Dear LIB readers: My fiancee does not like sex | Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog

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Saturday, 21 March 2015

Dear LIB readers: My fiancee does not like sex

From a male LIB reader
My name is Ezekiel Amadi, I have been dating this girl for over three years now all I get is " I hate sex". At first I thought she was just forming but as time went on the problem persist. She always tells me "if I give you too much sex u will get tired of me" I love her so much. Even when I get angry she just manage to go once and that is all for the whole month. I thought she has been seeing someone else but I discovered am the only one so I went ahead and engaged her. That same month I engaged her she told me that the reason why she hates sex was that "she was forcefully raped by her boyfriend when she was a teenager and she lust her virginity then" So anytime she has sex with me she still remembers that and that sex makes her remember every bit of what happend that day.
After telling me this she promised to be having it with me. Now my worry is she does not initiate it. She does not like foreplay. Always saying not in the mood. I love this girl but should I marry her? How do I cope with this sex thing if I marry her?

149 comments:

Anonymous said...

Teach her my friens it takes time and patience, most importantly know her g spot, what turns her on etc... And hope say u smell nice o? Lindaobserve


@lwkmd_naija

Unknown said...

She needs 2 see a psychologist!

Anonymous said...

Its really a hard situation.. But be patient.. She will get over whatever pain she is going through..


6 EASY WAYS TO ATTRACT YOUR OWN HUSBAND

5 WORDS TO MAKE HER FALL MADLY IN LOVE WITH YOU

WHAT A MAN WANTS IN BED

Anonymous said...

Ask google

Unknown said...

If you know you like sex alot, pls I ll advice you not marry her, because you ll cheat on her later.

Unknown said...

Hmmmmmm!! Speechless!! #lindahearme

Anonymous said...

Of course sex is for the married. Any sex outside marriage is an abomination to God

Unknown said...

Its not her fault...atleast U know her reason.....Maybe she need to talk to someone about it...someone dat can help her get over it....









Moye says so via BB Passport...Courtesy LIB....

Anonymous said...

go look for another woman dear..else u'll cheat on her for the rest of ur marriage..ask urself how she'll conceive

JANE said...

Story for the God's this one na Obanje, you were raped and you still dey use style fuck dey lie. Instead of sayin no to premarital sex. My sex starved brother since you have chosen to explore before marriage to before warned because you will cheat. All these pretender girls smh.

Anonymous said...

Chief, Try and understand her pain and work with her. All she needs is assurance that you will not act like her former monster. Be patient, na you go run, trust me. women are tigress in bed

Unknown said...

It will hard two of u ooh... I c someone cheating in the nearest future...

Unknown said...

This sex thing is too overrated,, sex no be food ooooooooo

Unknown said...

Take her to a psychologist who will help her overcome it with consulting sex is more mental than physical

Unknown said...

Truth be told, Sex is one of the ingredient in a marriage thus the need for you to know the role it plays. Keep advising her in other to change her orientation about Sex. But if she's adamant, i'll advice u quit the marriage plans if ur Sex life is so important and u intend to have a good home. No Pity in marriage bro.

Obinna said...

Omor,sex is a key factor in marriage,if u are a sex person nd she is not,better not marry.beliv me ,u will get tired and cheat on her wen she is not forthcomin wt sex

BONARIO NNAGS said...

Hian! You see where our world is headed, you want to lead a pious girl to hell.
Please get married first to her and then comes sex.

~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA LUMIA

Unknown said...

Awwwwww, u guys should pray about it, and let her know her past is her past,well I know is not easy but still she just have to let it go and face the present and forcost on the future, as for u the guy, encourage her, counsel her and most important u both should be closer to God.

smartphone said...

shine your eyes na 2015 be this

Kyke said...

Its gonn be alright just give her time


...My name is simple CALL ME KYKE...

Unknown said...

Let her c a psychologist...basic

edo juju said...

If you were the least bit romantic, and good in bed, she wouldn't ever miss even an afternoon quickie! But you men just want to plug in and fire down!

Anonymous said...

Call her bluff!

Remove the emphasis on sex.

Give sex a break for 3 months. Tell her you understand how she feels and you want to concentrate on other parts of the relationship - quality time, discovering each other, lots of intimacy, kissing etc. Take her out, be romantic with her and tell her you are really enjoying her in your life etc. See how long that lasts before she starts talking about sex. When it comes to that, hold out just a little bit. If you make love to her, make it 95% foreplay and 5% actual penetration.

Anonymous said...

My story exactly! Hmmmmn

Engr. Oge said...

She's still traumatized from her past and what she needs is a counselor and therapist. It's in your place to help her out of this situation she finds herself; think less of "you" and more of how she can overcome her her fears, hate and possibly irritation to sex.

edo juju said...

Good. By the way, Dencia, why you no whitenize the jeep? Idiattt

Unknown said...

boi all she neeed is for u to calmly take care of her cux of her past experience

Neekee said...

Take her to see a counsellor. Eh eh almost like tango with me movie

Unknown said...

She needs a psychological therapy.
And try not to force her to it.

Unknown said...

a.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said...
.
Sex is everything.....
.
.
***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***

Anonymous said...

Why put his yeye name out there? Now every girlfriend of every ezekiel amadi has become a suspect.

Bonita Bislam said...

I believe you do go for marriage counselling.Table your case before the counsellor.You can teach her anything u want her to know with luv.Its no biggie

Unknown said...

Let her see a psychologist. Hope that works n if it doesn't, plz don't go ahead with the marriage cos u already know there is a problem. U'll jx end up complaining for the rest of ur life. I've got a friend in ur shoe, so be wise.

uwa said...

Tell her Uwa want to talk with her . Give Linda her phone number .
I'm a military nurse and i've seen lots of our boys change drastically from war memories .

She need help, a lady like her that understands the pain and hate in her .
Please don't leave her because of it, I beg you with anything you respect not to cheat on her . Help her get the help she needs ,you sound concerned ,mature and caring.
Help her .

prettiyz said...

U have to be patient and teach her to overcome her fear of d rape bcos only when she heals and forget about that incidence can she comfortably have sex

Anonymous said...

Jane warri

@MEETD®EALEVANS™ said...

Na Mami water, someone is yanking her inside d river, thank me later....

eka said...

patience is d solution;
indulge her in all your skills gradually,
overtime she would relax and overcome her stiffness,
she might even become a champion in future,
u never know...

Anonymous said...

Hahaha...marry her since u luv her, then go out to satisfy urself man..if she notices u going 4 od gurls..she'll cum around..trust me man, it'll work..

Anonymous said...

Initiate it in the kitchen, bathroom, living room etc. Make it as informal and impromptu as possible. Touch her unexpectedly. Be gentle and loving. Hope it helps.

Unknown said...

Really funny, don't knw wat 2 say o jt b patient sha u will gt it rite wit her.

Unknown said...

Take her 2 hospital, shez having a psychological problem

Unknown said...

U are on point. Asap

Mr. True Talk said...

All you need is to is keep talking to her, it is not easy for a lady to get over rape. it left them with a trauma they have to deal with for a very long time. but you can help her out of it.

JANE said...

Abi no be true I talk? Warri Warri their fatherrr

Unknown said...

Yeye boy, you have not married her and you are making her commit fornication abi. Marry her first and her attitude to sex will change

Anonymous said...

Boy , sex is not food. Get busy with your life. Sex sex sex that's all the youths of today know.

Anonymous said...

Foreplay foreplay foreplay and don't go all the way and leave her hanging. It is hard for you but maybe she neds to see it as a love thing than a man wanting to pleasure himself like the rape incident. Then she will get to a point she will want you. If u love her, u see her through it .

Anonymous said...

She needs a counsellor .. dats all

Unknown said...

Always reason very well before you judge some one,hmmmmm

Unknown said...

Take to rehab with time she'll be fine,its a gradual process so be patient with her

Anonymous said...

Best advice ever. Sex isn't food. Giv. It a brk, she'l cum 2 u

ary said...

It is quite unfortunate that you have to live with the outcome of another man's action but you also need to help her heal and you probably ain't doing something right or she would have forgotten her ex long ago. You also need to be gentle with her during sex.

ELENA (HER MAJESTY) said...

Says a dude/babe dt doesn't even have a bike and yet u call dencia an idiot

Y don't u @least get a car,any car @that before opening ur mouth to utter nonsense

Pained/jealous mofo

Unknown said...

Ezekiel wat she needs is therapy, it is under rated in this part of the world but thats wat she needs so she can learn to heal and open herslf to u. This isnt smtyn u can fix on ur own, plus make her c tht u re not other men nd u wldnt hurt her, instead u wil hold her while she heals

Unknown said...

You have to be patient with her. She needs to talk to a therapist or someone who has walked in her shoes. Believe me when I say it can be hard. She loves and trusts you and that's why she confided in you but believe me the trauma of rape is not one that is easily forgotten. Get her a therapist before the wedding

Unknown said...

hahahaha @Edo Juju like seriously? u kidding right? what i think is, talk to her to leave the past behind, if she wants to see the brighter future, because if she nor forget the incident, then make she kuku go marry her ex wey rape her. simple

Unknown said...

U need to show her more love secondly take to psychologist!rape comes with a lot of trauma!!am such dat will help!

Unknown said...

All of you talking about Sex is only for marriage, is that the solution to her problem? By how many of you are virgins or how many of you got married as virgins

duchess_ella said...

Lol

Anonymous said...

I knw hw important sex is in marriage n so knwing dat ur partner has such a problem can b confusing , bt it is a curable problem, I have d same problem so I advice u take her for counselling

Oscu Uhunamure said...

Oga...if u Cnt cope wid d sex tin nd u dnt wanna end up cheating on her wen ure married...leave her jeje! Period!










#LIB brand ambassador

Anonymous said...

Some men could be deceitful,marry her first,not when you finish enjoying every bit of her,story comes in.

Unknown said...

Like that.....that's the best.

Unknown said...

Lol.. 1000 likes @Bona ----C21

Unknown said...

Spot on!!

Blog It With Olivia said...

The Poor girl is traumatised, she's going through a lot...emotionally.
She needs to go see a shrink αи∂ start therapy before it will ruin her sex life...
Do u think been raped is a nice experience??? Its not o
The memories will haunt u for d rest of ur life if u don't learn to get a grip on it
The girl needs help, she really do...
Αи∂ pls stop engaging her into having sex with u for the main time. Just let her heal b4 u start sexing her again

Goodluck to d two of u

Blog It With Olivia said...

The Poor girl is traumatised, she's going through a lot...emotionally.
She needs to go see a shrink αи∂ start therapy before it will ruin her sex life...
Do u think been raped is a nice experience??? Its not o
The memories will haunt u for d rest of ur life if u don't learn to get a grip on it
The girl needs help, she really do...
Αи∂ pls stop engaging her into having sex with u for the main time. Just let her heal b4 u start sexing her again

Goodluck to d two of u

exciting lifestyle consult blog said...

Contact me on 08055158325 so I give a supplement dat wil increase. Her libido. She wil b d one begging u for Sex and she wil not. Get tired trust me. It's natural and no side effect

zuzu said...

Since she was raped by her former bf , it is possible she lacks trust on bf. I beleve if you marry her she will relax and open up to you. If you love her and she loves you too. Marry her and build her trust and confidence in you.

Unknown said...

She's 100% gay

Unknown said...

She's a lesbian period, I've witnessed similar cases.

RILEY said...

my nigga, screw all the commenters above and below me who DO NOT AGREE WITH ME. YOU need to dump the dumb bi7ch and leave her sorry ass alone. She is not a child who should be pampered. Later these hoes be shouting " n!ggas ain't loyal, after writing application letter to hit that? Never!!!!!
Dump her, give her an ultimatum to either start fcuking your brains out or hit the road. this is year 2015, no time for camelshit

udezeobumneme@gmail.com said...

Patience man. You would see the light at the end of the tunnel. When u both are happily married. For the lady, you have to work on urself, reduce the complain and forget the past. this is one of the reason y men cheat.

Unknown said...

Bro, manage na, Sex is not food ooo.

Unknown said...

Better find soap (lux, premier,) but no near aboniki balm....

Unknown said...

I need this kind of man ....

Reeshahr said...

She need psychologist.

Anonymous said...

i once dated a girl like that back in school,so i can feel dz nigaz pain...i had to leave her at some point cos she always screams and shout on top of her voice that i will have to use my hand to cover her mouth to reduce the noise,its so embarrassing, she tells me is as if they re using nail to nack her within...she was also forcefully disflowered by her former bf...she damn hate sex

Anonymous said...

I keep pondering why sex should be prioritized in most relationships! It's not food. Please help her overcome this part of her life. She needs your support and not your request to satisfy your sexual urge. Moreover, premarital sex is a sin before God and it's called fornication. #Godblessyou

pumkin said...

Did u jst say dy shld be closer to God? Hw wld dy do dat when dy r indulging n pre marital sex, seriously we need to understand how God works cus it dusn't work dat way

Unknown said...

then leave him and move forward

Anonymous said...

She dey lie, she no just feel you. Nobody for this world no like sex.

Unknown said...

Evans bt y u daft like dis
Imagine 6 hefty guys rape ur asshole
U think u gon be stabilized ode talk

Unknown said...

Dude Eazy, u need to painstakingly re-orient her thoughts.

yawanow said...

whatz wrong if you initiate it. She has accepted to have sex even when its wrong before marriage. guy dis one now na your headache oo.

LuchiDataLady said...

Let her be for now until u put a ring on her finger on d altar

Anonymous said...

Rape is a traumatic event. She is probably still experiencing post traumatic stress because of that. You may need to encourage her to speak to someone about, not just anybody but someone either qualified or one who has been through something similar, maybe someone in your church can help preferably female. You also have to be patient if you really want to spend the rest of your life with her. Sex isn't the only way to express your love so invest in other things you can do together and stop trying to convince her to sleep with you. Just love her.
I think you should figure out this part before moving forward with marriage. Even if you decide to leave her, at least get her on the right track to recovery.

Unknown said...

Wow! Nice one but a little patience here and there would do d magic moreso lavish her wit love, care and affections.

Surely dis wil go a long way and assist her to put aside her ugly past.

Unknown said...

Wow! Nice one but a little patience here and there would do d magic moreso lavish her wit love, care and affections.

Surely dis wil go a long way and assist her to put aside her ugly past.

Unknown said...

Don't be in hurry to jump into marriage, you're clearly not happy about the situation, but what I'll advice is that you try and pause the wedding plans, and look for a solution, she can visit a pyschologist, gynecologist or something. Try and solve the problem before attempting marriage. I know you really love her, but in marriage, love might not be enough, you need to be happy and sexually satisfied. I wish you all the best.

Unknown said...

If you love her as you claim pls give her more time, be patient with her and encourage her to see a psychologist its well!!!

Unknown said...

If you love her as you claim pls give her more time, be patient with her and encourage her to see a psychologist its well!!!

Kponskii said...

Ha! Me sef tire for this sex matter. Bros, how much sex can u get? Most of us when our gals no dey let us sleep or rest cos of ballah matter dey complain...will you like to swap?

Adeiza said...

Best response.

Anonymous said...

Most of u ve suggested seeing a counsellor, psychologist and sm say she is posses only d abused knows how it feels and passes through the trauma. I want u to know not all psychologist can help her out I was a victim at d age of 5 and at 19,22yrs I was raped again. I ve grown to hate men and sex is a no go area I can't even stand d touch of a man. Been so depressed I opted loads of this to end it but never got to dat point because my withdrawal frm people and family member made my parents question wat was happening I was taken to d best psychologist. But nothing changed I was sent abroad stayed for 3yrs I only got worst then met a lady who drew my back to God. he has been my psychologist I am 32 now my fear is less but sex is smtin I still fear to indulge cause I can still smell d body of my rapist. Wen ever a man gets close. All I would advice say is if u love her show her u love her as a person not her body alone leave sex for now and focus on her mind and soul. I pray God see's u both through this trail phase and all other victims of rape I pray we all find that special friend to guide us through our healing process.

Unknown said...

Since you like sex my brother, its better sorted out now ooooo, otherwise there will definitely be cheating in the marriage oooo...... Sex in marriage is the sweetest gift of God to us and its sweeter than honey ooooo!!!!!! Cheers

Unknown said...

Let her learn to trust you and tell her to forgive the boy who raped her. So she can be free plus sex is meant to be after marriage and nt before

Unknown said...

She need to see a psychologist

Baconyx Chris said...

Hmmm! First and foremost, its totally wrong for you to be having sex before marriage. And it turns out, you love this lady and have engaged her, then, why not wait. Its more like tasting spaghetti, before you buy it and cook. Secondly, since she has had a horrible past, she needs series of counselling and prayers for her to come out of the shadows of her gory past. In this, bro, you must be patient and prayerful if you are convinced she's the girl you want to marry. And when you are married, please remain Faithful to her.

Anonymous said...

All you need to do is take your time and show her you are not like the fool that raped her. And if you have a good marriage counsellor he or she could help. I went through that too. My husband helped me overcome. So if you love her, help her.

Unknown said...

Some people should knw when and issues to comment on not everything u joke with or play with this is a very serious issue this is one of the reasons some marraiges don't work today and this guy needs advise so kindly advice or shut ur trap. To the matter now if u truely love the girl go ahead and mary her and u help her erase that past let her see a pshychologist she needs help marraige is not all about SEX mostly is about commitment

shomo p said...

So! Whose business is that?

Anonymous said...

Don't marry her biko unless you want to eventually cheat after marriage. I'm speaking from experience. Never marry someone who isn't sexually compatible with you. There are guys out there who don't like sex too. Let her find them

Anonymous said...

Sex is not food

Anonymous said...

av u pple evet thot she might not like men any more

Anonymous said...

Really Hard thou. Was once in her shoes. U have to be extremely patient with her. Work on her mind for 3 months at least without asking for sex. Try making sex look like fun. Be together with her naked and just cuddle her through the nite. Make her feel very comfortable. if she doesn't enjoy kissing. Try buying a bowl of ice cream, once she scoops some into her mouth, reach for it and get it from her mouth. Let her do the same to u. Try variety of candies and chocolates, it will gradually become a tradition and she'll always long to kiss u.

For the sex part, its a gradual process. Considering her past, she'll definitely hate foreplay coz she already knows its a move for sex. Just cuddle her through the nite and do the kissing game. Gradually, she'll feel more comfortable. When you intend to initialize the foreplay, make it fun, pour some ice cream or honey on her body and lick her up, ask her to do the same and leave her hanging after. U can do this often without any penetration. Its very important she participates.

Always assure her you wont force her for sex till she's ready for it. Continue the process for 2 months or more with variety of fun sexual activities. Remember, no form of penetration till she agrees. She needs to be 100% comfortable with you in bed. She also needs to trust you.

She will understand with time that sex with your spouse is an expression of love.

Juleslouis said...

Patience is all u need. She will come around. If u love her, go ahead and marry her. Once υ̲̣̥r̲̅ down d marriage lane u'll discover that sex is not food!

Anonymous said...

generation of sex. hell fire is real

Unknown said...

@lwkmd_naija, when d u become anonymous? Ur "lindaobserve" gav u away.

Unknown said...

B patient with her sex is nt food.

Unknown said...

What? Are u for real and d I just hear u say 3mnths? U want to kill d poor guy or wht? Hmmmmmmmm, it seem u didn't read d post well. D poor guy said he is a master holder in sex and u advise him to stay away frm sex for 3mnths. U want to kill some body.

Nice comment u made. Thumbs up. Most anonymous r cool wit their comments.

Unknown said...

U spoke well. I think they can both work dis out together even witout a third party.

Anonymous said...

If they don't Hv sex..how will they make babies...it is obvious ..it is affecting their marriage..I will recommend her to see a psychologist..

Unknown said...

In as much we know that sex is a vital tool in marriage, is that the only reason you love her? You know her problem, find a solution to it. She needs a psychologist.






Busy Fingers.

Anonymous said...

Was dat hw ur dad treated ur mum??? Dumbed comment. U r d fool of dis blog.

Anonymous said...

@meetdfakeevans god will punish you and your generation. Big fool, idiot, na you she dey see for river. Mumu

yetty said...

Uve been with her for aw many years now nd she Dosint still like it.once u nt comfi wiv sumfin stay away from it.so u end up nt cheating

knowurway.com said...

Thank u, 1000 like, exactly my tot.

Unknown said...

If u truly love her........i mean truly it's u dat will teach her what u want n if she truly does too she will adapt to whatever u want cos she won't want u to go to another cos of dat.Cos it's only u dat can see her through.

Unknown said...

I fink she's havn a psychological prblm, the fin is dis, u hav 2 reassure her that its safe 2 hav sex wit u, I fink she's jst traumalized by her past! It happns 2 gals mostly wen u are bin raped as a virgin! Its a gradual fin! Jst try and talk her, on hw safe sex is, u might endure nw but I bet u if this continue wen u eventually get married 2 her, it might cost u ur marriag, evn th bible in corinthians said dat evry woman shuld satisfy dia husbands needs in wat so eva. Sx was created by God in marriage! So u shuld seek hlp 4 her nw b4 its 2 late. And 4 u Anon 11:39 u shuld b feeling lyk a holy cow nw! Who eva said sex is food?? So pls keep quiet

jjjjjj said...

Like seriously? Thats you advice? The guy is about to marry dis gal! Are you joking?

jjjjjj said...

Thats not nice, he wants to marry the girl, did u read that part

Unknown said...

She should see a psychiatrist,with time she will get over it..

Anonymous said...

She should go into therapy to work through the trauma of the rape. If she doesn't work through it, her sex life will be affected no matter who's in her life. Stick with her and help her through her pain. This is what married life is all about, ups and downs and all arounds. You will feel you've accomplished the greatest feat when you both get to the other side. Good luck!

Anonymous said...

Honestly, you shouldn't marry her...

Anonymous said...

Bros e never late for to pull over ooooo

Unknown said...

God bless you so much for the courage to tell the truth that God wants everyone on Linda's blog to know.Sex outside of marriage is Idolatry and an abomination.In the old testament of the Jehovah will punish to the tenth generation.So anyone still indulging in it should repent and turn Jesus for help.Its one sin that open the doorway for demons and devil to assess your life and destiny.A word is enough for the wise.

Unknown said...

Bla bla bla... Find out if she loves u my friend and stop pushing it

Anonymous said...

Marraige is not based on sex. But firstly on God n luv. Sex only adds spice to d marraige relationship. U must love sumone before u can talk about marraige. So yes u can marry her, den teach ur partner how to be a good lover.

Unknown said...

Hmmmmm u guys ve started again ooo after singles ve married/Ceo millionaire Richy saga, hmmm lips sealed

Anonymous said...

Absolutely a gud advice

Anonymous said...

*yinmu* holier than thou. Your vaseline don finish?

Anonymous said...

Person never chop you dey talk psychologist. Nonsense.

Anonymous said...

Nigga Run! Run!! Run!!!

uche lois said...

i don't know why young people go into pre-marital sex,at dis age both of you should look out for your future. are you sure of a good life for the next 5 years. sit, think, and invest for your future not for SEX.

Unknown said...

LMAO!!!

Anonymous said...

Sex everywhere and every time is it why we are here?
This generation is worse than every other generation that has come and gone

Anonymous said...

..... just pray and try take her to a psychologist..... I'm sure all will be well..... @sexy queen reach me on 2AC2564A

Anonymous said...

She needs psychological help and a lot of patience from you.

Unknown said...

Fire me!!! I will go with you

Unknown said...

Fire me!!! I will go with you

Anonymous said...

Same thoughts as me, why the mumu omata guy put his name?why he no put the fiancé own?

Anonymous said...

Sounding like the actually bf that raped the girl..Ode!

Anonymous said...

Premarital sex is in all forms WRONG. You better stop before it's too late.

Subomi said...

Therapy

Anonymous said...

She needs therapy. Get her into counseling so she can deal with the issues from the past. This is bigger than you!

Unknown said...

Ignore her...she shud come to u...it's not fair on u bro...make her like it...or will want to marry a woman that u wil have to fill form o gave sex with...she's gonna be ur wife mehn!!!

Anonymous said...

That girl does not love you period. .
How can she be thinking of her rape issue when u make love to her. ..
Leave that girl or you will regret it

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