Dear LIB readers: My husband and I can't stand each other anymore
From a female LIB reader
I married this man in an elaborate wedding that cost both our parents a fortune less than a year ago. I can't stand him anymore. And he's told me on numerous occasions that he can't stand me either. At the time I married him everyone told me he was the ideal guy and comes from a good, wealthy family. We dated for less than a year before getting married but the marriage was over before it even started. He's spoilt, egocentric and with him there's no middle ground. It's his way or the high way. These things I only noticed after I married him. I sincerely can't see myself spending the rest of my life with this man. The last time he touched me was just five months into our marriage. I'm sure he's getting it somewhere else but who cares? We are still keeping up appearances and still live in the same house but I want out. Thing is, my parents will be so disappointed in me because they have invested so much in us. I don't want to disappoint them because I am the first daughter but I'm tired of this sham of a marriage. Apart from my parents I don't want my friends to laugh at me because they are all happily married. What should I do?
My dear you think you have a problem but I can assure you u don't. Every woman felt this way at one time or the other in marriage,This is the stage of your marriage where you act like a fool and make more of the sacrifice. I can assure you if u stoop now you will conquer. That man will eat out of your hands later. He is trying to break you to assert himself just act broken, be wise, if u ask those your friends who seem happily married u will be surprised the sacrifices they made, if they are honest. Above all pray about everything you will receive grace to succeed
Commit it into God's hand and always remember that 2wrongs can never make a right.wake him up in the middle of the night and talk with him heart to heart after you must have commune with God. Leaving the relationship wont help because the devil you have known is better than the angel you are just meeting.I wish you all the best
I wonder wat marriage is turni into,its God that ordained marriage from d beginning. Go to him and ask him to change him.meet ur pastor for counselling, Read Power of a Praying Wife By OMARTAN.
You know what the first year of marriage can be difficult especially after the joy.of d ' honeymoon' period. You might just have to involve parents, that way you can both air ur concerns without arguing and work towards a solution. By the time I was 8mths or so into my marriage, I thought I had made the biggest mistake of my life and wanted out too. But i've been married for 11 yrs now. Guess what? It's the best mistake i ever made. Married to the sweetest man. My best buddy for life. Fashiontinz.com. STYLE for LESS.
MARRIAGE CANNOT BE ENDURED OR ENDURED... EVEN THE PEOPLE U THINK ARE HAPPILY MARRIED HAVE THEIR OWN BAD MOMENTS BUT BC THEY ARE MUTUALLY KEEN ON THE MARRIAGE, ITS EASIER TO RESOLVE THE DIFFERENCES AND COPE WITH EACH OTHER... MY DEAR, B4 HE KILLS U OR U KILL URSELF, OR U KILL HIM OR HE KILLS HIMSELF.. BIKO, ABEG, SIL VO PLAIT, DON ALLAH, EJOO, INVOLVE OTHERS THAT CAN TALK TO HIM AND IF U R SURE U CANNOT COPE, PLEASE CARRY UR GHANA MUST GO AND GO... MARRIAGE NO BE BY FORCE.. AND IF NA U DEY MESS UP THEN... TRY AND FIX U!
Those ur friends that u think are happily married, trust me they hv thier own drama to deal with also....No marriage is a bed of roses. I suggest u involve ur parents and his parents and if he doesn't change do what makes u happy....Simplee
the marriage is just too early for you to give up. Just keep praying and you could also try practical solutions like marriage counselling. A solution must come up.
You guys rushed into wedlock without taking time to know each other deeply...Walking out of your marriage won't solve the issue..you have no choice than to be patience,talk to elderly people(both parents)work things out and also report the case to GOD...
you see, that is why it is advise to date your spouse for a quality duration of time before venturing into marriage. I think you both should sit down and have a heart to heart talk, most solutions to problems lies in communication....Marriage is for better for worse o, pls.
U talked u replied urself, or am I d only one who tink u've answered urself by saying u want out. U want out, walk out or reather run out mayb dat way he can't catch u...
YOU SEE IN MARRIAGE IS ALL ABOUT PATIENCE AND ENDURING AND COMMUNICATING WITH YOUR SPOUSE IS A GOOD IDEA TO CREATE A BETTER UNDERSTANDING BETWEEN YOU BOTH.
Recently, I've come to realise that in the Nigerian society it is only the women that are trained to be wives and not the men. The men are not taught by their parents on how to be husbands to the women they marry. What we now have is boys marrying women. That's the bedrock of all the new marital problems creeping up nowadays. What woman will want to submit to a boy? Mothers need to teach their sons as much as they teach their daughters about marriage to avoid stories that touch.
My dear,am in the same boat tooo...a lot of men and even women get married cos of the wrong reasons...my advice is to go to God in prayer and ask him to heal your marriage,and restore that peace and love in your home...nobody says it will be easy,but at the end it will be worth it..I dnt advice that you should involve 3rd parties(both parents)nobody forced you to say I DO..you had a choice then to walk out..but since you are already in it..Ask for God's mercy and Grace
I hope things work out for you though.... but just like anon 11:45said, youve kinda made it a public thing now. Even though you didnt write your name, those close to you will still know.
PRAY ABOUT IT DEAR, GOD CAN CHANGE EVERY MAN ALL IS FOR U TOO GO ON YOUR KNEES AND ASK GOD.YOUR MARRIAGE IT TOO EARLY TO BREAK UP,IF FAIL IN THIS ONE YOU WILL DEFINITELY FAIL IN THE NEXT, STUDY YOU HUSBAND CLOSELY KNOW IS DO AND DON'T MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL KNOW ALL IS WEAK POINT AND HOW TO MAKE HIM WANT YOU. DO A LOT OF SACRIFICE
PRAY ABOUT IT DEAR, GOD CAN CHANGE EVERY MAN ALL IS FOR U TOO GO ON YOUR KNEES AND ASK GOD.YOUR MARRIAGE IT TOO EARLY TO BREAK UP,IF FAIL IN THIS ONE YOU WILL DEFINITELY FAIL IN THE NEXT, STUDY YOU HUSBAND CLOSELY KNOW IS DO AND DON'T MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL KNOW ALL IS WEAK POINT AND HOW TO MAKE HIM WANT YOU. DO A LOT OF SACRIFICE
yes plz buy doz books o,so many pple hav recomended d bk,I even see it on fbs self,me sef I don munch am as pple de recomnd am tire,dis shud b lyk d 5th tym am munchin,ok no more procastination,off 2 buy it,ttyl
♍y̶̲̥̅̊ dear, frm all indications, it shows both of Æ”☺ΰ didn't get tÆ ̴̴̴̴͡ knw eachoda enuf b4 signing d lifetime contract called marriage hence d early misunderstandings. Again, its so glaring their is no love lost btw both of Æ”☺ΰ cos if there is, both of Æ”☺ΰ wuld tolerate or overlook eachoda's imperfections.
♍y̶̲̥̅̊ candid advise tÆ ̴̴̴͡ both of Æ”☺ΰ is tÆ ̴̴̴̴͡ separate 4 sumtime and see if Æ”☺ΰ'll miss eachoda. If Æ”☺ΰ do, den Æ”☺ΰ can come 2geda again, identify and work on dose tinz dat are causing unending fights btw both of Æ”☺ΰ bt if after separation Æ”☺ΰ dnt miss eachoda one bit, Æ”☺ΰ shld divorce cos life is too short tÆ ̴̴̴̴͡ stay in a lifeless marriage. Marriage shld be enjoyed not endured.
U guyz shud stop dat nonsence sayin dat marriage cannot b endured,we knw dat it ought 2 b enjoyed bt dere ar som tins dat we must endure,marriage aint bed of rosed 4 cryin out loud,gush I hate dat parable
May be he noticed u are using Oil/saliva instead of natural wet ,check your self and fix the differences. try to find out his annoyance , may be he's noticing your hidden flaws
Go for marriage counseling my dear.....don't give up so easily.....most men are that way, it's the way you handle the situation that matters.....a woman has control over her marriage, be that vulnerable woman that needs him, he'll def fall in place gradually
Five months without sex? Quit before he brings you an STD or AIDS from wherever he's getting it. You have no kids, no complications besides the fear of other people's judgments. Run before you get pregnant or wind up with a disease.
My dear, you assume your friends are all happy. That's the biggest lie. Every relationship has its own issue it's just how you manage it. Marriage is a wrapped gift, when you remove the wrapper, you know what's inside. Seek the face of God and put in all efforts. Afterall, there must have been something you must have loved in the guy to have made you marry him. Good luck.
As the lady here, u have to play the part of the fool (by being humble) give in your best in making the marriage work. U need to have a change of mind, don't want the marriage to work because of investment but because u love hima nd u want your marriage to work. I believe Love conquers all. 1Cor 13. U can make up your mind to over look his excesses. If this was your child involved in addiction or something I believe you won't give up on him. So be determined to make this work. Lastly I advice going for counselling.
My dear sister, I'm sure the marriage had packed up long time before t even started but u were on the case of i don't want to disappoint my parents. Girlie move on cos once the kids start to come, u'll hate him and the fact that u have children will always bring you together. I'm sure your soul mate is somewhere out there and you'll find him soon. Keep praying but don't think bcos ur frnds will laff at u, u'll stay in an unhappy marriage. What makes u think all ur married frnds are happy? Hun? Pls better late than never cos i don't want u having BP dat u'll nurture the rest of ur life. God be with u.
Lindodo....... Honestly this topic made me love ur blog more or else I av made up mind to visit if I see bad comments .... Now I had bn in same boat with this couple, with good families around and prayer we were able to over come.... Dear simply pray and involve ur parents .. Good luck
This is undiluted Infatuation. See where it has landed you. Expensive weddings don't guarantee successful marriages. Talk to your spiritual head about this.
You see! That is Wat happens wen u SETTLE! Dey told u he's d "ideal" man n comes frm a wealthy family; dat is d genesis of ur problem. So u settled for Wat u had no passion for, jst to pls ppl. Suck it up n deal wiv d consequences of staying in or opting out; u need to stop doin stuff to pls ppl. U got one life only.....YOLO
My love... im gonna call u dat. Pls, pls, n pls dnt b deceived... der r only 2 ways 2 go abt an issue as delicate as marriage.first is pray abt it n secndly wrk ob it...u cumin 2 lib 2 complain abt ur man of barely a yr is nt entirely wise...callin him spoit n egocentric is nt wise eida, u guys dated rit? U had somw sort of feelins 4 him wen he tks u out or buy u stuffs wen he cums callin..nw cos ur married n he dosnt guv u much attntion u wnt out? Aldou marriage is mnt 2 b enjoyd its also mnt 2 b endured dats y its 4 bera 4 worst.u hve 2 find dat spark..mk him fall in love wif u alova again.seduce him, humble ursef love, cherish, n pamper him..weda u loved him b4 or nt nw mk ursef fall 4 him. Call him b u guys shud tlk tins out..if it dosnt wrk d first tym try again, n again until it dose.dnt guv up on him, on ursefs.hvnt eva heard of d sayib dat a woman n eida mk or brk a home? Weda ur marriage stays or goes is in ur hnds n I nid u 2 mk it wrk...develop feelins4 him, cuk 4 him, guv him d fuckin of his lyf n u wil c hum always cumin home 2 u...pls dnt opt out o..cos der r no perfct persn anywer Iin d world even in mars!
Hmn.... I can imagine how u feel, although i do not know exactly hoe you fell. I'll tell my cousin's story. He married dis wonderful lady and we tot the lady is the unfortunate bride in the world; my cousin, I will describe as the irresponsible and spoilt, lives in the fantasy in his head. But he is happily married and their marriage is working fine! i call his wife the miracle worker bcos she even helped rebuild the broken relationship btw my cousin, his mum and his younger sisters, for u to know how ill the guy is. But the lady submitted herslf in total HUMILITY, swallowed all of his crap and made his realize with love the effects of his crap, she covers his ass in the family alot and doesnt even allow his sibling to see his mess. They've been marrid for 7yrs and still counting.
My dear, I dont know if your husband is as horrible as this my cousin, but i will implore you to take this to God in prayers, trust me, He can always bring beauty out of ur ashes, He has the heart of the king in His hands and like rivers of water, He turns as desired. Seriously, pls calm down, you can make it work once you form a team with God and watch Him change ur man to your husband.
my dear make ur marriage work look for ways to spice it up and a little trust will do it leave ur folks and friends out of it. know that it is a passing phase u will overcome soon but remember always knee before the creator.
Wow! I applaud your response to this story, it's because of some well educated and well thinkers like you that I read this blog. Thank you and this will be my first comment ever.
Primary prob is dat U assume Ur frnds R happily married n ur not. U sound like som1 who will definately complain abt d next person's flaws afta opting out of this marriage. The Lord is UR muscle
Here's what I think, women av an habit of exaggerating the situation. Our minds just blow it out of proportion, ur marriage is nt as bad as u think plus everyone goes thru this things. I dated my husband for 3years and been married for another 2 I can assure u.there was a time I asked.if he really loved me or married me out of convinience. Here's my advice: 1. Be.humble, laugh when he says hurtful things or at least smile Over time he will stop been annoying. 2. Play the obedient and humble wife take all his crop and big ego. Over time he will out grow it. 3. Play d good wife. 4. Deliberately ask for d see, make sure u get it. Blow is dick and balls off. I mean fcuk him Lik a horny batch. Give him something to think about. Take control of d see. 4. If all this doesn't work after 2 weeks then u need to put up an happy attitude and av a buddy call u off d hook. He needs to think there is another man. The power of jealousy will drive him straight back to u but first try d good girl way it's d easier one.
Many dudes from wealthy homes where their parents failed to do their necessary homework are like that. I think you av to call a family meeting within ur parents first and then between both parents. I would av preferred if you would sit him down and talk sense into his head first but since u said u can't stand him, i guess ur parents can still stand him.
Actually the first year of marriage is the most trying especially if u got married without courting for long! When I n my hubby started OMG! We fought all the tym! Everything he did irritated me, I would be screaming at him n in my heart I don't even know why I was doing it! But after the initial adjustment stage we r as happy as the Care Bears! We both understood each more with each passing day, I came to accept that he was human n not a superhero n I just let him love me the way he has always wanted to... So babe, all u need is a little more understanding n prayers! It does work wonders....
my dear jst take it easy. the truth is many are this point, a cross road. The issue is never take ur time to knowing him. so try to come down, see what good u can make out it.If u can have the will, there is a way. Be strong, only u can make up ur mind to do what u feel is best for u.
My dear when you start having problems in your marriage then you can seek advive. i don't see one here. The problem you and your husband have is no one wants to back down for the other. its amazing how at the smallest of issues, the next thing that come to mind is divorce. I ma sure most of the people on her advicing you to walk away are single.
Couples whose marriages are over, or nearly over, have usually uncoupled, or disconnected from each other. If you’re no longer spending any time together, if one or both of you is spending all your time at work, with friends, online—and if feels like a relief not to be with each other—it’s a sign that you've already disengaged from the marriage. That said, mrs poster, as long as you haven't had kids, it will be easier to split, the fact that you didn't know each other well enough is a factor for your unhappiness. speak to your parents and decide from there.
you both need a getaway. abi both of u r wealthy abi from wealthy home. try flying around the world alone, that love must spring back up by force. oh my dear lift it to God, He'll repair it. gd luck.
I am also in a big mess like this, but i'm still courtin and i dont like the guy because am beginning to see some things i cant tolorate in him, but i'm the only daughter and everybody keeps saying he's the right man for me.......#tears i really want to leave him.
This ur mumu attitude of wondering what people will say is probably what got you to this mess in the first place. I will not advice yoy to walk out of a marriage. Find God and he will grant you the spirit to sustain your marriage.
you married the wrong man. you never loved him and he never loved you either. you wanted a lavish life style and he wanted something else, and he is getting it from his new girlfriend. trust me, he is done with you. and has moved on. i suggest u do same
Whatever happened to working on ur marriage? Mehn this our generation really needs reorientation, our parents are 30 years together & more, it's not been all rosy, as long as he's not violent, d rest are issues u can live with, work on urself and u would conquer evil by doing good, gently & lovingly correct ur hubby, d grass is never greener on d other side, no other marriage is perfect, marriage is a garden, the more u nurture it, d better it turns out
am sure from what you have said it was a match make from both parents....if you were not interested from the word go then why did u marry him....now you are more concerned about the same parents who lured you into the weddin than you life...if its not workin out call it quits...and stop with the facade of a marriage already cept you not lookin forward to a fruitful future
I love your comment. It takes two to fight. Both partiess have got ego issues. Young lady, work on your ego and take the lower desk. God has made him your head. You as the neck, turn him as you wish by being the best wife a woman can be. One luv.
You need to know your place as a wife. The only problem might be you. No man wants a mother or a boss in his house, so as long as you want to show him you are boss, the house will be like that. If you honor and obey your husband no matter what he says and does, you will discover that after a short while he will appreciate you and hold you high. Humble yourself to him, he will appreciate and love you as you want.
hi...well, i also just got married and totally understand. Go and ask your parents especially your mum how she managed to sustain her own marriage. marriage isnt for the weak, or impatient. it is for strong people who are willing and able to endure, tolerate another and learn. Men will be men, you cannot struggle or compete with him. Give him his respect, and submit to him as unto the lord. Be a proverbs 31 woman, start from yourself, adjust where you need to...and let everyone know hes the one who has issues...as in do your own part, pray about the rest. so long as hes not hiting you or sleeping around, you have to learn how to adjust and cope with living with a man. you are now begining to see his real person, its not for you to take the next exit, but for you to understand him and if you play your card well at the end of the day, you will have his mumu button right in your lap. God bless!
My dear don't leave,I think a vacation will do,n no phone calls and all.dia u can have max fun,time alone n den chip in what's heavy on ur mind etc.sure ds will work.in d society we re u can't just pull out of marriage,trust me they ll call you names n tag u a permanent name n u ll be miserable for the rest of your life wh will worsen matter.a lot of peeps re blaming u bt trust me most of dem if dey knw ur hubby n u move out today dey re ready to move in.ignore odd replies.marriage is nt easy even if ur married to ur best friend sometime u gt tired of something's bt trust me pray,endurance,patience will go a long way.gudluck
Is that a question? All you gold digging mother fuckers - you get what you bargained for. You were so desperate to tie the knot with his pocket that you blinded your eyes to his absolute flaws. well cover ya eyes and endure or get the fuck off my computer screen and Lindy's blog and go do what ya need to do to make ya self happy.
hmmmm!! no b small thing. go n c a counsellor, bt first u both shud sit n av a hrt to hrt tlk. U knw wt attracted u to him n vice versa. where is dt thing now?
Once you are in, there's no way out LOL. Am joking oh...both of u decided to get married so deal with it in a proper way. Wealth is good BUT it doesn't bring complete happiness in life. You definitely have to try your best to make your marriage work by talking to your husband to find out what you have done wrong, once he tells you his mind then you tell him your mind as well. Look at him into his eyes and plead with him by holding his hands. Show him love and he will do the same as well. Take advise from people on this blog because 99.9% don't know you its just their own opinion they are writing about.If you don't knee down and PRAY you may not win this battle. You need to win it in the spiritual world first by praying to the ALMIGHTY GOD IN HEAVEN.(FASTING IS KEY) Bye and I wish u all the best with your marriage life.
awwwwn sorry about this. just pray about it and leave everything to God JER 32:27. think of the Good parts of ur husband and try noyt to think of the bad parts. be polite, try loving him bac and help you marriage work. GOD BLESS YOU
Marriage is suppose to make u happy. A friend of mine confided in my about her home. She is been married for a year now, but she noticed she started feeling old in the marriage barely 3months after thier wedding. And it's been one issue to another till now. She complained about her husband not showing care and love, being too uptight, the dude hardly even have sex with her, they can be together for 2months without having sex and the dude don't mind. It's not like he's a sex person cos she said he was not always having sex with her when they were dating. He's way to spiritual cautious and it pisses her off. He's about 8yrs older than her and she feels it's the age differences that's catching up on them. The guy doesn't even go out, all he does is stay in doors and read. They atten different churches because she feels *Grail Message* is occultic. And he's not ready to go to same church with her. She likes to go out with him but he's always not in the mood to. She's very confused cause she believes he's not a cheat but he's too uptight, rigid, not thoughtful, and she's no longer attracted to him physically and emotionally. She asked for advice and I need all of you good people's help. Kindly advice her on what to do. Thanks
I was in an abusive marriage which i left and I am now in a healthy, loving marriage.
I would never wish divorce on my worst enemy, it is stressful and traumatic. People shud only divorce in abusive and adulterous marriages.
Coming to ur issue here, u don't fall under any of those categories. U just do not love ur husband and u sound full of urself. Give urself time to learn to love him, try to be nice to him and be courteous. If you do this over time, he would turn to you. Make his favorite meals and if possible plan a get-away. A new location can do wonders to a couple's love life.
I wish u and urs all the best. Please do not give up on him, not for ur parents or society but for the vows you have said before God and the fact that ur husband is not abusive.
Well that us mature and helpful ↑↑↑↑. Sweetheart is he abusive in any way? Marriage is for better or worse the good and the bad but not if you are being physically or mentally harmed. Dig deep within and talk to your husband.counselors sure are making a killing now a days. Your a woman be strong and get it together. No one is perfect and the grass is never greener on the other side even though it looks that way. No one can make you happy or miserable but YOU
496 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 401 – 496 of 496My dear you think you have a problem but I can assure you u don't. Every woman felt this way at one time or the other in marriage,This is the stage of your marriage where you act like a fool and make more of the sacrifice. I can assure you if u stoop now you will conquer. That man will eat out of your hands later. He is trying to break you to assert himself just act broken, be wise, if u ask those your friends who seem happily married u will be surprised the sacrifices they made, if they are honest. Above all pray about everything you will receive grace to succeed
Commit it into God's hand and always remember that 2wrongs can never make a right.wake him up in the middle of the night and talk with him heart to heart after you must have commune with God. Leaving the relationship wont help because the devil you have known is better than the angel you are just meeting.I wish you all the best
I wonder wat marriage is turni into,its God that ordained marriage from d beginning. Go to him and ask him to change him.meet ur pastor for counselling, Read Power of a Praying Wife By OMARTAN.
Communication is the key and most essential ask God for help to make him see reasons with you
Your parents this, your parents that. You are the one wearing the shoes so you know wear it hurts.
You know what the first year of marriage can be difficult especially after the joy.of d ' honeymoon' period. You might just have to involve parents, that way you can both air ur concerns without arguing and work towards a solution. By the time I was 8mths or so into my marriage, I thought I had made the biggest mistake of my life and wanted out too. But i've been married for 11 yrs now. Guess what? It's the best mistake i ever made. Married to the sweetest man. My best buddy for life. Fashiontinz.com. STYLE for LESS.
MARRIAGE CANNOT BE ENDURED OR ENDURED... EVEN THE PEOPLE U THINK ARE HAPPILY MARRIED HAVE THEIR OWN BAD MOMENTS BUT BC THEY ARE MUTUALLY KEEN ON THE MARRIAGE, ITS EASIER TO RESOLVE THE DIFFERENCES AND COPE WITH EACH OTHER... MY DEAR, B4 HE KILLS U OR U KILL URSELF, OR U KILL HIM OR HE KILLS HIMSELF.. BIKO, ABEG, SIL VO PLAIT, DON ALLAH, EJOO, INVOLVE OTHERS THAT CAN TALK TO HIM AND IF U R SURE U CANNOT COPE, PLEASE CARRY UR GHANA MUST GO AND GO... MARRIAGE NO BE BY FORCE.. AND IF NA U DEY MESS UP THEN... TRY AND FIX U!
Those ur friends that u think are happily married, trust me they hv thier own drama to deal with also....No marriage is a bed of roses. I suggest u involve ur parents and his parents and if he doesn't change do what makes u happy....Simplee
the marriage is just too early for you to give up. Just keep praying and you could also try practical solutions like marriage counselling. A solution must come up.
you dont want your friends to laugh yet you come on Linda's blog and post to the whole world. smh!
Poster,,follow ur heart....do whatever makes u happy and whateva makes u sleep well at nite
You guys rushed into wedlock without taking time to know each other deeply...Walking out of your marriage won't solve the issue..you have no choice than to be patience,talk to elderly people(both parents)work things out and also report the case to GOD...
you see, that is why it is advise to date your spouse for a quality duration of time before venturing into marriage. I think you both should sit down and have a heart to heart talk, most solutions to problems lies in communication....Marriage is for better for worse o, pls.
U talked u replied urself, or am I d only one who tink u've answered urself by saying u want out. U want out, walk out or reather run out mayb dat way he can't catch u...
Try to make your marriage work, no man or woman is good but you just have to understand one another to have a happy home
YOU SEE IN MARRIAGE IS ALL ABOUT PATIENCE AND ENDURING AND COMMUNICATING WITH YOUR SPOUSE IS A GOOD IDEA TO CREATE A BETTER UNDERSTANDING BETWEEN YOU BOTH.
Recently, I've come to realise that in the Nigerian society it is only the women that are trained to be wives and not the men. The men are not taught by their parents on how to be husbands to the women they marry. What we now have is boys marrying women. That's the bedrock of all the new marital problems creeping up nowadays. What woman will want to submit to a boy? Mothers need to teach their sons as much as they teach their daughters about marriage to avoid stories that touch.
My dear,am in the same boat tooo...a lot of men and even women get married cos of the wrong reasons...my advice is to go to God in prayer and ask him to heal your marriage,and restore that peace and love in your home...nobody says it will be easy,but at the end it will be worth it..I dnt advice that you should involve 3rd parties(both parents)nobody forced you to say I DO..you had a choice then to walk out..but since you are already in it..Ask for God's mercy and Grace
I hope things work out for you though.... but just like anon 11:45said, youve kinda made it a public thing now. Even though you didnt write your name, those close to you will still know.
PRAY ABOUT IT DEAR, GOD CAN CHANGE EVERY MAN ALL IS FOR U TOO GO ON YOUR KNEES AND ASK GOD.YOUR MARRIAGE IT TOO EARLY TO BREAK UP,IF FAIL IN THIS ONE YOU WILL DEFINITELY FAIL IN THE NEXT, STUDY YOU HUSBAND CLOSELY KNOW IS DO AND DON'T MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL KNOW ALL IS WEAK POINT AND HOW TO MAKE HIM WANT YOU. DO A LOT OF SACRIFICE
Bcos de need a solution so shut up,even if de bring du u knw dem?so ur small brain can't tell u dat,dumbest
Uv got 2 options eitha u suck it up and mak it wrk for beta or worse or u tak d easy route out and kal it a day
******A-BELLE********
PRAY ABOUT IT DEAR, GOD CAN CHANGE EVERY MAN ALL IS FOR U TOO GO ON YOUR KNEES AND ASK GOD.YOUR MARRIAGE IT TOO EARLY TO BREAK UP,IF FAIL IN THIS ONE YOU WILL DEFINITELY FAIL IN THE NEXT, STUDY YOU HUSBAND CLOSELY KNOW IS DO AND DON'T MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL KNOW ALL IS WEAK POINT AND HOW TO MAKE HIM WANT YOU. DO A LOT OF SACRIFICE
yes plz buy doz books o,so many pple hav recomended d bk,I even see it on fbs self,me sef I don munch am as pple de recomnd am tire,dis shud b lyk d 5th tym am munchin,ok no more procastination,off 2 buy it,ttyl
She has said it all. Well said Osarhiemen...ur response is so sincere and heartfelt. Keep it up.
Bad advice
♍y̶̲̥̅̊ dear, frm all indications, it shows both of Æ”☺ΰ didn't get tÆ ̴̴̴̴͡ knw eachoda enuf b4 signing d lifetime contract called marriage hence d early misunderstandings. Again, its so glaring their is no love lost btw both of Æ”☺ΰ cos if there is, both of Æ”☺ΰ wuld tolerate or overlook eachoda's imperfections.
♍y̶̲̥̅̊ candid advise tÆ ̴̴̴͡ both of Æ”☺ΰ is tÆ ̴̴̴̴͡ separate 4 sumtime and see if Æ”☺ΰ'll miss eachoda. If Æ”☺ΰ do, den Æ”☺ΰ can come 2geda again, identify and work on dose tinz dat are causing unending fights btw both of Æ”☺ΰ bt if after separation Æ”☺ΰ dnt miss eachoda one bit, Æ”☺ΰ shld divorce cos life is too short tÆ ̴̴̴̴͡ stay in a lifeless marriage. Marriage shld be enjoyed not endured.
U guyz shud stop dat nonsence sayin dat marriage cannot b endured,we knw dat it ought 2 b enjoyed bt dere ar som tins dat we must endure,marriage aint bed of rosed 4 cryin out loud,gush I hate dat parable
May be he noticed u are using Oil/saliva instead of natural wet ,check your self and fix the differences. try to find out his annoyance , may be he's noticing your hidden flaws
Go for marriage counseling my dear.....don't give up so easily.....most men are that way, it's the way you handle the situation that matters.....a woman has control over her marriage, be that vulnerable woman that needs him, he'll def fall in place gradually
Follow your heart
Five months without sex? Quit before he brings you an STD or AIDS from wherever he's getting it. You have no kids, no complications besides the fear of other people's judgments. Run before you get pregnant or wind up with a disease.
My dear, you assume your friends are all happy. That's the biggest lie. Every relationship has its own issue it's just how you manage it. Marriage is a wrapped gift, when you remove the wrapper, you know what's inside. Seek the face of God and put in all efforts. Afterall, there must have been something you must have loved in the guy to have made you marry him. Good luck.
It takes the grace of God to manage a home. Go down on ur knees and ask God to help you change him.
Are you also getting some on the side?
Get a divorce since there is no child in the marriage, he may have gone back to his ex.
As the lady here, u have to play the part of the fool (by being humble) give in your best in making the marriage work. U need to have a change of mind, don't want the marriage to work because of investment but because u love hima nd u want your marriage to work. I believe Love conquers all. 1Cor 13. U can make up your mind to over look his excesses. If this was your child involved in addiction or something I believe you won't give up on him. So be determined to make this work. Lastly I advice going for counselling.
@ segun oshadare @Anon 11:26 Am; u guys said it all
My dear sister, I'm sure the marriage had packed up long time before t even started but u were on the case of i don't want to disappoint my parents. Girlie move on cos once the kids start to come, u'll hate him and the fact that u have children will always bring you together. I'm sure your soul mate is somewhere out there and you'll find him soon. Keep praying but don't think bcos ur frnds will laff at u, u'll stay in an unhappy marriage. What makes u think all ur married frnds are happy? Hun? Pls better late than never cos i don't want u having BP dat u'll nurture the rest of ur life. God be with u.
darling, you guys are rich, one advice, go for marriage counselling. it will really help and you can both pure out your feelings.
Lindodo....... Honestly this topic made me love ur blog more or else I av made up mind to visit if I see bad comments .... Now I had bn in same boat with this couple, with good families around and prayer we were able to over come.... Dear simply pray and involve ur parents .. Good luck
This is undiluted Infatuation. See where it has landed you. Expensive weddings don't guarantee successful marriages. Talk to your spiritual head about this.
You see! That is Wat happens wen u SETTLE! Dey told u he's d "ideal" man n comes frm a wealthy family; dat is d genesis of ur problem. So u settled for Wat u had no passion for, jst to pls ppl. Suck it up n deal wiv d consequences of staying in or opting out; u need to stop doin stuff to pls ppl. U got one life only.....YOLO
Hahaha!
sit eachoder down n talk abt it sure u will come up wit a gud result
My love... im gonna call u dat. Pls, pls, n pls dnt b deceived... der r only 2 ways 2 go abt an issue as delicate as marriage.first is pray abt it n secndly wrk ob it...u cumin 2 lib 2 complain abt ur man of barely a yr is nt entirely wise...callin him spoit n egocentric is nt wise eida, u guys dated rit? U had somw sort of feelins 4 him wen he tks u out or buy u stuffs wen he cums callin..nw cos ur married n he dosnt guv u much attntion u wnt out? Aldou marriage is mnt 2 b enjoyd its also mnt 2 b endured dats y its 4 bera 4 worst.u hve 2 find dat spark..mk him fall in love wif u alova again.seduce him, humble ursef love, cherish, n pamper him..weda u loved him b4 or nt nw mk ursef fall 4 him. Call him b u guys shud tlk tins out..if it dosnt wrk d first tym try again, n again until it dose.dnt guv up on him, on ursefs.hvnt eva heard of d sayib dat a woman n eida mk or brk a home? Weda ur marriage stays or goes is in ur hnds n I nid u 2 mk it wrk...develop feelins4 him, cuk 4 him, guv him d fuckin of his lyf n u wil c hum always cumin home 2 u...pls dnt opt out o..cos der r no perfct persn anywer Iin d world even in mars!
Hmn.... I can imagine how u feel, although i do not know exactly hoe you fell. I'll tell my cousin's story. He married dis wonderful lady and we tot the lady is the unfortunate bride in the world; my cousin, I will describe as the irresponsible and spoilt, lives in the fantasy in his head. But he is happily married and their marriage is working fine! i call his wife the miracle worker bcos she even helped rebuild the broken relationship btw my cousin, his mum and his younger sisters, for u to know how ill the guy is. But the lady submitted herslf in total HUMILITY, swallowed all of his crap and made his realize with love the effects of his crap, she covers his ass in the family alot and doesnt even allow his sibling to see his mess. They've been marrid for 7yrs and still counting.
My dear, I dont know if your husband is as horrible as this my cousin, but i will implore you to take this to God in prayers, trust me, He can always bring beauty out of ur ashes, He has the heart of the king in His hands and like rivers of water, He turns as desired. Seriously, pls calm down, you can make it work once you form a team with God and watch Him change ur man to your husband.
my dear make ur marriage work look for ways to spice it up and a little trust will do it leave ur folks and friends out of it. know that it is a passing phase u will overcome soon but remember always knee before the creator.
In a nutshell, you want everyday sex right?
@anon 8:10 am ....that is it..u have said it already
Forget what pipo will say...theirs is not any better get off this blog and go to God He will guide yu graciously
Wow! I applaud your response to this story, it's because of some well educated and well thinkers like you that I read this blog. Thank you and this will be my first comment ever.
Forget what pipo will say...theirs is not any better get off this blog and go to God He will guide yu graciously
You are a goddamn fool
Primary prob is dat U assume Ur frnds R happily married n ur not. U sound like som1 who will definately complain abt d next person's flaws afta opting out of this marriage. The Lord is UR muscle
Here's what I think, women av an habit of exaggerating the situation. Our minds just blow it out of proportion, ur marriage is nt as bad as u think plus everyone goes thru this things. I dated my husband for 3years and been married for another 2 I can assure u.there was a time I asked.if he really loved me or married me out of convinience.
Here's my advice:
1. Be.humble, laugh when he says hurtful things or at least smile
Over time he will stop been annoying.
2. Play the obedient and humble wife take all his crop and big ego. Over time he will out grow it.
3. Play d good wife.
4. Deliberately ask for d see, make sure u get it. Blow is dick and balls off. I mean fcuk him Lik a horny batch. Give him something to think about. Take control of d see.
4. If all this doesn't work after 2 weeks then u need to put up an happy attitude and av a buddy call u off d hook. He needs to think there is another man. The power of jealousy will drive him straight back to u but first try d good girl way it's d easier one.
Many dudes from wealthy homes where their parents failed to do their necessary homework are like that. I think you av to call a family meeting within ur parents first and then between both parents. I would av preferred if you would sit him down and talk sense into his head first but since u said u can't stand him, i guess ur parents can still stand him.
Actually the first year of marriage is the most trying especially if u got married without courting for long! When I n my hubby started OMG! We fought all the tym! Everything he did irritated me, I would be screaming at him n in my heart I don't even know why I was doing it! But after the initial adjustment stage we r as happy as the Care Bears! We both understood each more with each passing day, I came to accept that he was human n not a superhero n I just let him love me the way he has always wanted to... So babe, all u need is a little more understanding n prayers! It does work wonders....
my dear jst take it easy. the truth is many are this point, a cross road. The issue is never take ur time to knowing him. so try to come down, see what good u can make out it.If u can have the will, there is a way. Be strong, only u can make up ur mind to do what u feel is best for u.
My dear when you start having problems in your marriage then you can seek advive. i don't see one here. The problem you and your husband have is no one wants to back down for the other. its amazing how at the smallest of issues, the next thing that come to mind is divorce. I ma sure most of the people on her advicing you to walk away are single.
Couples whose marriages are over, or nearly over, have usually uncoupled, or disconnected from each other. If you’re no longer spending any time together, if one or both of you is spending all your time at work, with friends, online—and if feels like a relief not to be with each other—it’s a sign that you've already disengaged from the marriage. That said, mrs poster, as long as you haven't had kids, it will be easier to split, the fact that you didn't know each other well enough is a factor for your unhappiness. speak to your parents and decide from there.
ole oloju insect. oniranu somebody
gold digger mschew if you like repair your marriage nah you sabi abeg shift nansense
you both need a getaway. abi both of u r wealthy abi from wealthy home. try flying around the world alone, that love must spring back up by force. oh my dear lift it to God, He'll repair it. gd luck.
Fuck you Linda. You never put up my comments.
I am also in a big mess like this, but i'm still courtin and i dont like the guy because am beginning to see some things i cant tolorate in him, but i'm the only daughter and everybody keeps saying he's the right man for me.......#tears i really want to leave him.
This ur mumu attitude of wondering what people will say is probably what got you to this mess in the first place. I will not advice yoy to walk out of a marriage. Find God and he will grant you the spirit to sustain your marriage.
Ndo
Nwe ndidi
you married the wrong man. you never loved him and he never loved you either. you wanted a lavish life style and he wanted something else, and he is getting it from his new girlfriend. trust me, he is done with you. and has moved on. i suggest u do same
Marriage is for better, for worst just stay and pray for your marriage
She said they dated for a year.
Are you for real?
Thank you for this comment Bona. Makes so much sense.
Counseling is what they need.
Poster are your parents aware of what is happening?
Talk to your mum.
Are you dumb or just plain stupid? What has pregnancy got to with her not happy with her marriage
Whatever happened to working on ur marriage? Mehn this our generation really needs reorientation, our parents are 30 years together & more, it's not been all rosy, as long as he's not violent, d rest are issues u can live with, work on urself and u would conquer evil by doing good, gently & lovingly correct ur hubby, d grass is never greener on d other side, no other marriage is perfect, marriage is a garden, the more u nurture it, d better it turns out
He who wears the shoes know where it hurts.
One side of d story, difficult t judge.
am sure from what you have said it was a match make from both parents....if you were not interested from the word go then why did u marry him....now you are more concerned about the same parents who lured you into the weddin than you life...if its not workin out call it quits...and stop with the facade of a marriage already cept you not lookin forward to a fruitful future
Nawa ooooooooooooooo!!! Pray even harder!!!
Dis is d best comment eva!
I love your comment. It takes two to fight. Both partiess have got ego issues.
Young lady, work on your ego and take the lower desk. God has made him your head. You as the neck, turn him as you wish by being the best wife a woman can be. One luv.
It is not true you cannot stand each other, problem is both of you are too lazy and dumb to work things out!
Perhaps you want the man to shift ground based on your expectations and the man is sticking to his points based on his beliefs.
Marriage is work and you both need to do that hard work.
You need to know your place as a wife. The only problem might be you. No man wants a mother or a boss in his house, so as long as you want to show him you are boss, the house will be like that. If you honor and obey your husband no matter what he says and does, you will discover that after a short while he will appreciate you and hold you high. Humble yourself to him, he will appreciate and love you as you want.
hi...well, i also just got married and totally understand. Go and ask your parents especially your mum how she managed to sustain her own marriage. marriage isnt for the weak, or impatient. it is for strong people who are willing and able to endure, tolerate another and learn. Men will be men, you cannot struggle or compete with him. Give him his respect, and submit to him as unto the lord. Be a proverbs 31 woman, start from yourself, adjust where you need to...and let everyone know hes the one who has issues...as in do your own part, pray about the rest. so long as hes not hiting you or sleeping around, you have to learn how to adjust and cope with living with a man. you are now begining to see his real person, its not for you to take the next exit, but for you to understand him and if you play your card well at the end of the day, you will have his mumu button right in your lap. God bless!
It's probably too soon to just end it.
You should make an effort or talk to someone. Try and rediscover what made you think of marrying him in the first place.
Funke and Chiedu OKORO smh
Funke and Chiedu OKORO
My dear don't leave,I think a vacation will do,n no phone calls and all.dia u can have max fun,time alone n den chip in what's heavy on ur mind etc.sure ds will work.in d society we re u can't just pull out of marriage,trust me they ll call you names n tag u a permanent name n u ll be miserable for the rest of your life wh will worsen matter.a lot of peeps re blaming u bt trust me most of dem if dey knw ur hubby n u move out today dey re ready to move in.ignore odd replies.marriage is nt easy even if ur married to ur best friend sometime u gt tired of something's bt trust me pray,endurance,patience will go a long way.gudluck
See a marriage counsellor
How do u. Know ur friends are happily married. And don't you know marriage is forever. When marrying don't listen to anyone oh... Marry for you...
Is that a question? All you gold digging mother fuckers - you get what you bargained for. You were so desperate to tie the knot with his pocket that you blinded your eyes to his absolute flaws. well cover ya eyes and endure or get the fuck off my computer screen and Lindy's blog and go do what ya need to do to make ya self happy.
hmmmm!! no b small thing. go n c a counsellor, bt first u both shud sit n av a hrt to hrt tlk. U knw wt attracted u to him n vice versa. where is dt thing now?
Once you are in, there's no way out LOL. Am joking oh...both of u decided to get married so deal with it in a proper way. Wealth is good BUT it doesn't bring complete happiness in life. You definitely have to try your best to make your marriage work by talking to your husband to find out what you have done wrong, once he tells you his mind then you tell him your mind as well. Look at him into his eyes and plead with him by holding his hands. Show him love and he will do the same as well. Take advise from people on this blog because 99.9% don't know you its just their own opinion they are writing about.If you don't knee down and PRAY you may not win this battle. You need to win it in the spiritual world first by praying to the ALMIGHTY GOD IN HEAVEN.(FASTING IS KEY)
Bye and I wish u all the best with your marriage life.
awwwwn sorry about this. just pray about it and leave everything to God JER 32:27. think of the Good parts of ur husband and try noyt to think of the bad parts. be polite, try loving him bac and help you marriage work. GOD BLESS YOU
Marriage is suppose to make u happy. A friend of mine confided in my about her home. She is been married for a year now, but she noticed she started feeling old in the marriage barely 3months after thier wedding. And it's been one issue to another till now. She complained about her husband not showing care and love, being too uptight, the dude hardly even have sex with her, they can be together for 2months without having sex and the dude don't mind. It's not like he's a sex person cos she said he was not always having sex with her when they were dating. He's way to spiritual cautious and it pisses her off. He's about 8yrs older than her and she feels it's the age differences that's catching up on them. The guy doesn't even go out, all he does is stay in doors and read. They atten different churches because she feels *Grail Message* is occultic. And he's not ready to go to same church with her. She likes to go out with him but he's always not in the mood to. She's very confused cause she believes he's not a cheat but he's too uptight, rigid, not thoughtful, and she's no longer attracted to him physically and emotionally. She asked for advice and I need all of you good people's help. Kindly advice her on what to do. Thanks
I was in an abusive marriage which i left and I am now in a healthy, loving marriage.
I would never wish divorce on my worst enemy, it is stressful and traumatic. People shud only divorce in abusive and adulterous marriages.
Coming to ur issue here, u don't fall under any of those categories. U just do not love ur husband and u sound full of urself. Give urself time to learn to love him, try to be nice to him and be courteous. If you do this over time, he would turn to you. Make his favorite meals and if possible plan a get-away. A new location can do wonders to a couple's love life.
I wish u and urs all the best. Please do not give up on him, not for ur parents or society but for the vows you have said before God and the fact that ur husband is not abusive.
Well that us mature and helpful ↑↑↑↑. Sweetheart is he abusive in any way? Marriage is for better or worse the good and the bad but not if you are being physically or mentally harmed. Dig deep within and talk to your husband.counselors sure are making a killing now a days. Your a woman be strong and get it together. No one is perfect and the grass is never greener on the other side even though it looks that way. No one can make you happy or miserable but YOU
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