Letter to future husband (the world is easier for men) by Joy Oforka | Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog

LI_Leaderboard_4

LI_Leaderboard_1

LI_Leaderboard_2

LI_Leaderboard_3

Sunday 28 June 2015

Letter to future husband (the world is easier for men) by Joy Oforka

Article written by Joy Oforka...you've read her other articles before on LIB. Read below...
Dear Future Husband,
Let me move a little closer so I can whisper this story to you. Rhoda married her husband after knowing him for seven years and dating him for four. Sure, their relationship was laced with the occasional couples' misunderstandings but it was beautiful enough that when wedding bells were heard, people said they couldn't have been better paired. After three years of marriage and two daughters, Rhoda found out what every woman knows is common but wishes not to be told - her husband was cheating on her.
Rhoda has left their house with their two daughters. She now speaks to him of divorce through her lawyer. To those who speak to Rhoda of reconciliation and forgiveness, she replies, "How do you forgive a man who cheated on you with a  man?"

That rhetorical summary of her deep hurt most times forces even the best orators to an understanding silence. But there are still some others who disregard the question entirely and tag Rhoda's reaction as "pure folly". They say, "Only a proud fool would reject her husband's apology and promise of a new start even when kids are involved". These are the same people who maintain that a man who still accepts his wife after finding her in a compromising position with another man is mercy personified. Dearest, I am stupefied. Rhoda's husband not only cheated, but with a man.

You see, dear husband, the world is a lot easier for men. Here's another example. Not long ago, some people were justifying a man who cheated on his pregnant wife. They said sex with a pregnant woman wasn't enjoyable. It makes me wonder: if women are told to avoid things that would lead their husbands to cheat, should they avoid getting pregnant so they could give him sex? If she doesn't get pregnant, she's a witch. If he cheats, she should understand?

I could offer more instances to support my claim. I could tell you of the gender-based variations in sanctions for the same offence; that where men are excused, women are ridiculed; that for every demand made of men, five more are made of women; that the women's list of dos and don'ts makes nothing of the men's list; that there is so much to tell were words enough. Funny how one genital organ at birth could make such a difference.

Though it is the majority's perception, I hope we would be different. I hope we get to teach our kids by words and deeds that rights are not demanded or wrongs justifiable on the basis of gender. There is a great difference between what is and what should be. I hope that my hopes are not too much to hope for. I  hope, dearest husband, we don't settle for good when we can have better.

With Love,
Your Future Wife.

57 comments:

STERN said...

Wait let me read it over again to get the message here..

Voice of reason said...

Brilliant piece! Joy Oforka

Anonymous said...

Interesting

gentle said...

My dear...For the life of me, I still haven't figured out this cheating stuff. Call me a recluse, but linda ikeji's blog made me know it ws so rampant. And I think I'l rada keep being in denial cos I dnt think it's smetin any lady wnts to think about or experience. I'm just completely sure of one thing, it's redeemable if it's a woman, buh with a man, nt only is d foolish hubby on his own, he's cutting contacts with my kids before he infects them with his virus.

gentle said...

My dear...For the life of me, I still haven't figured out this cheating stuff. Call me a recluse, but linda ikeji's blog made me know it ws so rampant. And I think I'l rada keep being in denial cos I dnt think it's smetin any lady wnts to think about or experience. I'm just completely sure of one thing, it's redeemable if it's a woman, buh with a man, nt only is d foolish hubby on his own, he's cutting contacts with my kids before he infects them with his virus.

gentle said...

My dear...For the life of me, I still haven't figured out this cheating stuff. Call me a recluse, but linda ikeji's blog made me know it ws so rampant. And I think I'l rada keep being in denial cos I dnt think it's smetin any lady wnts to think about or experience. I'm just completely sure of one thing, it's redeemable if it's a woman, buh with a man, nt only is d foolish hubby on his own, he's cutting contacts with my kids before he infects them with his virus.

NaijaDeltaBabe said...

Joy, pls read n summarize

Anonymous said...

D day women start 2 understand dat men r polygamous in nature, dat day we start 2 enjoy our marriage. Women tend 2 stay in denial, not wanting 2 believe their husband's cheat, buh d truth is dat MEN CHEAT.
Sallysmart

obietrezy said...

This article of yours doesn't make any sense at all..... Jor oh

GisspHA said...

Well it always seem the world is NOT fair to women, but the woman at home will always face the reality of building the world all by herself even when she is tagged WEAKER VESSEL ....its not easy to forgive especially when your husband cheats with another man ---its quite understandable to forgive a wife cheating with another woman than the other way ---guess its fair now--- she can try been Christ like :-)

Anonymous said...

My Dear.Future Wife

I can feel your pains...yes pain, because this situation has already been instituted as a way of life. Most men have long erased what ever is left of their moral conscience....at least in this our climes. A woman is hungry and is seen in a restaurant...she is tagged irresponsible; a woman is seen alone in a bar drinking, not even alcohol but soft drink....she is branded a prostitute. A woman takes a walk..she's looking for a suitor; a woman is angry...she is wise and disrespectful. In fact I pity women and will still wish to be a man in the next world.

Anonymous said...

Dumb ass article. The world is easier for men indeed. You are not a man but for some dumb ass reasons u have mentioned u have arrived @ d world being easier for men than women. Females can like to shut d fuck up man we know yall have issues bigger than urselves doesn't mean d world for men is easier. Dumb ass article once again.

Anonymous said...

This generation women should make sure we educate our children differently unlike our parents who would say "don't do this ur a girl!" Or "leave him is a boy"...boys and girls should be taught the same moral standards for a better Nigeria

ary said...

Dear future wife,
I agree with everything you have said hit isn't it time a woman bucked the trend?! Isn't time one woman said 'enough is enough' and drag the man and the society by their genitals through the street. And FYI all men do not cheat, they all have the tendency to cheat but choosing not to is what differentiates a real man from a horny dog.
I look at our society and I wonder why women get the blame for everything wrong in a marriage?! When Toke's marriage broke up, society said it was because she d
was always busy and paid little attention to her man. But my question was, 'didn't he know about her schedule when they got hitched?'
See I am tired of women taking the blame in relationships especially because society deems you the lesser party in a union, so I urge you all to look into a prenuptial, some have argued that it is a sign that you believe something would go wrong in a marriage, that one should trust God. But I have always maintained, 'Why take out insurance on a car/house, trust God that nothing will happen to it'
Till a prenuptial agreement makes a pauper of a man for cheating, we men are going to continue to hide behind the dark cloak of society's prejudice.
FYI hurry up we have to meet already.
Yours Faithfully
Future Husband.

Unknown said...

She is so correct. And the funny thing is that the chauvinistic male on LIB will insult her. A man cheats on his wife and the wife is expected to forgive, but when she does same, she's said to have committed an abomination. In other word, its cool when men cheat and it isn't when women do. I'm glad women are becoming more independent in this generation. They don't need to rely on men to be successful or to be seen as 'responsible'.



#TeamBlessed#

Nonso said...

The girl that i want to marry is seriously cheating on me, the worst is that she like doing it with guys she live in the same hostel with, i tried to stop her from her neighbour in her former hostel even till now she is still doing it with the guy, i paid for another hostel for her she started bringing same guy and other guys in her room. Now she is always with her hostel mate clement she even go to his room spend time when i tried to ask her she started shouting that am insulting her that am taking her like a prustitute for thinking such. I do everything for this girl i even got a car for her. She always tell me she does not want anytime i tried to talk to her about such act. May pain is that doing it with her hostel mate is just like living together as couple because am not in the same city with her. I dont sleep my mind always tell me that they are together. She will still come back giving me attention.And she can never open up even when i find out. I made up my mind yesterday to build another relationship for marriage, I love her but she does not respect my love for her. LIB is it better to breakup with her? Pls i need advice here

ary said...

Dear future wife,
I agree with everything you have said but isn't it time a woman bucked the trend?! Isn't time one woman said 'enough is enough' and drag the man and the society by their genitals through the street. And FYI all men do not cheat, they all have the tendency to cheat but choosing not to is what differentiates a real man from a horny dog.
I look at our society and I wonder why women get the blame for everything wrong in a marriage?! When Toke's marriage broke up, society said it was because she
was always busy and paid little attention to her man. But my question was, 'didn't he know about her schedule when they got hitched?'
See I am tired of women taking the blame in relationships especially because society deems you the lesser party in a union, so I urge you all to look into a prenuptial, some have argued that it is a sign that you believe something would go wrong in a marriage, that one should trust God. But I have always maintained, 'Why take out insurance on a car/house, trust God that nothing will happen to it'
Till a prenuptial agreement makes a pauper of a man for cheating, we men are going to continue to hide behind the dark cloak of society's prejudice.
FYI hurry up we have to meet already.
Yours Faithfully
Future Husband.

Anonymous said...

True.

Unknown said...

Its a Man's World out there n will always be.
Some bitter Truths huh;
Women are always welcome 2 compete, bt their biological set up will always put them at a disadvantage, except perhaps, the unnatural power of the pussy when conjured to perform magic, thus giving them a foul leap ahead. This is in no way trying to dispute that there are intellectual Women out there.
I still got so much luv 4 Women in Positions (successful Baes) cos they brave the odds to Conquer.

Unknown said...

I love this

Anonymous said...

I love this!!!I see people telling a wife to go back to there cheating husbands but a woman cheats she does not deserve forgiveness and should be banished...cheating is cheating,it is bad and for a country that claim to be conservative and religious Nigerians are the biggest hypocrites ever. So my dear women get an education or a skill,work hard don't limit yourself becos you are a woman or because society wants us too,stand your ground and don't get into marriage because others are doing so,let God write your love story and Stop letting them get away from this things,If homosexuality is frowned against in Nigerian then cheating should too.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful piece.loved d part whr she said"one genital organ at birth could mke so much difference" really true.

Lilian Fc Barcelona said...

I love this! God bless u Joy.

Unknown said...

Making alot of sense.
Linda look alike

inya said...

Linda, u should have a like button. Lovely writeup

Anonymous said...

This is such a beautiful write up! All what u said. are true but Dats what the culture defines for us as men. I share ur pains.

Anonymous said...

This is such a beautiful write up! All what u said. are true but Dats what the culture defines for us as men. I share ur pains.

Unknown said...

Though it is the majority's perception, I hope we would be different. I hope we get to teach our kids by words and deeds that rights are not demanded or wrongs justifiable on the basis of gender. There is a great difference between what is and what should be. I hope that my hopes are not too much to hope for. I  hope, dearest husband, we don't settle for good when we can have better.

With Love,
Your Future Wife.

Miz_wendy said...

Hmmmm. Good article... it's a man's world

Unknown said...

Really lovely.

Jasmine Joseph said...

Well written and said

Anonymous said...

Impeccable vocabulary,made my day. :)

Anonymous said...

Nice piece

Unknown said...

So tru, living in a world where only the man can take more than one wife and a woman dear not try it. The world is genger baised Africa precisely

Anonymous said...

Yimu

Suwa said...

God bless you Joy.. nice article.

Unknown said...

Hmmmmmmmm! Nice piece.

Anonymous said...

Lovely and inspiring.

Anonymous said...

Totally pointless...

Runty said...

Well said...Women arise

Vee said...

Abi o. People expect you to forgive ur hubby when he cheats and move on. Afterall, he is a man. But if the woman cheats,he has had to chase her out of d house cz she is a slut and women arent supposed to cheat. Moreso,the woman is always the one wt d problem wen it cums to pregnancy. This life sef. If my hubby cheats on me,my dear i am cheatin also. But in a smart way,tht i wont lose out. Bastard men and african way of thinking.

Unknown said...

I like!

Unknown said...

Another debate will start!

chivans said...

Dearest Joy,
Thanks for this wonderful and interesting write up. You have proved to be a SUPER LIONESS ONCE AGAIN.
AM PROUD OF U.

Unknown said...

Every mallam with im kettle. I can't deal biko. Linda take note!

Anonymous said...

I release u in Jesus name! U are in a toxic relationship. It is well

Shouldisaymyname said...

Many females are in denial...women also cheat and I experienced it first hand. Was cheated on by my ex, I actually forgave her but she still continued. Even blaming me. My eyes opened that day. Men and women cheat equally. Women also have it easy In other ways men don't....you'll be surprised how many relationships are broken or still going strong even when the female was the one doing the cheating.
Whenever the police is called about a case of domestic violence, who do they arrest? - the man. When we know ladies are also violent when angry
When a woman accuses someone of rape, the guy can be jailed unless there is a very strong proof he's innocent. Women also rape men but the men are scared to report it because he'll be labelled a sisi.
Both sexes rule different aspects in this world.

Unknown said...

Dis question beat my chest "Hw do u forgiv ur hubby dat cheats wit u wit a fellow man"? D simple answer is if ur hubby truly repent then u should forgive him if not then he has made his choice dat wil earn him d divorce.

Unknown said...

JUST WANT EVERYBODY TO LISTEN AND LISTEN GOOD....I AM A MAN....LEMME TELL YOU WHY YOU GIRLS/FEMALES ARE TREATED LIKE DIS..

HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN YOU BROUGHT SIN INTO THIS WORLD....AFTER ADAM TOLD EVE, DONT EAT FROM THAT TREE THE LORD HAS INSTRUCTED US...I REPEAT DONNOT EAT....DE MAN LEFT TO WORK, DE WOMAN DISOBEY AND WENT AHEAD TO EAT THE APPLE.....NOW WHEN GOD CAME BAQ, ADAM TOLD HIM ,IT WAS THE WOMAN THAT GAVE HIM....NOW DJU GET MY PIECE......SINCE WHEN GOD PLACED A CURSE ON YHE WOMAN....THE LIFE OF A WOMAN HAS ALWIAS N WIL ALWAIS BE WAT THE WRITER WROTE UP THERE....COS YU PEOPLE ARE SUFFERING FROM WHAT YOU WERE TOLD NOT TO EAT...T WAS TRY YOU DAT SIN CAME INTO THE WORLD...DE DESTRUCTION DE DEAH AND LOTS MORE....AND SOME WOMAN WIL COME AND SAY DEY WANTO B EQUAL WIF MEN...NOT POSSIBLE...YOU WOMEN ARE FAR SUPERIOR TO MAN...COS YU BROUGHT SIN INTO THIS WORLD,THAT WHY YOU HAVE LARGER PROBLEMS DAN MAN, COS I HAVE THOIGHT AND THOUGHT OVER THIS....WCH MADE ME COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT TWAS BECOS OF YOU BRINGING SIN INTO THE WORLD,DATS WHY YOU ALL HAVE A LARGER PROBLEM....EQUATION SOLVED......FFL ME ON TWITTER : BLAQCEJAY FOR MORE.. WHATSAPP 07037210981. U can drop comments now..

the sexy economist said...

Very stupid utterance. ..men are polygamous in nature. Total rubbish.

Pepe said...

Guy, u appear to have trust issues. From what u wrote, u hav not stated that u caught her red handed. U ar just suspecting her bcos u always see her with guys. Also, frm what u wrote it is obvious ur babe is more at home with having male friends than female friends. This is so for some females & does not necessarily mean she is cheating on u. Do u hav more concrete evidence than suspicion? Is it ur instincts telling u? If u cannot drum up trust for her, there is no point considering marriage. Look else where. Also, look inwards to see if u have trust issues & why. It could be that u are just being paranoid & superimposing ur fears on ur girlfriend. If dis is the case, then u hav to go for counselling to try to fix urself so u don't repeat the same pattern with the next lady in ur life. If indeed, ur babe too like man (as u ar insinuating) maybe u ar better off without her. I always say, "there ar plenny of fish in da ocean", so why die over one?

Unknown said...

Really love this article but things are longer trending this way anymore. Gradual change is taking place but it solely depends on the individual. Who you think you are, your prestige, values, morals, self esteem, religion etc, so many things that defines a person. If you have a positive attitude, you'll attract such person and vice versa. Do you do things just because others are into it? Do you have a strong will of your own? These are qualities that will help one live a positive life. Men cheat more but women do cheat too these days. The way and manner this issue is trashed is what makes the difference when it comes to marriage, apology and forgiveness is the key. A man cheating on his pregnant wife is not right. That is what it's supposed to be but if not, find a neutral ground to make amend with your spouse. If we keep sticking to what is right or wrong, a man's world things, tthere won't be anything called marriage. As for the hussie who cheated with a man, it's hard to say, that's really difficult but a hussie who cheats with women can be salvaged.

Nwababy said...

It all sucks, cheating, nevertheless, i would never ever in my life regret being a woman. God made is for a super reason.

destinysweet said...

So sorry abt wat u re going through!.plz find another girl

Rita said...

Shh! Ur post is not genuine! U are only here to look for an unsuspecting woman to prey on! Foh!

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 6.41.i think dt u really are the dumb ass. Sit down and think we'll of many things men get away with and d environment even justifies.and if a woman dares to do a minute measure,then problem begins

Nelson O. Michael said...

Great ...piece. Is Rhoda's husband having same sex extramarital affairs?

Recent Posts