Dear LIB readers: My husband - an educated illiterate
From a female LIB reader
Its with deep pain that I send this mail to you. I'm an optimist by
nature. I keep believing that things will be better. I had a successful
career in the private sector in banking before I moved to the states
where I currently reside. I grew up in Lagos and had my fair share of
relationships at the time. Just before I relocated, I started seeing
someone seriously. The plan was for him to join me much later on in a
year or two depending on when I can file for his immigration to the
states. Within a few months of dating he proposed to me and I accepted.
We got married a few months afterwards. He has now permanently joined me
in the states and I am just seeing another side of him that I cannot
imagine. My husband expects me to do everything including get a job for
him! He cannot get on a computer and do a simple job search! And he was a
first class student
from Nnamdi Azikiwe University! How can a full fledged adult be like
that? I am almost loosing my mind because it is almost like I am his
mother. I constantly drift in and out of depression. I am even afraid
of holding conversations for fear that I might discover more things.
Please how do I proceed. My marriage is barely 6 months. My marriage is
in trouble.
P.S my husband reads your blog everyday but am going to deny writing this
She must b very stupid to accept his proposal without getting to know em intoto,is she dat desperate to get married?? Na she put her self 4 one chance marriage! Abi dem tell u say marriage na bf $ gf things?? Smh
How long has been in the state now? How long have you known him? Sometimes acclimatizing and settling in new places might be difficult. You dont have to conclude just like that. All the same, you need to find out more before drawing conclusion. You know the place better than he does, i think thats why hes asking u to look for job on his behalf. If otherwise, then theres a problem looming
So he can log on to the internet to read blog but he can help him self out with job hunting on the internet kwa....He is simple a lazy man that want to live on a womans sweat and hard money. Stop giving him food, money and stop paying for internet...by the time hunger catch am, you will see him move in the right directions
Like you said you feel like you are his mother... keep pushing him!! Tell him what to do and how to do it. I know how you feel cos mine is somewhat like that too.. I get tired trying to tell him what to do and how to do things!
U will have to hold that conversation o! The sooner u know exactly what u got urself into, the sooner u can figure out a solution. Irreconcilable differences is a good reason to file for a divorce. U sef, how u go marry person wey u no know well?The guy realised u were his ticket to the States and quickly wifed u.
Sorry madam but is he from enugu state coz yes! They're that lazy. You just have to keep pushing him but remember the moment he is made hmmm u become his second fiddle.
Sounds to me like you're like the educated illiterate here. How can you marry someone you barely know? Who bullied you? Well the marriage has been done.Stop babysitting him and invite and politely share your frustration with him.Chances are he may or may not know he's being a luggage for far too long.
You better call a counscellor to your home and set tasks and deadlines. Guys could be evil especially if you didnt date them long. If you did date him for a long time and know/love him then you are lucky. Otherwise watch your step. Be careful/prayerful and if he starts beating you, run girl!
And he graduated with a first class? Asi ocha! Nigerian universities do not let their first class products go. Even if they did let him go, he wouldn't struggle to get a job. More so, didn't you notice these things about him before marrying him? If you can, then find him a job If you can't, bring him to my shrine....
Phew! What a precarious situation. My dear you need to remove him from a very comfortable corner it seemed you kept him, its obvious you're the one footing all the bills. First that needs to stop, he needs to go hungry and find a way to foot his bills and be responsible.
Face the problem Headlong b4 its too late. Talk 2 his lazy ass while also plottin on how to get the retard deported so that u can have two solutions on the outcome of the PARLEY. Cheerz luv.
You said ur husband read this blog everyday that mean he is not an illiterate he is just lazy or lemme say gold digger.....report him to obama and send his ass back to naija
On the issue of not knowing how to operate a computer, He can still learn that bae.....All he needs right now is your succour for him to achieve all this things......
First girl, I would like to sympathize with you. I can only imagine what you must be going through. Second, I guess your hubby is one of those young men still living in the past (our grandparents time). Im a firm believer of conversing, have this conversation with him and show him how to apply and where to apply( Online websites such as glassdoor, indeed i.e.)but I REPEAT DO NOT DO IT FOR HIM. He is an adult that needs to take responsibility and man that needs to step up his game. And stay positive and I hope that things get better.
This is pretty serious doh! But you can teach him how to use the system with both of you browsing together. Even if he has a first class, it doesn't mean he would be techy sound. You should be patient with him and show him how to do things over there since you were there before him.
What if it is the other way round nko? He would do what he's best for you to save his marriage. Be patient and teach him. Wish you all the best in your marriage.
If u cn get the job Just get d job for him and move on with things, u women nag alot, there is no perfect man, be grateful he doesnt cheat or have a baby mama drama. This is just one side of the story coz im sure he has been searching n may not tel u
Sorry about you hooking an emotionally needy husband. But sadly, the deed is done. Na wa for some men sha.They think the title husband is synonymous with LORD AND MASTER. Mtscheew!
Ma dear,dnt b scared of holdn a conversation wit him..I advice u do dat,evn if oda tinz wil b opened up,its 4 d gud of ur marriage..If afta tlkn real sense into him and he dsn't change,involve his family..The marriage z still very young,so take quick actions bfor u cry "Had I known"
Mr, it's high time you think of being a man. BTW he's used to you doin' all for him "like his mother." Pray! Pray!! Pray!!! There is nothing Abasi-ibom can't do.
U married him,u can as well get him a job.if he married u,he will do same for u. Had it been both of u got married,u wud av gone way pass dis phase cos u wud av known d kind of person he is den u will know if u can cope. So dear it's ur life's cross,carry it.
He cant search for a job in computer but he reads linda blog? How do he do that? My dear calm your spirit you think you do him a favour and bring him over doesn't mean you control him like so many ladies in the state do cause they feel the have the. Ci believe you guys date before marriage you suppose to know him even if it a month. Relax your mind teach him or tell him things that he needs to know you are thers before him
Is this the only crime he committed?? Or u are just being angry unnecessarily? He can read and write cant he? What is wrong in helping your husband through job sites?...u relocated before him and possibly u are more familiar with the environment and terrain...U are just 6 months old in marriage and u are already complaining.
And Yes u are his mother or were u thinking he is ur roommate...U are supposed to be his 2nd mother,his wife,bestfriend,supporter,soulmate,prayer partner, etc
This is exactly how women get dia husband's exposed to side chicks...If he can't get help.understanding and moral support frm his wife,where else pls?
Marriage is for better and for worse except in extreme cases of domestic violence, infidelity and enormous danger. I have a feeling u don't love ur husband cos frm wat u wrote,am yet to see any wrong he did. Please be tolerant madam.
Mr, it's high time you think of being a man. BTW, he's used to you doin' all for him "like his mother." Pray! Pray!! Pray!!! There is nothing Abasi-ibom can't do.
Madam, nobody can give you any meaningful advice on this. You got yourself into this mess, so best bet is to get yourself out of it. Surely you must have seen signs, this side of him couldn't have popped out of nowhere! Perhaps I have some advice for you after all, communication. Tell him he's messing up, tell him to sort himself out cos he's a bloody adult!
Sit and have a heart to heart with him,let him know how u feel and how he is not making things easy for u,and most importantly take it to God in prayers
#Hehehe, a first class product? Dear, carry ur cross ooooh! U jez av to be more tolerant, he'll soon gear up. Kpele dear... Husband is scarce, na aristos plenty!
Woooow! He cannot get on a computer to search for a job but can read blogs? He's being lazy and you need to stop fending for him and make him understand that he needs to start taking care of his responsibilities
This is why you should get to know facts about someone before saying I do cos I personally don't buy the idea of just meeting a guy and he proposes days later,have turned down offers like that,you don't just burst into me and d next is u proposing, seem to me like am wearing a placard seeking for a husband. Well, ur journey just started at least he doesn't abuse you cos that's intolerable,you just need to be patience and more loving,it conquers all things. Good luck
Biko my sister.. Yu doing everything fr him is part of the reason y he chooses to do nothing I thinks it time u stopped no matter how hard it is. what kind of unizik first class graduate that cant search fr job.
I just hope that university degree that he claims to have is authentic I fear he may be hiding lots of secrets that's why he can't have d courage to apply for d job.
Some men are like babies So you're their mother Since he married you You're his mother now And I think why he wants u to look for job for him is maybe because you've stayed the states more than him And you knw places better than him So help him out Try and talk to him Stop being afraid of knowing things Its better you learn evrything about him and deal with it once and for all
LMAO on the denying it part. On your problem, I really don't know, as an Alumnus of the Unizik, I am perplexed at his attitude because 1st class students from that school are vibrant, so it is weird! And I don't believe he sorted it, cos that would be difficult but not impossible.
your comment at the end of your post really shows that ur hubby na real mumu.He reads this blog daily but you re going to deny you didn't post this?like for real?he is the greatest mumu on earth.you have to find a way to solve his problem or u break off since u cant cope.thats why its good to know whoever u want to marry before settling down
I will agree with you on this. He's not a baby, I mean if he can graduate with a first from the great Unizik then getting a job should be like solving simple mathematics for him. He just too comfortable with his present situation thats why he's reluctant to push himself further. Don't get a third party into your home please don't! He is your husband, communicate with him in a peaceful manner cos very soon u both would start making babies and also make him see reasons why he needs a job ASAP. In doing all this be humble as you can ok.
It's a pity u found ur self in this kind of situation, but my dear I think u have a chose to make here and the chooses I think u have is,(1) to rewrite ur destiny and (2) live with him with his flows and accept that is what destiny has in stock for u. I wish u all the best.
I think he is trying to adapt to the environment and dat. You as a woman, should be tolerant, guide him through help with the job search, and communicate your concerns. I'm you will enjoy your marriage once he finds a job except if he is a lazy man (then apply the alternative) Its too early to be tired over a flimsy excuse.
Linda,Wale Oladimeji posted something on your site about making more income from Virtual Gaming, abeg help me tell him to sell the manual for me, I will pay later when I start making the money.
You have time to report your Husband to the world and you don't have time to help him apply for a job. lets turn the tables of ur story, if he was in your shoes do u think he would complain, did he not have a job in Nigeria before you pressured him to quit and come join you, latter you would say "what a Man can do a woman can do better".now your seeing how challenging it is for a man to provide for his family. just to carter for two people your there complaining, he is going to get a job very soon and with the way your going he is going to divorce u with "SPEED". my dear you went into marriage for all the wrong reasons, you better leave all those your friends that keep giving you dis bad advice. bcos their own life is a pit and they want to make yours same. Start now and become a back bone to your husband, become his motivation to succeed, encourage and always Pray for Him. "STOP NAGGING" before you kill the poor MAN
My exact thoughts o! How does he search for the blog or how did he find it in the first place? He is just a lazy ass man! I just hate men sometimes. Mschewwww!
Is that all you have to say??... ode! You women nag a lot. I bet some1 is bringing home money for you while you sit at home watching Daytime TV...mtcheeew
You were connected to him I guess. He saw the greener pasture before now. Stop providing for him and let people know what is going on because he can hurt you if he sees you want to change. Be wise and pray. I almost made that mistake but thanks to God For saving me. I'm happily married to the best man. Be wise, prayerful and open minded. Mrs Feyi
Some guys can be very lucky. I have never benefited anything from a lady in my life before, not even handkerchief except from my mother and sisters.
Please kick his lazy ass out of your house before its too late. He will never change, mark my word. He is only interest in coming to the states and that is it.
My dear, please help the guy out. He's your husband. He must not perfect in everything, Try to get assist him in anyway you can and by the time he gets into the system, he ll adjust. Don't nag my dear, pet him. Even here in Nigeria, most women made their husbands. Don't discuss this issue with your friends because its not a big one. They will end up putting useless ideas into your head that will destroy your marriage. Help him get the job, pray together, discuss together how to make a happy home and at the long run, you will be the one to enjoy than having quarrels all the time for issues you can easily deal with.
I agree with you. She must have been desperate. But either ways, she should just face the problem and find her feet before she regrets it for the rest of herlife. #AnythingIsPossible
lol @ educated illiterate, this is share laziness, I thought marriage is about communication and compromise.. Sit him down and politely pour out your mind. Depression again? easy
UR STORY IS NOT SO CLEAR WHETHER U GOT MARRIED HERE IN NIGERIA B4 MOVING TO OVERSEAS OR U GOT MARRIED OVERSEAS. HOWEVER, IF U GOT MARRIED HERE B4 MOVING OVERSEAS AND UR MARRIAGE IS JUST 6 MONTHS, DEN HE IS LESS DAN 6 MONTHS IN THE USA. IS DAT NOT SO SHORT A PERIOD TO START A BITTER COMPLAIN SUCH AS DIS? Y NOT STILL GIVE HIM SOME TIME AND ENCOURAGEMENT IN PURSUIT OF HIS CAREER RATHER THAN WASHING HIM DOWN AS A FAILURE. A FIRST CLASS STUDENT U SAID. I DONT TINK A FAILURE CAN MAKE A FIRST CLASS. FROM UR RECOUNT, HIS IS NOT WAYWARD IN ANY WAY BUT FOR D JOB ISSUE. LADY, U GOT A GOOD MAN. SUPPORT HIM, U WILL ENJOY HIM.
well the best thing to do is teach your husband.men re like babies, dnt give up on him now because you dont know wat will happen 2marow.he myt b d one God has destined for u..with prayer nd communication wit God everytin will b alryt
I wonder why most women don't think or look before they leap into marriage...and now u are here asking for advice, where do we start from. Marriage is a lifetime decision which must not be taken emotionally but objectively. Its ur game, deal with it.
Sth is wrong somewhere..d way u sounded ..hmm I dont think u still like DT guy...if he can blog ...den possibly he can search for jobs on d internet....I biliv if u ask d guy he will tell a diff story ..and again....wats d issh to help him find a job.?..he even wants to get a job...do u call dt being lazy....Dis is a very simple matter to make u d wife feel Dis bad Nd irritated ...get sense babe...@salesco
Madam pls ignor THIS NAME CALLED "THE KING OF MONEY and talk to your husband and pray very well abouf it too.Let me believe dat his having first class means he is got enof upstairs so pray very well and talk to him.Its stil not bad yet o compared to a cheating /wife beating husband.Never think about Divorce its not d best option ma.
all these advices cant take you no where. simply go on your knees and ask GOD for help. you r a good woman but the enemy wants to make u look bad by making you see the bad side of your husband which can make you become strange even to yourself.Dont give any chance to thoughts of divorce. lots of good are in this marriage for u. am 10 yrs in marriage now n i dare say that i still have challenges that make me cry all the time.Our knees are our final resort. cheers....
At last, u just hit the right spot. How can a first class graduate be a lazy it's not easy to read ooo. Help him to overcome his fears, communicate wt him and stop listening to bad advices from friends. God bless your marriage.
God ordained the institution of marriage to be a solemn covenant between one man and one woman for life. God warns us in Scripture about the danger of entering into this covenant half-heartedly. Marriage is a stage for sincere and wholehearted giving of oneself to another. It is not to be used to meet one’s needs- rather it should be thought of as one’s commitment to the other. When both spouses consider marriage sacred and each regards only his or her commitment to the spouse as important, with no expectation of payback, then a truly altruistic attitude permeates the relationship, and both partners benefit through a close spiritual intimacy. This is the way God intended it to be. But when couples lose sight of the other’s interests and start insisting on their own being fulfilled, many marriages begin to deteriorate.
No matter how badly two people disagree, they can still find some middle ground. Sometimes what’s needed is for each to put his or her pride and selfishness aside and defer to the other. On very rare occasions, there may be irreconcilable differences, but quite often those that appear to be, can be resolved.
I believe most of us studied Peace and Conflict Resolution in the University as a course? Fine – bring that knowledge into your marriage and make it work. You may ask me how! For instance, your spouse has an inbuilt latest snoring device – depriving you from sleeping every night and this is causing some sort of conflict in your marriage. The Peace and Conflict Resolution knowledge will help you stay awake while he or she snores, then you can continue your sleep from where he or she stops - hahahahaha. Make it fun and not a boring marriage. In few months, that snoring device will be like a soft Classical or Jazz music that people enjoy while sleeping.
The overriding principle is that once two people have committed to each other, they should stay together and learn to get along, no matter how hard it is. Marriage is two becoming one. The choice that was made may have been wrong, but that was the choice made. Perhaps the question ought to be “Am I the wrong one, and how can I become the right one for my spouse?” rather than “Oh, dear! Did I marry the wrong one?”
You can subscribe for my book "The Other Woman In Marriage" email me israelugbo@gmail.com for a softcopy
Haba madam! Marriage of jux 6 months. U're behaving u own it all, tryin 2 tell d whole u're d man in charge. Can't u jux exercise patient by jux calmly talking 2 him & d usefulness of him gettin a job, afta all u said he came out wit first class, he's not a dummy except u want to break ur home. Marriage is all abat love & understanding. Be wise.
girl u b moomoo oh i swear, the guy dey dey use ur brain u dey concor. tou av to bear d consequence, you gave the devil a visa to ur lyf now deal with it
You better not listen to anyone that says you should divorce him. You were the one that went into the marriage and no one forced you. You know him best, talk to him in the best possible way that you know won't lead to a quarrel or fight. Explain how you feel, tell him all these things. And most of pray, your knees my dear, pray and talk to God. Tell God exactly how you want him to be and trust me, he'll change. Meanwhile, just endure and always talk to him. You love him nao? So you have to work on him.
. . . . . Worrying won't stop bad things from happening, it will only stop good from being enjoyed. Have a care free attitude,Whatever happens, happen!
Dear friend, it is actually better he finds out you wrote this so he can see the comments and reexamine his life. I can imagine how exasperated you must be. I believe it's time you had a serious talk with him, to let him know exactly how you feel, with very carefully chosen words, so that he doesn't think you're trying to make him feel inferior. The truth will only set you free. You can't keep bottling this up. I wish you the very best.
I think he's just been lazy looking for job online and he ain't when it comes to reading news on blog....u need to tell how u feel and work things out.
And because he doesn't cheat he should be breastfed, seems like we women should be grateful for having a man at all even if d dude is a fool,times have changed bro, if he isn't any good he will be thrown out, good riddance to nonsense, grateful my ass
@Olumide David Comment i support... give him some more time there are lots more troubles ahead in marriage than this simple one. HE is new there all u need is patience and ask him what he wants. everyone reads LINDA IKEJI even u fellow readers. dont pass judgement too soon
oh.. so he can open and read LIB but cant search for jobs online? he is just lazy! and i sense u were desprate for marriage thats y u didnt know him well enof b4 u got hitched. my dear, nor come here come dey cry o, just face your cross. abeg next!
See rubbish n stupid talk,he can read blog but can't search 4 job online. Haabaa,shey na intentionally he dey do am abi no be graduate he be.Abeg mcheeew
Hi sister, let ur husband known haw u feel for little response to things, I promise u, he we change, becouse every human being is born to be great in life,dissolved the marriage is not the best option, becouse no one is perfect, takecare,
Poster u are not serious, what do u mean u are scared of holding a conversation? Ok na,dnt talk to him bcos u are too intelligent u hear ? U shd be there for each other nd shd be able to make sacrifices,so u tink its every graduate that is good 100% with computer ? Does that make them educated illustrates? He wants u to help him bcos he dsnt know, so kini big deal? If u are complaining of dis what will married women with physically disabled husbands do? Abeg u no get talk
..One more thing, Still try getting him the job. And see. 'Where there is love, everything works out smoothly. just do this last thing for him; and also ask God for the grace and wisdom to understand him better. thank you.
ChySugar, may God bless u for this comment. This is clearly one of the best and mature comments I've read on this blog. May God bless me with a woman that has your type of mindset. You're clearly a wife material. Some girls are always quick to use the term "lazy ass". This girl clearly doesn't know what marriage is all about. In marriage,each person should endeavour to fill in their partner's lapses. Chukwu gozie gi Chinwe. I'm heading straight to your blog! Same goes to u@Lindabella
poster, first of all you married a VERY LAZY man. second of all did u see his ORIGINAL school certificate with both eyes? truth be told he might be a drop out or a failed out student. bcos not easy to be a first class student, it takes a lot of zeal and self discipline and it spreads to all ur doings or involvement. please there is nothing like GIVE HIM TIME. bcos der is no time to give even in Nigeria standard not to talk of abroad. u work alone, pay all d bills alone, talk alone, plan alone. if possible bundle him out of the house. if he cant find you he shouldn't add to ur problems.
Dhobiz what do you know about hardwork? Am sure the only hardworking part of you is your beating heart. Cause if your brain was, rubbish wouldn't pour out of it
@ Native doctor you could be wrong by saying all first class candidates make it out of school.
Have you ever encountered a 1st class candidate doing conductor work before. Try engage in decent conversations with cab men and see how learned some of dem are. Some are just unfortunate.
My 2cents here is that, that guy is not a 1st class flight... maybe he doesn't have a certificate and his ashamed to say it.
This is exactly what I keep telling my gf in the states not to marry her bf in nija. Am scared that guy will only use her to gain visa into the states. bec I've really seen him wen his angry.
Well, woman take your case before the lord.... We didn't marry him for you, so we wouldn't be the best people to advise you on what to do bec you didn't tell us before you married him. even wen una dey do u dnt tell us. So deal with your problem... All the best!!
THIS WOULD BLOW YOUR MIND,but it is the absolute truth,I lost hope when you said first class,you will keep being his mom,My dear you shouldn't have let him travel out,a first class must get a job first down here,they are naturally clueless and reluctant on other life issues,what they usually know is there field of study...he needs to come back and experience the other side of life here by working,b4 any other thing...but if that isn't possible,help him apply for jobs,pay more attention on his affairs,first class people are not usually born hustlers,they spent too much time reading and going to church only....help him get a job and force him out most of the time,make what u want out of him no matter how much stress,he is a husband not boyfriend,else he would start irritating U before u know it...and I wonder how u never realized this during courtship.
Men can be very funny ....That man is a lazy brat. He should have just gone for any low class jobs that can still bring in money while he gently find the job of his dreams the way he want it. have you checked to see if he's really a graduate. You women who want to marry a graduate... you've seen part of what a graduate can do. Please try to talk to him and if he's still a hole as I see him to be then you just have to start thinking of how you will be free of him because he's only going to make your life miserable. Thank God he displayed this part of himself now... I mean if you are not yet pregnant or had a child with him. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. My dad was like that and I know what my mum went through to see us through primary and secondary schools. The load is very heavy especially when you know you would have avoided it, I know marriage is for better and for worst ... this is not that, this is slavery.
Maybe he's at a loss about the process for getting a job in the states. Is there anyone else you know who's also looking for work? They can buddy up to job search together. He can sign up for temporary assignments with a temp agency. There are job networking groups or career centers sponsored by the US Labor Department he can join. As a newcomer, he won't find these resources without your help. Introduce him to those tools if you can't help him personally with his search.
My dear if you really love your husband,you will put him through without the fear of the unknown. I assure you once he gets settled everything will be fine is not every man that is a go getter OK God will help you.
My dear if you really love your husband,you will put him through without the fear of the unknown. I assure you once he gets settled everything will be fine is not every man that is a go getter OK God will help you.
Wait o! He reads this blog everyday yet doesn't know how to use a computer efficiently...ok he navigates the blog with his phone. But madam u married this guy...u should have seen signs of his illiteracy but chose to ignore it....my advice to you is this...Ur husband just got to the states...he will need a whole lot educating and information from you to get stable in a country like america. Starting up afresh there is totally different from naija. U need to let him know and help him out with re-organizing his resume cos it's different from the Nigerian style...Girl u need a dose of patience...carry him along, and help him because he's ur husband. Ur barely a year In marriage so shake it off and work together.
Exactly o. People are shouting divorce him up and down. My dear please don't! I bet you've tried talking to him before. I know how some nigerian women in the diaspora can be bossy, or tend to give up easily because they feel they can do it all alone. Don't forget, he just joined you. While I'm not making an excuse for him, I think you need to sit him down and talk to him about how things operate here. He's not seen anything yet, so he's still enjoying that benefit. Talk to him. Both of you can even browse through those websites together, that might be a little more encouraging. You can also help him out by signing him up for one or those recruiting companies. Don't give up yet. God bless you and your family dear.
Your best option is to divorce him. Irreconcilable differences is a strong reason for your divorce, just make sure he doesn't get anything from you after the divorce. best of luck.
This is normal..i mean my husband was like that when he first came to london he didnt know anything or anywhere i cnt count how many times the police brought him home because he got missing in the street or how many times i played driver or looked for a job for him my dear be patient with time he will get used to the place and start doing things give him time please
My 1st time in the u.s .. it was a friend of mine that did everrthing for me ... Helped me get a visa, accomodation and even a job ... This woman no get talk .... He believes u know the terrain better ... The only probs i see here is a woman being a breadwinner ...they are always like that when a man is at thier mercy
Well d man will definately know it's u apart from that u made a big mistake u didn't know him very well men who are lazy will take the holy spirit to lift them up from that spirit u need to prayers a lot of it
iTS NOT THAT EASY; PUSHING AN ADULT MALE OR FEMALE IN A MARRIAGE TO BE SOMETHING CAN BE FRUSTRATING. tAKE IT FROM A MARRIED MAN WHO IS MARRIED TO A SOFTIE OF A WOMAN
THIS GOES A LONG WAY TO SHOW HOW IMMATURE YOU ARE AS A WOMAN. HOW CAN YOU TELL THE WHOLE WORLD ABOUT YOUR HUSBANDS ISSUES KNOWING HE READS THIS BLOG OFTEN AND YOU EVEN INCLUDED HIS SCHOOL SO HE WILL KNOW YOU WERE REFERRING TO HIM. THE ONE WEY PAIN ME BE SAY YOU MENTIONED MY SCHOOL. YOU ARE JUST TRYING TO TEAR DOWN YOUR MARRIAGE WITH YOUR OWN HANDS AND THE BIBLE CALLS PEOPLE LIKE YOU A FOOLISH WOMAN. NA SO HUSBAND SCARCE FOR AMERICA THAT YOU HAD TO COME N KIDNAP OUR FIRST CLASS MATERIAL ONLY TO WASH HIM ONLINE. BE CAREFUL IS ALL I WANT TO TELL YOU COS YOU DON VEX ME BAD. YOU WILL ONLY APPRECIATE THAT GUY WHEN ANOTHER DESPERATE CHICK SHOWS HIM SOME LOVE N HELPS HIM FIND A JOB, THEN YOU WILL TAKE YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS TO GO N GET HIM BACK.
you said the marriage is just six months old meaning he got to the states like 3 months ago. considerably fresh not everybody picks that easy in developed world it happened to me. but when I finally got a job I was begged to please stay at home for a while because I was working almost 20 hours a day that is 20/24. I sleep for 4hrs and off again somedays I dont sleep. you might expect him to to get a job that quick but may be God want you to enjoy something first before he gets a job. you understand what marriage is keeping nurturing him keeping pushing him, keep praying together. stop comparing him with that friend or friend's husband that just came to the US and got job just be patient you might be the one begging for him to be home lets watch. cheers
You seem weak and selfish...depression over someone trying to find his feet in a strange place? C'mon, give him time. You Are not just his wife, you are his friend, his sister, his mother. Yes, his mom. Obviously not dating long before marriage, you are bound to experience surprises. Even those who dated long still get surprises. So calm down, show him the way things work there. It's not something you'll do forever. Marriage is hardwork, so also is motherhood. Heads up for when you become a mom. Good luck
I think you should talk to him and tell him how you feel. Have a conversation, listen to him and know where he is also coming from. You can't be scared yo hold a conversation with him because it will only drift you guys apart. Talk to him so you guys can figure it out as a couple. Its a new place and he might be finding it difficult to adjust.
Poster how can your marraigr be in trouble? Don't be dramatic. Enroll him in one of those job training agencies. The one that teach you how to write cc, interview do job search etc they are available for jobless people.
He wants you to do everything because he has a nija mind set. It's ok in Nigeria as we have house girls etc but abroad it doesn't Make sense. Money is hard, no help, the men must chip in. Period.help him understand. Woman up! Haba.
Last year May I broke up with my boyfriend due to many misunderstandings and I remember very well how hard I had been fighting to get him back but it was not easy at all. he changed his number, and block me on Facebook and none of his friends would give me any information about him because i hurt him so much i will say the truth. The only thing I could do was to go find help from anywhere, so i looked for a way to get him back then a friend recommended me to contact DR.AIRIOHUODION on his email airiohuodiontemple@gmail.com on February 10th and DR promised that i should not worried myself that everything is going to be perfectly fine, so i just have to believe him and follow his instructions surprisingly after the casting of the return and love spell my boyfriend call me on phone 12th of February and told me that he miss me that my sin has been forgiven that he still love me and he want to be with me forever i could not say anything on phone i was crying because i really miss and love him so much, DR.AIRIOHUODION i will stop sharing your testimony because you removed the pain that was eating up and i am so happy we are together again if you need any relationship help don't forget to email him at: airiohuodiontemple@gmail.com
You are not alone. My husband is very intelligent. Has companies begging him to work for them and knows something about everyone and everything in economics and politics. But on all other fronts, he needs help and I'm his helper. It gets frustrating but marriage is a partnership. He has no idea how things work around the house. I know all the artisans and domestic Staff and I stillnkeep a 9-5 job with 2 children. He was born to study and keep studying and to be the best at it. I was raised by a single mother so we got to fix w everything ourselves. I can go on and on. Bottom line, you can help him by being there for him. It's hard but it's possible. You are a team and one has to be stronger in some areas than the other. All the best!
205 comments:
1 – 200 of 205 Newer› Newest»Okokobioko
Okokobioko
He reads blogs! But can't search for a job! Smh
Hmmmm, speechless.
Hahahhaahha
2 early 4 depression tho!
Advise ur self on what u want.
#oneandonlynwa@gmail.com#
She must b very stupid to accept his proposal without getting to know em intoto,is she dat desperate to get married?? Na she put her self 4 one chance marriage! Abi dem tell u say marriage na bf $ gf things?? Smh
He cannot do job search on computer but he can settle down to read LIB everyday? He should be deported!
He likes to be spoonfed. He shld get a life biko
he has time to read blogs everyday but can do a simple job search?
How long has been in the state now? How long have you known him? Sometimes acclimatizing and settling in new places might be difficult. You dont have to conclude just like that. All the same, you need to find out more before drawing conclusion. You know the place better than he does, i think thats why hes asking u to look for job on his behalf. If otherwise, then theres a problem looming
i will sit back and read comments though!
So he can log on to the internet to read blog but he can help him self out with job hunting on the internet kwa....He is simple a lazy man that want to live on a womans sweat and hard money. Stop giving him food, money and stop paying for internet...by the time hunger catch am, you will see him move in the right directions
Like you said you feel like you are his mother... keep pushing him!! Tell him what to do and how to do it. I know how you feel cos mine is somewhat like that too.. I get tired trying to tell him what to do and how to do things!
U will have to hold that conversation o! The sooner u know exactly what u got urself into, the sooner u can figure out a solution. Irreconcilable differences is a good reason to file for a divorce. U sef, how u go marry person wey u no know well?The guy realised u were his ticket to the States and quickly wifed u.
Well, that depends on u to make ur decisions. ...
These things should have been discovered during your courtship.
U ve already enter d shoe, der is noting u cn do, d gum is already in ur mouth, is either u throw out or continue2 chew.
#########DA Rhymesfak3##########
Only u can answer ur question
Sorry madam but is he from enugu state coz yes! They're that lazy. You just have to keep pushing him but remember the moment he is made hmmm u become his second fiddle.
mAYB HES THNKING U PROPOSED AND MARRIED HIM DATS Y...TOMJERRYSWIT
Sounds to me like you're like the educated illiterate here. How can you marry someone you barely know? Who bullied you? Well the marriage has been done.Stop babysitting him and invite and politely share your frustration with him.Chances are he may or may not know he's being a luggage for far too long.
You better call a counscellor to your home and set tasks and deadlines. Guys could be evil especially if you didnt date them long. If you did date him for a long time and know/love him then you are lucky. Otherwise watch your step. Be careful/prayerful and if he starts beating you, run girl!
And he graduated with a first class?
Asi ocha!
Nigerian universities do not let their first class products go.
Even if they did let him go, he wouldn't struggle to get a job.
More so, didn't you notice these things about him before marrying him?
If you can, then find him a job
If you can't, bring him to my shrine....
Sincerely speaking the mind of Amadioha
quit the bitch now before he gets you pregnant
Phew! What a precarious situation.
My dear you need to remove him from a very comfortable corner it seemed you kept him, its obvious you're the one footing all the bills.
First that needs to stop, he needs to go hungry and find a way to foot his bills and be responsible.
~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA LUMIA
Face the problem Headlong b4 its too late. Talk 2 his lazy ass while also plottin on how to get the retard deported so that u can have two solutions on the outcome of the PARLEY. Cheerz luv.
You said ur husband read this blog everyday that mean he is not an illiterate he is just lazy or lemme say gold digger.....report him to obama and send his ass back to naija
On the issue of not knowing how to operate a computer, He can still learn that bae.....All he needs right now is your succour for him to achieve all this things......
Educate him
Visit my blog
www.glowyshoe.blogspot.com
quit the marriage before its late
First girl, I would like to sympathize with you. I can only imagine what you must be going through. Second, I guess your hubby is one of those young men still living in the past (our grandparents time). Im a firm believer of conversing, have this conversation with him and show him how to apply and where to apply( Online websites such as glassdoor, indeed i.e.)but I REPEAT DO NOT DO IT FOR HIM. He is an adult that needs to take responsibility and man that needs to step up his game. And stay positive and I hope that things get better.
U didn't chill for a while before u jumped into marrying him.
You should sit and talk with him about it n make him see reasons
The title really got me cracking up, y not have a heart. To heart talk wit him tell him wat he does u find irritating anD. How he can top up his game
This is pretty serious doh! But you can teach him how to use the system with both of you browsing together. Even if he has a first class, it doesn't mean he would be techy sound. You should be patient with him and show him how to do things over there since you were there before him.
What if it is the other way round nko? He would do what he's best for you to save his marriage. Be patient and teach him. Wish you all the best in your marriage.
If u cn get the job Just get d job for him and move on with things, u women nag alot, there is no perfect man, be grateful he doesnt cheat or have a baby mama drama. This is just one side of the story coz im sure he has been searching n may not tel u
Hez ur husband o.. just chill
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You can not get away with this ooo,he already knows you will deny it.
Linda you should not have included the P.S ehnnn.
He is just a lazy man period, he has time to read Linda's blog but can't google for job idiot.
Dis is ur business not mine. Onpekete. #happythurs
You can Still sit him down and Talk to him...No one is perfect.. but first, talk to your God through prayer... nothing is impossible for my God
Sorry about you hooking an emotionally needy husband. But sadly, the deed is done. Na wa for some men sha.They think the title husband is synonymous with LORD AND MASTER. Mtscheew!
...AND LIBERS HAIL THEIR KING.
Ma dear,dnt b scared of holdn a conversation wit him..I advice u do dat,evn if oda tinz wil b opened up,its 4 d gud of ur marriage..If afta tlkn real sense into him and he dsn't change,involve his family..The marriage z still very young,so take quick actions bfor u cry "Had I known"
**Vanchizzy**
Mr, it's high time you think of being a man. BTW he's used to you doin' all for him "like his mother." Pray! Pray!! Pray!!! There is nothing Abasi-ibom can't do.
He's a lazy man. Talk 2 a marriage counselor#Brassman
U married him,u can as well get him a job.if he married u,he will do same for u. Had it been both of u got married,u wud av gone way pass dis phase cos u wud av known d kind of person he is den u will know if u can cope. So dear it's ur life's cross,carry it.
He cant search for a job in computer but he reads linda blog? How do he do that? My dear calm your spirit you think you do him a favour and bring him over doesn't mean you control him like so many ladies in the state do cause they feel the have the. Ci believe you guys date before marriage you suppose to know him even if it a month. Relax your mind teach him or tell him things that he needs to know you are thers before him
Is this the only crime he committed?? Or u are just being angry unnecessarily?
He can read and write cant he?
What is wrong in helping your husband through job sites?...u relocated before him and possibly u are more familiar with the environment and terrain...U are just 6 months old in marriage and u are already complaining.
And Yes u are his mother or were u thinking he is ur roommate...U are supposed to be his 2nd mother,his wife,bestfriend,supporter,soulmate,prayer partner, etc
This is exactly how women get dia husband's exposed to side chicks...If he can't get help.understanding and moral support frm his wife,where else pls?
Marriage is for better and for worse except in extreme cases of domestic violence, infidelity and enormous danger.
I have a feeling u don't love ur husband cos frm wat u wrote,am yet to see any wrong he did.
Please be tolerant madam.
Chinwenmeri.blogspot.com
MR EDDY said this heat wan kill person o.
This is absurd. I pray he finds out u posted this.
^
^
^™THAT EDO BOY.COM~
Mr, it's high time you think of being a man. BTW, he's used to you doin' all for him "like his mother." Pray! Pray!! Pray!!! There is nothing Abasi-ibom can't do.
Lol,,,,,,,,,soli oooo
"P.S my husband reads your blog everyday but am going to deny writing this"
Woman !! Are you serious?
Is he that daft that he can't figure out you are referring to him with all the details given?
I have some reservations about the validity of this story.
Human Being Is Not God
Madam, nobody can give you any meaningful advice on this. You got yourself into this mess, so best bet is to get yourself out of it. Surely you must have seen signs, this side of him couldn't have popped out of nowhere! Perhaps I have some advice for you after all, communication. Tell him he's messing up, tell him to sort himself out cos he's a bloody adult!
Talk to your God..and be prayerful
Sit and have a heart to heart with him,let him know how u feel and how he is not making things easy for u,and most importantly take it to God in prayers
#Hehehe, a first class product? Dear, carry ur cross ooooh! U jez av to be more tolerant, he'll soon gear up. Kpele dear... Husband is scarce, na aristos plenty!
Woooow! He cannot get on a computer to search for a job but can read blogs? He's being lazy and you need to stop fending for him and make him understand that he needs to start taking care of his responsibilities
This is why you should get to know facts about someone before saying I do cos I personally don't buy the idea of just meeting a guy and he proposes days later,have turned down offers like that,you don't just burst into me and d next is u proposing, seem to me like am wearing a placard seeking for a husband. Well, ur journey just started at least he doesn't abuse you cos that's intolerable,you just need to be patience and more loving,it conquers all things. Good luck
i dey come i no go tay.
..............'''' PRAY4NIGERIA '''''.................
Yes ooo. Isn't thay interesting?!
Lolz
The man can sit and read blogs...but cannot search for a job............see a marriage counsellor not libers
Moye says so via BB Passport...Courtesy LIB.....
it's time to let him do thing by himself. first class in university and can't even search for job smh. i guess you barely know him very well
#Commenting thru Glo 4G LTE
Who she help.... lols
for once, u actually have something wise to say, i actually like ur advice but dont agree. but u do make a good point.
Seconded. You are making sense. She's just complaining for no just cause.
Biko my sister.. Yu doing everything fr him is part of the reason y he chooses to do nothing I thinks it time u stopped no matter how hard it is. what kind of unizik first class graduate that cant search fr job.
I just hope that university degree that he claims to have is authentic I fear he may be hiding lots of secrets that's why he can't have d courage to apply for d job.
When u signed the marriage contract, didnt u see that side of him?
::::::::::::.QUEENMAYA:::::::::::::::::
Some men are like babies
So you're their mother
Since he married you
You're his mother now
And I think why he wants u to look for job for him is maybe because you've stayed the states more than him
And you knw places better than him
So help him out
Try and talk to him
Stop being afraid of knowing things
Its better you learn evrything about him and deal with it once and for all
LMAO on the denying it part. On your problem, I really don't know, as an Alumnus of the Unizik, I am perplexed at his attitude because 1st class students from that school are vibrant, so it is weird! And I don't believe he sorted it, cos that would be difficult but not impossible.
lol at educated illiterate
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Maddam,the marriage is just 6 months and you are already feeling like its been 60 years.it can only get worse.divorce him b4 it is 2 late.
#deported" is all I see!!!! Buhhahahahahahaha
your comment at the end of your post really shows that ur hubby na real mumu.He reads this blog daily but you re going to deny you didn't post this?like for real?he is the greatest mumu on earth.you have to find a way to solve his problem or u break off since u cant cope.thats why its good to know whoever u want to marry before settling down
Lazy man.....allow him pay his bills..he will change
I will agree with you on this. He's not a baby, I mean if he can graduate with a first from the great Unizik then getting a job should be like solving simple mathematics for him. He just too comfortable with his present situation thats why he's reluctant to push himself further. Don't get a third party into your home please don't! He is your husband, communicate with him in a peaceful manner cos very soon u both would start making babies and also make him see reasons why he needs a job ASAP. In doing all this be humble as you can ok.
He can sit down and read blogs but cannot do simple comp job search......God will see you through
This is another type of human being. Wow remind me where you are from again?
It's a pity u found ur self in this kind of situation, but my dear I think u have a chose to make here and the chooses I think u have is,(1) to rewrite ur destiny and (2) live with him with his flows and accept that is what destiny has in stock for u. I wish u all the best.
I hope dis is not lara?
Lol!...
I think he is trying to adapt to the environment and dat. You as a woman, should be tolerant, guide him through help with the job search, and communicate your concerns. I'm you will enjoy your marriage once he finds a job except if he is a lazy man (then apply the alternative)
Its too early to be tired over a flimsy excuse.
Maddam,divorce him b4 you have a baby 4 him.Once u have a baby,u can never get him out of ur life even after divorce.
Is that the advise she is asked of?
U rili do love him, ryt? Then help him fit in2 d lyf in d states. Bn his mother isn't wrong!
I sorry for you O.
Linda,Wale Oladimeji posted something on your site about making more income from Virtual Gaming, abeg help me tell him to sell the manual for me, I will pay later when I start making the money.
Hmmmmmm it's so hard 2 believe he graduated with a 1st class and Cnt find job online, Aunty, bike u sure say na him name dey dat Bsc
Are u even married.. sick
Are u even married ehh somnwa
You have time to report your Husband to the world and you don't have time to help him apply for a job. lets turn the tables of ur story, if he was in your shoes do u think he would complain, did he not have a job in Nigeria before you pressured him to quit and come join you, latter you would say "what a Man can do a woman can do better".now your seeing how challenging it is for a man to provide for his family. just to carter for two people your there complaining, he is going to get a job very soon and with the way your going he is going to divorce u with "SPEED". my dear you went into marriage for all the wrong reasons, you better leave all those your friends that keep giving you dis bad advice. bcos their own life is a pit and they want to make yours same. Start now and become a back bone to your husband, become his motivation to succeed, encourage and always Pray for Him. "STOP NAGGING" before you kill the poor MAN
My exact thoughts o! How does he search for the blog or how did he find it in the first place? He is just a lazy ass man! I just hate men sometimes. Mschewwww!
My dear d best way I tink u can handle dis is to call ur pastor or his follow man to talk to him. He needs cancelling. Don't worry tins will be fyn ok
Is that all you have to say??... ode!
You women nag a lot. I bet some1 is bringing home money for you while you sit at home watching Daytime TV...mtcheeew
Spoilt brat...hehehe
He prolly don't even want the job,Maybe you too you have some money and you're flexing for him abi? ....eni eleni! lol
You were connected to him I guess. He saw the greener pasture before now. Stop providing for him and let people know what is going on because he can hurt you if he sees you want to change. Be wise and pray. I almost made that mistake but thanks to God For saving me. I'm happily married to the best man.
Be wise, prayerful and open minded.
Mrs Feyi
This is a very serious issue, you just have to be very careful on how you talk to him about it.
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Some guys can be very lucky. I have never benefited anything from a lady in my life before, not even handkerchief except from my mother and sisters.
Please kick his lazy ass out of your house before its too late. He will never change, mark my word. He is only interest in coming to the states and that is it.
HOPE U ARE NOT PREGNANT YET BECOS IS DANGEROUS MY DEAR
He's a lazy man.
@Anonymous 9:22, pls hate men all the time. You can as well subscribe to lesbianism.
My dear, please help the guy out. He's your husband. He must not perfect in everything, Try to get assist him in anyway you can and by the time he gets into the system, he ll adjust. Don't nag my dear, pet him. Even here in Nigeria, most women made their husbands. Don't discuss this issue with your friends because its not a big one. They will end up putting useless ideas into your head that will destroy your marriage. Help him get the job, pray together, discuss together how to make a happy home and at the long run, you will be the one to enjoy than having quarrels all the time for issues you can easily deal with.
I agree with you. She must have been desperate. But either ways, she should just face the problem and find her feet before she regrets it for the rest of herlife.
#AnythingIsPossible
lol @ educated illiterate, this is share laziness, I thought marriage is about communication and compromise.. Sit him down and politely pour out your mind. Depression again? easy
My advice is : don't get pregnant for him yet, help him get a job, see how he settles into the job, watch his mental strength. Be positive.
Chai. Nna na wa ooo
UR STORY IS NOT SO CLEAR WHETHER U GOT MARRIED HERE IN NIGERIA B4 MOVING TO OVERSEAS OR U GOT MARRIED OVERSEAS. HOWEVER, IF U GOT MARRIED HERE B4 MOVING OVERSEAS AND UR MARRIAGE IS JUST 6 MONTHS, DEN HE IS LESS DAN 6 MONTHS IN THE USA. IS DAT NOT SO SHORT A PERIOD TO START A BITTER COMPLAIN SUCH AS DIS? Y NOT STILL GIVE HIM SOME TIME AND ENCOURAGEMENT IN PURSUIT OF HIS CAREER RATHER THAN WASHING HIM DOWN AS A FAILURE. A FIRST CLASS STUDENT U SAID. I DONT TINK A FAILURE CAN MAKE A FIRST CLASS. FROM UR RECOUNT, HIS IS NOT WAYWARD IN ANY WAY BUT FOR D JOB ISSUE. LADY, U GOT A GOOD MAN. SUPPORT HIM, U WILL ENJOY HIM.
Are u lara's husband ROTFL
So sorry "PRAY"
well the best thing to do is teach your husband.men re like babies, dnt give up on him now because you dont know wat will happen 2marow.he myt b d one God has destined for u..with prayer nd communication wit God everytin will b alryt
I wonder why most women don't think or look before they leap into marriage...and now u are here asking for advice, where do we start from. Marriage is a lifetime decision which must not be taken emotionally but objectively. Its ur game, deal with it.
Divorce
well just pray God will help u, and dont give up on him yet
Sth is wrong somewhere..d way u sounded ..hmm I dont think u still like DT guy...if he can blog ...den possibly he can search for jobs on d internet....I biliv if u ask d guy he will tell a diff story ..and again....wats d issh to help him find a job.?..he even wants to get a job...do u call dt being lazy....Dis is a very simple matter to make u d wife feel Dis bad Nd irritated ...get sense babe...@salesco
I will just sit this one out...he reads this blog abi? _ he will see this post if u like deny. he will knak apkako out of u!
Madam pls ignor THIS NAME CALLED "THE KING OF MONEY and talk to your husband and pray very well abouf it too.Let me believe dat his having first class means he is got enof upstairs so pray very well and talk to him.Its stil not bad yet o compared to a cheating /wife beating husband.Never think about Divorce its not d best option ma.
sorry to say that ur husband is weak, he need to wake up from his slumber.
Really is obivious you don't and can't think...the world pitty your type
maybe another man is behind
all these advices cant take you no where. simply go on your knees and ask GOD for help. you r a good woman but the enemy wants to make u look bad by making you see the bad side of your husband which can make you become strange even to yourself.Dont give any chance to thoughts of divorce. lots of good are in this marriage for u. am 10 yrs in marriage now n i dare say that i still have challenges that make me cry all the time.Our knees are our final resort. cheers....
At last, u just hit the right spot. How can a first class graduate be a lazy it's not easy to read ooo. Help him to overcome his fears, communicate wt him and stop listening to bad advices from friends. God bless your marriage.
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God ordained the institution of marriage to be a solemn covenant between one man and one woman for life. God warns us in Scripture about the danger of entering into this covenant half-heartedly. Marriage is a stage for sincere and wholehearted giving of oneself to another. It is not to be used to meet one’s needs- rather it should be thought of as one’s commitment to the other. When both spouses consider marriage sacred and each regards only his or her commitment to the spouse as important, with no expectation of payback, then a truly altruistic attitude permeates the relationship, and both partners benefit through a close spiritual intimacy. This is the way God intended it to be. But when couples lose sight of the other’s interests and start insisting on their own being fulfilled, many marriages begin to deteriorate.
No matter how badly two people disagree, they can still find some middle ground. Sometimes what’s needed is for each to put his or her pride and selfishness aside and defer to the other. On very rare occasions, there may be irreconcilable differences, but quite often those that appear to be, can be resolved.
I believe most of us studied Peace and Conflict Resolution in the University as a course? Fine – bring that knowledge into your marriage and make it work. You may ask me how! For instance, your spouse has an inbuilt latest snoring device – depriving you from sleeping every night and this is causing some sort of conflict in your marriage. The Peace and Conflict Resolution knowledge will help you stay awake while he or she snores, then you can continue your sleep from where he or she stops - hahahahaha. Make it fun and not a boring marriage. In few months, that snoring device will be like a soft Classical or Jazz music that people enjoy while sleeping.
The overriding principle is that once two people have committed to each other, they should stay together and learn to get along, no matter how hard it is. Marriage is two becoming one. The choice that was made may have been wrong, but that was the choice made. Perhaps the question ought to be “Am I the wrong one, and how can I become the right one for my spouse?” rather than “Oh, dear! Did I marry the wrong one?”
You can subscribe for my book "The Other Woman In Marriage" email me israelugbo@gmail.com for a softcopy
Be patient with him and teach gradually, there are a lot of people like that. Be calm and mold him to your test.
Haba madam! Marriage of jux 6 months. U're behaving u own it all, tryin 2 tell d whole u're d man in charge. Can't u jux exercise patient by jux calmly talking 2 him & d usefulness of him gettin a job, afta all u said he came out wit first class, he's not a dummy except u want to break ur home. Marriage is all abat love & understanding. Be wise.
sorry to say that ur husband is weak, he need to wake up from his slumber.
make u commit suicide now
Nice one olumide
Gbam!! My thoughts exactly. For heaven's sake u brought him to an unfamiliar environment. Help him adjust!!!
I hope this is not bukky KS
Is like you are the husband, this one you know every thing about her story
girl u b moomoo oh i swear, the guy dey dey use ur brain u dey concor. tou av to bear d consequence, you gave the devil a visa to ur lyf now deal with it
You better not listen to anyone that says you should divorce him. You were the one that went into the marriage and no one forced you. You know him best, talk to him in the best possible way that you know won't lead to a quarrel or fight. Explain how you feel, tell him all these things. And most of pray, your knees my dear, pray and talk to God. Tell God exactly how you want him to be and trust me, he'll change. Meanwhile, just endure and always talk to him. You love him nao? So you have to work on him.
.
.
.
.
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Worrying won't stop bad things from happening, it will only stop good from being enjoyed. Have a care free attitude,Whatever happens, happen!
@Mosi_Tash_Jazzy
No be small thing.....I no fit laugh
it just does not add up. first class and cant be proactive? dont believe the story. all made up
It's frustrating and tiring pushing an adult to do what should come naturally to him. Taking lead when you want to be led isn't funny at all
Please sit him down and talk to him, then help him get a job.
Dear friend, it is actually better he finds out you wrote this so he can see the comments and reexamine his life. I can imagine how exasperated you must be. I believe it's time you had a serious talk with him, to let him know exactly how you feel, with very carefully chosen words, so that he doesn't think you're trying to make him feel inferior. The truth will only set you free. You can't keep bottling this up. I wish you the very best.
I think he's just been lazy looking for job online and he ain't when it comes to reading news on blog....u need to tell how u feel and work things out.
Kkkkiiikikhehehehe I cn only laugh in Swahili...so she Shld hv waited 4 dem to get married,so she married him,he didn't marry her hohohohohohehehe!
Well said.
"Assuming it's the other way round"
#gbam
And because he doesn't cheat he should be breastfed, seems like we women should be grateful for having a man at all even if d dude is a fool,times have changed bro, if he isn't any good he will be thrown out, good riddance to nonsense, grateful my ass
Please file for a divorce. you are practically married to a gold digger who married you cuz of a US visa!
@Olumide David Comment i support... give him some more time there are lots more troubles ahead in marriage than this simple one. HE is new there all u need is patience and ask him what he wants. everyone reads LINDA IKEJI even u fellow readers. dont pass judgement too soon
Na real OKOKOBIOKO!
oh.. so he can open and read LIB but cant search for jobs online?
he is just lazy! and i sense u were desprate for marriage thats y u didnt know him well enof b4 u got hitched. my dear, nor come here come dey cry o, just face your cross. abeg next!
4. once Aboki writes like Mallam.
She is too desperate one month of relAtionship. Na ur own worst pass?
See rubbish n stupid talk,he can read blog but can't search 4 job online. Haabaa,shey na intentionally he dey do am abi no be graduate he be.Abeg mcheeew
Hi sister, let ur husband known haw u feel for little response to things, I promise u, he we change, becouse every human being is born to be great in life,dissolved the marriage is not the best option, becouse no one is perfect, takecare,
Poster u are not serious, what do u mean u are scared of holding a conversation? Ok na,dnt talk to him bcos u are too intelligent u hear ? U shd be there for each other nd shd be able to make sacrifices,so u tink its every graduate that is good 100% with computer ? Does that make them educated illustrates? He wants u to help him bcos he dsnt know, so kini big deal? If u are complaining of dis what will married women with physically disabled husbands do? Abeg u no get talk
Anonymous 9.09. You dey high o. Trying to start drama here abi .
Please send a number i can reach you on to yomiyarzo@yahoo.com, i will call you for counselling.
Best Regards
Abeg remove Nnamdi Azikiwe University from this your fabricated cock and the bull story!
..One more thing, Still try getting him the job. And see. 'Where there is love, everything works out smoothly. just do this last thing for him; and also ask God for the grace and wisdom to understand him better. thank you.
ChySugar, may God bless u for this comment. This is clearly one of the best and mature comments I've read on this blog. May God bless me with a woman that has your type of mindset. You're clearly a wife material. Some girls are always quick to use the term "lazy ass". This girl clearly doesn't know what marriage is all about. In marriage,each person should endeavour to fill in their partner's lapses. Chukwu gozie gi Chinwe. I'm heading straight to your blog! Same goes to u@Lindabella
poster, first of all you married a VERY LAZY man. second of all did u see his ORIGINAL school certificate with both eyes? truth be told he might be a drop out or a failed out student. bcos not easy to be a first class student, it takes a lot of zeal and self discipline and it spreads to all ur doings or involvement.
please there is nothing like GIVE HIM TIME. bcos der is no time to give even in Nigeria standard not to talk of abroad. u work alone, pay all d bills alone, talk alone, plan alone. if possible bundle him out of the house. if he cant find you he shouldn't add to ur problems.
I tire for the poster sef
Dnt be a one sided judge
how on earth did he read this blog and can't make reasearch!!!
Go see a marriage chancellor
Intoduction:Am Linda's Baby Doll
make him see reasons..why he should get on his 10 toes. divorce must not come in at all
It's not easy to migrate to States, give him time and chill or he is probably faking ignorance because he has gotten his papers.
Dhobiz what do you know about hardwork? Am sure the only hardworking part of you is your beating heart. Cause if your brain was, rubbish wouldn't pour out of it
make him see reasons..why he should get on his 10 toes.divorce must not come in at alll
Thanks my dear.The best comment for this poster that doesn't understand the meaning of the word sacrifice in marriage,in a situation like this.
Have you heard of the word "EMASCULATE". Have seen a lot like this and that's usually the case.
Prayer is the key
Liar INc! If he is SUCH a novice as regards the use of computer, how come does he know how to visit Linda's blog. NWOKWEM, GERRROOUUTTT!!!!
NWUNYE EMI
If you're not married keep throwing them out till maybe you're in your 40s then you will understand that you build your own man to your specs
@ Native doctor you could be wrong by saying all first class candidates make it out of school.
Have you ever encountered a 1st class candidate doing conductor work before.
Try engage in decent conversations with cab men and see how learned some of dem are. Some are just unfortunate.
My 2cents here is that, that guy is not a 1st class flight... maybe he doesn't have a certificate and his ashamed to say it.
This is exactly what I keep telling my gf in the states not to marry her bf in nija. Am scared that guy will only use her to gain visa into the states. bec I've really seen him wen his angry.
Well, woman take your case before the lord.... We didn't marry him for you, so we wouldn't be the best people to advise you on what to do bec you didn't tell us before you married him. even wen una dey do u dnt tell us. So deal with your problem... All the best!!
This is just perfect Chysugar, well said
THIS WOULD BLOW YOUR MIND,but it is the absolute truth,I lost hope when you said first class,you will keep being his mom,My dear you shouldn't have let him travel out,a first class must get a job first down here,they are naturally clueless and reluctant on other life issues,what they usually know is there field of study...he needs to come back and experience the other side of life here by working,b4 any other thing...but if that isn't possible,help him apply for jobs,pay more attention on his affairs,first class people are not usually born hustlers,they spent too much time reading and going to church only....help him get a job and force him out most of the time,make what u want out of him no matter how much stress,he is a husband not boyfriend,else he would start irritating U before u know it...and I wonder how u never realized this during courtship.
Since LIB is all he does on the internet, aunty Linda Abeg help am find job!
Men can be very funny ....That man is a lazy brat. He should have just gone for any low class jobs that can still bring in money while he gently find the job of his dreams the way he want it. have you checked to see if he's really a graduate. You women who want to marry a graduate... you've seen part of what a graduate can do.
Please try to talk to him and if he's still a hole as I see him to be then you just have to start thinking of how you will be free of him because he's only going to make your life miserable. Thank God he displayed this part of himself now... I mean if you are not yet pregnant or had a child with him. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. My dad was like that and I know what my mum went through to see us through primary and secondary schools. The load is very heavy especially when you know you would have avoided it, I know marriage is for better and for worst ... this is not that, this is slavery.
Maybe he's at a loss about the process for getting a job in the states. Is there anyone else you know who's also looking for work? They can buddy up to job search together. He can sign up for temporary assignments with a temp agency. There are job networking groups or career centers sponsored by the US Labor Department he can join. As a newcomer, he won't find these resources without your help. Introduce him to those tools if you can't help him personally with his search.
Madam poster sorry o. He obviously used you for immigration status.
My dear if you really love your husband,you will put him through without the fear of the unknown. I assure you once he gets settled everything will be fine is not every man that is a go getter OK God will help you.
My dear if you really love your husband,you will put him through without the fear of the unknown. I assure you once he gets settled everything will be fine is not every man that is a go getter OK God will help you.
I can't imagine that this is true even.
Wait o! He reads this blog everyday yet doesn't know how to use a computer efficiently...ok he navigates the blog with his phone. But madam u married this guy...u should have seen signs of his illiteracy but chose to ignore it....my advice to you is this...Ur husband just got to the states...he will need a whole lot educating and information from you to get stable in a country like america. Starting up afresh there is totally different from naija. U need to let him know and help him out with re-organizing his resume cos it's different from the Nigerian style...Girl u need a dose of patience...carry him along, and help him because he's ur husband. Ur barely a year In marriage so shake it off and work together.
Treat him like ur son. But with limit and ask for God's intervention by praying alot
Be cursing urself. Native doctor nshi na ahu
Exactly o. People are shouting divorce him up and down. My dear please don't! I bet you've tried talking to him before. I know how some nigerian women in the diaspora can be bossy, or tend to give up easily because they feel they can do it all alone. Don't forget, he just joined you. While I'm not making an excuse for him, I think you need to sit him down and talk to him about how things operate here. He's not seen anything yet, so he's still enjoying that benefit. Talk to him. Both of you can even browse through those websites together, that might be a little more encouraging. You can also help him out by signing him up for one or those recruiting companies. Don't give up yet. God bless you and your family dear.
Chysugar.. You are definitely a sugar.. You've said well my dear :*
Your best option is to divorce him. Irreconcilable differences is a strong reason for your divorce, just make sure he doesn't get anything from you after the divorce. best of luck.
This is normal..i mean my husband was like that when he first came to london he didnt know anything or anywhere i cnt count how many times the police brought him home because he got missing in the street or how many times i played driver or looked for a job for him my dear be patient with time he will get used to the place and start doing things give him time please
ITS A PITY
My 1st time in the u.s .. it was a friend of mine that did everrthing for me ... Helped me get a visa, accomodation and even a job ... This woman no get talk .... He believes u know the terrain better ... The only probs i see here is a woman being a breadwinner ...they are always like that when a man is at thier mercy
i am sorry for you because all this funny things you are saying when he get a job you will surely comeback and tell us he is too busy for your liking
best comment so far
This story is not real, shikina.
Well d man will definately know it's u apart from that u made a big mistake u didn't know him very well men who are lazy will take the holy spirit to lift them up from that spirit u need to prayers a lot of it
iTS NOT THAT EASY; PUSHING AN ADULT MALE OR FEMALE IN A MARRIAGE TO BE SOMETHING CAN BE FRUSTRATING. tAKE IT FROM A MARRIED MAN WHO IS MARRIED TO A SOFTIE OF A WOMAN
THIS GOES A LONG WAY TO SHOW HOW IMMATURE YOU ARE AS A WOMAN. HOW CAN YOU TELL THE WHOLE WORLD ABOUT YOUR HUSBANDS ISSUES KNOWING HE READS THIS BLOG OFTEN AND YOU EVEN INCLUDED HIS SCHOOL SO HE WILL KNOW YOU WERE REFERRING TO HIM. THE ONE WEY PAIN ME BE SAY YOU MENTIONED MY SCHOOL. YOU ARE JUST TRYING TO TEAR DOWN YOUR MARRIAGE WITH YOUR OWN HANDS AND THE BIBLE CALLS PEOPLE LIKE YOU A FOOLISH WOMAN. NA SO HUSBAND SCARCE FOR AMERICA THAT YOU HAD TO COME N KIDNAP OUR FIRST CLASS MATERIAL ONLY TO WASH HIM ONLINE. BE CAREFUL IS ALL I WANT TO TELL YOU COS YOU DON VEX ME BAD. YOU WILL ONLY APPRECIATE THAT GUY WHEN ANOTHER DESPERATE CHICK SHOWS HIM SOME LOVE N HELPS HIM FIND A JOB, THEN YOU WILL TAKE YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS TO GO N GET HIM BACK.
you said the marriage is just six months old meaning he got to the states like 3 months ago. considerably fresh not everybody picks that easy in developed world it happened to me. but when I finally got a job I was begged to please stay at home for a while because I was working almost 20 hours a day that is 20/24. I sleep for 4hrs and off again somedays I dont sleep. you might expect him to to get a job that quick but may be God want you to enjoy something first before he gets a job. you understand what marriage is keeping nurturing him keeping pushing him, keep praying together. stop comparing him with that friend or friend's husband that just came to the US and got job just be patient you might be the one begging for him to be home lets watch. cheers
Lmaoooo... for the records this is not Lara. Na Oby!
You seem weak and selfish...depression over someone trying to find his feet in a strange place? C'mon, give him time. You Are not just his wife, you are his friend, his sister, his mother. Yes, his mom. Obviously not dating long before marriage, you are bound to experience surprises. Even those who dated long still get surprises. So calm down, show him the way things work there. It's not something you'll do forever.
Marriage is hardwork, so also is motherhood. Heads up for when you become a mom. Good luck
I think you should talk to him and tell him how you feel. Have a conversation, listen to him and know where he is also coming from. You can't be scared yo hold a conversation with him because it will only drift you guys apart. Talk to him so you guys can figure it out as a couple. Its a new place and he might be finding it difficult to adjust.
Story for the gods
Poster how can your marraigr be in trouble? Don't be dramatic. Enroll
him in one of those job training agencies. The one that teach you how to write cc, interview do job search etc they are available for jobless people.
He wants you to do everything because he has a nija mind set. It's ok in Nigeria as we have house girls etc but abroad it doesn't Make sense. Money is hard, no help, the men must chip in. Period.help him understand. Woman up! Haba.
Olumide David, good advice.
Last year May I broke up with my boyfriend due to many misunderstandings and I remember very well how hard I had been fighting to get him back but it was not easy at all. he changed his number, and block me on Facebook and none of his friends would give me any information about him because i hurt him so much i will say the truth. The only thing I could do was to go find help from anywhere, so i looked for a way to get him back then a friend recommended me to contact DR.AIRIOHUODION on his email airiohuodiontemple@gmail.com on February 10th and DR promised that i should not worried myself that everything is going to be perfectly fine, so i just have to believe him and follow his instructions surprisingly after the casting of the return and love spell my boyfriend call me on phone 12th of February and told me that he miss me that my sin has been forgiven that he still love me and he want to be with me forever i could not say anything on phone i was crying because i really miss and love him so much, DR.AIRIOHUODION i will stop sharing your testimony because you removed the pain that was eating up and i am so happy we are together again if you need any relationship help don't forget to email him at: airiohuodiontemple@gmail.com
You are not alone. My husband is very intelligent. Has companies begging him to work for them and knows something about everyone and everything in economics and politics. But on all other fronts, he needs help and I'm his helper. It gets frustrating but marriage is a partnership. He has no idea how things work around the house. I know all the artisans and domestic Staff and I stillnkeep a 9-5 job with 2 children. He was born to study and keep studying and to be the best at it. I was raised by a single mother so we got to fix w everything ourselves. I can go on and on. Bottom line, you can help him by being there for him. It's hard but it's possible. You are a team and one has to be stronger in some areas than the other. All the best!
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