Airtel

Slot

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Dear LIB Readers: Does Marriage Destroy Friendship?

Dear Linda, I am so angry right now that I can't even explain. She was my best friend for 13 years. My very best friend since our high school days. We did everything together, even lived together in my parents house for a few years before she met her husband. She got married last December and I've only seen her twice since then. Everytime I call her for a meet up, she comes up with one excuse or the other. I've only ever been invited to her matrimonial home once. These days I am so anxious about calling because she acts like I am disturbing her. Her marriage has put a huge strain on our friendship and I am devastated. I never thought marriage would take my best friend away. Please help share with your readers and ask them if friendship have to change when one party gets married and the other remains single? And what's the best way to deal with this anger I feel towards her?

Please share your thoughts.
Meanwhile, LIB means (Linda Ikeji Blog)

64 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sadly it does, though not with all friends. Sometimes the euporia of getting married, legally being with a man (husband) kinds of pre-occupies the lady. And sometimes the hubby might not just want the best friend there anymore (which your friend will never tell you-i know cos i've been there) Besides right now her priorities and focus will have changed. You could still be the best friend by understanding all these and you know we arent all good communicators especially when we know we've hurt someone with our actions.
so.... just bear with her. Im sure she's still your friend at heart. Be patient with her. just that the settings have changed.

Anonymous said...

Well, it's really simple. she's really busy and can't give you as much attention as she used to. She also thinks her hubby and family are more important than you are. maybe the problem is in the fact that she's not being very diplomatic about communicating that to you.
I recommend you move on with your life

Anonymous said...

One can understand ur anger but its quite displaced. Being a wife is no easy task and I'm sure ur friend is just trynna find her footing and all. Just call her occasionally but don't demand of her time. Be understanding. I'm sure once she gets a hang of things, she'll b able to balance being a good friend and being a good wife with nobody feelin neglected

Anonymous said...

u should have married her. too late someone else has her now. Didnt u realise u loved her?? What u feel now u may deny, but its jealousy. Her hubby shd be her bestie now. She is being wise right now by cutting off. Like I said, you should have married her. lol

Oladipo said...

Go and Marry.

Anonymous said...

People create distance between themselves and friends after marriage for a number of reasons. she may be ensuring that an insecure partner does not get jealous, she may have found a new best friend in her husband and outgrown what you consider as friendship or she may be too busy juggling so many things that she may not even have time for herself. Whatever her reasons are, you have to respect the distance she has created between the two of you and move on.
Aside from that, have you considered that she may have had feelings for you and dont want them to resurface and damage her marriage?

Anonymous said...

Her husband is her new best friend, so get used to being the 2nd best friend from now henceforth.

Anonymous said...

Are you married? Probably not. Birds of a feather flock together, she's moved on to a different level of life, let her be...

Anonymous said...

You no get wahala at all. While i don't think this is a topic to seek external help, my 2 cents is you send an email explaining how you truly feel to your friend. Marriage doesn't destroy friendships but they certainly don't remain the same as your friend may have bigger issues to deal with and needs space and time to deal with them.
You're angry with her and she doesn't realize it or hasn't acknowledged it, which therefore makes your anger/grudge in vain and a total waste.
Talk to your friend.

Seun Omoteso a.k.a Shawntee said...

Exactly! go and marry to keep up with your friend. u think she will allow u take her man even-though u were her besty.

camouflage said...

leave her alone! move on and find another bestie...simple!!

tayo said...

Marriage definitely destroy friendship!!!

All of friends that are married have stopped communicating and at first I was the one calling and calling and trying to know if we can sustain the relationship but as time went by, I realized that my priorities in life is different from theirs. As such, forget about her, not entirely but keep yourself busy and find new friends that are single or even find married matured friends that wont mind sharing their lives with you. At the end, she may come back looking for you after some time!
As for me, I have cut all communications with them, well, being married does not mean out of mind, its just selfishness on their part. I have made myself more preoccupied with my academics and love life!!! so, drop the anger in you and be happy for yourself, you will be amazed with how much you can find in other new areas of your life!
Cheers

Anonymous said...

e be like say e don reach time wey these people go begin pay money...afterall linda is being taken care of too...lol am joking o

Meanwhile just search yourself and be sure you aint jealous of your friend and then get real busy

Anonymous said...

Linda i have been waiting to see my story since last week and you havent posted it yet. I really need help in getting various opinions. Whats the delay?

S.

Obehi Okoawo said...

When I got married some couple of years back I did not abandoned my best friend, rather my husband and I made her our favourite fAmily friend, but she only got married a month and she is already acting funny her husband Is even worse and this is somebody I spent so much on not to talk about the sacrifices myself and my husband made for them. Not even a "thank u" from the man. Now my husband is so disappointed because I made sure he was 100% committed during the wedding.... In fact I don't know why marriages affects friendships because I did not abandon my best friends.*I'm hurt*

Anonymous said...

Marriage doesn't destroy friendships, it changes it. Your friend has a new best friend in her life. She can not continue to gab endlessly with you, hang out like you used to. She has only been married for a number of months, give her time to adjust.

Quick question to think about (not trying to be offensive), when y'all were single, did you both or maybe just you, deal with married men? Maybe she is being cautious (just sayin').

Some of my closest girlfriends are married. Our friendships are still solid but it has changed. I do not have marriage in common with them. I do not expect that we can communicate the way we used to (I do not mind that at all). I know that when I need them, they are there for me and vice versa. Its part of growing up dear.

Anonymous said...

My dear, do not be devastated. She is scared that you might take her husband. You have to learn to be happy alone and not depend on another for your happiness. My dear, move on and forget her. She will come back looking for you and you will decide if you want to continue with the friendship or not.

Anonymous said...

Its either her husband is a controlling bastard that refuses to have his wife associate with her friends and family or she herself feels that as a married woman u and her can not relate as well as u use to .
It's normal for a married woman to grow apart from her single friends after a while, but the abnormality here is that she has not even been married for up to a year. In my opinion she is being a total bitch!!!!!!
I suggest you give her some space and swallow the hurt..such is life!! She will need a friend soon and guess who she will come running to ??? YOU!!!!

koinonia said...

My advise is that you give your friend time to settle into her new role and in the meantime, you should find other things to occupy your time, to fill the void of her absence such as a taking on a new sport (lawn tennis for example), culinary classes, professional exams, Conducting research on or executing that lifelong plan you wrote down a while back (If it's fashion for example,take fashion courses, start sketching etc or if it's to be a writer start a blog, take writing classes, feature your articles on Naija stories for ratings etc), making new friends etc.

This way, your time will not only be occupied but you'll also be developing yourself. Sooner or later she may come to the realisation that her husband cannot meet all her relationship needs as the role of a husband is diff from that of a sister, a female friend etc. Otherwise, It's her loss.

I had this same issue with a couple of my friends and I did the exact same thing. Gave them space and found myself during this time. Now they are the ones calling me incessantly,pleading with me to hang out with them. Unfortunately now I'm too busy and don't have their time. I try to squish out time for them every now and again though

koinonia said...

On another note, I think we ladies should be prudent about cutting everyone out the moment we get married. I featured a post on my blog's learning at the feet of grandma series on why we should keep our "sisters" in our lives even after marriage

http://koinonia01.blogspot.com/2010/05/learning-at-feet-of-grandma-2-great.html

Dee dee said...

She's probably having a honeymoon period during which she's consumed by love for her husband and building the foundations of her marriage. And she might not realise how much she's hurt you.. I would say give her time and space, and she will eventually come looking for you. And if she doesn't then perhaps the friendship was just for convenience on her part, in which case you're better off without her. In the mean time it's best to focus your thoughts and energy on things that make you happy, wishing your friend well, enjoying your single status, and making yourself a better person.

j said...

I swear its not easy being a newly wed
it takes a lot of juggling
imagine going from a house that you have everything done for you to a house that youre the madam thats a lot of responsibility
give her some time ,she ll come around

and if she doesnt you can have a heart to heart so she knows how you feel
you can still be good friends with her as long as youre not a "bad influence" according to her husband lol

Neveah said...

EXCELLENT RESPONSE, Dee-Dee! My dear, let her do her thing and enjoy the first blush of marriage. You invest in yourself, make new friends and continue to wish her well because that just builds up blessings for you.

I have had this happen to me as well so I can understand. My friend and I were both single, we were thick as thieves but I had always been more comfortable with being single than she was so when she found someone, I was thrilled for her because I knew it was her deepest heart's desire. I even served as her maid of honor. After the wedding, she became a pain in the ass. She began to fancy herself a relationship expert and judging my single status LOL! She began setting up all kinds of rules of communications even though it was totally unnecessary because I am not one for visiting people or staying on the phone anyway so I just didn't know why she felt the need to tell me that her home was off limits on sundays etc.

Once I got engaged, she seemed a little more relaxed and actually said to me "now I can talk to you because you are getting married" WTF? As if the advise of a single woman to a married woman is crap. I don't think a person as to be married to be able to give a friend and sister advise but she clearly drew this line between us.

Needless to say, we are no longer friends because of other matters that cropped up. Since I've gotten married, I am still friends with ALL my friends that I had before except her. My husband and I make it a point to hang with our friends sometimes all together as a couple by having little dinner parties at our home or individually by meeting up after work for drinks/dinner etc. Thank God for Facebook, I can interact with my friends even if we can't sit on the phone like we used to.

People make time for those people and things that they chose to make time for in their lives, point blank period.

Anonymous said...

So , you want her to abandon her husband , to come and sit and gossip with you ehn??? AGBAYA!!!! how old are you sef...?? i doubt if you even have a boyfriend not to talk of something more serious....my dear..you better grow up...your friend has moved into another phase in life..and that is what you should be praying for rather than coming on "LIB" to lament....you think say you still dey secondary school abi na university...my friend,wake up and smell the gunpowder ok!!!

Anonymous said...

GROW UP

OR GET UR OWN HUSBAND

Anonymous said...

Tell her how you feel. Then go and make new friends and have something going on in life. If the friendship is meant to last, it will last.

E J said...

well! well!! well!!!, dis is notthing to raise alarm about, dat is all about life for you, it happens, may be she feels like keeping her marriage by rubbing shulders with levels now, so u don't feel bad.

But i believe oneday, she'll need u, she just want to put home together first b4 friends, so chill, she is still ur friend, let her settle things first okey;

Angel said...

u sef, nawa for u o, see wetin dey vex u, is she ur God? abi u want marry am? lol

abeg mek dat one no vex u okey!
she want challenge u, so mek u sef get up, she want to keep her home.

you no dey hear when dey say "friends and in-laws should not interrupt marriages?" so, she no want wahala, but no know how to tell u. pray u too go soon laugh.

Chichi said...

From my own point of view, i have been married for almost seven years, and i can say that, marriage can affect your relationship with your best friend BUT not in the manner your friend is going.
Definately you cannot share all the time you used to share, you cannot always do so many things together, but you can always communicate via Phone and other means, I suspect your friend might have told her hubby something terrible about you and that made him to ask her to cut you off from their lives. i believe in good friendship, some friendships are better than blood relationship. if she doesnt want you in her life, my dear move on and give her time . she will wonder how you coped without her. keep her wondering. cheers

Amanda Martins said...

Marriage to some extent severes relationships,nevertheless,it has to do with the individual most times.I have many friends who are married,some of them are very mature,others are not.In fact I was maid of honour for three of them at their wedding.Today,however,we hardly communicate unless I call which I don't bother with anymore.If they manage to call(which I don't remember the last time),they simply ask when I'm inviting them to my wedding.Yet,others are fabulous.We have great relationship and support each other like way back.
It's very annoying,so I can relate to your anger but you must learn to be independent of people.Humans are always prone to change and will always spring a surprise,so never depend on anyone for happiness.Find your spark of happiness from within.You must make a conscious decision to be happy no matter what pple do to you.Like every other person has said,get busy with yourself and make new friends.Also find time to talk with ur friend,we feel better when we unburden our hearts.
I pray u marry soon,so u can wear ur friend's shoes and know how they fit.*wink*.

Anonymous said...

I am married with kids and have always been 'big' on friendships. I believe now in mutually loving friendships not the ones i used to think were friendships.

When i started having kids a particular friend was always competing with me on just about everything from career, fashion , money, you name it. I realised that people who are forever comparing themselves to you are very dangerous. One of them who i thought was my best friend would say the most awful things to me. I cut her out of my life by not ringing her back, not answering texts and regularly cancelling our meet-ups.

I didn't just cut her off because i got married and she hasn't(which i'm sure she may want to believe), the truth is that being married with kids made me realise that i did not have to tolerate people
and their fakeness. I am so busy juggling everything being a mum, wife and a working woman that i only stay in contact with people who reciprocate genuine love and affection. I want and deserve real high quality relationships and i spend time with those friends who i share that with. Some of them are single with no kids and have been my friends for over 16 years.

So my dear, it may not be about her being married but about you and your behaviour as a friend.

Remi, Romford

I love Nevaeh's response said...

I LOVE Neveah's response

I don't understand why Nigerians arr so extreme sometimes.

Its HEALTHY to maintain friendships.Obviously, things wont be the same as they used to, because her priority is her new family but that doesnt denote that she can't maintain a friendship with you.

Anyway, work on yourself, find new friends, become closer to God, throw yourself into work. Yours will come too. Amen.

steezz.com said...

common sense shld have told dis dude what ever she's doing is at the instance of her husband and 4 the greater good of her marraige. how she wan begin dey xplain 2her husband dat her best freind is a guy and they'er going 2 hang out. even the most understanding of husbands will not understand. not even Omotola's husband.

Anonymous said...

To answer your question, it does when you are dealing with Naija female friends. I have married and single friends and none behave this way but then again they are not Nigerians either (sincerely prefer it that way).

Many years ago, I had a Naija friend of mine who was single when we first got to know each other and then she got married. Luckily for her, she did not start behaving snotty or acting like she is better than me ( Since I WAS single at the time). The reason I said "luckily for her" is because 7years into the marraige, her marraige fell apart due to lack of being able to conceive and bear children.

I suggest you focus on yourself. You can go back to school, take certificate courses, or volunteer in an orphanage for instance. I don't know about Nigeria but here in the U.S, there is so much one can do while single that you don't even feel your single status since people here don't give a damn if you are married or not (except maybe if you are a politician). Being married in advanced societies is not considered an accomplishment like in backward Naija.

Watch what will happen! if she does not start popping babies out right away and of course the "right" kind of babies....think sons, then watch katakata burst. After all its Nigeria where people marry maninly for the sake of reproduction and if that does not manifest, everything falls apart like a badly made soufle. In addition, the men are mostly known to treat their women like crap anyway...just ask Wilcox Wigwe's wife.

So don't worry. When the in-laws begin to make her life miserable like most Naija in-laws do anyway(since no woman is ever good enough for their sons...lol), she will need someone to talk to. That is when she will come running and then you will have the last laugh. Take heart ok and don't allow another mere human to dictate your happiness and overall well being. Focus on yourself and you will be fine.

Anonymous said...

na wah...the lady came here for advise n some of u r bashing her...na wah for the way many people talk sha...my dear..i dont no much about wot ur feeling..but there have been a number of good and reasonable responses...i think u should occupy urself and pray that God helps u deal wiv the anger..loosing a friend is hard..especially ur best friend...so i understand where u r coming from..but i also know that being hurt n angry wont change the situation...so try to let go of the anger and move on..maybe God wants u to move into a nu phase of ur life..see this more as a blessing..hope this helps.

jae_1 said...

all these blabber mouths shouting she should go and marry..na she wan marry herself? abeg u pple shud get over urselves! its so annoying when insensitive people tell ladies to ''go and get married'' as if they'll just walk up to any man they fancy and drag him to d altar mscheeeew!

Anonymous said...

Some Nigerian men don't like their wives having friends due to insecurity on their part if.

Anonymous said...

abeg abeg abeg,lets hear word jor,yes shes ignoring u n u guys probably had good times,but na today ppl de change for ur eye?let her be,its only wise dt wen u get married u make ur family no 1,as external ppl can cause more wahala,though ur friend cld hv explained all dis to u.

Boma said...

One of my good friends complained about this. Similar experiences, grew up together, went to HS + college together. Suddenly, she gets married and not anymore!

One of my best friends got married in college, and nothing changed. She was 20 though.

I think this person needs to move on, sadly.

Anonymous said...

i understand the picture you are trying to paint. i'm in the same kind of situation right now. my best frnd happened to have met my cousin and now they r dating.she doesn't stay in touch any more/ regularly, probably because she is more occupied with her new relationship. i wouldn't use the word hurt or angry but i am highly disappointed in the fact that i am the reason why they even got to knw themselves in the first place and yet she has pushed me aside. yours is different because this is marriage and you should know that has life has changed in some way. still not a good reason for one to neglect a good friendship/relationship though.

dami said...

i got married 18months ago and i can tell you some of my single friends are a pain in the ass.they expect you to hang out,call and shop like you used to.wake up girlfriend,ur friend has new priorities,she cant always pick ur calls,and hang out with you,what with the demands of copin with a home and husband.what of the horrors of morning sickness?abeg jo,stop being selfish,its not all about you.how about being there for her?when u make less demands,she will be more relaxed about spending time with you.just give her time,it takes time to adjust.cheers

steezz.com said...

Ok, i tink i mistook the person in question to a guy. My dear, 4get about ur former best friend and move on. Chanel ur energy into other positive things like charity, visit 2 hospitals and prisons. trust me it'll help.

elusive kate said...

it's unfortunate that someone who needed comfort and advice is getting jeers and insults from most readers of this blog.the solution is not getting married but for the bestie in question to move on.
i dont believe that marriage wrecks friendships but trust women to overdo things. her friend obviously is trying to draw a line for reasons best known to her and she should follow suit.
i am in my thirties and single.it amuses me when most of my married female friends ignore my fb messages while they keep up with only their married friends. although i have their numbers i try not to call.anyway, i have since followed their example and stuck to only my single friends for company.now do u imagine i would ever want them back when i am married?which is soon by the way *winks*

Anonymous said...

SMH nna get a life she is married go and find your own hussy and leave your friend alone as she now has new priorities angry ko angry ni you go tire LOL

Big Joemayocis said...

Keep ur friends close and ur enemies closer they say. Iron sharpens iron but in ur case, u're plastic. There's absolutely no way u peeps wud reason on d same level. That is because at this point, most of ur statements wud be "I" or "Me" inclined, while hers wud be "We" or "Us". So watever happens good or bad, u can easily take a bow to it since it's just u n u alone but in her case, she'll be affectin not just hersef but people.

A million good friends, are never enough but one bad friend, is way too much. So, go n judge ursef.

Anonymous said...

Methinks this lady complaining about her 'bestie' is not telling us the whole truth from the way she sounds in her letter. I think she and the married friends were LESBIANS! Now that her partner is married, she still wants to 'get down on it' but the new MRS is cautious and has taken wedding vows. So, all this pain and distress she is pouring out here is all a subterfuge for crying over the taste of a wine only she knows (pun intended). All you blog readers should read between the lines...

Anonymous said...

ANon 6:08, which Naija guy peed in your garri. All you have said is either from watching too many Naija movies or someone did you dirty. Cool down eh, you and you American friends can continue to jolly together. Point of correction, there would not be many cases of husband snatching, black women in the news about wanting to get married etc if marriage was not in a big deal in your beloved America. Those American friends you have will do the same to you once you get married. Learn to love yourself and stop looking down on your own people.

chidinma said...

kai some of u guyz are arsh sha o! amywyas it depends on the kind of single life u had. if u were the party clubbing happening gbo gbo runs babes then yes after marriage she wont even blink twice to cut iff all her friends! and yes wheather u even lived a holy single life after marriage u become weary of some friends becos obviously they cant hide their jealousy. and ;astly there s always the husband warning her abt bad friends. so my dear, give her space to grow into the marital status i cant tell u how many times she has cried herself to sleep becos her husband hurt her n she cant tell anyone for fear of regretting, bad advice and been laughed at. you on ur part should wish her well call her when u think of her n genuinely be happy for her. and to linda n her readers u think if linda gets married she'll have time for this blog?....lol una go hear am!

Anonymous said...

I also ve a friend like dat, such is life. U just ve to 4get abt her.

Ada said...

Na waaaaa oh, people and their comments here...wats with all the 'go and get married' and insinuation of lesbianism sef join...haba, why do pple feel d need to vent their frustration in d wrong direction...

Friendships are important, i dont know bout y'all but i grew up with my mum and her best friends n i rmbr some of them being single wen i was little n who married much later. the thing is today my dad had lived well n gone on to be with the lord n they are still here holding my mum's hand n sharing in the joys n sorrows that life brings. some others sef have gone on to get divorced n they r still friends. they had their fights n laughs but that didnt undermine the friendship, please people do not be stupid....one man CANNOT satisfy the demands of this numerous relationship needs of a woman...it is natural human beings with better associations function better, my parents had friends n today their children have connected on that level too of course all of us with our individual friends....

To the reader i would say let ur friend know how u feel and let her know that ur door is always open. that is why u are the friend it is ur job (hate it or luv it) to tolerate since u've probably known her more dan d hubby n he'll be less understanding. I believe its only a matter of time....in the meantime go party hard, n dont mind all dis yeye pple pursuing u into marriage....wen ur groom looms around u, he'll need to notice dat bright smile on ur face n will locate u den.....

B cool hun, n dont give up on ur friend.....xoxoxoxoxo!

Anonymous said...

uuummmmh! its usually like that initially cos u still want to be an important part of ur friend's life but i must tell u, gradually take ur mind off the issue and get used to not being together. i've been on that path before and i simply stayed on my own. ur friend would call u when she needs u and u dont need to talk too much like expecting her to give u details about her new life. with this, u'll get over her and appreciate ur other friends

Jay O said...

Marriage is no joke, being a wife is like having another job. Men are like babies. I used to do a better job keeping in touch but honestly its hard for a single woman to really understand the responsibility.
Your friend is just trying to keep her head above water. The early years of marriage are challenging. As in she has bigger fishes to fry, and if you cant be considerate and understand, then sorry.
I had a number of close friends, and we are not in same cities, so we do phone catch up. What used to be once a week, is now once a month. Its not easy esp when you have other responsibilities and then on top of that being a wife. The friends that genuinely love u, will try and understand. You should try and understand.
She only married 5-6mths ago and you are raking! LOL stay there. Do you expect her to tell u any disagreements she has had with her husband. Do you think its all easy. Have you thought she is trying to figure out her new phase in life? Dealing with inlaws too, you arent the only one juggling for her time. I'm sure her family, her inlaws too, all are doing the same.
CHILL!!!

Anonymous said...

l understand your anger. l have been in the same shoes with you. my best friend, we work in the same office, l went for traditional marriage in the village as well as the white wedding. After the wedding, she stopped talking to me. its 2years now.l sent people to ask her what the problem was after trying several times to talk to her. she couldn't say one thing that was the problem. l have learnt move ahead with my life. So please try and forget her and go on with your life. l pray we will not do same to friends becos it hurts

Anonymous said...

I WOULD RATHER GET ADVICE FROM A SPECIALIST FROM A MAGAZINE COLUMN OR SOMEONE I LOOK UP TO RATHER THAN BLOG READERS.

HOW DO YOU GUYS EXPECT HER TO FEEL BY TRADING INSULTS FOR AN ADVICE-WOULD YOU TELL YOUR OWN FRIEND TO GO AND MARRY IF SHE COMES TO YOU FOR ADVICE. I GUESS ANONYMOUSITY TRULY REVEALS THE BEASTS AND COWARDLINESS IN MOST PEOPLE.

Damisola said...

Sorry for the insults love. A lot of the people on this blog are very bitter. I have a couple of married friends but they are way older than me. However, my best friend just got engaged and I hope this never happens to our relationship. She's barely in Nigeria but we talk at least 3 times a week. Your friend is being really selfish. The truth is, if anything bad happens in her marriage (God forbid) who would she talk to? I know a lot of women have a Me & my man thing going on but friends are really important.
Just send her an email telling her exactly how you feel and the efforts you have made, ask her to be honest with you. If she still cherishes you, she would reply. Hanging out at least once a month does not take anything from her marriage. Even if you were a party girl (as I am) I'm sure both of you were into the club scene, so that is no excuse. Just try to respect her and make new friends. Stay blessed. I hope she responds positively.
And sweetheart, forget all the people telling you to get married, it involves more than just a new surname. Please take your time and find that one person you see yourself growing old with. To me, Marriage is first and foremost about Companionship. It's easy to make babies. Not so easy to stay friends.

Anonymous said...

Yes it sometimes does depending on the relationship you both had prior to her getting married. having said that if it were a good relationship, i would suggest you let her be when she needs you she'ld come back calling. I'm in a situation similar to yours. but then i realised i had even shut doors against other married friends of mine who genuinely loved me.. so let her be go shopping, watching movies do stuffs , hang out with friends call your other friends that you have ignored and you'ld just be fine. BTW some of you i do not understand why you need to add pepper to injury . if you dont have any better thing to say than insult pls do not comment. besides do not say turth is bitter because rather than telling her the truth some of you just seem to assume and insult. Maybe some of u never had close friends mschewwww

Anonymous said...

It is so funny that it is girls that pull these stunts. Even when a guy gets married, he still hangs out with his friends (single or married) but women will carry this marriage on their head and act as if single women suddenly have leprosy.

It is understandable that your friend has other priorities, but to totally ignore you????I suggest you forget about her.

Chilling said...

You sound a bit clingy and i think you should let go. Friendship is not an everyday thing. If she values you, once she settles in her marriage she’ll come and look for you.

I don’t get the concept of having a best friend. Maybe because I’m an independent woman, I don’t rely on people. I stay away from my married friends and they are the ones who reach out to me.

Also, maybe her hubby has told her to beware of you. My fiancĂ© just told me the same thing about a lady i talk to all the time. He said he doesn’t want to know her as she’s too talkative, jealous, envious, vindictive and very sneaky. I’ve obeyed him and I’ve cut off from her....

Lizbeth said...

It happens oh.
It happened 2 me sef.
When women marry,dey 4get deir single friends.Bt d funi tin is d guys dnt dont.
My advise...Find anoda friend or u stay on ur own.No b by force 2 get friend b4 person insult u o.

B4 Nko?! said...

Chilling - please afford me the opportunity to question your logic a little, you say that you are independent but you "obeyed" your husband and cut of a friend based on his analysis of her? why were you still friends with her IF she was talkative, jealous, envious, vindictive and very sneaky? I am interested in your own analysis of your friend.

I am not speaking to your hubby in particular but at times men cast aspersions on their women's friends so as to keep the woman on lock because if a man isolates a woman, has her cut off her friends then who does she got to when he is maltreating her? Sometimes, it is a game.

And please permit to correct this notion, having a best friend doesn't mean you rely on them for your everything. Having another sister girl have your back is about support, love, friendship, encouragement and empowerment not about reliance, liability and co-dependency.

Anonymous said...

I am so tired of always hearing the single friends complaining about this coz no one ever talks about the same situation vice versa.I am a married woman and i have noticed that my single friends do not want to include me on night outs,hang outs etc anymore.Of course i know our lives have changed but i still want to be able to have a girlie night out every now and then with them.They automatically assume that because i am married i wouldn`t want to....WRONG!

chichiluv said...

yes o anonymous 3.12am that has happened to me too.

Chilling said...

B4 Nko June 2, 2011 8:56 PM; give and take, as i go into my marriage, i'm ready to give up a few things for him. If it means losing a bit of "independence" I will do it because he's totally worth it.
This girl and i have known each other for about 2 decades. I keep running away from her because she's a bit extra. She looked for me recently & we met up again. However, even as she's now married, she's still so extra. She can never see anything good in anyone. She'll probably say Halle Berry is ugly! On my own i was already thinking of drifting away from her albeit slowly and nicely. When my guy said he would not tolerate her and he gave instances of her behaviour that showed she only had her interest at heart, i reasoned with him and cut off from her.

Anonymous said...

Go find your own hubby now, level don change and I would not welcome you into my house too especially seeing that you have no man how much more husband. Get a life and deal with the reality that you cannot be more important than your friends hubby or children, you can carry your friendship on by respecting them