Dear LIB readers: I do not want my father to walk me down the aisle | Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog

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Monday 22 December 2014

Dear LIB readers: I do not want my father to walk me down the aisle

From a female LIB reader
I am about to make a very important decision and I would like to have your candid opinion on it. Its regarding my forthcoming wedding and me wanting to do my father the honor of walking me down the aisle or giving my hand out in marriage. We have had a very distant Father-Daughter relationship due to the kind of torture he put my mother through while me and my brother were young and how the maltreatment affected my mother so much she developed hypertension and died when I was 14 and my brother 9.

From the much I know through my observations then and my findings now, my parents fell apart after my mum had an affair with the Chairman of my father's company while he was imprisoned over a fraud case he was involved in. He was the Chief Accountant of his multinational company and  himself and other top executives used his office to steal money that ran into millions of dollars. He was arrested and locked up in prison. In a very confused state and with all hopes dashed, my mother was advised to go meet with his office Chairman who is one of these old dirty men that sleep with everything in skirt. She was pressured to sleep with him as the only way to get her husband out of the mess he was in as my father stood the chance of spending a long time in jail. To save the idiot called my father, my mother succumbed to his pressures and slept with him. Within hours, my father was released but however lost his job. My mum decided to keep this as a secret she probably would die with but eventually, word got to my Father and he felt betrayed. In one of their quarrels, my mum told my dad she did it just to save him and get him back home as he was diabetic and could die in prison leaving her with two young children.
My father decided she was a miss fit for him and threw her out of his home and made us never see her again. He relocated us from Nigeria, burnt all her documents because according to him, he paid for her education. He got married again and then my brother and I faced the usual step mother torture. We never got to see our mother until she died in 2003 from hypertension and we were out of tradition allowed to go for her funeral. All these years I have kept my cool because I really needed to complete my education and now that I am done and have gotten a job, I want to shut him permanently out of my life.  A man that irrational cannot be close to me nor my family. Irony is that he is not remorseful after all these years. Still hauls all manner of insults on my late mother. 
I feel like not giving him that opportunity to walk me down the aisle and cutting him off my life would teach him a great lesson. Is my action going to be in order or am I been too irrational? Please I need your candid advice

449 comments:

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Unknown said...

Hey darling don't have any heart to heart talk him cos that man forgot his heart in the prison. He still talks ill of ur mom even years after her death. If u tell him how u feel he will regard u as ungrateful and also burn your certificates,remember he was responsible for your education. However, accord him the respect of a father that ddnt neglect his children and den shut him off after the wedding. Whether good man or bad man, his blessings r necessary as the Bible ddnt specify the kind of father that can bless his child. Goodluck

Unknown said...

Bia Chilaka: don't pressure linda or any other lady to get married.

Do u think she's not considering being married.

Leave her alone biko

Dry fasting ni

Unknown said...

Forgive ur father my dear. There will come a time in ur marriage wen u will need him. Let him walk u down the isle

Unknown said...

Not walkn u down d isle doesn't make a big difference.He is ur father n what u ave to do is just talk to him n settle things btw urself cos I believe u can't ave 2 father at a time.U've always hate what he does u shuld ave been talkn bout it with him since dem but it's not too late he can still change.He is ur father n no 1 else.

Moses Ogbe said...

For you to call your father 'idiot of a father' is most unfortunate. If you do not apologize to your dad, you may end up living the life of an 'I....', now that you have positioned yourself as the daughter of one. The pride is yours for your dad to walk you up to the alter and not his. Reconsider your stand and forgive your dad for whatever ill feeling you habour towards him, as it will be doing you a world of good and not your father. If I may give you a tip, the bible says "honour your father and your mother so that your days may be long".

Unknown said...

babe jus do as u wish

Unknown said...

babe jus do as u wish

Anonymous said...

You are too young as at the time to truly understand what really Happened, Maybe your father was setup so that the chairman can have your mum. You are moving in to a new family and you don't start by showing your them your weakness, i think you need your father now more than he needs you. forgive him and move on

zaina said...

me too o.am wondering how i will allowmy wicked father who eventually kill my mum via ogboni things to give me away.lai lai lai e no go happen.dear future husband rent a hall and let my bro give me away abeg.nothing like papa house lailai

Unknown said...

Wicked pipo don't deserve honour, don't let him walk u down, nd forgive him.

Unknown said...

Wicked pipo don't deserve honour, don't let him walk u down, nd forgive him.



She Said.......

Anonymous said...

Yeah, it will be hurting like crazy, girl. Be objective and see the hurt in his heart that made him do what he did. Forgive like Did Bank said. Open your hurt to him too, don't let the wrongs of the past your parents committed affect the joy of the future for the whole family. Break things down at this stage so that all can move on happily while putting the past where it belongs. Who knows if you talk to your father well enough you can make him see why your mother did what she did and help him forgive and let go too. Wish you happiness there.

Hp mini laptop selling for 45k. Email angelo8z8@yahoo.com if you are interested.

Unknown said...

It's unfortunate that ur mum has gone.It's a.painful story by all standards.Your father erred.Though we did not hear his side of the bad story,It's all past.No revenge will rewind this episode.However to err is human and two wrongs can't make a Right.FORGIVE YOUR FATHER.LET GOD GIVE HIM PUNISHMENT COMMENSURATE WITH HIS UNFORGIVENESS.BE BRAVE.TAKE HEART.GOD BLESS UR MARRIAGE.I do not find ur mum GUILTY of any offence based on ur information GOD BLESS HER CONSIDERATE SOUL.BYE

Unknown said...

It's unfortunate that ur mum has gone.It's a.painful story by all standards.Your father erred.Though we did not hear his side of the bad story,It's all past.No revenge will rewind this episode.However to err is human and two wrongs can't make a Right.FORGIVE YOUR FATHER.LET GOD GIVE HIM PUNISHMENT COMMENSURATE WITH HIS UNFORGIVENESS.BE BRAVE.TAKE HEART.GOD BLESS UR MARRIAGE.I do not find ur mum GUILTY of any offence based on ur information GOD BLESS HER CONSIDERATE SOUL.BYE

MADEMOISELLE said...

First of all, sit with your dad and tell him how u really feel about him and what he did to your mum.. when u have done that, update us on his reaction and then we would continue from there :)

Anonymous said...

I understand where u are coming from. I would do the same and worse I i were u. Matter of fact I intend to deal with my father in the future, let me just use him to get all I need and the rest is history

Anonymous said...

Can the father swear that he's been 100% faithful? A man will condemn a woman fast when she cheats but want forgiveness when it's his turn. Nonsense

Anonymous said...

But if he could cut your mom out of his life, why can't you do the same? You shouldn't feel conflicted if that's what you want to do.

Anonymous said...

Linda seems you pick and choose which comments to post, your own is getting too much if it was some lady butt you will post it fast, but advice to this lady on Point thinz you will not.you know who I am, learn spanglish,

Unknown said...

Then tell him..he won't beg to walk u..shikina. U should applaud me fir reading ur 20page write up..waz expecting to see a paragraph where u'd say he slept with u. Buh never got to read it

ebonyz... said...

Its your choice

Atlstyle said...

I agree with u @MEETDREAL..Her mother SLEEPING WITH her FATHER'S BOSS IS TOTALLY WRONG IN THE EYES OF MAn and GOD for whatever reason.if Gid is judhingbur motget at the gate now, no naner if excuses makes it right before God. She should have seeked the face of God instead of the filthy act she committed. And it looks like you are not wise either lije ur mom Ms bride to be...if u want yr marriage to be blessed and yr days to be long and prosperous you Need to honor ur father while he is alive says the word of God otherwise the opposite will be ur portion and don't say anyone cursed you.

Dotted lines said...

Fellow idiot.......

Atlstyle said...

P.s Before God's eyes and Word, ur father did not do wrong to put ur mother away...u will need to settle ur bitterness with the lord and not ur dad.. to heal you and make u a better woman and wife of virtue with wisdom to make the right choices in situations like ur mom found herself and more, bcos cycle repeat themselves....again be warned...honor yr father..draw close to God to teach his ways.

Atlstyle said...

P.s Before God's eyes and Word, ur father did not do wrong to put ur mother away...u will need to settle ur bitterness with the lord and not ur dad.. to heal you and make u a better woman and wife of virtue with wisdom to make the right choices in situations like ur mom found herself and more, bcos cycle repeat themselves....again be warned...honor yr father..draw close to God to teach his ways.

lynda said...

Dnt let that idiot walk u down the aisle, he doesn't deserve it.

Greene said...

Chim ooo. Dis geh called Moses. Why do you make nasty comments like this??????? Are you deluded???
Can't bliv u suggested a gorilla. This is not a child's play. Smh

Unknown said...

I would have asked u to forgive him but insulting ur late mum is the height dear...don't give him that honor cuz he doesn't deserve it...

Unknown said...

Maybe you are right to not want your dad walking you down the isle but because of the way he still talks about your mum even after she has died I believe you both need to sit down like adults and talk. I wish you a very happy married life xx

Anonymous said...

if he isn't sponsoring your wedding then you can choose not to have him walk you down the aisle. Have a quiet wedding & don't invite him. If he is sponsoring you then return his money and take a stand for your mother for once...

EtimKenny said...

It is unfortunate what pains you have had to live with, but such hateful feeling have got to give way at some point. Your father must know how you feel about the events that sent your mother to the grave and denied you of a happy home. But please as passionate as you may feel about this, do not sit in judgement against him. Almighty God is the only avenger, he has seen you through all the hard times, he has blessed you, in his divine laws he never gave yo an option of judging your parents, he said love and honor them whatever and whoever they maybe, that way you will allow God to do his bit refer Rom 12. Give him his due and start a healing process that will give you real happiness both in this life and in the hereafter. Two wrongs my dear hardly make a right. God bless you. Amen

Unknown said...

His action is very painful. Thank God you are about to get married and invariably belong to another. Please forgive him and don't make the same mistake he made by denying him what is due him. True marriage is actually a father handing out his daughter to another man in marriage. So allow him to hand you over. Another truth is, the more you hold him in unforgiveness, the more you hurt yourself. And you'll agree with me that you've hurt enough already. God bless you.

Unknown said...

Your mama go do in the first place and she know the consequence of shining outside in Africa is as good as death
I guess you should speak to someone close to your late mum maybe there is someother things they are not telling you. You dad is responsible from start to finish is just your mum saga that's it
If you like take him if you don't like its ur cup of tea. If you want blessing you should do the right thing and receive the prayers of your elders
All families have problems yours is not new
Regards

PRETTY GIRL said...

Sorry about your situation...I know it's very hard to forgive an unrepentant soul,but its been years and you just have to try esp when that person is family 'your dad'. Plus through it all,he still put you through school....If i were you for that reason alone ,i'll give him that honour. .. afterwards you may decide to keep your distance if you so desire.

Unknown said...

Just 4give him. He still remains ur father.

Unknown said...

you are wrong to call your father names. your mother on the other hand shouldn't have done that, because it hurts the pride of a man and worse of all her pride. but then your father didn't try either, he should have forgiven her, after all she sacrificed her pride for his freedom. but then that's not the issue. I hope you won't regret this decision of urs, besides all of u are making same mistaklingeres that will for a long time. how do u think ur husband and the remainder of his family will view u and ur family wen u refuse ur father to walk u down the aisle. well there is a lot u need to consider before taking that decision.

?????? just my opinion ??????

Bigcharly said...

If you like forgive him, or leave it, as for me your father has done nothing rough to your mother by throwing her out for been unfaithful to him.

Anonymous said...

my dear whatever happened between your dad and mom is between them. y shud u feel dat ur dad shud ave been grateful to ur mom for using her body to get him out of jail? did she seek his permission b4 doing so? despite "how bad" u have painted ur father to be he still saw u tru school & dat has made u independent & added value to ur life for u to even attract a husband. after all said and done he remains ur father who brought u into this world n he can curse u. so u still need his blessings. your mom is dead and gone. no amount of "revenge" will bring her back. forgive and move on pls.

Anonymous said...

Forgive him, Remember JESUS forgive n forget

Davido's driver said...

Just let him do that for doing sake.


@lwkmd_naija

Anonymous said...

My dear forgive ur father u matter what

uzor onwusa said...

yu should not have called ur father an idiot.doing the same to him wont justify yu before GOD. forgive and be a better person.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for this wonderful response. I totally agree. May God heal your hurting heart.

Anonymous said...

Are you a Child of God? If yes, forgive him and move on. If not listen to the opinion you are looking for to validate what you think is right. #Simple

Fiyinfoluwa said...

In my own opinion, I feel u shld forgive him only cos of d future. Though he doesn't deserve it.Anoda reason y u shld forgive him is cos he still remains ur father and a person can only have one in a life tym.

MY TURN said...

FORGIVE HIM(DOING THIS IS TO FREE YOURSELF FROM THE BONDAGE OF BITTERNESS AND HURT, UN-FORGIVENESS ALLOWS THE CULPRIT LIVE RENT FREE IN YOUR HEART AND MIND) BUT IF YOU DON'T WANT HIM TO WALK YOU DOWN THE AISLE IT'S YOUR CHOICE. AS FAR AS HE IS NOT PAYING FOR THE WEDDING YOU DON'T NEED HIM

heywhy said...

my sis, i undastand u bt just forgive him nd let him perform d role cos in future ur husband family might use it to talk to u which u will nt like. nd anoda tin pray to God to forgive him cos u perfoming ur role as a child u are putting a curse on him. pls let him do it and forive him

Anonymous said...

Dumb comment. No matter how bad it is. If reverse was d case. Am sure d opinion will be different.

Anonymous said...

don't let him drag you to him level be a better person. let karma get him honey its difficult but i know a huge deal about lousy fathers cuz i have one. his life is messed up don't let him mess yours up

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