I need honest and constructive advice from my fellow LIBers. I have been married for a little over a year now. In the earlier years of our relationship, it seemed as though we shared similar values (still does sometimes) but must importantly, even though I loved him desperately, I knew he loved me even more. Barely a couple of months into our marriage, I fell pregnant. Though it was a fairly easy pregnancy compared to most other horrible experiences I've come across, I was left with zero sex drive. I'd always be quite fit and beautiful but the pregnancy made me feel permanently ill and unattractive and this affected my desire for sex. Despite this, I kept at it knowing fully well that there was another person with needs and desires to be met. Sex stopped being as frequent as before - but it was there.
Between then and now, my husband has become a serial cheat. Keeping late nights everyday with all sorts of women calling even when he finally gets home by 2am.
He is being mentally and emotionally abusive (never physically because he is too manipulative for that) . The worst part of it is that as a woman you know when your husband is cheating. I see the proofs - phone conversations, captured nude screen shots of other women etc... And he keeps trying to make me feel like I'm crazy and paranoid. It has gotten to the stage where I feel so rubbed and cheated. I cringe when he touches me now and try to force a reaction when we are having sex. I simply can't shake the feeling of hurt and betrayal. And I now feel as though I'm being held prisoner because in my heart I know I deserve better.
I've got 2 degrees from some of the best universities in the world. I have a job that most people could only dream of. I earn at least 3 times more than what he earns. And in the few months after the birth of my baby, I have returned to a size 6. Yet I still try to be the wife our mothers teach us to be. I know better hence I feel deeply cheated. Try as I may, this feeling has taken over my mind to the point where even the thought of being intimate with him feels like a betrayal to myself and fills me with disgust! At this point, I'm at the end of my ropes and I don't know what to do... Kindly advice... Thank you.
216 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 201 – 216 of 216Ode u think it is easy to move on..... Do you think of the kid at all.... Why are some Nigerian suggestions one brain sided... I never wanted to comment but my dear ignore all this people that says leave ur husband because when u do they won't be there to feel your pain. Believe that.
See this warri girl! Una no dey carry last o! Area!!!!!
@humphery, dnt mind ur wife ooo! Ru a learner? Na scope ur wife dey give u! Myopic human being .... Lmao, even with ur Masters! Will tell the senate to withdraw that degree of yours osiso!
I like!!! To them it may concern, better desist o! Cus our prayers and tears availeth much! But if ur hands r clean, be assured that God answers the prayers of a wife. He who comes to equity must come with clean hands.
Get out more often, get back to work and make sure you draw your family closer and your friends. Sometimes, being a bit of a mystery is all that is needed to turn his head back. Find days when he gets home first. Nigerian men are of the notion that you have no more life once you marry them, and that you are there to serve....F***that shit! Marriage should propel you further because now you have someone that loves you no matter what. But they get it twisted and only think of themselves. If i were you, i will take the baby making easy, get back to your social life and church, or else you will feel cheated with your mind wandering. Get to know some nice ladies like yourselves that are christians, with a solid marriage to boot! it gets better - speaking from experience.
I will ask u one simple question.
If you break up with him do you have a guarantee that when next you go into a relationship or marriage your partner will not cheat on you? (specially when you become pregnant 4 whoever you end up wit & your sexual urge disappears again.)
Sister, if what you posted is real then work on your marriage and make it work. I perceive pride here. 2 degrees from the best universities in the world or "our galaxy" & earning 3time his salary. I don't think that his love 4 you is founded upon these things.
You are better placed to assess him than anyone else can. Think twice b4 rolling the dice sister.
You started feeling that way after you had your baby because you had Postpartum Depression. You need to see a psychologist to help you. You wont get better until you talk to someone. That will be a good start.
hi,
marriage is not only about what you manage to do and what you don't do, cos now you are in a situation where all you are is not enough anymore, i mean your looks,achievements and even your desire to see it through have failed.
means you started off wrongly thinking you've got all it takes when in actual sense you've not taken all you've got.you are probably one of the few ideal women of our days but The only perfect marriages are those with God as their foundation.you don't need peoples complicated advises, so forget trying to figure it out, its staring you in the face.
your story is a touching one...i just want u to knw that every marriage have its own wahala,your ability to pull through makes u victorious.A virtuos woman would not run away from her matrimonial home all because her husband cheat on her.90% of men cheats on their women,be it single or married men.I will advice u to delete the option of leaving ur husband cos dat not the solution.if u leave ur man cos he cheated on u how re u sure the next guy would not do worst.A lot of ladies are at ur door step waiting for u to step out of ur marriage for them to come in and manage the problem u re runing away from.Always pray,love and talk to him abt ur feelings.watch (Mr and Mrs) a nigerian movie.this film will help u.
My dear it is hard but marriage is for better for worst and if you ever decide to leave thinking other guys are out dere that is not true(its not the other part of the world were any guy is ready to marry you even after 7children)so just sit him down,pour out your heart to him and leave the rest to God!so you do not be like me that saved it all up in my heart and have became a reflection of what a cheating guy turned me into "cheating girl" and am not happy about it.
Except by accident, some people can never be connected to a good home (not even remotely) Please zip ur mouth if u dont have any thing good to say to this young lady. And if u must comment, just issue a disclaimer.
Pc on point as usual
Hello Dear! My advice is to let you know that those advising you to leave your marriage are those that want to fill your vacuum if you eventually leave your husband. Be wise as serpent as the bible tells us and pray over your situation. Also, it seems that because of your income and educational qualifications, you feel his is not the type of man for you. Therefore, I will encourage you to put aside all these things and love him again as never before. God will heal your marriage and give you reasons to smile again.
I stiIl can't stop laughing at what the woman that swore she would not leave her husband but deal with him said bcos of her child. Tho funny to me, I think tht is wht u shd do. Deal with him using ur senses. Don't try to get even with him in anyway bcos u wud never. the reasons i believe u need to deal with him is, until u do, u wont be able to truly forgive him cos u'll need and will have to. until u ve that sense of satisfaction that u have "done ur own too", it'll keep hurting & haunting u. so find ways of "dealing" with him but never leave. I must say here i'm a man & a christian too but I dont suscribe to those saying pray and wait on God. what if he starts beating u? what if u get HIV or any serious disease. As much as u will pray, u need to take steps. be decisive, be firm. some will hurt u but u have to get ur man back. One of the reasons u need to keep ur marriage is becos of ur children. i'm from a broken home & lived with my step mum from age 3 and from experience i ve heard too, best thing is having 2 parents tht are original.so for the sake of ur child(ren), fight but NEVER leave.
I must say in my own opinion, u put ursef in this situation. u totally caused it. that does not excuse the man's attitude but u didnt communicate i wnt to believe but again, NEVER feel guilty bcos that will ruin things further. u did this out of ignorance. one thing our women need to understand is men think more with their penises and u cant do anything to that. imagine someone desperate for something & he keeps coming to u so u give him but u kept refusing him, he'll definitely get it somewhere else. u'll do that if it was u. u dont rly know how we feel when we are i n the mood and u refuse. it's like aaaarrrrrgggh but question is: is it every time u can give it to us? NO Don't turn a man away 60% of the time even if u will. i think 50% is just fair. immediately u go off that mark, u just gave a man the ticket to womanize. Also make sure to explain to ur man why u cant afford him tht time and be sincere & genuine. it's only a foolish man that will not be understanding when instead of enforcing him, u explain and both of u AGREE. Enough story. a word they say is enough for the wise. i must warn u, u will do a great job bringing ur husband back. it wont be easy but u ve to do it anyway so start from being sexy and acomodating. seduce him do whatever will make him want to come home and knw that before his tummy, u need to take care of his little man. Dont give uneccesary attitude except it is necessary to get his attention and never throw the fact u are more learned or earn more at his face at any time if not, u've totally ruined every thing. it's in ur hands but dont 4get to "deal" with him. LOL!
i think you should talk about it with him. tell him everything you feel. listen to what he has to say. if he still denies it, i suggest you get some concrete evidence and confront him. if he still acts like a douche,i suggest u pack out of the house and take your child with you. you are fine financially and i know a lot of women who have only one parent and they are fine adn even respect that parent for doing the right thing. would you rather stick it out and have your child think that cheating in a marriage or suffering in silence is okay or would you rather them respecting you for doing whats right for you? if he really loves he'll work on it. at his age he should know the difference between right and wrong. he cant use the fact that "men have needs" as an excuse
I woke up this morning with joy and smile seeing my lover who asked for divorce sleeping on the same bed with me,True the help of this great man called Dr sanjay i am monica from the united state am here to testify in the good name of this God-sent called Dr sanjay for the great thing he has done after i have been in a relationship and we later got married after 6 years of marriage my lover kelvin just woke up one morning and told me that he needs a divorce and he needs the divorce very urgently that he his tired of me and he wants to get a new lover he said mean words to me that made me cry and believe maybe some spirit entered into him,The next day was a letter from the lawyer that my lover needed a divorce when the lawyer came home tears dropped out of my eyes then i packed my things and decided to leave the house for him which then he brought the lady he said he wants to get married to so we were suppose to be in court this wednesday 4th of this month,But i got to know about Dr sanjay when i was reading a magazine how he has cancelled lots of divorce and restored many marriages and bring back Ex.. so then i went to the internet read lots of Reviews about Dr sanjay on the internet how he has helped lots of people in getting back there lover so i could not waste much time i contacted him and told him what my problem was then he told me that my lover would be back to my arms within 24 hours Lo and behold my lover kelvin came back to my arm drove away the lady he brought home and he called me and asked where i was he came over and apologies to me in tears that he does not need the divorce anymore all he wants is me and he made me had access to his account SSN ATM pin and beneficiary to all his account am so happy today divorce cancelled within 24 hours i believe Dr sanjay is a man to trust and believe on. You don't need to cry anymore Dr sanjay has been sent to clean our tears you can contact him on sanjaylandofsolution60@gmail. com or cell phone +2348176363653
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