Nollywood
actress Stella Damasus shared her story of abuse in a new blog post.
She said she hoped her story will give other women caught in violent and
abusive relationships the courage to seek help. Read what she wrote below...
"A few days ago I was reminded that it was okay to be vulnerable and human. I seem to have forgotten how relaxing it can be to let it all out sometimes, not caring if I would be judged, laughed at or insulted. I had to remember that it was important to share some experiences that may actually save or help someone who is probably going through the same thing.My story begins on a fun and exciting Saturday night in Lagos Nigeria, where I attended an after party. I met a tall dark and handsome man who was introduced to me through a mutual friend. We spoke for a few minutes, exchanged numbers and then parted ways. I didn't see or hear from him again until about 6 months later when I got a call on my way to a friend's private birthday party. He asked where I was and I told him where I was going, so he wanted to meet up at the venue and that was fine.
He came and we continued the conversation that we didn't get to finish the first time we met. After that night we started seeing each other more often as he would call me and say all the right things, then ask to see me.
So there I was feeling special, thinking that this stud must really like me so much that he had to see me about four times a week. My head was in the clouds because he came to me in a very honest and humble manner, he didn't have much but was not embarrassed at all because of who I was and what I had. In my head I was thinking "Wow what a confident man".
Needless to say, I fell for him hopelessly even against advice from everyone around me.
The relationship started and instead of taking time to really study and
know him, I decided to give, give and give without thinking twice. I
gave time, I gave energy, I gave money, I gave respect, I gave
submission, I gave love, I gave honor, and I gave everything a woman
would, just to make her man feel important and loved.
I gave money and everything that comes with making a man stand proud and feel wealthy.
I did this so much that even when you ask me a question or want me to appear somewhere I would ask him first or look out for his expression to get approval.
All this was to make him feel like the head, make him feel like the man, make him feel respected and know that his financial status does not make him less of a man, make him feel like he has his authority, and make him feel like he had the best woman any man could ever ask for.
Everyone around me hated the fact that I did more and more to make him happy and then they started noticing that I was loosing my happiness, I was loosing weight, I was loosing myself but the funny thing is that I didn't even notice. Eventually, I got so angry that I started pushing my friends and family away.
He kept telling me that everyone around me expected me to do better in choosing a man just because he didn't have money or a job. I bought into that and attacked everyone, telling them that they were being unfair and judgmental. So I made it my job to make sure he had something to do, he had a car, he had his own apartment, he had the latest devices etc.
All of this was to prove everybody wrong so they could see what he could become if we just gave him a chance and helped him.
I gave money and everything that comes with making a man stand proud and feel wealthy.
I did this so much that even when you ask me a question or want me to appear somewhere I would ask him first or look out for his expression to get approval.
All this was to make him feel like the head, make him feel like the man, make him feel respected and know that his financial status does not make him less of a man, make him feel like he has his authority, and make him feel like he had the best woman any man could ever ask for.
Everyone around me hated the fact that I did more and more to make him happy and then they started noticing that I was loosing my happiness, I was loosing weight, I was loosing myself but the funny thing is that I didn't even notice. Eventually, I got so angry that I started pushing my friends and family away.
He kept telling me that everyone around me expected me to do better in choosing a man just because he didn't have money or a job. I bought into that and attacked everyone, telling them that they were being unfair and judgmental. So I made it my job to make sure he had something to do, he had a car, he had his own apartment, he had the latest devices etc.
All of this was to prove everybody wrong so they could see what he could become if we just gave him a chance and helped him.
After a while I started noticing that he became aggressive towards my
friends, anyone I introduced him to, people I worked with etc. All of a
sudden he didn't like anybody anymore and didn't want them around us.
Then it all grew into calling me names at the slightest provocation even
though I was not sure of what I did to provoke him. He would say things
like "I am doing you a favor by being with you", "how easy do you think
it is to find a single guy like me to date a woman with kids"?, "you
are too controversial to have a sane man stay with you", "the only thing
you have going is your career other than that you are not really worth
it".
There were stronger names he called me like BITCH and other curse words he would use, but I would rather not even write them.The worst part in all of this is, after hearing these words over and over again I got used to it and even started thinking that he was right.
When he was done insulting me, he would walk up to me and say "see what you made me do, you are the only one who can get me to this point, you know how much I love you so why are you turning me into this monster?”, and yours truly would stupidly start to apologize for making him abuse me mentally.
As far as I was concerned at that time, it was strong love and because he loved me madly, him getting upset with me, made me the monster.
There were stronger names he called me like BITCH and other curse words he would use, but I would rather not even write them.The worst part in all of this is, after hearing these words over and over again I got used to it and even started thinking that he was right.
When he was done insulting me, he would walk up to me and say "see what you made me do, you are the only one who can get me to this point, you know how much I love you so why are you turning me into this monster?”, and yours truly would stupidly start to apologize for making him abuse me mentally.
As far as I was concerned at that time, it was strong love and because he loved me madly, him getting upset with me, made me the monster.
I lived in this lie for a long time and was still too blind to see how
awful I started looking and feeling. I didn't even want to be seen too
much so that no one would ask me if I was ill. People would come to me
with proof of him cheating but for some silly reason I would make
excuses for him. Out of fear of an argument I would not even want to
confront him about it. I was so scared that I would ask myself "if you
confront him and he leaves out of anger, are you sure you would meet
someone else who is better? This was where i started using the phrase
THE DEVIL YOU KNOW IS BETTER THAN THE ANGEL YOU DON'T KNOW. Silly silly
phrase because the truth is, if you know someone to be a devil you are
better off without the person.
Anyway, I stayed in the relationship until one day when he got upset that a guy gave me the card to his hotel because he wanted my band to sing there. He got so mad that he punched the wall in my study. When he did that, it was as if a very thick veil was pulled from my eyes. That was when I realized that the kind of anger that made him punch a wall can even push him to hit me since I was the cause of his anger.
I don't know if it was the prayers of my mother or my best friend’s, but something gave me courage that day and kept urging me to get him out of my life before it was too late. I yelled for my home staff and they came into the study and I asked them to get him out. I told him boldly never to come near me, my home or my family. That was how God delivered me from my abuser. If he had not punched that wall, I don't think I would have had the courage to end the relationship.
Anyway, I stayed in the relationship until one day when he got upset that a guy gave me the card to his hotel because he wanted my band to sing there. He got so mad that he punched the wall in my study. When he did that, it was as if a very thick veil was pulled from my eyes. That was when I realized that the kind of anger that made him punch a wall can even push him to hit me since I was the cause of his anger.
I don't know if it was the prayers of my mother or my best friend’s, but something gave me courage that day and kept urging me to get him out of my life before it was too late. I yelled for my home staff and they came into the study and I asked them to get him out. I told him boldly never to come near me, my home or my family. That was how God delivered me from my abuser. If he had not punched that wall, I don't think I would have had the courage to end the relationship.
Sometimes, when women find themselves in an abusive relationship, it's
easy for others to judge them or ask them to just pick up and leave.
Even though it's the right thing to do, it's not that easy when you are
the one in the relationship. Abuse takes a stronghold on the victim and
messes up their mental state. If the victim is not careful she may
accept the blame and never find the boldness to leave.
It is also worse for those who are not financially independent.
Mental abuse can actually turn out to be worse than physical abuse because with the physical you can prove it, you can also see the scars and they can be treated. Don't get me wrong it is extremely dangerous to go through it but with mental abuse, there is hardly any proof and no one can see the bruises or the scars so you don't even know how or what to treat. It may affect you mentally for years and that is scary because it definitely affects any other relationship you may have, if ever.
THE ABUSER’S MODE OF OPERATION
1. Identifies your weakness and uses it to gain your love and trust
2. Tells you the things they know you want to hear.
3. Gets rid of everyone around you who has the ability or capability to help/rescue you
4. Makes you emotionally dependent on him
5. Feeds your mind with things that you will believe are beneficial to your relationship
6. Uses your emotions to control your mind and reasoning
7. Tells you negative things about yourself and repeats it so it sticks in your mind
8. Compares you to others just to prove that you are not worth it and not good enough
9. Gives you the impression that he is doing you a favor by being with you.
10. Blames you for things even when you don't know about them
11. Yells and picks fights at the slightest provocation
12. Starts to get physical but begs for forgiveness, telling you that his love for you makes you the only person that can get him that mad.
13. Makes you think the abuse is your fault and you have to fix it
14. Intentionally allows you to loose yourself/esteem so that he can gain full control of your mind
15. Batters your mind so much that even when he hits you and there are visible scars, you find yourself making excuses for him
16. You become afraid of the unknown so you stay in the relationship because you don't want to start over in a new relationship
17. He gets you to the phase where you become numb so you can’t even feel that something is wrong.
It is also worse for those who are not financially independent.
Mental abuse can actually turn out to be worse than physical abuse because with the physical you can prove it, you can also see the scars and they can be treated. Don't get me wrong it is extremely dangerous to go through it but with mental abuse, there is hardly any proof and no one can see the bruises or the scars so you don't even know how or what to treat. It may affect you mentally for years and that is scary because it definitely affects any other relationship you may have, if ever.
THE ABUSER’S MODE OF OPERATION
1. Identifies your weakness and uses it to gain your love and trust
2. Tells you the things they know you want to hear.
3. Gets rid of everyone around you who has the ability or capability to help/rescue you
4. Makes you emotionally dependent on him
5. Feeds your mind with things that you will believe are beneficial to your relationship
6. Uses your emotions to control your mind and reasoning
7. Tells you negative things about yourself and repeats it so it sticks in your mind
8. Compares you to others just to prove that you are not worth it and not good enough
9. Gives you the impression that he is doing you a favor by being with you.
10. Blames you for things even when you don't know about them
11. Yells and picks fights at the slightest provocation
12. Starts to get physical but begs for forgiveness, telling you that his love for you makes you the only person that can get him that mad.
13. Makes you think the abuse is your fault and you have to fix it
14. Intentionally allows you to loose yourself/esteem so that he can gain full control of your mind
15. Batters your mind so much that even when he hits you and there are visible scars, you find yourself making excuses for him
16. You become afraid of the unknown so you stay in the relationship because you don't want to start over in a new relationship
17. He gets you to the phase where you become numb so you can’t even feel that something is wrong.
t continues like this until something really bad happens or the woman runs away.
The good thing is that there is help and support for women and men going through any form of abuse.
Please don't die in silence and don't believe that the abuse is your fault. Speak out and get help.
If you or someone you know needs help please send me a message and I will give you resources and contacts that can help.
If you would also like to share your story, please let me know and You can be anonymous.
The good thing is that there is help and support for women and men going through any form of abuse.
Please don't die in silence and don't believe that the abuse is your fault. Speak out and get help.
If you or someone you know needs help please send me a message and I will give you resources and contacts that can help.
If you would also like to share your story, please let me know and You can be anonymous.
136 comments:
Which one did you call him
Hmmmmmmm.
Dis one na essay
It's well #Life
Good to know.
Interesting... Everybody goes through one thing or another.. #Life
>>>>contact us for all Kinds of WINDOW BLINDS... WHATSAPP 08028110614 BBM 5641AB88
It's well my sister
Didn't read it,so,after all this, who's the man? That's what is important, if u not telling us ,then, EXCUZ ME
Wadooh...You try madam Stella!
~glo rule your world~ cos I do•
None of my bizz
CLICK HERE FOR ALL NETWORK FREE BROWSING CHEAT CODE AND LATEST TECH TRENDS
Liar liar pants on fire! Husband snatcher oshi
Nice piece,,,
Too long n boring.
I want to share my story. How can I reach u?
Abeg i can't wait to read comments. Oya lib readers ovr to u ooo...
Not interested in anything she has to say
Thee re so many women in an abusive marriage but are just too scared to speak out, that's just their problem. Thanks Stella for sharing sure to us. Have learnt one or two things from this.
Good one! I go through the same thing with my husband but so scared to leave my marriage. He hasn't beaten me but it's because I avoid it at every cost but doing that affects my life because it makes me to behave like a slave just to please him and stay away from trouble. He has put so much fear in my life that I tremble at every little thing just to save my marriage. He cheats, scolds etc *crying*
Issohk seen!
says,Genevieve.
U have a single responsibility in life to find someone who will make u happy and respect u..When u fail to do that... don't blame anyone for ur mistakes
Well done Stella for sharing your story. I know it will truly help someone out there. Stories for people especially women being in abusive relationships are so typical you almost feel like nothing is happening until it becomes too late. Each time you look back you wonder how you could have been so blind for that long
Its just so sad and for all those who stand on the side lines and look on in judgement, i will say ya'll are still living in ignorance. As an African woman i will advise all other women never to get in a relationship with any man hoping to help him. African men are culturally wired to be a provider and once they are not up to that let them go. They are not worth your energy because at the end they always end up blaming you for their emasculation
If an African man cannot take care of you, please show him the door and he will surely find a lady he can be a real man to
Look at Teebillz!!!!
I believe Stella has been given to a reprobate mind.
True talk...DODORIMA AFRICANS
God's standard will ignore will always worry us.
You are so on point I love the fact that som1 of your status can actually write this not minding wat people may say or think.....some guys wen given a little privilege can become a monster
Tnx, nice advice.
So this is what you endured with that Lanre Curtis guy it is well
MADAM ADVISER........... U DON'T LIVE AN EXEMPLARY SO I GUESS WE ARE ALL NOT INTERESTED IN YOUR TALKS BIKO............
Did you realise you need to ask God before entering into not a first relationship/marriage but a second one.
I still believe if angels marry some women,the Angel will end up becoming something I don't want to mention 'De**l
I know a lady who is in a mentally abusive marriage and have being enduring it cause she can't even boast of #1000 of her own. After reading this write up I quickly spoke to her and asked her to come read it through but she asked me to drop her contact email aangela106@yahoo.com for any financial assistance so she can open up something that she can be doing. She sits at home all through, her phone is nothing to write about so anything I visits her is when she once in a while can read through blogs properly, her phone isn't opening it well. Please libers you guys should help her out. Husband abuses her at any slightest provocation.
You are not doin him a favour by submitting to his poor ass,it is God's command.It is biblical,it is not a priviledge to him.Please note that.
I still believe if angels marry some women,the Angel will end up becoming something I don't want to mention 'De**l
Oh!so that was enough reason for u to shamelessly destroy another woman's home?God is seeing everything, continue.
Oh!so that was enough reason for u to shamelessly destroy another woman's home?God is seeing everything, continue.
Help a friend out financially, she is in an abusive marriage, so she can be self made on her own and be doing something. being handicap financially is what it's still keeping her in that home aangela106@yahoo.com
Story of my life
Too long, she should summarise it in a movie.
. ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA LUMIA
She's right. Girls need to know when to leave the table when love is no longer served at the table
No wonder you SNATCHED someone else's HUSBAND at the slightest OPPORTUNITY cos you were SO lonely...... With these attributes, love and care you will show to someone husband in pretence... Why would he not fall for you thinking your the best n most submissive..... Hmmmm so you were dis man lacked.....no wonder u hold DANIEL kokoroko.....
Crazy gold digger! He just took advange of her to survive and never loved her.
Women please voice out on abuses, you never know whose life you are saving.
Sorry dear...u went thru a lot but is quite unfortunate that what happened to you can also happen to an opposite sex...the truth remains that the heart of man is despately wicked....let's just be carefull who will trade with and have the will power to always opt out when we need to....I feel ur agony here.
Hello Linda, I just read Stella story. My mental Abuse is at work, people do not really talk about this and the worst is the culprit is now the hero while I am the villain. I have decided to resign at the end of this month. I. decided to start my own thing even with the economic downturn than spend 14hours a day miserable because of a pay check.
Wow!Wish it was a fiction movie but this is real! Thank God for His grace and strength to overcome "Abusers' in any relationship!
God really saved you from a big mess. Next time study a guy before falling in love with him
She had an unfortunate experience but still that doesn't mean she should still be single.
Ok Ma'ami...
For the ladies!!!!!!!!!
THE ONLY THING I SWA HERE WAS I GAVE MONEY, I GAVE MONEY, I GAVE MONEY
BEEN THERE DONE THAT.
its not very nice.
I applaud her
Ah! She's talking about mofe Duncan .. That's the only broke ass I know she dated. Lanre nzeribe wasn't broke so it's not him.
Nice write up,may God help us.
Wow! Nice write up. I rilly hope many women learn from this cos mental abuse is very terrible and I happens everyday in different homes.
It's too long
This is soooooooo true.
See street guys goes bad on a lady in public
Abeg who read the story finish make una tell me oh..cos all i could see is I gave money..
It got to a point I felt like taking a knife n stabbing him,that was when I realised I wasn't meant to b in that kind of relationship.I am not a bitter person but if someone wants me to be bitter,i am better off without such person.
Well said women#mrs Buso4#
Help a friend out financially, she is in an abusive marriage, so she can be self made on her own and be doing something. being handicap financially is what it's still keeping her in that home aangela106@yahoo.com
i can imagine wat u really went through..i had a similar experience lately...but MEN are not really worth it, yes u fall in love after hearing the serpent whisper some lies to you, u mistook them for an angel from the Most High...#WALKAWAY #beconfident
....and oga/madam, Daniel came to complain to you about her abi? Oversabi! Someone is talking about something that women pass through all over the world and all you could say is?
Everyone surely has a story to tell. Linda take note!
She's married now
Most societal women always fall into this mess. Men as well can also fall into it. It takes grace and courage to overcome all this. Well done Stella.
What da f**k?
Ok seen
Story for the gods,is that why you went for a married man and destroy someone's relationship
Call me on 08034543842
Hmmmm mental abuse is as worse as physical...Am a victim,still a victim..pulling out slowly..it got to a stage I was asking myself if am truly useless and foolish as he says every time.he made me scared of him ,,I can't talk and look into his face,..so much but am strong and will pull out soon...it will end soon very soon
Stella just talked about my life history, my case is worst now cos i have given everything. i don't even know where to start from or how to start all over again, i don't have any more resources to start all over again cos i gave it all. The shame, the pain, the losses. My family, my friends and people who look up to me will be disappointed in me after so much expectations. Am so broken and too ashamed to come out. No physical abuse though but the mental and emotional abuse has taken me over. i have lost myself, my pride. Worst of all i cant talk to anyone about this cos the shame is just too much. My only ray of light is the precious son i got from it, i really need help!a therapist or something, someone who will not judge. am tired , let my mind not blow up someday.
This is just the story of my life now.. Even seeing all these signs, I'm still hopelessly in love with him and I don't know how to break it. I gave and gave and still give and I keep asking myself,'is something wrong with you?' I have been with other guys but I still find myself wanting to go back. And I knew there is something definitely wrong with me. Atleast she had the courage to walk out. I'm still trying to find mine.
Pls I need help!! I am suffering in my relationship!! How do I get to meet you ma?
Is she referring to Doris Simeon ex hubby? Husband snatcher, u take away someone joy n think u can av rest, karma will surely pay u back someday. Anyway, is a nice write up.
Thank you my dear Stella. May God continue 2 bless U. Pls I need your help, who I do I reach you and share my stories?thanks
Every woman should read this honestly. It's very important.
Nice writeup
EUNIQUE
this things happen for real.........I also used to have same experience.......when the scale fall off your eyes ehhn,,,u will like....was I charmed or something? the good part is that you will become more matured if you can rise up from the shackles of the hearbreak.........LOVE CAN MAKE U DO ANYTIN FOR YOUR PATNER.....
SD Omo no be today u begin do wakawaka....E Don Tey walahi.....ur yansh has always be scratching u
it beats my imagination, that people have so much hate in them, cursing and hating even when it's not necessary. what has Stella Damascus said here now that is wrong? anyway some people are just full of hate. Stella dear , the truth is that majority of Nigerian marriages are full of abuses , both physical and emotional abuse. but in igbo land it is seen as a taboo for a woman to leave the husband, it's only few educated parents that accepts that. so you find so many of us enduring every form of abuse all in the name of marriage. you gradually lose yourself because you want to please your husband , the family and the society, especially when you are financially dependent and children are involved.
My own case is different. Ur story is a must read for all couples and I have learnt a lot from it. My own case is I got married to a man whose family refused to give their support to our marriage, after which d man was cajoled into marrying another woman without my knowledge. He started treating me like I forced him into d marriage and he even used it to taunt me dat if he had known, he would have dumped me when his parents objected. All this started happening when I couldn't get huge loans from my place of work like I used to.
Good story Stella, and I'm happy you were able to let go the devil, but why making another woman go through same mental torture by takin g away her husband? If you have a heart, let go Daniel too.
The truth is that we women don't go for men who truely love us, we prefer those men that we love and as such there must be a sacrifice to pay that was just what she passed through.when you choose a wronge person no matter how you try you can not please him. Let's continue to talk about our problems.
I went through he'll during my own
But finally I divorce him
Next time be more careful and mindful. D fact dat u are dating a man doesn't mean u shld do away wit ur family and friends who's bin there b4 d gold d kill joy came along.God be with us all.
Wow thank God she is out of it. Bk was here!!
It's simple,just take a walk
Where did u lost it? Simply comprehension u can't figure
Lol@Bonnario. She should summarise in a movie. Am dead!!
hmmmmm that what happened to me yrs ago. thanks stella
Nice one stella.....
U need Jesus ...cast ur care on him,he will give u rest.
GOOD JOB. I AM NOT YOUR FAN BUT THIS IS A GOOD PIECE AND EYE OPENER. IT WILL DEFINITELY HELP OTHERS. IF YOU ARE MARRIED IN CHURCH AND YOU ALREADY INVESTED SO MUCH TO THE EXTENT THAT YOU WILL BE AT THE LOSING SIDE WHEN YOU GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP. WHAT CAN YOU DO PLEASE?
U need Jesus ...cast ur care on him,he will give u rest.
We really don't care ma'am. ..
Sit yo ugly ass down!
Shut up madam. Learn to learn. I tire for pple like u,. Stop dis craziness on Stella for God's sake. Let her be o.
Thank you Linda baby for sharing Stella's story. God bless you. First commenting on ur blog. U re a strong lady. Keep it up. Regards to ur parent
Thank you Linda baby for sharing Stella's story. God bless you. First commenting on ur blog. U re a strong lady. Keep it up. Regards to ur parent
It's not
Too long to read if u are a woman read this read to understand!!! Sigh....we
All deserve to be happy!!!
Interesting read.
Your mind will not blow up. Trust me we are in very similar boats, me and u. If u need someone to talk to, please drop a contact on how I can reach u. Am no therapist but I desperately need someone to talk to too.
Hello dear, if He is not your husband pls leave him no matter how difficult it may seem but if he is you need to seek help and trust that Jesus Christ can heal, restore and totally fix you. Study the Bible and talk to family about what you are going through cos family will always be there for you.
Hello dear, Jesus can help fix your life if you get Him involved. You will definitely get help from His word... If the person isn't your husband pls walk away now, don't bother about shame but if he is, then don't be scared, talk to your family about everything cos family is 'all you have'. God will see you through IJN
Hello dear, if He is not your husband pls leave him no matter how difficult it may seem but if he is you need to seek help and trust that Jesus Christ can heal, restore and totally fix you. Study the Bible and talk to family about what you are going through cos family will always be there for you.
Stop judging someone for bearing her mind it takes a lot of courage to take a step towards healing emotionally. If you don't have useful comment to make, just pass on do not comment.
Any form of abuse is terrible and when people take steps towards healing (including talking about it) don't judge them.
Besides, I think those who are judgmental are in one form of abuse but don't have the boldness to seek help hence their only way of letting out is becoming abusive.
Don't call....u want to take advantage of her...let Linda b your intermediary if u want to help her...
Story of my life
This story is as true as Buhari's promises. Blah blah blah all the time. Just to be in the news.
Stella have been abusing weak men.
Women/ladies are NOT the only ones in abusive relationships. Men too are victims. I am not persuaded with this write up as women are not always truthful in reporting issues like this. That is Stella's side of the story. Lets hear from the guy in question before we can judge.
Everybody is now telling stories of abuse. I think we should just shoot movies on them
Eva Da Diva...
Story of my life, Thank you Stella for sharing your Story. Am too ashame to tell people except for very close family and one or two friends. He mentally, emotionally and financially abused me. Worst of all is that, i allowed myself to go into marriage with such a being. He eventually walked away few weeks ago after draining me, he stole my atm cards and cleared whatever money i had left in my bank accounts, abandoning me with two kids to take care of. Am still deeply hurt, still crying for ever be foolish to give my children such a man as their father. I pray God give me the grace to lift myself up and move on.
So Lanre Curtis Oluborode dealt with Stella like this? I thought that guy was soft and gentle with ladies! Come to think of it, dude na cultist so I least expect him to be sweet!
This really sound like a story,I just realized that I was in an abusive relationship too, this is an eye opener.
Anon 11:37 and 11:37. I'm a counselor and oap reach me on 08062598727.
Hmmmm, God help us all but which of dem is she talking about?
Hmmmm...if only the story is for real.
That wicked gold digger called Lanre Nzeribe. The same thing he did to Monalisa Chinda. Very weak man sho stays in the news ridding on women's wings. Ole
What are you still doing in the marriage? Is it by force? Or you can't learn earn money? Don't tell me it's because of the kids because you are indirectly harming them psychologically.
I don't think most people mean to be abusive in the way they approach relationships. Relationships are about understanding the other person and what their real motives are and also being aware or understanding what it means to be in a relationship. I have been accused of being abusive in a relationship once, which was enough reason for me to probe myself and seek the underlying issue that caused me to appear abusive. I believe relationships require mutual support, respect and complete trust in one another to make things work. Friends can complicate matters of the heart but its also good to have an unbiased opinion of what your relationship looks like from the outside. Moral of the story, understand your partner and their motives and strive to make each other happy. Its a learning and growing process and can never ever be a completely smooth ride. Nothing that is worthwhile is ever smooth and nobody is perfect.
Live and Love.
Stella aka ko2,if nobody hail u or ya tory kukuma hail yasef my sister
Uc aka ko2 aka Stella aka all d anonymouses in between,welcome dear pls take a sit
Feels like I typed this myself. Please how can I reach you?
Your guess is as good as mine. Na Lanre come to my mind too....
It's life for you.mine is 10years of marriage.never knew he has been cheating on me with everything in skirt around me! Ten years of blind,deaf and dumb!he chased everyone away from me pretending that they are bad that they will corrupt me!I obliged him.he made me give him all in fact I worshipped him like a God.just last June I suddenly discovered through my phone that he used for just 3months and gave me back without deleting his atrocities! I passed out initially! Then gathered my self together and read through all his messages not behold,he is far from what he has made me believe he is! I almost committed suicide! He ensures he snapps every girl he fucked! He is such a he goat! Oh my God.he has never told me am beautiful but he takes his time to chase and smooth talk his preys to bed.they said he is such a sugar and horse in bed! He never gives me a dime always collecting from me but he is baba bless to ladies! He always entertain them with my Stories of how he has captured me like a slave forever.even one girl threatened to report him to me and he boasted to her that I will never belive her becos he ensures he tidied up in the last 10 years! I worked so hard to earn a living has big biz both here and abroad,so I don't bother him financially even though he never gives me.i am so battered emotionally especially as he beats day light out of me since then just to cohess me into trusting him with my life again! I can't trust him again, I don't even love him anymore but my kids,I can't hurt them with divorce. I am even more buoyant financially than he is but becos he is flamboyant, people think he is stupendously rich and throw themselves at him! I can't even recover from the shock of his betrayal! Am so sad,low self esteem,feeling in secured, as if I failed or not good enough.as if he is even doing me good by staying in marriage with me.threatens me every day that if I leave him men will battery me,me and just squander my money because since he disvirgined me,I don't have any relationship experience at all.i feel so humiliated in life and hate myself so much for being faithful to him.i regret never having slept with no one else except him.i can't even compare him with anything at all.no experience whatsoever with another man! He threw away my creams,my expensive hairs and hates make up on me,but I was shocked to see all his prostitutes bleached with long hair and long lashes! He battered me so badly. I don't even know who to run to at this time!if with all my money he is maltreatment me like this I wonder what he would have done if I depended on him for survival! To people around us am in heaven but within me I know am dying in pains! He is so so brutal and wicked that he calls my kids bast Ards when he is beating me in their presence. I feel like just ending the marriage if not for fear of spoiling my family name and my kids future.i have been begging him to tate me to a psychiatric doctor to help me recover but he refused and said all I need is to love him back and trust I'm again and I will be fine.i now have b.p. yet he fucus around as if there is no tomorrow. What if he contact disease? What if these women attacks me?becos they feel he has so much money? After building all these houses together with him? Men are really so wicked.he calls me other women's names on.bed! He tell me strange things as if we have discussed them before.he gist me about girls how they scream and moan for him before he realises.there is this particular girl that has stopped at nothing to pass a message to.me about dating my husband.infact I need a doctor let me pour.my heart out,I need my sanity back.crying.
Bless u!
Linda, pls where is the contact biko or how do we contact her, I have someone that is exactly in this kind of relationship. In fact its as if this story was abt her. Help pls!
It's well
Get a divorce!
Madam my advice to you is to gather strength and tink about way ppl ve to say and leave dat marriage for ur own good b4 he contacts disease and infect you. U are doing well financially so u can take care of yourself. U are the one going thru this abuse not all these ppl u are trying to show evrytin is fine
Abi
Please visit my blog bettykrislav.com
You can search and like my page on facebook... youth often ask. it's a subsidiary of a radio programme. You can share your stories and get not just the professional help of a counselor but help input and advice from other people.
Am lost of words... this is my story but I thank God I've seen the light am at d final stage of it all trying to get a divorce. I pray it works in my favour regards custody of the child
Mumu like you,you got married without his parents approval, you thot the guy fell from the sky, and you will expect your son not to disobey you in future
Otondo,where did you get your info? If na true self did Stella tell u she was unaware of the relationship BTW the both of them (Mona and mr lar)
Some men are crazy, u don't need to call them names for them to get angry. This one na frustration.
When they beat u or ur sister, it will become ur business.
you see Stella you might have share your experience here don't that this story involve 2 people you and the man, and don't forget that we have not hard from the man himself too,
you might be right in what you said here, my advice to women is this, once you have fear of God you can do anything to hurt anyone rather people will hurt you and push you to provoke, remember the words of the Lord said treat others the way you want them to treat you, you see in the world you find good and bad so when you experience the bad once it hurt believe me is part of life all you need is be courageous,you have done best thing to leave the relationship, but now you have to focus your mind with God,
and i have to advice women who has high test once your eyes is in a man that is handsome and you are highly selective in a man then you heading a wrong relationship.. some women is not looking for marriage but luxury,some of women today that are on the street some age is passing them by is because they don't want to marry a keke driver they don't want to marry okada man they don't want to marry a farmer or a or someone who not wealthy, this keep going on and that is why you see many young ladies roiling about the street missing with bad girls going to clubs spoiling themselves all in the name of making money,
forgetting that the pride a very woman have is getting yourself a husband, that will make you responsible you earn more respect from your family community, it dose not matter about who you marry, remember the words of Lord said were 2 or 3 are gather is their with them, and beside 2 is better then one, i thank God that you have this experience and you will be able help someone out their whom he/her case is even worst then your own .. only that we have not hard from them ..
just like my own case which i have not share to you here and i will share it so that you will know that all this are part of life. just make yourself happy and move on instead travel to far away where you can forget it or mix with your friends who can give you better advice and courage you. so stay strong. God Bless you until i come your way next time with my own story.
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