Dearest readers, what do you think, should he speak or shut the f up?
Monday 11 July 2011
Dear LIB Readers: Should I Tell Him?
Dearest readers, what do you think, should he speak or shut the f up?
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Dearest readers, what do you think, should he speak or shut the f up?
72 comments:
ofcourse he should!it'll be wrong not to. I love your blogs by the way.
Tell him abeg!
Why should he tell? What's in the past is in the past.
He should not intrude on his brother's happiness and should realise that the world can be rather small and just be adult about this and simply be quiet and just be civil to the lady.
U must tell him immediately. Pls pls
Obviously, you should tell him!.... Or tell the babe to tell him.... He should know before he makes that decision to marry her....
He should tell him!!!
It might be in the past but his bro deserves to know especially before hedecides to marry her... No matter how little it might seem, it's important for him to know the truth...
long thing oooooohhhhhhhhhhh
if the husband ever finds out, he will never believe that it was just for one night. he will think the bro and girl still doing it.
but e get as e be o ...... months ago .... was she already dating the bro then?
Please tell your brother asap before it goes any further!
U BETTER SAY SOMETHING BOY!! (BUT CALMLY) OR ELSE U'LL LIVE WITH THE GUILT
MAY, AS IN TWO MONTHS AGO???
GUYS, PLEASE THAT'S NO PAST ABEG- SHE IS A SLUT. I CAN UNDERSTAND MAY LAST YEAR.
PLEASE PLEASE TELL YOUR BROTHER ASAP...
A STITCH IN TIME...
I personally feel it is up to the woman to confess to her boyfriend before things progress further! It happened to a friend of mine and 5 years on she is still happily married to the brother! (YES she told him!)
What exactly is telling the brother supposed to accomplish besides bring about strife?
The complainant was a consenting adult partaking in a one night stand with another consenting adult, the payment made was NOT for services rendered but for a cab fare home so what is the judgement I am sensing about?
Because if there is going to be judgment passed around then I hope this dude judges himself as well otherwise this smells of double standards. If he caught some disease from her, I can undertand but there is not word of that here in the complaint. He enjoyed himself and she did too, get on with your life. Unless dude is jealous because she didn't call him back after the sex lol
Who doesn't have things in their past that they have overcome and would rather not have people bring up? Does he know what his own brother has been doing?
Two people have met one another, they like each other enough that one is considering a permanent commitment, let them leave the past behind, get tested for diseases for their general health, start on a clean slate and all people not in the relationship should stand back!
@ Alicia's sister - Not everyone is a fking Slot ok. Shit happens. No one is a perfect saint!
His brother definitely deserves to know.
Why should he? It was a one night thing that happened before his brother came into the picture.
Except one is looking for a virgin, it stands to reason that most people who are of adult age have had sexual partners prior to their intended.
If the woman feels it's necessary to tell him, so be it.
say something now... no holding back.
Let your brother be aware of this. She could have changed but SAY SOMETHING NOW
I completely agree with @chichiluv. personally i think he should shut the f off! It happened and we all make mistakes. It the girl is a slut the brother will soon find out. I think there are some things in life that you just go to your grave with. Telling your brother could not only hurt him but he might also end by hating you and thinking there is probably more to it. I say have a word with the girl and ask her how she REALLY feels about your brother and leave things there. Except of course you fancy her yourself!
I think u should tell your brother. the earlier the better. Some how someday, he would find out! He wouldn't forgive u immediately but he would come around. What will be, will be. if he's meant to marry the girl, he would. Pls tell him. It's not easy though but it's a courageous and brave thing to do!
Say something abeg!!!!
Come on people!!! this was TWO MONTHS ago.
i dont even see why this is a difficult decision! your brother was OBVIOUSLY with this girl two months ago for him to be considering marriage with her, so she cheated.
yes she is human n not perfect n blah blah blah BUT you wouldn't be being a good brother if u didnt tell him the truth. its even better that it was you rather than a random stranger who your brother may not believe. your brother can decide to do what he wants with the information but at least let him know what hes getting into!
and for the fact that the girl didn't confess when the one night stand happened and STILL didn't confess when she was introduced to u shows how remorseful she is.
if u dont tell him now n he finds out after they're married your brother will hate you 4 not telling him because he'll feel stupid, esp if he's a proud person and these things always have a way of getting out
Discuss Nothing with the girls. Keep it moving plain and simple.
Trust you don't want to be in the middle of spoiling someone's life...
pumpkin and chichiluv ... your advice would hold if the two guys involved were just friends.
As brothers, it changes everything. It's a situation that could divide the family. It is exactly because it was in the past that the girl, on recognizing the brother, should have told her boyfriend. Hey some women get away with worse - unfortunately fate has brought her to face her mistake of May.
If he wants to remain with her, so be it. If not, shikena. Not everything is easily swept under the rug. You speak like little kids.
are you sure it is not a girl that looks like your brothers fiancee?
after all she does not bear the same name,knowing that one night runs girls never use their real names.
what the heck? She should confess what? were they together 2 months ago?
SMH
Na thats too deep tell your brother bro if its ment to be its ment to be
I feel that your brother should know that something happened between you and the girl he plans to marry. And I feel SHE SHOULD BE THE ONE TO TELL HIM, so encourage her to. Naturally she would be afraid to do this but you need to EXPLAIN TO HER WHY IT'S IMPORTANT. In this case honesty is the best policy, as long as neither of you embellishes the story. Then he (ur brother) can decide what to do with it. He really should know now because nothing is hidden under the sun forever, and when (not if) he finds out randomly the shit is going to hit the fan.
Hmn, dis is an issues that farts in one's mouth & also puts salt into it @d same time...
I believe you should tell your brother...better still call the girl aside and advice her to tell...if she says no then you go ahead...I mean this is your brothers future...if she could do this just 2months ago..she is capable of worse...If he decides after all thats said and done to be with her then so be it!i really hope you make the right decision....think before you act tho
=)...XX
Speaking as one who has slept with my brother's girl while they were broken up (they got back together later, got married and now have kids), I can confidently tell you, that the best solution to this stuff is this:
BOTH PARTIES NEVER BRING IT UP AGAIN!!!
EVER!
EVER!
EVER!
She and I had our one night, and that was it. We've seen and spoken and interacted since then on 10,001 issues since then, but have never brought this up, it happened in the late 90s.
It is not necessary to bring it up at all, at all, at all. We are all human, and we all make mistakes. If the girl is a str8 hoe, he'll find out anyway in his own time, in his own way. If she isn't and just had what many young people have; lapse of judgement based on hormones, then let it be.
To not say anything and his brother find out later would make his brother feel betrayed. He is not going to trust him around the girl. Better to say it now and have the brother make his own decision. The girl herself isnt a woman with a clear heart cause she also would have let the guy know that she "knows" his brother.
you better tell him if you know whats good for you and the future of your brother, she better have told him herself in the first place sha. Imagine if she tells him before you, how will you now look? and what do you fools mean he should not tell? what if she is an ashewo behind closed doors? he should leave his brother to marry an asewo? abeg tell him jo, and if it spoils your relationship with him then your brother doesn't value the relationship you have with him in the first place! maybe she even did juju for him sef, i dont know im just saying,
long story short, TELL HIM
Then again she can always deny it.
Everyone saying the past is the past...biko put yourselves in the brother's shoes. Would you not like to know if your sibling has slept with your wife/husband to be? Especially when it was a few months ago. Umm, this one get as e be but the brother needs to know sha. These things always have a way of coming back around to the ears of the unsuspecting person in the triangle.
IF IT WAS TWO MONTHS AGO,SHE PROBABLY CHEATED ON HIM THEREFORE TELL YOUR BROTHER!!!!! ONLY GOD KNOWS HOW MANY OTHER MEN SHE HAS SLEPT WITH AND COLLECTED MONEY.IT'S SAD BUT YOU WILL BE DOING YOUR BROTHER GOOD @ THE END OF THE DAY
I have so much admired the greatest player ever played for Manchester united "Ryan Giggs" until recently .... hope u know the rest of the story.
Pls my brother, i beg you in the name of our Lord, tell your brother what has transpired between you and this lady to relief yourself from that guilt for the rest of your and leave him to take the decision.Goodluck.
I think he should tell his bro. telling him will break the bond of attraction..telling his bro is not telling his bro not to marry her but to clear his concience. it is left for his bro to continue or not but it is really necessary he says it out.if its going to break the relationship let it break it now not breaking the marriage.
What kind of useless brother is this that he needs to ask advice to do the right thing? If I were the chick sef, I would have confessed already. But I'm always for full disclosure, so everyone can make the best decisions for themselves.
Its not the end of the world that her circles cross and its definitely not the end of the world if he dumps her. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he finds out and still dates and/or marries her. I personally know several good marriages where the wife used to date/fcuk with the husband's friend or brother and the husband was aware of the past. And no, not oyibo people. Nigerians, right here in Lagos of all ages too. Not all people are judgemental or can't look past actions and take the person as they are.
people change. she may have become a better person. what the guy should is first, try make a move for the girl again, or better still, tell a friend to make dat move. if the girl consents, that means she hasn't changed. in that case, it will be wise to tell the brother before anything serious happens. if she scales through that test, the matter should be swept under the rug, for the brother's happiness. (winks)
Spill the beans and let all hell break loose!
Personally ,i hope youre sure its the right girl we are talking about here
I for one know how it feels i look like everyone you have no idea how many people have seen me and called randpm names simply bc today i look like ciara tomorrow na janey jackson
Dude itwas a one night stand are u sure shes the one?
Of you are sure ,call d babe aside and tell her u r going to let her man know bc she obviously was cheating on ur bro
Give her the chance to tell him first
If she doesnt and you know you cant live with this the rest of your life apply wisdom and tell your bro
Im all for 2nd chances but im also a proponent of tell all before you marry
It makes life easier for both parties
I rest my case
the reason y He shuld tell it's 'cos it was a one nite stand and it was for the money...
IMO, There are a lot of things to be considered here. did this brother sleep with the girl and put her in a taxi the next day as a clear cut prostitute or was there the 'bad judgement' thing??? There are decent girls that have done things like this (that they are not proud of)at one time or the other for one reason or another.
If the girl and the guy keep quiet about this issue and it pops up from elsewhere in future, it could be fatal for all involved.
The girl should be made to realize that it is in her best intrest to say something. guys have gone ahead to marry prostitutes they carried home from clubs, prostitutes that have done very very obsene things that these guys know about, yet they went ahead to marry them. the girl saying something does not mean that her boyfriend would walk away, he will be hurt-yes, but he might just love her too much to walk away.it is a risk she should be willing to talk to avoid much worse in future
BOTTOM LINE- caring brother, get the girl to say something else do it urself!
anon. 8:22am,how can you admire a man you know nothing about apart from his ability with the round leather,then when his cheating is revealed you are disillusioned?your type make me worried.Like the parents who hold up sports stars to moral standards they themselves can't keep and call them role models for their children.
go tell you brother if you no tell am how you wan come take be his keeper that girl is a slot.. (sorry about that) but that the truth who know she must have slept with lost of guys before you for money....for me go and tell your brother ooo Denis from France
imagine if the girl has told the brother and both are waiting for the 'one night stand' brother to come out in the open?
na trap dem set for you o!
One night stand or not, big bro got to tell his lil bro wats up, if not, it only strains their relationship in d future. plus i think thts a way of a big bro lookin out for his lil bro.life,s too short for all ds uncessary drama. peace.
SOPSY.
You my friend will be a FOOL if you tell your brother. Your brother is happy, she's the one. You and her only had sex...sheesh it was just sex. If you tell your brother and he walks out on her, he might NEVER find a woman who might love and care about him the way this one does. Don't mess with fate...deal with your guilt...and one question how will you like your brother to come tell you he's shagged the woman you love so much and you want to marry??? .....and as for you Judge Judy's calling the babe in question a ho/slut etc...you just wait till it's your darn turn...or y'all think karma stopped being a BITCH??? Except of 'cos u r all virgins. Nuff said.
@Anonymous July 11 8.19pm
If you've ever had a ONE NIGHT STAND you were a slut, male or female!!!
No too much grama here....
Just go ahead and tell your brother.
1. If they eventually marry, Guy you are on the verge of going down 6 feet. Cos the gurl will always see you as someone who know her top secret. U don die be that oooo.
2.If the gurl don tell ur broda, ur broda go see you as someone who has no brotherhood spirit.
3.Leave all this American magazine advice wey Chichiluv and Ugwu leave dey tell you here. Na 9ija be dis ooooo.
Ruggedman and 9ice part 2
u dont post my comment linda.y
PROVERBS 17:17 says that a brother was created for the days of adversity (KJV)"17 A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity"
tell him and if he decides to go ahead with it, let it be his decision. To be framk and sincere, the lady might have changed but you cannot be the judge of that
Let ur brother say"thanks bro, but she is a different person now" Please tell him so you dont have a nagging conscience for ever.
The way I see it, you should tell your brother. Not because there was necessarily anything wrong in what you and the girl did; but because your brother has the right to make an informed decision. Let him be the one to decide whether or not it matters to him that you slept with the girl. Tell the girl to tell him herself or you would. Don't make your brother a FOOL, that would be unfair to him.
don't tell your brother, will your brother tell the lady if this was reverse. All these chief advisers should go and sleep, a man commits a crime and it's okay and woman commit the same crime, she should be killed haba nija, we are in a civilized world. Just wish them all the best, if this lady realize you have a bad intention, she will turn this whole story around and you become the victim here,women smart ooooooo.
If it's really bout 2mnths ago and the junior brother wants to marry her, then wat I strongly bliv is that the guy knew even b4 he slept with the gal, that his brother was dating her. But that aside, this is marriage we are talking bout. It's better they break up now than wen they've hard children.
Imagine how he wud b thinking of the positions she wud b yanking his brother with and wud want to have some of them as well, then a possible blackmail might come to play. D guy shud tell n d gal shud run away n neva look back.
It is sex people, not murder. Jeez...
Stop projecting your insecurities on others.
if the lady doesn't tell the guy herself then she i s obviously keeping a big secret from him. i will tell the lady to tell him about it else i tell him myself.
My own view is this, what if u tell ur brother, and ur brother still carry on with the marriage, don't u think that, u and the lady will become enemy forever? she will hate u, saying u wanted to destroy her relationship.
I think u go to her ask her if she would like ur brother to know what happened in the past b/w both of u for peace, just explain it to her with understanding.
It'll now be left for her to decided. Then if ur brother get to know in future, it is either u or the lady that open it.
It is better to have problem with ur blood bcos u can still get it over than IN-LAWS it can be a forever thing. Just play a matured game in this case o.
@ Alicia's sister, ur a pathetic wanna-be, hiding under the guise of 'Alicia's sister' and trying very hard to be Alicia(who by the way isn't even my idea of a role model). Ur trying so hard and putting in too much effort, we can see thru ur stupidity. Try and carve your own image sister dear, and stop trying to be someone else. Alicia is the least 'thing' anyone can want to be like. It pays to be nice and respect people's opinions. Who knows, u may not even be related to the Alicia....despeeraadoo oshi!!!
If you tell your brother, he'll be very insecure whenever ur around him for fear 'Okafor's law' taking place around him, just in case, he still loves her and wants to marry her. On the other hand, it will be good to tell him and free your concience as you won't be able to live with the secret for ever. The choice is really up to you. So weigh your decisions and make up your mind on what best suits you. Good luck!
pls tell him!
@TOSIN SMITH,CHICHILUV AND ANYONE WHO LISTENS/AGREES TO YOUR COMMENT IS JUST LIKE YOU......A BIG FOOL.we are talking about 2 months here and not 2 years. this lady was probably still dating the younger brother while she had sex with another man. now please tell me, do you think its fair on the younger bro who is trusting this woman enough to marry her?have u every considered how many other men the lady has slept with for money whilst dating the brother?have you also considered the possibility of such event reoccuring after she gets married to this mans brother?NO....i thought as much,its best you keep that junk you call 'advice' to yourself
i would suggest he(and the lady) tells his younger brother the truth before commencing with the marriage. If she is the right one for his brother, the marriage will still go on
So tricky, No one is a saint as someone said.
I think you should have a word with the lady in question, what you guys concluded will determine what to do.
MissTee - You are very juvenile because from reading your post, you obviously can't seem to express yourself without being rude. Pumpkin, Tosin and myself have a different opinion from you, what is the problem? What do you get from calling us "big fools" and saying our advice is "junk"? And you got so crazed that you asked a question and answered it yourself LOL.
I say to you and the rest who called my PERSONAL opinion "american magazine" advice and the demigod who said I spoke like a child - IT AIN'T THAT DEEP, PEOPLE! The difference of opinions on this site and in life in general makes things interesting because we will all filter things through our various life experiences. Grow the hell up and learn how to respec, discuss and dissect other people's opinions without resorting to insult AND condescension.
@chichiluv your level of reasoning is highly biased and shockingly poor.
you say ' IT AIN'T THAT DEEP, PEOPLE!' then why did you waste your time leaving that 'advice' smh
@Amaka,you're a vagabond. You obviously take the blogging world seriously. Has it ever occured to your dumb skull "Alicia" might even be a fake name? Of course I'm not Alicia's sister- it's all jokes and gravy. Duh!!!
Oh sorry, Amaka. I touched a raw nerve. You must be a regular ONE NIGHT STANDER. O ma se o...Get a real job please.
@ Alicia's sister, we're are back to the same thing, 'Identity thief'. which is what you are. Carve your own identity whether Alicia is real or bogus you nitwit. You had to gain recognision by attaching Alicia to your name, smdh!!! BE YOURSELF..... Advice!it's very obvious you're from the gutters. I will not humour you by trying to bandy words with your very stupid and juvenile self. Lastly, find a very wet transformer around you and hug it tightly. This is it from me. I know u'll be stupid enough to respond to this, but I wont respond to the rantings of a mad man/woman or thing that u r. Ciao!
It happened i̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ May right? First of all the boy should ask his brother if they were already an item i̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ May. BTW what if D̶̲̥̅̊ girl doesn't recognize him??? He should sha tell the girl to tell his brother. Everybody has ƛ past, the most important thing is both of them knowing its not happening again
Amaka,
Why are you this hurt and pained? You are definitely a regular ONE NIGHT STANDER. Let me get some ice and cool your veejay oops sorry your spirit.
Look who's posh and doesn't bandi words- moron. "Hug transformer" is hood talk dear so pick one or shaaatap. Lol
Whether you like it or die over it, I remain Alicia's sister- go plank on the motorway Amaka.
Amaka love, take a chill pill. It's all jokes before you burst veins o. Hahahahahahaha. Xxxxx
Two words: TELL HIM!
MissTee - I am biased against who? Do I know these two brothers? My statement "it ain't that deep" was meant FOR YOU, learn how to read and comprehend, please. You insistent on having an argument with me over some other people's matter is as shockingly poor as you have stated my opinion is so let's just agree to stick to either side of our fences and watch the rest duke it out because we shall never meet in the middle on this matter.
I have my own very personal opinion given to me by God as part of my free will has a human being and you can reserve yours as well. Everyone has given all kinds of various opinions here, please find some other people to lay your anger/resentment/bitterness or whatever aches you on.
@chichiluv, i never said your biased against either brothers,i said your REASONING is(let me know if you still don't understand,don't worry i'll break it down for you)
'You insistent on having an argument' ............seriously????!! '*sigh*
MissTee, You are RIGHT. I was dead wrong. I hope this put an end to any further discussion between you and myself. *sigh*
Nigerians are so nosey. Why tell him? With the 2 degrees of separation in Nigeria, Your own wife is someone elses old flame. Do you want him coming to tell you? No. Mind your business and keep it moving
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