Dear LIB readers: She smokes & drinks too much, should I let her go?
From a male LIB reader
Linda please share my dilemma with your readers. I've been dating this lady for the last nine months and I need advise as things are beginning to get out of hand. I am ready to settle down but I don't know if I should make this woman my wife or let her go. I am madly in love with her but she's not what I want in a woman. I don't know how I managed to fall in love with her in the first place. She drinks too much, she smokes too much, she even smokes weed, though she tries to hide it but I've caught her a few times. She gets drunk at least once every other week. She's domesticated and is a good cook and sex with her is of course very great, but whenever she drinks I see a different woman. She's also very foul mouthed and can be very aggressive, especially when she's high from smoking. Whenever she's sober, we have a great time and I start to look at her as the mother of my kids but then she gets drunk again and I see a totally different person. I don't smoke or drink and I have even threatened to end the relationship if she doesn't stop drinking but that hasn't made a difference. Should I propose to her or let her go? Will she ever change? Is there anything I can do to make her a different woman?
Guy says "I don't know how I managed to fall in love with her in the first place." Duh, the sex got you attached! If you had not been having sex, you would have walked away very easily. Shine your eyes, she's not ready to be a wifey. Maybe later in life. So take a walk!
Buahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa! That pic is the Ish! Pray! Tell her exactly what you've told us, see her take on things and if you both agree to disagree, weeeellllll..........
First, she might be drinking and smoking, but might have a good heart/behavior for a lady, but why is that an issue. Secondly, when guys drink and smoke,some ladies don't make that an issue or care about it, so why make it a big deal. So sad about your situation, but you know her better, so don't let people's opinion destroy your love or what you have, deal with it or talk her out of it, she has families,talk to them.
My Darling, leave nooooooow. There's nothing you can do. You will only be beating yourself up five years for now after marriage and 2 children. She has shown you who she is, dont ignore it. I really dislike men like you sha. You pass up a serious woman and go to contemplate on this type of woman.
Let her go,what kind of mother do u think she will be in future and wat example will she be setin 4 ur future kids...if she really loves u she sud be able to give up dat habit to mk tins work,if not let her go
Hehehehehe ....highway to damnation...she should go to a therapist n the dude should stop playing the part of a Saviour ...trust me a woman dat smokes n drinks ain't a good role model for her kids....dude think with your head n not with your heart
Drinking is bad enough, and added with smoking? Jeez! Your brain cells are indeed worn out for you to be still asking what to do. Maybe you are waiting for when she starts taking cocaine before you would know what's up.
Dear "Question asker", U are not God, thus u can't change anybody! The rule has always been, anything u notice b4 marriage,multiply it by 5, if u don't like it then u certainly can't cope with it in marriage!!! Leave this gal b4 she drags u down with her. I wonder how u even got entangled with someone like her in the first place. Run and don't look back... SS
yes,there is something to be done...cos i totally understand your situation...it kinda remind me of rihanna's song "we found love in hopeless places"but u can make urs hopeful....1st, since u hve been with her for a while i belive u shuld know how she value motherhood,how she is in front of kids...when she drinks does she like being with them or not?how is her behaviour....around people naturally, is she tht woman u really want when she is without alcohol?????all this can make u know if she is worth the try or not.....2nd most women found smoking repulsive during pregnacy which mean like 9months for her to be force into making tht decision of stoping or not.the last which is kinda of hard is to go thru it all...get her preg....see if she can stop during...cos a child does a lot to a woman who want to be responsible....a child does a lot. and see..but i know tht a big risk especially if u dont plan marrying more thn one wife. i wish u all the best dear..
i'm not wise enough to give you the best advice but i'lld say if you love her as you say then don't propose because if she loves you in return she would want to be a better person for you.
Only heavens know what attracted you to this woman considering the fact that y'all are polar opposites and I dont know why people feel they can change other people, are u a blacksmith or the HolySpirit? (its just like how I know some days are sunny and some are rainy- can't do noffin about that). Anyways, she's almost always drunk and during that period she doesn't look to you like the mother of your kids- so lets say in a week she would have one day that means 52days in a year when she doesnt look like the mother of your kids...Let me lay it out straight 4 u: 1. If shes very aggressive during that highness period, statistics show that you may be a broke man soon and wind up dead in no time. 2. The smoking may soon lead to cancer, are u prepared to be a widower and have motherless kids soon? 3. How are you sure during her pregnancy phase she'd keep away from the booze n weed? She may not be able to keep the baby in her stomach if she does get preggers. 4. If you love her so much, take her for deliverance which I guess she's gonna really contend with you on. Man, you know what to do!
I'm not against these stuffs when they are occasionally done (I do too) but it becomes a problem when it's gone outta control. Clearly, she's on a self destruct path and she may not even know it yet. However, since u love her so much, help her by taking her ass to a rehab and let's see how it goes frm there.
You just said it yoursejf that Ʋ can't control her..... Its better Ʋ don't start a journey Ʋ can't finish! If she can't change her ways now to keep the relationship, she'll never do it to keep the marriage; that is if Ʋ eventually marry her!...
Pls marry ha nd let ha break bottle on ur head one day, or put weed in ur food so u can knw hw gud it feels without ur consent. Pls put a ring on dt finger 2dy...Ewu
It is simple as ABC u just have to let her go,the hurt may not be to long since u got a good reason for let her go.I dislike foul mouthed and aggressive women.stop havin headache over her problem,may be wen u quit she will have sober mood and change her life for good,don't even think u can change her after marriage, I bet u, u will live with the regret of marrying her for the rest of ur life.make d best choice now wen u still have the chance,because I don't encourage divorce.
women drop these habits when they get married unlike you men, and have you ever asked her why she is doing all these? Is she unhappy? Is she ready to settle down?
You have a challenge man, and that is to love with all your heart, if you leave her you loose love... your true love will change her, don't ever regret fighting with love, course you are lucky you love someone and need to love someone the MORE...
it wasn't stated wether u're bornagain,but if so dont b an equal yolk wit an unbeliever,but if nt birds of d same grp flocks together.God wil help u both if she accept to serve God wit u.
Hiss..so now you are confused.goat!!when u met her I'm sure she did all those things and you are suprised you fell in love with her.You are just a randy he-goat..before nko,u just wanted to use and dump her but now that ur belle is full and ur dick is empty u get mouth.abeg comot for road jare!!!take the woman as she is because what you see is what you get.I hope she too writes a letter asking us for how to cure ur stupidity.
I tink you jst keep trying to change her first and let's see hw it goes. But incase there is no change in such person after much effort from you, I tink she is nt jst ment for you. Imagine ur kids having a mum that smokes. Not even daddy. Give it another thought.
If she cant change and u know u cant live with such person, then its in ur best interest to let her go. Make a wise decision. Marriage isnt something u jst walk into without considering lots of factors. Be wise.
Well people can change. It depends on how eccentric she is. Some people just need a little bit of support and encouragement. But if you know you can't stand it, then please my brother RUN. Some people are just ticking time bombs. Life is too short.
this requires a simple decisionbut it becomes a difficult because u have tasted the forbidden fruit- SEX.stick to her if u want. Stick to her if u want your children to be drunkards and addicts, and u a widower at an early age bcos someone with such a lifestyle risks lung cancer and liver cirrhosis. The decision is yours!!!
Are U̶̲̥̅̊ a Fool?what if she gets drunk and break a bottle U̶̲̥̅̊я̩̥̊ Head that ȋ̝̊̅ڪ when U̶̲̥̅̊ know U̶̲̥̅̊ have married a wrong person.abeg open U̶̲̥̅̊я̩̥̊ eyes
I strongly suggest you have one last talk with her and if she isn't ready to have a change of heart, pls EXIT!!its for the sake of your unborn children.@thankmelata
Looks like you want a drunkard & drug addict as kids abi? What will this one teach your daughters & sons especially when they start misbehaving as kids????
dude, you better run. If you have threatened her and that didn't do anything what makes you think when you are married you will then be able to talk some sense into her. Please there are lots of ladies out there.
dude, you better run. If you have threatened her and that didn't do anything what makes you think when you are married you will then be able to talk some sense into her. Please there are lots of ladies out there.
Ask yourself, is she madly in love with you as you are in love with her? Can you trust her? If the answers are yes, please marry her. If you are looking for what YOU want in a woman, you would have to marry a television or a women magazine.
Dear if I have u as a brother I won't advise u to end up with such a woman, because on ur wedding day she might hide and smoke her weed, and who will bear d shame? Its u, so make a wise dicission now dat u still have d chance to.
I would advise you as a sister...RUN FOR YOUR LIFE Nwanne. If I am not mistaken, the only good qualities in her is the fact that she's domesticated and good in bed right? Who says you can't find another woman with such quality and more decent? You can go on if you want your children to be born from a drunk tho...that's if she has not even damaged herself somehow that she may not be able to conceive. You are even lucky that you saw these qualities before you had proposed, thank God for that. The choice is now yours!
Friend, let her go. That is the simple way of going about it. If you try changing her you might not be able to do that within the bearable period and things will get worst than what you bargain for.
My dear let her go , you said it yourself she isn't what u look for in a woman so your marriage . Why would you want someone who is a substance abuser around your children . She needs help , I advice you to still be her friend and support her in her journey of becoming clean because if you totally desert her she would probably have a break down. She probably has some serious issues that she hasn't dealt with
First of all permit me to say you're not Okay! Earlier you said "I am madly in love with her but she's not what I want in a woman" and you still want to go further? You're confused Mr Man! See answers to your questions below; 1. Should I propose to her or let her go? -- Get The F**K OFF! 2. Will she ever change? -- NO! 3. Is there anything I can do to make her a different woman? -- NOTHING!
well well well.. i hope u read my comment. a wise man once told me, we pray that God wont let us date our wives and marry our G.f, in your complaint u stated that u love her that good but sometimes love is not a enough and threatening to end the relationship isn't gonna help. i suggest u think about this wisely.. i don't your age but as your ready to settle down i suppose u know what that means. marriage is an institution one learns everyday and its not like bf and Gf . if u end up marring the lady and things gets worse... u have no one to blame but yourself. so dear as a matured man, no one here can tell u what to do cause its your life and i cant either only giving an advice, because your are going to make your decision. at the end .. i don't believe in divorce. marriage its for better for worse.
I feel u already know the ansa to dat question ursef,nd mind u,u cnt change a person who doesn't want to change.if u can live wit her like dat FINE bt if u can't just av in mind dat marriage is FOREVER.u shudnt manage in ur marriage,u shud enjoy it.wen it comes to marriage,its not always about LOVE.AM DONE!!!
Dear if I have u as a brother I won't advise u to end up with such a woman, because on ur wedding day she might hide and smoke her weed, and who will bear d shame? Its u, so make a wise dicission now dat u still have d chance to.
Change her first.sit her down wen she's calm n xpln tinz to her,let her know u love her so much n pray...am sure wit dis all will be well.best of luck dear
Common dude, are you looking for someone to blame in future? Do we bang this girl with you? If not why should we be the one to tell you what you already know. Make up your mind. Carry your cross with alcohol and weed hanging on it or look for another cross. Love is not the treatment for substance addiction.
The dating period of your life is the perfect time to eliminate the people who aren't quite right for you. At times it's hard cutting em off when they have so many of the right qualities. Drunkenness, drug use and a lousy attitude are red flags you should heed and avoid.
Dear "Question asker", U are not God, thus u can't change anybody! The rule has always been, anything u notice b4 marriage,multiply it by 5, if u don't like it then u certainly can't cope with it in marriage!!! Leave this gal b4 she drags u down with her. I wonder how u even got entangled with someone like her in the first place. Run and don't look back... PS: Linda post my comment nah!!!
well well well.. i hope u read my comment. a wise man once told me, we pray that God wont let us date our wives and marry our G.f, in your complaint u stated that u love her that good but sometimes love is not a enough and threatening to end the relationship isn't gonna help. i suggest u think about this wisely.. i don't your age but as your ready to settle down i suppose u know what that means. marriage is an institution one learns everyday and its not like bf and Gf . if u end up marring the lady and things gets worse... u have no one to blame but yourself. so dear as a matured man, no one here can tell u what to do cause its your life and i cant either only giving an advice, because your are going to make your decision. at the end .. i don't believe in divorce. marriage its for better for worse.
Ur just a foolish man if u tnk she'll change. She'll only get worse afta u marry her nd she'll teach ur kids to do d same thing. Love my foot ur just obsessed with d wild sex she give u wen she's high. Get real, dats not a wife material. Mumu like u. There re decent homely ladies out there waiting to make good men happy. Dnt wake up, keep looking for advice dnt advice urself
I think she has stuffs bothering her cos I'm a woman and I know what I do when I'm worried. Naturally, a woman isn't meant to smoke... Drink? Maybe.. But smoke? That's a different ball game. Why don't you really talk to her? If she doesn't change, I won't advise you to marry her. Life deals with everyone differently.
My dear, she's refused to change nau, she isn't gonna change in d future, its bera u let ha go, she isn't gonna be a gud wife nor mother, its gonna be hard for u to let go buh jst try.....
My dear, she doesn't wonna change even dou u've threatened to leave ha, if she loves u same way u do, she wud change, buh since she isn't succumbing, jst let ha go, its gonna be dificlt buh jst try, she isn't a wife nor mother material
My dear, she's refused to change nau, she isn't gonna change in d future, its bera u let ha go, she isn't gonna be a gud wife nor mother, its gonna be hard for u to let go buh jst try.....
Please marry her. Your love will temper her over time after she gets pregnant for another man and brings the child for you to support while she goes on to other men and have three somes and 5 somes with a gang of men.
Mr Lib reader, pls no long story.... someone once told me "whatever u see in ur partner before marriage, prepare to see it x 100" after marriage. It is so true. Are u prepared to livewith such a wife FOREVER? A woman that can drink while pregnant and harm the baby? What about raising children? What kind children/home will such a woman raise for u while u are out earning your daily bread?? Even my 9yr old child knows the answer to ur question abeg. Maybe u should go for prayers so ur eyes can clear...
Here's a professional advice: Ask yourself these 2 simple questions:
1.) "Why can't I marry her?" (Make a list of those her vices that you mentioned earlier which disqualifies her as your kind of wife).
2.) "Why should I marry her"? (Make a list of her good qualities that you also mentioned earlier which qualifies her as your kind of wife).
If the "Why not marry her list & its consequences" outweighs the "Why marry her list & its consequences", then don't marry her. This applies both ways too. #ThankMeLater.
Don't leave her unless u dont love her. Wat she needs rite now is ur advice and prayer. My bf is actually a smoker but dat doesn't matter to me. Relationships isn't only about sex and money but also about care, support and love. Stay cool!
if lyf has tot me any lessons...then it shud b follow ur hrt....i also knw dat luv conquers all,if u really do luv her then u shud b patient wit her...and mk sure u mk her understand hw much u luv her and hw much u actually want her for the rest of ur lyf...habits are veri difficult to stop...bt its easier if u av a shoulder to lean on wen eva u feel lik goin back.... Though it hurts...weepin may endure all through d nite bt joy comet in d mornin.....
Dude if u marry this person,it will be like as if u wanted to get to oshodi, and then ure entering lekki bus. Firstly u pple partake in premarital sex. How dyu think shell respect u and stop smoking if she knows she can shut u up with some 'great sex' ...to her ur brains are in ur balls! Srsly, get a life!!
Of course u can't marry her,cos she'ϑ never change.....talking frm experience she'l tell u its an habit of a mis-spent youth dat u sure knew her b4 u married her! Choose wisely!
Don't allow your emotions to control you. Compactibility in marriage is what will keep you. If a lady do what you just mentioned, i don't think she'll be a good role model wife and a mother. www.sandalili.com
the fact that u recognize that she is not what u want in a woman is a red flag...let her go before u regret it!!!u dont have to ask anyone..no one would bear the pain and trouble in the marriage that she'd bring u
I don't believe pple can change pple unless God intervenes,S̶̲̥̅Ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡ Man let her go nd fine another Woman.there is more to marriage than Wα̲̅†̥ U̶̲̥̅̊ Ƌяε seeing in a mere relationship.Thank u
Lwkmd! Rotflorl! Linda only d pic u used sef says it all... Abt d guy complaining, he shd marry na for his pocket! If u feel ur love conquers her ills, good 4u both. Cheers and happy married life! ~D great anonymous!
Uhm I fnk u shld let her go duh? She can only change if she is saved by God buh u pfffft u can do nothing 2 change it.a lady who smokes nd drinks 4 wife material,das jus nasty..at age 5 ur kids wld b on sm crios shit,lol..initially I was gonna say dat d way u fell in love wv her.use dat same method nd fall out of d love.buh I dunt wanna snd mean.but I sed it anyway.so yh u shld do dat.
no one is perfect buh everytin has limit.like u said u love her n she is ok in everyother areas as a wife material,then pray n put more effort i hp she turn a new leaf .afterall love bears any error.anyways na u wear shoe know hw e dey do u.all d best
my dear LIB reader, am a married lady n l advice u take d advices of ladies cos we know each other more than men do, pls there is what we call self deliverance, so l advice u go inside n pray, ask God to deliver u n tell u what to do, that is if ur not already under manipulations, be very careful n l believe u should have a mentor.
Boy,if you cannot change her in courtship let nothing convinces you that you can change her in marriage. Never you use the pleasure of sex as a barometer to measure success in marriage. Go to God in prayer!
Brother, let ur heart guide you. No one will tell you what you need to do. Love is all about mess-mopping if you look at it very rationally. No one left alone can do it; she needs you now if you love her. Well a few suggestions might be helpful on how to go about this. Be responsible...I mean "response able", and take a decision now on how to get this lady help that will clean her up once & forever if you really love her. The reason God loves us is not because we are perfect but because He wants us to be in His form (perfection). Don't quit on her because you might be the God she's been waiting for. Make a wise decision on time & talk to any of her family members you can confide in ( among her parents or siblings). They will equally help you with the plan to see her to a change. Then consult your pastor or spiritual mentor for spiritual assistance too...cos there's more to this physical than we see #the spirit controls the physical & who we are is a function of the spirit we posses or is possesing us#. Above all pray as you've never done before & do good no matter what....she'll be the least to worry you. Good luck! #Crescent#
funny enough lots of women are pretenders ,lots of women smoke weed and their husband dont even know ,this woman has shown you her trueself,yet you cant leave ,you love her ,true love is loving ones imperfections,no one is perfect ,if you love her be with her.mbok
Lindinor hw bodi i hp u dey enjoy d summer wella.cos its so lovely .babes rock am well well cos no time o.btw u neva send us any of ur yankee foto since.abeg send make we see ur summer swag.miss u .hugs.
Anon 6:18 (the first to comment)said it the best. you are past the level of soft and kind words, cos i am sure u are above 15yrs. so here's me adding to my earlier mentioned paddy.......
- dont call - dont text - dont visit - dont do that crap called lets be friends.
walk away and dont look back. this situation has only one ending - U SAD FOREVER, SHE INDIFFERENT. and here's the bonus, life will be ugly (as in basic situations will only get worse - ur finance, ur kids progress in life, ur basic happiness).
any other counsel (e.g. pray for her, love her more, be there for her, try to change her.anything except what i said = the only outcome. SOME PEOPLE ARE NEVER WORTH IT. yes, she MAY eventually get better, meet someone who will clean her up etc (a probability based on fiction), but we know its not you! thatis someone else dirty job (yes, i said it)
Brother, let ur heart guide you. No one will tell you what you need to do. Love is all about mess-mopping if you look at it very rationally. No one left alone can do it; she needs you now more than ever, if you love her. Well a few suggestions might be helpful on how to go about this. Be responsible...I mean "response able", and take a decision now on how to get this lady help that will clean her up once & forever if you really love her. The reason God loves us is not because we are perfect but because He wants us who are flaw-filled to be in His form (perfection). Don't quit on her because you might be the God she's been waiting for; to help her make you the fore-father your blood line will be proud of. Make a wise decision on time & talk to any of her family members you can confide in ( among her parents or siblings). They will equally help you with the plan to see her to a change. Then consult your pastor or spiritual mentor for spiritual assistance too...cos there's more to this physical than we see #the spirit controls the physical & who we are is a function of the spirit we possess or is possessing us#. Above all pray as you've never done before & do good no matter what....she'll be the least to worry you. Good luck! #Crescent#
Abeg send her packing º°˚ bcus small small she don D̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ turn †̥ drug addict, S̶̲̥̅Ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡ b4 she start disgracing U̶̲̥̅̊ in Ūя̲̅ family. Shikennah
story teller i know you, u omitted a line in your story 'she is the relationship financier' if you leave her u'll become a broke ass again, so think twice. so ask yourself the muller or friendship what do u want? Omazo
Brother, let ur heart guide you. No one will tell you what you need to do. Love is all about mess-mopping if you look at it very rationally. No one left alone can do it; she needs you now more than ever, if you love her. Well a few suggestions might be helpful on how to go about this. Be responsible...I mean "response able", and take a decision now on how to get this lady help that will clean her up once & forever if you really love her. The reason God loves us is not because we are perfect but because He wants us who are flaw-filled to be in His form (perfection). Don't quit on her because you might be the God she's been waiting for; to help her make you the fore-father your blood line will be proud of. Make a wise decision on time & talk to any of her family members you can confide in ( among her parents or siblings). They will equally help you with the plan to see her to a change. Then consult your pastor or spiritual mentor for spiritual assistance too...cos there's more to this physical than we see #the spirit controls the physical & who we are is a function of the spirit we possess or is possessing us#. Above all pray as you've never done before & do good no matter what....she'll be the least to worry you. Good luck! #Crescent#
Well to me, I dnt think u shuld let her go is gonna help, cos u seem to be in love wt her so much. And u might be d angel God has sent to her to help in ds her situation, and I strongly beliefs she will change with u by her side might take longer than u expect probably after marriage.
Seems you already have all the answers to the questions you're asking. Don't marry a woman out of pity! Don't think you can change her cos u can't. If you love her that way - the way she drinks and smoke which you obviously don't then you can marry her.
Don't think with your d**k cos she's so good in bed because at the end of everything, it won't be enough to keep your marriage. Let her go before you ruin your sanity!
Keep searching and be patient, you'll surely find a good woman who want to settle down.
I dated a similar girl I knew in my mind no marriage but we dated for long because our sex life was great.. I know the only thing that is keeping you is sex not how good she is in the kitchen... but let good you will find another... just like me I found another but our sex life is not as great but she deh try sha. nothing is as good as fucking a girl that is high on weed.
Are you talking about wifing Tonto???........just kidding. She's probably empty inside. Fast and pray about it. Find passages in the Bible that's relating to your issue and meditate on it. And If it's meant to be....
You can never change a person, only God can.With that in mind, decide what you want your kids to growup with; a drunkard as a mother or a sober mother who is herself all the time training them to be the best they can. What example will she set for the as a drunkard?
Well said sugar! He who has ears let him hear. U could take a risk though after all D̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ say ; "life Ȋ̝̊̅ڪ a gamble" but also remember: YOLO
Y'alll make me laugh I swear.......We all have sinned severally buh we still go to God n ask 4 Mercy and he still gives us another chance to Change n Make things Right. So Y condemn her cos she drinks n smokes? A lotta y'all do worse things n yet u condemn som1 else........Let he who is withou sins be the first to cast a stone......MY ADVICE....Bro follow ur heart n kip praying she changes 4 d better n follow ur heart.
U must have advice her on several occasion...my advice for is that she don't have the quality of a gud wife..how can a lady u want 2 marry be smoking and drinking..and they say is the mother that train her children ogbeni if u dnt want your kids 2 b smokin and drinkink u beta tink wise.......
apart from the moral aspect, u should consider the health aspect too. Taking too much alcohol and smoking has its effect in the near future.... if she cant heed to ur threats or warnings now as a girlfwend, what will now happen after you have put a ring on it...?be wise while following your heart
Don't help the Holy Spirit do His work.... Cuz no human being can change another.... She might convince u for a while but the end is not pleasant... What sort of examples will she be to you kids? Young Man U need to set ur priorities right cuz marriage is for to d ever... FOREVER
All u crazy fucks saying BH abt letting her go n red flag.. U know nothing about luv... We find Luv in strange places n forms sometimes.. If she makes u happy n u truly Luv her, pls help her be a better person because I'm thinking that's d reason God sent her ur way. My only concern is her health and ability to give u healthy babies, aside that I'm sure u guys can make it work... What makes u think d other woman who doesn't drink or smoke would bring u happiness? Be wise n pray to God for direction. This message is straight from my heart of heart... #BossLady
M lib u don't manage a woman ,if u can't cope u let go , aldo u have been coping den y den quit d rship ur just confusd u need God mercy to help u, she's not ur woman neva u threating a woman ,u don't hv to bcos u want ha to change ha, u can't change once character even ur so called gf u can't change ha cos that's ha life baby so she has to live it to d fullest ,its ur life if u feel she's d one tink twice and mak d chioce,don't b carried by d word love ,cos what u having is a stupid love okay ,shine ur eyes u said she's d moda of ur kids wen u said she drinks nd do lots of tin means u r lienig u don't love ha u only love ha 4 hot sex
De say luv is blind my broda reality is the order of the day ... puttin up wit a junky as a wife would be a verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyy baaaaad idea get her help then u can talk marriage
Man please let her go, cos marriage is a life time thing, except you want the stain of divorce painted on ur name, and besides u already said it, "she is not want you will want in woman" love or no love, you get over it with time, the hurt will heal with time, if you claim to love her that much, think about it, what if she is the one that leaves you, wouldn't you go on with your life? So man there is life outside of her, and there are better girls, you can always fall in love again!
Brother, let ur heart guide you. No one will tell you what you need to do. Love is all about mess-mopping if you look at it very rationally. No one left alone can do it; she needs you now more than ever, if you love her. Well a few suggestions might be helpful on how to go about this. Be responsible...I mean "response able", and take a decision now on how to get this lady help that will clean her up once & forever if you really love her. The reason God loves us is not because we are perfect but because He wants us who are flaw-filled to be in His form (perfection). Don't quit on her because you might be the God she's been waiting for; to help her make you the fore-father your blood line will be proud of. Make a wise decision on time & talk to any of her family members you can confide in ( among her parents or siblings). They will equally help you with the plan to see her to a change. Then consult your pastor or spiritual mentor for spiritual assistance too...cos there's more to this physical than we see #the spirit controls the physical & who we are is a function of the spirit we possess or is possessing us#. Above all pray as you've never done before & do good no matter what....she'll be the least to worry you. Good luck! #Crescent#
Hv u tried helping her spiritually?....since u said her attribute wen she is nt high is of an house wife material...aside wen she's drunk or high tht she behaves funny....her issue might b attached 2 spiritual tinz...if u truely luv her nd u're ready 2 support her morally den u hv work 2 do in ds order!
Well a lot hve been said alrdy n in the end the choice is still yours to make......i jux wanna chip in smetin yu shld also consider in ur decision making.....we all hve got witnesses n in diffrnt kinds, we're on the good syd if the good in us is way more than dt bad(weakness) n vice versa......n anada tin she has to acknowledge dt she's got a problem n need help, dts d 1st way to knw smeone who's willing to change n if non of these is present......then I'm sorry man, you just gotta free her n she wud change wen its God appointed tym 4her.....wish yu all d best n God's guidance in ur decision making......#Ajyrow
The prob with her getting high problem is that it will affect the quality' of children she will give birth to! Cos am sure she won't be the type dat will leave alcohol while pregnant.
Her habits are covering a confidence issue. Smoking and drinking provide her with some escapism. Love her unconditionally and she ill change. Besides they don't make her a bad girl. That so called good girl who does none of these things can turn out to be a demon. Speaking from experience. I married my smoking drinking babe. Better the devil you know.
I bet the good sex happens after a few drinks or weed. If you smoked or drank would you have an issue with her lifestyle? I don't agree with your approach. If you really love her as you say, you should be concerned about the effects her habit will have on her health, not on what qualifies as wife material to you. You met her and fell for her as she is so chill please.
All the signs are staring at you and you are here asking us JAMB questions. My dear, let me tell, if your wife is messed up , then know that there is 90percent probability that your kids will be messed.
You know u love her but the real question is does she love u? When I first met my boyfriend I used to drink and smoke even tho he did too so did not hav a problem wit dat but as d love started to grow and I pictured us gettin married I tot to myself who wants to b hiding to smoke wen mother in law comes round? Even without him asking I stopped and eventually he stopped too. I knw out society over exaggerates women dat do such things but who wants their child to end up like dat. If she cnt see it from that point of view marriage won't fix it. My formula for love is "love completely, absolutely and dangerously BUT alwayssssss love urself more" if u love urself better tak a bow and leave her to grow up.
for a woman to be dating u and claim to love you yet does not change means that YOU CANNOT change her...ultimately, it's her heart disposition... she is obviously not ready to change...if at this stage, she is this way, be rest assured that u have a hint of how she would be in marriage...btw why are u having sex with someone u are not even married to?u no know say it be fornication?
That is why it is always advisable not to start a relationship with SEX cos it will turn you to MUMU when the time comes for you to take decisions on matters that affect ur relationship.
Love is never perfect. Your partner will never have all the qualities you seek that is why love entails alot of sacrifice. Despite this, I will not advice you to make sacrifices to the extent that you become an unhappy man. You know the qualities you seek in a wife, if this woman you claim to love does not have these qualities and these qualities are of paramount importance to you, I suggest you look for someone else. I do not advice that you go ahead and marry her with the hope that she will change.Marry her if you are willing to fully accept her and her ways. And also pray. Prayer gives answers. Things are never really as straight forward as they seem. Good luck.
First, she might be drinking and smoking, but might have a good heart/behavior for a lady, but why is that an issue. Secondly, when guys drink and smoke,some ladies don't make that an issue or care about it, so why make it a big deal.If you propose to her she'll stop all of it i can guarantee u that.
if you truly love her speak with someone in authority over her about your intentions but they should help you talk to her that she needs to seek help....alcohol and nicotine is addictive and not something u can leave overnight...both of you can seek help in a bible believing church....Give your life to Christ and see the difference God will make....love is action, maybe God has brought you in her life as an agent to help her make that change for the better. so pls instead of judging, begin to help her, protect her and God will help u both.....cheers
My brother run as fast as u can. She can't think once she is high. So who will be with ur kids when she is up there? Don't waste ur time. You need to run faster than Chioma Ajunwa. Waka no look back this one no be love but lust dear.
Bros, love is blind but marriage has a way of opening the eyes, and then it's too late. A broken heart from a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. If you can't handle her lifestyle, let her go. By the grace of God, you'll meet and fall in love with someone better suited for you.
There is a great difference btw light and darkness.u can pull her out of the mess by praying for her. while doing dat u threaten her by giving her a time frame for a remarkable change (b4 u think of Marriage).if no success in this regard pls take a stroll.I am married nd i can tell u dat wat u see in courtship is just the tip of the Ice-berg.Don't experiment wit ur marriage.
Hard situation. D thruth is dat if u marry someone else, u will end up cheatin on supposed wife with her. U better marry her n face d problem together. If she gets preggy, she will have to stop all dat or better still reduce frequency. Once she sets her eyes on her pikin, mother instict kicks in. I bet u, she will adjust her attitude cos of them. Am a living example. My husband married me, i took in and when i look at my children's eyes, i see another dimension of life i never knew. Now all i do is for my children.
how many serious women have good hearts? that's how we pushed for my brother to leave his to-be-wife because she was a party freak. two years later he married an 'angel'. today we are crying. the party freak is now happily married, a mother of one, and still parties with her hubby! while our angelic witch tortures my brother everyday. i cant visit him and eat in peace. We africans need to stop being cliche, my brother has learnt the hard way. if a woman has a good heart, she will make a happy home
Mehn! Marriage isn't somethn u go into as a result of pity or emotions. Wat marriage entails is compatibility and understanding. If u knw u sincerely love her, i suggest u sit her down and talk to her. Tell her how her habit hurts u, and how u'll appreciate it if she changes. From her response, u would b able to determine if she really wants to change. B careful of dis statement "if i ad known". Think twice. Don't make any hasty decision. Meet your spiritual father. Pray for her. Abstain for sex a while and know if datz d main reason u love her. B careful, marriage lies not only on love alone, other qualities are also required.
good advice. let me also chip in something from the professional point of view, alcohol dependency is usually a function of depression. Must people who intentionally get drunk or 'high' do so to numb reality. and even after the problem that started the alcohol dependence goes away, they are already addicted and can't stop on their own. what you need to do is make her realise she has a problem and see reason why she has to help herself. even if you decide to leae her, make an effort to help her medically. That said, marriage isn't always about what society paints it to be, when the chips are down you need a wife who is a support system, a great mum, and a stress reliever. is she?
and why can't HE be the one to clean her up? fair weather love? this is the reason why the average African ma endures(not enjoys) his marriage: the result of marrying what is percieved the appropriate (witch) wife.
let her go abeg, as quickly as possible, but keep praying for her. I cannot even understand why anyone would marry an obvious trouble, when marriage in itself is a battle field.
221 comments:
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Oboy... Apply Chioma Ajunwa or Usain Bolt Formular.
let her go
Suggest therapy to her, if she disagrees, let her go, you can find your good girl nd she can find her fellow junkie to tolerate her.
her drinking and smoking may be the result of her life style,u may choose to live wit it or u quit.
Guy says "I don't know how I managed to fall in love with her in the first place." Duh, the sex got you attached! If you had not been having sex, you would have walked away very easily. Shine your eyes, she's not ready to be a wifey. Maybe later in life. So take a walk!
Mr man this is trouble waiting to manifest. you cannot change this lady, you better let her go now cause it will become worst.
Buahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa! That pic is the Ish!
Pray! Tell her exactly what you've told us, see her take on things and if you both agree to disagree, weeeellllll..........
Ogbeni calm ur nerves!
First, she might be drinking and smoking, but might have a good heart/behavior for a lady, but why is that an issue.
Secondly, when guys drink and smoke,some ladies don't make that an issue or care about it, so why make it a big deal.
So sad about your situation, but you know her better, so don't let people's opinion destroy your love or what you have, deal with it or talk her out of it, she has families,talk to them.
My Darling, leave nooooooow. There's nothing you can do. You will only be beating yourself up five years for now after marriage and 2 children. She has shown you who she is, dont ignore it. I really dislike men like you sha. You pass up a serious woman and go to contemplate on this type of woman.
Let her go,what kind of mother do u think she will be in future and wat example will she be setin 4 ur future kids...if she really loves u she sud be able to give up dat habit to mk tins work,if not let her go
Hehehehehe ....highway to damnation...she should go to a therapist n the dude should stop playing the part of a Saviour ...trust me a woman dat smokes n drinks ain't a good role model for her kids....dude think with your head n not with your heart
She needs a rehab.
Drinking is bad enough, and added with smoking? Jeez! Your brain cells are indeed worn out for you to be still asking what to do. Maybe you are waiting for when she starts taking cocaine before you would know what's up.
Dear "Question asker", U are not God, thus u can't change anybody! The rule has always been, anything u notice b4 marriage,multiply it by 5, if u don't like it then u certainly can't cope with it in marriage!!! Leave this gal b4 she drags u down with her. I wonder how u even got entangled with someone like her in the first place. Run and don't look back...
SS
You dont need Libers to tell u what to do.. If u share same qualities with her then its okay but if u are not, pls take her bow now, Dasall..
And you are asking us because?????
yes,there is something to be done...cos i totally understand your situation...it kinda remind me of rihanna's song "we found love in hopeless places"but u can make urs hopeful....1st, since u hve been with her for a while i belive u shuld know how she value motherhood,how she is in front of kids...when she drinks does she like being with them or not?how is her behaviour....around people naturally, is she tht woman u really want when she is without alcohol?????all this can make u know if she is worth the try or not.....2nd most women found smoking repulsive during pregnacy which mean like 9months for her to be force into making tht decision of stoping or not.the last which is kinda of hard is to go thru it all...get her preg....see if she can stop during...cos a child does a lot to a woman who want to be responsible....a child does a lot. and see..but i know tht a big risk especially if u dont plan marrying more thn one wife. i wish u all the best dear..
Marry her @ ur own risk,but u can take her 4 deliverance,I think its a spiritual problem.
If she truly loves you and wanna take it to the Next level with you she should be ready to change otherwise *lipsealed*
Marry her @ ur own risk,but u can take her 4 deliverance,I think its a spiritual problem.
i'm not wise enough to give you the best advice but i'lld say if you love her as you say then don't propose because if she loves you in return she would want to be a better person for you.
Marry her @ ur own risk,but u can take her 4 deliverance,I think its a spiritual problem.
Only heavens know what attracted you to this woman considering the fact that y'all are polar opposites and I dont know why people feel they can change other people, are u a blacksmith or the HolySpirit? (its just like how I know some days are sunny and some are rainy- can't do noffin about that). Anyways, she's almost always drunk and during that period she doesn't look to you like the mother of your kids- so lets say in a week she would have one day that means 52days in a year when she doesnt look like the mother of your kids...Let me lay it out straight 4 u:
1. If shes very aggressive during that highness period, statistics show that you may be a broke man soon and wind up dead in no time.
2. The smoking may soon lead to cancer, are u prepared to be a widower and have motherless kids soon?
3. How are you sure during her pregnancy phase she'd keep away from the booze n weed? She may not be able to keep the baby in her stomach if she does get preggers.
4. If you love her so much, take her for deliverance which I guess she's gonna really contend with you on.
Man, you know what to do!
I'm not against these stuffs when they are occasionally done (I do too) but it becomes a problem when it's gone outta control. Clearly, she's on a self destruct path and she may not even know it yet. However, since u love her so much, help her by taking her ass to a rehab and let's see how it goes frm there.
You just said it yoursejf that Ʋ can't control her..... Its better Ʋ don't start a journey Ʋ can't finish! If she can't change her ways now to keep the relationship, she'll never do it to keep the marriage; that is if Ʋ eventually marry her!...
Just run; will she be drinking and smoking when she's pregnant
Pls let her go before she drives you crazy.
Pls marry ha nd let ha break bottle on ur head one day, or put weed in ur food so u can knw hw gud it feels without ur consent. Pls put a ring on dt finger 2dy...Ewu
If she doesn't want 2 change,my dear it beta u let her go so u won't be unhappy for d rest of ur Lyf.
It is simple as ABC u just have to let her go,the hurt may not be to long since u got a good reason for let her go.I dislike foul mouthed and aggressive women.stop havin headache over her problem,may be wen u quit she will have sober mood and change her life for good,don't even think u can change her after marriage, I bet u, u will live with the regret of marrying her for the rest of ur life.make d best choice now wen u still have the chance,because I don't encourage divorce.
my brother run for your life,her parents could not change her,is it you that want to change her?run man....
In as much as u love her,there are some tinz dat one can't condone so my advise is-LET HER GO..
women drop these habits when they get married unlike you men, and have you ever asked her why she is doing all these? Is she unhappy? Is she ready to settle down?
r u a pipe? let her go jare
You have a challenge man, and that is to love with all your heart, if you leave her you loose love... your true love will change her, don't ever regret fighting with love, course you are lucky you love someone and need to love someone the MORE...
it wasn't stated wether u're bornagain,but if so dont b an equal yolk wit an unbeliever,but if nt birds of d same grp flocks together.God wil help u both if she accept to serve God wit u.
Ode,propose naa...dem no dey teach person
Hiss..so now you are confused.goat!!when u met her I'm sure she did all those things and you are suprised you fell in love with her.You are just a randy he-goat..before nko,u just wanted to use and dump her but now that ur belle is full and ur dick is empty u get mouth.abeg comot for road jare!!!take the woman as she is because what you see is what you get.I hope she too writes a letter asking us for how to cure ur stupidity.
You r in love with her or the 'great' sex? Dude get her help if u really love her
Keep using her and when is time 4 marriage just DUMP her and find a nice sister.. Use her d way u want now.. BEST WAY 2 TREAT Girls... Useless Girls..
I tink you jst keep trying to change her first and let's see hw it goes. But incase there is no change in such person after much effort from you, I tink she is nt jst ment for you. Imagine ur kids having a mum that smokes. Not even daddy. Give it another thought.
If she cant change and u know u cant live with such person, then its in ur best interest to let her go. Make a wise decision. Marriage isnt something u jst walk into without considering lots of factors. Be wise.
Well people can change. It depends on how eccentric she is. Some people just need a little bit of support and encouragement. But if you know you can't stand it, then please my brother RUN. Some people are just ticking time bombs. Life is too short.
this requires a simple decisionbut it becomes a difficult because u have tasted the forbidden fruit- SEX.stick to her if u want. Stick to her if u want your children to be drunkards and addicts, and u a widower at an early age bcos someone with such a lifestyle risks lung cancer and liver cirrhosis. The decision is yours!!!
U r a cow. Oya go ahead n marry her na. Y r u asking us? We hv no business with u n urs abeg...
Are U̶̲̥̅̊ a Fool?what if she gets drunk and break a bottle U̶̲̥̅̊я̩̥̊ Head that ȋ̝̊̅ڪ when U̶̲̥̅̊ know U̶̲̥̅̊ have married a wrong person.abeg open U̶̲̥̅̊я̩̥̊ eyes
Weed is awesome you fool. Start smoking and drinking with her. It'd make the relationship better.
what would u do if u were in her shoes. But d chick is ratchet. Run for your life o.
Silly question. Why would ou want a smoker and a drunk to raise your kids?
what would u do if u were in her shoes. But d chick is ratchet. Run for your life o.
She needs some fasting and prayer.
Funke Akindele,Osita Iheme,Chinedu Ikedieze pictured on movie set.
www.omoalaja.blogspot.com
pls follow your heart.
I strongly suggest you have one last talk with her and if she isn't ready to have a change of heart, pls EXIT!!its for the sake of your unborn children.@thankmelata
Looks like you want a drunkard & drug addict as kids abi? What will this one teach your daughters & sons especially when they start misbehaving as kids????
I just v 1 word 4 u 'IDIOT'! Just sayin...D Curious1
My dear pls don't propose.there r other ladies out there with equally gud character n without d extra baggage
dude, you better run. If you have threatened her and that didn't do anything what makes you think when you are married you will then be able to talk some sense into her. Please there are lots of ladies out there.
dude, you better run. If you have threatened her and that didn't do anything what makes you think when you are married you will then be able to talk some sense into her. Please there are lots of ladies out there.
Is this an electronic version of hints? I didn't sign up for hints.
Do you really need advice? na wa o ok marry am na see gbege in future.
Ask yourself, is she madly in love with you as you are in love with her? Can you trust her?
If the answers are yes, please marry her.
If you are looking for what YOU want in a woman, you would have to marry a television or a women magazine.
Dear if I have u as a brother I won't advise u to end up with such a woman, because on ur wedding day she might hide and smoke her weed, and who will bear d shame? Its u, so make a wise dicission now dat u still have d chance to.
I would advise you as a sister...RUN FOR YOUR LIFE Nwanne. If I am not mistaken, the only good qualities in her is the fact that she's domesticated and good in bed right? Who says you can't find another woman with such quality and more decent? You can go on if you want your children to be born from a drunk tho...that's if she has not even damaged herself somehow that she may not be able to conceive. You are even lucky that you saw these qualities before you had proposed, thank God for that. The choice is now yours!
Friend,
let her go. That is the simple way of going about it. If you try changing her you might not be able to do that within the bearable period and things will get worst than what you bargain for.
take care
Guy!!!!! Free her Jor... Make she go, na only her be girl for this world? There so many good girls out there
Oga run 4 ur lyf!!!!!!!
What you want is a lady in the street,but a freak in the bed.
What you have is a freak in the street and in bed.
Yes get rid of her.
My dear let her go , you said it yourself she isn't what u look for in a woman so your marriage . Why would you want someone who is a substance abuser around your children . She needs help , I advice you to still be her friend and support her in her journey of becoming clean because if you totally desert her she would probably have a break down. She probably has some serious issues that she hasn't dealt with
Dear Mr LIB Reader,
First of all permit me to say you're not Okay! Earlier you said "I am madly in love with her but she's not what I want in a woman" and you still want to go further?
You're confused Mr Man!
See answers to your questions below;
1. Should I propose to her or let her go? -- Get The F**K OFF!
2. Will she ever change? -- NO!
3. Is there anything I can do to make her a different woman? -- NOTHING!
Get a life man!
let her go she cannot be a good mother too ur kids
If you cannot accept and love all parts of a person abeg let said person go...you can't change her leave while u still can
well well well.. i hope u read my comment. a wise man once told me, we pray that God wont let us date our wives and marry our G.f, in your complaint u stated that u love her that good but sometimes love is not a enough and threatening to end the relationship isn't gonna help. i suggest u think about this wisely.. i don't your age but as your ready to settle down i suppose u know what that means. marriage is an institution one learns everyday and its not like bf and Gf . if u end up marring the lady and things gets worse... u have no one to blame but yourself. so dear as a matured man, no one here can tell u what to do cause its your life and i cant either only giving an advice, because your are going to make your decision. at the end .. i don't believe in divorce. marriage its for better for worse.
I feel u already know the ansa to dat question ursef,nd mind u,u cnt change a person who doesn't want to change.if u can live wit her like dat FINE bt if u can't just av in mind dat marriage is FOREVER.u shudnt manage in ur marriage,u shud enjoy it.wen it comes to marriage,its not always about LOVE.AM DONE!!!
Dear if I have u as a brother I won't advise u to end up with such a woman, because on ur wedding day she might hide and smoke her weed, and who will bear d shame? Its u, so make a wise dicission now dat u still have d chance to.
Let her go if her bad habits irritates u so.... Look for ur type. Sounds like she's addicted. Addictns cld b very dangerous. Bera find ur square root
Change her first.sit her down wen she's calm n xpln tinz to her,let her know u love her so much n pray...am sure wit dis all will be well.best of luck dear
Quite the reationship pls, maybe u want ur unborn kids 2 be smoking as well pls in the name of god let her u dnt desreve her, *she is a bitch*
Common dude, are you looking for someone to blame in future? Do we bang this girl with you? If not why should we be the one to tell you what you already know. Make up your mind. Carry your cross with alcohol and weed hanging on it or look for another cross. Love is not the treatment for substance addiction.
This girl is not ready for a commitment and don't force her
The dating period of your life is the perfect time to eliminate the people who aren't quite right for you. At times it's hard cutting em off when they have so many of the right qualities. Drunkenness, drug use and a lousy attitude are red flags you should heed and avoid.
Dear "Question asker", U are not God, thus u can't change anybody! The rule has always been, anything u notice b4 marriage,multiply it by 5, if u don't like it then u certainly can't cope with it in marriage!!! Leave this gal b4 she drags u down with her. I wonder how u even got entangled with someone like her in the first place. Run and don't look back...
PS: Linda post my comment nah!!!
Mr Anonymous, u don't av to be agressive n why re u cryin more than the berieved.He asked for ur advise not insult.Let's be rightly guided pls.
Pls bro jst let ha go she wll nt change
well well well.. i hope u read my comment. a wise man once told me, we pray that God wont let us date our wives and marry our G.f, in your complaint u stated that u love her that good but sometimes love is not a enough and threatening to end the relationship isn't gonna help. i suggest u think about this wisely.. i don't your age but as your ready to settle down i suppose u know what that means. marriage is an institution one learns everyday and its not like bf and Gf . if u end up marring the lady and things gets worse... u have no one to blame but yourself. so dear as a matured man, no one here can tell u what to do cause its your life and i cant either only giving an advice, because your are going to make your decision. at the end .. i don't believe in divorce. marriage its for better for worse.
Ur just a foolish man if u tnk she'll change. She'll only get worse afta u marry her nd she'll teach ur kids to do d same thing. Love my foot ur just obsessed with d wild sex she give u wen she's high. Get real, dats not a wife material. Mumu like u. There re decent homely ladies out there waiting to make good men happy. Dnt wake up, keep looking for advice dnt advice urself
Mr confused please leave her alone if you can't deal with it.
lmao....lol ooooooooooo
oh well if she was a guy a decent girl wont wanna marry a guy dat smokes weed and gets drunk so vice versa she ain't gonna change!
I think she has stuffs bothering her cos I'm a woman and I know what I do when I'm worried. Naturally, a woman isn't meant to smoke... Drink? Maybe.. But smoke? That's a different ball game. Why don't you really talk to her? If she doesn't change, I won't advise you to marry her. Life deals with everyone differently.
My dear, she's refused to change nau, she isn't gonna change in d future, its bera u let ha go, she isn't gonna be a gud wife nor mother, its gonna be hard for u to let go buh jst try.....
First time i will be the first to comment! Thanks Linda, that was effortless *wink*
My dear, she doesn't wonna change even dou u've threatened to leave ha, if she loves u same way u do, she wud change, buh since she isn't succumbing, jst let ha go, its gonna be dificlt buh jst try, she isn't a wife nor mother material
My dear, she's refused to change nau, she isn't gonna change in d future, its bera u let ha go, she isn't gonna be a gud wife nor mother, its gonna be hard for u to let go buh jst try.....
Oga,run ooooo. She will never change,she will alway get worse
Please marry her. Your love will temper her over time after she gets pregnant for another man and brings the child for you to support while she goes on to other men and have three somes and 5 somes with a gang of men.
Mr Lib reader, pls no long story.... someone once told me "whatever u see in ur partner before marriage, prepare to see it x 100" after marriage. It is so true. Are u prepared to livewith such a wife FOREVER? A woman that can drink while pregnant and harm the baby? What about raising children? What kind children/home will such a woman raise for u while u are out earning your daily bread?? Even my 9yr old child knows the answer to ur question abeg. Maybe u should go for prayers so ur eyes can clear...
Let he go. She will not stop.
Here's a professional advice: Ask yourself these 2 simple questions:
1.) "Why can't I marry her?" (Make a list of those her vices that you mentioned earlier which disqualifies her as your kind of wife).
2.) "Why should I marry her"? (Make a list of her good qualities that you also mentioned earlier which qualifies her as your kind of wife).
If the "Why not marry her list & its consequences" outweighs the "Why marry her list & its consequences", then don't marry her. This applies both ways too.
#ThankMeLater.
Don't leave her unless u dont love her. Wat she needs rite now is ur advice and prayer. My bf is actually a smoker but dat doesn't matter to me. Relationships isn't only about sex and money but also about care, support and love. Stay cool!
if lyf has tot me any lessons...then it shud b follow ur hrt....i also knw dat luv conquers all,if u really do luv her then u shud b patient wit her...and mk sure u mk her understand hw much u luv her and hw much u actually want her for the rest of ur lyf...habits are veri difficult to stop...bt its easier if u av a shoulder to lean on wen eva u feel lik goin back.... Though it hurts...weepin may endure all through d nite bt joy comet in d mornin.....
Dude if u marry this person,it will be like as if u wanted to get to oshodi, and then ure entering lekki bus. Firstly u pple partake in premarital sex. How dyu think shell respect u and stop smoking if she knows she can shut u up with some 'great sex' ...to her ur brains are in ur balls! Srsly, get a life!!
Since you really don't know what to do, please marry her. If things get worse, Linda will let us know and we'll help out then.
Since you really don't know what to do, please marry her. If things get worse, Linda will let us know and we'll help out then.
I think you sud send her to a rehabilitation center and see wat happens frm there.
Wish u d best wit ur future baby mama
Of course u can't marry her,cos she'ϑ never change.....talking frm experience she'l tell u its an habit of a mis-spent youth dat u sure knew her b4 u married her! Choose wisely!
Don't allow your emotions to control you. Compactibility in marriage is what will keep you. If a lady do what you just mentioned, i don't think she'll be a good role model wife and a mother.
www.sandalili.com
the fact that u recognize that she is not what u want in a woman is a red flag...let her go before u regret it!!!u dont have to ask anyone..no one would bear the pain and trouble in the marriage that she'd bring u
I don't believe pple can change pple unless God intervenes,S̶̲̥̅Ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡ Man let her go nd fine another Woman.there is more to marriage than Wα̲̅†̥ U̶̲̥̅̊ Ƌяε seeing in a mere relationship.Thank u
Lwkmd! Rotflorl! Linda only d pic u used sef says it all... Abt d guy complaining, he shd marry na for his pocket! If u feel ur love conquers her ills, good 4u both. Cheers and happy married life!
~D great anonymous!
Uhm I fnk u shld let her go duh? She can only change if she is saved by God buh u pfffft u can do nothing 2 change it.a lady who smokes nd drinks 4 wife material,das jus nasty..at age 5 ur kids wld b on sm crios shit,lol..initially I was gonna say dat d way u fell in love wv her.use dat same method nd fall out of d love.buh I dunt wanna snd mean.but I sed it anyway.so yh u shld do dat.
bull shit story liar liar liar crappy yarns
Run for your future happiness!
no one is perfect buh everytin has limit.like u said u love her n she is ok in everyother areas as a wife material,then pray n put more effort i hp she turn a new leaf .afterall love bears any error.anyways na u wear shoe know hw e dey do u.all d best
my dear LIB reader, am a married lady n l advice u take d advices of ladies cos we know each other more than men do, pls there is what we call self deliverance, so l advice u go inside n pray, ask God to deliver u n tell u what to do, that is if ur not already under manipulations, be very careful n l believe u should have a mentor.
If you dont mind your kids in future seeing their mother drunk and after smoking her weed, starts vomiting rubbish to the kids hearing then marry her.
Boy,if you cannot change her in courtship let nothing convinces you that you can change her in marriage. Never you use the pleasure of sex as a barometer to measure success in marriage. Go to God in prayer!
Run. For ur. Dear life
Brother, let ur heart guide you. No one will tell you what you need to do. Love is all about mess-mopping if you look at it very rationally. No one left alone can do it; she needs you now if you love her. Well a few suggestions might be helpful on how to go about this. Be responsible...I mean "response able", and take a decision now on how to get this lady help that will clean her up once & forever if you really love her. The reason God loves us is not because we are perfect but because He wants us to be in His form (perfection). Don't quit on her because you might be the God she's been waiting for. Make a wise decision on time & talk to any of her family members you can confide in ( among her parents or siblings). They will equally help you with the plan to see her to a change. Then consult your pastor or spiritual mentor for spiritual assistance too...cos there's more to this physical than we see #the spirit controls the physical & who we are is a function of the spirit we posses or is possesing us#. Above all pray as you've never done before & do good no matter what....she'll be the least to worry you. Good luck! #Crescent#
funny enough lots of women are pretenders ,lots of women smoke weed and their husband dont even know ,this woman has shown you her trueself,yet you cant leave ,you love her ,true love is loving ones imperfections,no one is perfect ,if you love her be with her.mbok
Lindinor hw bodi i hp u dey enjoy d summer wella.cos its so lovely .babes rock am well well cos no time o.btw u neva send us any of ur yankee foto since.abeg send make we see ur summer swag.miss u .hugs.
Anon 6:18 (the first to comment)said it the best. you are past the level of soft and kind words, cos i am sure u are above 15yrs. so here's me adding to my earlier mentioned paddy.......
- dont call
- dont text
- dont visit
- dont do that crap called lets be friends.
walk away and dont look back. this situation has only one ending - U SAD FOREVER, SHE INDIFFERENT. and here's the bonus, life will be ugly (as in basic situations will only get worse - ur finance, ur kids progress in life, ur basic happiness).
any other counsel (e.g. pray for her, love her more, be there for her, try to change her.anything except what i said = the only outcome. SOME PEOPLE ARE NEVER WORTH IT.
yes, she MAY eventually get better, meet someone who will clean her up etc (a probability based on fiction), but we know its not you! thatis someone else dirty job (yes, i said it)
SOMETHINGS CAN NOT BE NEGOTIATED.
Brother, let ur heart guide you. No one will tell you what you need to do. Love is all about mess-mopping if you look at it very rationally. No one left alone can do it; she needs you now more than ever, if you love her. Well a few suggestions might be helpful on how to go about this. Be responsible...I mean "response able", and take a decision now on how to get this lady help that will clean her up once & forever if you really love her. The reason God loves us is not because we are perfect but because He wants us who are flaw-filled to be in His form (perfection). Don't quit on her because you might be the God she's been waiting for; to help her make you the fore-father your blood line will be proud of. Make a wise decision on time & talk to any of her family members you can confide in ( among her parents or siblings). They will equally help you with the plan to see her to a change. Then consult your pastor or spiritual mentor for spiritual assistance too...cos there's more to this physical than we see #the spirit controls the physical & who we are is a function of the spirit we possess or is possessing us#. Above all pray as you've never done before & do good no matter what....she'll be the least to worry you. Good luck! #Crescent#
Abeg send her packing º°˚ bcus small small she don D̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ turn †̥ drug addict, S̶̲̥̅Ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡ b4 she start disgracing U̶̲̥̅̊ in Ūя̲̅ family. Shikennah
In marriage love is not everything...d love might fade..she might get worse...pls leave her now and look for a better person...
story teller i know you, u omitted a line in your story 'she is the relationship financier' if you leave her u'll become a broke ass again, so think twice.
so ask yourself the muller or friendship what do u want?
Omazo
Brother, let ur heart guide you. No one will tell you what you need to do. Love is all about mess-mopping if you look at it very rationally. No one left alone can do it; she needs you now more than ever, if you love her. Well a few suggestions might be helpful on how to go about this. Be responsible...I mean "response able", and take a decision now on how to get this lady help that will clean her up once & forever if you really love her. The reason God loves us is not because we are perfect but because He wants us who are flaw-filled to be in His form (perfection). Don't quit on her because you might be the God she's been waiting for; to help her make you the fore-father your blood line will be proud of. Make a wise decision on time & talk to any of her family members you can confide in ( among her parents or siblings). They will equally help you with the plan to see her to a change. Then consult your pastor or spiritual mentor for spiritual assistance too...cos there's more to this physical than we see #the spirit controls the physical & who we are is a function of the spirit we possess or is possessing us#. Above all pray as you've never done before & do good no matter what....she'll be the least to worry you. Good luck! #Crescent#
Well to me, I dnt think u shuld let her go is gonna help, cos u seem to be in love wt her so much. And u might be d angel God has sent to her to help in ds her situation, and I strongly beliefs she will change with u by her side might take longer than u expect probably after marriage.
Hahaha.....you dey vex oooooo
Seems you already have all the answers to the questions you're asking. Don't marry a woman out of pity! Don't think you can change her cos u can't. If you love her that way - the way she drinks and smoke which you obviously don't then you can marry her.
Don't think with your d**k cos she's so good in bed because at the end of everything, it won't be enough to keep your marriage. Let her go before you ruin your sanity!
Keep searching and be patient, you'll surely find a good woman who want to settle down.
Oga she would smoke and drink while pregnant with your kIds ..... So think with your head and not your ....
I dated a similar girl I knew in my mind no marriage but we dated for long because our sex life was great.. I know the only thing that is keeping you is sex not how good she is in the kitchen... but let good you will find another... just like me I found another but our sex life is not as great but she deh try sha. nothing is as good as fucking a girl that is high on weed.
Are you talking about wifing Tonto???........just kidding.
She's probably empty inside.
Fast and pray about it. Find passages in the Bible that's relating to your issue and meditate on it. And If it's meant to be....
You can never change a person, only God can.With that in mind, decide what you want your kids to growup with; a drunkard as a mother or a sober mother who is herself all the time training them to be the best they can. What example will she set for the as a drunkard?
Pls stay clear
Pls stay clear
Pple wil diftnately talk,my dear,ur ansa is in d hand of d Almighty........jas cal on him,n he wil surely ansa you..... Gudluck
Do u even know what d word "baby mama" Ȋ̝̊̅ڪ ?*rme. Mscheeew peepz be using words without knowing d meaning.
Well said sugar! He who has ears let him hear. U could take a risk though after all D̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ say ; "life Ȋ̝̊̅ڪ a gamble" but also remember: YOLO
Brother pls come and marry me o! Pls send ur contact to Linda! I am a full wife material!
Y'alll make me laugh I swear.......We all have sinned severally buh we still go to God n ask 4 Mercy and he still gives us another chance to Change n Make things Right. So Y condemn her cos she drinks n smokes? A lotta y'all do worse things n yet u condemn som1 else........Let he who is withou sins be the first to cast a stone......MY ADVICE....Bro follow ur heart n kip praying she changes 4 d better n follow ur heart.
Na waoooo, so you still dey wait for advice, instead of you to flea from the destruction that is about to ROCK YOU
A wise man said "a broken courtship is better than a broken marraige"
I will only say 'follow ur heart', its ur life
I love u very much...if u are a man, Pls marry me. U ve said it all. No one on dis blog has ever bn this sincere. Wooooow.
U must have advice her on several occasion...my advice for is that she don't have the quality of a gud wife..how can a lady u want 2 marry be smoking and drinking..and they say is the mother that train her children ogbeni if u dnt want your kids 2 b smokin and drinkink u beta tink wise.......
apart from the moral aspect, u should consider the health aspect too. Taking too much alcohol and smoking has its effect in the near future.... if she cant heed to ur threats or warnings now as a girlfwend, what will now happen after you have put a ring on it...?be wise while following your heart
Ode dey their dey do ma bf is a smoker.buh it dsnt mata 1 day in go smoke.come hous come rape u till u turn 2 vampire
Don't help the Holy Spirit do His work.... Cuz no human being can change another.... She might convince u for a while but the end is not pleasant... What sort of examples will she be to you kids? Young Man U need to set ur priorities right cuz marriage is for to d ever... FOREVER
That's ur own cup of tea
Have you tried persuading her to stop?
if she has refused, then such a person CANNOT be a good mother or wife. am sorry.
old habits die hard!
All u crazy fucks saying BH abt letting her go n red flag.. U know nothing about luv... We find Luv in strange places n forms sometimes.. If she makes u happy n u truly Luv her, pls help her be a better person because I'm thinking that's d reason God sent her ur way. My only concern is her health and ability to give u healthy babies, aside that I'm sure u guys can make it work... What makes u think d other woman who doesn't drink or smoke would bring u happiness? Be wise n pray to God for direction. This message is straight from my heart of heart... #BossLady
M lib u don't manage a woman ,if u can't cope u let go , aldo u have been coping den y den quit d rship ur just confusd u need God mercy to help u, she's not ur woman neva u threating a woman ,u don't hv to bcos u want ha to change ha, u can't change once character even ur so called gf u can't change ha cos that's ha life baby so she has to live it to d fullest ,its ur life if u feel she's d one tink twice and mak d chioce,don't b carried by d word love ,cos what u having is a stupid love okay ,shine ur eyes u said she's d moda of ur kids wen u said she drinks nd do lots of tin means u r lienig u don't love ha u only love ha 4 hot sex
@Anon 6:18 Best answer!
Tonto dike
Oga kindly take a walk now there is still time for you. As to changing her bad habits, no, she will never change. A word is enough for the wise.
Lol! Yeye boy. Maniac
De say luv is blind my broda reality is the order of the day ... puttin up wit a junky as a wife would be a verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyy baaaaad idea get her help then u can talk marriage
Ʊ harsh O°˚˚˚
Man please let her go, cos marriage is a life time thing, except you want the stain of divorce painted on ur name, and besides u already said it, "she is not want you will want in woman" love or no love, you get over it with time, the hurt will heal with time, if you claim to love her that much, think about it, what if she is the one that leaves you, wouldn't you go on with your life? So man there is life outside of her, and there are better girls, you can always fall in love again!
J̶̲̥̅̊u̶̲̥̅̊ƨ̣̣̣̇̇̇̇τ̣̣̥ let her go,she cant b a ƍöôϑ wife
Brother, let ur heart guide you. No one will tell you what you need to do. Love is all about mess-mopping if you look at it very rationally. No one left alone can do it; she needs you now more than ever, if you love her. Well a few suggestions might be helpful on how to go about this. Be responsible...I mean "response able", and take a decision now on how to get this lady help that will clean her up once & forever if you really love her. The reason God loves us is not because we are perfect but because He wants us who are flaw-filled to be in His form (perfection). Don't quit on her because you might be the God she's been waiting for; to help her make you the fore-father your blood line will be proud of. Make a wise decision on time & talk to any of her family members you can confide in ( among her parents or siblings). They will equally help you with the plan to see her to a change. Then consult your pastor or spiritual mentor for spiritual assistance too...cos there's more to this physical than we see #the spirit controls the physical & who we are is a function of the spirit we possess or is possessing us#. Above all pray as you've never done before & do good no matter what....she'll be the least to worry you. Good luck! #Crescent#
Guy, u re'nt wearin diapers(I believe) u knw d answer to ur question.......................................
Hv u tried helping her spiritually?....since u said her attribute wen she is nt high is of an house wife material...aside wen she's drunk or high tht she behaves funny....her issue might b attached 2 spiritual tinz...if u truely luv her nd u're ready 2 support her morally den u hv work 2 do in ds order!
bros run i dont think this is wht u want for u and ur children.look for a gud girl someone that can take very care of u and ur children.
Anon 8.40pm.jeez u gat me rtfl! Wich kain bad mouth u get?person don rape u til u turn vamp b4? Stil laffing ma ass out
Hmmmmmmm! Chukuwuka ekwueme and judith ologbo! Una still dey ds matter, thot u guys are married by now! Why didn't tell dem u have a son together
Well a lot hve been said alrdy n in the end the choice is still yours to make......i jux wanna chip in smetin yu shld also consider in ur decision making.....we all hve got witnesses n in diffrnt kinds, we're on the good syd if the good in us is way more than dt bad(weakness) n vice versa......n anada tin she has to acknowledge dt she's got a problem n need help, dts d 1st way to knw smeone who's willing to change n if non of these is present......then I'm sorry man, you just gotta free her n she wud change wen its God appointed tym 4her.....wish yu all d best n God's guidance in ur decision making......#Ajyrow
The prob with her getting high problem is that it will affect the quality' of children she will give birth to!
Cos am sure she won't be the type dat will leave alcohol while pregnant.
i swear i know the Liber that sent this story..... Name starts with I nd the gf name starts with N..... poor boy... we even feel more sorry for you
Her habits are covering a confidence issue. Smoking and drinking provide her with some escapism. Love her unconditionally and she ill change. Besides they don't make her a bad girl. That so called good girl who does none of these things can turn out to be a demon. Speaking from experience. I married my smoking drinking babe. Better the devil you know.
I bet the good sex happens after a few drinks or weed.
If you smoked or drank would you have an issue with her lifestyle? I don't agree with your approach. If you really love her as you say, you should be concerned about the effects her habit will have on her health, not on what qualifies as wife material to you. You met her and fell for her as she is so chill please.
@anon 5:39 you're making sense
@Lady Mel, sharap dere, na u be saint na. Are u perfect?
visit my blog agirlsneeds.blogspot.com
DEY THERE DEY ASK QUESTIONS...You never run for your ife....
All the signs are staring at you and you are here asking us JAMB questions. My dear, let me tell, if your wife is messed up , then know that there is 90percent probability that your kids will be messed.
Exactly I don't pity men in this type of situation Becos guys have showed me
You know u love her but the real question is does she love u? When I first met my boyfriend I used to drink and smoke even tho he did too so did not hav a problem wit dat but as d love started to grow and I pictured us gettin married I tot to myself who wants to b hiding to smoke wen mother in law comes round? Even without him asking I stopped and eventually he stopped too. I knw out society over exaggerates women dat do such things but who wants their child to end up like dat. If she cnt see it from that point of view marriage won't fix it. My formula for love is "love completely, absolutely and dangerously BUT alwayssssss love urself more" if u love urself better tak a bow and leave her to grow up.
for a woman to be dating u and claim to love you yet does not change means that YOU CANNOT change her...ultimately, it's her heart disposition... she is obviously not ready to change...if at this stage, she is this way, be rest assured that u have a hint of how she would be in marriage...btw why are u having sex with someone u are not even married to?u no know say it be fornication?
That is why it is always advisable not to start a relationship with SEX cos it will turn you to MUMU when the time comes for you to take decisions on matters that affect ur relationship.
Love is never perfect. Your partner will never have all the qualities you seek that is why love entails alot of sacrifice. Despite this, I will not advice you to make sacrifices to the extent that you become an unhappy man. You know the qualities you seek in a wife, if this woman you claim to love does not have these qualities and these qualities are of paramount importance to you, I suggest you look for someone else. I do not advice that you go ahead and marry her with the hope that she will change.Marry her if you are willing to fully accept her and her ways. And also pray. Prayer gives answers. Things are never really as straight forward as they seem. Good luck.
First, she might be drinking and smoking, but might have a good heart/behavior for a lady, but why is that an issue.
Secondly, when guys drink and smoke,some ladies don't make that an issue or care about it, so why make it a big deal.If you propose to her she'll stop all of it i can guarantee u that.
if you truly love her speak with someone in authority over her about your intentions but they should help you talk to her that she needs to seek help....alcohol and nicotine is addictive and not something u can leave overnight...both of you can seek help in a bible believing church....Give your life to Christ and see the difference God will make....love is action, maybe God has brought you in her life as an agent to help her make that change for the better. so pls instead of judging, begin to help her, protect her and God will help u both.....cheers
My brother run as fast as u can. She can't think once she is high. So who will be with ur kids when she is up there? Don't waste ur time. You need to run faster than Chioma Ajunwa. Waka no look back this one no be love but lust dear.
Ur just an idiot. Fool.ur mama wey born u na correct definition of useless for bringing in a fool like u into dis world
Bros, love is blind but marriage has a way of opening the eyes, and then it's too late. A broken heart from a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. If you can't handle her lifestyle, let her go. By the grace of God, you'll meet and fall in love with someone better suited for you.
There is a great difference btw light and darkness.u can pull her out of the mess by praying for her. while doing dat u threaten her by giving her a time frame for a remarkable change (b4 u think of Marriage).if no success in this regard pls take a stroll.I am married nd i can tell u dat wat u see in courtship is just the tip of the Ice-berg.Don't experiment wit ur marriage.
Hard situation. D thruth is dat if u marry someone else, u will end up cheatin on supposed wife with her. U better marry her n face d problem together. If she gets preggy, she will have to stop all dat or better still reduce frequency. Once she sets her eyes on her pikin, mother instict kicks in. I bet u, she will adjust her attitude cos of them. Am a living example. My husband married me, i took in and when i look at my children's eyes, i see another dimension of life i never knew. Now all i do is for my children.
hahaha. you wicked o
how many serious women have good hearts? that's how we pushed for my brother to leave his to-be-wife because she was a party freak. two years later he married an 'angel'. today we are crying. the party freak is now happily married, a mother of one, and still parties with her hubby! while our angelic witch tortures my brother everyday. i cant visit him and eat in peace. We africans need to stop being cliche, my brother has learnt the hard way. if a woman has a good heart, she will make a happy home
Mehn! Marriage isn't somethn u go into as a result of pity or emotions. Wat marriage entails is compatibility and understanding. If u knw u sincerely love her, i suggest u sit her down and talk to her. Tell her how her habit hurts u, and how u'll appreciate it if she changes. From her response, u would b able to determine if she really wants to change. B careful of dis statement "if i ad known". Think twice. Don't make any hasty decision. Meet your spiritual father. Pray for her. Abstain for sex a while and know if datz d main reason u love her. B careful, marriage lies not only on love alone, other qualities are also required.
so because your father dumped your mother you're on a dumping spree? sorry sha. you sound heart broken. no be anybody say make u fall mugu
@anon 8:54pm you are an epitome of stupidity.
good advice. let me also chip in something from the professional point of view, alcohol dependency is usually a function of depression. Must people who intentionally get drunk or 'high' do so to numb reality. and even after the problem that started the alcohol dependence goes away, they are already addicted and can't stop on their own. what you need to do is make her realise she has a problem and see reason why she has to help herself. even if you decide to leae her, make an effort to help her medically. That said, marriage isn't always about what society paints it to be, when the chips are down you need a wife who is a support system, a great mum, and a stress reliever. is she?
You sound like you practice a lot of PRE-MARITAL Sex. you are the kind of "fake' holy wife men should run away from.
and why can't HE be the one to clean her up? fair weather love? this is the reason why the average African ma endures(not enjoys) his marriage: the result of marrying what is percieved the appropriate (witch) wife.
let her go abeg, as quickly as possible, but keep praying for her. I cannot even understand why anyone would marry an obvious trouble, when marriage in itself is a battle field.
i think u should talk to her on stopping, but if she doesnt i dont think you can keep such a wife in ur house.
because a girlfriend that cannot listen to u and change from her bad ways, can never be a listening and obiedient wife.
for further consultation on family matters contact me @ somi88@icloud.com
guy u no well oooo, u still dey ask whether to leave her or not?
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