Dear LIB readers: My 'Boyfriend' is married with kids and I never knew | Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog

LI_Leaderboard_4

LI_Leaderboard_1

LI_Leaderboard_2

LI_Leaderboard_3

Friday, 2 December 2011

Dear LIB readers: My 'Boyfriend' is married with kids and I never knew

A letter from a LIB reader.
Dear LIB readers, I have been duped by a man I loved. Please, I want to share my story so that every woman will know and learn.
Its 3am and I can barely sleep. My honour has been tampered with. But I know I am going to pull through this pain but I pray I would not fall into the same mistake again.
How can a man deny his kids that he sired from his own loins? Do such men exist? Yes they do. And I met one of such.
Sometime in May 2010, I met a man at the bank and he offered to give me a ride home. He 'bragged' being a doctor, a consultant, which I found questionable because he didn't look like a doctor.

Fast forward some months later, we started dating. He was indeed a "spine surgeon", and he told me vehemently that he had no kids nor a wife.

After knowing him for a year, I wanted to get serious with him, but it seemed he was just interested in his practice and research work.

One time, I hacked into his facebook and I found out he was married. I confronted him and he claimed he had married before but divorced the woman as soon as she lost the pregnancy. Stupid me, I believed!

Thereafter, I started a fact finding mission. (This is a man that will be in the office from 7am and would not leave till 11pm and he claimed he had a sister who lives around but he's not so close to her)
I asked him if he was married with kids. He denied it and cursed that he die on the road (he was travelling) if he had kids.
I asked his cousin and she claimed he was married with kids. I confronted him again and he denied it.

I remembered on one occasion, I had followed him to drop his "sister's daughter" at home. I retraced my way to that house and found his car parked there. (He has another home some 65km from the hospital where I do go and see him).

In shock, I went home but I went back to the house an hour later and I saw him pulling out of the house. He was shocked, he said he came to pick up his ipad from his sister.

I was mad! I held him and told him to tell me the truth. He claimed that he has one kid from his 'sister' and that the other kid is not his. He also said his kid is a sickler and has leukaemia and she has barely 2 years to live. (True, because he took me to the girl's school and she looked sickly).

He called all his brothers and I asked them if he was married, just only one of them told me the fact. (He was married with two kids)
I was bitter (part of me refused to believe it). I insisted I see his wife or I speak to her. He cunningly refused.
I pretended that I wasn't mad with him that I was cool with everything that happened. ( I had my plans)

At 7pm, I went to his "sister's house". The security guard refused me entry but I gave him some change and entered. Lo and behold, I meet my 'boyfriend' and his 'sister'. I tell the 'sister' that's it her I wished to see. My boyfriend tells me not to come in. I reply that I'm in a good mood and he should not get me mad. His 'sister' invites me in and I introduce myself.

At this point, my 'boyfriend' orders his wife into the room and he goes in with her. After some ten minutes, he storms out and tells me that I should be happy, I finally get what I need. That I should wait, his wife would come out.

The wife comes out and we talk at length. I find out the two kids are his. None has leukaemia. They have been married for six years.

After leaving his wife, I felt lighter. I had clarity. I was not happy but I had clarity.
*The End*

I know what y'all are thinking "...eh what should we do about it?, wetin concern us?" lol. My exact sentiments but she insisted I share this story so other women can learn. Did you learn anything? :-)

75 comments:

chillysauce said...

Ah. You r lucky they didn't beat you up. we know it happens na. Na today?
Move on. Dunno if you want us to advice you or you just want us to diss him. I no dey diss sha. But put his name so that others can address him with his name :|

Anonymous said...

So sorry deary.

bloglord said...

mschewww! what is ther to learn? from the onset going by her story..the guy didnt look genuine for a true relationship; she was the one hoping it would be.
ok, be that as it may, babe move on. u should be lucky u were not deceived for long before ur patrick jane(mentalist) skills came out...

Bose said...

Aunty you sef

bloglord said...

...n just to add, u should be thanking ur stars u guys didnt get married before u found out...thank God it ended as 'boyfriend betrayal"

Anonymous said...

The only thing I learnt is, she's a silly girl.

A man can be playing her all this while (after knowing him for a year) and she believed.

So, a man was giving you all that bull and chopping you.

Mugu

Anonymous said...

no

Luciano said...

OMG Linda, u have killed me with that "did u learn anything"
dis one na superstory o. will be back to read comments sha but when yu knw all along, why did yu go on with him?

as myself said...

hisssss give me back 11 minutes of mu life, wat rubbish write up is this.

fun said...

Girl be strong ..my guy impregnant two women anytime i ask him, he always deny it until they give birth. his useless sister also supported him.but i thank GOD am over it now.

Anonymous said...

Stupid me, I believed!

That statement says it all. I have learned absolutely nothing. If you are going to accept lifts from randoms make sure you do your homework thoroughly......

devour said...

you are a fool !you knew all along n u prefered to remain der.wit dis age of ritual killings n rape n kidnapnn u let a man you met for d first time to give u a lift !akwuna 10kobo,ga zue ike jare.pat urself at d bck,if i were d wife n u had gots to enter mi house i will deal wit you!y must you confront d man in his wife's presence ? couldnt u av done dat far away frm his home ? God will punish n u will b dealt wit d same hand 4eva

devour said...

n linda wats d meanin of dis ? wat does she want ? a medal ?

wiseman said...

This reminds me of a magazine from way back full of beautiful lies..'stories that touch the heart'..Prime People.
lol.

Anonymous said...

*mschewww....* mumu! NEXT PLS...!

Madame Sting said...

Linda, if those were your exact sentiments then there was no need to agree to share the story and then mock her at the end.

I learned something...trust your instincts and you will never be deceived and won't waste more time than you need to. What if she believed him and didn't continue to ask questions? She could have ended up wasting years on a fruitless relationship or worse even getting pregnant for him.

Anonymous said...

then walk as simple as that

Anonymous said...

NEEEEEXT!!!!

Udemgba Akuoye said...

Its not the first neither is it going to be the last, her own case is minor because she find out on time without serious damages.

SisiMama said...

shallow story!

chandus said...

Mscheeeew!dnt even knw how to respond to dis sef

Mmakamba said...

some men are really something.its good that u did not entirely fall for his lies and went out to investigate.

Six pence said...

So how are you faring now.Heart broken. so sorry. try again

Ada said...

Exact same thing happened to a friend- dated d guy for bout a yr n half only to discover he was married n at d time she found out the wife was pregnant wit baby no 3. I am only glad dat u didnt ignore ur suspicions and u did what u needed to in order to get to the truth... Gud for u, cos many of us women would rather be 'blisfully unaware' even when the hand writing is very bold for us to see... Instincts are rarely wrong, cos somehow they already know what we refuse to admit to ourselves... Better luck in the future dear.

@UgoChime1 said...

Things home movies are made of

Anonymous said...

I've heard worse, men are shit! Can we move on nw?

Anonymous said...

Capital NO! I didn't learn anything!!! And d story is damn f***g boring!! Just like u said ehen! wetin concern us???

Anonymous said...

Linda i didnt learn anything cos from the story seems d guy wasnt straight with her and even wen a few people told her about him being married bfor....she jst didnt wnt to accept it. she knew all along and didnt wnt to face reality until she got to the root.....and bravo, there it was in her face.....so wats dere to learn???

Anonymous said...

silly girl.....psssssssss

Anonymous said...

bullshit....she knew he was married. women hv very good instincts we shld learn to trust them we will avoid a lot of hurt and heartache

Anonymous said...

u need not be in a major hurry to get hooked up with a man...cos men cud really be very deceitful. Dust urself up, learn frm ur mistake, and move on in life. I wish u d very best of future relationship. Thread cautiously next time!

Atobatele said...

You know the truth from the beginning just dat u pretended not knowing. Well i guess u r desperate of settling down and my dear that's the worst thing that can happen to a lady bcos once you are desperate then be sure u are also ready to be fool like u av just bn fooled nw. Guess u didnt open ur leg for d man and if u do dat then u r d greatest mumu of all time. Ur story is not touching as far as am concerned bcos u agreed ursef dat u acted against ur mind/wish. My advice for you is to take ur time b4 u leap other time and pls when ur mind dnt agreed with something then u need to be more patient and scrutinize wateva it is well.

Yetunde said...

Instincts never lie. The moment you felt "something is not right" is the moment you should have let it go.

If you every have to wonder, you're almost always right , that's just how instincts work. But, experience is the best teacher. Listen to your instincts and trust it ALWAYS. It's God whispering to you. What I have learned from your sharing? is to continue to trust my own instinct.

Anonymous said...

Intuition told her the guy wasn't trustworthy from the first day she met, yet she still went out with him. She caught him out on a number of major lies, yet she continued going out with him.
Why do some people [men and women] blind themselves to the truth?
When you go into a relationship and you are prepared to do "anything", [including believing lies a child could spot] just to make it work, this kind of story is the result.

Galore said...

@Galoree "PA NU DE"......Meaning,,i should close my mouth.......OGA OO......(is too tall oo).......Men,,,,na wa for una Dick oo,,,cus na dick una dey use LIE,,no be head again..........Oya make una get Headache,,chaa take PANADOL afterwards.

Anonymous said...

Linda, the content of your posts are on the downward slope lately....

Pls, pls, pls look into it...

Anonymous said...

This story was produced by AkaGod film production. Abeg, when part 2 go come out?... Akuko uwa.

Anonymous said...

You were really stupid to have been fooled to that extent!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing sistah, hope we women would continue to learn from other people mistakes. I agree with madame sting. Take care and pray you meet someone that is truly yours.. NOBODY IS ABOVE MISTAKE.

Anonymous said...

I learnt one thing - that there is no limitto the stupidity of humans (I don't want to say women,so as notto sound sexist). Can an educated person be this stupid? I know love is blind but is it also mentally challenged?
Lady, you should go join a convent. you are not sane enough to date. I fear for your well being.

Anonymous said...

I just hope you did not sleep with him without a CD?
Na men like this they give girls HIV knowingly.

Princess said...

There's really nothing to learn here my dear. you're the one that should have learnt something. The first time you asked him and he said he got divorced because his wife lost her pregnancy, that was enough evidence for u to RUN! Thank God you know better. Seek God and the best will run after you.

x

Anonymous said...

@Anonymous 2.34pm, laff wan make motor jam me, abeg.. No stories learnt. truly. So, wetin come concern us naw? sooo boring.! Its all gud cos she saw all d signs.

Anonymous said...

Some people criticise everything.the story is not well written,may be untrue but if she had written it in a sensational tearful sorrowful manner! Una 4 jump begin comment emotionally.and Linda,ure wrong for showing ur sentiments about the story;how do u expect the crowd to respond?or could it be Ure saying it forehand to shield urself from the venom of their fortcoming insults(the readers)......

The writer first said she was tossing and turning in bed and had to share the story but in the end it was an anticlimax givin d impression that after walkin away from the scene of her relationship,she doesn't care really.....Again,how did the wife react?she jus sat down in her cozy sofa listening and being interviewed about her marriage by a girl dating her man?......And pls where waz their meeting place 4 one year?in her flat?in a hotel?or the man's surgical bed? U had a hotel relationship for 1 whole year without suspicion

MORAL LESSON:men can deny their own souls for mere sex!!hence his statement dat 'motor will jam him if he is lying'...local doctor!How are we sure he's not one of those fake D and C 'surgeons'!u wan marry spine surgeon.U don enta one chance......*NN*

Anonymous said...

Linda who eva dis gal is am sori to say u disgust me,which kind stupid luv hook u, dat d guy told u he has a kid 4rm his sista and u bliv and even agree to stay, evendou it was a lie, once he tells me he fathered his sistaz kid i will flee from d irritant wat rubbish,abeg d story sef no make sense or is it dat d gal in question no just smart.Dull babe i guess.why stay with a man dat cheats to ur face?Dats disrespect...

Aunty Ayo said...

Ooh please, you new right from the start that the guy was a fraud! come on. I am married, and i know men would do and say anything to get in between silly girls legs. Including telling you about how his about to divorce his wife and how he resents her!Bullshit! After chopping and getting tired, he takes off to the next gaullible girl. Trust me, he would never leave his wife. Niger men are born LIARS.So ladies, be smart. Dont ever get carried away by the looks, money, and cars. They know what you want. And they know what they need from you.

orange said...

Whoever wrote this story is not my kind of woman. I'm sorry to be so blunt with you but you are dumb. You didn't fall in love with him the first time he picked you up and you saw all of the handwriting on the wall. You still went ahead with a fraud like that. There must be something you get from hi. That you haven't told us. It's either he gives you more money than your regular struggling single boyfriend or more sex or rather you were dreaming of marrying an already made man.
See girl, that man's wife should have beaten the daylight outta you. You are so so stupid girl. What was all those shit about 'sister' and sister's daughter. And one of his brothers actually told you he was married. Would that guy have been lying to you against his own brother?
In fact, thank your star that you are not my sister. I will so beat you. Common girl! Drink a little more milk and solve some mathematics problem to develop your brain and put on some dignity. Don't sell yourself cheap.

Sonja said...

Nigerians are so fucking heartless and Selfish, as for me, Thank God that his family were not the kind to hide the truth, also feel more sorry for the Wife you have left him, she and her kids are stuck with the idiot as a father and husband. and linda, if your own heartbreak comes dont expect anyone to feel sorry for you, karma is a bitch.

Anonymous said...

pls let's face the fact, no woman will welcome you into her house and discuss the husband having an affair with you, and allow you to leave peacefully, pls come up with somthing constructive that we can learn from, thank you.

Anonymous said...

MY OWN IS THANK GOD YOU SAID BOYFRIEND-NOT HUSBAND,THERE IS STILL HOPE FOR YOU GIRL,MOVE ON

Anonymous said...

Nigerian girls never cease to amaze me with their "Unintelligent" stories of superficial love affairs. These girls sef...

Str8FrmDaHips said...

na today??..enter the place

Anonymous said...

You were a dodo the moment you entered the car of a stranger! You still never hia all the kidnapping wey dey happen around Nigeria? You even said he didn't look like a doctor. See me see stereotype o! How do doctors normally look? Babalawo abi dibia na doctor too o! If I had a standard image on how rich men actually look, Obasanjo
(especially that face) will never cross my mind. But that nigga is balling hard.

You seem(ed) too gullible because his people told you he was married with kids but you only believed his lies. I have LEARNT a whole lot from this story. The tin' wey I haff learn be say "is not good to be a dodo." Anyway,girl.....goodbye!!

and so? said...

d most stupid story so far. from the onset, the writing was on d wall now ur throwing a pity party n no one is dancing. pls gerrout of hia! if i b d wife, i for woz u! imagine d effontery, entering my house to talk nonsense. mumu! 'okuko igbo' meaning igbo fowl. mtsheeeeeeeew! next pls!

Anonymous said...

Have no idea why women just can't support each other! This is why women tend to be easily preyed upon no matter how high the wall of defence may be. From a guy's POV, there are lessons in this story for all even for a guy(NEVER Toy with other people's hearts). Women please take note- If your instincts say - NO! Its probably a No-NO; the walk away.....Shikena

I feel bad for her, and at the same time, i commend her determination to liberate herself by seeking the truth

Titi said...

she is lucky she found out. some guys can be so heartless. a girl who was dating a guy once, followed dis guy to buy drinks for his traditional marriage n she didnt knw. he even spoke with her on the morning of his wedding n all. only for her to see him the following week with a band wch he was trying to hide cos she caught him off gaurd.

Anonymous said...

I understand that you are hurt from this awful relationship and all. I support women but I don't support slowness. You were/ are too slow!

OYINKAN said...

well,i believe the gal cos i had a similar experience,i met dis guy funny enuf at d bank too like dis gal but i was working in the bank.he saw my id card saw ma surname n asked r u related to _____ i said yes he is ma dad b4 u say pronto he was all over me and me been a fool when i see fine boys i fell for it.he started with d story he needs contracts and i stupidly took him to ma dad to help.he took me to his home town introduced me to his parent n siblings.they all accepted me the new maga mege.LOL.after 2yrs i discovered dis guy is married with 3 kids in london.i asked him he denied,i asked d mum d mum said no som1 gave birth bt they r not married.to cut everyfin short,he told me d truth later.d painful part is it was my dad dat found out he is married.i felt used cos i was able to help him secure some stuff but anyway av moved on.so gals beware,they r everywhere especially london boys.eewwww n trust me i was not with him cos he is a london boy i dnt need money from him,av got mine.he just swept me off my feet fine boy no pimples.lol.to the gal dat sent d post forget him learn from everything and move on.ur own guy will come like mine has come now.how he was able to keep me for 2yrs is what i still dont understand cos is it dat he doesnt call dem or somfin and to say i went to london one time and spent 5 days with this guy in a house he called his and there was nothing to show i came to a married couple's house when i asked later he said he kept the pictures and toys of d kids somwhere dats why i didnt see dem and of course d family went to yankee on vac.it is well,God is d only judge.am happily married now.and to say d mum played along is d bad part of everything av forgiven dem.May God forgive dem too.

Anonymous said...

I did nt learn anything cos u were a fool nd he fooled u,u saw d truth nd u neva listend.He played u very well

lie detector said...

Hope you are enjoying your 15 minutes of fame sha? Dis ur story get as e be, for someone who was recently heart broken, u sound very composed. This is what too much naija movies will do to ur head...i don't beleive you one bit, i didn't even get to the second paragraph sef.

Anonymous said...

DEVOUR, I actually didn't know people as daft as you exist. I'm still in shock.

Anonymous said...

I hope U neva sleep with the guy sha; us ladies let us treat ourselves with pride n dignity and stop throwing ourselves around men like nobodies. kai.

Anonymous said...

Why would you date a callous man that divorced his wife because she lost a pregnancy?! You guys deserve each other nonsense!

Anonymous said...

AEA:
waste of time from the beginning u had your uncertainties yet u went ahead, were u sleeping? abeg shift jo...NEXT!!!

Anonymous said...

Call her dumb or whatever but when you truly love someone, you'd believe anything you have been told.

I always pride myself to say that I am one of the smartest ladies who knows all the tricks in the book having lived with boys all my life. I have met guys who have claimed something and they are not. The last one I dated, having known him for a couple of years before deciding to date him and him not minding to show off when we go off to work together in the morning, he went on holiday and cam back straight to mine to show me how much he's missed me. Got an email meant for his sister which he sent to me in error where he mentioned going to the states with his wife, showed him the email and he denies saying it's just someone who everyone choose to call his wife because they had a child together. Believed the story, even though was angry for a while, we made up again and guess what? Went there after some months and what did I see when I looked around.........a photo album of his marriage to this other woman in Nigeria!!

Don't call me stupid, this is someone I have known for a while before dating and his place doesn't give away anything.......still claims he ain't married even after everything!!

Anonymous said...

Stupid story. You knew but chose not to believe, SEVERAL TIMES. What nonsense are we supposed to learn from you?

Anonymous said...

Girl sorry about dat der are so many of dem out der,dis happened to my sister years back she met a guy dat promise her heaven and earth my sister never answered him it was I nd some so her friend dat was saying she shuld go for him cin she get nobody she's dating,my sister went into to lukly for her d relationship was nt up to 3month when she finds out.dis guy keeps everything to b trace he's married,as God will av it my sister said she wanted to hiss her sf in d toilet she was 3 porti of kids she now went round d compound she saw everything dat belongs to dis guy's wife nd kids were he kept dem,so anytime my sister is coming he kept all dis things nd when she gone he replace dem.......but girl u were really fooled u saw it coming but u neva wanted to belive

Anonymous said...

The truth is some men do not have a conscience, no fear of God & have no respect for the constitution of marriage to say the least. Ladies in the Miami/South Florida side of town beware of a certain Babajide-kasali-Kotun..He is a very shameless man without respect for his wife and kids. He goes around trying to do everything that says am a girl. He claims he is not married with kids even his brothers play along with him. So it is real...God bless the Ladies and direct your steps.

Anonymous said...

Hi Linda,
Life is not straight,
Thank Baba God that you knew.
Many of us distribute "babies" around in the cause of going through life with ladies come around later.
Please face front, don’t be distracted.
Question, If you caught your sister or best friend with your hub, are you going to divorce?
Life is not a bed of rose.

HISS said...

my sympathy to the babe.

the wife showed maturity by listening to you instead of fighting which shows she is aware of her husband's womanizing ways and decided to live with it. You are not the first victim of this guy!

I learned that guys can do anything for sex and women should not be so gullible!

LadyNgo said...

This was dumb. Like the saying goes: when people show you who they really are, believe them!

One time, I hacked into his facebook and I found out he was married. I confronted him and he claimed he had married before but divorced the woman as soon as she lost the pregnancy.

That should have been the beginning and end of the story. Even if he was telling the truth about being divorced...HELLO- he left his wife because she lost her pregnancy. If it was that easy for him to toss her aside, imagine how easy it will be for him to toss you aside! Clearly the man doesn't respect marriage vows so why even continue wasting time with him.

I didn't learn anything here that wasn't already common sense!

factual said...

F**k dis f**kin story, wat has dis taught us? And wats our biz with it

Anonymous said...

Im sorry, but can a person be so daft? What BS story is this? if you were this stupid, then u deserved to be treated the way you were.Nonsense!!!!!

Anonymous said...

rubbish

Shegreeny said...

Linda this no be naija Na or the tori no pure cos how dem wan take do am for the same town! Wey no be say d wife and kids dey amelica and him dey here?Anyway make she free and use am as experience. But I still believe say dem go guy her again.

Recent Posts