The past three years has been a very emotional period for me. I focused my energy on work and to build back my self esteem. its been really hard for me to come out straight and talk about this because sometimes I pinch myself to wake up and not believe that I was a victim of domestic violence. I've been through a lot in my life, faced a lot of challenges but this is one topic I've tried so hard to avoid and have been waiting for the right time but I have come to a resolve that there's really no right time because every second of the day,lives are being lost due to domestic violence. I was a victiim of domestic violence in my marriage and that was the singular reason I left my marriage, aside other reasons.Growing up as a girl. I was always known as the sweetest kid on the block, before I got married, I have been through some relationships and for once no man had ever laid a finger on me. The first time it happened in my marriage I didn't understand it because I am not the type of woman a man beats but I guess there are no types. It just happens and no woman deserves it. As a young girl I thought it was love or his way of expressing his emotions,after every beating he pleads , cries and says it won't happen again, once again I thought it was love and made excuses for him. Over the years when it kept happening consistently I started looking for other definitions for it. I started loosing my self pride,self esteem , self worth, and most painfully i lost a pregnancy (Miscarriage) I almost lost my life in the process then I realised how serious and abnormal it really was.
I have heard and read a lot of accusations from ignorant people who don't know my story,I guess that's why they are ignorant. I was 20yrs old and very naïve to the world when I got married .“ They said I married for money“ LOL. I was married to a corporate guy,who had a 9_5 job in a bank, Lives in a rented 2 bedroom apartment at Egbe.. So do the maths! . I married for love. I did a traditional wedding. A white wedding and a court wedding. So that's how much I wanted to be married forever. For five years I hoped, prayed & wished that one day it will all change. But the last straw that broke the carmels back was during a heated argument he threw a glass jug to my face and I dogged it and it shattered on d wall. I saw death flash before me and I made a decision to save my life. I left my marriage.
Am not saying this to draw pity from anyone because we are entitled to our opinions and believes. I am not also saying this to discourage people from falling in love because its a beautiful feeling and I still believe in it. I am saying this to educate, share and talk about my experience as a victim of domestic violence because it is real.
481 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 401 – 481 of 481Sweet piece Chika...i am not a woman beater, i dont intend to be one wen i get married.
there are some things you are not telling us... why is he always beating you? how have you tried to correct dis? did you ever talked abt it at his quiet time? you remember is he is banker?-#office pressure during work hour#
there some persons who have suffered worse in the past but they are still there happy!
there is somebody on earth your husband fear so much and respects, you would have reported him to that person for proper caution. this may have solved your problem
my go back to your man...He is your man! wish all the best!
What is this one saying? Ode
Hahahahaahahaha. Mad man
Chike ike stop lying. You pushed the man to the edge, pls tell ur fans the whole story. You were sleeping around. Your were committing adultery with a senator and so on. Shameless girl
All of u that want to hear from the husbands side, do u want 2 ask y he beat her or if he did at all?
No matter wat a woman does, no man shld raise his hands against her, it is inexcusable.
I don't believe Chika wld come out publicly and lie.
If she was cheating on him, he shld have sent her packing not to beat her.
Only weak men beat women. Men with complex issues and feel their women are better than dem so beatin is a way to humble her.
STOP THE VOILENCE MEN!!!
My wife, my husband this that. Spiritual Congeal will not allow you to abstain. Abstinence is the best way to avoid all this grammar.
Try and sleep alone for one week to avoid violence
SLOT?? Isnt that where I got my Blackberry? :S
Wtf!! This person must be on really very cheap drugs cos nothing he said here makes sense walahi.
I DONT SUPPORT VIOLENCE BUT THERE IS NO SMOKE WITHOUT FIRE.SOME WOMEN CAN BE CRUEL AND ANNOYING AND IT TAKES SUPERHUMAN EFFORT TO RESTRAIN FROM HITTING THEM. FOR EXAMPLE,WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOUR WIFE IS TONGUE LASHING YOU AND AS YOU WISH TO WALK AWAY,SHE HOLDS ON TO YOU AND STARTS HITTING YOU, YET CRYING THAT YOU ARE THE ONE BEATING HER?WHAT DO YOU DO IF YOUR WIFE WIFE COMES HOME LATE IN SKIMPY WEARS AND WHEN YOU ASK WHERE SHE WENT TO,SHE ASKS YOU TO GO TO HELL. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOUR WIFE/GIRLFRIEND SPITS ON YOUR SOUP?.
IT TAKES SUPERHUMAN EFFORT TO RESIST HITTING A WOMAN IN THESE CIRCUMSTANCES.
AND LINDA,FOR YOUR INFORMATION IT IS NOT ONLY MEN THAT HIT WOMEN. I ONCE HAD A GIRLFRIEND WHO HIT ME WITH EVERY CONCEIVABLE OBJECT -STONE,BLOCKS,BROOM,UMBRELLA,STOOLS ETC,YET WENT ABOUT TELLING PEOPLE THAT I WAS THE ONE HITTING HER.
JASPER
I have always said it! When ur boy friend slap you the
First time! My advice to you an to wake, because after that an beating go follow! Moo that thing no be love!! Love my foot . Bb
Cock nd bull stories pls stop fucking around with men nd plan a good marital lifepls *dear*
Forgotten about domestic violence? Your middle name must be Stupid!
I see ur statement as an appeal to pity. It will be wrong for anyone to believe her story hook line &sinker because we re yet to hear from her hubby.Bt ladies too should work on their character and mouth.
Okay because your partner commits adultery you should beat them till death? Madness must be mixed with your DNA!
SHUT UP...commenting is not by force!
chika wat did u do to warrant dis maltreatment from ur hubby? Stop wallowing in self pity jare
chika wat did u do to warrant dis maltreatment from ur hubby? Stop wallowing in self pity jare
R u alright? Does Chika ve kids?
I am going thru samething, I can't walk away cos I ve bn out of job since 2009 I am orphan, no where to go to I now suffer HBP not just physical abuse emotional I pray for a job soon I am a graduate I swallow pain killer every night cos of constant headache God pls make a way for me to enable me make a decision and stand by it I am tired I don't want to die miserably I ve a 3 year old child to take care of I am like a prisoner in my own home at my age I am now on HBP medication pls wonderful peeps pray for me I might ve made a huge mistake by marrying this man whom I thot was a real born again xtain life has bn hell I nd ur prayers really don't want to die
This is not the whole story. Man no dey beat woman for nothing not like i support it but something lead to it. The fact is u refused to change and that's y †ђξ beating lingered. Ur next marriage will be a test for u ma dear. No fuck am up and make sure u r really ready befor u get into it. Peace
Is painful
Most men don't jst wake up in the morning and start beating there wives.evry one knws dat women hav rotten mouths I swear if any woman insults me,I wil gv her d beating of her life
The problem is that some of us lack wisdom and a poor sense of judgement. She cam out to say her own side of the story. Do u lnw what may hace transpired brw both couples that would make the man hit her. Women like to test our patience and take them for granted. We havent heard anything yet from her estranged husband and y'all are here sympathizing with her? Shallow minded LIB readers!
What shocks me is that women are the ones that come on here saying, "what did you do that he beat you?" Naija women, His mercy will forever keep you because husband can make some of you loose your lives. Whether na lie o or she dey talk true, this woman just talked about possible death and someone here said, our mothers went through worse. Give our same mothers the job you have today, them no go stay. We have lost TOO many, una hear...TOO many women and men to this demonic behavior of a man not being able to control his temper. What nonsense. Even if she sleeps with a dog, you beat her? Does she poison your food when she knows you are sleeping with all the women on your block and in your office? Does she try to maim you when you don't provide the way you ought to?
Abeg Naija women, wise all the way up and stop being foolish. Put aside Chika's life choices...and look at the issue at hand. A living Ms. is worth more than a dead Mrs. Some of you are walking dead, hanging on so people will not laugh or judge yet at home you are treated and beaten like dogs. I beg you that has sense, find shelter and pray for that man from a distance. This is not what God designed as marriage.
The rest of you judge and jury...your time go come.
Don't you understand it?! There's absolutely no reason for a man to hit a woman even if he caught her cheating, he should divorce her.... Glam!@
How many of you colleagues that insult you have you given this same treatment? Extend that same restraint to the woman that's meant to be your own flesh! Coward of life...
I can relate to this and know exactly how it feels! But it's so difficult to just pack and leave especially when there are children involved! It is always d woman,s fault! Our religion doesn't help matters! it makes marriage feel like being sentenced to life imprison or death warrant. After all, you said "for better or for worse; till death do u part". I think this clause shd be reviewed, make some Men feel like God and can do anything without repercusion.
It shames me to read comments that suggest there's any reason tenable for wife beating and any form of psychological and physical abuse in a home. I've been married for 4yrs and have being hit by my spouse for different reasons but I always believed that with a change in attitude and more docility things would get better but it never did. More painful is that the society doesn't support abused women what with stupid questions like what did you do to him? And suggestions of infidelity! I say again there isn't ANY reason tenable for a man to beat his supposed flesh and bone! I have have summoned the courage to leave after he beat me up this time in front of my mother and brother and even attempted to beat my mom when she intervened! Believe me, it never gets easier, everything is worse than the last and you loose yourself with each beating. I'm trying to rediscover myself and sometimes you feel you're better off going back but believe me that feeling is a result of loss of self worth.
if you're being battered please save yourself and protect your kid's psyche by at least moving out if you are sure you don't want a divorce. Don't let your death be a trending story on facebook and twitter! God bless you.
May you not be silent unto death! That's not God's best for Any of his children.
My mother was a victim of domestic violence, my dad would beat her even when she did nothing wrong. I was just one then buh I remember one time he locked me outside cos I was getting in d way of him beating my mum. My mum left him nd married another man nd I never 4gave her. I felt if she loved me, she wouldn't have.
So I grew up 2 blame my mum 4 d divorce, + I hated my step dad, nd he hated me too.
Anyways, I grew up feeling it was normal 4 a man 2 beat u! Thought it was a sign of love! Until I met Demmy! I was fourteen nd he was 24. He showed me love, nd I tot he was a dream come true. Tot he'd replace my dad nd be everything 2 me. Well he replaced my dad alright! Demmy wld beat me @ every opportunity he gets, with his belt, sticks,hands,frying pan, he even bites me.
I tot it was normal, nd it was a way of purnishing me 4 my wrongdoings and showing he loves me. Was wif him 4 4years and d beatings continued + he was cheating on me wif my friends.
I woke up one day nd decided I didn't wanna make d same mistake my mother made. She made d@ mistake so I would learn 4rm it.
Now I'm in a good relationship, I knw my self worth, nd I'm happier than I've been in years. And I've forgiven my mother, I knw she left cos she loved me, so I'd av a choice in d future and I'm proud of her and I'm proud of myself!
nawoooooooooo tinz dy appen chika sori o
Wonder Wah we gonna start believing in dis country
Which kain lie b dis nau.......wait lemme analyz it all.....frm d quiet sweet married ,black short hair wearing actress to d 1 dat exposes her body here n dere,doin movies even tonto dikeh cant do,u wanted to make moni n drive cars he cudnt afford, wear designers head to toe,bleach ur lovely chocolate skin buh d guy no give u chance,u felt he was holdin u bk, wel d stage is urs now hope ur market is sellin......hope dz goats wit married women appetite ar still payin....enjoy
omg! this babe again...i must say you are truly a good actress. i really wish this guy can say something but being a respectable man he wont. stop seeking attention chika, your attitude alone over the past few months on the blog is enuogh for any man to beat you. there is no smoke without fire. if you ask me the true story is "you changed chika" you were no longer the sweet girl next door. you became so materialistic and uncontrollable and let stardom take over your home. its just so sad you have not learnt your lesson,you think these whole thing is a game,for crying out loud you have kids involved. please be resonable, go back and do your homework.
I hate domestic violence buh chika u'v neither told us what led to this violence nor deny ur sex scandals...
Touching,But Not The Full Truth,Scoop Of The Full Truth On This Matter In Angel Maryjane David Blog
To all retards abusing her...if u were in her shoes pls stay and die in a hopless man's hands! I walked out of an unhappy marriage,wasnt even abused physically and see no reason why she should stay in a marriage where shz bn traumatised.if the moron she was married to made her happy she wont be sleepn around(thats if she eva did) kudos Chika, wish u a very happy and peaceful life,take good care of ur kids and let them have good relationship with their father.
Like seriously only peeps that avent experience it will condemn her, a violent man is a violent man a friends, s bf use to beat her for reason it could be just for saying hi to a guy and most times rape her afterall she even told me twice he forcefully had anal sex wit her so peeps the're monsters out there watch out.she only opened up to us when we kept saying should go back to him when he came begging asking her to marry him then she opened up right in front of him and we abused him and placed a curse on him.don't think that guy will ever find happiness
Na wa o. Please sha! Wat kind of comment is dis?
we hear ur own story, Oga never talk his own, some ppl will go and fuck another man and pretend to be faithfull, even make it their style of marriage when the man suspected and ask question, the owman will raise voice, some men don't hold their anger they will beat the woman, after the girl in question will come and say domestic violence, without talking the result of it, they are some mad husband too, but no smoke without a fire. so we are waiting for the Oga story if he is the type
ok... i wanted to just read the comments and zoom off but for crying out loud, who is d fool *Donphiloman* first of all, its not *carrier women* but *career women* and then you must be a weakling with very low self esteem to think peeps should beware of career women.
Whatever the case, I am neither in support of divorce nor wife beaters, and i firmly believe that whatever is broken can be fixed (and my inner voice says *not a broken glass cup*)
Goodluck Chika
Saying again would be like repeating same thing. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO REASON A MAN SHOULD BEAT HIS SPOUSE. biko, ejo, abeg, women if he beats you and you are not in lagos to report it, prayers WILL NOT save you and your death(God forbid) myt one day trend on blogsites. I am a woman and I say NO TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Meanwhile, I ve never been in a relationship with domestic violence, the only men that have ever hit me were my teachers, brother and my father.
@Ez i dont know how else u want her 2 start a campaign against domestic violence than her testinial here. Don't u think that her testimony is d beginning of a great campaign against domestic violence bcos she's just created an awareness that not only ordinary people, but also celebrities and the beautiful can be victims if domestic violence 2. It is then thru our comments n inputs here that this campaign can be strengthened to reach out to those that are experiencing it in their marriage, and also to those perpetrators of this shameful act whether na man or woman.
We just have give her kudos for her courage of giving her testimony of being a victim n also conquering the aftermath effects of domestic violence.
I'm sure ur hubby beats u black n blue! Plss stop hatin!
FOolish man, ur wife dey calm naa, if na me, I ll organize ppl dat ll beat u up wtout a trace bck! Jst tnk god u ve some1 like her as a wife, so if u like kill her while beating her, na u go suffer, u no get shame!
I'm sure ur hubby beats u black n blue! Plss stop hatin!
Yes. But Domestic Violence, no matter the side of the story? NO! NO!!
Na so o! My sister!
My sister, we thank the Good Lord for your life.
Oga, after all said, are you justifying domestic violence???
Anuofia!
Which man? The one she has divorced? Abeg, park well!
My dear, run! Run and seek help from the relevant government agency. Otherwise, Na die you dey look so o!
Animal!
Same to you!
Amen, my sister!
Linda, when you open your foundation, you will save lives if you teach that a woman does not provoke her way into domestic violence. Batterers use any excuse to unleash their inner monster. Women cannot adjust their behavior into a better marriage when they make the mistake of attaching themselves to one of these beasts.
It is quite sad to know that most men are now turning out to be beasts. Just too scared to get married because of this. No man deserves to lay hands on a woman no matter what.
say NO to domestic violence be it from husband,wife or parent.
congratulations love. all the best!!!
Lucky you. I wish I could gather the momentum to move. I am sick of living with a mentally deranged beast. I wish I could get a job out of town and bail with my 3 kids. I don't see my self managing this any longer.
Gerrout, don't you make typos. Hiss. Abeg shift.
Na wa for you people on this blog who think there all that. Is she righting a Scholarly article? What about your comments that is laden with errors and dumb abbreviations. Hisss.
Yes o,ph no go see dis 1 adopt...plus chika I luv ur accessories nd tank God u found salvation
Exactly!
Is it easy to pray for a man you have grown to dread because of his physical and emotional abuse.? All you want to do is run. The love dies. So what is left. Just surviving the marriage. And as a young woman she will desire love from a man. Then she starts to look outside for some warmth and infidelity starts. They say the woman is cheating. You then ask, is the hen before the egg or vice versa?
The best thing is to leave the marriage with dignity.
Shut up you idiot. Are you not rude, lazy, cruel and dirty? You're worse. You so called men. In secure things.
Exactly
That's how these violent men behave.. you're always cheating according to them
Your boss is your lover, you close late, you went cheating. You're out shopping for your home on a Saturday cos that's the only free day you have and you went to visit your lover. These men are typical. The suffer inferiority complex one way or they other. Mine is that I earn better than him and he can't handle it. No favors and sacrifice you make to him or the family is appreciated cos of jealousy. So he batters u to make up. Seriously its not an easy place to be, especially if there kids. I bet you this banker man was threatened by her celebrity status.
Anonymous
Guy, u really should learn to give people a benefit of doubt. Most of you are so quick to shout 'crucify him/her' but fail to realise that judging means u are free of sins yourselves. i get really upset when i read vicious and hateful comments.eg, d ignorant so and so that implied domestic violence is an age long tradition that is here to stay and even said to ask our mothers! EXCUSE ME! Please grow up and learn to comport yourselves! Chika, better things in store for you girl.
I believe some people here making silly comments are single. you need to be in such situation and then you will shut up. no matter what, a man has no right to beat up his wife. only weak men do.
I have been a victim for this before and I still see no reason why I went through that.
Chika, God is with you.
some nigerians are senseless though,if ur husband is beatingu n u stay that means u are enjoying it, she has every right to leave n stupid people shuld shutup,u were not in the marriage with her.. go GIRL! marriage is not by force
swt hrt u rili went 2ru hell,all tankz 4 GOD intervention.
So because our parents experienced abuse, it's ok for us too! Smh....we definitely need to educate our younger generations, they deserve more from life..... love and value yourself people, no one will do it for you!
God bless u for speaking up. meet Jide, the guy who paints while dancing www.amandatvonline.blogspot.com
LOL...yeah,right...and d yahoo boys always squeezin ur ass @ ur Akowonjo beer parlour were just what?Counsellors?
i wish to be as courageous as you
Baby some men de pray to have u but dis one de mess up, is a stupid man.
Marrige is for better for worst,we have not heard d other side of the story.we can't really jump to concluction.most of dis acttress don like sticking dere ash down,dey get carried away alot,fellowing house members and senators,men in powers.abbeggy.
Man are not mad,2 just wake up one morning start behaving like an animal,something might have cos it,some women are not marrige material,dey wat 2 be out dere on d street with the big boys in power.let us hear from man befor we conclude
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