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Sunday, 29 July 2007

Feeling unhappy.

I had my Style Night last night, it was beautiful...as beautiful as Surulere would allow it to be...no area boys, enough parking space, great performances, the best models, a large turn-out, etc tres fabulous. I'll post pictures from the show as soon as I get it from the photographer...

There's something I want to talk about today, I've been meaning to talk about this for a while but for some reason, I just never got to it but I got motivated last night after spending some part of the night with an unhappy woman.

The feeling of unhappiness. This is a feeling most of us have been through at one point or the other in our lives...it's only natural for us to feel down sometimes, but it becomes unhealthy when we let that feeling linger on for a long time.

This lady I spent time with last night made me feel really bad...I have seen unhappy people in my life but never one who has lost all hope that things will get better. I won't go into details of her personal issues, but I know there are several people like her around. People who are unfulfilled, people who feel under-achieved, people who are overwhelmed with sadness, sometimes for no reason, people who simply hate their lives.

I have been through periods of sadness...oh, I have...you know how you can be so unhappy that you fall sick? So unhappy you don't want to get up from bed? You don't want to get dressed, you don't care about your appearance? You care about nothing, you feel like you have nothing to live for, nothing to look forward to...sometimes you feel like your world is over...you're hurting so deeply for a reason or maybe no particular reason...you just can't tell for sure why you feel like giving up on life.

Maybe because you feel like a failure because all your friends are married and you do not even have a boyfriend.
Maybe you feel small because your younger siblings or friends have good jobs, drive big cars, nice houses and you have nothing to show for your years on earth...
Maybe sometimes you hate yourself for not fighting enough to make your life better.
Maybe your marriage/relationship isn't working out very well and you blame yourself for it's failure.
Maybe you have a job you don't like but stick to it because you feel like you do not have a choice
Maybe you are a man in his forties and can't afford to take care of yourself how much more a family, so you strike out getting married.
Maybe people who met you in your line of work have since surpassed you in terms of achievement.
Maybe your best friend is married to a rich man with lovely kids and you're married to a poor man with kids you can't even take care of.
Maybe you've been married for years without any fruit of the womb.
Maybe your husband is cheating on you or beating you and it's killing your soul
Maybe your parents are very poor and you are looking for means to elevate their status but can't find a way to do so.
Maybe a family member died because you couldn't afford to pay for a doctor
Maybe you can't find a job
Maybe you work ten times harder than the next guy, but he has more to show for his work than you do
Maybe everything you lay hands on is never successful
Maybe you lost someone you loved deeply and you wonder if you'll ever find love again, or maybe someone you love left you and it makes you feel like you're not worthy.
Maybe you want to be a model but you get turned down at every casting you go to.
Maybe you've been in the acting business for years but have never gone beyond support roles, while newcomers get lead roles.
Maybe all men who come into your life never stay
Maybe your parents are constantly fighting
Maybe there's no love in your home
Maybe people around you just don't like you
Maybe people spread false rumours about you
Maybe you can't take care of your family like you want to
Maybe people only come around you because of what they can get from you not because they really care
Maybe that child you thought was yours, isn't yours after all

I can go on and on...There are a million and one reasons to be unhappy...and trust me I know about unhappiness...I've been through it...maybe not the worse kind...but I've had moments when I just wanted to give up on myself and God.

If you are going through unhappiness presently, what can I say to you? It will pass? Forget your worries? Don't worry, be happy? Consult a professional? Turn to God?

There are several solutions books and articles give, but we all know it's all easier said than done. So what words can I give you now?

This is what I have to say to you...
No matter how bad you have it, there's someone who has it worse than you.
Never compare yourself with the man next to you...if you do that then it means you're questioning God.
Always remember that even though God created us equally, he gave us different talents, blessings, visions and very different paths to follow...that is why we have billionaires, millionaires and people who can't even afford three square meals a day...we are all different. God made it so.
If you're unhappy because you're unmarried...how many of your married friends can you truly say are happily married?
If your job is unfulfiling...why are you still there? What's stopping you from going after your true passion...if others can have their dream jobs, why not you? Have you even made an effort to go after that job that you crave more than anything else? I know people sometimes give up even before trying...don't do that to yourself.
So your friends have big houses, good jobs, big cars? So what? Did Jesus have all that when he was on earth? Do you want to measure your life with that? Those things don't even bring happiness...so why are you stressing over it?
You were dumped, rejected. So? If Jesus can be rejected...who are you?
You think he's happy, she's happy? How do you know for sure that they really are...how do you know you are not even in a better state of mind than they are...people pretend a lot. Why compare yourself?
Your business isn't working out? What about those who don't even have a job? If your business is failing, re-strategise.
You don't have a child/a partner...have you ever heard of the term 'God's time'?
Maybe you think they are better than you? How are they better than you? What is it they can do that you can't do?
That relationship didn't work out? Maybe it wasn't meant to.

Have you ever wondered why people commit suicide? Because they lost HOPE. When you loose hope, it means you've given up on God...God won't give up on you but he'll let you go...till you find your way back to him...those who never find their way back end up forever unhappy, some even kill themselves.

It is when you think your present is bad but you have hope that tomorrow will be better or even great...that you can begin to appreciate life.

There are ways you can find or increase happiness in your life...here's how...
Choose to be happy...it's not that hard...just tell yourself you deserve to be.
Be grateful for everything you have...no matter how small it is...there's so much to be grateful for...you're alive aren't you? You're healthy aren't you? Have you been to a hospital or a morgue recently? See the way people die every minute? You need to start counting your blessings and thank God for still keeping you alive.
Surround yourself with people who love you...your family, especially your mum...let her be your best friend...no one can love you more than your mum...not even your husband.
Don't take life too seriously. Always have it at the back of your mind that one day your life on earth will be over...so why spend precious little time being unhappy?
Be nice to people, help people as much as you can...you will feel blessed when everyone around you is grateful to you for one reason or the other.
Get busy with a job, a hobby...there's a a lot of satisfaction in feeling competent...and there's no greater joy than to do work that you love.
Express yourself...don't bottle things up...talk about your problems...I have always believed that talking is the fastest way to healing.

Again, I can go on and on but after all said and done, it's really up to us. We have one life to live, why not live it to the maximum? I've been through feelings of unhappiness and happiness, and the distance between those two feelings is wide apart. One makes you hate yourself, people around you and life itself, while the other makes you feel alive and beautiful. Why not choose the latter?

Resolve today to put your problems behind you...don't give the devil the upper hand in your life...let go of everything and everyone that make you unhappy. And always remember that amazing things happen to people who expect amazing things to happen.

But most importantly...get closer to God. If you have him in your life...you need nothing else. He made you and he does not care about the circumstances of your birth, background, education, or your past...Just go to him and talk to him about your problems and watch how he'll turn your life around. He will give you a fulfilling future...because he loves you too much not to.

I wish you all the very best that life has to offer. And may you find fulfilment and happiness beyond your wildest imagination!

God bless. Linda


Anonymous said...

long long post!well written..good advice

Unknown said...

Wow, Linda, this is quite different from your normal stuff, but it's really a wonderful and encouraging article. I've already posted the like to some of my friends who I'm sure need it. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Linda, I appreciate what you are doing--keep it up. However, I want to say that God made all men equal with different talents and blessings and that's why some people can be billoniers or milloniers and many other people are not.

Anonymous said...

That was beautiful! That made my day! Thanks Linda, God Bless you too!

Unknown said...

Very ,Very remarkable piece..
Personally i have had my own share of the hard knock life, ups and downs just like many folks out there..i have had depression and got to a stage in my life that i said to myself fuck everything...money ,career,ambition etc.. I was pissed. i even stopped praying thinking that God has abandoned me completely. But he proved me wrong Dec 24 2006 just a day to xmas...On that fateful day i never had any kind of premonition or inclination that death was lurking around d corner,before then i had been combining two jobs, attending part -time class at the London Sch of Journalism, in btw writting articles/interviewing personalities for the magazine that i work for and most of all,attending casting..(Acting)

To cut a long story short, i left home for work that night of Dec 24,bade my wife and kids byes, feeling on top of the world anticipating xmas etc..around 11:37 pm i was going through some papers with my Team Leader in the office (CARE HOME) without any warning i started feeling dizzy,throwing up, rolling on the floor with serious stomach ache then i passed out,i found myself in a London Hospital spent 4 good days there...how i survived i still can't comprehend. The stomachpains was excrutiating to the extent that i almost wished for death.

My wife and kids stood by me all through the ordeal. Upon my discharge the Doc warned me never to combine two jobs with other things together again.. saying that i had not been sleeping and eating well hence my whole system had shut down, that i was lucky to be alive that if d ambulance had not arrived on time i would have given up...

After this traumatic experience. I took a quick run down the memory lane and recollect all the wonderful things God has done in my life,most importantly my beautiful loyal wife and my lovely kids etc. i counted my blessings i couldn't thank God enough. I had a close shave with death but the experience has rekindled my trust and faith in God that he's always around and will always come to our rescue in every difficult situation...

Everyday i wake up i still can't believe that am alive but i am and the credit goes to the good Lord. What would have happened to my wife and kids if i had kicked the bucket? Now,I appreciate my life and God more than ever b4.

God bless u Linda and all the blogites in this forum.

Anonymous said...

i love you linda.Thanks for the words

Cheetarah said...

linda the councellor,lol! Nice1 I hope this helps some1. Put up the pix of style nyt now?!

Anonymous said...

Nice read Linda.You do a great job.Out of curiousity, how does one who's never been a supermodel a day in her life, plan to choose others in this undertaking?What happened to just being a model?

Shopforme.com.ng said...

lol,I really do that want this to sound as bad as it will come out,..you know i was at your birthday some years ago at genesis niteclub and i had just got out of secondary school and a friend of mine...derele invited me to this big girls party and yes you seemed so big girl then,i arrived at the party thinking wow she is so lucky to have a party like this,something i will never have....lol..i mean i had no 10,000 of my own all i had were parents who seemed more determined to get me thru the best schools in nigeria than best clothes and it was upseting...laugh...you had it all and i had none and yes i was unhappy and i thought to myself blonde bimbo (with black hair).............now its a few years from that and am through with university came out with good grades,have businesses in the Uk and in nigeria,dating a sucessful man,am no longer aiming to be like Linda ikeji... guess what am still unfulfillled,I want to be like Philip Green! i was saying to my fiancee the other day maybe if we have children the feeling of un fulfillment will go away may be it will not?....lol..but i bet it will still be there,
In that case, is the feeling of unfulfillment there so we can aspire to be the best we can be! for now i have choosen that as my answer.
I take back the blonde bimbo i thought u were some years ago,having grown older and seen that you need drive,creativity and God blessing to get anywhere i will say you have got drive! keep it up gal!
I majored in advertising and branding and would like to help:let me no what you have in mind about your tv commercial and we can build from that a mind blowing commercial...cheers

chidi said...

like i said, i am in PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS. i want to be happy. who dosen't. so many things have happned in my life that i would like to change. I want to be somebody that i can be proud of & i don't want to make the mistakes my parents made. It scares me like hell but i know that i would make it through everything.

Anonymous said...

i have never had a man look at me and think i was pretty,im not severe but there is something there to have prevented it happining,i am now 64 and have hated my life and then i lost my husband of 41 yrs and two months i lost a seven year old grandson.iknow there are less fortunate people and i ask God to forgive me for being so shallow,i just would like to feel good about myself before my life ends,i am 5 ft tall 190 pds,my nose is to big , i am blind in one eye and people say they love me but i amy very very unhappy,would you try all the surgery out there if it would work i am not financially able but i was thinking about letting a teaching hospital do it if they would take me,i need some help i dont know if its spiritual or just deep depression as i dont belong anywhere .thanks linda

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