The relationship questions I ask is to create a mini-forum where people can exchange ideas, learn from each other etc etc...
But seriously, I have a married model friend who is madly inlove with a guy who loves her deeply, but the problem is she's married. Married to an Igbo illiterate man at 19 because her parents needed a rich in-law, she's 24years now, has two kids and is unhappy in her marriage. She met this guy who wants to marry her, she loves him and had planned to leave her husband and marry this new guy, they had been together for 2 years and had already done introduction and then all of a sudden she decided to go back to her husband and miserable marriage...because of family pressure and her children. She's been crying non-stop since then. What I want to know is how do walk away from someone you love deeply? How do you forgive yourself for not going after your happiness, for not thinking of yourself first? She's gone back and is determined to stay there and this other guy can't believe that she could just walk away from what they had...it's sad right?
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8 comments:
was it really necessary to describe her husband as an "illiterate IGBO man"? I really don't see the relevance of his origin in this story.
Second, it seems u don't understand the word marriage abi? The way u are describing this whole thing, it doesn't seem as tho u realize that this is MARRIAGE, not just courtship. If the new dude didnt come along, would ur friend have realized dat she was unhappy? And bsides, pple do change, how perfectly sure is she dat dis new dude will bring her everlastn happiness?....she was probably "happy" wen mr rich "illiterate" came to "upgrade" her....abi now, she's exposed enoff to know wot true happiness truly is? And pls, we are talkn marriage here with two kids! it's not as easy as u're making it....u make it sound as tho she should've left her marriage and kids for dis new dude and everything would just be gravy....let her thread softly sha, and do some serious soul searching bcos the rate of divorce these days in naija is appaling.
@ anony... u yarn well... she's with teo kids for Pete's sake, wetin she dey look for again, if she's tiored of her husband, she can find happiness in her kids...
Linda did you realise your friend was commiting adultery while still married.
Please do not encourage anyone to leave their husband or wife regardless of the circumstance, they made a commitment before God.
Why do we encourage foolishness as women, if you realise you are unhappy in a marriage please leave and find happiness elsewhere, instead of incurring God's wrath.
@anon.trust me no one respects the institution of marriage like i do, i'll never sleep with a married man for instance.but myfriends marriage is no marriage.the guy is a typical illiterate man, he's rude,uncultured, nasty, he beats her up, sometimes lock her up for days, refused for her to get an education for 4yrs until he succumbed last yr.if any man dares stare at her, she'll get slapped.he doesnt even give her money bcos he thinks she will use the money to go chase men outside...what kind of a man is that? her friends cant even visit her at home.she did a calendar job secretly and when the man found out he made her miss her final exams in school.she's in her 2nd year in unilag.not to forget that the man already had a wife b4 he married her,he has 3 oda children from his first wife, he disrespects my friend by chasing other women in her presence, he's abusive, ignorant and very arrogant. her parents married her to him when she was just 19, she hasnt had a life yet. u shud see how miserable she is.there's nothing i want more than for her to leave this guy.a marriage shud bring u happiness not misery.she come to my office almost everyday just to escape this guy...is that how to live.this other guy is ready to take in her children and love.now the hubby has threatened her, now she is back to her miserable existence.im sori but i'd rather be hapi single than maried miserable.God himself will understand.
Linda,
what your friend has is not a marriage, she is in detention and can potentially lose her life messing with that husband of hers.
I suggest she gets help or do whatever it is they do in Nigeria against domestic violence.
In America for instance, so many women are killed by their husbands every year because they chose to KEEP QUIET about abuse. But if you report it, you are put up a safe distance from the abuser and you get counselling and help of any kind.
it is not right and should not be condoned in any way.
I have a friend who left her husband after years of abuse, with just the clothes off her back and her kids, today she is married to her soulmate and is very happy.
We as women are beautiful and should be treated as such, a rose is still a rose, regardless. Your friend is young and can start a new life if she chooses.
This is a hard one,but these two people should start treating each other with respect becos of their kids. kids are always the ones that will end up suffering if they dont fix things b/w each other.
this is to the 1st anonymous and excitedjade writers; everything created by God is holy but anything that's got Man involved isn't holy anymore, even marriage.
i was married too at 18. went through practically the same. left his sorry ass and now with a man who world i am.
its easy to sit at d other side and criticise, one only feels d pain when being a victim.
cheating? u were upset that she cheated, believe me... it was a means of staying sane. wasn't her husband cheating on her. hey gal, flash back and remember how painful it is to know ur man's unfaithful. what difference does it make cos she's married. Oh! she developed an extra heart with shock absorbers at the alter.
Kids? they stay with u for a while, u stay with ur soul mate 4 eva.
its time 4 nigerian women to stand up 4 themselves in pursuit of real happiness and stop caging ourselves with culture,religion and most of all social perspectives.
Linda, tell ur friend to do what she feels is right. her staying with her husband shouldn't be because of her relatives or kids.
the greatest gift a man can give his children is loving their mother.
my son, has a better father in his step dad. life is a gamble, embrace change, its better u walk the mile and know than wonder what it would have bin.
Linda, i really understand your vital point but some naija men in the room with their blaoted egos won't see ur point at all...if your friend happens to be my sister i would have kicked the stark illiterate (money miss road) igbo man sorry ugly butt long time and advice my sis to quit the marriage. Some naija men be igbo,yoruba, ijaw , hausa etc are dumb and blind the don't know that women are to be treated with dignity and maximum respect..any man that lays his hands on his wife is nothing but an animal...the sad thing about our society is that men think that their wives , gilrfriends are their fucking private property of football to be kicked around, if that igbo man had done something barbaric as u said in a civilized and an ideal society by now the asshole would be cooling his heels behind prison bars.. i still can't comprehend when naija men will wake up to the reality that women are like raw eggs and we must respect and treat them with kid gloves not with mike tyson iron fist! pls, tell ur friend to finish her studies get a good job,move out of the hammer house of horror with her beautiful kids and start a new life with that dude who's obviously madly in love with her..this yeye igbo primitive asshole might slaughter her someday soon .. a word is enough for a wise...if the kitchen is too hot 4 u get the heck outta there.... thanks for ur wonderful infos and gists that u are supplying us steadily Linda , u are a jewel of inestimable value to us all....peace and love sista....
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