Dear LIB readers: My fiance has had gay sex, does it mean he's gay? | Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog

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Friday 12 July 2013

Dear LIB readers: My fiance has had gay sex, does it mean he's gay?

From a female LIB reader
I am engaged to this guy who confessed to me just last week that he has had gay sex in the past. He actually confessed after someone else told me about it. He said he did it for money and not because he's gay. He said his former boss was into men and lured him to have sex with him and after a few romps, gave up on gay sex. He says he's 100% heterosexual but I can't get over the fact that he once let a man sleep with him. He said he was tempted by money but I don't believe any straight man would have gay sex for any reason. I don't know how to feel about this. These days whenever I see him talking to a guy, I start to imagine them having sex. A man who has had gay sex is gay, right?

277 comments:

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Anonymous said...

Oh please cut the crap! He said he HAD (past tense ) slept with a guy in the past. Why can't you guys give him the benefit of a doubt and believe it was his past? Why? He made a mistake maybe not but he is no longer sleeping with men. We all have a past. So, in my opinion believe him, forgive him, let go, and move on with your lives. He chose to be with you against all odds, that's something to consider. If you love him stay with him.

Anonymous said...

Sincerely guys,I don't think all dos comment telling her to leave d guy s d best...let me ask y'al who amongst u is free..if ucan remember asfrom d time u were a kid and all that..one way or d other u musthave done something related to being gayor whatsoever!!No1 on dis earth is 100percent straight or perfect everyone get issues..its either d tendency is there,or curiousity,or influence,so y'al stop telling her to luv..afterall for her to call him fiancee dat means d guy bangs her well which way means his good too..no marriage,relationship s perfect..Always remember u can't have 100percent in human being so my dear let go of d thought..see d good side of him,u guys marry thank goodness u guys discussed it!!what abt dos married men who still do it without their wife's knowledge?what about those married men who prefers masturbation dan d real sex?what u advice deir wife to do?run and leave him..so d better we Nigerians learn to give our fellow man advice and help the person overcome dis process d better!!no hard feelings!
Its either U have experienced it,or. Of ur siblings have so cuz of that,u should throw ur sibling away?
Think twice b4 u take ur decision!!

Anonymous said...

No. It means he is a goat and you are a mumu. When he has had gay sex with a gay sheep, then you can certify him gay. See question ooh

Thywill Be Done said...

ѠĤΛŦƐ√ƐŔ Y♡ƱŔ SṖĪŔĪŦ ĤΛS ŔƐĴƐƇŦƐD ѠĪĿĿ ßƐ DĪFFĪƇƱĿŦ Ŧ♡ ĿĪ√Ɛ ѠĪŦĤ.
It is very true that something must motivate one into adopting a particular lifestyle. But, it is also true that the real definition of a man is governed by what goes on in his mind.
We come from different backgrounds/environments and as such, our values & perceptions about life differs.
When you apply the same condition or circumstance to three different individuals you will get different results. What Mr 'A' is not even seeing as an option, Mr 'B' is giving it a second thought, whereas Mr 'C' is already enjoying it - what does that tells you? Our minds accept things base on what we feed them with. Some married women will never consider adultery as an option no matter the shortcomings from their husbands; while others will share their beds at the slightest misdeed. So, who takes the blame? TEMPTATION, right? I totally disagree... What comes out from us [especially during a prison-like-situation], determines the type of spirit that resides in us. If you can do ANYTHING for money, you are a slave to money; and the spirit that resides in you must be very terrible one.
Back to the girl, from your story, you actually hate gays, and that's makes you very uncomfortable in your relationship. I cannot absorb your guy from being a Gay. He was a Gay and MAY still be. He willingly slept with his fellow man,... he was neither drugged nor raped. I will advice you to end that relationship because, what he did defines him like a time-bomb waiting for explosion.
However, you may continue with him if he is a totally new person before men and God, otherwise let him go now!!!

Anonymous said...

A lot of lagos guys fag 4 money!!honestly I've had gaysex buh not for money..I willingly went to bed with a friend(still seeing him) and I don't regret any of my actions.baby gurl!ur guy is a honest man!infact his a saint...cos I will never admite mine even if my gurl is pointing a gun at me. A lot of str8 guys don't hate lesbos and I'm sure if u were in his shoes he wudnt contemplate marrying u let alone asking libers what to do

Nike said...

Amazing!!!! Typical Nigerians!!! All of you crucified the man that wanted to marry a woman that drinks and smokes but you are encouraging this woman to marry a faggot!!! Double standards oooooo and women are supporting!!!!

Anonymous said...

A good egg and a bad egg will make a bad omelette.ticking time bomb.run for dear life!

Anonymous said...

duh! yep he is!

fisko said...

kill ya self now

JJ said...

There are many straight men in Nigeria to choose from to be concerned about one man who has had gay sex. Drop him and find yourself a straight man. If you don't, you will always be wondering his past or what he might do in the future.

K said...

Hmmmm, I believe that he is marrying you just to cover it up. Our culture is not accepting or open to homosexuality so of course he would hide it. And lets be clear, he only admitted it because you heard it first from somewhere else. God shows you your partner before marriage, it only enhances after it. He does have sex with men now probably.

seunLondon said...

Sweeetie, your man is not necessarily gay, truth be told, an average gay will sleep with another man for money and all u girls thinking your bf is straight, i pity most of you.

Talk things over and walk out if you cant deal with is confession, remember your both working it out to be together for life...#SeunLondon

SAGE said...

Stay with your fiance!

Anonymous said...

Any Man that had Tasted KOBOKO is A GAY. NO EXCUSES. NO EXPLANATIONS. NO NOTHING. GAWD FORDID> WHICH KIND BOSS WILL OFFER MONEY FOR KOBOKO. IF THAT"S THE ONLY JOB I"D RATHER CUT OF THAN TO >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> TOOOFIAKWA. ANd i live in NYC. Naija is getting F'ed up every day

Nyhl said...

Hmmmm. Having read all thru dis comments here I wud say ur man is gay. I was once in a situation where I met a very rich gay man. He told me to mention any amount so he cud sleep with me. Despite my being broke then + being an orphan oooo, I cudn't imagine myself being with another man. I can neva in my life do such for ALL d money in d world. He looked like my saviour then but I wasn't deceived at all. I overcame d situation then cos I don't want anything that will affect my future. I believe a straight guy will always be one no matter the temptation. The worst anyman can do is to 'DO' sugar mommies for money. Abi dem don finish ni???

staff said...

He's GAY for PAY look it up it exists. IT is either he knows about gay-for-pay and is capitalizing on that to cover up for his BI CURIOSITY or it really was a case of gayfor pay. Would he have told you if you did not hear it? and who told you anyway. And he got a hardon to sleep with the man didn't he? So he had an erection meaning he was turned on in some way. Other straight boys may have planned a ploy to blackmail him for money, but yours thought he might as well give his inner desires a try.

Anonymous said...

Young Lady, the fear of God is the ability to say no to anything that is not tolerable without regret.No matter are his excuses before you, take it or you leave it, that guy is a staunch homosexual.Say no to him.

Olu said...

It would be better if the guy admits to be gay. How can he choose to do something consider alu for money. Would he do anything for money including fuck his mum. The reason why you should leave him is dat he will willingly sell his self , including you and any of your children for money. His a dangerous guy. Run. It's not his gayness dat is the problem , it's the principle of doing anything for money

Anonymous said...

Suck a cock once and u are a cock sucker for life. Linda post my comment

MA.

Anonymous said...

Nope. If he told you he did it for money, he's most likely telling the truth. Many men here, and I'm sure all over, do that for money.
Now if you suspect his gayness through other "gay" forms/act like talking, playing dress up in feminine items, being overly friendly with a man...then you have every reason to be suspicious.
For now, hold on to the fact that he's straight.

Good luck
C-Xtine

Anonymous said...

I usually don't comment... but I will say this, if you can give him a chance do it by all means. Who knows, you might be saving his lost soul. If you say no, the next girl say no, and the next... then what is to becoming of him?
it is easy for us to condemn someone to save them is the hard part. most people here are choosing to condemn him, without even giving it a moment thought

Anonymous said...

am not saying otherwise. u can 4give him if u so desire. i had sex wit my female friends as a teenage and today am married wit a child. dont think i can do dat shit again. NEVER!!!!

Anonymous said...

All sorts of possibilities here. For a start, very few people, if any, are totally straight. I can't remember the scholar who said all sexuality is constructed. He might be bisexual, and is that a problem? It could mean he has more sensitivity, and makes a better husband than the average macho man because of that. He might be covering up his sexuality by getting married. I think many people do that, and it works out well. The woman is saved the humiliation unmarried women experience, the man is protected from unsavoury gossip, and they might manage to have children and everyone is fulfilled. I believe many women are happily married to gay or bisexual men without even knowing it. You may find a closeted bi man a more satisfactory husband than the usual womanizing straight married man. As they say, my sister, life is neither here nor there.

Mrs Charming said...

omo u still dey dia dey ask? he's gay ni! run and dont look back. He can't change cos of time so y'all giving advice like 'dats in the past, if u love ur man stick to him' and the dumbest one 'a gud man is hard to find' really! dats nonsense. love, marriage or time can't change a man. its only God his maker that can. so the question here my dear girl is; is he now born again? as in has he given his life to Jesus and is he allowing the Word of God to change him. these are the ONLY way he can truly change. if he's done neither, RUN BABY RUN!!!

Unknown said...

My dear you alone knows what you can handle, use your tongue and count your teeth.

Follow my weight loss journey
Www.nellyagbogu.com

Anonymous said...

But how hypocritical can we be. If a man is gay we say o boy you better change or get 14 years in prison. Now people are advising this lady to leave her fiance because he maybe gay. People prepare you daughters and sisters because they will be helping 'our culture' to eradicate homosexuality by marrying a known gay man or a closet case. Smh

Anonymous said...

Mtscheeeew. What Are you waiting for, if you like stay until the day he asks for a threesome with a man.

Anonymous said...

A man that indulges in gay sex just for money, is nothing but a male prostitute. You dont want to be marrying such a man.

Anonymous said...

Don't do it. You could lose your life if he cheats because STD and HIV/AIDS transmission is highest among gay men and men who sleep with men, MSMs. They take more risks and expose themselves to more sexually transmitted disease when they copulate because their lifestyle is so taboo.

Anonymous said...

it depends.was he d one doing the fucking?or was he d one getting fucked.if he was the 'fucker' he may not be gay, people experiment with things out of curiosity or out of need.but if he was d one being penetrated,woman biko run!!!a man dat bends over for another man to penetrate him is a full on bitch!

Anonymous said...

Notting deep here. This man can do anything for money. Even sell his dignity as a man. What kind of person is dat. The kind u want to settle down with and have children with. Hell no!!!. I don't think his gayness or straightness is an issue here it is how far this man will go for money.check yourself o. One day he would use u or your kids for money ritual. Na u Sabi

Anonymous said...

Meehnnn i had to run and ask my hubby this q and he s response was if sumone physically point a gun to one of our two kids then and only then he can consider doing it....meaning Never!!!!!
So gaaaaaallll that man of urs is No Man...!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

As a straight man, I can say he is definitely bisexual or probably in the closet gay

nydraps said...

Omo shut up Oº°˚˚°º, do γφυ know †ђξ feel ☀̤̣̈̇f millions???...#MoneyTalks

Anonymous said...

There's no way he would have allowed a man to put a dick in his asshole no matter d condition if he doesn't hav a gay tin in him....my dear run 4 ur life cos he mite ask u for anal sex someday

Anonymous said...

D guy is gay Jor! Most of these gay pple just want to get married and hide under d name of marriage while they still do other guys. So he's trying to tell me sugar mummies finished na? And he decided to do his boss! No amount of money will make a straight guy be fucked by another! The thought of it alone is disgusting so think twice. He might be having sex with you now and pretending he likes it but will he continue when you're married? And He didn't tell u till u heard about it. Think twice

Anonymous said...

Hmmm.........the things people do for money

Anonymous said...

na slap this woman been deserve........NO o,am the gay one in this case......ODE! with 1st class mumu question

Flaurenz said...

is either he's bisexual or gay

Anonymous said...

You need Jesus

Anonymous said...

How about the disease?

Anonymous said...

My dear run for your life, pray that God will give u a decent man that will respect his body.

Anonymous said...

U are so right

Anonymous said...

Some people are so shallow minded!!
1) for the fact that he told u, he regretted it, he loves u and he won't do it again
2) he might be d fuckee (top)
3) the fact that he did it for money isn't a good reason cos that even worsen the matter

Just make him swear he won't do it again! I respect his courage.. Iv done it before and never told any of my girlfriend even my current wife..I just believe some skeletons are better be in cupboard

Anonymous said...

Iv had few blowjobs, touching and even sexy with most of my friends and trust me, they are still freaking straight and live happy moment with their gfs! Everyone had past and experience.. Lots of people commenting sef don do am bfre especially if u lived in male hostel lol

Anonymous said...

Well I guess its easy for us to sit where we are and comment 'he is gay, he aint gay' when we aint in the situation. Tins happen in this world dt sometimes it seems we donot have a choice other than to cave in. And for those of u who sit and pass judgment sayin he is gay and there is no excuse for having sex with a fellow guy, pray that u don't get to a dire state where tins like this stand between u and ur dreams, then u would knw what it means to b gay. But until then, I dnt tink majority of u r in any position to give advice

Anonymous said...

The fact that you had to find out by people telling you before he owned up raises a red flag, he is either GAY or bisexual but just wants to get married to cover his tracks and have kids, he wants to get married to cover up, did u expect him to say he still had sex with men? Of course not! So he had to play the victim and use the ex male boss sex for cash line! For other pple to know it must have gone on for a while and with a number of pple,go ahead and marry him if u can honestly live with a bisexual man, if not RUN 4 UR LIFE!

Anonymous said...

MY DEAR IF YOU GET SENSE PLEASE DROP THE MAN AND MOVE ON , PERSON WAY FIT SLEEP WITH MAN COS OF MONEY GO SLEEP WITH DOG OR GOAT EVEN CHICKEN IF THEM GIVE AM GOOD OFFER $$$$ , LOL YOU BE ODE MOST YOU EVEN ASK FOR ADVICE BEFORE YOU DECIDE FOR YOUR SELF WAKEUP, AM SO 100% SURE SAY NO BE HIM FIRST TIME BE THAT HIM DONE DE DO AM SINCE , PLEASE GO DO HIV TEST LOL WAKEUP U DONE DE JONZ

Anonymous said...

Bullshit! Guys walk Ʊp 2 mε̲̣̣̣̥ & will β̣ε̲̣̣̣̥ like "dude Ʊ ɑ̤̥̈̊rε̲̣̣̣̥ rε̲̣̣̣̥ɑ̤̥̈̊ll¥ cute" & will want 2 talk mε̲̣̣̣̥ into this ship. Guess what i say 2 them? F**k Ʊ. Linda if Ʊ don't post m̶̲̥̅̊y̶̲̅ comment, F**k Ʊ 2.


Blunt Ibo boy.

Anonymous said...

Ask ur boo d role him play 4 d tb sex..wedA na TOP abi na bottom???if na TOP, na him b say d oga lure am(cos dos dat fag 4 money ToP only) bet if na bottom or verse him play.na him be say ur man na bisexual...una say make gays no marry,una still dey tell d girl make she no marry d guy??na wa o! Dat na wickedness na!!!am bi.my girl dey suspect me and my guy like seriously bet me no go ever ever admite say I dey do am...even if she catch us I go say na play..lmao!!

Anonymous said...

#capsoff

Anonymous said...

You are a lesbian...hoo haa!

Anonymous said...

All these girls telling you to leave your man will probably snatch him up in a second. Don't let the world tell you what God and your heart should tell you. If you love him and he loves you, then you'll build a beautiful life together. Does he satisfy you in bed? If yes, then I don't know what you're worried about. Would you be asking the same question about a man that confesses to have been a serial womanizer or a Yahoo boy in the past? Just go down on your knees in prayer. You'll get the answer loud and clear. God bless you my sister and don't forget that Jesus loved and forgave Mary Magdalene, a former harlot.

Anonymous said...

that man is as gay as they come...like many people have pointed out here...what if he gets broke again?...so what next?..have a threesome with a dog and a goat for some $$$$????

Anonymous said...

Dear Lady,
1. The fact that your boyfriend sex with his boss for money does not make him gay.
2. For money in this context means he can't afford to loss his job at that particular point in time. We all we differing coping stress strategies; a case in point few female students forced to sleep with their lecturer to avoid spill over cos she can't financial afford extra year. Does yielding to that make her a prostitute etc.
3. If your fiance had had sex with several male you may conclude that is gay.
4. If you feel that you forever judge him by his past n not by the content of his character you let him go.
5. Gal u got a gud guy go for him, what if he had deny the allegation I guess u won't b asking this question.
6. There is a lot more to being gay than sex. Gays knows how to convert a lot of straight guys using different antics n most guys that fall for it are not remote gay. Trust me am gay, your man sounded like one that was tricked into it cos of his desperation.
Cicero,
Abuja

Anonymous said...

He is definitely not gay. At most he is bicurious cos of the circumstance he found himself- he was lured in by his boss- an authority figure not his mate.


Who repeatedly forced him to have sex with him; it happening in our tertiary institutions.

Rather he his the victim, he needs your empathy and not your holier than thou judgemental attitude.

Gal go marry you man, with what he's being through you need to stand by him cos people don't believe dat men can be raped, sexual molested n assaulted by their fellow men. It happening all around n men by nature are too embarrassed to open up.

CECIRO

Anonymous said...

EFFC means EVERY FACE COMMITS CRIME....95 out of 100 people on this blog has one gays stuffs...either bj, masturbation, holding his friends dick while sleeping, having a crush on a guy even without letting him know, madturbating having a guy in mind, in the hostel or in the prison etc.....even those saying whether sugar mommies had finished, remember that those sugar mommies majority of them re wives to men. Having sex with a sugar mommy is a very bigger taboo becos, u re killing the husband of the sugar mommy, u re separating the wife from the husband, and the Bible says that what God joins together, let no man put asunder.

So what am trying to say s that, if u want to know people who re gays, if u see anyone that will castigate gay and tell u to kill a gay person if u see him, that person is gay, u need to watch him closely. 99% of girls re lesbo and we know it....many girls here re crushing on Linda. Lets stop deceiving ourselves, there re many gays especially in Ngeria, even the senate that is talking of 14 years, many of them are gays. Many of u commenting here, ur siblings re even worst gays which many of u knows. Hardly u find 100% straight guys in Nigeria. Look at even the one saying that no amount will make him do it, if u re a graduate looking for a job to help ur family, and somebody like DANGOTE, Otedola, Ben Bruce, GEJ, etc ask u for gay sex to make u a governor, or bank manager or minster, what will u do? Lets stop deceiving ourselves here pretenders that does the worst. Some re even on their gay boyfriends and lesbo girlfriends bed and sing thir iPads or laptops to be posting nonsense. Linda post this comment.

Olabisi Onabanjo.

Anonymous said...

if his done it before, he can do it again. ewwww, that nigga's gay as elton mehn

Anonymous said...

If I were you, I'd be more concerned about the values that my fiance has instead of the fact that he may be gay or not. He can do anything for money. He therefore has no principles...Be careful

Anonymous said...

We're live in a modern world

Anonymous said...

Hey dear, I suggest you let it go and stay with your man. He admitted nd made u knw why he did it. We all have our pasts. I have slept with my fellow guys during my secondary and university days. I don't regret it though. But its in the past now. I have moved on. None of my girlfriends knew then. But here u are, a man told u what he did. How are u so sure the next man wouldn't be worse? Let it go. God be with you both.

Anonymous said...

post pone the wedding and investigate his ass... NEVER rush into something with so much questions... my opinion is that he is bisexual... your question is that 'can u deal with that'? good luck

Defolaju said...

How can you be asking such questions again when you already know the answer, I think your problem is that you are in love with him and you dont wanna leave him, you are seeking reasons to acquit him of what He is guilty of.... YOUR MAN IS GAY.. thats the verdict.....leave now before you join the people complaining of unhappy marriage

Anonymous said...

Just pardon the fella, for Christ sake no cash for system o!

Anonymous said...

Was he the receiver or giver?

Anonymous said...

Was he the receiver or giver?

Anonymous said...

That guy is definitely gay. If he had told you himself it would have been a different thing. If you marry him, be ready to share him with some guy anytime pretty soon. Good luck, I advice that you let God guide you.

Anonymous said...

Any time I read where people are attacking gays,I feel very bad cos they don't knw how gays feel..I've met with a lot single gay guys and their story is same...their lives is full of pain and grief...with no one to hear their story.I've being dating 4 over 5years now and every min I spend with him is never a dull moment.he once ask me to swore that I would still be seeing him even if we are married bet I turned the request down(we had probes over it) cos I wanna be a gud husband and father to my family.bby gurl,perhaps ur man is my kinda person(tho' I will never admits it let alone telling you) for those of you telling her not to marry him...whom do u want him to marry since gay marriage is not allowed in this part of the world???

Anonymous said...

With so many true confessions here from husbands and boyfriends admitting to sleeping with other men, it's best not to enforce that 14 years law lest not to disturb any homes since many ladies believe any man is better than no man at all. Too many tears would be shed and homes broken if that law's enforced. Clearly a deeply suppressed and quietly expressed desire among a number of our brothers is a sexual attraction to their fellow man.

Anonymous said...

Love conquers all, nd prayer is d key 2 every locked doors, if u truly love him pray 4 him nd ask d holy spirit 4directive s ,if he dos nth luv u he will deny every bit of it, use ur tongue 2 count ur teeth

Anonymous said...

Some mumu boys wud think its only money dat will make a str8 guy bend!!na lie!!no gay will come toastin u like a chik on d road!they come like angel sent 4rm heaven to guide b4 u knw what's up ur in bed with them!all this fineboy no money 4 pocket are their easy prey...with free drinks and recharge card they are all urs!!!I live in ph and I knw wats up! I've a gay frnd.he changes his partners like shoe...sometimes I ask him if he would ever get married to a girl!settle down and stop spoiling all this fine boys!he always reply me *are they complaining?*?well sha ei no concern me I get beta tin to do wit my yansh! Bak to d mata..bby gurl I don't trust ur man!gays are unpredictable! He myt be a changed pesin bet d urge is still there!meanin he can still succumb to lil temptations

Anonymous said...

It's like u kissing a girl... It doesn't me u r a lesbian... Take all them party bitches dat still end up sleeping with dudes n they do it all 4 fun, at least he did he's 4 money... So what if a guy has been in his ass, as long as its not happening again it's fine

Anonymous said...

Na wa o, i shudder at the spiritual implications of what he's done...I suggest you leave him and go and run a thorough deliverance on yourself..

Anonymous said...

If he gets an erection from being with a guy...he's gay. It'll happen again when you're married.

Anonymous said...

There's fire on d mountain run run run

Anonymous said...

dem bitches here be talking like being gay is a disease. tsk. fucking bitches!! wtf am i doing on this site?! y cant ppl just accept other ppl's sexuality??!!

unice said...

my story goes to everyone out there that are in the situation that i have also being through. and how i was saved.I have been rejected by my husband after nine(9) years of marriage just because another woman had a spell on him and he left me and the kids to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster Dr Mlawi Rcum on this Email: spelloflovetemple@gmail.com have help a woman to get back her husband. and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a woman had a spell on my husband and he told me that he will help me and after 2 days that i will have my husband back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my husband.his email : spelloflovetemple@gmail.com you can contact him for help and get your problem solved.

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