My Lovely Weekend + Lost + Relationship Question | Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog





Sunday, 10 June 2007

My Lovely Weekend + Lost + Relationship Question

Sorry I've been missing in action since Thursday. I went for a weekend gate away with a couple of friends. They took me to Eko Tourist Beach Resort, Akodo, Lagos. I actually went with a friend whose friend manages the Resort, so imagine the special treatment. I had a great time there.

I hadn't been planning on going anywhere this weekend, but I can be easily talked into having fun and experiencing new thhings, so I went along.

Eko Tourist Beach Resort is actually located along the Lagos-Epe Express, about 40 minute drive from the centre of Lagos.

Knowing me, I enquired about the place and this is what I can tell you about it.

It's an Ultra modern holiday resort with 150 self-contained chalets, at the border of the Atlantic Ocean. It has a multi-purpose hall and restaurant. Great place to visit with family and friends.

I took my laptop along but unfortunately, there was no reception there, which was a good thing 'cos if there had been reception, I would have sat in front of the latptop instead of having all the fun I had.

The only but about the place was the mosquitoes. You can actually hear them electing a new president while others were planning a coup lol. With all the noise they were making, that could only have been what they were doing. But I didn't let that disturb my fun...

I brought along this TV series called LOST, and since I couldn't use the Internet, I watched it's season 1 and 2 on my laptop. Now if you haven't seen this series, you really have to go check it out. It's the best series since HOUSE.


Lost is an American television series that follows the lives of plane crash survivors on a tropical island, somewhere in the South Pacific. The show is filmed primarily on location in Oahu, Hawaii.

The show is produced by ABC Studios, Bad Robot Productions and Grass Skirt Productions and airs on the ABC Network in the United States.

Because of its large ensemble cast and the cost of filming in Hawaii, the series is one of the most expensive on television.

A critical and popular success, Lost garnered an average of 15.5 million viewers per episode on ABC during its first year, and won numerous industry awards including the Emmy Award for outstanding drama series in 2005 and best American import at the British Academy Television Awards also in 2005

The cast

Naveen Andrews portrayed former Iraqi Republican Guard Sayid Jarrah. Emilie de Ravin played the pregnant Australian Claire Littleton. Matthew Fox acted as the troubled surgeon and lead role Jack Shephard. Jorge Garcia portrayed Hugo "Hurley" Reyes, an unlucky lotto winner. Maggie Grace played Shannon Rutherford, a former dance teacher. Josh Holloway acted as con man James "Sawyer" Ford. Yunjin Kim played Sun-Hwa Kwon, the daughter of a powerful Korean businessman and mobster, with Daniel Dae Kim as her husband Jin-Soo Kwon. Evangeline Lilly portrayed fugitive Kate Austen. Dominic Monaghan acted as an ex-rock star drug addict Charlie Pace. Terry O'Quinn played the mysterious John Locke. Harold Perrineau portrayed construction worker Michael Dawson, while child actor Malcolm David Kelley acted as his young son, Walt Lloyd. Ian Somerhalder played Boone Carlyle. Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje as Nigerian Catholic priest and former criminal Eko, Michelle Rodriguez as airport security guard and former police officer Ana Lucia Cortez, and Cynthia Watros portraying the purported clinical psychologist Libby.

Ok now I officially have a crush on Wale Agbaje. He played a role as Mr Eko and what you see him wearing above was how he was dressed through out the series until he was killed off.

He was the strongest man of all them survivors and played an incredible role as a soft spoken, intelligent, religious man who was also a cocaine dealer before crashing on the Island.

The best part of LOST was how Wale Agbaje used his influence to promote Nigeria, our culture and our Naira. I couldn't believe I was staring at our Naija 500 hundred naira notes. The cast (Mostly whites) kept mentioning Nigeria, Naira, Naija names...and I also saw a few Nigerian cast in that series to compliment Wale's role, he did well!

Meanwhile, I was on New Dawn with Funmi Iyanda on Thursday. I was a guest alongside top designer Frank Osodi and designer, make up artist Bayo Adegbe aka Modela. The topic was 'Modeling in Nigeria'. We only did a recording, I think they'll be showing the interview this Wednesday.

I hate being on Television. I hate being on TV. I hate being on Television.

I'm relatively a good speaker of English but when I'm sitting in front of a camera, crew, lights, microphone and the spotlight is on me, I forget words, I forget how to speak English, I don't hear myself speak, I' m too nervous, too self conscious. Kudos to those who live in front of a camera. It's not the easiest thing to do.

Anyway, for those who are interested in watching me talk on TV, watch Funmi's New Dawn on Wednesday...I think!

Also I got an email from a certain reader of this blog. Read and see if you can help out...

Linda, I have been reading your blog for a while now but have never commented. I guess I'm not very good at expressing what I feel inside. Your topic 'The right age for marriage' has given me a voice and I have decided to share my dilemma with you and the readers of this blog who I think are extremely intelligent and mature.

My problem is, I have been dating this guy for over five years, I am 29years old and I work at an Insurance company here in Lagos and My boyfriend is 37 years old and works as a stock broker. He lives in a four bedroom apartment and recently acquired a jeep. My boyfriend is very comfortable just like I am, our families are known to each other and we have many mutual friends, all of whom are married.

My problem is that for five good years, he has never mentioned marriage, not once. Like I said earlier he's 37, very comfortable and we've been together for so long. Why is he not talking marriage with me? He's been to see my family often but has never asked for my hand in marriage. Every time I mention it, he acts like he did not hear me. I'm 29 years old and sometimes I feel I'm wasting my time with him. What should I do? I overheard him telling his friend last week that he would get married when he finds a wife, does this mean I am not the wife? Pls post this question to your readers, I need all the advise I can get.

Worried 29year old

I'm not good at giving advice on relationships 'cos I'm new to it myself but here's what I can say. You've been in his life for 5 years, that should mean something to him. Personally I use all my options before giving up on something, so use all your options.

My advice is, Propose to him. Tell him you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him. Tell him you want nothing more than to be his wife and the mother of his children. Tell him you want to take care of him and make him happy. Tell him your life will be incomplete without him in it...Tell him you want marriage.

If he says No...Then move on with your life
If he says he needs time....Give him time
If he says ok...problem solve

Love is the best gift u can give yourself. So don't give up on something until there's absolutely nothing to hold on to...

But like I said earlier, I'm not good at giving advice, so let's see what others have to say about this situation.

So please send in your thoughts.


Anonymous said...

propose to a guy!...oh, i guess i'm still too old-fashioned but i can never imagine myself doing that. that's bad advice linda cos if the man, at 37, seriously wants to get married then he'll ask her to marry him. i reckon that he is just too scared to commit.

Waffarian said...

Yeah, afther five years, you should be comfortable enough to bring this subject up without feeling awkward. I agree with Linda, propose to him, (ehnnnn, drop pride in this matter, you should both be matured enough to deal with this kind of situation), don't attack him, don't talk about your friends that are married etc, don't confront him with what you heard, just tell him how you feel about him, you want to be the mother of his children,(ofcourse, i am assuming you love this man and this is what you want)etc. Good luck!

ami said...

well i shouldnt be jumping to conclusions, but i find it odd that he always changes the topic when you bring it up. Before proposing to him, ask him what he wants in his life, if he wants to get married, when he plans to get married, does he want children soon? bla bla bla, see if his plans for his future are similar to yours, Then based on his answer you may now tell him that you are ready for marriage, and give him a chance to propose to you. That is just the way i would go about it, because for all you know, he might not want to get married till he is 60, it may be the last thing on his mind. You are already mature, get the answers you need so that he either marries you or allows you to move on with your life

Mimi said...

propose to him i wouldnt advice..but talk about it i would most definitely say she can do!

reason being that, i believe no matter how 21st centurized we are, as women we still want to feel appreciated and chased after, he sounds like a successful (material-wise) man, if i am wrong correct me, so i guess he might be a go getter. her proposing to him, might be a turn off for him.

they have been together for 5 years, she can be honest with him enough to let him know that she has marriage on her mind, but outrightly proposing...i am not so sure.
drop the ball in his court, and see if he starts rolling with it.

some dont know what they want/need until they are confronted with it or about to lose it.

if he has no future plans for you, its never to late to take the exit door.

Mimi said...

p.s i dont see you blogging about Blogville Idols...


lol, in case you dont know, it all goes down here

Anonymous said...

I'm glad u had a fab w'kend. Was about to send a search party out for u.
I watched d first few episodes of Lost and then i lost interest. Just got too confusing for me.
As per d relationship advice, i wouldn't even advice dat d girl proposes. I don't think naija women r dat westernised yet. I suspect d bobo dey taste 'd goods' somewhere else. If u've been with a guy for 5 years and u dey give d bobo hints dat time is running out and if he doesn't act, what else is there to hang on to. It's not like he's not financially stable or he's too young. He's 37 for God's sake.

Anonymous said...

At 37, a man should know what he wants...and believe me they girlfriend....take the bull by the horn and ask him what he wants from the relationship, do you have a futuretogether? and from his response decide...i dont think you should propose..

ibiluv said...

propose.......... she better?i have a pal who just lost a guy after 9years
and this was a guy that always talked marraige
one never knows with men yea?
please propose
29 isnt a good age to be hanging aroung a guy who might not marry u
i know people who get married after dating 4months,6 months
it doesnt matter how long u have being together what matters is the feelings u have for each other
dont hang on girl cos if he wont marry u
i bet u someone out there will
wish u luck

Anonymous said...

"When somebody shows you who he is, believe him; it's true." The great Maya Angelou said that to a lady on the Oprah show when she was asked for relationship advice. Linda you gave bad advice but you sha tried oh! As for worried 29yr old, don't propose to him. He might tell you what will hurt you. I don't know you and I don't know him but the truth has a way of revealing itself. He doesn't love you sweety...not any more. The fact that he said that, he's looking for a wife means he does not consider you as one. He's taken the best part of your life. Don't let him take the rest. It is easier said than done; but you have to be strong. This is where you bring God into your life and pray. You know a woman's life is like the life of a flower. After the beautiful bud, it blooms. Then it withers away. What I'm trying to say is that it is when it blooms it's supposed to be plucked. Forget female independence. Forget being a girl in this modern world and doing it alone. If you want a spouse in your life, then do it right. Get somebody that loves you for who you are no matter what. And your 37 year old boyfriend has made it clear that you have overstayed your tenureship with him in his life. Ask him for the truth. Don't be afraid. Look him dead in the eye and say 'do you love me? How much do you love me?' Ask him, demand for the truth. Don't fight him. In a loving manner let him tell you the truth and whatever he says, take it. You will know when he is lying; and if he is, leave him. God will be with you and He will get you your true husband. But if you don't, well,...

Unknown said...

Yea, LOST's god but the in thing now is HEROES. It's something else. Wish i could watch it though. I think Funmi uploads them to Youtube too. Ain't so sure again.

Do have a lovely day!

Anonymous said...

me i dont know o! I wouldnt propose to him, sha. What if he says yes because he feels pressured to, not because he really wants to. I suggest giving him an ultimatum, either he declares what his intentions are for the long term or he hits the road.

Anonymous said...

After reading your piece on your lovely weekend at Eko Tourist Beach Resort, I went and googled the place to find a web address. To my surprise, none was found. One will think that a place like that will be prominent on the web.

Remi Bailey

Anonymous said...

I definitely don’t think she should propose. I mean she has been in the guy's life for like 5 years if he wanted to marry her she should have an idea by now.. If he talks about his future, like where he sees himself in 5 years, and he is including her in it, then she knows he doesn’t see her in his future. But if after 5 years he hasn’t talked about his future plans with you, then girl she needs to get out of the relationship already!! Besides, she said she overheard his comment about getting married when he finds a wife, which clearly means he doesn’t consider her wife material! She should break up with him but clearly let him know why she is doing it. If he cares enough for her, he would come back with a knee on the floor and a ring in his hand!! If not good riddance to bad rubbish!!

Benin Libran..Uncut said...

haba linda! propose to the guy ke?? why now??the guy has told his friends that when he finds a wife he will marry...meaning that its not exactly fear of rejection that is keeping him from proposing to her...he probably doesnt see her as his wife and for her to propose would only make her seem desperate...

pls madam, DO NOT propose to him oh! reading your letter, you say 'each time you mention it,he pretends not to hear. this gives me the impression that you mention it to him in passing...

if you know you want him to take what you say seriously and give proper thought to the idea of a marriage union between both of you, you MUST sit him down and have a heart-to-heart with him..ask him what he's REALLY waiting/looking for; ask him where he sees the relationship with you going...and pls, wen he responds, listen to his words carefully and let them assimilate; do not try to over analyse them cos guys dont twist things and do not put words in his mouth either...just let him speak...and as uv been with him for half a decade; u shud know when he's being honest/dishonest....

if he is serious about his response (gud or bad), you will know;you will be able to tell from the way he picks his words, his voice and even from his countenance...same if he's not...and pls dont let him evade the talk...let him know ur serious and if he's not going to talk about it,you will take that to mean he's no longer interested in you or the relationship...


i wish you gud luck & pls remember that if it doesnt go your way, life hasnt ended and its never too late to start again with another man.

Anonymous said...

Hiya, sounds like you had a lovely weekend. I have been planning a getaway for a group of friends and this seems ideal (without the mosquitoes of course!) do you have a contact number or someone i can call to get the info. Thanks

Perfectly Human said...

It's not like she's going to be proposing to some new guy with whom the relationship is still fresh. This is someone she has spent 5yrs of her life with and should be comfortable bringing up the subject. And it's not so much proposing as it is telling the man what she desries.

internationalhome said...

aw...i'm sure you'd be fine!! as per the letter writer, i can;t give advice cos i dont do relationships!!

Anonymous said...

Seriously, this is complicated. You really need to pray. Guys lets be real. A guy has been going out with u for 5yrs and he hasn't even given a hint? The guy 'might' still love her but right now he's taking advantage of her. There's no way he can say he doesn't know what her wish is. He certainly feels like he's her only hope cos she's at her prime, but guess what? HE'S NOT!!!!!. i wouldn't advice proposing YET. Talk to him first, as in HEART-TO-HEART, correct intense talk cos from what I see, u are a bit intimidated by him. you think he's going to bail if u even broach the subject. But hey! if he does, then good riddance, but you'll never know if u don't try. PLEASE!!!PLEASE!! PLEASE!!! talk first ohhh!!!! After your talk, from his reaction u can now guage and see if your proposal go get head.

Anonymous said...

Mrs2cute has said it all...please o don't propse to no is clear that u've overstayed ur tenure with him..for him to say he'll marry when he finds a wife....that's clear enough..he doesn't consider u as one..please have courage to move on cos if u keep staying u will only lose more time.All the best..

chidi said...

i don't think that she should propsoe to the guy. i think it would be a big mistake. If the guy truly loved her & wanted to be with her, he would have married her ages ago or talked about marriage with her. Her proposing to him seems like desperation to me. I don't think because there is so much pressure on women in 9ja to get married, that does not mean they should be desperate or willing to do anything for a husband. She should move on with her life & forget about that guy. When she meets the right guy, he will propose to her. She dosen't want to end up in a marriage where there is no happiness & a loveless marriage.

Anonymous said...

Hi Linda, i'm an active reader of your blog but never commented. How dare you suggest for the poor girl to propose?
Whatever happened to the word 'dignity'
A woman should hold herself in high esteem no matter the circumstances. you may argue that we are no longer in the dark era, yes, but remember men run away from desperados.
Allow him to do it the right way if he really wants to.
My advice to the worried 29 year old, this is talking from experience, there's absolutely no hope for this relationship!
Pack it up now and save yourself some future heartache.
This guy has clearly told you he's not into you and on the look out for a wife, read btwn the lines and ACT FAST!

Iyaeto said...

LOST is the best of ABC!!!!! You did the best thing by taking the DVDs with u to Akodo.(a bit spooky though )Don't let me ruin it for you but I think u should be able to catch up on . Myself and one other guy are the only LOST at work and when we talk about it other colleagues look at us as if we're weirdos (they don't get it). Enjoy it sha.
As for the lady, she should talk to the guy about the issue then his answer should determine what she'll do. If she doesn't start talking to the guy . I think it's unhealthy.

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