Dear LIB readers; My wife complains that I don't do the 'little things' | Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog

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Saturday 13 June 2015

Dear LIB readers; My wife complains that I don't do the 'little things'

From a male LIB reader
So my wife and I have had a few bouts over the past couple months (5 months married) about how "the little things matter most". This concept is not strange to me, as I do sometimes cook, clean, and always get the door for my wife. Problem is though, she's brought it up on more than a few occasions that I don't leave her "cute little notes" or "surprise her with cute little gifts"... Translation - I'm not romantic and definitely do not pay attention to "the little things that matter".
Really got me thinking. And this question has been ringing in my head: is it possible that only women who are getting all the "big things" (food, clothing, and shelter) complain about the little things?
She's my wife, and she's not asking for the moon, so I'm going to endeavor to do "the little things" anyways. Just trying to get other women's take on the situation. Cos I'm just thinking, it'll be a little hard for any woman to talk about cute notes and gifts if her husband can't provide a roof or even food.

123 comments:

Davido's driver said...

Pls pls and pls learn to do the lil n big things

Davido's driver said...

If you don't do the Lil things Davido's driver will... lindaobserve

Anonymous said...

jus know her love language! d 5 love languages by Gary Chapman

Unknown said...

Uve answered yourself already, you've done all the big things, and now she wants d Lil things, it wouldn't hurt if you do will it? Just be romantic, it adds spice to the marriage, tho can be annoying

Unknown said...

My dear,u knw d ryt tin 2 do,she is ur wife all u nid is to make her api nd keep ur home....lobatan...

gossip girl said...

So wat u trying to say??

Unknown said...

What's this one saying?

Unknown said...

If she wants it, then try and give her that.
Not all women are interested in cute little notes and surprises.

cheiress said...

So do the little things na.....why do u feel the need to bring this up here tho'? Abeg Linda enough of all this DEAR LIB readers thing oh biko.

Anonymous said...

Ode, What does it take to be romantic? Why aren't u romantic? D funniest part is that u guys know the meaning of being romantic when u have a new girl,but when u see ur wife everyday,u forget d little things that matters,she complains cos she loves u and wants to love u forever,she wants to keep everything lively.....

Bunny said...

Women who their husbands can't provide the basics(food,roof etc) still crave the 'little things' but they set priorities right. My advice is; you can only enjoy what you have deposited in your marriage. Consciously keep the marriage spicy

Anonymous said...

Mr, read the 5 love languages by Dr Gary Chapman, you guys will understand eachother better. It apears to me her major emotional needs likd words of affirmation and gifts are not being met so if ut goes on she myt feel unloved. Bottomline read tge book itsl'll help u both.

Unknown said...

Then wat u waiting for? Do d needful now. ....

Unknown said...

Then wat u waiting for? Do d needful now. ....

STERN said...

Those little things matters to some girls..at least you should be happy she'z asking for little things...not like the one I dated some time ago that kept asking for phone, ipad, etc..

Alloy Chikezie said...

Your wife must really be a baby at heart or a teenager. She's the type that enters marriage with too much expectations.

Your comment will be visible after approval

COLLIN said...

wht happens wen u read toomuch romantic novels

Unknown said...

Every mallam with im kettle. Linda take note!

Unknown said...

a.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said..
.
Marriage nobi small thing shah....
.
.
***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***

Damilola said...

Yes bro. She don belle full

Anonymous said...

Lmaooo I remember one of my friend who was romantic,but now he's not anymore cos of small money I was asking. G 08106332634

eka said...

If she likes such, then do it 4 her

Anonymous said...

My dear your wife is asking all this cos she doesn't really need much since she has.
I wish that was all I had to demand from mine lol. Anyways if she does all that "Lil things" for you, then u should do dem for her. Remember happy wife, happy home.

PURPLE said...

Yea. U are right. She don chop belleful dats why she has time to be asking for those..lol. But that does nt mean u'll nw be depriving her of d big ones o

tito said...

Ur marriage is still too young for u to start acting like a old man. U guys are still in the honeymoon phase. Lucky her to have a man, who cleans,cooks and open doors after her. How many Nigerian men do it? U obviously love her. it is not a privilege that you are able to a roof over her head & provide for her. That is why u re the head of the house. what does the bible say a man who can't provide for his family? keep her happy as a happy wife makes a happy home.

Unknown said...

Sounds pretty funny to me bcos is lik asking for too much. My dear d women folks or class of women folks dat r insatiable dat is d category ur wife falls into.

For crying out loud, it highly recommended for spouse to appreciate each other, and also build on their r/ship. So for d purpose of appreciation make sure d other person feels lik d one, and only in d world.

So appreciation should never b forsaken instead of asking for too much simply appreciate one another.

Unknown said...

Sounds pretty funny to me bcos is lik asking for too much. My dear d women folks or class of women folks dat r insatiable dat is d category ur wife falls into.

For crying out loud, it highly recommended for spouse to appreciate each other, and also build on their r/ship. So for d purpose of appreciation make sure d other person feels lik d one, and only in d world.

So appreciation should never b forsaken instead of asking for too much simply appreciate one another.

Anonymous said...

my brother ,folks are all different .i have tried to drop a note for my wife when we got marrid newly but she didn't seem to like it or rather appreciate it. so i stopped . but i think she seem to value the material things more . Women always i say always want to be at the receiving end .but i was told from the Holy book that it was Eve that gave Adam when he got back in the garden of Eden .in as much as i know its a 2 way thing .

Anonymous said...

You are definitely not romantic. Don't need money to be romantic.

Anonymous said...

So true o. Same thing i say when all these oyinbos misbehave. if they were thinking about where their next meal will come from, they wnt spend money on breast and butt implants etc

Anonymous said...

So you think you shouldn't hv to be romantic cos you pay some bills? Goodluck!

Unknown said...

Yeah she just wants d attention..u guys r newly weds she is excited,she'll gt tayad of dem just do it anyway..n u shld b happy she askd sef!

Anonymous said...

Learn your partners love language and speak the love language she understands. Some people understand love as material things. Some understand it through kind little gestures. Some do as plainly spending time with them or checking up on them.

Understand her love language so you can love her the right way. The way she will appreciate, okay? :-)


Thank me later.

Unknown said...

Well,if u can,do it at times n let her stop watching too much romantic movies,this is life, she should get busy n stp whinning...a lot of women r praying to hv a man who cares enough to even compliment them on a new hairstyle nt to talk of a man who can cook,clean n hold d door at times....wow...u r a Gentleman...dont let her turn u into a veggy

LIB chairlady said...

If u have d means Pls do as it takes nothing frm U... Family 1st

Davido's driver said...

Y the phone number? Selling market?

Anonymous said...

You see my fellow LIBers, sometimes most of us might be passing through one difficulties in one way or d other in our lives but wen sure issues is brought up here or anywhere in life, insults shouldn't be apply or ridiculing sure person isn't the best. I posted something like 3 or 4days back dat I needed help of 5k and placed my email annieroy1990@yahoo.com which I knw is a little money but because of situation beyond my power I couldn't boast of sure money as mine. There are times in one's life you face things like dis. I knw a lot of insults I got, some were even inviting me down becos of 5k, some telling me to tell them about myself, as if we are trying to date each other, some send me ur numbers, keep calling, have u eaten? How are u? You can imagine. But I want to use dis medium to encourage those passing through difficult moment that wen ur helper comes, you wouldn't be stressed for it. That money was small but I seriously needed It den, Infact my whole life depends on dat money, I don't know who to asked that was why I brought it up here. It was one of us dat helped me out wit d 5k, a female for that matter, wouldn't mention her name don't know if she will like it but God knows her name. without asking me a single question. Send me ur account no was just the only question I got frm her.So sometimes in one's life we ve to take risk, to risk it to be blessed, so I want to use this medium to say a very big thank u to her since it was still dis same medium I used in asking for d help. May God richly bless u from my heart dear.

Unknown said...

Ur wife must b a lil spoilt brat...she mustn't expect them things all the time. She shud b grateful u even find time to do them Smetmx. How many husbands out there even do so much as kiss their wives goodbye wen they go off to work?? She needs to chill sme. She's got the basic amenities and u love and treat her gud. No need spoiling all dat wit frivolous demands.

TONIA GREEN said...

Those little things that matter are really very necessary. They make you a super husband. So do them man if you like to see her glowing. When she's happy, of course you know who benefits the more.

THE VOICE OF THE PROPHETESS

Anonymous said...

Why did you first of all get married to underage?... One day she will request for ice cream and pop coin

I
K
P
O IKPONWA
N
W
A

Anonymous said...

Weyrey ni e ni?

Unknown said...

Sounds pretty funny to me bcos is lik asking for too much. My dear d women folks or class of women folks dat r insatiable dat is d category ur wife falls into.

For crying out loud, it highly recommended for spouse to appreciate each other, and also build on their r/ship. So for d purpose of appreciation make sure d other person feels lik d one, and only in d world.

So appreciation should never b forsaken instead of asking for too much simply appreciate one another.

PURPLE said...

U killed him???

Unknown said...

Sounds pretty funny to me bcos is lik asking for too much. My dear d women folks or class of women folks dat r insatiable dat is d category ur wife falls into.

For crying out loud, it highly recommended for spouse to appreciate each other, and also build on their r/ship. So for d purpose of appreciation make sure d other person feels lik d one, and only in d world.

So appreciation should never b forsaken instead of asking for too much simply appreciate one another.

Treasure said...

Thank God it wasn't your life she asked for. So I don't think what she is asking for is difficult.

Unknown said...

Lolzzzzzzzzzzzz@lwkmd_naija while u wil do d supporting striking when Davido's driver is done wit d striking.

Unknown said...

Lolzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Question 4d god's. Dis ur jamb question got me laughing. Thanks for dat dear. I luv reading ur comment. Trying brushing up on ur views.

Unknown said...

@Anon 2:27, as d saying goes, "Gratitude is d mother of all virtues". So nice of u to appreciate for I luv people who appreciate even d slightest kindest of d world.

Dis shows u r going to go places, and God is surely going to elevate u. I didn't see ur earlier comment concerning ur request if not I wil hav come to ur aid.

God bless d gorgeous lady dat assisted u, and may God reward her abundantly IJN. God is a rewarder of every good deeds. Thumbs up to her, and more power to her elbows.

Dis shows we hav people wit golden hearts on LIB. God bless us all, and I so luv u guys lik my...

Anonymous said...

Hey, if she likes the little things then do it once in a while. What will you say if she starts asking for big things like diamonds, a new car, lavish trips on a regular basis? You don't know that there are wives driving their men to insanity with such demands??? You are newlyweds. There's nothing wrong with doing little things to make your new bride smile.

Unknown said...

@wilheminna moses, I see u going places far above ur expectations in life. Reach out to ur destiny dear.

God wil do d unexpected in ur glorious life IJN.

Anonymous said...

Royal brushing up on her views how? Abeg willy leave your comments the it comes, never you sound like this retard here. Writing long note yet ends up not making sense. Brushing up ko brushing teeth ni.

Anonymous said...

Sorry for using your corner.. sweeping the house and cooking and etc... is basically you helping out in the home as much as you can. The little things are those things that spice up the sex and relationship... e.g, picking her up from work once in a month... a day she does not know, taking her to dinner and back to work the next day; giving her an unexpected foot massage without expecting sex; bringing her breakfast in bed, dropping her love notes; coming home before her and preparing a sensual scene, with love notes directingbher to where you are hiding in the house. You can do one of this every month.

Remember, we all married different people, and they can be satisfied differently. Don't listen to anyone who would say, she is asking for too much.

Having said all this, gently tell your wife to teach you how to love her, but she should not expect your marriage to be like others..... also make your own demands, she must looks sexy in bed... etc...

Davido's driver said...

Like the one ur man does not give you, that's why u r always here

Anonymous said...

Those little things I tell you are not little they mean a lot and I guess she is asking you to reassure her of your love. All I will say is you have probably given her reason to doubt your love for her. Forget that you provide food shelter and clothing they are not small things but being the head of the family it is your responsibility but you see those lil things are what sets you apart from the guy she did not marry. That is what makes her smile when she is alone with her thoughts. God will help you

Unknown said...

Treat her well oo bros and watch out you will reap good things

Unknown said...

@Anon 2:52, y wil u understand when ur mates were attending day school u choose to attend nite or part time school.

When moses write in igbo, she leaves out people lik us frm reading her comment bcos we don't understand igbo. So dat is wht I meant by d brushing up her views or comments to better put it.

Unknown said...

@wilheminna moses, pls don't mind dis I too sabi, and block head dat stopped sch, and used his or her sch fee money for clubbing.

Am joking, and don't tak dis stroking of mine serious. Just making Liber's lively dear. Cheers, and hope u hav a wonderful weekend, and life.

Anonymous said...

youths! youths!! youths!!! ,sometimes I wonder what's wrong with our brains, how would a sensible married individual come out in the open in a blog to disseminate information that he knows he will never get a responsible answer to you,is it that some of us are still too inexperienced to engage in what we have forced ourselves into..........dude pls go and manage ur marriage issues away from blogs plssssssssssssssss.

Unknown said...

@Anon 2:42, as d saying goes, "Gratitude is d mother of all virtues". So nice of u to appreciate for I luv people who appreciate even d slightest kindest of d world.

Dis shows u r going to go places, and God is surely going to elevate u. I didn't see ur earlier comment concerning ur request if not I wil hav come to ur aid.

God bless d gorgeous lady dat assisted u, and may God reward her abundantly IJN. God is a rewarder of every good deeds. Thumbs up to her, and more power to her elbows.

Dis shows we hav people wit golden hearts on LIB. God bless us all, and I so luv u guys lik my...

Unknown said...

My dear that is life for u,happy u got d money but just have in mind that u are very much better those who insulted u,poverty worries them that is y all they do read and insult without reading the full story.

Anonymous said...

Chaiiiii.....

Unknown said...

Then do the lil things and leave the big ones.

Unknown said...

If u know u can do it for her, pls do....

Unknown said...

Dz little tinz nw is somhw important oo

Anonymous said...

Linda check out this link from BBC... http://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-33106979

Senor

Anonymous said...

Walahi, Oti yawere gidi gan ni! Ai nise lo n'da lamu... eri re buru!

Unknown said...

Lmao... Davido's Dreamer Driver wil finish ya today
* * * Linda's 1st Daughter * * *

Unknown said...

Anonymous, U'r anonymously funny
* * * Linda's 1st Daughter * *

harrynohni said...

Sure

harrynohni said...

Do it bro

Unknown said...

Dats wat she wnt 4rm u so gv it 2 r

Anonymous said...

And I guess u re a ghost here. Over sabi

Asmau cleron said...

good for you anonymous

Anonymous said...

Lmao Hahahahahaha

Unknown said...

@Anon 3:06, does all dis tins still exist??? Quite a lecture u just dished out to learner's, and starter's.

All d same, lovely comment for I had to re-read ur comment to apr8 d substance, and content. Thanks!

harry,ohni said...

Kul

harry,ohni said...

Seen

harry,ohni said...

Seen

fola said...

Wao!just wot I ave on my mind I love dis!

ary said...

There is an Igbo saying: Uwa ezuoke. Meaning the world is not enough, there is always something else.

fola said...

Tanx u serve her right!

Anonymous said...

My dear, Yes Oh. Its called setting up the stage for mindblowing sex. A woman will give you the best fucking ever if her heart is all gooey from feeling flattered.I am female and I would love my husband to once in a while look at me as if he wants to ravage me or suprise me with sexy panty give or steal kisses, squeezes and hugs when the kids are not looking. Just some hanky panky. I aint asking for much. No. He lacks severely in taht department. He thinks when he seals a hug, the sex must occur at that time. Well no. Its a build up. Over time, you lose the excitement, the veejay is no longer attracted because brain not communicating with it because you are not getting those tidbits to raise expectations. Please, the small things matter. Its how we are hardwired

shuga bae said...

She ur wife right? Ehen..do all de needful tins she wnt na haba! Abi u nor love her again?

Nicole said...

Lmao! You read my mind @anonymous

Nicole said...

Smh! So because he's providing the basic amenities he shouldn't be romantic as well ? They are married for crying out loud! If men can be romantic to their gfs and side chics , I see no reason why they should deprive their wives of the same thing . She's not asking for too much. She just wants to keep the love alive .

Abraham Ndu said...

Like seriously..

Unknown said...

your Last statement is not nice,what mindset hav you put in the poster now

Unknown said...

Na wa. Your wife is very lucky and she doesn't know it. Why is she demanding love notes?. Ridiculous. Tell her to go to nairaland family section and see what married women are going through.

Dollar Tree said...

Seriously @royal priesthood ur comments sounds weird, you must not comment if you don't know what to say.

BLUNT said...

When you concentrate all your energy on pleasing a woman, you get yourself in a confused state like this writer. We really exaggerate women. You can never please them. And it's high time our women knew this their romantic fantasies are just what they are- fantasies. I've gone beyond a woman telling me I'm not romantic. She can leave if she's not getting the fallacy they watch on Mexican and Indian Channels.

Anonymous said...

My dear, thank God someone helped you out. It is well. Some people won't understand because they haven't gone through any difficulties in life. Please forgive those that try to use your situation to get even with you. God bless the lady that helped you and also prosper you in Jesus name. Amen. #landlady

prettiyz said...

She should have told u all that b4 d marriage,but try doing it so u won't loose her to some worthless guy over such a stupid thing. That's y I always tell my fiance the things I like

Anonymous said...

Blunt.pl dont b romantic.so I can continue to f@$#k your wife. I love f@#$KING Marrid women Whose husbands hav no ttime for

purple said...

One thing men don't know is that,When u give a woman even 50% luv,she gives you 150% back in return,so best thing to do is,give her more to get more

Anonymous said...

Lmao

I B M bolubantin said...

Get to work brother!!!
Its for better for worse

Unknown said...

Dear Nicole, there's nothing wrong wt being romantic. Am a romantic at heart...believe me. Buh the guy only brought ds up cos it's giving cause for concern or he wudnt have brought d ish here in the first place. If them "cute little things" re the only things she has to complain abt her marriage, then she has no problem at all. Marriage these days is not a bed of roses. She's darn lucky if u ask me.

Anonymous said...

Royal fu@@ing priesthood!!! Stop bring a dick head. Stop spamming this page

Anonymous said...

Very correct Collins.and watching too much tellemundu's films.you end up becoming too emotional.i happen to fall a victim of that too,and am only beginning to realize that the romantic books we read and the romantic films we watch if quite different from the real life sceneries.úwá ka'nma na film

Juleslouis said...

Little things matters in marriages. That's d spice of marriage. I even appreciate those little things that might seem meaningless more than d over d top gifts.

Davido's driver said...

I wont finish him because i detest you juliet

Anonymous said...

The fact that you do the big things doesn't mean that you cannot do the liitle things. However, you guys should have discussed your likes and dislikes before getting married. If you know what she likes, then do it and make her happy. I am sure she also knows what you like and she's trying to do it to please you too but it's just that you are not noticing it.

Anonymous said...

You should be happy that she even told you. If it were some other women, they wont even tell you. They will go and be gossiping about it to their friends outside that u are very unromantic and trust me, once they find a romantic guy that makes a pass at them, they will easily fall because that's what makes them happy

Anonymous said...

So if your wife tells you she wants fur play or oral sex first before the main sex, you will tell her you always do the main sex and you have given her four children from the main sex, so what does she want oral sex for? Common, give her what makes her happy and save your marriage

Anonymous said...

You should count yourself lucky that she even discussed it with you. Money is not everything. Sometimes little things count.

Anonymous said...

What you just said is exactly why your gf is cheating on you.

Anonymous said...

Going through the comments of many of the guys here, it's pretty easy to see why many Nigerian marriages are unhappy. It's unfortunate that Men do not know how to treat a woman right.

Anonymous said...

The only sensable comment, so far, so you can love her the right way! It's one thing to love someone it's another for the person to feel the love..if you so lover her, you will be so happy that she is even communicating the ways you can ale her tick to you, will you rather live with a pretender wife while she looks for someone else that can give her these little things that make her melt. Love is not sure hard if we can only love the right way and not d way we assume

Anonymous said...

Do you know why Bianca married Ojukwu? It is because of this same "little things". Bianca said she has dated guys younger than Ojukwu before she met Ojukwu but non of them was as romantic as Ojukwu. She said she has never met a man as romantic as Ojukwu in her life. She said when Ojukwu is going out very early while she is still sleeing, he will leave a love note by her pillow with a rose flower saying he'll be back soon and she shouldnt miss him too much. Sometimes when Ojukwu's friends are around, he will excuse them just to make tea for Bianca just because she told him she likes the way he makes tea. It was Ojukwu's romantic gesture that attracted her to him. She said she never saw the hard military side of Ojukwu at home. So she used to wonder if he was actually a military man.

Anonymous said...

My dear do what makes your wife happy and save your marraige except you don't love her enough to do it

Anonymous said...

I don't know if your wife is from a rich home. If she is, then maybe that's why big things don't trip her anymore because she has seen a lot while growing up. Most ladys born with silver spoon are tripped by little things. They are used to the big things so all they need is just a little romance and assurance of your love for them. That's all.

Anonymous said...

And you forget this his his wife, he is supposed to love her with all his being. In as ugh as some women are looking for complements others get excess n if he does not give her someone else will do these little things Dar matter so much to her

Anonymous said...

God bless her for helping you. May God also meet her at the point of her needs.

l.i.m said...

Walahi were gidi ni

Unknown said...

hmmm we planty ooo

Unknown said...

Do ur best and make her happy BUT never inconvenience urself in the process. And make sure ur actions are reciprocated. Some of us women can be unbearable sometimes.



#TeamBlessed#

Anonymous said...

I guess it's just a woman thing. Women like to feel loved and again it's cos d marriage is still fresh anf young. I remember I used to say these same thing to my hubby in our first year of marriage and it baffled me that I cldnt see those romantic things I imagined came with marriage. My advise is to always try to make ur wife happy, and try to do few of those " littles that matter" cos trust me they go a long way to her. Also Mayb her personality is that she likes those Kinda little loving gestures.

Anonymous said...

When she was fasting and praying for a husband, that's the last thing on her mind. When she finally get one, is the little things she is worried about?

uche said...

Your wife's love language is words of affirmation and yours is acts of service.Your own way of showing her love is by helping her in the kitchen and cleaning.Am sure she appreciates but twud mean more to her if you would write her love notes and continually say it to her how much you love her. I would advise you to get this book 'the five love languages by Gary Chapman'. Pretty sure twud help.

Anonymous said...

5 months??? WOMEN OOOO !!!! Make she No go CHEAT bc of Little things oo.. As na wetin dey reign now...

Guy, NO WORRY YASEF...
With Time, she will be fine.. JUST KEEP PROVIDING THE NORMAL THINGS, and DO WHAT A MAN NEEDS TO DO. And Keep telling Her Sorry, make she no vex.

Makes me wonder the Kind of Little Things she's even Giving You!?? hmmmm...

Anyway, All this complain of LITTLE things will stop when MONEY NO DEY OOOO!!!

Most Girls these days would Prefer You to Dash Them MOney, instead of Taking them Out to Nice places (Little Things).
Dash Them Money, Instead of using it to Buy Pretty Clothing (Little Things).
Dash Them Money instead of using it to Do little things like Making a Good Painting of Her.

She has started Bringing in TENSION into the Marriage/Relationship, and blaming you.

Some Idle/Lazy Women won't work and Build their homes, Na Little things and Money for themself na him dem go dey Cry and Fight about... Lazy Women

Anonymous said...

Looool! Lwkmd!

Anonymous said...

dont know why people are insulting him for asking. Guy abeg shes not wrong everywoman wants those romantic things but then also understand that it takes two to tango so tell her you will try as long as she does the same "little things" as well. if she talks bout all shes doing in the house already then pls dont feel guilty to point out what you're also bringing to the house as well. enjoy

Unknown said...

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