Dear LIB Readers: How do you cope with a cheating husband? | Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog

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Tuesday 26 May 2015

Dear LIB Readers: How do you cope with a cheating husband?

From a female LIB reader
I am positive my story is just one in a hundred similar stories. but I really do need to know how one deals with a husband who constantly cheats regardless.
I have been married for a little over four years. I have two kids. Its the same story of constant cheating in the years we have been married but it took a twist some few days ago. Cheating is almost a norm with men these days. and I took mine as my own cross.
Of course i had prayed, nagged, pleaded, sucked about it. but I had to let live and focus on giving my kids the best of me. 
 
I concluded that if it didnt happen under my nose, then I can pretend it isn't happening and live my life without the threat of high blood pressure because of a man. But what I feared most happened. It happened right beneath my nose.
 
My husband of four years decided to bring his escapade into the estate where we live. I had been suspecting he had something to do with the sister of one of  the residents. i let my fear ride till I got absolute proof they were involved.
 
What got me so pissed was the fact that he would take the girl in question and her nieces shopping. take out to places where I dint even know he could afford. yet, this is a man that I cant remember the last time he took his family out or bought his kids provision. I was livid! things hadn't being right for us financially for a while and  i was supporting him in everyway I could. I work too so I carried a lot  of the house running cost thinking he was saving his salary for rent and school fees. it wasn't until the landlord starting calling and the school sent letters home that I knew neither had been paid.
so learning and confirming the one of the girls he runs around with lives right under my nose threw me over the edge.
 
I went to confront her with the ploy of wanting to buy gas from her sister who she resides with.
when she came out, I asked her if she knew my  hubby and why she was hurting a fellow woman so.  I expected her to be a remorseful.  instead, she ran her mouth. I was shocked she would have the guts to pour insults on me! I thought to myself that the girl is beneath me.I cant stand and trade words with her. but I had to deal with her. fortunately, I had on a  solid leather belt. I removed it and before she knew what hit her, I lashed her thoroughly. neighbours came to  her rescue and  she ran inside the house. naturally, I confronted my hubby when he came back. he denied it and then got angry with me. before I knew it, he got violent.
 
So now, I got beat up by my hubby because I confronted him and his lover. am lost. sad. hurt. angry. I don't know what to do. to stay or to walk? will I ever get past the hurt I feel now? can I ever forgive him of the humiliation? because I discovered after I confronted and lashed the idiot girl that most neighbours knew. they had seen them together on several occasions.. apparently, I was even the last to know. am just so fed up. why does it have to be this way?
 
I love this man. I really do. but I am at a crossroad now.

407 comments:

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JUST ME said...

LINDA, PLS MAKE THIS COMMENT OF MINE A TOPIC ON YOUR BLOG. IF NOT FOR ANYTHIG BUT TO ENLIGHTEN SINGLE LADIES ON PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE AND ALSO FOR THE FACT THAT THIS WOMAN IS NOT THE ONLY ONE IN THIS ISSUE MANY OF US ARE IN THIS SAME BOAT. AND U KNOW WHAT I CALL IT? SUFFERING & SMILING. MY MARRIAGE IS ALMOST 5 YEARS OLD. I HAVE 2 ADORABLE KIDS. HE HAS BEEN CHEATING FROM DAY ONE OF OUR MARRIAGE. HE BEATS ME AT EVERY OPPORTUNITY, DOESNT GIVE HOUSEKEEPING OR FEEDING ALLOWANCE. I FOOT ALL THE BILLS INCLUDING SCHOOL FEES. HE ONLY COMES HOME EARLY WHEN HE HAS EXHAUSTED HIS MONEY ON HIS GIRLFRIENDS. I WOKE UP ONE MORNING AND REALIZED I CANT COPE ANYMORE ESPECIALLY WHEN THE DOCTOR DIAGNOSED ME FOR DEPRESSION. MEANWHILE, I HAVE DONE ALL THE NICE THINGS STATED BY COMMENTERS ABOVE STILL HE'S UNREPENTANT. I NOW HAVE SOMEONE WHO MAKES ME HAPPY BY THE SIDE. I EQUALLY PRAY TO GOD FOR FORGIVENESS AND AM PLANNING TO STOP SOON. I NOW FOCUS ALL ATTENTION ON MY KIDS. I HAVE ALSO STOPPED ASSISTING HIM FINANCIALLY BECAUSE WHENEVER HE'S BROKE HE COMES TO ME AND BEING THE COMPASSIONATE PERSON THAT I AM, I PITY HIM AND STILL GIVE HIM MONEY. BUT NOW, I JUST SEE HIM LIKE A STRANGER AND JUST IGNORE HIS EXISTENCE. I AM SO MUCH AT PEACE WITH MYSELF THESE DAYS. PLS I BEG U TO MAKE AN AWARENESS OF THIS SERIOUS ISSUE. MANY NIGERIAN MEN ARE FAST BECOMING PARASITES TO THEIR WIVES. MIND U, HIS FAMILY IS AWARE OF THIS ISSUES AND HAVE BEEN UNABLE TO TAME HIM. MY FAMILY KEEPS TELLING ME TO STAY FOR THE KIDS AND CONTINUE PRAYING. I TELL U LINDA, THIS IS AN EXTREMELY SERIOUS ISSUE. WE ONLY LIE TO FRIENDS THAT OUR MARRIAGES ARE SWEET. ALL NA WASH!

Anonymous said...

some will ask u to stay or pray, prayer work but i will like u to protect urself because of HIV.

Bassey said...

Simply quit the marriage. I don't believe in suffering in a man's house in the name of marriage. Especially when your sincere effort is not appreciated. That's one mentality in Africa that is sending so many women to their early graves thereby leaving the innocent children to suffer. Think twice, and for this I love my husband thing. He doesn't deserve your love.

Bassey said...

You've really tried. It's not all women that can endure this kind of trash. Threesome? It's really absurd. Since you can cope, fyn.

Anonymous said...

Women are genetically built to worship money and tell lies. Such illiterate generalization.

Anonymous said...

Well said. He got you with lies which you wanted to believe. Now the reality of the selfish truth is setting in. When you choose a guy because he is tells you all the sweet things you like to hear and takes you to all the nice places you want to go, you never stop to ask how he gained his experienc as a smooth operator... Food for thought.

Anonymous said...

My sister, WALK. Why do you even think you need to stay. This guy could give u some disease, u know. Walk and stay real close to God. God will surely sort you out.

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