Would you stay with a husband who impregnates another lady just less than a year into your marriage? I ask 'cos I know someone who is in that situation and she doesn't know whether to stay in the marriage or leave. She's in her twenties and has just one kid. Her child is a few months old...the other lady's child is a few weeks old. What would you do?
61 comments:
Tough one. But i don't think the bitterness and resentment i would have would allow me to stay and/or cater to a man that doesn't love and respect me enough to keep it in his trousers...whether it was in the 1 year or the 50th year of our marriage.
But to each his own. This is something the person who finds themselves in the situation has to deal with as they are the ones who have to live with the decision.
If a marriage start with cheating in the first year ,it would not last and it would not worth it if the lady is advised to stay, the man does not worth the troubles, i mean that was too fast!!! but then, every decistion still falls on the lady in question, because i can assure her more are still coming, it is better for her to make hay when the sun is still shinnig, thank god she is still young,that man is useless!!!
No going back on my marriage, as long as am legally wedded to him, let him have all d kids in d world, i dont care, AKA GUM , i go no where, i will marry him till death do us part.
It could have been a big mistake, it just takes: 3-5 mins. It could not have been a mistake but a regular thing, different strokes for different folks, it might be the next 50years without any more issues... nothing is new under the sun.. nothing at all.
her baby is a few months old bc she disobeyed God's command and got pregnant b4 marriage, d same thing the husband has just done by adultery. so she shouldnt complain. However i advise she quits now its still early, though it wont be easy for her. a man that cheats on his wife in less than a year after marriage surely doesnt love or respect the woman
I will forgive him and that is the weapon to win the battle. The other woman has done her worse by having a child for him but she could not break our marriage.
If he apologises and becomes truly sorry with a promise to mend his ways who am i? That i can't forgive remember to eer is human and to forgive is divine. To leave? No way am in, the other lady is out that alone settles the score unless the guy in question has numerous faults......
Linda, the exact same thing happened to my mother 25 odd years ago and she eventually left my father and we children where brought up in a broken home.
I respect my mother for having the courage to divorce my dad because in our culture that sort of thing is greatly frowned upon but, with hindsight, I think they should have fought for their marraige.
the piont I want to make is that this man is not the first man to do such a thing and he wont be the last. But if your friend can look at the bigger picture and think about the vows her and her husnabd made before God Almighty (for sickness, in health, for better for worse, till death us do part)I think they should resolve to work on their marraige and find a way to move forward.
this is such a painful situation and when me own mother even talks about the betrayal and hurt she felt as a yound wife and mother, I always shed a tear.
I dont know if you friend is a born again christian , but I think we need to add a spiritual dimension to this- marraige is a holy institution ordained by the good Lord Himself and everytime another marraige bites the dust, the devil and his minions celebrate. Therefore we must fight the good fight as Christians and never give the enemy the chance to rejoice over our failures.
I hope that the husband is repentant and willing to make things work as well because that also plays a crucial part.
my heart bleeds for your friend and I will remember her in my prayers. My best advice for her is to equipt herself with the Word of God, get on her knees and fight this battle in the spiritual realms because God is definitely on her side and, by His grace, their marraige will get through this in the Mighty name of Jesus our Saviour.
marriage is a serious issue..u cant just up n leave when something wrong happens. even the bible says that if you divorce and follow another man, you commit adultery...wots the point of getting a divorce if u cannot re-marry.. and @ s.a boy..God is not vengeful that he will allow her husband commit adultery just cos she had pre-marital sex!..the husband was wrong..but as the saying goes..wot dont break u will make u stronger...I think she needs to commit it all to God n allow him heal her wounds and direct her path..cos His thoughts are higher than ours... I wish her well and I pray God guides her.
situations as this makes me question over and over again... can you respect one whom yu do not love or love someone whom yu do not respect?
To leave or not to leave thats the question and the answer i believe truelly lies with victim, the will to act on her belief i sincerely believe she might lack bcos of a truth we fear the unknown!
In situations like this it's not going to get better, especially in Nigeria where men aren't admonished for such embarrassing indiscretions. She can stay and deal with her polygamous home or go out as a single mother and deal with the issues that come with that.
@ Teniola..
Interesting perspective, yet fact,...depends if the man is really not such a person, and it's an error... you don't throw your life away, just because someone decided to screw your oga..
For me, I will take a walk, The Earlier the Better. It won't get better, if He starts cheating very early into the Marriage, it means he doesn't find me satisfying and that will only detroriate. How can I stay in a marriage thats barely 1year and I am already sharing the man with another???
Na to waka o! Hoping and Praying God provides for me a better man. Sekina!
For better.... For worse!
#verybitterpilltoswallowthough
Im sure she probably saw it coming, if her marriage is less than one year and she already hv a child that is few months old it means she hooked the guy with pregnancy and he probably did not love her........so my advise before u marry a guy ensure that he really wants to marry u and not becos he has to.....
l will advise she stays with her man and in her marriage and win him back.
wowthats a tough one there are two ways to plsy this
1. which i recommend stay in your marriage and grow in ur spiritual life pray for your family and your husband. a woman's husband is her pride no 1 can take yours from you but you have to learn to keep him
2. leave and start a new life which in our society is not very kind on single mothers.
Dear most marriages are like that ask around, people have been in worst situation and have stayed just be more prayerful God will touch your husband and protect you and your child from any plan of the evil woman.
this stuffs can be so daunting.I don't think I can handle such sha... i cant even process this info! but you see all those aristo girls that marry the highest bidder good for them o! they have made some of us look foolish for too long.
Hmm, it is interesting to note that no one was brought up the issue of STDs or Aids. Cheating is no longer just an issue of breaking vows and hurt. Health should come first! 25 years ago a lot of these diseases and viruses were not as prevalent as they are now.
Anon May 16, 2011 10:18 AM; the same Bible that you are quoting says that the only grounds for divorce should be ADULTERY!
Anyway, this guy must have shown the traits of a “cheater” before she settled down with him. If she handled it while they were dating, she had better handle it and stay in the marriage. If she’s trying to prove a point to someone and to people that she won by settling with the guy, she should stay.
On the other hand if she feels, there’s no redemption, then she’s on her own! Once she leaves, the other lady will easily walk in. Herein lies the issue!
Leave! She is young , still in her twenties. The prime of her life is still ahead. Leave!!
A happy single mother is better than an uncomfortable distrustful married mother. If she leaves, she ay find the right partner soo.
Two options
1. Be like our grandmas of old: stay, kill your emotions i.e. view the marriage as a business transaction; view the marriage as bigger than his pen-s. Focus on raising the kids and creating a life for yourself and view oga as a brother, feed him, look after him, be his friend but DO NOT depend on him as your source of laughter; if he gives you reason to laugh fine, if not fine! Don't forget to check yourself regularly for STDs, there r no guarantees.
2. Leave him & start afresh; new marriage may be much better or may be same or worse.
I can see many of you that are commenting here are traditional nigerians, who judges a womans`s achievemenet based on her marital status. You mean she should stay married and be unhappy is better than being a single mum because of stigma....i dont belong to that school of thought...i will advise this lady to pick race fast, her life is in danger. She need her life for her child to survive (my thought sha!)
she shuldnt leave her marriage she shuld stay for her child n shuldnt tk anymore nonsense frm her husbandshe shuld lay sum ground rules on the way 4wrd
@ chilling...i know the bible says u can divorce for adultery; BUT it also says if u leave ur wife or hubby and then start a relationship wiv someone else...U R COMMITTING ADULTERY...so again..i ask..wots the point of leaving if u cant hook up with someone else?..will u be a spinster for the rest of ur life?
Today he's bringing home another baby, the next day what will he bring home? Herpes or HIV?
I agree with everyone who said he must have been a cheater before she married him. I spent 5years with a cheater and was actually going to marry him. Thank God some other girl got pregnant for him and he married her. I knew throughout the five years that if i married him, all i would get would be heartache.However, you cannot really advise this girl unless you are in the same situation and hey, cheating is the regular pasttime of a lot of Nigerian men plus, husbands are scarce these days o!
This is a very tough one!I have a family friend who is in a similar position but has decided to stick it out.Her hubby just had a 2nd child from the woman outside despite being married to this guy for 10years with 3 beautiful daughters.
Every individual has their breaking point.If she feels she can handle the pain/humiliation associated with her husband's philandering ways then she should hang in there but make sure she protects herself from STDs.
Leaving her husband might give her a certain level of piece of mind in the short term but if she is the kind of person who cares about what people say,it will be very tough long term.Nigerians don't ask why a woman is divorced and she will be labelled as the guilty party.
May God give her wisdom
This is one of those classic situations where you won't know how to react until you find yourself in it.
I feel sorry for your friend.
She's still young and has the rest of her life ahead of her. I don't see why she should tie herself to a man who obviously doesn't respect her. Life as a single mother isn't as hard as people think. Many women are afraid to leave bad marriages because they are scared of what 'people' will say. Who are these so called 'people'? Even if they talk about you at first, they won't keep talking about you forever will they? Life as a miserable married woman cannot be compared to life as a happy single mother.
Again, women are terrified of being alone that's why they "manage" horrible men. We live in a patriarchal society which is why people say things like 'I'll stay and fight for my marriage. Another woman cannot reap what I have sown.' Fight for what exactly - the little shred of dignity you have left? What is so special about the man anyway?
I wish your friend all the best and hope she makes a wise decision.
@ s.a. boy aka Moral Gestapo, she and her husband both disobeyed this 'God's command' you speak of; so your argument that his adultery is some sort of messianic vengeance is deeply flawed.
Heavy situation! Nobody can really advise anyone adequately in these kinds of situation because no one on the outside knows in depth the history of the relationship from the earliest point until the deed was done.
Personally, I could deal with the cheating, not accept it o but I could deal with the pain and eventually forgive but when the cheating results in a child, that is a different matter. I would have to ask myself if I could live with the evidence of my husband's cheating around me in the form of a young baby? Would I want to have my children build a relationship wit this children after all they would be half siblings? It is a lot to ask of a person in a very young marriage.
Personally, I would ask for a temporary separation and for counseling with both a spiritual advisor AND a psychologist. This young lady has got to seek the face of God in this matter, be real with herself about what she can/cannot accept from this moment onwards and she needs to set serious boundaries with her husband from here on out because I think that was her initial mistake when they began dating. She probably never set up boundaries, she never spoke up about her expectations and probably chose to ignore this serious short coming aka his inability to keep his pee-pee in his pants.
Sha, this is not a situation to be taken lightly. She must consider hers and her child's happiness AND of course her SEXUAL HEALTH because if he got a woman pregnant, he is having sex without condoms which takes this thing to another level, people's lives are being endangered: his, hers and the other woman.
May God guide them.
Sorry ladies but I have to say this. Sometimes we knew what we are getting ourselves into and still go into it. I bet the two ladies were dragging who will win. You can´t change a cheater for whatever reason e.g pregnancy. A friend of mine is suffering it today because she decided to stay with one (cheater). Before they got married he has a child with another lady while courting her and during the course of their 10 years together, he has another two with different ladies. Right now, she´s in Germany with two kids while he´s in London alone (or not so alone). She´s marrying him because she want to be seen married but happiness no way. My candid opinion is, if she want to remain married, let her stay but if she want her happiness and sanity let her take a walk because this type of people never change, they think of another woman 24/7 even when things looks okay in their relationship. They are never satisfied with one partner, my cents.
Everyone read anonymous 11:07 comment, if it is true then I don't feel sorry for her....if she knew the man was going around with another lady while you were dating....then she need to blame herself, if she marry him because of money and all, now she should sit tight and be ready for her husband to bring in second wife
What is going on this day, with some ladies how can you get pregnant for a married man, even if he was messing with you before marriage....once he is married tell him to fuck off....SMH
Conclusion, if the wife want to live long she need to get the hell out sharp sharp...polygamous is not good oooo speaking from experience. the lady outside will be trying all her best to become wife also, meaning she will go to any length to accomplish that.
She should have engraved it all around. that's not a costly damage to fix
nobody else can make the decision for her. she is the only one that knows the true circumstances of the whole shenanigan.
she feels bad now, she might feel victorious for a minute if she walks out but when the other woman immediately packs her load in, then she will almost feel like putting a gun to her own head.
she knows how the story started - if this is an error on her husband's part, then she might have to stay. If this is his way, then she knows how she has been handling it.
it is also unfortunate that we are so quick to judge women without judging thr men. sometimes we rain curses on the "other woman" when by virtue of the man's deception,she might as well be the first woman.
if I wasn't married I would say get up and leave this minute..USELESS MAN. Yes it is extremely painful --but no one said marriage is all sweet and easy - it is tough work.
I was in a similar case well no baby but my husband cheated whilst I was carrying our baby - when they said marital stress is one of the greatest they didn't lie - I went thru alot of pain, anger, resentment, betrayal etc - how could he do this? - esp now carrying our 1st child 2yrs into our marriage.
I prayed and cried and prayed and cried - meanwhile he wasn't totally apologetic at 1st which made it even worse to forgive - -
I began to evaluate my options I can leave and raise my daughter by myself or I can try to work it out somehow. During this time I only discussed with just the one friend and read the Bible and marriage books like crazy trying to find solutions, answers and justification for why I should leave - to cut long story short I stayed and forgave him. Marriage is for life, you have to take the bitter with the better -
Marriage is not based on conditions - i.e you stay fit, stay true, stay sexy, stay home,stay faithful etc - it is UNCONDITIONAL -when you exchange vows you've decided that regardless of what comes our way or what you do I'll still love you - so it goes beyond mere emotion it is a decision.
the best advice I read was to see the cheating as a disease - once I began looking at it that way - i was able to separate the cheating spouse from the man I fell in love with - I prayed for him like he was sick and needed help - the more I pray the more my mind was renewed - and soon the anger, resentment and bitterness all went.....i believe the whole experience wasn't infact to destroy our marriage but to make me a Proverbs 31 woman - - a foolish woman destroys her home but wise builds it. The recovery time is long but it is worth it - press on girl - the race is long - you sometimes have to endure to enjoy. If you don't know pain you'll never appreciate pleasure
A few things:
He impregnanted someone? Yea, she knew he was capable of straying. It is heartbreaking but I am almost positive that she knew he had tendencies to sleep around.
Ladies and Gents, know your spouse and please marry the person because you are sure you want to spend forever with them or at least try to spend forever with them.
Whatever her decision, I hope the child will be alright.
I am not sure I would stay with a man that brings home a child from another into my home. He definitely would not stay with me, if I brought another man's child(while we are married) into his life. God help us all.
I am a man, and I never cease to ask this question many times over :
WHY DO MEN CHEAT ON THEIR WIVES ?! WHY?!
If it is because of sex, don't women all have the same body? why can't a man teach his wife bedroom skills if the wife is ignorant in bed, or if frigidity ids the problem, why can't you take her for counselling.
May the LORD remove every desire that will push me to cheat on my wife IJN! Amen!
The decision is hers 2 make. Leaving ur home will be 2 the other woman's gain. Like Janet Jackson told her friends in the movie 'why did i get married'. pick a paper and write out his good sides and his bad sides. if the good side out weighs the bad side, the more reason to 4give him and retain ur home but if it's the other way round, then.....
wow! kinda surprised by Linda's comment. Didn't know she can ever 4give a cheating man.
Being a single mother is not easy and yet being married to 'husband of the street' is also not a great bargain.
Because mistakes do happen, I will take time to talk with my husband and the lady and we will trash it out thoroughly before I take my decision.
I will not advice anybody to stay hooked to someone they suspect can give them HIV from his blatant selfishness and utter lack of self control!!
Mena
http://efemenaoreoluwa.blogspot.com/2011/05/bullying-and-bulliespart-1.html
to steezz.com.....and did janet jackson in 'why did l get married'... the moview use her own medicine in the moview? unfortunately she did not and she had the most bitter and tragic divorce.
marriage is a huge bundle of contradictions. no easy answers pls. me say, when life trows u lemon, u make a lemonade
hmmmmm advice her to zap!!!! i was engaged to a guy, he lived in my flat here in Abuja, 2weeks to our introduction i had night vigils for complete 5days no sleep, afterwards he almost rape an 11yr old girl my neigbours daughter...friends say heen i shd call it quit while some pple say i should forgive, though i stopped the introduction, i forgave him and became an object or ridicule in my neigbourhoood the next thing i saw this guy staring at the young girls pictures on my camera....several girls are calling him, he comes home with glitter on his face...ETC
People i quickly call it quit....see this will happen over and over again let her get ready for the shocker that lady is gonna have his child again, this days of people believing no husband....she go hook his neck, if she leaves she will move in, anoda woman outside will still have his baby, see its like that..let her ZAAAAAAP....Endurace ko Endurance ni, Endurance oshi,,,,b4 she clocks 35 i can bet it she will look 50
Linda, you said you would forgive him. Fine!
I know a guy whose mum took two step kids in with the hope that her husband would stop seeing his mistress and it worked.
However, the step kids are graduates like her kids and she was really good to them but when her husband died their mum claimed that she was the legal wife and legal fireworks started.
The woman won the battle because one of her kids was a popular government official. Her step kids and their mum took the battle to the spirit world and the woman and her kids were tormented for years.
To me, it is not worth it. She should have allowed him to divorce her or divorce him although it would have affected their kids.
I doubt if they would have all graduated from university if their parents were divorced. It is very hard for a woman to train kids on her own without vices and hitches.
It happened to me in 2003, our marriage was less than 2 years old. I gave birth to my son in May and that same month he got another woman pregnant. Got to find out later that he was dating that same woman even when we were dating. He also hid our marriage from her so she thought he was single and ready. It was the worst moment of my life. We got separated and during our separation, he got her pregant again. i made my decision, he was not worth it and left. He married his mistress last year. My son turned 8 years on May 13 this year and I am preparing for my wedding this December. Yes I am a christian but that divorce was worth it. He did not deserve me and from a personal point of view, if I did not leave when I did, I would not have lived to tell this story today because suicide was constantly on my mind. To make matters worse, he was a serious drunk and wife-beater.. Divorce or no divorce, I am making heaven.
It amazing how people are so quick to offer solutions to things they know nothing about. PEOPLE COURTSHIP/ DATING IS DIFFERENT FROM MARRIAGE ESP WHEN A CHILD IS INVOLVED.
1st Advice- When you sit on ur bed at nite you are the only one who knows where the shoes hurts, You know if you want to pack up and lead of u feel you can stand to fight for ur marriage. You can the only one who can say its worth staying or I need to leave. No even ur mother can make that honest deicision for you. People might say what ever you are the only one who can be very honest with your self.
2ND Advice- There is a child involved. When u think about what you want to do, Don’t think about how it affects you think about how it will affect your child. What uve dreamed and hoped for the child, Can the father give the child that, Can another man provide that care I want , Can I provide the car, love and all as a single mother. ( I come from a broken home, I still use a lot of skill taught by my father when my parents were together, They mite have had their ish, but a father has a role to play in any childs life except he is utterly useless).
3rd Advice- What was the foundation of your marriage with him? Were you aware of another woman in the picture before marriage? In all other aspects of your marriage does he do right by you? Is he sorry? What does he want? What do you want? Can you deal with a step child? Can u find it in your heart to forgive him? Do you see yourselves getting thru this? Do you have the heart to walk out of this marriage and take care of your child and yourself? Now if u leave, How do you know what and what you will set straight / foundations to be laid in any new relationship? Can those foundations still be laid in this marriage?
People can talk from now till tomorrow, Half the people here, don’t now what it feels like and probably will never know. It takes being in a certain situation to fully understand and appreciate the situation.
Well I don't see myself as one to remain in an unhappy marriage just because... *insert whatever*
A man who cheats on you during your first year as a man & wife will 8.5 times outta 10 do it again.
Whether she stays or not will not change the fact that she will forever resent him. And personally, I can't fathom living under the same roof with someone who disgusts me.
On another note,
I just have to say, I am truly amazed that in this 2011, there is still a large amount of women who feel as though they need a relationship/marriage to validate their existence. Their importance in life.
Ask around and observe closely.
How many married couples are truly happily married?
In Nigeria for example, many folks are "married" but emotionally divorced.
And then they want to get mad at the mistress???
I mean You chose to stay with a man who has disrespected u time and time again so it shouldn't come as any surprise to you when he decides to kick you out of the house one bright morning and bring in his mistress.
Wouldn't u rather be single and sane than married but frustrated, paranoid, grumpy and on the verge of insanity?
Ahh well. All man for himself.
Life is too short to be unhappy and staying in an unhappy/unhealthy relationship is the fastest way to lose your sanity.
To the lady in question, take your time to think things thoroughly because at the end of the day, like many have said, no one on the outside truly knows and understands the depth of the entire situation.
I wish you luck.
God bless.
@10:17 and 12:39 AM she is not commuting adultery if she leaves as the man was the one who committed adultery so in the eyes of God she is not guilty!!!
@11:46 AM thank you adultery is a sin which the bible allows for a marriage to end.
My advice would be for her to decide if she wants to contact an STD from the cheating waste of space. But again there is a child involved and she would have to decide if she wants to be a single mother or tolerate the other silly woman's demands on her husband as the child's father.
The same happened to my mother and she decided to stay but i tell you it was not an easy experience even many years after the incident happened. The child is now about 25 years old and I have never met the child and that is what can happen so think very well before you stay with this evil man nonsense!!!
@OVERSABI, ,,You are just an inspiration and i could see sense in your contribution. Infact your comment is the most interesting of all comments i have read on this blog .May almighty God bless you. cheers!!!!!
very very very tough one. the man is absolutely shameless. to be sincere, i can't be in a marriage of this sort. once i discover this...its over. people say for better or for worse, but remember, the church grants you the privilege to divorce on the grounds of unfaithfulness/deceit. the man was very deceitful and like Linda said, the marriage isn't even up to a yr old. meaning that, the guy had been seeing her all the while. have we thought abt the fact that if not for this pregnancy, he would have continued to see her? he doesn't deserve a second chance. and even after this lesson learnt, he will continue to still go out. some men are just ridiculous. i just feel bad for the kid. its not easy to grow up in a broken home but hey, if she feels like she needs to stay back just for the kids sake, its fine. extremely painfulll situation.
@ dith, thanks a lot for your words. you just said it all. staying back in the marriage.....we knw there will be lack of trust, she will not be happy and i'm sure the guy currently disgusts her with all that has happened. why stay in a marriage and be managing? knowing fully well that you will be unhappy for the rest of your life? she is still in her 20's. its not late to get out of the mess and move ahead. i wish her the best!
start saving up MONEY, find a place and RUN FOR YA LIFE...PEOPLE ARE WICKED, THE LADY OUTSIDE WILL WANT TO MOVE IN, AND SHE WILL DO IT ANY MEANS....IF SHE HAVE TO CHASE YOU FOR DREAM SHE GO DO AM...
IF A MAN CHEATS ON YOU WITHIN A YEAR OF MAARIAGE, SWEERIE HE WILL DO IT OVER AND OVER. THE OTHER LADY, SHOULD WATCH IT TOOO HE IS GOING TO DO THE SAME THING.
Does she need someone to tell her to leave? Move out some guys really ain't worth the stress.
its too late,i was in the same sittuation 2 years ago and canceled the marriage before 2 months before cos the other lady is not ready leave and she does not mind polygamy,he wanted to marry me and keep her as a mistress but the girl was only 22 and she honestly not ready to leave so i cancelled,even though am married now i still remember him everyday of my life cos i really love him.that lady does not have a foresight....she have to stay cos if she leaves for another man she might get the worse..
There is no management in marriage, Period!, However way we all look at it, it will never be the same again, as far as there is a child involved. I am a living witness, My dear it has never worked and will not start working with you. LEAVE! You are still very young.
News time!!! One happened in my area last week. The man impregnated his girlfriend in Lagos and traveled to the village to marry his betrothed wife.
The Lagos gf heard about it, traveled to the village arrested the man, in the church on his wedding day. The church had to beg the police and the Lagos gf to allow the wedding which she agreed.
And now the man has 2wives.
My own question is, will you go ahead with the wedding? As the Bride to be?
Na today???????????
Its always easy to say what you'll do and wont do when its not you. What are we looking for when we get into marriages? Its a lifetime covenant, it should be a life time commitment...'till death do us part'. I think she should stay and work it out, bring the child in if u have to. Its really sad but we need to pray for men (and women) cause the devil is hard at work. Don't break easily. May the grace of God see us through.
Na wa, are you even asking?? In a heartbeat i'm outta his life! (love gba kwa oku!) Just a year?? haba no way now! If it was a love child 10 or more years down the line, i can even understand (not necessarily tolerate sha).. Na wa!!! God help us in this age.
To hell with scarce husbands these days! Why do i want to marry one who has no respect for God or my body by impregnating another woman?? The acceptable grounds for divorce in the bible is infidelity.. I can forgive him for cheating on me, but to have a seed out of that infidelity just a year into marriage is a no-no... I will walk out and mend my life. FYI people, there is no law under the sun that says one must be married or stay married forever! (even the bible acknowledges divorce 1 Corinthians 7).. Anyway your friend should decide for herself, to each man his own cup of tea. No one can tell you what is right or wrong in such circumstances. Let her pray and search for answers from God, shikena.
@Oversabi, good advise but i wonder if your reaction would have been the same if he fathered a child out of his infidelity?! Guess we'll never know.. Cheating is a disease, a spiritual disease that should be handled in the spiritual (prayers, fasting, etc), however there is no point in living a difficult life because you want to stay married and not be tagged a 'divorcee' or single mum!
I am tired of hearing Nigerian woman become so complacent in accepting the infidelity of men in this country, its despicable! As much as we all want to be married, to have someone to love and be loved and raise children, we want to do it on our own agreed and faithful terms and be happy about doing it! Abraham fathered a love child out of Sarah's wishes and God was not happy about it even though he still blessed Hagai and her son. Your friend did not make this choice and God will understand if she leaves him, which is entirely her choice to make. She can't find the answers she's looking for on this blog. As her friend, send her to scriptures and on her knees. Me i know my stand on this matter.
linda, i guess ur friend knew what she was getting into before she married her man. he must have shown signs of being a serial cheater. but what to do?d decision is left for her. she may decide to forgive him and stay but she must also be ready for repeat dramas like that. lets hope the man will have the sense to cheat with matured ladies and not babies in diapers or children in school uniforms.because, if it comes to that, the matter is now out of her hands!
some of these comments are very ignorant and mind i say foolish..
but its her decision..
if she chooses to live him, its up to her
stay with him, its up to her
but you should never tolerate disrespect
i don't believe that ones a cheater always a cheater
i believe in forgiveness
she can forgive him and move on alone or forgive him and stay with him. whatever her decision, it should be the one that makes her happy and the one that will benefit her ..
xx
Doasbg.blogspot.com
hhhmmmnnn, i don't think any lady in her twenties need to be told what to do in this case. i am in my twenties too and i am presently going through a similar but worse situation. i married my husband in the catholic church, a church that believes there is nothing like divorce.but is the church living in the hell i call home with me? of course NO!!!!. people talk of stigma, do u feel the so called stigma when u are dead? the answer is NO.i left my matrimonial home almost 2 months ago exactly a year and 14 days after my wedding. my case is worse cos my so called husband brings his mistress to our home on a daily basis once i am off to work under the guidance of his mother. what so called mother in-laws can do!!!!!. i am happy today cos i am still alive cos his intention and what i heard him discuss with his family is to kill me off so he can be free to marry his mistress. let me not bore you with my experience but i seriously advice your friend to pack her things right now and leave the guy. it can only get worse and i pray it doesn't result in death for her and her child.
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