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Wednesday, 21 March 2012

Dear LIB readers: Help me make sense of this!

A letter from an ardent LIB reader and commenter. She needs your advise. Read below...
I’ve been having this dilemma for quite some time now. Advice me please... albeit bluntly. Of course its a ‘guy’ issue. The only problem is that this ‘guy’ is my in-law.
I meet guy last year, while I was on holiday in Abuja. He’s married to my cousin, a lady I hadn’t seen in like 18 odd years.  When I met him, I greeted him like I would any other relation. After our first meeting, we would all go out together, to family parties and general outings. Through that, guy and I exchanged BB pins.
Continue reading...
 
When I eventually got back to the US, we maintained a cordial relationship; even though on BB, he was one of those contacts that would never have a display pic or update his status, almost like he wasn’t there. We never really chatted....it was mainly a ‘how is family, how are things’ sort of chat.
Then one day, I displayed a picture of me...a rather sultry one. With that the compliments flooded in; surprisingly this guy that barely talked to me, ping me saying ‘you’ve forgotten me shey’. At first I thought he mistakenly sent the message to the wrong contact. So I replied, ‘me ke? (my name) cannot forget you oh, you’re family now’. He then laughed it off and asked for my number. I was baffled, but then I thought, he is family. What harm could he do? (How wrong was I).
I sent him my number and he called almost immediately. I thought it was weird, but I blew it off. After all guy was family..... He told me he liked me, that he was attracted to me and had been from the moment he set his eyes on me. I was flabbergasted. I’m not the kind of woman to shut someone down, even if they’re blatantly wrong, so I told him I was flattered but nothing would ever amount from what he’d just told me, because he is a married man. We ended the conversation on a nice note, and I thought we were done.
  
After that phone conversation, our chats on BB became more frequent. We chatted every single day. He would compliment me constantly....telling me the sweetest things, calling me beautiful and special. This went on for several months and soon after I started to fall for him. I would get butterflies whenever i got a ping, thinking it was him. I would get agitated it he hadn’t pinged me all day.  I became emotionally attached.  He visited the US a couple of times and would ask me to meet him and I would. The last time I met him, one thing led to another and we both stripped to our undies. When I told him I couldn’t go any further and that it wasn’t inappropriate, he ushered me out....as if to say, ‘you’re useless get out’. (That still didn’t stop the sweet messages and compliments).

He asked me to send him pictures of me and I did without hesitation, he even once asked me to send him an x-rated pic. His exact words were ‘show me what you’ve got’. I told him, that I couldn’t do that. (That didn’t stop him from continually asking).
 
I kinda felt really special...like out of all the girls it was me he chose (ODE). It was so easy to disregard my cousin after all I hadn’t known her that long and she was a stranger.
A few weeks backs, I found out that his wife had a baby. She didn’t tell us she was pregnant because she wanted to surprise us, as it was her first child.
Since she’s put to bed, the chats are not as frequent as they used to be. Before it was like he was pestering and bothering me....now it’s like i’m the one doing the bugging.
I’m at a loss; I’ve accumulated feelings for this man....something that I know is too damn wrong. I’m trying to escape it. Sometimes i’m mad at him for being so selfish...but when he pings me, I forget everything.

Recently, I’ve been feeling like a piece of shit. I feel like I was used to appease his sexual desires while his wife was pregnant. All the compliments and sweet things were just a ploy to get me exactly where he wanted.  I also feel like he played on my naivety as he is an older (6yrs) man. I feel so easy. I feel like he sees me as a ‘non (motherfucking) factor. Someone he can pick up and drop whenever he likes. This has made me lose focus on what’s important in my life.
I sometimes feel so annoyed, like he has his beautiful wife, he’s beautiful child and a lovely home and here I am, no gain. How could I allow myself to fall for this nigga, knowing full well that he was never on the market?

In the process of all this, we exchanged various details. From phone numbers to work and personal emails to skype ID to home address. I’ve attempted to delete him from my BBM. When I did, he emailed me and when I didn’t reply, he skyped me.
I don’t know what to do. I want to cut him off completely, but then I think I will see him one day, how do I answer his questions? Would he attempt to pick up from where he left off? I am actually afraid of what might transpire if we meet again.
LIB readers, what do you make of this, have any of you ladies had such experiences? Men, have you done this kinda thing to girls before? Help me make sense of this issue please. Before I lose my mind!!
Regards.
D. x

450 comments:

1 – 200 of 450   Newer›   Newest»
Anonymous said...

dear readers please what're the meanings of '' O MA SE O?'' and ''O GA O?''. I know they're yoruba sentences but i can't figure them out. pls help me, thanks and God bless.

Professor X said...

Who told u six years makes him an 'older man'? U're an ode. As u rightly classified urself. U do not need further advice. Go in peace.

Anonymous said...

To bad U̶̲̥̅̊ allowed urself to be lead ,well now that U̶̲̥̅̊ are back to ur senses delete everytin that reminds U̶̲̥̅̊ of him,pix,cell numb email...no disrespect buh make ‎​Ȋ̝̊τ̲̅ clear to him tinz will never b as they used to b...

Anonymous said...

Well the earlier u cut him off,the better for u.cos u will definitely lose out in the end end!my 1cent

Ayo said...

Linda abeg jooo, this is a non issue, you play with fire and you get burnt!!!. pure and simple. You knew he was married so what were your expectations? that he would leave his wife or that you would become second wife? Get over it and choose wisely next time.

Jesse's wife said...

you certainly got what you deserved you knew he was married but still went ahead and entertained him! mschewwwwwwwwww Linda abeg stop wasting precius blog space with this non problem i just wish i knew the cousins name so i could tell her! you have no respect for yourself young lady and absolutely no regard for your cousin thats all!

Mgbeke feeling funky. said...

Very foolish girl with big daddy issues, ur insecurities are too great to be treated by LIB readers, go and see a shrink (that's if he can help) , and for gods sake leave a married man and his wife alone.

Anonymous said...

It is very wrong and immoral of you to keep in touch with and have a relationship with someone else's husband let alone your cousin's. That's why single girls these days won't find a husband when they're busy chasing after someone else's. Get a LIFE.....They will never leave their families for u, ur just a slag they'll use to fulfil their sexual desires!!!!

LEECE'S ROYALE said...

something similar happened to me a while back ......its sad how guys use nd dump peps ....he made me fall in love with him not knowing he just wanted a fling i had to break up with my bf of 4yrs cos of d thug of the nite ...after we had sex he refused picking my call or doing anything onli to find out he got married 1mnth after ..........its sad how peps toy with ones feelings its really not fair........

Anonymous said...

1. You are a fucking idiot for messing with your cousin's man; even if you don't know ur cousin from adam
2. you are a fucking idiot for messing with a married man. i hope you get caught.
you are to blame for everything and i hope your family finds out. how desperate are you? you should have cut him off the minute he made the first advance at you, but you kept going because you were enjoying the attention.
my advise to you is that you snap out of your bubble and face reality before your behind gets caught. That man can never respect you. Good luck.

shawler said...

Babes, FLEE!!!!! Run as fast as your legs can carry you!!! Run!!! forget him fast, before ur family gets to know (that's when the real wahala will start). Of cos he's a selfish SOB. I know it might seem very difficult now, but babes in a few months you ll thank God you did.

RUN O!

Anonymous said...

Is this for real? This is the dumbest thing I have read all day. Anyway, what to do? Well, you do know you can block emails, delete skype contacts (duh!). If you want to address him, then do so. You sound so childish. The next time he comes on to you, don't react. Pretend like you didn't hear. Like he is not important. He will get the message sooner than you think and won't bother to contact you again. He continues to contact you because you feed into his game. Alternatively, tell him that you have fallen for a guy. Talk about this guy continuously. Make correlations between your in-law and your "new relationship". Trust me, your in-law will never ping you again. Especially if he thinks you are into another man. Bring his ego all the way down.

almost famous said...

Dear x, its nice that you have accepted your mistake. the best way to get over a guy in this case is with another guy, so get one fast. and when next you see him be courteous, and delete him from you life completely.

Anonymous said...

Hello dear, i can't say i underst u but i kind of get were u r....What u dd was wrong, fmly is fmly n u will always see him! This is wat i fink u should do, 4gt him u r way better than d way he has treated u.. 1 thing with men is dey treat u d way u want dem 2.. U hv 2 delete every contact of him from ur life n act like it neva happened, wen ever u see him great him u don't hv 2 b vy friendly with him and pls make sure u don't go back bcos u will b digging a hole 4 urslf.....Move on plsssss

PHOLUSHAW said...

Instead of loosening ur mind, please go and hang urself. U knew all these facts and u still went ahead. U r obviously who he takes u to be .

yinotinto said...

babe i think u are more complicated than the issue itself. u said to urself that u are just his play thing and he would do away with u whenever he want to. you know d answer but ur mind is too busy thinking of how to fuck ur cousin's husband. i am a married woman and i pray everyday for girls like u who cannot control thier feelings - that God will send trouble and confusion to ur life so that u will be too busy nursing ur problems than to think of my husband.

in between i think u should ask God for forgiveness and try to be closer to ur cousin in order to heal ur wounded mind. love their child and close ur mind and eyes from d guy. also be bold enough to shun the husband whenever he makes advances at u, disrespect him if need be and still respect him in d presence of ur cousin. ds is just my opinion but i blv u can resist him if u really want to. NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE. tk kia

Anonymous said...

Hissssss. U ar not serious

Kay said...

You don't need anyone's advice. You know exactly what to do. FYI he will NEVER leave his family for you. Note of advice though: Sultry pictures of yourself will not get that sort of desired attention and affection you obviously are in dire need of.

Mr Neatness said...

Girl! I don't think you should feel bad over this issue. The man is an experienced lover boy and he just wanted to know if you would fall for him knowing fully well that he's married to your cousin. If you want to keep him in your life, it's cool but I will advise you get rid of him and move on with your life. If it's true you didn't have sex with him then good for you and even if you did, there's nothing you can do at this point. Move on and be happy girl.

Anonymous said...

It is hard to cheat your emotions but u should also remember that it's your cousin involved here. Try and look for distractions just to get him off your mind and keep ignoring him till you are emotionally strong enough to not be moved by him or anything about him.

Rockstar! said...

Yes, you are a piece of shit just like you said in your write-up.Why would you have a accumulated feelings for this man....something that you know is too damn wrong.
Are there no more men in US for you girls?You all come back to Las Gidi looking for a marriage to break up.
Get out of that stupid feelings right now before you wreck yourself.
What is wrong with women these days?You know that something is wrong yet you keep doing it.
I can 100% assure you that the moment you sleep with this guy,it will dawn on you how worthless you are......then you will start fighting to protect what you already know is wrong.
This girl, don't upset me this night.....

cynthia said...

I hve bin in dis kind of situation b4 my dear nd I perfectly undastand wat u re goin tru I can rightly say u were in Lust my dear mst pple alwase confuse Lust wif Love nd I wuld advice u stop all communications wif him so dat u can wipe him off ur memory entirely nd try nd make new frnds or do tins dat wuld distract u totally 4rm finking bout him.Its not as easy I am saying it now my dear buh d earlier u strt now d beta nd rememba he is ur cousin's husband!

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately, dats wat sme men do, pls cut him off completely cos @ d end of d day, u r d 1 who will loose most, cos if it gets out, d entire fam will knw u as a hme breaker and every1 will see u diff and as a disappointment. Its not nice being d familys fuck up, trust me I hav been there.

Pls delete him and dnt hv anything to do wif him or any other married man cos it is a huge sin. Ask God 2 4give u and give u ur own man.

I am sorry u r going through dis cos its not easy jus be strong, u will cme out better off if u dnt continue wif him.

nikkylove said...

my dear sister,to be candid with you,i will tell you the truth and nothing but the truth even if its hurts u,i was once in ur shoes,i was dating a popular face in Nigeria,he was married,i got all i wanted,but the truth is i cant marry him or be a second wife,so i had to cut all contacts,it was very hard,i cried,had sleepless night,i still miss him but it is wrong to date a married man,so am out.

Anonymous said...

Cough cough slut cough cough

Anonymous said...

You are very stupid

Anonymous said...

the thing is you already called yourself an ODE, which is what you are, i suggest that you cut all ties n communication links with this guy, you are going to be heartbroken at the end of it all. its a Loose/Loose for you and a Win/Win for him......girlfriend RUN!!!

Anonymous said...

It's obvious that you had made a silly mistake so sorry using that word, firstly you know that he is not in the market so why would you want move on or rather consider his sweet mouth, i see nothing wrong in what you do cos i knew some girls likes to be flattered by sweet mouth so its a natural thing that could happen to any lady unless they wanted to fake it or lie about it, so here is my advise... The best thing to do is pray hard and get another lover or you choose to break the fam by being his second wife and end up living in the states without coming back to naija....I'm out peace and do a re-think.... straight face......

Anonymous said...

my dear you don't need any advice whatsoever. you only want to feel better by reading all the insults that'll be thrown your way. please get a life!

Anonymous said...

You are reaping exactly what you sowed and I have no sympathy whatsoever for you! This was bound to end badly for either you, your cousin, her randy husband, or all parties involved. How did you think this was going to play out? It is always easy to blame men, but women are the culprits for giving time of the day to such philandering men. Madam please get a life and stop feeling sorry for yourself! Nonsense and ingredients

Anonymous said...

My Sincere advice,4get him,he's a married man else u want d warth of God on u

GARDEN Of EDEN said...

U sound so loosed and cheap.if i bare my mind here u will b forced to show ur true identity nonsence.Nuella sista home breaker u want 2 break ur cousin's marriage bcos of prick.u even called her a stranger ahaaaaa.any one that try 2 insult me,let the Holyghost fire destroy dat fellow.amen.

Anonymous said...

Just know this, the guy is not a good person, you people did something wrong (I like the fact that you've admitted your wrong doing). You are better of without him, I know it is easier said than done, but just turn to God to give you the grace to move on to bigger and better things, you don't need somebody like that in your life. The person you should feel bad for is the wife, stuck in a marriage with such a bad husband. It is well with you!

Anonymous said...

My first question is "Girl how old are you?" . If you are under 21 then I can relate to your fear when you see him but if you are above then get your stupid self together.

I have a funny feeling this is a yoruba family (I mean no disrespect) just that most of the pple I know with similar issues are.

There is no point giving you any advice because reading your letter shows you know exactly what to do but you don't want to. You want pple to confirm what you already know then after that you will still do exactly what you want.

All I will contribute is block him from every access point, fb,skype,bb,gbo gbo ti gbo. They all have block buttons u know. As for when you see him, that's if u took ur own good advice, say hello to him when people are around and move on. Now if he comes to ur space to harass you, feel free to wash him down. Yes yes yes I know what you are thinking (what if he says i was coming unto him and shows off the pictures) Girl deny his sorry ass, tell the pple concerned that you guys exchanged pin as per family and he kept taking all your pictures. Lie without stuttering and tell them how u had to block him all off wen he started talkn trash. Don't worry his wife will vex for some months and get over herself, they already have issues so don't think urs will bring issues

Anonymous said...

O girl, go find yourself a man. guess you're not in any relationship presently, that's why u're so vulnerable.go out and start dating. get to meet someone else and start a relationship. that would put ur mind off this guy for good. Start a relationship with someone else. ur single status is what the guy is capitalizing on.

Mee said...

Not the insult the writer but ODE be ODE. Her brain has undergone Ordinary Differential Equation called Infatuation. Families are off-limits that means nothing like "I like U" b4 "LOVE" go even come in.

Next step set ur system & phone on ur table.
1. delete him from skype
2. Block his email from ur box
3. Delete his pin from ur BB and block it infact
4. Delete his phone no from ur phone

All these wont help. The most important thing is to get socializing and wipe his memory off ur thots. If u don't keep off him because of your cousin, keep off him because of God.
***It's an abomination***

Momen said...

Chaii....Very Touching Story. Am just Dumb founded. Please before you criticize this lady know that this can happen 2 any1.

Anonymous said...

fool!

Shadaybrity said...

Iranu?!*kmt* Thank God the author herself can't seem to make sense out of this nonsense. As a fellow lady I'm angry u were insensitive to your cousin by encouraging the yeye man but as a fellow human i believe no one is above making mistakes so do the right thing which you already know and stop asking or seeking for understanding.

Anonymous said...

first of all i would say this with no offense that you made a terrible mistake by falling for this guy but in every situation there is a way out and the way out now is to forget about the guy completely. He wont marry you and if you do, you will be living hell on earth if care is not taken. Forget the past and move on, there is someone who values you out there and all you have to do is look deep not only with your physical eyes but your spiritual. Be vigilant and be sure that all things will work out for good.

Anonymous said...

Your situation is quite touching so I will be giving you my candid opinion. Firstly, I think you made a huge mistake by falling for him since one, he is a married man and two, he is in your family irrespective of whether you are close to your cousin or not. He saw you as vulnerable and decided to capitalise on it & you too were wiling to let yourself go. My advice for you is to move on. It's time to delete ALL his contacts from your life. You have to delete him from bb, skype, telephone and all that you shared with him. If you don't do that, he still has you wrapped round his fingers & can treat you as he pleases. Deleting him would help you move on & heal appropriately. Leave seeing him to the future because by then, you will be able to think more clearly.

Anonymous said...

mschewwwwwwww, leave him alone na.. dats like incest if u ask me ... ur story doesnt even make any fucking sense.... stupid girl....

Anonymous said...

You said we shld be blunt so I'll do just that!

Any girl above 16 IMO CANNOT for any reason claim naivety!u knew very well what u were getting into!blame ur stupid self for all that has happeened to u

Anonymous said...

How dare you? How dare yooooou? You must be very stupid for letting yourself go this far. This is a married man for crying out loud. A married man! He has a family. You digust me. Imagine if its the same thing that was being done to you and you were in your cousin's position.

Anonymous said...

sweety ur in a big shit, i do think u hv a BIG problem and u strongly do need to be prayed for else it will resurface.

Madu said...

Get a very big distraction. Focus on a new task, hobby, job etc. Get out there and stop waiting by your BB, laptop, etc. Delete all contact and ignore, ignore, ignore. Forget about meeting him in the future, these things have a way of sorting out themselves.For now,focus on taking care of yourself. If you want a real relationship, go and find one! Actively look for AVAILABLE suitors. Make sure they are AVAILABLE. Guard your heart. Do not allow yourself to be treated like dirt. You have fallen. NOW, get up!Don't wallow in it. Get up and MOVE on.

devour said...

U AR AN OKPO !! ANU-OHIA.go find ur own man thats if u can.am sure u are fugly cos its only fugly gals dat fall 4 such crap.shut ur smellin punani n get a life

Anonymous said...

Such rubbish. Go and find God please. And your own man. Too many fishes in the sea. Utter rubbish!

precy said...

U already know what u r doing is wrong so just stop it,y asking 4 our advice again?

jescci said...

Now dt her cousin doesn't know of ds yet,I advice she tries harder to get d guy out of her system before it becomes a scandal.Good enuf,u both ve got distance separating u.BTW wot happened to d cliche "out of sight is out of mind" in ds whole scenario. My dear

Anonymous said...

My dear u need to come back to ur senses and release this man is not only married but married to ur cousin.are u kidding me?i beg u pls look for a single guy n date n forget this man.i will stop here for now.

Anonymous said...

mschewwwwwwww, leave him alone na.. dats like incest if u ask me ... ur story doesnt even make any fucking sense.... stupid girl....

Mr Hyde said...

Personally I think you got what u deserved, we should all learn to place boundaries on our feelings like "i can't and wud never date a married man shikena"and to nip tins like this at the bud. Howbeit my best advice is to forget about this man completely and find a rebound(anoda guy to get ur mind off him) if not u wud keep falling for him. So delete all routes to him and if he still finds a means of reaching u,get to talk to his wife and kids more, not about the issue but just to keep him on his toes... And by d way there r many SINGLE Nigerian men worthy of ur love so stop being chaff and become substance.

Anonymous said...

Here is a golden rule: When you know something is wrong, don't ever entertain it, not for 1 nano second. Because once you do, the man has won the psychological battle. We now knows you're game, cheap and would accept the most disgusting offers :) My advice, there are 7 billion people in this world, look for someone else.

Anonymous said...

Hey?u need to push this guy from your mind.Whatever feelings you have for him is wrong before God and man.You need to keep your emotions in check.I pray God will help you.

Atobatele said...

You were to be blamed anyway but am gonna try not to blame you because you av realized that what u did was absolutely wrong and the reason i wont blame you is that ladies are tend to fall easily after much pressure...they can't hold firm to what they believed and you just show that you are one of those ladies that can't withstand pressure from men... The deed has been done, it must be regretted and am sure you are already....The way forward is to erase this guy from your memory as its crystal clear you have no stand in this relationship. U've bn used already and you really need to move on. Giving excuse about him still getting a way to contact you is not valid. It's a thing of d mind and if you dont want to be a subject of shame in your family then you must device a means of stopping this guy into your life. It's a lesson for you and am sure u av learnt. Make up your mind and let this be your past that can neva be found in ur present forever. Wish you goodluck.

Lynn said...

Babes..all i can say is pick up yourself and move on. The deed has been done. Things happen so we can learn from the mistakes. It was very risky and careless to have gotten involved with an inlaw. He is part of the family and you will always see him in family gatherings. It's good you realised this mistake now, best thing to do is STOP, STOP as in CUT OFF every form of contact/communication with him. Occupy yourself (mind, body and soul) with things that will take your mind off him. Do stuff you like doing, hang out with friends who will make you laugh, if you're like me...sit-coms can be very helpful. Laugh the sorrows away and ask God for forgiveness, then forgive yourself too. Do all of these and with time you'll get your groove back, flip on your chic button, walk with your head up and regain control of yourself.

Next time, don't let your guards down so easily and married men are a No-Go area except you want to be best friends with karma. Talk is cheap and any guy can spit game just to make you think he's sprung on you. So be careful and be sure he's walking the walk and not just talking the talk. All d best.

You can also read "A WOMAN'S WORTH" on http://lynnville.blogspot.co.uk

Chioma Okeke said...

Babe, Reason with your head! Tell him Pointblank not to call you again. You fell because you are lonely and you would continue to fall till you find something worthwhile to occupy your time.
Btw, You are really a wicked woman. How would you feel if someone does this to your own home?...You'll still pay back sha!

Anonymous said...

unnnnnnnnnn pls find the courage to flee this, and concentrate your energy on something else, then your man will show up and you will give him more love than this feelings otherwise the consequences might be grievous than you can imagine. LINDA I BE NUMBER ONE TODAY

Hello Kitty said...

me thinks you have already lost your mind girl! take this candid advice from someone who was once in ur shoes (albiet he wasn't married to a relative but a friend) u are a non (motherfucking) factor, and he only came after you to appease his sexual urge. sure, maybe he developed feelings for u along the way, but he will never act on them, if thats what u hope for, and if u had any sense, u wouldnt advice him to, cuz if he leaves his wife for u (which he wont) your troubles av just begun. Plus (and again take this from someone who's been there) nothing stays hidden forever! one day, one day, the cuzn will find out, and the shit will hit the proverbial fan. if she hasnt found out by now, ur lucky. quit while ur ahead. delete every link to him u av and cease all form of communication, thats the ONLY way u will move beyond this. Otherwise, u will just find urself trapped in a vicous cycle that will not end well.

Anonymous said...

Hey Lady, Life is all about choices and decisions when make them you deal with them. Be good.
Ubadiniru

Anonymous said...

That's right, you said it yourself: you're an Ode.

But anyways, you've got to rely on time to heal it. Cut off all contact, communication, etc. Change phone lines if you have to. Deactivate your facebook account for 5 months. Then fill yourself with more positive things: your work, church matters, etc. And finally, go get yourself a good, godly man. Don't be like Linda Ikeji who does nothing but gossip all day (obviously she's jobless).

juliet igboekwe said...

you are indeed really silly. put yourself in ur cousin's shoes and imagine u found out a family member was sleeping with your hubby.how would you feel?

now there is not biggie to this issue u allowed yourself to be used so deal with it. if u really wanna stop chatting with him delete and block all future invites on BB, delete and report spam on Skype and messengers that's if u are sure u wanna stop.

it's natural for women to always feel attached to any man that shows them attention for a long time no matter who it is.

kenyanbabe said...

gal, u better forget about this guy he was only using you,so pitty anyway we learn from our mistake.

Anonymous said...

Hmm this thing called love can make one act stupid ....here u are,knowing what u are doing is wrong but u can't control it.....do not flog urself over it but try & block him off ur mind & gradually detach urself.maybe try & get another guy who will hopefully occupy you

Anonymous said...

One word, 'ODE'! you're loving ur cousin's husband and you want advice. Better get urself outta the mess u put urself in.

waidat said...

what i would just tell u is that you should just forget about the man and move on with life.HE IS MARRIED and he can neva leave his wife for you.I is a very hard thing to do but you just have to move on.if u see the skype,email aand any pings do not ansa..he is just goin to waste ur llife.just move on you would see a man that likes u 4 u and nt for what you have got.kk..God is ur stregth

Anonymous said...

Why do people like to wallow in self deceit? I want to believe that the writer is an adult.I am also sure this writer is knows that cheating with her cousin's husband immoral and unhealthy.In fact Linda this person needs serious deliverance.

Anonymous said...

Here goes without being sanctimonious. You were foolish and selfish. Firstly, you KNEW he was married and married to a relative! This isn't to chastise you. But, to make you see where you goofed. Thank goodness it was just your under wear you guys stripped too. ( I assume) which goes to show you have some scruples and morals. Some of us have been down that route where the guy's wife is pregant and the available becomes the desirable. Do not beat yourself up, what's done is done. Learn from this experience, exercise restraint, self control and DELETE all contact. Purge those 'butterflies' and start afresh. The game might play with this guy will end in tears on your part. The 'stranger' you call your cousin is still blood. Imagine what will happen if this blows up in your face? I wish you luck.

'

Anonymous said...

He's a no no. he doesnt love you, your a fling to him. use your senses. I understand it could be difficult letting go cos ur already swooped in, but you just MUST!

Anonymous said...

You Know what!!! I think you made a big mistake!.....All you need do is.....Try to get a hold of him and FUCK the living day light outta him!! Fuck him so hard that his Dick would hurt!! you would feel much better after that!!

Ashawo oshi! hissing and working away to another thread.

Gideon Solomon said...

My Dear...I empathize with you..Sometimes when we meet some1 and Fancy him in such cases,We may have to Ignore d warnings and do what our heart tells us..Either way..Pls do well to understand that Love is Spiritual..Have you Bothered Asking him what he likes most about you?BE careful tho.85% of Men always want just 1 thing from all kinds of women.If it were truly love...It wound not have been reversible Only Temporarily Suspended.But in this...I think it's Lust...I personally Believe Love is What happens when the Happiness of another matters to me....Tk care Honey,not to allow your heart to be tossed like a dice by men who only care for lustful desires..Reserve yourself whole for that 1 who'll love u for who you are..It doesn't matter when or How but It's a sure thing..It's only a matter of Time..Additionally,Be prayerful...It's d best antidote and always know that regular LIB readers like Gideon will always love u sincerely and wish u all d Best.......

Anonymous said...

abeg,dis is not an issue,,,are u stupid?delete everytin tin abt him and move on wit ur life......its cheaper to do so now than later.....

Anonymous said...

Dear Linda,
I cannot make sense of this!
To the lady in question! You are the greatest fool and weaklin of the century! you are dirty and unprincipled! you let your emotions take over your brain! your story is pathetic and irritating to say the least!You are naive and clueless and what the very sharp guy has done is taken advantage of your foolishness!
Guess what? He wont leave his wife and new born baby for you! He used you like a sanitary towel while his wife was pregnant!
*drops mic and exits stage*

Anonymous said...

lmao!candid advice?come back to planet earth girl!get your priorities right he is taken,abi you wan be 2nd best?God will give you your own.

Anonymous said...

My Dear,I feel the same but just that in my case, I'm married but feel so emotionally attracted to my in-law. He's good, every woman's dream and know how to make a woman feel great. I've never gone all round with him but I feel like, the barrier of Christianity and tradition wouldn't allow me, but all the same, I enjoy the chats and talks. I just love this guy but I feel I'm hurting people(my husband and kids, his wife and kids...)

H.E.P said...

Girlfriend..one thing you should know about married men who cheat, they are selfish and have only their interest at heart.its alright to be emotionally messed up but you should save urself NOW and stop this right now cos if you get intimate with him, u'll be more than emotionally messed up.trust me on this.not judging u cos I don't have d right to;we all make mistakes n emotions can be tricky.you'll meet ur Prince soon enough but only if you quit this.Hep

Anonymous said...

ASHAWA KOBO KOBO GIRL...

Anonymous said...

Too many contractions and lies!

slimsola said...

u are d dumbest chic alive, u know what d truthis, yet u live in denial....pick up d pieces left of u and move on. he clearly used u and well, u gave urself up to be used.

Anonymous said...

first of all you can't do that type of thing to your cousin, wether distant or close, anytime you think about him, imagine the flaming and unforgiving fires of hell.
Then find a mature member of your family wether your mother or your aunty who you relate to properly. both of you can have mutual hate for him and that will strengthen your resolve against him. and if some time in the future everything comes out, you wouldn't be at fault since you already told a senior member of you family. ndo!!

Anonymous said...

THIS IS TOTALLY BULLSHIT AND SHOULDN'T EVEN BE GIVEN ANY REVIEW...THIS SO CALLED LADY IS JST BEING AN (OLOJUKOKORO)......MOVE FORWARD AND FIND YOURSELF YOUR OWN HUSBAND AND DON'T JUST BE A DEVIL WHO WANNA DESTROY THE FAMILY, ITS SO SO WELL KNOWN TO ALL THAT SOME MEN JST LOVE PLAYING NAWTY. AND IS SHE SUPPOSED TO USE HER FOOLISHNESS TO SAY SHE'S FALLEN IN LOVE OR WTF! ABEG SAVE US OUR TIME AND GO GET YOUR HUSBAND JARE

Jemy said...

It was wrong to date him,Just cut him off completely n find anoda single man.If ur cousin finds out,it would not b funny at all.Let him go n if u guys eva met,jst act cordially.Dating an married man has a curse from God cos u ar seperating wat he has joined together.

Chikaka said...

If anything, you should have maintained a BB Messenger only contact. You led him on....
Also, you should have told him things like "does my cousin know you are doing this?" "If you want my number ask my cousin your wife."
Forget about it and move on.

Anonymous said...

You seem to already know the solution to your problem so just go ahead and cut off ALL ties.Married men have wrecked the lives of so many single women(my fiancee inclusive). They always want to eat their cake and have it.Hit that delete button girl!, he was never yours.

Anonymous said...

U are disqusting.....ur cousins hubby smh

ouch said...

this happens every other day, dont think its news anymore, even religious men have sexual tots towards dier ladies family member... and sometimes ladies should nt start what dey can finish... what a selfish world... like 2face said sodom and gomorah is coming bk again. God help us.

Cheeks said...

Dear D, you haven't tried hard enough to shut him out completely otherwise u can easily block him from skype and email as well as BB. You have made him a huge part of your life and u should understand u aren't really part of his. I can go on on why did you ever get involved in the first place but I already can imagine ur answer. You know exactly what to do but u really do not want to because of the pain of not having him pay u all the attention. My dear, u are worth so much more but you have shown him that he can have u for less along with the other girls he is deceiving. He is occupying your thoughts and not allowing u to see the real suitors that think the world of u. There is no other option but to cut him off completely. No friendship necessary. The pain will be almost unbearable, I know but better to cut ur losses now than defer till a later date. Discover your worth.

Anonymous said...

In simple English, you are stupid. You allowed yourself to be used and I have a feeling if he comes to the US today, you'll welcome him with open arms. The best way to get rid of an addiction is cold turkey (my opinion). Advice? Cut him off like a malignant tumor. He knew exactly what he was doing, He is a user and a traitor. You deserve so much better. We all make mistakes don't beat yourself up, however you need to admit to your self that you allowed this to happen. It's the only way you can be truly free of this monster.
Good Luck

Anonymous said...

this happens every other day, dont think its news anymore, even religious men have sexual tots towards dier ladies family member... and sometimes ladies should nt start what dey can finish... what a selfish world... like 2face said sodom and gomorah is coming bk again. God help us.

oshiloblogme said...

honestly it's verry simple,u already av the solution to your problem yourself.u said u know u dont av any future or sort wiv the guy and to top it the guy is married wiv kids.to add insult to injury the wive is ur cousin.the best is continue to shut the guy out.dont give him a bit of a chance,try and avoid him as much as u can and if need be that u meet say ur heart out without a shaking voice

Anonymous said...

Linda, you are sooooooooo mean. How do you expect us to make sense out of this rubbish. She needs to get her head checked for sure. She is deranged. Ediet!!! She don finish herself not the women folks. Booty call kawai!

Neehsum said...

i think you should come out and tel him that you cant do it anymore and you dont want to break his family,since his wife has already put to bed

Anonymous said...

this happens every other day, dont think its news anymore, even religious men have sexual tots towards dier ladies family member... and sometimes ladies should nt start what dey can finish... what a selfish world... like 2face said sodom and gomorah is coming bk again. God help us.

oshiloblogme said...

its simple, stay away from the guy,try as much as u can to avoid him,and if need of meeting face to face arise face ur fears and do the right thing

IVORY CHI said...

My boyfriend is 9 years older than me, so that 6 years older excuse, is pretty much bullshit!

We all know what is right and what is wrong..men will be men,, but it is or was your duty as a woman, as the cousin of the wife, to stay well away, from the day he called you, I would have deleted him straight up!!

From reading your story sef, there are soo many comma's.

If I was in your position, I would go and pray, sing gospel songs and just ask God to forgive you, to take your shame away and to mend your 'broken heart'.

Physically, I would delete the man from my life, and focus on getting a new one, God fearing One.

However you need 2 sort your self out first, and you seem like you know what is right and what is wrong..so from now on, JUSR STICK TO IT.

PS: its also obvious that you watch the basketball wives, shows like that sub consciously encourage you to do and say rubbish, especially if your not strong minded.

If I was you, I'd tune in to some Braxton Family Values, or that new Mary Mary show coming up instead.

Anonymous said...

Linda what is this na? this is to say you no get this today sha??? thats not gonna work. go out there and dig up something! PUHLEASE!

Anonymous said...

Just try cut him off kk!

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately, u were used to satisfy his urges while he's wife was pregnant. I don't want to go deep into accusing u on how u would fall so low as to a married man talk less of d woman he's married to is ur cousin wether u no her or not Is irrelevant, that thought alone should have prevented you from giving him the orange light. U gave him the 'orange' light and as a sharp man he took advantage of it and turned it to green. Girl its ur loss u last hope now is to pick up ur torn cloths, dust ursef, wrap the rags around u and move the fuck on. Is this ur first time of dating a man? Am sure u should be used to heart breaks and butterflies in your stomach churning you. Well treat this nigga like u would do ur ex-es except u r claiming you are a virgin and u r so naïve that you do not no what to do. Give ursef a break go have fun, in the process of havin fun u can have a fling wit another dude so as to make sure that when u think of your last sex partner it wasn't wit ur in law. Then pick ursef up stay away from all men and with time u will heal and the right man will locate u. Peace
Nikita

Anonymous said...

THE FACT that when you told him you didnt want to sleep with him and he ushered you out ....its a CLEAR SIGN... that he is only after you to please him sexually ..if you know what is good for you leave him, tell him that you dont want anymore and move ON!!!....unless your wicked enough to harm your cousin...

Anonymous said...

See my friend u have to seek for the wisdom of God..just pray the lord is your strength.
Yours is small compare to me.

Anonymous said...

I'm I dreaming? Somebody pinch me o. As in you are falling for ur cousin's husband? U better let go , u don't even need d public in dis type OS matter. Ahn ahn Linda are u alright sha?

Mkenya Ujerumani said...

You already know what kind of relationship this is, you also know what you need to do. Now just put yourself together and do exactly what you know is right....cut all contact with the guy. Being on different continents already ensures you 2 won't be bumping into each other anytime soon.
Get yourself a life, away from your BB and all social sites; and try to forget him.

It'll be hard, and I don't blame you. We Women can be silly like that when "in love" but hey Time's a healer

Lily Johnson said...

The truth and nothing but the truth?
You shouldn't have had anything to do with him in the first place. He is married and to your cousin whether you barely know her or not.
But the truth about life is that we sometimes find ourselves doing the most stupid things and knowing we are but still cannot help ourselves.
The deed has been done. Maybe he did take advantage of you. Maybe you are just a conquest. And he does have a family he loves. He has shown you that.
Now what do you do for yourself? Accept that you have done a rather crazy thing by sleeping with your cousin's husband. Admit to yourself that you fell for him despite knowing it was wrong. Realize that he might just might have used you and if you let him, he would continue to. Now, stop seeing him. Delete the guy everywhere BBM, skye, Facebook everywhere. When he calls, tell him it is over. One of the reasons why you are losing it is because you feel low. We all do shitty things sometyms dear. But you have to try to do the right thing now. Avoid him as much as possible. It wont be easy but who says doing the right thing is? He has a family. Ask yourself this: Do you want to be the reason a man broke up with is wife? Cos believe it or not, someone would break your marriage too. Are satisfied with being the mistress of a relative's husband? Now that is so low. When the family finds out, how on earth are you going to face them? Cos its a lose-lose situation. His wife might even forgive him and you would be the desperate, stupid woman who can't keep her legs together. And you would be hated. No one would believe he came after you. And you should have said no. You owe it to yourself to stop being used. Take it a day at a time but the ultimate goal is to get that man out of your life for good.

Anonymous said...

first let me say, you be shameless, and at the same time he is too. Your best thing to do is let him go, tell him flat if he doesnt stop pestering you that you will tell his wife,after all he has more to lose than you. Secondly remember Karma is a Bitch, just pray some1 doesnt do worse to you what you have done to your own blood. I understand you two are strangers in all honesty,but blood is never a stranger, Nwanne mbu nwanne( kin is kin).

Anonymous said...

He is MARRIED, MOVE ON!!!
Even if he asks any questions in the future tell him he is married and should focus the energy on his wife.
Cos the story will change if anyone finds out. Don't be fooled by his sweet nothings, your own awaits you leave your cousin's HUSBAND alone.

Anonymous said...

Oh no be u Linda , thank God. Was scared. The lib reader knows damn well she don't need to be confused. Y u go fall, u are not alright, abi she's not alright tieni.

Anonymous said...

why did she lead herself into that situation knowing fully well that the man is a married man. very wrong! but i would suggest she cuts all communication with the man(nigga)lol, even though its hard because of the already developed feelings but its the best thing to do. The man was probably using the lady to satisfy himself(Hisss)as the saying goes,most men are very promiscuous. Well if all fails she should go to the Lord in Prayers.

Anonymous said...

I can't feel sorry for you in any way. Jesus! You played along when you knew you were betraying your own flesh and blood.

I can't buy that crap of not being able to cut off. The same way you ignore spam is the way you deal with every kind of unwanted contact.

Anty May

Anonymous said...

Dear Miss dilemma, first things first, ask God for forgiveness and strength to do what you need to do. if you cannot totaly X him from your contact the you need to x him in your mind, because if you dont then you will be at his mercy, remember that you are worth more than being the other woman especially when its your cousin. You are more than that. Please realise that God intends for you to be treasured, you should tell a family member if you dnt want to tell your cousin because once its out, and u own up to it, ure freee from it.
I beg you in God's name dont cheat yourself by allowing scum like him fool you, do what u need to do not what you want to do. you will get your own husband whose duty is to make you feel extra special because that's what God's intended for you. please do what you need to do.

Anonymous said...

See this woman o. Wot advice do you need? You know what is right but deliberately refusing to do it. She is your cousin's hubby for Christ sake. Leave the guy alone. Next time he comes pour hot water on him. I bet you were one of those blasting that Nuella of a girl yesterday. Abeg this your inlaw is a devil and wants to destroy you. Run very fast from him.

Anonymous said...

Hmmmmmm...... I'm speechless
-beembolar

Anonymous said...

Home wrecker!!!
You better go look for your own husband.

Anonymous said...

seriously wats there to help, that your having an affair with another person's husband. seriously you need help from God.

Anonymous said...

And u are happy abt that

Ng said...

My advice to this lady is

It s not the end of the world. We all have our weak moments...It s obvious that you should never have let things get this far but you can still change things. You could give him a call and tell him POINT BLANK. i dont want any intimacy with you. Please respect the family links between us and act appropriately.

Anonymous said...

Ure jst very stupid 2 hav done that 2 ur cousin.....lemi remind u dat karma will always exist to make sure were all equal...Ur own hubby 2 wil cheat on u..

Anonymous said...

Oh My GOSH!!! Not only are you a supremely foolish woman, you are a traitor to your own blood. Tufia!! You deserve the worst life has to offer. I hope you're ready to reap your harvest?

SO, after posting this story you expect us to sympathize with you and talk about the evil that men do abi? NO WAY!! You gets no love bitch!!

If i were you I would completely cut off contact with this man. Block him from skype, delete his number, block his email, and in general, stay away from his family. You might also want to go kneel down and beg his wife to forgive you.

Just in case I didn't mention it before, I think you're a rotten piece of shit! How can you play around with your family like that?

I don't believe in God, but dear God/Sango/Amadioha/Ogbunabali, if you're out there, please PUNISH this wicked woman severely!! Also,PUNISH the evil man that could not keep his eyes on his pregnant wife!!! May his innocent wife and child find peace and joy!! AMEN

I'm just so offended right now. I need a minute to cool down. Anyway, xxxo

KemiMamaLopes said...

I just had to send you one line.

He is married to a relation of yours. You should not have let it get any further. Dig yourself out and have some self respect. You are worth much more than this, at best, mediocre relationship.

He wants to cheat on your cousin with you and you need alarm bells to ring now and see clearly that this is so, so downright wrong on all counts.

Again, you are worth more than this. I will not insult you, as I am sure some might but please value yourself more. You are beautiful and a masterpiece of God. Do not sell yourself short. Please, please. I know it's more than a line, but I could not stop myself xx

Anonymous said...

Every girl/woman has to go through something like this atleast once in her life.I think the key is to take time out for you and establish what your priorities are. There seems to be a self-esteem issue here and you where quick to fall for him because he told you things that you should already know about yourself (you are beautiful and special). You need to come to terms with everything in your mind and know that you messed up so that when the shit hits the fan (which it most likely will) and you meet again, your heart will be at peace and you will be able to let him and the situation go.Hope this helps..

brokenheart said...

well i have not been in this situation bt, something similar, the truth is this is wrong and you will have to muster all the strength you have to delete him from everything you have send him a goodbye email or tex or bbm, saying how this is not what you want and you deserve better he has a lovely family your cousin. and you want the same sometime in future. then delete him after you have made our point.....u will gradually forgt him in that way u r being ruled by fantasies and dopamine. (he cheats on his wife even if he leaves her he will eventually cheat on u). i have made the mistake of falling for a married man, and a man about to get married, (these guys want to have their cake and eat it too). i was in vulnerable position although i consented i feel horrible i hate myself for it everyday.....run away as fast as you can.

Orlahmidas said...

Hi, lovely. It's nice to play with fire once in a while but drop it before you get burnt! Severe all contact with him asap. He is no good for you. And remember you don't mess up family.

Anonymous said...

Buahahahahahahaha see LIB Readers ooo Una go come here come dey insult celebrities now see una lives ooo ...

This is live from AlabamaUncut ... 1st of all U dey craze ... U bi real ODE ... OPONU IRADA ... The man don do wetin e won do ... U can only get rid of him by poisoning him ... GBAM !!! I mean KILL HIM. Infact if i know ur cousin i go tell am.

Anonymous said...

i have no words for you...family for that matter? please you need to pray. this is not right at all. dont be used

Anonymous said...

What manner of work of fiction is this? SMH @ bS stories.

Except you're 12 and have lived in a cave, no way no how can you story have any bearing on reality.


YOu live in the US where people are all around you everyday, but you fall for some dude in Abuja who is married to your distant cousin yada yada yada...

Abeg, go on somewhere with this BS

sakara said...

like u called ur self 'ODE' thats what u r, gerralife and stop fantasying, dat guy s not urs and wl never be, thank God he has not tasted d fruits, he wld have done d deletes himself

obviously he wants to use u and thereafter u know what follows *bigdump*

pardon ma naija English

Moi said...

one word "ODE", please leave d man and his family alone in piece. was in a similar situation (though he was not family) but i nipped it in the bud kia kia! cos we women we like attention too much, and we like a man who tells us what we want to hear even if though are lies. So babe cut your losses and run, as hard as it may seem. look for something to fill that void, a hobby, friends. Put urself in the wife's shoes ( would u want dat) most important check urself oh STDs are real.

Anonymous said...

Honey, initially when i read this, i was irritated to the bone because for one, i know you know the right thing to do is let go but you're probably just looking for pity and what have you? Remember, you're not the victim here (your cousin is). All i'll say is, don''t start what you can't finish. You're holding on to nothing because in the first place, he ain't your property. Put yourself in your cousins shoes (close or not). How would you feel if the tables were turned? My point exactly....... I know what i'm talking about when i say cut him completely for good because i've been there. It might be hard but it's the right thing to do. Right now, i know you feel like shit but on the long run, you're gonna be happy you did. I'm glad i did.

Anonymous said...

Its a pity you got yourself in this mess but nobody is right to judge you. However, my advice to you dear LIB friend is that you have to first ask God for forgiveness, ask him for the strength to Blank this guy from your life. Tell him you are done with him and be very mean and blunt about that. Endeavour not to pick his calls, answer his skypes, block any access he have to you via BB and fb, yahoo msnger and sorts...and once you don't hear or get in contact with him in a month...27 consecutive days, believe me, whatever you feel for him will elapse. You are scared that once you come back to nig you might fall back, but if you can avoid going to your cousins house, that will be the best, but if you must, endeavour not to be left alone with him infact get yourself more aligned with your cousin (his wife) giving him no room to get close to you. Talk to a lady who is a christian and let her join you in prayers. You will definitely overcome this. And don't ever blame yourself for whatever that might have transpired. I wish you well.

Anonymous said...

one word! ODE! get a life and move on!you know the right thing to do,why u wan put people for work?

Anonymous said...

Chai see how U allow the man Use U like washing cloth, kon turn U to second hand bend down select Buahahahahahaha ... Oh girl abeg na YABA U belong ooo hahahahahahaha

Anonymous said...

Hey babe,you just have to cut him off completely,second of all you don't have to explian anything to him when ever you see him,cos he is just using you,like you said he is married and has a child,put your self in his wife's shoes,wld you want anybody to do such thing to you when you eventually get married"nope"move on with your life,you will definitely met someone single and better than him.all the best.ngo

Anonymous said...

Mschewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Anonymous said...

Nothing good ever comes from following another woman's husband. So you are right for feeling like crap because that's exactly how you behaved, but pray thay your cousin does not find out because it would begin a whole new wave of trouble. That said, we all have sinned and it is not my place to throw stones so I will tell you this, pick your self up from the floor where you yeyed yourself and completely cut him off, do not reply emails or any attempt to communicate with you, and move on with your life. Do this and you are almost scot free, because you might always wonder when your cousin will find out . . .

The FRIEND said...

Babe, ladies are VERBALLY STIMULATED, while we guys are VISUALLY STIMULATED. As a woman, if you allow a BABOON to keep telling you HE LOVES YOU over and over again, if he says it long enough, YOU WILL FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM.
This is wrong.It is what we call INCEST. I believe you are a very smart chick. Run and dont look back.This is a FORBIDDEN RELATIONSHIP.Just like you know it is wrong but are being drawn by WHAT HE SAYS, he also knows that it is wrong, but is being drawn SOLELY BY YOUR LOOKS.
Babe, believe me, once he samples your "kanda", he will bolt before your can even get your panties back on.
Princess, we all love you from LIB, please dont drop d standard. He is not worth the exception!

Nanya said...

its good thing you've realized your huge mistake.What is wrong is wrong,and you've got family at stake here,trust me,you don't want your whole family against you...you wont survive!.What could possibly come out of such relationship? The devil is very deliberate,he takes his time;you see how slowly it started to grow on you.I think you should talk to a family member about this,maybe your sister/cousin;then you should take it to God in prayer.Ultimately,if i were you ehn,i would 'man up' and threaten to tell his wife about everything(be careful about that though...you should talk to a family member 1st though.Regards

Anonymous said...

1st. u started wat u know personally u cant end bcos he has more advantage than u do.

my advice 4 u is to go God to the lord in prayers. get engaged with wat u've always been doin that normally take most of your time frm such pple. finally,get a new relation, cos a new relationship will help u focus more on the new person and less of d other by den, delete all d delettables and block all d blockable that he can use to reach u. except u still want to remain in d same condition den.

Anonymous said...

you are crazy! i once almost had a fling with a former boss, guess what stopped me? His wife, i couldn't get myself to look at his wife without thinking, i'll be in her shoes someday. That is not love, and d earlier you completely shun the guy, the better for you. And yes, he's using you!!

Jhey Lara Magazing said...

The truth is, you're not the first and neither will you be the last this will happen to. But one thing is clear and it must-as a matter of serious importance-be stated now! This thing or 'feeling that you have for him must not happen. He's married to your cousin(MAAARRRRIED)! Move on girl, you'll find another man, don't worry about a thing 'cos things like this happens and you know what? 'today will pass and tomorrow will come'. And for the 'so-called man' he's greedy and selfish,but you're also part of this so that means you're also guilty. I can't explain it, what you're doing will DESTROY LIVES (you don't need guns or knives)! Outline the facts before you. what you're doing is wrong, evil,and sinful. Your cousin doesn't know and you're getting angry that he's not calling you? WAKE UP! You're another man's missing rib so deal with it. Let him go and find your own man.This may take time but HE WILL FIND YOU if you hide in GOD 'cos GOD will lead him to you. OKAY!

FBB said...

Stupidity of the highest order, you should start wearing a thinking cap from now... are we suppose to feel sorry for you? Your cousins husband really? kmt

Anonymous said...

Hun,am in almost d same position as you. D diff being dt d "guy" in my case is single and stays abroad yl am here in Nigeria. So,we exchange x-rated pictures,and whenever he's in d country,we meet and have sizzling sex. So,pls,commenters,wat do you advice Me to do as well..cos,in my case,I dunno where I stand. Most of d times,I feel like a fool,I feel used buh dt doesn't stop Me from running oFf to meet him wenever he is in town. So,I rili feel ur pain dear,cos we re goin thru the same thing. Well,almost

ij said...

Dear friend, it is a pity that you have gotten your self in this mess. However, nobody is right to judge you for whatever that has happened. I know that you have tried your best to cut contact but then, i guess the first you have to do is ask God for forgiveness and be truly remorse for them. Ask God to give you the strength over the next months as you embark on this journey. Try as much as possible not to pick his calls, reply his emails, answer him on skype, reply txt msgs and pings. Block him from any social network he has an access to you. I bet you, if you do that consecutively for 27 days, whatever feelings you have for this guy will wane off and he will become fustrated. If in anyway he contacts you through an unknown number, be very mean to him if not be rude, tell him you are done playing games and that you a child of God, is meant for another guy rather than him. Get more social with the things of God, and don't allow yourself daydreaming of him. Pray with any man/woman of God, and believe me, all these wil be part of your testimony. It is well with you dear

Wall-e said...

Hey D*. What i could say to you is that you brought this feeling on yourself, and have to take full responsibility for your actions. You shoulda known he was married from the start and want nothing from you but your dignity. And just because a man woos you does not give you an excuse to be attracted to him. However, i believe you are a beautiful woman, and expect that you expend the kinda courage you have to have sent your story to LI in finding a suitable mate for yourself,...no doubt you're not committed to anyone at the moment. Get over yourself (i'm not being harsh on you though, just being firm) and move on. Avoid all contact with him (emails, IMs, BBchats, hangouts). If he keeps coming back at you, threaten to report him to his wife, and relatives. I hope you find happiness, and a suitable mate you deserve.

Anonymous said...

Actually, some gals brains move to their legs atimes. Firstly, u know this is wrong as you have pointed out, then what advice do you need again? correct yourself. Majority of guys are "sexual criminals" they can do anything to see that you fall into their traps. To worsen it, majority of gals like "sugar-honey-mouthed" guys, no wonder they will continue to succeed in their dastard acts. Secondly, you seem to me a backstabber, greedy and wicked to say the least ( I think you want bitter truth!!!). You knew this guy was going out with your cousin albiet you claim she is "distant" one. "Eni ti nwa ifa, nwa ofo"(awoof dey run belle). Eni ti nyole da, ohun buruku a ma yo won se ( a secret betrayer will face secret torment).There is no peace for the wicked so say the holy books. For you to have peace, repent and pray to God for the forgiveness of your wrong-doing. And the peace of God that surpass all understanding shall be your portion. After repentance, leave everything in God's hands, He will teach you the best way to handle the situation.Sorry, I might be hard on you but you seek the truth. And truth is incontrovertible, malice may deride it, ignorant may attack it, but at the end, there it is.

Anonymous said...

i have only one name to call you 'slutttttttttttt' how can you be flirting with a married man?your inlaw for that matter.Dont forget that you will get married someday too and i can bet you someone else will do the same for your husband.
*shaking my head for you*
mumu,fool

Anonymous said...

u beta loose your mind, cause this is foolishness as far as i am concerned. you are being pushed by greed. girl wake up from sleep and let go of non realistic and unholy affair.

tai said...

family is family!!!!! no matter how long you hadn't seen her!!!! that's no excuse!!! and even if he wasn't your in law....... a married man should have been a NO NO . but oh well u fell. now to ur really issue delete him off Facebook, bbm,Skype, stop the emails. you don't owe him any explanation cut it while u still have you diginity before ur cousin finds out. he wants to eat his cake and have it, the relationship can never go anywhere from the beginning why were u wasting ur time! apart from the fact that he is married... even if he divorces her for you would you really pick up ur cousin's ex???? don't sell ur self short cut it off and when you see him act like it never happened you don't owe him anything. it might me hard with your yeye butterflies but toughen up.

Anonymous said...

what nonsense is this ehhh lady use your common sense that is another woman's property and dont have long throat ole oloju kokoro...you best stop now because if your cousin should find out you might have an acid bath don't say you were not warned mshcew

it just baffles me why some of us women have no self respect for ourselves and turn out to be cheap articles nonsense!!!!

Anonymous said...

You're such a dumb girl. If I knew who u were or where u lived, I'd come over and slap you.

Anonymous said...

you be Mumu.

Anonymous said...

oh dear.....sorry dear, he used you to appease his sexual desires when his wife was pregnant. Having said that, you have to revalue yourself and understand he is some elses husband. your cousin for that matter. So just be brave and tell yourself he can't have you, even if he can, its not worth it...be prayerful...you will get strength to live pass by. As for seeing him and your reactions, You will be amazed what you can do....ask him questions about his family and sorts and look at him straight in the eyes, he will run away and avoid you the best he can because he don't want to break his familys' trust....i guess you shouldn't bother yourself with him

Adekunolale said...

Babe!! i can imagine wat u are going through(been in similar case).my advise flee, before it gets worse such feeling for him are bound to come but you need to cut him off COMPLETELY cos it could be worse off than wat your feeling now..

Jelly said...

Hmmm.... obviously he played his card and he got you were he wanted. First things, he is married (not available)! gal u got played and still been played. Forget the douche bag & move on..... accumulating emotions for him is waste of good time and energy, you will soon be emotionally bankrupt while the brother is having a good time with his beautiful wife and kids.

Anonymous said...

Am a guy. Pls don't go any further with this married man, not just married but married to ur own cousin. U are treading on a dangerous path that would lead to disaster, shame and mockery of ur emotions, urself and ur life in general, while he goes back to his lovely sweet wife leaving U high and dry. WOMEN!!! Plsss don't always fall for the sweet, flattering and deceitful words that comes out of men, cos those words comes mostly when we(am a man) want to just "merely" have a look and feel how ur juicy pot taste like. Be Warned!!!

Anonymous said...

Stupid story from a stupid gal. She better get a life!

Ademola said...

Ladies and all these their 'emotions' tank God u knw say u b 'ode' a classic one.

Anonymous said...

you are too funny,i wont even ask how old you are cause you have juvenile written all over ur letter.anyways,cut him off,and if u two meet again tell him off,its not so much the fact that he is using you,its that u re clearly not grown enuff to deal wit this sort of relationship,and family is involved. need i add that too many people would be hurt in d event of a scandal?. you shld distract urself by getting a lover dat comes with no drama,i can even text u sweet nothings since its clearly ur thing. adios

Anonymous said...

I can't believe i'm actually answering this, but damn girlllll, seriously?? Don't you know after being so dang stupid, you ought to delete him and pretend nothing happened? I can't begin to understand why you carried on such a charade, but no need flogging a dead horse. Delete him, pretend it never happened, occupy your mind with something useful and you'll meet your own man soon.

Anonymous said...

dont b silly the guy is oviously using u to catch cruise. thats ur cousin, do you really want to break up a family rmbr karma is a bitch. delte him from evrything and try to move on wiv your life really nothing else you can do about it you just need tym to get over the dude. you cant do that if you keep tlking to him so just dnt tlk him for a bit till most of the feeling are gone if not ti e ba e.

Adele said...

Sometimes, we do the craziest things when we are feeling low, when our self-esteem is at the lowest level. I have also found myself in certain situations that if I was feeling confident and good with myself, I certainly would not have entered into such situations. You had good intentions from the start, but you know the saying "the road to hell is paved with good intentions"?
Now, you absolutely need to move on! The guy is a low-life rat who just wanted to use you. You should see him for what he really is - the scum of the earth - for him to propose an affair with you, knowing the familial ties between you and his wife is just reprehensible. Can you imagine if you had slept with him, and later found out that he was sleeping with his wife at the same time?
I am not excusing your behaviour though, you really should have known better but I cannot knock you hard cos I know how easy it can be to fall into such situations especially as a single girl. Delete him off your skype if possible. Absolutely do not take his calls or reply to his emails or whatever. If it is possible to change your number and your email, do so. It may seem extreme but you've got to do what you have to.
Also, take control of your life. Go out, have fun. If you don't already have a close group of friends, try to make friends with people with whom you've got similar attractions and likes and go out with them more often. You are in the US after all. Pick up a new hobby, volunteer, do some charity work, whatever. Just get involved in some activity. If you a Christian and you attend church regularly, get more involved in your church's activities. What I am trying to say is become more active in your personal life, so you don't have too much time to think about this guy or do things like sitting and waiting around for some man. Live your own life and live it to the fullest!
I wish you all the best.

Anonymous said...

I kinda knw that feeling.. delete from everywhere, do not pick up his calls.. and beleve time will make every feeling go away, u were simply infatuated..u probably wldnt see him in like a year or so, and trust me u wldnt feel d same way u feeling now when u do. And hopefully by then u wld have found a man that wld make all d feeling u ve got for him go away..

B

Draya said...

sweetie, you are a non mother f*king factor cos you should have known that it would go nowhere and not allow yourself fall for a married man, or even worse your cousins husband. I dont care whether she was a stranger, u hadnt seen in 18 yrs, or u just met for the first time. Fact is, you were trifling to your own family. You shoulda stayed in your lane boo boo. Once the bbms started getting out of hand, you should have come out right and told him that this didnt feel right. I can understand that most girls feel lonely and the second a guy shows interest, the feelings start to grow. My thing is you should CONTROL who you show interest to. Right is right and wrong is wrong. You were wrong for getting feelings for your cousins husband and as you rightfully stated, you were just there as a filler while his wife was pregnant. Girl, you need to free yourself of those emotions NOW! find you a SINGLE man of your own and dont break up a home cos trust me, karma never forgets an address, she'll be back like a biatch!

Zany said...

This babe is so insane....ow on earth would a normal lady do this to her cousin.....its meant for mad girls so she is mad ni....

H.A.W said...

My dear. Just go cold turkey on the guy. the end.

Anonymous said...

Hey u..I feel 4u..but then again. What did u expect.I've been in dis kind of situation and yes I got "burnt" as well..I understand from ur heart beating"unnecessarily" to hanging on his every words.kai..try to get over it(u have no choice now) and hope one day u will look back and smile and say"henn. Was that me". Its easier said than done I know but just try it..its quite typical of men..cut him off and u will see he wil start running after u "again" but if u go back..u are on ur own.stay blessed and goodluck in ur healing process.

Anonymous said...

Hahahahahahaha *JOKES*

Anonymous said...

Hey girl this is nothing new. You are the one that needs to fight your emotions and move one. You saw fire and decided to dance arround it. Lockdown yoour feelyns and get yourself a guy on the market

Anonymous said...

dis is a complete waste of time

Anonymous said...

The world may eat me up for saying this BUT you will never move on until you get a rebound OR another man you genuinely like. I've come to realize that the FASTEST way (for me) to get over an ex or a man I was involved with is to fall in 'like' with another, you will FORGET (ur inlaw) him so fast you wont believe it.

Next time, rid yourself from even exchanging pins with a man you know is very well not in the market. Its sooo easy to fall for any man that showers you with attention/compliments ....especially if you find him good looking.

You'll be fine girl....just remember to pray for forgiveness (for coming in between your cousin and her man)- your cousin may not be aware of what you did........but God is.

Anonymous said...

To start with, i'm first......brb

love angel said...

delete every contact u have with him for a start.i think this happen cause u are bored(go on dates) date other people. u will find out u were missing nothing from his part besides. family is family men will come and go.respect ur cousins territory.repeat this words to your self IT NEVER HAPPENED then move on even wen u meet him have it at the back of your again IT NEVER HAPPENED.If he tries to get to you introduce a man to him or when next he calls you let any man answer your phone. and ask him what he wants am sure he will get the message you throught with the rubbish that should never have happened

Anonymous said...

This is what one calls absolute rubbish. The lady in question is cheap and has no sense of honour and pride. Is she suggesting that if a mad man continues to Ping her, she will fall for him too?

McCharlie said...

Hey, Linda, another phone palavar in Africa again. Like the Susan Peters bigz girl stuff. This time, it involves a first lady. Shame, shame. See it here:
www.ugowrite.blogspot.com

Zany said...

B'sides she's bringing big curse to herself if she continues......mschewwwww

heartbroken said...

i eventually came to my senses and even when the married man offered me an affair i declined. because i knew i made a grave mistake and i wld nt be the one to wreck somebody's home, i have since been trying to turn my life arond and beg for forgiveness for letting my vulnerability to be my weakness....you deserve more he cannot offer you anything. and karma is a bitch!

Anonymous said...

"Families" must be respected. You disrespected your family values when you allowed him to get to your heart. Men will always want to try and see how we are faithful to our family values, he already knows that you are a betrayal and cannot trust you for anything. What is left is for him to spoil you finish cos he is a show SPOILER. RUN FROM HIM if you have not already gotten down with him and cease from following after the things and desires of the flesh. They will lead you to hell. A word is enough for the WISE!

duchessa said...

Please girl wake up from your slumber he is just a user trust me i have been in such relationship before to tell you the truth u will feel useless afterwards just let go......... see him as your past you will surely get your own man.

Anonymous said...

ONOME says...............................................
Stupid story.And the girl is even more stupid.How old is the woman in question?She sounds like a pre-pubescent child.ADults don't behave like this.
First,your cousin's husband not boyfriend o,husband!Now that places you in my mind in the category of a prostitute.You are even worse coc they are in it for the money;you were being played.Idiot!
Then you exchange contacts:BB addicts,please use your intelligence when you give someone your pin.There are categories of people you don not exchange pins with and if you do it is a strictly cordial but formal relationship.I have my sister's husband's phone number but I would not dream of behaving in the atrocious manner you have exhibited.Anyways I have so much more class.#sigh#
Then you start sending pics and he wants one of you naked?YOU MUST BE A SLUT!When I hear of men asking for naked pics of their girlfriend I wonder if somewhat some screws have not gotten loose,and girls that honour such requests?Women,smarten up o.You are treated the way you want to be treated,what you get is what you condone.Are you just a life sized doll to be masturbated upon?I have both a brain and a body;it was always important to me that I was treated as an equal(God bless my husband for that)
In fact the story tire me.E no make sense.So what exactly is she asking for?She is a slut.Let's hope her cousin remains ignorant cos this kain matter when an family meeting dey end am.
IDIOT!!!!!

TruSon said...

Babes, pretend it was a fulsome nightmare you just had. Wake up & pick the next available bus back to your old life.
.
.
my own 2Cents.

Twaizee Chernie said...

I think u were totally wrong to even maintain such a relationship but d deed is done already, i think d best thing to do right now is find urself a nice single young man 2 keep u occupied, n delete d older guy from ur life. When next u meet, ur appearance will determine his approach. girl, leave all d guilt behind u n move on

Anonymous said...

Even the devil testify that is evil, you know what you are doing is bad and you are there telling me you are afraid of the consequence, well, my advice for you is to stop now and never think of going back to him, pray to God for better partner that is going to be yours forever, may God continue to guide and protect you (amen). Stop doing to others what you can't accept.

Anonymous said...

Diz iz lyk d dumbest tin i've read in ages! Re u serz? Who does that to her couz whether distant or not? Diz chick iz a nut case i swear. Hiaaan! Beta go look 4 ur own husband n leave someone's own alone ooh! Karma iz such a bitch. B careful wat yu do in diz world ooh! D guy don use yu cure en conji. Lmao.
Michelle

Anonymous said...

Have a feeling these so-called relationship stories are fake, just to get some audience on LIB. Just saying sha, interesting nevertheless.

Bola said...

Hahahaha! Can't wait for the comments to roll in..Dear LIB writer brace urself for the abuses coming ur way. LMAO!

Oluyemisi Olotu said...

There is no need to make any sense of this matter. In fact, you already know the answer. The man is off limits and you are indeed a non mf factor in his life. So, delete his bb off your contacts, block his emails, Skype etc. As far as what will happen when you see him next, are you serious? You ignore the cheating fool and keep it moving. Stop wasting your precious time and emotions on a very unavailable and unworthy man.

Anonymous said...

You feel you were there to fulfill his sexual desires? Bitch please! You know you were his hoe the entire time.

Stop acting like you don't know what to do. You know the right thing to do so stop acting confused! Wasted my time reading this sh*t. Kmt

THE ALLEYCAT said...

you are a very stupid girl! ther is no need to ask foR our opinions coz u knw wat is right. besides he is MARRIED u slut! Nne MOVE ON!!!!! ASIN SERIOUSLY! Ure probly not a fine or attractive girl dats y its a man who wants to use u as backup that u are latching onto. hav some self_ respect and cut him off totally! coz like u said he is FAMILY! DNT be a backstabbing husband snatching biatch!!!!!! goodluck. . . .xoxo Alleycat!!!!

Anonymous said...

Forget him! he's a stupid selfish man and yes he used you to satisfy his yearning...Please babe try and move on, it may be difficult but come to think of it, its the best for you. he doesnt respect his wife and if he could do that to her, he'll certainly do the same to you...

okeynaija said...

babes get ur mind right...the guy z family. u shuldnt have gone that far but now that the damage has already been done n obviously u d one affected, you shuld cut off the guy completely from your life. you are not even close to ur cousin so literally u shuld not be close to her husband as far as even exchanging bb pins. if u don't stop now and eventually it leads to a greater disaster how would u face your family??? and best believe everyone will point fingers at you. so for peace sakes.....move on with your life, men never finish for yankee naw shoo!!!!

Anonymous said...

Linda please take this crap off (pardon my language).

Are you kidding me? She really MUST be stupid for CHOOSING to even get into the stench with him.

Anyway, when our people go abroad they loose all their senses of decency/right or wrong. Akalawuli... Ozu nama. Onye chukwu bu onu.

Debbie egwuogu said...

Inasmuch as i dont want to sound judgemental,what you did is totally wrong. I think the average sane girl should always know that she should never date a married man or encourage his advances. You should have told him off at the initial stage when you sensed what he was tryna get at... I strongly advice you cut all connectns and ignore him forever,be a woman with strenght of character,be strong.

okeynaija said...

babes get ur mind right...the guy z family. u shuldnt have gone that far but now that the damage has already been done n obviously u d one affected, you shuld cut off the guy completely from your life. you are not even close to ur cousin so literally u shuld not be close to her husband as far as even exchanging bb pins. if u don't stop now and eventually it leads to a greater disaster how would u face your family??? and best believe everyone will point fingers at you. so for peace sakes.....move on with your life, men never finish for yankee naw shoo!!!!

Ivana said...

D, i'll be as honest with you as possible. I was once close to being in your shoes but by God's grace i ran away as fast as i could and put a cool distance between the guy and I. Do not be deceived, the guy doesn't love you and never will. As females, we are carried away by emotions and sweet words. For guys, its sight /lust. That's why the guy sent those msgs after you put up his picture.You are an adult so, stop making excuses. He might have preyed on your emotions but you made the choice.
The fact that you aren't "close" to your cousin doesn't make it "right". She is a human being with feelings and whether you knew her or not, won't change the fact that she'd be terribly hurt if/when she hears about this. My advice is that you delete this guy completely from your BB, skype, facebook. He will most likely find another side chick to replace you . Please, don't be the cause of your cousin's tears

Anonymous said...

Go cold turkey babe!! No need to abuse you cos that wouldnt change anythin...

Strong your mind and blank the man, better still get urself a distraction...

Anonymous said...

Well y candid and blunt opinion: I tink u re very daft n stupid,reason being dat he is married to ur cuzin I dnt giv a fuck if u hvnt seen her 4 18yrs nw let's take 4 instance u hvnt seen ur fada 4 18yrs n u finally meet him n he strts to giv u dumb lines abt luvin u wil u date him? Ur cuzin is stl ur blood so gt bac to ur senses n pretend like nothing happend btw u and d guy. And Guess wot he won't leave is family 4u bt u cn carry on if u like being an option dat is to say plan B. Yinka

Sfy said...

Really, you shouldnt have even thought of having an affair with him in the first place. its obvious he was only in need of ur body. Remember he only remembered u existed after u uploaded a provocative DP.

Sorry gal. he is married to your cousin and you should have well known nothin good was gonna come out of this. #leson for everyone#

EGO said...

SPEECHLESS!!!! YOU ARE A VERY STUPID GIRL...INFACT, A DISGRACE TO THE WORLD. GOSH....AM SPEECHLESS......VERY SAD!!!

Anonymous said...

Biko nne has all d guys in US finished? Dat you fell so cheap..oh well shit happens..want to ask why delete only on bbm?wht about Skype nd email dosent the delete bottom work der*rollineyes* well call him nd talk to him nd u guys end it PERIOD..btw i pray never to have a cousin like u..ur a DISGRACE!!!

Anonymous said...

Go and get a life. To me, u are the one who is selfish. Trying to keep whats nt urs. Dear ask God to forgive u 1st and then try to ask for forgiveness from ur cousin.Its very wrong trying to date a married man talkess or ur relatives husband. In a way u hurt her without knowing. U dont need to talk to the 'guy' again, even if u meet on occasions. It should just b a hi- hi affair bc as it stands from the way u sound, u have have a chance u will chase ur cousin outta the house n fuck this 'guy'. IT IS WRONG. cut every communications with him n focus on ur life. A better man will come ur way, a single man who will love n cherish u... Trust God.
JennyO

Anonymous said...

Well i haven't done this kinda thing b4 cz evri normal person blows a guy off wen day hear he's married....dont forget u'll get married someday nd believe me u don't want dis happening 2 u. do delete evri thing abt him nd move on, der r beta fishes out there

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