Dear LIB readers: My husband and I can't stand each other anymore
From a female LIB reader
I married this man in an elaborate wedding that cost both our parents a fortune less than a year ago. I can't stand him anymore. And he's told me on numerous occasions that he can't stand me either. At the time I married him everyone told me he was the ideal guy and comes from a good, wealthy family. We dated for less than a year before getting married but the marriage was over before it even started. He's spoilt, egocentric and with him there's no middle ground. It's his way or the high way. These things I only noticed after I married him. I sincerely can't see myself spending the rest of my life with this man. The last time he touched me was just five months into our marriage. I'm sure he's getting it somewhere else but who cares? We are still keeping up appearances and still live in the same house but I want out. Thing is, my parents will be so disappointed in me because they have invested so much in us. I don't want to disappoint them because I am the first daughter but I'm tired of this sham of a marriage. Apart from my parents I don't want my friends to laugh at me because they are all happily married. What should I do?
I'm sorry to hear your story. But for me, in whatever situation I find myself, I try to give it my very best so I won't have to ask myself the daunting question, "what if?" in the future. Sometimes, the best way to win a battle is to not fight at all. Love is patient, is kind, endures 'all' wrongs...Also, a soft answer turns away wrath. All these are from the Holy Book which is never wrong. My point is, show your husband selfless love. Two wrongs don't make a right. One person has to be willing to compromise, I'm pretty sure you will be willing to, because your coming out here to talk about your marital challenge simply means you care about and want to save your marriage. You also need to check yourself for your faults. If there are any, work on them while trying to love your husband no matter what. Men are naturally egotistic to a fair extent. Search yourself - are you acting in a way that gets him defensive hence making him exhibit such egostistic attitude? Above all, there's power in a woman who prays for her home. Ask for God's grace to love your husband unconditionally. But if all else fails, then your happiness is of paramount value. Good luck.
I'm sure ur parentsunderstnd and dnt think u are dissapointing them. Your frnds shud stand by u. Aren't they happy? Why cant u be happy? May God guide you.
Well, If u initailly loved him, then, u both could find the missin-link and rekindle the spirit. But, if it was orchestrated by ur parents, then, my dear...ur marriage wldnt work... cos the key "Love" is missin...As regards ur married friends, i bet u, they are mostly likely livin with a tougher demon in their homes..the smiles are deceptive..what ple wld say is a secondary issue..ur happiness is "Key"..d decision is yours..
My dear, marriage is for better for worse. Try and work things out by crying to God and also see a marriage counsellor. The first 3yrs of marriage is usually not funny.
My dear u made a huge mistake by marrying a man whom u barely knew(obvious frm ur comments here). But u have married him already and made ur vows first before God almighty and before many witnessess so cant just throw in d towel cuz u'v hit a rough patch in ur marriage, thats if u fear God and live ur life strictly by His rules, if not then dont bother with my further comments. But if u truly live ur life by God's rules according to d Holy Bible then divorce is not an option for u. I suggest u both need to first find ur way back to God and then seek Godly counsel, that will help u a long way. I suggest "truly faithful", they have facebook and twitter accounts and a website as well. The couple are very grounded in the word of God and they'll help u get back on track in ur marriage by d grace and help of God. Dont give up dear, God loves u and has a great plan for ur life and marriage. #beencouraged.
The 1st yr or will i say 1st few yrs in marriage r usually difficult because you havent ever lived with each other before,are u submissive? Do u listen to him,do u communicate effectively?he may be childish too but u are the woman and you have to be the more mature one,do u pray together?remember a family that prays together stays together,take things easy,communicate more,listen to each other more,lastly re u a good cook?remember the way to a mans heart is through his tummy,i wish u the best of luck
My dear, your marriage can work if you are determined and committed to see it work. Every marriage has it own unique challenges, people have gone through similar situations in their marriage and have emerged stronger in their relationship. I recommend you watch this movie - "Fireproof". You can begin to do 2 things to buld your marriage. 1. Stop the negative emotions - you need to be more tolerant of your husband and overlook his attitude. Be respectful and nice despite all his bad behavior, this will get his attention and that way you can begin to talk to him and believe me, he will listen to you. Secondly, don't give up. You might not see the change immediately but sure enough it will come. Remain prayerful and change your attitude from "I want out" to "I am committed to see my marriage work." God bless you.
Young lady as a woman, u shud knw hw to protect and build ur home no one will do dat for u. Som1 hv to lay low for anoda and if he doesn't it den means dat u as a woman will hv to play d fool to kip ur marriage. Stop complaining and beg him since most men hv ego. Woman go back to ur hubby and make peace.
Ma'am, in my candid opinion, shld divorce alws be a way out of stalemates? Its only normal that both of u get @ loggerheads from time to time and then @ some point rub off well enof to arrive @ a compromise, live together happily knowing each other's flaws and working around it. Pick a cue from ur parents, they must have had their own issues too back in the days but worked it out rather than running away each time there's a collision. That's cowardice!! Summary: Be patient wit him, pray for him and make that compromise! Am sure God wld soften him too to also shift grounds and be the 'greatest husband ever liveth!' Good luck! Twitter: @merotiwon1
Sweetheart,I'd advice you to talk to a marriage counsellor,nt LIB readers,but before then,pick up this books, ' five love languages for married people ' and 'towards a growing marriage' both by Gray Chapman. Make sure you finish these books and apply the principles in it before making any rash decision dear..be patient,marriage is hardwork....wish you the very best.
My dear poster whoever you are! Welcome to the world of marriage! The grass is always greener on the other side, but go closer and take a good look! Its always like that for newly weds. The key is tolerance and patience! Don't loose hope, don't give up....things will surely get better! Most importantly PRAY, PRAY and PRAY again! Good luck!
Sweetheart,I'd advice you to talk to a marriage counsellor,nt LIB readers,but before then,pick up this books, ' five love languages for married people ' and 'towards a growing marriage' both by Gray Chapman. Make sure you finish these books and apply the principles in it before making any rash decision dear..be patient,marriage is hardwork....wish you the very best.
People you think are happily Married could be staging it no use another pesin clock tell ur time my darling as long as he is not beating u you better stay der and pray for divine intervention no marriage is perfect. Do ur job as a wife and leave the rest to God. Be patient. It's not easy!
Firstly,I think it is wrong for you to assume that your friends are all happily married...you would be surprised the number of people who are in sham marriages putting up the kind of front you and your husband are putting up. Secondly, i'm sure you just didnt notice all those negative things about him when you got married..they were right there staring you in the face but women being women tend to ignore some flgrant red flags when they want something at all costs. The deed is done however. I owuld think that your reason for wanting to leave the marriage would be because he hits you or cheats on you or something more sinister. you both sound like spoilt kids trying to get your way. Sometimes being selfish ruings every singel thing in a marriage. If you don't have the desire to make things work,no matter the advice given ont his forum,you will walk. However,if you want to make things work,you need to start thinking of ways to make things work. talk to him and find out if he also wants to make things work..Its funny but you never once mentioned that you loved him or he,you.While love isn't the all saving grace, it's a start to turning things around.. Lastly? pray like you have never prayed in your entire life!
Now u will have to set ur priorities first, do u want ur happiness or that of ur folks or u are more intrested in what pals will say answer dat and u have what u are looking for and for d records u didn't marry him for love u did for wealth and here u are.... All dat glitters is not gold
My advice 2 you is to try and tolerate him,show him love it normal to feel dat way cos u av diff personalities, try 2 understand him and take him d way he his den u suld always pray 4 him and pray dat God change you 2 his taste and you to his, dat wuld help a lot.
If he doesn't physically abuse you, or any other form of abuse, haven put all the people u do not want tto disappoint into consideration, I'd suggest u both seeing a counsellor. All the best..
Your need to be very careful about your decision coz Ÿ̲̣̣̣̥ø̲̣̣̥u̶̲̥̅̊ don't want to disappoint ur parent and Ÿ̲̣̣̣̥ø̲̣̣̥u̶̲̥̅̊ don't want to disappoint urself coz in the process of pleasing others Ÿ̲̣̣̣̥ø̲̣̣̥u̶̲̥̅̊ can't afford to displease urself. Also, Ÿ̲̣̣̣̥ø̲̣̣̥u̶̲̥̅̊ need to pray to God to lead Ÿ̲̣̣̣̥ø̲̣̣̥u̶̲̥̅̊ on the right path.
Hmmmn! I know how those sort of men can be, have you tried having a long talk with him? And putting your own ego aside as well? Make him understand that u both made vows and how ever your marriage turns out is completely in both of your hands, heart to heart sincere talk I mean, with humility like his wife, let him know that when two ppl from two back grounds come together that there's bound to be adjustments to find a common ground, I can't bring my self to explain all this to u, I'm just trying to say don't fight back, don't be tough, be meek with him, humble, he's ur husband, it takes nothing from you to love and care for him in a way that brings him back to the reality that he chosed u not other women, Talk to him! About how u love him and want your marriage to work, love can weaken any man, and darling relationships are hard work, when u see people pull through long lasting marriages, it s never easy, its not all fireworks and rosy as it seems and I truly believe the home front is completely in the womans hands, we make it work if it must work.. So make yours work!!!!
Pray and think wise 2 live happily 4 d rest of ur life is better than dying in silence is nt ur friends that will stay in d marriage 4 u nor ur parents.
Honey, go and see a marriage counselor first and invite your hubby to join you after a few sessions. Stop pleasing others, live for your self and make your union work. There's no perfect marriage, we work at it.
marriage is not about running away... its about endurance. not about who you love but about who will be there when it matters. thing is, with time everything will change. just give it time
Madam all i can ask from you is for you to seek the face of God on this, our God is a miraculous God,just put everything before Him in prayer and He will surely intervene. I know you are going through a lot but God says you would come out as pure gold.
Everyone seem so in a hurry to get married that they forget its a for better for best and richer and richest stuff.God help them and btw solve ur matter God doesn't lik divorce.sort ur case
Communicate n if it fails u try again,n again n again n if he stil insist,go 2 his mother n if she/dey try n he stil continues 2 misbehave,walk out b4 u die of depression/HBP.
since you said your parent will be disappointed in you for leaving the marriage, then you you to talk with your mum about the whole thing you are passing through. there's no one that will give you the best answer than God and your mum. dont rush out from your marriage, you need God inside your home..
My dear, marriage is all about patience, ability to accommodate, and understanding. I remember my first year of marriage was rough, but with all these I mentioned above and prayer, I am enjoying my marriage now. More so you too need to really humble yourself, because from one of your statement" THE LAST TIME HE TOUCHED ME WAS JUST FIVE MONTH INTO OUR MARRIAGE.I AM SURE HE'S GETTING IT SOMEWHERE ELSE, BUT WHO CARES." It is not too good, so try and humble yourself and be prayerful, I am sure, you would soon come to share good thing about your marriage. It is well.And by the grace of God, my marriage is now over nine years old
I don tire for all dis dear LiB dis Dear LIB readers dat!u jst said u dnt wnt to disappoint ur parents nd u dnt wnt frdz to laugh at u so stay nd wrk tinz out wit ur husband nah!
U cnt do anytin, u are in it already! Pls we ladies shuld luk b4 we get married ooo.........dere is diff btw preparin 4 weddin n preparin 4 marriage, like in dis ladies case she prepared 4 her wedin well but did not prepare 4 her marriage!!!!!
My sister my candid advice is that yu should come down from yur highhandedness and be a change yu are looking for, for me divorce is never the answer, pray to God to give yu a solution period
Send him a text message to come on linda ikeji and read your post... I am sure he will have a change of hearth after reading peoples comment... Try it!
Babe. .it's too early to throw in the towel on your marriage. .I know you must be going through hell but still try to work things out with him. .go for counseling,ask for God's intervention. .talk to your/his parents so they can help you both. Explore every option. .then if it still doesn't work, you are free to quit, hold your head high and walk out, knowing you did everything humanly possible to save your marriage. Don't care about what your friends will think or say, cuz people will always talk. It's better to be single and be happy, than to stay in a marriage which you obviously aren't happy in...your right man will come. Good luck!!!
"He's getting it somewhere else but who cares" listen to yourself. You just accused your husband being egocentric but I will advise you to MANAGE your own ego too. Maybe things will work out.
Hu told u ur frns ar hapily married,de alwayz com out and act lyk deirs is d best bt I swear som ar passin 2ru hell nd de ar stronger dan u bcos de kip deir head high nd smile wen de ar out,bt u,u ar allowin urs weigh u dwn,comon 90%of women ar passin 2ru som stress or d other bt it takes a strong woman 2 overcome it,y nt b a strong woman 2day?it happens lyk dat somtimes even 2 our parents hu ar married 4 so many years,and I also tell u dat uv allowed d devil 2 take charge over ur marriage,see tak som tym 2 fast and pray,at least every last week of d month,pray 4 reunion,he wud anser bcos he's nt in support of broken marriages,just try 2 b d gud woman,a virtuous woman,just play d mumu part plz,its lyk dat o,afterall he's d head nd he's older dan u,keep respectin him,plz I noticed pride in both of u,plz kill ur own pride,d one hu apologizes first is d bravest,me self am nt married o bt I usually tak som tym 2 fast nd pray 4 reunion of I nd boo bcos somtimes d devil wants 2 play a smart one on us,comon mak ur marriage work 2day plz nd remember,divorce is NOT an option,gudluck
I'♏ thinkin henceforth before Α̅ny marriage ȋ̝̊̅§ formalised τ̣̣ђё couple should b allowed 2 leave togeda Ƒ̐δя̣̣ Α̲̅ year afterwhich d̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ can conclude if d̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ can marry ō̶̲̥̅я̣̣ и̲̮̣̥̅̊ό̲̣̣̣̥†̥ else ε̲̣̣̣̥ wuld b havin α̲̅s much divorces α̲̅s marriages soon especialy τ̣̣ђё elaborate ones crumbling Lȋ̝̊̅Ҟ£ Α̲̅ pack ό̲̣̣̣̥f cards
Y did u marry a guy that u don't know so well, free ur self and free d guy and get a divorce so that u both can part ways and meet some one else that can make u happy. The journey is still far and u don't need 2 be misreable and frustrated, u better end d marriage now!
There is no perfect marriage my dear Sister, even your friends may not be happily married as you envisaged. Why not try as much as possible to ask your hubby why he no longer "admire and need" you the way he used to. Something must have gone wrong somewhere! All marriages have ups and downs, just don't give up my dear, persevere and lean backward, try to humble yourself before your husband, let him know that you love him so much, do not drag third party to your Family issues. As for him not "touching" you, you ought to care and make the move except you have somebody doing it for him, I must be sincere, from the way you sounded, YOU ARE AROGANT AND PUMPOUS, please humble your self my dear and enjoy your marriage, above all be prayerful.
i think you should try and fix it. your ability to fix shows you are not a failure. but if u leave am sorry the other ones might be worse than this. thats why our parents are together.
I don't think you marriage is over. I think both of u need to talk with a good marriage councellor, take a vacation and wt prayers d spark can still come alive. I pray dat u will find happiness in ur marriage in Jesus name. Amen. Uncle D
I AM SURE YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO..IF NOT BRING YOUR COCONUT HEAD CLOSER AND LET ME GIVE YOU A HARD KNOCK ON IT.STAY DIA O...BECAUSE OF WHAT PEOPLE WILL SAY O!..NO WONDER THEY SAY LADIES HAVE FISH BRAIN SEF
Babe it's rily unfortunate but ur happiness is very important and since you guys can't work it out, you best pack ur bagss and face the consequences lurv
No dear, they r not happily married, they r seeing some or worst dan ur seeing but they r handling it well. Talk to ur hubby pet him treat him nice and act like u care even if u feel he doesn't notice u, keep doing it he will turn around. Ur full of pride and ur own ego is killing u. Try harder dis is for beta 4 worse or else his beating u. Its ur duty to bring him down and stop looking for where to run to, its ur home so make it homely its all in ur hands.
My dear, if you are tired you better file for a divorce, if u are tired after one year, I wonder what will happen in 10 years time, you would have killed each other by then. A lot of your friends that you claim are happy, might just be sad too, but dey all pretend to be happy, if you put people before you happiness, you will end up a miserable woman.
Seriously dnt hv anytin 2say........u need 2let ur guard down tooo, cux it seems d both of u r takin d highway, 2ships can't lead in same both. Since he actz like a baby treat him like one, be d maturd person in d r/ship... Be d man in ur r/ship pamper him n mk him see reasons wit u....there's always a way 2deal wit humans**d said itz Only wen a mosquito is on ur testicles, dtz only wen u'll c violence is not d only way out
My dear, pray and try and sort it out with him but if it is not working,please walk away. Your happiness is much more important than what your family or friends will think about you.
This is my first post on this blog. Its such a pity that we get married for d wrong reasons. My dear, you've made ur bed, u have to lie on it. Marriage is supposed to be till death break you apart. Im sure u made dat vow. Now, u have to stay nd fix d mess u got into. Dats my advice. You would thank me later.
Work on it... I still dont understand why we (females) rush into marriages these days?! Its either because our friends are getting married or because society is questioning. People dont understand... the wedding is 1 (ONE) day... the guests join in the celebration and oton they go home... the marriage is the rest of your lives. Think hard... Pray harder. Running isnt always the way out
Hello so sad to hear such. But de mistake has been done,but still hope I want u bare sometin in mind dat women are de one build deir home not even ur parents or friends can.since de case has gotten to dis point deres one last joker and is GOD bring him in and see de defference.shed no more tears is well dats part of challange in marraige.don't trow in de towel.push further deres light ahead.go onur kneels and change ur husband.in other words talk to to ur creator(GOD)............[Footprint]
My dear pray and sort it out with him, but if it is not working, please walk away. Your happiness is much more important than what your family and friends will think of you.
In all u av said u didn't mention luv sounds lik u never luved him so y did u marry him anyway I think the only way a marriage wil work is wen there is luv, friendship and understanding moreover there are a lot of beautiful girls out there looking 4 hubby so u better make it work o and we av heard ur side of the story but avnt heard his any u should better make it work 4 urself and also 4 ppl that bought ur aso ebi o cos nw the money is goin 2 waste
My dear opting out of the marriage might not be the best solution cos u don't knw wat else u wil get out there. Try to talk out things wit ur husband n find out d cause of this love gone sour. No marriage is perfect cos it is a union of two imperfect beings. Have a heart-to-heart talk wit ur hubby, who knows u might save ur marriage. Get down ou knees too cos it might not be ordinary u knw. U can never underestimate d power of a praying woman. Gudluck.
My dear, try evry possible way dat is good to make it work. It is in ur hands to do it. Work nd pray! Meanwhile, I'll keep u in my little prayer. God help u!
PUSH: Pray Until Something Happen. Be positive about dis situation that God will take charge of His Heart and make the Marriage work for your good. Dont Give Up on God...cos He wont give Up on U on your Knees for that Change you Desire.
Who told u ur friends r all happily married? Look u better stop looking at d faces of people round u and take d bull by d horn. Call for a family meeting involving ur parents and his then pour ur heart out making them understand that if there are no changes for d better u would walk out of d marriage. Ur happiness comes first.
hmm, i totally understand what u r going through.and trust me ur friends that u think are happily married, probably arent. Alot of ppl keep up appearances! felt the same way few months after wedding. got married in a very elaborate way too. I felt i didnt know who i was married to. But today, almost two years into the marriage things are much better. i have learnt to pick my battles. and now when there is an arguement and m first to say sorry i find him saying sorry to almost imdtly. except u two never really loved each other. but pls try to still make an effort. i hope this helps. and pray, that cant be over emphasized.
Babe, you gave given two reasons already why you shouldn't quit your marriage; so stay in it, in misery for the rest if your life. I still find it amazing the reasons people get married this days, nit love just for economic, business. And social status reasons. Well, happy miserable life
First thing is : YOU ARE NOT ALONE! There are lots and lots of marriages experiencing similar if not same as you are. I'd suggest you seek a counselor ( pastor if you'd prefer). Marriage takes a lot of discipline and patience if you want it to work. Both of you should air out your frustrations and seek better ways to make things work. GOOD LUCK!
Spk to ur parents about this and give it time atleast 2years. I had a worst experienced but after two years crying everyday, things started getting better and better. We've been together now for 10yeras and I love him now than I ever did when we first met. You just have to make him think that he is having his way just accept what ever he says but trust me at the end of the day you way will be the way.
Learn to love ur hubby,love is all about development,wen u do dat he will have no other choice dan to love u back,secondly in all u do let God be ist both in dat ur marriage so dat tins will work out d way u want them.gudluk
Since you're putting this out there, it means you really still care about your marriage and want it to work, so there's still hope. Unfortunately, you've only mentioned the bad things about your partner, what about the things that you loved and made you marry the guy, i'm sure it's still there but you're only focusing on the bad things. Also, your reasons for doing things, kind of means you're not really sure what you want for yourself, your parents have lived their lives, it's your turn, make your own choices that you're convinced are correct,also, your friends might even have bigger problems in their marriages that they are working on, who cares what they think, it's your life, you only met them along the way. Finally, i'm sure your man has his complaints also, marriage is compromise for somethings, talk about it, if he refuses to change, love his curves and edges, all his perfect imperfections(lol) and most importantly, introduce JESUS Christ to your marriage, since i was born, I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYONE NOR ANYTHING GO WRONG WITH CHRIST JESUS, try this for a few months, choose to only see the good your man does and ignore or laugh at the sillies. You'll be fine. i'm sure your parents struggled through worse in their time and they're winners because they persevered. Also get advice from your mom or dad, whom ever you're sure has given you the best advice through time. It's very normal to go through this during your first years of marriage, it's nothing new, don't now over react and mess up a good future. stick through it. Fight for the man you married.
Marriage is built on covenant, love and sacrifice. Expensive wedding is not the basis for a lasting relationship. There must be something good in this man so I will advise for the peace of their mind come together, reason together to build each other up.
Is this all you think of yourself? Your so concerned about what people think. It won't help you go far in life when you think like that. I will advice you to stick with your husband... Your vows were till death! Take time and go back to what you used to do then that made him happy.. Trust me alot of revelations start turning up after marriage if every one was tired like you... Then there won't be people with happy homes! Alot of things happen in those your friends marriages but they wont tell you.. 1) God frowns at divorce. 2) if you leave him, tons of women will yank him 3) if you can't deal with his ego, another can contain it. 4) he choose to marry you irespective of d many women out there 5) if ou leave him and go, what give you the impression that the next erosn wouldn't be worse? Babes, hold onto your man and pray to God! You guys should take about these stuffs regularly... Let him know how you feel and know how he feels too. Alot of men have Ego's , it just varies at their time of harnessing! Think about it!
Do not quite it,try and tolerate him,creat a happy space in ur heart, talk to ur self,I mean, neglect his bad caracters, always see d gud tins in him. Not all ur frnds r happily Married. Keep Moving, u must find Happiness, but in all, u have to pray..its not a Big deal, quitting wunt fetch u Happiness.. k I Wish u wat u expect frm ur man.
God is Love .you need God in your marriage to make it work.I had similar issues in my marriage for the first four years.it was God that restored my marriage.please do not give up.Fight for your marriage and home.You can make it work
My dear poster,there re no marriage made in heaven...1stly U must submit the man's authority.I read alot of arrogance and lack of respect in your mail.Please and please assume the role of a wife which is building the home and mending fences.Let go of all the hurt and lovingly submit to the government in authority.I assure you things will change and most especially hold prayers together. A family that prays 2geda stay 2geda.Ur marriage can never be a sham and U must persevere to make it work.Have fun and lets hear from you soon. U can even go for counselling.But be sure to seek wise counsel pls.Nkmama
I pity your situation young lady< but I am very sure the key to your peace and good marriage lies in your hands. some women find it difficult to come to terms that they are married. Some men resort to this type of attitude when you hurt their man nature in him, perhaps he is not a real man on bed, may be he is not man enough, perhaps nagging, perhaps you do not see any thing wrong with what you SAY and what you DO. I am married and I know what am taking about. Every successful marriage happiness lies with the woman. Please look inwards, your husband can still change, just give it a trial. Thank you.
I pity your situation young lady< but I am very sure the key to your peace and good marriage lies in your hands. some women find it difficult to come to terms that they are married. Some men resort to this type of attitude when you hurt their man nature in him, perhaps he is not a real man on bed, may be he is not man enough, perhaps nagging, perhaps you do not see any thing wrong with what you SAY and what you DO. I am married and I know what am taking about. Every successful marriage happiness lies with the woman. Please look inwards, your husband can still change, just give it a trial. Thank you.
NEKYNYMOUS said...... Oh girl!!! sit down and make things work out. Marriage is a beautiful thing my sister. Draw closer to God and seek HIS grace @ all times and your marriage will bloom again. If you think divorce is the best option, then I wish u all the best....PLEASE MAKE IT WORK!!!
Why are African women are pressured into marriage; THIS SHOULD STOP!!! the amount of unhappy marriages i see around me is really sad. marriage is sacred and a life time commitment. it is very essential to to court for awhile before settling down. Marry someone you know at least 70% and you are sure you can handle his or her character.
Your story goes to show you barely knew your husband before marrying him, or must have ignored slight traces of his arrogance but must have shoved it aside hoping he will change when you settle down.
I do not think ones marital affair and happiness should be determined by family, friends or the society at large.
If your not happy and he is not happy... you both should have a discussion, not a confrontation, look for a middle ground... if you find none, unfortunately you should leave the marriage.
I SEE NO REASON WHY TWO PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT COMPATIBLE SHOULD AGREE TO GET MARRIED IN THE FIRST PLACE.
*people need to pls pls stop being pressured to get married
Marriage challnges wen it comes to d part of a woman ,generally don't get easy.luk now u considern ur parents nd ur friends nd seriously dat makes it more difficlt to take a decision.dis is marriage nd som oda plc u wlk in nd out of.we all can giv u advice enuf.just calm down,try tlk tins wit ur husbnd in a friendly mood den tlk to God to have His way in ur marriage cos its an institution created to b enjoyd.
Madam allow me ask you some questions: if you had an expensive car or phone that had a problem,would you walk away from it or would you fix it & continue using it? How would you know if your friends are really happily married? Have you & your man talked about the issues in your marriage or do you guys just don't give a damn? In as much as you want out,finding & fixing the problems in your marriage is still the best option here but the ball is fully in your court as only you know what you are going through. From your statements it seems your marriage was an 'arranged' one & you guys got married based on other peoples views about both of you,there lies the problem. I wish you the best in whatever decision you take as long as it makes you happy in the end.
I will recommend that you read the book: 'She stoop to conquer', then read the Bible precisely 1st Corinthians 1:1-40. The first thing you need to learn is that all men has ego and we crave for the respect of our wives. God knows us well which is why He said 'wives, submit to your husbands'. The Bible also reminds us that Sarah reverenced her husband so much that she called him 'My Lord'. Please try the following: 1. Burry your pride (someone has to play the FOOL for the other. 2. Call your husband for talks (My wife does this regularly and we sort out matters) 3. Tell him he is the head of the family and he leads while you follow. Tell him you want the marriage to work. NOTE: My female boss once told me that 'Marriage is 10% God and 90% our personal effort. To that extent, you have to work out your marriage and make it work! Work it out. Play the FOOL and stoop to conquer. God will help you. Olu Baba.
Na wa o...Tins like dis jst scares me from d word "Marriage". What some married pple r facing ehn, dey wld rada wish to be single. My candid advice to u is dt since d weddin is stil fresh, u guys can give it sum more time to make it work. Guess its lack of understanding due to d short courtship u had so I believe u can still work on it or better still visit a Marriage Counsellor. It is well
Girl get out of that marraige why you still can,coz honestly happiness is all that matters and you are only young for a short time..I had a similar dilemma,met this guy and in less than 2months we got married(even though in my heart I knew he wasn't all the man I needed and I didn't even love him,he was just too nice and I didn't want to hurt him..long story short we got married,he turned out to be a monster,extremely Possessive and very very violent,infact the 2years I spent being his wife was the worse times of my life!either I was bitter or crying,no genuine moment of happines..but I summoned courage and got out,coz that was the only way I could get my life back..so lady,please think deeply about it and know that at the end of the day all that matters is your peace of mind,you' re the one in that marriage not your family or friends..x
Babes, ask most married couples ts like dat in d first year.... Just b patient, u r the wife.... Softt pedal for him.... Do things the way he wants dem done..... Dont stop praying... Make up ur mind u wont let him get u angry.... Keep urself happy... Focus less on d things he does u dont like... When he is done he will change and den ul enjoy urselves.... Keep calm,its normal... I've only been married for less dan a month though but I believe dis will work for you..ts well darlyn
Look 4 the reason u married him in the first place, look 4 those good qualities, divorce is nt always the answer n I suggest u open up to a marriage concellor and ur parents
divorce since its what you want na abi! forget what have been spent. its your future at stake. your happiness is paramount. forget all the guest who came or the money spent. if not you live with it and if you don't have the courage to continue, you would just give your self heart attack for nothing sake. cos we women, we have so many issues. we are never satisfied just like the man is not ever satisfied. the fact is you would continue to pick at everything he does at this point and that would raise more issue for the both of you. but if he his a calm person he would tolerate you, but one day the table might turn if you continue that way. better still, learn to love him more and pray. Marriage is not by force anymore these days oh. some men would be happy to be single at all cost. Don't you see oyinbo people who have children and living together but not married yet. They take their time to decide if they really wanna be with each other. But social media has mislead many because you see people getting married everyday, no marriage is perfect. not every married couple have the guts to wash their dirty linen out for the world to see and then you conclude they are a perfect couple. so the bottom line is, you both sit down and decide what you really want.
Well it's important for u to follow the path of Christ. It is not advisable to quit ur marriage just under a year. Both of you have baggage that you brought into the union it is important for you to first consider the reasons why you married him and genuinely ask yourself if you can live without him? If you can , fine . If you can't, then I suggest you be patient and try to make things work. I pray the good lord will help you to make the right choice. God bless
I truly sympathize with you but there is nothing as bad as living your life for someone else even your parents. I personally don't believe in divorce especially where there has been no physical or sexual abuses but incompatibility is also a major cause of separation. I would advice that you CALMLY talk things over with your partner, tell him how you feel about things and also listen to how he feels about the same issues. Lack of proper communication is a major cause of so many problems in marriages. And for the issue of him saying he doesn't want to be with you again, pls don't take things he says to you when he is angry to heart, couples say all kinds of crazy things when they are upset and even you. Believe me, I have heard far worst and thess couples are still happily married. If after talking things out there isn't any real change, then opt for a bit of separation. Go stay with your parents or friend and see how things work out. Separation can help both of you to realise if you truly love eachother and miss eachother. All am saying is give the marriage a FIGHTING chance, to bail out in the next available door because of a challenge is to give up without even a fight and what tells you your next relationship won't come with its own challenges. Every marriage comes with its own peculiar challenge but fight for yours. A marriage that has gone through so much is far better and compact than one that has gone through nothing and those your friends won't really tell you what they are going through in their own marriages, for all you know, they too could be putting up the same front you are putting to the public. Pls fight for your love, your marriage is worth it. But do not stick to a marriage if there is physical abuse just because you want to please anyone. Report it to your parent. Cece J
What you are going through is not new and most couples have their fair share of BIG challenges in marriage. This phase will surely pass. There are many reasons that can cause such challenges between couples but you mentioned EGO of your husband. I do not know if you were close prior your dating but in my own opinion less than a year of dating wasn't enough time to really know someone you intend to spend the rest of your life with. In conclusion, marriage is sacred, you both said those vows for better for worse so let it count. My dear, do not even think of divorce or separation. Pick a convenient date, tell him you want to have a chat with him when he is less hostile, tell him your concerns and how you want to be better for him and how you want him to be better for you. When you change the way you think about him, and let it show. it gets easier from there. All the best, God bless
Make your marriage happy. Stay married the next guy is not devoid of these fault he has. Stay married and humble yourself to your husband. I'm sure there is better ways you can have yourways when you overcome him with love.
There's nothing you can't make work if you are willing,moreso if both of you are willing but when both of you are not willing,my dear find hapiness in something else,this maybe difficult or you can take live separately. That way you are still married and you don't have to stand each other. Except you really want out.
You're doing the same thing that got you into this mess. You didn't fully think it through, and you got married. Now, you've not fully thought it through and you want to run away. NEWS FLASH: Most Nigerian Men are egocentric and everything you described your husband to be. First be the change that you want to find. Actually try to fix yourself and your marriage before you start crying wolf. Divorce is equally as hard as a bad marriage oh. Forget your parents and your friends. If you do it, you wont be able to run away from the situation like it seems like you usually do.
My dear marriage is all about tolerance all those ur friends who are happily married are not telling u truth about wat dey face in their own marriages but they are in dey making it work,men wld always b men wit all d ego stuff but u shld over look it & knw he's trying 2 b a man now.dont get offended wit all he does.if u'll sit ur mum down & ask ha how ha marriage was wit ur father she wld tell u it wasn't easy & it's still not easy.so my dear just b tolerant & all will work out fine
From your write-up, it appears it is not just your husband that has issues. Your reasons for getting married and staying married all seem to center around everyone else but the other most important person in the marriage which is you (the other person being your husband of course) You say you continue to endure the marriage bcos of your parents and because you want to keep up appearances with your seemingly happily married friends. What about you? What do you really want? Life is what we make of it and ideally you should do what makes you satisfied and sleep with a clear conscience at night. Frankly speaking I am one of those individuals that believes once you say I do, it should be for life. Come thick or thin; rain or sunshine etc... You don enter, you don enter. Anything you find there, be prepared to accommodate and handle. That is why you should get married for the right reasons to the person of your choice. Don't be like am Adam wey blame God for giving him the woman that influenced him to sin. I still believe that your marriage is salvageable, one of you is going have to play the bigger man and be patient and tolerant. It will most likely have to be you. Instead of over-emphasizing your husband's bad sides, try to recall the lovely things about his personality that made you fall for him in the first place after all, na you say yes to am when e toast you etc. They no bring am come from village for you to marry. Try to re-kindle the affections that once were. Also it does not hurt to initiate sex if he is not stirring things up. You can also discuss it with him, it may be that it is something about you that turns him off sexually as of late. If you guys talk about it, you can address the problem(s). It may be a recent weight gain/loss that is unattractive to him; poor hygiene; fatigue on his part etc... My dear, just try cos sometimes the fire is not always as bad as it seems but you will not know until you try to put it out.
This type of situation is synominous with two kids from affluent backgrounds getting married.The truth,in most cases are that, both parents impose the decison on their children,in order to consolidate their family and business relationship.The kids at times do not have any choice,but to ahead with the arrangement,since they have not been financially liberated from their parents financial apron strings.In cases were they are partially liberated,the thought of losing out from the bigger inheritance serves as a deterant from disobeying their parents.In other cases,the ladies in this type of marriages find it difficult to be subservient and obedient to their husbands,since their parents are equally rich and therefore,her future is assured emotionlly.
Your case is a sorry one but you can still bring him back. First check yourself and correct what you are doing wrong. Secondly take your problems to God in prayer this lenten season with true repentance. Pray for your husband and make him happy. Invite him to wedding services and make sure but of you listen to the sermon. Discuss the sermon on geting home. Try to pray together God will help you to keep your marriage
No one forced you into this union. You both took and oath in front of God and his congregation. You are a woman and its your duty to keep your house in order and not seeking unwarranted advice from third party individuals. Did you both go for counselling before marriage, if No then please do so. Make out time asap with your husband and make this marriage work. Trust me there are a lot of people "friends" waiting for you to utter the words its over and then just watch them laugh at you. Be prayerful and try try and try to humble your self to him. He is a man and will surely turn around. We can be like that sometimes. Please bear and Good Luck!
My dear its always lik that @ d begining of every marriage(afta wedding I mean)jst be calm and pray tins will normalize walkin out of ur marriage is nt an option for a wize lady.
I know how it feels, it's always like that @ the beginning of marriage, u quarrel with ur siblings talk more of a guy u just married about a year ago, him he is feeling trapped and that's the truth. It's the woman that keeps the home. If u still want ur pride, u should just try to think and remember his good qualities too, it wasn't all bad from the first now was it? Try to remember those things that attracted u to him, try to talk to him, humble urself, marriage is not affair if u are waiting to continue getting that lovers control over him u r living in a dream world it won't happen immediately, but it will happen when u guys start loving eachother. U must make urself look good to show him what he is missing, u must be ready to apologize and u can try n seduce ur man abeg! Five months! Girl are u a nun or do u have ur own boyfriend too?Leaving ur home is the greatest f**k up to happen to u especially if u r igbo. Try to address the main problem apologize even if u r right it will make him guilty! Finally try to conceive, children have a wonderful way of giving u new perspective making u more matured, if u r thinking of going back to ur parents, it won't be as sweet as b4 u married o, me I went back more than 5 times they chased me back but the last time my brother's wife gave me the insults and humiliation that can last me for my life time so, I decided to make my home work! And guess what she is my very goo friend now cos if not because she insulted me, I would not have had my beautiful kids. It has not been easy but if u humble ur self n open up ur self to learning and correction it will work. I pray God would give u the wisdom to act.
My dear, you have to and must work out your marriage, you are in and there's no coming out forget about what your parents and friends will say, what about what God will say?
Now, you say your hubby is egocentric, spoilt and stuff, you have to realize that those are his weaknesses just like you have yours, and I want to tell you that you can find a middle ground...your character! How do you react to this his egocentric nature? Do you attack him? Or try to rub shoulders with him? No my dear. You have to be humble, submissive and patient with him, and I bet you'll see changes, learn to respect his view, decisions and opinions as your head cos he is the master! Let your character change him, you can do it with the help of God!
First, you have to give your life to Christ because that is the only thing that can help you to be humble. Ask God for the spirit of humility so that you will be able to submit totally to him. Ask God to renew the wine of love in your marriage. Marriage is what you make of it; you must be ready to cooperate. No matter his character, be ready to accept him as he is. Don't try to change him but rather try to change your own perspective and attitude towards him.With the help of God you will enjoy the marriage overtime but you need a lot of patience. Wish you the best!
So why the fuck are u telling us? People De one corner De find husband badly u De say u can't stand Ur own. Then u both should fucking leave each other simple. Abi Na we help am put ring for Ur hand? Nonsense talk
You sound like u don't know God. Do u pray at all? don't u know the devil is out to ruin homes? please get this prayer book ''WOMAN THOU ART LOOSED'' by pastor Odukoya of MFM. Use it to pray it will help you.
Ask us again! U want out! Isn't it yhr duty 2 mk yhr marriage wrk??? He's egocentric oh yea? U cnt hv 2 captains in a ship! 1 persn must compromise! Anyway, it's obvious thr isn't love in ds union, cos if u hhhad married yhr hubby outta love, u won't be sayin ds shit! So, na u sabi!!!
I'm sure if you dig deeper into your friends' so called happy marriages, you will find they probably have it a lot worse than you do and are also keeping up appearances like is the custom here in Nigeria.....especially Lagos high society...girl! Do what's best for you. Trust me, they will find the next person to gossip about and move on from you in due time. Good luck babes.
So u re trying to say u were not aware of this his attitude b/4 u married him abi. U went into this marriage with ur eyes open and now u can't stand him, abeg try stand am u hear, marriage is for better for worse or better still u fit jst siddon dey look.
well..every thing sums up to u dating him less than a year before getting married.....well you should have known your man very well before tieing the knot...
No two marriages are the same, so stop comparing with others. Who cares if your friends laugh at you, your happiness and wellbeing is more important. The fact that you can confidently say your marriage was an 'investment' shows me you don't care for this marriage. You might as well leave.
Keeping up appearances is a waste of your energy, you better start living your life now. The people you are trying to please may be suffering in their own marriages. You're wealthy, you'll live a decent life, it's not like you're dependent on this guy. If there is no hope left. Leave.
PS if your friends laugh at you in the midst of a break up, they are not your friends. Change friends too.
Take it to God in prayers. Divorce is a no no. Just pray ur way out. U both can learn to love eachoda. U must make it work. Since u didn't prepare well for marriage. U just hav to make it work thru prayers
My Dear, you did not marry for anybody. Dont stay in for anybody.
Explore sincere ways of solving your marriage challenges. Overcome hate with love and dont underlook the place of prayer but if it gets to a point that your feel insecure for you life, my dear OUT
My dear,be prayerful devil is @work,try and sit him dwn nd talk to his senses buh if no changes,u beta face ur work and look for substitute out there who wll make u apy cos u re too young to get hypertension
Everyone told u he was your ideal guy so u got married to him;now that you want out ,you are still considering what your friends and family would say about it.Why is ur life dependent on peoples opinion?your friends are happily married because they work things out within themselves(their marriage isn't perfect).have a pep talk with your husband. freddie
Sorry,dear. U'v made a mistake already by marrying someone who u obviously didn't knw so well. Its seems u were nt friendly enof to stay d rest of ur life wit him. What I notice here is that both families cared too much abt d financial aspect of ur marriage which is just one side of marriage. Anyway,since he's nt abusive in any way. Wasn't there anything that he liked abt u then or that u liked abt him that made u go to the aisle wit him ??? Try and find those sparks. Bcos if u leave him,hw are u sure u'll find love in another man talkless of happiness. I'd advise that u "love d one u married" Talk wit him . Those ur frnds that u believe are living happily everafter,u hv absolutely no idea the hurdles they've had to cross .
So,talk to ur husband. If need be,talk to ur mum. She'll understand and tell u hw she ws able to make her marriage to ur dad work. And most of all,pray hard to God abt this. Divorce doesn't look like d solution to ur problem as far as I'm concerned. Bcos he's nt abusive to u. Dnt allow urself fall into d hands of some "wolves" in sheep clothing that are roaming arnd.
u r stil askin wat u shld do.wen u said d marriage s just a yr.well if u must hear my advice. sit hm down nd ask hm wat went wrong wether u v offended hm nd ask hm to let u both gv d marriage a 2nd chance.early days of marrige s usually tough my sister.tel hm wat he s doin dat is upsetting u nd let hm tel u urs too bt after dat nd he s not willin to change.pls walk.dnt suffer ds early cos of wat ppl might say.it wl b hard bt walk my sister cos its like there s no love s a foundation in ur marriage.was it arranged by both families?cos if its so den I dnt tink there s any need tryin to work it out.my opinion.
I advise you both seek deliverance. Its either spiritual wife / husband thts disturbing you both. Its more spiritual than physical. Don't quit the marriage cos you might leave / be leaving your life partner for someone else ' life partner, and that'll be worse.
I advise you both seek deliverance. Its either spiritual wife / husband thts disturbing you both. Its more spiritual than physical. Don't quit the marriage cos you might leave / be leaving your life partner for someone else ' life partner, and that'll be worse.
You are as egocentric as he's. Come down from ur high horse and submit completely to your husband. But you can go on contesting everything with him and have your marriage crumble. Truth is bitter. Ask those who have diarrhea.
at times we dont get wat we feel but you can talk things over with him and there can be amendments make your self the woman he cant live without, then he will come back to you.
hmm,its a little bit serious but der are always two sides to a story we don't know the full details but from Wat uv said i feel u should stay strong and give a positive mind into the marriage cos trust me prayer helps but if u cannot cope again just back out nd stop using "ur parents investment as an excuse"its understandable to feel that way buh ur happiness is an essential thing to fulfilling your life before you turn out to be a wreckage,and above all be very prayerful still.
Pray to God and then go back to the beginning... Hw love all started, find out where the fault is coming from... Solve it and then everytin wil b jus fine
Laugh @ you? Makes me wonder the kind of friends u keep. Back to the Mata for ground ojare, if the last time he touched u was 5 months b4 ur marriage then u guys were done b4 the marriage begins. You just didn't want to admit it to each other then. My advise, RUN!!! before one of u commit suicide or homicide.
that is if you know you av something or you ar doing something he cant live without. I cant advice you to brake away from him because everything is possible
My dear its either you ask him to attend counselling with you to help work out the issues and rebuild the connection or you walk out of the marriage. It can't be his way or the high way. Something and someone must stoop to conquer.
Its not by force, the friends you think are happily married are all going through their issues, i have since learnt not to admire people on face value. Most people have deep sited issues.
WHO TOLD U ALL UR FRIENDS ARE HAVIMG FRIENDS FAMILY ARE OK.EVERYFAMILY AND MARRIAGE HAS ITS OWN WAHALA.PLS BE HUMBLE,PLAY THE ROLE OF MOTHER AND SISTER TO HIM AND U WILL BE OK.IF HE IS UR BROTHER U WILL TOLEARATE HIM.PLS HELP HIM TO BE A MAN AND FATHER.IF U LEAVE HIM,BOTH OF U WL BE AFFECTED NOW AND IN THE FUTURE.CALL UNTO GOD TO HELP UR MARRIAGE WORKS AND 4GET UR BACKGROUND OR MONEY.GOD BROT BOTH OF U 2GEDA FOR A PURPOSE AND IT MUST NBE FULFILLED IN JESUS NAME ,AMEN.
Long Throat...Tongue out Am sure u dumped some 1 who truely love u 2rush this guy cos he's wealthy or from a wealthy home , U go hear am(heheh)#Justkiddingshaa#
Marriage is a cross every married person carry. there is no going back. Jesus is the only one that can help u to carry it. So in this case Humble ursf the more to ur husband, tell him u love him always and also tell him u r sorry wenevr he complains or their is an issue. even if u r not at fault( dat doesn't make u a fool, u r a wise woman who will not give the devil a little chance in her home.) Pray for him always and get closer to God. Note we men loves a humble woman, so humble ursf d more. God bless your home
I know how you feel dear. I'm in the same situation. The fact is Nigerian men are very inconsiderate unreasonable and harsh especially when you have lived abroad for a while then moved back n married a Nigerian that has never lived abroad. No matter how rich or educated they are they have this awful mindset and a lot of times you don't realise it till your married because u start facing very real issues that really brings out they're mean side.
I dunno what to tell u, I'm in the same boat! Hate him
honey,u should talk to a counsellor nt LIB readers,but before you throw in the towel please get books on marriage,I'll recommend 'five love languages for married people' and 'towards a growing marriage' both by Gray chapman' please apply the principles in those books before taking rash decisions....marriage is hardwork dear..wish u d best.
Marriage is a cross every married person carry. there is no going back. Jesus is the only one that can help u to carry it. So in this case Humble ursf the more to ur husband, tell him u love him always and also tell him u r sorry wenevr he complains or their is an issue. even if u r not at fault( dat doesn't make u a fool, u r a wise woman who will not give the devil a little chance in her home.) Pray for him always and get closer to God. Note we men loves a humble woman, so humble ursf d more. God bless your home
Marriage is a cross every married person carry. there is no going back. Jesus is the only one that can help u to carry it. So in this case Humble ursf the more to ur husband, tell him u love him always and also tell him u r sorry wenevr he complains or their is an issue. even if u r not at fault( dat doesn't make u a fool, u r a wise woman who will not give the devil a little chance in her home.) Pray for him always and get closer to God. Note we men loves a humble woman, so humble ursf d more. God bless your home
My dear you think you have a problem but I can assure you u don't. Every woman felt this way at one time or the other in marriage,This is the stage of your marriage where you act like a fool and make more of the sacrifice. I can assure you if u stoop now you will conquer. That man will eat out of your hands later. He is trying to break you to assert himself just act broken, be wise, if u ask those your friends who seem happily married u will be surprised the sacrifices they made, if they are honest. Above all pray about everything you will receive grace to succeed
Water don pass garri! Smh. This just establishes my fear about marriage. Especially the people who meet and marry within 1 year. The truth is the first few months you meet is still like the "honeymoon" phase of the relationship. I doubt two people can know themselves so well within a few months to decide to spend the rest of their entire life's together. After this "honeymoon" face when every1 is happy and sooooo "in love" ( that is what they call it but I have come to find out that, that is hardly love, it is just infatuation), comes the phase where you really get to know one another and the blinds that covers each other's faults are taken away. The thing is this couple never got the chance to know each other. That went from "honeymoon" phase straight to proposal and then marriage. People need to stop rushing into marriage. It is a life long commitment. Marriage is serious business. When people begin to realize how much their life, their future, the children, their children's future, their health, their wealth and a lot more depends either fully or partially on who they marry, they will begin to take this marriage thing very serious and careful thought. Young girls and boys, get to know who you are marrying before you rush to the alter. Get to know almost every aspect of that persons life, the good, the bad and the ugly and be convinced that you can deal with it all. I can never understand how quick people rush to spend the rest of their life with someone they barely know or the people that are ready to compromise on emotional physical and verbal abuse. Even if this girl divorces now, she will still be identified as so so and so's ex-wife and so will he. As for the poster, you two should get counseling i.e. If you are interested in salvaging the relationship. If not, u'll need to get a divorce lawyer and get yourself out of the marriage. Stop been so worried about disappointing your parents, I am sure they will rather have you happy and healthy than be in a marriage which isn't working. Just come out and talk to your parents who knows they may even be able to offer you words of advise and help. I think they are deep issues that need to be addressed with your husband. If you both are willing, take the plunge, talk to him, be honest with yourselves and please get counseling. Think about it this way, you have nothing to lose from trying. If it works, fine! If not, get divorced. But at least try. One year is way to early to give up trying EXCEPT abuse is involved.
496 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 201 – 400 of 496 Newer› Newest»Do u rily wana care abt wat ppl will say while u die in silence??.. Run now while u still can.
I'm sorry to hear your story. But for me, in whatever situation I find myself, I try to give it my very best so I won't have to ask myself the daunting question, "what if?" in the future. Sometimes, the best way to win a battle is to not fight at all. Love is patient, is kind, endures 'all' wrongs...Also, a soft answer turns away wrath. All these are from the Holy Book which is never wrong. My point is, show your husband selfless love. Two wrongs don't make a right. One person has to be willing to compromise, I'm pretty sure you will be willing to, because your coming out here to talk about your marital challenge simply means you care about and want to save your marriage. You also need to check yourself for your faults. If there are any, work on them while trying to love your husband no matter what. Men are naturally egotistic to a fair extent. Search yourself - are you acting in a way that gets him defensive hence making him exhibit such egostistic attitude? Above all, there's power in a woman who prays for her home. Ask for God's grace to love your husband unconditionally. But if all else fails, then your happiness is of paramount value. Good luck.
Your friends are not happily married. Don't be deceived.
But you married him *sigh*.
I'm sure ur parentsunderstnd and dnt think u are dissapointing them. Your frnds shud stand by u. Aren't they happy? Why cant u be happy? May God guide you.
Well, If u initailly loved him, then, u both could find the missin-link and rekindle the spirit. But, if it was orchestrated by ur parents, then, my dear...ur marriage wldnt work... cos the key "Love" is missin...As regards ur married friends, i bet u, they are mostly likely livin with a tougher demon in their homes..the smiles are deceptive..what ple wld say is a secondary issue..ur happiness is "Key"..d decision is yours..
My dear, marriage is for better for worse. Try and work things out by crying to God and also see a marriage counsellor. The first 3yrs of marriage is usually not funny.
God, help me make i marry the person wey i go like to spend the rest of life with her...
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***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***
My dear u made a huge mistake by marrying a man whom u barely knew(obvious frm ur comments here). But u have married him already and made ur vows first before God almighty and before many witnessess so cant just throw in d towel cuz u'v hit a rough patch in ur marriage, thats if u fear God and live ur life strictly by His rules, if not then dont bother with my further comments. But if u truly live ur life by God's rules according to d Holy Bible then divorce is not an option for u. I suggest u both need to first find ur way back to God and then seek Godly counsel, that will help u a long way. I suggest "truly faithful", they have facebook and twitter accounts and a website as well. The couple are very grounded in the word of God and they'll help u get back on track in ur marriage by d grace and help of God. Dont give up dear, God loves u and has a great plan for ur life and marriage. #beencouraged.
what are u waiting for? get a divorce
The 1st yr or will i say 1st few yrs in marriage r usually difficult because you havent ever lived with each other before,are u submissive? Do u listen to him,do u communicate effectively?he may be childish too but u are the woman and you have to be the more mature one,do u pray together?remember a family that prays together stays together,take things easy,communicate more,listen to each other more,lastly re u a good cook?remember the way to a mans heart is through his tummy,i wish u the best of luck
My dear, your marriage can work if you are determined and committed to see it work. Every marriage has it own unique challenges, people have gone through similar situations in their marriage and have emerged stronger in their relationship. I recommend you watch this movie - "Fireproof".
You can begin to do 2 things to buld your marriage.
1. Stop the negative emotions - you need to be more tolerant of your husband and overlook his attitude. Be respectful and nice despite all his bad behavior, this will get his attention and that way you can begin to talk to him and believe me, he will listen to you.
Secondly, don't give up. You might not see the change immediately but sure enough it will come. Remain prayerful and change your attitude from "I want out" to "I am committed to see my marriage work."
God bless you.
Young lady as a woman, u shud knw hw to protect and build ur home no one will do dat for u. Som1 hv to lay low for anoda and if he doesn't it den means dat u as a woman will hv to play d fool to kip ur marriage. Stop complaining and beg him since most men hv ego. Woman go back to ur hubby and make peace.
Make yourself happy.
Kill yourself. Shekina!!!
Ma'am, in my candid opinion, shld divorce alws be a way out of stalemates? Its only normal that both of u get @ loggerheads from time to time and then @ some point rub off well enof to arrive @ a compromise, live together happily knowing each other's flaws and working around it. Pick a cue from ur parents, they must have had their own issues too back in the days but worked it out rather than running away each time there's a collision. That's cowardice!! Summary: Be patient wit him, pray for him and make that compromise! Am sure God wld soften him too to also shift grounds and be the 'greatest husband ever liveth!' Good luck! Twitter: @merotiwon1
Sweetheart,I'd advice you to talk to a marriage counsellor,nt LIB readers,but before then,pick up this books, ' five love languages for married people ' and 'towards a growing marriage' both by Gray Chapman. Make sure you finish these books and apply the principles in it before making any rash decision dear..be patient,marriage is hardwork....wish you the very best.
My dear poster whoever you are! Welcome to the world of marriage! The grass is always greener on the other side, but go closer and take a good look! Its always like that for newly weds. The key is tolerance and patience! Don't loose hope, don't give up....things will surely get better! Most importantly PRAY, PRAY and PRAY again! Good luck!
Clemmie
Arrangee marriage will always go wrong
Sweetheart,I'd advice you to talk to a marriage counsellor,nt LIB readers,but before then,pick up this books, ' five love languages for married people ' and 'towards a growing marriage' both by Gray Chapman. Make sure you finish these books and apply the principles in it before making any rash decision dear..be patient,marriage is hardwork....wish you the very best.
People you think are happily
Married could be staging it no use another pesin clock tell ur time my darling as long as he is not beating u you better stay der and pray for divine intervention no marriage is perfect. Do ur job as a wife and leave the rest to God. Be patient. It's not easy!
Firstly,I think it is wrong for you to assume that your friends are all happily married...you would be surprised the number of people who are in sham marriages putting up the kind of front you and your husband are putting up. Secondly, i'm sure you just didnt notice all those negative things about him when you got married..they were right there staring you in the face but women being women tend to ignore some flgrant red flags when they want something at all costs. The deed is done however. I owuld think that your reason for wanting to leave the marriage would be because he hits you or cheats on you or something more sinister. you both sound like spoilt kids trying to get your way. Sometimes being selfish ruings every singel thing in a marriage. If you don't have the desire to make things work,no matter the advice given ont his forum,you will walk. However,if you want to make things work,you need to start thinking of ways to make things work. talk to him and find out if he also wants to make things work..Its funny but you never once mentioned that you loved him or he,you.While love isn't the all saving grace, it's a start to turning things around.. Lastly? pray like you have never prayed in your entire life!
WELL NEXTIME U WONT RUSH INTO MARRIAGE! STUPID NIGERIAN GIRL!
Pack your load and leave..Relationship is not by force..Jay_bliss say so via GEJ mouth.
Now u will have to set ur priorities first, do u want ur happiness or that of ur folks or u are more intrested in what pals will say answer dat and u have what u are looking for and for d records u didn't marry him for love u did for wealth and here u are.... All dat glitters is not gold
My advice 2 you is to try and tolerate him,show him love it normal to feel dat way cos u av diff personalities, try 2 understand him and take him d way he his den u suld always pray 4 him and pray dat God change you 2 his taste and you to his, dat wuld help a lot.
If he doesn't physically abuse you, or any other form of abuse, haven put all the people u do not want tto disappoint into consideration, I'd suggest u both seeing a counsellor. All the best..
Your need to be very careful about your decision coz Ÿ̲̣̣̣̥ø̲̣̣̥u̶̲̥̅̊ don't want to disappoint ur parent and Ÿ̲̣̣̣̥ø̲̣̣̥u̶̲̥̅̊ don't want to disappoint urself coz in the process of pleasing others Ÿ̲̣̣̣̥ø̲̣̣̥u̶̲̥̅̊ can't afford to displease urself. Also, Ÿ̲̣̣̣̥ø̲̣̣̥u̶̲̥̅̊ need to pray to God to lead Ÿ̲̣̣̣̥ø̲̣̣̥u̶̲̥̅̊ on the right path.
Forget your parents and your friends in this matter! This is about you Olodo!
See ur life? May God help u o...
Hmmmn! I know how those sort of men can be, have you tried having a long talk with him? And putting your own ego aside as well? Make him understand that u both made vows and how ever your marriage turns out is completely in both of your hands, heart to heart sincere talk I mean, with humility like his wife, let him know that when two ppl from two back grounds come together that there's bound to be adjustments to find a common ground, I can't bring my self to explain all this to u, I'm just trying to say don't fight back, don't be tough, be meek with him, humble, he's ur husband, it takes nothing from you to love and care for him in a way that brings him back to the reality that he chosed u not other women, Talk to him! About how u love him and want your marriage to work, love can weaken any man, and darling relationships are hard work, when u see people pull through long lasting marriages, it s never easy, its not all fireworks and rosy as it seems and I truly believe the home front is completely in the womans hands, we make it work if it must work.. So make yours work!!!!
Patience my dear,pray nd tell him d tinz u don't like,there is no perfect marriage,u nd u alone can fix ur marriage nt libers
Prayer and counselling will help
Pray and think wise 2 live happily 4 d rest of ur life is better than dying in silence is nt ur friends that will stay in d marriage 4 u nor ur parents.
Honey, go and see a marriage counselor first and invite your hubby to join you after a few sessions. Stop pleasing others, live for your self and make your union work. There's no perfect marriage, we work at it.
I realy dnt no wat to say to u bt its such a pity dat ur marraiage is falling apart!! I pray God comes in nd make tins beta for u2....
Aunty linda pls nah. Post my comment.
marriage is not about running away... its about endurance. not about who you love but about who will be there when it matters. thing is, with time everything will change. just give it time
Madam all i can ask from you is for you to seek the face of God on this, our God is a miraculous God,just put everything before Him in prayer and He will surely intervene. I know you are going through a lot but God says you would come out as pure gold.
Everyone seem so in a hurry to get married that they forget its a for better for best and richer and richest stuff.God help them and btw solve ur matter God doesn't lik divorce.sort ur case
Try 2 start all over again with ur husband n work thing out with him.... Pray 2 God 4 good marriage...
Communicate n if it fails u try again,n again n again n if he stil insist,go 2 his mother n if she/dey try n he stil continues 2 misbehave,walk out b4 u die of depression/HBP.
since you said your parent will be disappointed in you for leaving the marriage, then you you to talk with your mum about the whole thing you are passing through. there's no one that will give you the best answer than God and your mum. dont rush out from your marriage, you need God inside your home..
My dear, marriage is all about patience, ability to accommodate, and understanding. I remember my first year of marriage was rough, but with all these I mentioned above and prayer, I am enjoying my marriage now. More so you too need to really humble yourself, because from one of your statement" THE LAST TIME HE TOUCHED ME WAS JUST FIVE MONTH INTO OUR MARRIAGE.I AM SURE HE'S GETTING IT SOMEWHERE ELSE, BUT WHO CARES." It is not too good, so try and humble yourself and be prayerful, I am sure, you would soon come to share good thing about your marriage. It is well.And by the grace of God, my marriage is now over nine years old
U guys need counselling...
I don tire for all dis dear LiB dis Dear LIB readers dat!u jst said u dnt wnt to disappoint ur parents nd u dnt wnt frdz to laugh at u so stay nd wrk tinz out wit ur husband nah!
U cnt do anytin, u are in it already! Pls we ladies shuld luk b4 we get married ooo.........dere is diff btw preparin 4 weddin n preparin 4 marriage, like in dis ladies case she prepared 4 her wedin well but did not prepare 4 her marriage!!!!!
U n ur husband shd visit a counsellor,so u'd be lectured on how to cope with the differences in ur marriage.... Let's hope that works
U n ur husband shd visit a counsellor,so u'd be lectured on how to cope with the differences in ur marriage.... Let's hope that works
My sister my candid advice is that yu should come down from yur highhandedness and be a change yu are looking for, for me divorce is never the answer, pray to God to give yu a solution period
Send him a text message to come on linda ikeji and read your post... I am sure he will have a change of hearth after reading peoples comment... Try it!
lmaoooo...
Hm....it iz well
Babe. .it's too early to throw in the towel on your marriage. .I know you must be going through hell but still try to work things out with him. .go for counseling,ask for God's intervention. .talk to your/his parents so they can help you both. Explore every option. .then if it still doesn't work, you are free to quit, hold your head high and walk out, knowing you did everything humanly possible to save your marriage. Don't care about what your friends will think or say, cuz people will always talk. It's better to be single and be happy, than to stay in a marriage which you obviously aren't happy in...your right man will come. Good luck!!!
"He's getting it somewhere else but who cares" listen to yourself. You just accused your husband being egocentric but I will advise you to MANAGE your own ego too. Maybe things will work out.
See a marriage counselor
(born again child says so)
Leave him shikenan,no child,so u Ave notin 2 loose,u didn't tell us ur age,I Ave a feeling like I knw dis couples.
Its marriage. Make it work. Its a "for better or worse" road. You started walking already so finish it. No one's marriage is perfect.
Hu told u ur frns ar hapily married,de alwayz com out and act lyk deirs is d best bt I swear som ar passin 2ru hell nd de ar stronger dan u bcos de kip deir head high nd smile wen de ar out,bt u,u ar allowin urs weigh u dwn,comon 90%of women ar passin 2ru som stress or d other bt it takes a strong woman 2 overcome it,y nt b a strong woman 2day?it happens lyk dat somtimes even 2 our parents hu ar married 4 so many years,and I also tell u dat uv allowed d devil 2 take charge over ur marriage,see tak som tym 2 fast and pray,at least every last week of d month,pray 4 reunion,he wud anser bcos he's nt in support of broken marriages,just try 2 b d gud woman,a virtuous woman,just play d mumu part plz,its lyk dat o,afterall he's d head nd he's older dan u,keep respectin him,plz I noticed pride in both of u,plz kill ur own pride,d one hu apologizes first is d bravest,me self am nt married o bt I usually tak som tym 2 fast nd pray 4 reunion of I nd boo bcos somtimes d devil wants 2 play a smart one on us,comon mak ur marriage work 2day plz nd remember,divorce is NOT an option,gudluck
I'♏ thinkin henceforth before Α̅ny marriage ȋ̝̊̅§ formalised τ̣̣ђё couple should b allowed 2 leave togeda Ƒ̐δя̣̣ Α̲̅ year afterwhich d̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ can conclude if d̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ can marry ō̶̲̥̅я̣̣ и̲̮̣̥̅̊ό̲̣̣̣̥†̥ else ε̲̣̣̣̥ wuld b havin α̲̅s much divorces α̲̅s marriages soon especialy τ̣̣ђё elaborate ones crumbling Lȋ̝̊̅Ҟ£ Α̲̅ pack ό̲̣̣̣̥f cards
work out your differences... you both should see a marriage counselor.
Y did u marry a guy that u don't know so well, free ur self and free d guy and get a divorce so that u both can part ways and meet some one else that can make u happy. The journey is still far and u don't need 2 be misreable and frustrated, u better end d marriage now!
There is no perfect marriage my dear Sister, even your friends may not be happily married as you envisaged. Why not try as much as possible to ask your hubby why he no longer "admire and need" you the way he used to. Something must have gone wrong somewhere! All marriages have ups and downs, just don't give up my dear, persevere and lean backward, try to humble yourself before your husband, let him know that you love him so much, do not drag third party to your Family issues. As for him not "touching" you, you ought to care and make the move except you have somebody doing it for him, I must be sincere, from the way you sounded, YOU ARE AROGANT AND PUMPOUS, please humble your self my dear and enjoy your marriage, above all be prayerful.
i think you should try and fix it. your ability to fix shows you are not a failure. but if u leave am sorry the other ones might be worse than this. thats why our parents are together.
Madame post my comment nah!
Lmaooooooooooooooooooooo
My dear pls try to calm down. Study ur husband. His likes and dislike and calmly make him understand u too. Pls don't try to do it in a hard way
I don't think you marriage is over. I think both of u need to talk with a good marriage councellor, take a vacation and wt prayers d spark can still come alive. I pray dat u will find happiness in ur marriage in Jesus name. Amen. Uncle D
What makes you think all your friends are happily married?
very sorri, story too dry to advice u ma... place d guy on OLX!
brave heart says so
Resigh
You only prepare for wedding not marriage.. so many ladies are blinded by wedding.. You need to marriage councellor ..
Please pray and seek counseling.
Most of all, you have to learn to love him and tolerate his behaviour since it has not led to domestic violence.
But if he abuses you, then you will have to leave the marriage and forget what people will say.
By the way, who cares about how your parents will feel.
who asked them to do an elaborate wedding for you in the first place.
You shouldn't live your life base on what people feel or what they will say.
Pray, Be patient and love!
Prayers can do wonders.Turn to God and be steadfast and he will turn d table around for you.Good luck....
I AM SURE YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO..IF NOT BRING YOUR COCONUT HEAD CLOSER AND LET ME GIVE YOU A HARD KNOCK ON IT.STAY DIA O...BECAUSE OF WHAT PEOPLE WILL SAY O!..NO WONDER THEY SAY LADIES HAVE FISH BRAIN SEF
Babe it's rily unfortunate but ur happiness is very important and since you guys can't work it out, you best pack ur bagss and face the consequences lurv
No dear, they r not happily married, they r seeing some or worst dan ur seeing but they r handling it well. Talk to ur hubby pet him treat him nice and act like u care even if u feel he doesn't notice u, keep doing it he will turn around. Ur full of pride and ur own ego is killing u. Try harder dis is for beta 4 worse or else his beating u. Its ur duty to bring him down and stop looking for where to run to, its ur home so make it homely its all in ur hands.
Stay married!Make it work!!!rubbish excuses
Resign
My dear, if you are tired you better file for a divorce, if u are tired after one year, I wonder what will happen in 10 years time, you would have killed each other by then. A lot of your friends that you claim are happy, might just be sad too, but dey all pretend to be happy, if you put people before you happiness, you will end up a miserable woman.
Seriously dnt hv anytin 2say........u need 2let ur guard down tooo, cux it seems d both of u r takin d highway, 2ships can't lead in same both. Since he actz like a baby treat him like one, be d maturd person in d r/ship... Be d man in ur r/ship pamper him n mk him see reasons wit u....there's always a way 2deal wit humans**d said itz Only wen a mosquito is on ur testicles, dtz only wen u'll c violence is not d only way out
My dear, pray and try and sort it out with him but if it is not working,please walk away. Your happiness is much more important than what your family or friends will think about you.
This is my first post on this blog. Its such a pity that we get married for d wrong reasons. My dear, you've made ur bed, u have to lie on it. Marriage is supposed to be till death break you apart. Im sure u made dat vow. Now, u have to stay nd fix d mess u got into. Dats my advice. You would thank me later.
Work on it... I still dont understand why we (females) rush into marriages these days?! Its either because our friends are getting married or because society is questioning. People dont understand... the wedding is 1 (ONE) day... the guests join in the celebration and oton they go home... the marriage is the rest of your lives. Think hard... Pray harder. Running isnt always the way out
Hello so sad to hear such. But de mistake has been done,but still hope I want u bare sometin in mind dat women are de one build deir home not even ur parents or friends can.since de case has gotten to dis point deres one last joker and is GOD bring him in and see de defference.shed no more tears is well dats part of challange in marraige.don't trow in de towel.push further deres light ahead.go onur kneels and change ur husband.in other words talk to to ur creator(GOD)............[Footprint]
Do what u shld.
PeAcE
Welcome to society wedding season 206
My dear pray and sort it out with him, but if it is not working, please walk away. Your happiness is much more important than what your family and friends will think of you.
My dear it depends on what u want, ur happiness or ur friends & family happiness. Babe talk 2 ur parent thy will understand
Sorry
In all u av said u didn't mention luv sounds lik u never luved him so y did u marry him anyway I think the only way a marriage wil work is wen there is luv, friendship and understanding moreover there are a lot of beautiful girls out there looking 4 hubby so u better make it work o and we av heard ur side of the story but avnt heard his any u should better make it work 4 urself and also 4 ppl that bought ur aso ebi o cos nw the money is goin 2 waste
My dear opting out of the marriage might not be the best solution cos u don't knw wat else u wil get out there. Try to talk out things wit ur husband n find out d cause of this love gone sour. No marriage is perfect cos it is a union of two imperfect beings. Have a heart-to-heart talk wit ur hubby, who knows u might save ur marriage. Get down ou knees too cos it might not be ordinary u knw. U can never underestimate d power of a praying woman. Gudluck.
Surulere! Dats all
And who told u ur frds r happly married. If u guys can't wrk it out den it's over no big deal. Wit time ur parents will gt over it
If u cant stand each other den sit each other.
My dear, try evry possible way dat is good to make it work. It is in ur hands to do it. Work nd pray! Meanwhile, I'll keep u in my little prayer. God help u!
PUSH: Pray Until Something Happen. Be positive about dis situation that God will take charge of His Heart and make the Marriage work for your good. Dont Give Up on God...cos He wont give Up on U on your Knees for that Change you Desire.
God will show U favour Dear.
Who told u ur friends r all happily married? Look u better stop looking at d faces of people round u and take d bull by d horn. Call for a family meeting involving ur parents and his then pour ur heart out making them understand that if there are no changes for d better u would walk out of d marriage. Ur happiness comes first.
hmm, i totally understand what u r going through.and trust me ur friends that u think are happily married, probably arent. Alot of ppl keep up appearances! felt the same way few months after wedding. got married in a very elaborate way too. I felt i didnt know who i was married to. But today, almost two years into the marriage things are much better. i have learnt to pick my battles. and now when there is an arguement and m first to say sorry i find him saying sorry to almost imdtly. except u two never really loved each other. but pls try to still make an effort. i hope this helps. and pray, that cant be over emphasized.
Babe, you gave given two reasons already why you shouldn't quit your marriage; so stay in it, in misery for the rest if your life. I still find it amazing the reasons people get married this days, nit love just for economic, business. And social status reasons. Well, happy miserable life
First thing is : YOU ARE NOT ALONE! There are lots and lots of marriages experiencing similar if not same as you are. I'd suggest you seek a counselor ( pastor if you'd prefer).
Marriage takes a lot of discipline and patience if you want it to work.
Both of you should air out your frustrations and seek better ways to make things work.
GOOD LUCK!
Spk to ur parents about this and give it time atleast 2years. I had a worst experienced but after two years crying everyday, things started getting better and better. We've been together now for 10yeras and I love him now than I ever did when we first met. You just have to make him think that he is having his way just accept what ever he says but trust me at the end of the day you way will be the way.
Learn to love ur hubby,love is all about development,wen u do dat he will have no other choice dan to love u back,secondly in all u do let God be ist both in dat ur marriage so dat tins will work out d way u want them.gudluk
I don't believe in patching marriage, think of urself ur parents & friends av dere life to live. May God direct u to d right part.
Since you're putting this out there, it means you really still care about your marriage and want it to work, so there's still hope. Unfortunately, you've only mentioned the bad things about your partner, what about the things that you loved and made you marry the guy, i'm sure it's still there but you're only focusing on the bad things. Also, your reasons for doing things, kind of means you're not really sure what you want for yourself, your parents have lived their lives, it's your turn, make your own choices that you're convinced are correct,also, your friends might even have bigger problems in their marriages that they are working on, who cares what they think, it's your life, you only met them along the way. Finally, i'm sure your man has his complaints also, marriage is compromise for somethings, talk about it, if he refuses to change, love his curves and edges, all his perfect imperfections(lol) and most importantly, introduce JESUS Christ to your marriage, since i was born, I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYONE NOR ANYTHING GO WRONG WITH CHRIST JESUS, try this for a few months, choose to only see the good your man does and ignore or laugh at the sillies. You'll be fine. i'm sure your parents struggled through worse in their time and they're winners because they persevered. Also get advice from your mom or dad, whom ever you're sure has given you the best advice through time. It's very normal to go through this during your first years of marriage, it's nothing new, don't now over react and mess up a good future. stick through it. Fight for the man you married.
Iwu onye ara!
Marriage is built on covenant, love and sacrifice. Expensive wedding is not the basis for a lasting relationship. There must be something good in this man so I will advise for the peace of their mind come together, reason together to build each other up.
Is this all you think of yourself? Your so concerned about what people think. It won't help you go far in life when you think like that. I will advice you to stick with your husband... Your vows were till death! Take time and go back to what you used to do then that made him happy.. Trust me alot of revelations start turning up after marriage if every one was tired like you... Then there won't be people with happy homes! Alot of things happen in those your friends marriages but they wont tell you.. 1) God frowns at divorce. 2) if you leave him, tons of women will yank him 3) if you can't deal with his ego, another can contain it. 4) he choose to marry you irespective of d many women out there 5) if ou leave him and go, what give you the impression that the next erosn wouldn't be worse? Babes, hold onto your man and pray to God! You guys should take about these stuffs regularly... Let him know how you feel and know how he feels too. Alot of men have Ego's , it just varies at their time of harnessing! Think about it!
Do not quite it,try and tolerate him,creat a happy space in ur heart, talk to ur self,I mean, neglect his bad caracters, always see d gud tins in him. Not all ur frnds r happily Married. Keep Moving, u must find Happiness, but in all, u have to pray..its not a Big deal, quitting wunt fetch u Happiness.. k I Wish u wat u expect frm ur man.
God is Love .you need God in your marriage to make it work.I had similar issues in my marriage for the first four years.it was God that restored my marriage.please do not give up.Fight for your marriage and home.You can make it work
My dear poster,there re no marriage made in heaven...1stly U must submit the man's authority.I read alot of arrogance and lack of respect in your mail.Please and please assume the role of a wife which is building the home and mending fences.Let go of all the hurt and lovingly submit to the government in authority.I assure you things will change and most especially hold prayers together. A family that prays 2geda stay 2geda.Ur marriage can never be a sham and U must persevere to make it work.Have fun and lets hear from you soon. U can even go for counselling.But be sure to seek wise counsel pls.Nkmama
I pity your situation young lady< but I am very sure the key to your peace and good marriage lies in your hands. some women find it difficult to come to terms that they are married. Some men resort to this type of attitude when you hurt their man nature in him, perhaps he is not a real man on bed, may be he is not man enough, perhaps nagging, perhaps you do not see any thing wrong with what you SAY and what you DO. I am married and I know what am taking about. Every successful marriage happiness lies with the woman. Please look inwards, your husband can still change, just give it a trial. Thank you.
I pity your situation young lady< but I am very sure the key to your peace and good marriage lies in your hands. some women find it difficult to come to terms that they are married. Some men resort to this type of attitude when you hurt their man nature in him, perhaps he is not a real man on bed, may be he is not man enough, perhaps nagging, perhaps you do not see any thing wrong with what you SAY and what you DO. I am married and I know what am taking about. Every successful marriage happiness lies with the woman. Please look inwards, your husband can still change, just give it a trial. Thank you.
NEKYNYMOUS said...... Oh girl!!! sit down and make things work out. Marriage is a beautiful thing my sister. Draw closer to God and seek HIS grace @ all times and your marriage will bloom again. If you think divorce is the best option, then I wish u all the best....PLEASE MAKE IT WORK!!!
Чσυ both need counseling b4 tinking of a divorce...
My dear humbly invite Jesus to fix your marriage.
Why are African women are pressured into marriage; THIS SHOULD STOP!!! the amount of unhappy marriages i see around me is really sad. marriage is sacred and a life time commitment. it is very essential to to court for awhile before settling down. Marry someone you know at least 70% and you are sure you can handle his or her character.
Your story goes to show you barely knew your husband before marrying him, or must have ignored slight traces of his arrogance but must have shoved it aside hoping he will change when you settle down.
I do not think ones marital affair and happiness should be determined by family, friends or the society at large.
If your not happy and he is not happy... you both should have a discussion, not a confrontation, look for a middle ground...
if you find none, unfortunately you should leave the marriage.
I SEE NO REASON WHY TWO PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT COMPATIBLE SHOULD AGREE TO GET MARRIED IN THE FIRST PLACE.
*people need to pls pls stop being pressured to get married
Marriage challnges wen it comes to d part of a woman ,generally don't get easy.luk now u considern ur parents nd ur friends nd seriously dat makes it more difficlt to take a decision.dis is marriage nd som oda plc u wlk in nd out of.we all can giv u advice enuf.just calm down,try tlk tins wit ur husbnd in a friendly mood den tlk to God to have His way in ur marriage cos its an institution created to b enjoyd.
Madam allow me ask you some questions: if you had an expensive car or phone that had a problem,would you walk away from it or would you fix it & continue using it? How would you know if your friends are really happily married? Have you & your man talked about the issues in your marriage or do you guys just don't give a damn? In as much as you want out,finding & fixing the problems in your marriage is still the best option here but the ball is fully in your court as only you know what you are going through. From your statements it seems your marriage was an 'arranged' one & you guys got married based on other peoples views about both of you,there lies the problem. I wish you the best in whatever decision you take as long as it makes you happy in the end.
Discuss it with the folks and let them feel for themselves. As for friends, may be they are putting up a façade as well.
Thing is I think it is soon to call it. But maybe that's your threshold, lets hope its not emotional ADHD
I will recommend that you read the book: 'She stoop to conquer', then read the Bible precisely 1st Corinthians 1:1-40. The first thing you need to learn is that all men has ego and we crave for the respect of our wives. God knows us well which is why He said 'wives, submit to your husbands'. The Bible also reminds us that Sarah reverenced her husband so much that she called him 'My Lord'. Please try the following: 1. Burry your pride (someone has to play the FOOL for the other. 2. Call your husband for talks (My wife does this regularly and we sort out matters)
3. Tell him he is the head of the family and he leads while you follow. Tell him you want the marriage to work.
NOTE: My female boss once told me that 'Marriage is 10% God and 90% our personal effort. To that extent, you have to work out your marriage and make it work! Work it out. Play the FOOL and stoop to conquer. God will help you. Olu Baba.
Na wa o...Tins like dis jst scares me from d word "Marriage". What some married pple r facing ehn, dey wld rada wish to be single. My candid advice to u is dt since d weddin is stil fresh, u guys can give it sum more time to make it work. Guess its lack of understanding due to d short courtship u had so I believe u can still work on it or better still visit a Marriage Counsellor. It is well
Girl get out of that marraige why you still can,coz honestly happiness is all that matters and you are only young for a short time..I had a similar dilemma,met this guy and in less than 2months we got married(even though in my heart I knew he wasn't all the man I needed and I didn't even love him,he was just too nice and I didn't want to hurt him..long story short we got married,he turned out to be a monster,extremely Possessive and very very violent,infact the 2years I spent being his wife was the worse times of my life!either I was bitter or crying,no genuine moment of happines..but I summoned courage and got out,coz that was the only way I could get my life back..so lady,please think deeply about it and know that at the end of the day all that matters is your peace of mind,you' re the one in that marriage not your family or friends..x
Babes, ask most married couples ts like dat in d first year.... Just b patient, u r the wife.... Softt pedal for him.... Do things the way he wants dem done..... Dont stop praying... Make up ur mind u wont let him get u angry.... Keep urself happy... Focus less on d things he does u dont like... When he is done he will change and den ul enjoy urselves.... Keep calm,its normal... I've only been married for less dan a month though but I believe dis will work for you..ts well darlyn
Look 4 the reason u married him in the first place, look 4 those good qualities, divorce is nt always the answer n I suggest u open up to a marriage concellor and ur parents
divorce since its what you want na abi! forget what have been spent. its your future at stake. your happiness is paramount. forget all the guest who came or the money spent. if not you live with it and if you don't have the courage to continue, you would just give your self heart attack for nothing sake. cos we women, we have so many issues. we are never satisfied just like the man is not ever satisfied. the fact is you would continue to pick at everything he does at this point and that would raise more issue for the both of you. but if he his a calm person he would tolerate you, but one day the table might turn if you continue that way. better still, learn to love him more and pray. Marriage is not by force anymore these days oh. some men would be happy to be single at all cost. Don't you see oyinbo people who have children and living together but not married yet. They take their time to decide if they really wanna be with each other. But social media has mislead many because you see people getting married everyday, no marriage is perfect. not every married couple have the guts to wash their dirty linen out for the world to see and then you conclude they are a perfect couple. so the bottom line is, you both sit down and decide what you really want.
Well it's important for u to follow the path of Christ. It is not advisable to quit ur marriage just under a year. Both of you have baggage that you brought into the union it is important for you to first consider the reasons why you married him and genuinely ask yourself if you can live without him? If you can , fine . If you can't, then I suggest you be patient and try to make things work. I pray the good lord will help you to make the right choice. God bless
I truly sympathize with you but there is nothing as bad as living your life for someone else even your parents.
I personally don't believe in divorce especially where there has been no physical or sexual abuses but incompatibility is also a major cause of separation.
I would advice that you CALMLY talk things over with your partner, tell him how you feel about things and also listen to how he feels about the same issues. Lack of proper communication is a major cause of so many problems in marriages. And for the issue of him saying he doesn't want to be with you again, pls don't take things he says to you when he is angry to heart, couples say all kinds of crazy things when they are upset and even you. Believe me, I have heard far worst and thess couples are still happily married.
If after talking things out there isn't any real change, then opt for a bit of separation. Go stay with your parents or friend and see how things work out. Separation can help both of you to realise if you truly love eachother and miss eachother.
All am saying is give the marriage a FIGHTING chance, to bail out in the next available door because of a challenge is to give up without even a fight and what tells you your next relationship won't come with its own challenges.
Every marriage comes with its own peculiar challenge but fight for yours. A marriage that has gone through so much is far better and compact than one that has gone through nothing and those your friends won't really tell you what they are going through in their own marriages, for all you know, they too could be putting up the same front you are putting to the public. Pls fight for your love, your marriage is worth it.
But do not stick to a marriage if there is physical abuse just because you want to please anyone. Report it to your parent.
Cece J
What you are going through is not new and most couples have their fair share of BIG challenges in marriage. This phase will surely pass. There are many reasons that can cause such challenges between couples but you mentioned EGO of your husband. I do not know if you were close prior your dating but in my own opinion less than a year of dating wasn't enough time to really know someone you intend to spend the rest of your life with.
In conclusion, marriage is sacred, you both said those vows for better for worse so let it count. My dear, do not even think of divorce or separation. Pick a convenient date, tell him you want to have a chat with him when he is less hostile, tell him your concerns and how you want to be better for him and how you want him to be better for you. When you change the way you think about him, and let it show. it gets easier from there. All the best, God bless
First daughter can't work out her 1yr marriage and wants to get a divorce? Hmmm na waa ooo
Make your marriage happy. Stay married the next guy is not devoid of these fault he has.
Stay married and humble yourself to your husband. I'm sure there is better ways you can have yourways when you overcome him with love.
Good luck
There's nothing you can't make work if you are willing,moreso if both of you are willing but when both of you are not willing,my dear find hapiness in something else,this maybe difficult or you can take live separately.
That way you are still married and you don't have to stand each other.
Except you really want out.
Pray, there is nothing God cannot do. Divorce is not the only way out.
Eeeya.
Go & talk to his parents
You're doing the same thing that got you into this mess. You didn't fully think it through, and you got married. Now, you've not fully thought it through and you want to run away. NEWS FLASH: Most Nigerian Men are egocentric and everything you described your husband to be.
First be the change that you want to find. Actually try to fix yourself and your marriage before you start crying wolf.
Divorce is equally as hard as a bad marriage oh. Forget your parents and your friends. If you do it, you wont be able to run away from the situation like it seems like you usually do.
Your happiness is much more important dear. Follow ur heart though.
My dear marriage is all about tolerance all those ur friends who are happily married are not telling u truth about wat dey face in their own marriages but they are in dey making it work,men wld always b men wit all d ego stuff but u shld over look it & knw he's trying 2 b a man now.dont get offended wit all he does.if u'll sit ur mum down & ask ha how ha marriage was wit ur father she wld tell u it wasn't easy & it's still not easy.so my dear just b tolerant & all will work out fine
From your write-up, it appears it is not just your husband that has issues. Your reasons for getting married and staying married all seem to center around everyone else but the other most important person in the marriage which is you (the other person being your husband of course) You say you continue to endure the marriage bcos of your parents and because you want to keep up appearances with your seemingly happily married friends. What about you? What do you really want? Life is what we make of it and ideally you should do what makes you satisfied and sleep with a clear conscience at night. Frankly speaking I am one of those individuals that believes once you say I do, it should be for life. Come thick or thin; rain or sunshine etc... You don enter, you don enter. Anything you find there, be prepared to accommodate and handle. That is why you should get married for the right reasons to the person of your choice. Don't be like am Adam wey blame God for giving him the woman that influenced him to sin. I still believe that your marriage is salvageable, one of you is going have to play the bigger man and be patient and tolerant. It will most likely have to be you. Instead of over-emphasizing your husband's bad sides, try to recall the lovely things about his personality that made you fall for him in the first place after all, na you say yes to am when e toast you etc. They no bring am come from village for you to marry. Try to re-kindle the affections that once were. Also it does not hurt to initiate sex if he is not stirring things up. You can also discuss it with him, it may be that it is something about you that turns him off sexually as of late. If you guys talk about it, you can address the problem(s). It may be a recent weight gain/loss that is unattractive to him; poor hygiene; fatigue on his part etc... My dear, just try cos sometimes the fire is not always as bad as it seems but you will not know until you try to put it out.
This type of situation is synominous with two kids from affluent backgrounds getting married.The truth,in most cases are that, both parents impose the decison on their children,in order to consolidate their family and business relationship.The kids at times do not have any choice,but to ahead with the arrangement,since they have not been financially liberated from their parents financial apron strings.In cases were they are partially liberated,the thought of losing out from the bigger inheritance serves as a deterant from disobeying their parents.In other cases,the ladies in this type of marriages find it difficult to be subservient and obedient to their husbands,since their parents are equally rich and therefore,her future is assured emotionlly.
Your case is a sorry one but you can still bring him back. First check yourself and correct what you are doing wrong. Secondly take your problems to God in prayer this lenten season with true repentance. Pray for your husband and make him happy. Invite him to wedding services and make sure but of you listen to the sermon. Discuss the sermon on geting home. Try to pray together God will help you to keep your marriage
No one forced you into this union. You both took and oath in front of God and his congregation. You are a woman and its your duty to keep your house in order and not seeking unwarranted advice from third party individuals. Did you both go for counselling before marriage, if No then please do so. Make out time asap with your husband and make this marriage work. Trust me there are a lot of people "friends" waiting for you to utter the words its over and then just watch them laugh at you. Be prayerful and try try and try to humble your self to him. He is a man and will surely turn around. We can be like that sometimes. Please bear and Good Luck!
My dear its always lik that @ d begining of every marriage(afta wedding I mean)jst be calm and pray tins will normalize walkin out of ur marriage is nt an option for a wize lady.
I know how it feels, it's always like that @ the beginning of marriage, u quarrel with ur siblings talk more of a guy u just married about a year ago, him he is feeling trapped and that's the truth. It's the woman that keeps the home. If u still want ur pride, u should just try to think and remember his good qualities too, it wasn't all bad from the first now was it? Try to remember those things that attracted u to him, try to talk to him, humble urself, marriage is not affair if u are waiting to continue getting that lovers control over him u r living in a dream world it won't happen immediately, but it will happen when u guys start loving eachother. U must make urself look good to show him what he is missing, u must be ready to apologize and u can try n seduce ur man abeg! Five months! Girl are u a nun or do u have ur own boyfriend too?Leaving ur home is the greatest f**k up to happen to u especially if u r igbo. Try to address the main problem apologize even if u r right it will make him guilty! Finally try to conceive, children have a wonderful way of giving u new perspective making u more matured, if u r thinking of going back to ur parents, it won't be as sweet as b4 u married o, me I went back more than 5 times they chased me back but the last time my brother's wife gave me the insults and humiliation that can last me for my life time so, I decided to make my home work! And guess what she is my very goo friend now cos if not because she insulted me, I would not have had my beautiful kids. It has not been easy but if u humble ur self n open up ur self to learning and correction it will work. I pray God would give u the wisdom to act.
My dear, you have to and must work out your marriage, you are in and there's no coming out forget about what your parents and friends will say, what about what God will say?
Now, you say your hubby is egocentric, spoilt and stuff, you have to realize that those are his weaknesses just like you have yours, and I want to tell you that you can find a middle ground...your character! How do you react to this his egocentric nature? Do you attack him? Or try to rub shoulders with him? No my dear. You have to be humble, submissive and patient with him, and I bet you'll see changes, learn to respect his view, decisions and opinions as your head cos he is the master!
Let your character change him, you can do it with the help of God!
First, you have to give your life to Christ because that is the only thing that can help you to be humble. Ask God for the spirit of humility so that you will be able to submit totally to him. Ask God to renew the wine of love in your marriage. Marriage is what you make of it; you must be ready to cooperate. No matter his character, be ready to accept him as he is. Don't try to change him but rather try to change your own perspective and attitude towards him.With the help of God you will enjoy the marriage overtime but you need a lot of patience. Wish you the best!
So why the fuck are u telling us? People De one corner De find husband badly u De say u can't stand Ur own. Then u both should fucking leave each other simple. Abi Na we help am put ring for Ur hand? Nonsense talk
You sound like u don't know God. Do u pray at all? don't u know the devil is out to ruin homes? please get this prayer book ''WOMAN THOU ART LOOSED'' by pastor Odukoya of MFM. Use it to pray it will help you.
been there done that....
Ask us again! U want out! Isn't it yhr duty 2 mk yhr marriage wrk??? He's egocentric oh yea? U cnt hv 2 captains in a ship! 1 persn must compromise! Anyway, it's obvious thr isn't love in ds union, cos if u hhhad married yhr hubby outta love, u won't be sayin ds shit! So, na u sabi!!!
I'm sure if you dig deeper into your friends' so called happy marriages, you will find they probably have it a lot worse than you do and are also keeping up appearances like is the custom here in Nigeria.....especially Lagos high society...girl! Do what's best for you. Trust me, they will find the next person to gossip about and move on from you in due time. Good luck babes.
So u re trying to say u were not aware of this his attitude b/4 u married him abi. U went into this marriage with ur eyes open and now u can't stand him, abeg try stand am u hear, marriage is for better for worse or better still u fit jst siddon dey look.
Women!
Ur friends are all happily married..hw sure r u?
Gues they think d same about u too..
Pray for God's intervention..
well..every thing sums up to u dating him less than a year before getting married.....well you should have known your man very well before tieing the knot...
No two marriages are the same, so stop comparing with others. Who cares if your friends laugh at you, your happiness and wellbeing is more important. The fact that you can confidently say your marriage was an 'investment' shows me you don't care for this marriage. You might as well leave.
Keeping up appearances is a waste of your energy, you better start living your life now. The people you are trying to please may be suffering in their own marriages. You're wealthy, you'll live a decent life, it's not like you're dependent on this guy. If there is no hope left. Leave.
PS if your friends laugh at you in the midst of a break up, they are not your friends. Change friends too.
Take it to God in prayers. Divorce is a no no. Just pray ur way out. U both can learn to love eachoda. U must make it work. Since u didn't prepare well for marriage. U just hav to make it work thru prayers
Pls quit....forget about what people will say, thank God you don't have any issue yet, quit and move on with ur life.
My Dear, you did not marry for anybody. Dont stay in for anybody.
Explore sincere ways of solving your marriage challenges. Overcome hate with love and dont underlook the place of prayer but if it gets to a point that your feel insecure for you life, my dear OUT
Exercise patience, most men are like that. He will change defintely. Show him more love like never before
If u askkkk meeee na who i go askkkk?
If u askkkk meeeee na who i go askkkkk?
If u askkkk meeee na who i go askkkk?
My dear,be prayerful devil is @work,try and sit him dwn nd talk to his senses buh if no changes,u beta face ur work and look for substitute out there who wll make u apy cos u re too young to get hypertension
Y dnt u call yah parent or his nd explain tins 2 dem. It might work out if u still wnt it to bt am telling u dere is ntn out dere..
Everyone told u he was your ideal guy so u got married to him;now that you want out ,you are still considering what your friends and family would say about it.Why is ur life dependent on peoples opinion?your friends are happily married because they work things out within themselves(their marriage isn't perfect).have a pep talk with your husband.
freddie
Sorry,dear.
U'v made a mistake already by marrying someone who u obviously didn't knw so well.
Its seems u were nt friendly enof to stay d rest of ur life wit him.
What I notice here is that both families cared too much abt d financial aspect of ur marriage which is just one side of marriage.
Anyway,since he's nt abusive in any way.
Wasn't there anything that he liked abt u then or that u liked abt him that made u go to the aisle wit him ???
Try and find those sparks.
Bcos if u leave him,hw are u sure u'll find love in another man talkless of happiness.
I'd advise that u "love d one u married"
Talk wit him .
Those ur frnds that u believe are living happily everafter,u hv absolutely no idea the hurdles they've had to cross .
So,talk to ur husband.
If need be,talk to ur mum.
She'll understand and tell u hw she ws able to make her marriage to ur dad work.
And most of all,pray hard to God abt this.
Divorce doesn't look like d solution to ur problem as far as I'm concerned.
Bcos he's nt abusive to u.
Dnt allow urself fall into d hands of some "wolves" in sheep clothing that are roaming arnd.
I hope this helps.
u r stil askin wat u shld do.wen u said d marriage s just a yr.well if u must hear my advice. sit hm down nd ask hm wat went wrong wether u v offended hm nd ask hm to let u both gv d marriage a 2nd chance.early days of marrige s usually tough my sister.tel hm wat he s doin dat is upsetting u nd let hm tel u urs too bt after dat nd he s not willin to change.pls walk.dnt suffer ds early cos of wat ppl might say.it wl b hard bt walk my sister cos its like there s no love s a foundation in ur marriage.was it arranged by both families?cos if its so den I dnt tink there s any need tryin to work it out.my opinion.
Young Forever
I advise you both seek deliverance. Its either spiritual wife / husband thts disturbing you both. Its more spiritual than physical. Don't quit the marriage cos you might leave / be leaving your life partner for someone else ' life partner, and that'll be worse.
I advise you both seek deliverance. Its either spiritual wife / husband thts disturbing you both. Its more spiritual than physical. Don't quit the marriage cos you might leave / be leaving your life partner for someone else ' life partner, and that'll be worse.
You are as egocentric as he's. Come down from ur high horse and submit completely to your husband. But you can go on contesting everything with him and have your marriage crumble. Truth is bitter. Ask those who have diarrhea.
If you cant STAND each other,,, get a f##king chair and SIT each other!
IG: @flyboiblingz
at times we dont get wat we feel but you can talk things over with him and there can be amendments make your self the woman he cant live without, then he will come back to you.
hmm,its a little bit serious but der are always two sides to a story we don't know the full details but from Wat uv said i feel u should stay strong and give a positive mind into the marriage cos trust me prayer helps but if u cannot cope again just back out nd stop using "ur parents investment as an excuse"its understandable to feel that way buh ur happiness is an essential thing to fulfilling your life before you turn out to be a wreckage,and above all be very prayerful still.
My dear why don't you try and talk with your husband. What made you fall in love with him.
Pray to God and then go back to the beginning... Hw love all started, find out where the fault is coming from... Solve it and then everytin wil b jus fine
Laugh @ you? Makes me wonder the kind of friends u keep. Back to the Mata for ground ojare, if the last time he touched u was 5 months b4 ur marriage then u guys were done b4 the marriage begins. You just didn't want to admit it to each other then. My advise, RUN!!! before one of u commit suicide or homicide.
Sorry dear
Uve answerd d question ursef....u don't wanna be a lauf stock....then find a way of working things out....
that is if you know you av something or you ar doing something he cant live without. I cant advice you to brake away from him because everything is possible
My dear its either you ask him to attend counselling with you to help work out the issues and rebuild the connection or you walk out of the marriage. It can't be his way or the high way. Something and someone must stoop to conquer.
Its not by force, the friends you think are happily married are all going through their issues, i have since learnt not to admire people on face value. Most people have deep sited issues.
It's not F.K is it? *justasking*
PS: God forbid the next time he touches you he infects you with an STD or even AIDS... GET HELP OR GET OUT
SHEY NA WEALTH VYOU WAN CHOP, CHOP AMMMMM
Face it or die pretending, #GBAM#
My dear, just leave!! You've made this mistake already and I hope you've learnt. Just ball out as soon as you can. Pele
WHO TOLD U ALL UR FRIENDS ARE HAVIMG FRIENDS FAMILY ARE OK.EVERYFAMILY AND MARRIAGE HAS ITS OWN WAHALA.PLS BE HUMBLE,PLAY THE ROLE OF MOTHER AND SISTER TO HIM AND U WILL BE OK.IF HE IS UR BROTHER U WILL TOLEARATE HIM.PLS HELP HIM TO BE A MAN AND FATHER.IF U LEAVE HIM,BOTH OF U WL BE AFFECTED NOW AND IN THE FUTURE.CALL UNTO GOD TO HELP UR MARRIAGE WORKS AND 4GET UR BACKGROUND OR MONEY.GOD BROT BOTH OF U 2GEDA FOR A PURPOSE AND IT MUST NBE FULFILLED IN JESUS NAME ,AMEN.
Talk to him n involve hz parent on hiz behaviour..maybe he could change
Do what u do for urself nd not others. you care too much about what ur friends and parents want. Do what's best for you and don't forget to pray.
Long Throat...Tongue out
Am sure u dumped some 1 who truely love u 2rush this guy cos he's wealthy or from a wealthy home , U go hear am(heheh)#Justkiddingshaa#
Marriage is a cross every married person carry. there is no going back. Jesus is the only one that can help u to carry it. So in this case Humble ursf the more to ur husband, tell him u love him always and also tell him u r sorry wenevr he complains or their is an issue. even if u r not at fault( dat doesn't make u a fool, u r a wise woman who will not give the devil a little chance in her home.) Pray for him always and get closer to God. Note we men loves a humble woman, so humble ursf d more. God bless your home
I know how you feel dear. I'm in the same situation. The fact is Nigerian men are very inconsiderate unreasonable and harsh especially when you have lived abroad for a while then moved back n married a Nigerian that has never lived abroad. No matter how rich or educated they are they have this awful mindset and a lot of times you don't realise it till your married because u start facing very real issues that really brings out they're mean side.
I dunno what to tell u, I'm in the same boat! Hate him
#Lol#Let rich go for rich nd poor for poor , China shoe nd Italian shoe cant go together
No comment! Why are u all bringing ur personal problem too blogs ?
The guy did not do anything just that your up bringing and his own up bring is quite diff..learn to cope in a wealthy world!!Shikina!lolz
honey,u should talk to a counsellor nt LIB readers,but before you throw in the towel please get books on marriage,I'll recommend 'five love languages for married people' and 'towards a growing marriage' both by Gray chapman' please apply the principles in those books before taking rash decisions....marriage is hardwork dear..wish u d best.
Marriage is a cross every married person carry. there is no going back. Jesus is the only one that can help u to carry it. So in this case Humble ursf the more to ur husband, tell him u love him always and also tell him u r sorry wenevr he complains or their is an issue. even if u r not at fault( dat doesn't make u a fool, u r a wise woman who will not give the devil a little chance in her home.) Pray for him always and get closer to God. Note we men loves a humble woman, so humble ursf d more. God bless your home
Marriage is a cross every married person carry. there is no going back. Jesus is the only one that can help u to carry it. So in this case Humble ursf the more to ur husband, tell him u love him always and also tell him u r sorry wenevr he complains or their is an issue. even if u r not at fault( dat doesn't make u a fool, u r a wise woman who will not give the devil a little chance in her home.) Pray for him always and get closer to God. Note we men loves a humble woman, so humble ursf d more. God bless your home
Hehehe
Now you know that the money you calculatively went for is not enough to sustain your happiness.
Your choice, deal with it.
Marriage is not about money, it is a mix, a balance, a prioritized balance.
If you are lucky, things could miraculously turn for your good, otherwise enjoy the abyss of dissatisfaction.
My dear you think you have a problem but I can assure you u don't. Every woman felt this way at one time or the other in marriage,This is the stage of your marriage where you act like a fool and make more of the sacrifice. I can assure you if u stoop now you will conquer. That man will eat out of your hands later. He is trying to break you to assert himself just act broken, be wise, if u ask those your friends who seem happily married u will be surprised the sacrifices they made, if they are honest. Above all pray about everything you will receive grace to succeed
Water don pass garri! Smh. This just establishes my fear about marriage. Especially the people who meet and marry within 1 year. The truth is the first few months you meet is still like the "honeymoon" phase of the relationship. I doubt two people can know themselves so well within a few months to decide to spend the rest of their entire life's together.
After this "honeymoon" face when every1 is happy and sooooo "in love" ( that is what they call it but I have come to find out that, that is hardly love, it is just infatuation), comes the phase where you really get to know one another and the blinds that covers each other's faults are taken away. The thing is this couple never got the chance to know each other. That went from "honeymoon" phase straight to proposal and then marriage.
People need to stop rushing into marriage. It is a life long commitment. Marriage is serious business. When people begin to realize how much their life, their future, the children, their children's future, their health, their wealth and a lot more depends either fully or partially on who they marry, they will begin to take this marriage thing very serious and careful thought.
Young girls and boys, get to know who you are marrying before you rush to the alter. Get to know almost every aspect of that persons life, the good, the bad and the ugly and be convinced that you can deal with it all.
I can never understand how quick people rush to spend the rest of their life with someone they barely know or the people that are ready to compromise on emotional physical and verbal abuse.
Even if this girl divorces now, she will still be identified as so so and so's ex-wife and so will he.
As for the poster, you two should get counseling i.e. If you are interested in salvaging the relationship. If not, u'll need to get a divorce lawyer and get yourself out of the marriage.
Stop been so worried about disappointing your parents, I am sure they will rather have you happy and healthy than be in a marriage which isn't working. Just come out and talk to your parents who knows they may even be able to offer you words of advise and help. I think they are deep issues that need to be addressed with your husband. If you both are willing, take the plunge, talk to him, be honest with yourselves and please get counseling. Think about it this way, you have nothing to lose from trying. If it works, fine! If not, get divorced. But at least try. One year is way to early to give up trying EXCEPT abuse is involved.
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