A letter from an ardent LIB reader and commenter. She needs your advise. Read below...
I’ve been having this dilemma for quite some time now. Advice me please... albeit bluntly. Of course its a ‘guy’ issue. The only problem is that this ‘guy’ is my in-law.
I meet guy last year, while I was on holiday in Abuja. He’s married to my cousin, a lady I hadn’t seen in like 18 odd years. When I met him, I greeted him like I would any other relation. After our first meeting, we would all go out together, to family parties and general outings. Through that, guy and I exchanged BB pins.
Continue reading...
When I eventually got back to the US, we maintained a cordial relationship; even though on BB, he was one of those contacts that would never have a display pic or update his status, almost like he wasn’t there. We never really chatted....it was mainly a ‘how is family, how are things’ sort of chat.
Then one day, I displayed a picture of me...a rather sultry one. With that the compliments flooded in; surprisingly this guy that barely talked to me, ping me saying ‘you’ve forgotten me shey’. At first I thought he mistakenly sent the message to the wrong contact. So I replied, ‘me ke? (my name) cannot forget you oh, you’re family now’. He then laughed it off and asked for my number. I was baffled, but then I thought, he is family. What harm could he do? (How wrong was I).
I sent him my number and he called almost immediately. I thought it was weird, but I blew it off. After all guy was family..... He told me he liked me, that he was attracted to me and had been from the moment he set his eyes on me. I was flabbergasted. I’m not the kind of woman to shut someone down, even if they’re blatantly wrong, so I told him I was flattered but nothing would ever amount from what he’d just told me, because he is a married man. We ended the conversation on a nice note, and I thought we were done.
After that phone conversation, our chats on BB became more frequent. We chatted every single day. He would compliment me constantly....telling me the sweetest things, calling me beautiful and special. This went on for several months and soon after I started to fall for him. I would get butterflies whenever i got a ping, thinking it was him. I would get agitated it he hadn’t pinged me all day. I became emotionally attached. He visited the US a couple of times and would ask me to meet him and I would. The last time I met him, one thing led to another and we both stripped to our undies. When I told him I couldn’t go any further and that it wasn’t inappropriate, he ushered me out....as if to say, ‘you’re useless get out’. (That still didn’t stop the sweet messages and compliments).
I kinda felt really special...like out of all the girls it was me he chose (ODE). It was so easy to disregard my cousin after all I hadn’t known her that long and she was a stranger.
A few weeks backs, I found out that his wife had a baby. She didn’t tell us she was pregnant because she wanted to surprise us, as it was her first child.
Since she’s put to bed, the chats are not as frequent as they used to be. Before it was like he was pestering and bothering me....now it’s like i’m the one doing the bugging.
I’m at a loss; I’ve accumulated feelings for this man....something that I know is too damn wrong. I’m trying to escape it. Sometimes i’m mad at him for being so selfish...but when he pings me, I forget everything.
Recently, I’ve been feeling like a piece of shit. I feel like I was used to appease his sexual desires while his wife was pregnant. All the compliments and sweet things were just a ploy to get me exactly where he wanted. I also feel like he played on my naivety as he is an older (6yrs) man. I feel so easy. I feel like he sees me as a ‘non (motherfucking) factor. Someone he can pick up and drop whenever he likes. This has made me lose focus on what’s important in my life.
I sometimes feel so annoyed, like he has his beautiful wife, he’s beautiful child and a lovely home and here I am, no gain. How could I allow myself to fall for this nigga, knowing full well that he was never on the market?
In the process of all this, we exchanged various details. From phone numbers to work and personal emails to skype ID to home address. I’ve attempted to delete him from my BBM. When I did, he emailed me and when I didn’t reply, he skyped me.
I don’t know what to do. I want to cut him off completely, but then I think I will see him one day, how do I answer his questions? Would he attempt to pick up from where he left off? I am actually afraid of what might transpire if we meet again.
LIB readers, what do you make of this, have any of you ladies had such experiences? Men, have you done this kinda thing to girls before? Help me make sense of this issue please. Before I lose my mind!!
Regards.
D. x
450 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 401 – 450 of 450HOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cannot make sense of this ooo ...Linda !! Hian!!!
Only ibgo babes do this kind of shit. I know who u are, and I'm calling u out on it. Before I spell ur name out on here, u better call a family meeting and tell this story like u did on here. I give u two weeks. Counting from this moment WED/ 21/ 2012 ur due date is April 4 2012. U just try me.....
Sometimes, we guys just want to prove to ourselves that we've still got it.
That's all he was doing.
ladies, we need to be cautious and not put ourselves in a fix and avoid close calls etc with married men; what would U do/ how would U feel if sb was that close to your future husband. More importantly let's fear God and believe we'll get our own man and not sb else's man.
what God has joined together, let no naive cousin put asunder. Any day any time U'll be an intruder; U r too precious to be tagged such. Be good fear God and you'll be located with your own man- one that will cherish U all the days of his life.
But if you dont let this your cousin's husband go now, you'll regret it all your life.
Ne eziokwu ne eziokwu, akuko gi a akwughi oto ma oli....too many corner corners...and you have succeeded in wasting my precious 10mins or so to read this jargon. Anyway young lady, if at all what u are 'trying' to say actually happened....then read through your story again, you will better advice yourself.
Linda next pls......
Stupid girl....But what worries me is the hapless wife at home prone to all manners of STD because he couldn't control his libido....Self-Discipline in little things will help one when the big challenges come.....but apparently when one tends to cut corners with simple integrity-issues pertaining to day to day living, when the stakes start getting higher....nothing will be the to help/buffer....Then you GOOF
Silly child practice some daily self-discipline
YOU ARE A BIG FOOL SWEETHEART. KARMA NA BITCH NO NI, JUST WAIT, YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND WILL FUCK AND IMPREGNANT YOUR HOUSE HELP. OLORIBURUKU GET OUT
It shall be well
mehn babe,dnt tink u did anytin dat bad..aftaralL he dint f*ck u...forgiv urslf n mov on abeg,,lyf s too short for nonsenz...OLOWO
"I kinda felt really special...like out of all the girls it was me he chose (ODE)."
Uhm how could you possibly be the one he chose when he is married to your cousin? You are really delusional!
ashewo ten kobo,ntoo....nmeeeee.....
uv been used.how can u fall for a married man in the first place...yeye girl,u never jam,more disappointments if u dont change!
You are a certified Oloshi!
befr u can move on see him as a bad ex and u wud nid to do a mental cleansing i.e forget about him like u guys have broken up.u mite wanna call him to end it for the sake of closure if u have wat it takes nt to be brainwashed by his sweet nonsense. think of the risk u taking by dating ur COUSIN'S HUBBY. it cud affect ur relationship wit every member of ur family close and distant.so you want to do the right tin. after dis wen next u see the feel shud be formal and appropriate.u wud wonder y u ever saw him d way u did
shawler is right on point....RUN for your life! If you keep it up who knows how he might spin it to your cousin and the rest of the family? He could tell them you pursued him instead and once it comes out from his side no one will believe it was the other way round. Delete every single means of contact, block his emails, bbm etc. Don't even read them, don't even let his bullshit register in your consciousness talk less of affecting your emotions! Chalk it up to experience and let your heart heal, move on o, he is scum and definitely NOT worth your time and love!!!
I went through the comments here looking for Gbenga's comment. Lol! There sure must be a tribal angle to this story!
I was mad at the beginning and was going to start scolding but deed has been done and from your insults to yourself, I want to believe, you know what you did was damn right stupid. Ok ok, I'm staying away from insults, but truth is from the very moment he commented on your pix and asked for your number you knew sth was up, c'mon, we all feel it. Flirting is fun and all but some people are just off limits, not just that he was married but married to your own cousin,that's a double NO NO. Anyways, like I said, deed has been done, I would be mad(even though I wouldn't know) if we advice you and you throw it to the ground cos it's so typical. Get rid of him everywhere, BB,skype, everything. Do not reply his emails(except you are strong enough to stick to your guts). But reply the next message or call you get from him, if he talks normal fine,act normal too if he brings up ur situation, i dnt know what to call it, tell him straight up that you were high on cheap drugs then and you've gone to rehab, all of that is so over.Do not stutter!Have some self worth, you will get someone who will not treat you like trash,who will truly love and adore you,k. Bad things are always exciting but most times not worth it.Hope you cheer up...
Chick, I think you were a fool for ever falling for this guy. You should have simply shut him up from the beginning. Even the bible says "when you see temptation, FLEE!" READ THE WORDS! It doesn't say walk-away, neither does it say, run. It says FLEE! You should even feel guilty for ever allowing this nonsense for the sake of your cousin.
Also, i think just as you rightly thought, the jackshit idiot had been using you as a substitute for his preggy wife all along and he doesn't feel half of what he confesses considering all these started when you posted a sultry picture of you on your BB.
So darl, pls WAKE-UP and FLUSH this IDIOT off your system by clicking on that DELETE button in your head!
Get deeply involved with work, friends, other social activities or even a new and fulfilling real relationship if that will help.
But always remember;"You're a very special person, and better than you think you are and would be appreciated by the man who deserves someone as beautiful and special as you"
P.S: Don't rush into a relationship as a means into ending one. It always ends up being disastrous
No doubt u're still in love with this *sunofabitch*. i bet u if u go any further, u'll burn your own fingers, like you know so well, he's got nothing to loose and you wouldnt want to break your cousin's home. just back out, k. use brain next time.
Sorry this happened to you, you sound very honest and simple. He saw that in you and took advantage. girl u have made a mistake and accepted which is good, the next stage is the decision making stage, GET THE FOOL OUT OF UR LIFE FAST before you get caught bcz it is a very messy situation. ignore him TOTALLY. and pls respect ur cousin more.
GOD BLESS YOU.
No doubt u're still in love with this *sunofabitch*. i bet u if u go any further, u'll burn your own fingers, like you know so well, he's got nothing to loose and you wouldnt want to break your cousin's home. just back out, k. use brain next time.
I personally don't feel sorry for you as i'v been in dis kinda situation before. The guy was also my cousin's husband. At least urs took time, mine was literally a week after their wedding. But the difference between us was that i neva entertained such nonsense, he wil call me a trillion times a day and i wudnt pick up. When the 'i love u'messages and calls got to much, I told my step-mum, my mum, and the Guy's older brother 2 give him the warnings of his life b4 my cousin gets to hear abt it. And since den, all the rubbish stopped.
My dear, its cos u entertained it, dats why u got urself in dis mess.He treats you like a 'non mother-fucking factor' becos u gave him d chance to treat u like dat. From some1 who didnt really notice ur existence,2 some1 who wudnt stop pinging u after up put up a 'sultry' pix, nd den kicked u out wen u didnt wanna have sex with him;didn't ur common sense tell u dat he was jst interested in aving sex with u and has no regard or respect for u and probably sees u as some1 with no standards.
SO my advice to u will be; delete EVERY contact u v of him, block his number if u can. Just cut off every contact. As hard as it may seem, jst do it and concentrate on other things. B4 u know it, it will pass by. And lastly, learn to set urself some standards. will help u in the long run. :)
We can't help you make sense of it cus there's actually no sense in it...well, if you r below 18years i would understand being naive n all, buh if ur above this age then ODE is an understatement. If you like stay there and continue contemplating. Delete all unneccessary contact and move on.
Hello X..Hmmm, it is very easy for people to judge. You were wrong, but i think you have seen the light. Nothing good will ever come from your current course of action. The sad fact is that you are LONELY and he preyed on your vulnerability. Dont hang yourself over your past failures.
Forget this guy fast !!, he will use and dump you, the interesting thing is you know exactly what to do, but maybe you lack the courage.
Dump him, he is a no do gooder (sic) and a gold digger.
Better years are ahead of you in Jesus name...
Cheers !
Imagine swooning over a married man,and am here with all my attested qualities,of a good husband ,still haven't found my self a wife....now, when finally get married, some girls will say "all the good men are married".I Think she should just delet him from her life.
Imagine swooning over a married man,and am here with all my attested qualities,of a good husband ,still haven't found my self a wife....now, when finally get married, some girls will say "all the good men are married".I Think she should just delet him from her life.
this story is a script from out of the movie jaré, please, on to the next one and let us get correct gist!!
not only is it sickening that u fell for a married man, its also repulsive that the man had to be your cousin's husband!!!!!
Girl, he'll NEVER marry you n will keeping messing with your feelings..
Babes, get a life and stop all this nonsense!!!
PS, linda abeg dont allow this kinda nonsensical issues again.. Na God i take beg you ooo
U ALL R TALKIN AS IF U R HOLIEST DAN D LADY IN QUESTION. MOST OF U AV DONE WORSE DAN DAT AND EVEN PLANIN 2 DO. SO, PLS SPARE D YOUNG LADY JARE.
YEA, BACK 2 U YOUNG GIRL, U F... UP BIG TYM O,BT NOTIN DO U SHA. 4 D FACT U PUBLISHD DS MEANS DAT U KNW WHAT 2 DO. I TINK WE'VE GOTTEN 2 D ERA DAT EVERY SINGLE LADY SHLD KNOW DAT SHE IS OF AN INESTIMABLE VALUE. MONEY CAN'T BUY HER,SO ALSO, NO SWEETMOUTHED TONGUE IS ENOF 2 MOVE HER,SO FAR SHE KNOWS WER SHE IS GOIN.
THOUGH MOST OF US AV WEAKNESES, DAT WER D PLACE OF GOD AND D HOLY SPIRIT COMES IN...... TRY EVRTIN POSIBLE, INVEST IN URSEF,I MEAN WIT POSITIVE STUFS,GET RILY BUSY DOIN SOMTIN DAT WIL CAUSE U 2 IMPART LIVES AND DEN............... U'L FIND URSEF @ D TOP. AND BY THEN, U WLD AV LEARNT D LESSONS AND MOVED 4WOD.
WISH YA D BEST DEARIE..........
my dear,i wont judge you because,no one can understand the way you feel but you....for your own sake pls you have to try help yourself to get out of the situation.......GOD in his infinite mercy will forgive you and lead you thru the right part.
for all you other people out there anyone can be a victim of such a situation.
"I kinda felt really special...like out of all the girls it was me he chose (ODE)". Thank God u realised d name u called yourself. You know d right thing to do, u dont need any 1 to come and sound it in ur ears...him no go leave him wife for u o...face it!
i agree with professor X, shikena!!!
Ta! imagine swooning over a married man,and am here wondering why an attested husband material like myself haven't got a girl......I will be succint,she should text 07030125058.
what I can't figure out is what kind of help you want?
especially when you chose to expose your shitty behavior on LIB?
I hope you don't expect to use the advice of the 0.5% of people that would dare come up with ways to snatch your cousin spouse right?
what is there to figure out anyway?
1. you met him as your cousin's husband? you can't even say he tries to hide the fact that he was married
2. he didn't pay attention to you till you posted a whorish pic smh
3. it wasn't even love at first sight but you nursed the idea of falling in love, allowed it to happen and actually didn't fight the feeling because you aren't that close to your cousin
4. your so-called love is fed up of you already
do you have a clue why he chose you in the first place? long distance and cheap enough to broadcast a revealing pic in order to lure a man!
you agreed to get involved to your cousin's husband he will never ever take you seriously no matter what he said or is still saying to you
you have no other choice than to get over it and the sooner the better
as for your question as to how you'll take meeting him at family reunions, are you kidding me?
what do you think will happen? he won't even look at you and I bet you didn't confide yourself in anyone in your family
face reality there is no hpe block him from everything email, bb, skype, phones
find someone in your local area
yes URE a NON MUTHERFUCKIN FACTOR(in EVELYNS VOICE fo reallllll .........are you outta ur mind (
No seriously! I cant believe this very STUPID STORY OF THIS FOOLISH SLUT has raked in 400+ comments?!? Seriously?!?Are u guys for real?!?People writing paragraphs upon paragraphs for what tho?!?Mtcheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwww!!I hate when ashewo's act like they dont know what they r about!!!NONESENSE!!!FUCK OUTTA HERE already n stop acting n going on like u didnt know what he was on about n where this was leading to!!!SHAMELESS EVIL SLUT!!!
hmmmm.....
Hmmmmm....
Well, I dont think shge shud be judged. At all... I had never had sex before until now, I'm 25 years now and dissapointed in my self.
I had sex for the first time to some1 who has a serious gf, he actually chased afta me, I fell for him and I even had sex. I call myself stupid, foolish and all sorts of name but in this case I had to end it myself bcos if I didnt he wud have continued.
I am still hurting, I have some1 serious coming afta me bt I cannot even concentrate on him so getting in2 a relationship now is nt d best. I keep making comparisons. Its crazy, sometimes I stay and cry my eyes out.
The only advise I can give is time will heal you. Give yourself time, enrol in a gym. Make friends, delete him from all social networks. Give it space and time. You will heal. After this ordeal I have been thru, I know dat I do not have d rite to judge any person.
May God help me and give me the strength I sincerely need coz I really need it rite now.. Crying..
O ma se o means something (bad) has happened. Kinda like eh ya, look at what has happened. Take heart.
O ga o means "of some height". It implies that something bad has happened, of extraordinary proportions. It's an expression to mean whatever happened is too bad or too far. Kinda like "this is too much".
you got punked >>> shikena
first of all...you dont need advice!you knew it was weird and wrong from the start yet you encouraged it.its time to put on your big girl panties and cut the guy off totally...from facebook,your bb,change your number or bann his own!
"I feel like he sees me as a ‘non (motherfucking) factor. Someone he can pick up and drop whenever he likes"
Sho... You answered your own questions why are you asking again.
You are a massive ode to actually have the nerve to waste our time asking this ajinjinkpo questions! Evidently your father didn't give you enough attention as a child so you seek love in the arms of men. Men who can sniff out your desperation and lack of self love.
www.gheneghenz.com
You are a massive ode to actually have the nerve to waste our time asking this ajinjinkpo questions! Evidently your father didn't give you enough attention as a child so you seek love in the arms of men. Men who can sniff out your desperation and lack of self love.
www.gheneghenz.com
My brother suggested I might like thіs ωebsite.
He wаs еntirely гight. Thiѕ post truly mаde
my day. You cann't imagine just how much time I had spent for this information! Thanks!
Also see my page > loans for bad credit
If somе one ωants еxpeгt view about bloggіng afterwaгd i advise him/hеr to pay a quіcκ visit this webpage, Κeep up
thе fastidious job.
My site - car loans for bad credit
You actuаlly makе it sееm ѕo
easy with your pгesеntаtion but I find this matter tο be actually something that
I think I ωοuld never understand.
It sееms too cоmplіcаted anԁ
very brоаd for mе. I аm looκіng foгward foг your
next pοst, I'll try to get the hang of it!
Feel free to surf my page 1 month loan
Post a Comment