Frustrated husband creates spreadsheet detailing different reasons why his wife would not have sex with him | Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog

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Monday, 21 July 2014

Frustrated husband creates spreadsheet detailing different reasons why his wife would not have sex with him

A 26 year old sexually frustrated man created a spreadsheet detailing reasons why his wife would not have sex with him. For a whole month, the man jotted down every reason the woman gave to turn him down when he asked for sex...from 'I'm too tired', to 'I'm watching the show' to 'I have to be up early' and sent it to her via email during a business trip to get her attention. She said when she tried to reach him after receiving the email, he refused to pick her calls and she angrily posted it on Reddit.

The lady said they'd been together for five years but only married for two years without any kids.
"Yesterday morning, while in a taxi on the way to the airport, husband sends a message to my work email which is connected to my phone. He's never done this, we always communicate in person or by text. I open it up, and it's a sarcastic diatribe basically saying he won't miss me for the 10 days I'm gone." She said "Attached is a spreadsheet of all the times he has tried to initiate sex since June 1, with a column for my "excuses", using verbatim quotes of why I didn't feel like having sex at that very moment.'
The spreadsheet, which has since been deleted, has been shared by thousands of people online.

167 comments:

Anonymous said...

lol..patoswife@gmail.com

Anonymous said...

70x7. pretex4luv@yahoo.com

Unknown said...

HILARIOUS

Unknown said...

Linda de excuse sheet is blury. I tried zooming it 2 read but couldn't decipher anyting. Watever her reasons na dem sabi. Pls I'm out. ***CATCH ME IF U CAN***

www.glowyshoe.com said...

Hahaha vry funi

Pls visit my shoe blog

www.glowysofiscated.blogspot.com

Unknown said...

Hehehehe... Only had sex 3 times dat month, but how is dis our business tho?

Anonymous said...

The very reason why Divorce rate is high in the west
FLYING DUTCHMAN>>>>>>>>>

CALIFORNIA said...

Haaaa there is fire on the mountain run run run!!!

Unknown said...

Lolzzz

Anonymous said...

Ass wipe

LINDA said...

Awwwww it's nt fair ooo! Lmao! This is why some marriages crash! May God help us all ooo. Guess she's nt just feeling the man again

QUEEN said...

Give your husband what he wants abeg. I think she's cheating on him

CHERRY said...

Woman satisfy ur man b4 anoda woman takes ur place by giving ur husby what he wants.

Anonymous said...

The woman is a fool!
She didn't have to put that spreadsheet online. .. who does that? ??

Unknown said...

This is Crazy..

CHIKITO said...

KHAI, AMERICANS AND CRITICAL ANALYSIS. SEE EXCEL SPREADSHEET NAA. VERY SOON HE'LL COME UP WITH GRAPHS AND ANALYSIS OF THE DATA COLLECTED. THEN HE'LL BE ABLE TO MAKE PREDICTIONS OF WHEN NEXT HE'S LIKELY TO HAVE SEX WT HIS WIFE AND KEEP THE DATE..

U CAN BECOME FAMOUS OVERNIGHT ON THE INTERNET. JUS DO STH STUPID THAT WILL STUPIDLY GO VIRAL. ABEG U GUYS SHUD GO SORT UR ISSUES JOR

Unknown said...

Oh boi! Lmfao!!
Mamafunkky@gmail.com

Anonymous said...

Poor guy. Selfish woman. If he cheats she better not dare say a damn thing cos she pushed him to it. Sex is to (most) husbands what food is to wives.

So don't starve your husbands!

Kimmy *****

Unknown said...

She says yes in every 10 days.. So most def, d man wouldn't hav missd her on her 10 day trip.

Unknown said...

haba this man don kolo o, if they dont have kids yet, they should have sex more often since there are no kids to disturb. i still dont get why men crave for sex so much more than anything in the world. cant laff o.

Unknown said...

haba this man don kolo o, if they dont have kids yet, they should have sex more often since there are no kids to disturb. i still dont get why men crave for sex so much more than anything in the world. cant laff o.

Anonymous said...

What a world of married life,how this man maintain his fidelity. Some women are wicked and selfish.

Kenyan Gal said...

lollest...thats the reinvention of "hell hath no furry like a hubby starved"

Olubukola Ozone said...

Why would thr be any kids in thr union? Do pregnancies come without intercourse?

Anonymous said...

LOL @ least he got it 3 times in a month

Debbie Chelsea said...

The woman is not serious jor....loool

Anonymous said...

Y shud she get married if she dnt like getn intimate? Rosemarychidikwa@gmail.com

#king said...

lmao..d lady is wicked..why give ur husband puna 3 times a month. ...................................#KingOfKings

Angie said...

She's stupid for making this public; she ought to be ashamed of herself. How can kids be forthcoming without lovemaking?
Btw, did the man record her responses to remember all that, including the dates?


*My R1.50c comment*

Anonymous said...

0kay!! hope she makes a spreadsheet. of all the times he pisses her off and all the times he's not there for her so we will see which is worse. But on second thought, How can 1 person come up with all these excuses,, not fair I'd say. Women start loving and having more sex with your hubby!! Its not a crime *u're married* and I'm guessing a 'non-nigerian' guy wrote this? Cos most naija guys marry when they are grandpas ----C21

Cute G said...

He shd get a conji relief matchine.Bt its a serious issue oo.

Unknown said...

Which ever way dis relationship might fall to dis lady sud b hold responsible

Theodora said...

Nawa o, Anty Linda dis gist is an old gist nw. This woman doesn't hav sense oo

Anonymous said...

No matter what don't starve ur spouse with sex,that might be the beginning of breaking your home, infact good way of breaking it, you no even happy say him dey ask you, well may be the woman dey chop am correct correct for outside or for office.

Anonymous said...

If this is true, sincerely it is very ridiculous. Ladies need to be careful about relationship and manage it. If she gets to find out that the man is having affair as a matter of satisfying himself? how would she feel. Apologize to him in the language that will convey your sincerity to him and please make amendments before it is late. Wish you the best and be the person you should be to give him children in TIME. Toks

Chichi said...

Sadly, this is one of the reasons y men cheat on their wives.

Anonymous said...

about the mail sent to you to help generate fund for the little baby,thanks for not responding to the mail, thank God,the fund has been raised,may God answer each and everyone´s prayers.
i dont need you to post this,just want to inform you.
thanks and God bless.

Anonymous said...

This woman is mean..the days between d yes are 10 days..so she was doing it intentionally..dere is God oo...#justsaying "tjenny"

Anonymous said...

Linda I don't want to believe its true,but if it is true then that woman is a devil in woman form. And na God go help and judge all thiis over career women. What on earth would make u deny u hubby ur body? May go have mercy on her. Lyn buchi says so

Anonymous said...

This woman is mean..the days between d 3 yes she said are 10 days..so she was doing it intentionally..dere is God oo...#justsaying "tjenny"

dhobiz said...

Lolz serves her right but the guy is angrily funny sha

adashawn said...

Now dats a green light der, saying Go nd cheat youngman!!! She values her job more Dan her home. Too bad!! No sex! No child! Wat can I say...she is jst a childish demon.

Anonymous said...

This woman is mean..the days between d 3 yes she said are 10 days..so she was doing it intentionally..dere is God oo...#justsaying "tjenny"

Anonymous said...

This woman is mean..the days between d 3 yes she said are 10 days..so she was doing it intentionally..dere is God oo...#justsaying "tjenny"

Anonymous said...

This woman is mean..the days between d 3 yes she said are 10 days..so she was doing it intentionally..dere is God oo...#justsaying "tjenny"

Unknown said...

lol. wahala. no love be that, she should be lucky the man hasn't started sleeping with some girl yet. she needs to put her self together. its happening in most homes as we speak.

Anonymous said...

.On the count of three, 1.2. go!!!!!chauvnistic Nigerians start insulting her....#cheEzyjayne

Anonymous said...

Had he paid attention to when she wants to have sex rather than when she doesn't the excel sheet clearly shows she agrees every two weeks.

Anonymous said...

Had he paid attention to when she wants to have sex rather than when she doesn't the excel sheet clearly shows she agrees every two weeks.

Anonymous said...

what a stupid wife u are....kai women #SMH...then why did u get married?

Unknown said...

How can she posted dis no matter what she should not have posted it online all d same dis is funny do

Omaa said...

Two crazy people!

Unknown said...

na wah ooooo

Anonymous said...

Why is he asking for it everyday?
Is he a machine?abeg

Anonymous said...

It's very glaring why they're yet to make babies....it's not far fetched.
Blame yourself if your husband start cheating.

Anonymous said...

It's very glaring why they're yet to make babies....it's not far fetched.
Blame yourself if your husband start cheating.

Unknown said...

Lol, hilarious. Ogunaomi@gmail.com

ary said...

LOL! Frustration tor bad!

Anonymous said...

I am facing similar challenges.
My wife is straving me of sex with various cadres of excuses.
I dont want to go out to look for sex.What should i do?

Anonymous said...

Lol....funny guy. Frustrated indeed. But if they are d ones dey'd expect d woman 2 understand.

Unknown said...

Ewwww...now dats wat I call frustration...linda oya post my comment before I......................

Anonymous said...

She keeps repeating the same excuse. Imagine she wants to have sex and the says all these, I wonder what her response would be like.

Ada said...

Lolzzz.....very funny.

Anonymous said...

Still figure out why some women make excuses for such a beautiful moment

Anonymous said...

I can how frustrated the man is. My situation isn't any different. My husband is a pant. Am 30 with 1 kid. Still very hawt. Currently searching for a dude to take over

Anonymous said...

bruhh is tryna f*ck everyday? ahan i don't blame her.. alakoba!

NaNcY DreW said...

D list seems endless,Y on earth wud she post it online evendoe she's angry, her husband is even a gud man cuz he took his tym 2 put down his rizons 4 her,sum men wudnt av said enitin dey ll just luk 4 ways 2 help demselves by having a side chick

Unknown said...

Lol!!!weird pple

lolly said...

lol dis is so funny

Unknown said...

Wait! Is dt evryday ds guy wanna have sex? A man or woman who hv the time to look for faults from his/her partner, certainly dnt wnt d progress of d marriage..

Ebere said...

THIS IS NOT FUNNY AT ALL. KEEPING RECORDS.CHAI

Unknown said...

Weird pple

Anonymous said...

Haaaa!!! Dis woman no fear God at all.....purnishing hubby dis way, wen chicks re outside waiting 4 an opportunity lik dis...na wah ooo.
I'm a woman, bt I dnt treat my man lik dis. Its unfair!!!
...Bianca T...

Anonymous said...

Mehn I lov that guy, he's a woman. He must also love 5£x wella

Anonymous said...

Haaaa!!! Dis woman no fear God at all.....purnishing ur hubby dis way, wen chicks re outside waiting 4 an opportunity lik dis...na wah ooo.
I'm a woman, bt I dnt treat my man lik dis. Its unfair!!!
...Bianca T...

COladele said...

Lol, I thought the spreadsheet was for a dog on heat until I read the post


Esther said...

Lol funny.cgestheruko@gmail.com

Anonymous said...

mehn...na wa o...things a guy's gotta do these days to get sex from his own wife... I tire

donsamuel said...

Now can someone give me 5 reasons why this man won't cheat. First time commenting.

Anonymous said...

It is a sign of extra marital affair.

Dan Skila said...

Not good, that is what you get when you get married to a wrong woman, excuses everytime

danskila1@gmail.com

Laszlo said...

Imagine wickedness...the man sef don try jor. How she go starve am of straff for that long Abi she no sabi say body no be wood??

ojay said...

Lol but this man self...na everyday you wan dey straff dey go?

Anonymous said...

It's normal

Anonymous said...

Anyone notice there's a 10-day gap between the periods they had sex. She must be on some sort of "Think like a man" rule here.

Tasha I said...

She must be really gross if she actually didn't tk a shower after she came bk frm d gym.

Anonymous said...

Linda..Very Good.

Chidimma said...

Very interesting

NKechi O said...

Why did she Marry him???anyway,na Oyibo things.

Slimy said...

(In psquare's voice) see me see wahala eee... But kai, d lady over do her own. Dats y most men end up in d arms of anoda.

Unknown said...

Lol..no be small spreadsheet! Nna that woman is heartless tho! He wants to gradually kill the man

Anonymous said...

Omg!shit happens bringing on the net is gross.
Cooldavoe@yahoo.com

Anonymous said...

Later, she will be complaining when the guy starts to deliver the goody somewhere else! And they still don't have a kid yet oooo

Unknown said...

Lol,no joking here o.am gon have to divorce a wife that does this!!!

Unknown said...

Na wa ooo d wife knw no her duty??

Anonymous said...

loooool.....my husband just called me now to view this post!!!!!! I get it love

Humphrey said...

Lol i love this guy already

Anonymous said...

Lmao, that hubby is so pained, lol, and being rational tho I'd think he took the time to do this, cos he's got the time to care

LIBSYNDROME

Bbg Eze said...

See gobe. Lol

Anonymous said...

the woman is very stupid if i were her husband i would be packing concubines :P

Ajose Olasupo said...

The wife should get lesson from Pastor Tony Rapu......... She's just too insensitive

BoxStereo said...

Mr man, u have no problem.u've had sex 3 times in 2months! Sincerely u shld be celebrating, I know married men dat their wives refused from the beginning of this year till date. Fact!

Anonymous said...

Cases like this...just distance yourself from ur wife...and stop asking...she will eventually come begging for it...(Unless the husband is terrible in bed)

Loisy said...

Chei! But na almost every day the man ask o! Marriage no easy o!

Anonymous said...

Sex is becoming a serious business ooo @Fortunedexcel

Anonymous said...

Lmao..poor dude.

Toronto Finest said...

He shd get a new wife.. no time for cheating.. div and get another

nikkiebillz said...

Nawa,dis sex starvation is too much 2 bear! Slowly u are pushing ur husband out 2 get sex somewhere!

chinyere said...

Chai!!! Konji egbugo nwoke a.. Diarizgod o

chinyere said...

Chai!!! Konji egbugo nwoke a.. Diarizgod o

Anonymous said...

Lol. Sorry dude

Chinweude said...

Still laughing at diatribe".

Oya husbands take a clue from this frustrated fellow man. All those excuses given have to be documented for posterity.

Anonymous said...

Y the F is he married @ 26??

Okoro said...

Orishirishi

Unknown said...

Why then is she angry?? Tomorrow u wud say a guy has no reason whatsoever to cheat..mtttcchheeewwww

Anonymous said...

hmmm...

Anonymous said...

I need to create this spreadsheet for my husband. Smh

Anonymous said...

that is how this women are always doing. Rubbish people. they are always lyinig so as not to sex ther husbands. rubbish people. god punish all u women that dont wont sex ur husband. rubbish people

Anonymous said...

that's same with my wife. may be four times in the last two years.

Unknown said...

Na wa oo.. women are really wicked

Anonymous said...

Where is my comment biko

comfort said...

Is better u make things up with ur husband madam b4 u loose him 2 another woman

Unknown said...

I hope she'll post it online too when she finds another woman in bed with her husband...

Anonymous said...

Very funny husband hahahaha cnt stop laughing

whitefalcon said...

Very hilarious!!

Moral lessons: ITS NOT ALL ABOUT GETTING MARRIED BUT STAYING MARRIED!!
This is what I call Married Bachelor.

#am out of here#

Anonymous said...

dis piece is funny,so guy every day of ur life,all u think about is sex,hmm,for.the wife,ur excuses sef,if u were in his shoes,hw wld u feel?

Unknown said...

How to lose a guy in one month!

Obietrezy said...

If i were him i wouldn't stress myself ni but i will definitely payback....

Anonymous said...

Woman..Jst admit it, U r d cause of his frustration. I see no reason Y shouldn't hav sex wit ur hubby 4 ova a mont ova som flimzy dirty xcuses. Som men wuda filed 4 divorce wit d claim they sense infidelity.#26247c63

Ani said...

Lolll I do it too. Sex is difficult in marriage biko

Unknown said...

lyk seriously d man is really frustrated

Anonymous said...

â„“oâ„“z. Lazy Man. (Linda's Man)

Anonymous said...

may i never starve my husband of sex. im starving my guy tho, i think it is better we wait

Amarachukwu. said...

Hahahahahahahaha...somehow,they have a point.

Kriz said...

Immature couple... smh

Anonymous said...

Aight....

Anonymous said...

Fool! Who send you marry?

dessymal said...

lolz...d man must be heavy wit juice, I feel ur pain

LEEZ said...

Haaa! There's problem oooo!!! That's one reason why men cheat!! And later she'll be complaining her husband is cheating on her! Smh. Woman satisfy your man!!!

Unknown said...

Ohhh,poor man,he would end up finding an alternative

Anonymous said...

Instead of the bagar to read it and be sober then change, she post am online, no rumours! Wicked

Anonymous said...

He didn't have to make a spreadsheet at all. ..who does that? ?? #Grudgebearingun4givingman ----C21

Anonymous said...

Buy a better phone ----C21

Anonymous said...

Was he asking her EVERYDAY so he will have something to record in his spread sheet. ***Mrs. D***

Anonymous said...

And who cares about food? Please form a better rhyme. This 1 is rubbish ----C21

Anonymous said...

Let's face facts people there are some women facing this exact problem in their marriages, but they can't complain, they are not getting any for months.

Anonymous said...

All I van get from this is that the woman is dirty.

Anonymous said...

Join the queue bro! If I create an Excel template for my wife, there will be 3 or 4 worksheets. At least he's getting some every 10 days. And I fear God too much to cheat. At this rate I will have to plead for His understanding.

Anonymous said...

I just sent the link to my wife

Anonymous said...

U mean ur husband doesn't like having sex with u? Wife Swap pls! He can have my wife.

Anonymous said...

AhhhhAnnnn mrs D how baby nah, I hear say you don born boy.congratulations!!!! God bless your baby and husband.

Anonymous said...

although am a married woman with 2 active girls ages 3 and 1 also work full Time and full time housewife I still make sure I allow my hubby whenever he wants and even make the effort to initiate love making sometimes just to balance the relationship no matter how I tired I am. are you sure some other guy is not shining that Congo for her? I tire for some women o. this is enough reason for a guy to cheat.

Anonymous said...

It's not Ü gay fucker.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious
This man is very funny
None of my business tho




BORN TO SHINE!!!!

Anonymous said...

Attah you are a smart guy. Which everyone that has read this spreadsheet should have noticed. Everyday isn't sex. Maybe she doesn't enjoy sex that much. And I wonder why people come up on this blog to start lying insults on one,pls if you don't have anything to say just Shut D F... Up

Kayjay0110 said...

This just shows how calculating and unforgiving most men can be. The world just has to revolve around their needs. Selfish mofo...did he really settle down to figure out why she was avoiding sex?

incmobi said...

shes absolutely cheating. smh .

Anonymous said...

I JUST BUT NEED TO COMMENT ON THIS POST. YOU GUYS ALWAYS LOVE TO BLAME WOMAN FOR LACK ON GOOD SEX IN THE MARRIAGE. WHAT ABOUT HUSBAND THAT IS SELFISH IN LOVEMAKING? DOESNT WANT TO SATISFY THE WOMAN, DOESNT BELIEVE IN FOREPLAY? ALL HE WANTS TO DO IS SATISFY HIMSELF.
DONT YOU THINK THAT KIND OF WOMAN WOULD RATHER NOT HAVE SEX AT ALL THAN ALWAYS HAVING TO PRETEND AND GET IT DONE WITH. LETS FACE IT, NOT ALL WOMEN GET ORGASM JUST THROUGH PENETRATION.
LINDA THIS IS A TOPIC WE STILL NEED TO DISCUSS INDEPTH.
I CAN TELL YOU I ONLY GET ORGASM MAYBE ONCE IN 3MONTHS FROM MY HUBBY.
I TEND TO MAKE LOVE TO HIM BUT I ALWAYS PRAY ITS OVER BEFORE IT STARTED.

cheers
I KNOW HUBBY READS LINDA SOO I AINT GONNA PUT MY NAME *LOL*

Anonymous said...

Funny spreadsheets but quit realistic, do you know that's what crashed DORIS SIMEON'S marriage. when get too convenient in marriage that they forget their responsibilities.

Anonymous said...

This woman is getting it somewhere. Abi you want make that place close?
lol

Anonymous said...

Some women just don't like Sex. If they had known they woulda stayed away from marriage. Abi, how for do

Anonymous said...

So even on her menstrual period days he still wanted to have sex with her???.linda forget u d carry gist for naija.na beta lie mbok na person stay form dis or probably one of ur staff jus so yu wil hv sumtin 2 post$

lily chinelo said...

you don't ask for sex,device a sexiest way of making your spouse wet all the time. Asking for sex is boring.

Anonymous said...

He had sex 3 times that month... and he is always asking every day. He is lucky... the last time I had sex with my wife was in April and that was because she asked for it and she said the time again will be in 6 months time. That is another story for another time.

This guy should ask what has he done for the woman lately?

Anonymous said...

chaii......deris God oooo

Anonymous said...

Cute g, how many times do you give it to your hubby in a month?

Unknown said...


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