Dear LIB readers: Do I sit home & have all my kids before going back to work?
From a LIB reader
I am a lawyer who had a baby last year and I have been at home since. I decided to go back to work
since my baby started walking and my husband suggested I stay and have
all my kids, nurse them till they can all start school before going back
to work. The problem with this is as a lawyer new laws, rules and codes
keep coming up and I am scared I won't meet up after like five years at
home. Also, my self esteem is slowly fading away. Please I want advice
from the women. What do I do?
Speaking as a lawyer find a firm that will allow you time for your kids (the pay might not be great) so that you can balance the both. Talk to your husband as well n make him understand. Don't make it an argument just make him understand and most importantly pray for the best
All those saying go back to work what if your husband dies ...... What I'f the child dies in the cretch how about dat will the work she ran too be worth it so ppl let be balanced with this thing
I think ur husband is kinda selfish with his decision........he should consider ur opinions/feelings too,,,moreover if u are not complaining on combining motherhood with career,,i see no reason why ur husband should make u sit at home doing nothing. Women dont work for money only,,,what about d fulfillment we get just knowing that we are making an impact in d society??? i think u should find a way to convince ur man....
How can someone be begging a man for money to buy pad or soap to bathe, some men can be nice sha, but I know who I married, it could have brought wahala into my marriage. I like being able to afford things for myself and husband and kids while helping the needy without begging.
you have a decision to make. its not a decision anybody can make for u and ur husband. I believe u nd ur husband is mature enuf to no wats is best for yourselves. its not a do or die affair nd its not something u should fight about. if u don't agreed, make him see reasons y u don't 2 resume back to work. sort it out. gudluck
How can he expect you to put your whole career on hold just to have his babies? time waits for no one, and, girl, he takes you for a Baby Making Machine. I have a question lady: Do you want your husband castrated so you can go about your normal life?
Childcare in western countries is like paying someone minimum wage. In my area babies 2 and younger cost between $230-$310 per week. NO LIE!!! So some couples mutually agree that someone will stay home and take care of the kids until they're of school age, which is 5 or 6 years in the USA.
However, for you (and because you clearly stated that "[your] self esteem is slowly fading away), sitting at home is not ideal.
DO NOT DO IT!!!!
I believe that women should be self-sufficient. And many times it's the woman who suffers in the case of a divorce. So, if your family is okay financially, go back to work.
If not and there is intense pressure from your husband, have him give you pocket money each week. Money that belongs solely to you that he is to NEVER question you about or ask to return.
If you have passed the bar exam, you can also start your own business and work on the side. You can consult for start-ups, or small to medium sized businesses; file court documents for independent Paralegals/Legal Assistants. There are lots of things you can do while staying at home.
But if that is really not your thing, stand your ground and start working!
Your husband is a little selfish in my book. Why can't your husband agree to become a stay at home dad? Theres nothing that you cannot juggle. While raising your kids is important, your own self-esteem and healthy personality matters. I am sure your kids will appreciate and be inspired by a strong mother, who raised them while working to make the world a better day rather than an individual who may resents giving up her life and career for her kids.
Dearest, you've already answered the question. Return to work but remember family is always first. Only you know how much is too much. For career oriented women who are also married with children it's no balance but lean towards keeping harmony.in the home as top priority. Your work performance may suffer at times but hang in there; that's how it goes.
Well, you are the main factor in this decision. I am a physician and have been in a similar situation in the past. I chose my best option: sitting at home. Its been 3yrs now and by the grace of God, I have not regretted it one bit. As long as your husband can take care of your needs. I am using this opportunity to take a few online Professional devt courses and I also recently started a Master's degree so I stay updated and better when I get back to work.
babe go to work forget men, they say dont go but later they will use it to insult u. other women have been doing it,trust me, u can cope with work and kids. I am a living experience.
My dear hmmmm its not tOo bad to stay home oo. Let me tell u about my self,am a doctor,graduated since 2009,my husband and his family gave me same advice,I pleaded,cried no way.I have two boys now they are in school and no hospital wants to even read my CV talk more of givin me a job.so my dear give ur husband an option.
Sweetie you are EveryWoman.....you can Multi-Task....Work ,be a mum and a wife. You are designed to handle anything. Women are strong creatures. it takes understanding btw you and ur Hubby. this is the 21 century. if you stay at home you will be depressed, become fat and have low self esteem. Be a great wife, a fantastic Mum, and an independent woman...these factors will keep attracting you Hubby to you.x
pls work things out with ur hubby and go back to work. i cant even imagine myself staying at home.i had 3 children while working and now my last baby will be one next month though it was not easy
BABE ABEGI GO DO UR WORK JARE. MEN CUD B VERY SELFISH. MK U DO BABY SITTING MK HIM DEY WAKA UP N DOWN. ABEG GO WORK JARE N DO AL DAT A MUM WILL DO 4 THEIR CHILDREN WEN DEY R BACK 4RM WORK.
pls dont sit at home oooo, its not good. u can convince your hubby that u'd get a firm close by and work within convenient hours or let him open a firm for you or pay you what you wud have been earning if you were working. I dont know why any man would want to render he's wife a liability. You didnt go to school for 5-6yrs to sit at home and be producing kids. Please dont accept defeat in this matter. Talk it over and find a way to get back to work.
ABEG MAKE HER HUBBY PARK WELL JOOR WHERE WAS HE WHEN SHE WAS GETTING HER LAW DEGREE ABI HIM THINK SAY NAH BEANS. SMALL TIME NOW SHE GO BE OLD CARGO WITH FULFILLING HER FULL STRENGTH. MAKE YOU NO MIND YOU HUBBY OH AS YOU DEY BORN MAKE YOU DEY GO BACK TO WORK ASIN THAT'S WHAT NANNYS ARE THERE FOR AND SINCE YOU CAN AFFORD TO GET A NANNY, THEN ISEE NO REASON WHY HE SHOULD NOT LET YOU BACK TO WORK SHIKENA
Choose ye this day your family or your career. It's a personal decision. Discuss with your husband and come with the decision that best suits the family
Choose ye this day your family or your career. It's a personal decision. Discuss with your husband and come with the decision that best suits the family
Linda I no dey undastnd u oh!!!!wts our Biz wth someone who wants to ve kids or not* eyes rolling* why is seeking for advice on a blog??LIB for dat mata wen u knw dat LIBER's wld insult her, pls post somethng more informative joooor, stories dat touch d heart. IF u like don't post my comment as usual
First time I am going to comment on this blog...okk...i think your comment has to be one of the most sexist comments I have ever read...who told you that inner joy and fulfilment comes from being a mother? There's nothing wrong with her, if she gets that fulfilment from her career. Then you even had the cheek to say by her not staying at home could lead to her raising a 'terrorist’? Really, are you that naive or just stupid...do you honestly think all terrorists came from motherless homes or broken homes...wow...your stupidity is on a level, I didn't think was possible!
my dear pls go back to work.am a lawyer too and i can assure you cant cope after so many years.get a nanny for the kids.if A you cant keep your job and take care of your home,you have FAILED.
one thing people forget is that ur kids will grow up and leave the house. So if i were u, i wud pursue my career serzly. Who says u cant have a career and kids simultaneously? listen, all it takes is planning. people do it.
My mom has 6 children, and didnt have to choose btw work or kids, she planned well( took pregnancy leave from work)and went back after her leave was over.
231 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 201 – 231 of 231Speaking as a lawyer find a firm that will allow you time for your kids (the pay might not be great) so that you can balance the both. Talk to your husband as well n make him understand. Don't make it an argument just make him understand and most importantly pray for the best
All those saying go back to work what if your husband dies ...... What I'f the child dies in the cretch how about dat will the work she ran too be worth it so ppl let be balanced with this thing
I think ur husband is kinda selfish with his decision........he should consider ur opinions/feelings too,,,moreover if u are not complaining on combining motherhood with career,,i see no reason why ur husband should make u sit at home doing nothing. Women dont work for money only,,,what about d fulfillment we get just knowing that we are making an impact in d society??? i think u should find a way to convince ur man....
Don't have think about it!!!! Please dont do it!!! take this advise from someone who has sat at home
How can someone be begging a man for money to buy pad or soap to bathe, some men can be nice sha, but I know who I married, it could have brought wahala into my marriage. I like being able to afford things for myself and husband and kids while helping the needy without begging.
you have a decision to make. its not a decision anybody can make for u and ur husband. I believe u nd ur husband is mature enuf to no wats is best for yourselves. its not a do or die affair nd its not something u should fight about. if u don't agreed, make him see reasons y u don't 2 resume back to work. sort it out. gudluck
How can he expect you to put your whole career on hold just to have his babies? time waits for no one, and, girl, he takes you for a Baby Making Machine. I have a question lady: Do you want your husband castrated so you can go about your normal life?
Childcare in western countries is like paying someone minimum wage. In my area babies 2 and younger cost between $230-$310 per week. NO LIE!!! So some couples mutually agree that someone will stay home and take care of the kids until they're of school age, which is 5 or 6 years in the USA.
However, for you (and because you clearly stated that "[your] self esteem is slowly fading away), sitting at home is not ideal.
DO NOT DO IT!!!!
I believe that women should be self-sufficient. And many times it's the woman who suffers in the case of a divorce. So, if your family is okay financially, go back to work.
If not and there is intense pressure from your husband, have him give you pocket money each week. Money that belongs solely to you that he is to NEVER question you about or ask to return.
If you have passed the bar exam, you can also start your own business and work on the side. You can consult for start-ups, or small to medium sized businesses; file court documents for independent Paralegals/Legal Assistants. There are lots of things you can do while staying at home.
But if that is really not your thing, stand your ground and start working!
***Lush
Your husband is a little selfish in my book. Why can't your husband agree to become a stay at home dad? Theres nothing that you cannot juggle. While raising your kids is important, your own self-esteem and healthy personality matters. I am sure your kids will appreciate and be inspired by a strong mother, who raised them while working to make the world a better day rather than an individual who may resents giving up her life and career for her kids.
Get your ass back to work. Let your husband stay home with the kids.
Dearest, you've already answered the question. Return to work but remember family is always first. Only you know how much is too much. For career oriented women who are also married with children it's no balance but lean towards keeping harmony.in the home as top priority. Your work performance may suffer at times but hang in there; that's how it goes.
Well, you are the main factor in this decision. I am a physician and have been in a similar situation in the past. I chose my best option: sitting at home. Its been 3yrs now and by the grace of God, I have not regretted it one bit. As long as your husband can take care of your needs. I am using this opportunity to take a few online Professional devt courses and I also recently started a Master's degree so I stay updated and better when I get back to work.
babe go to work forget men, they say dont go but later they will use it to insult u. other women have been doing it,trust me, u can cope with work and kids. I am a living experience.
My dear hmmmm its not tOo bad to stay home oo. Let me tell u about my self,am a doctor,graduated since 2009,my husband and his family gave me same advice,I pleaded,cried no way.I have two boys now they are in school and no hospital wants to even read my CV talk more of givin me a job.so my dear give ur husband an option.
Imaobong Mfon
Sweetie you are EveryWoman.....you can Multi-Task....Work ,be a mum and a wife. You are designed to handle anything. Women are strong creatures.
it takes understanding btw you and ur Hubby. this is the 21 century. if you stay at home you will be depressed, become fat and have low self esteem.
Be a great wife, a fantastic Mum, and an independent woman...these factors will keep attracting you Hubby to you.x
Plz work and u can still av ur kids
pls work things out with ur hubby and go back to work. i cant even imagine myself staying at home.i had 3 children while working and now my last baby will be one next month though it was not easy
BABE ABEGI GO DO UR WORK JARE. MEN CUD B VERY SELFISH. MK U DO BABY SITTING MK HIM DEY WAKA UP N DOWN.
ABEG GO WORK JARE N DO AL DAT A MUM WILL DO 4 THEIR CHILDREN WEN DEY R BACK 4RM WORK.
pls dont sit at home oooo, its not good. u can convince your hubby that u'd get a firm close by and work within convenient hours or let him open a firm for you or pay you what you wud have been earning if you were working.
I dont know why any man would want to render he's wife a liability. You didnt go to school for 5-6yrs to sit at home and be producing kids. Please dont accept defeat in this matter. Talk it over and find a way to get back to work.
When a man tells you to sit home to have kids before resuming to work... there is something there
ABEG MAKE HER HUBBY PARK WELL JOOR WHERE WAS HE WHEN SHE WAS GETTING HER LAW DEGREE ABI HIM THINK SAY NAH BEANS. SMALL TIME NOW SHE GO BE OLD CARGO WITH FULFILLING HER FULL STRENGTH. MAKE YOU NO MIND YOU HUBBY OH AS YOU DEY BORN MAKE YOU DEY GO BACK TO WORK ASIN THAT'S WHAT NANNYS ARE THERE FOR AND SINCE YOU CAN AFFORD TO GET A NANNY, THEN ISEE NO REASON WHY HE SHOULD NOT LET YOU BACK TO WORK SHIKENA
Bia PJ abi na wetin you de call yourself..U finally paid your internet bill, we no go hear word!!
Choose ye this day your family or your career. It's a personal decision. Discuss with your husband and come with the decision that best suits the family
Choose ye this day your family or your career. It's a personal decision. Discuss with your husband and come with the decision that best suits the family
Linda I no dey undastnd u oh!!!!wts our Biz wth someone who wants to ve kids or not* eyes rolling* why is seeking for advice on a blog??LIB for dat mata wen u knw dat LIBER's wld insult her, pls post somethng more informative joooor, stories dat touch d heart. IF u like don't post my comment as usual
First time I am going to comment on this blog...okk...i think your comment has to be one of the most sexist comments I have ever read...who told you that inner joy and fulfilment comes from being a mother? There's nothing wrong with her, if she gets that fulfilment from her career. Then you even had the cheek to say by her not staying at home could lead to her raising a 'terrorist’? Really, are you that naive or just stupid...do you honestly think all terrorists came from motherless homes or broken homes...wow...your stupidity is on a level, I didn't think was possible!
my dear pls go back to work.am a lawyer too and i can assure you cant cope after so many years.get a nanny for the kids.if A you cant keep your job and take care of your home,you have FAILED.
one thing people forget is that ur kids will grow up and leave the house.
So if i were u, i wud pursue my career serzly.
Who says u cant have a career and kids simultaneously?
listen, all it takes is planning. people do it.
My mom has 6 children, and didnt have to choose btw work or kids, she planned well( took pregnancy leave from work)and went back after her leave was over.
who says u have to choose. u should be able to juggle both work and kids.
GO BACK TO WORK!
who says u have to choose. u should be able to juggle both work and kids.
GO BACK TO WORK!
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