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Saturday, 18 October 2014

Life after sexual abuse - A LIB reader shares her story

A LIB reader shares how she struggled to deal with and get over sexual abuse which she suffered as a child from family and friends. Please read below...
I am living proof that anyone can turn things around. From a nadir of emotions in which I struggled with abuse and resentment, I have willed myself to focus on the strength I possess and the fact that I alone can determine how my life turns out.
My father was a business man, and my mother a full house wife. Her whole life was dedicated to taking care of us and protecting us and she was in fact overprotective of us because we were all girls. But I have now realized over the years that you cannot always be there for a child, and no one has control over an abuse.
My sexual abuse started when I was about six years old and on it went until I was about eleven, most of it coming from friends and family folks who were meant to have protected me. I never talked to anyone about it because right from childhood I was used to keeping things to myself and I was ashamed.

For a very long time I did not want to be alive because of my scars. I was always angry at everything and anyone who couldn't relate to the fact that I was angry at life even if I never did tell anyone anything. I had to struggle with pain, rejection, depression, hate, anger and unforgiveness.

The first 19 years of my life until my healing were the most challenging. I let my abuse mould me into someone I could never be proud of. It was a deep cut. It was easy to blame everything I was on my experience as a bitter person and give excuses for it. To an extent, my abuse was the reason to be the way I was; but I had a choice to either play by the rules and blame it on society or restart my life and start thinking differently.

After all my bad experiences and all the struggles I had going on in my life, I looked at my life and came to the conclusion that I was a total failure. I focused on my weaknesses. Even when I had the courage to do something, I often expected it not to turn out well, so I never tried. I had the mind of a failure, I had the attitude of a failure and so I failed at virtually everything.


THIS IS MY TESTIMONY
I found comfort in GOD'S LOVE & PEACE and I was consoled by HIS PROMISES for my life.

I started by forgiving myself. All my life since my healing I had made myself pay for someone else's mistake. I realised that true forgiveness comes from within - the ability to forgive myself enough for me and the abusers was enough for me to finally see the light.

I accepted myself and embraced my scars and fears. I couldn't change a thing about what had happened so I stopped worrying about it.  I  stopped seeing myself as the victim but as the MESSAGE. I had not the slightest idea of why those things had happened but knew it was part of God's plan for my life and I am thankful that he chose me to fight this fight.

I found myself; I strongly believed in myself and everything I stood for. I started focusing on my strength and gradually my life began to take a new turn. I set realistic goals for myself, discovered my purpose and followed my most intense obsessions mercilessly.

Getting over my abuse was a huge step but it was a stepping stone into getting over other issues in my life. My abuse had laid the foundation of strength and power. I am at a very good place in my life right now and there is no turning back.

I have a beautiful life - one I am proud of. Regardless of what I have been through, I will end up with the most amazing man, have wonderful children, build a great life and live happily ever after.

Message to the world:

If there is anyone out there still struggling with the trauma of sexual abuse,
I need you to take a deep breath,
Take all the time you need to heal,
Seek God desperately and  find him,
And ultimately save yourself, you need you.

There is a promising, beautiful life waiting for you to come get it.

Halima Layeni.

105 Comments:

  • At 18 October 2014 at 16:18 , Anonymous mummy3 said...

    In life we go thru different things d ability 2 move on is wat makes u strong. Well done girl!!!

    Say know 2 any form of abuse

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 16:19 , Blogger BONARIO NNAGS said...

    Hmmm her story sent shock waves down my spine.
    I hope those in such situation will read this and find some sort of closure.

    ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA LUMIA

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 16:22 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    What is this

    Modupe

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 16:26 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Wow!!! Abused at age 6,God help us all. Thanks for reaching out to people with your story. God bless you and may your healing be made permanent. You are an overcome in Christian Jesus

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 16:27 , Blogger Alloy Chikezie said...

    Thank God for your life poster and I pray God continue to perfect his miracles in your life and you'll have more testimonies to give in Jesus name. Amen!


    Your comment will be visible after approval

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 16:27 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Million likes x

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 16:32 , Blogger snowflix said...

    ThankGod for you #onelovefromSnow#

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 16:33 , Blogger hilary obiorah said...

    Inspiring

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 16:36 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    God can heal even the deepest scar... Ladies:How to get your boyfriends attention☺♥

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 16:39 , Blogger ed DREAMZ said...

    a.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said...
    .
    Is gud yu share ur story bcos many will definately learn frm it no doubt....
    .
    .
    ***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 16:40 , Anonymous Peejay said...

    I'm proud of you! May God grant you even more strength as you turn your focus to Him.

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 16:41 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    This is a very vague story. If you want people to learn from your experience be more specific so they will avoid or protect their children. I

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 16:46 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    hi halima am an LIB reader, ur story looks like mine and sure i didn't paste this just for some small differences in details. my case is worse. i talked abt my different abuse to my lil sister its not been long, i will soon be in my thirties but scared of being touched thoughtless of doing any other thing.i have buried myself in the Lord's bossom and folks all think its because of that, that i don't really date or something but deep down within i know why. i some times wonder if i was a man would they pressure me to get a companion? at my age for a woman questions a bound to come up.guilt and shame also took the best of me and most at time i said i was the cause of all that happened, infact one of my abusers told me so i was just eight and she was in her twenties. am trying in my own little way to come out of this madness and am sure i'll get there . thanx for posting this,and God bless u i feel lighter all of a sudden.

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 16:46 , Anonymous ifylove said...

    u re blessed

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 16:49 , Blogger D ROCK said...

  • At 18 October 2014 at 16:55 , Blogger Henry Ifejika said...

    Just talking to story to back it up...mtcheew

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 16:55 , Blogger Henry Ifejika said...

    Just talking,No story to back it up...mtcheew

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 16:56 , Anonymous Crystal Clear said...

    Dearie it must have been very terrible n hurting. the best step remains forgiveness all round. Gods grace to u as u move on cos life goes on.

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 17:03 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Hmmmm touching thank God for you

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 17:12 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Parents need to watch their children, have an open door policy and TRUST NO ONE, not even your brother

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 17:14 , Blogger Angie Cape said...

    Dear poster.. You did a good thing talking about it; the healing is complete.
    As sad as it may be, eight out of every ten ESPECIALLY female child has/is being sexually abused; I was also abused and was soo ashamed to talk to anyone about it then..
    Was unable to trust and always kept to myself..It's only by the grace of God; met my best friend and he made me open up and I was able to let go. It's never easy but with God and the right support, you'll pull thru.
    It's part of life's lessons, learn and fill the vaccum in your future children's lives to prevent same from happening to them.
    Goodluck and remain blessed.

    *My R1.50c comment*

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 17:15 , Anonymous hotgirl said...

    Dry, do u realize there is no story here.Next time go indepth in explaining how u were molested and how u overcame the feelings of hatred blah blah blah

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 17:17 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    what a pity any1 found abusing should b punished serious

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 17:28 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Hmmmmm.....it always come from those dah call themselves family fwends or protectors.....so annoying...@ewuziekristiana

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 17:30 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    cock and bull story of repeating the same thing on each paragraph.

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 17:33 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Best write up ever! God bless u 4 opening up and thereby showing others the light. I appreciate.

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 17:41 , Blogger taibat hassan said...

    Everyone's got a story to tell incluing my self and I've made some pretty terrible decisions in life but hey!!! I'm still here.

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 17:54 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Really tough reading... and connecting your thoughts. different people different experiences. human make you sad and happy!

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 17:57 , Blogger ella john said...

    I thank God for your life.
    Faceoflib.

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 18:03 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    God bless u for this *Flora*

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 18:04 , Blogger Shina Shine said...

    Good advise

    BORN TO SHINE!!!

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 18:07 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    God bless u girl....i can testify that there is a wonderful life after sexual abuse its all in our hands to decide,sexual abuse is not a reason for u to give up on ur beautiful destiny......the future is always bright regardless of the d past

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 18:08 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Bottom line , you haven't told anyone your story hence other is nothing to learn from your write up + you just wasted 15 minutes of my f**king time

    Zubby said so

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 18:16 , Anonymous APPLE said...

    Stop bringing relatives to live with you.

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 18:18 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    I no believe it. Yacham

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 18:20 , Anonymous pgirl said...

    Same tin happened to me, though it was always ATTEMPTED RAPE. Jst grateful I found peace in God nd my swithrt

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 18:28 , Blogger funmi care said...

    Thank God for your life dear

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 18:40 , Blogger Rita Usman said...

    Hmmmmmn touching lesson learned

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 19:01 , Blogger esioprho joseph said...

    normally i dont post here ,i just read and go but her story is touching anyway

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 19:05 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Did i hear her say getting raped was God's plan for her life! Between what is wrong with most men of nowadays? Why raping? Raping a family member for that matter? A mother that gave birth to such a son should question her 'chi' and abandon the mofo.

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 19:10 , Blogger Mary Adeola said...

    Linda so touching...u ar my motivator....tankz for sharing dat._

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 19:17 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Wow so touchin n inspiring

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 19:22 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    i salute your corage girl.alot of us have been abused by trusted ones but thank God we are still alive and kicking well.i pray for all other ladies like me out there who have been abuse to stay alive and move on.

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 19:22 , Anonymous Don Ocso said...

    Thank goodness you're able to get over the abuse of your childhood and offer your story as a testimony to heal another.

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 19:27 , Blogger aisha ako said...

    God bless you.

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 19:46 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Ok

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 19:52 , Anonymous ASAMPOKOTO said...

    FOR A SECOND, I thought I wrote this, till I scrolled further down ..... I'm still struggling with mine. But just learnt to take baby steps. I know I'll get there

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 19:53 , Blogger jbankzE said...

    Evrybodi v dia story nd I fank God ur alive.

    ~@iamjbankz SA to President Jonathan 2015~

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 19:56 , Blogger Ron Linus said...

    Errm who did you say abused you? Thought you'll be giving us indepth analysis

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 20:03 , Blogger ibezim echezona MC jkcyno said...

    Sexual abuse is for sure one of d social vices that most times would hunt one for life is care isn't taken ...
    Nice chronicle Ά̲̣̥πϑ i hope someone plucks a leaf from it
    ..
    ..# ihe ojoo di njo

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 20:43 , Anonymous bunmi said...

    we share d same story dear. god is in control

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 20:45 , Blogger winniekoko said...

    Writing rubbish u didn't say anything meaningful or how u were been sexually abused.. Is this how to tell a story? Next time try and make it interesting.

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 20:45 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    hmmm ok

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 20:45 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Halima Layeri, i wish you so much happiness,peace of mind,joy and love!

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 20:57 , Blogger Chop Chop said...

    I don't understand.

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 20:57 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Madam writer where is details in this story?


    @lwkmd_naija
    (twitter/ig)

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 21:05 , Anonymous Anne said...

    What an encouraging words! Thank God you found and forgave yourself.

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 21:05 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Someone is surely there with His hands opened to receive when all hope is lost.JESUS

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 21:08 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    So touching. Thank God you realised yourself.

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 21:12 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    linda wetin i do u wey u no gree dey post my comment i taya o.

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 21:20 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    If she had an overprotective full house wife mother, hw was she abused frm age 6 without her mother knowing???
    2. Sexual abuse by frndz and family???? Dtz too ambiguous jawe......

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 21:40 , Blogger tia ajayi said...

    This is beautiful, one of themost powerful messages i've read.Thank you http://tiaajayi.blogspot.com/

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 21:54 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Thank you, Thank you for this beautiful message. You could write a book, help more people. May God bless you.

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 21:59 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Was long though.. But I tink Onyxx need to read n comprehend dis article... I'm sure d young man was abused by his Gayish Uncles,dat was y he turned Gay.

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 22:01 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Mtcheeeew,was evn expecting to read a vry interesting story

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 22:02 , Blogger Anonymous said...

    Wow! Wish u could speak to ma wife, she had a hard time growing up wit all these abuse. Glad I really did help her bur I can imagine wat direction wat many young girls has taken out of their growing up experience. Inspiring message.

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 22:04 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Thnkz 4 sharin it wif us, I knw its gona help a whole lot or beta stil is gona b a stepn stone 4 a whole lot of people to a new begining. I av neva experience it nd dnt knw wat it feels lyke bt here is ha story tryn to encourage d world, tryn to mke d world knw hw she overcame her's. Its nt everi 1 who has gne through dis wil av d courage to share it bt she has nd am sayn a big THNK U to ha. I do appreciate


    MZ G

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 22:32 , Anonymous Blessing said...

    If God doesn't perform a miracle for u, be a miracle to someone...dts wt u r. You have a promising future ahead n may d Good Lord keep strengthening u! God bless u

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 22:34 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    I too was sexually abused as a child by trusted family members and family friends. Thanx for sharing your story.

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 22:48 , Blogger ukwumaka theophilus said...

    Irrespective of how it goes down, life goes on. It is said that " what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". Nice one!!!

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 22:50 , Blogger Victoria Inyang said...

    Hmmmnnn.....sad things...glad u drew strength from it...shine on girl

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 22:57 , Anonymous Mystique said...

    I'm so glad u pulled through. Happy for u!

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 23:09 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Thank you halima for this beautiful piece.so many young people go through this and you are a great source of inspiration. God bless you.

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 23:21 , Anonymous kenny said...

    Eyah

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 23:22 , Anonymous betty love said...

    yea true talk...

     
  • At 18 October 2014 at 23:31 , Anonymous jerry said...

    Ehya.......... Bad girl gone good!

     
  • At 19 October 2014 at 00:01 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    But she didn't tell us the story, just kept on saying same thing in different languages. God is your strength

     
  • At 19 October 2014 at 00:05 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Wooow! I can so relate

     
  • At 19 October 2014 at 00:42 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Thank you for Sharing your story. You don't know how many lives you've touched with it . Keep doing your thing and may God's glory continue to shine on you. God bless you

     
  • At 19 October 2014 at 00:43 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    It is well.
    www.yemisoph.blogspot.com

     
  • At 19 October 2014 at 00:44 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    It is well.
    www.yemisoph.blogspot.com

     
  • At 19 October 2014 at 01:00 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    One million likes 4dis ur comment,can't find any story here.

     
  • At 19 October 2014 at 02:29 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    My thoughts exactly!!!

     
  • At 19 October 2014 at 02:59 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Thank u writer,u will never know how much u have touched my life as ur story is exactly like mine, I hope dat one day I'll reach dat place u r now and I bet much of dat success wud be because I read this today

     
  • At 19 October 2014 at 05:43 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Hello All,

    I'm a guy and believe it or not I had the same experience growing up. First by our house help at the time and then by my cousins. I have never shared this with a soul but I guess I'm doing it now for a reason.

    It started when I was 8 and believe it or not I'm in my 30's and I can vividly remember it like it was yesterday. At the time I knew it was deeply wrong and was too scared of telling my mum cause I thought shel'ld react with a mighty beating.

    Over the years, I think I just accepted and lived with what happened and forgave them all wholeheartedly .

    Today these very same people call me and beg for my help acting completely oblivious to what they did to me when I was younger.

    I hold no grudges and I assist when I can but I will always remember.

    O.T

     
  • At 19 October 2014 at 05:54 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Very sad, just readung this gives me the shiveres becase im a father ,but sincerely I was hoping to get more out of this, like
    1. Who abused you?
    2. What are the signs parents can see in the kids that were abused ?
    3. What are the things that if you (or your parents) did differently would avert such disaster ?
    4. When and where did the abuse take place?
    5. Did school work suffer?

    I'm sure it's the worst thing that can happen to a child and no parent would want a child to go through such ( unless they are the culprits).

    So please let's share stories with the aim of teaching and protecting others from being victims of same.

    Finally, what can be done to the BASTARD(s) that did this to you. It should serve as a detergent to others. You just can't forgive and forget, it will be injustice to other victims.

    Looking forward to a revised story. Thanks

    Engr. A. O. O.

     
  • At 19 October 2014 at 06:18 , Anonymous Gaia said...

    Thanks for sharing, God bless you! *big hug* To all those giving her grief about not sharing all the details, wonder if you realize you're the reason most victims don't talk about it... what else do you want? Names and dates? Have a heart people, every time she talks about it she relives it, it's not the easiest thing to do.

     
  • At 19 October 2014 at 06:51 , Anonymous Okoro said...

    YES. U alone can decide how your life will turn out.
    Thank You JESUS!!

     
  • At 19 October 2014 at 07:30 , Blogger Sir Sokari Dappa Andrew-Jaja said...

    The really sexually abused can't read and write. This write up is not for them.
    We must think of how to enlighten them.

     
  • At 19 October 2014 at 07:40 , Blogger Kolawole Oshundiya said...

    This is not a story...bad writer. meanwhile, thank God for your life. Go and fear no more.

     
  • At 19 October 2014 at 08:06 , Blogger Gbolahan Akinbode said...

    Dis story touched me,thump up for your courage to share your story, Almighty God will guide you and bless

     
  • At 19 October 2014 at 08:40 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Lol u are not serious

     
  • At 19 October 2014 at 08:51 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Mine is a similar story. The difference is that the abuse starred at age 2. But I thank God that today, I am a happy and stronger person. All it takes is time and comfort on God. Will share my story one day.

     
  • At 19 October 2014 at 09:23 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Very very vague indeed. What's all these lecture about. Tell us how to prevent it first from your experience.

     
  • At 19 October 2014 at 12:11 , Blogger VINE ALEX said...

    I totally understand her point.... The write-up shld hv been properly detailed..

     
  • At 19 October 2014 at 13:28 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Thank you. Very vague. Nothing new said or learnt here

     
  • At 19 October 2014 at 13:29 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    On point. No story was told here. Just talk.

     
  • At 19 October 2014 at 15:35 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Tried to reach you on ur blogger profile but there was no address. Would love to speak with your wife,we've all been through storms. Even though I didn't write this, I can be a very good support system you can reach me on 07019619534

     
  • At 19 October 2014 at 15:59 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Something fundamental went wrong in ur DNA...go. suffer 1st degree burns retard

     
  • At 19 October 2014 at 16:27 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    My tots exactly. No story just plenty talks about healing and forgiveness. Abeg rewrite and give us details, so we can understand if wat u call abuse is really abuse.
    I dey wait.

     
  • At 19 October 2014 at 17:05 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    God has laid it as a ministry for me to take up the burden of sexually abused children of tender ages, kindly link me up with any NGO associated this challenge. Contact; p.o box 18131. Yaba.
    For you my darling sister, keep moving on.

     
  • At 19 October 2014 at 21:45 , Blogger Subomi said...

    its very cool she is staying strong

     
  • At 20 October 2014 at 06:17 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Lol........u want to know how to prevent it y not experience it and then I could tell how to experience.......she was six and molested and u want her to tell u how to prevent it did u not read wat she said bout not knowing y it happened????so does she k ow how to prevent it wen she was not on a position to say this is exactly d reason I was molested......abeg I don't c wats so vague about a story of a six year old girl being molested

     
  • At 20 October 2014 at 07:17 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Also went through something like that...from age 7 till I was 18 ( still a teenager tho (by close family members) I also thank God for HIS love...I still cannot tell my family members...I've told jz 3 friends...Thank you Halima.

     
  • At 20 October 2014 at 17:16 , Blogger joy jin nwasoka said...

    This life na waooooooo.

     

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