Dear LIB readers: My husband and I can't stand each other anymore | Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog

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Friday, 7 March 2014

Dear LIB readers: My husband and I can't stand each other anymore

From a female LIB reader
I married this man in an elaborate wedding that cost both our parents a fortune less than a year ago. I can't stand him anymore. And he's told me on numerous occasions that he can't stand me either. At the time I married him everyone told me he was the ideal guy and comes from a good, wealthy family. We dated for less than a year before getting married but the marriage was over before it even started. He's spoilt, egocentric and with him there's no middle ground. It's his way or the high way. These things I only noticed after I married him. I sincerely can't see myself spending the rest of my life with this man. The last time he touched me was just five months into our marriage. I'm sure he's getting it somewhere else but who cares? We are still keeping up appearances and still live in the same house but I want out. Thing is, my parents will be so disappointed in me because they have invested so much in us. I don't want to disappoint them because I am the first daughter but I'm tired of this sham of a marriage. Apart from my parents I don't want my friends to laugh at me because they are all happily married. What should I do?

496 comments:

1 – 200 of 496   Newer›   Newest»
FUNMINISTA said...

If u can't stand eachother,kuku sit eachother

NMA said...

Talk to ur spouse...reason with him,open up ur mind to it

Anonymous said...

You don't do things to make others happy, but for yourself. But even at that, you shouldn't leave him but try to make things work. You got yourself into this so deal with it. Besides, you rushed into marrying him. The fact that he's wealthy and probably good looking shouldn't be your criteria in finding a husband. You literally married someone you did not know. That's why there's something called courtship where you get to know a person before getting married. Marriage is sacred but it's people like you that make it look like something else.

BONARIO NNAGS said...

But I'?m sure something so strong brought u both together at the initial stages sides the sentiments of your parents influence.coz u said you both dated for like a year or more before you walked down the aisle.
I sense that this ego fish is not from him alone,I feel you too refuse to be bent maybe coz u also come from a wealthy family too.
Like my dad will always say,where there's peace there's someone on fire enduring all the I'll.
You shouldn't give up so easily. You both can still make it work. Don't appear to CAREless,like u just don't care where he gets satisfaction from.
The complains u gave are not quite weighty to suggest a breakup.
Plz try rekindle that love u had for each other at the beginning.
God bless your efforts.

~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

FUNMINISTA said...

But wait o,why not do pregnancy test.pregnant women misbehave just like u

FUNMINISTA said...

If u can't stand eachother,kuku sit eachother

Swerve said...

Girl, at some point in life, u have to put yourself first. Is it about your happiness, the society or about your parents ? Search deep down within your soul, determine what would make you happy and go for it.

Anonymous said...

You dated for less than a year and got married???? seriously???? You literally married him because others told him he was your ideal man not because you wanted to. I mean, how did you not even notice these aspects of him before getting married. These are the first things you should consider in a man before talking about marriage. You were blinded by money and looks, money that your parents even have. My dear, marriage is for better for worse. Just pray to God for a miracle

Anonymous said...

That's why is not good to rush in to marriage #bright bravo#

xtinexxx said...

Lobatan...No comment

Anonymous said...

This is one of our biggest prob in this country esp wen u r igbo n d 1st daughter.They always think marriage is everything. The pressure!!! My dear its your happiness that matters and nobody can make you happy except you. Dont let the fear of disappointment lead you. You have made the mistake already. Correct it by leaving or you both get counselling. Atleast there is no child yet so you can base your decision on yourself. Be selfish my dear. You are wearing the shoe do u knw where it pains. Not ur parents or his.

Anonymous said...

communication is key in every marriage, sit each other down and talk about issues.Couples should be willing to shift grounds occasionally and above all no marriage is perfect just two willing people who have refused to give up on each other.(don Kay)

Anonymous said...

Married is nt sometin u jst walk in nd out of u hve 2 knw wt u realy wnt

BRIGHTINO said...

Na wao . Both of you are just room mates and not husband and wife. A lot of marriages are like yours. Couples just keeping up apperances. It pays to marry your best friend

Anonymous said...

dissolve the marriage

Anonymous said...

All your friends seem to be 'happily married' to you, because you don't live in the same house with them, just the same way they'll think you're happily married, except you tell them your marital problems. Like they say, the grass is always greener on the other side. No man is perfect and as such, no marriage is perfect. Invest more time, patience and plenty of humility into your marriage - that humilty part cannot be over emphasized. Men always want to be the head, they always want to have the final say, that's the way men are. Respect him and all his ideas and he in turn will shower you with love. The first few years of a marriage are actually not easy. Like they say, marriage is the only cure for love. Its not easy. You both just need to be more matured and sort things out. And don't forget to put God first. Goodluck to you.

Anonymous said...

My dear,u both need to turn to God. The devil is at work in this case, and the only out is to go in your knees in prayers. Also 1peter 3:1-6 should be ur practical day to day life with ur husband. Good luck

Anonymous said...

First of all, who told you all your friends are happily married? Most of them are also keeping appearances just same way you are, so you better stop comparing yourself cos am sure dey also think you are happily married. I think you should seperate from your husband for now. Not divorce thou. Den if u can afford it, relocate to another country and well try and give your marriage time. Well maybe my advise is bad but how long can u cope being sad.

Anonymous said...

Go for marriage counselling.seems u married for all the wrong reasons.also pray abt it.all the best

zuhumret katden said...

be a virtuous woman and take it to God and make personal effort to if it doesnt work then you can back out

Peejay said...

See a marriage counsellor. You took a vow before God and man. Do all in your power to salvage your marriage unless it is life threatening. Walking away is the lazy way out and there is no guarantee that your next man will be better. No one is perfect.

Anonymous said...

U 2 shld try 2 wrk tins out within urselves. Since u no aw divorce wl b 2 ur family n frends

Anonymous said...

Who told you they are all happily married, the same way they think you are happily married. I blame you totally, I'm sure the signs were there but you just failed to see them for reasons best known to you.

If tou can't work it out, just get out of it before you bring kids into d relationship.

Anonymous said...

U 2 shld try 2 wrk tins out within urselves. Since u no aw divorce wl b 2 ur family n frends

Anonymous said...

seperate for a while, get yourself together, then reunite later
See the most beautiful Nollywood actress!

Anonymous said...

Both of you are egocentric. Marriage takes humility and prayers. A virtuous woman makes her home and she makes her marriage work. Stop writing nonsense

zuhumret katden said...

be a virtuous woman and try to make it work, also take it to God who has the finally say

zuhumret katden said...

be a virtuous woman and try to make it work, also take it to God who has the final say

Amarachukwu said...

U don't want to disappoint your parents n u also don't want your friends to laugh @ u...then make your marriage work or don't care abt what people will say n walk out!!!

Bellakeri said...

My dear, there's no need to keep up false appearances. Your happiness surmounts all. If it's not working, take a walk.

nina cyril said...

Then talk to ur parents and tell them the irresulvable difference u two has, if u open up and still it doesn't work out, I don't believe in living in illutions cos ur friends are happily married so they won't laugh at u, that's no excuse in dieing in a marriage u find no happiness in..

Anonymous said...

As you make your bed, so shall you lie on it. You obviously married for appearances...now you're looking for true love. I never understand people who enter a life partnership with another person with the hopes of discovering what kind of person their partner is DURING the course of the marriage. Better get out of there before a child comes in the mix and makes it a thousand times worse and harder for both of you.

"I don't want my friends to laugh at me"

NEWS FLASH!!!!

You don't have friends. Abandon ship now.

cutest-love cutest said...

You are in for it girl for better for worst till death do u path that's what the bible says so u aren't going anywhere girl.

Cagey Berry said...

Firstly get a separation, then if it doesn't work, then go for a divorce since кι∂ѕ are not yet in the picture.

Anonymous said...

First thing first, Bring ur ego down, be humble and also pray to God about it, a family that prays together stays together, it seem like you and ur husband havnt been doing that....it isn't always abt getting married, it is about staying married...*Mariageworks*

nina cyril said...

marriage is all abt endurance, u pple might just work out things if u try.

Anonymous said...

Hug transformer !!!!!😝 don't u know that before u marry u got to pray very well for God to show u ur man?!!! My only advice to u is to put the suituation in prayers!!

Anonymous said...

Didi and ceejay, all your friends know. U know that that boy is from a poor family, why hype him. Abeg u better leave that marriage. He will kill u soon...

Anonymous said...

NO reason given for the attitude so babes get your act together.

Anonymous said...

stay dere and die............. nonsense

Anonymous said...

You are under an attack. Seek prayers urgently. This is very unusual

aity said...

stay dere u hear.

Anonymous said...

You are under an attack. Seek prayers urgently. This is very unusual

Anonymous said...

My dear put your marriage in prayers let God give you the heart to love your man cos my dear a lot of lady's are waiting for you to let go so dey can get hold of your man

Emmanuel Oyelere said...

Pray to God. He can change him to who you want.

Bamgbopa Folarin said...

pray to God, work it out...trust me, you can, you are a woman, you have that power

Lorretta Lawrence said...

No dis is bad... Wht a marriage! Pray more or talk to someone... Ur parents,ur pastor n u guys should go for counceling ! Wish u luck!!!

Anonymous said...

@ poster:point of correction ur frds r nt happily married but they ve learn 2 understand each other n also tolerate themslv,am married wit kids but I tell u marriage has its own swt n sour taste don't move out but learn 2 communicate wit him,talk 2 him like d day u first met n also see wat makes d both of u happy. U guys lost d chemistry in ur relationship cus of a little argument I guess try 2 surprise him ok ur marriage is jst too young dat is y courtship is always advisable jst make a day aside for d both of u n make it a romantic 1 wit his best food n drinks dat's if u kn it at all get him smtin straight 2 his office wit a love letter n spark ur love life dan tinkin abt leavin him.babe wen e cms 4rm work 2day jst play d fool role n giv him a good n long kiss n see d out cm ok.no word like happily married but wat makes it a peaceful home is d wisdom of d woman nt d man.

Anonymous said...

You made YOUR decision about who you married based on OTHER people's opinion of him?

Dear poster. You are the architect of your own misfortune. I repeat, abandon ship now.

Toluwalope said...

My dear...I think you both need to see a marriage counselor. Ensure you have tried all means(Including prayer) to make your marriage work before considering walking away or stepping aside for some time. I pray God will help you!!!

Felicity Akonbudu said...

Hug the nearest transformer. You sound so much like a spoilt little brat. Sorry to burst your bubbles LIB has no advice for u.

Anonymous said...

Marry some1 that truly loves u, it's rare but that's if u lucky

Lyndy said...

Gone re those days wen women were ready to submit to their husbands, endure nd work on their marriage. Sit down and work on ur marriage pls. Dnt forget he's a man. Let him hav his way most of d tim. Becom a doting nd a submissive wife. Besides I happen to kno dt most girls frm rich homes re also egoccentric, bt u must kno dt two captains can't b in a ship. Finally, tak it to God in prayers. Divorce is nev a gud option except in few cases stipulated by d church

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry but it's already late. You had your eyes on his family wealth rather than him. Now you see, money can't buy happiness. If you two were truly in love, you would find a way to make it work rather than put all the blames on him. You have a roll to play as well.

ONE HUNDRED KAY said...

Do what ever makes u happy, its ur life not ur parents or friends, so its up to u to search for happiness

Anonymous said...

Please go and see a Christian marriage counselor. You need to work through your problems with a neutral third party.
Marriage is not easy at all, don't be fooled. you are also at the hardest stage of marriage (the adjustment stage). As for your friends being happily married... Na who tell you that kain lie? Abegi!!!Hissssssssssss!

bonita bislam said...

I know the answer you wanna hear is "pack out of his house" just to give the idea of divorce a gentle blow for your conscience.Well av got bad news for you darling,u berra sit your butt down and iron your differences with your husband.Divorce is only an option when all efforts fail(esp in matters of infidelity) and in your case I don't think you've exhausted all the options.

iris said...

Commit your marriage to God

Anonymous said...

Ur keeping up apperance tu look happy...how do u knw ur friends r not. Duing d same. Dat ur saying that d r happily married. Mtcheeew u both need sm1 matured tu tlk tu beta still a pastor or start going to. MFM

Anonymous said...

Its ur life and future u should b thinking not if there's som1 out there to laugh at u,more over what makes u think that those ur friends r happily married, there cld just be putting up an act too, I'd never advice any1 though to leave her marriage xcept on the count of violence, if u r a christian pls put it to God in prayers and expect a change, d change may not come in a month, it may take a while, all u need is to continual seek d face of God, b constant in praying, reading d Bible and fellowshiping with other Brethren and ur miracle will come. Am talking from experience, mine was even worse but now d best u can ever imagine. God Bless

Anonymous said...

Dear poster, am on de same page wt u. only av bin married longer. sometimes I just I can win a million dollars so dat D first tin I wud do is to file for divorce! am still here cos I nid d financial assistance esp for my kids. I despise him!

Anonymous said...

Both of you should go see a marriage councellor, am sure its something you can work out, you really don't have any serious issue like abuse, so the marriage is still workable.... Shawlar

Anonymous said...

jos call him nd discuss issues wit him , but if it get 2 worst my dear * TEAR RACE *

Olapeju Koya said...

Oh No! I advice you seek counsel because it's just too early to feel this way whereas marriage is lifetime commitment. I hope you find help. D'banj proposed to Genevieve

Anonymous said...

How can u go into marriage with a guy u barely know his xter. During ur courtship with him u were busy enjoying other things in him instead of taking ur time to do the needful and now u are complaining. U better stay there and ask God to change things for u.

Anonymous said...

Kill urself na, why is it dat nowadys is either am tired of marriage or I can't stand my spouse? Look well before u get into it@mercy

Anonymous said...

there will alwayz be conFlict in marriage but try to tolerate him or even talk to him divorce is not a way out and I don't advice marriage is a liFe commitment so don't ruin it

Anonymous said...

Hi dear, try counselling, or try getting the families involved and see if they can help. And if all that dosent work, let it go. Your happiness matters and also your sanity. It dosent if your friends laugh at you, people are always going to talk if you doing good or bad. And if these "friends" are laughing at you when you are going through this tough time, girl they are not friends. Run your OWN race my dear, not someone else's. Goodluck

Anonymous said...

My sister, there is no marriage that is perfect. Its the couples that makes it work. Frankly speaking, where do you intend to run to. What makes you feel that the next man will do the magic. Make up your mind to start loving him despite his shortcomings. It will take time but keep trying. In all, do not neglect prayers, it works very well in marriage. may be it is because, God Himself instituted it. As long as the man does not beat, then there is hope. Just keep trying.Prov. 14v1

shallom lambert said...

your case is over the rainbow, either end the sham or keep praying as many would say, seems you don't even put any effort into making it work and am sure you also have serious behavior issues like the guy, I think y'all both childish

Anonymous said...

We havea similar case but sweetie am out. When ur there u find out that ur happiness matt3rs alot, what pple say is secondary.i left cus I wasnt happy and ev3rybody has accepted that. Why be in an unhappy marriage???? It all depends on u finally dear

Anonymous said...

Humble yourself towards him and you'll see changes.

Anonymous said...

Life 101:Always seek d face of God in matters relating 2 marriage don't b in a hurry,still think u ve a chance of making ur marriage work.Prayer is d key

Anonymous said...

You really want my advice?
Do what you feel deep down within you before its too late. If they say leave, u ll later say its LIBers dat misled u, if they say stay u ll say same.
Dante.......say so.

Anonymous said...

When they tell pip0 marry 4 l0ve n n0 0ther reasn they'll refuse but hy I'm s0rry ur s00 sad but why dnt u try seein his g00d side 1st then if u still feel nahtin I dunn0 I can't say divrce him c0s I d0nt blive in divr0ce----C21

Uloma said...

Babe,abeg life is to short to live it for others! Live ur life for urslf! U dnt av to b in misery all in d name of marriage! Try to work it out buh if u still cnt pls take a walk..

Anonymous said...

There is no point staying in an unhappy marriage.was once in your shoes but we have now separated and we are now both happy.even our kids are happy.you live just once and no point been miserable for the rest of your life.

Oluwaseun Oludayo said...

Have you tried resolving your issues personally by calling his attention to these things you don't like? If yes,then you need to try harder. From the article, you're probably wealthy and sophisticated, you should both seek counsel from professionals. There is no time limit on how long you should tolerate your partner, or how long you should stay married. However, you signed up for a lifetime and it's just 1 year already. You'd do yourself a lot of good come 5 years from now, and wherever and whoever you may be with, knowing fully well you gave your best and tried to make the marriage work.

Lucy said...

My dear, I think U̶̲̥̅̊ have to first deal with urself, come down, shun pride, I am a woman too, pray for ur man, I always told God to make my man the head indeed even if I have the whole world, he will still be my head. U̶̲̥̅̊ loved him that was the reason U̶̲̥̅̊ married him, God hate divorce so pls ur marriage is ur hands, U̶̲̥̅̊ can make it work. What are those things U̶̲̥̅̊ guys did in the past that made U̶̲̥̅̊ got married, try them. If U̶̲̥̅̊ can come down, and he notices the change, with prayer, hmmm, the rest will be thanksgiving.

Anonymous said...

there is still nothing prayer cannot do instead of opting out

olubukola luro said...

linda linda linda....u did nt add sharing life issues, na only lifestyle entertainment gossip etc dey dia oo.....anyways...my advice..madam its obvious u married d guy cos of money n society status ..and cos of ur dad invested (do parents nw invest in marriage) my advice.......Deal With It.....una gud morning my felllow libers jare

Anonymous said...

First of all d marraige and prob is for u and nt ur parents and friends,if d marraige is a sham u shud get a divorce and start a new life wit sumbdy dat wud value d institution of marraige b4 ur time is up.linda pls make my post visible cos I always comment but u choose nt 2 post it y?

Anonymous said...

Hope things get better some day Wizkid caught with human heads in Lekki

Anonymous said...

This is what happens when people are arranged to marry. Find your friend and life partner dont settle for someone becos of what ur family says.

Anonymous said...

Marriage is about patience and being submissive. Learn to be understanding and learn to manage his ego

Remember the grass is not greener on the other side abd pray about it

Anonymous said...

Something made u like him enuf to marry him, dat sometin is still der but overshadowed by the two egos at play right now, make urself think of the marriage working for good always, relax ur mind and just always think good and act good... It will end up gettin d attention of ur husband, then he'll remember what made him like u enuff to marry you.


NDH

ARIELLA said...

Serioussssly??..
You've already given yourself all the reason why u should stay in the marriage (your parents investment, their disappointment and your friends?) and u r asking what u should do?.. Or do u just want to hear other people say it? Because that's what they are going to say. Fix ur marriage if its broken because when things get broken u try to fix them not throw them away. The biggest problem with women is that they always try to edit/fix what they did not make. If something is wrong with your husband take him to his manufacturer (GOD), the one who made him and He'll fix him for you. Goodluck with your marriage

Anonymous said...

My dear it depends on wt u mean by "either his own way or high way" I'm a married woman and the truth is that 90 percent of men in married life always wanted things to be done in their on way and the only secret to solve the problem is the wisdom from God. Patience in every situation that seems impossible. Always allow his temper to cool down before trying to make him understand anything from ur own view, cos two wrongs can never make a right. I ve studied men including my husband and all I could see in them is weaker vessels that always want to cover their weaknesses wt pride and "man of the house" stuffs. But u can also see this I'm saying in ur own man if u can hold on to ur temper as a woman cos its a wise and a virtuos woman that builds her home while the stupid and lazy ones bring the downfall of their family. Its only in one case that I ll advice u to quit the marriage wc is "threatning of life issues" apart from that pls sit down and examine urself to know where ur ego could not allow u to do it well cos 60 percent of marital problems always come from we women and this is the plain truth. U can still make out sweetness in that bitter marriage

Gaia said...

If you ask me, na who I go ask??? Truth dear, not sure anyone can tell you what to do; just stay true to yourself...

Mz_Optimistic said...

U n ur husband shd visit a counsellor,so u'd be lectured on how to cope with the differences in ur marriage.... Let's hope that works

simple said...

there is still nothing prayer cannot solve, instead of opting out

Anonymous said...

I had a good laugh reading this one. At least it's a good thing you want an honest marriage.

I know a lot of women are praying and dying to have even this your type of marriage.

Dating for 1 year should have revealed all these unless someone was pretending.

Anonymous said...

Kill urself. Brat.

Anonymous said...

there is nothing prayer cannot do.this is the time to get on your knees instead of accepting defeat so easily.

Anonymous said...

U both need a marriage counsellor, try to speak wif aunty landa on inspiration FM, 1pm on sat, n 7pm on sunday nights

zinny said...

You shd try to work it out wit him. Thats d oath u took in front of God and man

Anonymous said...

Life is beautiful. Two of you might not be able to stand each other but there is a way out. If you are ready to make the marriage work, it will work. First, pray, pray and pray for him. Focus on the good side of him, praise him, love him and if you think it's not working, do it again. It's ok to consider families and friends when you want to let go but if it comes in the way of your happiness, you have to rethink. Wish you all the best.

Anonymous said...

You can sort things out..speak to him about it..If he doesn't listen..you can call a meeting between both parents and tell them what you guys are passing and what you intend to do(as in you said you want to leave).if that doesn't work..then you guys shld jst divorce cos it seems both of you don't love each other @ all,you married him cos of external influences..its ur life not your parents or ur friends.

Rossygirl said...

you have to pray to God for divine understanding to go head with ur marriage it is ur own character that determines his and know it that u two can not be the captains in one ship, one has to submit and that person is u.A successful marriage depends on the woman, so make it work

Anonymous said...

You care about people will say????...ok let me tell you! u parents will write a wonderful funeral speech and ur friends will talk how good u wr when U DIE of high blood pressure...stay put ooooo...thats my one naira advice shaaa..

Ella Greens said...

You can start by telling yourself it's ur life and your family and friends don't live in it with u.....after that self advice,d rest would fall in place!

Ijeoma Okafor said...

It's simple. If you can't get help den go ya separate ways. Your friends and parents r happy where they r and u r not. Please don't try to save face and die in shame silently. And wen next u start dating, be careful and sure of the person. Don't settle just like dat. U need to get to know d person well enough. Test d persons limit. Be sure so that you don't end up like dis again.

Anonymous said...

is it ur happiness or
what pple will say?

Anonymous said...

firstly i think u shld seek for advice nd if it isnt workn out den u cn file a divorce

Anonymous said...

I'm feeling dt way at the moment but my hubby is d best. I'm willing 2 fight d evil feeling away. My marriage must work!

Anonymous said...

How does it affect us???

Anonymous said...

awww i really feel for you. though im not married but i think i can clearly understand you. yours is a clear case of preparing for the wedding, but not preparing for the marriage. i think both of you should try and make your marriage work since there is no guarantee your next will be better. the devil you know is sure always better than the angel you dont. so i think you should put it in prayers and be a strong woman.

Eric Uroh said...

If u ask me, na who I go ask?
D matter wey u c so, e heavy 4 mouth.................
If u ask me, d matter 4 ground oo
Na who I go ask?..

Anonymous said...

You ve got 2 choices, "Happiness or Shame" for u can't hav one without d other tho d former will last longer nd is very essential in life the later will jst b there for a little while it wnt last 4 long. Ur friends wlii soon find some other scandal to talk abt. As for ur parents, if they re truly ur parents ur happiness will b d most important thing 2 dem nt d money dey hav spent.

Anonymous said...

Your frnds r happily married bcos u live wiv Dem? Dey mite b putting up a face tooo...anyway ma dear I rily don't knw wat to say...bt if ure NT happy I tink u shld get a seperation first before sEeking oda options..divorce can take a toll on one...also pray and fast....and again wat was d rush to marry na...

Emmanuel Niyi said...

Pray about it and God will lead u right......and b careful

omaahhonda said...

Sister,if u r nt happy biko carry ur load n go bcos 4rm wat u v said,u cnt tk it anylonger,if ur frnds lk let dem laff cos I am sure their's isn't as good as u see it out side,so plsdo wat u tink is ryt 4 u n stop tinkin abt wat pple will say or r sayin."Ur husband hs nt touched u 4 d past 5months n u stay in d same house?"Sha do wat u tink is ryt cos marrage is nt a do or die affair.

Asidanya South said...

What should you do? Build your home. Try to talk cos from what you wrote I doubt you guys talk. One of you have to let their guard down. If you Don't wanna disappoint your folks, And you Don't want your friends to laugh, then u should be the to let ur guard down. Fix it. You may be surprsurprised how he'll change, cos sincerely how u women act sometimes affect how we act.

kanayo chigbolu said...

try to make him understand wot u feel.bcus it can oli wrk wen u collectively agree to make it work.u also have ur own fault .u guy shud deliberate on the faults and try to settle it .it ll oli take time,determination,love and understanding 4 it to work.

amaka sparkles said...

both of you shld sit and talk. you need to be friends and above all pray and ask God to unite you guys. its bot easy any where.dos ur friends are also having thier problems too.besides every marriage has its ups nd down, its just ur ability to manage dt counts

Asidanya South said...

What should you do? Build your home. Try to talk cos from what you wrote I doubt you guys talk. One of you have to let their guard down. If you Don't wanna disappoint your folks, And you Don't want your friends to laugh, then u should be the to let ur guard down. Fix it. You may be surprsurprised how he'll change, cos sincerely how u women act sometimes affect how we act.

simple said...

there is still nothing prayer cannot solve, instead of opting out

cynthia said...

Endure nd make things ....dats wat a real woman will do stop the I dnt care attitude except u want a divorce nd dats exactly were u re driving to...

Eric Uroh said...

U guys shld jst go 4 cancelling.
Report him 2 some1 he fears
I believe he must av a mentor
Prayer is d key 2 every lock

Anonymous said...

Your marriage is a business deal between both parents . You must uphold the agreement and dont break the contract or else I am sure someone will sue .. You better keep living in appearances and quit complaining because dem no put gun for your head say make you marry the guy . My people Marry your friend and marry for the right reasons. I believe living together before geting married would solve alot of issues , and thats what most couples this days fail to do and they end up getting divorce after a few months of marriage because of the differences.

Donnie Say so .

Anonymous said...

Number 1 priority is YOUR HAPPINESS, everything else is bullshit for the birds. Time waits for no one, remember that. If u are miserable in your marriage & u hv tried everything to fix the issue but nothing is working, kindly leave the marriage.

Ayodeji said...

what I think you should do is to pray, pray and pray. it seems to me that you were not fully prepared/ready for the marriage before you entered... So I advice that you ask God for help. Go back to the one who made you.

Anonymous said...

Miss its so obvious that you are not living a life of your own but simply that of your parents painted wish. You need to let them understand that all their wishes is only an illusion of what can come to be realized. They reason for investing on you is not to be pushed around but to man up to any task and decision in ur day to day life. On the final note ur being ashamed that u will be the laughing stock to ur friends ain't a concrete reason to be unhappy for life cos that marrige ain't just going to work out a bit. We've seen couples that dated for 3months and still work out so not having a longtime courtship is not the reason for ur union not working out but simply that u ain't meant for each other. So i would advice you to take a bold step and discard any talk of the family and friends.

Anonymous said...

U need to pray about it,some things are not just ordinary, so seek d face of God concerning ur marriage and all will b well.

Anonymous said...

Leave whilst is still early... Since both parties are not ready to try and work it out... Besides you should stop bothering yourself about what others may think. Do what's best for you. I'm saying this because I'm in a similar position, but was too afraid to take that step. And I have been married to him for 14years now and have 3 beautiful kids. Not happy, lost myself in the process, always depressed and frustrated. Wishing I took a bold step earlier. So my dear, if is this bad @ an early stage, you should really think about putting an end to it.

Abisade said...

Young woman, i will implore you to take to this advice of mine. marriage is a life long contract that both of you has vowed to cherished until death do you apart. please try and notice what piss you off your man and see how you can work around it. take your time and seek the face of God and confine in your dad what is bothering you n take to his counsel. i pray the lord will see you through.

Abdulhakim Haliru said...

Dear writer, the first year of marriage is usually the toughest. You guys both need to sit down and talk heart-to-heart. You both must realize that marriage is a ground where you must compromise a lot and sacrifice by mostly looking the other way. Don't walk out until it is absolutely the best option especially if it is tilting towards aggression. Ultimately, please be very prayerful, highly tolerant and occupy yourself always.

Eneni Chike said...

marriage like they say, is definitely not a bed of roses, their must have been something u found in him u liked. I think u should play the fool and try to settle things for now, then when things are cool, u find a way to tell him what u like and what u don't. get to know urban selves better. don't want out, 2 wrongs can't a right.

Anonymous said...

Its best for you to leave the marriage cos your eternal happiness is at stake.

Eneni Chike said...

marriage like they say, is definitely not a bed of roses, their must have been something u found in him u liked. I think u should play the fool and try to settle things for now, then when things are cool, u find a way to tell him what u like and what u don't. get to know urban selves better. don't want out, 2 wrongs can't a right.

Anonymous said...

Miss its so obvious that you are not living a life of your own but simply that of your parents painted wish. You need to let them understand that all their wishes is only an illusion of what can come to be realized. They reason for investing on you is not to be pushed around but to man up to any task and decision in ur day to day life. On the final note ur being ashamed that u will be the laughing stock to ur friends ain't a concrete reason to be unhappy for life cos that marrige ain't just going to work out a bit. We've seen couples that dated for 3months and still work out so not having a longtime courtship is not the reason for ur union not working out but simply that u ain't meant for each other. So i would advice you to take a bold step and discard any talk of the family and friends.

MissBusyBody said...

I wonder why you both bothered getting married in the first place, rubbish...!

Oge Mary said...

Divorce pls

Anonymous said...

Do you love him? if you do try to work it out...most guys are egocentric they just wont accept it..if u don't love him anymore and feel you cant cope, please leave the marriage before you die of frustration.Linda please don't eat up my comment

Anonymous said...

seriously!

Anonymous said...

I feel you should pray about it. There is nothing prayer can't do. It is well...

@olamikel2002 said...

My dear, marriage is all about patience, ability to accommodate, and understanding. I remember my first year of marriage was rough, but with all these I mentioned above and prayer, I am enjoying my marriage now. More so you too need to really humble yourself, because from one of your statement" THE LAST TIME HE TOUCHED ME WAS JUST FIVE MONTH INTO OUR MARRIAGE.I AM SURE HE'S GETTING IT SOMEWHERE ELSE, BUT WHO CARES." It is not too good, so try and humble yourself and be prayerful, I am sure, you would soon come to share good thing about your marriage. It is well.

lexy_e said...

Damn wah other people think or feel. Its ur life.. u only get to live it once.

Chizo said...

Hey gurl, you can't leave ur marriage because you can't find that spark in it before. I dn't beleive in divorce. What ever be the case just dn;t wait for your man to create that spark, you can. also, the way you pretend to be in marriage, that is the way every other married lady pretends to be in marriage. if only they can open up, but no one would. I am speaking from experience. so hold on to him and look for that spark.

Anonymous said...

Honey, you have laid your bed, and you must lie on it. This is a marriage, not a relationship. So try to fix it. What are the chances you will be able to stand the next guy you meet? Everybody comes with a certain kind of baggage. And there is now way you are going to say you didn't notice he was a little spoilt before you married him. Stop whining and buckle your belt for the ride.

GLAM ME PRO said...

Leave the marriage now that is early than be sorry. Forget how ur parents will feel or what ur fwends think, Y.O.L.O and if der isn't any love then it doesn't make sense to hang in there. Btw, ur fwends are not all happily married so u think, no marriage is perfect but they re there because there is love either for the man or d kids. It's not about the classy weddings but how well d family is and understanding each other. If d man is a pain in d ass my sister u better Waka now bf he turns into a monster and u become one of those women tht stay bcos of there children. Go for counselling first and be sure he really doesn't want u, every woman needs to be loved else u find ur self getting d love outside. Goodluck n pray bf u make ur decisions! #u alone know what u want#

Anonymous said...

pls be prayerful,and try to bring ur self down,sit him down and talk to him ,when u think his in good mood.i think he will change most important u need to be more prayerful.

Anonymous said...

Hello dear, you've not said anything. What is the problem here? Can u try and both of you honesty sit down and acess urselves. only after that can both of you make a decision to inform your parents that things ain't working between you two.

Anonymous said...

My dear for me, somethings are missing from this your story, my advice to you is to ask God for his grace. Please go and fix your marriage because is not better out there.

Anonymous said...

Hey....lindodo am the 1st to coment today.....see dear sis.what I will tell u is to hand over everything to God n be submit ùrself totally to him forget about his egocentric or being spoilt its u that knows what u want...

hilary obiorah said...

This just relates to my status on facebook 2 days ago! A lot of people invest more on their wedding than they do on their marriage! Didn't you guys date? How is it just now that you are finding all these traits? Have both of you tried to make the marriage work or are you just giving up like that? There must have been something that made you marry, what is it and can you find it? The truth is you married your husband, not your family, not your friends, so you can decide what goes on in your marriage. No matter what you do in this life, you will be judged, so it is better they judge while you are happy instead of while you are in a marriage you can't make work.
My advice: make it work, if it doesn't move ahead.

Dewunmi said...

my dear, it aint ur parents dt are in d marriage, it's u. u better get out of d marriage fast, else u'd regret the rest of ur life. As for ur friends, let them say whatever they want to, they might b going thru worse!!! Remember its ur life!!!!!!!!!

Mee said...

U either make up Uя mind to stay or leave. If ure staying, den be assured derz nothing prayers can't do. Talking from experience, only God's intervention kept me in my home wen I tort it was completely ova. But if u wanna leave, do so b4 u hav a child for him. It won't be wise to hav a child or children wit Uя spouse and divorce afta wards except its completely a bad case. Forget wot Uя friends and odas will say. Remember tis luv and life is urs and not theirs. Tink wisely pls.

Anonymous said...

What should you do? You've already said you can't spend the rest of your life with him. So you have two options. End your life right away, or walk out of the marriage. Right?

Lola said...

Trust me most a lot of marriages go sour after a few months. And asper your friends whom you think are happy in their married,don't bet on it. A lot of women are riding on the same voyage.its only how we navigate it that matters. No such thing as a perfect marriage and you can always make it work with this spoilt brat u married.

YMCMB said...

Am tired of this kinda stories for liber's.........seriously make the decision on your own

Anonymous said...

My dear ur hapiness comes 1st before any oda thing..if u re very sure dat u cant continue wt d marriage den live nw before u start giving birth to children dat wil suffer later

Anonymous said...

Make it work,give it time. Put him first before yourself for now,pray and have the mindset that you have no where to go to. Marriage is no childs play u know

Anonymous said...

Don't ever sacrifice your happiness for any body cos in the long run happiness is all that matters

Anonymous said...

LETS DO UNDER G ... NOBODY HAS TO KNOW #WINK WINK #

simple said...

Hmmmm!!!

Anonymous said...

Issues like this is why marriage is not on my todo list yet..... If you can fix your marriage,fix it.....drop the ego,rage,resentment into a box with a close lid.....I hate men that are control freaks,no respect for the other person's feelings.....As a man if what you only want is a woman that you can control and pushover, then I recommend you marry a "puppet" or a "barbie doll"....#cheezyjayne

Anonymous said...

Seek spiritual, psychological, social help however u can, divorce is not the best option since he isn't abusive, my take

Belle said...

Prayer can change everything and u also chng ur styles, there r things u will do as a woman that will win ur hubby hearts, No, dnt back out..."It is for better and for worse"...those r ur vows. U r jst starting ur home...plz pray n God will rescue ur home.

Zenki brown said...

Talk to GOD A̶̲̥̅bou̲̅t it. Talk to Ūя̲̅ parents about it. U can't leave in hell A̶̲̥̅ll tru Ūя̲̅ life BUT u can't be advised to leave Ūя̲̅ husband. Take counsel.

Anonymous said...

Talk, think and talk again! God help you!!!!!

Anonymous said...

PRAYER

nne amaka said...

Im going thru somethin like dat too.....bt i have to make it work!i have a baby and im willing to sacrifice my happiness for her! u dont have a baby yet....but maybe u guys can still try to make it work....if not...well...good luck to u....and me of course!

nne amaka said...

Im going thru somethin like dat too.....bt i have to make it work!i have a baby and im willing to sacrifice my happiness for her! u dont have a baby yet....but maybe u guys can still try to make it work....if not...well...good luck to u....and me of course!

temmi said...

Make una provide the money wey una parents take do the wedding den return am, return all d gifts wey una collect, return all the aso ebi money wey una collect after that do 40 days dry fasting n prayer then after that come back to me I'd tell u wat to do

Anonymous said...

marriage is about commitment,think of how to make it work and not moving out because you already in it.Or would you be single for the rest of your life? if you marry another guy do you know what you would go through again ?

IKANA AKPATA said...

Madam, you lie! You noticed all these things but only you ignored them thinking he will change when married. People dont change except they are willing to. And also you got married because your friends are happily married, you forget to look before leaping. You and your husband need counselling i.e if this story is true.

olanrewaju akodu said...

He is gay....have u had any kids for him yet?

Anonymous said...

Come and suck my dick, stupid bitch that rushed into marriage! Beta fix ur shit or stfu

Anonymous said...

Very simple. Jst commit suicide dat way everyone wod nt b dissappointed in u. How long are u going to base ur feelings on d people around u. Life is too short. And everytin u do b happy.

olanrewaju akodu said...

He is gay....have u had any kids for him yet?

Anonymous said...

It will take the holy spirit to intervene in this matter . u only need to invite him. It's simple, just invite him! I assure u it will work but give it time. You will eventually see happiness. U should know that most marriages are attacked spiritually and u should also know that the weapons of warfare are not canal . It takes a spirit filled person to discern this and work towards resolving marriage issues. I wish u happiness and pray that God will grant u the grace and wisdom to solve this. God will see u thru.

Chioma Cynthia said...

All these stories..... *sigh*

Anonymous said...

I believe you both got married for the wrong reasons. All hope isnt lost though, you can work it out. Have a talk with him about how you both feel towards each other. Its obvious that you tried to please a lot of people during your marriage and forgot the relevant. Change your mind set and things should work out

Anonymous said...

get the divorce, before it becomes unbearable and leads to the stage where the two of you start think of taking each other out!! its your marriage for the up-tenth time!! not your papa, not your friends..

Mamalisa said...

Hi dear,the thing about people marrying of these days is that you guys have no patience. the honeymoon phase has passed and now you want to check out because real life is staring you in the phase. As long as he is not abusing you physically, mentally or emotionally, this is the time to "learn" each other. Take it from me, ive been married for 11 years and we went through some crazy stages where we thought we hated eachother. I would have gladly killed him if it wasnt illegal. when they say in church "for better or for worse", its for times like these and you would be very naive to think it will always be rosy. Even life has its highs and lows and even has phases where you think you wont make it, but you do. Marriage teaches you. the question is: are you willing to learn.

Anonymous said...

Honestly speaking,I advice both of you to seat and talk over your differences and resolve them. With your explaination,both of you are from two different background,therefor one year is not enough to know each other enough. I also want you to appreciate the fact that no marriage is perfect. Pray for God's intervention and he will turn everything around. Tolerance,patience and endurance is marriage, so my sister stay put and don't quit the marriage .........please .

Anonymous said...

Haba this is too much, u av to report him to ur parent first and hear wat dey are going to say, u guy can keep going with this now.

Folake Akinleye said...

The mistake most women makes attimes is subsituting wedding 4 marriage. The truth is you never really loved him now you are paying 4 following an ideal man rather than the 1 u love.
Ps: thank God i'm finally able 2 comment as myself.

Sweet Mary ...@mzz_mary1 said...

Talk tins out wit ur hubby

Anonymous said...

Aromate!!!!

Anonymous said...

My dear, stay o! No gd man ll marry a second hand o! Except Gigolos. Marriage must b endured. Forget this peoples deceit dat marriage is 2 b enjoyed. Naa lie o! No place is good. Forget Decievers dat are lookin 4 those they ll use 4 gossiping. Those ur friends u tink re happy re actually not. I'm telling u. U must regret it if u dare move out. I'm an example.

Anonymous said...

1) you dont know for sure your friends are happily married. ...all u know is that they are married. Period!
2) get off this blog! Get to working on your marriage.get counselling.read d bible, it takes 2 to damage a marriage.why cant e stand u? Work on you.....work on your man...get to work girl!

Anonymous said...

Acknowledge the mistake and leave now, so that your true love can find you. I have too many friends who have gone through this and those who left are happy, some have even remarried. Those who stayed are miserable and wondering what the heck they got themselves into.

Anonymous said...

Take it to God in prayer. Thats wat a virtous woman will do. Dont give up so early and so easy on your marriage.

Anonymous said...

Pray about it.try n pray together.there is nothing God cannot do
JJ wafi babe

Anonymous said...

"They are all happily married". So you think!

EID said...

Marriage is a building built with covenant, love and sacrifice. Elaborate wedding is not the basis for a lasting relationship. There must be something good in this man so I will advise for the peace of their mind come together, reason together to build each other up.

KWINY said...

My dear, marriage is for better for worse! Try and work things out by crying to God about it and also see a marriage counsellor, I am sure it will help.

Anonymous said...

As 4 ur friends, u think all of dem r happily married? No marriage is perfect my dear, getting out of d marriage won't solve anytin. Just give him sum space 4 him to realise his mistakes$pray 4 him. Pray into his shoes,clothes,bed,water$food u will b amazed as God will touch his heart.den try to talk to him in a cool manner,make advances towards making luv to him$cry on his chest I bet u if he doesn't change in 3-6months den hez a beast,RUN 4 ur life.

jenny Honesty said...

My dear, the truth is that u are single but not avaliable as long as u remain in that marriage if u guys don't sort out ur differences. I advice to seek a marriage counselor, then ur parent should know all that is going on. Forget the money or whatever was invested on ur marriage all that matters is ur happiness. Better to divorce than commit adultry. But before u take any action seek the face of God sometimes u guy might be suffering from spiritual husband and wife tin

Anonymous said...

What ar u waiting for?.... Carry ur wahala and go... 4get about what people will Say or think..its ur life, not theirs

~Beautiful lopez~

Olaleye Adisa said...

U ve said all it all by ur self, “I can't see my self spending the rest of my life with this man” so, what do u want again? File for divorce if u know that both of u are not compatible anymore. ⌣̊┈̥-̶̯͡»̶̥♡thanks ⌣̊┈̥-̶̯͡»̶̥ 

cute mee said...

Ur happiness is wat matters most,call ur husband so both of u can sought things out,if its possible go 2 a councillor,I pray everything turns out well,gud luk.

P P said...

My advise , both of you should apply bible principles as regard marriage. Both of u should be determined to solve ur problems. so first communicate.I have been using the word both cos only one partner cannot solve it. BE DETERMINED. also read the book 'The secret to family happiness" published by Jehovah's witnesses.
You may be thinking in your hearts that there is someone out there who is better but na LIE.
give my advise a try.

@edDREAMZ said...

Only yu can make urself happy bcos ur frnds can't laugh yu forever if yu want to leave but yu will be hurt forever if yu decided to stay.....
.
.
.
***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***

Anonymous said...

You need to see a marriage counselor, the marriage can be fixed.

Anonymous said...

You need to see a marriage counselor, the marriage can be fixed.

Anonymous said...

Who told you your friends are happily married ? They may be keeping up appearances just like you girl. Don't opt out. Give your life to God. Pray . He will come round and your marriage will be sweet. That's why it's called the institution of patience. It will all work out in the end. Don't opt out. You will end up looking back at this early period and laugh and thank God. My 2 cents.

Anonymous said...

Who told you your friends are happily married ? They may be keeping up appearances just like you girl. Don't opt out. Give your life to God. Pray . He will come round and your marriage will be sweet. That's why it's called the institution of patience. It will all work out in the end. Don't opt out. You will end up looking back at this early period and laugh and thank God. My 2 cents.

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