Dear LIB readers: I am about to marry a man I no longer love | Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog

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Thursday 30 January 2014

Dear LIB readers: I am about to marry a man I no longer love

From a female LIB reader
I am about to get married. My wedding is in fact 16 days from now. I just realized I dont love my man like I used to. I dont know how to tell him how I feel. I am so scared to break his heart. I have been trying to rekindle my feelings but its not working. I am so confused and don't know what to do. I know I can't cancel the wedding because everything is set but I can't help but feel I'm making a mistake. What should I do?

270 comments:

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Anonymous said...

Trust me sis, if u get married to him, you would never be happy and when u find that special someone,you would cheat on your husband, its better you break his heart than for u to cheat on him.

Anonymous said...

my dear, its cold feet, i av the same problem with my gf, i found out one guy av been sweet talking her. You and your man should talk about it

Anonymous said...

"Love" in the movies is quite different from marriage. I have been married for 10 years now and I can share some experiences as a guy! Sex becomes horrible and boring in less than a year of marriage. secondly, that butterfly in your tummy, kinda, starts to disappear, within the first 2 years. It's longer about long gist and cuddles, but "friendship" and "Loving" your kids, they make the "Marriage prison" worth it. Well, said all. I wouldn't trade my wife or my family for anything thing in this world.
Hehehehe.

Unknown said...

U might regret leaving him. And also u might regret marrying him. U still av sometime 2 fast and pray about it. Its a lifetime decision and the person you marry is a 50% determinant of your eternity. So dnt take this with levity. PRAY!!!

Anonymous said...

Fast forward to 10 yrs later......the same girl will be in church receiving deliverance that she has spirit husband somewhere.......preventing her from marrying.

Its either
A)too many ppl round are tellin u things to discourage u and you have started thinkin n analysing dem.or
B)ure having simple coldfeet or
C)he has lost his means of income btw d tym he proposed n d weddin proper
D)you met another
E)you want independence n can't imagine bein saddled wit marriage n kids now
F)you are possessed n need deliverance.e.g u begin 2 hate ur man for no reason.

In all,tell urself d truth
Analyse ur decision n reason
Me thinks u shud go ahead
There must be a reason u loved him in d 1st place

Anonymous said...

My dear, u are only having cold feet. It is very natural. So I advice u go ahead with the wedding unless u feel u luv smone else more.

Anonymous said...

My dear it happens in all relationships. I was no longer in love with my husband when we got married i felt i had fallen out of love with him and i felt that way for two years until i realized love was not just a feeling but a responsibility and i made conscious effort to love my husband. Our marriage is 6 years and i can boldly say i'm in love and crazy about my husband no faking, he pampers me silly. No regrets trust me.

Anonymous said...

God bless you. thats d bitter truth

Anonymous said...

Honestly i think that you should end it. No ones happiness is more important than yours

SIMPLYCOCK said...

Love is a very mercurial emotion...
Very prone to ebbs and flows...
It peters away and belches violently yet again like a dormant volcano...
Hang on to your man, otherwise your childish stupidity might just ensnare you for life...
Marriage might just as well set alight the currently smothering flames...

Unknown said...

That mean u are seeing another guy......that's why you are scared to marry him...... Follow ur heart God will see u tru .

Anonymous said...

My sista Aba! U no get choice ooo Olohun na 2 marry am oooO and make u try go find love anywhere he hide mk u love am oooo

Anonymous said...

Go ahead and marry him, i had that experience but am now enjoying my marriage.

Amarachukwu said...

Pray n ask Gos to rekindle your feelings ok? If is you will u be happy for him to break your heart few days to your wedding? U av loved him once you can still love him AGAIN.

fucking angry guy. said...

Alloy Chikezie u are a very big Foool! So bcos u wana be d 1st to comment, dats y u always make ur 1st comment incomplete den later on come to complete it. I'm so sorry for ur miserable life! Stupid boy.

Anonymous said...

Here are your options :
1) Marry him and stay unhappy for the rest of your life
2)Marry him and divorce later when things become unbearable
3) Marry him and risk' falling in love with someone else(which will def happen) and eventually start cheating on him
4) Brave up and tell him how you feel, cancel the wedding and move the fuck on (Guys do it all the damn time without even feeling guilty about it) , and then find true love elsewhere and live happily ever after.
Your choice hun :)









PRETTY GIRL

Anonymous said...

I noticed that there are two sides to the advice here on lib, the guys and married ladies are saying stay while the single ladies are saying quit! I wonder why?..

Anonymous said...

see you better end it before its too late, 16 days is enough time to stop this your self destruction.i know somebody that called off her wedding the night before,so please this is about your own happiness and even the happiness of the man you are about to marry because in the long run both of you would end up unhappy and very regretful because you knew and you still entered inside.linlin post ma comment ooo,make i no vex for you

ADAMMA said...

D moment i saw dis,it clicked in my head cos dis was xactly my case n a month to d time after everytin has been put in place, i came out to tell my UK based guy dat am no longer interested,all hell was let loose by both my people,d guy, his people n infact everyone i knew but i stood my ground cos i kno marriage is for better for worse n My BIBLE tells me that God hates Divorce. anyway i'l soon b gettin married to d one I love n am glad i stood my ground.even if u met someone else it doesnt matter,no one has d right to condemn u ,its who u love u follow n not who people tink u shud follow. Dnt let him convinc u cos if u tell him now,he will want u to see what isnt dere just let him know u av decided to call it off or postpone it for now

Apple said...

Call off the wedding!!!

Mystic Falls said...

Since u hav endured till nw jst marry him after all most women really started loving their husbands after marraige a few years in marraige

Anonymous said...

Babe pls dnt try to cancel d wedding

Newlife said...

Witch tins! You better go pray before you make a detour and start a journey to somewhere else.
I mean, be very very sure. Something went wrong and only you know what it is.

Anonymous said...

if you dont love him then why the f do you have to marry him... just shutup and ex the wedding. stupid.

Unknown said...

My dear, are you sure you are not just suffering cold feet? That happens to everyone o. Ro do you have sumfin really concrete the guy is doing that u r uncomfortable with? Be careful o.

Anonymous said...

If its bcoz of a new guy just fink abt diS Wat if d oda guy dosent marry u nd u r left unmarried till ur 51 and u start hearin storys of ur resent husband to b dat he is doin well wif his new wife,wat will u do.....I REST MY CASE

Anonymous said...

Lolllllll

Anonymous said...

go and see the movie TEMPTATION

ZeeZee said...

What is your question?
Chale you know what to do!!!!
Not in love with him, with immediate effect from nowhere? Abi u tasted a bigger one? Or abi you dined at a better place than where he takes you? Everything is set now yo're talking like this...do what you feel is right. Make sure it's something you can live with

Ichie Mustapha said...

she is not psychological balance....biko visit a rehab.

Anonymous said...

Hmhm there must be a reason why you no longer love him, considering that i don't think you should marry the guy, i know it feels like you have no choice and you will be disappointing everyone but it will be more disappointing to merry him, have kids with him while you're miserable throughout and then getting a divorce. Rip the banded and fast aka. end it now instead of later Ultimately like the cliche goes follow your heart
Love from Miami

Anonymous said...

A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. Go figure

Anonymous said...

Singiti...weldone o...I will tell funke...and u were sayin ur kids gonna be cute...u better tell her now...ur intro pics were beautiful by the way...

SLEEKREEK said...

See advice of life....

Unknown said...

Well said @ade baptista,bk 2 d post go and marry d guy.

Anonymous said...

WORK TOO HARD FOR THE ATTENTION AND SUDDENLY REALISING HE AINT WORTH IT?

Anonymous said...

I don't buy this love bullshit. U can marry him and still love him, I don't know of others, I didn't marry out of love or money but personality, it wasn't easy the 1st 2 yrs, but we have grown to love each other more every new day. Funny enough he knew I didn't love him up to d wedding day but God has been there for us. Pls go ahead with d marriage unless ur actual reason is not what u told us here

Unknown said...

Seriously linda can ask qst stylist

Unknown said...

Well said @ade baptista,bk 2 d post go and marry d guy.

Anonymous said...

NEVER you compromise in marriage.

Anonymous said...

God bless you, true talk o

Anonymous said...

Pleease watch TEMPTATION BY TYLER PERRY .
D longlasting marraiges our parents have are not depended on feelings we mistake as love.. remain focus cos its not greener at vd other side as u think. Prewedding fights and misunderstanding r almost normal. Someone once said devil just relocate to couple side once u r preparing for marraige. All d fights u will fight in years can happen on a minor issue.. eemotions running.. u r yelling at eachother.remember its a test of ur patience..u wil pass d hurdle if u allow God to lead u

Anonymous said...

Tyler Perry's Temptation does not advocate that people marry against their better judgment. The movie speaks to the contrary by showing how loveless, passionless marriages do not withstand the test of time. They're easily wrecked by any devil in disguise who brings the excitement the loveless marriage lacks.

Anonymous said...

YOU WERE NEVER IN LOVE WITH HIM IF YOU WERE YOU WOULDN'T EVEN THINK OF THIS , YOU AGREED TO MARRY HIM OUT OF EXCITEMENT , NOW ITS TIME FOR THE REAL DEAL, YOU HAVE REALIZED , I SUGGEST YOU DISCUSS THIS WITH YOUR FAMILY , THEN WITH HIM , ITS BETTER A BROKEN ENGAGEMENT THAN A BROKEN MARRIAGE/HOME. HE WILL COME TO TERMS AND MOVE ON, TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS

efemena said...

Wedding jitters abeg. Not jittery shuo

Ojey2fyn said...

MY FRIEND GO AHEAD WITH UR WEDDING PLANS AND SAY THE "I DO" THINGY! NOT ALL SOLID MARRIAGES START WITH THE HEAD-OVER-HEALS-IN-LOVE MAXIM. @ TIMES WHAT WE WANT IS NOT WHAT WE NEED. THIS MAN MUST HAVE POSSESSED ALL YOU DESIRED IN A MAN AND FOR ONE REASON THATZ BEST KNOWN TO U ALONE, U SUDDENLY DO NOT LOVE HIM ANYMORE. MY CANDID ADVICE, DO NOT KILL THE GOOSE THAT LAY THE GOLDEN EGG! "HAD I KNOWN" CAN BE VERY DISASTROUS ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU DO NOT FIND UR SPEC...GASKIA!

janetfashionsandstyles said...

dont try my dear don't

Anonymous said...

check yourself well, you have feelings for another person.

Anonymous said...

I'd recommend that you see as much as possible Anthony Robbins video on marriage. Your perspective 'll change and you'll find out that you may love him just as much as its needed to keep your marriage working!

Mischievous said...

Love shouldn't be the only reason for marriage, at least for a successful one. Marriage requires tolerance and understanding. Love fades, tolerance and understanding can only grow.

Anonymous said...

Mehhhhn @edDREAMZ just quoted a line from d movie LAW ABIDING CITIZEN lol....very nice........by the way lady my advice is if you cant love whoever you want Love who you are with.

Anonymous said...

I really hope you get to see my comment because I seem to be the last person commenting here.From the previous comments, you can see that majority are advising you to cancel the wedding.Those who have never been where you are now are the ones saying you have found another lover or spirit husband of a thing.My dear, I have been where you are and I canceled the wedding, it was not easy but I tell you it was one of the best decisions of my life I never regret. I had to face the taunting of hey what happened to your engagement ring and colleagues sneering and gossiping about me, even my oga in the office used me to preach in his church. I saw it all but I wasnt moved at all because those people dont know what I was going through before I reneged the engagement. Kindly google COLDFEET and you will see stories that touch the heart. I tell you that all you need to do is make sure this doesnt happen again by being very sure of a man before saying yes to him or allowing him see your parents. You also need to be emotionally matured, cos this can also be an issue. Google EMOTIONAL MATURITY too. Read wide and then choose what you want: Happiness or people's approval. I tell you that you will still face people's jabberings when you finally back out of the marriage after the wedding cos it will happen. Be strong and save yourself and the man. If you love this man at all, you will not put him into a loveless marriage. Wish you God's strength as you make the right decision. Its not easy but planet earth is not for easy life.

Unknown said...

Nhmmm, this is a critical decision to make at this point my dear. You are just not open enough, there must have been something he did, he's doing that makes u not to love him again or what u'r expected of him to do for u as a wife and he's not meeting up the standard. Dear PRAYER is the key to every situation..... Don't be carried away with material and sweet coated men deceiving u.

Unknown said...

Nhmmm, this is a critical decision to make at this point my dear. You are just not open enough, there must have been something he did, he's doing that makes u not to love him again or what u'r expected of him to do for u as a wife and he's not meeting up the standard. Dear PRAYER is the key to every situation..... Don't be carried away with material and sweet coated men deceiving u.

kechz said...

My dear, pls dnt make a mistake u will never forgive urself for doing. I was in d same shoe as u are now some years back. looking back now i wished i had not gone ahead wt that wedding, and guess what? it eventually crumbled like a pack of badly arranged cards.Be wise, listen to your heart. a broken engagement is better. Do you think u can spend the rest of your life with this person? if not ..... pls take a walk. Its a life time commitment.

Anonymous said...

If u love yourself dear,pls opt out now!

Anonymous said...

its beta yu tel him before time and not make a mistake of a life time or u can go ahead with d marriage nd prolly u'll grow to love him :)

Unknown said...

since u re sacred to stop the wedding, y not let him know about your feelings,am very sure that u re going to have a solution by sharing it with him

Unknown said...

dear just as u have shared it on network y not summon that same courage and tell him about your feelings, am very sure that a solution is going to come out after u share ur thoughts

Anonymous said...

i dont know wat to tell u cos am not married too.

Anonymous said...

It never too late girl, open up to this gentle man before is too late. Not that after marriage you then come complaining that this was not the man you ever wanted to get marry to.Nay beg I dey.

Anonymous said...

dear lady pls don't marry him, I am a man and I made the same mistake, my marriage is still alive because I am a xtian and cant marry another woman, but I am a sad man.

Anonymous said...

From my own experience, I would advise you not to bother venturing into it. I did my trad 2yrs ago and before it, I knew I no longer loved my man. I took on the excuse that we had dated for long and everything had been set.
Today, I am out of it. Though married to another man, I wish I never ventured into the first.

Anonymous said...

Why not tell him how you feel, so he could help you find why u fell in love wit him in d first place, even in long marriages couples fall out of love and fall back in, dats y we r humans. Pls disregard d idiots saying don't marry or it's for life. Even as a christain
If u feel it's draining d life out of u,u can leave

Anonymous said...

Easy..You can always fall back in love with him. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

Take it or leave it...all you need do is watch "TEMPTATIONS" confession of a marriage counselor. the answer you need is there. it is a black american movie, written by Tyler Perry.

PP said...

would have been nice to have realized this pre-engagement but what is done is done. Three options; A. Marry, be miserable B.Tell him, cancel the wedding, disinvite guests, blah blah blah C. Stage a 'kidnapping'. Pretend you've been kidnapped for a couple days, the wedding will be cancelled, get 'released' two weeks after your wedding, go through a shaken up phase, then a confused one, then break up (2 months work tops) D. Fake an accident, pay a hospital/doctor to put casts on your arms and one leg, cancel the wedding and just let the whole topic and relationship fade E. Just tell him because he deserves the respect that any man wanting to marry a woman deserves. It's the greatest insult to marry someone you don't love, to be with them because you feel obligated...you at least owe him honesty.

AnnMarie said...

marriage is for a life time. think before u act

Anonymous said...

This is d best advice!!!.... lmao....

Anonymous said...

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