Dear LIB readers: I was raped in school and now it's come back to haunt me
From a female LIB reader
I'm in a big mess, and I don't know how to get out of this...here is my story. About Seven years ago, when I was still in the University, I did
something very stupid and childish and I paid dearly for it, and right
now its looks like the ghost of the past has come back to haunt me.
I
was in my 2nd year in school when I met Tosin (not real name) she was my
Roomie that year and we became quite close. She was dating this cool
guy who bought her so many things and took her to the coolest parties,
despite our (the girls in the hostel room) plea to meet her boo, she
refused, saying girls are not to be trusted. After about seven months of dating him, she entered the room this particular day crying...continue...
...telling us
how she caught the guy with another girl. She cried for days, she was
devastated. Then she came up with this ridiculous idea of setting the
guy up and treating his f**k up. I was picked to be the bait, because I
was the innocent and quiet one. I collected the guy's phone number and
he fell for the sweet voice. That was how Jide and I started our relationship but it was a Revengetionship on my part. The deal was to make him
fall for me and then I dump him. Jide was sweet to me, but I never allowed him to come see me in school, and once he found out that I was a
virgin, oh he treated me like I was the rarest of all gems. After about four months of this charade, He found out the connection between Tosin and I, and to say he was angry is an understatement. He called me names and we
went our separate ways. He was hurt and this was good news for Tosin.
Six months later, I met this wonderful guy, Frank. He was so smooth and jovial, he charmed me and we started dating. After about three months,
on this particular day, I got a call from Frank, he told me he was not
feeling fine that I should quickly come over. Like every young lady in
love, I dashed down to his house, but to my surprise, I met Frank
playing scrabbles with two of his friends, looking quite healthy. He
told me he just wanted to see my face. I sat down and watched them play
for some minutes, then the door bell rang, and to my utmost mortification, Jide strolled in. It was at that moment that I knew I was
in deep mess. To cut it short, my virginity was taken in a brutal way. I was raped by Jide, Frank and their two friends, I was then warned never
to breathe a word to the police about it or they will kill me. I went
back to the hostel and Tosin was the only one who knew about it, she was
my rock and anchor, and she kept apologizing for putting me in the mess.
We finished school and everyone went their separate ways.
Ever since the incident, I was not interested in men or any
relationship, I kept to myself, focused on my future, I got a Job with a
Telecommunications company and all was well in my world. Then early last
year, I met this amazing guy, who gave me a reason to love again. Oh he
loves me, and I love him too. Three months ago, he proposed and I accepted. It was that time that I found out that he is Tosin's very close cousin,
Since then, Tosin has been threatening to tell him about the rape, that I should leave his cousin alone. She said if I don't, she will tell my fiance's family. I was shocked. She was the reason I went through all
that, and she is threatening to take the little happiness I just found
away from me again. I'm confused, I'm angry, I'm sad. I don't want to
lose my man. I accept that I was stupid back then but I've paid dearly for
it. Should I be deprived of this too? Someone please help!
Ur mistake was nt telling him early enough, but it is nt late yet. No reasonable man will blame u for wat is nt ur fault, moreso one that loves u. Lesson to ladies, dnt conceal stuff dt can ruin ur rship/marriage. All d best dr...wldnt mind helping out wit d apology to ur man
This is a lesson for all! Be careful of those you keep as friends. Neva be a part of any revenge adventure! It will always come back to hunt u! Also be careful of what u involve urself in at any stage of ur life, so dat u don't regret past actions.
I applause all LIB readers for the wonderful advices. The truth be told, coming out plain is always the best decision anyone can take.
So girlfriend open up, let the cat(s) of ur bag and shame ur blackmailer.
dear the best thing is for you to call your man and explain everything to him if he is meant for you and truly loves you he would understand and accept things if not let him go it's difficult but he isn't the right man for you
dear the best thing is for you to call your man and explain everything to him if he is meant for you and truly loves you he would understand and accept things if not let him go it's difficult but he isn't the right man for you
Listen to me dear precious sister, I am sure you are not the one who arrange with these 4 guys to reap you , so it is verry sade story of your life and not a secret. Therefore a man that love will not see this as a secret cause for a lady to lost her virginity at that level, age and condition, show that she is a good girl. So wisdomly and in good atmosphere, shear his sad event with your fiance and you will be surprise this guy will love more. One other thing I want you to take not of is this t that point in ime that you lost your virginity to thos reapist, that your so call frend has allready spoil she was selling ha body to men, she was not a virgin at that time , who knows if it was her plan with those guys to reap you so that you will become the sam like her?
First, I'm so very sorry dat such a horrible thing happened 2 u. Don't b so hard on yourself u were not stupid but naive n it is a shame dat d evil people in ur life took advantage of it. You didn't deserve what happened 2 u no matter d circumstances. I find it strange how your entire love life technically revolves around tosin so if this new relationship doesn't work out then you may just have dodged ur 2nd bullet. The only person u need forgiveness from is God, wat u need 4rm ur fiance is LOVE and UNDERSTANDING and if he can't give u dat after u tell him ur story den it simply means dat he was never ur TRUE LOVE and God has someone better in store 4 u. Seek ye 1st d kingdom of God n everything else wld b added unto u. Just have faith in God and in his time both u n d spectators including d so called tosin will marvel at his presence in ur life. I will be praying 4 u.
I am sooooo sorry you had to go through this ordeal alone. Did you ever tell your parents? Animals just get away with rape in this Country, victims keep quiet out of shame & stigma. If we were in a country where the law protects women, this unfortunate incident can still be reported today for the law to take its course. (when you wake up is your morning) Raped by 4 men as a virgin can be an eternal truama. I think you are holding up nicely and i thank God for that. Did you ever get Therapy, if not, Linda can recommend a therapist. As per the threat from the witch who put you through hell(Tosin), you don't have to live under her threat. You have a choice of opening up to your man & watch his reaction or walking away from it all if you can't, you will find another man.(The average Niger man can't handle the fact that a woman has been raped) ......Tosin needs to be dealth with squarely. Send me her number. E-mail: vicntoria @rocketmail.com
My dear listen you are the victm here. I dnt advice u to tell the first man you meet that u were raped. But when a relationnship gets serious, you might chose to do that. You do not want to tell your spouse or boyfriend things you dnt want to so far is not things that might influence his decision ie like already having a child or being a transexual. Rape is not one of them. Come to think of it what do you want the person to do for you now if you have been able to work yourself out of that stage. All said and done, ur case is different because a third party is involved. Go ahead tell him what happened and know is not your fault. You did not ask to be raped. It was an unfortunate thing that happened to you. It does not diminish your worth or who you are. Luv.
my wife had a similar challange, when she opened up to me, we kept on and today we have 3 lovely kids. if he truely loves you then he has to get it right
babe seriously!! You got raped wasn't your fault. It's good to let the man know!! Don't keep such things from him it might cos big problems. Just tell him b4 you guys make things official. If he really loves you and he is truly yours and your guys are meant to be together that will not stop him from loving you..
Hi dear. Don't be afraid of telling him what happened. He loves you that's why he asked you to marry him. You should tell him because if you don't and Tosin tells him, he wouldn't be happy and might call it off. Tell him everything, don't leave details out. Everything happens for a reason, you might not see it now or think life is unfair & may even question God, but you will come through what you are going through if you decide that you want him & the relationship eventually marriage to work. Keep Tosin at arms length, she is not a good person not to talk of a friend. Pray about it and you would know what to do after that. I pray things work out well for you. However if he does break up with you, take heart, if you believe in God(Jesus Christ), you know that He assures you that He will not leave you neither will He forsake you. Trust Him & you will be fine.
622 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 601 – 622 of 622Ur mistake was nt telling him early enough, but it is nt late yet. No reasonable man will blame u for wat is nt ur fault, moreso one that loves u. Lesson to ladies, dnt conceal stuff dt can ruin ur rship/marriage. All d best dr...wldnt mind helping out wit d apology to ur man
You are just a very big fool,NOBODY initiates rape, how is it her fault that the jide and his friends are so evil and heartless?
tell your man about it if he truly loves you and that no one can change the position of the sun,he will accept your past.
EXACTLY!
Weda d rape case is past or present I don't see anything thing that she did wrong apart from making a childish mistake. Nobody deserves to be raped.
I fear guys who think like u. Who brings rape upon demselves?
THIS IS THE BEST AND MOST SENSIBLE COMMENT SO FAR...
This is a lesson for all! Be careful of those you keep as friends. Neva be a part of any revenge adventure! It will always come back to hunt u! Also be careful of what u involve urself in at any stage of ur life, so dat u don't regret past actions.
I applause all LIB readers for the wonderful advices. The truth be told, coming out plain is always the best decision anyone can take.
So girlfriend open up, let the cat(s) of ur bag and shame ur blackmailer.
#G.Babe
dear the best thing is for you to call your man and explain everything to him if he is meant for you and truly loves you he would understand and accept things if not let him go it's difficult but he isn't the right man for you
my dear, tell d guy urself now. if e lyks u, e will accept ur past. dont be scared. friends ar not to be trusted. nawa o
My dear, tell d guy urself. if e loves u, e will accept ur past. u also made a stupid decision back den.
dear the best thing is for you to call your man and explain everything to him if he is meant for you and truly loves you he would understand and accept things if not let him go it's difficult but he isn't the right man for you
Listen to me dear precious sister, I am sure you are not the one who arrange with these 4 guys to reap you , so it is verry sade story of your life and not a secret. Therefore a man that love will not see this as a secret cause for a lady to lost her virginity at that level, age and condition, show that she is a good girl. So wisdomly and in good atmosphere, shear his sad event with your fiance and you will be surprise this guy will love more. One other thing I want you to take not of is this t that point in ime that you lost your virginity to thos reapist, that your so call frend has allready spoil she was selling ha body to men, she was not a virgin at that time , who knows if it was her plan with those guys to reap you so that you will become the sam like her?
Tell your fiance everything! its not easy but thats the only solution now. If Tosin tells him before you, He would be very dissapointed
First, I'm so very sorry dat such a horrible thing happened 2 u. Don't b so hard on yourself u were not stupid but naive n it is a shame dat d evil people in ur life took advantage of it. You didn't deserve what happened 2 u no matter d circumstances.
I find it strange how your entire love life technically revolves around tosin so if this new relationship doesn't work out then you may just have dodged ur 2nd bullet.
The only person u need forgiveness from is God, wat u need 4rm ur fiance is LOVE and UNDERSTANDING and if he can't give u dat after u tell him ur story den it simply means dat he was never ur TRUE LOVE and God has someone better in store 4 u.
Seek ye 1st d kingdom of God n everything else wld b added unto u.
Just have faith in God and in his time both u n d spectators including d so called tosin will marvel at his presence in ur life.
I will be praying 4 u.
Sounds like a made up Nollywood tale
I am sooooo sorry you had to go through this ordeal alone. Did you ever tell your parents? Animals just get away with rape in this Country, victims keep quiet out of shame & stigma. If we were in a country where the law protects women, this unfortunate incident can still be reported today for the law to take its course. (when you wake up is your morning) Raped by 4 men as a virgin can be an eternal truama. I think you are holding up nicely and i thank God for that. Did you ever get Therapy, if not, Linda can recommend a therapist. As per the threat from the witch who put you through hell(Tosin), you don't have to live under her threat. You have a choice of opening up to your man & watch his reaction or walking away from it all if you can't, you will find another man.(The average Niger man can't handle the fact that a woman has been raped) ......Tosin needs to be dealth with squarely. Send me her number. E-mail: vicntoria @rocketmail.com
Don't play on people's emotions... it will back fire.
My dear listen you are the victm here. I dnt advice u to tell the first man you meet that u were raped. But when a relationnship gets serious, you might chose to do that. You do not want to tell your spouse or boyfriend things you dnt want to so far is not things that might influence his decision ie like already having a child or being a transexual. Rape is not one of them. Come to think of it what do you want the person to do for you now if you have been able to work yourself out of that stage. All said and done, ur case is different because a third party is involved. Go ahead tell him what happened and know is not your fault. You did not ask to be raped. It was an unfortunate thing that happened to you. It does not diminish your worth or who you are. Luv.
my wife had a similar challange, when she opened up to me, we kept on and today we have 3 lovely kids. if he truely loves you then he has to get it right
babe seriously!! You got raped wasn't your fault. It's good to let the man know!! Don't keep such things from him it might cos big problems. Just tell him b4 you guys make things official. If he really loves you and he is truly yours and your guys are meant to be together that will not stop him from loving you..
Hi dear. Don't be afraid of telling him what happened. He loves you that's why he asked you to marry him. You should tell him because if you don't and Tosin tells him, he wouldn't be happy and might call it off. Tell him everything, don't leave details out. Everything happens for a reason, you might not see it now or think life is unfair & may even question God, but you will come through what you are going through if you decide that you want him & the relationship eventually marriage to work. Keep Tosin at arms length, she is not a good person not to talk of a friend. Pray about it and you would know what to do after that. I pray things work out well for you. However if he does break up with you, take heart, if you believe in God(Jesus Christ), you know that He assures you that He will not leave you neither will He forsake you. Trust Him & you will be fine.
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