Dear LIB readers: I don't enjoy sex anymore. Please help! | Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog

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Thursday, 23 August 2012

Dear LIB readers: I don't enjoy sex anymore. Please help!

From a LIB reader
I am 32yrs old and I have been married for 5years with 3kids. My last is 15months old. After my last child I don't enjoy sex anymore. I just pray my husband hurries up and get it over with. 99% of the time I fake orgasm. My husband happens to be the 2nd guy I've ever slept with all my life. I tried discussing this with my husband but pretended as if it happened to a friend and the 1st thing that came out of his mouth was "that marriage is dead. So her husband is sleeping with a wood" So i kept my mouth shut and didn't disclose that I was the one. I have tried all the things I have read expecially online to see if I can build my libido but nothing is working. I will like to know if there are other women out there who are going through or have gone through same thing and what they did. Please help!

186 comments:

Anonymous said...

yes i'm going thru the same thing...i don't knw wat 2 do.

Anonymous said...

O chimu ooo there is nothing that we can not see here ooo...#justsaying#

Anonymous said...

I have one question for you madam, Do you still love your husband?

Anonymous said...

contact funmi akingbade of punch....hehehehe

Anonymous said...

My dear so Many pple are going thru it just pray to the lord about it

Anonymous said...

Your plight is not uncommon. Many women lose interest in sex eventually, but not usually so young.

I would love to know the state of the marriage. Is there something you resent your husband for? Are you angry with him and have not resolved the issue? Do you want to be more experimental and he is more traditional? Maybe you are dying for some time apart, maybe a little vacation may help you.

See your doctor and speak candidly with him/her about the situation. They could run some hormonal tests, and help to get to the root of the issue. I wish you well.

Anonymous said...

are u sure d last child birth u had did nt effect or damage any of ur sexual part?tink u should complain to a doctor,or maybe u and ur husband are having it too much that u nolonger feel a ting maybe he should gv u some litle break so that ur body can start feeling horney again.

Anonymous said...

are u sure d last child birth u had did nt effect or damage any of ur sexual part?tink u should complain to a doctor,or maybe u and ur husband are having it too much that u nolonger feel a ting maybe he should gv u some litle break so that ur body can start feeling horney again.

Unknown said...

Pray and ask God to improve your sex life. That's the only solution. Don't be shy. Remember if you are God's child, you can ask for anything. And tell your husband the truth, let him know that it is wrong to be quick to jump to conclusion. Afterall, there are some old married couples who do not have sex anymore, does it make the marriage dead?

411 said...

she needs to tell her husband exactly wat she wants and hw she like it.....another reason cld be she is no longer comfy wit her body after 3 kids, so she needs to come to terms wit her body and workout if nid be to lose d extra weight she has gained as a result of child birth.

KIM said...

Now in this case there are either 2 things involved I mean you should have been more specific on the real reasons.Either (1)The fault is from you...meaning your husband is good in bed but no matter what he does you are just not feeling him or (2)He is not good in bed and doesn't know he is not good.. Cos most men don't know they are terrible in bed and they are usually d worst ones. When u identify d problem exactly then u can know how to deal with it.

Anonymous said...

Yeah! It happens, hormonal bla bla! Loosen up and try to love ur man again, d libido thing will come back. Btw, he shd be d one hating, bet ur body isn't 'drop dead' anymore! Since he's still yearning for u, abeg yearn back, PERIOD!

Anonymous said...

I think she should pray about it and whenever she wants to have sex wit her husband, she should invite the holy spirit and I tell u, it would be angelic (my pastor said it once). God first, every other thing will fall into place.

Sam said...

I can really say much but try this link:
http://health.howstuffworks.com/sexual-health/sexual-dysfunction/top-10-natural-ways-to-boost-libido.htm

Goodluck

Nelo said...

Did you bleed heavily after your last birth? I would suggest you go see a doctor. There is a medical condition called Sheehan's syndrome caused severe bleeding during child delivery. One of the symptoms is decreased libido. You should visit your doctor to evaluate you. Best of luck!

Anonymous said...

I think she should pray about it and whenever she wants to have sex wit her husband, she should invite the holy spirit and I tell u, it would be angelic (my pastor said it once). God first, every other thing will fall into place.

Anonymous said...

Your husband gave you the bitter truth response,now its in your court to raise the dead marriage.I will want you to understand that child birth and upbringing brings a lot of stress both to the body and spirit of the woman especially when the man is almost not participating in any way,i e helping out somehow...You will have to work this out yourself and find the rhythm again...you said your last was 15months ago,you are still very fresh from after giving birth...Read Funmi Akingbade's Saturday punch column and also visit her if you have to.But in all Save your marriage while you still can.I will leave you with this simple tip,tell your husband you want a new dimension and approach to sex,foul play,foul play...fouuuuuuul plaaaaaaaaay,a lot of it can stair something up in you.

Tobalase said...

I have read about this because I know of a friend who went through the same. The only thing I can say apart from seeking medical attention is to make time for both you and your husband to do things alone. After being married it's easy to continually be caught up in being a good parent but forget to be a lover.

it can also be about something you're thinking of mentally. Find a way to de-stress and relax. create romantic moods for you and your husband, travel with your husband to re-kindle the love you felt in the first place.

Anonymous said...

four play!!

Blackknight! said...

From a Man's perspective......well, in my opinion, I think the pleasure of sex starts to wane the moment a woman has her first child. For some, it starts from the few months after wedding.What this shows us is that Sex basically is not the critical factor that sustains a relationship, but friendship except if they are sexually attracted.

Psychologically,stress could be a factor for loss of libido also - is your husband going through a lot of stress both at home and workplace? What is his financial situation at the moment? Is he broke? Has your sexual routine become boring to say the least?Ever thought of spicing it up ....maybe you should start balancing your role as a girlfriend (bitch) and a wife, (Keeper).
I may not have answers to your queries but I do know that men get bored easily except where they are sexually attracted to the opposite sex. Every woman comes with their own traits/qualities ..some are decent wives but lazy in bed. Some are crazy bitches in bed but very bad wives/Mothers. Find where you fit it and work to improve the areas you lack.If you have a balance of a 'bitch in bed and a good wife', then Testosterone will spiral out of control.

Anatomically / physiologically, the shape of a woman's Punani also constitutes either an increase or decrease in a man's libido. Uncircumcised Punani has a way of boosting a brother's Testosterone for a sustained sexual relationship compared to a circumcised one, where you have to do so much work to make a woman reach orgasm. By the way, how many Naija ladies actually have experienced real orgasm?

As for the man, as long as you are the provider and exceeds her needs in cash/gifts, a woman will always be wet and ready for you.Money/gifts and pussy go hand in hand. 'I LOVE YOU' is not enough,period! Pussy costs money. No woman wants to stay with a broke arse brother. If she spends or provides for you because she likes you, it's just a matter of time before the pussy dries up and libido decreases.

Am talking from experience.

Guys, work hard and provide. Ladies,be bitches in bed and we will all have a wonderful and explosive sexual relationship.

IVORY CHI said...

LOOOL

BABE...YOU NEED TO REKINDLE YOUR SEXUAL FANTASY


NOT THAT IVE EVER USED OH


BUT YOU NEED TO GET TOYS...YOU NEED TO HAVE FUN IN THE BEDROOM.

IF IT MEANS EDIBLE PANTIES

OR HIDE AND SEEK GAMES


OR USING HONEY ETC


--- TRUST ME ---------
YOU HAVE TO DO SO...ONCE YOU START HAVING FUN..

NATURALLY YOU WILL FEEL MORE RELAXED AND ENJOY THE DESERT THAT COMES AFTER


YES..YOU CAN THANK ME LATER XXX

King Joe said...

Take a break, stop having sex and do other things like hanging out with your family. Telling your husband the truth about how you feel will also help. Share your feelings with him, because he's the one that'll help you out.

Anonymous said...

Open lines of communication. Talk to your husband.

Ara! said...

Darling. Take it easy ull be fine. It may be ur hormones plus keeping up wt d kids. Since u know Sex is impt to ur man n marriage. U nd to look for ow to make it work. Remind urself of d tngs that make u love him n made u enjoy sex wt him befr. Talk to him stylishly abt it so he can help. Eg honey I wld love fr us to try new tngs in bed??? If u are bored, read up new styles n do fun tngs. Put on sexy lingerie,eat tngs that mk u feel giddy n good down dere esp fruits.tell ur man wt ull like fr hm to do, maybe he's not hitting d ryt notes. Honey I want u to suck me, turn off d lights, talk dirty, tell hm u love hm! Help him hit ur G Spot baybie! Make sure ure not exhausted frm takn care of d kids. Try to relax befr he gets home. Take it easy on urself n RELAX, pray abt it too, sex Is not jst fr babies, its meant to be enjoyed. its. A phase n ull be fine. Don't tnk negative. All d best!

ZoeQuadine said...

Read "Model Marriage" by Dag Haward Mills. It will help you. Its not your typical christain book.

Sasha Fierce! said...

How can people be talking about praying and bringing the holy spirit into your sexual life.That will make it worse.
Sex is not meant to be traditional. Nigerians..... every little thing, 'Pray,Fast and call on the Holy spirit'.....Keep spiritual issues spiritual and sexual issues sexual.
To have a good sex life, you must first be sexually attracted to your man. If you aren't sexually attracted to your man,no matter how many kids you have for him,sex will always be like a chore to you.Ever wonder why some ladies still long for the touch of a particular guy years after they are even married?Sexual Connection..It's important.
To help you not to cheat,have a sit down with your hubby,take a holiday and spice up your sex life.Start being a girlfriend rather than just his wife. The problem is that ladies let go of themselves the moment the feel that they have captured or are happily married...they no longer take time to look good or make themselves attractive.We want to be with those things we saw before we married you...we want to be with the gorgeous and sexually attractive 'Ifeoma', the babe, not 'Mrs Ifeoma' the wife.
Ladies,never let yourselves go...it kills our libido.

Anonymous said...

You r not alone. Same with me. Some tips and advises here are quite helpful. We really have to do sometin positive about that aspect of our marriages too. May God guide us.

dr..... said...

ok yes alot of women go through this my dear, you are not alone. from d medical pt of view :Anaemia loss of iron during periods,Drug abuse,Alcoholism, diabetes, post baby coolness( hormones and trauma during birth), drugs-4 anxiety or if u are on any medication pls ask ur doctor wHat d side effects are. find out if you have any hormonal problems. well I wouldn't exclude menopause even though u re 32 there are rare cases.
ok also depression,stress and overwork, anxiety, hang-ups from childhood, past sexual abuse or rape,Are u sharing a house with in-law or do you share room with the kids? relationship problems with your husband. do you still love him? or are u seeing someone else or you are liking someone else?? during your intercourse what do you think of? are u concentrating? or well if none of this is d cause had advice you go see a doctor! you can also pray about it too .. I have a similar issue but mine is because, hmmn I think because i stopped loving him, we fight all the time and I see faults in everything he does. and also he doesn't want to go more than one round which is not ok for me. so I lost it! just thought to share... i hope it helps

Anonymous said...

@blackknight your third to the last paragraph is on point. Am there.

Anonymous said...

WOOOOOOWWWW tot i mistakeninly sent dis 2 linda cos its happenin 2 me . i luv my hubby die but its jus torture not pleasure . so im trying 2 rekindle nd try nd use stimulants cos uwud obviously b too dry. its to sad o

AOA said...

Speak to your husband about the issue. try to revive your marriage, there are things one can do to make their sex life exciting. ie wear costumes! do it in the car nd all. just be adventurous, it important. Hes probably been using the same technique for 5yrs and u obviously want something different so do something different.

Anonymous said...

as in so tru

Anonymous said...

Joy sayssssssss

1. Go and read 50 shades of grey!
2. See a sex therapist.
3. Try touching yourself. See if you get turned on.
4. Try extended foreplay. No coitus. Just kissing, touching and licking or fingering.
4. LIB cannot help you. Only a qualified sex therapist or at least an ob/gyn can.

Anonymous said...

it happens oh , u need 2 relax but if u do ur husband mite start cheatin nd u cant blame him . u need 2 cry nd talk 2 him oh cos some men wont hear its deir fault.

dr..... said...

also please my dear dont tell your husband about this yet, this might make him loss interest aswell. just hang in there, try to fix your problem first and see a doctor, then if nothing works,tell him. but i hope it wont get to that.

Loveiskind said...

This has nothing to do with if she still loves her husband. Why do Naijas say the wrong things. It's not like it's a bad thing. It's a life situation.

There's nothing wrong with you. I went through similar experience. I didn't used to enjoy sex, I will always pretend like I did. So, I went online, did my research. I just tried different little things on my own, I will massage down there, do small exercises that involves a lot of focus in my thighs. Then, I told my husband that instead of always want to go straight to business, we should foreplay. Then, we tried different positions, and I noticed I get more sensation in certain ones. I still don't enjoy it all the time but it's a lot better than before.

OR
Go see your Gynecologist. I'm sure many women go through it, but probably embarrassed to say it in public. So, try to see your doctor, he/she will give you suggestions professionally.

Rockstar said...

What am about to say may ruffle a few minds. Before you insult me, hold your peace and look at it critically.
Sleeping with one partner kills libido big time. I suggest you go cheat on your husband.How can you live the rest of your life with just one man? The truth is that 80% of marriages today are boring....very very boring. Six months after marriage, the whole thing gets boring....sex is no longer something couple do everyday.....it turns from 7 days a week to 3 days a week and sometimes none at all. I advocate 'CHEATING' where it is allowed or you come to an understanding where either parties sleep with someone else while remaining in the marriage.
I do not see myself being faithful to my wife for the rest of my life. Which man is faithful by the way?Does it really exist? Instead of keeping it secret,why don't we talk about it and agree on it.
So ladies, be realistic,once in a while, to spice up your sex life,CHEAT.
It's boring being with one man alone, and as the month goes by, and you grow older, the urge for sex dwindles.

Segzy said...

I am a man with a lil of experience about such. If you love your husband and u are sure that he is understanding. Speak to him bout it. Sex is for the 2 parties to enjoy. Advise him to spend more time on romance. He ll change things, he ll make you feel better. there are things he can change. Sex shld be an adventure, u shldnt b sure of what you will get.
Call me for more info.

Anonymous said...

I understand how you feel. It is as a result of d improper functioning of cells and hormones that are responsible for sexual feelings. It is called frigidity in women. I was once in d same situation but with the help of some healthcare products am fine again. Fore more information call 08058585997

Anonymous said...

Probably the way you guys do it is the hish........is there foreplay as in kissing, necking, touching stuffs like?.....do you guys do †ђξ foreplay intimately? Are you always distracted? Do you want it together? Is he still attractive to you? This are d kinda questions you need to ask yourself sincerely....
Nothing in this world can help you because the same person that can make ά third party thing help is the same person you LIED to.....

Sex is ά two way thing,let your husband know what's is wrong so both of you can find ά solution together.....because if he finds out himself......be d judge of what's gonna happen

Anonymous said...

You are not alone. My wife and I just got married less than a month ago. She was a virgin. Even though we had fantastic foreplay all through our courting days, I was amazed to find out she repels sex. We've been struggling with this since we got married. I literally forced myself on her to deflower her and guess what? She feared sex more after that experience. I guess ours is a more severe case, but yes, feminine sexual repulsion isn't uncommon, although different factors may trigger it.

The question is how do you make a woman who is fearful of sex (note: she had no previous sexual harassment) enjoy sex?

-- heartbroken husband :(

palominose said...

"pray and ask God to improve ur sex life" them go still put sex for inside prayer again? Na wah what will someone not hear in this country these pentecostals have turned God to their errand boy oo, make God come increase her libido abi? Hmmmmmm

My dear try and see a doctor or sex therapist, @Jayde yes sex therapists are in existence and live amongst us!!

Let's talk on domestic violence visit http://lwtze.blogspot.co.uk/?m=1 and drop ur commments thanks

Ayo said...

The question is does she feel different when she is urinating? Does she feel different when she is defecating? Does she feel different when she uses a tampon? It seems like a common condition which can be caused by a prolapsed vagina due to childbirth trauma. She is likely to need a vagina repair. This can be anterior, posterior or floor repair and it is a minor operation. Although, she might not be able to have sex or lift heavy weights for 6 weeks. All the best.

Anonymous said...

Am a young girl of 23,hv never reach orgasm before.I hear climax but never experience it.hv prayed,fasted infact am tired.most time I pretend as if I enjoy sex attimes my boyfrnds know and he has been supportive to me.

Anonymous said...

This is common in women and most of the times there is nothing wrong with the woman nor does it mean she doesnt love her husband. There are certain diseases that can cause loss of libido for instance hyperthyroidism. You could check with your doctor or psychologist to help with this problem.

Anonymous said...

start taking vitamin E...my friend takes it and it works for her...apparently it increases sex drive....but nawa oh men too should understand that after sometime a woman gets tired jo

Anonymous said...

The only solution is.... It is a sin so look for other options though!! :) You have to sleep with someone else & see if you enjoy it, if you enjoy it then you know the spark in your marriage has burnt out so is either you & your husband try to recreate that spark or you guys split.

Anonymous said...

Ok... Please I must have missed the bus? Wht is the meaning of enjoy sex? Most worn Neva enjoy the act of penetration... Clitoral stimulation is usuall the way to orgasm for most women.

Anonymous said...

Communication is key to a happy marriage. My dear tell your husband about ur situation so both of you can figure out ways & positions to make sex enjoyable for you.

Anonymous said...

I know exactly how you are feeling. I have never been married nor do I have any kids,however I have been in a five year relationship. I love my bf very much and he treats me so good. He is kind and caring.

About two years into the relationship I noticed the sex hurt and was no longer pleasurable. I consulted a doctor a doctor and he gave me something to use to numb the pain but the pleasure was still missing.

So we turned to toys and OMG. I discovered that my SPOT was my clitorus. We purchased a HABATCHI PERSONAL MASSAGER and we can't stop having sex now. It has allowed us have good before-play. And I massage my clitorus with it while we are having sex and the orgasms are countless.

I hope I have helped a little. U need to explore.

palominose said...

Invite Holy spirit join for †̥ђε̲̣̣̣̥ matter hahahaha where do these pastors crawl out from nowadays? Do they also invite †̥ђε̲̣̣̣̥ holy spirit when they are sleeping with choristers and wives of members of their congregation?abeg ee

My dear wife try and spice up ur sex life by trying new things, don't be shy to talk to your husband about sex. In my opinion two people having sex should be able to talk about it, I hope u find a solution to ur problem.

Visit http://lwtze.blogspot.co.uk/?m=1

Anonymous said...

Foul play,fouuuuuul plaaaaaay kwa? Na football game.hehehehehehehehe, foul play ko,fowl play ni! Oh God, hahahahahahahahaha!iye! Laugh wan tear my belle! If dem do foul play,na police mata ni! muahahahahahahahahah! Ewo! Its foreplay ,madam special adviser.

Anonymous said...

No Na Five play mugu ** Foreplay**

Anonymous said...

Hmmm.....ii read this piece and had to check myself that I didn't write This 2 yrs ago.after I had my first child, I had exactly the same experience. I just didn't want to havre sex, I couldn't stand my hubby touching me, meanwhile he was really hot for me. It became an issue and he began complaining...I don't want him to touch me and I definitely don't make the first move.....so what did we do:
1.i had to open up to him, told him exactly how I felt, yes I was scared it might damage my marriage but also if nothing is done about this situation, it's only a matter of time, the marriage will be damaged. I'm really grateful for the man God gave as husband!cus he was initially scared and asked if I still love him,Of course I still do. Then we both started looking for solution. I advise you tell your husband, if he knows the situation is about him,his perception will change,but u also need wisdom in discussing this with him, u are the only one that knows ur man well, u can predict his reaction to a certain extend, so pray for wisdom.E
2. I discovered the issue was with me, I didn't find myself sexy anymore, I Had a perfect' figure 8' with flat tummy before pregnancy, now they are not as flat as they used to be and some things are going south Due to breast feeding, I staRted loving me back, went on a diet, did some exercise,got some Victoria secret "add 2 cup" bra, got some v-neck tops to reveal just a decent amount of cleavage,in a responsible way,started wearing my short skirts at home, no sleeping net on my hair around the home,little makeup...all dis to boost my self-esteem back, my hubby on his part was filthing seriousLy with me, via txt ,bbm! For us, sex started from midday with phone calls anD bbm. He was fingering my brain.
3. We introduced some fun into our sex life, a little of soft porn , some erotica novels etc...it's within the confines of our marriage...things started getting better, we were having it at odd places....our enclosed garage,on the washing machine...etc need I say I had another baby 15moths later.
So my dear, writer, take it from another woman, u can get ur groove back, relax, don't worry About anything, I used to worry, I say I can worry for the world, I'm working on putting it all at God's feet. Enjoy ur life with ur man, u have been blessed with 3 beautiful children, the best gift u can give dem is a happy, daddy n mummy.....enjoy, get sexy again...but no more babIes oooo
I

Anonymous said...

Your first stop with any sexual health
concern should be your general
practitioner, says Irwin Goldstein, MD,
director of San Diego Sexual Medicine
and editor in chief of The Journal of
Sexual Medicine. In addition to the basics, such as listening to your heart
and checking your blood pressure,
your doctor should be on the lookout
for other conditions. Your primary care doctor should do
the following. Review your medications to see if you
are taking a drug that could affect
your sex drive. Screen you for diabetes and for
depression—both can cause libido
problems. Review your overall health and your
health history. Determine whether you have pain
associated with other health
conditions, even arthritis, as this can
lower your desire for sex. Test your blood for anemia, high
cholesterol, hormonal imbalances
(including thyroid, testosterone, or
estrogen shortages), and other
underlying conditions that could be
affecting your sexual health. Ask you lifestyle questions—sleep
deprivation can have a profound
effect on sex drive, as can alcohol or
recreational drugs. Ask about your relationships and sex
life.

Anonymous said...

No be only four play, na five play!

Anonymous said...

annonumous 6.7pm i love d way u talk,and ur chioce of words tink u are hot.

Anonymous said...

madam your problems are .....
you dont love your husband,,,and you dont have any feelings for your husband any more,,
,,so work on your mind and heart first,,,from swiss

Anonymous said...

That na serious matter oh! I suffered same but mine was as result of depression from heart break which led to de hormonal reaction. But a Psychologist took care of one aspect n I was placed on hormone replacement drugs. It worked

Anonymous said...

Try royal jelly.I personally experienced loss of feelings after My baby until I started taking. It.In about three months or so.you should experience. A better feeling.All the best!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Go see your Doctor...and please love DO NOT TELL your husby! Men can b funny at times!

Anonymous said...

gosh look at me always praying to God to see if i can reduce d way i get wet and feel horney all d time especially anytime i hear dick or get a nasty text message frm friends,or see sex pics or even mistaking touch my clit or nipples i wil just get turned on and someone somwhere is getting dry,wel maybe cos i hv nt gotten to her age or have babies but i just got scared through dis mail and wil stop praying to God for that cos i nw see is a problm to others who dnt get wet, my dear i tink u should travel and gv ur hubby lk 1 or 2weeks break by d time u cm bck ur whole body wil be looking for sex and maybe by Gods grace u wil neve go bck to ur former dryness position again just try it cos d more he enters u when u dnt feel a tin d more u hate sex.

Anonymous said...

my dear am going tru d same thing, after i caught him wit another woman and we later reconciled,i lost my libido for 2 years now.something must hav made u 2 loose intrest in sex.am stil praying dat mine should come back bcos after dat incidence my lov 4 him waxed cold.so wen d lov is no more there it can happen like dat.me i hav been pretending all these years.continue 2 pray my dear.

Anonymous said...

You forced yourself on her? Is this common in Nigeria?

Anonymous said...

Have your hormone levels checked

Anonymous said...

Well said @ sasha fierce

topeorekoya.blogspot.com said...

sex can be boring when its done almost very day.

topeorekoya.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Hmmmmmmm you are definitely sick in the head for a response like dis. Lwkmd

deyon said...

What exactly dont you enjoy about sex,is it the foul play, d penetration or both? Iam asking becos if its just penetration i.e not really feeling him inside you,you might have a slacked virgina (which is common after childbirth)you might need to do some kegel exercise to tighten it,you might also need some of those creams that help tighten it. If its the whole act of sex you dont enjoy anymore,then it might be more of an emotional problem,like you resenting your husband for somethings or you not liking your body anymore.
Only you can really determine what the problem is and try to get some help based on it,all the best.

Anonymous said...

God is watching you as u are typing dis sinful advice.
May HE forgive u.

Anonymous said...

Chwoiiiiiiiiiiii you guys will not kill me with laughter ooopoooooo. Which one is four play. Pls its FORE PLAY.

Segun said...

@Anonymous 7:04 PM. God bless you. You too much. Kudos to you. I'm sure many women would learn from your experience.

Anonymous said...

Hello.dear I think you meant to write FORE PLAY and not foul play. Please always proof read before uploading. Lol

Anonymous said...

Same here.going through the same thing.can't tell no one. Never achieved orgasm through sex in my life.hubby is also d 2nd guy I slept with.I pretend in bed or just pretend not to be in the mood. I don't have kids yet and its worrisome.had sex with the 1st guy only once.ders no yardstick to measure if it's hubby that has issues or me. Just a terrible place to be. Still very young though.

Anonymous said...

I'm nt judging u o but how can u pray and fast to have orgasm as an unmarried babe?
SEX OUTSIDE MARRIAGE IS A SIN &it seems u are making a mockery of GOD by asking him to bless ur sexual exploits.
Hmmmmmmmmmm...........

Anonymous said...

WOW! LIB readers got a lot of sex therapists. Interesting>>

Anonymous said...

Thank you boyfriend. You are not far from the truth. Poverty makes the cunt dry. But money makes it wet. I love u baby. But for the records I am happily married with a five year old child.lol.

Anonymous said...

...I enjoy sex buh I aint getting none! Very depressed! When am I going to have sex like everyday in my life? I regret not cohabiting during my uni days! Now I feel like my pussy is wasting away at 26,or is it when am 62 action will start? Lonely&horny ashley

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with Anonymous August 23, 2012 5:54 PM. You can try soaking in the bath with aromatherapy oil before any act and try different area in the house.

Best of luck

Unknown said...

I agree with you all the way.

Gb09 said...

Wetin we no go hear for this blog. Foul play + four play = go back to school GBAM!!!

inogetnamejare said...

7;31pm i thought i was the only one who gets horny all the time,hmmn am tired self. my boyfriend has stoped making love to me d way he used to, and am really worried ill cheat on him sooner or later. he stooped saying sweet words which i love ..mchew some men sha! when i saw one of the comments a guy wrote here my head was just swelling that i wish this was my own man enhh... god help us horny women!

Anonymous said...

Get female libido boosters from www.zeevirtualmedia.com

Anonymous said...

yes im going thru same things,its crazy.wat do we do

Anonymous said...

I married a man i didn't really know and date and now that I've barely been married for 2 years I cannot stand to be in the same place as my husband, sex is a chore and i always have my back turned to him and my eyes tightly shut. I am unhappy and have been for most of this short marriage and when I asked for a divorce he has said over his dead body. It has gotten to the stage where I wish all sorts of negative things towards him and I know it's a bad thing to feel towards anyone let alone a husband. My mental health is suffering, I am depressed most of the time and i almost lost it one day when I started screaming and tearing my hair out, breaking things in the house. I know I cannot continue like this anymore. I know this doesn't help the writer but I just needed an outlet as I'm in a place where I have no friends or family.

Frenchie said...

This is quite common you had 3 children within 5 years that means no time to rest
It might be everything ... may be you no longer love your husband but I doubt that
You didn't mention where you live if it's in Europe or the US you'll be able to find a solution more easily
Try talking to your physician first it might be hormonal then talk to your gynecologist he will be able to adress you to the appropriate therapist
Don't tell your husband obviously he wouldn't know what to do apart from filing for divorce

Anonymous said...

She doesn't want to stop having sex shez looking 4 ways to increase her desires.plus she telling her husband? No way!!! That murdering his ego belive me a guy doesn't want to hear that ure not feeling the sex.

Anonymous said...

linda dont read all this comment you are virgin oh remember, b4 you hate ur husband to be ... i think the guy has problem but she doesn't want to say it.

Anonymous said...

KEGEL sister, KEGEL...
GO and read up on it...

Anonymous said...

This is what you get when you marry a good 'saint' boy. This is a clear case of missionary style...abeg advice your husband to upgrade his software before its too late. At 32? khia, oil still dey your body na...ginger him biko, *on the floor, kitchen, car park etc but not the bedroom unless completely necessary*. Spark that dead wood abeg.

Blackknight! said...

@ Annonynous 8:22 PM - I empathize with you. Loads of women in Nigeria are in that same situation and have no significant figure to talk to.Imagine two months after marriage,sex that is meant to be enjoyed,becomes boring and requires effort.Men no longer explore and focus their life on frivolities.
This is one of the reasons why it's never good for anyone to rush or jump into marriage.We never look at the bigger picture.Thank God for this forum that gives everyone the opportunity to express their sincere inner pains even under the cover of anonymous.
I am not going to tell you to divorce your husband,but the truth is that you can't continue like this.
You have three choices to make here.You must choose one to save yourself from this emotional trauma for the worst choice you can take is not making any choice at all.
1.Change the situation ie,have a conversation with him going forward.
2.Walk away from the situation ie, divorce and don't be afraid to move on.
3.Embrace the situation ie, live with it to the extent that you are so used to it that it's no longer a problem.
I wish you the best Sweetheart. You are not alone.

Anonymous said...

Try talking to Praise Fowowe, trust me, you'll be glad you did

Anonymous said...

Weicome to the club! Don't be too hard on yourself! What u are going thru is very common and it does also happen with single girls but especially with women who have had kids like u have(3 within 5 yrs). Some times it's due to fatigue, I have 4 and it happens a lot. I have so much on my minds; kids, job, hubby, home etc, that there is no time to think or even enjoy sex. What u need is a time to relax, if u have close family, then send ur kids away when it's convenient so u can relax and have time for ur self.

Angeleyez. said...

U lack understanding.YES u can n shld pray if u r having issues with ur sex life as long as u r married. Most pple lack a close personal relationship with God so they think there r some issues dat r not "born again" enof to tell d Lord about it. Our mentality in dis part of d world doesn't help either. Honey God created sex as a bond btw couples n as a way to enjoy ur marriage n each other as well as to procreate. When issues on sex r mentioned in churches, u actually c sm pple cringe! Like sex in marriage is an abomination. Keep an open mind n yes take it to d Lord in prayer, He will lead u to pple n materials dat will help u n make u enjoy a healthy sex life just d way the Lord intented.

Anonymous said...

my lord....so many women are suffering oh. The day my wife forms orgasm, thats the day I will try burutanshi. That means WAR

Paz said...

Your reply is on point!
Just imagine o

Angeleyez. said...

I recommend a book titled THE SEXUALLY DELICIOUS MARRIAGÉ by Naura Hayden(who is a christian). I once read dat sex is 60% mind n 40% physical. Cld it be u had reservations abt sex while growing up? Can it be u resent ur hubby 4 smthing he did dat hurt u? To really enjoy sex u have to clear ur mind. Concentrate more on intimacy.hug,kiss,fondle n try going out more with ur hubby. It can be long walks 2geda or an eatery or wherever. Try to rekindle ur love n things with fall in2 place n pray! Pray n pray some more. The spiritual controls d physical after all. Goodluck!

Anonymous said...

Bad boy but kinda tru...Says Aduntos Via Metropcs LG Fone.

Anonymous said...

OK, I'm a man, married with 3kids. And I've not experienced it so bad with my wife but we have had our moments where my wife just wasn't feeling me. I think that cycle just might be normal.
However, I think it’s worse when a woman goes through it alone as that will just makes the experience worse off. So it’s important to be able to talk about it in a non-stressful /non conflict way.
Fact of the matter is, I don't enjoy Intercourse knowing my wife didn't enjoy it. My wife pleasure really heightens my pleasure. As such we always communicate about this.
Whenever she is getting into such a spot, we talk about it and make the changes necessary together to make things better for us. This kinda ends up meaning I'm willing to try a whole bunch of things, which may include taking a short break or just doing something romantic but non sexual (e.g. just cuddling without intercourse, or kissing and smooching several times in the course of the day, a foot rob, give her a bath, make her a cup of tea). Sometimes (actually I think often), it just is tension bugging the woman down or she is just bored of doing same ol thing so often. So, anything that will help lift the tension and get her relax will help.
Please note, nothing can really be done if the woman don't love the man no more or the man is a selfish lover who doesn't give two pins except getting his rocks off.
Finally, please pray together as a couple always. It helps. Take turn praying for each other.

Annonymous said...

My dear visit fifi's shop @ oniru plaza opposite oniru market and ur sexual problem is solved.it's called safia ventures

Anonymous said...

Go and read 50 shades of grey!

Mz Tee said...

Anon 7:04pm, I was going to write that! But seeing that someone else also went thru my experiences and came out somewhat differently makes me feel I'm not alone! I neva told my hubby, but I knew I had to work it out myself! I did, thru God's help and finding that one thing that made u fall in love. Loving urself all over again, and not giving ur children all of ur attention! Give him 60%!!! U wd get ur groove back!

Dr. Pinch said...

Must Nigerians bring God into everything? Pray to God to help u enjoy sex. Hia! e no get wetin I no go hear for this blog ooo LMAO. Madam get a therapist and sort it out with ur husband.

guzy said...

My dear in ur own case it ȋ̊§ simply a phsychological problem dat comes wit child birth, guess it came wit ur last pregnancy, with tym U̶̲̥̅̊ wil get over it, it take some people yrs, it tuk me 2yrs to come out of mine after my baby, with d help of a phsycologist cus my husband was irritating me den, so pls visit one, it ȋ̊§ well.  dnt knw y some talk rubish even wen D̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ knw its a serious issue

SMH said...

I agree with u but d only issue I differ on is spirituality. Once pple hear prayers n sex, d repulsive image of "holy holy" emerges. Do u realise dat sex is a spiritual as well as physical act? Havnt u heard abt transference of spirits during sex? As controversial as divorce in christiandom is, why do u think adultery is 1 of d grounds where divorce reluctantly is an option? Do u think it's bcos of d broken trust or just bcos it's a sin? No! After all lying, stealing etc r all sins but u can't base a divorce on them. Sex btw couples bind their spirits to become 1 in d spirit realm n only death or adultery can break dat bond bcos d 2 spirits r no longer united. Deep, isn't it? Spiritual things in a physical world usually r. This problem shld be tackled both ways. U can't abandon d physical then fast n pray n anoint n speak in tongues, it wldnt work. It may even piss ur hubby off. Both realms must be dealt with.

Anonymous said...

Lmao so on point

Anonymous said...

Money makes d pussy wet!!.Luvin dat quote sweetie

Anonymous said...

Whoa!!! I can't wrap my head around this nonsense of advice,, are you for real? Do think you will be give your kids this advice in all honesty? I am sorry for whoever your spouse is ie if you have one. Shame on you.

Anonymous said...

God created sex, do he definitely knows how to help the matter.i see sex with my husband as a worship to God, that is how it should be. She needs to change things a bit and make love , not sex with her husband.

Anonymous said...

lol...*funny*

Anonymous said...

Tink she needs to see a doc. There r drugs for it. Also u need to introduce pre-sex stuff like intense smooching, bj, heading,fingering, etc just to get u real wet n aroused. Meanwhile, lmao at: dat marriage is dead!!! Lolz

Anonymous said...

Laff wan tear my belle! Typin frm my new ipad3 wifi

Anonymous said...

My hubby killed my own libido by his reluctance to hv sex. Most times i hv to make trouble wt him b4 we hv sex......& he denies any form of infidelity.

Anonymous said...

Money can make a gal wet buh can neva make her cum! I'm 23 yrs of age n my sex life is very active but I v neva had an orgasm

Anonymous said...

Sadly, this is common amongst women but on varying degrees of severity. I've been there. After 2 kids and 6 years of marriage, I lost interest in sex with my husband. Whereas I was almost a nympho some years back. I regret to say I had a short affair and concluded that I still loved sex. The problem was between my husband and I. He had noticed my lack of interest and had started complaining. I resolved to work at it. I spoke to him about it and he kind of stepped up too by paying more attention to my sensitive parts. We read erotic novels, watch porn together, go for romantic get a ways etc. Thank God he is still crazy about my body. Its hard work sometimes, and it can be tiring but we are at a better place. I miss the days when I used to be ever ready for sex but life happens.

Anonymous said...

i am so sure i can help you. i did help my cousin who lost the zeal after child birth. I am no god or lesbian but i know a womans body very well because i studied it in other to ensure i orgasm via penetration and enjoy sex to the fullest because it is the only thing that is meant to enjoyed freely and at will. when last did anything that give us so much pleasure cost nothing? think about it. i will mail Linda so if you are interested mail her then she can give you my contacts. Trust me i have helped lots and lots of women and i have gotten good referrals by other women. It is totally free, i experienced it and want other to do same.

Anonymous said...

Lmao. Una no go kill me here with laugh o. Poverty indeed makes the cunt dry and money makes it wet.

Anonymous said...

Yes you can ask God anything reasonable.she is married and not fornicating, besides, that was the second intention of sex by God which is to provide intimacy

Anonymous said...

Hey there.im 26 and experienced this after childbirth.i think it's absolutely normal.youve got to give ur self some time and also tell ur hubby so he can be patient with u.but with men u still have to satisfy them so sometimes u just have to get thru it even when u r not interested.be prayerful dnt mind Sasha she's not married so doesn't know better.God is indeed our father n u can talk to him bout anything. Good luck with it all.also use jelly to hop u stay wet down there.blessings

Anonymous said...

I think you are so right on this! Cos so many men don't bother asking their patner about thier sex life , especially After a few years on... They just assume that the woman is ok with thier performance or sex life! Both patners need to talk to each other or see a physcologist or sex therapy In this particular case

Anonymous said...

Foul play ke! Thanks for the correcting ! Lmao

amina said...

Have been in similar situation before and I was about the same age as yours. I discussed this with my Doctor, he said it's due to hormonal change in women after having kids, you should check the kind of contraceptive you are using some of them reduce libido. Your state of mind matters as well, don't over work yourself especially with the kids. You can also fantasize on the part love making you enjoyed with your hubby this really helped me. I am sure you will get over it onces you have your hormone in place. Don't sweat it too much or you make it a big deal...It happens to all women , and very normal

Unknown said...

go ask google....lol

Anonymous said...

you can use libido enhancers and vagina tightening creams. Visit www.cumright.in to get some

Brian said...

You can visit my blog for articles. Also, there are books which you can read when you visit my blog. They are written by women who have vast experience on improving sex life. Don't get it twisted, you can give a try.


http://improveyoursexualife.wordpress.com
Goodluck.

krystalkameleon said...

It's actually a medical condition. Talk to a doctor about it. Here are some causes and treatment options: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/female-sexual-dysfunction/DS00701/DSECTION=causes

Just like men get erectile dysfunction, so also do women have their own wahala

KayB said...

Ladies, there IS such a thing called "learning your body." I often hear women say that they've never had orgasms or they just don't enjoy sex at all. I am a firm believer that no matter what, you must first be mentally attracted to your chosen partner. i.e, I love tall, dark, strapping, handsome, INTELLIGENT men. Because of my profession, I am exposed to getting approached by all different types of men. However, I look at the ones that are very good looking but I don't find mentally attractive as "eye candy." The ones that are what I like, I look at them & say, nice to myself but, I got one like you already...so I am satisfied. This leaves me no room to yern for another man other than the one I've got. The mental attraction will keep you satisfied & enhances your sexual appetite. Yes, it is in fact studied & proven that if you are not mentally attracted to a person, after a while your sex life will go dead. Physical attraction fades with time.

Now ladies here is what those of you who can't obtain an orgasm or don't enjoy sex lack. You NEED TO EXPLORE & LEARN YOUR BODY. FIND OUT WHERE YOUR SPOTS ARE. If you are a woman who is or has waited a while to experience sex, you should have been masterbating before then. You should never rely on a man to please you by himself. Your mind should be helping his motions to please you. It's natural for a woman to look in the mirror & love herself first. & say, damn if I were a guy I would want me. More often you would become very intuned with you body and want to explore on your own. Within this process you will learn exactly where to put your fingers when you want to relieve yourself. So when you are ready to be with a man, the second his penis touches those spots, you are having instant & massive orgasms. For some of you (including myself), you were raised under strict religious or superstitious beliefs. So it may have damaged your mind to the point of thinking that the things to which would turn you on are wrong. I must admit that's how I felt in my teenage years. It wasn't until I heard all of my friends who had already started having sex talk about how good it was that I was determind to not follow them (because I wasn't ready) but, to no longer dismiss my urges to touch myself. I remember constantly asking for forgiveness after each experience until my GYN told me how effective & normal my exploration was. Some of those friends who started having sex before me are now complaining of dryness, lack of orgasms, & just being discouraged to proform due to these factors. While others have learned from me sharing my experiences with them through girl talks. I became an expert after that talk with my GYN. Which has now made me a true "lady in the streets but a freak in the bed." Get a collection of sexy bedroom high heel shoes, outfits, frequent hair style changes, etc. The outfits & hair style changes makes men feel like they are with a different woman ever so often. Men get excited for the show you put on & you in turn get excited in seeing them being teased & being pleased by you. When you know your body you can instruct your spouse as to, where to touch, & basically how they are to do you in bed. Oh, another thing DON'T BE AFRAID OF SWITCHING UP YOUR POSITIONS. YOU WILL GET TIRED OF THE QUOTE ON QUOTE "GODLY, POSITIONS" (which is absolutely absurd).
Quite frankly, men have no clue as to where your spots are until YOU tell them. Because each woman is different. Best wishes!

Beauty in DC said...

"Thanks for the correcting"?!?! Did u mean 'correction'? Ummmm...ibon mistress, from one ibon 2 another...I bow 4 u oooo...ROFLMAO

Anonymous said...

The average girl has her first sex at age 17 and by 19 she is already in a sexually active relationship. Now if that 19yr old has say 3 sex sessions each week and we know each session would contain more than one round,so let's say each week she has an average of 5rounds of sex then for a year (minus xmas and new yr) she would hav had sex 250times!
Fast forward to age 32 that's 13yrs of active sex...meaning a sexually active 19yr old girl would have had sex 3250 times when she becomes 32yrs...how her libido nor go Vanish?
its simple,SAY NO TO PRE-MARITAL SEX
If you keep yourself until you get married about 25yrs then ur libido would just be drying out when you enter menopause...
Do the right thing and you will get the right result.

Go see a Real Doctor...

P.s linda do the right time and post this comment

Anonymous said...

@blackknight - thank you so much for this. I know doing nothing is the worst I could do - I guess letting out on here is the first step in making a firm decision. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

MY DEAR PLEASE DO NOT BLAME URSELF. IT IS NOT AS UNCOMMON AS U THINK. I AM A DOCTOR, AND THIS HAPPENS TO ROUGHLY 20% OF WOMEN POSTPARTUM. UNFORTUNATELY, NO PILL CAN JUST ERASE THIS "PROBLEM" YET...ALTHO THERE IS ONE BEING CLINICALLY RESEARCHED, BUT NOT YET APPROVED.

MOST OF THE TIME, IT IS MORE PSYCHOLOGICAL THAN ANYTHING. DO U GET HELP AROUND THE HOUSE OR DO U DO ALL THE HOUSE CHORES/TAKING CARE OF THE KIDS/ETC ALONE? IF U DO IT ALL ALONE, CONSIDER GETTING A HELP BECAUSE EXHAUSTION/STRESS CAN DECREASE LIBIDO GREATLY. YOU MAY ALSO HAVE ANXIETY, DEPRESSION OR POST PARTUM DEPRESSION(MAYBE UNLIKELY SINCE U SAID UR LAST CHILD IS OVER YR OLD)? ALL THESE MAY BE RELATIVE STRESSORS.

FOCUS ON UR MIND AND TRY AND FIGURE OUT IF THERE IS ANYTHING GOING ON THAT MAY BE STRESSING U OUT. REMEMBER, FOR SOME WOMEN, ENJOYING SEX POSTPARTUM DOESNT JUST HAPPEN AS SMOOTHLY AS WE'D WANT INTIALLY. INSTEAD OF WISHING FOR HIM TO HURRY UP AND FINISH QUICK, TRY THINGS THAT MAY HELP U GET IN THE MOOD. TOYS, SEXY LOUNGERIES, ROLE PLAY, SEXY FASHION SHOWS, SEX GAMES....I KNOW IT MAYBE HARD TO ADJUST AT FIRST, BUT FORCE UR MIND TO LIKE IT...IE CONVINCE URSELF THAT U LOVE WHAT U ARE DOING AND PSYCH URSELF UP ABOUT IT, AND EVENTULLY, U MAY TRANSITION INTO ENJOYING IT AGAIN.

IN ALL THINGS PRAY ABOUT IT ALSO. YES, GOD DOES ANSWER "THOSE KIND OF PRAYERS" TOO.

GOOD LUCK TO U, AND I HOPE EVERYTHING WORKS OUT WELL FOR U.

Anonymous said...

As in eh
Chai
Notin women no go suffer 4 dis world
*speechless*


Naby...!!!

Anonymous said...

Dat means u raped her, u shud be reported.
Anyway, sorry, datz y its good to have sex with ur spouse b4 u two get married...
Anyway, its jst 1month, she'l soon get over it.
Giv her som time b be patient, @ least she was a virgin.

Naby...!!!

Anonymous said...

You love him?
If yes, then seek a professional help.
If no, then that is where the problem lies.

Anonymous said...

It's not her fault. It happens to me as well. Although i don't enjoy sex before but my husband liked sex seriously. It got to a time when he started complaining of my libido .But my own problem is tht his manhood is so big tht made me afraid of having sex but since i don't hv any choice i prayed over it nd sooner i got used to it.To God be d Glory now 3 kids still together.

Anonymous said...

if most women are to be honest we will admit its happened to us. pls when u find a solution post it enh

Anonymous said...

these men get boring and monotonous. and its made worse with them feeling that as ur hubby they are the best thing to ever make love to u. my dear sorry you hear. i beg me too im tired and bored joo.

Jay said...

I'm a man and I must tell you that you should NOT in any way try or even think of having sex with another man.Don't lose your home my dear.

This problem may be from your husband as well and not just you as everyone has been saying.Ask yourself,is he still the sexy handsome guy that appeals you before marriage? or has he grown out of proportion having big belly that you don't like? has he changed in any way physically that pisses you off? You should know how to fix things together.Tell him how you want him to look.

Have you tried masturbating and see if you still can make yourself cum? Do you get wet down there or need lubricants? Are you not comfortable with your body? Did you had a bad time during the delivery of your last child that affects you mentally?.You have to think and figure out the problem and fix it please.Don't let the thoughts get you depressed or affect your emotions towards your family.

To enjoy sex,you have to be mentally and physically attracted to your partner.You can love someone and not attracted sexually (Siblings,friends,relatives in this case) and it can happen between partners too.You can be sexually attracted to someone and not love them (paid sex,one night stand,friends with benefit... in this case).In a love relationship,you have to love them and be sexually attracted to eachother in order to enjoy the whole package of LOVE/MARRIAGE.

That is why you should not try to cheat.You will eventually select a man that you are sexually attracted to.He will please you and you will get confused whether to keep cheating,divorce,or fix things.Instead,get your husband on the groove you would enjoy.Don't pretend to him saying it happens to your friend.You can't expect him to give a much concerned attitude towards "my friend is not enjoying sex with her husband".Someone that he don't even know or cares about.He can only think over it and give a sensible approach if he knows that the fire is burning from inside his home.NOT just an unknown fellow.

Don't be shy to discuss sexual issue with your husband.You both can only have a lasting solution to the problem.And note that this is just my own advice.You may consider consulting a professional.

If your husband is the type that will go extra step to satisfy you sexually or open to try new things.You can introduce him (if you don't use it before) to products like :

Durex Play Tingling
Durex play utopia female arousal gel (lubricant)
Durex play vibration ring (This product can consume its battery within 30min.you may want to go to an adult shop to get a kind of ring that you can change the battery so you won't be wasting money buying new rings.Spice up your sex life my dear.Even if you get this issue fixed either medically or through therapy.STILL SPICE IT UP !!!

*** In Durex's voice *** only you and your partner can ultimately decide what's right for the both of you...

Anonymous said...

Watch porn, if it doesn't work, watch more porn and think of the good sex u had previously. Asj

Somborri said...

May God forgive you for that statement. It is obvious u r not a Christian, else u would have known the power of prayer.

Somborri said...

Don't mind those unbelievers who know nothing about prayer.

Ziba! said...

How can someone say "pray and ask the Holy Spirit to help you get real orgasm"??? Clearly this is not a spiritual issue. Her husband and her seem to have lost the essence of their friendship. I mean she couldn't even tell him that she doesn't enjoy sex anymore and he hasn't been sensitive enough to see that he's banging someone that's got zero interest in sexual relations with him. Infact, it's not just insensitive, it's selfish of him to just want to his own pleasure and not seek to please her too (but then that's what most men do even my own husband).

Wo babes, try to work on your friendship with your hubby. Get more playful with him. If he has hurt you in the past, let it go cuz I think you may have some resentment towards him. This marriage thing is so not easy esp in this our age where everyone is so selfish!

***Lush said...

When you say "[you] don't enjoy sex anymore", is it that you are not horny (little or no libido)?? Or is it that sex itself is not enjoyable??

Those are two different things.

The first could be a hormonal imbalance. Meaning that your female hormones are low (which can happen after birth; every birth is different as I'm sure you know). A hormonal imbalance is NOT YOUR FAULT. It is normal after pregnancy and child birth.

Please talk to your doctor about it. If the doctor doesn't take you seriously, then try another. Preferably a woman that has also had children.

If your case is the second -- sex is not enjoyable -- that one is between you and your husband oo. Natural delivery can affect the size of a woman's vagina. (The vagina is a muscle, and it stretches really wide to let the baby out.) Maybe yours didn't return to its former size so you don't feel pleasure anymore. Maybe your body is so different, your husband needs to change his style. Maybe you both need more 'adventure' in the bedroom.

Either way, try talking to your doctor first.

If all else fails, try K-Y Jelly!!!

IVORY CHI said...

THAT COMMENT IS STUPID

SO MANY PEOPLE GET MARRIED EARLIER THAN 25...I JUST CANT DEAL WITH SUCH IGNORANCE.

Anonymous said...

I pray nobody in my family and generation ever marry someone like you in Jesus name.

Olofo like you

Anonymous said...

Fuck someone else. That should help

Francis said...

From the post and comments have read so far its evident alot of nigerian women fake orgasms,Remember the very day you both said your vows for better for worse for richer for poorer,Mam sincerely i see absolutely no reason why your problem is on this page when the very person who is involved as well and who can lend a helping hand is right there with you.If you cannot tell your husband the truth about this situation then your vows mean absolutely nothing to you,Also if your husband cannot be a man and understand the situation of things then his vows mean absolutely nothing to him as well. From everything have read so far this is obviously a psycological problem which simply needs that you create alot more avenues to make things work not just for you but for him as well .Take a break from sex and start falling all over in love with him again,It simply just has to do with your psych nothing else.

Anonymous said...

I think you are so right on this! Cos so many men don't bother asking their patner about thier sex life , especially After a few years on... They just assume that the woman is ok with thier performance or sex life! Both patners need to talk to each other or see a physcologist or sex therapy In this particular case

Anonymous said...

God will help u dear. b prayerful

AKIJA said...

Go watch hot blues u ll enjoy sex again

Anonymous said...

You are in a critical situation which need immediate attention, which I believe is more about your psychological reasoning which you have build over time and presently is affecting you in a negative way. You are still young to have an active sex cos some at your age bracket just got married and you believe such person will quit so easily. You are among those that believe sex is nothing but to borne children, this psychological reasoning is affecting such people in this category and I want you to see sex more than rearing children.
You should know that having sex with hubby makes you more closer to his heart cos that is the intimate thing that get you humans of opposite sex(Male/female)more closer
Honestly to get yourself away from this mess just pray and please be more romantic. Thank you. Johnnie

Anonymous said...

Use wisdom to tell your husband your sensitive area, and encourage him to have a foreplay with you before penetrating. Above all talk to God about it.

Anonymous said...

Madam, U need to see a Gynaecologist to rule organic cause, a sex therapist and a Psychologist. A common problem indeed.

Demasi4 said...

Prayer may be the least for now. First ur doctor and at ur free time get urself busy with love materials like raw sex magazines, adult firms etc. Also always have enough i mean long time romance both sucking and fingering before sex.

Anonymous said...

Her case is also psychological and if she believes in total faithfulness, the only thing to do is tell herself that the rekindling fire outside is not her portion.
Whatever was her source of fire before should be repossessed through a candid and respectful discussion with her husband. She can also tell the man how to help her.

Anonymous said...

Hello dear,you need time away from your husband. You are actually suffering postpartum depression and i know this because i had the same problems a while back. Also i believe you may have some unresolved anger directed at our spouse for some perceived grievances that were not expressed. The build up of negative feelings leads to aversion of his person not only sexually. My advice is pray, have fun and channel positive feelings in everything you do. And learn how to express yourself verbally before you implode ;).

Anonymous said...

Yes it happens at time like dt ,mostly when u are not happy with ur husband or when u are veing stress from the little baby and ur husband is not been helpful .u will feel like not been loved and u will not want to love back.But in all dis u ve to pray to God to restore ur for him.I will advice u read THE power OF PRAYING WIFE.it helps me.

Anonymous said...

I think u need to see a therapist with ur husband and u need to take some time to re evaluate what really attracts you in your husband so you guys can start dating afresh, this is a really serious issue and should be discussed out of your home maybe take a vacation together or a family retreat, May almighty GOD see u through.

Anonymous said...

URE GOD'S CHILD...GOD IS CERTAINLY INTERESTED IN EVERYTHING THAT CONCERNS YOU...INCLUDING UR SEX LIFE..HE WAS D ONE WHO MADE IT SO ANYWAY..SO IF THERE'S A PROBLEM,WHY WONT HE FIX IT..TALK TO HIM HUN

Anonymous said...

annonymous 10.35 imagine what u are typing how can u always be getting wet and neve cm?how possible is that are u ok?cos whenever u are wet and dnt cm u can neve be urself or comfortable nt to talk of all ur life?my dear visit a doctor unles u hv water runing out of there which u mistaken for wetness.

Anonymous said...

annonymous 10.35 imagine what u are typing how can u always be getting wet and neve cm?how possible is that are u ok?cos whenever u are wet and dnt cm u can neve be urself or comfortable nt to talk of all ur life?my dear visit a doctor unles u hv water runing out of there which u mistaken for wetness.

Anonymous said...

but i stil wonder y a woman wil fake orgnism and her man wil nt knw?cos for me anytime am nt horny or wet my boyfriend wil knw infact i wil be so dry that even a stick of broom wil nt enter me nt to talk of a finger,d road wil be totaly close unless i become wet,but through all d coments i hv read here i hv learn alot and nw i knw and seriously believe women's body are really different,all d best my dear i tink if i can learn frm all d coments here u too who hv d advice wil also do goodluck.

Anonymous said...

This situation aint good, wish you the best and pray to God about it. There is a program i watch on dstv but not sure if they still show it now but it's titled Dr. 90210 and a lady complained to a doctor about this situation too and what he did was he gave her a shot( an injection)around the walls of her vigina and it was for her vigina to become a lil sensitive and also make her have orgasms easily too. There should have a website or something you can find with the help of google. Good luck!!!

Anonymous said...

It has happened to me too and i'm over it now, thanks to Forever living products multi maca. I have been married for about 12 years now and have 3 kids, the youngest being 15 months as well. If you want it, contact me on 08126578395, it truly works

Anonymous said...

I think he's got a point there... Men cheat anyways. A lil bit of rough handling won't b a bad idea...(Rough neck brada) Horny as I speak#okbye

Unknown said...

take the viagra equivalent for women.....if there's such a thing. i' ve heard lobsters are really good though.

Anonymous said...

I used to feel like that until recently. TRY READING THE 50 SHADES TRILOGY. It helped me

the white enchantress said...

lol....@ 2nd anon 5:39 my apologies didn't mean to be rude. but just like your hubby, a lot of us pass judgment so quick without trying to figure out who is behind the story.its funny how he said it without thinking twice...... guess you have a lot on your mind which leaves you tensed most times.try and relax, its not easy but you will get there

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with Blacknight! I have lost interest in sex with my husband (I have three children) because he does not provide for us. I can't even bear for him to touch me. But with my boyfriend, it is a different ball game. I get wet just thinking of him and our sex is always explosive. I have tried to feel guilty about having an affair but I just can't. I guess libido with women depends on how well the man treats and provides for her.

Anonymous said...

U Re SO ON POINT.. POVERTY Makes a PUSSY DrY .. I Love U is not enof at all. Always prove d LoVE

Anonymous said...

Eat too much EWEDU, it makes the pussy always wet..

Anonymous said...

I'm 38 and I'm a single and well-to-do man and this is the main reason why I have refused to get married and will probably never get married.

Sex is often extremely great until you get married. People don't often know that your wedding day will probably be the happiest day of your life..., Lots of people are dancing, food everywhere and the bride, dressed in gorgeous white wedding gown, attracts all the attention.

But everything goes downhill starting a couple of weeks after your wedding and even gets worse as you start having kids. You start to think about your career, about your husband's career. You start to think about how to care for your children, how to keep your home. You start to get depressed over money and worry you are not getting promoted at work. You start to feel all these pressure that you didn't feel when your husband was just your boyfriend. Some weak wives will often then lose that love they have for their husbands. Some weak husbands will then lose the fire they had for their wives.

That's real marriage for you. Marriage is very very tough and it's a journey that last forever. You keep your vows, and it lasts forever!

There are no shortcuts and that's why only real men and strong women can survive a marriage. That's why only strong men and women can make their marriage last forever without cheating on each other or committing sin.

It's truly sad because men of nowadays are weak and women of nowadays don't truly understand what makes marriage work. It takes patience. It takes prayers. It takes compromising. It takes a whole lot of energy and work on everyone's part to make a marriage last forever. A marriage will only last if you put God at the very center of your marriage; if you put God at your core.

I know a woman who once (only once) cheated on his husband about 10 years ago when they were both younger than 30 years old. And for 10 years, she has not found peace because she has a heavy burden on herself. She has a heavy burden on herself because while she wants to tell her husband what she did, she also doesn't want to lose her husband. She doesn't want her kids to leave in a separated home. She doesn't want her husband to leave. And so, she continues to bare the heavy burden in her heart. Every joy or happiness she feels is immediately followed by this anxiety she feels inside. I had no advice for her because I don't want to be blamed if her husband leaves her.

And I know a married couple (my good friends) who have been married for more than 15 years! It's not a perfect marriage, but they make theirs work because they both have patience and they are grounded in their love for each other. They argue and fight. Maybe their sex life is not even the best, but they know they have each other's back. They know they have an undying love for each other. They put God at the center of their marriage. The wife said to me yesterday that she wrote a love poem for her husband and read it to him a couple of days ago. Isn't that crazy? And this is a Naija woman??? CRAZY! I had NEVER heard of a Nigerian woman write and read a love poem to a Naija guy before! lol. Ever!! Until yesterday!

I know we all think marriage is for everyone, but it's truly only for the strong. It is truly only for those who are willing to sacrifice; those who are willing to compromise; those who are capable of staying sane in the face of insurmountable obstacle.

I'm 38 years old and I have not found myself to have all these qualities. So I remain single and loving every second of it.

Kim said...

Watch porn before sex and you will get turned on..
I used to be like that before until i found a position that suit me..you just have to find a position that will make you reach orgasm.....all the best

Ugo Chime said...

U r d only one who's made scene here!!! Plenty talking out of their asses. *smh*

Childbirth naturally affects a woman's libido, but gradually (without tension 4rm an impatient husband), it returns. Therapy will really help this couple. She also needs 2 stop faking it right away! Itz not helping her @ all, nor her husband. I think, irrespective of dat response he gave den, he cld still be more understanding wen he realises dat there r cracks in dir marriage dat his wife wants to fix. Unless he's an idiot.

Ugo Chime said...

". . . Ur husband might start cheating and u can't blame him" are u fucking kidding me?????

Anonymous said...

I gt married last yr and its happening to me! I love my husband to bits, i mean i dont think i could have married a better person. I jst dont enjoy sex, im on contraceptives tho, cud that decrease my libido?

Eze said...

I think the best thing is to give yourselves a break,practice some abstinence and get yourself engaged with something else than thinking of sex, when you abstain for a very long time, it will suddenly ring you up OR best go see your doctor and explain how you feel.I also recommend you see a marriage counselor as well.

Anonymous said...

ASK SELF DO U LOVE HIM. I WONDER, BECAUSE MOST PEOPLE SEEKING RELATIONSHIP ADVICE MOSTLY LET READERS KNOW THERE'S GENUINE LOVE FOR THEIR PARTNER. MAYBE I'M READING INTO TO THIS MORE THAN NECESSARY BUT DO U REALLY LOVE UR HUSBAND? HOPE U GET NEEDED HELP. GOOD LUCK!

Eze said...

@anon 5.59pm you are a very bitter woman @38, you are claiming for yourself NEVER to get married, look at the lengthy dissertation you wrote sef, that just goes to show you that you are very unhappy, let me tell you there are couples that are happily married out there, don't use your sorrow to spoil other people's joy.

Anonymous said...

I am 5 months pregnant and constantly sooooo horny but my bulging belly is not letting me enjoy sex well... Can anyone recommend positions that would give deep penetration to a horny preggers 27 year old?

Anonymous said...

Hello Mrs, I can really say that you don't love your husband anymore becos there is no excuse or what so ever to say that you don't enjoy with your husband. Wise up and stop deceiving yourself and him so open up now if you are seeing someone else.

Anonymous said...

my dear,i feel ur predicament but i think u create time 4 discussion btw u nd ur husband,if he has done anytin in d past 4gve nd 4get abt dm,try an ignite d love again nd evrytin shall be normal again.

Anonymous said...

Aya, there are so much natural remedies in the north that can aid. Try the ewedu that was suggested. Dates, there is something called Aya. I dnt knw the names in English but get in touch with ur northern friends or acquaintances. It is actually now the rage in the south too.

Anonymous said...

So funny.abi ♍γ̲̣̣̥ sista pls yearn back

Anonymous said...

K-Y jelly ke? Assuming her PC muscles r slack? Hmmmmm! Isn't that like adding petrol to fire? Add more lubricant to an already over expanded entry! Ps23.com. Hian!

Anonymous said...

I have heard women raising this issues on many occasion, a woman's libido is a function of her OESTROGEN level, the issue you are having is that you didn't do anything about it when you first noticed it after your first or second baby, now the juicy substance in your system that can save your marriage is finished and you need to it now so bad, anyway pls consult a Doctor fast!!! peace ADENIYI (OBALOLA)

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