Dear LIB readers: Am I wasting my time with this man? | Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog

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Wednesday, 1 January 2014

Dear LIB readers: Am I wasting my time with this man?

From a female LIB reader
Please I need your opinion on something that is keeping me up at night. I met my boyfriend in November 2010 and after only four months of dating he proposed to me on Valentine's Day in 2011. I was really excited and believed he didn't want to waste time and was eager to marry me. But it's going to three years now since we got engaged and he hasn't said anything about a wedding. Every time I mention it he tells me I'm acting desperate that I should calm down that if he didn't want to marry me he would not have given me a ring. We are both over 30 so I don't understand the delay. What bothers me most is that he's not even talking about it. I suggested we get married the last week of December 2013 so we can begin a new life in 2014 but he said he will let me know when he's ready. Should I give him an ultimatum or just be patient?

704 comments:

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best baby said...

Take race, wht are u still waiting 4! All he want 4rm u is sex I guess ur rich as well, d hand writing is writen on d wall.

Anonymous said...

Free d guy, he is not ready for marriage

Holy Guy said...

Was he eating your apple for the 3 years and has not proposed? If so,call him for a very serious conversation to get his finql decision or issue an ultimatum to him in a soft way and see his response for u to know if hes serious or not, good luck, move on with ur life if hes not forthcoming

Anonymous said...

Free d guy, he is not ready for marriage

Unknown said...

It's a clear indication that he's not ready, so pack ur bags and move o!

Unknown said...

Dear Reader,
If talking about marriage is a problem then why are you in the relationship? For sex?! If there is no mutual agreement on the waiting time , then you need to help the guy and yourself. Give him his ring and move on. He might be confused about making a choice, so if you aren't good enough to beat other girls hands down, then walk. Keep yourself open to other prospects and be happy.

smith said...

Hmmm..u better seek the face of God bfor u enta one chance oo

Anonymous said...

My dear! Run!!! Go and search 4 Ur own husband before he blocks him totally

Anonymous said...

I think its better for u to quit. Time waits for no one. U have already wasted three good yrs. Right now he is wait ing for u to quit. He doesn't want to break up with u. Am telling u out of experience. Good luck.

Unknown said...

Ur on ur own since ur matured enough to get married u should be able to reason maturely. ur old enough to know what's right in ur life and wats wrong any man who aint serious with u kick is ass off toke makinwa case should serve as a lesson to you

Anonymous said...

ehm this might seem harsh but honestly. .I think you might be his "beard" that would explain the haste at which he proposed to u and his reluctance to get married. what is a beard? A beard is a woman used by a gay guy to be perceived as straight. in otherwords he's just using u to cover up d fact that he's probably bi, but more inclined to guys. farfetched but thats honestly how i see it. ebuka

Anonymous said...

Babes, let me just tell u d truth....dat nigger isn't ready to settle down o....u beta move on darling...on to d nxt one o...no tym...u be lord of d rings? Shuu!..3yrs ke! Dats witchcraft nw...haba!ur bf or is it husband 2 be,is nt a serz person...n u said sumfin bout ultimatum?..seems lyk u wud be forcin d nigger 2 marry u by dat...n bein patient? My dear, no tym o...told u wot 2 do already...on to d nxt one buh if u feel sober just movin on without tellin him anyfin...u cud just talk 2 him bout how its botherin u n tell him u dun fink u can wait any longer..dat marraige is wot u av in mind nw...so, he shud stop wasting ur tym..or just do d ryt thing...n if he doesn't still mk attempts 2 doin anyfin bout it...bae, twud be tym 4 u 2 freakin move on!

Anonymous said...

My dear, he is not ready, he has turned u into "the lord of the rings"....lol...beera start lookin 4option b,cos he doesn't want u and doesn't want nyone to hve u.....

Unknown said...

Dear Reader,
If talking about marriage is a problem then why are you in the relationship? For sex?! If there is no mutual agreement on the waiting time , then you need to help the guy and yourself. Give him his ring and move on. He might be confused about making a choice, so if you aren't good enough to beat other girls hands down, then walk. Keep yourself open to other prospects and be happy.

Unknown said...

Dear Reader,
If talking about marriage is a problem then why are you in the relationship? For sex?! If there is no mutual agreement on the waiting time , then you need to help the guy and yourself. Give him his ring and move on. He might be confused about making a choice, so if you aren't good enough to beat other girls hands down, then walk. Keep yourself open to other prospects and be happy.

Anonymous said...

Beta kip odas standby incase...cos 90% of guys sabi disappoint

Anonymous said...

My dear give him an ultimatum and mean it! What does he mean by desperate! Take off d engagement ring if that doesn't shake him my dear Step!!! Guys done too use dis enganement thing tie chicks down. Wetin happen!!!

bobby du cable said...

Gv him an ultimatum jes to make sure u r not jes his sex mate nd dat u r not getting younger,he nids to know how u feel since 2010...#wiseup#

Unknown said...

Pray about it

Anonymous said...

Ultimatum pls. Which kind winch be dt? You rnt getting any younger

Anonymous said...

There are some questions you'll need to answer. Does the guy own a steady job that makes it possible for him to provide for his family.

If he has everything to raise and support a family and is yet to seal the deal three years after proposing to you, he isnt serious ooooo.

But, you need to do your serious research. How well do you know his family? What are they saying about your wedding arrangements? Did they accept you? Is this man seeing someone else? Or is he just using the ring to get in between your legs?

Many questions you gats ask my sister if you want to solve this puzzle,

Golda Awosika said...

So,ds dude kept u waitin almost 5yrs.Giv him an ultimatum abi him wan turn u in2 lord of d rings,left 2 me,e is a tym waster #*karlishah*

Anonymous said...

My dear leave him,his is not serious with you

Anonymous said...

Pray and find out if dere are no forces behind his non challant attitude towards d marriage nd also to b sure he is really d man for u,pls wat God has kept for u would never stress u .So just b patient nd mak dis findings nd den u wait to see wat happens nxt ,commit it into Gods hand.

Anonymous said...

My dear his not serious with you leave him.

Anonymous said...

PLEASE NEVER GIVE A MAN AN ULTIMATUM. YOU WON'T LIKE THE REACTION. HOWEVER, WHEN MEN WANT S'THING, THEY NEVER DELAY OR RELENT. TONGUE COUNTING YA TEETH YET? CHEERS!

Omobola Alfred said...

Hmmm..ideally it shudnt take long after gettin engaged but have you tot abt his finacial status.am not saying that's the reason why he his shying away from the fact but just be a little bit patient..der is definately a reason..behind this..look into that first and still put a hold on the marriage talks.

Princess Charming said...

Run away before youbecome Lord of the rings!

Anonymous said...

My dear, return his ring o, Ur hand is not a Key holder. Move on with Ur life and believe God will give U a serious man not someone that will give U a ring and when he is done he will start telling stories.

Anonymous said...

Its better u find something else to do with ur life.Ds man dosent sound serios at all from my own perspective o

Daniel Akpata (The Blunt Love doctor) said...

Prior Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Performance! Its obvious there wasn't an adequate preparation on your side before going into this relationship. Please the essence of a relationship is marriage,if its taking him three years to make up his mind then this means he's not ready,aside this,if you've been sleeping with him then you are the one encouraging him to remain single,if he's getting the milk for free he doesn't need to buy the cow! He gave you that ring because he pre-empted your moves that soon you'll be asking for a commitment level that's marriage and as you rightly put it in your discuss he's using it as an ace! Give him an ultimatum before March2014 if he doesn't do anything concrete please dump him fast! For more counseling follow me on twitter @danielakpata

Unknown said...

Sorry honey, your man is Lord of d Rings...Seriously, I don't think he is sure about getting married which doesn't mean he doesn't love you.

chuks90 said...

It all depends,on u. Do u still love him? Does he still love u? Do you still still have advances,of marriage from other suitors? Are u acquintated with your guys family? This are questions u need to answer before deciding on cutting off.

Anonymous said...

Well, I really thik you have to look out for yoursef. If u think he is financially buoyant enuf n u cnt c any reason why e z deleying,I'd advise u giv em an ultimatum n move on. Life is too short to b engaged wif out marriage for 3 yrs. Cheers!

SON OF SOLOMON said...

if u dnt knw word 'RUN' u beta knw it nw,pick race,dnt luk bk ooo

son of solomon

Anonymous said...

pack your slippers run fast fast I guess ur finger na key holder...

Anonymous said...

My dear,u better give him an ultimatum,if he doesn't marry u b4 d first quater of this year please leave him,he is wasting ur tym!
@UA

Anonymous said...

My dear I pity ur situation,Toke Makinwa shld be a gud xple 4 u.the guy is a pure joker n a player get ur lyf bk nw or u will liv 2 regret it dat my own opinion shaa.

Adeiza said...

Probably stating his financial status will make you receive better advice.

Anonymous said...

Aunty the man wants to turn u into lord of the rings oh! Abeg return d ring give am! He's wicked! 30 yrs old woman no be beans oh, see Linda na e papa no let am drink water keep cup! Cos time dey go. Lol.

Anonymous said...

Is getting 2 late dear,3year after engagment and is not talking about marriage,pls just 4get about him

Anonymous said...

My sister, this guy no plan to marry u oo. He wants turn you to Lord of the rings

Unknown said...

Na wa oh! Ds is serious! Bur wot cud be keepin him? Am sure he jes Wnted to secure u for himself then..Some men r jes mysterious fa.

Anonymous said...

No. Give him like 5 more years!! Becos he is the only man who can marry you!

Anonymous said...

you better give him an ultimatum sharp sharp

Anonymous said...

If you love him enough to wait, then wait. Otherwise, giving a man an ultimatum to marry you doesn't seem nice or lady-like. In my humble opinion, I'd advice you watch his actions closely to know how serious he is and why he is delaying, this will inform your decision to either wait or walk away.

Anonymous said...

Omo u r wasting ur time o if he is not ready till now wen will he be, and what the hell does he mean by saying u are acting desperate? He put a ring on ur finger and has not said anytin since and he has d audacity to say u r acting desperate, pls I think u should give him back his ring and move on. So it doesn't seem Asif he is doing u a favour by getting married to you. If he isn't ready then y did he put a ring to it? Abi ur hand na ring holder? *straight face* men should know we do them a favour by getting married to them and not the other way round

peacedebby@gmail.com said...

My sis look else where befriend some1 else, so u would brk up dis relationship as early as u can cus dis ur guy don get anoda babe wey still dey skull

Anonymous said...

You've been with the ring since 2011 ! Okay I don't get .. Are you guyz acting the naija version of "Lord of the Ring"?!, well just sit him down and have a good un-postponed, non-adjourned, lets-end-the-matter-here-and-now Talk... Clock's ticking.

Anonymous said...

Give him an ultimatum my dear, age is not on your side

Anonymous said...

Babe u ar d lord of ur ring.... He jst tied u down, he isn't ready nd u anit gettin any younger.. D earlier u move on d beta 4 u

Anonymous said...

Hmmm. My guy proposed that same vals 2011 and we got married jan 2012.

Do you live together already?

I always like to get down to the roots of matters. Sit him down. Ask what is delaying him? Why his holding back?

Some guys secretly want their babes to get pregnant first.

The earlier you know why he is holding back, the earlier it is To get it figured out.

Anonymous said...

Ah, ultimatum? 99% of men hate that, besides I dnt think it's nice to give a man an ultimatum, just as it isn't nice for him to engage u for so long. Try n find out why he's not talkin marriage, is it financial or something else? A lot of guys are scared of marriage, that doesn't mean he doesn't love u. Be wise n don't get hurt, ure in a tuff position.

Unknown said...

Sweetie, in my own opinion I think you are giving him a lot of attentn and "power" to be misbehaving the way he likes. Here's what I think you should do if you hqve the liver:
1. DO NOT ASK HIM MARRIAGE QUESTIONS EVER AGAIN!!!
2. This is gonna be difficult but REDUCE YOUR VISITS, CALLS AND TEXTS BY THE DAY. if u call him 3ce, start calling him 1ce daily
3. 2014 is not the year of "siddon look dey dull urself dey wait". If a SERIOUS god-fearing, good looking (bald headed) sweet guy comes knockin, pls chook head o!
4. Preoccupy urself with probably movies or gossip or work or parties or sleep.
5. Do not 4get God in any and everything you do.

Unknown said...

Wow! It can be extremely hard to reach a decision about something like this. You might rush and lose him with all gis good plans or you might stick around only to lose in the end. Just ask God to help you here. Also apply common sense

Gee said...

D nigga aint serious jare... Hez jst tyin u dwn. Give him an ultimatum or jst walk away n dnt luk bak #notime#

Crystal said...

My dear @poster, Don't be the "Lord of the ring". 3years on engagement and stil counting? Babe this is 2014 and not 1992. Shine your eyes well well. My advise for you is. 1. REMOVE THAT RING FROM YOUR FINGER tell him you lost the ring and watch his reaction. 2. PLACE HIM AS A SIDE NIGGER incase of incasity. Don't breakup with him but own up to other relationship except ure not ready to settle down this year 2014 then you can stick to him. Am specking from experience despite mine is just 7mths and believe me am not regreting it. All the best...

MlleP said...

You've already waited 3 years and I think that is enough. Perhaps people talked him out of it at first so he wouldn't just be rushing in but how much longer does he need? If he's not feeling it anymore, he shd leave u to find someone else. Its not desperation

tess said...

Babes move on wit ur life.. No time 4 bullshit,if d time is not ryt 4 him den its time 4 u...#menopause go soon show..use ur head datz y u have it.

Unknown said...

Gobe na ur name!jeez that guy is wicked,omg how can som1 be soo wicked?he isn't ready 2 get married 2 u nd he kips u tied down,does this happen agan?,comunication is key,if u can't find an obvious reason walk away jeez,even if its money,u can suport him cos u want 2 get married,he's probably seeing som1 else nd weighn his option,nigerian men its just simple,study d kind of woman u with,if u want 2 cheat dnt be with her break it off,if u dnt want 2 b married,tell her so she leaves on time!if u want.a r/ship with no strings attachd make her know!if u love her tell her nd stp being proud!most nigerian men just dnt know how 2 be in a r/ship,always communicate with ur spouse,so as not 2 complicate issues...my dear come out with him strait nd make a descision b4 he ruins u...

Anonymous said...

These type of men are the worst, they are not ready to settle down but instead of their stupid selfish self to let you go, they won't. They will give you a ring to scare off serious and potential suitors while you continue waiting for that 'wedding'. Give him an ultimatum, let him know that you're serious about dumping his sorry ass if he is not interested in settling down. It's not enough to just put a ring on it, he has to also take you to the altar. If you are still in doubt, think Toke Makinwa.

Anonymous said...

These type of men are the worst, they are not ready to settle down but instead of their stupid selfish self to let you go, they won't. They will give you a ring to scare off serious and potential suitors while you continue waiting for that 'wedding'. Give him an ultimatum, let him know that you're serious about dumping his sorry ass if he is not interested in settling down. It's not enough to just put a ring on it, he has to also take you to the altar. If you are still in doubt, think Toke Makinwa.

Chris brown said...

U guyz are 30+! So its high time u define ur relationship plsss

Anonymous said...

Lolz...three year! R u in prison,dat one don pass engagemnt oo itz naw called "ENCAGEMENT".....plz my dear talk 2 him vry well en tell him yo stndz on d issue botherin.y iz he holdin u bak 4 soo long wen u wud hav moved on better....if hiz response isn't postive plzz muv on sharp,sharp!! If he knew he wasn't ready y dd he handcuff u lik 4 soo long.linda lemme not luk 4 my comment ooo.

Anonymous said...

Dear poster are you the lord of the ring? Return his ring n dump his silly ass. That guy is a destiny delayer. Move on

CeeCee

Anonymous said...

U are over wasting ur time.haba 3yrs? He is an ass!!! Abi u b ring bearer? Ogbeni ball out sharply....

Anonymous said...

Please discuss it with him or give him an ultimatum if you are sure he has no financial or emotional problem. Goodluck. Nekkyluv...

hills said...

i am surprised that ladies stil ask dis type of question on dis blog wen u read wat happened 2 anty toke. besides u r ova 30. my sis giv him 2 or 3 mnths 4m nw.if no solid moves, run as fast as u can. time waits 4 no 1.man fit marry any time bt as a woman, u dnt hav dat gift considerin child bearing age. babe open ur eyes.

Anonymous said...

His wasting your time.give him an ultimatum,besides ur nt getin any younger.This is d only way out.

Anonymous said...

Babe, dis is 2014!!!, u beta wise up, werrin b Calm down?? Calm down gini?...I sorry 4 u....do nt give him any fuckin ultimantom nor wait,,, just get urslf some1 good n leave him, sikena.....abi u wan turn toke 2nd??
1da y some guyz go propose wivout intentions of marraige,,, #rubbish


*habeesolha

Anonymous said...

Darling...he proposed to you under the theory that 'all women want to hear about marriage'. So he's eating his cake and having it too. If he really was eager to marry you he'd have done so by now.

Anonymous said...

Wetin happen? Na metal reaction him wan discover 4 ur hand? Wich kin local rough play b dat? C babe catch head ooo

Kelechi ashimole said...

I tink u re wasting ur time with him cus frm experience my friend waitd 4 5yrs only 2 find out dat he has a wife nd 4 kids in d vilage nd he jst proposd so as 2 hold her down so pls mingle nd c wat wil cme out of it

Buttercup said...

Do you still wear the ring if yes dat means u have been fooled! Since 2011
Your family n friends sholud hv spoted dat for you if u were being carried way by his love
Can't upload pic here bt let me tell you in words""engagement is when a man proposes to marry a woman in few months, not when he puts a ringon her fingerand scares other men away for the next 5 years...that is witchcraft!

Anonymous said...

He's said it, "he's not ready"

Anonymous said...

My love new year new slate, don't let any man hold you back for real. We women give so much and sacrifice so much in the name of love...REAL LOVE will not keep you up at night worrying sick. Know what you want this year let no one mess you up

Anonymous said...

Abeg move on joor, I really don't understand why a guy will engage a gal for 3yrs and he is not taking about marriage, it is mere wickedness and selfishness. My dear, he is just wasting your time, I will advice you not to start 2014 with his issue thinking that he will get married to you soon because he will not. Before that ring start chasing the right men away, return it to him now and make yourself available as quick as possible.

ADUKE

Unknown said...

If he's saying you are desperate then,it means he's not being real! If you had insisted you won't sleep with him until he puts a real ring on your finger not a promissory ring then don't you think things would be different? But because he's getting the milk for free,he doesn't have to buy the cow! We also need to check the foundation of your relationship,was there adequate preparation from your side? Because PRIOR PROPER PREPARATION PREVENTS POOR PERFORMANCE. Please the essence of a relationship is marriage! Courting for donkey years all in the name of getting to know yourself is callous this just says one thing about this guy,it means he's aware of who he is and what he wants,dating someone like this is like courting chaos and frustration and all these is already happening to you,so please wise up and start afresh this new year!

bonito senora said...

Sista my advice 4 u is 2 drop dat little handcuff we call ring wen a man propose d wedding shouldn't be more 3mnths or 6mnths he proposed 2 u

Anonymous said...

Sorry to say this, your boyfriend is heartless. Why did he rush initially? Oh! The love/lust was so strong ba? Only for him to trap you and forget you there.

Well, at this point, you need to give him an ultimatum. Quite difficult because you might lose him or not. But you need to be strong. It is something you have to do. I will suggest you say it politely though and not with some attitude. Tell him early enough so that you can get his position and know where you belong. Either to keep yourself opened to other men or you stay.

Black Bold & Beautiful said...

Be patient....

Anonymous said...

lol...evil spirit in disguise...u better run..he wants to tie u down...and u r over 30 and yet has no plans 4 u...madam run

Anonymous said...

Lolz...three year! R u in prison,dat one don pass engagemnt oo itz naw called "ENCAGEMENT".....plz my dear talk 2 him vry well en tell him yo stndz on d issue botherin.y iz he holdin u bak 4 soo long wen u wud hav moved on better....if hiz response isn't postive plzz muv on sharp,sharp!! If he knew he wasn't ready y dd he handcuff u lik 4 soo long.linda lemme not luk 4 my comment ooo.

Anonymous said...

Throw his ring back at him and move on....

DannYchukS said...

Proposing after 4 months and delaying wedding for 3years.....hmmm. For me I think he's not serious..your finger isn't a key holder. Give him ultimatum, if he doesn't respond..take a walk...#my opinion though# gudluck.

Anonymous said...

An ultimatum ma'am! If you are eventually gonna get married why not do it now??if he loves you and wants to keep you he'll agree with you, let him know your biological clock is ticking! And if he doesn't agree then it obviously wasn't meant to be,good luck! Aunty Linda post my comment oo

bishopmilan said...

explain humbly nd let im finalised wit ur family members directly if not explain u cnt wait no more

bishopmilan said...

let im knw u cnt wait no more. Hubly let im knw u nid im si ur parent to finalize any agreements.

Unknown said...

Give him an ultimatum and be patient. Be like "listen niggar, u've got me tied up for 3years now and we aint talking marriage, what's up?

Anonymous said...

I have been in this situation before and the truth is what works for me might not work for you. Only difference is I didnt leave it for years. As soon as I see that the whole thing was dragging, i addressed the situation couple of times and i could see that ermm its not looking any poitive I called it off and no regrets. This was earlier last year and trust me the guy is still begging to come back but truth is am done with it. So you should listen to your heart and Wisdom is much needed to handle this kind of situation. All the best..

Peggy Amadi said...

I don't tink u r on d rite track woman cos ur tym ticks every second, try and talk 2 his very close friend and no y he z delayin ur happiness

Phaeton Phoenix said...

You see, the problem with these "Dear LIB readers" stories that touches the heart is, we NEVER from hear the side of the other person in the relationship enough to give you an answer. One sided way of thinking is what even makes relationships fail in the first place. It is NOT all about you woman!

Anonymous said...

The question I hv for u is, hw ready is dis guy to be able to take care of a family, is he financialy and mentaly ok, if he is then, giv him an altimatum and watch his reaction

Unknown said...

You got no tym dear!!!

Unknown said...

This is u!*RuN*

Anonymous said...

Its obvious hhe doesn't want to spend the rest of his life with you just that he finds it dificult to spell it out to you.girl u aint getting any younger so kindly throw in the towel b4 its too late

candygirl said...

Gurlll you gotta tell him exactly how you feel coz that nigger aint ready to settle down!tell him to make up his mind and put a real ring on it else you chuck the deuce up and WALK!..

bravest hrt said...

@list toke dated 4 12yrs witout a proposal I guess #eyes rolling# , u him propose after 4months and u r still holdin on 4 3yrs,there is still hope...just hold on a little longer mayb wen u turn gramma he will fix a date 4d wedding

Unknown said...

U bera park n pull over,take d next walk way n waka ur way...cos na first class waste of tym
#Tslicky

Anonymous said...

babe please move on ooooo. that man does not know what he wants. if he is having financial issues he can be excused but if not is possible he just enjoys ur company for something else other than marriage. pls dont ask me what he enjoys cos i dont know? CEO

Anonymous said...

babe please move on ooooo. that man does not know what he wants. if he is having financial issues he can be excused but if not is possible he just enjoys ur company for something else other than marriage. pls dont ask me what he enjoys cos i dont know? CEO

Unknown said...

Abeg give am ultimatum,time is nt on ur side ooo,beta suitors are passing u by ooo

wummy said...

Pls don't waste ur time anymore,d guy is not ready to marry u

Anonymous said...

Well I donot know what to say but I belive that when the going get hard u idea get out or u keep on going.so choose one

Anonymous said...

ur hand na ring holder abi...Abeg leave him...

Unknown said...

Chineke! Over 30 and you've been with him for more than 3yrs? Do you wanna leave him at 38? Clearly he's not ready and deceit is the order of the day. Dump his sorry ass

Anonymous said...

It is better for you to give him an ultimatum if we don't get married by so and so time I am calling off this proposal.You don't know men and their fake stories.

Anonymous said...

This is a serious issue! I dunno wat ultimatum will do for you buh I know that u might become the 'lord of the rings' with patience... Go to God in prayer

Apple said...

Buahahahahahahahahaha… The guy nah witch ! The guy go soon leave you go marry a girl in her 20s.. Buahahahahahahahaha…Mumu.

Anonymous said...

Get a life babe nd leave him cos he is not serious abt u,run oh

Anonymous said...

My dear give him back his ring cos ur hand is not a key holder...don't be surprised he's married wiv kids

Anonymous said...

Yes u are

Anonymous said...

Giv him bck his ring biko....b4 he turns u Lords of d ring....wot does he mean by wen he's ready???? So y did he giv u d ring if he wasn't ready....#TimeWasters #DetinyDestoyers

Dede said...

1. U have not cme out to tell us if u were pestering him 2 propose,cos ur friends are all engaged,

2. If he willingly proposed 2 u,den give him time 2 sort out issues he might be having"it could be work finances etc

3. My dear giving a guy an ultimatum does not make him rush 2 marry u,u either loose d guy and fall into wrong hands. And also make him see reasons wiv u wen u'are talkin2 him about marriage, I've a friend whose ex was goin about tellin people dat she had given her ex man an ultimatum of so so date,acting desperate,till date she's not married, God blessed d guy with a better replacement. Please do it wisely and take it to the Lord in prayer.

Danz said...

Give him the damn ring back, are yu Lord of the rings? The selfish human being just wants to tie yu down, don't be suprised at the end, he will get married to someone else sef and not yu...be wise o!!

Simply bellz said...

I think he gave you the ring just to keep you there and to make you think he is serious. that was too early to propose to someone..and witht the way hes acting now, I guess you should let go and start your year fresh! no one is too old to find love and do not downgrade. God bless

Anonymous said...

Check his pocket if hez capable of holding a home after marriage. If d answer is yes, I suggest u talk to ur pastor abt it so u'll knw if d dude is even God's will for u. I think that's paramount. If he is God's will for u, then be patient, if he isn't then I suggest u keep it moving cos being in God's will is always d best. I met my husband in 2007. He proposed few months later. He gave me a promise ring 2009, we got officially engaged 2011. Got married in 2012, we hv a baby now n r happy. So I knw what its like to be in ur situation. Bt u've gotta be sure hez God's will first. Good luck!

Anonymous said...

Don't say anything abt it again,start a new relationship wit sum1 else but don't let him know,that way you knw go do 2zero,I think is seeing sum1 else...

brills said...

if hez financially stable. then i think derz sonething hez not tellin u. try to find out and go wiv d ultimatum!

DOBY DOBY said...

If hes financially stable... den plsss go ur way.. ur finger is nt a ring holder... bt if hes nt den y did he engage u wen hes nt ready

Anonymous said...

I think u shud give him the ultimatum only in Ur heart n just play along patiently.....shine Ur eye nicely.........AL inem loves u

Anonymous said...

1. U have not come out to tell us ifnu were pestering ur man 2 propose, because all ur friends were getting married and he decided 2 give u a ring to tie u down,till when he's ready.
2. Giving a guy an ultimatum doesnot make him marry u before the ultimatum,it only shows dat u'are desperate,sit him down and talk to him in a nice way and make him see reasons with u.
3. I have a friend whose ex girlfriend also gave him an ultimatum to propose, and was broadcasting to every1ne dat she has given him an ultimatum"till date my dear she's not married,as she took a walk God replaced her wiv some1 better'2day dey are happily married,so my dear think wisely and take it to the Lord in prayers. A word dey say is snuff 4 d wise

Unknown said...

My dear kindly hand him back the engagement ring..and walk away from that relationship..because if not you are going to end up the end of the stick..he's not ready to commit,he simply tied you down with a ring..because he knows that's what all ladies dream of!!!be brave and walk away..the right person might just be waiting around the corner for you!!

Miss Lucylicious said...

Have a serious conversation with him nd watch hw he acts-if 4rm his demeanour u can tell he is uninterested or u get negative vibes.. No need for an ultimatum- leave his sorry ass.. An ultimatum kinda makes d marriage forced nd nt consensual..
It could also be dat he is taking his time to be very sure or he is saving up 4 an elaborate wedding...blah blah! All these r assumptions nd speculations-u can only get d answer 4rm him.. So jus ve dat conversation wiv him nd pour out ur heart nd say ur mind..
Wish u well..

Unknown said...

My dear you better find out where you with the guy

Unknown said...

He is a time waster,make haste while the sun shines.

yhunice said...

Madam pull dt ring men are nt worth been patient wif u bera act fast cos if he dumps u...u wont recova frm d shock ..its a new yr plz dnt ruin it....tallkn frm exprience

Anonymous said...

your finger has turned to key holder. give him an ultimatum. I have a male friend that is doing the same to his gf, he just wants to keep guys off

Anonymous said...

Be Patient and Grow Grey hairs oo. Be Wise Mr Dear!

Anonymous said...

Be Patient and Grow Grey Hairs oo.. My Dear Be Wise!!!

Anonymous said...

Just find out why he is stalling... If its a reason you can deal with... stay; if not, omo, find your level.


Mayowa

Anonymous said...

fiancée doesn't mean wife and he can easily walk without a divorce, 3 yrs is a long time to be a ring bearer. if he really wants you, he wont want to lose you, so give him a time limit and stick to it, some men use engagement ring to deceive girl into fucking only them, when he gets tired, he find faults in you and marries another girl within a month of meeting her. he shuldnt propose if he aint ready to marry u so that u will be free to look for guys to marry.

Anonymous said...

OMG some girls can be very stupid ok b patient since it is force to b marry Lol can't you see he's not into you like that

Anonymous said...

OMG some girls can be very stupid ok b patient since it is force to b marry Lol can't you see he's not into you like that

Afroqueen said...

Dear sis dont give this man an ultimatum it makes you desperate I met & married a man in 6 months in my 30s because thee was no need to wait. This man is wasting your time he does not love you. Take that ring off engagements are only meant to be a year maximum. In the meantime if you meet a man who wants to marry you free yourself up for other opportunities. The only reason why I did not tell you to drop him now is because I know you are still emotionally tied to this man. Slowly pull away.

Anonymous said...

I will give it to u Straight...Yes Hun, U r wasting ur time wit d guy infact its amazing it took u 3yrs to realize this. 1 year should've bn enough for u to realize that he only engaged u just to lead u on n to deceive u into thinking That he is for real

Anonymous said...

An ultimatum is better let him not hold u dnw its a new yr

Anonymous said...

Engagement for 3yrs? Haba! Babe's ur name ain't patience ooo would have advice u should leave but.age is not on ur side so I will suggest u create an Avenue for other relationships if u see another then u take a walk #unicjane

Anonymous said...

Engagement for 3yrs? Haba! Babe's ur name ain't patience ooo would have advice u should leave but.age is not on ur side so I will suggest u create an Avenue for other relationships if u see another then u take a walk #unicjane

movingsteph said...

my dear, time waits for no man. engagement isn't marriage. u better have a serious chat with him or leave him. he needs to come up with a concrete reason why you two are not getting married soon.

Ijjoy said...

Engagement is wen a man proposes to marry a woman and does it in a few months not wen he puts a ring on ur finger and scares other men away for the next few years thats witchcraft. Pls give him back his ring u are nt lord of d rings .

Anonymous said...

Please give him an ultimatum please don't waste time in doing that.

Anonymous said...

Well I hd a frnd lk dt, she ws engaged 4 4yrs nd d guy ws playing funny nt bringing up marriage issues again. Bt rit around d 5th year, sm1 strtd askn 4 her hand in marriage nd she strtd contemplating it whn ds guy found out, he cme bck full force begging nd wht took hm 5yrs ws done in less thn 3mnths. 2dy they hv a daughter.
Am sayn just cz he gv u a ring doesn't mean u shld close all channels, u re nt a ring keeper, its time 2 open ur doors. If he's serious he'll cme shut thm, if he is nt, ul gt sm1 else in d process bt rememba dnt breakup, just open ur heart 2 othr possibilities

Anonymous said...

U go old 4 der o..ds 1 na real bondage

Unknown said...

A very sensitive question..The truth remains that your kind of wasting time with him, but if you LOVE him, put it in prayer and forge ahead with a decision.

The issue with our Modern ladies is that we become WIVES to our men way before proposal. Once a man gets Sex when he needs it from you, good food as required, sleep-overs turning into you making his house your second address,please ask me, what is the need of a wife then, you have already filled that vacant seat.

If you want him to be serious about marriage, then YOU need to be serious about not being his WIFE until after marriage..

I pray you make the best decision..

Anonymous said...

Hellooo Ʊ rily hav an issue bt its nt a command tin or ultamatum bt understandn,if ur bf wants Ʊ 2 wait Ʊ can wait,bt Ʊ can move on bt wit his consent
Amicable

Anonymous said...

Why should he put a ring on it if he's not ready??. My dear, don't chase away your future husband with that ring of 3years..!! As you're above 30, you berra shine your eyes before he'll impregnate a younger girl and say he's sorry or give you one bullshit story like that.!! You should pray to God to open your eyes so you'll start seeing reality. Don't get too comfortable. When he's ready my ass. He didn't know he wasn't ready when he decided to tie you down with ring..First class B.S.
Ella...!!!

Anonymous said...

i tik u re d one dt s nt serious.

Anonymous said...

He is wasting ur time

Anonymous said...

Engaged for 3 years & u are in ur 30's? Yes give him an ultimatum fast fast. U need to know if he is ever going to marry u cuz u don't want to turn 40 with no wedding

Unknown said...

He's not ready for marriage, he's just playing with your heart and blocking your way. Run RU and run before its too late.

JournalOfUs said...

I beleive this boy has turned ur finger to a keyholder... Pls kp it moving darl, he is a time waster!!!

Unknown said...

He's not ready for marriage, he's just playing with your heart and blocking your way. Run RU and run before its too late.

Unknown said...

Gurl its either (1) d Guy Is being forced 2 settle down or (2) he doesnt actually love u..or (3)he Is taking his time...bt ma advice Is dis....dnt put ur hopes 2 much on dis Guy unless u'll b on d loosin end and most importantly b prayerful....chikena.....u Can tank me lata

Anonymous said...

My dear...U beta run for ur dear life before he chases ur husband wiv d devilish ring he used to tie ur destiny down

chinnybest said...

my dear u bv to b smart ooo n knw weather heis keeping another gal at ur back.......becos if engagement pass 3 yrs is no more engagement is another tin like boyfrnd/ galfrnd relationship .so u hv to knw what's keeping him frm tying d knot.

kauzy said...

Tel him u re tired of waitin. U ar nt getin any youngr. He cn get marid at evn 60 bt u knw its nt lyk dat wit ladies. Mst men wil nt go 4 a lady dat is ova 35 wn thr ar youngr ladies al ovr. Giv him a tym frame 2 eida tke u to d altr or 4get abt u.

Anonymous said...

give him till march 2014

Anonymous said...

You have been patient long enough; give him an ultimatum. The engagement ring should be a promise to marry you soon and not to take you off the market while he makes up his mind about if the marriage is for him. If he wasn't ready, he shouldn't have proposed.

All the best!

Anonymous said...

I suggest u use some ladies trick on him, be patient , arrange a cute well to do guy to bug u to his knowledge about marrying u while u stop raising the issue for now, prayers too

mizz cindy said...

Babe ur new name na lord of d ring

Anonymous said...

Don't worry yourself staying awake over dis cos i strongly believe u surely will one day find out he is getting married 2 one miss 4 whom she is ready. U are a 4kn sex appeal babe and trust dat am a guy and it's his kind u ladies believe die. I trust libers 2 help u cry when d tym comes. If things are not 4kn going wrong out there, how are libers expected 2 throw the negative contents in their tongues. Winks+tongue out!
My comment will be approval before visible, lolzation

Anonymous said...

My dear, I understand ur worries but I advice u give him time and a bit of space. If both of u are living together, I suggest u move out and discuss that nicely with him b4 u do. concentrate on urself, ur job and what makes u happy other than him, keep the communication between the two of u going though. U re responsible for ur happiness single or married, a happy single makes a happy married. After two to three months of living ur life, there has to be an improvement or new discoveries which will help u decide what next to do. if things remain the same, then I advice u keep ur options open, go on dates! Most importantly, make sure u have a talk with him about what u think abt the relationship and ask him to open up to you what his fears of getting into marriage are, that will help u make the right decisions. Good luck. #WiseOne#

Anonymous said...

Dump his ass

Unknown said...

u criously nid 2 quit dat relatnship he's hinderin u 4rm mitin men whu will take u crious

Anonymous said...

Babe..leave that guy,cuz what he's doing is nothing but WITCHCRAFT!!
He's just blocking you from ur potential suitors..
So babe,don't just leave him..RUN from him!! He's a WIZARD!!

*Nita Briggs*

Unknown said...

wat! 3years ago! Broz, y now? mayb we need 2 hear d guys side of story sha too....Am sure he must av gotten a good xcuse....

Chyluv! said...

My dear, wat kind of 3yr long engagement is dat 1, r u Lord of d rings! Pls pls.... hope he's gonna kip sayin let's be going n going, only 4 u 2 find out u r d only 1 that reaches there. lol. Well if u feel u luv him so much n he's genuine, he can wait, he probably has financial issues he's sorting out b4 settling down, but if I were u, il kip d ring in my box...n be open minded! winks...

Chyluv! said...

My dear, wat kind of 3yr long engagement is dat 1, r u Lord of d rings! Pls pls.... hope he's gonna kip sayin let's be going n going, only 4 u 2 find out u r d only 1 that reaches there. lol. Well if u feel u luv him so much n he's genuine, he can wait, he probably has financial issues he's sorting out b4 settling down, but if I were u, il kip d ring in my box...n be open minded! winks...

Sahnzylyn said...

My friend leave him and run for your life biko,are you his key holder? What on earth is wrong with some girls,when will they stop falling for the trick of being 'engaged'? So it tuk him few months to realise he wants you to be his wife but it's taking him forever to actually marry you? My dear,I understand taking some time to get to know each other,since you guys got engaged in such a short time but 3years is too much na,haba!! This the longest getting to know each other search,ask if you have the job or not? You better give his sorry ass an ultimatum and if he doesn't come true by then,just dump his sorry ass and move on abeg,no time!!! Linda,you've started again abi? This is a new year o,post my comments o

Unknown said...

This reminds me of a colleague of mine. damn """ some people can keep u on the waiting list forever. But remember the ultimate thing is believe in God to change him and give foresight on the situation.

oge said...

Na wa oo. just relax

Anonymous said...

Honey! Give him back his ring, dust urself off and MOVE ON. Stop wasting precious time with him. He is obviously not ready and only wants the novelty of having a fiance. In those 3 years that you've been engaged to him, you could have met someone else and established another relationship.

Anonymous said...

Mumu! U better leave dat relationship and move on.. he's trying to tie u down!! Y u so blind to see it? Stay dere till u get old ok

Anonymous said...

No need for all dat!gfrnd,open a drawer n drop d ring der n if he notices n ask? U take d lead frm der cos d ball is nw in ur court.

Anonymous said...

I'm no relationship expert but i think if he was really serious about you he would at least talk about marriage and you guys would at least have a plan. Give him an ultimatum as well as keep ur options open.
stop wearing the ring, if he is not showing any serious commitment(settling down) on his own end.

Anonymous said...

He has already turned you to Lord of the Rings. Don't worry smeagol is coming for his ring%

Anonymous said...

Hi Lady
The guy was impressed within few months, but you changed......
ALL Men want the following:
1. Total Submission (including respect & not equal right)
2. Good Sex
3. Good food not balance diet/restaurant foods
4. Good associates (family, friends, not your school, club/colleague-like friends)

Please check yourself not the man.

Anonymous said...

My Dear, my own opinion is that u jus give him back the ring and move on. That man will not marry Y̶̲̥̅̊☺ΰ. Or in another way give him an ultimatum stil the end of this month. But please move on.

Anonymous said...

drop him fast, he is just wasting your precious time.

Anonymous said...

I suggest dat u tell him dat u want to quit d relationship nd see his reaction. If he really wants 2 marry you, he will do something fast bcos he wouldnt want to loose you but if he's not taking any step after threatning him dat u want to quit dat means he doesnt want u.

Yimika said...

Advice: LEAVE!!! He's obviosly not ready,just being an object of delay.Better still,call him and ask wat his plans are..and let his answer wisely determine ur next action

Anonymous said...

Are you kidding me!!! Does this still happen in this modern time..hunnay you yourself knows what to do..so stop asking and use ur brains..you are over age.C'mon

Anonymous said...

Oh girl!!! Pack your bata and run 4'40. Before you know what he will be married with kids to another woman in a different state and you go do grow grey hair by then. Are you a learner??? Call that thing you call a engagement off... Na handcuff the guy give you. WaKe up!!!

Anonymous said...

Maybe he doesn't have money for marriage yet. Just keep puting it in ur prayers though. Marriage is not a childs play so one needs to get ready before going into it. Goodluck though

Anonymous said...

Ask Toke Makinwa

Anonymous said...

Move on with your life. Don't let the man slow you down. Check him well. He might be having someone outside. Are you acting like a wife already? Like are you living with him? All these are making him more comfortable.

Anonymous said...

Please I beg you in the name of God,move on with someone else.it happened to me too,I wasted 4yrs waiting for an engagement to become marriage and it never happened.I am married now to the best man on earth with 2kids cos I moved on at some point. Babe,he has absolutely nothing to loose,he is getting everything he wants for free,at no cost at all,free fuck,free cook,free laundry,free companion,free spiritual backbone,free financial advisor,free everything o. Abeg borrow urself brain,don't break up with him,just quietly move on to someone else. God will see u thru

Anonymous said...

Walk away my love, when there is a "but" in any relationship, it is time to bounce and find your husband. Do not be like me, mine went on for 15years and it was quite late when I had the sense to leave.

Mo said...

wake up dear and smell the coffee!

Mo said...

Wake up dear and smell the coffee!!

Unknown said...

He's not ready. But I'll suggest u take everything to God in prayers. This is a period when almost all churches are fasting,make use of the opportunity and allow God lead you. All the best

Unknown said...

oooo.... wholly depends on u now,if u stil hav d patience to wait no problem,

Anonymous said...

Women and marriage. Is that the only thing they think of?

Anonymous said...

3 years after and ur wedding day is still coming soon... Is he Jesus?

Anonymous said...

Leave him alone, n move on wit ur life if not u will grow old Oooo*

Anonymous said...

Find out deeply about him. He's very likely not real. Then leave. Even if he appears to be real, Pls still leave. He ain't honest with u. Check urself too. What does "propose".mean? Did he meet ur parents? Does he genuinely love u? Is there sth abt u that made him realise that he was about to make a mistake?

LovelyTess said...

You are over 30. The fact that you are engaged means no one else can approach for a relatioship. You are stuck. Give him an ultimatum so you can move on with life and explore other options that are coming up now.

LovelyTess said...

You are over 30. The fact that you are engaged means no one else can approach for a relatioship. You are stuck. Give him an ultimatum so you can move on with life and explore other options that are coming up now.

LovelyTess said...

You are over 30. The fact that you are engaged means no one else can approach for a relatioship. You are stuck. Give him an ultimatum so you can move on with life and explore other options that are coming up now.

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