My Worries... | Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog





Sunday 26 July 2009

My Worries...

About a month ago or so, a very good friend of mine who’s also a dedicated reader of this blog told me that I’m not as open as I used to be in my writings. For those who have been reading my blog since 07, you will recall I used to be very open about the happenings in my life. I could write about anything with no fears. Like I always say and one of the reasons I’m comfortable being a blogger and exposing myself to the world is; there’s no truth you can write about me that I can’t write about myself. Forget some people writing stuff about me that aren’t true; when it comes to the truth and very intimate details about my life, I can be very open. But after I started hearing, she talks too much, she’s a careless writer and after Encomium magazine started calling me garrulous Linda (go check the dictionary meaning of garrulous -not nice), I kind of decided to be a bit more careful about the sort of info I put on the web. I started holding back a little; not giving most of myself.

I miss writing that way, just as I am sure some of you miss reading Linda’s sincere thoughts. So we will do it with this post. I am going to be as open as I once was; and for those who are new to my blog, I hope I don’t shock you too much. When I want to be open, I go all out, so brace yourselves :-).

I call this my worries. We all have worries. No matter how much we try to pretend or push it aside, there are people, things and issues in our lives that keep us from attaining that ultimate happiness. I am not talking about worries that lead to depression, anger, frustration, deep fear or confusion; just that tiny bit of ‘something’ that refuses to go away until you deal with it.

I am going to deal with mine by writing about it here
Here are present worries and I write this with all sincerity...

*I am worried about being single...I will be 29 in a couple of months and I am not close to being married. There have been suitors naturally; in fact I recently turned down an expensive ring; and I did that because I realised I was more interested in the ring than the man. When he said spend the night with me, I sighed. Then I thought; if I can’t imagine spending a night with him, how in the world can I spend my forever with him? When I explained it to a friend, she said to give it a chance; he will grow on you she promised. Grow on me? If he hasn’t grown on me in five months, I don’t see how he will grow on me in five years. But then again, I’ve always been worried I am too naive. Maybe that’s the way it works? Maybe sparks, passion and being insanely in love with someone before you marry them aren’t that common in real life? Maybe it only happens in romantic movies and pages of romantic novels? Someone told me that love is not the biggest factor for people getting married these days. Should I marry someone I don’t love and expect him to grow on me? What if that never happens? And the biggest issue with me is that I am built in a way that I can’t let a man I’m not convinced I am ‘in love’ with, touch me. So how does that work for me? How do I let him in? I want it all, the fireworks, the burning passion, the ‘madness’ et al, before settling down. I want to love a man beyond telling, beyond everything, before saying ‘I do’. I am worried I am looking for much more than there is to find. *

*I am worried I’ve never been in love. Have I believed I was in love? Yes! Have I been infatuated? A few times! But have I ever really been in love? If you’d asked me this a year or two ago, I probably would have said yes. But now I’m not so sure. Early this year I watched ‘Madea’s Family Reunion’ and there was this scene towards the end of the movie where Boris Kodjoe’s character said some things to his female love interest. He said a lot, but what stood out for me was when he looked deep into her eyes and said “I pray for you before I pray for myself. And when I am with you, my world is okay’. I’ve never looked into any man’s eyes and felt that way. I’ve never prayed about a particular man, ever. I mean I pray about finding Mr Right and stuff, but I’ve never taken a name to God. No man has ever had that strong effect on me. I’ve gone on a few dates with guys and when I’m sitting across them in a restaurant, half the time I can’t wait to leave, some I’ve enjoyed being with, in fact one I enjoyed kissing, but there was always something missing. You know that feeling of being so in love you can’t swallow food when you are around them because you have no appetite; they’re food enough for you. You are so crazy about someone your heart is filled with thoughts of them, even when you are with them. You feel like you can’t go another day without seeing or talking to them. I’ve never felt that way before and that’s what I am looking for. If you have found love and truly feel this way about your partner, then count yourself lucky and do everything in your power to hold onto that love. Because what you’ve found is still a dream for some of us. *

*I am worried about sex...or the lack of it. I haven’t had sex in a couple of years now. OK, press STOP. Rewind. Does couple mean two? If yes, then that’s what I mean. If no, then I meant to say two years. That’s wild huh? And probably unbelievable, but it’s true. That’s out of choice really. Good men and true love may be scarce but not d**ks. Oh, you can get that anytime. Men will gladly offer that to you. “Want some d**k on the rocks? On the double?” lol. I just made up my mind after my last sexual relationship not to give it up again until I see a ring I want to keep. If you want the milk, you’re going to have to buy the cow eh?. Not necessarily until the wedding night, just after I know that’s definitely happening...I don’t know, maybe like some weeks to the wedding?, or something like that. But then again you never really know; maybe I’ll meet someone and fall so deep I don’t remember I’m supposed to wait. But for now the plan is to wait, and so far I’ve stuck with that plan, but what worries me is that it might be a long wait...because I’ve been turning down marriage proposals like I have all the time in the world. But then again, I don’t want to wake up one day, look at the man lying next to me and ask; what have I done?. *

*I am worried I have never had an orgasm. Maybe that’s why I am not so big on sex. Maybe that’s why I can go for this long and not be bothered about it. Sometimes I don’t remember it until I see something of a sexual nature, then I remind myself that I am woman with a vagina...that’s not in use at the I was circumcised, even though I hear that doesn’t prevent orgasm from taking place. Well, for me to really determine if I’ve ever had an orgasm, you’d have to describe it to me. What am I supposed to feel? How is it supposed to affect me? Toes curled, your heart beating in your head? Feels like your body is about to explode? Describe it please, and then I’ll tell you. I enjoy the whole intimacy thing, like kissing (I cant get enough of and touching, and him going down there, oh especially that, chai! But penetration is another matter...but I have faith. Hopefully one day I’ll find a guy who will make me eat my words. I worry about how long that ‘one day’ will take. *

*I am worried that I am getting too old to live at home. The plan has always been to move from my father’s house to my husband’s house, but as husband never come, wetin woman go do? :-). I am thinking of moving out, but living alone worries me. It really does. *

* I am worried about my lack of interest to travel abroad. I’ve had a few invitations, some from readers of this blog sef :), but I’ve never done anything about. This particular friend has been trying to get me to visit the UK since last year, and he hasn’t succeeded. He doesn’t even talk to me anymore I am worried that I don’t know the location of any embassy in this country and it doesn’t bother me. I am worried that’s not normal. *

*But most of all I am worried about being put on a pedestal. It’s one of the hardest things of all. People expect so much from you and not being able to live up to that expectation. I am worried about letting people down. So much is expected of me, at home, at work, with friends, even here on this blog. Someone threatened to stop coming to this blog if I don’t bring more Naija news, I went out and got more softsell mags because I don’t want to let my readers down or loose them. I’m worried a lot of people rely so much on me, to solve their problems, to motivate, inspire and give them a shoulder to cry on. No one asks if I need a shoulder myself. And because I’ve been put on that pedestal, I act like I don’t need it, but I do. Sometimes it’s too much. The pedestal is sometimes too high. People expect me to succeed so that can give them hope. So I pressure myself. Friends have given up on me because I don’t communicate with them like I should, not understanding how much of a struggle every day is for me, and how much I’d appreciate it if they would just reach out instead of being angry. Someone called me her hero recently. I’m no hero I said to her; I’m just a young lady still trying to find her feet, trying to build a business in such a difficult terrain. Sometimes I’m lost and confused and need guidance. I don’t know it all, but how do you say that when you’ve been placed so highly? How?
I really worry!

That’s most of my worries summarised in one post. Thanks for reading it.
I’ll recommend this to everyone with worries. Share it. It’s therapeutic.
So I’ve bared my soul to you guys, write anything you want but please be nice :-)

Quote of the day
We all have our trials and tribulations; for some of us, it kills us. For others, we deal with it the best we can. But for all of us to stay sane, we all have to believe that God knows what he’s doing in our lives. So stay strong and have faith. Faith is believing when there’s nothing else you can do.


Lilian T said...

am i firs? yeeeeh

marilyn said...

u just summed up the worries of lot of people especially the O part,and lot of others.this is why it pays sometimes to open n anonymous blog where no one would really know whom you are. anyways,you can always tell city people to go fug themselves. after all Hollywood celebs bare their soul on their twitter your life sweetie

Anonymous said...

Thank you for not being afraid to share your worries. You don't know how much impact it has. Forget those who call you garrulous and be yourself. That's the only way you can make a mark in this life by being that person that God wants you to be.

Your worries are justified. Marriage is hard enough without one entering into it with low expectations.

The worst thing that can happen to you is a loveless marriage. It's a nightmare! I know. So trust your instincts and believe in yourself. If you have to wait, then do.

Would you rather have 40years of marital agony or 25 of marital bliss?
Why do you think most Nigerian marriages are a mess? People are just fulfiling some nameless societal obligation at the expense of their happiness and churning out dysfunctional children.

My dear, God has blessed you immensely; don't shortchange yourself for anyone.

Live life to the fullest because it is damn too short! Why leave your father's house of peace to a man's house of strife?

Your worries are justified...take them to God and leave them there. While you're waiting for His reply, trust the voice of wisdom in you. God bless

Fatima said...

Wow! That is so so so honest. I really admire your honesty Linda. I'm not an expert on the sexual side of things but I can tell you this:

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you waiting to be in love before you get married. whether you be 18, 29 or even 50. We all deserve happiness and have the right to choose who, what and when. Ignore the people that may "talk" about you being unmarried at 29. Remember that you are the one that's live with him, not them. Don't let what people think pressurize you into making a decision.

It is very possible to be head over heels in love before marriage. TO me, that's the way it should be. What good is an eligible suitor when love is not there? That'd be a very frustrating marriage.

I think waiting for the right one is a very good decision. I'm of the opinion that when I marry, I'm in it 100%, for good (hopefully). So the perfect (or closest thing to perfect) man is crucial.

May you have the strentgh and endurance to wait because when you do, it'll be worthwhile.

All the best :)

Anonymous said...

Hi Linda, thank you for such an honest post. I am worried about nearly almost everything you are aside from the orgasm part :)I am 31, single and the one true love of my life got married to someone else (long story). I know he loves me too but what can we do? I actually feel like giving up on love because I am scared that I will never find in anyone else everything I found in him and more. Also the whole not letting people down, I was still just talking about this yesterday. I feel like I give give give and people don't really feel the need to be the giver. Sometimes I just want someone to ask me how I'M doing!

Just wanted to say I hear you, and you are not alone in your worries. I wish I could say, don't worry it will all be well, but hey I am worried too so I don't know!! Thanks again for sharing though, I really appreciate courageous people like you! As for the critics, let them say. The loudest ones are the ones who wish they were you :-)

Lilian T said...

that was really straight from the heart.

Lilian T said...

that was really straight from the heart.

koolaries said...

Hey Linda
Great post!!!Everything i feel now and much more.but then again i think thats what every single lady in her late twenties/early thirties feel-the fact that love seems so unattainable or the fear of living in your parents house till you're "35".QUite scary.I already have a plan for that anyway-just move out whether i like being alone or not....
But when i hear stories of people falling in live and getting married,i wonder are they just pretending or is love really out there???
Anyway,we can only count on God's time being the best!! Go on girl,do your thing and let thehaters hate its their only job

Anonymous said...

Awwww can imagine how u feel .d thing is u will fall in love nd stop worrying bout ur age Hun cos at d end of d day u hv to b wif ur husband for the rest of ur life so u can't afford to make mistakes so wait till u meet a man that you know irrespective of wat happens u will still love him. Love ur blog btw

Anonymous said...


Admin said...

hello linda,i will advise you to follow your heart and get yourmindset for a good relationship with someone you love,i know there a lotta guys outhere looking for a career woman like you ,God help you ,Amen

Admin said...

hello linda,i will advise you to follow your heart and get yourmindset for a good relationship with someone you love,i know there a lotta guys outhere looking for a career woman like you ,God help you ,Amen

Miss Enigma said...

In the few months that I've followed ur blog, that's the most personal post I've ever read. And for someone like you (a well known person) who isn't anonymous to bare it all like that...I say kudos to you my dear!

I have my worries too, but do not have enuff courage to put them down here, so I write in a journal.

I wish people wld cut you some slack; cos u're jst like everyone else.But the reality of the world is that not everyone can/wld understand what u are going thru.

- I dnt think u shd be worried about a lack of interest to travel out. When the time is right u'll come on a vacation or whatever and return, its no big deal. U have ur hands filled doing the things u love. The embassies are not closing down or running away so chill out on that.

- When u're ready to move out, u will. Wats the point rushing to move out, then after a long days work u go home to an empty apartment? That will jst mke u worry more and put u in a depressing mood. Enjoy being surrounded by the people who love u sooo much! It's a priceless gift.

- When it comes to falling in love, there's no book of guidelines or manual on how to. It jst happens even when u're trying to fight it. I knw some people are of the opinion that certain ppl grow on us and it wrks for some; but personally that's not a gamble am willing to tke. Because divorce is not an option that I wld like to tke years later.
I want someone who mkes me have butterflies, and whom I can't get enough off not jst physically but emotionally. Because at the end of the day, when we are old and grey, when beauty has faded, when wealth is insignificant, it's laughter, love, and our inner persons that remain and matter. Not whether he has swagger or all that.

Take a look at your life my dear, am sure there are uncountable amounts of evidence to prove that the hand of God is at work in your life. Your worries are no exception...just take them up to Him, and trust me He never starts and dsn't finish. He will finish what He has started in ur life. Just keep holding on.

Ace Adegoke said...

Very 'touching' blog. They may be your worries, but I think u are not alone with most of your 'worries'. I believe a number of young men & women feel the same but never express it.

At the end of the blog I felt like reaching out & given u a warm nice loving cuddle, nothing sexual, in fact far from it, but just a cuddle from a 'long distance' friend, saying 'it'll be ok' & letting u know that you are a gift to us from the Lord.

Love you loads!


Aribaba said...

Wow.... Talk about worries. Well to be honest everyone has certain worries in their lives but the key is not to let it overwhelm u.

Don't be worried about marriage too much cos believe me when u enter a marriage u don't like, u'll be trying to escape asap. It's easy for me to say there's time cos I'm a guy, and I know it doesn't really apply to women, but still... no shakings. It will happen when it's supposed to. As per love... omo I think love is overrated... lol.

You're worried about not going abroad? Well let's just say you are not tripped about it. Some of us here are organizing themselves to come back sef, so that should tell u it's not all it's cooked up to be.

... and finally don't worry about what people say. People always have something to say, and the internet is the quickest way for people to say negative things about people that are doing things with themselves. I can't count the number of times people have str8 up dissed me on my site. It pinches, and then I move on. You are definitely doing something great if people take the time out to visit and complain.

Hold it down, and go listen to Bobby McFerrin :)

Anonymous said...

hmmm....quite a read linda,its funny how life can be, but hold on to this yoruba proverb" he who eats late doesnt each rubbish"...
I am three years younger than u,havent been in a proper relationship in 5years,had sex last two years ago,celibacy for me now is no big deal as am saving it for the right man.but u need to spend ur time enjoying where u are on the way to where u are going.

chuks said...

wow!dats one hell of a post.i use to luv ur blog,now i just don't luv it i admire u also.wish u d best in dealing wit ur worries.

joicee said...

Whoa poured your heart out on this one!

I admire your candour...we all have worries and some of the things you are worried about is not very different from what many other single women around the world are me

Simon SEEZ said...

Hei Linda...

This sure was some whole lettin out...sure u were close to tears when writin THIS,cos i sure was when readin it..i dont know what to say, but i feel u on everytin u wrote...

My fears...
I fear i might not fall in love with anyone as much as i did with my ex-girlfriend..its been two years and i aint dated anyone else..

I fear i might not make heaven, scares me to death.i'm workin towards it thou..

Failure scared the shit out of me, i guess i turn it into motivation to work harder..

Anonymous said...

Brave of you to share your worries. It takes guts. Good of you to abstain from sex till marriage.You will find your one true love you seem to be on the right path. Living alone as a single girl is a little scary. No umbrella of cover from your parents or a man to protect you. ( I start awake at night to check and recheck my locks because i live alone!) It has also made me aware of how tough I am. I can look after myself and make my own way. As for the description of an orgasm....... Its very like a sneeze.Lol. You can feel it coming and when it does.Wow! There's no mistaking that feeling. Good luck dear.

chayomao said...

Wow, Linda,
i was not expecting this, this morning! was just doing my usual blog rounds!

Worries, what don't we worry about? everything, from the way we love to pleasing people to finding that rare true love. it is in our nature to worry! it comes so easily.

The point is, at the end of the day, take those steps towards your happiness! YOURS! not someone else's! But what is the way to your happiness you say? it is up to you to find out! How? by putting yourself out there! Take a risk! Go find the embassy, change of environment. Live on your own!
i did! i look at life differently now! Not from my mother's or anyone's point of view but mine.
Go on a date for the fun of it! To see how that individual can inspire you to be better not to just put a ring on it! Okay i know the biological clock is ticking and all, but try looking at the world from a different point of view. Wear that dress coz u want to, not becoz it is expected of you. When u stop giving a care of what people think is when u start living! who knows, Mr. Right may be in another country but u keep turning down ur future!
it isn't easy, change is scary sometimes but it is INEVITABLE!
it may turn out to be good (well good for you) or not quite what you hoped. but we all learn from our mistakes. Now i feel a tad guilty writing this all down (seeing as i am younger than u r,but wise words know no age plus u gave the go-ahead. so there you have it!
My two cents!
Hopefully i haven't offended anyone, if i have...
what is done is done!
And this is how i feel. it is a free world.
(Oh Freedom, what sins have been committed in your name! lol)

Love may be hiding in the oddest of places and we may never find out if we don't try!

Iredotp said...

Oh Linda! That was so touching (sniff) It's good to know u'v got these worries and hidden fears like most of us do but that u'r brave enough to voice it out and on ur blog is something else. I really am offering you a shoulder to lean on and cry on......can you see my shoulder? i had a discussion with a girlfrd yesternite and we talked abt most of these same felt good! Girlfrds are really indispensable....if u got the right sorts!

Unknown said...

Linda, my name is Gina, am from Cameroon but presently in the USA. Ever since i discovered ur blog last year, i have been glued to it... seriously, this piece of material is the most sincere i ever read in ma entire life... i am a writer myself but i have never written any think so sincere...i could go on and on... please hit me up at i understand u r a busy person but plis find time....

YankeeNaijaGurl said...

Sweetheart..I can totally relate to some of your worries, especially the falling in love thingy. I'm so glad i am not alone. I'm hopeful it will happen tho. Thanks for pouring your heart out,I was deeply moved. Hang in there sweets. er thing is gonna be alrite.

MB said...

Erm. Are we twins? Lol. Because I've been nodding my head in agreement throughout this post..from the 2 year (ok 3) celibacy to the waiting and expectations. I have come to a point where I have decided my true happinness cannot and will not be compromised. I have several married friends who are in love and blessed..but perhaps a bit more who I wonder why they sacrficed their happiness for this madness they call marriage. But what do I know..i quickly meshionu my mouth lest i be reffered to as the "bitter" unmarried one.

I have decided that I will spend a good amount of my life being deliriously happy (lol)..with or without a mate. I cannot and will not compromise on that. He will come, when I least expect and whist he wont be perfect (who is?)..he'll be into me and i'll be into him. End of story. Opin cinema. Lol

pretty damsel said... touching linda.

Anonymous said...

hey linds!! i kinda share ur views. i dont think iv eva falllen in luv. u kno recently some male friend described me as looking "lonely". u can imagine.really sex is overated.beta 2 wait 4 d mr husband. really personal between me n God. so jus chill, Enjoy life as it unfolds, and do wat u hv 2. i admire n look up to u. iv wriiten u a couple of emails. go girl!!!!

Anonymous said...

Hey Linda you are so brave to put all your feelings on your blog. I think you should always go after what you want, don't settle for anything.

I think young women like us are not giving up our dreams to chase marriage and children.We are entrepreneurs trying to build a foundation for the next generation.

You were quite candid about your sexuality,the fact that you are circumsized and has never experience an orgasim.Girl you are so brave. Can someone tell me why girls are circumsized?

Anonymous said...

hi linda,itz true we dont know each otherj ust discovered ur blog this yr,im onyi and i reside in germany.i must say that i was touched reading this,cos i had almost same xperience like u,after a broken engagement abt2yrz ago,the guy resisdes in naija even 2 the xtent his girlfriend wanted to kill my enemy but for God,at the end i decided to face my life and be happy.since then i do whatever makes me happy and above all i make sure i please my God,im even 32 older than u,but no worries at all.i just want 2 encourage u ,a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage dear.Not only will God give u a man that u will love but u deserve a man that ll love u,respect u and love u 4 who u re and believe me he ll do it.since dis yr i ve had about 8 suitors but i would only go for who loves me and whom i can in turn wait dear,this 2 shall pass,but dont give ur body out 2 please anybody,thats my decision so far.Again it doesnt come from abroad but from above,after reading a bk from Kate Mcveigh,i changed my perspectives abt things,what of if it works??see it this way!As per mockers,if they cant beat u ,they join u!Reach out 2 every dream u have in life,ur a girl i admire and love,with great future,thus success attracts!when they see u make it,even those ur mockers will like 2 come closer ,then ur destiny is already fulfilled.u can make it happen cos i see that God has deposited something cool on the inside of u ,really talented,reach out 2 it ,read psalms 126,i see it come 2 pass in ur life,amenthus the hardest nay in life is the best and only nay.God bless u love!!

Anonymous said...

hi linda,

its normal to feel dis way especially with the pressure down in nija..

im younger than you and engaged, but im worried im not feelin the excitment,d guy is mo into me and all that..its not such a biggie...d marriage thing..i kip saying dat a world wi partners is musnt be proven with a sheet of paper.if u see some1 u av a lot in common with, hu listens to u,go out and hav a good time.Don't look at him for ring potential..

first sex 3 years ago for 3 months,same guy..dint hav the big O,left nija for masters,came bak last year,no O..outta nija now and still no O.dunno y..ur not alone..i just guess it will sort itself out wen d time is rite..

Do thins cos u choose to not cos ppl want u to..bone d big mouthers,deyr just hating..

for being abroad,no for some, don't work for some..

U will get wat u need wen d time is rite..don't bother worryin too much point.just kno ur not alone..

Anonymous said...

one thing i will say to u linda is God does not forget those who call on him neither does he EVER forget problems brought to him. mark this somewhere linda, shortly my GOD wil suprise u, am praying for u tonite linda,my prayer is for him to use these worries, and turn them ito testimonies for u linda. another thing is this, most times, love aint really wat we think it is, give urself the chance, time and oppurtunity to fall in love, it does not necessarily have to happen like the movies, but deep down it is there. pls again, yes, i visit here almost everyday, sori i never leaVE COMMENTS just like a million and one other people, my point is this, most times, it pays to leave some things for urself and disclose one in a while. i love u like a sister dear, and God loves u most,

hugs dear


michelle agoh said...

linda im so touched by this worries SMH: u re nt d same seems lyk we twins except im 10 yrs yonger than u......... linda brace up GOD is not asleep!! i knw my bible says those who wait upon d lord shall have "WHATSOEVER THEY WANT"........ U IN MY PRAYERS AS I WRITE RIGHT NW ND IM GNA GO FASTING 4 U.... IM NT JOKING!!! IVE BEEN A READER FOR LMOST A YEAR ND A HALF ND NO MATTER WHAT IVE NEVA ND WUD NEVA CEASE TO LOVE U NO MATTER WHAT..... LINDA I GUESS U REMEMER ME......MICHELLE D GAL WHO SENT U A MSG ON FACEBOOK ND UR MAILBOX........ IM SORI I DID THINGS D WRONG WAY AWWWW.... PLZZZZZ FORGIVE ME..... I LOVE U LINDA!!

Olu Akindeinde said...
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Olu Akindeinde said...
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Anonymous said...

linda i wish u were my big sis.
biko babe to worry is natural.i love u cos u are so honest and down to earth.
about d man and marriage thing i dnt think that is cos of age. ia m far younger and i am alreafy worried am not engaged cos of my other friends who are already married.
as for d abroad thing biko its not all its hyped up 2 be. infact i am thinking of how to leg it nxt yr even if it means leaving d man i love back here. when d time comes u will travel as well and c.i can remember d first time my mum came here she said is this all, i tot u guys walk on ur heads here lol.

babes u will be fine ok. much luv n kip ur head up cos u are a model for so many pple.

Anonymous said...

Hei babes!!!!!whao! that was something,r u serious bout wantin a shoulder 2 lean on?here i am,pls send me.titi

ibiluv said...

your worries...most of us get them.....i believe that kinda love is out there.....he'll find u....

Big Heart said...

Hey Linda, this is my second time of writin u, never on ur blog but via e-mail abt ur advise on setting up an NGO frm Canada and u did reply wit one, there were a couple of pple i spoke to but never replied. My very first advise to you would be please quit putting other people first, stoptrying to satify everybody, it doesnt help. you are unable to determine who you are and what you really want to do. if pple want to quit ur blog for u not supplyin dem with gossip, let them, the old proverbs says dose that dont take you for who you are dont deserve your friendship bcos you a triple A woman, apponited, annointed and approved by God. Just be yourself, let us love you for who you are, appreciate urself more, most times keep some private gist abt urself out of ur blog.
on love, dont stp praying, dont stp dreaming, dont stp keepin the hope shining, he's there somewhere waiting for the right moment to pop out and change ur world, dont settle for less, dont jump into marriage out of gettin old issue, or material thins ladies re fishin out for dis dayz.

Anonymous said...

circumcised...for real?does that mean you dont have a clit?

Ibukun said...

I admire you for your boldness and honesty.

Everyone in life has problems and difficulties. Even the rich, poor, celebrities, etc but I am proud you came out and were totally honest. Kudos.

As a young gentle man, I recommend you to put this in God's hand and thank Him for his mercies so far.

As for the traveling issues, you have to take it as your heart leads you. Assuming you were eager and you never listen to your mind, who knows what would have happened..

Don't rush into marriage. A single and happy woman is far better than a woman who marries a man without happiness.

I believe God is taking you to a place you wont expect.

Dearest, thank God for your life cos I know God is always by your side.

Remain blessed.

Ugo Dosh said...

Wow! Wow!! Wow!!! I've never seen or heard an open confession in like 5 years. This extremely bald and straight from the heart! You just rock at it!...but you get liver oh! Lol. Really, those hungry journalists @ emcomium should go and embrace a NEPA transformer.

I feel your pain big sis. @ 29 and no hubby? But then I feel your style and personality more for not letting your pressing desire to walk down the aisle (with me? :-) ) overwhelm your decisions. Marriage no be joke! It's not that you would rush to go and marry junior, only to hate yourself for life for doing it.

The right guy is lurking around the corner; Believe me. He might even be that guy with a red t-shirt reading this post: wait a sec...i'm wearing a MAN-U jersey 2day :-), but i can't be d one cos am only 18...i wish! He would come by.There's no need to place a classified ad on the papers, or get sold out like Ekenedilichukwu's fat daughter; i hope her elder broda doesn't get 2 read this - sha thank God my house address is not on my blogger profile.

But really sis, i see you rocking the white garment soon. Just keep praying!

This is the 1st time since last year that am reading your blog again - stumbled upon it when i searched for "chief gabriel umoden" this morning.

Actually you, bellanaija and naijafineboy gave me the inspiration to start a blog when i was @ college, and that's what am doing at my mobile phone blog. A nice blog you have!! Would always make the 1st comment now.

Anonymous said...

Hi Linda,
I've been following your blog for more than 2 yrs now and am like 5 years younger than you and I am also feeling this way regarding marriage and the love thing. I've been in love with guys but I later realized that they don't love me. I've heard from people that it is better to marry a guy that loves you more than to marry a guy that you loves more, I don't know how true is dat.Anyways you've already said it all that where you are is nothing compared to where you heading which is one of the words that keep me going when I'm down. I'll tell u to just leave everything to God and things will fall into place. Take care and I love u.

Ms.Ken said...

A lot of ppl identify with your odn't feel weird.i personally identify wit d fallin in love,wanting fireworks n sparks. I don't believe its too much to ask for,its out there...I just wanna encourage you to hold out and don't settle for less,coz honey God has great plans for you and that includes a life of joy and happiness...and for ppl puttin you on a pedestal, always remember that you are only human, with flaws and all, relying on God for strength
If you delibrately plan on being less than you are capable of being then I warn you that you will be unhappy for the rest of your life - Abraham Maslow.

Anonymous said...

mehn,Linda i gotta give it to you,u're BOLD!!!...u actually put all that on the internet,for every tom,dick and harry to read...wohoo!!!..i know u got all ur worries and almost everyone share similar ones,but look at the comments of those people that share ur sentiments,they're mostly anonymous...why? because there's something called "privacy". Don't get me wrong, i love u as a person but this is purely "information overload" and i think that's what you've just done.

Forget that thing about wanting to be open and honest and all,this is not the blog for it,most people associate your blog with gists,naija entertainment and things similar to that.If you want to be giving full disclosure open another blog biko,or better still have a private journal,put your worries me being honest and open on the internet is not always the way forward. Stick to one thing,carve your niche,ask yourself "what do i want to accomplish with this blog?" then do it.

From what i gather from your blog,u've got sisters and a wonderful family,talk to them about your worries,u'll be surprised about how much they can relate to how you feel,and they'll give u their honest opinions.Trust me,not everyone that comes to your blog is a friend.I'm saying all this in love...and cos i think u rock!!! keep doing ur thing.peace.x

Anonymous said...

Aunty Linda pls go out more often to i want 2 chop wedding cake oh!lol

Flygerian said...

my dear lynda,reading your worries i swear made me cry.i feel your pains,i know your worries,these worries my elder sister passes through,they say god's time is the best.not for long,what i always tell me elder sister is to free your spirit,free your mind,free your soul and dont be picky.when you free yourself,u are free with people,do more of hanging outs in matured places (believe me,this is not husband hunting.i know in no time u will smile.

take a long walk on the beach and ask yourself if you are doing something wrong,if u are not,then god will takia of you

thank you so much for listing your worries

may u fing everlasting happiness.doris

Omoleye said...

hey Linda, i have bin reading ur blog for over a year now and i must say it is really wonderful i check every day for update and u r doing a good job. every body has worries and its okay i have never met u before and will lve to meet when am in the country. u r a wonderful person and amsure u have a good hart just put all ur worries and fears in the lord and he will take care of it. u will eg married at Gods time and u will be so much inlove with this person u will forget about all thi worries u r having now.dont listen to what anyone mit call u cos there is a purpose u have in life and u r fufilling it.and i will be at ur wedding in jesus name.

Downtheaisle said...

I didn't plan to drop a comment until I saw ur quote at the end of the post, "....for all of us to stay sane, we all have to believe that God knows what he’s doing in our lives"

***keep strong babes

Princess. said...

Linda, everything you have said happened to me before even worser than you can imagine, at least you were living in your parents house as all this is happening, I never had a home and even when I am invited by friends to party and also clubbing, the people I met will always asked what am I doing there, which got me sad as every other person would leave or flet but as for me I just go back home in the Taxi in the middle of the night alone!!! Happen to be in a relationship for 9 years with all my heart, I was finally turn to a moron becuase my man never wants me to talk in public, wear any body shaped clothes, laugh at every part of my body, always there is something to make jest about but for me I never make jest of him but adore him. Let me tell you every relationships will always have their ups and downs even if your wishes finally come true....Well, that is life and as I am writting you now, I am about to fall out of that affair because too many things have been demanded that I can not give or force except God say so.....Talk to you again and I will always pray for you my dear and The God you are serving will give you your heart desires in Jesus Name. Amen.

Anonymous said...

wow,u almost kept me crying?man u are bold(I think 1 of the reason why i love you is bcos i always see myself in u),reading ur post makes me remember me,my worries(those in 2months now,i have given up to think about bcos they have been weighing me down but are still there ,have decided not to think abt them)u sound so much like me,lol
Maybe one of these days i will have to send them to u(if i can get ur mail).

U know as I was reading this touching and lovely piece,i was telling myself as i cud see myself thru ur piece,"why can she be a man so we can make a pair since we somewat have same opinion abt things",lol...

Honestly speaking,u are one creature of God that God is proud of(human or no human),I love ur honesty,boldness especailly about LOVE and MARRIAGE bcos they are two scared things,God really is proud of u gal.

Hmmmm,let me leave this 4 remembrance,I am 25,wth no degree(living in some part of EU that has denied me this) and mostly this...I am about heading out of a relationship of almost a decade by next year,why?I am no more in love wth him ad he's head over....and not to forget,we have been living a distance since 7years now,hmmmmm my worries.....


Let me leave space 4 others,love u Linda,have a lovely day sweets!


Anonymous said...

Im a big fan of yours linda and i must say that u are doing a great job,ur blog is my favourite.
I must tell u my dear that love blinds your eyes to so many faults of a person,which ull only see after ur married to the person.u never mentioned the qualities u are looking for in a man,which as far as im concerned supercedes everyother thing.u must look out for a man with a good heart and above all Godfearing.i have a friend that met a guy fell madly inlove,married the guy only to discover the guy is a u want that kind of man? my dear if u find a guy that u like,can stand his touch and has the qualities i listed,marry him fast cos time really flies and no man wants to marry an old woman,u can trust me on that,they go for the young ones and before you know it suitors will cease coming,only the terrible ones that'll feel they are doing you a favour by asking for your hand in marriage.It has happened to so many girls.taks care dear.
And pleeeease keep some things private, it really helps ok?
luv you

Anonymous said...

just want to tell you that love is blind.believe you me,its better to go into marriage with your eyes open that for it to be blindly inLove, LOVE!!!thats a word that is soo wise girl

nony said...

Linda, where do i start from? i have been following ur blog for some time..and i have been really endeared to u i admire ur candour and i can sense ur honesty...for someone who has no desire to join facebook or all these cyber sites being ultra ultra private...ur blog is the only blog i have ever commented on and followed quite closely...i am a few years older than u ......i left the shores of Nija over 10 yrs ago..and honestly i might have achieved more if i stayed back..i admire ur depth...which is lacking in so many young ladies of today...Nija seems to bring out a lot from u..sometimes coming abroad can be a dream killer..u get sucked into goin to work, paying bills and a somewhat mundane lifestyle..and sometimes dont even get a chance to smell the dont even be perturbed that u have no desire to live abroad...talking about love...i think that at some point u have to have the flutters about the man u marry..some might not agree with me..but if u are wired not to feel that way, then its just as well..i know a few ppl are of the school of thought that u can marry anyone and make the most of it...when i met my husband i had those butterfly feelings..but really that takes u so some point in the grows into a mature comforting kind of relationship..especially if the person is ur soul prayer for u is to find ur soul mate......pray for a God fearing non-womanizer man with a lot of self control and selfless..... infidelity is the worst..a lot of men and women will cheat at the drop of a hat.....i know the anxiety u feel and it is somewhat a woman u dont want to get married too late..and on the other hand,u dont want to jump into it either...i pray God gives u a God fearing faithful, somewhat selfless man, it is also okay to ask God for a nice looking man..if u dont find him desirable..that could mean the "kiss of death" (figuratively)no one person is perfect anyway, but someone who meets some standard requirements...that being said, do not be perturbed, just keep on living ur life in a God fearing manner......i am also an advocate of living at home till u get married...i lived by myself for a few years in the US before i got married and it really did take me some time to adjust being married..i always wanted my personal space and freedom..and it really didnt change until children came alone sometiems makes we women get cynical and a little bit hard..keep on doin the good work u are doing and pray for the best..

TKB's thoughts said...

I believe that you deserve to be happy so its best to strive for it no matter what it costs. Your worries are justified Linda, and a lot of people are in your shoes but cannot express their fealings so openly like you've done. Take your time, the right man will definately come so leave every other thing to God. He makes everything beautiful in his own time. I appreciate your abstinence because I've passed through that stage myself so I know it is possible. There came a time in my life that I abstained from sexual relationship for close to 18 months but I was rewarded. The next man I dated afterward happen to be my husband and we have a son.Brave up< Iam sure the man is almost here. Final Note, let your expectations be realistic,there is nothing like a perfect man, you are not perfect either. Remain Blessed.

Yankeenaijababe said...

That was pretty deep and scary. I pray God grants you your direction, it sucks to be unsure of where one is heading to. Keep it all in prayer, God sees your heart.he will hear your prayer.

I don't think you are careless writer, it is your blog, feel free to express your opinions. Ignore what people say about you. They suck

Anonymous said...

dont worry, when u have children everything else will pale into insignificance

Anonymous said...

hi sweetie. i think u r amazing. im 25 and my mum thinks it is tragic i don't have a boyfriend whereas my older siblings who had partners are single and my nieces and nephews do not have a father in their lives. it would seem like the status of being married is more important than love. i beg to differ. if there is no attraction leading to love. there is no marriage. as for celibacy. i am a virgin and what i never had, i never miss. please ignore people and be yourself. there is someone for everyone and you are no exception. i feel like if i don't meet someone within a certain amount of time, there are lots of children seeking a home and i can always adopt. at the end of the day, its your life. i wish you the best of luck and remember to always love yourself first. kisses for you.

Anonymous said...

bla bla bla shut up! suddenly everybody gives advice about how she feels or what she should do. I agree with the person that said that you revealed a bit too much info for the world to see. Beware of fake ppl!! It was a heartfelt and couragious write up, but be carefull.

Toni Payne said...

linda u worry too much, just b urself, u cant please the world n u shud not even bother trying else ull run urself ragged. Always remember if they are not talking about u, u r not relevant.. enjoy mami! its UR blog. feel free, n FYI: wen it comes to ur life n marraige dnt listen to bad advice,u r d one who will live with this mann ull b surprised wot hurdles aving true love 4 each other can get u through..

Anonymous said...

I am mighty proud of takes a lot of courage for many people let alone Nigerian born and bred to speak openly like you have done.

As for me i do not think marriage is as important as many people make it out to seem. I ask people if marriage is so important why is divorce skyrocketing like there is no tomorrow. In my humble opinion I think a woman should marry at age 32 or 33. At that age she is unwilling to compromise her self-dignity and integrity and is able to better understand her partner more without being too selfish.

You have absolutely nothing to worry about. About sex? can only enjoy it depending on your frame of mind. You have got to go into it believing that you are engaging in it to SATISFY yourself and not merely to please the man. I have had many mindblowing sex and disgusting ones...HEHEHEHE.

I love your blog too much that I bookmarked it. One thing I know about every black man is that we are suspicious when we come across a good thing. We criticize it and then destroy it. It is no different from what others have done to you concerning your blog.

Keep on being you...there are some people who are still addicted to originality.

Anonymous said...

God bless you Linda. I love you and admire you for your decency. Girls like you are rare nowadays when young people believe that sex can be freely given with no inhibition. I am convinced that some young girls will restrain themselves and wait for the right time and the right man (husband) before giving themselves after reading your write-up. Well done, draw closer to God, trust Him and in no time, His perfect plan for you will come to pass. Do not cheapen yourself cos there are many who just want to use gullible girls, add them to the list of their conquest and move on. I am sure your parents will be proud of you as I am also a mother and pray my children will be decent enough to say no until the right time.

Anonymous said...

yes we all deserve to be happy ! i worry nyself that the one man i want to give my heart to is taken!

stay stronge!

Anonymous said...

Wooooow, Nawa oh! after reading this I am totally speechless, this is the longest thought I have ever read, and it seems to me you have a lot more things to say am guessing that is what lack of orgasm disposition would cause (Information overload) My advice to you is as follows

1)Buy a dildo and massage you punja aka toto.

2)Have as many one night stands as you can.

3)Marry one of those rich aristos that look like they are about to die e.g. (Obasonjo, president Yarudua, Akala and so on. Give them great sex that would kill them and help your country (no one would ever know).

4)Finger yourself for pleasure am sure it’s the same.

5)If you don’t like the upper four solicit for a show like dbanj who would marry Linda ikeji trust me you go find plenty man way go attend your show.

6)If you no like the upper five become a nun or all those fanatic Christians way day dress like dem deeper life church of Christ people.

7)If all my suggestions no work fast and pray say make God give u husband.
8)If that no work too become a sugar mama and help improve young men’s life.

Ms Linda the problem most of you females who have this problem, with am to good for this man or I do not love him enough to marry him is caused by you females. You girls are asking for too much and if you think a guy would give you 100% of what you are looking for then you must be dreaming. If you find a guy who would give you 70% out of 30% take it because if you leave him all you would be looking for is 30% and trust me that would be your worse mistake, because you would still not be fulfilled. You do the math 70% or 30% which is better?

Anonymous said...

Linda, that was quite an honest post and from the responses on here, a lot of people identify with you. Since you were honest, I'm going to be straight up honest with you. I'm a bit worried though that you may be giving too much information to the public. It doesn't mean you can't be open and honest about yourself but some details are better left unsaid. Like Anon 4:35am said, if u really want to give out the really intimate details, then do it anonymously. Just like everything in life, there needs to be control. Do not to lose your common sense. I hate to say this but as much as I despise most writers of Encomium, to be fair to them and others who write stuff about you, what did u expect? They are in the same business as u are. This makes for a great story, and to be honest, it won't be called gossip cos this is straight from the horse's mouth. YOU are giving them the information so it's legit. For every decision you make, there are consequences and you should be able to face them when they come without whining. In your case, people are definitely going to talk. Lovers, haters and others. You are a cathartic writer and I have a friend like you. She liked to bare her soul to all and it was great. People loved reading her stories (I did too), and she was really genuine. Now she got into a relationship and of course the whole world knew. Their lives became under close scrutiny by friends, enemies, knowns and unknowns alike. What do u think the guy did? He choked! Not bcos he didn't love her, but bcos he felt violated. Privacy is for a reason, use it. I'm sure the friend that told you to go back to your "open" way of writing didn't mean you should let the world know your every move. You need to understand that sometimes our greatest assets become our biggest downfall. You have to draw a line somewhere. Be wise. First step to dealing with your problems is to start with yourself. And that goes for everyone else in this situation.

Good luck!

Anonymous said...

Waoooooooo Linda, am touched and even though am a bit younger than u (24) its like most of ur worry's apply to me, tanks for sharing cos alot of us are afraid to do so, cos we blv ppl will criticize us..tanks tanks tanks. Opps!

Jasmine said...

1st time commenting...Linda,wow! funny how people assume that their problems are unique but when i read today's post,i kept wondering if you were somewhere writing the thots from my head out on ur blog;scary stuff,lol...i share your views on so many things so i understand where you're coming from;i cant give concrete advice cos am dealing with my own issues but i can tell you that when i'm disturbing God's ears,i'll mention you the best you can be and do not shortchange yourself

Anonymous said...

Linda linda, na you biko. lol! See the outpouring of love, all for you. That tells me you're doing something right. I have nothing else to add. Ones wiser than I have spoken. I'm younger than you are and I'm happy there are people like you to look up to. by the way, start your new lease on life by traveling. trust me it's therapeutic. if you happen to stop by in Maryland, I'll be happy to entertain you. Seriously!!!

Anonymous said...

It's interesting how we all go around with our problems, not wanting anybody to know our weakness. reading this post and the comments of others on here,shows that the more we open our heart and share our worries, saddness, feelings and not giving 2 cents what people think or say, the more we will see that there are a lot of people that are in the same boat. Thanks a lot for sharing Linda. Thats some mad balls you got there.

Anonymous said...

One more thing linda, was it just me or did you get lost reading Olu akindeinde's comments. lwkmd!!!

Anonymous said...

LUV IT.. Kuddos to you gurl.. I am a big fan of your blog and majority of your worries are what i worry about as well. But as you said wetin man go do.. So now i just live and enjoy life.....

Anonymous said...

At what point does any grown woman with any kind of decency and self respect decide to post the most intimate details of her personal life on a blog. I really don't mean to insensitive, but honey this was a bad idea. And if these "you are brave comments make you feel good about yourself, then you have serious problems. Most women all over the world have same issues, but it should be dealt with in private.

Do you not have family and friends? Do you think that any decent man will be attracted to this kind of disregard for privacy?! You need to stay far away from whom ever advice or encourage you to do this, because they do not have you best interest at heart. It has been know that people who choose to live their reality in pucblic never recover from it. Look at all the couples and singles who have been on reality shows, most of them have gone down hill from their.

Do not make yourself an object of redicule because you want praise online. If it is not too late, please take this down immediately. This too raw for public consumption. Get a life outside your blog and from people don't tell you the truth. You are having a nervous break down and this kind of drama is not good for a lady. I wonder what Encomium will do with this one, and it will be well deserved. Shame on all of you that have encouraged this kind of public melt down. The most repected people all over the world are does who live calm and private personal life. Not the Lindsey Lohans, Paris and Britney's of this world. Do not amke you life and open book, leave a mistry.

Unknown said...

hmm...real food 4 thought...

Anonymous said...

Linda u r not alone jare.we r plenty. I think most women hate sex. let's face facts. we all pretend for the men. orgasms dont exist jo

Anonymous said...

this is what i call a real blog

Anonymous said...

Hello Linda ave been visiting your site for almost a year and it is a total package of life's contentment. It is okay to be worry and able to express it as it is paramount in order to progress in life.However our culture in Nigeria frowns at such things as we have been taught to believe that negative equals realistic and positive equals unrealistic. Your worries are justified and remember that the secret to life is to replace one worry with another in order to move on. Therefore forget about others and concentrate on your self, do whatever makes you happy and leave the rest to God, he will turn all your negative worries to positive success in your life. Keep on the good work.

Anonymous said...

Linda,as much as this has been an interesting read for quite a number of people;myself inclusive, i must tell you that this "open policy" or whatever is a HUGE mistake from you.You have publicly violated yourself and the world is cheering you on? Come on girl, what will you have left to offer THE man when he comes along? No respectable man will be happy knowing EVERYONE shares part of his PRIVATE PROPERTY.

I find it hard to believe your folks and kins will be genuinely excited with this extremism you've displayed.

If it's publicity you are looking for, then by all means; there's countless of decent ways to go about getting it.

Forget anyone telling you to not mind the "haters". This is not a question of people hating on you, loving, adoring or envying you.You have knowingly or unknowingly put a huge gash to your future.

Privacy and exclusivity go hand in hand.

Unknown said...

If these are your only worries or your main worries then you have no problems in life, be thankful.

IFECHI said...

Linda i admire ur honesty, and i know it is cathartic to bare ur soul...but at some point i think u need to hold back some tawdry details like, sex, circumcision, orgasm and so is a lot of TMI..a lot of ppl are just voyeurs who come to blogs and sites take a peek into others' lives...and i personally think u should soften on the details u release...a lot of ppl cannot handle all the personal info u dish out with discretion and maturity they wouldnt know what to make of it ..its like "throwing pearls to dogs" and it might come back to haunt u in some form or fashion...dont take ur self too seriously, no one is perfect..even in America which is considered quite liberal..ppl dont give out all this dishy info...u really dont owe anyone any explanations exercise some long as u are livin ur life with decency, honesty and a reverence for God u are fine...
PS: my personal advice is to hold back on sex is highly overrated as one other blogger said...and one can contact a whole myriad of diseases...i have a friend who was very conservative b4 she got married maybe a few intimate partners here and there which she had under peer pressure and neediness...only to be diagnosed which HPV..which is quite dangerous...there are way too many stds out there and no man is worth givin it up for unless he is ur husband...and the husband has to test himself and make sure he is free from well as the woman.and women and men need to keep themselves chaste till marriage..

Anonymous said...

@ Anonymous orgasms DO exist o. LOL!

Anonymous said...

Linda,itz true everyone has given u advices 2wards ur so called worries,but i rather see those worries as ur strenght!peoples reactions showed u 2 that those that are wit u are more than them that are against u.Above all one with God is majority,ur not alone.But i`d like 2 say that advices are good,but the one u `ll give urself will still be the best advice believe me.
Again itz good 2 share all with people but why dont u take it 2 God in prayers?for i know he cares 4 u,even when everybody steps out then he will step in.Do consider everything that comes 2 u in life as a test or merit from God,for he alone knows what is best for u and when!!im not sure ur created to be men pleaser,first please ur God and be happy urself cos by trying 2 please everyone u`ll displease ur doesnt matter what anyone might think or say about u but only God has the final say in ur life cos i know the thoughts he haz 4 u,the thoughts of good and not of evil,2 give u a hope and a future and 2 bring u 2 ur expected end,4 surely they wont be cut off.As a woman in this our partriachial world,ur abilities ,talent ,and ur know how is something no1 can take away from u,some have married and divorced,many devastated ,battered and beaten!hold on to God he `ll surely see u thru.I know that u cant be a burden 2 any man that marries u 2morow,cos u `ve got all what it takes,so no need 2 worry,count it all joy, just let go and let God ,he `ll work it out 4

Anonymous said...

hey linda..u r just giving those soft sell magazine writer more LEGIT stuff to write about you!

Anonymous said...

Hi love,
First of all i would like ti say it's alright to worry but at the same time don't forget to live your life.
You've actually summed up my life in your blog but i still feel more positive than negative about myself. (Was 33 lately)If you ever come to the UK please let me know, will really love to meet you. You're an inspiration!!!
Liverpool babe.

Anonymous said...

This is too much information!.

My dear most of these people are laughing at you and not with you.

As embarassing and as disrespectful as this might sound which is not the intention,
I say see a shrink,You really need psychological help.

Putting all your problems on a blog will do nothing for you, give it up to God. See a shrink and make sure your family gives you lots of hugs and love, you need it my dear..

Anonymous said...

The more of your personal life you keep discussing, the more of your energies you give away. The word privacy is privacy for a reason. I bet most of the people on your blog will never, I say never even discuss their own relationships details with you.

Keep personal matters personal, and discuss it with people who truly count.

Anonymous said...

Hmn so the rich also cry.... I have been an ardent follower of your blog since 07 and was very very happy for you when you announced that you have met your price charming, what happened with O,was it infatuation or you just want to pull a surprise on us. Anyway I pray you get someone who will know ur worth.
As per privacy matter,i feel you can talk about some worries but not the sexual matter biko hold back a little.We dont want to know whether you used to have organism or not,save that for your hubby to be to discover that.however continue to be the sweet linda.

Oyinkan said...

Thanks for being honest about your worries - truth is a lot of ladies in their twenties (esp the single ones) identify with these same worries.

My first question to you is - why would a guy propose to you with an engagement ring??? - I take it because you had led him on for five months and he felt he was in a stable relationship with you, only for him to have been disappointed and totally alarmed I guess!!! Being true to yourself will ensure that you are true to others as well and will prevent any party from being hurt.

I am an on/off reader with your blog and your comment about never being in love kinda surprises me. Because around valentines period you were gushing about your man and how overwhelmed you were with him...???

About having an orgasm, I've come to the conclusion that it's experienced in different ways with women. So it's something one would achieve personally as a woman. But being relaxed and doing the things you enjoy (sexually) like kissing and caressing those sensitive areas goes a long way in achieving that feeling... But please abstain from sex until you are in a stable relationship that you know will lead to marriage... Sex involves spiritual ties/bonds as well...

I agree with you about staying at home before you get married. Don't worry about the age thing, it actually is the right thing to do!!!

Like a few people commented (and I was nodding in agreement), PRIVACY has reason for it being a word!!! I think this particular post was a little over the top and although I thoroughly enjoyed reading it, I really don't think it was wise - just being honest!!! Linda, my dear, sometimes the best thing to say is SILENCE (and that applies for our private life most esp) - my advice is you could easily have written about these issues as 'worries that apply to most women' without personalising it. People like you who are very open always tend to get hurt as you have opened your all for people (esp enemies) to know and that makes it easy for them to know where to stab you... There's a time for everything... time to be quiet as well... and have you considered whether a man would really want to be with a woman who may likely reveal too much about their private lives??? Be wise Linda in everything...

About pleasing people, it's your life and try not overpush yourself. You said you wished your friends would reach out to you instead of being angry, but are you reachable??? Could that be the reason for their anger???

Finally, I believe everything will fall nicely into place esp when we put our trust in God. Take care and God Bless.

Oyin xxx

Ejike Manny said...

Linda pls dont do this next time. This is too much information for the public. 4 ur information i've been following ur blog for over 2 yrs now; kind of addicted to it but in the past was silently worried 4 u cos i rekon u'er a nice decent girl from a good home that was getting hurt along the line for being too open therefor was kind of relieved when i noticed u became less personal in ur blog. Most girls have similar problems so my suggestion is u should have made it look like someone was having those problems and u've decided to throw it open for public discussion. I love and respect u so much and u remain my hero but pls dont go this far next time and if possible take the story down. I dont think ur mum will approve of this method. I love honesty but i still prefer privacy.
Be dat as it may, i think ur love problem might be cos u dont really enjoy sex cos of the genital mutilation. The question is have u ever really loved any guy in the past. The feeling u have 4 the ring guy is it up to the one u had for the guy u ever really loved. Is it the thought of sex and not the guy dat repulses u? Has the ring guy shown to love and respect u? If yes, then i think u should give the guy a chance cos truth be told, u might never be able to satisfy all ur fantasies. U'll love the union the more when u start making babies. Dont 4get 2 pray, talk 2 family, councelor and trusted freinds and make the best decision dat will ultimately lead to hapiness. Good luck.

me said...

Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown.....

Linda, I'm an avid reader of ur blog (lol) and I admire ur creativity and tenacity - but I have to let you know - there are not many people like you out there - we are in the minority :) So searching for/finding someone who can match your wit, intellect, creativity, fierceness e.t.c. is going to be damned hard. As a matter of fact, you are probably going to have to compromise something along the way - like the Anon who was talking about 70% and 30% - cos let's face it, there's no such thing as the perfect Man.

At this point, I shall recommend that you read Steve Harvey's latest book, "Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man". It gives a good insight into the minds of men and what it is that they really look for in a wife - because at the end of the day, that's what it boils down to - men are looking for a wife - not an equal or someone to share their innermost thoughts/passions/joys e.t.c. with - they want a W.I.F.E. - COOK, CLEAN, REPRODUCE. Unlike us women, men are in the fortunate position of being able to walk into a store (figuratively speaking) see one they like (meets all the specifications - pretty, cooks, cleans e.t.c.) and either lease it (dating) or put a ring on it (marriage).

So perhaps you are not on the same page as all the suitors and suitees out there. Linda you are an intelligent girl, and something tells me that you are not the type of girl that is going to happily display herself in the aforementioned shop window (complete with an in-store demonstration of those oh-so-important functions - cooking, cleaning, mothering e.t.c)waiting for some guy to come along and scoop you up. If you take a good look at all your married/engaged friends you will see that that is in fact how it happens/ be clear of your expectations and what it is that you are getting into....

Linda, I am not going to lie to you - I'm the same age as you and it has taken me all this time to fully realize that that is all marriage really is..... so for goodness sake, only do it with/for someone you really love.

On a different note, there is also the question of, "What do YOU bring to the table?" Dunno if you've seen Shanel Cooper-Sykes video yet, here it is for thought......

And finally, its cliched, but still true - be yourself Linda, because those that matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter. Personally, I enjoy connecting with people online - we learn so much from one another and dare I say, mature from our interactions in a way that is not even possible in real life (lol) I understand why this blog is important to you and why you are comfortable enough to share this info with us.....f*@k the remember, as much as we fans love you, we are not there with you in ur everyday life - so although we love the fact that you are open with us, it might not be beneficial to you in the long run to share so much online (just being honest).

Also, Linda you need to travel. End of. LOL. Don't even argue. We love that you love Naija and all, but you still need to see the world :) And you can blog about it - catch up with Linda fans in every city you go to - we are everywhere :) So you're kinda like Michael Jackson, in your own little way....LOL....

Anonymous said...

This is such an inspiring post...and i'll explain...Right now am in such a mind is in turmoil...i have 1 MAJOR worry right now and I cant seem to fxtn...i feel like infact wailing and yet in my busy worrysome mind i know for a fact that will definately solve d problemmm...what is my worry...ill tell u. i have been in this country for close to 1yr, having moved where i am after my divorced. i struggled to do my masters and i finished and struggled to get a GOOD job...and lo and behold i got one recently...however d job requires u to have a driving licence which i claimed to have at d time of interview. anyway when i got d job offer, i rushed to do my drivng test, passed d first round and for d second round, i was introduced to an 'insider' who will letthings happen...with d right bucks. Okay my normal person wont do this, but time and desperacy clouded my judgement.. so i proceded with this deal....still did my driving lessons, went fo my test with d believe that i had 'settled'...long story short..i failed d test....but my man is assuring me he will sort things here waiting for his call that he has sorted it....but mind is going WORRIED. what if it cannot be done....what happens on my first day at work?
Linda, I am so scared of loosing this seemed unreal that i even got the i feel i have been in a dream....i question myself...did i not pray enuf? God angry at me......I dont have awnsers atall to this....and my 'life' is at a standstill as i wait for this one phonecall.....

Linda, i enjoy ur post daily..i think u should keep it up!...thats a true writer's spirit...not afraid to share her thots no matter what the critics may say...
u have so many friends...including me who feel like one by the sheer truthfulness and genuity of ur blogs...
On a somewhat lighter note....u arent the only one o with worries....and its good to know that even 'linda' is real...
love u girl...
Ps..would let u know what the 'phonecall' said!

truth said...

Above all else, to thyself be true.... I didn't really read the post cos I really prefer to maintain a bit of mistery generally. But I expected it to reflect your usual candidness. From the comments, I guess I was right.

I'll be praying for you. You know I gat your back.

Linda Ikeji said...

There are about 90 comments so I obviously cant reply individually. so I'll say thanks to everyone who dropped a comment here, i appreciate your kindness and advise. Im stronger now.

To those who talk about privacy, I understand that...but u know what, if i get hit by a bus today, i'd rather people know these things about me than die with it. If I had a talk show and we were talking about orgasm, i will admit i have never experienced it and asks experts how i can go about achieving it.

if i had a talk show and we were talking about finding true love or any of the things I mentioned, I will admit to millions of people watching on TV...thats who I am, and I have no apologies about that.

but most important for me is for people to learn from my life, my mistakes, my struggles and more than anything else is for people to know they are not alone in their 'worries'.

I'm I am my own person now...I know that when I get married, the dynamics will change...i'll definitely shut it a bit more

and about me gushing about men?...yeah well, like I said, 'have I believed I was inlove?' Yes!

Cheers everyone and remember to live your best life

Anonymous said...

Never commented on your blog before and hadn't visited in a while. I had a bit of time between work and thought to check your blog. I came across this article and felt compelled to comment. I hope you get to read it. I will try and make this as brief as possible.

In as much as you wrote about different worries that you have, I will like to comment on the bit about that of love/falling in love.
You mentioned that you have never fallen in love before and went on to described how you hope to feel to be able to say that you have fallen in love. My question though is how did you come about the definition of "falling in love" especially since you haven't felt it? I know you could argue that about several other things. But I hope there is a reason for my commenting here today. I will share my thots briefly...I grew up with similar concept of falling in love and yes felt in love. Over the years, I've come to realise though I had strong feeeling for this person, I wonder if I would feel the same, if they suddenly lost their good looks, or sense of humour/wit and a host of other things that initially attracted me to them. No I'm not shallow person by any definition. But I've come to realise that love or being in love is deeper that flutters and not being able to eat for excitement of being with the ones we love, love is deeper than laughing together, the passion and the good times.

I've learnt a lot over the's called "BEing" in love for a's a continous process. While all the description of love you wrote about may happen to you and you accept the engagement/wedding ring...remaining in love is of more importance. For everything that has formed your perception of love (family and friends' experiences, movies, novels, your own ideas), May I suggest re-evaluate first what you want in a man and list this in order of priority. It's hard to remain in love with a man that you do not have "SHARED VALUES" with. Even if you "FALL" in love (by whatever criteria), if you don't have the same shared will be hard to "REMAIN" or "STAND"in love.

I got married a couple of months ago to a man who initially (on the criteria of the things that instantly attracts me to a man)was "NOT MY TYPE"....(I guess my type were usually sexy looking, adventurous, a bit risky..popular and all what not). But as we started off as friends and stayed friends for a long time...I saw the wholesomeness in him that was not present in a tens of thousand of men, the love and dedication, integrity and a whole lot of values that has come to define ME, and that we share. We were together for about 4years (no we didn't exactly plan to stay that long) before we eventually got married. I loved him and married him. and I love him even more with each passing day....I grow in love even more each day when I see how much he loves me in every thing he does. and I ask God daily for Grace to take care of this man that he has blessed me with. I love God more each day, even through how much love he has given me through my husband.

I will leave with you with this final matter how you look at it..Love will be defined in these: Love is Kind, patient, forgiving, not rude, not proud, not jealous nor boastful, love will not rejoice at evil and it covers a whole lot of wrong doing...all these will help you grow in love. LOVE IS SWEET..I tell you. Have a fab with and may you find love indeed.

Anonymous said...

To any female who says sex is overrated you have a big problem that means who ever u are screwing is not doing something right maybe if you meet the right guy who makes u come about 2-4 times you would be okay

Honest Girl said...

I hope you find a man - women like you who are overly open about their private life might have problems finding a man esp Nig men. What decent man would want to court a lady who talks to the world about her private life on sex and orgasms?! That is such a big turn off. Like someone mentionmed earlier can't you talk to friends and family? And if you must bring it public, can't you put it as a general topic issue? I don't mean to be rude but inasmuch as you are a girl's girl, not many men will be attracted to your kind and you will find that in time if you carry on this way. But, like you said, it's your life and you make no apologies - then I guess it's time you also cut out being single as one of your worries as you will remain single for a long time if you remain this way.

Linda Ikeji said...

@honest girl, sorry sweetie, it seems u didnt understand my worry, so let me explain better. u see a girl like me has a few guys who wants to marry her, just that a girl like me wants to be very much in love b4 marrying any of the guys. aka the prob is not finding a man, it's finding love. U understand better now?

Linda Ikeji said...

@11;05, i hear u love and God knows I am learning. U guys rock. thank u so much all

Unknown said...

Linda, pls take this post down. Its not cool at all. Like someone said, u have friends and family to share this with. You are a public figure and this emotional outburst doesnt do u any favours.

I had a very naughty and indulgent blog, everyone knows that but i NEVER sold my true identity out. Never and never will.

I was reading this and because i only started from the bulleted points, i thought it was a compilation of stuff u had researched. When i finished i started it from the beginning, realised it was u then re-read it. Basically, I couldnt beleive my eyes.

I have a friend that you know, i saw a pic and he went on and on about you. Please, this sort of thing will put him and potential suitors right off.

The reason im married now despite my previously naughty life was because i learnt to seperate fantasy from fact. Fantasy was my lifestyle, Fact was my fiance/friends/Job/family. Pls realise this and dont beleive the hype blogville offers.

Anonymous said...

oyinkan,i was enjoyin ur comment up until u said abstain from sex until u rin a stable .................i beg to differ ma,by the world s standard,u ll get a standin ovation 4 dt,but by God s standard,abstain until u get married,God will help us all.titi

Anonymous said...

If you are as mature as you claim to be, then why didn't you post my comment the first time? Please practice what you preach.We are all waiting.

Linda, please no! we don't want you "shutting it down" when you get married. We definitely would want to know how long your hubby's d**k will be, if he is a 3 minutes indomie noodle man,if he requires BURRANTASHI each time,if he knows how to make you scream and *u*, if you guys ride on the 69 train, and all the juicy slicky details, for real.

We love how open you are and you being anything other than that will amount to hypocrisy i must say.

Linda Ikeji said...

@chameleon, take it down? lol, thats not an option sweetie, and dont worry about me much. i'm good. @ the other anon, who knows maybe I will *wink*

as long as someone has learnt from this post, i am ok.

Big Joemayocis said...

Hey Linda don't say no one cares if u need a shoulder cos I offererd u ma shoulder twice n u blanked me. Anyway that's different. People say u've exposed to much of ur privacy, but 2 ma opinion, its only people who appreciate life n actually live life that open up.

Wat is happiness without freedom n wat is freedom with restrictions?

Even d president at an international gathering does not have d freedom to wash his hands n eat amala/fufu/garri or p.yam in a manner that wud allow him savour d every ubiquitous taste of d food cos he's poising an international figure. Wat's that?

There r always 2 sides of a coin, just like some people can't come to terms with such discussions they think shud be private, some other people adore u for it.

The same people who have a problem wit it, r d same people who wud prefer if u had come to tell them personally wat ur worries r so they can feel important n some of them r d same people who'll tell it to others so that wen u hear it from others, u'll feel down, betrayed n heart broken. But now how can u feel heart broken or betrayed wen peoples comments give u more life n open more doors.

Ma dear, wat I'm tryin to say is that shud LIVE UR LIFE.

As for your love life, here's ma strong belief. God didn't give any man that ability to get n keep any woman they want but God gave every woman that ability to get n keep any man they want. If u've found someone ur heart lives with, don't wait for him 2 give u a spark wen u can actually set him ablaze.

The Activist said...

101 comments? Is everyone really waiting for info about Linda's life?

My lady am glad you share this and I will just say Akuna Matata,things will happen in your life or will continue to happen in your life and the right time and you will by God's grace make an inform decisions about all aspect of your life but no matter where you are at this moment, live you life as if there is no worries!

Anonymous said...

I give you the credit for opening up. i'll tell you to cast your burden onto the lord. pray and ask God for direction. Be wise about decision making. pls don't be too choosy but do go for a God fearing guy ( meaning before he do anything, he will think deeply before doing it), someone that respect you, and willing to say sorry when he did something wrong. I pray that God will give you a clear direction. Stay blessed

Mimi said...

Wow...You inspire me. Now that's real honesty.
We have a lot more in common than I realised. I am just a little bit younger than you are. I have been celibate for about 5 years. Seriously, I have not kissed a man in that long.It has been by choice although it may not be completely unrelated to that fact that I really don't think I have ever had an orgasm and if I have they must be pretty overrated!
I feel you when you say that in the past you may have felt that you were in love but it now seems you definitely weren't.
I do worry now that I am not in a serious relationship at my age BUT I only need to look at some really sad marriages out there to make me appreciate my life as a single lady. Most people have said to me that I am too picky when it comes to men...maybe that's true but surely I am allowed that when it comes to choosing someone I intend to spend the rest of my life with, have sex with, make babies with and face the world with!
Like you, I will be waiting for Mr Right but in the meantime I will be living life and trying to enjoy every minute of it. We've only got the one life so we must try to live it on our own terms.
If and when you do come to the UK, dinner's on me! xx

Mimi said...

Just thought I ought to add this
* Nigerians have such a love hate affair with sex! I admit we weren't brought up in 9ja to talk about sex but for a country where sex talk is taboo we sure are having a lot of it!Look at our population!

Quick question...How many people would believe a 29 year old single lady proclaiming she was a virgin if she wasn't a nun?
How many women these days looking all pure and innocent in their white wedding gowns are virgins?
Please give me a break! I sincerely believe virginity is an ideal but we must open our eyes and separate fact from fantasy. Girls in Nigeria are being subconsiously brought up to loathe sex. Everyone tells you it's bad and that you shouldn't be doing it but nobody mentions that it is a gift from God to be savoured within marriage.
Linda, please aspire to be true to yourself. If you are willing to wait for Mr Right before you commit yourself physically, you might as well make it really special and wait till the wedding night and not a few weeks to the wedding. I know I sound old fashioned but aren't we all looking for that old fashioned kind of love we've dreamt about? You can be sure that a man who reads your blog and want's you, really loves you. It is proof he is open minded, not insecure,knows what he wants and truely accepts ALL of you. It'll also mean he is honest and not sexist,(If a guy wrote this people would think him really weird not to have had sex for 2 years and would try to hook him up ASAP).
Linda has been open.... a lot more honest than I may ever be but we must not unnecessarily criticise her. She has told the truth and truth is what it is. In truth lies freedom. Enough of all this pretence.xx

Anonymous said...

Linda,if a man wouldnt marry u bcos of ur openness and life style,then thank God cos itz even a simple sign 4 u to know that that must be the wrong person 4 u.cos if one loves u .he`ll love ur faults 2 and maybe advice u on what will be forget all those telling u that it will scare men,it will only scare the wrong ones which is good 4 u.cos not all that call themselves men are ripe .Besides the right person will rather say that he loves 4 that which they call mistake "Cést a dire on est homme que lorsque on a les sentiments d´etre un homme"pls beware of discouragers and live ur life girl.u rock

akinbgood said...

I beg no mind most of these people wey dey arn rubbish, na everything dem go dey put naija factor for, omo post anything wey u feel like posting, omo free urself,i beg share more experience joo cos u dont know who's life u r might be changing!.one might just learn from this.

uche said...

hi Linda,

cool stuff. candid, honest and gospel. things would always work out. i have been there and i know. talking does help.... prayers help as well. i hurt 4 girls when i was single and i decided i would be good and i have kept my word. it paid off...
keep the flag flying.

Anonymous said...

Hi Linda,
My name is Charles Novia. I'm a film maker. I have never met you but sometimes I read about you in some newspapers with just a cursory interest. However, I had to read your blog when it was the buzz somewhere. I'm humbled by your 'bluntness'. Thought I had the world cup on that! However, there was something therapeutic for you in your sharing. I feel it is a way of pouring out your pain or something close to it, to the Great One. Forget the fact that we all have read it. It's your 'confession box' and I believe God Almighty has heard you and will give you your heart's desire soon. I'm praying for you. I'm sort of convinced that you have a great future ahead of you in the media 'bizness' or a talk show slant, maybe. Just be strong and be true to yourself. Your wishes will come to pass.

Anonymous said...

I'm an avid follower of ur blog and u r an amzing blogger but this shows that u r an amazing person as well...

I'm barely out of my teenage years and I can already see all these pressures cos in Africa, a woman hasn't achieved anything till she's married... No matter how many lives she has touched or how well her career has flourished... Heard someone use this analogy.. A woman is like a christmas tree and the man is like the star so she has to have the star before she can be admired... WHAT THE HELL!!! What about the whole bloody tree???

I guess what I'm trying to say (not that eloquently, might I add... lol) is that as a young woman, I appreciate someone showing a different perspective other than the image of married with kids before 30... Admitting your worries takes the pressure of ours and you are fantastic for doing that :)

Linda Ikeji said...

omg, i got a comment from Mr Novia, wow, highly honored and thanks for the words. appreciate!

@anon 1:15, thank u for calling me an amazing person...u cant beging to imagine how much that means to me

thanks all

Linda Ikeji said...

@anon 1:39, well spoken
@ akin and others, thanks

Anonymous said...

Any woman who's being honest with herself has had some if not all of these same fears. I'm worried about your lack of orgasm! There's this great "toy" out there called a "Silver Bullet." You need one! Also, none of the Nigerian men I've dated have ever gone down there...hummm, I plan on asking the current boyfriend why that is...Take care, Linda.

poise said...

Hey Linda... readin ur blog always makes ma day... u r a brave and courageous woman... i admire u in all u do... n sincerely da sky is ur startin point to wateva ur desires and expectations r... I SO BELIEVE...
love u(ma first comment)

Daydah said...

Sincerity....rare for someone in your position....It is a good step to reach out and share. the person who said 'a problem shared is a problem half-solved' knew his onions. I have a friend who has been able to remain sane and go through the last decade by sharing. When we hear what others go through and hide under the makeup, lights, camera, we realise that life - especially when trying to stand on your own two feet, must have all its ups and downs for it to be an experience to remember. You inspired another friend's post with this sincere one. You can be sure you are inspiring others to take this route - it really does help.
You are a hero - don't ever say you are not, because thousands of others get to face what you have to everyday, and you are still standing!
Take all your worries to God. He is the answer. Let go and Let God.

Anonymous said...

Hi Linda,

I have stumbled on your post before when googling something about Nigeria, but yesterday when i stumbled on it again I decided to have a good read.

I must confess on reading this piece I have to admit that I admire your honesty.

Like one of the people who dropped a comment ( I think comment made on June 30th at 11:05 please read it again). Falling in love and being in love are 2 different things.

A lot of people think that the tingling feeling and heart skipping that happens when you first meet someone will continue til death do you part - Na lie oh!!!

Ever wonder why romance novels or films end with a wedding? Why can't it continue until the END which is death?

I am married to a wonderful man. We made love alot when we first got married, we did it whenever and however. Now we just have amazing sex not as often as he would like (we have 2 young boys) but the quality nonetheless is great. Do I still have those heart racing moments - No except on the rarest occassions when we quarrel and I am not speaking to him and we are both looking for ways to break the ice. Or when he is trying to be naughty with me in the car when driving or ... I can list some other occassions but thats not the point I am trying to make.

Like that commentator of June 30th said, write a list (I did and on the top of my list was physical attraction - can't believe you haven't had an O yet) of the qualities you want and then keep your eyes open, do not compromise ( i didn't, my husband is handsome, was very fit, great in bed and totally family focused)

Out of my group of friends (about 10 of us) I was the least expected to get married early cos I am reserved by nature, not into make up cos my skin reacts. I had fears too that I would not find someone to love me for me - but guess who got married first? Yes moi.

But you know one thing I had going for me? It was BEING ME!! I would never give up the freedom of being myself for anything else (and you shouldn't too) and my husband spotted it, when people described me as ' plain jane' he called it my innocent looks.

Our marriage has its faults but by Nigerian standard, it is by far a wonderful union and I pray you find that person who will meet you where you.

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