to have travel every year,when you now get married and your husband says he doesn't have.You start saying he is making you suffer.I'm just trying to let you see things from a different view point.If i knew him it might be easier to say.Not everyone who is married is happy..
Men!! Am sure if she was his sister he will tell her †̥☺ leave her un-serious boyfriend. Wickedness @ it peak,Α̲̅ friend of mine was engage since year 2008 Α̲̅πϑ this is 2014 still ₪☺ marriage,meanwhile †ђξ rest of us have gotten married Α̲̅πϑ she still wearing her engagement ring everywhere. Pls dear run FO̶̷̩̥̊͡Я U̶̲̥̅̊я̩̥̊ life Α̲̅πϑ don't look back. Α̲̅ guy engaged his girlfriend when she was 24,gave her Α̲̅ car now she's 32 Α̲̅πϑ nothing †̥☺ show 4 it only him 2 tell her that his pastor said she is №†̥ his wife Α̲̅πϑ I was like †ђξ hell she is №†̥! After 7-8yrs engagement? Tufiakwa!!
Swit heart please your finger is not a ring holder for advert, yes as almost everyone said, talk him up for the last time (thats if he will listen to your) then give yourself not him an ultimatum. If he doesnt meet up, dust your feet and move on.... As said men are very selfish and goldiggers now
lol..It's funny how people are quick to give advice.People will give you advice,but remember they are not the ones wearing the shoe.The 1st question i would ask you.There must be a reason why you are still with this guy for three years ring or no ring.And i am sure that is a good thing,if not you must have taken a walk long ago.Everyone says you should look for another guy.But really how many good guys are out there.He might be rare guy that is why you have stock with him so far.Ok what if you take a walk and then the next guy proposes to you in a few months and then jilts you after a year.You will be years older,then the next guy comes,does something similar.You are still adding to your age.Before you know it.You start to question yourself.My dear i am not telling you to wait on him,neither am i telling to take a walk.You know best.People have different reasons for not wanting to take that step.A guy might not have resources that is why he wont want to.Yes people that don't have get married,but as it is everyone has standards.Some women might be the type to have travel every year,when you now get married and your husband says he doesn't have.You start saying he is making you suffer.I'm just trying to let you see things from a different view point.If i knew him it might be easier to say.Not everyone who is married is happy..
I don't knw why women kip deceiving demselves and askin for advice wen its sooo glaring! WOMAN!!!! Dt guy aint getin married to u.u knw this already! Stop askin wat u already knw!if u must knw! GET OUT!!!!cos d guy only sees u as a MUMU.
There re some issues u need to address b4 the ultimatum: How is he faring for now; economically! wat do u think is making him foot-drag on marrying u 3 yrs after proposing e.g. waiting accomplish a particular project, exams etc all these may be d reasons! i suggest u discuss wit him
Dearie u shud firstly know that your hand is a key holder.So why shud he put a ring 4 dat long whn he knws he isn't ready to settle down.Pls gve him an ultimatum.Nowadays whn a guy engages a girl they don't wait up to 6mth or max a year b4 they get married.If he isn't makin any move babe dust ur slipper,flip ur hair and take d right door out of his life.The lord is ur strength.EDO DOLLL
Please don't waste your time with him because you will be the loser in the end. I have seen somebody that did INTRODUCTION and waiting for the wedding proper and they never got married, not to talk of giving you just an ENGAGEMENT RING, NA TODAY PLEASE DON'T BE DECIEVED, MOVE ON
Many guys are cruel and they know that most ladies at late twenties and thirties are always bend down when marriage is mentioned. My dear, you have no future with that cheat of a man. All he wanted was just to have you(sex), and he has had you for three years(using marriage as a rope to tie you down). Bad enough, just package yourself and bolt away. Sure a good and sincere guy will come your way God willing
when did u actually made love with him, is it before or after the engagement ring?
The truth is that he had longtime ago finished what he likes in you, the ring is just a piece of metal, be serious with ur search with another guy or u will realize it when u're forty years.
Sister let me give you a pinch of mens secret a man is never satisfied until he has you to the extremely so even when you become somebody tomorrow you still look like a maid to him.Gbam
What kind of advise is that! If she does that and it doesn't work, then what? R u trying to say that u have not seen the multitude of young girls that have been abandoned by d same person that got them pregnant. Do u think that those guys didn't give them all sorts of promises? Better go on ur knees and give thanks to God because ur man actually did want to marry u even without d pregnancy. A man that doesn't want to marry a particular woman will never be swayed by a pregnancy
Ode so u believe in tying a man down with pregnancy, when u start having marital problems hope those frnds will be there to give u stupid advice, whatever happened to giving an ultimatum? Mtchew ode
you're his prisoner then..my own idea of an engagement should not be up to a year b4 marriage...pls pretend u av someone that is willing to take u to the altar by Easter,if he doesn't feel threatened;then RUN wit all ur strenght,hez a wizard
Honey, i hope you are reading this. Break up with his ass, clearly he aint gon marry you atleast not anytime soon. Already, you have wasted 3 years, you dont want to count 10 boo. God will provide your own man.
Pls dnt get pregnant for him, wat makes u tink getting pregnant for him will keep him or make him marry u. My dear uve come dis far and waited too so just do d tins the rite way even if its not with him. And yep give him an ultimatum btwn now and june or u go to God in prayers (trust me it works with Bros Upsatirs) tell him to show u this guy's real intentions for u,tell HIM to show u who this guy truly is and TRUST me girl GOD will, I've done it several tiimes and HE has shown me. Nor get belle for am before him marry u o I beg u plssssssssss cos that one na serious boh! boh!.May God direct and help u dear.
lol. as though u knew my story. mine gave me a ring 6 yrs ago. am still waiting for the engagement party talk more of wedding. lol. and there i was wearing a ring and claiming fiance . mchtew
i honestly do feel your pain dear but truth be told.... he wont marry you from this your transaction except there are things you aint telling us .... E.g. like maybe you both agreed seeing an hindrance like cash for the wedding or otherwise... Face this once and for all ooo bcos u r over 30years....
It's not advisable to tie a man down with pregnancy. What if he doesn't take responsibility of fathering the child. What happened to keeping yourself till after marriage before having intercourse? If you have to tie him down with pregnancy or anything, he might be getting married to you out of guilt, pity or something else but certainly not love.
Your matter is more complex that the subject matter of this thread. Abeg confide in your family let the elders call him to order. He must stand up to his responsibilities as the man at least to the best of his ability. If he nags and demands compulsory contribution from you, I guess he has inverted understanding of family life.
Some men are wicked sha,different kind of tales every day,seems he doesn't wanna make an honest woman out of you,cos he is stalling too much, I pray God grants u d strength to do d right thing,some men are selfish and wicked sha, why not leave d lady if she isn't wat u want, instead they wud be so indecisive and string someone along for years,God wud punish u all confused n deceitful men giving ladies a tough time.
Ibu ewu.im glad your stupid plan worked for u.if not u for don knw wetin dey. Its better for u to shut up than to mislead people!!!!! Who eva told u that u cld tie a man down with pregnancy lied
I can only advise if I understand what you wrote. Like I usually give my students when they write a boring essay, REPEAT WITH GOOD PUNCTUATIONS AND PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR TENSES!
HEEEEEEYY READ THIS: MY ADVICE IS STOP GIVING HIM THINGS THAT HE WOULD STILL BE ABLE TO GET DURING MARRIAGE ESP. SEX!
Many men believe why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. Are you living with him, do you act like a wife of the house already and have you gotten too comfortable in your fiance status? If so, make changes now. Abstain and tell him you can no longer act the role of a wife before he makes you one
How you lay your bed is same way you lay on it, like he said "did you not know he was poor before you married him?" What did you expect after marriage? Carry your cross abeg... Hiss
My honest advice is that you end the whole thing. The earlier you start a new begining the better for you. It would hurt, but its the best decision. For all you know he might have a secret wife somewhere.
My honest advice is that you end the whole thing. The earlier you start a new begining the better for you. It would hurt, but its the best decision. For all you know he might have a secret wife somewhere.
(1) Do u guys hav unprotected sex if yes hav u taken in b4 for him if no then its a problem though he won't tell u. (2)does his people like n approve of u? Some men their family hav strong influence on them when it comes to a wife. (3)where ® u from n whr is he from let's be realistic this is naija some parent will never allow their son to marry from a particular tribe. (4)hope ur jealous friends or relations aren't close to him cos d can do a lot of harm to u like tellin him abt ur crazy past #some true some false# (5)hope he is financially ok cos some men ® too proud to tell their women d ® broke or that d ® going tru somethings talk to him when he's happy n don't yell he might tell u wats going on. (6)he loves u to hav proposed 2 u immediately 4him to start acting funny n telling u stories cud be spiritual attack 4u not to get married fasting works wonders trust me go on knees 4just 7days 6 to 12 fast n pray abt it d result will surprise u there is nothing God can't do. I wish u d best but if things doesn't change 4good maybe he's not "d one" move on with ur life.
From Anonymous2014: @ Chinese Iroegbu: So far this is one person that reasons like me. I second your reason. There is no smoke without fire. Again for science students: Newton's 3rd law of motion states that" action and reactions are equal and opposite. My take on this is : 1) The young man had honorable intentions and happily gave her an engagement ring and down the line he must have observed a character in the lady that he can't out up with and hopes the lady changes but on seeing no +ve improvement, he stalls. 2) The guy ain't ready financially yet and is still GATHERING money for the wedding. Now... giving him an ultimatum would not solve the problem...if he leaves and it's your character that pushed him away,mind you, the same character that she exhibits will scare other guys too with time. Now, call him and talk to him nicely...first ask him for those things about you that needs changing...then if he mentions some bad behavior, then work on yourself...if he doesn't, then ask him if money is the problem...men can be proud,he might deny it buy read between his words. Wish you the best.
It sounds like he proposed to keep you on a leech. Cuz honestly speaking how you can you propose to someone and then say he will let you know when he is ready....hmm
(1) Do u guys hav unprotected sex if yes hav u taken in b4 for him if no then its a problem though he won't tell u. (2)does his people like n approve of u? Some men their family hav strong influence on them when it comes to a wife. (3)where ® u from n whr is he from let's be realistic this is naija some parent will never allow their son to marry from a particular tribe. (4)hope ur jealous friends or relations aren't close to him cos d can do a lot of harm to u like tellin him abt ur crazy past #some true some false# (5)hope he is financially ok cos some men ® too proud to tell their women d ® broke or that d ® going tru somethings talk to him when he's happy n don't yell he might tell u wats going on. (6)hope u don't say bad abt his people or act funny when d visit Ooº°˚ ˚° cos some men be like i never marry am she dey complain abt my people wen i com marry am nkor none of my people go branch my house. (7)do u make him happy or do u keep reminding him of how he is n dat u can get a beta man?#men hateeeeeeee dat alot# never compare ur man wit another man. (8)can u cook, clean etc some men don't like lazy ladies. (9)a man called off his engagement cos d girl didn't like going to church #it doesn't hav to b church do u hav bad habits he doesn't like? Like eating too much,sleeping too much partying, drinking etc. (10) he loves u to hav proposed 2 u immediately 4him to start acting funny n telling u stories cud be spiritual attack 4u not to get married fasting works wonders trust me go on ur knees 4just 7days 6 to 12 fast n pray abt it d result will surprise u there is nothing God can't do. I wish u d best but if things doesn't change 4good maybe he's not "d one" move on with ur life.
I believe the best thing to do is give him back his ring, tell him you are not walking away and you still very much want to be his girlfriend and that he can propose again when he's finally ready. Now this would send a message that he's going to lose you if he doesn't act fast without you looking desperate because he would think you are trying to lose the ring to look available and aproachable to other potential suitors. Damn! who says you can't eat your cake and have it?
Using pregnancy to tie a man down??? That's crazy. The fact that he has agreed to marry you cos you got pregnant is no guarantee that he loves you. Advice: Change your friends. You've got very bad ones.
The basic things a husband shld do is putting shelter over his family and food on d table whether or not he is poor,dats wat makes him d husband. so respectfully talk about it wit him,while u support him wit other essentials but not shelter.
MY DEAR SIS., AN ULTIMATUM ISN'T THE SOLUTION, I'D ADVICE U TREAD CAREFULLY HERE..... COS HE MIGHT BE LOOKING FOR THE SLIGHTEST OPPORTUNITY TO CALL-OFF THE RELATIONSHIP..... SO MY OPINION IS THIS, IF HE IS FINANCIALLY OKAY TO TAKE CARE OF YOU, THEN HE MUST BE UP TO SOMETHING.... HE PROBABLY DOESN'T WANT TO GET MARRIED TO YOU.... SO GIVE HIM SOME SPACE WHILE YOU OPEN UP YOUR HEART TO SOMEONE ELSE, COS IF U R WAITING FOR HIM, IT'S ONLY BUT A WASTE OF TIME......
My dear, i'll advise u brace up and shut him out by bein cold 2him widawt evn a word. take off d ring &dont evn bother returnin it and see how he reacts....if he doesnt turn up wiv a positive response, let him go. already b4 u go cold on him u shud b ready for d worst so as nt 2b broken if he fails u. Men lk dat're wicked and av no fear of God in them,dey'd go any lenght 2get and keep wat dey want for as long as dey want it.
These are the kind of guys they call umbrella brothers! they are not saying anything but covering you from potential suitors. i dont think you should give him an ultimatum, it doesnt work and will not make your marriage beautiful, just have a good conversation and know where his head at , and if it is not where you want it to be..take a WALK. Follow us on twitter @bride2mum and check out our blog www.bride2mum.com
Everybody dropping comments here are just tellin u leave d guy,he's dis, he's dat,I wanna agree with wat 1ne of dose who dropped a comment here said,dat people on lib sometimes advise rightly, sometimes wrongly. 1. Also u have not actually told us if u were the 1ne pestering him about engagement ring cos all ur friends are getting married and getting engaged. 2.i have witnessed a case where by my friend was not yet engaged 2 his girlfriend, his girlfriend had 2 be tellin outsiders dat she's also giving him an ultimatum 2 propose,bla bla,is dat how u get a guy 2 marry u.God has actually blessed the guy with some1better and are taking things easy and are getting married soon,we also need God to intervene with the present crop of generations rushing in2 marriage,a lot of us are not gettin married for the right reasons anymore,how many of our present marriages can be like dat of our parents.food for thought 3. My dear u donot get a husband by giving ultimatum,u need prayers,a good counsellor and also ur communication with ur man is very important and key to any successful relationship,take dis steps before considering ur next action.God bless
Marriage is challenging enough when you get married to a man who wants you categorically without a shadow of doubt and cannot wait to make you exclusively his own. But in a case where you have to coax and drag it is in my humble opinion doomed from the start. It may hurt you but the simple truth is that he is not ready to commit with you and you should have the strength and courage to move on. You will find someone who will treat you like a queen. Besides as women our biological clock is ticking and we simply do not have the time to wait for someone that is not ready. The longer you stay with him the more you narrow your chances of a good future with the right man that may me nearer than you think. Claire
Babe ur matured enof 2 know ur grounds,any man who's ready to settle wnt keep u 4 more than 4 months after engagement pls take a walk dis is a new year
I have never commented on any article before but I had to do so when I read this piece.your story sounds exactly like what I went through with someone I dated for about 5 good years.our families knew each other,it was like the envy of all.we got got engaged and he even made me anounce it on Facebook (he sent me a request and made me accept).after that ,it was. Exact same story as you.I walked away and a lot of people said I was making a big mistake.after that ,he begged and cried to have me back but by then ,I had had enough.please leave him,if he loves you he will come back begging,and then,you can decide if you want to stay. I am now happily married with a beautiful child (and no,not to the same guy).
My dear. its compulsory, necessary and urgent u give him an ultimatum today! Meanwhile, let your hair down and stay poised for another man! sho bi shoni meja ni! sojunu ko fopa rin jor!
Sweetheart, Almost everyone is saying run for your life. Now there are basic things I would like to ask you. The questions will come after theses analysis. I know a friend of mine,who dated a gal and engaged her for 4 years. We all were worried as she even consulted us to know my friends real intentions for her. I asked my friend what was keeping him from tying the knots and he told me that,ever since 4 years that they have been making love without contraception on their parts, that she has never taken in. He was actually scared to marry her. I didn't tell her that story though but I told her that she should walk away and never look back as Ryan was not ready for commitment. Now the questions go thus : 1) Have you ever been pregnant for him these years of making love without contraception? 2) Does he have a job that can sustain yours and his lifestyle 3) Are there things he complains about your character and you haven't changed? And maybe he still complains about it. If you know he has a good job, you have never been pregnant and he doesn't complain about your character, please Sweetheart, walk and NEVER look back. If he has a good job, you have been pregnant but he complains about your character, if you really want to be with him, change for him.
704 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 601 – 704 of 704Hey Lady,
RUN...RUN....RUN.....
a stich in time saves nine.
Have U slept with him before?
Nne ga sie ike ooooo (in igbo big accent). He won't walk down the aisle with u. If he is not yet for 3 fucking good years then he won't be ready ever. If u wanna try, stay and watch 2014 also come and pass. Am speaking frm exprience, don't let ur emotions get the best u. It won't be easy but u got to save urself. It happened to a friend of mine,5yrs engagement and before u knew it, the guys got married to another babe within 2 months of meeting her. Ife ne eme oooooo. Give him back his ring. God will send your own man.
Lindodo better post my comment oooo
Linda u don't like posting my comments haba!!
My sister run for your life,the guy tied you down with d ring so he no man can take u and the end story might be that "my mother or family has someone else they want for me".RUN
Learn from toke
My dear free dat guy....he just wants to tie udown wit d proposal stuff but trust me girlfriend, he aiin't serious
U were lucky, please poster dnt try this cos u myt end up a single parent. Or u can fake the pregnancy tale n see his reaction, if its negative, please take off.
These men/boys are wicked and just like to toy with us. Give you a cheap ass ring to keep you with them so u'd not collect plenty things from them cos u r looking and thinking better picture, before you know it; it's your money you are putting into everything cos u are seeing "WE". My dear, it happened to me and I did a bolt on him. Its better to be a single girl than to be divorced. Remove that rubbish on your finger fast and hit the road!!!
I tell u oh, dis is more than witchcraft, infact, this is wizardcraft, how can a man put a ring on a woman for 3yrs, babe Pls start Olympics now, b4 you'l hear it has ended alrdy.
Please return his ring, unless you are the Lord of the ring....
Look babe, just bounce, give him which ultimatum, doesn't he know there's no time on ur side? Or is he back dating? 3yrs isn't months, if he had married u since he proposed, ur 1st child shld have Bn over a year by now. Pls just walk on without looking back. The guy is scam! That is, dust ur slippers now and start walking. You will find a better man biko.
Queen of the rings.
Pleas don't waste your time with him because you will be the loser in the end. I have seen somebody that did INTRODUCTION and waiting for the wedding proper and they never got married, not to talk of giving you just an ENGAGEMENT RING, NA TODAY PLEASE DON'T BE DECIEVED, MOVE ON
Engagement is wen a man proposes to a woman with a ring in marry her in few months. WITCH CRAFT is wen a man engages a woman 4 years to scare other men away. Madam give am ultimatim abeg, mke e no b say na handcuff him put 4 ur finger
Hehehehehehe this babe is joking... Let me know when you're ready to return the ring so I can accompany you there... Mtcheeeeew
@Bobo_Edo
Dats nt an engagement Ring oooo...dats a handcuff..my advice run before you get sentenced if nt der won't be any prison break here ooo.....#DOUBLE D
Babes just give him an ultimatum hun.... And move on with ur life! U are not getting any younger.
Serious waste of time. Its just an hand cuff. Don't think he is ready n @ d same time itz could b 4 some reason.
My dear, that your method is a recipe for disaster. I pray that you won't come back to this blog in a few yrs with articles reading "did I make a mistake" or " my husband doesn't love me, should I leave" etc. He's not stupid, he knows u trapped him and when you fight he'll point it out. Since you're preg already, God bless you in d future but don't advice any1 to go that route, it's terrible
Hmmm, 3 yrs is quite long to stay just engaged. Age obviously is not by ur side. Give him an ultimatum or better still move on.
Babes, U are in d best position to know if he is faithful to U or not. But my candid advice? Return his ring and ask him to come back when he is ready to take U to d alter. Meanwhile, live a normal single ladies life. But , don't be desperate & pray fervently.
No need for ultimatum, the guy is not ready, return the ring and move on....
My dear, I reckon you began playing wife as soon as you received the ring right? He's just had a wife without spending money. No he won't want that. Therefore, learn from your mistake and move on. Even if he agrees now, that'll be born out of pity, the marriage won't be fun for u. The ceaseless tears will only worsen as he obviously is mean and self centered. Start life again, don't let d devil trick u into blivng that Uve invested too any yrs 2 let go. Cry now but you'll be the better for it. Start this year by making urself happy. God bless u
I think something is wrong somewhere, u need to ask urself sm ques, what is u people's relationship wt God like, hw well do u know ds guy's immediate family n very close associates who ordinarily should've started asking ques by now, any other challenges u think might just be a hindrance but it's not been discussed; like health etc, if all these is sorted out and he is NOT reacting positively n immediately; pls take a walk, today is still morning
lol..It's funny how people are quick to give advice.People will give you advice,but remember they are not the ones wearing the shoe.The 1st question i would ask you.There must be a reason why you are still with this guy for three years ring or no ring.And i am sure that is a good thing,if not you must have taken a walk long ago.Everyone says you should look for another guy.But really how many good guys are out there.He might be rare guy that is why you have stock with him so far.Ok what if you take a walk and then the next guy proposes to you in a few months and then jilts you after a year.You will be years older,then the next guy comes,does something similar.You are still adding to your age.Before you know it.You start to question yourself.My dear i am not telling you to wait on him,neither am i telling to take a walk.You know best.People have different reasons for not wanting to take that step.A guy might not have resources that is why he wont want to.Yes people that don't have get married,but as it is everyone has standards.Some women might be the type to have travel every year,when you now get married and your husband says he doesn't have.You start saying he is making you suffer.I'm just trying to let you see things from a different view point.If i knew him it might be easier to say.Not everyone who is married is happy..
Men!! Am sure if she was his sister he will tell her †̥☺ leave her un-serious boyfriend. Wickedness @ it peak,Α̲̅ friend of mine was engage since year 2008 Α̲̅πϑ this is 2014 still ₪☺ marriage,meanwhile †ђξ rest of us have gotten married Α̲̅πϑ she still wearing her engagement ring everywhere. Pls dear run FO̶̷̩̥̊͡Я U̶̲̥̅̊я̩̥̊ life Α̲̅πϑ don't look back. Α̲̅ guy engaged his girlfriend when she was 24,gave her Α̲̅ car now she's 32 Α̲̅πϑ nothing †̥☺ show 4 it only him 2 tell her that his pastor said she is №†̥ his wife Α̲̅πϑ I was like †ђξ hell she is №†̥! After 7-8yrs engagement? Tufiakwa!!
Swit heart please your finger is not a ring holder for advert,
yes as almost everyone said, talk him up for the last time (thats if he will listen to your) then give yourself not him an ultimatum. If he doesnt meet up, dust your feet and move on.... As said men are very selfish and goldiggers now
lol..It's funny how people are quick to give advice.People will give you advice,but remember they are not the ones wearing the shoe.The 1st question i would ask you.There must be a reason why you are still with this guy for three years ring or no ring.And i am sure that is a good thing,if not you must have taken a walk long ago.Everyone says you should look for another guy.But really how many good guys are out there.He might be rare guy that is why you have stock with him so far.Ok what if you take a walk and then the next guy proposes to you in a few months and then jilts you after a year.You will be years older,then the next guy comes,does something similar.You are still adding to your age.Before you know it.You start to question yourself.My dear i am not telling you to wait on him,neither am i telling to take a walk.You know best.People have different reasons for not wanting to take that step.A guy might not have resources that is why he wont want to.Yes people that don't have get married,but as it is everyone has standards.Some women might be the type to have travel every year,when you now get married and your husband says he doesn't have.You start saying he is making you suffer.I'm just trying to let you see things from a different view point.If i knew him it might be easier to say.Not everyone who is married is happy..
I don't knw why women kip deceiving demselves and askin for advice wen its sooo glaring! WOMAN!!!! Dt guy aint getin married to u.u knw this already! Stop askin wat u already knw!if u must knw! GET OUT!!!!cos d guy only sees u as a MUMU.
There re some issues u need to address b4 the ultimatum: How is he faring for now; economically! wat do u think is making him foot-drag on marrying u 3 yrs after proposing e.g. waiting accomplish a particular project, exams etc all these may be d reasons! i suggest u discuss wit him
My dear give him ultimatum!!
Dearie u shud firstly know that your hand is a key holder.So why shud he put a ring 4 dat long whn he knws he isn't ready to settle down.Pls gve him an ultimatum.Nowadays whn a guy engages a girl they don't wait up to 6mth or max a year b4 they get married.If he isn't makin any move babe dust ur slipper,flip ur hair and take d right door out of his life.The lord is ur strength.EDO DOLLL
PRAY AND FAST ABOUT IT.AND LET GOD DIRECT.
Hmmmmm I can see lord of the ring approaching
I see lord of the rings approaching
3 years is tooooo Long to wait after engagement........... point to note: he isn't ready to marry u and he mit neva be ready
3 years is too long to wait after engagement..... point to note: he isn't ready to marry u and he mit neva be ready
Please don't waste your time with him because you will be the loser in the end. I have seen somebody that did INTRODUCTION and waiting for the wedding proper and they never got married, not to talk of giving you just an ENGAGEMENT RING, NA TODAY PLEASE DON'T BE DECIEVED, MOVE ON
Many guys are cruel and they know that most ladies at late twenties and thirties are always bend down when marriage is mentioned. My dear, you have no future with that cheat of a man. All he wanted was just to have you(sex), and he has had you for three years(using marriage as a rope to tie you down). Bad enough, just package yourself and bolt away. Sure a good and sincere guy will come your way God willing
when did u actually made love with him, is it before or after the engagement ring?
The truth is that he had longtime ago finished what he likes in you, the ring is just a piece of metal, be serious with ur search with another guy or u will realize it when u're forty years.
Sister let me give you a pinch of mens secret a man is never satisfied until he has you to the extremely so even when you become somebody tomorrow you still look like a maid to him.Gbam
What kind of advise is that! If she does that and it doesn't work, then what? R u trying to say that u have not seen the multitude of young girls that have been abandoned by d same person that got them pregnant. Do u think that those guys didn't give them all sorts of promises? Better go on ur knees and give thanks to God because ur man actually did want to marry u even without d pregnancy. A man that doesn't want to marry a particular woman will never be swayed by a pregnancy
pls kindly let him go cos its so obvious that he only wants to waste ur tym and then leave u.
Is this rough diamond, the internet scamper?
Is this rough diamond, the internet thief?
Ode so u believe in tying a man down with pregnancy, when u start having marital problems hope those frnds will be there to give u stupid advice, whatever happened to giving an ultimatum? Mtchew ode
Run away, ask Toke Makinwa she was engaged for how many year?12? She where she ended up.
you're his prisoner then..my own idea of an engagement should not be up to a year b4 marriage...pls pretend u av someone that is willing to take u to the altar by Easter,if he doesn't feel threatened;then RUN wit all ur strenght,hez a wizard
Honey, i hope you are reading this. Break up with his ass, clearly he aint gon marry you atleast not anytime soon. Already, you have wasted 3 years, you dont want to count 10 boo. God will provide your own man.
Pls dnt get pregnant for him, wat makes u tink getting pregnant for him will keep him or make him marry u. My dear uve come dis far and waited too so just do d tins the rite way even if its not with him. And yep give him an ultimatum btwn now and june or u go to God in prayers (trust me it works with Bros Upsatirs) tell him to show u this guy's real intentions for u,tell HIM to show u who this guy truly is and TRUST me girl GOD will, I've done it several tiimes and HE has shown me. Nor get belle for am before him marry u o I beg u plssssssssss cos that one na serious boh! boh!.May God direct and help u dear.
lol. as though u knew my story. mine gave me a ring 6 yrs ago. am still waiting for the engagement party talk more of wedding. lol. and there i was wearing a ring and claiming fiance . mchtew
i honestly do feel your pain dear but truth be told.... he wont marry you from this your transaction except there are things you aint telling us .... E.g. like maybe you both agreed seeing an hindrance like cash for the wedding or otherwise... Face this once and for all ooo bcos u r over 30years....
Am over 30 too n still single,remove his ring n come 2 me I ll marry u.u can call my number ok?
Run Darling, RUN!
No nah, Linda na hot cake o....u know how many suitors dey cue for Linda to say 'YES'? Abeg Lindoski Paparazi, no mind dis one.
Please dnt advice such! Have a Lil respect for yourself pls
It's not advisable to tie a man down with pregnancy. What if he doesn't take responsibility of fathering the child. What happened to keeping yourself till after marriage before having intercourse? If you have to tie him down with pregnancy or anything, he might be getting married to you out of guilt, pity or something else but certainly not love.
Your matter is more complex that the subject matter of this thread. Abeg confide in your family let the elders call him to order. He must stand up to his responsibilities as the man at least to the best of his ability. If he nags and demands compulsory contribution from you, I guess he has inverted understanding of family life.
Hahahahahhahaha@anonymous 9:43pm u r so funny I cant laff abeg.
fly straight
Some men are wicked sha,different kind of tales every day,seems he doesn't wanna make an honest woman out of you,cos he is stalling too much, I pray God grants u d strength to do d right thing,some men are selfish and wicked sha, why not leave d lady if she isn't wat u want, instead they wud be so indecisive and string someone along for years,God wud punish u all confused n deceitful men giving ladies a tough time.
Forever kp ur lips sealed on the matter.
Idiot. Wil u gv ur sister such an advice...sum pple cn b freaking annoyin. piss off man
#sexyanon#
So far, ur advice is d best
#sexyanon#
Girl you over 30. Don't keep your eggs in just one basket oh
My dear he is playing mind games on you. Move on with your life and leave him behind.
No need for ultimatum. break up with the nigga. he is clearly not ready or interested. He is to comfortable.
Is d guy the will of God,if yes try and do somethIng fast oooo. OR may be his not financially okay sha if not, den u have take a walk b4 he Dumps u
Ibu ewu.im glad your stupid plan worked for u.if not u for don knw wetin dey. Its better for u to shut up than to mislead people!!!!! Who eva told u that u cld tie a man down with pregnancy lied
I can only advise if I understand what you wrote. Like I usually give my students when they write a boring essay, REPEAT WITH GOOD PUNCTUATIONS AND PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR TENSES!
HEEEEEEYY READ THIS: MY ADVICE IS STOP GIVING HIM THINGS THAT HE WOULD STILL BE ABLE TO GET DURING MARRIAGE ESP. SEX!
Many men believe why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. Are you living with him, do you act like a wife of the house already and have you gotten too comfortable in your fiance status? If so, make changes now. Abstain and tell him you can no longer act the role of a wife before he makes you one
How you lay your bed is same way you lay on it, like he said "did you not know he was poor before you married him?" What did you expect after marriage? Carry your cross abeg... Hiss
Let God fix his senses. Abi o, Nice one
My honest advice is that you end the whole thing. The earlier you start a new begining the better for you. It would hurt, but its the best decision. For all you know he might have a secret wife somewhere.
My honest advice is that you end the whole thing. The earlier you start a new begining the better for you. It would hurt, but its the best decision. For all you know he might have a secret wife somewhere.
(1) Do u guys hav unprotected sex if yes hav u taken in b4 for him if no then its a problem though he won't tell u.
(2)does his people like n approve of u? Some men their family hav strong influence on them when it comes to a wife.
(3)where ® u from n whr is he from let's be realistic this is naija some parent will never allow their son to marry from a particular tribe.
(4)hope ur jealous friends or relations aren't close to him cos d can do a lot of harm to u like tellin him abt ur crazy past #some true some false#
(5)hope he is financially ok cos some men ® too proud to tell their women d ® broke or that d ® going tru somethings talk to him when he's happy n don't yell he might tell u wats going on.
(6)he loves u to hav proposed 2 u immediately 4him to start acting funny n telling u stories cud be spiritual attack 4u not to get married fasting works wonders trust me go on knees 4just 7days 6 to 12 fast n pray abt it d result will surprise u there is nothing God can't do.
I wish u d best but if things doesn't change 4good maybe he's not "d one" move on with ur life.
From Anonymous2014:
@ Chinese Iroegbu: So far this is one person that reasons like me. I second your reason. There is no smoke without fire.
Again for science students: Newton's 3rd law of motion states that" action and reactions are equal and opposite.
My take on this is :
1) The young man had honorable intentions and happily gave her an engagement ring and down the line he must have observed a character in the lady that he can't out up with and hopes the lady changes but on seeing no +ve improvement, he stalls.
2) The guy ain't ready financially yet and is still GATHERING money for the wedding.
Now... giving him an ultimatum would not solve the problem...if he leaves and it's your character that pushed him away,mind you, the same character that she exhibits will scare other guys too with time.
Now, call him and talk to him nicely...first ask him for those things about you that needs changing...then if he mentions some bad behavior, then work on yourself...if he doesn't, then ask him if money is the problem...men can be proud,he might deny it buy read between his words. Wish you the best.
It sounds like he proposed to keep you on a leech. Cuz honestly speaking how you can you propose to someone and then say he will let you know when he is ready....hmm
(1) Do u guys hav unprotected sex if yes hav u taken in b4 for him if no then its a problem though he won't tell u.
(2)does his people like n approve of u? Some men their family hav strong influence on them when it comes to a wife.
(3)where ® u from n whr is he from let's be realistic this is naija some parent will never allow their son to marry from a particular tribe.
(4)hope ur jealous friends or relations aren't close to him cos d can do a lot of harm to u like tellin him abt ur crazy past #some true some false#
(5)hope he is financially ok cos some men ® too proud to tell their women d ® broke or that d ® going tru somethings talk to him when he's happy n don't yell he might tell u wats going on.
(6)hope u don't say bad abt his people or act funny when d visit Ooº°˚ ˚° cos some men be like i never marry am she dey complain abt my people wen i com marry am nkor none of my people go branch my house.
(7)do u make him happy or do u keep reminding him of how he is n dat u can get a beta man?#men hateeeeeeee dat alot# never compare ur man wit another man.
(8)can u cook, clean etc some men don't like lazy ladies.
(9)a man called off his engagement cos d girl didn't like going to church #it doesn't hav to b church do u hav bad habits he doesn't like? Like eating too much,sleeping too much partying, drinking etc.
(10) he loves u to hav proposed 2 u immediately 4him to start acting funny n telling u stories cud be spiritual attack 4u not to get married fasting works wonders trust me go on ur knees 4just 7days 6 to 12 fast n pray abt it d result will surprise u there is nothing God can't do.
I wish u d best but if things doesn't change 4good maybe he's not "d one" move on with ur life.
pray n put ur trust in GOD
he is nt ready 4 u,rmemba u ar get8 close 2 ur menopus
I believe the best thing to do is give him back his ring, tell him you are not walking away and you still very much want to be his girlfriend and that he can propose again when he's finally ready. Now this would send a message that he's going to lose you if he doesn't act fast without you looking desperate because he would think you are trying to lose the ring to look available and aproachable to other potential suitors. Damn! who says you can't eat your cake and have it?
Using pregnancy to tie a man down??? That's crazy. The fact that he has agreed to marry you cos you got pregnant is no guarantee that he loves you. Advice: Change your friends. You've got very bad ones.
The basic things a husband shld do is putting shelter over his family and food on d table whether or not he is poor,dats wat makes him d husband. so respectfully talk about it wit him,while u support him wit other essentials but not shelter.
my dear i wud advice u leave him ooo,he is jst usin d ring 2 scare oda men away.be warned
Ds yhr method risky Abg! Mbanu!!b ds no be good advice biko
I love ds!!!
I love ds!!!
MY DEAR SIS., AN ULTIMATUM ISN'T THE SOLUTION, I'D ADVICE U TREAD CAREFULLY HERE..... COS HE MIGHT BE LOOKING FOR THE SLIGHTEST OPPORTUNITY TO CALL-OFF THE RELATIONSHIP..... SO MY OPINION IS THIS, IF HE IS FINANCIALLY OKAY TO TAKE CARE OF YOU, THEN HE MUST BE UP TO SOMETHING.... HE PROBABLY DOESN'T WANT TO GET MARRIED TO YOU.... SO GIVE HIM SOME SPACE WHILE YOU OPEN UP YOUR HEART TO SOMEONE ELSE, COS IF U R WAITING FOR HIM, IT'S ONLY BUT A WASTE OF TIME......
My dear if this guy has no excuse about getting married to you now pls take a big RUN and not a walk
My dear, i'll advise u brace up and shut him out by bein cold 2him widawt evn a word. take off d ring &dont evn bother returnin it and see how he reacts....if he doesnt turn up wiv a positive response, let him go. already b4 u go cold on him u shud b ready for d worst so as nt 2b broken if he fails u. Men lk dat're wicked and av no fear of God in them,dey'd go any lenght 2get and keep wat dey want for as long as dey want it.
if u luv urself let go off him cos he's not worth it
, yoyu are lord of the ringLady
These are the kind of guys they call umbrella brothers! they are not saying anything but covering you from potential suitors. i dont think you should give him an ultimatum, it doesnt work and will not make your marriage beautiful, just have a good conversation and know where his head at , and if it is not where you want it to be..take a WALK.
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Everybody dropping comments here are just tellin u leave d guy,he's dis, he's dat,I wanna agree with wat 1ne of dose who dropped a comment here said,dat people on lib sometimes advise rightly, sometimes wrongly.
1. Also u have not actually told us if u were the 1ne pestering him about engagement ring cos all ur friends are getting married and getting engaged.
2.i have witnessed a case where by my friend was not yet engaged 2 his girlfriend, his girlfriend had 2 be tellin outsiders dat she's also giving him an ultimatum 2 propose,bla bla,is dat how u get a guy 2 marry u.God has actually blessed the guy with some1better and are taking things easy and are getting married soon,we also need God to intervene with the present crop of generations rushing in2 marriage,a lot of us are not gettin married for the right reasons anymore,how many of our present marriages can be like dat of our parents.food for thought
3. My dear u donot get a husband by giving ultimatum,u need prayers,a good counsellor and also ur communication with ur man is very important and key to any successful relationship,take dis steps before considering ur next action.God bless
What an ungodly advice. We need to learn how to pray and wait on the lord. Sin is a reproach to any man
Marriage is challenging enough when you get married to a man who wants you categorically without a shadow of doubt and cannot wait to make you exclusively his own. But in a case where you have to coax and drag it is in my humble opinion doomed from the start. It may hurt you but the simple truth is that he is not ready to commit with you and you should have the strength and courage to move on. You will find someone who will treat you like a queen. Besides as women our biological clock is ticking and we simply do not have the time to wait for someone that is not ready. The longer you stay with him the more you narrow your chances of a good future with the right man that may me nearer than you think.
Claire
Babe ur matured enof 2 know ur grounds,any man who's ready to settle wnt keep u 4 more than 4 months after engagement pls take a walk dis is a new year
I have never commented on any article before but I had to do so when I read this piece.your story sounds exactly like what I went through with someone I dated for about 5 good years.our families knew each other,it was like the envy of all.we got got engaged and he even made me anounce it on Facebook (he sent me a request and made me accept).after that ,it was. Exact same story as you.I walked away and a lot of people said I was making a big mistake.after that ,he begged and cried to have me back but by then ,I had had enough.please leave him,if he loves you he will come back begging,and then,you can decide if you want to stay. I am now happily married with a beautiful child (and no,not to the same guy).
My dear! give him an ultimatum! meanwhile,remember its a new year, let your hair down and stay poised for another man!
My dear! give him an ultimatum! meanwhile,remember its a new year, let your hair down and stay poised for another man!
My dear. its compulsory, necessary and urgent u give him an ultimatum today! Meanwhile, let your hair down and stay poised for another man! sho bi shoni meja ni! sojunu ko fopa rin jor!
Hello girly,my brother is available come wif d ring as long as is diamond,he will place a wedding ring ontop dat one.Lolz
Sweetheart,
Almost everyone is saying run for your life. Now there are basic things I would like to ask you. The questions will come after theses analysis.
I know a friend of mine,who dated a gal and engaged her for 4 years. We all were worried as she even consulted us to know my friends real intentions for her.
I asked my friend what was keeping him from tying the knots and he told me that,ever since 4 years that they have been making love without contraception on their parts, that she has never taken in. He was actually scared to marry her. I didn't tell her that story though but I told her that she should walk away and never look back as Ryan was not ready for commitment.
Now the questions go thus :
1) Have you ever been pregnant for him these years of making love without contraception?
2) Does he have a job that can sustain yours and his lifestyle
3) Are there things he complains about your character and you haven't changed? And maybe he still complains about it.
If you know he has a good job, you have never been pregnant and he doesn't complain about your character, please Sweetheart, walk and NEVER look back.
If he has a good job, you have been pregnant but he complains about your character, if you really want to be with him, change for him.
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