I can't withstand violence in a relationship. I was once a victim. The relationship lasted for about three/four years. I didn't know who I was then. I was so timid, I almost stopped smiling and almost stopped laughing, but there was this inner strength in me that helped me to rediscover myself. In fact, I had no self esteem then. I wanted to change and be who I was not, based on the ill treatment and violent nature of my man then. He was constantly abusing, beating and battering me inside the house and in public places. I think there was a time when I walked round with bandage on my leg, courtesy of my violent lover. Funny enough, this violent lover of mine claimed to love me and wanted to marry me then.Please continue...
I wanted to marry him. I had started buying pots and other household items because I was in love. I wanted to settle down, I wanted to have my children with him. I wanted to be happy and continue to do my work but he was that bad. I kept think he would change, but he didn't. I tried my best to be everything to him, but finally I said enough was enough, this relationship was not of God and not for me. During those turbulent periods, I was ashamed. I couldn't tell anybody. Why did I stay? It's very ironical because after the beating comes the gifts, the begging, the cries and words like 'It's your fault, I'd try and change, it's not me..' Everybody will now be saying forgive him, he's begging. In one of the beatings, he broke my ankle..but let's not dwell much on things of the past.
I cannot tell you his name, we are both separately married now and still waxing stronger in the entertainment industry. Those that knew us then know the person and they also know his name.
***I don't understand why some women shield violent men. Why would you not want to mention his name? Someone beats you silly for many years, you do an interview and you refuse to call him out? Who do you think she's talking about?
I hate men who hit women...I can forgive a man who cheats, but not a man who is violent towards women...shame on you!
43 comments:
It's a loaded accusation , you sure it's Sammie?
As u said Lily, I never liked dat man, now I know why.... Nonsense!!!
thank u jare Linda, its Sammie Okposo, who didnt know they dated for so long and wt his eyes like omo oni paraga...i can swear he's d one, Kate was becoming a recluse then, she was wt house on d rock, a choir and was always not smiling, ugly and miserable...wonder u her pastor didnt notice d changes then, when i heard she married a white man, i said finally this ugly fokasibe of a man has pushed this girl away from naija.....
Linda abeg add allegedly oh. Abi you get lawyer on retainer?
As I was reading I too thought of Sammie, cos those were the days of Old Encomium and co before City people came on the scene.
Lol @ Linda's comment at the end of Kate's piece. Of course everyone who follows Naija entertainment gist knows that the person she is referring to is Sammie Okposo. And I'm sure she wanted it known too otherwise she wouldn't have given us so much detail. I am happy she got out of the relationship in the end. My mum is also one of the lucky survivors of an abusive marriage Others aren't always so lucky...
Linda, you are really something.(lol)
When it comes to abuse of any sort in relationships, I get really hot headed. But the truth is I do not still know how I would react if I am ever caught in such a situation. Oh yes.... I am one of those girls who say over my dead body will stay with a man who beats me. But, I know that I am someone that would try and make a relationship work especially if I am head over heels in love. I can feel it. I have never been in love and so we will see what happens.
I don't really judge women who stay in abusive marriages or relationships (as each case is different). But I applaud those who eventually have the sense to leave one. And so, I think Kate deserves to be praised for such bravery. She is happily married now which means things worked out right for her in the end.
As for Sammie, I just hope he does not abuse his wife now. But his chances of changing are so minute, that I believe the lady is under all sorts of abuse. May God help her.
Ke limda abi na wotin b zat ya nam sef,i too dey tok wallahi...whats ur stress wf mentioning d guy's name?, d lady says she does'nt want d guy's name mentioned..W.H.Y???...anyways tnx 4 d aproco,neva knew de once dated..
Yeah, you can't really judge someone for staying in an abusive relationship. It is hard for them to leave especially when they claim they love the man and that the man loves them. I'm happy for Kate Henhaw and I am also happy that she talked about it openly. At least other women can read her story and be inpired
even a dumbass knows its sammie okposo.
Good, Kate is speaking against violence in relationship/marriage.
She stood by the guy,denying media reports over their regular fights.
Kate thanks for opening speaking out.
who does not know it was that area boy called sammie i hope he has been delivered by pst adefarasin whom he abused soooteeey that one tire for am , to imagine what this beautiful damsel wld hve gone through sha oooh Thank God no bi anoda african you marry , at least this your husband get coins , eeh be fine man and trust oyiinbo they can love . i almost married one when i went to college but when i think of him JT kai i change my mind i like em black solid and endowed . lol
Sammie Okposo thou.... Surprising..go cm dy form one holy guy, mtcheww
Thanks linda,am so happy u said 2 cheat is better than beat a woman,wish my girl will understand things the way u do
Thank God she leave that hypocrite before e kill am. Chai i pity dat girl wey marry am. I'm sure in the next five years she go need facial and mental reconstruction. Me i know say i no go fit stay for abusive relationship because of one, my family. Na only brothers i get and if fim happen to me that idiot go hear whem. So even if i no wan commot my family go tie me for inside house until i forget the idiot.
Secondly, na small thing dey irritate me, so i for don sense abusive nature from day one. I be one of those people wey dey very observant and one mistake na bye bye. By the way, i've always disliked sammie greaseball.
*ajalahtravel*
linda please dont join people to just draw conclusions to this matter,it may be sammie okposo or not,but then if this is true kate is to be blamed she would hv walked out of him early enough and why say this now?the he in question is married now according to her, so with this what does she think she is doing.her husband may not like this ooooo.
Hmm Sammie okposo with his strong face and bloodshot eyes married to lovely ozioma who is from such a good home..i just hope he doesn't hit her anyway she has big brothers that will deal with him...i am so so happy Kate has put him on blast so now everyone will start looking at him suspiciously and look out for his poor impressionable wife!!! anumpam!!!
Of course it's sammy now. I know too much about that relationship, the only sad thing is that this kate girl too lie. You had a very bad fetish only sammy could satisfy and you liked every bit of the hitting. Why do some women lie about being abused? Sam is a cool guy, all the hitting was demanded by yours truly then, unbelievable but true. I actually witnessed one fight in Akoka back in the day and this kate girl just wants attention. When a woman starts saying things like "the relationship lasted about 3 or 4 years" you ask yourself why did she keep accepting the guy back? Sammy had a kid at this time and kate was just his smallie. Stop making sammy look like he is evil, you liked him choking you and strapping you down for sex. When you guys watch stupid porn and want to experiment with every nonsense you see forgetting the models in these movies are trained or die hard babes you imagine you can get a man by doing all these yeye things too. Swallow your pride kate and forget the past, I believe you have changed and not seeking sammy's attention once again. I know and you know that sex for you guys was "fire" sorry if i spilled too much beans, just don't like the fact you make him look bad when you sef your hand nor clean.....mcheeeeew!
Sammy Okposio what a surprise. All these public christains. Serves a few chics right. You see a bad guy, he tells you i love to drink, smoke hang-out etc but no way the chics run after the so-called born agains.
I remember one christain girl telling me how bad born again guys are and how she will never marry a so called born-again. Sad men.
i am glad you have amended it. Abeg try and stay out of trouble Linda.
That said, as a victim of domestic violence. It is not so easy to walk away. Because all these he-devils make sure the good times are really good,dripping with milk and honey.
They also apologize profusely, swear it would never happen again and go out of their way to make it up to you.
i am glad i could walk away and i am glad she could too
Happy for her. She didn't say what she did to always drive him to do that. It takes two to tangle. Surprisingly a lot of women take weak men for granted and are attracted to btrute force which seem to be the only weapon that can control them. Sad. Nothing should ever justify a man hitting a woman, the woman should also know what drives the man mad and avoid such.
First, I believe what Kate said about trying to be nice and loving to him despite the fight because an average Calabar/Akwa Ibom lady knows how to love and treat a man. Second, women at times cause the fight in the home (a woman can tell you any abominable thing you can think of to provoke you) but I will advise men that there are many other ways of beating a woman without touching her. Third, Linda I joined in asking that you get a legal adviser, if you don't know any, yours truly is one
Maybe she is not happy that her ex has finally found a woman that respects him. She sound as if she is missing the spark and violence in that relationship. Relationships differ. As a man, I have been in violent relationships where I was been abused physically and psycologically. Some women are just so impossible. Remember our Nigerian ambassador to Kenyan.
@ Linda nd other Judges,u av 2 be careful here.a relationship involves 2 person.Pls hear 4rm d other person involved b4 hurrying to conclusion.
@Kate Henshaw.i guess u av become so idle.pls get busy in d kitchen.
Which one be say make she reveal the person name? Abegi. At least she's speaking out unlike most people.
Anon October 11, 2011 5:43 AM. Thank you very much for your comment which I tend to agree with, because I remember one interview Kate gave in those days of 'prime people' and 'hints', about something that sounds like, "Na me know wetin de keep me and Sammie together". (Not her exact words but sounds like that).
I thought they were together for more than 4 years. Good thing she is happy now in her marriage. But pls let us say things as they are or make we just leave sleeping dogs alone.
The first thing I look out for in a man is the slightest trace of violence. Infact chance is that na me go even give the first blow before man go touch me.
'Eyes should be wide open when loving' is what I believe
....first i don't think it's nice for u to have mentioned or suggested any name. that amounts to character assassination and it is worse off than physical abuse.
secondly, women have really large hearts, that is the reason why they love and protect and hold on even when the odds are against them. women are long suffering (not forever suffering). have u forgotten that love covers wrongs? find a woman who is in love, and you'll see a woman who will make all excuses for her man (maybe until she runs out of excuses and finally says she cant take it anymore). look at it this way - no matter how bad a child is, s/he still has the mother's love and protection. it is same for their r/ships. so even if she walks out, she wont mention his name. she loved him, and she still protects him. ever heard that a woman released a sex tape of her and her boyfriend after their breakup? so dont blame any woman who stays on or still protects her ex by not revealing his abusive nature in public. the 'love' feeling is as individually peculiar as it is complicated. its easy for some people to just walk out and walk on, its much more difficult for others. so just pray never to find yourself in that situation rather than brag about what u'll do or not do, let alone criticize/judge others.
Anonymous 5.43am..
You are a full blooded idiot.. That's if its not Sammy himself saying trash. I hope you don't have sisters that men will use a punching bags. Oshi!!
Many women have died from abusive relationships just cos they were silent or hoping he'd change.
You've not been in this situation so shut your foolish mouth up!!
No be here we dey Mrs. Banker died from abusive relationship, if only she knew she would have moved out and still be alive to take care of her daughter.
Good Job Kate... You're one of my favorite star and I admire you and the courage you took to talk about this.
Linda biko post my comments na..
This post just made me happy.. I wish all women can come out of the hold of abusive relationships and seek for better life cos there's a better man or men sef out there for you.
Thank God for your life. We even see the difference between then and now. Hope other women will stand up and leave abusive relationships.
Please read my piece on how to identify an abuser, even from a distance.
Go to abujafood.com. "Sniffing out an Abuser". Y'all will love the info therein.
The young lady should not be blamed 'cos she got involved with a monster sissy who calls himself a man by beating on womenfolk. She did the right thing to walk out of that sissy's life. It is pathological, they never change regardless of how muc time afforded them to. And the poor lady wanted to make it work by falling for his lies and decietful apologies. Good for you and I wish you would have damned the consequence and blot out the name of the SOB. I feel sorry for his prey (wife) now and y'all that know him must know the woman he eventually married and be ready to rescue her if you dont see her outdoors for two consecutive days. Any mand that lays hand on my sister or daughter must have me to encounter. No two ways about it. African women tend to have more tendencies of staying in abusive relationship than the western women because they want to be married by any means. Thank God she came out of it in one piece.
But she saw the signs and stayed, why? or is the fetish gist true? I had someone who i agreed to go out on a date with on say monday by thursday he is calling, texting bbming 100times, telling me it must be a man I am with it (we both lead busy lives and have no time but he was on leave and i will still busy at work) I knew straught away he wasnt for me, and removed him from my life cus those are the signs.
But Na wa, this is so rampant in our society. I mean even apart from what we read in the media ie: nurses in yankee, amabassadors wife etc: http://efemenaoreoluwa.blogspot.com/2011/06/what-exactly-is-going-on-with-domestic.html
mrs edoho,
skye bank, vi branch lady: http://efemenaoreoluwa.blogspot.com/2011/06/what-exactly-is-going-on-with-domestic_28.html
oba's wife (who is now dead): http://efemenaoreoluwa.blogspot.com/2011/07/olori-you-see-in-photo-is-dead-and.html
I have two very good friends (over 10years) who in the name of being called Mrs Somebody are currently enduring abusive relationships.
I SAY LADIES SHOULD GROW BALLS (ABI NA BREASTS I GO SAY NOW) TO TELL THE PEOPLE IN OUR LIVES THAT PUT PRESSURE ON US TO MARRY ANY ONE WHO WASNT CREATED TO BE OUR LIFELONG LOVING I REPEAT LOVING PARTNER TO MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS THAT GOD CREATED US FOR A REASON AND TO BE USED AS TESTRUN FOR POUNDED YAM WASNT ONE OF THOSE REASONS!!! WHATEVER PRESSURE BE IT DUE TO SOCIAL, FINANCIAL, SEXUAL, AGE, PROMOTION AT WORKPLACE,and so on. It may seem lonely for now but you will get your own peace and your pwwn man in God's time. When you get to your 60's 70's you would be looking like one still in her 40s bcos of peace of mind!
I STRONGLY SAY NO TO VIOLENCE IN RELATIONSHIPS
i knew that was why kate settled for a white man. they r honestly better i have to say but i will still marry a nigerian God help me.
of course naa,i know its SAMMIE OKPOSO. that time they were all over the place in warri n they go past my street like 10times in a day with kate never looking too happy. am happy u left him for ur white husband Nutall. someone who appreciates u more....
An allegation does not mean it's a fact or the truth. No one supports domestic or non domestic violence.
Kate Henshaw- Nuttal's aim is character assassination and to grab press coverage.
The allegation was not public then and neither has it been proven.
There are 3 sides to an argument; party A, party B and the Truth. You made no effort or attempt to obtain Sammie Okposo's side of this story. All you heard is Domestic Violence and you publish the story as if it is the truth.
Any wonder why you are not a trained or qualified journalist. Anyone can carry a card as a journalist, but not everyone that carry's that card is actually a journalist. We know how you got the stupid journalist card you carry to fool yourself and deceive the public. Get you facts right before publish.
Linda Ikeji, be careful how you get carried away by one sided story and tarnish people's image, reputation and public perception of them. Be careful. Be careful or one of these days you will face legal action and punitive compensation claim.
is old age finaly catching up on our baby faced katey or is this d handiwork of some dumb photographter? just asking. flame
OMG @ Anony 5.43 - LOL! This is why people have to watch how they live their lives because you never know where God will take you in the future and people will come back to spill what you were, what you are, what you can be and what you will be KAI.
She was with Sammie Okposo for 8 years, I think she is talking about him. He is such a hypocrite, I stopped listening to his music because his lifestyle is so opposite of the music he sings. I don't know how a man can sing about Christ but will have a woman in every LGA that he is nacking. And this no be somebody tell me, I get ears, I get eyes.
sammie okposo ke, na wa o. To be honest I would ne be surprised cause he came to be the choir master In House on the Rock London for a while around 2003 or so. I was in the choir and just used to think he was an ass main cause of the way he thought he com come and start talking to us anyhow. I was not about to stand for any of his holy than duo crap. Happy you got out of that relationship cause men as well as woman can mentally manipulate a relationship and one you feel that the beating is your fault you will still remain there. If you are in a relationship with a man or a woman and you feel less of a person when your with them you need to take off your shoes and run. Most especially those that call themselves men or women of God. The church is like an hospital and everybody is there for one thing or another, just don’t jam person wa their own illness pass your own. Thankfully I married my friend and he would never touch me. I pray we all marry our friends who love and respect us.
Good to see her happy now. Nothing makes a woman beautiful like fulfilment from within. I recall that interview in prime people - i even recall the particular outfit she had on (weird abi?). Sammie saying "she is a very good girl, and we are going to get married". And yes, he was hitting her. I recall meeting her in the house of one of the Akoka crowd, she was explaining in tears the cause of their latest fight that drove her to that Aunty's place in Akoka. I kinda thought it at odds with the interview contents.
Sammie should come out to deny it. those of us who lived close to Opa Williams's studio in Surulere then close to adeniji dey fit watch free film. there was one so shameful fighting on the street. it was shame. but very happy for her now. His wife should open up when he starts with her.
Whosoever he is, am sure he is nothin buh a beast. Good idea dat kate emotions didn't force her 2 stay wif him else we'll be mournin anoda celebrity.
watsoeva he is called, am sure he is a beast in human uniform. Really cool dat kate's emotion or love 4 d beast didn't prevent her 4rm leavin, else we'll be mournin anoda celebrity.
I hope people in abusive relationships reading this understand you can leave and move on. Speaking up even without the names is useful. I now understand Kate always volunteering for the V Monologues plays to raise money and awareness against violence against women. Her commitment and volunteerism came from a personal place. Good job she moved on. That Sammy beat her is no news. and for those saying she enjoyed it so much she stayed.... hahahaha she LEFT.
Wondering why Kate never took a lawyer or police against his beater, so sad. But good a star and role model to many spoke out, it will help others hiding under abusive relationships to free their selves.
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