Dear LIB readers: My husband thinks I lied about being a virgin because I didn't bleed the first time
From a female LIB reader
I'm a young girl of 28 years. I'm married to a lovely husband that loves me so
much but my problem is this. I married my hubby as a virgin but the first
time we made love, he was expecting to see blood which he didn't and
since then he has been accusing me of telling him lies about being a
virgin.
I asked few of my friends and they told me that yes
that blood is suppose to be a proof to that. I became more confused as I
know deep down in me that am saying the truth. I confided in my mother
and she told me the story of my life. My mum said that when I was 4years
old that our tenant called me into his room to come and take toys. The
next thing she saw when I came out from the man's room was blood coming
out from my vagina.
Immediately she called my father and they went to
meet the man and lo and behold he had ran away. My problem now is should I
explain to my hubby all this? Will he still love me? My fellow LIB please I
need ur advise on this.
is he equally a virgin? or does he want to drink d blood? pls dont bother ursef much tell him ur childhood experience. abii he wan gv u virgin award of the century. some men and their stupidity!!!
If you decide to tell him by yourself it will surely look like a fabricated lie. Why don't you tell your mom and dad to call him and explain things to him but am not sure the type of relationship your hubby has with your parent, hopefully they are in good term because that's the only possible solution, if your man trust your parent then they should help you out in this situation by sitting him down and tell him the truth on your behalf. I wish you good luck.
part of the reason why ur hubby loves u was because u where a virgin then..... it is normal for him to sulk over that since his mentality has been wired in that direction. give him time to heal... moreover if u tell him the tale, he maynot believe you. since u re innocent pray to God to heal his heart. be happy dear. ....ibk.....
Abeg ur mom to tell ur hubby,he will be more understandin dat way....if u tell him urself den he will say u knew all dis yrs. Is nt ur fault dat u wea (raped).
Its better u explain it to ur husband...he just need to understand...he CNT stop loving u just cos of DAT....talk to him in a nice tone n tell him u did not know..DAT ur mum just told u d story
Truth is the way out.If u can't tell him this on ur own,ask ur mother in helping u out.U need to salvage ur marriage.About the blood,friction causes the hymen to tear,no expectation of blood just tightness once one has sex.
Eya, sorry about dat. I think it's better u explain to him, if possible get ur mum involved. U will enjoy ur home by the Grace of God.and I pray ur husband believes ur mum
This same thing has happened to me,my lady told me she was a virgin and i was very happy, saying in this present day you can still find a virgin,with all expectations we had sex n i was expecting to see blood at the end but sadly enough ,i didnt see anything which lead to many questions n issues from that minutes ,she claimed she was n i everyone knew i was the first man in her life,so even after many years i still believe she lied,i dont trust her ,it hurts me more because i am always thinking about that,as soon as i came across this ,she is d first person i sent it to because we still together.I think its better you open up to your husband n that will free his mind because if she had explain to me that something happened to her bla bla and thought she was still a virgin then ,i would be fine.but i think you should open up to ur husband. richlyblessed007.
This same thing has happened to me,my lady told me she was a virgin and i was very happy, saying in this present day you can still find a virgin,with all expectations we had sex n i was expecting to see blood at the end but sadly enough ,i didnt see anything which lead to many questions n issues from that minutes ,she claimed she was n i everyone knew i was the first man in her life,so even after many years i still believe she lied,i dont trust her ,it hurts me more because i am always thinking about that,as soon as i came across this ,she is d first person i sent it to because we still together.I think its better you open up to your husband n that will free his mind because if she had explain to me that something happened to her bla bla and thought she was still a virgin then ,i would be fine.but i think you should open up to ur husband. richlyblessed007.
Virginity these days is not considered a big deal but that doesn't mean some people don't take it important and seriously. If your husband loves u, he should be able to believe you notwithstanding the absence of blood when you guys first made love. I think you should tell him to to clear up your mind. Whether he believes you or not is dependent on him.
Virginity these days is not considered a big deal but that doesn't mean some people don't take it important and seriously. If your husband loves u, he should be able to believe you notwithstanding the absence of blood when you guys first made love. I think you should tell him to to clear up your mind. Whether he believes you or not is dependent on him.
U may not need to tell him anytin,just stay on the same ground dat u re a virgin n u don't no y der was no blood. He should no the d difference of a virgin and a non virgin the day he made love to u
My dear the more u try to hide it from him,ur marriage will have issues,so simply tell him ur predicament and if he truly loves u as u said,he will understand u,its none of ur fault,shit happens.
It isint Ï…̲̣̥r̲̅ fault ϑε̲ãr. Atleast u didn't know. Maybe Ï…̲̣̥r̲̅ mom should tell him depending on their relationship though. Or u can find a better way of telling him. Y is the virginity stuff so important sef. Some men sha.
Whether or not he will still love you is between God and him but first you have to tell him the truth and set your self free. Keeping quiet/wallowing in self pity/pain over some evil that was done to you in your days of innocence and watching your husband lose the faith/trust he had or is still struggling to have(no matter how little there is) will only ruin your marriage completely. But before you talk to him, go on your knees and pray until you have peace, sincerely forgive the man who did this to you and your mother who kept it from you for whatever reasons, hand everything to God, He knows how best to handle these things. May God bless and keep your home. Amen
honey please the best thing is to tell him everything and you could as well make your mom tell him the story. if he loves you he will believe you..... lots of love dear
Whether or not he will still love you is between God and him but first you have to tell him the truth and set your self free. Keeping quiet/wallowing in self pity/pain over some evil that was done to you in your days of innocence and watching your husband lose the faith/trust he had or is still struggling to have(no matter how little there is) will only ruin your marriage completely. But before you talk to him, go on your knees and pray until you have peace, sincerely forgive the man who did this to you and your mother who kept it from you for whatever reasons, hand everything to God, He knows how best to handle these things. May God bless and keep your home. Amen
If he loves u so much like u say, he will believe u when u tell him the event that happened when u were very young..even if you have to involve your mum
Hmm my dear sorry for what you went through when you were small my candid advice is that you seat your hubby down to tell him this in the presence of your parents so that they can buttress your point. So sorry dear it is well with you.
Hmm my dear sorry for what you went through when you were small my candid advice is that you seat your hubby down to tell him this in the presence of your parents so that they can buttress your point. So sorry dear it is well with you.
I understand how you feel but then honesty is always the best policy...tell him the truth and be prepared to take whatever comes out of it...if he loves you he ll be angry but he will forgive you nut if it goes the other way just bear it in mind that he does not deserve n dou it ll break your heart be strong n get bk on your feet but one satisfaction you ll have is a clear conscience knowing that you told him the truth inspite of nyfing
You need to tell him my dear. I married as a virgin too at 28 and yes there was blood when my husband disvirgined me after our wedding. But in telling him, make sure you explain it in a way that he will understand and still trust you my dear.
If He truly love you... Nothing is gonna change his love for You... He might still not believe you Buh he ought to cos trust is the fundamental part of love...
*Warmly hugging you, sis* Why didn't your parents tell you about the molestation sooner? Tell your husband what your mother said. Get counseling because you must feel deeply violated to have thought all these years you were saving yourself for marriage only to have had it snatched long ago without your consent, through childhood rape. There must be a deep sense of loss for you and other complicated feelings.
Yea d blood was suppose to be there bc mine was not only on my first day, it happened 4 times each I mate with my man before it normalised. So dear is better u tell him d truth bf his love for u stop dropping , is obvious he loves u that much bc he sees u as a virgin so pls do al u can to bring his mind back. God help u
This ur story is hard to believe u..how can u not know you are not a virgin..my sister leave story Abeg..meanwhile Linda Linda..I dreamt of u lastnyt.u don't want to know the things we where doing in my dream😃
This ur story is hard to believe u..how can u not know you are not a virgin..my sister leave story Abeg..meanwhile Linda Linda..I dreamt of u lastnyt.u don't want to know the things we where doing in my dream😃
Virginity is not really a test of true love. For crying out loud....the man na virgin???. My dear , tell him what really happened. And if still doubts you, am sorry but walk away. Your happiness is what matters. Alot of ladies who lost their maidenhead never planned it so....but they still found TRUE LOVE.... I suggest u go to 1Cor.13v.13. For an elaborate description of true love. Even as he made love to you that night, wouldn't he have known you were a virgin. Alll dese men and their self-righteous,holier-than-thou attitude......#smh
Tell ur husband to swallow a chill pill.... am sure he has banged like 20 babes nd expects to marry a virgin ..hes lucky he got u. Maybe d man just fingered u.so technically ur a semi virgin
If he does not believe what you say now, trust me he will believe no other story. He will call you and your family liars for fabricating a story to cover up, while you remain in pain cos deep in your heart you know you are telling the truth. If this ends up a major trust issue better learn to protect yourself and your family. There is nothing worse than marrying a man who does not trust you and your words. By the way is he a virgin??? Or is he the "I am holy and sanctified prepared to be married" kinda of man??? You have been through enough pain already to start explaining yourself. This is the time to ask, does this man really even love me? No, bleeding is not a proof you are a virgin. Good luck.
Well i dnt knw what to say, cos d man mit love u base on ur virginity but if he really loves wu u re he hs no choice dan to keeo calm nd keep loving u. Well men dont forgive easily especially if u hurt dem by telling lies. Nxt time u dnt need to tell a man dat u re a virgin y nt let him findout its better dat way, let him c u like odas but prove u "outstanding" after getn dier. God help u dear
Well is not ur foulty bcos ur mother didn't explain the urgle suituation early 4u to be prd that am a vgin pls tell him wht ur mother told u or tk him to ur mother huse she wil be the one to explain wht hppen in parts
if he loves you he will forget it and move on,cause it wasn't your fault ,and your parents never told you what happened either so you were made to believe that you were a virgin, and i understand the fact that he feels betrayed cause he thinks you lied to him , but i still feel you should tell him
You need to tell your husband regardless, of he truly loves you he would accept you.... u were raped and you had no knowledge of it, he can ask your parents too!!
NOT EVERYONE BLEEDS THEIR FIRST TIME. Google is a companion of you and your husband. What kind of ignorant story is this? Educate yourself abeg And UMM no offence but your mums story sounds shady. How will you not remember if you were assaulted
U beta tell him.. it wasn't ur fault. .besides, women break their hymen during sports n using of tampons. .so anything could av caused it and it's not necessary u av to bleed my dear.. wetin be d man own sef? Was he also a virgin wen u guys did it? Biko.. u men are such hypocrites!
I think telling him will be a better option, because if it happens to know himself, only God knows what's going to happen. And you can host your mum for a proove.
My dear even though u were Violated @ the age of 4, and u stayed without sex for 24 yrs, there shud be a little blood stain for the first u have sex as a grown lady xcept u were involved in sports during ur skl days. But wait a min was ur hubby a virgin? Men sef. All the best dear. Just tell him wat ur mum told u. Apply wisdom if he is an understanding person dat won't be a problem
Dear LIB reader, It's sad your husband does not trust you. If he is the type that needs explanation you can go ahead and tell him, and hope he also believes you. Your mom should have told you what happened before getting married ( if he left you then because of it, then he is not meant for you). Calling you a liar is what beats me. Are you sure he married you for you?
Hmm my dear sorry for what you went through when you were small my candid advice is that you seat your hubby down to tell him this in the presence of your parents so that they can buttress your point. So sorry dear it is well with you.
Telling him will be hard but maybe your parents should tell him themselves so that it will not look like you told him a lie. Explain to your parents the situation of things and let them come over to your house and tell your husband what he needs to know.
Biko did you check if he is a virgin too? Who is he to judge a person? My dear look well before you leap far into a marriage full of mistrust. You are young. Ahhh men!
Hmmmmmmmm, my dear tell him about it o...But I heard dat when girls get to dia late twentis before having sex, chances are dat dey may not bleed. Many factors can break de hymen even before one have any penile penetration. I am really not sure sha but I heard it from someone.
bleeding as proof for virginity is very myopic, he should do his research on internet. you are a virgin, telling your husband this new detail will only complicate the matter. shekena.
Ask your dad to meet with your mum and dad to meet with you and your husband and explain all they told you... It is not your fault and you should never feel guilty for it. The man who did that to you is most likely suffering big time for what he did. I pray your husband really loves you because if he is still angry then he never loved you.
Oooooo soooo sad! Just arrange a date with ur mum& ur husband, dinner or something then her mum should say it as it is... Sooo sorry, very pathetic story.
i can imagine how you feel cos am also a virgin. i think you should ask your mum to talk to him letting him know you were not aware what happened to you at age 4..pray before going to see him and let God touch his heart.your innocent will make God showed up for you.
Yes my dear, it is possible for one to be a virgin and not see blood on first sexual intercourse. I didn't see blood on my first. U nid not worry, not every woman has d hymen (look that up on the Internet). I was heartbroken too but I got over it. At least I know I was telling the truth. In your own case ur new discovery might be a little traumatic but u can talk it over with ur hubby. Did marry you just becos of ur virginity? Things happen in our lives some of which we are aware n some we may never know until we die. Ur knowledge of what happened to u as a kid should not ruin u just try to live ur live happy inspite of it.
Speaking as a man, He will trust you if you tell clearly what happened in your tender years. I could also help if your parent could corroborate the story about your being molested as a child. On the order hand, I think someone with a medical background could tell if braking your 'hemen' at age four could remain perpetually. thanks.
I've got almost a similar problem, altho am still unmarried and i've never had Sex but am no more a virgin. U see d last guy I dated kept pressurising me for Sex, I gave in but was very scared of it, so we tried making him enter in2 me it dint work, we later resolved to using carrot and he inserted a carrot in2 me and blood came out *sobs* dat got me more scared of d Sex tin. I've finally resolved to keep it till am married but how do I explain 2 my hubby dat am not a virgin but I've never had Sex especially cos of d fear I might stil have d frigidity of a first timer help!!
Bullshit! U are nt a virgin and u know it u lied period. Let d guy have a full refund of his hard earned money d whole marriage stuff was built on deceit, lie and lies. If na me, I will sue for a full refund of my money; breach of agreement, false representation of urself. Sue! Refund!refund!
You could explain it to him and he could still talk to your mom if he doesn't believe you. If he really loves you he'll accept it. Its better he knows the truth than think you conned him by sleeping with another man and claiming to be a virgin.
Its a pitty the kind of things happening in our society. Love is not all abt Virginity its all abt unity, fidelity and humility. Dnt explain anything to him if he truely love u, he will stay whether virginity or no virginity
Speaking as a man, I would strongly recommend that you clearly explain to your husband what happened to you when you were 4 years old. your parents could also corroborate the incident to him. Nevertheless, I think that someone with a medical background could help in explaining whether the fact that your 'hemen' was broken at age 4 will remain so perpetually. thank.
Speaking as a man, I would strongly recommend that you clearly explain to your husband what happened to you when you were 4 years old. your parents could also corroborate the incident to him. Nevertheless, I think someone with a medical background could help in explaining whether the fact that your 'hemen' was broken at age 4 will remain so perpetually. thank.
It's such a shame that something that horrible happened to you at such a tender age and defeated your honorable intentions to remain a virgin until you get to your husband's house.
That notwithstanding, I don't believe your husband loves/married you because you were a virgin, he probably did just for you will be hurt if you intentionally lied to him about something that might not have been an issue to him.
It will be reasonable to come out with the truth and let him know the trauma you went through as a child.
On another note, it is possible to be disvirgined without bleeding, but there must be a lot of tugging and trying. It just wouldn't go in the first time and both of you will keep trying until it finally happens. If that was the case, your husband will not need any bloody evidence to prove that you were a virgin. When a man is the first to go in there, he just knows.
I was over 30 when I got married, I was a virgin, I didn't bleed but we couldn't achieve penetration until the 5th day....So, I'm talking out of experience.
People sha,they just like to bring personal stuffs on social media,u ave d answer,u were abused as a child,tell ur hubby or ave ur mum or both parents tell him.shuo!
My sister your case is a rare one cox it's takes the grace of God for a man to believe that ur telling truth,ur mum made a very big mistake not to have told u abt ur growing up,my advice is pls pray first then go back to ur husband and narrate ur ordeal to him he'll understand cox he's a human being I think he'll accept.
this is the problem with humans and our past,the moment you tell someone about your past the person begins to judge u,whether you were a virgin does it guarantee how long the marriage will last,please all am going to advice now is for you to try make your husband see that you both should focus on the future and not the past,and been a virgin doesn't tell whether a human will turn out good or bad.success in your marriage,live it to the fullest instead enjoying your marriage you now begin to manage your marriage and feel pitied after you tell him,and am so sure thats not what you want.
Tell him everything the way it is. He may not believe at ist since u never mentioned the part about being molested as a child and he may think you made it up so u may also consider bringing in ur mum to explain to him. If he really loves and trusts you I don't think being a virgin or not would matter. What should matter is what happened since u guyz were together and d past should be left in d past.
Speaking as a man, I would strongly recommend that you clearly explain to your husband what happened to you when you were 4 years old. your parents could also corroborate the incident to him. Nevertheless, I think someone with a medical background could help in explaining whether the fact that your 'hemen' was broken at age 4 will remain so perpetually. thanks.
I feel for you. Your mum should have told you earlier. Perhaps you can get your mum sit and tell him or even your dad in hard man to man talk.
I understand your predicament. When my relationship got very serious, my mum sat me down and told me I was abused as a little child (no age specified) I don't remember the event too. She knows I am a virgin so she informed me so when I eventually have sex and don't see blood I would know why. I kept that information to myself. Honestly it took me some time to understand it. But then I was glad she told me. When I suspected an engagement was coming, I sat my fiance (then boyfriend) down and shared the story with him. I kept it that long cos it's very personal and not something you want people to know. My siblings don't even know about it. My mum was almost in tears the day she told me. She shivered in fear trying to anticipate my response.
But what has happened has happened. My dear you can't do anything to change it.
At least my fiance knows before hand but I made sure to share it when I was certain he was the one I would be with.
Don't get yourself worked up. If your relationship is based on pure truth in communication (like mine) he would believe it when you tell him. Otherwise get someone to. It's enough torture for you trying to understand why did not know about it. He is your husband, he should believe you. All the best dear.
I undastnd how u feel. I was abused @ age 4 although i didnt 4get abut it, i thought i was stil a virgin until dat unfortunate embarrasing day. Its really painful but let ur mum explain to him. It wil be easier that way. Atleast u didnt grow up wit d stigma be thankful for that.
My dear marriage is an institution that should be founded on truth. You both still have a long journey ahead of you and early mitigation is necessary. Tell him the truth to clear his doubts, and trust me he respect you for the honesty despite the circumstances of the ordeal. This in turn will help you handle your relationship without any form of guilt.
Wats wiv dis blood matter. U r d cause of d hole fin fm d on set. Yes. Co's when bth of u started dating u shld hv tld him every fin Abt urself.u didn't say any fin nd d man said he wants to marry u. U still didn't say a world. U dnt need heaven to open b4 u tell him d truth. Tell him wat hppnd to u when u said u were 4. And again plzz we r in a civilised country if u feel u wer a V like u said bth of u shld go to d hospital nd confirm. Science has made fins easy jst like Google. Abeg go hospital. Nd end all dis many talk of lies.
Omoh! Don't tell him dis cos he wud think u are lying, I think u shld ve a family meeting u, him and your parents and address d issue.. cos coming from just u, he wud feel deceived.
The fact is that you were raped and no man should hold that against you for no woman deserves to be violated so just tell your husband the truth and find out if he truly loves you for you or for the mere fact that you are supposed to be a virgin moreover i don't think your husband was a virgin when he met you right?.
Dearie,something like that happened to, it all so confusing cos I was very young then, I rememba faintly what happened but my parents weren't aware. All through my life,i ve alwayz been worried if it happened or not. I would have abstained from sex and remained a virgin but I had doubts if I was still one. So unfortunately I lost my virginity @ age 23 buh d day I lost it, was my last day of menstruation, am still confused if the blood I saw was d reminant of mestrual blood or blood from broken imen. I had no closure to what happened to me, urs is still better. Back to ur question, it's very possible not to bleed jst after been disvirgined buh since urs is a case of rape,i will advise you keep it to urself and don't dare tell ur husband, men can be insensitive @ times, IT WILL BACKFIRE!!!. Jst tell him u ve no explanation to what happened.
Dearie,something like that happened to, it all so confusing cos I was very young then, I rememba faintly what happened but my parents weren't aware. All through my life,i ve alwayz been worried if it happened or not. I would have abstained from sex and remained a virgin but I had doubts if I was still one. So unfortunately I lost my virginity @ age 23 buh d day I lost it, was my last day of menstruation, am still confused if the blood I saw was d reminant of mestrual blood or blood from broken imen. I had no closure to what happened to me, urs is still better. Back to ur question, it's very possible not to bleed jst after been disvirgined buh since urs is a case of rape,i will advise you keep it to urself and don't dare tell ur husband, men can be insensitive @ times, IT WILL BACKFIRE!!!. Jst tell him u ve no explanation to what happened.
Dearie,something like that happened to, it all so confusing cos I was very young then, I rememba faintly what happened but my parents weren't aware. All through my life,i ve alwayz been worried if it happened or not. I would have abstained from sex and remained a virgin but I had doubts if I was still one. So unfortunately I lost my virginity @ age 23 buh d day I lost it, was my last day of menstruation, am still confused if the blood I saw was d reminant of mestrual blood or blood from broken imen. I had no closure to what happened to me, urs is still better. Back to ur question, it's very possible not to bleed jst after been disvirgined buh since urs is a case of rape,i will advise you keep it to urself and don't dare tell ur husband, men can be insensitive @ times, IT WILL BACKFIRE!!!. Jst tell him u ve no explanation to what happened.
Dearie,something like that happened to, it all so confusing cos I was very young then, I rememba faintly what happened but my parents weren't aware. All through my life,i ve alwayz been worried if it happened or not. I would have abstained from sex and remained a virgin but I had doubts if I was still one. So unfortunately I lost my virginity @ age 23 buh d day I lost it, was my last day of menstruation, am still confused if the blood I saw was d reminant of mestrual blood or blood from broken imen. I had no closure to what happened to me, urs is still better. Back to ur question, it's very possible not to bleed jst after been disvirgined buh since urs is a case of rape,i will advise you keep it to urself and don't dare tell ur husband, men can be insensitive @ times, IT WILL BACKFIRE!!!. Jst tell him u ve no explanation to what happened.
I'm sorry 2 say madam, dis ur story doesn't sound true @ all, @ 4yrs, I was able 2 remember stuffs about me, especially important things such as wat dat man did 2 u, its not something u can forget growing up, I jst feel that if u tell u hubby nw, he might nt blive u, he will jst think dat u're lying and making up excuses.......
Wow! Y didn't ur mum tell Ʊ b4, dis re tinz she shudnt av hidden 4rm Ʊ, cos ur hubby will find it hard to believe and if ur mum try to explain he will tink there is a conspiracy somewere, jst pray to God to lead, though the best thing is 4 Ʊ to let him know d truth,and dat ur hubby sef shud move on if he truly loves Ʊ or did he marry Ʊ cos Ʊ were a virgin, does that change who Ʊ are...all is well
Leave matters as dey are, time will heal all. If it doesn't then both of u shud take a visit to ur Mum then pop up d question and allow ur Mum do the talking.
I'm sorry, but story looks made up. Anyways, your parents, particularly your mother, has the greater part of the blame. How could she have hidden such a gross story from you?! It's a pity you lost your innocence while you were yet tender, but you must have to tell your husband. Purge yourself of any guilt and clear the doubt.
If u ask me? Na who I can ask? Pls forget d virgin of a thing and focus on he to make u marriage successful u huby should love u for whm u are! Nt bcuse of virgin...........linda listen
Nwanne, you said he is a good man. so explain to him, he will understand. saving you marriage is paramount to saving your face. if he loves you he will believe you. And please next time tell him all of it but the ugly. he is your man now.
Its not every girl dat release blood wen dey 1st make love. D cos of d blood is d hymen(u can browse abt it). Ones broken d blood flows out. Bt many virgins, due to sports or rough play or dance etc. Rupture d hymen n dey bleed. So wen d av sex, dey don't bleed nymre. So, its nt evry virgin dat bleeds during deir 1st sex. Cos some must av lost it b4 den, due to oda factors. So u n ur husband, obviously don't knw ow to do research. Bt since urs is odawise. Ur mom can tell him instead, I tink he'l bliv her more, knwing dat u too jst found out, or u can tell him ursef if u guys don't lik inlaws intruding. Bt ur mom wrongd u too 4 kipin dis away 4rm u. Ur husband, if he trully loves u, wil understand n love u even more. Full stop.
Yes, explain to him, if he truly love u as u claim then he will stay with u but if not he is not the right one for u, ok. Truth is the best and not lies, just stay honest in every thing u do in ur marriages, God bless u in ur marriage life
Before I advice u, pls let's all be reminded that virginity, children , sex etc is not the primary intention of God when he instituted marriage, marriage is first for companionship before any other thing, so a wise man will never leave his woman just bcos she is not a virgin or cos she has no kids for him Dear, so long ur saying the truth? Don't be afraid to tell him after all he is ur husband and deserves to know everything about u, if he is a wise man he will understand and love u more cos truth is the only thing that can vindicate u anytime anywhere,
Before I advice u, pls let's all be reminded that virginity, children , sex etc is not the primary intention of God when he instituted marriage, marriage is first for companionship before any other thing, so a wise man will never leave his woman just bcos she is not a virgin or cos she has no kids for him Dear, so long ur saying the truth? Don't be afraid to tell him after all he is ur husband and deserves to know everything about u, if he is a wise man he will understand and love u more cos truth is the only thing that can vindicate u anytime anywhere,
yes ofcourse he has to know.. if he loves you he would stay.. afterall you are actually a virgin(meaning you didnt know anyman till you met him) if not for that bastard who defiled you at a tender age.. if possible let your mum be present at the meeting
tell him, bring ur mom or both ur parents to be present so this will convince him it's the truth.. he'll love u the more if u told him the truth, trust me..
My dear, u have to lie o, tell him u lost it wen u were Lil as a ballerina, ur mum told u d story, bcos if u tell him d truth he will hate u 4rm a distance trust.
U have to let ur husband know what is on ground since u said he loves u. Let him know u were not aware of dis from start bt dat ur mum jst told u bout it. He can go and verify frm ur mum.
If your husband expects that from you, you should get ready to do things even his mom and sisters combined cannot accomplish. You will never be trusted, never loved, never be appreciated. Even if you laid your life down for him, God forbid! Don't ever think he will change cos that is a big LIE. You are now a victim so early in marriage. Be smart and move on. Virgin ko virgin ni! He needs to get a f***kn life!
My dear am as confused as u are cause our story is the same I'm married with 2 kids and this has always been the subject of our quarrel.Thanks for sharing.
Ur mum should be dr to explain things to ur husband afterali it was hidden frm u till Nw.if he loves u he wil understand bt d truth be told.people hv seen worst things we jst keep prayin for dis world
Medically, not all females bleed when disvirgined. The hymen could just stretch without tearing; in that case, no bleeding. I'd advise you to hide behind this fact and let sleeping dogs lie
Yes tell him the truth. You have done so well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! staying without sex for that long, you should be proud of yourself and your husband should too, just come clean, if he loves you he'll understand.
Ehya sorry.. What an innocent lady.. I put d blame on ur parent fr nt telln u dis so far, maybe they thought u would have turn out as all dis normal cheap girls b4 meeting ur right man.
Hehehehehe..its like trying to lie to him the more just to cover up ur old lie cos ur new lie is not convincing enough..him go look u with one eye,nd how u no knw say dem touch u at the age of 4,I can still remember a lady that molested me at the age of that 4 nd her name is aunty ginika...hmmm babe are you lying to us as well cos I don dey look u too with one eye.kikikiki#kezie ooo
Just know that you are not the first to experience this. Even if what your mother said actually happened, know for certain that it was just a wound which should have healed up within a couple of weeks or months. So what should explain your incidence is from your lifestyle either you were engaged in strainous activities, exercises or sports or you were exposed to certain diets unknown to you that would have caused that. Or you or someone fundled you unknown to you or you were drugged. In essence, something beyond your control has resulted in this. So I advice you let your mother call over the phone to apologise for your wrong doings so you guys can move on. Acknowledge remorse that you can't explain what happened and you are so sorry to have lied to him despite what your conscience is saying. Ask him honey, could we not talk about this until say April. This will give him or you both to clear the air and close the chapter on that. Good luck
d prob is he might stil nt bliv u after tellin him. bt stil tell him tho, tell him wat happned nd ur mum jst xplained to u...u may nid ur mom to confirm....nd if he stil dnt bliv,,, ur conscience is clear...
I can only imagine how you feel... Yes, my dear... U should tell your husband... You said it yourself that your husband loves you so much... Even the bible says that love conquers all things... If he truly loves you like you said, then be sure that he'll stand by you and help you through this emotional trauma... I pray that God will strengthen you...
Sister please don't tell him this story because he will feel its a cooked story because he is already doubting you let your mum explain it to both of you
Don't complicate ur relationship more than it is now. U really don't need to go and tell him dis story cos he will use it against u in future. Been a virgin or not should not be d confusion in ur marriage. Move on from s story enjoy ur marriage and pray for God's blessing and fruitfulness. Good luck
Dear friend, my suggestion is this, the story your mum told u is such a difficult one and your hubby may not believe you, I suggest that if you can stage a play with you acting ignorant to what your mum told you and inviting your mum to sit both you and your hubby and saying the story with her mouth so that your hubby will see that you are ignorant of the whole thing, if not, he may think you know the story and you decided to keep it all to yourself instead of sharing it with him.
OMG,i am so sorry for your pains and state of dilema, however, I will advice you open up totally to your DH(you should have done that before now though,but it is never too late) or better still you can ask your parents to explain to him what you went through in the hands of that beast while growing up. Please do everything you can to regain the trust of your DH and salvage your marriage
Tell ur husband..I am sure he wil understand..but then again,some girls don't bleed when they lose their virginity. So sorry d stupid paedophile broke ur hymen as a child.
Pls dear go tell ur husby n y shuld he stop loving u.u tell him wot ur mum tld u n if he doesn't belive u free d matter.Is he also a virgin.Men n der wahala.if he truely loves u he wil understd.
Don't even try to explain to him...just bury the case ...bcs if u tell him he will think u re lying just to cover up... I wonder what's special abt being a virgin self --------------LIB prince-------------- --------------LIB prince------------- --------------LIB prince--------------
505 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 201 – 400 of 505 Newer› Newest»If he truly loves u then he won't leave u, if possible bring in ur mum to tell him what happened and that u were unaware of it.
.....A better Nigeria I pray....
is he equally a virgin? or does he want to drink d blood? pls dont bother ursef much tell him ur childhood experience. abii he wan gv u virgin award of the century. some men and their stupidity!!!
Well u know if u've been taking it up the ass you ain't no virging right?
If he truly loves u then he won't leave u, if possible bring in ur mum to tell him what happened and that u were unaware of it.
.....A better Nigeria I pray....
If he truly loves u then he won't leave u, if possible bring in ur mum to tell him what happened and that u were unaware of it.
.....A better Nigeria I pray....
Your mum and dad shud do d explanation nt u! Iff ur parents does he might respect dem and believe dem goodluck
...AND D TRUTH SHALL MAKE U FREE.
If you decide to tell him by yourself it will surely look like a fabricated lie. Why don't you tell your mom and dad to call him and explain things to him but am not sure the type of relationship your hubby has with your parent, hopefully they are in good term because that's the only possible solution, if your man trust your parent then they should help you out in this situation by sitting him down and tell him the truth on your behalf. I wish you good luck.
part of the reason why ur hubby loves u was because u where a virgin then..... it is normal for him to sulk over that since his mentality has been wired in that direction. give him time to heal... moreover if u tell him the tale, he maynot believe you. since u re innocent pray to God to heal his heart. be happy dear.
....ibk.....
Abeg ur mom to tell ur hubby,he will be more understandin dat way....if u tell him urself den he will say u knew all dis yrs. Is nt ur fault dat u wea (raped).
~@iamjbankz SA to President Jonathan 2015~
Pray and ask God to show it to him,there's nothing God can not do.
Its better u explain it to ur husband...he just need to understand...he CNT stop loving u just cos of DAT....talk to him in a nice tone n tell him u did not know..DAT ur mum just told u d story
Truth is the way out.If u can't tell him this on ur own,ask ur mother in helping u out.U need to salvage ur marriage.About the blood,friction causes the hymen to tear,no expectation of blood just tightness once one has sex.
Eya, sorry about dat. I think it's better u explain to him, if possible get ur mum involved. U will enjoy ur home by the Grace of God.and I pray ur husband believes ur mum
I fink yu shud let him knw n beta still let ur mum or dad do d telln coz I dnt fink he wud blv yu if yu tel him ursef
This same thing has happened to me,my lady told me she was a virgin and i was very happy, saying in this present day you can still find a virgin,with all expectations we had sex n i was expecting to see blood at the end but sadly enough ,i didnt see anything which lead to many questions n issues from that minutes ,she claimed she was n i everyone knew i was the first man in her life,so even after many years i still believe she lied,i dont trust her ,it hurts me more because i am always thinking about that,as soon as i came across this ,she is d first person i sent it to because we still together.I think its better you open up to your husband n that will free his mind because if she had explain to me that something happened to her bla bla and thought she was still a virgin then ,i would be fine.but i think you should open up to ur husband. richlyblessed007.
This same thing has happened to me,my lady told me she was a virgin and i was very happy, saying in this present day you can still find a virgin,with all expectations we had sex n i was expecting to see blood at the end but sadly enough ,i didnt see anything which lead to many questions n issues from that minutes ,she claimed she was n i everyone knew i was the first man in her life,so even after many years i still believe she lied,i dont trust her ,it hurts me more because i am always thinking about that,as soon as i came across this ,she is d first person i sent it to because we still together.I think its better you open up to your husband n that will free his mind because if she had explain to me that something happened to her bla bla and thought she was still a virgin then ,i would be fine.but i think you should open up to ur husband. richlyblessed007.
Virginity these days is not considered a big deal but that doesn't mean some people don't take it important and seriously. If your husband loves u, he should be able to believe you notwithstanding the absence of blood when you guys first made love. I think you should tell him to to clear up your mind. Whether he believes you or not is dependent on him.
Hmmm be right back
Please let him know, afterall you are not aware of it when it happened, so sorry its heartbreaking.
Is he a virgin ?
Virginity these days is not considered a big deal but that doesn't mean some people don't take it important and seriously. If your husband loves u, he should be able to believe you notwithstanding the absence of blood when you guys first made love. I think you should tell him to to clear up your mind. Whether he believes you or not is dependent on him.
U may not need to tell him anytin,just stay on the same ground dat u re a virgin n u don't no y der was no blood. He should no the d difference of a virgin and a non virgin the day he made love to u
The story maybe true......
But I will not believe it
That's me...
My dear the more u try to hide it from him,ur marriage will have issues,so simply tell him ur predicament and if he truly loves u as u said,he will understand u,its none of ur fault,shit happens.
Miss indomie says so.
No don't tell him
It isint Ï…̲̣̥r̲̅ fault ϑε̲ãr. Atleast u didn't know. Maybe Ï…̲̣̥r̲̅ mom should tell him depending on their relationship though. Or u can find a better way of telling him. Y is the virginity stuff so important sef. Some men sha.
Whether or not he will still love you is between God and him but first you have to tell him the truth and set your self free. Keeping quiet/wallowing in self pity/pain over some evil that was done to you in your days of innocence and watching your husband lose the faith/trust he had or is still struggling to have(no matter how little there is) will only ruin your marriage completely. But before you talk to him, go on your knees and pray until you have peace, sincerely forgive the man who did this to you and your mother who kept it from you for whatever reasons, hand everything to God, He knows how best to handle these things. May God bless and keep your home. Amen
honey please the best thing is to tell him everything and you could as well make your mom tell him the story. if he loves you he will believe you..... lots of love dear
Madam,you are not a virgin when you married your husband.open up and tell him the whole story.he will even love u more.
Whether or not he will still love you is between God and him but first you have to tell him the truth and set your self free. Keeping quiet/wallowing in self pity/pain over some evil that was done to you in your days of innocence and watching your husband lose the faith/trust he had or is still struggling to have(no matter how little there is) will only ruin your marriage completely. But before you talk to him, go on your knees and pray until you have peace, sincerely forgive the man who did this to you and your mother who kept it from you for whatever reasons, hand everything to God, He knows how best to handle these things. May God bless and keep your home. Amen
If he loves u so much like u say, he will believe u when u tell him the event that happened when u were very young..even if you have to involve your mum
yes........... u shld explain to him,m if he loves you, he will stay. so
sorry
Hmm my dear sorry for what you went through when you were small my candid advice is that you seat your hubby down to tell him this in the presence of your parents so that they can buttress your point. So sorry dear it is well with you.
just keep shut bcos he will not believe you
Awwww bae dont wori ur not alone.I dont think il bleed also.
*virgin of steel*
Tel him wat ur mama told u
Hmm my dear sorry for what you went through when you were small my candid advice is that you seat your hubby down to tell him this in the presence of your parents so that they can buttress your point. So sorry dear it is well with you.
Awwww bae dont wori ur not alone.I dont think il bleed also.
*virgin of steel*
I understand how you feel but then honesty is always the best policy...tell him the truth and be prepared to take whatever comes out of it...if he loves you he ll be angry but he will forgive you nut if it goes the other way just bear it in mind that he does not deserve n dou it ll break your heart be strong n get bk on your feet but one satisfaction you ll have is a clear conscience knowing that you told him the truth inspite of nyfing
You need to tell him my dear. I married as a virgin too at 28 and yes there was blood when my husband disvirgined me after our wedding. But in telling him, make sure you explain it in a way that he will understand and still trust you my dear.
you're not a girl but a woman.
If He truly love you... Nothing is gonna change his love for You... He might still not believe you Buh he ought to cos trust is the fundamental part of love...
Jst go ahead and tell ur hubby, I guess he shld understand beta
Seek medical advice.
This one na complete cock and cockroach story.
Please tell him if he loves you, he will understand
*Warmly hugging you, sis* Why didn't your parents tell you about the molestation sooner? Tell your husband what your mother said. Get counseling because you must feel deeply violated to have thought all these years you were saving yourself for marriage only to have had it snatched long ago without your consent, through childhood rape. There must be a deep sense of loss for you and other complicated feelings.
Yea d blood was suppose to be there bc mine was not only on my first day, it happened 4 times each I mate with my man before it normalised. So dear is better u tell him d truth bf his love for u stop dropping , is obvious he loves u that much bc he sees u as a virgin so pls do al u can to bring his mind back. God help u
Jst go ahead and tell ur hubby, I guess he shld understand beta
This ur story is hard to believe u..how can u not know you are not a virgin..my sister leave story Abeg..meanwhile Linda Linda..I dreamt of u lastnyt.u don't want to know the things we where doing in my dream😃
This ur story is hard to believe u..how can u not know you are not a virgin..my sister leave story Abeg..meanwhile Linda Linda..I dreamt of u lastnyt.u don't want to know the things we where doing in my dream😃
Virginity is not really a test of true love. For crying out loud....the man na virgin???. My dear , tell him what really happened. And if still doubts you, am sorry but walk away. Your happiness is what matters. Alot of ladies who lost their maidenhead never planned it so....but they still found TRUE LOVE.... I suggest u go to 1Cor.13v.13. For an elaborate description of true love. Even as he made love to you that night, wouldn't he have known you were a virgin. Alll dese men and their self-righteous,holier-than-thou attitude......#smh
Tell ur husband to swallow a chill pill.... am sure he has banged like 20 babes nd expects to marry a virgin ..hes lucky he got u. Maybe d man just fingered u.so technically ur a semi virgin
*virgin of steel*
If he does not believe what you say now, trust me he will believe no other story. He will call you and your family liars for fabricating a story to cover up, while you remain in pain cos deep in your heart you know you are telling the truth. If this ends up a major trust issue better learn to protect yourself and your family. There is nothing worse than marrying a man who does not trust you and your words. By the way is he a virgin??? Or is he the "I am holy and sanctified prepared to be married" kinda of man??? You have been through enough pain already to start explaining yourself. This is the time to ask, does this man really even love me? No, bleeding is not a proof you are a virgin. Good luck.
Aww sorry sweet heart. Since he's your husband you can tell him sO he understands d situation.
Well i dnt knw what to say, cos d man mit love u base on ur virginity but if he really loves wu u re he hs no choice dan to keeo calm nd keep loving u. Well men dont forgive easily especially if u hurt dem by telling lies. Nxt time u dnt need to tell a man dat u re a virgin y nt let him findout its better dat way, let him c u like odas but prove u "outstanding" after getn dier. God help u dear
Well is not ur foulty bcos ur mother didn't explain the urgle suituation early 4u to be prd that am a vgin pls tell him wht ur mother told u or tk him to ur mother huse she wil be the one to explain wht hppen in parts
if he loves you he will forget it and move on,cause it wasn't your fault ,and your parents never told you what happened either so you were made to believe that you were a virgin, and i understand the fact that he feels betrayed cause he thinks you lied to him , but i still feel you should tell him
You need to tell your husband regardless, of he truly loves you he would accept you.... u were raped and you had no knowledge of it, he can ask your parents too!!
NOT EVERYONE BLEEDS THEIR FIRST TIME. Google is a companion of you and your husband. What kind of ignorant story is this? Educate yourself abeg
And UMM no offence but your mums story sounds shady. How will you not remember if you were assaulted
You should tell him. If he really loves you, he will understand. Even at that not all women bleed.
U beta tell him.. it wasn't ur fault. .besides, women break their hymen during sports n using of tampons. .so anything could av caused it and it's not necessary u av to bleed my dear.. wetin be d man own sef? Was he also a virgin wen u guys did it? Biko.. u men are such hypocrites!
If its goin to cost you ur marriage just go ahead and tell him what happened. .
SORRY
Hmmmmm. Tell him what u just found out. Virginity shouldn't b d bone of contention in your marriage biko. Which century is your hubby from?
I think telling him will be a better option, because if it happens to know himself, only God knows what's going to happen. And you can host your mum for a proove.
Story for the gods...
Ehya!... I think u shld tell him, if possible let ur mum or even parents b der n explain to ur husby so he can believe n trust u..
Better still,ave ur mum narrate d ordeal to ur hubby,if he Rily does luv u,he'l handle it well nd relate wiv ur pain of nt knowin
D Lord will help u.....i rest my case
Story for the gods.... Lol
My dear even though u were Violated @ the age of 4, and u stayed without sex for 24 yrs, there shud be a little blood stain for the first u have sex as a grown lady xcept u were involved in sports during ur skl days. But wait a min was ur hubby a virgin? Men sef. All the best dear. Just tell him wat ur mum told u. Apply wisdom if he is an understanding person dat won't be a problem
Dear LIB reader, It's sad your husband does not trust you. If he is the type that needs explanation you can go ahead and tell him, and hope he also believes you. Your mom should have told you what happened before getting married ( if he left you then because of it, then he is not meant for you). Calling you a liar is what beats me. Are you sure he married you for you?
Hmm my dear sorry for what you went through when you were small my candid advice is that you seat your hubby down to tell him this in the presence of your parents so that they can buttress your point. So sorry dear it is well with you.
jesus... wtf????
Go ahead and tell him dear. Its better said than never. I feel your hurt but its well.
Grace
Well I did not bleed the first time I had sex
Hmmmmmmmmm I think u should xplain it to your hubby
Telling him will be hard but maybe your parents should tell him themselves so that it will not look like you told him a lie. Explain to your parents the situation of things and let them come over to your house and tell your husband what he needs to know.
Biko did you check if he is a virgin too? Who is he to judge a person? My dear look well before you leap far into a marriage full of mistrust. You are young. Ahhh men!
Hmmmmmmmm, my dear tell him about it o...But I heard dat when girls get to dia late twentis before having sex, chances are dat dey may not bleed. Many factors can break de hymen even before one have any penile penetration. I am really not sure sha but I heard it from someone.
Yes its not all guys dat knw dat plenny gals dnt bleed as virgins,sowi Ooº°˚ ˚°Âºo
bleeding as proof for virginity is very myopic, he should do his research on internet. you are a virgin, telling your husband this new detail will only complicate the matter. shekena.
This is Serious. www.ikeani.blogspot.com
Just shuurup,u this blatant liar , why say u were a virgin at first , when uv been doing a whole lot all this while.. virgin my foot .
I think you should tell him, but dts if he will believe u
Ask your dad to meet with your mum and dad to meet with you and your husband and explain all they told you...
It is not your fault and you should never feel guilty for it.
The man who did that to you is most likely suffering big time for what he did.
I pray your husband really loves you because if he is still angry then he never loved you.
Well your mother has to explain to him, DONT tell him the story yourself! He should, afterall its for better or worst
Oooooo soooo sad! Just arrange a date with ur mum& ur husband, dinner or something then her mum should say it as it is... Sooo sorry, very pathetic story.
i can imagine how you feel cos am also a virgin. i think you should ask your mum to talk to him letting him know you were not aware what happened to you at age 4..pray before going to see him and let God touch his heart.your innocent will make God showed up for you.
Yes my dear, it is possible for one to be a virgin and not see blood on first sexual intercourse. I didn't see blood on my first. U nid not worry, not every woman has d hymen (look that up on the Internet). I was heartbroken too but I got over it. At least I know I was telling the truth. In your own case ur new discovery might be a little traumatic but u can talk it over with ur hubby. Did marry you just becos of ur virginity? Things happen in our lives some of which we are aware n some we may never know until we die. Ur knowledge of what happened to u as a kid should not ruin u just try to live ur live happy inspite of it.
Speaking as a man, He will trust you if you tell clearly what happened in your tender years. I could also help if your parent could corroborate the story about your being molested as a child. On the order hand, I think someone with a medical background could tell if braking your 'hemen' at age four could remain perpetually. thanks.
I've got almost a similar problem, altho am still unmarried and i've never had Sex but am no more a virgin. U see d last guy I dated kept pressurising me for Sex, I gave in but was very scared of it, so we tried making him enter in2 me it dint work, we later resolved to using carrot and he inserted a carrot in2 me and blood came out *sobs* dat got me more scared of d Sex tin. I've finally resolved to keep it till am married but how do I explain 2 my hubby dat am not a virgin but I've never had Sex especially cos of d fear I might stil have d frigidity of a first timer help!!
Its not a must... In my own case I dint bleed....actually it took my bf 3days to open it so carefully before it opened.... And I dint bleed..
Bullshit! U are nt a virgin and u know it u lied period. Let d guy have a full refund of his hard earned money d whole marriage stuff was built on deceit, lie and lies. If na me, I will sue for a full refund of my money; breach of agreement, false representation of urself. Sue! Refund!refund!
It depends on d way u made love wit her...if u force it...u bleeds... Wen u do it slowly u dont
Linda post my comment ooo. Nd
You could explain it to him and he could still talk to your mom if he doesn't believe you. If he really loves you he'll accept it. Its better he knows the truth than think you conned him by sleeping with another man and claiming to be a virgin.
Its a pitty the kind of things happening in our society. Love is not all abt Virginity its all abt unity, fidelity and humility. Dnt explain anything to him if he truely love u, he will stay whether virginity or no virginity
######Da Rhyme master#######
first of all, when rigorous exercise is done while growing up, it weakens the hymen and in some cases, u may not bleed.
secondly, tell your husband the truth! it will help him understand.
Tell your mum to help u explain to him. He might not believe u if u explan to him
Speaking as a man, I would strongly recommend that you clearly explain to your husband what happened to you when you were 4 years old. your parents could also corroborate the incident to him. Nevertheless, I think that someone with a medical background could help in explaining whether the fact that your 'hemen' was broken at age 4 will remain so perpetually. thank.
Speaking as a man, I would strongly recommend that you clearly explain to your husband what happened to you when you were 4 years old. your parents could also corroborate the incident to him. Nevertheless, I think someone with a medical background could help in explaining whether the fact that your 'hemen' was broken at age 4 will remain so perpetually. thank.
It's such a shame that something that horrible happened to you at such a tender age and defeated your honorable intentions to remain a virgin until you get to your husband's house.
That notwithstanding, I don't believe your husband loves/married you because you were a virgin, he probably did just for you will be hurt if you intentionally lied to him about something that might not have been an issue to him.
It will be reasonable to come out with the truth and let him know the trauma you went through as a child.
On another note, it is possible to be disvirgined without bleeding, but there must be a lot of tugging and trying. It just wouldn't go in the first time and both of you will keep trying until it finally happens. If that was the case, your husband will not need any bloody evidence to prove that you were a virgin. When a man is the first to go in there, he just knows.
I was over 30 when I got married, I was a virgin, I didn't bleed but we couldn't achieve penetration until the 5th day....So, I'm talking out of experience.
People sha,they just like to bring personal stuffs on social media,u ave d answer,u were abused as a child,tell ur hubby or ave ur mum or both parents tell him.shuo!
My sister your case is a rare one cox it's takes the grace of God for a man to believe that ur telling truth,ur mum made a very big mistake not to have told u abt ur growing up,my advice is pls pray first then go back to ur husband and narrate ur ordeal to him he'll understand cox he's a human being I think he'll accept.
Hmmm. Just passing. Ubanagum
this is the problem with humans and our past,the moment you tell someone about your past the person begins to judge u,whether you were a virgin does it guarantee how long the marriage will last,please all am going to advice now is for you to try make your husband see that you both should focus on the future and not the past,and been a virgin doesn't tell whether a human will turn out good or bad.success in your marriage,live it to the fullest instead enjoying your marriage you now begin to manage your marriage and feel pitied after you tell him,and am so sure thats not what you want.
Sorry dear, but yes you should tell him, that is what relationship is all about being truthful. "NO SECRETS"
Tell him everything the way it is. He may not believe at ist since u never mentioned the part about being molested as a child and he may think you made it up so u may also consider bringing in ur mum to explain to him. If he really loves and trusts you I don't think being a virgin or not would matter. What should matter is what happened since u guyz were together and d past should be left in d past.
Speaking as a man, I would strongly recommend that you clearly explain to your husband what happened to you when you were 4 years old. your parents could also corroborate the incident to him. Nevertheless, I think someone with a medical background could help in explaining whether the fact that your 'hemen' was broken at age 4 will remain so perpetually. thanks.
I feel for you. Your mum should have told you earlier. Perhaps you can get your mum sit and tell him or even your dad in hard man to man talk.
I understand your predicament. When my relationship got very serious, my mum sat me down and told me I was abused as a little child (no age specified) I don't remember the event too.
She knows I am a virgin so she informed me so when I eventually have sex and don't see blood I would know why.
I kept that information to myself. Honestly it took me some time to understand it. But then I was glad she told me. When I suspected an engagement was coming, I sat my fiance (then boyfriend) down and shared the story with him. I kept it that long cos it's very personal and not something you want people to know. My siblings don't even know about it. My mum was almost in tears the day she told me. She shivered in fear trying to anticipate my response.
But what has happened has happened. My dear you can't do anything to change it.
At least my fiance knows before hand but I made sure to share it when I was certain he was the one I would be with.
Don't get yourself worked up. If your relationship is based on pure truth in communication (like mine) he would believe it when you tell him. Otherwise get someone to. It's enough torture for you trying to understand why did not know about it. He is your husband, he should believe you.
All the best dear.
I undastnd how u feel. I was abused @ age 4 although i didnt 4get abut it, i thought i was stil a virgin until dat unfortunate embarrasing day. Its really painful but let ur mum explain to him. It wil be easier that way. Atleast u didnt grow up wit d stigma be thankful for that.
My dear marriage is an institution that should be founded on truth. You both still have a long journey ahead of you and early mitigation is necessary. Tell him the truth to clear his doubts, and trust me he respect you for the honesty despite the circumstances of the ordeal. This in turn will help you handle your relationship without any form of guilt.
This na Nigeria film?
Wats wiv dis blood matter. U r d cause of d hole fin fm d on set. Yes. Co's when bth of u started dating u shld hv tld him every fin Abt urself.u didn't say any fin nd d man said he wants to marry u. U still didn't say a world. U dnt need heaven to open b4 u tell him d truth. Tell him wat hppnd to u when u said u were 4. And again plzz we r in a civilised country if u feel u wer a V like u said bth of u shld go to d hospital nd confirm. Science has made fins easy jst like Google. Abeg go hospital. Nd end all dis many talk of lies.
Girls lie a lot this days.
Ok
Omoh! Don't tell him dis cos he wud think u are lying, I think u shld ve a family meeting u, him and your parents and address d issue.. cos coming from just u, he wud feel deceived.
#complicatd. Yes tell. invite ur mum nd let her do d honours
The fact is that you were raped and no man should hold that against you for no woman deserves to be violated so just tell your husband the truth and find out if he truly loves you for you or for the mere fact that you are supposed to be a virgin moreover i don't think your husband was a virgin when he met you right?.
My friend u know ur husband more, nut telling him is a yes for Me!
no be all dey bring blood joor
you should tell your husband the truth and clear the doubt if he really loves you he will stand by you and love you more.
The advise u need is right in front of u...simply tell ur husband wat transpired years back...and use ur parents as alibi....It is well.
Dearie,something like that happened to, it all so confusing cos I was very young then, I rememba faintly what happened but my parents weren't aware. All through my life,i ve alwayz been worried if it happened or not. I would have abstained from sex and remained a virgin but I had doubts if I was still one. So unfortunately I lost my virginity @ age 23 buh d day I lost it, was my last day of menstruation, am still confused if the blood I saw was d reminant of mestrual blood or blood from broken imen. I had no closure to what happened to me, urs is still better. Back to ur question, it's very possible not to bleed jst after been disvirgined buh since urs is a case of rape,i will advise you keep it to urself and don't dare tell ur husband, men can be insensitive @ times, IT WILL BACKFIRE!!!. Jst tell him u ve no explanation to what happened.
You should tell him this,it will make a huge difference.
Dearie,something like that happened to, it all so confusing cos I was very young then, I rememba faintly what happened but my parents weren't aware. All through my life,i ve alwayz been worried if it happened or not. I would have abstained from sex and remained a virgin but I had doubts if I was still one. So unfortunately I lost my virginity @ age 23 buh d day I lost it, was my last day of menstruation, am still confused if the blood I saw was d reminant of mestrual blood or blood from broken imen. I had no closure to what happened to me, urs is still better. Back to ur question, it's very possible not to bleed jst after been disvirgined buh since urs is a case of rape,i will advise you keep it to urself and don't dare tell ur husband, men can be insensitive @ times, IT WILL BACKFIRE!!!. Jst tell him u ve no explanation to what happened.
This is a small case nah. Is he a virgin....let him not judge you
Dearie,something like that happened to, it all so confusing cos I was very young then, I rememba faintly what happened but my parents weren't aware. All through my life,i ve alwayz been worried if it happened or not. I would have abstained from sex and remained a virgin but I had doubts if I was still one. So unfortunately I lost my virginity @ age 23 buh d day I lost it, was my last day of menstruation, am still confused if the blood I saw was d reminant of mestrual blood or blood from broken imen. I had no closure to what happened to me, urs is still better. Back to ur question, it's very possible not to bleed jst after been disvirgined buh since urs is a case of rape,i will advise you keep it to urself and don't dare tell ur husband, men can be insensitive @ times, IT WILL BACKFIRE!!!. Jst tell him u ve no explanation to what happened.
Dearie,something like that happened to, it all so confusing cos I was very young then, I rememba faintly what happened but my parents weren't aware. All through my life,i ve alwayz been worried if it happened or not. I would have abstained from sex and remained a virgin but I had doubts if I was still one. So unfortunately I lost my virginity @ age 23 buh d day I lost it, was my last day of menstruation, am still confused if the blood I saw was d reminant of mestrual blood or blood from broken imen. I had no closure to what happened to me, urs is still better. Back to ur question, it's very possible not to bleed jst after been disvirgined buh since urs is a case of rape,i will advise you keep it to urself and don't dare tell ur husband, men can be insensitive @ times, IT WILL BACKFIRE!!!. Jst tell him u ve no explanation to what happened.
Tell him everything, he should understand.
May be she must av been raped when she was younger.And her memory is lost. thinking she is stl a virgin. Lepacious Oluchi.
I'm sorry 2 say madam, dis ur story doesn't sound true @ all, @ 4yrs, I was able 2 remember stuffs about me, especially important things such as wat dat man did 2 u, its not something u can forget growing up, I jst feel that if u tell u hubby nw, he might nt blive u, he will jst think dat u're lying and making up excuses.......
Wow! Y didn't ur mum tell Ʊ b4, dis re tinz she shudnt av hidden 4rm Ʊ, cos ur hubby will find it hard to believe and if ur mum try to explain he will tink there is a conspiracy somewere, jst pray to God to lead, though the best thing is 4 Ʊ to let him know d truth,and dat ur hubby sef shud move on if he truly loves Ʊ or did he marry Ʊ cos Ʊ were a virgin, does that change who Ʊ are...all is well
I honestly advice you to tell him...if he truly loves you he will understand
Leave matters as dey are, time will heal all. If it doesn't then both of u shud take a visit to ur Mum then pop up d question and allow ur Mum do the talking.
Please explain to him, he'll love you
Your story is a sad one. You need to open up to your husband.
Busy Fingers.
I'm sorry, but story looks made up.
Anyways, your parents, particularly your mother, has the greater part of the blame.
How could she have hidden such a gross story from you?!
It's a pity you lost your innocence while you were yet tender, but you must have to tell your husband.
Purge yourself of any guilt and clear the doubt.
If u ask me? Na who I can ask? Pls forget d virgin of a thing and focus on he to make u marriage successful u huby should love u for whm u are! Nt bcuse of virgin...........linda listen
Nwanne, you said he is a good man. so explain to him, he will understand. saving you marriage is paramount to saving your face. if he loves you he will believe you. And please next time tell him all of it but the ugly. he is your man now.
Visit my blog, reevolution101.blogspot.com
At least you told him d truth. Go on. He's ur husband.
Wow !! This is pretty hard.
The Lumdy Blog Review|Selena
Gomez Upset For Meeting Up with Justin Bieber
It's a pity
Its not every girl dat release blood wen dey 1st make love. D cos of d blood is d hymen(u can browse abt it). Ones broken d blood flows out. Bt many virgins, due to sports or rough play or dance etc. Rupture d hymen n dey bleed. So wen d av sex, dey don't bleed nymre. So, its nt evry virgin dat bleeds during deir 1st sex. Cos some must av lost it b4 den, due to oda factors. So u n ur husband, obviously don't knw ow to do research. Bt since urs is odawise. Ur mom can tell him instead, I tink he'l bliv her more, knwing dat u too jst found out, or u can tell him ursef if u guys don't lik inlaws intruding. Bt ur mom wrongd u too 4 kipin dis away 4rm u. Ur husband, if he trully loves u, wil understand n love u even more. Full stop.
what a pity. if truly your loves you. he will understand and belived you.
Young woman! Let ur mum explain to ur husband herself. Simple as AbC
Wow! Fucked up shii!!!!
Hmmm Sorry Dear don't mind Just Be what Ure, after all was He a VIRGIN TOO?
Yes, explain to him, if he truly love u as u claim then he will stay with u but if not he is not the right one for u, ok. Truth is the best and not lies, just stay honest in every thing u do in ur marriages, God bless u in ur marriage life
is heard to believe but you have to tell him the story of your life simple
u have to tell him no matter what the outcome will be. God will help u
Before nko, you have known the truth, so don't waste more time before something else arises... And you lose your man...
Before I advice u, pls let's all be reminded that virginity, children , sex etc is not the primary intention of God when he instituted marriage, marriage is first for companionship before any other thing, so a wise man will never leave his woman just bcos she is not a virgin or cos she has no kids for him Dear, so long ur saying the truth? Don't be afraid to tell him after all he is ur husband and deserves to know everything about u, if he is a wise man he will understand and love u more cos truth is the only thing that can vindicate u anytime anywhere,
Before I advice u, pls let's all be reminded that virginity, children , sex etc is not the primary intention of God when he instituted marriage, marriage is first for companionship before any other thing, so a wise man will never leave his woman just bcos she is not a virgin or cos she has no kids for him Dear, so long ur saying the truth? Don't be afraid to tell him after all he is ur husband and deserves to know everything about u, if he is a wise man he will understand and love u more cos truth is the only thing that can vindicate u anytime anywhere,
yes ofcourse he has to know.. if he loves you he would stay.. afterall you are actually a virgin(meaning you didnt know anyman till you met him) if not for that bastard who defiled you at a tender age.. if possible let your mum be present at the meeting
tell him, bring ur mom or both ur parents to be present so this will convince him it's the truth.. he'll love u the more if u told him the truth, trust me..
my dear if you love him tell him what your odeal is but it depends on him if he loves you to understand
That means you were raped...your mum should also tell him.
I think you should tell him, but dts if he will believe u
My dear, u have to lie o, tell him u lost it wen u were Lil as a ballerina, ur mum told u d story, bcos if u tell him d truth he will hate u 4rm a distance trust.
U have to let ur husband know what is on ground since u said he loves u. Let him know u were not aware of dis from start bt dat ur mum jst told u bout it. He can go and verify frm ur mum.
If your husband expects that from you, you should get ready to do things even his mom and sisters combined cannot accomplish. You will never be trusted, never loved, never be appreciated. Even if you laid your life down for him, God forbid! Don't ever think he will change cos that is a big LIE. You are now a victim so early in marriage. Be smart and move on. Virgin ko virgin ni! He needs to get a f***kn life!
My dear am as confused as u are cause our story is the same I'm married with 2 kids and this has always been the subject of our quarrel.Thanks for sharing.
My dear, just tell him and make him understand your predicament. he is your husband and i don't think he loved you because you were a virgin.
Damn!!! Even me find that xtremely difficult to believe... think of another one ho!!!
Tell your husband the truth..
The man shld relax....was the hymen stil intact?
I don't even know what to say
Go and see your gynecologist
And your husband should know u better
Trust is vital
Must blood come out?
Men sef....
Him never virgin?
@Galore
My dear, just tell him and make him understand your predicament. he is your husband and i don't think he loved you because you were a virgin.
Idonbliv u. Girls lied about that alot.
Blood from the hymen is not a sign of losing ones virginity 😒
Factors like being active/sporty, thin hymen e.t.c also play a role.
You shd tell this to ur husband.
It's not a big deal
....LIB ADDICTION....
These "Dear LIB readers" stories get dodgier by the day.
Story doesn't make sense.
Was the mother waiting for 24 yrs or after marriage to suspect what may have happened to a 'blood drenched' 4 yr old??
'Lo and behold the man had ran away'? SMH, like he was under house arrest for 24yrs.
eiyaaa...it happens buh very rare
missvee
Ur mum should be dr to explain things to ur husband afterali it was hidden frm u till Nw.if he loves u he wil understand bt d truth be told.people hv seen worst things we jst keep prayin for dis world
Lie of life......lol
Medically, not all females bleed when disvirgined. The hymen could just stretch without tearing; in that case, no bleeding.
I'd advise you to hide behind this fact and let sleeping dogs lie
Gone explain to his because love us unconditional
My dear, dat can't b true, dats an experience no one can ever forget at 4yrs u should remember u where raped.
Yes tell him the truth. You have done so well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! staying without sex for that long, you should be proud of yourself and your husband should too, just come clean, if he loves you he'll understand.
My dear, just tell him and make him understand your predicament. he is your husband and i don't think he loved you because you were a virgin.
Ehya sorry.. What an innocent lady.. I put d blame on ur parent fr nt telln u dis so far, maybe they thought u would have turn out as all dis normal cheap girls b4 meeting ur right man.
StillDatSame2015Dude
Hehehehehe..its like trying to lie to him the more just to cover up ur old lie cos ur new lie is not convincing enough..him go look u with one eye,nd how u no knw say dem touch u at the age of 4,I can still remember a lady that molested me at the age of that 4 nd her name is aunty ginika...hmmm babe are you lying to us as well cos I don dey look u too with one eye.kikikiki#kezie ooo
Dear LIB reader,
Just know that you are not the first to experience this. Even if what your mother said actually happened, know for certain that it was just a wound which should have healed up within a couple of weeks or months. So what should explain your incidence is from your lifestyle either you were engaged in strainous activities, exercises or sports or you were exposed to certain diets unknown to you that would have caused that. Or you or someone fundled you unknown to you or you were drugged. In essence, something beyond your control has resulted in this. So I advice you let your mother call over the phone to apologise for your wrong doings so you guys can move on. Acknowledge remorse that you can't explain what happened and you are so sorry to have lied to him despite what your conscience is saying. Ask him honey, could we not talk about this until say April. This will give him or you both to clear the air and close the chapter on that.
Good luck
d prob is he might stil nt bliv u after tellin him. bt stil tell him tho, tell him wat happned nd ur mum jst xplained to u...u may nid ur mom to confirm....nd if he stil dnt bliv,,, ur conscience is clear...
I can only imagine how you feel... Yes, my dear... U should tell your husband... You said it yourself that your husband loves you so much... Even the bible says that love conquers all things... If he truly loves you like you said, then be sure that he'll stand by you and help you through this emotional trauma... I pray that God will strengthen you...
Sister please don't tell him this story because he will feel its a cooked story because he is already doubting you let your mum explain it to both of you
Don't complicate ur relationship more than it is now. U really don't need to go and tell him dis story cos he will use it against u in future. Been a virgin or not should not be d confusion in ur marriage. Move on from s story enjoy ur marriage and pray for God's blessing and fruitfulness. Good luck
Dear friend, my suggestion is this, the story your mum told u is such a difficult one and your hubby may not believe you, I suggest that if you can stage a play with you acting ignorant to what your mum told you and inviting your mum to sit both you and your hubby and saying the story with her mouth so that your hubby will see that you are ignorant of the whole thing, if not, he may think you know the story and you decided to keep it all to yourself instead of sharing it with him.
stick to the virgin ish ok, tell him u remmeber riding bicycle a lot as a kid. girls can actually get disvirgined thru such process.
@lwkmd_naija
Of course u shld tell him the truth....It wasn't ur fault actually...So explain to him.
U no no nah haba..just tell him already.
Your mama no catch am?
OMG,i am so sorry for your pains and state of dilema, however, I will advice you open up totally to your DH(you should have done that before now though,but it is never too late) or better still you can ask your parents to explain to him what you went through in the hands of that beast while growing up. Please do everything you can to regain the trust of your DH and salvage your marriage
Tell ur husband..I am sure he wil understand..but then again,some girls don't bleed when they lose their virginity. So sorry d stupid paedophile broke ur hymen as a child.
Pls dear go tell ur husby n y shuld he stop loving u.u tell him wot ur mum tld u n if he doesn't belive u free d matter.Is he also a virgin.Men n der wahala.if he truely loves u he wil understd.
Don't even try to explain to him...just bury the case ...bcs if u tell him he will think u re lying just to cover up...
I wonder what's special abt being a virgin self
--------------LIB prince--------------
--------------LIB prince-------------
--------------LIB prince--------------
Post a Comment