Women are taught from a young age to be inoffensive, Adichie explains, which can ultimately stunt our growth as human beings, preventing us from leading fully self-actualized lives.
She said:
She said:
I think that what our society teaches young girls, and I think it’s also something that’s quite difficult for even older women and self-professed feminists to shrug off, is that idea that likability is an essential part of you, of the space you occupy in the world, that you’re supposed to twist yourself into shapes to make yourself likable, that you’re supposed to hold back sometimes, pull back, don’t quite say, don’t be too pushy, because you have to be likable.
And I say that’s bullshit.
So what I want to say to young girls is forget about likability. If you start thinking about being likable you are not going to tell your story honestly, because you are going to be so concerned with not offending, and that’s going to ruin your story.
62 comments:
I love d last paragraph dts soooo true i hv bin in dt kind of situation b4 while growing up I hd always wanted pple 2 lyk so I tk so many nonsense bt nw nah. Good 1 Mrs chi
Ok oo
NA SO
Noted
Real talk. As humans, we don't need others approval or penchant to determine who we are.
We just need to be ourselves and forget about what the society and all fucktards have to say about us.
#TooBlessedToBeStressed
How can one woman be so smart? Good one.
Now this is real phronesis.
Real talk. As humans, we don't need others approval or penchant to determine who we are.
We just need to be ourselves and forget about what the society and all fucktards have to say about us.
#TooBlessedToBeStressed
Lol, them go here ham ooo
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Wow! She spoke well, and to break down wht she said, stop d pretence's, and b ursef. U don't hav to show up, and impress people, just b ursef.
This is old. Im disappointed
Truer words have never been said!
This girl is starting to sound annoying. So when has being likeable stopped being a virtue. It does not only apply to women . It also apply to men.
As a teenager, I always thought abt likability, it got me no Whr tbh!
~D great anonymous!
Damn right, this likability ish my parent taught me has almost ruined my life, I'm changing now do, learning to do things because I consent not because I want the approval of others
A very nice write up. This is the best female in our time.
Well said ma'am.
Tell them biko. Impressing pple for no reason tho yet they hate you.
"And I say that's bullshit", my respect for this lady grows by the day! I totally concur!
Well said buh it has to be generalised , both male αи∂ female....its more like living †ђξ life of pretense cos u want the society to accept you, u want to be liked αи∂ in that case, u'd be stagnant αи∂ believe me , u will never grow...just like Amanda said, stunted growth from all ramifications.... Live honestly not because d society wants u to...
#ITwillONLYgetBETTER
#itMUSTendINpraise
True talk
Thank you for this. Women we don't have to kill our selves just to be liked we only have to be our selves and real people will like our type. That's why we were created differently
Linda! U be speaker? Or may I call u opposition leader? By the way, you've just earned yourself some like ability with that statement. I'm a man, but love your courage.
Thanks for this wonderful advice.
I love her ***far too kind***
True talk
Chima, I totally love you! U so damn right gurl. Biko, did I miss a book publishing of yours? I'm anxious on what ure gonna write next.
well said call a spade a spade,pretence is a no no
Preach
Oya carry on offend every body b pushy n sturbborn, i dont blame u cus u don marry na, so u wan make sure say the youngs gals them no go marry idiat!!!!
Dis girl is a fool, always making stupid utterances in d name of been a feminist, let her stop corrupting our young girls pls.
U are a blessing to Nigeria.. this will improve ladies mentality..
....miss Nollywood forms still out...
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i agree, i totally agree.
This makes sense die. Linda observe Ladies copy (jack Bauer)
JST LYK DS BABE...TOMJERRYSWIT
Oga, read again!
LIBers this is for y'all hating on me!!! Hahahaha! Love me some adichie
Chimma, u ar so right. She is so right. A woman's self esteem is essential to her all round development & success in life. If it is killed so early, it means a life time of living under...
hmmmmmmmmmmm indeed
Well said
I think there's more to this issue than is expressed here, while she's on point, this is not a justification to being rude and offensive.
Note, there's nothing wrong in being likeable, everybody at one point tries to be likeable: boys, girls, men and women, It's a personal choice and not a general rule. Countless times as a man I have tried to be likeable, towards women, friends in general and my boss, and it works for me.
So, ladies, don't take it out of context, being good-natured and likeable is a virtue.
Also I hold Chimamanda Adichie in high esteem, and if I meet her, I would try to be likeable.
I love did babe
@angela, u r rite, and I concur.
SHE IS INDIRECTLY TALKING ABOUT THE BLOWBACK SHE GOT FROM HER BOOK "AMERICANAH" FROM CERTAIN QUARTERS. FOR ME IT WAS A GOOD READ HOWEVER CONSIDERING HER HIGH PROFILE, INTELLIGENCE AND AWARENESS OF HER PRIMARY AUDIENCE BEING LARGELY EUROPEAN, IT WAS AN OBVIOUS AND EXTREMELY UNAPOLOGETIC WORK OF SELF INDULGENT DIATRIBES AND PERSONAL CHARACTER INSERTIONS.
THAT BOOK WOULD MAKE A WHITE PERSON EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE AND DOES NOT EVEN BOTHER AT REDEMPTION AT ANY POINT.
Don't impress any man or woman. The only one u shud impress is God and that means u have to be real, truthful and sincere to God and yourself. Weather u are liked by people or not is not your business. All you should be concerned of is God. Impress him and him alone, his the reason you still alive and his the reason u on earth. So give him good reason that u alive
Gbam! That's me o. If u don't like me, park well! There r 1billion people on earth or even more. I can never displease myself to please others mba nu. Call me selfish or whatever but me don't care! I'm glad she shares this.
Weather u liked by thousand or millions your business. The simple truth us dt immediately u die that's all for u. Those ones u think liked and cherish u, will forget every single thing about you. So my dearies live to impress only God. Don't waste your time impressing anyone they don't deserve it. Impress God alone
Bitter leaf Cynthia , she made sense while u sounded bitter
This is hogwash.
So people can forget about decorum and begin to blurt out whatever feelings and thoughts they have regardless of it it hurts anyone.
This stupid movement will only work with/on the asinine.
Omg ma'am who are u? Or should I say, what are you? :) well constructed.
Displeasing yourself to please others to me can only be initiated when i seek for something in return. It mustn't be an everyday phenomenon.
Love her speech.
Chimamanda has become arrogant and will lose her class and respect if she continues in this liberal, new -age philosophy of hers. Being likable is a virtue, and should be pursued by all people including men and women, inorder for society to be bearable. She is talking nonsense...
Great words from an outrageous writer...so
much love for this woman....
Well written piece. Kudos dear Chai. Linda take note!
Isn't everyone taught to be likeable?
It is better to talk smart than to talk any how. Why is that today, people cannot accept the truth even when it is glaring? This lady maybe living in her dream but in the real world being likeable is as important as talking frankly. It is important to learn to restrain yourself because it is not every thought that comes to one's head one gushes out of the mouth. Why do you think many in her position cannot settle down because they call themselves feminist who have to fight for every right... the fundamental human right, right of speech, right to be female and all sorts of right. Freedom of speech does not mean we can say whatever we like and most times from our own selfish point of view with considering the common good. Be tactful in the way and manner we speak is important... because a day of reckoning will come for whatever we utter.
How many people can even like you sincerely despite your pretences. It is better to be yourself at all times
She's the only woman I can truly describe as my role model, I met her whilst reading her books and havent stopped adoring her....
Well say, is good be who God destined you to be not who you
want to be okay.
Well say ma'am
Yeah baby!
We have to be ourselves and not live another person's life
Well said!!!
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