Dear LIB readers: My boyfriend never wants to set eyes on his mum
From a LIB reader
My boyfriend's parents separated 15 years ago and according to him, his
mother left him and his brother with their father who along with his new
wife maltreated them so much and that all through the years, his mother
did not come looking for them. Now that he is all grown up, he says he
will never forgive his mother and cannot spend his dime on her and does
not want to even set eyes on her. I believe forgiveness is a virtue.
Should I be scared and run away because I fear such a man who cannot
forgive his own mother may never forgive me as well if I wrong him.
Should I really be scared?
Well it's not ur business if he won't forgive his mum, all u have to do is plead with him to forgive her. He's obviously not a strong xtian cos if he his he would understand the importance of forgiveness, cos it means whatever prayer he renders to God is useless...
Maybe that's why you r a part of his life, to help make peace between him and his mum. Forgiveness is not an easy thing to do but trust me, u have sooo much peace when u forgive genuinely from d heart
Plus is it just me or has anyone else noticed that since the inception of LIB giveaway almost everyone now comments with a name, very few anonymous...... including me though...LOL
My dear see don't run away ok my be God want to use u in that family just keep praying for God to touch his heart so dat he will have the spirit of forgiveness and you should all so try an talk to him in a sexy way so that he will not shout at you ok .
Try your possible best to convince him and leave the rest to God....and make no mistake to become an enemy of your mother in law.... ¤ ¤¤¤GUTS OVER FEAR¤¤¤ ¤ ¤¤¤QUEENMAYA¤¤¤
Be very scared but let your fear lead you to prayer. If you truly love him, keep praying that God will melt his heart. Also, keep speaking to him about forgiveness and how grudges keep us from growing and attaining our destined greatness. Its won't be easy to forgive and forget such childhood trauma but with patience and your love, he will get there.
The woman might be somewhere living her life in bliss, and here he is languishing in hate and unforgiveness. He will remain in that emotionally dark place until he lets go.
Besides, what kind of role model will he be to his future son if he has an unforgiving heart? He could inadvertently teach him not to love you, his mother.
Oh, and about the forgiveness part a man who dsnt love his mother is scary I will say. He has to forgive his mother if she is sorry, plus there must be a reasonable explanation why she left. Talk him, tell him it bothers you, and it might affect your relationship. Good luck
My dear, theres no need to be dramatic because that is what you are acting right now. I guess your mum was there for you thats why you wouldn't understand us who our mothers were not died but there were not there! Can you imagine what its like to know your mum is alive and she was not there when you needed her?! Birthdays?graduations?mother's day? Instead of running when he needs you, that is when you should be there for him, thats what my partner did for me. You don't know what it takes to resent someone esp when you know deep down you love them no matter what! Please be there for him and talk him through forgiving, its not easy! I was in those same shoes!
Unless you have plans to hurt him too! What he is dealing with is emotional scars and abandonment issues! But I have never heard of a woman who left her kids and never looked back, that says a lot about your mother in law to be. Try to help him heal and with time he might forgive his mother, it might not happen today, just give him time!
Dear poster, I should advise you use your discretion. Your assertion about him holding a grudge against you for too long in the proximate future is not totally wrong. However, YOU can give him a reason to forgive easily. I didn't see the possibility of that in my own case, so I called a spade a spade, and for GOOD, too!
I couldn't reply that B*tch call herself (EVER YOUNG) on the former post about a woman bitten her child up in Calabar, u says if is not calabar wickedness is AKWA IBOM witchcraft, u re as stupid as Ur comments, Ur whore of a mother didn't tell u were u from that's why u can open that gutter u call mouth to talk rubbish, basterd (TRAM) like u.# THAT AKWA IBOM BOY#
Are you planning to make him suffer like his mom did? Except you have such an agender in mind which i believe you don't, then i believe you have nothing to fear .
D guy may not tell u all that has happened to him while growing up bt i'm sure he has his reasons. I suggest u tk a step at a time. U need to work on him bt it will tk time for him to mk up his mind. U don't need to be scared cos dat does not mean dat he won't forgv u wen u wrong him bt it's simply means u shld not stab him at d exact place d mum did. No one can easily sweep such thing under d carpet
Except if he didnt suck his mother's breast. If he did, if his mother woke up at midnight stayed up all night cos of him, if his mom ran around for him when he was a toddler, if his mom taught him his first words, then your boyfriend can go to hell! He had better ask his dad his the policies he gave and why he moved on too soon. Money that will finish. Keep it to yous stinking self bro!
He may be a bit too bitter towards his mother, but if you think you can do like his mother to your children, then please leave him alone. Some mothers aren't worth that title! Pains inflictedon kids at tender ages remould the future individaul to unimaginable dimensions.
He's still angry that's why its difficult to forgive her, if you're a christian you can start taking him through scriptures that deal with forgiveness and unforgiveness and watch how he reacts to them, then you'll know if you should be scared or not
The pain...maltreatment is very bad...as you said he just unhappy on the way his mum left...men look up to their mother or wife for comfort and safety...since he had none it will be difficult. I don't think that will affect your relationship with him...talk to him carefully and tell him to let go
You should have known his character by now. He might act differently to you. Unless you have some skeleton in ur cupboard $. $. @Mr Endowed via Lumia phone
No do not run away frm him. U can mellow his heart overtime. U dnt knw what he had to paSs through then so pls dnt judge him so quickly. Just pls take ur time with him and pray for him too.. #VIE's OPINION#
Don't run away.you can talk to him and make him see reasons why he shouldn't behave in such way.he should hear his mum story before concluding.i have been in such situation b4 but I learnt my dad kept my mum away from us so I learnt to forgive her.
No. Don't be scared. He needs to forgive her though cos God won't forgive his too if he doesn't forgive. After that he can decide to keep in touch with her or not.
There is no reason for you to be scared, he has every reason to be angry cos he has lost precious years of his live without the love of his mother and you wont understand what that means. All you shud do is stick with him and try make him see reasons why he should try n forgive his mom instead of you trying to point out to him that he has no right to be angry with his mom... Parenting is the hardest job anyone can engage in and not everyone will definitely be good at it...just maybe his mom falls under d category of the terrible ones which is not completely her fault, she also may have good reasons why she acted the way she did but at the end of the day, they shud both realize that they've both missed out in their lives and forgiveness is the only way forward.
Okay.... i was passing by and i couldn't help but see this and put my amebo mouth but heres what i think
DISCLAIMER: this advice is based on my life experiences so far as a a woman and to an extent as a doctor i have taken a couple of psychology classes and i know a thing or two or i like to think so ( note that this advice is unlicensed)
The first thing i have to say is that from reading this message you don't really understand how your boyfriend feels . Your husband is processing and psychologically this can be explained
He is expected to get Feelings of abandonment and he is meant to try to push away. Deep down your husband is wondering what he did wrong to make his mother leave him.... You have to understand that your husband went through a lot of emotinal times in his childhood and such a child is bound to exhibit any of the folowwing physical ailments i.e drug and alcohol abuse, anxiety, depression, creativity, anger, grief. it is not unusal for such persons to exhibit any of these symptoms. if this child goes on in life having to not live without his mother and of the options below had happened to them ( him your bf) --Lack of appropriate supervision --Inadequate provision of nutrition and meals --Inadequate clothing, housing, heat, or shelter --Physical and/or sexual abuse Then i would advice that you do not destroy your relationship with your man over an inner battle that he is nowhere close to solving .....look the most you can do is urge him to but you have to respect your partners decision that is if you are in a sound healthy relashionship which i would hope you are The mind of each and every individual has its own processing and thinking pattern .... i do not believe you have any cause to be afraid
As for your bf he has problems of his own and it seems like he thinks he can go through it alone. The average Nigerian man would never dream of spending money on a therapist so that definitely would not work for you. I can advice that you pray on it ask God to touch his heart if you can try bringing it up with your marriage councillor at church.... but you have to be careful when doing that, just make sure he knows you're concerned and you the last thing you would want him to do in life is have any regrets. So keep hoping for the best but always remeber to respect his decision
I hope i was able to help yours sincerely, Dr williams.
Dont be scared dear... I went through the same thing with my mother. Its not your boyfriends fault, he needs time to get around it in which he eveentually will. it is an exceptionally difficult thing to go through... just leave him, let him heal in his own way. doesnt mean hes a bad person also remember that not only that he hasnt spooken to his mother he also has no relationship with her and hes detached from her for years which isnt his fault. give him time and pray for him!!!
You should be scared! But, he a heart that can love can forgive. So...be prayerful. Ps you know all this naija stories, his dad may have sent her packing n lied to him or something
U probably have no idea wat children pass tru frm stepmothers His mother was very hrtless to leave them n neva checking on dem
I know a lot of women who would tolerate n endure a miserable marriage jst for d sake of d kids..... dnt judge him by this.... he is just an adult wth one of those vry bad childhood experiences
U shouldn't be scared,u don't know what d mother has done terribly for him.But just be prayerful n try talkn to him in d time dat u know he can listen u know at times such talks like dat need d very appropriate time.
My dear you sure need to be scared because someone like that can kill. I always tell people to think twice when people beg for forgiveness or offend us.if Jesus didn't forgive us, the world would have been empty .Please think deep
Hmmm... I agree with you that he has to forgive his mother. Paradise is in the heels of a mother, according to Islamic teachings. So your bf has to try with all the courage he has to forgive her. Well... as for you, its natural that you fear and i think you are right in one way and the other that he could do you same. But am not sure if it truely defines who he is (being the unforgiving one). He is simply still hurting.
Don't be scared ϑε̲ãr. Keep trying to make him see reasons why he should forgive his mom. Atleast he should see her and hear her own side of the story. A mother don't just forget her children something must have happened. He should seek answers from his mom first before deciding on whether to forgive or not. Above all forgiveness leaves u relieved. Keeping grudges or carrying baggages doesn't make one have a hundred percent peace of mind.
I would understand if it was a minor thing his mum did, but unless you experienced what he did you are wrong to assume that he is an unforgiving person. For a mother to abandon a child in their formative years....is one of the toughest things a child can ever forgive or forget. Rather than be selfish and think of yourself, be patient and try and encourage him to reconcile. If he is still kicking against him don't push it. Does he check all the other boxes, is he violent with you? Then leave him be!
Dont be naive, his mother caused him psychological trauma, I wouldn't advise him to accept her into his life although he may forgive her if he chooses to... & ur question is literally senseless, unless u plan on causing him pain as his mum, then there's nothing to be afraid of..
You are on a long thing. Have you tried preaching to him have you have to us.
Blackberry gives you the best and make you forget the rest. .................................... David (dave_gino) »Commenting from my BLACKBERRY 9900«
hmmmmmm..... Well lf you truly love him and cherish your relationship Start praying For him, So that God can touch him. We are all human. You cant leave him becos of that ....One day u ll become a mother as well.
This guy has suffered a lot and that's the reason he is the way he is..... In my opinion....she should give him time to heal and only reassure him of her love....because a bit of him will always feel abandoned and maltreatment hence the insecurity.
Yes U shud be scared......but U shud also try nd talk to him about forgiveness......... he doesnt av to be close to his mom...but he shud forgive nd let go.......
His love for u and that of his mum is different. That doesn't mean he is wicked he is hurt due to the extent of love he has for his mother. And maybe he is angry because his mother even till now has not ask for forgiveness. Maybe wen she asks for it he will give. But to me it is not a thing of serious concern except u want to abandon him in the future and expect him to accept u bk and forgive
No need to be scared. Am sure deep down, he stil has a soft spot for his mum wch he definitely wldnt admit. Do not pressure or preach to him about forgiveness cuz am sure he understands every syllable. Just give him time and try feel empathy rather than bin judgemental. No one wants to imagine bin abandoned, esp from parent.
I genuinely don't think there is any reason for YOU to be scared. I have been hurt by my own Father also,and can't forgive what he did to me,but that isn't going to affect my own family when I get married.
I genuinely don't think there is any reason for YOU to be scared. I have been hurt by my own Father also,and can't forgive what he did to me,but that isn't going to affect my own family when I get married.
You should be a woman now. Your boyfriend needs help from you. He needs to forgive and reconcile with the mother. It is your job to do that. Get to work and God will bless you. Goodluck.
No you don't have to be scared. He just hated thee mum for abandoning them when they needed her the most. The truth is even when the wound heals the scars still remains. I feel for him it wasn't easy for him so all you need do is to love him and show him care. Don't be scared my lady God pass devil 'lol' #onelovefromSnow#
You won't blame him, he clearly grew up hating d mum 4 forsaking them. Ds kind of hatred is deep-rooted n will take divine intervention 4 him 2 forgive, It does not mean dat he is unforgiving generally
What the fuck is your business with his family situation. Must Nigerian wives always poke their noses into their spouses family affairs? Ehn if you can't respect his decision not to see his mother leave him and go and look for the perfect man with no family issues. Stupid girl!
Sometimes, its not d offence dat hurts, its d person dat offended dt makes it hurt. If the person that brought him to this world can abandon him like that, it wud be really difficult for him. If it were to be any relative, he might nt take it too personal. I knw that feelin wen its ur blood dat sucks n friends r the ones always dere for u! U'll av no oda choice dan value ur friends more.
Linda Soyinka has replied Obj for calling hin 'aparo connoisseur '. Its an interesting piece as u wud expect. Watch and pray, Watch and Prey. Dats d title, oya luk for it and knack us tori.
Show him love and make him understand that his mum did her best to see them but the dad any step mum wouldn't allow that. I believe no mum whatsoever forgets her child. Talk to him.
Sometimes, its not d offence dat hurts, its d person dat offended dt makes it hurt. If the person that brought him to this world can abandon him like that, it wud be really difficult for him. If it were to be any relative, he might nt take it too personal. I knw that feelin wen its ur blood dat sucks n friends r the ones always dere for u! U'll av no oda choice dan value ur friends more.
Its painful but let him calm down and call her mother let them talk it over .He has just one mother in d world o.As for u if u truely love him talk to him about....UWA DI OMIMI AMA NDI ANA EZE.
You asking these question shows that you probably dont like him enough, cos if you do. I think these is not something to be up for public opinion. You dont know what he went tru growing up and you probably dont know the circumstances on which his mum left. So dont judge him and hold your man if you really love him.
Oh, you are so naive. Any man that wants to stay away from his mother does so for a reason. If a family member is toxic, it is always best to stay away from them. You do not know the intricate details of what she out him through.
Sometimes, its not d offence dat hurts, its d person dat offended dt makes it hurt. If the person that brought him to this world can abandon him like that, it wud be really difficult for him. If it were to be any relative, he might nt take it too personal. I knw that feelin wen its ur blood dat sucks n friends r the ones always dere for u! U'll av no oda choice dan value ur friends more.
I agree with you DJ STELCH. MY DEAR KEEP TALKING TO HIM ABOUT FORGIVENESS PUT HIM IN PRAYERS. With time he'ld heal. No one can take d place of his mum but if he remains adamant my dear u shld flee. I stay away from people dat have d spirit of unforgiveness cos dey hurt d most and harm d most.
If you had a good relationship with your mother, you will never understand. It is easy to preach forgiveness when you are not the one wwearing the shoes to know where it pinches. As it stands today, I am the only son and if my mother dies, I will not attend her funeral. And if I die, she dare not attend. With a mother like her, I dont need enemy. My life has been better after I disociatted mmyself from her. Not every woman is a mother.
Oh no hun these are two competely different scenarios. I went through something similar so I can relate to him, Don't leave in a way you're his mother and girlfriend now. All you have to do is pray for him and show him a lot of love and affection. I believe with time everything will fall into place.
..nd now dt uv replied? Pls check bc on ur comment, read again & let's really know who d "arrogant" one is. People shld stop attaching sentiments to ethics. Odiegwu!
Hez probably too hurt to think of forgiveness. Its those who are softhearted that get hurt the most. All thru his childhood he was pained by the absence of his mother. Now hez grown he is even madder. His mum needs to appease him and show she is sorry den things can get improved. Yoy can orchestrate this if you want your man happier.
Blood is thicker Dan water. HIs thinking of d negative aspects of wat his mum did daz y is bin furious but wit time he will ve no choice dan to forgive. If God can forgive us who r we nt to forgive ur ability to stay put to him nd help him see reasons to forgive his mum is wat mks u a gud companion. Mother na mother
So children from divorced couples r not human beings, abi? It is ur type that run to marry pastors/reverends daughter only to end up with the biggest flirt in town. Mtchewwwww
@akwa ibom boy, did u say u don't want anything 2 do with divorced children? Smh for u, so if u are in their shoes pple should run 4 u as well, u think it's by their making being in that position
I know How it's like when you grow up without your mum in your life, it's hell, you need to stand by him not thinking of running, it's going to take time for that part of his heart to heal,before he forgives his mum, if you love him, you will assist in making him come out of such trauma, he needs you now my dear.
I honestly think you should tell him how you feel about him not forgiving his mum ...i have the same issue ... i font hate my mum ...but i keep her at arms length .. people who dont have abusive parents will not understand that sometimes ...you stay away from them for your own sanity and protection...before you become them ...you assuming that he is not a forgiving person is presumptous ...and frankly speaking ...insensitive to his own suffering....has he treated you bad ....does he not forgive others ....until you have an abusve parent ...you dont know
I honestly think you should tell him how you feel about him not forgiving his mum ...i have the same issue ... i dont hate my mum ...but i keep her at arms length .. people who dont have abusive parents will not understand that sometimes ...you stay away from them for your own sanity and protection...before you become them ...you assuming that he is not a forgiving person is presumptous ...and frankly speaking ...insensitive to his own suffering....has he treated you bad ....does he not forgive others ....until you have an abusive parent ...you dont know
Girls are too selfish please...you dint even bother knowing how hurt he is,how sad he had been to say he wouldn't forgive...all that matters to you is you rubbish self,I say u get the hell out of his life and burn in hell you selfish bitch....he deserves better than you
I have stuff of that nature too and I will tell every woman who say she's ready to be with me before getting dip. Stay or you run is your choice.... I don't think you should be advice on that.
It's none of your business lady, he is ur husband and you should like whatever he likes ... he can't just decide without seeing something, some mothers are like that so let it be like that and you should also not do what will make him get angry!
Really it is painful for ones mother to abandon her children for another woman to take care of. However, her reasons could be a wise one if he would go and find out what really went wrong. I was in his situation some years back until I moved closer to my mum only to discover that it was for her own safety, or we would have lost her long ago. So tell your man to find out why his mother left the marriage. Secondly, no matter what, mother remains yours as long as she live. Best of luck.
Really it is painful for ones mother to abandon her children for another woman to take care of. However, her reasons could be a wise one if he would go and find out what really went wrong. I was in his situation some years back until I moved closer to my mum only to discover that it was for her own safety, or we would have lost her long ago. So tell your man to find out why his mother left the marriage. Secondly, no matter what, mother remains yours as long as she live. Best of luck.
Really it is painful for ones mother to abandon her children for another woman to take care of. However, her reasons could be a wise one if he would go and find out what really went wrong. I was in his situation some years back until I moved closer to my mum only to discover that it was for her own safety, or we would have lost her long ago. So tell your man to find out why his mother left the marriage. Secondly, no matter what, mother remains yours as long as she live. Best of luck.
Really it is painful for ones mother to abandon her children for another woman to take care of. However, her reasons could be a wise one if he would go and find out what really went wrong. I was in his situation some years back until I moved closer to my mum only to discover that it was for her own safety, or we would have lost her long ago. So tell your man to find out why his mother left the marriage. Secondly, no matter what, mother remains yours as long as she live. Best of luck.
Give him sometime dear. By the way, maybe the dad was the one that banned their mum from seeing them. I don't believe that a mother can abandon her children just like that.
Run, Run, Run for your life. I was married to a man who refused to forgive or speak to his younger sister over a minor disagreement that happened more than 10 years ago. I thought I will be able to bring about a reconciliation between them but rather was in a miserable marriage for over 3 years. Anytime we had a minor disagreement, I usually endure silent treatments which could last for a week or sometimes 3 weeks. I did everything I could to let him know his attitude was childish but rather than make it better, it got worse. Right now he has not spoken to me in over a year and we lived in the same house for 5 months during which I went into Clinical depression, I had to move out before either of two things happen, kill him or kill myself. It's been over a year and still not even a hello from him and this was a man I did so much for. People like that needs divine intervention to change them. A man like that is filled with bitterness and anything you do while married to him will be misinterpreted and misread. A word is enough for the wise
what offense do you want to offend him to top that. if you cheat on him, then maybe. As much as I do not judge him, that experience might have created a toxic heart, unforgiveness might be the least of your worries.
180 comments:
Haba........
They Are the Softest typa man out there.. He needs to heal dear, stand by him.. He will Forgive with time but not soooo easy though...
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.Disclaimer:: Raise Your Words, Not Your Voice. It Is Rain That Grows Flowers, Not Thunder..
I think you should really be worried. However, instead of running away, try to get him reconciled with his mother.
Talk to him
Well it's not ur business if he won't forgive his mum, all u have to do is plead with him to forgive her. He's obviously not a strong xtian cos if he his he would understand the importance of forgiveness, cos it means whatever prayer he renders to God is useless...
Yes, you should really be scared, you should really run away and not look back.
Don't be scared my dear
Maybe that's why you r a part of his life, to help make peace between him and his mum. Forgiveness is not an easy thing to do but trust me, u have sooo much peace when u forgive genuinely from d heart
Run for ur life!!!!!!!!!
Auntylindagoddaughter
Yes o run as fast as Ur leg's can carry u, for me I don't ve anything to do with a divorce children. #THAT AKWA IBOM BOY#
Plus is it just me or has anyone else noticed that since the inception of LIB giveaway almost everyone now comments with a name, very few anonymous...... including me though...LOL
Follow ur heart.
Pls pack ur shoes nd run...such a man will hv d hrt to kill.
Visit my blog
www.glowysofiscated.blogspot.com
Abegi
Blood is thicker! d guy shld think again
My dear see don't run away ok my be God want to use u in that family just keep praying for God to touch his heart so dat he will have the spirit of forgiveness and you should all so try an talk to him in a sexy way so that he will not shout at you ok .
With time he will get over it
Tk it to God in prayer.
Arrange an unexpected meeting between them both... eye to eye
Hmm this your guy sounds too rigid o.life without forgiveness is vain.offend him and see how he reacts 1st.His reaction should tell you what to do
Try your possible best to convince him and leave the rest to God....and make no mistake to become an enemy of your mother in law....
¤
¤¤¤GUTS OVER FEAR¤¤¤
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¤¤¤QUEENMAYA¤¤¤
Be very scared but let your fear lead you to prayer. If you truly love him, keep praying that God will melt his heart. Also, keep speaking to him about forgiveness and how grudges keep us from growing and attaining our destined greatness. Its won't be easy to forgive and forget such childhood trauma but with patience and your love, he will get there.
The woman might be somewhere living her life in bliss, and here he is languishing in hate and unforgiveness. He will remain in that emotionally dark place until he lets go.
Besides, what kind of role model will he be to his future son if he has an unforgiving heart? He could inadvertently teach him not to love you, his mother.
My 2 cents.
Well,i think you should still talk to him.
Oh, and about the forgiveness part a man who dsnt love his mother is scary I will say. He has to forgive his mother if she is sorry, plus there must be a reasonable explanation why she left. Talk him, tell him it bothers you, and it might affect your relationship. Good luck
My dear, theres no need to be dramatic because that is what you are acting right now. I guess your mum was there for you thats why you wouldn't understand us who our mothers were not died but there were not there! Can you imagine what its like to know your mum is alive and she was not there when you needed her?! Birthdays?graduations?mother's day? Instead of running when he needs you, that is when you should be there for him, thats what my partner did for me. You don't know what it takes to resent someone esp when you know deep down you love them no matter what! Please be there for him and talk him through forgiving, its not easy! I was in those same shoes!
Linda we've been waiting to see pictures of you and the giveaway people ooo . When will you post it?
Unless you have plans to hurt him too! What he is dealing with is emotional scars and abandonment issues! But I have never heard of a woman who left her kids and never looked back, that says a lot about your mother in law to be. Try to help him heal and with time he might forgive his mother, it might not happen today, just give him time!
Too bad .Bigjoe said so
Hmm complicated,I'd jus say pray n keep talking to him. He might not know the real story yet.
Don't be scared,jus be careful and u are the only one that can change him...........................don't stop,keep trying#
Dear poster, I should advise you use your discretion. Your assertion about him holding a grudge against you for too long in the proximate future is not totally wrong. However, YOU can give him a reason to forgive easily. I didn't see the possibility of that in my own case, so I called a spade a spade, and for GOOD, too!
Ask beyonce n solange.....
Don't be scared... U ain't his mum n what she did actually hurts. Just pray for him
No jor....hez probably jst hurting....
Are you planning to make him go through the pain his mother made him pass through? if you are not then you have nothing to be scared of.
how dat one wan mk Watford win Wolverhampton
Yes dear, u should be very afraid, it simply means he finds it very difficult to forgive.
Be scared bcos u are living being.... But learn to forgive
Be scared bcos u are living being.... But learn to forgive
I couldn't reply that B*tch call herself (EVER YOUNG) on the former post about a woman bitten her child up in Calabar, u says if is not calabar wickedness is AKWA IBOM witchcraft, u re as stupid as Ur comments, Ur whore of a mother didn't tell u were u from that's why u can open that gutter u call mouth to talk rubbish, basterd (TRAM) like u.# THAT AKWA IBOM BOY#
Are you planning to make him suffer like his mom did? Except you have such an agender in mind which i believe you don't, then i believe you have nothing to fear .
D guy may not tell u all that has happened to him while growing up bt i'm sure he has his reasons. I suggest u tk a step at a time. U need to work on him bt it will tk time for him to mk up his mind. U don't need to be scared cos dat does not mean dat he won't forgv u wen u wrong him bt it's simply means u shld not stab him at d exact place d mum did. No one can easily sweep such thing under d carpet
Except if he didnt suck his mother's breast. If he did, if his mother woke up at midnight stayed up all night cos of him, if his mom ran around for him when he was a toddler, if his mom taught him his first words, then your boyfriend can go to hell! He had better ask his dad his the policies he gave and why he moved on too soon. Money that will finish. Keep it to yous stinking self bro!
Talk to him about forgiving his mother.then if he still do not listen I guess you should be scared.
He may be a bit too bitter towards his mother, but if you think you can do like his mother to your children, then please leave him alone. Some mothers aren't worth that title! Pains inflictedon kids at tender ages remould the future individaul to unimaginable dimensions.
Don't ask us, ask your pastor
@lwkmd_naija
He's still angry that's why its difficult to forgive her, if you're a christian you can start taking him through scriptures that deal with forgiveness and unforgiveness and watch how he reacts to them, then you'll know if you should be scared or not
The pain...maltreatment is very bad...as you said he just unhappy on the way his mum left...men look up to their mother or wife for comfort and safety...since he had none it will be difficult.
I don't think that will affect your relationship with him...talk to him carefully and tell him to let go
#sigh.nawao....waiting for comments.
You should have known his character by now. He might act differently to you. Unless you have some skeleton in ur cupboard
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@Mr Endowed via Lumia phone
No do not run away frm him. U can mellow his heart overtime. U dnt knw what he had to paSs through then so pls dnt judge him so quickly. Just pls take ur time with him and pray for him too.. #VIE's OPINION#
Don't run away.you can talk to him and make him see reasons why he shouldn't behave in such way.he should hear his mum story before concluding.i have been in such situation b4 but I learnt my dad kept my mum away from us so I learnt to forgive her.
No. Don't be scared. He needs to forgive her though cos God won't forgive his too if he doesn't forgive. After that he can decide to keep in touch with her or not.
There is no reason for you to be scared, he has every reason to be angry cos he has lost precious years of his live without the love of his mother and you wont understand what that means. All you shud do is stick with him and try make him see reasons why he should try n forgive his mom instead of you trying to point out to him that he has no right to be angry with his mom... Parenting is the hardest job anyone can engage in and not everyone will definitely be good at it...just maybe his mom falls under d category of the terrible ones which is not completely her fault, she also may have good reasons why she acted the way she did but at the end of the day, they shud both realize that they've both missed out in their lives and forgiveness is the only way forward.
Better run from him if the reason is like a shadow...mama na mama Good or worse**EMZEALLOUS**
whats ur biz wit his personal affairs n family matters
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The perfect world is a world without religion
If you're scared, then you are too weak to change a situation. He's most likely gonna make a good partner to someone ready to face the challenge
Would just read comments
Okay.... i was passing by and i couldn't help but see this and put my amebo mouth but heres what i think
DISCLAIMER: this advice is based on my life experiences so far as a a woman and to an extent as a doctor i have taken a couple of psychology classes and i know a thing or two or i like to think so ( note that this advice is unlicensed)
The first thing i have to say is that from reading this message you don't really understand how your boyfriend feels . Your husband is processing and psychologically this can be explained
He is expected to get Feelings of abandonment and he is meant to try to push away. Deep down your husband is wondering what he did wrong to make his mother leave him.... You have to understand that your husband went through a lot of emotinal times in his childhood and such a child is bound to exhibit any of the folowwing physical ailments i.e drug and alcohol abuse, anxiety, depression, creativity, anger, grief.
it is not unusal for such persons to exhibit any of these symptoms. if this child goes on in life having to not live without his mother and of the options below had happened to them ( him your bf)
--Lack of appropriate supervision
--Inadequate provision of nutrition and meals
--Inadequate clothing, housing, heat, or shelter
--Physical and/or sexual abuse
Then i would advice that you do not destroy your relationship with your man over an inner battle that he is nowhere close to solving .....look the most you can do is urge him to but you have to respect your partners decision that is if you are in a sound healthy relashionship which i would hope you are
The mind of each and every individual has its own processing and thinking pattern .... i do not believe you have any cause to be afraid
As for your bf he has problems of his own and it seems like he thinks he can go through it alone. The average Nigerian man would never dream of spending money on a therapist so that definitely would not work for you. I can advice that you pray on it ask God to touch his heart if you can try bringing it up with your marriage councillor at church.... but you have to be careful when doing that, just make sure he knows you're concerned and you the last thing you would want him to do in life is have any regrets. So keep hoping for the best but always remeber to respect his decision
I hope i was able to help
yours sincerely,
Dr williams.
Dont be scared dear... I went through the same thing with my mother.
Its not your boyfriends fault, he needs time to get around it in which he eveentually will.
it is an exceptionally difficult thing to go through... just leave him, let him heal in his own way. doesnt mean hes a bad person also remember that not only that he hasnt spooken to his mother he also has no relationship with her and hes detached from her for years which isnt his fault.
give him time and pray for him!!!
Nne talk to him or run four forty cost u r spot on!!
You should be scared! But, he a heart that can love can forgive. So...be prayerful. Ps you know all this naija stories, his dad may have sent her packing n lied to him or something
Question 4d gods
Follow ur heart
Hw much do u want to wrong him to warrant dat???
U probably have no idea wat children pass tru frm stepmothers
His mother was very hrtless to leave them n neva checking on dem
I know a lot of women who would tolerate n endure a miserable marriage jst for d sake of d kids..... dnt judge him by this.... he is just an adult wth one of those vry bad childhood experiences
U shouldn't be scared,u don't know what d mother has done terribly for him.But just be prayerful n try talkn to him in d time dat u know he can listen u know at times such talks like dat need d very appropriate time.
Such is life. He knws wah is best 4 him. And u 2 should knw wat is best 4 u
Dis is a big case. Well all he needs is Jesus.
My dear you sure need to be scared because someone like that can kill. I always tell people to think twice when people beg for forgiveness or offend us.if Jesus didn't forgive us, the world would have been empty .Please think deep
Hmmm... I agree with you that he has to forgive his mother. Paradise is in the heels of a mother, according to Islamic teachings. So your bf has to try with all the courage he has to forgive her. Well... as for you, its natural that you fear and i think you are right in one way and the other that he could do you same. But am not sure if it truely defines who he is (being the unforgiving one). He is simply still hurting.
He should first of all know what happen between dem before saying dat he can't forgive his mum,for u u are on ur own.
Run and run very far
Don't be scared ϑε̲ãr. Keep trying to make him see reasons why he should forgive his mom. Atleast he should see her and hear her own side of the story. A mother don't just forget her children something must have happened. He should seek answers from his mom first before deciding on whether to forgive or not. Above all forgiveness leaves u relieved. Keeping grudges or carrying baggages doesn't make one have a hundred percent peace of mind.
Run and Run very far
I would understand if it was a minor thing his mum did, but unless you experienced what he did you are wrong to assume that he is an unforgiving person. For a mother to abandon a child in their formative years....is one of the toughest things a child can ever forgive or forget. Rather than be selfish and think of yourself, be patient and try and encourage him to reconcile. If he is still kicking against him don't push it. Does he check all the other boxes, is he violent with you? Then leave him be!
my dear try as much as possible not to offend him..I know his type they hardly forgive..
An unforgiving heart...u shld be scared
Run for your life dear.. Life is a race
Dont be naive, his mother caused him psychological trauma, I wouldn't advise him to accept her into his life although he may forgive her if he chooses to... & ur question is literally senseless, unless u plan on causing him pain as his mum, then there's nothing to be afraid of..
My dear better run from such guy o cos datz d same way he will treat u if u offend him....I wish someone told me this before I got married.
Yes but talk to him to forget and forgive and he Need to hear her own side of the story
U should be scared. And then again 4 a mother 2 abandon her children in the mercy of another woman deserves more than that
Yes. You should be afraid of such a man if you can't accept this his baggage and you don't think you can handle it.
Pls leave him his never going to forgive u if u offend him,!
OGA O...AKA..NEXT
Hmmmm dnt b scared dear,he is bn traumatise, just tok to him and advice on forgiveness dats ol
You are on a long thing.
Have you tried preaching to him have you have to us.
Blackberry gives you the best and make you forget the rest.
....................................
David (dave_gino)
»Commenting from my BLACKBERRY 9900«
Still waiting?
My dear u av no point asking such ques
hmmmmmm..... Well lf you truly love him and cherish your relationship Start praying For him, So that God can touch him. We are all human. You cant leave him becos of that ....One day u ll become a mother as well.
Nah, relax, he'll come around
Dnt run away from him,stay with him and help him get over the hatred he abhors 4 his mum....
It's best to run my dear. You will never be happy with such a man.
If u ask me, na who I go ask? No be my mouth u go hear sey, teacher mama mess for uzuko!
Gab2shoessaysso
Your relationship with him means nothing if he can't forgive his own mother. Continue to counsel him otherwise don't oh....
No, don't be scared
He need deliverance
Pray for him
#Commenting thru Glo 4G LTE
hmmm,he has a reason and i believe the reason according to what you said its justifiable
This guy has suffered a lot and that's the reason he is the way he is.....
In my opinion....she should give him time to heal and only reassure him of her love....because a bit of him will always feel abandoned and maltreatment hence the insecurity.
Yes U shud be scared......but U shud also try nd talk to him about forgiveness......... he doesnt av to be close to his mom...but he shud forgive nd let go.......
MERRY XMAS LIBERS
You should be scared
No what his mom did was wrong if i were in his shoes i will feel the same way
His love for u and that of his mum is different. That doesn't mean he is wicked he is hurt due to the extent of love he has for his mother. And maybe he is angry because his mother even till now has not ask for forgiveness. Maybe wen she asks for it he will give. But to me it is not a thing of serious concern except u want to abandon him in the future and expect him to accept u bk and forgive
No need to be scared. Am sure deep down, he stil has a soft spot for his mum wch he definitely wldnt admit. Do not pressure or preach to him about forgiveness cuz am sure he understands every syllable. Just give him time and try feel empathy rather than bin judgemental. No one wants to imagine bin abandoned, esp from parent.
Its none of your busness my friend and did he ask you to bring it on blog? Shege nyarinya
King of BoyZ
Its none of your busness my friend and did he ask you to bring it on blog? Shege nyarinya
King of BoyZ
Pls talk to him let him forgive his mum
I understand your fear, but it may not be same considering the situation even though it's his mum
U r not serious. Run away naa. Instead of you try to understand him u r making it about you. Ms chew
Lol.
IF YOU HAVE NT BEEN ON trueanonymousconfession.blogspot.com YOU ARE MISSING
You said boyfrined, did he say he wants to marry you? Why bother yourself? Na wa for some girls.
U should understd d pain he went thru in d hands of his step mum, keep talkin to hin he will forge his mum one day n u dnt have to run away.
U should understd d pain he went thru in d hands of his step mum, keep talkin to hin he will forgve his mum one day n u dnt have to run away.
I genuinely don't think there is any reason for YOU to be scared. I have been hurt by my own Father also,and can't forgive what he did to me,but that isn't going to affect my own family when I get married.
Do u want to wrong him to that extent?
I genuinely don't think there is any reason for YOU to be scared. I have been hurt by my own Father also,and can't forgive what he did to me,but that isn't going to affect my own family when I get married.
You should be a woman now. Your boyfriend needs help from you. He needs to forgive and reconcile with the mother. It is your job to do that. Get to work and God will bless you. Goodluck.
His heart is like stone and dat ain't
Yes u shud be scared!!!
No you don't have to be scared. He just hated thee mum for abandoning them when they needed her the most. The truth is even when the wound heals the scars still remains. I feel for him it wasn't easy for him so all you need do is to love him and show him care. Don't be scared my lady God pass devil 'lol' #onelovefromSnow#
If u scared if he will ever forgiv u dt means u are preparing to be a cheat tomoro cos dts d only ofence
Yes u should be
Y shud u wrong him?
Keep advising him with instances. Am sure he will change his mind.
You won't blame him, he clearly grew up hating d mum 4 forsaking them. Ds kind of hatred is deep-rooted n will take divine intervention 4 him 2 forgive, It does not mean dat he is unforgiving generally
Linda, I heard you finally met Mr Aye Dee. Hehehehe! Husband don come be that oh! Abeg show us photos of your date with him! Lol!
What the fuck is your business with his family situation. Must Nigerian wives always poke their noses into their spouses family affairs? Ehn if you can't respect his decision not to see his mother leave him and go and look for the perfect man with no family issues. Stupid girl!
na him sabi
Sometimes, its not d offence dat hurts, its d person dat offended dt makes it hurt. If the person that brought him to this world can abandon him like that, it wud be really difficult for him. If it were to be any relative, he might nt take it too personal. I knw that feelin wen its ur blood dat sucks n friends r the ones always dere for u! U'll av no oda choice dan value ur friends more.
Linda Soyinka has replied Obj for calling hin 'aparo connoisseur '. Its an interesting piece as u wud expect. Watch and pray, Watch and Prey. Dats d title, oya luk for it and knack us tori.
Show him love and make him understand that his mum did her best to see them but the dad any step mum wouldn't allow that. I believe no mum whatsoever forgets her child. Talk to him.
Sometimes, its not d offence dat hurts, its d person dat offended dt makes it hurt. If the person that brought him to this world can abandon him like that, it wud be really difficult for him. If it were to be any relative, he might nt take it too personal. I knw that feelin wen its ur blood dat sucks n friends r the ones always dere for u! U'll av no oda choice dan value ur friends more.
Its painful but let him calm down and call her mother let them talk it over .He has just one mother in d world o.As for u if u truely love him talk to him about....UWA DI OMIMI AMA NDI ANA EZE.
You asking these question shows that you probably dont like him enough, cos if you do. I think these is not something to be up for public opinion. You dont know what he went tru growing up and you probably dont know the circumstances on which his mum left. So dont judge him and hold your man if you really love him.
He shares same heart with his mum.
Mumu so if other people's parents are separated they can't stay together? Grow up.
u dnt av talk.....next
Some mothers can make you offend God... thank you God for the kind of mother He gave me
Oh, you are so naive. Any man that wants to stay away from his mother does so for a reason. If a family member is toxic, it is always best to stay away from them. You do not know the intricate details of what she out him through.
Love love your comment!
Sometimes, its not d offence dat hurts, its d person dat offended dt makes it hurt. If the person that brought him to this world can abandon him like that, it wud be really difficult for him. If it were to be any relative, he might nt take it too personal. I knw that feelin wen its ur blood dat sucks n friends r the ones always dere for u! U'll av no oda choice dan value ur friends more.
It's not so easy, he's only hurt. Be by him n mk him see reasons y he shld forgive nlet go
Just be careful
Don't run away frm him always show him care nd love he'll 4give his mum wit time ok?
Oooh pls hv u put urself in the shoes of the boyfriend.do u expect him to just forgive immediately,haba,he's hurting seriously for God's sake....
Talk Things over with him. Make him see reasons he should forgive. If he doesn't Change his mind, then you have to be very careful with him
May God forgive you. Some advice here are surely out of this world.
You are right.
pls do
I agree with you DJ STELCH. MY DEAR KEEP TALKING TO HIM ABOUT FORGIVENESS PUT HIM IN PRAYERS. With time he'ld heal. No one can take d place of his mum but if he remains adamant my dear u shld flee. I stay away from people dat have d spirit of unforgiveness cos dey hurt d most and harm d most.
U should be scared but don't leave him, i believe time heal wound. He'll forgive her eventually.
I think she shouldn't do it.
If you had a good relationship with your mother, you will never understand. It is easy to preach forgiveness when you are not the one wwearing the shoes to know where it pinches. As it stands today, I am the only son and if my mother dies, I will not attend her funeral. And if I die, she dare not attend. With a mother like her, I dont need enemy. My life has been better after I disociatted mmyself from her. Not every woman is a mother.
Linda it's true .We are waiting to see their faces.
Linda post it. Don't scam us.
Oh no hun these are two competely different scenarios. I went through something similar so I can relate to him, Don't leave in a way you're his mother and girlfriend now. All you have to do is pray for him and show him a lot of love and affection. I believe with time everything will fall into place.
..nd now dt uv replied? Pls check bc on ur comment, read again & let's really know who d "arrogant" one is. People shld stop attaching sentiments to ethics. Odiegwu!
Hez probably too hurt to think of forgiveness. Its those who are softhearted that get hurt the most. All thru his childhood he was pained by the absence of his mother. Now hez grown he is even madder. His mum needs to appease him and show she is sorry den things can get improved. Yoy can orchestrate this if you want your man happier.
Nonso Okoh via SAMSUNG GALAXY SMART PHONE.
You just spoke my mind
Blood is thicker Dan water. HIs thinking of d negative aspects of wat his mum did daz y is bin furious but wit time he will ve no choice dan to forgive. If God can forgive us who r we nt to forgive ur ability to stay put to him nd help him see reasons to forgive his mum is wat mks u a gud companion. Mother na mother
So children from divorced couples r not human beings, abi? It is ur type that run to marry pastors/reverends daughter only to end up with the biggest flirt in town. Mtchewwwww
Oh! That's part of what u came to do in His life, its ur business o, reconcillation is peace, forgiveness is for ur own good.
He needs to forgive,stick with him
@akwa ibom boy, did u say u don't want anything 2 do with divorced children? Smh for u, so if u are in their shoes pple should run 4 u as well, u think it's by their making being in that position
Your just an akwa ibom goat...what on earth makes you feel you are better than a child from a divorced parents? I weep for your goat like mentality.
Kingsley moron
Lolz, u no well, bt love d observation and sincerity, v a grt day,lolz
I know How it's like when you grow up without your mum in your life, it's hell, you need to stand by him not thinking of running, it's going to take time for that part of his heart to heal,before he forgives his mum, if you love him, you will assist in making him come out of such trauma, he needs you now my dear.
I honestly think you should tell him how you feel about him not forgiving his mum ...i have the same issue ... i font hate my mum ...but i keep her at arms length .. people who dont have abusive parents will not understand that sometimes ...you stay away from them for your own sanity and protection...before you become them ...you assuming that he is not a forgiving person is presumptous ...and frankly speaking ...insensitive to his own suffering....has he treated you bad ....does he not forgive others ....until you have an abusve parent ...you dont know
I honestly think you should tell him how you feel about him not forgiving his mum ...i have the same issue ... i dont hate my mum ...but i keep her at arms length .. people who dont have abusive parents will not understand that sometimes ...you stay away from them for your own sanity and protection...before you become them ...you assuming that he is not a forgiving person is presumptous ...and frankly speaking ...insensitive to his own suffering....has he treated you bad ....does he not forgive others ....until you have an abusive parent ...you dont know
Babe just take ur time to talk to him, but if he doesn't accept, pls find ur square root.
Girls are too selfish please...you dint even bother knowing how hurt he is,how sad he had been to say he wouldn't forgive...all that matters to you is you rubbish self,I say u get the hell out of his life and burn in hell you selfish bitch....he deserves better than you
I have stuff of that nature too and I will tell every woman who say she's ready to be with me before getting dip. Stay or you run is your choice.... I don't think you should be advice on that.
It's none of your business lady, he is ur husband and you should like whatever he likes ... he can't just decide without seeing something, some mothers are like that so let it be like that and you should also not do what will make him get angry!
@gr8akin
Really it is painful for ones mother to abandon her children for another woman to take care of. However, her reasons could be a wise one if he would go and find out what really went wrong. I was in his situation some years back until I moved closer to my mum only to discover that it was for her own safety, or we would have lost her long ago. So tell your man to find out why his mother left the marriage. Secondly, no matter what, mother remains yours as long as she live. Best of luck.
Really it is painful for ones mother to abandon her children for another woman to take care of. However, her reasons could be a wise one if he would go and find out what really went wrong. I was in his situation some years back until I moved closer to my mum only to discover that it was for her own safety, or we would have lost her long ago. So tell your man to find out why his mother left the marriage. Secondly, no matter what, mother remains yours as long as she live. Best of luck.
Really it is painful for ones mother to abandon her children for another woman to take care of. However, her reasons could be a wise one if he would go and find out what really went wrong. I was in his situation some years back until I moved closer to my mum only to discover that it was for her own safety, or we would have lost her long ago. So tell your man to find out why his mother left the marriage. Secondly, no matter what, mother remains yours as long as she live. Best of luck.
Really it is painful for ones mother to abandon her children for another woman to take care of. However, her reasons could be a wise one if he would go and find out what really went wrong. I was in his situation some years back until I moved closer to my mum only to discover that it was for her own safety, or we would have lost her long ago. So tell your man to find out why his mother left the marriage. Secondly, no matter what, mother remains yours as long as she live. Best of luck.
Give him sometime dear. By the way, maybe the dad was the one that banned their mum from seeing them. I don't believe that a mother can abandon her children just like that.
Run, Run, Run for your life. I was married to a man who refused to forgive or speak to his younger sister over a minor disagreement that happened more than 10 years ago. I thought I will be able to bring about a reconciliation between them but rather was in a miserable marriage for over 3 years. Anytime we had a minor disagreement, I usually endure silent treatments which could last for a week or sometimes 3 weeks. I did everything I could to let him know his attitude was childish but rather than make it better, it got worse.
Right now he has not spoken to me in over a year and we lived in the same house for 5 months during which I went into Clinical depression, I had to move out before either of two things happen, kill him or kill myself. It's been over a year and still not even a hello from him and this was a man I did so much for. People like that needs divine intervention to change them. A man like that is filled with bitterness and anything you do while married to him will be misinterpreted and misread.
A word is enough for the wise
what offense do you want to offend him to top that. if you cheat on him, then maybe. As much as I do not judge him, that experience might have created a toxic heart, unforgiveness might be the least of your worries.
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