Price Check

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Dear LIB readers: What do I do?

Dear Linda, please share with your readers, I need their advise
About a year ago, I met this guy at the lounge where I used to work. He frequented the place, came with his friends every weekend and they were very important to us. They spent heavily on drinks and all. He started talking to me and would always ask after me when he didn't see me. He got my number and started pestering me for a date. He would give me money, take me out and he was just the nicest guy I'd ever met. After a little while, we began dating. He was honest about his past. He told me he was divorced and had three children with his ex -wife who lived in the US. He said he relocated back to Nigeria after his marriage crashed in 2010. He told me he loved me and wanted me in his life and a few months after we met, I moved in with him. Then I got pregnant, and everything changed.

Immediately he found out about my pregnancy, his attitude changed. He started acting up, he would snap at everything I did, he became distant. It was a shock to me because he treated me well until now.

Then he confessed to me that he was only separated and not divorced. But that's not the worse part. In my bid to find out the true state of his marriage, I contacted his ex. And there lies the shock. His ex-wife is my first cousin. We used to be very close until she relocated to the US eleven years ago. I haven't spoken to my cousin in years but I never imagined that the man I'd been dating was her ex.

I have moved out of his house but I can't remove the pregnancy because I'm far gone. Our family members are already causing problems and telling my cousin to come down to Nigeria and confront me, she has been calling me too and cursing me out. She said they are not divorced or separated, only decided to live separately because of work commitments. I don't know what to do. I have been so angry.

264 comments:

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BLOGLORD said...

My dear,it will be pretty to say he got u fooled but the bitter truth is, its entirely ur fault.
u mentioned he drinks a lot n hangs out with friends. that was the first sign of irresponsibility. nevertheless u were too fast moving in with him. u should have allowed a proper introduction to ur parents before moving in with him; am sure if u had done that u would have found out he was a relation's husband.
oh well kip d baby. u have no choice

Anonymous said...

Wat is wrong wt guys?do we have to lie about everytn?am a guy but am so mad @ guys!wats wt all these lies n deceit tn?y re so many pple wicked and hell bent on destroyn oda pple's lives?I don't blame d poor girl!well I blame her a little for allowing herself get pregnant!best tn 4 u to do is to ve the baby.if u can't take care of him/her,put him/her up for adoption and move on!dt man shldnt have any say in d matter else he changes his attitude.God am so pissed!am so pissed!I hate ds kinda tns so much!mtschewwwwwww....TONI

Anonymous said...

If I were u,I wld disappear totally!dts if u ve enuf money.just go somewhere n have ur baby!put him/her in d care oif som1 gud and get a life.its not ur fault dt u didn't knw he was married to ur cuzn.some pple just decided not to be appear so inquisitive.u just ve to find a way to move on.it has happened!once there is life,there is hope!just go somewhere dt u will be on ur own.just wish u ve enuf cash!

Anonymous said...

LOL! Patient kwa! These readers will not kill me o!!

Anonymous said...

I keep saying, Let Goodluck Jonathan be impeached! see now

Anonymous said...

I blame the girl. I am a guy, and I have noticed that some of those ladies who sell at clubs and joints, get carried away when the see a man spend a lot of money on drinks etc. Please, I really don't know a man who will willing father another man's child.My advice is that she goes back to school so that she can provide for the child. Unless she intends to earn money through part time prostitution.

Anonymous said...

We ladies need to do better. Why didn't she carry out the necessary checks before moving in with him and eventually getting pregnant. She put the cart before the horse by waiting for things to get out of hands before finally having the wisdom to call the supposed ex. She could have even introduced him to other family members, who might have been able to recognise him.
It is common practice for men to leave their families in foreign countries while they frolick with unassuming young ladies. Sad but true. Women please let's apply wisdom when dealing with men. It's not all about love or money.
Goodluck to the lady. Deliver your baby safely, apologise to your cousin and other members of family and pray to God for guidance.

Anonymous said...

We ladies need to do better. Why didn't she carry out the necessary checks before moving in with him and eventually getting pregnant. She put the cart before the horse by waiting for things to get out of hands before finally having the wisdom to call the supposed ex. She could have even introduced him to other family members, who might have been able to recognise him.
It is common practice for men to leave their families in foreign countries while they frolick with unassuming young ladies. Sad but true. Women please let's apply wisdom when dealing with men. It's not all about love or money.
Goodluck to the lady. Deliver your baby safely, apologise to your cousin and other members of family and pray to God for guidance.

Anonymous said...

Is unfortunate sha But u are d cause of that u surpose 2 enquire about him frist before anything,

pegomay said...

na wa for some girls sha! and here i was thinking my story is d worst ever! if no be oyinbo..am nt sure i will get pregnant for any naija man outside wedlock! anyway linda i go soon send u my story o...cus e be like say na im de reign....lolllll story story!

Anonymous said...

Must adults have sex before commitment in marriage?...hasn't this foolish acts caused enough harm in the world already?!!! Mchew!!!

Blackknight said...

Ladies...Naija ladies please listen to this: Every man who throws money around in whatever form to you,has a history.If you must fall in love with him, first find out about his past...there's always a woman in his life in the course of that journey.Find out how they ended.Don't be carried away with all the fancy stuffs that he shows you....There's always a woman who affected his life in the course of that journey.Find out if that chapter was properly closed before you wreck yourself.And again, don't be greedy, waiting or looking for an already made man.Somebody somewhere, toiled with him to get to where he is before he meets you.
As for poster, you are an adult and should be held responsible for your greed,naivety and ignorance.Dude made himself a victim because he knew that was the only way to get you.You on the other hand,selfishly schemed your way into his life because of the comfort you felt he would give you.You started dreaming about the future with him,probably hoping to move to the states eventually....The whole truth is that both of you are schemers..unfortunately, he beat you to it.Now you are going to be a single mom,while dude will definitely go back to his wife and kids.
This is why I am afraid of women. You never know what they have in their little minds.As long as your visions/goals/reasons for the relationship do not align, somebody will get hurt at the end of the day.In this case, Girl you lost!Shame but that's life.Move on and give your child the best that life could bring.If you like again, be so stupid to give another brother who professes love to you and your kid, another chance to chop and run away.

Anonymous said...

What's up with all these tales by moonlight type stories? SMH

Chaunncy said...

Pls we are not here For this kind of fabricated stories. Linda u write this to have comments on ur blog or someone put up a fake story and sent to you. This didn't happen ,pls real news is what we want

No Nonsense Woman said...

Honestly this is difficult,your cousin has every reason to be mad but she should'nt curse you out like that.Her husband should take all the blame because he knew his own status before approaching you,a poor single lady waiting to be loved.Don't feel bad about your baby,you'll have it and trust me it'll be one gift you'll cherish forever(trust me on this one).The silly man will pay for his wicked actions,after all it is'nt the first time he has cheated and will not be the last.Your cousin too should have seen this coming,most of our men never cease to have surprise packages waiting to be delivered.Apologise to your cousin,ask God to forgive your sins 'cos fornication is a sin in the first place,but forget that man,he'll pay!!!Goodluck to you,and please adore your child when its born,those cute little ones are priceless:)

Anonymous said...

You r just an idiot

Anonymous said...

that is y sex b4 marriage is bad.

tobee said...

Lıkes ;-)

Anonymous said...

WHO MOVES IN WITH A MAN AND KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT HIS PAST...THIS IS THE SAME GIRL THAT LINDA TALKED ABOUT A FEW POSTS AGO...SHE JUST FINALLY TOLD THE TRUTH...HOW CAN YOU MOVE IN WITH A MAN AND YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT HIS PAST..NOT EVEN THE NAME OF THE EX WIFE...THIS STORY IS RIDICULOUS AND CHILDISH...SHE KNEW EVERYTHING SHE NEEDED TO KNOW...HER ONLY DISAPPOINTMENT IS THAT NOW HE WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH HER!!!! SORT URSELF OUT WOMAN...YOU MADE UR BED SO LIE ON IT!!!

tobee said...

I totally agree wıth you Chı but ı must say somethıng ısnt totaly rıght ın all of these.We can blame the man all we want but desperate act1 was movıng ın,2 ıf he wasnt happy wıth her beıng preggıes she had all the tıme to fıgure a plan B but she kept on...ı dont suck up to the fact that shes a vıctım of cırcumstance even ıf ı totally sympathıse wıth her,cos ıt happens to the best of us wıth the best of ıntentıons!

Anonymous said...

ALL THESE WOMEN IN DIASPORA , MY ADVICE TO U, IF UR HUSBAND IS COMING HOME, PLEASE FOLLOW HIM, EXCEPT U TRUST HIM 100%

Kemi said...

Well for all the girls abusing the guy, this girl too needed to have borrowed herself a brain, why would you move in with a guy, whom you don't know his family, and your family doesn't know him?!?!?! Well, she opened herself up for the disaster.....Feel sorry for her though...

Anonymous said...

This is a perfect example of REAPING WHAT YOU SOW...You wanted to trap a man you had no idea who he is with a pregnancy and it backfired...You should be worried about explaining to your child how his/her cousins are his/her brothers/sisters..Your selfishness is going to tear your family apart...Take your child and leave this man and your cousin alone.Dont even bring tell anyone that he's the father of your child. Sincerely ask your self this question..Can you live with the fact that your husband is the father of your cousin's child?

Stephanie said...

Sad

Annemarie04 said...

why are some people so ignorant and careless with speech. if you have nothing good to say (advice) why can't you just be quiet. some of you act like you are perfect

IVORY CHI said...

Bikonu!

This story has COMMA


I wish you the best...if you can gather enough money . Relocate for a while, till the whole situation blows over. Pray hard, God is always there and always here. He knew what mistake s we would have made before you were even born.


He knows your Name, see's you when you fall and HEARS you when you call.

Anonymous said...

Are these stories fiction or has stupidity and desperation for husband become an epidemic among nigerian women? What's up with all these stories that embody a show of shame on this blog na? Abeg I'm getting irritated.. I av said it times without number being single is better than falling into the trap of most nigerian men...pls M̶̲̥̅γ̲̣̣̥ sister, have ur baby, report him to his wife, date and marry one of his unmarried friends and make sure the fool cater for the needs of his child...he no fit use him makossa spoil ur blues. #shikena.

lolo said...

I think this story is fake. Your first cousin married and you didn't know who her husband was? Akuko. US ke, US ni? The world is not that small.

I know that they're idiotic, evil men out there though...to those girls that are out there and may have a guy who seems too good to be true, trust your instincts and close your legs and walk away. The heart of man is desperately wicked.

Anonymous said...

all these useless girls seeking for advice.they didnt seek for advice before jumping into a mans house and getting pregnant.y didnt she investigate his background before moving in or takin in for him,
shio kelebe...iso!

go and clean ur shit!

Anonymous said...

LMAO... Awon aiye AKA JUDGE-Gina and JUDGE-Gette 's.... The lady asked for ADVICE not judgement. Smh. Nigerians.

Anonymous said...

Dear sister, I sympathise wit ur situatn cos I was almost trapped in sth similar. I really dnt undstnd why men dse days deny their wives and fiances jst cos they want to play wit anoda woman and leave U shattered afterwards. My advise for U is dt U have ur baby and move on wit ur life cos God has beautiful thngs in store for U. Consider what has happened as a mistake which you must learn frm. Good luck dear sister, the Lord is ur strength.

ade said...

why move in with someone you are not married to? that is what happens when people fail to follow God's dictates. Now, take care of the unborn and move on with your life

Anonymous said...

unfortunately, you are in a mess created by no other person but you!Ladies, it is your duty to verify whatever you are being told by a man especially in a case such as this where he was supposedly divorced. I once had a similar case and was considering marrying the guy until I investigated and found out that not only was he still married, he was a wife beater!

Kim said...

Come o my people,let me digress a bit. This one that you guys are always saying dont taste before marriage, what if on your wedding night, you discover the guy has a tiny prick like a pigs. What do you do? Leave him or start banging outside or live with the misery. I think one should taste o. So no disappointment.

Babe sorry oo, i feel for you. Just leave that idiot and have your baby

Anonymous said...

She mentioned that the cousin and her were very close and I want to ask that if being the case and if her cousin wedded in Nigeria did she attend their wedding? Becos if she attended their wedding she would know her cousin's husband.
Also, a lot of pple r on facebook, are she n her close cousin not friends on fb if either party are on fb? Becos if they r friends on fb, the cousin wud ve some of her family pics.
These are the things I have pondered as they are supposed to be really close. With that assertion I'd wanna believe they'd try to be in touch somehow since they were really close.

A lot of pple here have made sense with their responses but this is my own clarification I'm interested in.
Good luck lady!

pattie said...

what's done is done. Move somewhere far from everybody involved, have your baby and learn from your mistakes. Such is life

Anonymous said...

my dear, i just want to inform you that is not the end of the world because i know the God i serve will accept you with open arms if only you genuinely repent and make things right with him, also make peace with your, dont ever get discouraged and tired and askin for her forgiveness, once you have done all these allow God to take pre-eminence in your life and trust me you will never have a cause to regret your relationship with God cause he has said his plans for us are of good and not of evil and he also said come unto me all ye that are heavy laden and i will give you rest. Forgive yourself and also do not wallow in self pity cause that is the wish of the devil. After all Christ came for the lost souls. I pray you give your life to him and let him be the driver in your life. The Lord is your strength, God does not condem you for this therefore no one has the right to just make sure you live an upright life. Remain blessed

Ayo said...

Try and reason with the guy ,let him know how both of u meet and start relationship together and if he doesn't want to reason with u try and deliver the baby and start another life, maybe luckly u will meet with the rightful one ,just so pity that girl always be a victim of this act of following guy that in the begining spend money to lure them to have sex and after that the guy will abandon them.
the mistake has happen do learn for it and dont beg the guy to marry u or else after marriage he will still divorce u as he divorce the first wife and u dont need to stay in guys house if u both are not married okay

Anonymous said...

he who is without sin, cast the first stone...

I pray GOD comforting power, covers all the parties involved...

GOD Bless Us All...

Anonymous said...

This is why you should keep your legs tightly closed till you're married!!!

Anonymous said...

My dear, when you were enjoying the sweet, you forgot about toothache, (as a LIB sister like yourself that also live in the USA and has a husband working back in Africa) Please find out very well before you get involve with any man that has wife and kids living in the States, 99.9% of the time, the men are lying O, infect, they are working and sending all their money to the States!...anyway Pray, the bible says "All things work together for good to them that love the Lord"! The joy of the Lord is your strength!

Anonymous said...

My dear, when you were enjoying the sweet, you forgot about toothache, (as a LIB sister like yourself that also live in the USA and has a husband working back in Africa) Please find out very well before you get involve with any man that has wife and kids living in the States, 99.9% of the time, the men are lying O, infect, they are working and sending all their money to the States!...anyway Pray, the bible says "All things work together for good to them that love the Lord"! The joy of the Lord is your strength!

kanayo said...

abeg stop crying for us. So what do you want us to do now? Seems everybody has forgotten that fornication is a sin. It's now accepted. Good for you. Harlot

Anonymous said...

First thing I just want to ask is how anybody would even dream of asking lib readers for any kind of advice. You know they will yAb and finish your life, curse and judge you anyway. I don't Gerrit. It's almost funny that these our people are the ones to seek solace with sha.

But in light of this, I'll say your cousin is not being realistic, so her hubby was an innocent by stander abi? She's gunning for only you, doesn't make sense. The guy is not willing to face his responsibility.
Start praying because you'll need God most now. If your family want to turn against you, pray for God to soften their hearts or find one of them that you can at least speak to.
Love your child, no one knows what Gods plans are or why this happened to you. Definitely a cautionary tale for others
Keep your head up

Producer$

EZENWA GENTLE said...

Nnam,well said!

EZENWA GENTLE said...

My Dear,well said!

Anonymous said...

Ladies pls when men tell u they r divorced or separated try and do a background check IF u decide to get pregnant or whatever for him. Most times its all lies. They just say it to make it sweeter. And why does this always happen with men who have money? Simple because women too Like money!!!

ifyzzle said...

you already made the mistake of getting pregnant...moving on now...
have your kid as far away from this man as possibble!The lord be with you dear through this trying time

Anonymous said...

The truth is you can never meet the man of your dreams at a night club or drinking bar...
#***Reality check***#

Oracle said...

WOW

Anonymous said...

Please may I ask... where is your family?????why did you move into his house with him?
You be foool! LMAO!
-Phibz

Anonymous said...

dont know why peeps are being sooo judgmental, happens to many gals, u know, i mean the mistake of trusting the wrong guy. so u all "clean" peeps shld take a hike, rubbish!!

meanwhile, the babe shld explain to her parents what happened, get them to talk to her cousin and try settle the home front. as for the baby, pls keep it o! cherish and love it when it comes.

as for the guy, i have nothing to say abt that good for nothing loser that cant own up to his real life.

the cousin shld also brace up and beta move back home to put her home in order.

all said and done, i still hate the idea of partners living apart for the sake of jobs, why marry if u know u gotta stay apart for long? Marriage is for companionship, not only to make babies u know!This idea of me living here and ma hubby living in Naija is breaking a lot of homes, ladies beware cos we lose our home to our jobs and the choices we make, choosing moni and jobs over our homes.

Jhey Lara Magazing said...

first thing first,as long as you did not know he was married to your cousin then you're in the clear! Everything happens for a reason, look ahead and don't look back.Ask yourself this question, if JESUS were here what would HE say....er, um, don't know but this I do know: HE loves you!. Go to GOD ask him for forgiveness ( sincerely) and then ask him for strength and guidance regarding what you should do b'cos he has seen the end from the beginning. GOD does not kill, instead he gives life. I say this because the baby in your womb is life. So be strong, keep your head up and confront all that will come 'cos the truth is today will pass and tomorrow will come, and how you enter 'tomorrow' will matter a lot. Take care and GOD BLESS.

Anonymous said...

can someone please tell me what happened to THE ABILITY TO USE CONDOM? IS IT CRAZY TO SAY STDs & AIDS FREE GENERATION IS IMPOSSIBLE? The issue is complicated but the fact that people engage in unsafe sex complicates more! the outcomes among many is to brought into this world an innocent soul (single mother - will she be able to provide enough for her child??) plus what can you expect from an irresponsible man like him..i mean how many women has he slept with WITHOUT CONDOMS....SO...heaLth status of the victim is also in question!!!! SMART MEN USE CONDOMS.... LADIES, PLEASE USE YOUR BRAINS BEFORE JUMPING INTO RELATIONSHIPS. move on, be strong,that is the only way to go.

omoba said...

lesson learnt: never date a guy u meet @ a lounge, bar or pub frequently...
lagosdesperatebiggirlwannabes, una dey hear????...

Peculiar64 said...

Well, u caused ur problems. Why will u pack your things into the house of a man who has not paid a kobo on your head. You even went ahead to get pregnant for him. As far as am concerned, u were trying to force urself on him. Anyway sha, the deed has been done, thank God you have moved out of his house. Have ur baby and take care of ur child. And next time remember not to steal somebody's husband. Men! u people should learn to tell the truth.

Anonymous said...

Why can't people be a bit sympathetic? This lady is obviously running on sour emotions and some people are saying it is good for her. But why?

In my honest opinion: the deed is done, you are pregnant so now its time to try and move from here. Your cousin is expected to react the way she's reacting: her family is being expanded and by a family member. So allow her to express herself. It may hurt you but she has a right to react.

As for the guy: free him and try to forgive him. Just let it go. You will always have a child to remember him by. That's the price you have to pay. But you have to love the child. That's life.

As for your family members knowing the naija setting we are in: just get ready. But try not to ponder too much. There will be insults/curses but I think now is the time for you to go to God. If there is any time you needed Him most its now.

I pray that God gives you the strength to bear this time and that when it seems you are all alone God will always whisper words of encouragement to you.

It is well with you.

Anonymous said...

"He got my number and started pestering me for a date." silly silly girl- when a man begins to pester you, that should be your first warning sign!!! I hate men who pester- if i am not interested, no amount of pestering will change my mind- this is the key lesson women need to learn!!! Just because a man pesters you does not mean he is telling you the truth

Anonymous said...

All these stories about sleeping with a cousin hubby all look FAKE.

Anonymous said...

i think when a guy tells u dat hez been outta naija for a while n just came back 2 continue life here,suspect foul play n dont just believe him cuz most of dem r just liars

Anonymous said...

This is a very unfortunate incident. A lot of guys living abroad have relocated to Nigeria living their families and telling vulnerable girls like you they're separated or divorced. You should have done the investigation before moving in with him. Not a supporter of abortion but finding out that he's your cousin's husband is enough grounds to have an abortion. consider the future of the child. Jut because a guy was hoovering all over you doesn't mean you move in with him and be careless enough to get pregnant. Beware of guys who claim to be ''separated or divorced'' especially if was living abroad, they're probably still very married! GIRLS BEWARE

Anonymous said...

Are u absolutely sure dis man did nt knw you wit ur cousin...........just thinking. It could all av bn a game among guys....u know?!?

Shebaniah said...

Same trend! Females never want to learn! It is always she meets the guy, he tells her he is madly in love, she does stuff with him, she gets pregnant, he starts acting strange, she becomes scared, feels abandoned and comes to ask for help. Well unfortunately I do not have any word of advice! If anybody had said anything when you were in love you would have reacted.I pray others will learn from your mistake. CHEERS!

Anonymous said...

u see the result of not knowing the person u're dating.she actually moved in with the guy bcos of money.u must face the consequence of ur greed.women!na only money dem sabi.

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