Dear LIB Readers: How do you cope with a cheating husband? | Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog

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Tuesday 26 May 2015

Dear LIB Readers: How do you cope with a cheating husband?

From a female LIB reader
I am positive my story is just one in a hundred similar stories. but I really do need to know how one deals with a husband who constantly cheats regardless.
I have been married for a little over four years. I have two kids. Its the same story of constant cheating in the years we have been married but it took a twist some few days ago. Cheating is almost a norm with men these days. and I took mine as my own cross.
Of course i had prayed, nagged, pleaded, sucked about it. but I had to let live and focus on giving my kids the best of me. 
 
I concluded that if it didnt happen under my nose, then I can pretend it isn't happening and live my life without the threat of high blood pressure because of a man. But what I feared most happened. It happened right beneath my nose.
 
My husband of four years decided to bring his escapade into the estate where we live. I had been suspecting he had something to do with the sister of one of  the residents. i let my fear ride till I got absolute proof they were involved.
 
What got me so pissed was the fact that he would take the girl in question and her nieces shopping. take out to places where I dint even know he could afford. yet, this is a man that I cant remember the last time he took his family out or bought his kids provision. I was livid! things hadn't being right for us financially for a while and  i was supporting him in everyway I could. I work too so I carried a lot  of the house running cost thinking he was saving his salary for rent and school fees. it wasn't until the landlord starting calling and the school sent letters home that I knew neither had been paid.
so learning and confirming the one of the girls he runs around with lives right under my nose threw me over the edge.
 
I went to confront her with the ploy of wanting to buy gas from her sister who she resides with.
when she came out, I asked her if she knew my  hubby and why she was hurting a fellow woman so.  I expected her to be a remorseful.  instead, she ran her mouth. I was shocked she would have the guts to pour insults on me! I thought to myself that the girl is beneath me.I cant stand and trade words with her. but I had to deal with her. fortunately, I had on a  solid leather belt. I removed it and before she knew what hit her, I lashed her thoroughly. neighbours came to  her rescue and  she ran inside the house. naturally, I confronted my hubby when he came back. he denied it and then got angry with me. before I knew it, he got violent.
 
So now, I got beat up by my hubby because I confronted him and his lover. am lost. sad. hurt. angry. I don't know what to do. to stay or to walk? will I ever get past the hurt I feel now? can I ever forgive him of the humiliation? because I discovered after I confronted and lashed the idiot girl that most neighbours knew. they had seen them together on several occasions.. apparently, I was even the last to know. am just so fed up. why does it have to be this way?
 
I love this man. I really do. but I am at a crossroad now.

407 comments:

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Anonymous said...

No man is worth your dignity as a woman... Whether you realise it or not, ure setting examples for your kids. Dont let you daughter or son grow up thinking cheating is a norm...

Unknown said...

When we get married for the very wrong reasons and expect a different outcome in the end, it just baffles me. Your man is not only a cheat but also a woman beater, and I believe you would owe that also to ignorance or that you simply were blinded by infatuations to notice that particular trait. My sister, it is just four years into your marriage, I am sorry to say but I think that high blood pressure you so much abhor may be in the offing. For better for worse though, and although I very much doubt it, maybe counselling and dialogue might help change your husband, in addition of course to the Holy spirit.....

Anonymous said...

Madam sorry but u had no business going to confront the girl and lashing her,u should have lashed ur husband instead.

Anonymous said...

i sympathize with you.But to be honest with you,going to the girl is a mistake.What if she had inflicted grievous bodily harm or even killed you and claimed self-defence?
You have no business with her.Just confront your husband,not violently but with love and prayer.

ANDY

Mz Lolo... said...

A boyfriend or fiancee that cheats before marriage would most likely continue. I don't advise divorce cos my bible says so, meanwhile get really busy with ur life so that u don't get high bp, and don't forget to keep praying...

Joshtech said...

This what you get when you love a man that doesn't love you.

AGB said...

I wish I knew what to say to this lady to keep her strong, unfortunately, I don't. Some people are so selfish that their conscience die all cos they want to please themselves.

Anonymous said...

So sorry dear,I'll advice u rent a house and take ur children out of that house. Some Men are just irritating believe me u'll awz remember this event. He doesn't deserve u!

Unknown said...

Madam no be today yansh don dey back,men re genetically built to cheat,if you want to live long pls don't nag,complain, or confront him about his promiscuity, engage your self in social activities,imagine you divorce your hubby on the grounds of unfaithfulness,and the next man cheats u divorce him, lemme ask u how many men do u want to marry and divorce,fellow women pls deal with it,as long as your hubby still comes home shikenna....

Unknown said...

Put a sharp nail in his penis.

Anonymous said...

abeg leave him oh before he kills you

Anonymous said...

U started well CONCENTRATE on ur kids realy aint notin u can do abt this shit obviously this guy hz no regards 4 u nd plz 4get al dis shit abt love . luv ur kids protect dem pray 4 dem d cheatin ting neva ends jst stylishly encourage him 2 use a condom or he rada stop touchin u .nd if u tink u hv d financial capacity walk away 4rm d whole bullshit d idea of u beliveing u luv him wld destroy if ur nt careful.

Anonymous said...

U started well CONCENTRATE on ur kids realy aint notin u can do abt this shit obviously this guy hz no regards 4 u nd plz 4get al dis shit abt love . luv ur kids protect dem pray 4 dem d cheatin ting neva ends jst stylishly encourage him 2 use a condom or he rada stop touchin u .nd if u tink u hv d financial capacity walk away 4rm d whole bullshit d idea of u beliveing u luv him wld destroy if ur nt careful.

Unknown said...

Crossroad ko, traffic ni... Better you think only abt your kids


OKORO UPGRADED

Unknown said...

Sorry o, wat more can I say.

Unknown said...

Madam,you are wrong by beating up that girl.She didn't force herself on your husband.You should settle ur issues with ur husband at homen.
I hope u are not the nagging type that will not allow their husband to have peace of mind at home.My advice:Pray ur way out of your problem

Anonymous said...

Girl, I know you love your husband and evrything like that but you gotta teavh him a lesson so he values you more. Get your kids and move out! When he comes back to his senses from the lust he has for that mannerless girl then move back in. I wouldn't say to leave him completely since you love him but he put his hands on you so teach his ass a lesson.

yeahah said...

My love, your story is like the rest of us. So many of us. Even madam sexiest, most ambitious beyonce is being cheated on with girls from the hood. JayZ is hood and loves hood girls. Beyoncé is not his type sexually(trust me, I know) anyways on to the matter. Leave him alone. Two things will come out of this, he will either give you an incurable disease or hurt you and you may die meaning it may get really violent one day....I have left my husband to his escapades and now just concentrate on raising MY KIDS. not ours but mine. Its a sad reality

Unknown said...

Ah! U go gboju ni oo. And pray to ur God to re-establish ur family. Shikena

Anonymous said...

Just pack your bags and leave. Part of what is making your husband act the way is he knows you love him and wont go anywhere. You are kuku the one taking care of the kids so it is not like you need him financially per se. Look leave, I left mine and he went away for 1yr and really knocked himself out with being a free bachelor once again. Now he is pleading but I am not having it. My child is doing great without his help. The Lord will help you get over him. Naija men can be useless

Anonymous said...

i feel every ounce of your pain because i have been in your shoes. The truth is that it does not get easier to live with the fact that one's patner is cheating.
whether you choose to stay or walk out of the marriage depends solely on you. But whatever you do, make sure its in your very own interest first of all before considering other things.

God is your strength.

Anonymous said...

Cheat back.
~D great anonymous!

Unknown said...

swthrt dis is ur marriage...four whole years wth him....u hv kids...u can still endure.. u love him...u can forgv him....just try nd comfort urself.pray to God.... pour out urslf to him....d bible say until now we hv Nt prayed..... my dear pray to our Father in heaven...gv it time....a Gud woman alws endure.....

Unknown said...

Ma dear I feel you.Try harder to bear for a while but if the beaten countries den you ve to walk.you ve kids to live for.

Anonymous said...

Were the signs not there before you got hooked?

Anonymous said...

Women never learn! Do not confront the side chick especially when the man is taking god care of the girl in question. They won't want to leave the life they're used to. So they'll fight like animals. Now the street knows about you and ur hubby will compensate her heavily for the beating she got from you. Babe, collect all the money u can from this man. Make sure ur kids future is secure, buy lands with the money u raise. Lands go for even 300+-500 nowadays. Man no be asset. Enjoy them while they last. Don't push him finally. Maintain peace till u win. Life should not revolve around being married.

Anonymous said...

So painful
Allow him and pray more
Don't confront him about it again
God will surely deal with that hoe that calls her self girl.
Next time plssssssssss don't fight because of a man

Anonymous said...

I have been there before...I totally get how u feel... Am sorry but such men are not to be loved...u need to love urself 1st... #selfLove# rather channel all the love Uv got on ur kids... I won't blame ur reaction on confronting him... that was the same mistake I made... but trust me... the best thing to do was keep silence... the girl would have told him u came for her... and on getting home him denying shows lil respect...Thou he totally doesn't respect u by cheating in the 1st place... he's a horrible person he doesn't have the fear of God either... my dear Uv Got knees! Go on those knees Do 3days dry fasting...talk to ur God... if u don't believe in God... kindly get a rebound... get some backup lover... Start to make efforts to look extraordinarily good looking! I have a lot of advice to give... if u need em kindly reply this post... i'lld get across to u... Sorry for ur pains Hunnay... the lord is ur strength...

YettieO said...

Wow. God will help you through this time of turbulence. Just keep looking up to him. As for the home expenses, stop spending ur money, make him take responsibility. And if the beating continues, u may have to leave bcos it's better to be alive and happy. Your children need u.

Unknown said...

Sincerely the hurts are really beyond words especially when are being so supportive, understanding and caring. But there's nothing God himself cannot do dear, to me i advice you give him his meal, divert your sincere love to your kids, help out with the bills you can and continue to pay blind eyes and deaf ears to what he does since you have done your best and it didn't work 4now. Sometimes take a trip and allow him miss you, and please don't complain or nag in that way, he can't predict your re-actions anymore i bet u, he will be scared. I wish you goodluck.

Abdul Adepetu said...

Eyaah pity. Pray about it. Ignore him.

Anonymous said...

u will need to forgive him and stay bcos of ur children, a cheat is always a cheat.

Anonymous said...

Most muppets behave like idiots. Its difficult when you have kids. Pray pray pray

damilola said...

The bible says if d foundation be destroyed what can the righteous do....your marriage was built on a faulty foundation... Be calm ma...will say a word of prayer for u tonight

Diamond said...

It's never going to stop, leave d fool

Anonymous said...

Women please don't ever fight because of your husband
My uncle's girl killed my uncle's wife ..
She is now my uncle's wife now .
My uncle's wife fought her uncomfortable, yet she and her family killed the woman because am uncle is very rich.

Anonymous said...

Crossroad ko! Crossroad ni! Cheat on him right back jare! Problem solved.

Anonymous said...

Don't fight ur her instead pray

Anonymous said...

No woman deserves to be treated like that. you are working strong woman. you do not need a weak man like that please

Anonymous said...

Hmmmm,such a life: if u ask me,na who I go ask?

Unknown said...

leave him please, marriage is not for everyone nd defo not for him . for him to hit you is just too far your grown ur working you have kids focus on the future, it might also wake him up but until den do whats best for you nd your kids which is to LEAVE...

Anonymous said...

Just why do men treat their wives this way.especially broke ass men!!marriage su mi jor.then the kids?they are affected the most,still in mine,same issue.babe I don't know what to tell you as am right in the same shoe

Anonymous said...

Wow. I'm married too, so I won't easily say 'pack up and leave'. Thank God you are working and you have financial freedom. Take yourself and d kids out of this situation for a little while. NEVER stop talking to God about it. Things would work out eventually. I pray he comes to his senses sooner rather than later. Take charge babes.

Unknown said...

My dear, I feel ur pain. .bt I would say instead of living a life filled with sorrow and pain, just give him a break and focus on your kids. God will see you through.

Anonymous said...

Walk sister. Take a walk. That he could cheat this much and beat u on top is enough sign. Ps I have seen husband's give wives Aids. Divorce him he acts like this because he knows you'll always be there for him.

Don't listen to anything he says. File for a divorce.

Pretty Silva said...

Madam why did u go fight a lady dat was on her own wen ur husband went to meet her. U should not have fought with her, it is painful I knw but ur husband disrespected u by runsing a babe in ur neighborhood. It is him u have to sort tyns out with. My advice, sit down, plan ur life nd dat of ur children nd bail. Cos it's bad he cheats but to do it under ur nose nd beat u? Girlfriend sit nd really set ur priorities right. A. U can stay nd continue to bear nd trust God to change him. B. Tynk of ways to protect ur self nd ur children nd secure ur futures. Choose one. I pray God will guide u on wat to do cos it ain't easy.

annonymous said...

Well sister I cnt say I feel ur pain,cus m nt married,bt ve xperienced smetin close to dis in a relationship,it's time fr u to make up ur mind on what is good nd best fr u nd ur kids,nd wen yu ve to talk to ur husband s time to ask him,what he wants,his family or d others.

Anonymous said...

U better don't walk out of ur home. U can park d man on one side n just allow him to fall and learn his lessons in a very hard way... dee

Anonymous said...

Thank u, thank u, thank you for lashing her thoroughly! I will go to bed happy ds nite knowing that a side chick was severely dealt with. Oh thank you. Now I will do the same to Gina. Bella!

Unknown said...

Am sorrrry poster I hardly comment but ur husband is a fool and d girl is an even bigger fool for fighting bck n tryiing to stteal Urr hubby! I dnt advise u to leave him! But dntt ever use a dime of ur money oon him! Support urself n ur kids, dnt worry he wud soon gett broke, that is wen he wud remember he has a family! Foolish man!

diamondz said...

The fact that he is not sorry for his actions is bad, cheating on u with a neighbor, thats cruel, pls u r working, leave him for sometime, and work on urself. Pls take care of ur kidsm

diamondz said...

Please give him a break for now. Am happy u gave the idiot some beating. Take care of u for ur kids.

Manuel Kunmi said...

Leave him

Unknown said...

As the Yoruba's would say ' Afi suru'.
IamAdelarry.

Anonymous said...

Live now before he kill you

Gold precious said...

I am sorry for what you are going through but the honest truth is you don't have to be there. Read your bible ...God never said a divorcee is going to hell . He has become physically abusive because of another lady...All respect and love has gone out the window. I have been married for 8 yr now with 3 lovely kids and I won't raise my kids in an abusive environment but then again that is MY OPINION. Seek the Holy Spirit and He will answer you. Truly very sorry you are going through all this. Tis well

diamondz said...

Move on with your life

Anonymous said...

Madam even the bible gave you the choice of divorce for adultery
Stay there and be thinking of children,when they grow they'll ask you why you didn't leave
Your putting your children through pain you're not saving them

Anonymous said...

I can't say I understand how you feel cus av never bn in such but reading this, I feel hurt n insulted myself! If it's me, I won't leave my home for any reason but i'll erase d husband frm my memory, he fails to exists d very day he beat me up for another woman! My duties to him dies n ends dat same day too! We will just b flat mates cus of d children

Jasmine Joseph said...

Damn gal if I was in ur shoes will def bounce, rent ur own apartment and take care of ur kids cu that fool ain't got no respect for u. Nxt tin na to dey carry the gals to ur home and matrimonial bed

Anonymous said...

Leave him. I've been married for 25 years. The fact that your husband poured insult over injury by beating you up after you found out about his cheating, should tell you that it's only going to get worse. Next time he will bring his woman to your house and beat you up if you dare to talk. It will not get better. You have let him get away with cheating to now he will cheat when and however he wants. There is no respect for you.
Why would you want to stay with someone like that. He is not contributing financially, and he is definitely not a good role model for your children. Believe it or not, there are good men out there. Free yourself and pray. God will give you a good man.

Anonymous said...

Wrong guy? Whos d rite guy my dear wake up 2 rite dere is no litmus test

Anonymous said...

Jesus dats hw u guyz keep foolin pple cheats re cheats 4get dat jesus story

Anonymous said...

I was once married tho but lost my husband, I do have 3 kids and before he died, he was a cheat too! I suggest you take your kids and walk if you can care for them, or you continue to love him and tolerate all he's going to pour on you...It's really your choice dear. Men are evil I tell you! Whatever you decide, continue to pray to God and seek His guidance cos He's Able! Wish you all the best...

Unknown said...

Lol...

Anonymous said...

Ode wats d sense in wat ur sayin

Anonymous said...

Wat does God fearin hv 2 do wit erection nd crave 4 fresh pussy my dear be realistic

Unknown said...

U nailed it
Just wat I wanted 2say

Chop Chop said...

Why taking laws into your hands.

Anonymous said...

Not everyone be ashawo like you

Anonymous said...

Dunno much about marriage buh one tin m sure of z men can't stand it when a woman knows about dier escapades and still kip mute.. Neva show ur anger about it.. Play calm, make ur children ur source of joy.. Ask him politely for money for upkeep and keep living life normally.. Remember to always pray as dat is d ultimate.. Wah m about to say sounds a little crazy, buh yhu can deny him sex also.. Av fun, be happy and let him know it.. Datz my take on d issue

Anonymous said...

sorry for your circumstances. ' love your neighbor as yourself' the key being to love yourself. Accepting this behavior from your husband consistently does not show that you love yourself. Sit with your husband, tell him how you feel and what you expect from him and more importantly what will happen if he decides to keep disrespecting your marriage and carry on the affair. You decide what the boundaries are and if he continues, then you go ahead with your life whatever is comfortable for you.

It's very important when you look back 20, 25 years from now you have not wasted your youth/life on a man that showed no respect for you. Life should be fun and lived to the fullness not in misery. Also, what lessons are you giving your kids when they see how you let their father maltreat you? Then when other people treat them bad they see it as normal so think of your children too. Good luck

Unknown said...

U sound clear and truthful..

<<100%Nigerian>>

Anonymous said...

This right here is the problem women face, sometimes divorce is the only option. She can't live in an abusive relationship And expect all to go well, he'll kill her before her time. Leave girl, thanks to independence, women can stop this from happening

Juleslouis said...

U have a job. U r financially stable obviously! Leave with your kids. Because those beatings just starting! U'll get more of them.

Anonymous said...

Seriously.......... lol

Anonymous said...

Do you go to church? If yes do you go to church with your man???! Do you pray together as a family???? Does your husbamd safe????? These are questions you Should ask yourself.....remember a family that prays together stays together......he needs to learn how to save for the rainy day......plus you had no right whatsoever to go to the girls house.....for kow stay off sex until he takes the necessary test as hepatitis is real and kills even faster than aids.....it's well with you and your kids.....your story sounds like I even know you and but that one na story for another day.....find a way to speak to him about the rent and fees....cut your coat according to your size......relocate your kids to a lesser paying school and leave that estate to a more affordable place......I know God will visit you and grant you everlasting peace......it's well

mide said...

My dear am a married women too and I have been down dt road. Stop d love, it doesn't look good on u
D bastard beat u up for a slut
You can choose to stay married for d kids like I did but sex without condoms r off d table and any sex at all shld be at ur terms when u need to unwind. Also stop picking d bills esp house rent and sch fees let him run around for money.
Finally no need to say u are angry just act like it's all perfect on ur end d fool will come around but when he starts acting all true and loving don't forget he's still your fool don't let go of all d emotional walls.
Nigerian men r mostly foolish.

Unknown said...

Same thing am thinking.
Pray to God.

Unknown said...

And ur advice was such a sweet one ! Nonsense ....she should jst divorce him ABI ?
In as much as I never supported the cheating hubby nor would I applaud the lady for belittling hersef by fighting in her own estate wit an alleged mistress .
divorce or a broken home would haunt the children more than resolving this diplomatically and in prayers would do .

My dear, u were wrong by engaging in a combat wit d lady , NA ur hubby u get fight wit not d woman.....

God help ur marriage cus I'm sure He would ..
Never try divorce ...jk says so

Americannah said...

Dear woman, if you pray and believe in God, you really won't be here. Its not an instant-fix. God doesn't work like that. It'll take faith and a whole lot of patience. Keep believing, keep praying. And be Patient. I feel your pain. But don't let it ruin your beautiful soul. Peace!

Anonymous said...

U r so right, he will never change. Move on. I have been in a worse scene and change never happened .I walked away with my kids and found peace

Anonymous said...

Chioma, shut up your toto. What do you know about marriage?

Anonymous said...

Hmmn, it can be difficult and hurtful. But please face the facts, where are you leaving to? Being a single mom? Having another husband who may end up doing same or worse?.. My advise is to stay. Take charge of your life, stop paying for stuff in the house, it's better you save your money for hard times that may or may not come. Work on your self, if you look good then look better or look your best. Ignore him, don't have sex with him except you want to at your terms. He would keep messing around but hard as it may be, ignore him, before u know it he's the one worried n thinking and begging to have your attention back.
Sad as it may be most women don't realize that after your married love shouldn't be amongst the top 3 on your list. You need your head in marriage not your heart.
( forgive the typos).

Anonymous said...

Oga company man, Dangote, l salute you. What do being the first man to insert your dick inside ur wife toto got to do with this?
Sometimes, a wife's behavior can also make the man to seek comfort outside.

Anonymous said...

Wilhe...., I just can't stop loving ur comments.

Anonymous said...

Women's behavior are mostly responsible for husbands cheating.
Some women nag a lot. They will never allow the husband to have peace of mind at home. Such man can only find peace outside the house.

Anonymous said...

I've been in your shoes dear. Whatever d case may be, take this truth from me: you do not have any right to confront your husband's concubines - physically. Buh my dear, u can confront them spiritually. I go to CAC and MFM prayer meetings especially for them, and trust me, it works. Another thing is, your husband isn't in his right frame of mind. No reasonable man will stoop so low, so deal with him like someone whose been hypnotised and does not know what he's doing. And in d case of domestic violence ehn?, if symptoms persists, run for ur dear life. Your kids needs you more than u need their father oh! Keep praying dear, prayer fixes all things!!! I'm Adedoyin

Anonymous said...

Poster, if you are a nagging wife, change and maybe ur ur husband will also change.

Anonymous said...

This should be a lesson to all the girls that are desperate to marry. Marriage don't guarantee happiness.

Anonymous said...

This should be a lesson to all the girls that are desperate to marry. Marriage don't guarantee happiness.

Anonymous said...

@Omolara:Yoruba people and juju. How do you know the writer is a yoruba that specializes only in juju.

ASAMPOKOTO said...

God bless you for telling this woman. ATLEAST this one came from a man's mouth. 'Not all men cheat'.

ASAMPOKOTO said...

What kind of stupid question is this?

Anonymous said...

Ed dreamz, the blog and instagram commentator of the decade, is that all you have to say?

ASAMPOKOTO said...

Lmaoooooooo TOTAL MADNESS. Do not, I repeat do not follow this advice.

Unknown said...

Not commenting jere, it's a torture

Anonymous said...

Snowfix, u are highly intelligent. I want to know you.

ASAMPOKOTO said...

NIGERIANS are mad. I've concluded. This is EXACTLY WHY he will continue to cheat. He knows you won't do shit. And this is why NIGERIAN men cheat. Everything pray pray pray. As if God did not give you common sense to vet the man. Urgh!

Daisy said...

This is pathetic. My dear dont lose hope keep.on praying for him and also talking to him. I believe God he will change. Abeg, no.leave am ooo for the sake of the children it can be very devastating for them.

Anonymous said...

U be batch B corper?

Anonymous said...

Girl friend, confrontation is not an option. U missed it right there. I honestly don't believe in divorce either. It's a very difficult situation and no definite way of managing it but I know two things that will help for sure. 1.Prayer which is the key to changing all situation in our favour. Pray for wisdom to handle things in a way that will better things in your home. Then let forgiveness rain in your heart. I know forgiveness in this situation is almost impossible but it will do u more good. Other readers have said so much but my honest prayer for u is that God will bring a positive change to your home & destroy forever every negative forces against your marriage. May you enjoy unspeakable peace in your home and career in Jesus name. PEACE.

Alloy Chikezie said...

You love him? Cheating husband's everywhere, I can't deal, Please just walk away.

Your comment will be visible after approval

Anonymous said...

Ekwensu.

Anonymous said...

The person that wrote this about praying to God is a qualified idiot. . Leave the man! !

Anonymous said...

Miss Benjamin, u are the most shameless girl on this blog. Hypocrite. Why do you have your tongue out if you are not shameless?I will not be surprised if a married man is the one fucking ur toto

Anonymous said...

Are you sure you are not the one sending him out. Look inwards objectively and make sure nothing is missing especially sex.

ASAMPOKOTO said...

The comments here are sad, heartbreaking & appalling.
All of you saying pray, all men cheat etc etc, jst continue to be a good wife. YOU ARE THE EXACT REASON WHY ALL MEN CHEAT. Reason? BECAUSE THEY KNOW YOU WILL TOLERATE IT AND WONT MOVE AN INCH. They know half of you women see marriage as a do or die affair and need it more than they want it. (Notice the need & want).
When will Nigerian women put their foot down and demand more? When will you people realise marriage is not do or die? The day that man realises he can actually lose you is the day you will see change. Mark my words.
But feel free to keep praying and keep being a 'good' wife, and see the extent of the psycological damage he will cause you.
Better wisen up. You need to be able to make tough decisions and this is one. Pack up your shit and your kids and walk away, far away. You can do it. Pray to God for the strength to do it.
And don't be praying for silly things like change my husband. God gave you a brain and options to choose from.
Your choice.

Anonymous said...

Floxy, how old are you? U sound so childish.

Unknown said...

Hmmmmm! Pray.!!!!!!!!!!!

Miriam David said...

My sister, pray to God to touch him n change him. But don't let him see ur pain. It would only make him feel in charge. Be happy, sing around the house, laugh with your children. Dress to turn heads. I won't ask you to leave your home but if he gets Violent, my sister leave b4 he kills you. If he kills u, he will marry anoda woman who may or may not treat ur children well. So, hold ur own. Act like he ain't getting to you n dts how he will start seeking your attention. Stay strong sis.

Unknown said...

Handle this issue with high maturity. Do not quit, be steadfast and do not fight him to be free but be guided in your sexual rship with him.

Anonymous said...

U sound like u re so guilty of this. No reason for a man to beat her wife. And wat about the disgrace he gave to the wife by going out with lady. We keep defending men. Women re their own enemies. Until it happens to u...u may not understand

Anonymous said...

From ur comment I can tell the kind of person u are!!! Misery love company...I bet u sleep around with married men

Anonymous said...

Shut the fuck up! You want her to get STD and die all in the name of marriage

Anonymous said...

Well said! I was going to say exactly d same. I don't knw why women re sometimes too foolish and naive to take a bold step. If its d men, dey wont blink an eye before dey end d marriage for things even less hurtful. Women rather be a scale goat all thru their marriage in situations like dis and live a regretful life. I don't support it. Even God does not, becos d only scriptural ground for divorce is Adultery!!! Take a walk for good.

Anonymous said...

Clearly u date married men! U sound so stupid,stupid advice frm a stupid person!

Anonymous said...

I'm just laughing at the people who told you to pray. God gave you a brain. He probably even blessed you with the opportunity to go school which teaches you about STDs and so on. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED TO DO!!! LEAVE. LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH. HIS LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU! HE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN. HE USED SCHOOL FEE MONEY FOR HOES AND YOU ARE HERE CONTEMPLATING.

FOOLS SIT AND PRAY WHEN COMMON SENSE IS STARING RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.

Anonymous said...

Hahaha.

Look no Nigerian man has any iota of respect for their so called wives.

All cheat. Why you say? Well its easy, its sweet. no apparent consequence, the women are poor helpless and DESPERATE!!

You would too if you were them.

Troj on bros!

faith said...

my dear sister...aldough m nt married..but i feel ur pain...dnt divorce him....jhz face ur kids..win their hearts..nd make dem love u mur dan dia stupid ass hole dy call dia dad...plz pray always..nf b good...wen he repents..he cum bk beggn..nd i bet it wf u..as tymx goes on...he will neva recieve favour frm ur kids..God will hlp u...

Anonymous said...

What is your problem? The only way to cope with a cheating husband is to start cheating too. If he goes with another woman, then look for another man to play with. Do you have any problem with that? It's no point asking when you already know what to do.

Anonymous said...

Shutup wich kin stupid love

Anonymous said...

Gbam

Money Making Machine said...

Nice one. Not all men cheat but only dogs

Anonymous said...

My dear leave him nd move on

@patent said...

Mugu

Anonymous said...

Please continue praying and don't let what people they say get to you. Check yourself the fault might be from you.

Anonymous said...

I am in d same dilemma right now.and d lady in question is pregnant.I am so confused and hurt.

Unknown said...

Be bless for dis nice comment

Anonymous said...

Nah who we go ask,mr righteous

Anonymous said...

U see dis is d problem wit women...wen der husbands cheat...dey feel hurt...but sometime in the past u may have dated or slept with someone else's husband...its simply pay back time...if uve neva slept wit anoda lady's husband den pray to God...der is no impossibility wit him...he can delve into the matter.... ladies pls learn

Anonymous said...

Mehn...I just had to type sth....u r soooo rite about demanding or asking cuz hmmmm..dey can pretend dat nutin dey but they have..Y do men do dis???

Anonymous said...

Anon 8:25pm, AIDS is real. So keep deceiving ur self with that dog u call a husband and keep hoping he will change. U must have a low self esteem for u to keep hanging on there even when it is so glaring. In short ur just a stupid woman and really don't care about ur kids except the love u have for ur he goat husband. If u truly care about ur children, u will run away as fast as ur legs can carry u knowing fully well that AIDS is just hanging by the corner waiting to grab u.

@patent said...

Did u hear that? Pls take this advice. This is the only solution and then pray to God

Anonymous said...

Omg!! Ur comment disgust me. What ur point Mr man. All u said here was irrelevant . Abeg park well

ebonydoc said...

Most foolish comment! Idiot savante of d highest order!

Anonymous said...

Jeez!! Ur grammar tho. Probably dt was y h cheated on u.

Anonymous said...

Well, I will advise you not to pretend you ain't hurt. Pack your bags and leave. When you do believe me your husband will come back to his senses. He'll come begging you don't accept the first time, when he sees you're still upset with him. He'll come with friends or family members to beg you then you should give him your conditions that if he breaks them you'll leave without looking back.
Goodluck!!

Anonymous said...

Madam, I can feel your pain. I am a man and I am very responsible. NOT ALL MEN CHEAT! I kept saying this, if you are a good woman, marry man who has the fear of God but ladies these days keep looking out for vain qualities.

MEN, TREAT YOUR WIVES THE WAY YOU WANT YOUR DAUGTHERS TO BE TREATED BY THEIR HUSBANDS.

Anonymous said...

Get a divorce or separation simple! Until he is ready to come back to his senses. You work, u make ur money, u can pay your bills. So what else? U are not dependent on him for anything. He's a foolish man. Just plan well, take ur kids and vamoose one day. Let him come and look for you and come begging. If he does not, better for you.

Unknown said...

Babe believe me..if u were my elder or younger sister..i'd come move u out myself with a leased van..he'd only recognise and feel his wrongs when ur assistance is no longer there..when he won't have nobody to be hiding from..when he won't have to be careful again When carrying out his unfaithful acts..thats when he'd know that something right has left him

Anonymous said...

Some men take their anti retroviral drugs in hiding and leave their loyal wives to reach the point of death whereby the doctor discovers the cause of the ailment, by which time it may be too late.

Anonymous said...

True not all men cheat and I advise she gets a divorce, I would get a divorce if I were you. No woman deserves such cruelty!

Unknown said...

Babe..if u were my elder or younger sister, i'd lease a van and come move u out myself..my dear u should leave the man so he'll feel ur absence and understand ur worth..

Anonymous said...

I am in the middle of this kind of situation,in my case no beating,just a series of heartbreak every 3 or four months in a marriage of almost 5 years. Its easier heard than imagined, i have prayed,cried over and over and slimmed down, dressed up,do the nice acts,cook all the delicious food, woke up early to give blowjobs, sex up and what have you.
I got my answer in church two weeks ago, the pastor said "if you marry a selfish person you will have a miserable life." That is the summary.
If you are single watch out for the little acts of kindness, make sure he or she doesnt lie cos this man lies as easily as breathing. I cant leave because of my two children but im ignoring him for now and told him NEVER AGAIN, we give people the power to hurt us, such love is an excuse borne out of selfpity, ur neighbour will love you as much as you love yourself.

Subomi said...

cope? or bounce

FIZZICHILLIO said...

In as much as I don't think LIB is a good platform to seek advice, I'd assume in all these responses u could find one or two useful. Be wise. Test yourself first and your kids to be sure you're safe from any diseases. You can't win by fighting him or any of his concubines but you can by determining not to stay and be cheated on. #YouOnlyLiveOnce

#FiZz

Anonymous said...

There is only so much one can take. Only you know how much you can take before it becomes unbearable. Sorry for your situation and i hope things turn around for you and your family.

Anonymous said...

My uncle's girl friend killed my uncle's wife. She is now my uncle's wife now. My uncle's wife fought her uncountable, yet she and her family killed my uncle's wife.

Anonymous said...

Talk to him and let him realise how much he is hurting you and the children, tell him your intention to discontinue the marriage if things doesn't change. Let him know that before you call it quit, as many people that are witness to your matrimony will be informed of your decision to quit (due to his careless lifestyle) for posterity. After all this, check out his mien, and observe if he is sober in true sense by observing his attitude for a period of not less than 3 months. If he improves or changes completely, thank God, if not consider staying of the marriage for a period that the law stipulates for separation that entitles for divorce.

Anonymous said...

I hope u will tell ur daughters d same advice few yrs from now. ANUOFIA!

Dreezy the quidnunc said...

Nice ..

Anonymous said...

our NGO can deal with him, am sure he is breaking other families, let's make him straight, he will be urs forever, get in touch, in the meantime don't approach the dogs he sleeps with, they can hurt u

Anonymous said...

I've been married for 14 years and have never cheated on my wife once so please stop this all men are polygamous talk.

Anonymous said...

My question is, have u really look back to your old days, what u does to make him feel at home b4 this unfortunate incident occurred ---- pls tell us

Unknown said...

I think u must be a cheating husband u no what u ar jt like dat man.

Anonymous said...

Thank you Wiheminna, you get sense pass sensor.

Unknown said...

I think u must be a cheating husband u no what u ar jt like dat man.

Anonymous said...

Miss or Mr Anonymous, I hardly respond to comments like this but I chose to respond to this one. I am very sure you are not married maybe you are not even in a relationship so u have no slightest idea what this post means which makes u open your dirty mouth so wide. If you cannot give a simple advice because u are totally ignorant of what to advice from every indication.. then you should keep mute as you very not helped this person in any way.Besides what ve you achieved with this post? If u think u do not care about this persons problem...do not sit and assume others don't care. Learn to be a tool for positive change in your community...it starts with little matters like this. May God help u not to be in this situation in future and maybe someone so silly will say this exact words to u to know how it feels gerrarahia mehn in your tone. I rest my case

Anonymous said...

Lmaoooo

Anonymous said...

My dear, i am a married man. If u want a advice, i mean a good advice. Leave that man because no matter how u change a pig cloth he will still go out and spoil the cloth. Every woman deserve the best in life. Just carry ur children and live that house. One day u might hurt urself or hurt him were the whole world will lay fingers on u. Pls park ur things and go back to ur parent and be at that distance and be praying for him ok. May the lord help u and also control ur temper. Sabiboy

Anonymous said...

Fool talking. Why don't you rather advise them to quit d marriage instead? If a woman can't stand a philandering spouse, she should walk. Marriage is not by force, I swear

Anonymous said...

I can imagine your pains, but please and please don't go away. Cos if u decide to leave, d stupid girl will move in ASAP. Prayer is the key. Pray without ceasing. Take good care of yourself and the kids.

Anonymous said...

Well said. Men are not everything. Women are not either. Anyone is free to leave, mbok

Anonymous said...

Bitch please! Why don't u just ask her to seek divorce? Have you tasted d wrath of a man whose wife has cheated on him? I know u r not married. Old cougar

Anonymous said...

Lol, dear anonymous, u'r a really a nincompop. Shey u knw itz nt by force to comment? If u ddnt hv any beta tyn 2 say, go nd play wt yasef iya. Ewu canbeer

Anonymous said...

My darling sis,I am in that position now,my husband took his gf on a trip,while me n his children were suffering at home!my dear I took a looooonnng walk,n d gf in question is ugly n raz she has notingonme,I m very confident now,make my money,v loads of admirers vnt been this happy in a long time,I go clubbing,shopping,I miss him sometimes but girl my life n children matter,its a phase it'l pass,u can do it,leave his sorry ass,pick up d pieces of ur life,u will survive!

Anonymous said...

It is indeed an endless road,my mother died in the process......after several years of praying and fasting,the animal of a husband never changed oo,she finally gave up,died of hypertension and HIV! Still cry my eyes out every time i think of the last time I saw her.
Miss u soooo much Mum,you are the kindest woman I ever knew!!!

Hollayemmie said...

Don't divorce I advise you to have a plan B, know better man out there for now. Take good care of your kids.

Anonymous said...

Which court abeg? Did you say Nigeria court...abeg no use laff kill me....

HRH Prince Serve said...

If u love God as much or more than u love him. U better walk if u have the resources. Else find the resources and walk. Thats if he rejects counselling ooo

Anonymous said...

If u can secure another Job in another state, disappear for 3 years with the cars only ur Mum and trusted siblings should know. Torture him for 3 years...if after u resurface 3 years later and he doesn't treat u with respect or remorse or reduce his escapades (cos I know he can't stop)..divorce his sorry ass

Anonymous said...

He really is a d**k.
Marriage...so freaking overrated.
Married 5 yrs now and the ass of a man sends nudes to girls.
I dey look am, when I start...
That thing way dey sweet for p***y dey also sweet for p***k

Unknown said...

Why will you go and assault the girl. She's not your problem and probably doesn't know you. What if she attacked you back and caused grievous body harm? Think of your children and leave that idiot of a man who doesn't want to feed his children or pay their fees. Sorry but you brought those children into the world and if their father is an idiot, you assume responsibility.

Anonymous said...

Leave.

This is why a woman should continue working after marriage --- so that she has options when something like this happens.

If you stay, you are exposing yourself to HIV, STDs, AIDS, and other incurable diseases. This man has proven he could care less about his children. You must rise up and care for yourself because you are their only parent right now.




***Lush

Anonymous said...

Bia moses or whatever you call yourself,u be big fool for saying unrealistic thing like that

Anonymous said...

Anita u are very stupid,runs girl oshi

Anonymous said...

You're a fool period

Anonymous said...

Exactly the perfect response i've seen so far. Take him to court period

Unknown said...

Iv been married to my high school sweet heart for 5 years now. Do i love her? i do with all my heart, im sorry to say for the 5 years we married, i cheated on her. im not proud of it. i so regret it. all that has ended now. my wife cried, fought, etc...but what worked was prayer, prayer got me back to God. pray my sister, pray. Dont listen to people telling to divorce and shit. if love your husband pray for him. Moral weakness is a man's greatest mounting.Lord have mercy.

Anonymous said...

plan take a critical look at your emotions, finance well and even your health before he will give you aids. FOR NOW NO SEX with him. after this then decide what to do

webbman90 said...

Well this story is really sad. But I always have a big problem with A SINGLE SIDE OF THE STORY. Am sure if we hear both sides we would all feel differently cos this side of the story favours you MADAM.

There's no smoke without fire, so what are you doing wrong?

Do you make him feel less of a man cos you provide more?
Do you nag him all day?
Do intimidate him with the money you earn?
Do you decide by yourself when you want to have sex?
Does everything have to be your way?
Do you suspect his every move, whether true or false?
Do you show him LOVE and RESPECT?

These are a few Questions you need to ask yourself. I totally think you should pray and retrace your steps. Marriage is BIGGER than what you expect from it...

webbman90 said...

Well this story is really sad. But I always have a big problem with A SINGLE SIDE OF THE STORY. Am sure if we hear both sides we would all feel differently cos this side of the story favours you MADAM.

There's no smoke without fire, so what are you doing wrong?

Do you make him feel less of a man cos you provide more?
Do you nag him all day?
Do intimidate him with the money you earn?
Do you decide by yourself when you want to have sex?
Does everything have to be your way?
Do you suspect his every move, whether true or false?
Do you show him LOVE and RESPECT?

These are a few Questions you need to ask yourself. I totally think you should pray and retrace your steps. Marriage is BIGGER than what you expect from it...

webbman90 said...

Well this story is really sad. But I always have a big problem with A SINGLE SIDE OF THE STORY. Am sure if we hear both sides we would all feel differently cos this side of the story favours you MADAM.

There's no smoke without fire, so what are you doing wrong?

Do you make him feel less of a man cos you provide more?
Do you nag him all day?
Do intimidate him with the money you earn?
Do you decide by yourself when you want to have sex?
Does everything have to be your way?
Do you suspect his every move, whether true or false?
Do you show him LOVE and RESPECT?

These are a few Questions you need to ask yourself. I totally think you should pray and retrace your steps. Marriage is BIGGER than what you expect from it...

SWILL MARTIN said...

Save ur seef 4 ur kidz ooooo b4 he kills u nd brings a chick to rule ur house be smart oooooo Nnnnne run ooooo life is tooo shrt to be caught up in such a mess leave b4 it's too late cuz e don strt to de beat up alredy be smart ooooo u also wrk toooo.

Twisted said...

Hi Lady,

you have two choice, One. stay and endure the humiliation and violent (#newnevergonnaendtrend) or Two. you plan to leave asap. get yourself connected to NGO's that into violent marriage dissolution for help.

make that choice wisely.

Jasmine Joseph said...

Damn gal if I was in ur shoes will def bounce, rent ur own apartment and take care of ur kids cu that fool ain't got no respect for u. Nxt tin na to dey carry the gals to ur home and matrimonial bed

Bola said...

I am against divorce, but when your husband has started beating you because of another lady then you have to be warned. If he continues to abuse you, kindly give him a space because if you don't anything can happen. Continue to pray and pray that God will touch his heart.

Mo said...

The solution is simple...First, PRAY...you see we men got an animal instinct and it takes only God to control it...WE FALL FOR WOT WE SEE...Maybe he is not seeing u like he used to or maybe he sees you as a secured wifey dat cant go wild and always remain the good gentle wife...MAKE HIM JEALOUS...I dont mean start an affair..just give him d impression of it...LOOK MORE SEXY...Guys fall for what dey see remember?...Deny him of sex...and when u give it to him...make him feel like ure using him..how?..Do not let him get on top...instead, get on top,ride him..when you are done...get up and leave d room..with no kisses..dats sure gonna hurt..READ BOOKS ON HOW TO CONTROL GUYS...there are psychological books that teach on how you can actually manipulate your guy..or what do u think some ladies do to control men..they know somethings most people dont...and remember HE IS YOUR MINE..OWN HIM.

Anonymous said...

YOU REALLY MESSED UP BY ATTACKING THE OTHER WOMAN, WAS SUCH A SHAMEFUL THING TO DO, AFTERALL IT'S UR HUBBY WHO WENT AFTER HER, SENSELESS WOMEN FIGH THE OTHER WOMAN AND STILL GO BACK TO THEIR MEN AS IF THE MEN THEMSELVES ARE NOT GUILTY, IF THERE'S ANYONE TO FIGHT IT'S THE MAN...I WOULD ADVICE THAT YOU IGNORE HIM AND FOCUS ON UR LIFE AND KIDS, HE WILL STOP WHEN HE'S TIRED, ATLEAST HE WONT CHEAT TILL HE'S 100YRS OLD, LOLZ! FIGHTER WOMEN OUT THERE TAKE NOTE!!!

Solomon Akinsanya said...

I consider this reply rather lame...#PointBlank

Ebere said...

You are very stupid! do you have a heart at all? Shut up.

Unknown said...

cheating has come to stay in some men's live, its high time women try to groom their lives to live above that. a man that is married to be this irresponsible is alarming. beating the other girl up wasnt right at all what if she died? d story wud ve changed, so pls try n control ur anger towards things and pray more.

facelarose said...

This is why some women kill there husbands but please just report him to God and he will get his answers soon. Be strong for your kids .

#kokomistress# said...

I quite agreed wit u but it is easier said than done

Anonymous said...

Lwkmddddd.... Btw whr can i get the juju broom... I need it badly

Unknown said...

LEAVE HIM BEFORE HE GIVES YOU HIV, I AV SEEN IT HAPPEN B4...MOVE OUT OF DAT HOUSE, GET YOUR OWN PLACE, AND REPORT THAT BASTARD TO THE POLICE BCOS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS VIOLENCE, GET HIM LOCKED UP...REMOVE THAT USELESS LOVE FROM YOUR FACE...IT IS NOT LOVE WHEN THE PERSON YOU CLAIM TO LOVE HATES YOU...MOVE ON WITH YOU LIFE

Anonymous said...

I pity ur wife. I hope she has a degree in praise singing cos all ur non cheating time is obviously spent on praising urself

Anonymous said...

its very pathetic, my own husband is also a chronic cheat like yours, but i have ignored him with his promisciuty coz i know that god will give me the strenght to revenge when he has problem and by then ; i will deal with him real hard that he will regret ever knowing me

Anonymous said...

Dont worry ,just pray he falls into problem so that u can revengevl and hit him hard. He is a dog and a foolish cheater. He will surely suffer at his old agen

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