Dear LIB readers: I'm not physically attracted to my man
From a female LIB reader
I have been in a relationship with my man for about 18 months. When I
first met him, I never thought anything would come off it. I typically brushed
him aside and never gave him too much thought as he is very physically different
than what I am usually attracted to in a man. With time, I slowly realized
that his character and personality is everything I have ever hoped, dreamed and
fantasized about. No kidding. I decided to give us a chance. It has been 18
months now and he has started talking about long term plans i.e getting married.
The problem is, whenever I meet or come across anyone with the physical
attributes I am attracted to, I start to second guess the whole relationship as I sometimes lust after people who possess these physical attributes. I really
can’t help it. I do not want to cheat on this
man if we eventually get married
but I fear this may happen. I really love this man but this is too
confusing.
Has anyone ever experienced this dilemma? How did you handle it? How
much does physical appearance play in the long run (i.e after you are
married)? Reasonable responses
please.
I have a friend having this same issue,her's is more precarious coz she's married. my dear you're lucky u not married yet,coz the issue you raised is quite a weighty one that can't be overlooked in marriage. I doubt how you'll be able to stay happily married when you know your man touching you irritates you. And its very dicey and dangerous to advice you to stay with him hoping that oneday things would change.
To me sha,u v 2 b attracted 2 him,cos d marrage won't wrk if dia is no attraction, or can u marry sm1 dat u r nt happy 2 c all d tym? Marrage is a life time thing so u really v 2 consider lil tinz lk dis B4 entering.
Marriage is not abt physical appearances. Seek d face of God concerning ur r/ship. Wht if u go 4 d handsome ones and they cheat on u or beat d devil outta u?
Married people who are attracted to each other still cheat,how much more when there is no physical attraction. My dear,don't lie to yourself,let d dude go so that he can find someone who loves him and finds him attractive. He deserves it,u deserve to be with someone you are attracted to as well.
What is wrong with d man? U shld look at d inside n not physical appearance. What if something happens to d ones u r attracted to n they lost d appearance u will go. Back to d one u were never attracted. The ball is in ur cot
U nid 2learn 2luv him its d only way 2curb d lust..if u marry sm guy ur physically attracted 2 who dznt av d characters n personality u desired in ur drm man u'l quit d marriage/relatnshp..u nid 2ask urslf wot u truly need in a man not wot u want
If it'z too confusin 4 u,don't give a long shot dear.don't do what u will regret.I beliv u can get a guy that hav all the qualities u want but note dat no one iz perfect.don't think abt urself alone,think abt the children u will hav 4 him too. *««*CROWD PULLER PLEASER*»»*•
If it'z too confusin 4 u,don't give a long shot dear.don't do what u will regret.I beliv u can get a guy that hav all the qualities u want but note dat no one iz perfect.don't think abt urself alone,think abt the children u will hav 4 him too. *««*CROWD PULLER PLEASER*»»*•
If it'z too confusin 4 u,don't give a long shot dear.don't do what u will regret.I beliv u can get a guy that hav all the qualities u want but note dat no one iz perfect.don't think abt urself alone,think abt the children u will hav 4 him too. *««*CROWD PULLER PLEASER*»»*•
yes you are right, personality is what really matters. you have to really decide what u want, do u want a guy with the best physique in the world but will treat u like crap or do u want a guy who will treat u like gold but is not a 100% perfect. also this is something u can bring up to him, tell him maybe to workout more or do push up, tell him u find guys who have certain physiques attractive, but tell him in a nice way so he will be willing to do something about it. also, remember u urself ur not perfect u know. i think as women we have been sold a lie that there are perfect men, there arent perfect men but there are men that are worth working for and with to make them the kinda men we want them to be. hope this helps :)
Sad story if this physical appearances are things like his weight, dressing etc then you can convince him to work out, change his diet, and give him dressing tips basically change him into what you want. Girl best believe that marriage isn't all about physical appearances. Will you rather marry a slim, tall and handsome man with swag who beats you and cheats on you constantly, you answer?
If physical attraction is a priority to you then go for it but remember it doesn't last at all... I've never read it any where that ''i want to divorce my wife or husband cos he or she's not handsome or beautiful'' If the content is perfect why crying cos of the container? You met him that way and he's still that way....if you truly love him as you've claimed then encourage him to go to the Gym and design a very good diet plan for him, you will be glad to see his physical look evolve to a better shape... God bless!!!
Marriage is not abt physical appearances. Seek d face of God concerning ur r/ship. Wht if u go 4 d handsome ones and they cheat on u or beat d devil outta u?
then he is not for you... yes you enjoy everything else about him but physical attractiveness plays a small part in it too... think about it ... you don't want to have doubts about the guy you want to marry and possibly spend the rest of your life with... as much as you try to brush it aside... physical appearance matters to you... don't get me wrong physical appearance isn't all that matters
Everyone's physical attributes is subject to change during marriage. You too will change with the birthing process whether you like it or not. Some people have married hunks/babes who end up in accidents and loose a limb or arm. Does that then mean they should exit the relationship? Look waaay beyond the physical dear, its bound to fade.
Since u are lusting after physical appearance of another men or guys u see around, my advice to u is to take him to gym and let him "eat iron, pump iron wella" his physique must change and then u will find him attractive again
I have experienced same issue b4. All I did was to pray and I got the conviction dt he's jst d ryt man for me. He possess all the attribute I want in my man but his physical look is totally different from my desire. But one thing I noticed then is that those one that has the physical look I want were not making me happy in my relationship with them. But believe me, I took my eyes off physical attributes cos I really desire a good marriage and made up my mind to marry this man. I look back today and I say thank you to JESUS bcos I am happily married with him and I have been able to groom him at least to 85% of what I want my man to look like which I am satisfied with. I'm into marriage and I can say it to anyone that cares to know that it's not all about physical appearance o, it's about marrying your own husband or wife.
If you truly love him, you will not see anything wrong in him or even wanting to compare him with another man. Forget about the physical looks, that's for the short run, if you intend to marry which is a marathon, you should let love rule.
If you truly love him, you will not see anything wrong in him or even wanting to compare him with another man. Forget about the physical looks, that's for the short run, if you intend to marry which is a marathon, you should let love rule.
if you dont find him attractive,pls let him go if not you will end up cheating on him. take a break from him and try dating other guys and see if you feel different.
U can't have it all dear. Would u rather go 4 ur so-called type with an awful character and also verbally abusive? Since he's beautiful inwards I think u shud let it reflect outwards. Don't lose him!
darling, just appreciate what u have. when we were all young wanted to marry doctors, musicians etc. in a relationship its exceptionally characters that r important.if he's a good man,it truly is all that matters. there's an anecdote that says a woman who was beaten by her husband husband hid under the table and admired his looks from there. i admire good looks of other men of course, my preferences hasn't changed as i age. But i know what is most important in life.My 'ugly' man makes me beautifully happy
darling, just appreciate what u have. when we were all young we wanted to marry doctors, musicians etc. in a relationship its exceptionally characters that r important.if he's a good man,it truly is all that matters. there's an anecdote that says a woman who was beaten by her handsome husband hid under the table and admired his looks from there. i admire good looks of other men of course, my preferences hasn't changed as i age. But i know what is most important in life.My 'ugly' man makes me beautifully happy
Let me advise you. Im married to a sexy girl from a v wealthy home. Im sick of her. We dont share same value systems and we constantly quarrel. Sex isnt everything. After a while, she/he will stop being attractive to you and you wont be able to stand their touch or talking to them. You had better marry your friend and the person you are compatible with. A life of average sex isnt too much a price to pay for a happy life.Even better, you are a woman so your tolerance thresh-hold is higher. be smart.
hi there,i kind of identity with your present situation as i have been in similar situation. First of all solid relationships aren't built on sex/physical attraction alone.
On the other hand, lust is something most people cant control even if they are married to "Denzel Washington". However, you can over come that by channeling your energy to the happiness he brings you. Those hunks you admire all the time might not treat you as good as he does. If this doesn't work, then you might need to give the relationship some more time before you end up unhappy and divorced!!!
swty you can never have it all..d truth abh marriage is over time married couples lose that physical attraction for each other..frendship,trust nd all dat is wat keeps it going....but its ur life,ur choice..choose wisely tho.
Lemme perch under ur comment too. Lol Sista I hv had a similar issue, n guess Wat?! I left! Simple U knw wat u cn n cnt handle, u knw ur weaknesses. If u cn handle a man wiv shitty xter bt wiv d physical looks u like, oya go get him! I knw ppl will say dat "ohhh it's nt all abt physical looks n shii" My dear no one knws whr ur shoe is pinching, only u. So if u r alwedy 2nd-guessing n even thinking of cheating....u better let it go. I must warn u though; refusing to settle for less comes wiv consequences. Possible loneliness is numba 1. U will b LONELY. So u hv to b a woman who is not afraid of being on her own. Not to mention d 18months u invested. Look, better now dan sorry after marriage. U will b fine
yea, please anyone whi has experienced this should please say something because i am about to start dating an amazing guy but i am not in anyway attracted to him
I'm in the same situation, but I married my guy. I've come to realise you need more than just physical attraction to have a lasting relationship. He is a fantastic person and is everything to me, I wouldn't change him for anyone and we make a solid team. We've been married for almost ten years and I would never cheat on him. I respect him and our marriage too much to even contemplate doing that.
Yes dear, it sure happened to me bt trust me d important tyns in a relationship like marriage r peace of mind, self fulfillment, love n underastanding. If d guy U rr dating nw. Has all of dese, y nt give it a chance plus wats d possibility dat dose gud looking guys hav gud characters. In d end d decision is urs sha. Follow ur heart
Truth be told, if after 18months of a relationship you are second guessing. I feel you should look inward and ask your self if character is indeed better than appearance. For all you know he might also be nursing same thoughts towards you but decided not to count your shortcomings as flaws. My dear talk to your man if you truly love him.
Well, for me. I've never experienced it but sometimes you get to see so many people that look good and handsome better than your man, you might just get attracted but its not good enough to wanna have a relationship with them. Physique is just for a time, it shouldn't dictate what you want and I'd say that if you think you'll cheat on him with a cute guy then you don't know what you want yet. What if you get involved with a handsome man and he was involved in an accident and not only lost his handsomeness but also one of his eyes. Then how will u live with that? My dear, think before you Act moreso let God lead you. My thoughts, My opinions.
You will likely cheat on him from the way you sound. You should know that no one is perfect and you can't have it all. You either have the looks without the character or the character without the looks. You choose.
Ur own even better sef...me I fell in love with my man before I met him physically and today we are married. If I had seen him physically before everything, I'm sure I would have said no when he proposed because there's just nothing about him physically that meets with my expectation. Its everyday tears for me right now and funny enough it gives him joy when am in tears. Its only God that can help me
She'd already declared she will cheat in marriage not bcos of d so-called physical attributes bt cos she won't be content with any man. Mind u; no perfect man anywhere.
Your kind of my man might show up, but the love factor might be missing... Pls weigh ur choices properly, and remember ur primary need shd be happiness and peace of mind!
I am in exactly the same situation, help! I'm so confused. I really feel I am leading him on and wasting his time especially as he is keen to settle down and get married. I dont want to leave him though. Good men are hard to find and it is very lonely out there. I know I am being very selfish but it is really hard not to
It happens. But the answer lies with you. Would you rather a physically attractive man without those other attributes you love, or a less physically attractive man with all the attributes you love? Cos quite frankly, finding a 100% is really difficult.
Av been dere, truth is if u arnt physically attracted to him, u won't enjoy sex wit him of which sex is very important 2: u ar not in love wit him u ar jux waiting for dat man wit him 3: u wl eventually leave him.....save time n energy leave him now n go find happiness
First of all anonymous 2:13, you are a moron, second of all I hate it when people say really beauty is on the inside, but the truth is you love a person physically before you get to know and love them on another level. The problem here is your have led this man on for 18 months, I don't wanna say you fell for his money or that you just didn't want to be lonely, but I know a lot of women who has traits I want in a partner but as long as they don't have those physical attraction it just won't work!!! Talk to this man and get out of the relationship as soon as you can before you break his heart beyond repair. But in 18 months, you guys ought to have had sex, there ought to have being some sort of physical attraction there? How did you pull through it in those 18 months?
Being physically attracted to ur man is one of the first things in a relationship. .. How do u live/date someone u aren't attracted to unless you are with him for the money and then. ..deal with it and stop moaning. ..
@ anon 2:13 u must b a fool I guess u didn't go to sch @ all 4 u to read well... D physical apperance somtyms does affect afta marriage bt lov conquers it all... I rest my case
This is pretty normal. Wen u r a kid and fantasizing abt ur talk dark and handsome man, u assume there is a maker somewhere manufacturing men to ur specification. Then u grow up (at whatever age ur mind learns to adjust to reality) & realise something count more than ticking physical appearance check lists. Find something u find attractive in ur man & focus on that! U like tall and slim men who are drop dead gorgeous. Ur man is only talk and slim, or even only slim, u focus on that & fashi all the things wey e no get. Otherwise dear, u r setting urself for misery. Wetin u get - good character - counts far more in a marriage that looks, trust me.
Well, i think you need to take a break and see for yourself how sometimes you re better off with the man with good personalities than physique. Dissociate yourself from anything that gives you crazy tots about the physique you want in a man. for me, i try to convince myself with negative things ablut things not too good for me yet i like. it might not be so easy, but it's a small price to pay for a lifetime of happiness. #jezsayin
One thing you can't have is perfect man, you might get a man you are physically attracted to but with character ZERO. So what u need is to pray about it. God will surely help if you are sincere with yourself and God.
How do u stay with a man u are not physically attracted to? How does that kind of relationship work? (Or maybe I'm stupid) Are u in it for the money? Cos u will end up with men outside . .. If it's for the money...zip it and deal with it
What you feel my dear is natural and it doesn't make you a bad person.if the physical appearance is somtin your guy can work on(eg pot belly,,big body size),I suggest you encoruage him to be what you want him to look like.However if its something he can't do anything about like height and size of his manhood,hmm I'll say you follow your heart..walk away
Dear Sis. I was a few months ago in your shoes and even felt worse about my Man because of his physical attributes TOTALLY contrary to what i had dreamt and wanted in a Man, i so battled with this untill i decided to face my Fear; i got married to him and just like in a rush i began to love and feel like he is the "Best of all" not because i dont appreciate good looking Guys any more when i see them, but comparing looks and other IMPORTANT factors like Values, Virtues, Character,../;'' and all, i will go for this Man again and again despite his "not too Handsome" look. BUT wait a minute, did i just go for this Man???? nooooooooo i cried several times before i finally swallowed my Pride talk more that I am even older than he is but GOD was/is involved and i tell you, now that we are married; i keep thanking God for helping me to overcome my " he is not handsome" pride and went for the content instead of the container..... trust God to help you Dear... Best Luck!!!
Dear poster am in same situation presently, buh i came to realise dat smtimes in life smtins dont go as u wish.buh then again its nt about physical look,na wetin dey the man brain nd his love nd affection dat matters.so i wuld advice u to love him 4 who he is.all dat glitters no b gold ooo.gudluck.
This can't b real! Even if u marry a man because of his physical appearance u will still cheat when it fades away. Marriage is more than sex & appearance so my dear go 4 substance that will last
Stupid goat first to comment.is dt ur greatest accomplishmt?we nid mature minds on dis blog not kids who stil dey suck bobby.as for d female lib reader,physical look wil fade wit time,but d love u feel for him wil kip u guys goin.look beyond his apperance n work on improving ur relatnshp
my dear i'll ask u this simple question, wud u rather prefer a really physical man than the one that will love u for life?. The problem with ladies now adays is we'd prefer lies than the truth being told to us.
Getting into a long term relationship with someone is something that should be thought through. If you are not physically attracted to him and you see the need that you might cheat on him, do him a favour and don't hurt him. But then again, change is good. Think about it. Why is he different? It might be a sign he is MR RIGHT, considering all your past relationships did not work out since you were after physical atrraction lol
One thing I'm very sure of is that you will surely cheat or look down on him along the line.... So why go on with someone you think is not physically attractive?.
Am having d same problem now linder and I don't know wat to do abt it,hv been in dis relationship for 4years.sometimes I feel like leaving but can't cos he's a very nice person and won't want to hurt him. So I just try to b happy with wat I hv, cos I won't like to go into something else and regret it at d end. I think wat really matter it wat d person hv from d inside not d physical look.
I PRAY AND HOPE MY COMMENT WILL BE AIRED COS I V NEVER BEEN LUCKY WITH LINDA!!!!!
I AM A LIVING TESTIMNY OF YOUR CASE TYPE.
YOU KNW LADY FANTASIES OF TDH GUYS AND ALL.. BUT MY HUBBY ISNT. I LOOKED BEYOND HIS PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES... COS I ONCE DATED A GUY WHOM EVERY1 TERMED"MR BEAUTY".. E WAS ANYTN A LADY CUD ASK FOR ESP PHYSICALLY.. BUT IT DINT WORK OUT. I SAID TO MYSELF.. WHAT IF THESE PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES WEARS OFF? WHAT M I LEFT WITH? I THINK MARRIAGE IS BYOND THE PHYSICAL.... TILL TOMORW, I KP TNKG GOD I LOOKD BEYOND THE PHYSICAL... MY HUBBY IS THE BEST. BUT STILL, ITS LEFT FOR YOU TO DECIDE. I MADE MY OWN CHOICE ALONE AND I AM HAPPY ABOUT IT TODAY.... IT MAY/MAYNT WORK OR APPLY TO YOU
I felt complied to advice you on this very delicate issue. You must first understand that in a long term relationship,physical attractions although important but will always wares off,so such should not be bases for your decision making in terms of going into a long term relationship. No matter how beautiful(nice looking)a guy or girl might be,there is always the tendencies of losing that physical attractiveness on the long run on both side.So anybody basing their judgement on attraction must always cheat if that all it takes!
It do happen, am married but my hubby is not attractive, wot are mine going to do notin am still dey,is not up to a month married but am hoping dat one day d love will come,my hubby do spoil me with a lot of gift,am just hoping
Funny enough, I had this conversation wt somone yest. My perspective was dt I cant allow a short or very ugly guy com close to me in a rship sense cos then, I may discover dt he has a charming personality nd fall for him. I know there's a guy out there dt meets my expectations. I'd rather wait til I meet them but I cant gv any guy below my aesthetic expectations a chance to even get close, cos dt wont mak me happy. Not dt I want so much anyway, just not ugly or short. So dear, if u re havin cold feet, better drop him. U wil stil meet d type dt u want. That men claim to b scarce does nt mean u wont find just one dts d way u want him. It can only tak time
If u r not physically attracted to him,don't make d mistake of getting married cuz there is no way u won't cheat on him....he might have those characters but u need to sit down n think abt it
U are not a serious person sef!!!! Phisical attributes? Pls dnt marry him cos wen u marry him i know u will cheat on him! N point of correction,u dnt ♡ him cos if u do u will accept his phisical attributes or d way he is !!...+ i know d phisical attributes is 6packs!! My dear, u will wait 4 6packs guy n u will get tired,by den it will b 2 late 4 u!!!!! Date a guy dat is gonna b a gud husband n has gud character not body structure pls!!
Hmmm!! This is exactly what I feel was wrong with my ex... You will eventually cheat once you both get relaxed, or with the slightest strain in your relationship
The ball is in your court to embrace discipline, because if you don't someday somehow, it will become clear to the man that your eyes are outside and that will be the end of your relationship
SWEETHEART..... MARRIAGE AND HAPPINESS IS NOT ABOUT LOOK AT ALL.... U SEE ALL THOSE VERY HANDSOME HANDSOME GUYS ARE ALWAYS D CASSANAOVA.... DER R THOUSAND OF LADIES OUT DER WHO WOULD FALL FOR ANY MAN... CUZ DEY HAVE GOTTEN TO DAT DESPERATE STAGE.... SWEERIE PRAY U DONT GET DER.... EVERYBODY LIKES ATTRACTIVE FINS BUH NOT ALL DAT GLITTER ARE GOLD... love u though
Is it dat bad? Well,I wasnt physically attracted to my man,I don't know how I did it ,but I just love him much nat to look elsewhere its the price u have to pay.
Physical appearance. Well makes sense. Bt if he has enof money to upgrade u then wat are u waiting for. A good heart with soo much money outweighs d appearance o
Chai! I understand W̶̲̥̅̊Ђɑ̤̥̈̊†̥ dis girl is going tru cos am also in dat kind of shit too bt I advise her not marry dat guy cos she might end up in divorce cos evryday she will be looking @oda guys outside thinking how it would have been if she hadn't married her hussy.m
The fact is, no matter how shallow it sounds, physical attraction is very important in a relationship. Dt doesn't mean u shldnt date some1 unless they r like a model, all it means is dt u have 2 be little attracted 2 d person in order 4 there 2 be a sexual chemistry. That being said, the personality of a person makes them better looking. If a guy/ lady don't look exactly how u want but their personality is amazing, u r going 2 find him/her attractive no matter what. So I believe even though u are not attracted 2 this guy, I bet when u give it time, especially coz u said the love is there which is the foundation, u might actually become more attracted
This one has nothing to do with spirit of God. No need to be over spiritual about matters like this (@imaseun katerine). If you are not attracted to him, you are not attracted to him. You have no business being there. And again, she has said that she starts second guessing herself when she sees someone with the attributes that she likes in a man. Girl, if you stay with this guy, you are going to cheat on him, the moment you have a chance to.
Don't stay in his sokoto, when what you are looking for is in Sokoto. (Remixed it) LOL
What Physical Attributes Is She Talking About?? Well ma dear if you can't cope with it now, you either make him have those attributes or Contact Me Now To Start Making Plans For Your Separation/Divorce Party Cause The Marriage Will Certainly Hit The Rocks With This Mindset Of Yours!! How About That??
It is difficult to comment without knowing what physical attraction you're refering.
There are some physical attributes that can be amended like weight. But in marriage the most important thing is being happy not lust. So appreciate your good man.
LMAO..Why do I beleive this is actually a post from you about me.well done,stop wasting my precious time and money.go and look for who you are attracted to
I would like to say here that its very important that before you get married as a single man or woman, its very important that you study about what you are going to involve yourself with, I mean you learn and study about marriage, you get materials that talks about preparing you for marriage, just like u study medicine in school before u become a doctor, so also u study about marriage before u get married, don't be ignorant of what u are venturing into or where u are going, get materials that talks about marriage, and how to look out for the right Man, materials like, "singles with a difference by faith oyedepo, Love 101, question young people ask volume 1 & 2, etc, there lots of materials in the market that deals with issues like this, and most importantly the bible, u can't go into marriage without studying the marriage manual which is the bible
On your case young lady, in as much physical attributes is one of the things to consider or look out for in a partner, I must say its a minor, its not a major attribute, its not important like the inner attributes, if you consider physical attribute, you will get the wrong person in marriage, he is not too handsome, she is not too beautiful, he is not muscular, her breast is too small, her ass is too small, he is dark in complexion, or he is fair in complexion etc all this things are attributes that kids look out for, and not matured mind, people that are matured look beyond this, remember that even tough the body of a car is good, but the engine is better
One thing you need to remember is that physically beauty fades with time, but not inner beauty, so what happens when it fades, will u divorce him then? Or what if the person gets an accident and becomes deformed, (may God never all allow such to happen) will you divorce the person? Is that what u want?
Marriage is for matured minds, people who are mature will not cheat on their partner cos of his physical attributes when his inner attribute is something to be applauded and cherished,
And remember also that there Aint no perfect human being, if you see a guy that is physical ok with, what makes you think that he will be right man for you? So the things is that since nobody is perfect, you just can't see a man that has everything you want in man, that's absolutely impossible, I am positive about that, and from what you said, the only problem is that u are not ok with the physical attribute alone, which means this man he has about 80% to 90% of wat u want in a man, young lady you Are very lucky
Appreciate what you have, a bird at hand is worth more than two in the bush, good guys are hard to come by, same with good girls or wife, the bible likened a good husband/man or wife/woman to gold stop being childish and grow up before it becomes late
The good news is that this same thing that's happening to you, happens to everybody, at a time in our life we think that way, we find ourselves in this junction, everybody especially when we were much younger thinks this way, when we hold physical attributes more than inner attributes, but as we grow up, we begin to understand that there is more to choosing a partner than what our eyes see, pls don't forget to study the bible and also get materials talking about marriage and how to find the right partner
In d first place wot attracted u to him? cos u've dated him 4 18 mnths nau, alwayz luk @ adt tin dat made u date him nd always see his strenght nt weaknee. God help U.
dear poster,am in the same boat.but as a grown ass woman,physical attributes dont define a man.what if u marry the physical attribute and oneday he puts a gun to ur head or god forbid he is damaged in a fire mistakenly will u now leave him?I am not inlove with the physical attributes of my man but hell!am a GROWN ASS woman and there is more to life than fine boy...eg greatsex,goodheart,spoils me silly,hes always the first to say am sorry,he listen to me,we make future plans together,and the most important thing<he is really my friend.we can laff at anything and gossip about anyone..lol...this is were d love sets in for me..he came at the right time having been with extremely fine hunky mehn..am so happy dese days u cant imagine.so dear poster,all dese fine men will av wrinkles oneday soon...best of luck
Lemme guess, he is short and Ugly! Really? I don't understand what you mean by "u'r not attracted to him physically" in most cases, ppl listen 2 u cos of ur physical appearance. If u'r nt attracted to him physically how did u manage to date him for 18mnths? Personally, I have 2 b attracted 2 u physically b4 anything else. If he has a poor dress sense u can teach him how to dress if u love him. If he's nt tall,i don't think there is a solution for dat, u'v jes got to love him dat way. If he's ugly, good dress sense can help. Lastly, if u love him physical appearance won't count. U'r lucky ur problem is with his physical appearance, u can always work on it.
How want a very attractive man, let go of this one first. The attractive one will come but without character, then u can continue from their. Do you think you are perfect?
A 3:08...ur problem is not physical look but b cos he's nice....I bet u, if he starts treating u anyhow, and chasing other women, u will change ur mind! it's normal with humans!
If cheating can cross ur mind at this point of your relationship it not only means you are a cheater but you've lustfully lured some married men into adultery cos of ur crave for them..I bet you can settle if you marry eventually cos ure possess with cheating spirit...wish we could see ur before picture and now ur picture..
My question is, if you meet a guy that has all you want in a man both in and out, but he turns out to be a Muslim and you are a Christian, what will you do? Oya Libers! My own situation.
obviously my dear the lust of fresh will fade away. yes everybody experience that but the thing is that even though you get to marry the man you like with all the attributes you have ever dream t off , but you still gonna meet better guys in life again even on your white gown day. stay with the man you love.
My question is, if you meet a guy that has all you want in a man both in and out, but he turns out to be a Muslim and you are a Christian, what will you do? Oya Libers! My own situation.
As much as attraction doesn't do it all, its also very imperative dat u are physically attracted 2 ur hubby 2be. U must be proud of ur man datz my slogan! Dat aside, Since he is all u want in a man apart 4rm his appearance, my dear mayb with time u just might grow 2 like it.. Personally I cant get married 2 som1 I'm not attracted 2 cuz he wld suffer emotionally. Happiness is key, good looks mite not make u happy, but a good man will.
4 instance If u say u want a fair tall handsome man for a hubby then don't forget there are a lot of them out there who fits datd description and are also criminals, woman beater, smokers, and terrorists. So pls don't let physical appearance be a criteria for things that has to do with marriage .give ur life to Christ and he shall direct u via wisdom and understanding.
My dear, my advice is that you should look at the content not the container. The problem with people these days is that they get carried away with the little things instead of looking at the bigger picture. Physical appearances fade. i'd advice you go for a man of character and virtue.
As regards outward appearance...a man xpects his woman to be "pretty" "nice boobs".."Nice bums"..."Nice shape".."Flat tommy".."Vast hips"..I can categorrically tell u dats the spec of 90percent of guys..bt more dan 70percent of guys dnt av dis--does dat make dem say "mehn--cos-my-fiance-dsnt-av-dis,I wldnt marry her?"
This is a personal decision so looking for advice wont help...u r the one living wih this guy and u know everything about him....people will share experience but it not gonna help u...follow ur mind
Babe,life is not always wat it seems lik. Ur friends dat married d kinda guy u admire,u dnt kno wat dey r passin 2ru in marriage. I'm lucky,my hubby is TDH,flat tommy,wit d kind of hot legs i'v always desired but to tell u d truth,he has no money yet,so i manage a lot. Most times we lack even food to eat. still I lov him cos he's d best behaved of all d guys i'v Eva known. So weigh d options nd remember d perfect guy exists only in fairy tale movies. 4rm mee
Dear friend, Let me remind you that you cant eat your cake and have, and that there is no perfect human being anywhere.
i was in this same dilema sometimes ago and at the end of the day i had to let go of the man (because i wouldnt want to have distractions in my marriage), but i cost me another 5years to get a loving, God fearing man that also match my criteria.
so, you are the only one that can make this decision yourself.
Feels like its my story. Same tin happened to me. We dated for 3years b4 I eventually brokeup cause I knew I had to. I loved his personality, buh outwardly I didn't like him. He was ugly, and I was ashamed to walk with him in public or introduce him to my friends. Infact I denied him on many occassions. Buh he is a nice guy and he loves me. It took me 3years to realize dat you have to love some1 in and out. Beauty isn't everything buh at least there should be an attraction. I wnt tell tell u what to do...just follow ur heart cuz dts wt I did
My dear marriage is beyond physical attraction. It happnd to me too. My husb is nt very attractive bt he is d best of husbs. I no longer c all dat anymore cos he has a gud heart makes me happy,n dats wat matters. I now c him as mr Nigeria. U have ur flaws too cos u are not perfect but he loves u. Think deep dear poster.
I am so glad someone asked this cos i have had the same worry for a while too! I appreciate the serious comments and i truly believe the comments have helped! Hope it helped the LIBer who asked too!
Woow, its amazing. I feel soooo glad to know dat am NOT alone delima...My dear fellow libre, I was in a relationship with dis handsome dude for several years,HE SO LUVS & ADORES ME, his ok financially,he satisfied xxxualy 'yes' But then,each time I tot of marriage wit him, I always have dis fear & gr8t borden overwhelming me,leaving me feeling so empty & lonely instantly..without bugging u guys with de long story,I had to quit de relationship & decided to alone till weneva God blesses me wit dat special ONE he has kept for me..I prayed & put my total confident in God,not upto 5month later wen dis particular guy dat has been cheasin me intermediately for over 6years surface again,I KNOW TOO WELL that I don't like anytin about him (His looks) his too stort,slightly shorter than Julius agwu. Being dat I always like & pull out with de handsome kind of guys,so had nothing to worry about, was just playing/being de frndly (platonic) type of frnd with him...but he kept telling me how much he luvs & cherish me,dat I would want me to be his wife.he's 100% serious cuz could see it glaring all over him.havnt been a bit close to him more than I hav ever been after all dis years of him cheasing me,I can't deny how luvin,caring,God fearing (which I long for in my dream man) respectful,intelligent,industrious etc.NOW AM HOOKED..I have said 'YES' in my heart already to his marriage proposal, but my lips can't help holding it back cuz of his looks...PLS I NEED HELP,AM SO CONFUSED!
Content over container like one of the LIBers mentioned. This is the decision I made when I said yes to my bf's proposal. My dear, weigh his character cos looks fade with time.
if you love this guy, once you marry him he becomes handsome. Ask yourself if you are a cheat. If you have been cheating on your boyfriend in the past then you will definitely cheat on this guy or whoever you marry but if you have the fear of God in you, you will not cheat on a man who has all the qualities you were looking for. And besides, by the time you marry him you will be so occupied with family hussle than to even have time to look at another man. I have felt this way before though, wanted to marry this guy even though he was the shortest and ugliest of all the guys I've ever dated, all of a sudden I began to feel concerned about his height and bald head.Its a very bad place to be.
@Anon 2.54 and 2.56,u r so on point.had d same xperience b4 settling down.I wud hav regretted not marrying my hubby.I will marry him over/all over again. Marriage is beyond physical appearance my dear sis bcos is a lifetime contract. So sit up,know wot u want and pray abt it. May d Lord lead u to d right path. Lindodo sweery, weldone. Wht z it bout 1st to comment of a thing.does it fetch an appointment in Aso Villa.Hmmmmmmmmm,common sense not common@all
This is currently happenin to me also,he has evryfin I ever want in a guy buh his not as handsome as d guys I date,tho we all know fyn boys gat trust issue!nd I don't wanna marry somebody I won't b proud of buh love is beyond physical nd its ur choice 4get wat people would say nd follow ur heart
I know it's not easy but I really think you should give yourself space from him. Second guessing is not healthy for any relationship. Assess your feelings during your break and decide where to go from there. Best of luck.
Hi,am Amanda. My advice is this...make ur man what you want him to be. if u like a well built man,n ur man isn't that,den transform him. Encourage him to hit the gym,u both can go together.
I know a couple who met in January, got engaged in July and got married in November. The girl is a very pretty girl and my friend and the guy is handsome too but I can tell you that she wznt attracted to him sometimes I tell myself she still isn't .. The guy is short and she confessed it herself that the day she met him for the first time, she kinda lost interest.. Their wedding was widely publicized on blogs and all as well as a well scripted story on the brides part.. Those close to her.. All know she would never have married him if he didn't have a stable job in an oil firm in Lagos. The guy spoiled her a lot Bfr they got married.. There wznt ivn enough time for them to know each other and today " they are happily married" lol! But I know my friend.. And I'm scared to tell her the truth.. The truth ivn her husband doesn't know...which is the real reason why she married him.. It wasn't love... It was simply security! Good home, good job.. Well my future is secure.. Everyday I pray for them in my heart but at the same time I fear that they might begin to experience issues sooner than later .. Marriage is not child's play.. It's not something you rush into.. You don't wanto get into it and one day you ask yourself what u were thinking when you got into it! So my dear pls rethink... It's not all about looks yes, but it's really a vital part... You wanto spend the rest of your with someone your completely connected to.. Physically , psychologically, spiritually , intellectually, emotionally etc Goodluck .. God be with you.
Foolish thinking.. Break up with Him and stay single for the rest of your life.. Then later go and join prayer band in church... Thats why i never pity for ladies over 35 that are single.. #too choosy.. Break up with him and wait for Jesus..
The exact same happened to me. I eventually married the guy cos I was so sure of his love for me and that he wld never hurt me.we ve been married for over 2yrs now and its been awesome. I never regretted it. At time u may get a bit distracted when u meet someone u really admire but all u need to do is to work on your mind and be determined to be faithful to ur man. May God help you to choose wisely.
Sweet heart, my candid advise is this,looks can be greatly enhance. Work on him. Influence his clothes, his grooming and tell him to stop hiding his good look. B4 u know it, u ve got ur dream man. Don't ever be carried away wt good looks.
If possible, marry someone with the physical attributes you like. It will help curb infidelity in marriage though that is not all that counts, I pray I marry someone I am physically attracted to so that I won't fall into the temptation of cheating.
HMMMMMMMMMM..............gone thru evry1's comment and all i can say is follow ur heart sis,take it to God,let him deal wt d situation for u and u will experience peace like a river...take it to God. Mrs Bee
Marrying a man because he's handsome or attractive is even a number one wrong reason to get married. You will forever become a slave to him because he's already knew that you are a weak person who is only after the physical appearance but not the character or content. You need to be very careful out there coz the most caring men are not usually handsome. And it is those cares you need if you have gotten any plan for your life and future! Right now your heart is filled with lustful desires, so you can't think clearly. you are attracted to any hot dude out there, even when they are likely going to ruin your life, and may likely leave you heartbroken at the end. So if such a lustful desires is what has filled your mind, remember, that handsome men will never finish on this planet, and before you wake up to reality, you would have already become a modern day prostitute - but your own prostitute would be worst because you won't even wait to collect money for your services or you will even be the one still paying men, just because you think they are physically attractive in your lustful heart.
I will add my 2 cents because I know what you are talking about. I too was engaged to a wonderful who was not my ideal man and had doubts like you. He was not tall, dark and handsome like I wanted but I knew he was a good man. I went ahead and got married to him and that has been the best decision I ever made!
Don't be deceived my friend, there is more to marriage than physical attraction. I bet you if you get married to the most handsome man who treats you like rubbish, his handsomeness will be useless to you. The wife-killer, Arowolo, who got sentenced to death recently, is tall, dark and handsome, but see what he did to his wife.
When it comes to a life-long commitment as important as marriage, please look for tangible reasons instead of feelings of pride or envious looks from your friends.
Remember marriage is not just about you, but about your families, and the innocent children you will have. Please go for a man who truly loves and respects you instead of a handsome monster. Your family and children do not deserve the pain he might cause you, if you are happy to endure. May God help you dear.
Hmm anon 4.55 I know a couple that fits right into your story .. Ella and obi .. Their story was featured on Bella naija. Ella has admitted to be shy whenever they are out together bcs the dude is short.. Marriage! Smh!
Let me start by saying many pple luv cakes bcos of the iceing or the way it's been decorated right...But some tyms those beatifully decorated cakes when tasted are noffin to right home abt while u get some locally made cakes with out iceing being so fab dats life. Now going by ur predicament wen u say physical atributes u need to b specific so that one can really know the best advise bt i promise u that physical atribute ain't really a problem depending on which u actually dealing with. As for being beautiful or handsome well that goes more than the physical appearance.There are cases of couples who start luking alike over the years as a result of that inner beauty & luv they both shared. so u find out dat what matters most is how u both see ur self inwardly cos thats gona be the end of any form of justification to assertain if u are gud to go or not.
Exactly!!! Abeg if the girl can bang d hell outta u and he is nice in all other areas apart from physical looks, then please sister marry thus brother..period
Honey, as much as we like to think looks don't play a significant role in relationships, they do. I don't solely go for looks and not everything physically has to be perfect but you want to be able to "want" to kiss your man and even make love to him after he's your husband, not wait for him to roll off you. Trust me it never gets any better - each time you see him you'll just be like ah or maybe even get angry - at the rate you are going where you have already thought of cheating trust me it's already in your mind!!! You will be pushed to one day by the way you already even forced it at first you didn't want him - while things arent bad just move away. Sorry for the guy though I really hate to judge people over looks but it's human nature; whoever won't admit to these things lies!
My dear, I'm married now and I recall I wasn't attracted to my hubby one bit! In fact at our intro, he kissed my cheek and I cringed! Yes, it was that bad! But he was whom God chose for me and so right now he is the sexiest, hottest, finest and most loving man I know. So I would say, take the matter to God and like some other LIBer said, in marriage it's more about the content than the container
What about the ones you are not physically attracted initially and pray oh it will work out because their "character " they presented to you at the time was good , within a year into it , introduce a good paying job and walah ! behavior changes and you have this person you neither can stand with a rotten personality and ZERO physically attraction. You cant look at him and say " oh I want to have sex with my hubby today or I want him to touch me" you tolerate when he comes around for sex and FAKE the heck out of it so he can leave you alone. Oh you think maybe we you work on it , read books so things will improve . Nah! he has no interest in that cos he believes he is a stud I guess LOL! he doesn't need improvement , nothing needs to be fixed. You are your happiest when he is not around at least you don't have to bicker about irrelevant stuff like he loves to do. KC
I was once in that situation. Mine was that I was even ashamed to introduce him to my friends cos I wasn't gud with his looks though he's EXTREMELY nice and generous and gud mannered. He was talking about settling down with me but I had to leave cos my mind was outside aas I was flirting with any guy I was physically attracted to and that wasn't fair to him and I also attended a singles summit of my pastor where he said u shouldn't marry someone u aren't physically attracted to.
Bonario, u are rite. I am married n my husband irritates me, we have 2children together n it's almost a year now we had sex n we havnt kissed in like forever. He is a very nice person, we do everything together,we are best of friends but I can't stand him touching me not to talk of having sex. I seriously dnt know wat to do
The gift of The Lord makes rich nd adds no sorry, if this was a Gods desire for you, you won't be confused, am a very pretty girl, if my husband married me for my looks by now I would have been out of my marriage cos his secretary is freaking Hawt even me I stare at her nd she is all over him cos he is also a fine dude. We gist about all her advances laff, I visit hm at the office we gossip d girl I chat with her on his bb when he is busy nd she thinks it him while my hubby plays nitendo with his sons. Long nd short looks is neverrr enough marry your padi! He is my frienddddddddd, we do a lot of nasty things togeda, marriage is fun when u with the right person, find ur right guy nd u wouldn't ask anyone question.
Since you have doubts take your time dn't rush into this even if he's everything you fantasies about personality wise physical attraction is also very important in marriage. If you are not attracted to him physically and already imagining worst case scenarios you will be setting your couple up for unnecessary trouble and misery down the line. 2 years is still pretty early slow down see where this relationship goes,take a break if you have too. You might meet a guy who has both requisites. You might come back to this one and see he's the one for you after all(if still available that is). Bottom line is take your time I cn't stress this enough.When you finally meet the one your mind will be crystal clear about it.
i will advise u to leave d man for ur ideal material b4 its too late.
Adegunle Olugbamila Truth is bitter. Fact remains as long as u dont see thoase structureds uve alway prefereed in a man, u may be tempted someday to cheat on him in marriage. Bet me, even if u eventually marry d man of ur choice but he turns out a wife beater, u will love him still cause ure already addicted to those physical structures in a man. So follow ur mind.
My dear, u can still find a gud man that u would still be attracted too. Attraction matters too cos if u aren't attracted to the man, u would continue looking outside.
At anonymous 7:40, na wa ooo. After two kids and u guyz havnt made love in a year. I dnt believe d a year gap, I can say in a whlye. I no blame my friend for saying if only we know wht pple go thru in marriages. Na wa oo. God Pls bless me wiv whom am compatible wiv and most importantly fear u. Pls go for counselling before it gets worse dan it is. Tnks.
251 comments:
1 – 200 of 251 Newer› Newest»Linda, let me quickly book this space as First to Comment! can't believe it!
I have a friend having this same issue,her's is more precarious coz she's married.
my dear you're lucky u not married yet,coz the issue you raised is quite a weighty one that can't be overlooked in marriage. I doubt how you'll be able to stay happily married when you know your man touching you irritates you.
And its very dicey and dangerous to advice you to stay with him hoping that oneday things would change.
~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310
why must you guys keep sharing your public lives on social media
To me sha,u v 2 b attracted 2 him,cos d marrage won't wrk if dia is no attraction, or can u marry sm1 dat u r nt happy 2 c all d tym? Marrage is a life time thing so u really v 2 consider lil tinz lk dis B4 entering.
Stop these silly dry stories segment. It's now getting irritating!
Friend zone him... its d Best 4 u both emotionally... find sum1 ur attracted too,or marry him and u both suffer
Marriage is not abt physical appearances. Seek d face of God concerning ur r/ship. Wht if u go 4 d handsome ones and they cheat on u or beat d devil outta u?
I actually ve gone thru dat but my mum actually didn't let me marry him but nw I think I knw why cuz I sure wld ve cheated on him.
Married people who are attracted to each other still cheat,how much more when there is no physical attraction. My dear,don't lie to yourself,let d dude go so that he can find someone who loves him and finds him attractive. He deserves it,u deserve to be with someone you are attracted to as well.
What is wrong with d man? U shld look at d inside n not physical appearance. What if something happens to d ones u r attracted to n they lost d appearance u will go. Back to d one u were never attracted. The ball is in ur cot
Leave the good guy for other girls that will appriciate him, I beg u
Den u α̲̅я̩̥̊ε̲̣̣̣̥ spritually not ok
Pray to God to deliver u from the spirit of lust.
U nid 2learn 2luv him its d only way 2curb d lust..if u marry sm guy ur physically attracted 2 who dznt av d characters n personality u desired in ur drm man u'l quit d marriage/relatnshp..u nid 2ask urslf wot u truly need in a man not wot u want
Like seriouly...u beta stay with ur man dat has gd charater dan phyiscal looks
Lol u better tell d man u can't continue cause cheating os bound to happen u better go into marriage with ur two legs
If it'z too confusin 4 u,don't give a long shot dear.don't do what u will regret.I beliv u can get a guy that hav all the qualities u want but note dat no one iz perfect.don't think abt urself alone,think abt the children u will hav 4 him too. *««*CROWD PULLER PLEASER*»»*•
i dont think you are in love with him because if you are you would not see all this physical attributes that you are talking sbout. foolish girl!
If it'z too confusin 4 u,don't give a long shot dear.don't do what u will regret.I beliv u can get a guy that hav all the qualities u want but note dat no one iz perfect.don't think abt urself alone,think abt the children u will hav 4 him too. *««*CROWD PULLER PLEASER*»»*•
If it'z too confusin 4 u,don't give a long shot dear.don't do what u will regret.I beliv u can get a guy that hav all the qualities u want but note dat no one iz perfect.don't think abt urself alone,think abt the children u will hav 4 him too. *««*CROWD PULLER PLEASER*»»*•
you are simply greedy..learn to be more content.
yes you are right, personality is what really matters. you have to really decide what u want, do u want a guy with the best physique in the world but will treat u like crap or do u want a guy who will treat u like gold but is not a 100% perfect. also this is something u can bring up to him, tell him maybe to workout more or do push up, tell him u find guys who have certain physiques attractive, but tell him in a nice way so he will be willing to do something about it. also, remember u urself ur not perfect u know. i think as women we have been sold a lie that there are perfect men, there arent perfect men but there are men that are worth working for and with to make them the kinda men we want them to be. hope this helps :)
Sad story if this physical appearances are things like his weight, dressing etc then you can convince him to work out, change his diet, and give him dressing tips basically change him into what you want. Girl best believe that marriage isn't all about physical appearances. Will you rather marry a slim, tall and handsome man with swag who beats you and cheats on you constantly, you answer?
If physical attraction is a priority to you then go for it but remember it doesn't last at all... I've never read it any where that ''i want to divorce my wife or husband cos he or she's not handsome or beautiful''
If the content is perfect why crying cos of the container?
You met him that way and he's still that way....if you truly love him as you've claimed then encourage him to go to the Gym and design a very good diet plan for him, you will be glad to see his physical look evolve to a better shape...
God bless!!!
It happens sometimes dat u jst get attracted 2 sum1's physical apperance,jst open up ur mind ok
Marriage is not abt physical appearances. Seek d face of God concerning ur r/ship. Wht if u go 4 d handsome ones and they cheat on u or beat d devil outta u?
then he is not for you... yes you enjoy everything else about him but physical attractiveness plays a small part in it too... think about it ... you don't want to have doubts about the guy you want to marry and possibly spend the rest of your life with... as much as you try to brush it aside... physical appearance matters to you... don't get me wrong physical appearance isn't all that matters
Heheheheh. Then u will come back to give a reply.
*smh*
Aibekay
Everyone's physical attributes is subject to change during marriage. You too will change with the birthing process whether you like it or not. Some people have married hunks/babes who end up in accidents and loose a limb or arm. Does that then mean they should exit the relationship? Look waaay beyond the physical dear, its bound to fade.
Since u are lusting after physical appearance of another men or guys u see around, my advice to u is to take him to gym and let him "eat iron, pump iron wella" his physique must change and then u will find him attractive again
So why are u in the relationship
#sippingfrom plasticcokebottle#
Wats up wit dis 1st 2 comment shit
I have experienced same issue b4. All I did was to pray and I got the conviction dt he's jst d ryt man for me. He possess all the attribute I want in my man but his physical look is totally different from my desire. But one thing I noticed then is that those one that has the physical look I want were not making me happy in my relationship with them. But believe me, I took my eyes off physical attributes cos I really desire a good marriage and made up my mind to marry this man. I look back today and I say thank you to JESUS bcos I am happily married with him and I have been able to groom him at least to 85% of what I want my man to look like which I am satisfied with. I'm into marriage and I can say it to anyone that cares to know that it's not all about physical appearance o, it's about marrying your own husband or wife.
If you truly love him, you will not see anything wrong in him or even wanting to compare him with another man. Forget about the physical looks, that's for the short run, if you intend to marry which is a marathon, you should let love rule.
If you truly love him, you will not see anything wrong in him or even wanting to compare him with another man. Forget about the physical looks, that's for the short run, if you intend to marry which is a marathon, you should let love rule.
Pray#
if you dont find him attractive,pls let him go if not you will end up cheating on him.
take a break from him and try dating other guys and see if you feel different.
U said u lyk his personality & character, d question u should focus on is, wic matters most in d long run.
Linda when will u marry me or accept my proposal to be my wife before I change my mind. Don't marry who u are not attracted to physically
U can't have it all dear. Would u rather go 4 ur so-called type with an awful character and also verbally abusive? Since he's beautiful inwards I think u shud let it reflect outwards. Don't lose him!
Ebelina
darling, just appreciate what u have. when we were all young wanted to marry doctors, musicians etc. in a relationship its exceptionally characters that r important.if he's a good man,it truly is all that matters. there's an anecdote that says a woman who was beaten by her husband husband hid under the table and admired his looks from there. i admire good looks of other men of course, my preferences hasn't changed as i age. But i know what is most important in life.My 'ugly' man makes me beautifully happy
darling, just appreciate what u have. when we were all young we wanted to marry doctors, musicians etc. in a relationship its exceptionally characters that r important.if he's a good man,it truly is all that matters. there's an anecdote that says a woman who was beaten by her handsome husband hid under the table and admired his looks from there. i admire good looks of other men of course, my preferences hasn't changed as i age. But i know what is most important in life.My 'ugly' man makes me beautifully happy
How is he on bed? Can he bang you well and make you scream with the thing? That is the most important thing after his character
Go for what you want but remember you can't eat your cake and have it..Good luck
Good people are always beautiful but beautiful ppl are nt always good.A good face is nothing bt xter is evrytin
you are not physically attracted to your man? ....So? how does that change the price of food in the market? abeg, park well.
Let me advise you. Im married to a sexy girl from a v wealthy home. Im sick of her. We dont share same value systems and we constantly quarrel. Sex isnt everything. After a while, she/he will stop being attractive to you and you wont be able to stand their touch or talking to them. You had better marry your friend and the person you are compatible with. A life of average sex isnt too much a price to pay for a happy life.Even better, you are a woman so your tolerance thresh-hold is higher. be smart.
hi there,i kind of identity with your present situation as i have been in similar situation. First of all solid relationships aren't built on sex/physical attraction alone.
On the other hand, lust is something most people cant control even if they are married to "Denzel Washington". However, you can over come that by channeling your energy to the happiness he brings you. Those hunks you admire all the time might not treat you as good as he does. If this doesn't work, then you might need to give the relationship some more time before you end up unhappy and divorced!!!
First time commenting, If there is an answer for this situation, i mostly likely would b interested to know...
Dis a tricky one, am lost...
Dat's wonderful. but why u agreed 4 him when u know u are not physically attracted to him? ogun aye, beta pray well.
Dat's wonderful. but why u agreed 4 him when u know u are not physically attracted to him? ogun aye, beta pray well.
swty you can never have it all..d truth abh marriage is over time married couples lose that physical attraction for each other..frendship,trust nd all dat is wat keeps it going....but its ur life,ur choice..choose wisely tho.
Lemme perch under ur comment too. Lol
Sista I hv had a similar issue, n guess Wat?! I left! Simple
U knw wat u cn n cnt handle, u knw ur weaknesses. If u cn handle a man wiv shitty xter bt wiv d physical looks u like, oya go get him! I knw ppl will say dat "ohhh it's nt all abt physical looks n shii" My dear no one knws whr ur shoe is pinching, only u. So if u r alwedy 2nd-guessing n even thinking of cheating....u better let it go.
I must warn u though; refusing to settle for less comes wiv consequences. Possible loneliness is numba 1. U will b LONELY. So u hv to b a woman who is not afraid of being on her own.
Not to mention d 18months u invested. Look, better now dan sorry after marriage. U will b fine
Thanks for bring this up. Am also facing same issues u are in.. so guys we need advices and not insults. Thanks
yea, please anyone whi has experienced this should please say something because i am about to start dating an amazing guy but i am not in anyway attracted to him
I'm in the same situation, but I married my guy. I've come to realise you need more than just physical attraction to have a lasting relationship. He is a fantastic person and is everything to me, I wouldn't change him for anyone and we make a solid team. We've been married for almost ten years and I would never cheat on him. I respect him and our marriage too much to even contemplate doing that.
It's a mind set. U need to deal with your mind set. Marriage is More than the physical. Take your request to God.
Hmmmn...... Am also going tru d same tin here dear
Yes dear, it sure happened to me bt trust me d important tyns in a relationship like marriage r peace of mind, self fulfillment, love n underastanding. If d guy U rr dating nw. Has all of dese, y nt give it a chance plus wats d possibility dat dose gud looking guys hav gud characters. In d end d decision is urs sha. Follow ur heart
Awww...I can only imagine what you're facing. As for me, I am physically, emotionally, lustfully and spiritually attracted to my man.
Truth be told, if after 18months of a relationship you are second guessing. I feel you should look inward and ask your self if character is indeed better than appearance. For all you know he might also be nursing same thoughts towards you but decided not to count your shortcomings as flaws. My dear talk to your man if you truly love him.
Well, for me. I've never experienced it but sometimes you get to see so many people that look good and handsome better than your man, you might just get attracted but its not good enough to wanna have a relationship with them. Physique is just for a time, it shouldn't dictate what you want and I'd say that if you think you'll cheat on him with a cute guy then you don't know what you want yet. What if you get involved with a handsome man and he was involved in an accident and not only lost his handsomeness but also one of his eyes. Then how will u live with that? My dear, think before you Act moreso let God lead you.
My thoughts, My opinions.
So now u r 1st to comment how much has linda paid u... Fool #dazzlingAk#
I suggest u end d relationship cos u will never be faithful to him after marriage.
You will likely cheat on him from the way you sound. You should know that no one is perfect and you can't have it all. You either have the looks without the character or the character without the looks. You choose.
Hmmm dis is a difficult one but all I can say is please don't marry someone u'll cheat on eventually.adultery doesn't ever end well.
if you marry him, ur fears will become reality. physical attraction plays a big role
*********************************
YOU ARE NOT IN LOVE WITH HIM.
As you implied, You are in love with
an IDEAL which he is providing.
IF you were truly in love with him,
he would become attractive to you if
no one else.
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Ur own even better sef...me I fell in love with my man before I met him physically and today we are married. If I had seen him physically before everything, I'm sure I would have said no when he proposed because there's just nothing about him physically that meets with my expectation. Its everyday tears for me right now and funny enough it gives him joy when am in tears. Its only God that can help me
Rat
Ummmm,my dear all u need do is to go on ur neels and ask god 2 show u ur Man, or can aswell get use to Him with time.
She'd already declared she will cheat in marriage not bcos of d so-called physical attributes bt cos she won't be content with any man.
Mind u; no perfect man anywhere.
Your kind of my man might show up, but the love factor might be missing... Pls weigh ur choices properly, and remember ur primary need shd be happiness and peace of mind!
I am in exactly the same situation, help! I'm so confused. I really feel I am leading him on and wasting his time especially as he is keen to settle down and get married. I dont want to leave him though. Good men are hard to find and it is very lonely out there. I know I am being very selfish but it is really hard not to
It happens. But the answer lies with you. Would you rather a physically attractive man without those other attributes you love, or a less physically attractive man with all the attributes you love? Cos quite frankly, finding a 100% is really difficult.
Yeah. It happens. Better not to go into it than to cheat. Leave while u still can.
Av been dere, truth is if u arnt physically attracted to him, u won't enjoy sex wit him of which sex is very important 2: u ar not in love wit him u ar jux waiting for dat man wit him 3: u wl eventually leave him.....save time n energy leave him now n go find happiness
First of all anonymous 2:13, you are a moron, second of all I hate it when people say really beauty is on the inside, but the truth is you love a person physically before you get to know and love them on another level. The problem here is your have led this man on for 18 months, I don't wanna say you fell for his money or that you just didn't want to be lonely, but I know a lot of women who has traits I want in a partner but as long as they don't have those physical attraction it just won't work!!! Talk to this man and get out of the relationship as soon as you can before you break his heart beyond repair. But in 18 months, you guys ought to have had sex, there ought to have being some sort of physical attraction there? How did you pull through it in those 18 months?
Being physically attracted to ur man is one of the first things in a relationship. ..
How do u live/date someone u aren't attracted to unless you are with him for the money and then. ..deal with it and stop moaning. ..
let the spirit of God lead U, so pray.
Then go get another man coz U will end up cheating in the relationship
Let the spirit of God lead U, so pray about it.
Let the spirit of God lead you so pray about it
@ anon 2:13 u must b a fool I guess u didn't go to sch @ all 4 u to read well... D physical apperance somtyms does affect afta marriage bt lov conquers it all... I rest my case
This is pretty normal. Wen u r a kid and fantasizing abt ur talk dark and handsome man, u assume there is a maker somewhere manufacturing men to ur specification. Then u grow up (at whatever age ur mind learns to adjust to reality) & realise something count more than ticking physical appearance check lists. Find something u find attractive in ur man & focus on that! U like tall and slim men who are drop dead gorgeous. Ur man is only talk and slim, or even only slim, u focus on that & fashi all the things wey e no get. Otherwise dear, u r setting urself for misery. Wetin u get - good character - counts far more in a marriage that looks, trust me.
Well, i think you need to take a break and see for yourself how sometimes you re better off with the man with good personalities than physique. Dissociate yourself from anything that gives you crazy tots about the physique you want in a man. for me, i try to convince myself with negative things ablut things not too good for me yet i like. it might not be so easy, but it's a small price to pay for a lifetime of happiness. #jezsayin
Let the spirit of God lead U, so pray about it
One thing you can't have is perfect man, you might get a man you are physically attracted to but with character ZERO. So what u need is to pray about it. God will surely help if you are sincere with yourself and God.
How do u stay with a man u are not physically attracted to?
How does that kind of relationship work?
(Or maybe I'm stupid)
Are u in it for the money? Cos u will end up with men outside . ..
If it's for the money...zip it and deal with it
my dear it matters alot o, do somtin bout it
Lady forced to make love with a dog and horse
What you feel my dear is natural and it doesn't make you a bad person.if the physical appearance is somtin your guy can work on(eg pot belly,,big body size),I suggest you encoruage him to be what you want him to look like.However if its something he can't do anything about like height and size of his manhood,hmm I'll say you follow your heart..walk away
Dear Sis. I was a few months ago in your shoes and even felt worse about my Man because of his physical attributes TOTALLY contrary to what i had dreamt and wanted in a Man, i so battled with this untill i decided to face my Fear; i got married to him and just like in a rush i began to love and feel like he is the "Best of all" not because i dont appreciate good looking Guys any more when i see them, but comparing looks and other IMPORTANT factors like Values, Virtues, Character,../;'' and all, i will go for this Man again and again despite his "not too Handsome" look. BUT wait a minute, did i just go for this Man???? nooooooooo i cried several times before i finally swallowed my Pride talk more that I am even older than he is but GOD was/is involved and i tell you, now that we are married; i keep thanking God for helping me to overcome my " he is not handsome" pride and went for the content instead of the container..... trust God to help you Dear... Best Luck!!!
Dear poster am in same situation presently, buh i came to realise dat smtimes in life smtins dont go as u wish.buh then again its nt about physical look,na wetin dey the man brain nd his love nd affection dat matters.so i wuld advice u to love him 4 who he is.all dat glitters no b gold ooo.gudluck.
Yes dats most womens reality..learn to live wt it
This can't b real! Even if u marry a man because of his physical appearance u will still cheat when it fades away. Marriage is more than sex & appearance so my dear go 4 substance that will last
As the first person to comment on this topic,you've won yourself a million dollars. Come to 9 Idowu lane,ikeja to redeem your reward.
Yes my dear am presently experiencing it,I actually tot it was abnormal but no guy eva av all d qualities u want.
With time u will over come it.
Stupid goat first to comment.is dt ur greatest accomplishmt?we nid mature minds on dis blog not kids who stil dey suck bobby.as for d female lib reader,physical look wil fade wit time,but d love u feel for him wil kip u guys goin.look beyond his apperance n work on improving ur relatnshp
my dear i'll ask u this simple question, wud u rather prefer a really physical man than the one that will love u for life?. The problem with ladies now adays is we'd prefer lies than the truth being told to us.
Lmao. Sick LIBers
Getting into a long term relationship with someone is something that should be thought through. If you are not physically attracted to him and you see the need that you might cheat on him, do him a favour and don't hurt him. But then again, change is good. Think about it. Why is he different? It might be a sign he is MR RIGHT, considering all your past relationships did not work out since you were after physical atrraction lol
One thing I'm very sure of is that you will surely cheat or look down on him along the line.... So why go on with someone you think is not physically attractive?.
If u don't trust ur heart in ds case,then pls itS beta a broken relationship than a bad marriage........TESSY
Lol, u wanna eat ur cake n av it...
Try using a magnet
Am having d same problem now linder and I don't know wat to do abt it,hv been in dis relationship for 4years.sometimes I feel like leaving but can't cos he's a very nice person and won't want to hurt him. So I just try to b happy with wat I hv, cos I won't like to go into something else and regret it at d end. I think wat really matter it wat d person hv from d inside not d physical look.
I PRAY AND HOPE MY COMMENT WILL BE AIRED COS I V NEVER BEEN LUCKY WITH LINDA!!!!!
I AM A LIVING TESTIMNY OF YOUR CASE TYPE.
YOU KNW LADY FANTASIES OF TDH GUYS AND ALL.. BUT MY HUBBY ISNT. I LOOKED BEYOND HIS PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES... COS I ONCE DATED A GUY WHOM EVERY1 TERMED"MR BEAUTY".. E WAS ANYTN A LADY CUD ASK FOR ESP PHYSICALLY.. BUT IT DINT WORK OUT. I SAID TO MYSELF.. WHAT IF THESE PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES WEARS OFF? WHAT M I LEFT WITH? I THINK MARRIAGE IS BYOND THE PHYSICAL.... TILL TOMORW, I KP TNKG GOD I LOOKD BEYOND THE PHYSICAL... MY HUBBY IS THE BEST.
BUT STILL, ITS LEFT FOR YOU TO DECIDE. I MADE MY OWN CHOICE ALONE AND I AM HAPPY ABOUT IT TODAY.... IT MAY/MAYNT WORK OR APPLY TO YOU
I felt complied to advice you on this very delicate issue.
You must first understand that in a long term relationship,physical attractions although important but will always wares off,so such should not be bases for your decision making in terms of going into a long term relationship.
No matter how beautiful(nice looking)a guy or girl might be,there is always the tendencies of losing that physical attractiveness on the long run on both side.So anybody basing their judgement on attraction must always cheat if that all it takes!
It do happen, am married but my hubby is not attractive, wot are mine going to do notin am still dey,is not up to a month married but am hoping dat one day d love will come,my hubby do spoil me with a lot of gift,am just hoping
Follow yur mild dis s 4 better 4 worst no mistake
U are a very useless and confused person. Reasonable response finish u
Leave the poor guy alone! You don't love him! If you marry him you will eventually cheat on him! Don't marry out of pity!
Funny enough, I had this conversation wt somone yest. My perspective was dt I cant allow a short or very ugly guy com close to me in a rship sense cos then, I may discover dt he has a charming personality nd fall for him. I know there's a guy out there dt meets my expectations. I'd rather wait til I meet them but I cant gv any guy below my aesthetic expectations a chance to even get close, cos dt wont mak me happy. Not dt I want so much anyway, just not ugly or short. So dear, if u re havin cold feet, better drop him. U wil stil meet d type dt u want. That men claim to b scarce does nt mean u wont find just one dts d way u want him. It can only tak time
If u r not physically attracted to him,don't make d mistake of getting married cuz there is no way u won't cheat on him....he might have those characters but u need to sit down n think abt it
U are not a serious person sef!!!! Phisical attributes? Pls dnt marry him cos wen u marry him i know u will cheat on him! N point of correction,u dnt ♡ him cos if u do u will accept his phisical attributes or d way he is !!...+ i know d phisical attributes is 6packs!! My dear, u will wait 4 6packs guy n u will get tired,by den it will b 2 late 4 u!!!!! Date a guy dat is gonna b a gud husband n has gud character not body structure pls!!
Pray about it
Hmmm!! This is exactly what I feel was wrong with my ex... You will eventually cheat once you both get relaxed, or with the slightest strain in your relationship
The ball is in your court to embrace discipline, because if you don't someday somehow, it will become clear to the man that your eyes are outside and that will be the end of your relationship
SWEETHEART..... MARRIAGE AND HAPPINESS IS NOT ABOUT LOOK AT ALL.... U SEE ALL THOSE VERY HANDSOME HANDSOME GUYS ARE ALWAYS D CASSANAOVA.... DER R THOUSAND OF LADIES OUT DER WHO WOULD FALL FOR ANY MAN... CUZ DEY HAVE GOTTEN TO DAT DESPERATE STAGE.... SWEERIE PRAY U DONT GET DER.... EVERYBODY LIKES ATTRACTIVE FINS BUH NOT ALL DAT GLITTER ARE GOLD... love u though
Is it dat bad? Well,I wasnt physically attracted to my man,I don't know how I did it ,but I just love him much nat to look elsewhere its the price u have to pay.
4 ur mind now u b 1st 2 comment shey? Instead of u 2 advice dis lady,u are here sayin u are d 1st 2 comment!!!! Weldone *Mr/Mrs first to comment*
Physical appearance. Well makes sense. Bt if he has enof money to upgrade u then wat are u waiting for. A good heart with soo much money outweighs d appearance o
Chai! I understand W̶̲̥̅̊Ђɑ̤̥̈̊†̥ dis girl is going tru cos am also in dat kind of shit too bt I advise her not marry dat guy cos she might end up in divorce cos evryday she will be looking @oda guys outside thinking how it would have been if she hadn't married her hussy.m
How can u love somebody you are not attracted to physically?U said u love him but not physically attracted to him.Sounds contradictory
that person should follow his or her mind and taste
The fact is, no matter how shallow it sounds, physical attraction is very important in a relationship. Dt doesn't mean u shldnt date some1 unless they r like a model, all it means is dt u have 2 be little attracted 2 d person in order 4 there 2 be a sexual chemistry. That being said, the personality of a person makes them better looking. If a guy/ lady don't look exactly how u want but their personality is amazing, u r going 2 find him/her attractive no matter what. So I believe even though u are not attracted 2 this guy, I bet when u give it time, especially coz u said the love is there which is the foundation, u might actually become more attracted
Linda, post my previous comment na
This one has nothing to do with spirit of God. No need to be over spiritual about matters like this (@imaseun katerine). If you are not attracted to him, you are not attracted to him. You have no business being there. And again, she has said that she starts second guessing herself when she sees someone with the attributes that she likes in a man. Girl, if you stay with this guy, you are going to cheat on him, the moment you have a chance to.
Don't stay in his sokoto, when what you are looking for is in Sokoto. (Remixed it) LOL
What Physical Attributes Is She Talking About?? Well ma dear if you can't cope with it now, you either make him have those attributes or Contact Me Now To Start Making Plans For Your Separation/Divorce Party Cause The Marriage Will Certainly Hit The Rocks With This Mindset Of Yours!! How About That??
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Bonita i salute u jare ....tru talk
It is difficult to comment without knowing what physical attraction you're refering.
There are some physical attributes that can be amended like weight. But in marriage the most important thing is being happy not lust. So appreciate your good man.
LMAO..Why do I beleive this is actually a post from you about me.well done,stop wasting my precious time and money.go and look for who you are attracted to
I would like to say here that its very important that before you get married as a single man or woman, its very important that you study about what you are going to involve yourself with, I mean you learn and study about marriage, you get materials that talks about preparing you for marriage, just like u study medicine in school before u become a doctor, so also u study about marriage before u get married, don't be ignorant of what u are venturing into or where u are going, get materials that talks about marriage, and how to look out for the right Man, materials like, "singles with a difference by faith oyedepo, Love 101, question young people ask volume 1 & 2, etc, there lots of materials in the market that deals with issues like this, and most importantly the bible, u can't go into marriage without studying the marriage manual which is the bible
On your case young lady, in as much physical attributes is one of the things to consider or look out for in a partner, I must say its a minor, its not a major attribute, its not important like the inner attributes, if you consider physical attribute, you will get the wrong person in marriage, he is not too handsome, she is not too beautiful, he is not muscular, her breast is too small, her ass is too small, he is dark in complexion, or he is fair in complexion etc all this things are attributes that kids look out for, and not matured mind, people that are matured look beyond this, remember that even tough the body of a car is good, but the engine is better
One thing you need to remember is that physically beauty fades with time, but not inner beauty, so what happens when it fades, will u divorce him then? Or what if the person gets an accident and becomes deformed, (may God never all allow such to happen) will you divorce the person? Is that what u want?
Marriage is for matured minds, people who are mature will not cheat on their partner cos of his physical attributes when his inner attribute is something to be applauded and cherished,
And remember also that there Aint no perfect human being, if you see a guy that is physical ok with, what makes you think that he will be right man for you? So the things is that since nobody is perfect, you just can't see a man that has everything you want in man, that's absolutely impossible, I am positive about that, and from what you said, the only problem is that u are not ok with the physical attribute alone, which means this man he has about 80% to 90% of wat u want in a man, young lady you Are very lucky
Appreciate what you have, a bird at hand is worth more than two in the bush, good guys are hard to come by, same with good girls or wife, the bible likened a good husband/man or wife/woman to gold stop being childish and grow up before it becomes late
The good news is that this same thing that's happening to you, happens to everybody, at a time in our life we think that way, we find ourselves in this junction, everybody especially when we were much younger thinks this way, when we hold physical attributes more than inner attributes, but as we grow up, we begin to understand that there is more to choosing a partner than what our eyes see, pls don't forget to study the bible and also get materials talking about marriage and how to find the right partner
May God help you and bless you
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In d first place wot attracted u to him? cos u've dated him 4 18 mnths nau, alwayz luk @ adt tin dat made u date him nd always see his strenght nt weaknee. God help U.
dear poster,am in the same boat.but as a grown ass woman,physical attributes dont define a man.what if u marry the physical attribute and oneday he puts a gun to ur head or god forbid he is damaged in a fire mistakenly will u now leave him?I am not inlove with the physical attributes of my man but hell!am a GROWN ASS woman and there is more to life than fine boy...eg greatsex,goodheart,spoils me silly,hes always the first to say am sorry,he listen to me,we make future plans together,and the most important thing<he is really my friend.we can laff at anything and gossip about anyone..lol...this is were d love sets in for me..he came at the right time having been with extremely fine hunky mehn..am so happy dese days u cant imagine.so dear poster,all dese fine men will av wrinkles oneday soon...best of luck
Lemme guess, he is short and Ugly!
Really? I don't understand what you mean by "u'r not attracted to him physically" in most cases, ppl listen 2 u cos of ur physical appearance. If u'r nt attracted to him physically how did u manage to date him for 18mnths? Personally, I have 2 b attracted 2 u physically b4 anything else. If he has a poor dress sense u can teach him how to dress if u love him. If he's nt tall,i don't think there is a solution for dat, u'v jes got to love him dat way. If he's ugly, good dress sense can help. Lastly, if u love him physical appearance won't count. U'r lucky ur problem is with his physical appearance, u can always work on it.
How want a very attractive man, let go of this one first. The attractive one will come but without character, then u can continue from their. Do you think you are perfect?
A 3:08...ur problem is not physical look but b cos he's nice....I bet u, if he starts treating u anyhow, and chasing other women, u will change ur mind! it's normal with humans!
Ur English sha! Twale for u. Oh!
Hahahahahaha!
Wat if d person u r attracted to gets involve in an accident and ur present is now finer than his is? Wat ya gonna do?
If cheating can cross ur mind at this point of your relationship it not only means you are a cheater but you've lustfully lured some married men into adultery cos of ur crave for them..I bet you can settle if you marry eventually cos ure possess with cheating spirit...wish we could see ur before picture and now ur picture..
My question is, if you meet a guy that has all you want in a man both in and out, but he turns out to be a Muslim and you are a Christian, what will you do? Oya Libers! My own situation.
obviously my dear the lust of fresh will fade away. yes everybody experience that but the thing is that even though you get to marry the man you like with all the attributes you have ever dream t off , but you still gonna meet better guys in life again even on your white gown day. stay with the man you love.
My question is, if you meet a guy that has all you want in a man both in and out, but he turns out to be a Muslim and you are a Christian, what will you do? Oya Libers! My own situation.
As much as attraction doesn't do it all, its also very imperative dat u are physically attracted 2 ur hubby 2be. U must be proud of ur man datz my slogan!
Dat aside, Since he is all u want in a man apart 4rm his appearance, my dear mayb with time u just might grow 2 like it..
Personally I cant get married 2 som1 I'm not attracted 2 cuz he wld suffer emotionally.
Happiness is key, good looks mite not make u happy, but a good man will.
CHOOSE WISELYYY.....
4 instance If u say u want a fair tall handsome man for a hubby then don't forget there are a lot of them out there who fits datd description and are also criminals, woman beater, smokers, and terrorists. So pls don't let physical appearance be a criteria for things that has to do with marriage .give ur life to Christ and he shall direct u via wisdom and understanding.
My dear, my advice is that you should look at the content not the container. The problem with people these days is that they get carried away with the little things instead of looking at the bigger picture. Physical appearances fade. i'd advice you go for a man of character and virtue.
As regards outward appearance...a man xpects his woman to be "pretty" "nice boobs".."Nice bums"..."Nice shape".."Flat tommy".."Vast hips"..I can categorrically tell u dats the spec of 90percent of guys..bt more dan 70percent of guys dnt av dis--does dat make dem say "mehn--cos-my-fiance-dsnt-av-dis,I wldnt marry her?"
ROTFL @ ur comment. God will help you just don't break your man's heart
This is a personal decision so looking for advice wont help...u r the one living wih this guy and u know everything about him....people will share experience but it not gonna help u...follow ur mind
Babe,life is not always wat it seems lik. Ur friends dat married d kinda guy u admire,u dnt kno wat dey r passin 2ru in marriage. I'm lucky,my hubby is TDH,flat tommy,wit d kind of hot legs i'v always desired but to tell u d truth,he has no money yet,so i manage a lot. Most times we lack even food to eat. still I lov him cos he's d best behaved of all d guys i'v Eva known. So weigh d options nd remember d perfect guy exists only in fairy tale movies. 4rm mee
Dear friend,
Let me remind you that you cant eat your cake and have, and that there is no perfect human being anywhere.
i was in this same dilema sometimes ago and at the end of the day i had to let go of the man (because i wouldnt want to have distractions in my marriage), but i cost me another 5years to get a loving, God fearing man that also match my criteria.
so, you are the only one that can make this decision yourself.
Never settle for less in the choice of a life partner. Remember the word: LIFE partner.
Jes sayin...
Feels like its my story. Same tin happened to me. We dated for 3years b4 I eventually brokeup cause I knew I had to. I loved his personality, buh outwardly I didn't like him. He was ugly, and I was ashamed to walk with him in public or introduce him to my friends. Infact I denied him on many occassions. Buh he is a nice guy and he loves me. It took me 3years to realize dat you have to love some1 in and out. Beauty isn't everything buh at least there should be an attraction. I wnt tell tell u what to do...just follow ur heart cuz dts wt I did
My dear marriage is beyond physical attraction. It happnd to me too. My husb is nt very attractive bt he is d best of husbs. I no longer c all dat anymore cos he has a gud heart makes me happy,n dats wat matters. I now c him as mr Nigeria. U have ur flaws too cos u are not perfect but he loves u. Think deep dear poster.
Pls talk to God before you make the greatest mistake of your life.
My Dear,you must love what u r going for..Physical or spiritual...Run to GOD for direction!
Anon.2:56pm.Thanks for ur wise advise.
I am so glad someone asked this cos i have had the same worry for a while too! I appreciate the serious comments and i truly believe the comments have helped! Hope it helped the LIBer who asked too!
Hmm mm serious matter, pray about it. But I think live still conquers all
Woow, its amazing. I feel soooo glad to know dat am NOT alone delima...My dear fellow libre, I was in a relationship with dis handsome dude for several years,HE SO LUVS & ADORES ME, his ok financially,he satisfied xxxualy 'yes' But then,each time I tot of marriage wit him, I always have dis fear & gr8t borden overwhelming me,leaving me feeling so empty & lonely instantly..without bugging u guys with de long story,I had to quit de relationship & decided to alone till weneva God blesses me wit dat special ONE he has kept for me..I prayed & put my total confident in God,not upto 5month later wen dis particular guy dat has been cheasin me intermediately for over 6years surface again,I KNOW TOO WELL that I don't like anytin about him (His looks) his too stort,slightly shorter than Julius agwu. Being dat I always like & pull out with de handsome kind of guys,so had nothing to worry about, was just playing/being de frndly (platonic) type of frnd with him...but he kept telling me how much he luvs & cherish me,dat I would want me to be his wife.he's 100% serious cuz could see it glaring all over him.havnt been a bit close to him more than I hav ever been after all dis years of him cheasing me,I can't deny how luvin,caring,God fearing (which I long for in my dream man) respectful,intelligent,industrious etc.NOW AM HOOKED..I have said 'YES' in my heart already to his marriage proposal, but my lips can't help holding it back cuz of his looks...PLS I NEED HELP,AM SO CONFUSED!
Content over container like one of the LIBers mentioned. This is the decision I made when I said yes to my bf's proposal. My dear, weigh his character cos looks fade with time.
if you love this guy, once you marry him he becomes handsome. Ask yourself if you are a cheat. If you have been cheating on your boyfriend in the past then you will definitely cheat on this guy or whoever you marry but if you have the fear of God in you, you will not cheat on a man who has all the qualities you were looking for. And besides, by the time you marry him you will be so occupied with family hussle than to even have time to look at another man. I have felt this way before though, wanted to marry this guy even though he was the shortest and ugliest of all the guys I've ever dated, all of a sudden I began to feel concerned about his height and bald head.Its a very bad place to be.
Na wah 4 some chicks ooooh. Na physical appearance u won chop.SMH.
I surprise say na guy carry money matter enter for this talk now
@Anon 2.54 and 2.56,u r so on point.had d same xperience b4 settling down.I wud hav regretted not marrying my hubby.I will marry him over/all over again. Marriage is beyond physical appearance my dear sis bcos is a lifetime contract. So sit up,know wot u want and pray abt it. May d Lord lead u to d right path. Lindodo sweery, weldone. Wht z it bout 1st to comment of a thing.does it fetch an appointment in Aso Villa.Hmmmmmmmmm,common sense not common@all
Debbie Chelsea, u that you are talking, did you give any advice? Mchewwwww. Pot calling kettle black.
This is currently happenin to me also,he has evryfin I ever want in a guy buh his not as handsome as d guys I date,tho we all know fyn boys gat trust issue!nd I don't wanna marry somebody I won't b proud of buh love is beyond physical nd its ur choice 4get wat people would say nd follow ur heart
I know it's not easy but I really think you should give yourself space from him. Second guessing is not healthy for any relationship. Assess your feelings during your break and decide where to go from there. Best of luck.
Hi,am Amanda. My advice is this...make ur man what you want him to be. if u like a well built man,n ur man isn't that,den transform him. Encourage him to hit the gym,u both can go together.
@katerine,Beautiful advice
I know a couple who met in January, got engaged in July and got married in November. The girl is a very pretty girl and my friend and the guy is handsome too but I can tell you that she wznt attracted to him sometimes I tell myself she still isn't .. The guy is short and she confessed it herself that the day she met him for the first time, she kinda lost interest.. Their wedding was widely publicized on blogs and all as well as a well scripted story on the brides part.. Those close to her.. All know she would never have married him if he didn't have a stable job in an oil firm in Lagos. The guy spoiled her a lot Bfr they got married.. There wznt ivn enough time for them to know each other and today " they are happily married" lol! But I know my friend.. And I'm scared to tell her the truth.. The truth ivn her husband doesn't know...which is the real reason why she married him.. It wasn't love... It was simply security! Good home, good job.. Well my future is secure.. Everyday I pray for them in my heart but at the same time I fear that they might begin to experience issues sooner than later .. Marriage is not child's play.. It's not something you rush into.. You don't wanto get into it and one day you ask yourself what u were thinking when you got into it! So my dear pls rethink... It's not all about looks yes, but it's really a vital part... You wanto spend the rest of your with someone your completely connected to.. Physically , psychologically, spiritually , intellectually, emotionally etc Goodluck .. God be with you.
Foolish thinking.. Break up with Him and stay single for the rest of your life.. Then later go and join prayer band in church... Thats why i never pity for ladies over 35 that are single.. #too choosy.. Break up with him and wait for Jesus..
look, The same thing u are taking for granted my dear, someone out there is "kabashing" for it....jst so u kw! A WORD IS ENOUGH FOR THE WISE
The exact same happened to me. I eventually married the guy cos I was so sure of his love for me and that he wld never hurt me.we ve been married for over 2yrs now and its been awesome. I never regretted it. At time u may get a bit distracted when u meet someone u really admire but all u need to do is to work on your mind and be determined to be faithful to ur man. May God help you to choose wisely.
Sweet heart, my candid advise is this,looks can be greatly enhance. Work on him. Influence his clothes, his grooming and tell him to stop hiding his good look. B4 u know it, u ve got ur dream man. Don't ever be carried away wt good looks.
If possible, marry someone with the physical attributes you like. It will help curb infidelity in marriage though that is not all that counts, I pray I marry someone I am physically attracted to so that I won't fall into the temptation of cheating.
HMMMMMMMMMM..............gone thru evry1's comment and all i can say is follow ur heart sis,take it to God,let him deal wt d situation for u and u will experience peace like a river...take it to God.
Mrs Bee
Marrying a man because he's handsome or attractive is even a number one wrong reason to get married. You will forever become a slave to him because he's already knew that you are a weak person who is only after the physical appearance but not the character or content.
You need to be very careful out there coz the most caring men are not usually handsome. And it is those cares you need if you have gotten any plan for your life and future! Right now your heart is filled with lustful desires, so you can't think clearly. you are attracted to any hot dude out there, even when they are likely going to ruin your life, and may likely leave you heartbroken at the end.
So if such a lustful desires is what has filled your mind, remember, that handsome men will never finish on this planet, and before you wake up to reality, you would have already become a modern day prostitute - but your own prostitute would be worst because you won't even wait to collect money for your services or you will even be the one still paying men, just because you think they are physically attractive in your lustful heart.
I will add my 2 cents because I know what you are talking about. I too was engaged to a wonderful who was not my ideal man and had doubts like you. He was not tall, dark and handsome like I wanted but I knew he was a good man. I went ahead and got married to him and that has been the best decision I ever made!
Don't be deceived my friend, there is more to marriage than physical attraction. I bet you if you get married to the most handsome man who treats you like rubbish, his handsomeness will be useless to you. The wife-killer, Arowolo, who got sentenced to death recently, is tall, dark and handsome, but see what he did to his wife.
When it comes to a life-long commitment as important as marriage, please look for tangible reasons instead of feelings of pride or envious looks from your friends.
Remember marriage is not just about you, but about your families, and the innocent children you will have. Please go for a man who truly loves and respects you instead of a handsome monster. Your family and children do not deserve the pain he might cause you, if you are happy to endure.
May God help you dear.
Basically, majority of 9ja women get married to ugly guys that they don't find attractive.
Hmm sounds like Ella and obi!
Hmm anon 4.55 I know a couple that fits right into your story .. Ella and obi .. Their story was featured on Bella naija. Ella has admitted to be shy whenever they are out together bcs the dude is short.. Marriage! Smh!
Let me start by saying many pple luv cakes bcos of the iceing or the way it's been decorated right...But some tyms those beatifully decorated cakes when tasted are noffin to right home abt while u get some locally made cakes with out iceing being so fab dats life. Now going by ur predicament wen u say physical atributes u need to b specific so that one can really know the best advise bt i promise u that physical atribute ain't really a problem depending on which u actually dealing with. As for being beautiful or handsome well that goes more than the physical appearance.There are cases of couples who start luking alike over the years as a result of that inner beauty & luv they both shared. so u find out dat what matters most is how u both see ur self inwardly cos thats gona be the end of any form of justification to assertain if u are gud to go or not.
Exactly!!! Abeg if the girl can bang d hell outta u and he is nice in all other areas apart from physical looks, then please sister marry thus brother..period
Honey, as much as we like to think looks don't play a significant role in relationships, they do. I don't solely go for looks and not everything physically has to be perfect but you want to be able to "want" to kiss your man and even make love to him after he's your husband, not wait for him to roll off you. Trust me it never gets any better - each time you see him you'll just be like ah or maybe even get angry - at the rate you are going where you have already thought of cheating trust me it's already in your mind!!! You will be pushed to one day by the way you already even forced it at first you didn't want him - while things arent bad just move away. Sorry for the guy though I really hate to judge people over looks but it's human nature; whoever won't admit to these things lies!
My dear, I'm married now and I recall I wasn't attracted to my hubby one bit! In fact at our intro, he kissed my cheek and I cringed! Yes, it was that bad! But he was whom God chose for me and so right now he is the sexiest, hottest, finest and most loving man I know. So I would say, take the matter to God and like some other LIBer said, in marriage it's more about the content than the container
What about the ones you are not physically attracted initially and pray oh it will work out because their "character " they presented to you at the time was good , within a year into it , introduce a good paying job and walah ! behavior changes and you have this person you neither can stand with a rotten personality and ZERO physically attraction. You cant look at him and say " oh I want to have sex with my hubby today or I want him to touch me" you tolerate when he comes around for sex and FAKE the heck out of it so he can leave you alone. Oh you think maybe we you work on it , read books so things will improve . Nah! he has no interest in that cos he believes he is a stud I guess LOL! he doesn't need improvement , nothing needs to be fixed. You are your happiest when he is not around at least you don't have to bicker about irrelevant stuff like he loves to do.
KC
This is d first tym in history LIB readers r making hell of a sense.. Jezzz I CNT believe dey r d one posting all this comment... Kisses!!!
Pray to God to help you from spirit of lust, ask God if he's really d one fr u b4 Tina can really work out btw u n d opposite sex
I was once in that situation. Mine was that I was even ashamed to introduce him to my friends cos I wasn't gud with his looks though he's EXTREMELY nice and generous and gud mannered. He was talking about settling down with me but I had to leave cos my mind was outside aas I was flirting with any guy I was physically attracted to and that wasn't fair to him and I also attended a singles summit of my pastor where he said u shouldn't marry someone u aren't physically attracted to.
Bonario, u are rite. I am married n my husband irritates me, we have 2children together n it's almost a year now we had sex n we havnt kissed in like forever. He is a very nice person, we do everything together,we are best of friends but I can't stand him touching me not to talk of having sex. I seriously dnt know wat to do
The gift of The Lord makes rich nd adds no sorry, if this was a Gods desire for you, you won't be confused, am a very pretty girl, if my husband married me for my looks by now I would have been out of my marriage cos his secretary is freaking Hawt even me I stare at her nd she is all over him cos he is also a fine dude. We gist about all her advances laff, I visit hm at the office we gossip d girl I chat with her on his bb when he is busy nd she thinks it him while my hubby plays nitendo with his sons. Long nd short looks is neverrr enough marry your padi! He is my frienddddddddd, we do a lot of nasty things togeda, marriage is fun when u with the right person, find ur right guy nd u wouldn't ask anyone question.
Lust!
Since you have doubts take your time dn't rush into this even if he's everything you fantasies about personality wise physical attraction is also very important in marriage. If you are not attracted to him physically and already imagining worst case scenarios you will be setting your couple up for unnecessary trouble and misery down the line. 2 years is still pretty early slow down see where this relationship goes,take a break if you have too. You might meet a guy who has both requisites. You might come back to this one and see he's the one for you after all(if still available that is). Bottom line is take your time I cn't stress this enough.When you finally meet the one your mind will be crystal clear about it.
"all fingers are not equal"
i will advise u to leave d man for ur ideal material b4 its too late.
Adegunle Olugbamila
Truth is bitter. Fact remains as long as u dont see thoase structureds uve alway prefereed in a man, u may be tempted someday to cheat on him in marriage. Bet me, even if u eventually marry d man of ur choice but he turns out a wife beater, u will love him still cause ure already addicted to those physical structures in a man. So follow ur mind.
My dear, u can still find a gud man that u would still be attracted too. Attraction matters too cos if u aren't attracted to the man, u would continue looking outside.
At anonymous 7:40, na wa ooo. After two kids and u guyz havnt made love in a year. I dnt believe d a year gap, I can say in a whlye. I no blame my friend for saying if only we know wht pple go thru in marriages. Na wa oo. God Pls bless me wiv whom am compatible wiv and most importantly fear u. Pls go for counselling before it gets worse dan it is. Tnks.
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