Dear LIB readers: At what point should a woman walk away? | Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog

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Thursday, 3 May 2012

Dear LIB readers: At what point should a woman walk away?

This is Mercy Nnamdi, the woman whose husband killed their son and burnt her with hot iron
A LIB reader sent this in as a comment and wanted me to share with the rest of you...
I have been married for just two years with a 14 months old baby. About seven months after I got married my husband slapped me for coming home late. I was pregnant at the time. He slapped me again in December 2011 because of a statement I made to him. Then just last week he slapped me for the third time during an argument. He hasn't been very violent but I'm afraid it will happen one day. Should I be worried? Should I divorce him because he slapped me?

287 comments:

1 – 200 of 287   Newer›   Newest»
Anonymous said...

Nigga....Run for your life!! Next, he will bath you hot palm oil.

Anonymous said...

Hello

In my opinion, if he does it once he will do it again, again and again.... And just maybe one day you will not be around to defend yourself.

Anonymous said...

yea, u shud because it will only get worse from here. I am really sorry to hear this but you should move out as soon as you can, it all starts from one slap and then he begs and then the slaps become more frequent, and then punches. Pls save ur life, i hope i helped.

Anonymous said...

my dear,i am 24,alot of young girls want to be me,look up to me, when i was 16 my bf slapped me, u know what i did?i slapped him back hard and walked away,it might have been a joke but never take any form of violence lightly,its called walk away,i understand you are married but its better late than never,because u tolerate the slaps it will get worst,first he slapped u while you were pregnant he doesn't have love and respect for you n unborn baby,i don't know if you in Nigeria or where ever you are,talk to him,suggest therapy if he has anger issues let him try to handle it or else walk away,on linda ikeja 'ive seen women seath,burnt etc all these never end good.Most of u women seek advice you never use be wise

Anonymous said...

d man lives behind my str.i ve always suspected that sthing s wrong with him although he dresses well.

ademu eleyi said...

Tell him never to slap u again,say it with boldness.

fsquare said...

Really sad to кησw some married men raise their hands to beat a woman, not to talk of their wife.
Ȋ̝̊̅ will advise ΰ talk to him about it first

Myne Whitman said...

Talk to him about this, and you may need therapy. Also try to encourage him to go to counselling with you - Family, Pastor, or Professional.

tolu said...

E dat slapeth can killeth thee.
On a serious note u ve to report him to someone e holds in high esteem, his mother or pastor. Someone needs to talk to him. Its not enough to divorce him and its too much to stay in de marriage.

Anonymous said...

Things are happening in marriages. I just discovered that my husband is having an affair $ tmr is hs birthday. I dnt knw hw I feel. This is a man that has denied me of sex for months $ we hav bn trying to conceive for over 3yrs. Without sex,I wonder hw we can. He beats me at times when he's angry. Doesn't giv me p. Money. Am doing a small biz. Doesn't want me to run it d way I wud love too. The painful thing is dat d girl involved said he's always d one calling her. Yes,I got her # $ called. Itz so hard to walk away with no child$ money after 4yrs of marriage.as a xtian,I dnt believe in divorce. Cos heaven still sees u as married even if u divorce here. I'm believing God for His intervention. Itz just too much for me.

iamfascinating said...

like now.separation is not divorce.

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peacy tachy said...

you should be very worried, with the domestic abuse news going on in Nigeria. be careful and know when to leave. if you end up dead or like the woman in this picture, then your eyes might be open.

...............better sit him down nd talk sense into him.

Anonymous said...

Yes ps. My sisters husband threw a plate at her n it smashed on the wall. Biko my love, run for ur life. These days marriage isn't a do or die affair like our mother who took crap all in d name of matrimony. Physical assult is the last bus stop. Don't wait till he uses iron to burn ur skin b4 u leave!!

Anonymous said...

Marriage is for better for worse. If a partner kills you, you go to heaven. Never walk away.

Anonymous said...

Ooooooh be afraid,be very afraid!!once man begins to raise his hands on u then that's the beginning of the end....both of u shld see a marriage counsellor,unfortunately we don't av such facilities in 9ja.seek GODLY counsel and pray for him.but if he continues or gets worse,PLEASE take yo baby and run for yo dear life!

Anonymous said...

RUN! not walk to the nearest exit! nuff said. Noone has a right to be physically violent with you. it is not acceptable. least of all in marriage. In my opinion, it shows a lack of respect and completely betrays the marriage vows you have taken. RUN! dont wait until he baths u with acid.

remen said...

Hope u dont expect us 2 tell u 2 walk away... Well my advice 2 u, watch him closely(attitude wise)..3 slaps is enuf 2 bé worried but u hv 2 stand strong informn him u wldnt take it next tym...If it occurs again then u should giv urself a break by prolly movin 2 ur parents house( i didnt say divorce) as a sign if seriousness..... Young gals like me are scared of getn married cus of d recent developement of our guys..Its isss wellll

Ego said...

He did one time and got away with it. That told him it's ok for him to do it again. If you stay, you're telling your child that it's ok. This is when you walk away. God will take care of you!

Anonymous said...

That is how it starts, soon na complete beating and kicking, maybe its time to quit that marriage. Sorry

Anonymous said...

Onetime is too much u have to live now that u still have ur life and body if he slap u ones he will keep doing on till it gets to were something bad really happens

Anonymous said...

When he slaps or shouts at you while ure still dating, instead of talking like a real man would do. Dont wait till ure married, might be too late.

Gideon Solomon said...

Mehn!Prevention is better than cure oooo.Follow ur heart sha....

Bcos said...

Don't divorce,try all u can to make it work and pray too..frustrated and divorcee will advise u to quit so u can join their league,be prayerful and call in family people for real talk pls but don't just divorce pls

Anonymous said...

Divorce because he slapped you? What a joke! Better settle yourself and discuss the matter like adults. If such doesn't work, invite a parent, elder or religious official. Divorce is something that will stain your life forever. It should only be the last resort when all else has failed over time. And btw, it's not only women that experience violence in marriage. They are just more recognized

Anonymous said...

ONOME says.............
I am going to try and paraphrase/re-write what you wrote:

1)He slapped me when I was pregnant.
Reason:I came home late from work.
2)He slapped me again in 2011.
Reason: I had an argument with him
3)He slapped me again
Reason:
4)He is not A PARTICULARLY VIOLENT PERSON

Oh geh,where ur mama?You are in trouble o.Chai
I want you to read up on abuse.I want you to read up on why the abused are attracted to their abusers.I want you to read up on how the abused encourages the abuser by trying to explain and justify the behavior of the abuser.Check it out my dear.You have placed your self in the classical "abused and abuser vicious cycle"

Make no mistake dear.HE WILL KEEP SLAPPING YOU.There will ALWAYS BE A REASON FOR HIM.ALWAYS.And from what i have tried to rewrite in your story you will keep explaining it away and finding reasons why YOU DESERVED THE ABUSE AND HOW HE DID NOT REALLY MEAN IT.

And you say he is not "particularly violent"?I dey serious o,where ur mama?Since when did the lexical common parlance definition of violence change?Sisi,IT IS NEVER RIGHT FOR ANY ONE(MAN OR WOMAN) TO PUT HIS/HER HAND ON ANOTHER PERSON,NEVER.That is assault and it is a crime punishable in the courts of law(not the kangaroo courts in Nigeria with the corrupt judges)

Get out fast o and don't go back there and if you do think your marriage is worth fighting for then insist HE GETS SOME FORM OF COUNSELING AND THERAPY.He is a bully.Would he slap someone bigger than him????The answer is NO.And i think you also need counseling cos by justifying his despicable action you have satisfied one of the criteria for one who needs counseling too.

GET OUT.Next time it will be 2 slaps then a box then "light beating"then "heavy beating" then acid pouring then serious harm and maybe death.
And you have a child.YOU ARE DUTY BOUND AS A MOTHER TO PROTECT YOUR CHILD.Cos mark my words,your husband will turn his fist to ur child soon.Cos the high he used to get from hitting you will soon wear out.you know how drug addicts and alcoholics need extra doses or novel ways to maintain their addiction and get the same type of high.You husband is a violent addict and WILL ALWAYS NEED a "fix"

Notice i did not cuss you out.Normally i would have done that cos i hate it when women play the victim roles but in this case I see the abuse and I see the weakness in you and I see there is a glimmer of hope for you cos you are actually contemplating on whether to leave him or not
I really do hope you listen to me and take my advice.All the best.

Splashy said...

Hold on a lil bit...what sort of things do u say to him when u guys are arguing? Do u let ur tongue to run ? What was his reaction when he slapped u; was he kinda shocked at his self; did he get emotional? Did he apologise immediately? Does he have any problem at work? Did he have a bad day? Are u annoying / do u ask/say annoying questions/stuffs? Despite d slaps, is he a caring husband? Are u a gud wife? ....and most importantly " ARE U TIRED OF D MARRIAGE? ARE U TRYING 2 FIND A WAY OUT BY USING IT AS AN EXCUSE?
These are few questions u shud ask ursef b4 u make any decision. Yes, it's true domestic violence it's on d high dis days.. But everybody's story it's not d same ..u know ur husband well ..try and find out wats wrong..have a heart to heart talk.he might be depressed..don't use other people's story to conclude yet ok? But if u thnk he is violent, den pls leave , marriage is not everything ..

Linda pls publish my comment..tnx

Anonymous said...

My sister!!! You should be extremely worried nd run, but first try n talk things with him if it doesn't help please pick ur child nd runnnnn, coz it will get to a point when slapping won't do what he wants again.

Anonymous said...

I want to start by asking a question. Was your husband ever aggressive to you, while you were both courting? If yes, then it is most likely that his violent outbursts will continue or get worse.

1.)If I were you, I will TALK to my husband. Tell him, that you are afraid. Let him know that slapping you is hurting you (honestly,maybe he doesn't know its wrong)

2.) If he wasn't aggressive before, he might be stressed out about something and is simply taking it out on you. By talking to him, you'll find out if all is well.

3.) I don't condone divorce, but if its a matter of life and death, them maybe you should re-consider. Also think about what you do. If you're doing things that are clearly disrespectful to him, simply stop. (Not that it excuses his behaviour)

4.) Remember your child, if your husband abuses your child (physically or mentally)...you have more than enough right to leave. But understand the dymanics of a broken home.

5.) If after all, you still find yourself in this situation...take your dilemma to the altar and leave it with GOD.

~ Menakaya's Baby.

Anonymous said...

My people say: N'ututu ka eji acho ewu ojii, maka na chi jie, o ga afi aru!!! Na from slap e go enter punch o! Madam, 2years and 3slaps and you are wondering if you should leave??? I hope when the slaps turn into punches, you'll be willing to pack up and go. Trust me, if 3slaps can't make you leave, 4punches wouldn't move you either. It is best to look for the black goat when the day is bright, cos when it gets dark, it will be very difficult! Goodluck.....TC

Anonymous said...

Are u crazy!what are you waiting for?Please run away as fast as your legs can carry you,because he'll definitely turn you into a punching bag.My dear,No man is worth dying for please!he has no right whatsover to raise his hand at you no matter what you did! Its still early so leave while you can,because if you decide to stay in that marriage he'll do it again and again and again until you end up in the grave.For him to have even slapped you while you were pregnant should have been a wake up call.So please find ur way out of that house,A word to the wise is enough!

Anonymous said...

Hmmm......Sis... I no fit advice for this one, make Dem no talk say na me scatter pesn marriage..*jogging back to my life*

Deyinka Onabanjo said...

U bera walk away orelse dat slap wud turn 2punch n kick den iron n sticks,den it wil b 2late. Violence aint gud mehn,wen he slapped u did u retaliate,did he apologise? Plz walk away.

THOSE EYES said...

My dear,if he can afford to slap u while caRrying a baby,his 'baby' den u r rly in for some trouble. I wld suggest u just pray,n prepare to leave incase he gets worse. Life is too precious to let it get wasted by 1 silly being.

Anonymous said...

MY SISTER PELE O.
I WANT TO TELL YOU PEOPLE A STORY.

There is this igbo man that says he wants to marry me. But i've noticed that he has the tendency to be violent. The things he says sometimes just exposes him. For example, we'll be gisting and I'll say something he doesn't like (my own opinion o) and he'll reply.... 'you think im one of these your little boyfriends, i will just beat you now'. Or we'll be talking about his past relationships and he'll tell me that his previous girlfriends call him 'sir' or 'daddy'.
Chai....I DEY MAD? So the God that im serving will now allow me to marry such man? If I talk 1, he will talk 1million. DEM BORN ME WELL BIKO!!

I guess what im trying to say is that, men that are usually violent, show their arses before marriage. So if your husband developed this kinda behaviour recently, then perhaps there is a problem somewhere with him.
My advice...communicate with your man. If you go to him with all sincererity and tell him how you feel, chances are, he will go to bed thinking about his actions.

Nkem.

Anonymous said...

Maddam pack your kaya nd slap him then start running,run fast woh,no say I no tell u

Anonymous said...

Please be worried oooo... Be very very worried. It starts from an overlooked slap to the day he pours u acid or kills u. Report to his family and watch out.... If nothing is done, talk to ur family also ooo. Pray hard too. If possible, get separated for a while and if he is remorseful, he will change if not, better gaan live with ur parents oooo. Be alive for ur child and those that love u.

PRIESTESS said...

If he can slap you, when you were pregnant wit his own child. Then one day, he might turn you to mercy nnamdi. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, MY MOTHER REFUSE 2 LEAVE, EVEN WHEN SHE WAS ASKED TO BY MY FATHER AND HE EVEN CHASED HER WIT MATCHETTE, NOW SHE IS DEAD AND HE IS PLANNING TO MARRYIN ANOTHER WOMAN. HE SAYS THAT, HE IS LONELY. ALL I KNOW THAT MY GOD WILL JUDGE. IF ONLY MY MUM LEFT, I WOULD NOT BE MOTHERLESS. HAVE LEARNT A GR8 DEAL WITH MY PARENTS MARRIAGE.

Sugabelly said...

Just divorce him.

Marriage is not by force.

Stay and he will murder you.

Fuck pastors and churches; it is NOT their business.

Your life > religion

Anonymous said...

he has not been violent before? Abeg, is there a different meaning for 'violent' in Nigeria? A slap is not 'violent'? Woman, you are living in delusion!

Rockstar said...

I am a MAN,IBO and I hate it with a passion when a man raises his hands to violate,abuse his wife, daughter or any lady for that matter.I dislike my father today because of this singular act. For years,through out my childhood, I witnessed my father beat and dehumanize my mom.As a little Boy,I watched my Mom Cry every night and nurse both mental and physical pains as a result of this abuse.I vowed to God that I shall never ever raise my hand on my wife/daughter or any lady.
Only a child who has never witnessed this would never understand the trauma and psychological effects this abuse have on women and children.
No woman for whatever reason should allow a man to raise his hands on her.
Nigerian ladies, the time is ripe to stand up and say 'Enough is enough ' from all these beasts and monsters that parade themselves as men.This is why I implore you my beautiful naija ladies, your lives do not depend on a man.The moment you create your own identity,work for your money,no man will have the confidence to ever talk to you anyhow talk more of beating you.Stand on your feet, and work for your own money.

Miss T said...

Pray! Ask God for wisdom. He is the one that created the man, so he will definitely be able to bring him back to his senses to know not to lay his hands on you. The next time he tries to lay his hand on you, trust me after you have prayed and God is in control, he will not have the guts. Try it, it always works.

adah said...

The minute a man lays his hands on you and u keep mute,u have become his punchin bag! I don't know why men resort to beatin their wives so they can be feared. My dad (RIP) neva layed a finger on my mom all through the time they were married. There are oda ways 2 deal with ur wife if she 'misbehaves'. He myt decide not to eat again or cut down on the money he gave her or stop those sweet gestures. No physical harm but trust me d tin dey pain pass beatin! The day my man/ husband lays a finger on me eh!!!

moi said...

My dear ur stil askin for divorce. Right nw abeg run out or jump d fence of d house fIrst. Run nd dnt luk bck. If he can slap wen ur pregnant, believe me he wld beat d pulp out of u soon. Serve hm divorced papers wen u ve reachd a safe abode.mAy God help u

Anonymous said...

My dear fellow woman, its better Ɣ☺ΰ‎​‎​ voice out before Ɣ☺ΰ‎​‎​ end up in the grave. Love does not hurt in the first place, so why on earth would he raise his hands against Ɣ☺ΰ‎​‎​. Report him †̥ your family members ąπϑ let them know what is happening. Pls dnt keep quiet because very very soon, the full monster in him will come out. Those slaps might turn †̥ stabs ąπϑ all other forms of abuse Ɣ☺ΰ‎​‎​ could never have imagined. Dnt let ur quietness turn †̥ utter foolishness.
*precious*

Anonymous said...

Hahahah wat a question!No stay put ,he slaps u wen he is horny!Dats sexc sweety!*rolls eyes*afunugu!

Anonymous said...

Pls linda I nid 2 ♡̴̴͡.̮♡̴̴͡ dis woman&slap her too!Seems d ola/aka nti turns her on!Bia Linda post dis comment or...*eyelashes*i go try again!lol

Frenchie said...

Oh no! Poor woman! You don't want to end up like this right? A little advice never ever allow a man to hit you under any circumstance!
He even hit you while you were pregnant, he crossed the line! Since you are saying it happened several times run for your life. By staying with him you are giving him all the wrong signals you stated that it was ok for him to beat you. It's unfortunate you did not see his true nature before getting involved with him but tomorrow might be too late so leave NOW don't let your child stop you from saving your life and don't take anymore bullshit even if he comes begging saying he loves and cares and will take anger management classes you better refuse!

Anonymous said...

nahhh,u dnt v 2..u rada tel him u dnt lyk d way he slaps u n i feel he will mellow,if he truly luvs u.

mama ifu said...

"He hasn't been very violent"????
You're afraid it will happen one day? You're afraid WHAT will happen?

ITS ALREADY HAPPENED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SLAPPING IS VIOLENCE!!!!!!!!!

Now, having said all that, I'm not saying you should leave him. Just that you should recognize that you are with a violent man....that dog of all dogs, scum of the earth called WIFE-BEATER.

If you didn't have a child, it would be a no-brainer. Leave that sorry bastard. With a child, it's a little harder to just up and leave. But you have to think if what it will be like for your child to be seeing the mom knocked around (and trust me, it will continue)...Unfortunately, you will face the judgements and recrimations of people (some in your family to) who will think you could have toughed it out. You're the only one who can judge just how much you can take...is it worth your dignity as a woman, a daughter, a person...to endure being slapped like a she-goat, by someone who's meant to protect you, every time you want to add to the conversation....

My dear, it happened to me. Thank God I didn't have a child at the time, coz I sincerely can't say what I would have done. This guy had done some pushing and shoving before our traditional marriage. 2 months after the trad, he PUNCHED me in my face one early morning...over an argument that started with what we were having for breakfast. I ran for my life.
If this happened before marriage and kids, I cant imagine after....I feel for you girl.
Make the right decision for YOU...Its easy for anyone who is not in the unique situation to say, Oh just leave...or oh, stay now...But they dont know the depths of despair that domestic violence can push one too...when you can't even feel safe in your own house. You may be watching TV when GBOSA!!!! A slap...
On the other hand, where do you go with your kid on your back....what will become of you? Are you able to support yourself?
Oh, I weep for women....what we go through. As Yoko Ono said, "women are the NIGGERS" of the world, nowhere more so than in Naija....

Anonymous said...

Na frm clap dem dey enter dance.D choice is urs.Gudluck.

Anonymous said...

A slap is battery and that is violence. "I go slap you" is an assault and that is a crime. Sweetie , you still de ask question after 3 slaps in two years?

Will you allow your boss at work or your pastor in church to slap you 3 many times and still write in? Do not allow a loved one to treat you worse than a stranger or associate.

The mentality of a person that assaults a pregnant woman who is emotional, hormonal and defenceless tells you a lot.

Are you waiting until he gives you a black eye or worse? Can he slap his female colleague?

Anonymous said...

A letter to Nigerian Husbands:

Dear husband,

When I chose to marry you I knew it was for love so .....I surrendered
I knew that since I would be the one to carry your seed ......I surrendered
Since I was designated the loving caretaker of your children... I surrendered
I was there the day you needed a shoulder to cry on...I surrendered
The day your friends were not there to call upon...I surrendered
They day your parent died....I surrendered
When you doubted yourself....I surrendered

Yes I surrendered.....

I surrendered because I promised God I would ....in front of your family and friends.....I SURRENDERED

Not because I wanted your money, or your things but because I promised God

So all I ask of you is that you surrender to me too

Surrender your pride and love me and cherish me
Surrender your anger and be my shoulder to cry on
Surrender your greed and have eyes only for me
Surrender your heart and let me keep it for you

Not because I asked, but because we promised God.

.....So to the question that was asked when is the right time to leave?
When he stops surrending to you its time to go

chisom said...

There's going to be a whole lot said on this one, I will keep it simple. Once beaten. Twice shy. Walk away NOW!!

Anonymous said...

Yes be worried, be bery worried. I dated a guy for 2years in uni, he slapped me on 2 different occasions when we were arguing. My dear sister the day he beat me up it was the grace of God that kept me alive. I suggest you start looking at all the solutions to domestic violence because a storm is about to HIT!!!

Anonymous said...

I am not yet married o but I would lock my husband up if he hits me.....akke him Siggn an undertaking that if anything happens to me he should be held responsible ccus men of nwadays bt sincerely speakin ooo I wud have. Piked race afta the 2nd slap

Anonymous said...

Madam, Pls run. I beg of you. Run and don't look back. I got angry once with a cousin of mine, a 25 year old lady. To be honest, she is a horrible lady and she did what you can never imagine anyone would do to a fellow human being. I slapped her up big. My first and only time. I could remember living with the guilt for a while because whilst I was slapping her up, she clearly couldn't defend herself and I almost hurt her. It felt barbaric and cowardly. Would I have handled a guy the same age tha way? No. I could remember she did something worse almost a month later. This time I walked away. It takes a man to do that and it takes a bigger man to learn from the first time. My point, doing it while your pregnant and repeating it afterwards is a clear indication he won't stop. It also shows he has no respect for you. You might love him but I suggest you consider this Golden rule: Don't love anyone as much as you love yourself. What you won't do to yourself, don't let anyone do to you. Leave him.

Anonymous said...

YES!

woop said...

your situation is kinda tough. Although I believe NO MAN should ever lay his hands on women but realistically women can drive men up the wall. I am a woman but I have seen some wives deal with their husbands and walahi a lot of women need to chop hot slap once in a while... Your husband has only slapped you probably because you cursed his family members or sent him to his grave with your sharp mouth. Regardless sha, he should just have walked away or slept away from home for about 3days. Maybe your ass will start watching what comes out of your razor mouth. Now my advice to you is this...tell him in the nicest, calmest way possible, I love you but if you ever put your hands on me again, I will leave...But if you know your hubby has a temper like that Arowolo dude that butchered his wife, dont say that to him o...Just bounce

Anonymous said...

NYC-1 says: You did not define what type of marriage you are into. Is it traditional, legal, white or all of the above? Anyway, that may be irrelevant to you and others, but this will be the basis of my advice. If you are into traditional or legal marriage, and your instinct tells you to divorce him, then divorce him. On the other hand, If you have made a promise to God that only death can part you, then you cannot divorce; you can only separate - separation means that you will not 'see' any other man. This is hard, but this is the truth (by the way, truth is not relative). If mortgaging your soul is not a big deal, then my advice will not make sense.

Anonymous said...

I feel sorry for you. Your nollywood film has begun, first na slap, soon he will upgrade to shoe, belt, wire and beatings till you faint. A man slaps you when your pregnant omo thats the biggest red flag ever. My advise leave that animal.

ade said...

when there is no more respect
when you start to live in fear
when your life is in danger.

yes, slapping is abuse in my opinion and 3x is no mistake. And from all av seen, it doesnt get better.
if ure not already living in fear of talking to him, you should make ur opinions known and clear boundaries set. No one deserves to be abused. NO ONE
if the above is impossible, then its no longer a marriage. and its pointless!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Yah ayam first*Linda Ikeji's ghost came late!*tongue out!Go sample slap 4rm one church too+ur hubby own,u wil feel sassy shaa!

Madame Sting said...

Na from clap dem take dey enter dance. It's not going to get better, my dear.

Anonymous said...

Noooo wait till he kills u. I just hope u slapped him back else if I catch u na kick I go kick u. *angry girl*otis

Anonymous said...

From one woman who suffered assault in a marriage to another, we both know that the slaps will escalate. It always starts with a slap, then a shove, then some kicks......walk away! It will be tough, but your baby deserves to have a mother who is alive! Be strong, walk away!

Anonymous said...

This is how it starts oh from slap,pls run for your life even to the extent of slapimg ur while you were pregnant,from slap it will turn pannel beatting

Chiquita said...

ok....stay there and be asking questions.....by the time na flower u go see for ur grave, na sand go dey slap u....

Anonymous said...

Hmm this matter is very serious. my beautiful strong ladies, there are signs!!!! before you get married watch out for the signs please I am begging you. If a guy is used to saying "SHUT UP", "SIT DOWN", in some sort of way...what do u think will happen when you dont sit down or shut up????

I know a guy that beat his (heavily)pregnant wife up to the point of bringing out a knife..thank God there were people around to stop it...if not what would have happened???


Please please and please, ignore the pressure around you, dont worry the world will not run out of saturdays (the saturday for ur wedding will come), watch out for the signs and take your time. Let us stop this violence by watching, that way we avoid even bringing up the issue of divorce. Chances are if he did (hit u) it before, he'll do it again.

Anonymous said...

RUN RUN RUN!!!! He will NEVER STOP!!

God has answered your prayers by letting your husband reveal his true color.

Walk away NOW!!

Agbaje Adeyeye Oladipo said...

God let no rage take away my calmness, give me the grace to know when to walk away........to the question, at this stage, I will advice you to report him to people he respect or listen to, and during one of your "high moments", bring up the topic and let him understand how bruised your soul is to see him fast turning into a nightmare.

Anonymous said...

very simple. why did you marry him? the honest answer to this question would answer a whole lot of other questions...save our time and deal with it.....

Anonymous said...

Tell your family and see what they can doabout it and if it escalates from there leave him quick and in a hurry.

Anonymous said...

Its just slap for now,seat him down and make him see reason why he shld not touch you,if u are that kind of woman that ur husband will say one and u will lash back 15times.I will advice him to slap u till u go deaf

Anonymous said...

Dont Divorce him
Just leave the house, please be prepared, this is how it begins, leave the house for a while, let him MISS u. what arrant rubbish?? a dude slapping you while pregnant? and u r asking if u should b worried?? ofcourse!!!!
Leave there let him know what he will loose, if he comes after u...go back only after u r sure he is truly sorry , if he doesnt, u know where u stand, take your kid with u, u need to demand some respect woman! dont keep quiet cos one day it will be wayyy more than a slap!
-M.

Chrisilicious said...

Oh girl begin to dey run, running will eventually lead to beating

Chrisilicious said...

Sorry meant slapping will lead to beating so my dear put ur running shoes on

Anonymous said...

The moment to walk away is when you bring it to his attention that you ain't married to him for slap rounds and he doesn't give a hoot or seems not committed to change...... Then berra ja make im no see ya brake lights else maybe na fatality and brutality im go dey do very soon.

Anonymous said...

Take a look at d picture above. Need I say more?

Anonymous said...

Do you want him to keep slapping you? leave him abeg!

Anonymous said...

Madam, you say someone slapped you three times in your two year marriage and you still say he hasn't been violent. What is violence? Are you waiting till he uses a pressing iron on you or shoots you to death?

This is the rule. Nobody has the moral right to tell you to stay in your marriage or leave your marriage. However, we can tell you that statistics proves that it only get's worse when it comes to domestic violence. It gets more frequent and more intence. A rule: One time is enough applies in the American criminal justice system. If he hits you one time, he's capable of one day killing you.

Anty May

Eze said...

Omo no be joke,guyman press the breast flat with Iron, but men should try and control their temper as women are seen as the weaker sex,no need to get all brute.My dear try and talk to him and discuss with family.I dont have sisters though but would not appreciate a man using my sis as a punching bag as he would have to come face me.

Anonymous said...

short up ur dirty mouth,,,is him a mad man?u came back late,,where are u coming back late from?
nigeria just got human right just 2009,,and now every woman who has being cheating on his husband want a human right against beating,,,i pity those woman human right ladies,,who fight without trying to ask those woman the real reason there husband beat them,,becos them must pay for the sins they knew nothing about,,,even my friend wife who was sleeping with his husband friend,and a pastor ask de friend to tell his friend about sleeping with her wife,,becos he was sick,,later then his husband beat her becos of what his friend told him about her wife,,now de woman are working with woman human right for husband beating,,,animal,,,i pity u and ur lawyers,who never ask well,,

Anonymous said...

I condemn his actions completely. But divorcing him because he slapped you isn't the wisest decision. He is a hot tempered man and the type that reacts to words i guess. He is definitely operating at the level of the wisdom he is exposed to. He certainly needs a shift in his believe system. But the process starts with you. Remember there is no smoke without fire. I experienced a similar situation for about 3 years into the early years of our marriage until i learnt to watch my mouth and stay away from arguments with my hubby. A marriage mentor helped us with the right values and principles that guided us to build the sweetest home which I and my husband are enjoying till date and I guess that’s what you both needs now. One of the best lessons I learnt from my mentor is to take responsibility for my own life which is the source from which self-respect springs. She made me realize that a sign of wisdom and maturity is when we come to terms with the realization that our decisions and actions cause our rewards and consequences. And that I am responsible for my life cos my ultimate success depends on the choices I make. Your husband definitely needs to work on himself but you need to first be the change you want in him. So I suggest you stop blaming him for now, focus on yourself and try to find out what you are not doing right. My sister the truth is that when we blame others, we give up our power to change. Please beware of singles and feminists that will encourage you to divorce him don’t forget the truth remains that divorce is not of God. “Marriage they say is for the matured mind”

pinkielepa said...

i guess u dnt want to b slapped wit iron

Anonymous said...

The day a mother F@%$#* lays his hand on me, that is the day I will fully use my right to defend myself (this MIGHT include weapons if the need arises; pray its not the case). Yes, I have a gun licence and own some pretty sophisticated toys as a hobby. Wont go into further details. Ladies please beware of some men that are wolf's in sheep's clothing. Watch out for the subtle signs: Does he get agitated over little things? Does he have an uncontrable ego? Does he have low self-esteem or insecure? Does he view women as being put on earth to satisfy his needs? To consider you his equal/better half goes against how he was raised (meaning you are beneath him),etc. If you notice this, please RUN do not look back because one day you might just be on the receiving end of his ISSUES. Your life no get part 2.

Anonymous said...

Dear Linda,is there no women right law in Nigeria,if not is it poosible for us to start signing petition so that our voice can be heard. am just tired of the way, women in Nigeria are been treated like dogs, this was d way my father alomost killed my mother,thank God for God.

Anonymous said...

@gun loving anonymous: You forgot to add sex addict. I dated one guy who loved to choke me while me made love. He said it was erotic. I decided to pass. Just too much for me. I no wan wake up for emergency room because of mistake asphyxiation. Tufia! P.S: if you see bobo for suit and im speak him americana you go think say na correct. HISS*

Ms. J said...

Darling....
here is my ten cents.. if a man lay his hands on you, he does not respect you at all, he may 'love' you, but that man does not respect you.
in Nigeria or among African's it may sound bizarre to leave a man because he slapped you, but I am sure you have seen the news lately on domestic abuse, my advice is try to talk about it with him, tell him straight to his face if he lays a finger on you again, you will leave and please darling LEAVE! anyone wants to interfere, you have tons of examples.
please be safe and may God guide you through this very hard decision making process. Good luck

Anonymous said...

At Linda's Question: "At what point should a woman walk away?"
Answer: How about at the point when he tells you that he blacks out when he is angry and cant remember what he says or does. Then he goes on to say its not me its my temper but you should be fine cos you are different and I love you. HMNN...

Anonymous said...

My dear mothers change starts from us. We need to start raising our boys to be respectfull and accomodating of differing opinions and personalities. My Naija brothers If you are married to a woman and you figure out that you cant stand her attitude (some women can be very difficult), You are more of a man if you just walk away with your dignity and self respect in tact. It is not only degrading to another human being to put your hands on them but it is a violation of their rights as human beings. Its very hard cos I know some women dont know when enough is enough but remember you cant be forced to be with someone neither can someone else. remember you might have a daugher one day. Will you like her, your mother, or sister do be treated like this.

Anonymous said...

yes!!! what the hell are you waiting for?? better now when he is still slapping you with his hand than later when he starts using hot iron!!

Anonymous said...

yes you should be worried! Seeing as you have a child, please think about this deeply. it will only get worse. If anything happens to you who will take care of your child? Being a newly wed, this should be the honeymoon stage. if you are chopping slaps now, what will happen later on? A slap is violent enough. Even if you don't divorce him, take a break make him see that it's not ok to hit you. There is no reason to hit a woman. NONE AT ALL! Please same thing happened to a cousin of mine, it started from just shaking her, till he pushed her down the stairs and made her miscarry her baby. PLEASE BE CAREFUL.God be with you

Regtoon said...

HOW ON EARTH CAN HE SLAP YOU?????
A MAN WHO CAN SLAP YOU DOES NOT DESERVE YOU PERIOD!!!

FROM WHAT I HAVE SEEEN AND HEARD... IF A MAN CAN SLAP YOU JUST LIKE THAT... YOU HAVE A PART TO PLAY IN IT COS YOU MUST HAVE GIVEN HIM THE IMPRESSION HE CAN LAY HIS HANDS ON YOU.

ITS EITHER THAT OR I HAVE LIVED OUTSIDE NIGERIA FOR TOO LONG!

AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED IT IS A DEAL BREAKER! ESP WITH ALL THE STORIES OF PPL THAT HAVE BEEN KILLED DUE TO ABUSE! TALK TO HIM IF YOU CAN AND LET HIM KNOW YOU'LL LEAVE HIM THE NEXT TIME HE EVER DOES THAT!!! AHHHH THIS THINGS JUST GET ME VERY FURIOUS!

MARRIAGE IS TOO SERIOUS TO GET INTO IT WITH THE WRONG PERSON. I HOPE STORIES LIKE THIS MAKE PPL RETHINK THE ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS THERE ARE IN. IT IS EASIER TO BREAK OFF A RELATIONSHIP OR AN ENGAGEMENT THAN A MARRIAGE WITH KIDS!

kulikuli said...

women are very funnny.am sure this lady saw all the signs of a potentially abusive spouse but as women often do,she overlooked it.there are often tell tale signs staring u in the face before u pple plunge into life commitment with this men,but u always chose to believe things will get better.women,listen to me,if u ever find a man approaching 40,never been married,but has been comfortable for a good period of time,earning a good salary and been in prolonged bachelorhood,u need to ask urself why he has not been married all these while,he must definitely have had a series of failed relationship in his past,and bliv it more often than not,some smart ladies before you must have given him a trial and walked away,so before u start jumping all over the place thanking ur stars for finally meeting mr right,think twice,analyse before u finalise.

Missy said...

Listen to the voice of she who has been there:walk away!.no need for long advice.#i'mout

Sara said...

Don't get a divorce, but runaway now very fast and leave his house. He will not slap you the next time he will beat you. It's only going to get worse. Men like this never think you will leave them. They want full control, they want you to be a puppet and not have a mouth. It's best to leave and then during your separation you can think truly if divorce is what you wish for. If he does not come back crawling to you wanting change hunnie don't go back until you see the difference. Just pack and leave don't even tell him you are going, take your child because you don't want him to start punching you while you say amleaving, then when he asks or after you have left you can tell him that you don't want to be found 6 feet under the ground. Use this time to build yourself up and if you have a career focus on that and also definitely on your child first. Don't deny you child visitation rights to the father but he might be enraged and want to take your child from you so let him come to the child. Not the other way round. Seek GOD in this time, because is this your husband. Your husband should not lay your hands on you. The first time he slapped you, you should have left to make statement to show you are a strong woman that will not let any man treat her less than she deserves. A husband should love, protect, respect and put his wife first.You are not an oven for children, a cook and lay when he is horny. You are woman you are his rib, his support you deserve love to be protected and cherished. Love does not slap you. Now it's up to you to think you know what is right all we can do is advice you.

Anonymous said...

Girl if it was me, if he slaps me ill slap him back is he crazy. Its either I slap him them or ill make sure he feels in another way, no man or woman gets to beat me if they didnt give birth to me, nonsense. My dear I dont think leaving him is necessary. Talk to him and tell him how you feel and why you feel like that. If he continues then consider separation or a long vacation from him so he understands that you wont be there forever if he continues the way he is.

Anonymous said...

Have u tried slapping your husband back maybe that will put him in his place

Anonymous said...

You are on your own.if he slaps u,nothing stops him from pouncing on u and doing wat d other beasts do.my advice 2 u is,be very careful,if u no wat upsets him,avoid it.don't talk back when he's talking,just allow him.use silence 2 make him realize he needs e calm down,but my sister,am very afraid 4 u sha.I won't say divorce ur husband bcos he slapped u

Anonymous said...

Pls avoid heated arguments dt lead to his slapping u, u might not be able to a person but u can change the way u react to issues. U can get help from d following websites:three ways to combat an attitude-http://blogs.cbn.com/familymatters
http://www.christian-counseling-online
Or better still google-how to cope in an abusive marriage. There are tonnes of material to help u. Goodluck

Anonymous said...

Well divorce usually isn't d 1st option..I wuda suggested u slap him back d 1st time to show ur nt a weak person bt its a little bit too late for that..in my opinion I tink u shud move out of d house temporarily mayb to his parents place if u are very comfortable n familiar with them,also let them knw wts goin on..dis is so he doesn't beat u so bad next time ud lose a baby if u happen to b pregnant at d time.nd for now dnt attempt to make anoda baby with him

RC said...

"he hasn't been very violent"??? Is it when he runs you over with a car that you will realize he is very violent? He has slapped u 3 times for crying out loud! Ask your husband what you mean to him, I wouldn't even slap my maid if I had one. Can't tell you what to do but if it were up to me I'd be saying deuces!!

Anonymous said...

report to the police immediately, let d man make a statement

Anonymous said...

He has successfully slapped 3 times believe me more is coming...ask yourselves hw many more slaps you willing to take to save ur marriage?..once that is answered..u will know when to leave............niyinugar

Nε̲̣̣̣̥nε̲̣̣̣̥ naija said...

I don't think its gotten to divorce level. But I will strongly advice dt you sit him down when everything is calm and hv a̶̲̥̅̊ heart to heart talk. If after that he slaps again? At that point call IN̶̲̅» his family/church or whoever he respecTs. If things dsn't change? My sister! Take a̶̲̥̅̊ walk. When handshake don pass ur palm go reach elbow na sign of fight. But hei ur an adult and you are the one wearing the shoes. Goodluck

Engr Don chris said...

Its so calous and inhuman for any man to do this to his or anybody. The beast should rut in jail. women please be wise to know when it is over
http://gsmhospital.net

Anonymous said...

This is man inhumanity to man. The man should not go free.

http://signup.wazzub.info/?lrRef=98c28

Anonymous said...

For all dat its worth d moment a guy stars slapping u know dat is d beginning of more punches to come bt have u checked ursef dt u r nt d one riling him up...if a man says he doesn't want smtin avoid it...I'd suggest u go for counselling...if dis fails each shd go their sep ways. My own experience...my wife of less dn 3yrs wt whom we barely spent 18mths together packed out...she hurt my feelings quite a no of times bt I neva hit her NEVER! So my dear try n know if d luv is there otherwise waka...Islam permits it once either party cannot fulfill der obligations of marriage....may God grant u peace

floricks said...

The ealier the better... Should u divorce him for slapping you? And see where it landed mercy... In d hospital with a murdered son n burns from hot iron...This isn't what God promised us in marriage... It should be filled with love n nt beatings... Pls be careful... While u re still with him pls don't get on his nerves so he doesn't hit u again..

Gideon Solomon said...

When d WOrst comes to the Right scene.....

tornbtwn2worlds said...

I want to be surprised but im not.Women need to get a job and get self confidence because that is going to give you an avenue to get out if your family is primitive and asks you to go back to your husband.

Anonymous said...

If a slap is not an act of violence, what then is it? You want him to pummel to to a state of coma or pull a knife or some other weapon on you before you know he has a violent streak. Madam wake up,smell the bacon, it all begins with a slap & is encouraged by women like you who excuse it as being,"just a slap".

Daniel Akobi said...

Dear sister! If every woman that is slapped walk out of a marriage, there ll be no married women. There is always a place for tolerance and endurance in every marriage.

Ant said...

Sidon dere make dem kill you o! You can see the handwriting on the wall and you are still asking questions abi? All the best.

Anonymous said...

1ce a man hits u once he will do it again! And d nxt time he will kill u. Wen it gets to d point of being phsical pls leave. Der r other ways to purnish a woman if he's been phisical pls go

Adaorah said...

Na from clap them dey take enter dance.Slap today,blow tomorrow,kung fu the next then probably acid later later.

Tricia said...

I think u should be worried about ur husbands actions, cos he would turn violent one day. It starts with just a slap. You are right to be worried, so i think the first step to take is to have a serious talk with him about it, then watch his reaction,to see if he is remorseful. If he's indifferent, the next best step to take is to talk to someone elderly that he respects, including his parents, and tell them to discretely speak to him about it, so he doesn't feel embarrassed, call their bluff and hurt u more for seeking help frm them, he would see it as u reporting him. Hopefully, if he is a good christian, i'd advice that u speak to ur pastor or reverend, if ur a catholic. I'm a catholic and i've seen how the wise reverend fathers in my parish resolve such issues. Then above all, pray for God to purge him of such disrespectful behaviour to u. And watch ur sharp mouth,cos i know we women like to talk, some of us over-talk. It's not always necessary to banter words wiv pple especially men, cos they'll always see the opposite of what we mean.I hope this helps, goodluck in ur marriage. Remember that u are the candlelight in ur home,always remember to pray, for ur family.

Anonymous said...

I don't believe the man is mad so biko, tell us more about the things that led to the slap. While I don't condone violence, there is always a lot more that is not being said. Woman, please be honest with yourself and no one will tell you when to leave.

crystal said...

Linda post my comment oooo we ladies should be very careful with d kind of man we get married t̶̲̥̅̊ợ̣̣̇̇̇.she should walk away now b4 its too late.

Anonymous said...

Hummmmmmmm (Cos really that's how I feel) tired from all these women battery and sufferings. Well I don't know if she's a christian but she needs to see a counselor to advise her best (raised eye brows - slapped her when she was pregnant) I mean he shouldn't lay a finger on her let alone while pregnant.

She needs help and she needs it fast, a slap will easily become grave beatings tomorrow (probably only reason she didn't get beaten was cos she didn't react after the slaps-wise for her) but then that doesn't mean he won't become a monster tomorrow.
Bottom line she shouldn't keep quite about it she must seek good and godly counsel ooo pls emphasies on GOOD and GODLY Counsel.

God help her

Anonymous said...

No i don't think you should leave him just like dat!

Tosan said...

Be very worried my dear!!!! Na from clap e dey enter dance oh!!!! Today it is slap, what wil happen tomorrow! DEATH????

Jhey Lara Magazing said...

my dear beautiful Nigerian woman, Question: I hope both families were in agreement before you got married? if yes, good.I really do sympathize,'cos its really difficult to tell you to walk out of such a marriage but know this, as long as we're humans we will still have human limitations. My advise is, call your parents and his parents into this matter(because he could grow violent and do worse)let both parents or siblings to your husband (and your siblings too!) know about this so that he will be put under "check" he has to prove to both families that he will change and that your health and even your life is safe after all, he is the head, protector and provider for his family. have a blessed day.

Anonymous said...

divorce? not yet. separated? yes!!!! and as soon as possible dear. make him go for counselling and you also reflect on yourself and see if that is what and who you want. but there is no excuse to stay there. you should get asap!!! make him repentant too or move on

Anonymous said...

If he is the listening type, talk it over with me but if the result is a cheek fondle again..bounce before he would forget his palm there sumday and ur cheek wud continue having an eternal blush...a woman beater doesn't deserve one atall.

redhead said...

no, il say it is too early to divorce him.
have a talk wit him and let him know the next time he raises his hands on u, u will leave d house.

if he does it again, leave d house and move back to ur parents place.

if he comes to beg, have his parents and urs meet, let him tell dem what he did, have his parents beg on his behalf, and let ur parents ask dem wot to b done if he attempts it again.

this way, he will think twice b4 doing it again. and if he does, u can go ahead and leave.

i do not really support divorce but i will not condone violence of any sorts.

Ujunwa said...

You can quit when it gets to a point where you can no longer control your mouth. The woman dwelled so much on the slap rather than what led to it. From the shot story posted above, it is clear to me that her mouth is the problem. Don't get me wrong, I dont support wife battering.

Yemi.Oge said...

I wouldnt advice you to divorce him for slapping you, if you weren't married, i would say that you shouldn't marry him, but now that you're married I advice that you should not allow him to get used to slapping you, that's how it starts o, very soon he will start pounding you with fists, find a way to stop it now before its too late, tell his parents or yours, or see a marriage councillor. O r better still when he slaps you next, return the slap

bloggish said...

mi dear u dnt hav to thnk twice, pack ur thgs n run at least try n save wats left of u.

Anonymous said...

Runnnnn dear....run and don't stop....save yourself,save your baby.....it's not going to stop until you both recognise it as a problem and not cover it up....Please be worried...I can't stand to hear of another sad case of abuse covered up for too long...

Anonymous said...

Runnnnn dear....run and don't stop....save yourself,save your baby.....it's not going to stop until you both recognise it as a problem and not cover it up....Please be worried...I can't stand to hear of another sad case of abuse covered up for too long...

Anonymous said...

My dear, you who wears the shoe know where it hurts!!! My advice park up your things before it gets to that stage or would you rather wait to know how violent he can get? Them say na from clap them de take enter dance o!!! Slaps today.. Bunching bag tomorrow DECIDE NOW!!!

Anonymous said...

U should'nt divorce him becos he slapped u. But u should certainly draw d line now. Let him know from now dat u wil not stand for domestic violence in anyway. Most women tend to encourage domestic violence thru their silence. Speak up now and let him know ur stand.

tam said...

It sure strts wit a slap.....bt b4 u marry a man alwys mk sure der is sm1 dt person listens 2,so @dis point u shud go bak 2 dt person n tlk 2 dem abt wts goin on.....dt person has 2 cal him 2 order.........my opinion nywys

Anonymous said...

You don't consider slapping violence? Ooookay!!! If I were u I'd have 2 options. 1. Pull off a violent fit when he least expects that will keep him on his toes that he has an equally crazy woman as a wife. 2. RUN! No need proving a point. Document his violence. Run with ur child and get busy. You have no reason not to succeed for the sake of ur child.

Anonymous said...

Girl, you SHOULD be worried...Haba! Are you some kind of animal that needs to be hit to understand?! You deserve better than you've received from someone who is supposed to be your "better half". As to whether divorce should be your next step, I dunno but I do know that it usually starts with the odd slap and then full-on violence usually follows...

Alaran Wonder said...

Decision is simply yours. Just choose btw your life and husband. Shikeena !

Anonymous said...

No but you should avoid doing the things that upset him. It is wrong for a man to hit a lady but this is not an excuse for divorce. You shold talk to him and also pray about it. Be careful anyways...

Anonymous said...

Take it to the Lord in Prayer

Anonymous said...

Wetin happen to ur hand? U no fit slap back?

#Queeny!

Anonymous said...

The pics is sad.my heart stopped for a moment when i saw the pics.as regards the woman being slapped,i can only say that its likely to happen that her husband wil eventually be violent towards her one day.few slaps here n there will lead to beatings n punches.there is no excuse whatsoever for a man to lay a finger on a woman.its depicts cowardice in its height.pls protect yourself,hes ur husband n u know him better dan we.so i believe u can handle d situation.there are many ways to kill a rat.

Anonymous said...

Honestly, this is wickedness. As if it was not enough, he still killed her source of joy.
Fellow women, we cannot continue to endure our marriages something has to be done about this constant brustalization. Last year, it was the case of Titilayo murdered by her own husband and so many women that we are not aware of.


WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH OUR HUSBANDS???
Pls husbands, if you are tired of your wife/marriage, kindly return us back to our father's house and collect your dowry. This will save u from spending the rest of your life in jail

HUSBAND BEWARE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RealTruthHurts said...

You must always have mosquito on ur face cos i cant imagine what is it with all these slapping? If his hand is itching him cant he scratch his anus with it?
It's unfortunate you've had children for the man i would've said you leave him but a divorced home is certainly not the best for you or your children. I think the practical thing to do is to look for him confidante(s). Beg them to help you talk to this slappermania. Of course you risk more slaps doing that cos he may be pissed off with you for the 3rd party intervention. But as they say,if you fight you may win but if you dont fight you've already lost

sweet_angel said...

swtheart, u better be smart and pray first, if he slaps u again... my dear run for your life.. Na from clap e dey take enter dance..... because I see no reason why he should be violent with u on little misunderstandings that should ordinarily be ignored. takea

mobolajidara said...

It might not be a slap the next time! Domestic violence is the order of the day now..... Am sure for these dead women and wounded ones, it started with a slap too. If u can leave, take ur bundles of Joy n leave! U av something to live for, we don't want u, ur family or kids regret not making d move when u had d chance! A stich in time saves nine. Be wise n live for the people that truly loves u.....

TONIX said...

THE FIRST TIME U R SLAPPED, WALK AWAY. ACCEPT AN APOLOGY N FORGIVE BUT U MUST WALK AWAY.

ON THE SECOND THOUGHT, HIRE SOME PPLE TO BEAT HIM UP IF HE DARES TO SLAP U. ANIMALS DO NOT DESERVE RESPECT.

Gaia said...

Hmmmmmm, this is a hard one o. Honestly, some men change i.e. he has hit you in the past but it had such an impact on him personally that he will NEVER do it again... On the other hand we have dogs who will hit you again and again and it gets worse... Only you the woman involved can tell the difference, if you sincerely listen to your heart and follow your gut feeling it rarely fails to tell you the truth. So honestly look at it... do you have a real man or a dog??? Then decide what to do, all the best!!! PS. Anyone that tells you to just go ahead and leave or stay is not being truthful, its not a black or white thing o...

Anonymous said...

I believe that a man that slaps,punches or beats a woman is less of a man and if he does it once ,he will do it again and again and gradually progresses into something more violent.
I advise u address it now with both families involved be fore he gets too comfortable with the abuse and thinks its ok.
Besides there s a child involved and that won't be a healthly environment to bring up your baby . All the best .

Zany said...

This one pass me sha......I rejected sum1's proposal because I remember seeing him beating one of his girlfirends then so I

PoLyMaT said...

Datz jst d genesis!---on d contrary, optin 4 a divorce isnt d way out..sit him dwn & talk 2 him as regards d slappin ish--& observe his rxn--if he flares up so fast, den u can tel--hez TEMPeRaMENTaL--bt if odawise,u give him tym 2 change--certainly, ur case cant b as bad as d dude who burnt his WIFE---dats SPIRITUAL!

M1MA said...

I believe the violent tendencies have always been there before they got married. she just kept overlooking them. abi does he abuse her under the influence of alcohol?now she's married and claims he has slapped her thrice. his violent self only manifested in a slap.ask her. she knew he had always had a temper. tell her to watch her mouth too. divorce because of slap? is she that innocent abi we just like to blame men for every single violence in the home. she should carry her cross and quit asking the public questions.

Anonymous said...

I'm not married but I've seen enough to know that it all starts wit a slap den he apologises or dsnt at all den another slap before you know it u've become a punching bag. I'd advise that u ignore him and stay out of whatever would lead to such,but at the same time know when to step out...

Anonymous said...

ummmmmm. yes you should, its only the beginnning... it just might get worse

Zany said...

Dat is why to it is gud to ask question abt the guy u abt to marry thoroughly or even date for upto two to three years before marriage so as to enable u get to know dem well.

As for Mrs Nnamdi, I read in daily sun newspaper that she confessed she slep with husbands father three times. What sort of woman does that? U wia nt ashamed of sleeping with ur father inlaw. Well if its true I really do not blame the man. Though venegance n judgement r for God.am surE he was so bitter, cos he said he dosen't regret hurting his wife, said his only regret was killing their sun.

Ladies beware, watchout before engaging likewise men.

@stariiee said...

OMG!!!! that photo tho... x_x its like he's not interested in the marriage anymore.. see a marriage counselor first.

Anonymous said...

Your husband has slapped you 3 times yet in your own words he hasn't been violent? I think you know the answer to your question sha.

jenny-coco said...

am just wondering why women dont see any of these signs during their courtship or relationship with the men before finally jumping into the marriage. my advice is, dont wait for him to hit you the fourth time again, involve your family members, let them know what has been happening of late, so that matters dont get out of hand..divorce might not really d best. cheers

Anonymous said...

Slapped you for coming back late? ..HOW LATE AND WHERE WERE YOU COMING FROM, Slapped you for a statement you made?.. WHAT STATEMENT WAS THAT, Slapped you during an argument? WHAT WERE YOU ARGUING ABOUT/WHAT DID YOU SAY. This Sounds too dodgy. Divorce if you want to. You obviously did something wrong for being so evasive. I don't subscribe to a man hitting a woman but come on! This is BS. Yes men do all sorts of crazy stuff to women but let's be real, women are equally diabolical and nobody ever has a blog out there for stuff women do to men 'VIOLENCE IS NOT GENDER SELECTIVE' Its not a MAN thing, its a people thing. Period!!!!

juliet igboekwe said...

my dear talk to God but keep a open mind in case it gets worse

omo jeje said...

Your husband is an animal and these assaults are unacceptable. A single slap is one slap too many! I assure you it is only going to get worse - the intervals between the slapping episodes is going to get shorter and shorter; it will escalate to punching and pummelling and soon you will be a daily punching bag. My dear sister, you are being abused...RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. Don't let the good times and the "sincere" apologies (with crocodile tears) fool you.

You should not have to walk around in your home on egg shells all the days of your life. And you definitely do not want your child to grow up thinking that domestic violence is normal.

I have been in your shoes and i know it can seem daunting and scary. Be courageous and leave. Don't keep giving him one more chance. Do not be another Titi Arowolo or Mercy Nnamdi! This is how they too started o. I know Nigerians don't like the word "divorce" so whether you divorce him or not is up to you but you have to leave with your child and with your life.

Please google "physical abuse" and "emotional abuse". They are bedfellows and when you educate yourself on how these things work you will be more empowered to leave.

kechy said...

The way i see it, you've got two options.....leave him or hire agberos to beat him up. If you still want to be with him, then agberos are your best bet. Let them beat him up but don't let him know you have a hand in it. Just make it a habit like his made his slaps. He slaps you tonight, he gets a beating the day after tomorrow. He'll on his own realise that you are the one responsible for his black eyes.
For me though, leaving him seems more sensible because you might never know when he'll be responsible for you breathing your last. When you plan on leaving him, don't make any noise about it and don't tell anyone. Just start plotting it now. If you can, move to a new city....and take your child with you. Also lay a complaint to the police that if you die.....your husband should be arrested for your murder.
IF YOU CHOOSE TO STAY AND HE PROGRESSES FROM SLAP TO PUNCH TO DEATH. You'll only have yourself to blame in the afterlife.

Anonymous said...

For u to have typed this nonsense, ur hand is d problem... And u certainly support wife battery!

HATER IS BACK!!!! said...

So agree with you anon 9:31a.m

Women! slept with her father-in-law 3 times? ABOMINATION!

Divorce? well,our great and grand mothers would have divorced many years ago!

Please! all these women hypocrites should go and sit down!

Woman! don't let all these women advising you here to divorce because of few slaps because many of them here, are usually beaten blue and black by their husbands! some, their own mothers tolerated worst!

So,learn to zip your mouth and respect yourself and pray!

Any body that abuses me, it is back to his or her family! mschewww!

Anonymous said...

I condemn his actions completely. But divorcing him because he slapped you isn't the wisest decision. He is a hot tempered man and the type that reacts to words i guess. He is definitely operating at the level of the wisdom he is exposed to. He certainly needs a shift in his believe system. But the process starts with you. Remember there is no smoke without fire. I experienced a similar situation for about 3 years into the early years of our marriage until i learnt to watch my mouth and stay away from arguments with my hubby. A marriage mentor helped us with the right values and principles that guided us to build the sweetest home which I and my husband are enjoying till date and I guess that’s what you both needs now.

Anonymous said...

One of the best lessons I learnt from my mentor is to take responsibility for my own life which is the source from which self-respect springs. She made me realize that a sign of wisdom and maturity is when we come to terms with the realization that our decisions and actions cause our rewards and consequences. And that I am responsible for my life cos my ultimate success depends on the choices I make. Your husband definitely needs to work on himself but you need to first be the change you want in him. So I suggest you stop blaming him for now, focus on yourself and try to find out what you are not doing right. My sister the truth is that when you blame others, you give up your power to change. Beware of singles and feminists that will encourage you to divorce him don’t forget the truth remains that divorce is not of God. “Marriage they say is for the matured mind”

Anonymous said...

U get sense @ all? *bbconfusedsmiley*

Anonymous said...

1: You need to go back to school to learn how to spell and type correctly
2: You are very foolish for what you typed.

Anonymous said...

A real man will not lay a finger on a woman moreso his wife no matter what! My dear once he starts he ll never stop, it ll only get worse believe me coz I'm talking frm experience. The choice however is yours to make.

Anonymous said...

This is a very daft comment. Its not by force to comment. Please runawy and go n play with sand. Kmt

Anonymous said...

Lmao! U are very funny!

Anonymous said...

Hahahahahhaaha. This one na sexual killing. Hahahahaha

AbujaKenneth said...

Dear LIB Commentators,

If a woman provokes you and you try to walk away to avoid hitting her and incurring the wrought of LIBggers but she prevents you from walking away and continued in the provocative acts. What do you do?

Priscy said...

after three slaps you still think he is not being violent enough? should you be worried? of course you should. talk to him about let him know you are beginning to worry about his behavior.

Bcos said...

I respect your comment and you even though I can't see your face

Bcos said...

Bad bele ,old cago divorcee u are lOoking for mates and people to join u in the league

eesha said...

@ anon 10:59 u must be on crack for u to say stay till u die so u make heaven.
@ Myne whitman Pastors would just advice u to stay and at the end of the day would come and officiate at ur funeral,report to family so they'll know what is going on, just immediate like mom and dad not extended (awon aye).

decide before baby no.2 comes and u get stuck cos u don't ur children to be stigmatized.

Skye said...

You are a refined FOOL

Skye said...

Olodo,bad adviser

Blackknight! said...

Ladies / Men - When you ever find yourself in an abusive relationship or any situation that gives you stress, you have three choices:

1.Change that situation - By talking over it respectfully with significant figures in your lives.

2.Walk away from that situation - Divorce and move on with your life whether it turns out well or not for you.

3.Embrace that situation wholly. - Accept the situation, and to a point, it becomes stress-less for you

Either choice you make will definitely guarantee you your sanity.It's your choice and only you can make it, not all the advice readers give you here.

As for me and my household, there is and will never be room for domestic violence. The day my wife abuse,insult or hit me, I WALK AWAY.

Skye said...

Mature comment

Kayem said...

He's taken up a hobby in slapping you. My dear, you should be worried. A man claiming to love you would never raise a hand against you for coming home late or for disagreeing with him, after just two years of marriage, and while pregnant. What the hell? What are you? A kid? What happened to dialogue. He slapped you, not one, but a whooping three times. At this rate, it's possible you might be worse off than Mercy.

Try calling him to order now. In his good mood, express your worries over his battering tendencies, referring to the slapping episodes. Make him realize that arguement is part of marriage. Every couple on earth argues. It's a normal way to resolve marital issues. If he flares up or tries to defend his actions, then you have an unrepentant violator before you. In this case, you need to report to his and your families. If that doesn't help, involve relevant NGOs (that is, if he continues battering you). Never suffer in silence. On the other hand, does he show remorse? Then, cut him some slacks, and watch how he improves. Again, watch how he improves. It's not enough to show remorse. He has to really change. Good luck with your husband.

THOSE EYES said...

God bless u,u said it all..

Anonymous said...

wen i was a child my dad was violent ..he was always beating up my mum to d extend he wud ask her to lay on her face and he wud stepped on her back ....it was so terrible....until my mum became a born again christian and she prayed for my dad.now my dad is a good christian very caring and loving....
anyway my point is>.... der is nothing prayers can not do....just pray and fast about it.....our God is a good God

*ajalahtravel* said...

As in eh, proper beating. Idiot need to know say dem don commot power from im hand.

*ajalahtravel* said...

Thunder wey go fire you eh @bcos, blindness go be your lot. Anuofia!

*ajalahtravel* said...

@myne Oh girl, counseling ke? For naija? Lol.......you never start.

*ajalahtravel* said...

@Bcos............sleek, na you be this? Atink na you go dey talk rubbish for Janet Jackson post.........so you don get new name as Bcos. Stop to dey hide and come out. No worry wait make your husband blind your eye before you do something. Ewu bekee

*ajalahtravel* said...

Lol........sexual killing indeed. That wan na S & M gone wrong

Anonymous said...

dat 1 na shibobo,u beta run 4 ur lyf

Anonymous said...

U dont quit ur marriage just at d slightest issue. Agreed a man should not beat/slap his wife. You may both need help. Women can be so so provocative sometimes. A amn's passion to be corrective may over run sometimes. Go for counseling, talk to elders. make a resolve to make things work and work towards it. Wrong assumptions about this 'woman rights' that Linda is helping push here is not always right. Do you know if a woman does not know her boundary, her actions could lead to spousal abuse?

Anonymous said...

knkhji

hephzibah said...

Sweety, I feel your pain. He not only has been denying you of sex( which heaven/bible forbids), he also hits you. Now he's committing adultery (biblical grounds for divorce)!! Good for you that there's no child in the picture yet. Now that you're still young, please first seek therepy/counselling, confront him -lovingly and respectfully- and tell him about your discovery, give him an ultimatum to quit it, and you guys can have the option of healing your marriage. If he refuses, Missy, MAKE THAT MOVE! Heaven won't reject your spirit.

Anonymous said...

my dear leave dt man asap. i rilly beg you. trust me if a man hits u once hez gonna hit u agn. buh if u wanna listen to some other ppl n stay...den i leave u into the hands of GOD. Was once like u until i came to a near-death experience. #GODHELPU

Fouche said...

PLEASE DONT BE DUMB
PLEASE DONT BE A DUMB WOMAN
PLEASE DONT BE A DUMB FEMALE

i have read so many stories like this

there is a saying that goes "Once bitten, twice shy" you have been a fool waiting for the third slap

the most recent story i read about domestic violence was the one where by the man woke his wife up from sleep using a hot iron.. (YES PRESSING IRON)accusing her of sleeping with his father. the he later killed their little child and ran off.

honestly if you get to read this and you dont do something about your safety
YOU ARE A VERY FOOLISH WOMAN.. AND YOU DESERVE WHATEVER COMES TO YOU even "death" or "maim".

no MAN should raise a hand on a WOMAN

i am a guy and i have a twin sister .. WHO IS VERY SMART ... but honeslty how do babes find these sorta guys tho :s

PLEASE SEPERATE (not divorce .. am a christian i dont really believe in divorce) and go and make a living for yourself....

Life might be hard at first but its a safer option

THANK YOU

Anonymous said...

My dear, I witnessed my dad beat my mom like crazy over silly things. I don't believe u should leave him cos he slapped u 3times. U should ask urself, did ur husband shows signs of voilence b4 u guys got married? If he didn't, is he someone that gets angry really easily?? Do u tell him things that drive him crazy?? U need to think about all this. U guys need to sit and talk about this and u need to ask urself, r u scared of ur husband?? Does he slap u in front of ur kid?? I don't assure u d slapping won't escalate. If it does, u have no chouce but to leave d marrigae. I can neva advice any1 2stay in a marriage when u might be killed just cos u r a christian and d bible is against divorce. D bible didn't say we should be fools either. My dad once threw my mom off our balcony. It was a miracle she survived with just a broken leg. U don't want such to happen to u. People would advice u to stay but pls,if u can't take it anymore, don't stay pls. Don't wait to become his punch bag if u pple can't work things out. And don't tell urself you r staying for ur kid cos d worst kind of lie is lieing to one's self

CHI

Anonymous said...

My x fiance started with just shaking aswel. In the first month of our bf n gf start this bastard shook me 3 time i was scared. Told him if he eva lay his hands on me il leave him a month later he proposed 4 months later he ended the relationship and I thank God for that. I dont miss or care for him one bit good riddens to bad rubbish ni o

Anonymous said...

I dont understand why people keep asking what did she do or say to provoke him.......excuse me if your at work and your co-worker provokes you would you slap them hell no and if you do you know thats a sackable offence, at that stage it no longer matters what your co-worker said to provoke you, violence is not permitted in the workplace and same goes for marriage which is supposed to be build on love. it dont matter if a woman has a sharp tongue co-works have fire tongues and can realli pizz you off but you would neva eva slap them so why slap your wife kmt

Anonymous said...

people here are quick to run their mouths...i want to guess a lot of u guys are unmarried ladies, while i am not justifying physical assault in any way, some ladies talk to their husbands without an iota of respect, The writer says the second time she was slapped she made a statement to her husband, what statement did she make.....TREAT YOUR HUSBAND LIKE HE IS A VERY IMPORTANT GUEST IN
YOUR HOME AND U WON'T HAVE ANY PROBLEMS

Anonymous said...

You need to speak to ur husband very calmly about this issue. State it very matter of factly that his slaps are just unacceptable no matter what he may be going through and the next time it happens you will leave... Make him realise that he is hurting you and your union. If he is serious about the marriage, it wont happen again. If he slaps you again, it will be a clear indicaton that he does not care about you and your child. it will then be up to you what you want to do.

Pray for wisdom and strength.x

ANONYMOUS MEE said...

The comments i see here are clearly from people who dnt understand d structure and nature of domestic violence. the man didnt just slap u.he had over time placed u in a position such that he can pepetuate hs violence and keep doing it and u cannot or will not want to leave.i just left an abusive marriage of 7yrs so i can tell u.my husband never showed any clear sign of violence while we dated contrary to popular opinion.until abt 2yrs after we married bt now i know he was laying d foundation all d while.he prevented me from doing d good job i was doing by talking abt having time for the kids, family etc. out of stubornness, i started teaching bc he wanted me to be home.my salary was 25k wt a bsc nd pgde.he insisted we had our kids quick so we can rest and i had 3kids in 6yrs. so when he started beating me even with his sisters at d same time i just didnt knw hw i could cope with 3 kids who dont eat just anything. so its nt as easy as leave.my parents are well to do but didnt want to be a disappointment.even in preg i was thoroughly beaten my my husband and his 40yrs unmarried sister and others living with us.the day he wanted to pull out my breasts with bites in btw and beating hs kids too even my 1yr old son, i called my parents and dy came to my rescue.am staying with them now and they got a good job for me and a lovely ride.my kids are in sch and am so happy once again. i didnt file for divorce but i really want him to do bc i will happily accept it.as am writing this am crying and cursing him.u dont understand how wicked people can be for no reason. and guess what after some of those rounds of beating he will beg and take me out and tell me am d best wife he doesnt knw wat came over him etc. my mother in law and sisters in law are gist for another day.they are d pepetuators so how do u go to them? its nt dt easy for women to leave but i advice you to inform ur family, let a famiy meeting be calld,in d while go get a good job or do good biz.never leave ur job bc of marriage.its a strategy. God will guide u so it does nt get late.

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