Elvina Ibru opens up on why she doesn't want to get married, also says she only dates younger men | Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog

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Wednesday, 1 April 2015

Elvina Ibru opens up on why she doesn't want to get married, also says she only dates younger men

In this interview exclusive to LIB, Elvina Ibru, business woman & one of the daughters of billionaire businessman Olorogun Michael Ibru, opened up about why she doesn't want to get married, how the society pressures women into bad marriages. She also talked about having a child out of wedlock and also explains why she only dates younger men. Interesting interview. Read below...
You were quoted as saying you don't believe in marriage sometime back, but why?
People feel that I don't want to get married because I don't believe in marriage or because I don't have anybody toasting me for marriage. Wrong! I actually believe so much in marriage and that's why I don't want to marry; because marriage has been made a nonsense of particularly in this country. As far as I'm concerned, it's not a fair constitution to women. For instance, if your husband cheats on you, you are expected to forgive him. Even your own mama go tell you "my dear that is what marriage is. It's for better or worse. It's a mistake. It's the devil." But if by mistake, a woman cheats on her husband in this country, what are you talking about?
She will be called all sorts of names. From Ashawo to witch. If a woman cheats on her husband, the man should ask the woman what is it I'm doing wrong instead of castigating the woman and the society joins in helping him to do the same. But that's not the only issue I'm talking about, there are so many. I grew up in a polygamous family, I'm an Urhobo girl and maybe that's part of the reasons I've never desired to get married. Most Urhobo men are expected to cheat on their wives. It's almost a normal thing. If you are an Urhobo man and you don't cheat on your wife they'll ask you, "Ol boy, abi this woman don bury calabash for you?"
Are you serious?
"Yes! I said it, quote me. Maybe it's also my background that brought about my perception of marriage. I have loads of male friends that are married and I know what they do. I also have female friends; very beautiful girls and you can imagine having dinner with like 12 to 13 of them and all they ever talk about is their marriage and how unhappy they are with their husbands. They'll then ask me, you are looking fresh how do you do it? I always show them my empty fingers and say no man is sucking my blood. I'm not thinking about whether my husband is with one small girl in UNILAG or whether there is no enough money for two of us, because if there is no money I go soak garri for myself, but I'll never soak garri with you. Forget it! I will not.

Wow! That's tough..
That's for me Elvina, and please let's not get this twisted. Don't misquote me, I've never encouraged young girls not to get married. Marriage is a beautiful thing if you can do it. Go and get married, but marriage is not for me Elvina. There are billions of people in the world and God made everybody different. The amount of strands of hair on each person's head is different, even our thumb prints are not the same. We can't even think alike. No matter what similarities we share, there is always some big individual differences, which is why marriage itself is even hard. Sometimes, you don't know yourself completely. If I don't know myself completely, how then will I be able to abide with somebody else. There is no way the person will not get on my nerves and we'll both explode. So if you can marry, beautiful! I'll come to your wedding and wear Aso-Ebi. I'll dance and sing with you and pray that you have a long-lasting union and beautiful children. But me Elvina, I nor wan marry and frankly speaking it's not by force.

But don't you think societal pressure is what makes many ladies to want to marry by all means?
That's another thing in Nigeria as well, you have so much pressures from families and friends as a young girl to get married. So you just marry any man that comes your way. You see a 25 years old girl, before she pass 25 they've started pressuring her, "are you not getting married?" "Who is the man?" So, you just marry any nonsense. Even if she doesn't feel that this is the person for her, she starts getting scared psychologically wondering if something is wrong with her. She starts thinking at the age of 25 that she must marry the next available guy or she might not get someone else to marry her later; even if she is not totally in love with that guy. So she should marry the person and be unhappy.

Most Nigerians will say that there is no such things about love in marriage, but tolerance, what's your take?
If it's about love, will tolerance not come into it. If you love someone, you'll tolerate them. For me the basis of marriage should be about love and nothing else. This is what I'm saying, that I believe so much in marriage that I'm not getting married; because I can hear things like this all the time whereby Nigerians will say marriage is about tolerance. Why can't it be about love. I always say to God, if you want me to get married, give me a husband that I'll not manage. I can't manage marriage. I manage my business, I manage finances, I manage social life, I will not manage marriage. My marriage has to be perfect and happy. God can do it. So if I am 75 years old and I meet one 80 years old Papa, and I see that, 'wow! God this is it!', then we'll get married.

You have a child already and you are not married, but there is this notion that there is always an adverse effect on a child who doesn't  have both parents' upbringing, what's your take?
That is complete, utter rubbish. Yes, I'm not married and I have a child, there is nothing wrong with me and there is nothing wrong with my child. I wasn't seeing my father while growing up, would you say that has got any impact on me? Except you want to claim the impact is what we are talking about now, but I'm the only one among my siblings who has this believe of not getting married. My brothers are married, my sisters are married. Gloria is not married, but she'd like to get married. So that believe that the child will be affected is nonsense. No marriage can save a child that Is not naturally not strong. There are some married people that might has well not be married. I have a bobo(boyfriend) now, my relationship with him is sweeter than that of most people that are in marriages. If I'm lying let something happen. You'll see some couples who seem happy, but their children are feeling deprived because of a marriage that is not working.  I'm not trying to generalise here, I'm just saying there is always a situation for every situation. A child that grows up in a marriage where the father beats the mother or the mother beats the father, as it is in some cases might grow up to become a bully to his or her spouse in marriage. The child will grow up to feel it's ok to beat his or her spouse. So just because you are married doesn't guarantee that your children will have a more fulfilled life than the child raise outside wedlock.

You Just disclosed that you have a bobo and that you are happy with him, my question is, if you can be happy with him out of wedlock, why can't you be by marrying him?
If I can be happy without marrying him, why then must I marry him? Must I sign that paper? I have told you my stand on marriage already or else I have to repeat it again!

So, tell us more about your bobo?
My bobo is very handsome , quiet and nice. That's the end of story, thank You.

What's your take on wide age gap in a relation, especially the older-lady-younger-man debate?
That's another double standard. We have in this country. If a 60year old man is dating a 30year old girl, people will start hailing him. But if a 30 years old man is dating a 60 years old lady, you can never see the end of the story. It's one of the nonsensical double standard we have against women in this country.

But can you date someone younger?
(Cuts in) I only date younger men! I'm not interested in older men. One of the reasons is that they are all married, and secondly they all have big 'belle'. All of dem too get big belle. I nor like big belle o.

Oh really?
Yes, look, I'm a very straight forward person. You are attracted to what you are attracted to. Some people like skinny, dark girls, they'll never chase me. Some people like light skinned, round girls, they'll chase me. Some people like short women, they will not come after me, some like tall girls and will come after me. I might see a fine guy with a round stomache or chubby look and say, "oh, this guy is very handsome" but the chemistry won't be there and I cannot force myself to like what I don't like. I like a  slim, tall, and dark guy with a flat tummy, maybe because I'm big, so I'm attracted to the opposite. I also don't like
light skinned men. I might see a handsome yellow guy and say "awww, this guy is cute", but the chemistry will also not be there, maybe because it reminds me of my brothers. My brothers are light skinned. I don't really know why it works for me that way, but I don't deceive myself. I also tell people, don't deceive yourself. I don't have anything against older men, if I'm searching and i find an older man in my specs, then leggo! As regards age, I'm not that old, I'm only 42. My bobo is 34. Yes.

The concern with this kind of your relationship is about IQ and maturity compatibility, how do you both relate on the same level?
That is very general. Look at my son, Elisha. Elisha was talking to me about his views on politics today, how do you feel he'll think when he is fifteen. He is only six. His agemates were looking at him like what's GDP? The guy I'm dating right now is way more mature than most 50-year-olds I know. The things that freak them don't freak him. For instance, you'll never see him in a strip club and you see some big babas in a strip club screaming in ecstasy. It's just like some of the listeners of our programs on Classic FM, we play old school and you'll be shocked at how young many of our listeners are. A lot of them are just like 24-years old. They call in and start telling us about songs of Nat King Cole.  I will be wondering how these young people get to Know about all these songs.

140 comments:

Davido's driver said...

I am single ma'am evn tho i am a professional driver, ul like me.

Davido's driver said...

As long as she is happy.lindaobserve

Anonymous said...

good for her....



meenah_wakil on instagram

Anonymous said...

CONGRATULATIONS MADAM, MORE GREASE .HOW E TEK AFFECT ME??NA UR CHOICE SO OYO IS YOUR CASE....TOMJERRYSWIT

Anonymous said...

good for her....



meenah_wakil on instagram

BONARIO NNAGS said...

"I'm an Urhobo girl and maybe that's part of the reasons I've never desired to get married. Most Urhobo men are expected to cheat on their wives"
Very dumb answer, must you marry an Urhobo man? Aunty find another excuse, coz your 13 O'clock is fast approaching.

~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA LUMIA

AbokiDaWarriBoy said...

Waoo I respect ur decision, wat ever makes u happy,marriage ain't keys to happiness 4 sure.

Anonymous said...

So much truth. I agree with her 100percent. I married my husband out of pressure and even though I love him, a small part of me always feels I could have made a better choice.

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Debbie Chelsea said...

Hmmmmmm

Anonymous said...

Young niggas winning...Hehe! We outchea

24 in the building :P

7F098C19 said...

She should come date me. Will give her total satisfaction and happiness. Lol. Engr Emy

Unknown said...

Her Life!! Her Choice!! All The Best!!....

Unknown said...

Her personal choice, decision, and life to live as she deem please. I wish her well, and hope she is happy.

Unknown said...

She is entitled to her opinion.

***ECHOMASS***

Unknown said...

She's making an april fool of herself !









(BALKAN)

Unknown said...

Okay, that's her own views.

Chilaka C said...

IkejiLinda, Abeg help me Tel her that I Also Prefer Older women, we can both work tins Out, I dnt trust Al ds our YoungGals, they so much Bliv in runs, She can Reach me wit 2bcdd5ed, Let's work Smtin Out... tnks

Unknown said...

lol....Mama no like Big Belle....so ndi afor bear is a no 4 her!!

Unknown said...

Quite sure ur 34 yr old bobo will remain unmarried like u for life.

Anonymous said...

She's definitely not a product of her environment. There's Nigeria and then there's her planet. It seems she doesn't believe in happy Nigerian marriages because of all the unspoken dynamics at play in the relationships.

Anonymous said...

so Linda, is this why you dont want to marry me?

Anonymous said...

Ok cougar! Bye!

Unknown said...

Eeeyah, i pity her. She sound frustrated! Rather than allowing people to bring her down, she dey use strong face

Anonymous said...

This one no well . mugu .. no man wan marry you because you be ashawo . You can't keep a man . bad market that is what you are .

Unknown said...

Am with her on dis, in naija men are free to do anything in marriage including beating a woman but if a woman does anything she will become a witch or Ogbanje.

Unknown said...

Agbaya, child abuse

Ogechi@ afakos@yahoo.com said...

Na you sabi. better go marry before it is too late.

Unknown said...

I just like this women..

Unknown said...

Coincidentally....., we share same view about marriage.

Unknown said...

Her life

Unknown said...

Any man I do not Love, I can not marry. Even if you propose with 100 Trillion Carat Diamond and u pop the "general and too common" Will You Marry Me? No I cannot marry you! Will be the answer. If I don't live you, I can NOT TOLERATE you or be submissive to you. Tolerance and submission out of duty and not of pure love is slavery and hypocrisy.....

Unknown said...

Okay

OKORO UPGRADED**

Anonymous said...

I really like dis woman. Very transparent.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Elvina, the society made me feel like something was wrong with me at 38 for not being married. I met a handsome young man who is 40yrs old not long after meeting him. Now i cant wait to get out of the marriage. He is a nice guy, i am a nice woman,but we are not in love. We are just living together and just being nice to each other. (We realise we shouldnt have gotten married)

Unknown said...

Her life.
Her choice.
Her bizness.
Good for her.

Unknown said...

I love your mind Ms. Elvina. Down to earth,mature and sincere.

danex said...

shameless old woman. this world don spoil oh.

Unknown said...

Which kind "mature,very hansome,quiet and nice"man dates a 42 years old woman? Wonders shall never end

Best opinion said...

I cant remember granting this interview. This woman just spoke through me! Exactly my take. Women yall too desperate marrying a toothless convict to be called mrs. Smh

Anonymous said...

i like her, she is a straight talker...i always have love for sincere people

Unknown said...

She spoke the truth in the first question asked

Unknown said...

GOTO: www.createspace.com/4814504
or www.createspace.com/4646359.
You could learn a thing or two.
Wishing you the best.

Unknown said...

I agree with her points though.
Its her choice and her life, anyhow she likes she can do with it.

GALORE said...

I love this lady already



So blunt and so truthful




@Galore

Unknown said...

Mad woman...

OSINANL said...

She used to be very beautiful when she was fat

Unknown said...

Zuzuwe....no go marry

Anonymous said...

Great interview and very real. No woman should be forced to marry. Allow people to live their own lives. Funny thing is that urhobo culture can that be for real about men expecting to cheat? It's a coincidence that the majority of urhobo I know are not married but have children.

Unknown said...

I love this woman so much. She is speaking nothing but the truth. p

Unknown said...

Okay we have heard you ma.

Chikaka said...

Very frank. Whatever makes her happy. Elvina and her sisters have always kept it real.

John said...

But does she expect herself to cheat on her husband (either by mistake or deliberately)?

Unknown said...

God bless your sincerity and truth. Jeez!!! I fucking respect this lady for her mind. Marry out of love do not say "yes I will marry you" because a 1000 trillion carat diamond is starring at you even when you know you do not Love the guy. I personally I can NEVER marry a man I don't love even if you are a British or Arab Emirates royal, or let's say you are richer than dangote. If I don't love you I can NEVER be submissive or tolerant of you. Submission and tolerance out of "duty as a wife" is being slavery to depression. If I love u, I will serve you willingly, nuture you, do anything for you, forgive you even before you offend me and I will never get tired of forgiving you. But if I dont....... the versa of "heaven on earth" will be in reality. if I am not happy in you and with you,... you cannot be.... I really wish people could be sincere with themselves..

Unknown said...

Wow.

Obinna Chima said...

She speaks her mind, though you may not agree wt all her views. That's why I call her QueenElv during her evening belt on the Classic!

Anonymous said...

Stori for d gods, simply put say u like fuck, u dey here dey say, u dnt want marriage, madam abstain from pre marital sex

Segun said...

pls what's the name of the weed this woman smokes? I'm sure its the same weed that Orubebe smokes too (Orubebevin). The tin is surely affecting her. At 42??? Say what??? A fool at 40 is a fool forever, no be me talk am.

Unknown said...

Hmmmm...u really need prayers!!

Unknown said...

This lady shia, you too get for body. May God come to ur aid

optimisticlady said...

Her life,her story.Dont compare her to urself..all that seems smooth is not smooth.Who even knows if there is a bobo.

Unknown said...

To hell with her.

Anonymous said...

this kind of person nai nigerian men dey find. chop clean mouth no commitment. she is man's best freind

Anonymous said...

now her toasters will increase tremendously

Temitope Dairo-Bakare said...

i love this woman, the truth is so bitter. She is damn straight and Non-conforming! Phew, Linda will never post

Temitope Dairo-Bakare said...

i love this woman, the truth is so bitter. She is damn straight and Non-conforming! Phew, Linda will never post

Temitope Dairo-Bakare said...

i love this woman, the truth is so bitter. She is damn straight and Non-conforming! Phew, Linda will never post

Anonymous said...

I'm a married woman and I sort of agree with her.
Marriage isn't meant for everyone, sometimes marriage changes everything.
The relationship is always rosy and sweet, a guy would even do or say anything just to win a lady's love and once you guys are married you'll see another side of him.
This is common amongst men. As a woman your opinion doesn't count in issues concerning your home, he makes the decisions and deems it coolyet you two are labelled a couple.
He sends money to his people as he wishes but when it comes to your people he says your family are disturbing him.
He stopped you from working so you'll be under him and beg for everything you need yet he says whatever belongs to him belongs to you...Most African men don't make good husbands...very selfish, controlling set of people.

Unknown said...

She's transparent and Saying it like it is. I like her

Unknown said...

hahahaha
abeg come date my elder brother oo
he get 6 packs....nd he fine
make u change our story small with ya money hehehe

NonnyBig said...

All u've said here concerning men are true. I love ur way but my dear u can't keep running away from them cous there are still good ones among them.

Jeni_zee said...

Am isoko nd we nd urhobo ppl share same culture, the men are lowed to cheat on their wives but the woman will be dealt with if she tries it, she said d truth nd truthfully, marriage is overrated, it's not by force to marry, nigerians love marriage nd mistake it to be among the 10 commandments lol

Unknown said...

Unfortunately that is the society we found ourselves. Double standard is our ways of life. But we should remember what is good for the goose is also good for the gander.







Busy Fingers.

Anonymous said...

Taaaa na lie

Innocentia Annie said...

Her life her business she should just do her

ifeyinwa said...

she is blunt n truthful something a lot of women dont do!bravo

Unknown said...

She
has spoken her mind, that is who she is no pretending and it is
allowed. For me I believe in marriage and I am happily married.

Unknown said...

well good for her.....if she is happy with her life, why judge her?






Nimelda said so...

Unknown said...

she's one exciting person i like to have a chat with sometime 'cos she's straight forward and and helps in relationships. nothing like ur partner knowing all your dos' and don'ts. but the part about her not wanting to get married is kinda a selfish attitude, as adults ,finding the right spouse, getting married and keeping the marriage together are basic tasks we are obliged to.. except she's scared to marry cos of infidelity.. buh she hasn't given a try, and there's always d divorce option if it's not working out.

Anonymous said...

Hahaha!! this woman is in pain. One can easily sense it from all her responses.

ary said...

She is not half bad!

ary said...

She is not half bad!

Sweet Peaches247 said...

Mmmh she spoke her mind but sincerely premarital sex is not GOD'S Will for HIS children......ma'am please have a rethink!

Anonymous said...

Glad that she is leaving the life she wants......not what society wants her to live..

abass said...

Chai, it is because of this views of hers that she will not get married.
You better change now because there is change everywhere

Anonymous said...

It's not a dump answer. I am also an Isoko girl and I can relate to what she is saying. It is the culture that we have been exposed to, men don't treat their wives fairly. Many of my aunts are suffering in their marriages.
At the end, she still acknowledge it is individuality preferences. Marriage is not for everybody!!!

Anonymous said...

Like?

Anonymous said...

Me too!!! But Whr are you from?

Anonymous said...

1,000,000 likes!!!

Anonymous said...

Shhhhh. ..that's not a dumb reply. if you read further she stated that her background may have influenced her mentality and that is the background she was speaking of....being raised up around people with that thinking.

Anonymous said...

Who made you a prophet....?

Unknown said...

Muccccwww, Na you go taya,,,,, you are spoiling our young guys,,,,,,,, hv a rethink

Anonymous said...

Hmmm well said same goes for me in my marriage so help us God

Anonymous said...

Na she know oo

Edima Ottoho said...

I respect this woman's view. She is a rare kind. It is called 'Rebellism' in Sociology...lol. I am single, I hope to get married someday to a man who respects and values me. I will not settle for sub-standard.

Unknown said...

Her life, her decisions to make, wetin be my own inside??? Linda take note!

Unknown said...

Her life, her decisions to make, wetin be my own inside??? Linda take note!

Unknown said...

Her life, her decisions to make, wetin be my own inside??? Linda take note!

Unknown said...

Her life, her decisions to make, wetin be my own inside??? Linda take note!

Anonymous said...

Witch, I pity you. + your boyfriend is not 34 cos he's my friend. I don't have a problem with ur views, what I have a problem is with your person. People despise you. And if you don't change now later will be too late. Ms buy one get one free. Sai #buhari

Anonymous said...

You don't have to comment everything Bonario. Better to be thought a fool that to open your mouth and remove all doubt. Your comment is the dumb one.

Unknown said...

Only God knows what this woman has been smoking.... First I know its her life and opinion, but true be told, if this 34 years old man does not share her views of not been married then she is just a bigger fool @ 42 than she knows it, lots of questions begging for answers, so tell me please is this guy going to remain umarried for the rest of his life with no child to his name?? Or is he going to cheat or her? Or will she agree to allow him pregnant another gal or sometin?? Secondly marriage in nigeria or anywhere in d world is never 100% okay all u hv 2 do is try and make it work no matter how hard,and pray God opens your eye to a man that will truly love you, all men are not dogs. Thirdly marriage is made for family sake, it hqs never been proven that single mums are better than couples when raising kids. Fourthly how can she say age does not matter, does this mean if the son brings home a woman of 70yrs as galfrnd or wife to be she will say my son your on point?? My advice to gals dont be pressured in getting married work hard pray to God for your better half be a little independent and you will find your man dont believe this agent of the devil using social media to decieve people, God said whoever findeth a wife has found a good thing and obtaineth favor from God he didnt say you should be umarried, bedsides that she is also promoting pre marital sex. Against Gods word.you can not fight wrong with wrong thats what she is doing.

Anonymous said...

Only God knows what this woman has been smoking.... First I know its her life and opinion, but true be told, if this 34 years old man does not share her views of not been married then she is just a bigger fool @ 42 than she knows it, lots of questions begging for answers, so tell me please is this guy going to remain umarried for the rest of his life with no child to his name?? Or is he going to cheat or her? Or will she agree to allow him pregnant another gal or sometin?? Secondly marriage in nigeria or anywhere in d world is never 100% okay all u hv 2 do is try and make it work no matter how hard,and pray God opens your eye to a man that will truly love you, all men are not dogs. Thirdly marriage is made for family sake, it hqs never been proven that single mums are better than couples when raising kids. Fourthly how can she say age does not matter, does this mean if the son brings home a woman of 70yrs as galfrnd or wife to be she will say my son your on point?? My advice to gals dont be pressured in getting married work hard pray to God for your better half be a little independent and you will find your man dont believe this agent of the devil using social media to decieve people, God said whoever findeth a wife has found a good thing and obtaineth favor from God he didnt say you should be umarried, bedsides that she is also promoting pre marital sex. Against Gods word.you can not fight wrong with wrong thats what she is doing.

Unknown said...

well its not everyone thats meant to get married some ppl are created to be celibacy..its good to know that there is someone out there that think like this...marriage is not evryting we should just stop deciving ourselves d most important thing is to achive your dreams and be happy

OMA said...

After reading the comments here, especially the very honest ones, i am actually strengthened in my conviction not to succumb to pressure. I will only get married when i meet a guy i want to spend my life with...and not before then! I am not going to allow age dictate for me, better single and peaceful than married and troubled.

Jessica nneka said...

Ure really dumb and you sound so much like an illetrate bigtym

Unknown said...

Hmmmmm

LIVING REAL. said...

Banario, sometimes just read and meditate, don't always respond. Like I keep saying ppl have different opinions to life, and I think it's high time u started learning.

Anonymous said...

Its her view and there is nothing wrong with it. i also think may be she was cheated on cos she was fat .but now she looks good and i beleive everyman would like to keep her just like the one she is dating. i also feel she LIKES FREEDOM THATS WHY SHE CANT STAY IN A MANS HOUSE OR UNDER A MAN. She wants to sleep with any when she wants and as she wants. But hey dear i dont buy your explanations

Unknown said...

U be stupid boy

Unknown said...

Dat's her life.

Anonymous said...

Don't mind dis ibru daughters joor!!u sleep with younger guys and pay u don't date them.stop d icing on d cake saying u have a bobo..u buy ur bobos.lol!!!and i have proof okay.

Unknown said...

You are Just an Ignorant fool....., For sayn trash......., nd u are givin out ure pin to work tinz out....., what does that make u? Boy Ashawo....., Oloshi

Atlanta_Candy said...

I like this lady, she's straightforward.

Anonymous said...

I am 32 years old and married but my worst mistake in life is getting married, funny thou but my hubby is most women's dream.

Oga oh said...

Marriage is indeed sweet when you marry a man that loves u even more than you love him...the passion, the love, it keeps me going everyday....

I know I never would've married if it wasn't this way because the way I am, I cannot pretend to be who I am not..it's been 8 years and counting ...and I thank he made mine work for me even in this same Nigeria with a full blooded Nigerian man

So yes, I concur a 100% with her...#fact

Subomi said...

Be yourself, stick to your guns..... cant fault her on that

Anonymous said...

She is ahead of her time! Very strong, well thought out position. I respect that and agree with her wholeheartedly... "He who has an ear to hear, let him hear..."

Anonymous said...

Anyone calling this lady a fool or dissing her for her opinion is just being hypocritical and myopic. To be honest, marriage does not favour the woman in our part of the world. We bear the brunt of the suffering and hardwork required to be in a marriage and train the kids.

In fact, many women endure hell in the name of 'I must marry' or 'I must keep my home'. The vast majority of Nigerian women are single wives - basically maintaining the marital relationship and home alone whilst their man live like bachelors. The many women 'managing' in the marriage are not necessarily doing anyone good because their dysfunctional homes breed dysfunctional kids who grow up and repeat the cycle. And by tolerating indefensible crap from their husband, perpetuate the wickedly entitled mindset of the men who feel their role is to provide money (if the woman is lucky) and sperm in exchange for having everything their way including the option of extra-marital relationships, wilful absenteeism from the home, sec on their own terms and neglect of their wives feelings and desires.

To be candid, I think women should stop falling into the marriage trap or staying there. Ensure the man you marry understands what marriage is, has the same vision for their home as you do and is willing to pay the price to have a real marriage that benefits all involved.

If you don't find the right man, please rest and enjoy your life in peace. There is no marriage in heaven, neither does marriage qualify you to earn extra income here on earth or entrance through the gates of heaven sef. Marriage no be by force. If you are caught in a marriage to a typical domineering, unfaithful man, know you have the option to walk. it is better to be single and at peace than to be in a bad marriage. When deciding to have kids, understand you may need to be able to bring them up alone cos men are not loyal.

Ultimately girlfriend, have your own money, be comfortable and at peace with yourself, be willing to accomplish what you want by yourself. Marriage na jara. A bad marriage is totally unnecessary. Let the men (and society) stop putting and keeping women in bondage for an institution that no one actually seems to care enough about to do correctly. Kudos to Elvina for living her truth.

Unknown said...

This lady just helped me answer some questions I've been battling with in my heart. Now I've decided not to marry unless I love you and am convinced you genuinely love me too. So am gonna say goodbye to a guy in my life that's wealthy and loves me like crazy but I don't love him, am not attracted to him at all

Anonymous said...

This guy u can talk anyhow sha...do u know the urhobo culture and how their men are? Surely u don't. N u really should respect other peeps opinion. Ur views most times I read just show u such an immature person.

Anonymous said...

Obliged by whom???

Unknown said...

Rotfl......She kinda made some very sensitive n realistic points.

Anonymous said...

You got that right..thats why I hav never dated any of them and never will.I dont want no selfish egotistical man bossing me around in the name of husband.

Anonymous said...

Lol Segun sometimes women need to lie to themselves...

Orubebe the clown said...

We don hear. Clap for yourself *yawn*

Anonymous said...

Please leave Bonairo he is right in that must she marry urhobo??????? U can marry white that is if they even look u sef rubbish

Anonymous said...

Me too, and yes, I only date younger men too. Not hungry guys tho. Clean fine guys with good jobs. Guess Wat, I'm only 30. My bf is 25. Ex was 26.

Damochedxb said...

I didn't sense one bit of frustration in her discuss. Your happiness and her happiness cannot be the same. Y'all need to stop deciding what other people's happiness should be. Let people be..

Damochedxb said...

Before its too late for what??

Damochedxb said...

Me.... And its quite ironic that a fresh toto eater (lmfao by the way) will want to judge anybody...

Damochedxb said...

Sometimes u have to be selfish to be happy..

Anonymous said...

Juliet,I have a crush on you. Be civil please. Don't be like the rest.

Anonymous said...

For those of you calling her a fool, go and ask your mothers how many of them are happy in their marriage.

Most of our parents come from polygamous homes, indeed a fair number of people in my generation also come from polygamous homes or homes where the man generously dispersed his seed.
Pain in life is inevitable, misery on the other hand is self-inflicted.

Unknown said...

wow, wow, wow..... where in a hell is this woman, she is my kind of woman.
The first time I'm seeing a woman who want to live life the way I want to and understand life then way I do.
May God bless you lady, Nigerians are consumed by the words of the land.
I love you my lady.
Enjoy your life the way you want to... you own it to yourself.

Unknown said...

A day will com she will realize that she made a wrong decision... Shw just cant live like this till she gets old and die think..... My people think.

Are we say God that created man and woman to be married as one is a fool??? No where way marriage dey 100% okay. Make she no dey giv stupud excesses. pray for a better husband, thats all....dont just say men, since when did women become saints??? In Marriages. Na wa o... Devil is really using this woman to decieve ppl..

Unknown said...

I love older women too... they bring out the best in me.

Unknown said...

I will not walk in someones shoes because is not mine ... life is like that but I will like to buy that kid of shoes because I love the way it look on that person of which I believe is will look good on me.

Unknown said...

Some body said the best thing one should do is "pray for a better husband/wife"...ok
The bad Husbands and wives who will now marry them, is it still not going to be a woman/man or they will live their lives as single men/woman or they will get married and fall out of marriage or they will have kids and say they are okay with that and stay single with their children.
One way or the other one of these things will occur in life, I pray Nigerian women don't see marriage as a must thing.
The ultimate thing in this life is to make the Kingdom of God so I pray we Nigerians start seeing that as a must thing to do, like go to prayers for receiving the Grace to serve God and not to get married, go for vigils because we want to build our prayer lives and energize our spiritually selves and not because we have one request on our lips which is I want to get married. Some don't even like the idea of marriage is just because they decide to listen to people, parents who can't be sincere about their own marriage lives only to start forcing their children into one. I am not talking about only women in this case, is for both women and men and non of them is a saint in marriage.

Anonymous said...

Broke ass bitch. You need to adjust your fake ways that's why you can't stay with a man for a long period. I have seen the young guy you are dating and I pity him. He is not that handsome as you put it down.

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