If you read comments on LIB, then you should know the name Maximus. She's been MIA on the blog for a bit because she just had a baby. Now she needs advise from you all on a pressing issue. See her mail below...
Dear LIB readers, I am MAXIMUS ™ I am of mixed parentage (German Nigerian). My husband is mixed as well (Russian Nigerian). My hubby HATES being Nigerian! When people ask him where his ‘Black’ is from, he denies being Nigerian; He claims being African American or West Indies.
When we had our first baby, she was white as hell! She had no single trace of black in her. I was very unhappy while my husband on the other hand, seemed quite happy that God was gradually wiping away all the Naija from his blood line. He kept talking about how his kids will never marry Nigerians ‘cos we have a very bad reputation world over especially in America where we live.
I kept my fingers crossed hoping our second child will have some visible black traits. My hope got dashed few weeks ago when my son was born. My new born, my son, looks nothing like a mixed race kid. I've been so depressed because of this issue. I don't know if it’s the post-natal depression new mum’s suffer or the fact that my husband wants to turn all of us against the other half of our heritage. What scares me most is that my husband isn’t just trying to get rid of the Nigerian blood in his kids, I seriously fear he’s trying to wipe out the BLACK in his blood line – as in he wants his offspring to all be ‘whitey’!!!
Worse off, he doesn't even allow me go to Nigeria anymore. He has forbidden me taking his kids to Nigeria. For me to even venture flying to naija, I have to tell one big fat gigantic lie! That's why I'm always on Nigerian blogs, ‘cos that’s the only way I can enjoy what I'm missing back home.
My father is Nigerian and my mum is German. They've tried to wade into the matter but my husband isn't budging. My older brothers have also tried to dissuade him from this demented mentality, but nothing seems to be working. My family has asked me to give him some time; he’ll eventually grow out of it because he may still be feeling the sting from his Father’s death.
His father passed away 5 years ago and he still feels bruised from this incident because there where strong rumors that his father died from diabolical blah blah blah ‘juju’ sent from his extended family. Although his parents had always lived in the US, it was during one of their trips to naija for Christmas that his popsi fell ill with very strange symptoms, and died few weeks after they returned to the US. Following his father’s death, his father’s family focused less on the death and more on how to cunningly corner some of the man’s assets because his father was very wealthy. This made my husband hate his extended family and hate Nigeria even more!
His mum, who obviously isn't Nigerian, doesn't see any big deal with her son's decisions.
My family’s telling me I should take it easy because we are still quite young. My husband is 30 while I'm still in my 20's. So yes, we are still very young. But I have every reason to start now to worry, right? I love my husband. But I also want my kids to know about their Nigerian culture.
The reason why I decided to ask reader’s for help is because, my situation is a very peculiar one; I don’t know anyone who has had a similar experience within my family and network of friends. That is why I decided to send it in on this blog and see if anyone’s dealt with an issue like this in their family
Pls LIB readers help me because I am seriously going crazy! December is around the corner and me I’ve finished planning in my head how I’ll rock Lagos & PH this Christmas. Lol.
What do I do? How do I handle this?
Worse off, he doesn't even allow me go to Nigeria anymore. He has forbidden me taking his kids to Nigeria. For me to even venture flying to naija, I have to tell one big fat gigantic lie! That's why I'm always on Nigerian blogs, ‘cos that’s the only way I can enjoy what I'm missing back home.
My father is Nigerian and my mum is German. They've tried to wade into the matter but my husband isn't budging. My older brothers have also tried to dissuade him from this demented mentality, but nothing seems to be working. My family has asked me to give him some time; he’ll eventually grow out of it because he may still be feeling the sting from his Father’s death.
His father passed away 5 years ago and he still feels bruised from this incident because there where strong rumors that his father died from diabolical blah blah blah ‘juju’ sent from his extended family. Although his parents had always lived in the US, it was during one of their trips to naija for Christmas that his popsi fell ill with very strange symptoms, and died few weeks after they returned to the US. Following his father’s death, his father’s family focused less on the death and more on how to cunningly corner some of the man’s assets because his father was very wealthy. This made my husband hate his extended family and hate Nigeria even more!
His mum, who obviously isn't Nigerian, doesn't see any big deal with her son's decisions.
My family’s telling me I should take it easy because we are still quite young. My husband is 30 while I'm still in my 20's. So yes, we are still very young. But I have every reason to start now to worry, right? I love my husband. But I also want my kids to know about their Nigerian culture.
The reason why I decided to ask reader’s for help is because, my situation is a very peculiar one; I don’t know anyone who has had a similar experience within my family and network of friends. That is why I decided to send it in on this blog and see if anyone’s dealt with an issue like this in their family
Pls LIB readers help me because I am seriously going crazy! December is around the corner and me I’ve finished planning in my head how I’ll rock Lagos & PH this Christmas. Lol.
What do I do? How do I handle this?
190 comments:
Our dear maxi, we haff missed u die. Congrats on ur new baby. Plsss stuffs like this shouldn't weigh u down. As long as he lets u keep in touch with ur Nigerian friends and family. There's no biggie in rushing back here. With time, he'll understand. Maybe ur kids will help u when they start growing. All the best love....xooxo
hi maximus and big congrats on the birth of ur son....i agree with first comment(anabel)..at least there are naijas in Atl plenty na...so you can attend maybe their shows and etc you dont hv to really defy him or anything..i think he will change his mind later...goodluck
My dear Maximus don't worry OK give your husband some time he will certainly come around. Let your kids know about their Nigerian culture all the time and Congrats to your new baby
That is not big deal,you just have to face your marriage and listen to your husband while you chip in the matter once in a while and don't make it a serious matter . I don't see this as a problem at all so calm down and enjoy the new baby.
My Ex & I are full blooded Nigerians, yet he claims he's Ghanaian.He broke up with me because he wanted mixed-race kidz. Now he's dating a very sassy italian chick. Good riddance to him. Your husband changing his mind completely? I doubt it..U jst gat to find a common ground with him for now..with time he might loosen up a bit if U don't up on your dear Nigeria as well. I am now dating a wonderful Nigerian who loves his country amidst the craziness & corruption.
MzD
What??!!!! But he married you knowing you are half Nigerian!! I'm sorry to day but you're husbands suffers from self hate and is very very foolish..the fact that your mother in law sees nothing wrong with it makes me wisdom why she even married a Nigerian to begin with. Unless they were married and then divorced and he was raised mainly by his mom. But your husband has issues.
And how could you let him be so controlling over you??
Maximus the Gladiator, At 30,your is still very young and can be forgiven for his views about Nigeria.The good thing is that you love him still and the key to changing his views about Nigeria is YOU. Don't give up. A little more persistence, a little more effort, and what seemed hopeless failure may turn to glorious success. There is no failure except in no longer trying. There is no defeat except from within, no really insurmountable barrier save our own inherent weakness of purpose
It's not just about staying alive. Its MORE about FEELING alive in your color. It will be bliss if you make this your passion, for bliss is Happiness.
Good luck Maximus the Gladiator
Alicia, u took the words right outta my mouth....he knew u were half naija right? A rudimentary knowledge of genetics would tell him there's a chance one or more of ur kids may come out dark.... What will he do then, kill you? This ur story sounds a bit contrived...go back to breast feeding, pumping or mixing bottle, and come back when u have a better story.
Give him Roots to read. Such inferiority complex from him.
Maximus!!! Yay! I am sooo happy for you, congrats on Ūя̲̅ baby:)
Ok, back to d issue on ground; u have to be patient with Ūя̲̅ husband. Guys α̲̅я̩̥̊ε̲̣̣̣̥ big on respect. Honour his wishes but tactfully bring up d issue subtly (and jokingly) from time to time. He may concede to a trip or 2, with or without the kids. Eventually.
Don't give up on him & keep d Naija fire burning in Ūя̲̅ kids. One of them may eventually grow to think like him tho. Don't let it break your heart.
-Khad-
@Alicia, Ode ni e. How very constructive of you. What are they asking, what are you saying? Maximus, congrats on your baby. please give him some time as earlier advised and he'll probably loosen up a bit later. the more you make it a big deal, the more adamant he'll be.
insulting her husband was uncalled for @Alicia.
short of words. I'll suggest u take it to God in prayers. He'll listen to u and help u. And u also have to calm down, take good care or ur kids. its a gradual process.
Maximus I've missed u so dearly, kept wondering what happened to you, congrats on the birth of ur son...really miss ur cooments.
Like others hv said u don't need to worry urself on such inconsequential issues, just focus on how to raise ur newborn cos that alone is a full time job that needs a lot of ur attention.
Alicia.......sumtyms i wonder if you deliberately set out to be controversial cos most tyms u can be a knucklehead. You dint have to say he is foolish and y question his control over her? (He is her husband afterall....Moreso if you are a lady (i beg to differ doh),wuld u let sumin' as trivial as heritage cause friction in your marriage?.....Dear maximus,it aint a must u come home for xmas.....Afterall,home z where the heart is *winks*
Lady, your story doesn't make sense. Your hubby grew up in Yankee, trust me he does not believe in juju like those of us that grew up in naija.Mixed kids are always black, they may look white to you if you live in naija but there is ususlly no confusion about your race in oyinbo land/ ask obama. I can go on and one putting holes in your story. Good story though
DON'T INSULT HER OR HER HUSBAND.... JUST GIVE SENSIBLE ADVICE.IT TOOK A LOT FOR HER TO ASK FOR ADVICE DON'T BE CONDESCENDING. ALICIA 2.17am take note and bridle your tongue and speak with some kind of dignity required of a LADY.
Maxi, time heals all wounds so it will get better with time... He will come around just keep up with teaching the kids their Nigerian side when they grow up they will decide on their own what they want to do.
Maximussss...congrats.I am your fan.Well just listen to your husband for now.Maybe with time he would listen.
I wonder what is going to happen to the child that turns out black.He might really hate that one.
You shld put everythingin God's hand. Don't be too pushy on this issue either. You are the mother, so raise your kids to know where they are from. Make sure you speak the local dialect to them be it Ibo, Yoruba or whatever you speak. See, they will learn English in school.
Where do live in the states? You can try mix up with some Nigerians that live there too.
Most important, put your worries in God's hands let Him take care of you. You may also go for counseling ...stay blessed.
Pls visit my blog... http://grovespot.blogspot.com/
Hey Maximus,its bn a while. Congrats ta ya on ya new baby. To d issue, I think ders evry reasn 2 worry jst as u'v done. Its gud 2 listen to n respect ya man buh wen it gets 2 issues such as ds,u need 2 b veri kful. Play d 1st role of always in4ming d children of dia Nigerian lineage. Mayb u kud also talk cnfidentli 2 a psychologist 2 talk ya hubby outta his present mindset;mayb d@ kud work d magic.
On d oda side though,I think its his Russian blood d@s causing all ds....dey are pure racists(with respect 2 yu)!
#Big Boi says so#
I see where ur husband is comin from....that's y some people don't go 2 their villages too...but there are a lot of nigerians in yankee....go for all Dem shows n all
The Fashion Engineer
@Alicia: Senseless! Ure obviously not the right person to come to for advice.......and what rubbish did u jst say up there sef?
This shouldn't be an issue...family comes before a county! You can have all the fun you want with the Nigerians over there! Someday your children might help u out when they are old enough
Hmmm dis cud b hard Oº° ,it cud get harder if u ever giv birth 2 a black kid, ur husband myt b hating on such kid n like odas more.. Find a common ground wid im,cus e myt nt cum around any tym soon.. Mk sure u dnt disobey him tho,try n respect his wishes 4 few more years,since ur stil in ur eary 20s. And pray abt it..thrs nufin prayer cannot do.. Best of luck dear.. And btw,congrats on ur newest issue..
So u mean with all his black american mentality,he still believes in juju?he had better allowed my maxi to go rock in lasgidi oh.
@Alicia 1st of all she asked for advice nt condemination nor insults on her hubby nor MIL. Yikes pple grow up.
@Maxi congratz dear on ur baby boy. Give ur hubby also put it in prayer asking God to help him mourn his dad and just teach ur kids a little of their heritage and since u live in the US attended some Nigerian parties once in a while it might also help.
Don't blame ur hubby for hating the diabolical aspect cos this world is indeed diabolical sm pple believe while, some dnt.
Pls be patient, pray and hope for the best dear.
you love your country....he has disowned it...that is a big issue.
Both of you have to find common ground and he has to understand that if you need to be in nigeria then u need to BE THERE!!
ANOTHER THING...i hope u grow ur child to know his heritage coz even though he LOOKS white...he still has Nigerian in him...n you both should grow him to be PROUD of that fact.
every country has good and bad...
Congrats Maximus, u still have plenty of time to come rock lag and ph nah. U dont have to bring ur kids to naija before they learn about their naija heritage. U can teach or tell them what u know. Dont press ur hubby too much about the issue either , he ll eventually come around. He is obviously still mad at the experience with relatives during his daddys demise. Even full blooded nigerians who live here sometimes vow never to go back to their village........
Shut up Alicia! She asked for advice not criticsms...wot's ur own sef? Make she disobey her hubby bcos of Naija? My dear Maximus...pray for divine intervention from God to change his mind...meanwhile enjoy ur marriage and ur babies. Cheers dear!
Dear Maximus, congrats again. Bt could you please ignore the comment of reader 2.17am. Obviously she doesn't know what controlling means. Just take it in your stride. He may never come around completely bt u can still be involved in Naija activities. Also,always tell your children abt Naija, go to our parties, visit blogs and keep in touch with ur friends in naija. Also,I also think cuz there is a 'ban' on naija for u,that's what makes u miss her so much or find her so appealing. Cuz seriously,there is nothing much back home. Just sad news and corruption. Naija is nt worth losing your marriage over ,girl.
A lesson to extended family @ large,stop being wicked to folks.
Home breaker, mind your own marriage that's if you have one....
Dear Maximun, only TIME can heal this problem of yours. In your husband's life journey, he will @ some point see A REASON to....
Temple
@alicia,u r just a sad okporoko,cant u just drop a comment without being foolish?? Everybody here said something and still gave a reasonable advice.but you came with ur fish smelling mouth to abuse maximus's husband...this girl sha,i can paint a picture of the sad life you are living! Try and be happy and have one or two goodwords 4 pple and that way u will stop being sad!why are u this sad sef?
Alicia take it easy.Maximus needs our candid advice.Maxi jare congrats on the birth of ur son.Your husband will definitely see reasons with u someday.
To all other commenters especially one of the last ones above - i think you should choose your words wisely on issues like this.
You really do not want to be the reason for any breakup in a marriage okay?
My two cents - your husband has his reason for being this way and i think no man would have gone through what you said he did and be the same. Try to talk with him as your husband and see where he stands from and try to find a common ground from which you can support him and help him heal from his pains.
At the end of the day; he is the head of the home and would only take decisions he sees as right to protect his family so if he says nay - then nay it is.
Nigeria is not really just on the outside and on the rocking of lagos and ph. Being a Nigerian is on the inside and it cannot be changed - you carry it everywhere and as long as that blood flows through your children; trust me the naijaness in them cannot be killed it would burst out like a riot.
Stay on naija blogs and try to hang out with Nigerians where you are - i doubt there is anywhere in the world without a whole bunch of funny ass and lively Nigerians...
Look just dnt rush into anything yet! Try and make Nigerian friends there!
My dear,dnt listen to a word from "madam alice" mouth,just focus on your marriage,as ur children grow let them knw they are mixed n not full whitey tell them stories abt nigeria that will want them to come n see things 4 demselves,ur husband won't have a choice when that time comes.Dnt fight ur husband bcs of dis,if u fight him and u end up divorcing him its gurls like alice that will marry him n and stay put in america and let the husband control r 101% .keep ur home
Allow him b mayb he's seeing sumtin u nt seeing..dts hw my mum begged my dad 2 forgive his family ,d week he forgave dem n went home he got ill and died...am sure u dnt wnt 2 b a widow.
Just a simple question... What if you go to Nigeria with your kids this xmas, then God forbid something happens to one of them? Even if it is something that is not your fault?
It isn't your husband's fault, he is a man living with an issue. He can't help thinking and acting that way.
Inviting people to talk to him won't help matters either. Because at this point he is very angry with his Nigerian roots. That he is right or wrong isn't the issue here.
My dear, your 'baby' needs your understanding at this moment.
If you fight him at this moment because of this issue, he ll think you are taking sides with the 'enemy'
Let him be.
Make him know you understand.
Stop condemning his position on the issue.
For maximum effect, pretend to hate your Nigerianess as much as he does.
Stop the attack mode, make him believe you understand him now.
Guess what, after a while he will mellow down and listen to your reasons.
Your husband ll only shift ground when you understand him.
Get over yourself Alicia, she didn't ask for your recriminations, she asked for advice, if you have none to give, stfu!
Maxiii! Latest Mama na boy, congrats. This one pass me oo. Me thinks, you can't force this issue, the best bet is to introduce your 'Nigerianess' bit by bit. Probably hang out with half-Nigerians/non-Nigerians that have been here and love it, find a way to direct your discussions to Nigeria. Buy a couple of Nigerian lit, treat yourself to Nigerian delicacy, discuss stuff about Nigeria in the news/blogs (the good ones oo and sometimes the bad). The idea is to get him to feel less irritated by anything Nigeria, little by little, he will get comfortable. Watch Nigerian comedy (those funny ones on Youtube) around him. After a while, he won't be so touchy about it but travelling all the way is definitely going to take a looooooonnng time. He has to get over all that paranoia, cuz trust me, he is scared plenty.
Alicia, why don't you be in d man's shoe,before you know where is pitches. You think Naija leaves good expereince in mind of people that comes once in a while? & its getting worse. Pls MIA, kindly heed your husband's word. If u come by force & somethg goes wrong, you're on ur own. Pls just enjoy ur family, u can take vacation to better places. Naija is not safe at all now & its getting worse. Each time I hit d street everyday & make it back home safely,its always a great day. Life is not valued here,thugs can kill cos of ordinary phone. Abeg enjoy ur US.
First off,congrats on ur safe delivery Hun.
Here goes.....
4 ur marriage 2 work,u need 2 understand that ur decisions are no more urs to make entirely.
I'm not saying u should let him ride u like a donkey...no,far from it. But 2 show respect 2 him (which makes a man feel awesome.... 1 special ingredient 4 ur marriage 2 work) u need 2 let him knw his opinion abt ur decisions matter n u consider em (well,d reasonable opinions).
Just put urself in his shoes somtyms n feel what he's feelin.....it helps 2 understand.
4 this case however,I doubt he'll change his mind abt his hate 4 Nig since it even began b4 d loss of his father.
4 nw,cool ur agitation. Ur hormones r def makin ur fears feel way outta proportion..... (It is a genuine reason 2 b scared tho)
Chill a bit,let dis moment pass so u won't make rash decisions cos of ur ragin hormones.
Wen u think u r more level headed,subtly make him understand that u don't intend 2 let go of ur Nigerian side and intend 2 introduce ur kids 2 it and in d future, if they choose 2 affiliate with this Nigerian side,he has 2 accept it cos that's what they want.
Even as a couple,u'l av individual interests and whether d other party likes it or not,those interests shd b respected. That's what tolerance and compromise is abt. That's 4 him 2 understand.
U shd also b able 2 make certain compromises e.g cancelin ur trip 2 9ja dis year. Just use dis tym 2 care 4 ur lil 1 n persuade him (lovingly) 2 respect ur love n commitment 2 ur Nigerian side. After u achieve this feat,u can begin 2 convince him dat derz more 2 9ja than evil.
Gdluck dear I hope my 2cents is worth it.
M'unique
Wondering if Alicia is Married oooooooo.....wat does she mean by "how could u let him control you" I Smh.....
Your husband is not alone!
i am Nigerian but i hate being Nigerian-
bought another passport and always clam to be from Grenada.
There is so much to be ashamed of in being Nigerian!
Its just unfair to anyone to have their half blood as Nigerians.
There are a 100 reasons why no one should be Nigerian and i can tell you that i don't associate with Nigerians or want to even marry a Nigerian!
Stupid nation with useless leaders!
Your husband is right!
Congrat maxi, just calm down. Your hubby will come to his senses with time. As for your kids, i can assure you that they will be the one asking for their root when the time comes.
Hey maximus, congrats on the birth of ur baby. no wonder u've been so silent. on the issue at hand, do not worry ur head, he will come around. just give him time, do not pressure him so it does'nt become a major issue and he becomes totally adamant. for the main time, try to teach ur kids ur dialect if u can speak; gist ur hubby about any positive news about Nigeria u come across. Gradually, things will come around. Rest ur head sweets.
love to ur kids!
I suggest you take the matter to God on your knees. Marital problems are best solved through Jesus. A praying wife is a helpmeet and actually directs the direction a home takes. he never fails and I can tell you wih time and prayers God will break the ice!
Congrat on your new born.. I think for now,u should calm your self down so that your depression doesn't affect your baby... As for your husband,maybe you both should go for counselling cos I know where u are coming from,no matter what,u need to visit home once in a while and your kids needs to know where they really from so that when you guys are no more around,they will know there roots incase of any problem.. And u need to pray about it cos such matters can cost bigger problems in a home
Alicia calm down, she asked for an advice on an issue not on her marriage, y wld u insult her husband? thats quite low of u...look in the mirror and see who is foolish!! open ur mouth there and be yarning controlling...wait till u get married....mssh...
MAximus darling congrats on ur newborn...Enjoy him cos u knw they grow sooo fast boys love breastmilk o.....get ready lol.
On this issue, fret now, just give him some time - makesure ur kids mix with nigerians there...Loads of Nigerian churches u can attend and rekindle the old nigerian friends u have. U cant blame him, all sorts of rubbish happens in this country so allow him with time he'll come round.
Have a great day!
Ife
Please I really don't kno what part of d world ur husband is from, he shd bear it in mind that though he is disowning Nigeria, his other country which is russia would not even accept him and am sure there is racial discrimination against him in that country, he should better come to terms that he is more Nigerian than russian, the sooner he realises it the better, after all if he was born full black he would not think like that, all the best in ur married life
Congrats on ur new baby Maximus! We've missed u! Give ur husband tym, n hope he has a change of heart. It is well dear.
@ Alicia 2:17 AM
Just shut your trap there. You're looking for a way to break other people's marriage cos u don't have one abi? Maximus said "husband" NOT "boyfriend"! so why d hell won't he control his wife?! You idiot! grow d fuck up!
Alicia I'm guessing you're not married. Its people like you who get married, put their heads on the floor and tell their husbands "Step on this head all you want my Lord and my all". Nonsense. Talking about "and how could you let him be so controlling over you" KMT! Maximus, congratulations babe. I doubt that your hubby is ever gonna change. Keep doing what you're doing. Visit Nigerian blogs, visit Nigeria when you can, and tell your kids about Nigeria. Trust me, you can make your kids love and remember their Nigerian heritage without their dad's input. My dad is Yoruba and my mom Igbo. I speak better Igbo than Yoruba because of my mom. Kids naturally spend more time with their mom and are raised the way their mom wants them to be raised. Good luck babe.
@Alicia, u don't have to call her husband 'foolish' cos its totally uncalled for. Maximus, congrats on ur new bundle of joy. u just have to take it easy and find a common ground. make it a point of duty to imbibe Nugerian culture in ur kids. make them understand n know their roots. just give him time n bring the matter up once in a while but in a subtle way. all d best hun.
Alicia easy with ur words,dis is someones husband we are talking about here.I even think u are jealous sef,Maximus dahling give ur hubby time and he will turn around,even if he doesn't, educate ur kids on the Nigerian part of their heritage and dats it.enjoy ur marriage,congrats on ur new baby.
Your husband must have been close to / loved his dad very much. If so his dislike for Nigeria is understandable. He only needs to meet a few good Nigerians to change his minds. The truth is that we have a bad reputation but there are definitely good Nigerians out there.
My husband had a deep hatred for Nigeria when I met him and I realised it was 'cos he suffered so much when he was there. His feelings were attached to his experience growing up.
As long as you want your kids to recognise their Naija heritage I think they will. Your husband will come around some day.
First, I used to post under one of the many "Anonymous-es", but I'm unveiling now. Hehehe.
Second, congrats Maximus, on the birth of your son. I so feel you on this matter. I'm married to a Nigerian-Nigerian man, raised for some time in his village but has suddenly grown up with U.S in his mind as his country of origin. He keeps saying his kids will have American citizenship, bla bla bla. But you know what? I don't argue with him. You're the mom, you have the greatest influence over your children (as you can see with his mom). As you raise them, make sure they know about their Nigerian root and leave the rest. They will influence their dad soon enough.
I have a friend who just returned from studying abroad. She's spent like 8yrs over there but her heart is at home in Naija and she's back now for good.
Leave your Christmas Naija jiving for now, your time will come soon enough. Plus, your hubby should that 'jazz' isn't only limited to visiting or living in Naija. His relatives already know him, he can't erase that from their minds. He should just focus on his God as his protection and not trying to erase the 'black' in his blood, cuz he can't. His grandchildren will still carry that blood.
Goodluck sis!
Dear max.he is ur husband and u have to ‘ reason with him and only pray he comes around.I can't blame him for his reaction.I am nigerian but understand he is acting this way due to what has hapened in the past.focus on ur family and with tym itl be just fine
Maximus pls thank God for your life and don't go against ur husband's wishes. Just give him a few years and when he sees going to nigeria will make u happy then he might allow u to go without his kids of course. I'm also mixed race and wanted to marry either a white or mixed race guy but ended up having a baby for a guy with the worst self esteem issues I've ever seen. He's yoruba and says bcos I don't kneel down to greet him I'm very disrespectful. I have just a son for him and I'm seriously thinking of leaving him but my only issue is my kids might have diff surnames which I don't want. I'm also confused but pls coming to nigeria isn't a biggie ok. Just love ur family
Divorce. Do it in Germany so he has to pay child support. His ideas are dangerous to your children's mental health. He'll raise little racists.
Congrats Maxi darling. Please enjoy the baby and relax. Don't let this matter depress you.
Your husband has chosen his path and I doubt if he will ever change his opinions completely, especially because of the circumstances sorrounding his Dad's death. But give him time, he might come around a bit and relax his "no going to Nigeria" rule. In the mean time, don't be confrontational about it. If you are close to your Naija cousins, get invites to Naija parties and talk to your husband about how you'd like to attend some of your extended family functions. If you keep asking nicely, he might budge. My mixed parentage cousin just started coming to Naija at 40 after running away for 20 years. He's always begging that we invite him for functions now.
You spend more time with your kids. Tell them stories about Naija, show them pictures, listen and dance to local songs with them,speak your language to them, call them their local pet names etc. At the end of the day, you can only try. They also have to choose their paths.
ONOME says.....
A big congrats on ur baby son,woohoooo!!!
You need to understand where hubby dear is coming from with this issue.He lost his father,not an uncle or a friend,his own daddy in "mysterious circumstances".So give him time.Give him time to heal.He just needs time.Try to understand and be patient.And yes your children will still know Naija,ok?Stop fretting:)
I'm highly disappointed @ ur comment abt sum1's husband u shud av tried 2 respect her feelins n nt insult her husband no matter wat he is still her husband!!! I rili want 2 believe u r nt yet married buh if u r den I shake my head 4 u!
Max baby congrats on your baby the lord provide all your needs . But wait didn't you guys court ? For a while , you should have had an idea , mine is catholic , and am Yoruba from day one when we were planning the wedding he yaried ( refused ) for us to have it in my Anglican church ooooh girl when I was doing shakara and time was going I dumped Anglican and went to catholic ( who Sabi if winch no wan make I marry ) and since na catholic though I am still trying to understand them after 13 years of marriage .
My dear be wise do not disturb yourself over this prayerfully as the Nation gets better ( keeping it crossed one day one day ) he will change his mind .
He will come across good Nigerians , but enjoy your marriage ,no bi woman,gay ,money matter why you no thank God.
Alicia sincerly u r extremly dumb, she brought her problem so we can advice nt insult her husband beside who wouldn't hate nigeria did u read how his Dad died n we dnt knw d kinda relationship he had wit his Dad, Congrats Maxi on ur new baby just give him time he will getova d hate trust, u aren't d only person wit such problem, dip down he doesn't hate nigeria cos he married u. Just enjoy ur marriage b time heals all wounds abeg dnt be too in a hurry 2 cum here abeg just yestday I escaped d robbery in Aguda it was like film show I swear.
Alicia can you please shut up with your useless comments , you have started with your very fake self , ode omo , omo jatijati am sure you are just wishing it was you ,oniranu .
Dear maximus, i don't think you should worry, cos children will grow, questions will be asked, one thing i know about children is that the more you evade the more they want to know. So in time things will fall into place. . .and as for your children being"full whites" i've always wondered what two hal-castes would produce(ur recessive genes are coming to fore i guess). so no worries.
You are not happy because some you love is very keen on disconnecting you from your roots; it appears to your husband that he has a very strong conviction that Nigeria and Nigerians are not good and possibly evil. The truth is that your husband has hidden fears and known hatred. The problem is in his mind and psyche and is deep seated, you can only pray about it and hope that God would touch his heart with time but you have to pray and fast and be very patient. You have given birth to two beautiful children, what they are inside of them is more important than what they look like. What we look like is a genetic lottery of genes of which we have no power, hence, don't transfer your feelings about the fact that your children are white to them negatively but cultivate their character and give them the coaching of a true, genuine, Godly mother and pray for them continually, people are judged by the contents of their character and not what they look like. It is simply a psychological problem to say that one race is better or superior to the other. No one is inferior or superior to anyone; it is the state and quality of the mind that influences the persons being.
Dear Maximus we've missed u loadz, I guess u went off for some time coz of ur childbirth.
To ur peculiar situation, my dear ur husband is suffering from what we call whiteman in black skin syndrome. His case is not peculiar,for there are many other people who wished they can change what God has already ordained. But I feel very impressed with ur undying spirit if appreciating and affiliating with ur root. Imma only assert my opinion based on the happiness and love u both share coz in every marriage,every decision ought to emanate from dat. Dear since u both are lovely and happy couples,there's no need overhitting d polity,since ur both share tottally divergent views as it pertains dis issue, u can only persuade him to see reasons with u,for d sake of ur happy marriage and don't try to act Mandela or Steven Bicko.~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310.
Maximus, I have really missed u. Congrats on the birth of ur baby. Dis is a very serious issue. You can't get him to agree by force. You will have to keep prayin that God touches his heart so that he can atleast allow you to come home once in a while. I pray God sees you thru cos no be small thing. Goodluck dear.
jollythought.blogspot.com
Hi Maximus,
I beg to disagree with Alicia's comment, this is not an issue of your husband controlling you, if you claim to love Naija that much, you will understand that the husband's decision is key in any marriage as he is the head of the family.
You rightly acknowledged the fact that his attitude is based on his experience with his father's death, that is a very sensitive issue and it will take a while and the grace of God to forget such experiences. I advise you don't put too much pressure on him; enjoy your life over there in any way you can, meet naija friends, go to their parties, continue being in touch online and teach your kids to understand their heritage. With time, your husband will come around, just keep being by his side and always paint a positive picture of Nigeria when you guys get to talk about it.
So help you God
honestly Maximus,i dnt blame ur husband one bit.D truth is Naija is a God forsaking country.too many sad happenings everywhere.infact,jst now i read abt a robbery attck in lago where d robbers shot sporadically and killed a lot of ppl yet they werent caught.Nigeria is a very CRAZY country.pls respect ur husband's mindset.
Congrats on your baby...Maxzi My advice give your hubby time. His hurt no doubt. But hey!! as long as you can teach your kids their mixed heritage no issues: teach them how to eat eba, Gbanga soup:) Teach them some way of greeting, Dress them in stylish African outfit.. You be fine!!
Please keep your marriage intact. That's critical.
Why would anyone pretend to be a Ghanian, cant stand their(Ghanians) pure hatred and fakeness towards Nigerians. My advice show him round good inspiring Nigerians where u live and in time he'll come round. First time commenting, that Ghanian comment got to me so i had to, Peace. God bless 9ja.
This Alicia girl has issues o!abi smone help me break it down to this bitter person!don't u ever have nice things to say?How wld u call him foolish and controlling...u need serious help...Linda pls don't let 'sm pple' destroy ur blog o!block them out completely!!!!!!nonsense!!!
@Maximus so happy for you dear on the arrival of d new baby.thank God for safe delivery.
back to your matter,its a small thing,i still believe he will change,we can only pray that good things start happening in Nigeria so d news can change his mindset.i honestly knw how he feels,i have a friend that is going through dis same problem,they are in the U.K the husband has allowed her to come to naija every december not with any of the kids though.with time,yours will start withdrawing too.take it easy darlyn and focus on the new baby*hugs*God help you.Let us know if you come to Naija dis december and include Abuja in your rock cities,i am inviting you*wink*
U dont need to resort to name-calling. U could have conveyed your sentiments in less colourful language.
Maximus, congrats on ur new bundle of joy!! Dont focus too much on his colour, the most important thing is the content of his character. You can also bring up your kids to have a great interest and consciousness in their black roots, which they can appreciate regardless of skin tone.
Regarding ur husband, i would say you should nor defy him. Give it time. Let his wounds heal. He just may eventually come around. And pray about it too. All the best, dear!
Ok Maxi, the damage is already done- you married this man knowing full well that he does not appreciate his Nigerian heritage yet you still married him. Unfortunately, leopards don't change their spots and it is highly unlikely your husband will. Personally, if I were you, I would stand up firmly and tell him to either get lost or the get his act straight and face reality. Sure, Nigeria has a bad reputation but it is also worth pointing out to your husband that Russia has a bad reputation as well. If white people were that great, then why didn't he marry a white woman??? Only goes to show what your husband really is- a man who lacks confidence and hates himself as well. So you need to tell him to get help to work on his self-esteem
Lol....look @ dis Rubbish..Alicia oooh Marriage spoiler Oshi..callin sumelse hubby foolish..u can't blame d man..Dear jaree listen to d advice of other..wish is wif time ur husband will loose out on his tight Decision....No mind dis one oooh Single brat..Alicia ko Aluta ni..take backseat jooor
@ alicia did u read d part she said they r both young couple and he is still grieving,he wl def get over it....
alicia dear take it easy..dis is a sensitive issue so we need to suggest ways 2 ease tension not aggravate it ..i dot think he is trying to control her
And Linda if u like no publish ma Comment oooh hen hen...Na me rubbish Aluta abi wetin she call her sef nw nw....hen hen Na backseat I say make she take b4 I tell yuh make u first class for ya bahday...Hbd in advance Dearie..
Oh! Oh! I wonder aloud o
So sorry dear Maximus,
the truth is there are guys who are even full black that act the same way, I think it's a matter of personal preference.
The good thing, is that you guys live in the states where it is ridiculous for him to Lord his opinions and preferences over you.
Whenever he shares his demeaning opinions, speak up for yourself and be VERY CLEAR on where u stand. Don't exchange words, or resort to cheap digs at him. Just share with clarity and confidence what endears you to your blackness, and who knows, with time it might catch on...
dear maximus,
how long did u court him before marrying him? didnt he show his hatred for Nigeria before u both walked down to the alter? is it something he hid from you till after marriage or have u always known about it but told u could keep up with it?
well my dear, if u knew about it before now, all i can say is you have to keep up with it, he is the head of the family and i dnt think it is advisable for you to be at loggerheads with him or else things might get ugly.
just calm down a bit, and put it in your prayers every morning. there is nothing prayers cannot do. and pls dont constantly talk about this issue. once in a while bring it up stylishly especially when he is in a good mood, and always tell your children when they are of age about nigeria,so that they would have it at the back of their minds where their root is from. please take your mind off this issue for a while cos u might give yourself health problems in the process. payer is the key to any lock.takia
p/s: ve always tot u to be a guy cos dat name sounds a bit masculine..lol!!!
Hi Maxi.....see eh,think well oo! bcos many girls are looking for opprotunity to live outside dis Naija's hassles & moreover ur hubby doesn't want to come back to d country where his dad was murdered (to say)& maybe he can't stand d sight of wicked uncles in Naija etc & bible said a man's enemies are d members of his own house. so remove d thot of coming to Naija 4now & give it like 4 or 5yrs b4 u mention it 2ur hubby. again.
I love Maximus and we haff missed u oooo pls come back dis aint an issue dear not to worry relax everything will be fine
Why do I get the feeling this Maximus is telling her fantasy story? I'm seeing some obvious holes in this gist. But if you're for real, I'd say leave the man to do his thing until our citizens stop giving us a bad name. With all that has been going on in this country, who will blame him though.
Ahh Alicia. na wa o. what are you saying? her hubby controling her? she respects his feelings thats all, i dont see any control here. please dont put ideas in her head. my dear Maxi, i totally agree with the other comments.
Be patient and dont make it sound like an issue, tell your kids what you can over there, mention the need to come over once in a while and watch your hubby come around. I believe he will. He's just feeling hurt thats all and its completely normal. Pray about it too. Very important.
Give the issue sometime and focus on your marriage and kids, not xams in lag and ph. Share your mind and views with your hubby gradually, I believe this is something you work on over time, not immediately
i Maximus, there is nothing prayer canot solve. God can change anyone's mind....
Am sowi to say buh ur really stupid beta go and give ur self brain..... Mumu is dat how u advice someone *y is ur husbnd so controlling*stupid thn
@Aalicia she asked for advice o
U should have married a pure blood then.... But who is to say that one won't deny his heritage.. U do know most people avoid nigeria during christmas right? That's like a death trap.... Well not all.. He is just traumatized I guess .. Maybe give him time.. Although with all the recent badnews from nigeria, I advise u stay FAR away from it :D
And THIS is your problem?!?!? Problem pass problem o!!
Dear Alicia,
I'v really been monitoring your comments on LIB, & I must say that you think with one side of your brain. To start with, must you have to insult her husband for you to make your point. Secondly, didn't you see where she wrote that he feels that their father was killed diabolically here in Nigeria & that is enough reason to set one into emotional trauma against his culture. All you need to advise her is for her to wish & pray for her husband to turn around and that's all...
Is dis ow to advice sme1??? U dnt av sense...go n sit down smewhere
@alicia..u be demon..she asked for advice..why are u compounding the issue..MAXI..its quite simple though.there are Nigerians everywhere so please stay where u are enjoy the little naija culture you can share out there and give it time..Your husband will come around.Don't be hasty.
Dear maximum,i dnt see any big deal about that,just listen 2 your husband cos he might have his reasons for that.unless u wnt wetin kill ur husband papa to kill your children.moreover his family ppl might be bad,anya ukwu full evrywer oo especially this december,so just relax.*myopinionshaa*
Joy saysssssss
Alicia c'mon now be sensible. He has legitimate reasons to hate whatever he hates if he had a bad experience. No need to insult anyone.
Maximus, I would say take it easy. To be honest, you have no issues. As someone dating a non-Nigerian, I have seen and heard worse. Just obey your husband cos that way better than having serious marital issues which you could otherwise face if he realises you have been disobedient.
Hi buddy, I advice you just give it time. He's just bitter and there's nothing wrong in being bitter..Lying and going against your hubbies decision is not right as well. Most importantly your husband loves and respects you and he loves his kids if on the contrary he's detesting the toddler that looks 9ja then you can start asking for more help. But I'm sure you'll be fine likewise your family. Alotta artist would be flying in from 9ja this xmas too for concerts and shows so you won't be missing much over here.. Home is home I know how you feel but most importantly you need to keep your home(family) in unity. *Be prayerful.
Maxy; i think anabel(1st to comment) is wise as solomon. She has said it all and i vehemently agreed with her. Take care and congrats for d new born. From OPERON Mobile
Hi maximus. I'll b praying 4 u, God make me remember. :* I love Nigeria but I'm so scared sometimes cos of what I see happening all over.
@ alicia,it hasn't come 2 dat na. i tink d man is still hurt ova his dad's death. max dear, jst pray n hope he comes around as i knw he will.
Dear Maximus,
I understand your husband but just exercise patience with him. If you guys decide to have one more child, that child could be BLACK and what will your husband then do? Disown the child?
Let your children know about their heritage; one day when they're matured enough they will want to know the origin of the blackness in both your skins.
If one of them in the future decides to settle in Nigeria, what will your husband do? I'm afraid the very thing your hubby is trying to prevent may eventually boomerang in his face.
Don't let it weigh you down; enjoy the arrival of your baby and take your children to Nigerian events and gatherings where you reside.
Zinnia
Pls don't talk like that.You don't ve to call the er husband foolish cos she wants advice from people.You don't disrespect another woman's husband like that.The man has his reason for having that train of thought.Ill just advice her to relax and with time he will change his Opinion.
Sweetie,don't worry.It will all be fine. With time,your husband will simmer down. Home is where you make it. Create your own little 9ja around you. Introduce your kids to 9ja food in time. Anytime sometime positive happens in 9ja,make ur husband aware of it so he sees the good(no matter how little) in 9ja. Nigerians are everywhere. Mix up with the positive ones. These things have a way of working themselves out,so don't fret and congrats on the baby.
the ones looking for how to take ur hubby are given negative advice
Hi maximum...from wat I read in your story,your husband is so Nigerian cos if the " white" blood flows in him,he won't have so much hatred for his fathers country cos the supposed white people aren't that difficult or myopic in their thinking,I can't call him racist cos he a black blood in him n it's most Nigerian/ African men thats always bent on wanting their kids to stay abroad...he might not want to be associated with Nigerians or Nigeria as a whole but he definitely has a typical nigerian mans thinking..he's mixed race but from a Nigerian father,he shld start dealing with it...
alicia is jst lookin 4cheap publicity... Dts how overage ladies do.... @maximus tak d first comment..
Let all commenters realise that this woman loves her husband and did not ask you to disrespect him. If you are an immatured mind, you cant respond to this.
Maxim honey, you have to be wise. The bible says that wisdom is profitable to all things. You cant change your husband mind honey. Only God can. He cant change your mid as well from the look of things. But the bible says in proverbs 14:1 that a foolish woman plucketh down her own house. Dont be foolish. Ill tell you the truth. -Start accepting that you might never come back to Nigeria, it will help you accept things more.
-Stop fighting your husband in a bid to change his mind, you end up saying hurtful words that might be difficult to forgive and strain your marriage. All for what? Nigeria?
-Start praying about it and put your husband's mind in he hands of God.
However, I would be scared to come back to Naija knowing my father in law just got inked by the fetish pple here. And there is a battle going on with properties and stuff. If ur husband comes, are you ready to loose him? and be a single mom. Please weigh all this things. Even if u guys come to baija, please no show face for village o.hmmmmmmmm. My younger brother is blind, my father was killed and my sisters ....just be wise honey and pray. Its not about naija.
What makes anywhere fun is the presence of the people you love.
Be wise dear
- olah
Please don't be scared to come to The Land of Your Birth. As long as you have loved ones who are living okay here, you shouldn't be scared of coming to check on time.
My brother who reside outside the country is so looking forward to come visiting later in the year and he has prospects of settling here in the nearest future irrespective of the negative reports he reads about his homeland.
Zinnia
Congrats Maxi, God b with the family. Sorry about ur concerns but d fact is even a lot of black nigerians hate nigeria. And I mean all walks of life, from the politicians and bankers that pocket heavy cash to buy houses and build up foreign accouts, to d average Joe blog that wants to run away to yankee and d Jane who forms fake accent. I don't blame them or ur hubby cos d nation n we as a people have failed ourselves, especially someone with good a good heart and integrity will hurt and want to cut off. But it doesn't make it right. But as d Bible says d man is d head of d house, all u can do is to speak ur local language to ur kids, let them mingle with Godly nigerians with integrity, tell them good tales about us and make sure they don't forget d naija in them God bless u. W
Hi Maximus
dont worry about your son's colour just yet, I and my husband are black Nigerians and we gave birth to a very light skinned boy. At the hospital, you could not tell that he was born by two brown skinned people but as the months passed, he got darker.
I also have lots of friends with mixed children, many of them begin to get darker after the age of 1. infact, you will be surprised at the big changes that can happen..
give your husband time and show him the positive sides of Nigeria. he may not have been exposed to enough positivity about us as a county and as a people.
Good luck girl
xoxo
Maximus, welcome back, big congratulations on the baby. Keep trying to lovingly persuade him while being prayerful, also continue teaching your kids about their 4 rich heritage / culture. Now, may we change your name to Minimus?.....
Odera
hi sweet Maxi,i think u shld jst take things slow n easy on ur hubby,i feel he's stil hurting ova wat happened 2 his dad,pls jst let ur kids knw aw intresting n rich our culture is,n u wil see d difference wit time....u jst kip in touch wiv us here,n wiv oda 9jas there n u wil start feeling @ om,nw u takia or urself *smile*
Maxi love, we have missed you o. But you know what, you need to try to be less worried cuz your feelings affect your baby. Your hubby is grieving and is finding it difficult to channel his anger and grief properly, that's all. You said it yourself, he's young. Us young people handle things differently. He didn't take it out on his father's family, he's taking it out on the black race. One day, he'll come to just accept himself and the black in him. But you have to be veeeeeeerrrryyyyyy patient.
And starting from today enh, I choose to start ignoring Alicia's comments. Before I was like "well, someone is allowed to have a differnt opinion" but now I wonder if she is full of hate and venom!
LMAO @Truthhurts, mys sister, problem pass problem true true o. LOL. Maybe make us too write our own nau, abi? LOL
Thanks for telling this bitch Alicia where to stick her ass. She's such a hater and doesn't see anything good in anyone. Bloody little child with a pea brain. Oloriburuku oloshi. Congrats Maximus. Pray hard.
Please when is this failed entity of a country called Nigeria going to breakup/disintegrate? so as to save us over here this shame and disrespect.With the discoveries of oil here and there in the east,the breaking up should even be faster so that the Mallams and the Boko boys will go and be eating sand for breakfast and bombs for dinner.
professor X ..i couldn't have put it better......mature women that are dateless are very dangerous people to ask for advice..hehehehe
your solution to all marital issues seems to be 'divorce'. Same thing u said on bellanaija. You seem to know all the divorce laws around the world. Have you ever been divorced? Because I do not understand how divorce can be the answer to maximus' problem. I wonder why you always sound so bitter. Mschew!
Hello dear,
I understand where your coming from, I have experienced same with my brother in law because we all stay in the uk. The secret to this is trying to make your husband understand that if the whole world rejects him his people would not, he can feel more at home in nigeria than in america or Russia.The truth is no matter how white in skin color we are the white people will always differentiate us from them and never accept us completely. Seat him down and talk to him gently and tell him how you feel about this and if he loves you he will come around. You also need to stop lying to him to come home as it might cause a rift just be patient, pray to God about it and keeping helping to trace his way back home. Its not easy to lose ones father with thoughts that a member of the family has a hand. You will be fine dear just pray.
I understand your husbands fears and hate for Nigerians especially his relations behaviour after his fathers death but just give him time,he will get to understand later when he feels better,for now he feels betrayed by his own people. He will change. Dont worry okay. Do take care of your new baby.
Have always known sugarbelly was an idiot
Joy saysssssss
Wow sugabelly aren't u just the best? Divorce? Are u sure u don't go around advising people to divorce their husbands? Home wrecker oshi. Go and hide jare.
this is quite scary and i hope if you ever have a baby that shows the mixed race blood your hubby would accept it and not reject it. all i can say is that tell him how it is affecting you and the mental imbalance it is causing in you.
Ur name 4 be mama fufu, not mama ifu bcos u dey reason like fufu. Ode!
Do not divorce your husband! Ignore that nonsense. I would say that you should get your family and his involved privately. Pray about it and also speak with a pastor. He will eventually come around.
Check out my blog gorgeous ladies!
http://africansweetheart.blogspot.co.uk/
Well, maxi I don't no u and I only started commenting on this blog a month ago. All that talk everybody is saying is rubbish. Your husband might have seen something that he doesn't want to say. Moreso the fact that his father died in mysterious circumstances. Hmmmmn I pity u o, the fact that u come sometimes and nothing happens to you. Or do u want me to give my personal experience. I am from delta bur my mum is yoruba. As I am, I have never and will never no any of my dads people. Same spiritual wahala. My dad hates his people so much that he doesn't want me to marry from delta or the south south as a whole. I am more or less a yoruba girl. Before I was born my mum forced my dad to travel home wiv my elder sister. She is d first born and was the only child then, this was 1984. When they were coming, the bus they entered had an accident!my dad sat at the back and then my mum and sister sat in the middle. Everybody who sat on those roles died except my family. My dads brothers are dying one by one, yet his mum and sisters are still looking as fresh as anything. When u see them, they look like witches personified! Even when my sisters travelled abroad, I cannot start telling u of different attacks that has happened to them. I am not one to believe in things like this until when I saw first hand witchcraft. And my dad has vowed never to go home. I see my cousins on facebook who bears d same surname wiv me, I don't no them. My surname is very unique. As my elder ones are abroad they don't want to ever come back! Our plan is to work hard and move my parents abroad, change our surname and forget about Nigeria. Or is it my friend uju, who is delta igbo, she and her family went for her dads mothers burial, after the burial on the day they were suppose to come back to lagos, her father died in the village. How about that? How do u explain that? If u love your husband and u love yourself. Just accept your husband wishes for the safety of your family. Cus those unforseen and mysterious circumstances are looking for loopholes to penetrate into your husbands life....... I've said my own.
Having marriage problems??? Then get divorced!!! Marriage problems solved!!!
Put everything to God in prayers.
http://trendysturvs.blogspot.com
My dear Maximus, in situations like this the only solution is to go to your heavenly Father in fervent prayers. And you will see that your husbands views will gradually change. Congrats on the birth of your new baby and pls don't feel bad that your kids are white, that's how God always wanted them to be... I wish u the best of luck.
All of you should please leave Alicia alone. Obey and respect your husband when he does not respect himself. This is what's wrong in Nigerian marriages. Marriage is a partnership. We don't always have to agree on issues but we have to respect each others opinion and be willing to compromise. He can't decide her future for her n their children. What is Love? He should be able to compromise for her even thou he does not agree with her decision. All of you LIB readers listen n listen carefully marriage only works when both parties respect and will to compromise for each other. When you start thinkin that you are the head of the family and hence the woman must obey you then that's your downfall. Treat your wife like you would treat your sister.
Max, stand your grounds. No one knws tomo. God forbid something happens to you then you leave this world regretting that you did not live the way you wanted because of your husband. If he loves you then he would support you.
MAXIMUS my love awwww congrats babe i was wondering what happened to you God bless your little one. AS for the problem at hand i really don't know what advice to give but you being the mother will obviously spend more time with the kids so expose them to as much nigerian culture as you can watch nollywood with them if you have to attend Nigerian events, teach them to cook and appreciate Nigerian food. I think your husband is suffering from self hate maybe counselling to get to the root of the problem may help i doubt if it started with his Dad's passing it may have something to do with his childhood etc as for the kids there is nothing you can do about their looks just learn to love them wholeheartedly as it seems the white genes were stronger in your case. All the best babe love you!!!!!!!
why do i get the feeling Alicia is Gbenga in disguise same type of contorversial comments on every post
PLZ EVERYONE IGNORE ALICIA, HE/SHE IS A DUMB ASS, LOOKING FOR SPOTLIGHT.
MY DEAR MAX,CONGRATS ON YOUR NEW BABY. GIVE YOURSELF TIME, DONT BE IN A HURRY TO FLY TO NAIJA, SO MANY CHRISTMAS AHEAD. BEFORE THEN THINGS MAY CHANGE FOR YOUR GOOD. I KNOW SOME FULL BLOODED NIGERIANS WHO ARE IN U.S TOO THAT WONT FOR ANY REASON WANT TO BE ASSOCIATED WITH NIGERIA OR ANYTHING AROUND IT. I DONT BLAME THEM, OUR COUNTRY IS A DEATH TRAP. I TRAVELLED TO NAIJA RECENTLY WITH MY WHOLE FAMILY AND I TELL YOU, ITS NOT A GOOD STORY.
DONT BE IN A HURRY TO TAKE YOUR KIDS HOME AND GOD FORBID SOMETHING BAD HAPPPENS, YOUR MARRIAGE WILL COLLLAPSE. TAKE CARE!
This life sef! look how most of u r forming familiarity wiv d woman pinching urselves not to abuse her.. yet if it was an anonymous person who sent the story... you ll make her regret sending it in. smh!
See naijas and their inferiority complex! Na complex go kill unaooo!Because she tell una say eim be half caste and eim husband be half caste too,and say dem get money, all of una don dey write 'dear maximus' 'we miss u dear'(even people wey no sabi the person before) 'congrats'. Some don dey fight for her already by attacking alicia.
If for say she talk say she be 100%ibo or yoruba and dem dey leave for lagos, I know say many of you for don yabam tire. Or make she kukuma talk say eim dey leave for Jegus, many of you for don tellam, 'comot here joor', 'this one na story', 'story story', 'linda which kine story be this now'. Afterall, I sabi as una dey yab other people wey seek for advice here before.
Na one of the reasons wey the husband take hate naija. Make God helepe una!
Maximus Dear,
Better see good reasons with your husband and stay where u r and enjoy urself, i ve similer experince and am looking for where to run to, my family was doing very well in the US until we decided visiting home during the festive period, though my mum was against the visit but my dad insisted cos his family wanted us home, my dad's acceptance to his family invitation was the worse mistake ever made, it has been from one problem to the other,few days to the expiration of our holiday we lost our dad, we stayed back 4 his furneral after my dad's funeral i lost another of my sibling and dat was d end to our going back to d US, our return visa canceled,things became so tough every thing just turned 2 d negative, all my dad's family members did was to takeover all his properties, not just that they r seriously after our own lives.
I always wondered about the mental state of Alicia and thought she was suffering from extreme bad belle. It used to upset me, but seeing that comment now I can only laugh. 'Makes me wisdom...' indeed. LOL. She's asking for constructive advice and you're there abusing her husband. Maximus, it really sucks but I can only say persistence, patience, and prayer. It's obviously not a drastic enough reason to leave him. A lot of his anger may be tied to his father's death like you mentioned. Whether or not there was foul play, people who live abroad are very wary about returning home and with good reason. There are many hating relatives and if you're not used to hearing those kind of stories and you experience something like this it's not surprising that he's angry. Maybe counselling might help (from a therapist or yourself) so he can confront the true source of his hatred. Maybe acknowledging it out loud will help him to move on. He married you and he's part Nigerian so to hate everything about this country is to hate a part of himself too and he probably doesn't want that. That's my two cents. Good luck!
I honestly believe you should pray and commit your husbands heart and mindset to God and ask God for wisdom to deal with your husband. Remember the heart of king is in Gods hands and he knows ur husband better than even you. So God can and will release your husband to accept who he is and begin to love his naija side. God bless you
Congrats on you baby boy boo! I have missed your comments as well.
As for Dilemma girl, you immediate family is your family. It seems you have great relationship with your hubby so please keep it that way.
In marriage you have to learn to pick your battles. Is a battle? Maybe but is it worth losing your peace over? I don't think so. You have a very young family so build your home and in time, you guys will find a way to come to a compromise.
Take care girl
Hi Max, kinda had almost same issue but not anymore.You see i stay in Nigeria with my family n we travel out on holidays but my husband does not like going down east ( villa ) , in my first 5yrs of marriage I only saw my dad just once (Nuff about me). My advice : in your discussion with your hubby try n chip in those fun times u had with your family ( most especially) and friends back in nigeria ( keep it simple but hillaroius as well) and never ever forget to pray. Well, as am typing we have plans to go down to villa in october for a just a function ( Yes! with our three kids : the last is just 2 n half mnths) BTW congrats on your new arrival. God willing too, we will be home for christmas .so my dear PUSH = Pray Untill Something Happens n be GOOD.
If ur hubby knew u were half naija, den y did he take d risk of goin ahead and marrying u wen he cud hav gotten a fully-blonde-white-woman??
Plsss ask him dat question!!
Dat is all!
Billie jean
Why the guy no go dey fear? Naija i hail ooo, na so so witches and wizard full this country...Maxii,berra stay 4 yankee there and take care of ur kids..me and you ehn! As per LIB readers knw say aje ati osho na him plenty 4 dis country..wish i could escape..buh i just love d country and d ppl..very funny ppl..Linda,just sent you a mail @Diamond_adebowle
Well said, kudos..
congrats maximus... i missed u nd ur comments so much.... As for ur hubby, join am wid ba ba God.... keep telling nice things abt nigeria ... God will c u tru..
Sugabelly 8.50AM....
TRACY SAYS SHUT THE FUCK UP.... YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT "DIVORCE HIM". SINGLE IDLE BITCH HOVERING FROM ONE MAN TO ANOTHER. YOU LOVE THROUGH THE GOOD AND THE BAD AND HER HUSBAND HAS EVERY REASON TO BE HURT AND IN PAIN FROM THE CIRCUMSTANCES SURROUNDING HIS DADS DEATH. CHOOSE YOU ADVICE WISELY. BRIDLE YOUR TONGUE LIKE I ADVISED ALICIA. YOU ARE A LADY AND NOT A RATCHET HOE!!!
Hello Maximus, why are you worryingf yourself about nothing.
let using my case as an example: my parents did not take any of us to our home town because of what they experienced when my father was trying to build a house their.
but when i entered higher institution, i begged one of my course mates (who happens to come from thesame town) to take me to the town. i was able to trace my family compound and my father's uncompletted build through the help of the king.i told my parent about this 3years later,which ofcourse they could not do anything because am old enough to takecare of myself.
Do not allow this issue break your home. tell your children about africa and most especially, Nigeria. teach them our culture and leave the rest( but let them know where they originated from)
when they are old enough, they will trace their origin.
just let the sleeping dog lies and do not break ur home bcos of what is not.
#peace#
Congratulations on your baby.i understand where your hubby is coming from but you'll have to be patient and give him time,he'll come around soon.keep on trying to win him over,playfully tho. Anu
Dear maximus! Thk god for internet age, he can't disconnect u or ur kids entirely from nigeria. U are d kids mum, so watever u teach dem, is wat dey will grow with. Don't focus ur mind on coming to nigeria now, rather focus ur mind on teaching ur kids about d good tinz dat comes, or could come out of nigeria. With dis mind set, dey will hv a connection, dat may be of use to them, Probably in d future. Everything depends on u. Thk god u are d woman, n not d man. Goodluck, n congrats on u̶̲̥̅̊Я̩̥̊ new born
Alicia guess u ar happy,u ar nw d one everybody is advising,instead of maximus,hw can u open ur mouth and insult somebody`s husband,ape.
Alicia guess u ar happy,u ar nw d one everybody is advising,instead of maximus,hw can u open ur mouth and insult somebody`s husband,ape.
Why is every one all up in Alcia's biz? Is it because it is this Maximus fellow or that she is light skinned and hence garnering all this fake empathy? how many times have people been slaughtered here for various issues. The hypocrisy is pathetic. Alicia can say what she wants.
My 2 cents on the issue is you should know better than know that you would get anything worth while from all these blogs. i really do not understand your question or intention is. Anyway i guess you like being relevant from all the comments i see here. Please go face your young marriage and call up people who really know and love you for advice
Maxim, girrrl we've been missin u o!!
Anyways, to the issue at hand: Let sleeping dogs lie. I spent a few 14 years of my life in Nigeria, but never went to my parents respective hometowns because of this juju issue. Did this stop me from knowing my culture or appreciating it? Nope.
Your kids don't have to go to Nigeria to appreciate Nigeria. Do your job as a mum and teach them what they need to know. Don't act like Naija is perfect either. That should be good enough. Start off with food, music, language, history, popular culture, etc.
@alicia, she asked for ADVICE and not ABUSE! Women like you use words to break homes!
what do you mean by controlling?
DID SHE COMPLAIN ABOUT THAT HERE?
Congratulations maximus.
Like others have said, DON'T LET IT BOTHER YOU.
Please enjoy your family and leave naija palaver alone.
He will come over with time. He had a bad experience, let his 'wounds' heal gradually.
Abeg all of una SHUT it with the dirty and blatant hypocrisy!!! Idiots. See all of you going in on Alicia. Why? Shey cos it's maximus now all of una wan dey form holy holy. You monkeys insult people who come here for advice on a daily basis. So what gives today? Talking of husband; is goodluck not somebody's husband? Yet u riff raffs insult him everyday too. Abeg park well all of u.
As for Maximus, sorry to say, I don't believe your story one bit. You just needed to announce your return to the blogging sphere in a spectacular fashion, hence this your story with so many unanswered questions. Your incessant need for validation and recognition shows you're very shallow, and don't get the kind of attention you think you deserve from people that matter. You too park well ngwanu.
Thank you!!!!!! My sentiments exactly. No be today I know say this maximus na liar and a whoring attention seeker. It's appalling!! She once said on Ladun's blog that she's a pure breed Ikwere girl. There was a time she used the word "UNDILUTED" so where d izal mixture from come? Abeg tell this ur lie lie to people wey their brain dey face back cos this story no sell for where I dey.
Anonymous Sept 10 2012 11:37pm
Wow! You sound too bitter to be human. Ikwerre? Wth is that? I do remember very clearly stating that I am a Kalabari girl, which I still very much maintain. I DO NOT owe you or any other person on any blogspace access to every information concerning my identity or my personal life. If you have deep issues with your self-esteem, I suggest a spiritual bath in a pond near the ghetto evil forest you call home, 'cos I would hate to imagine that someone with this much bile, actually cohabitates with humans. Disgruntled low-life!
My dearest LIBers, a big thank you to everyone who's made a positive comment devoid of HATE. God bless you all. I have taken out time to read every single comment. Heck, I even got my husband to have a read through. Hopefully when he's done reading, he'll pick up a few valuable pointers from the lot. It's nice to know that this blog can also be a place where we can be our brothers keeper and our sisters guide :)
U re sick, u need help!
Well...as 4 me,the story valid or not,buh my dad always tells me"wen u get married don't mk ur parents more relevant than ur nuclear family,that's ur family now,so try to b as submissive as u can,gve us attention but let that not affect ur attention & devotion given 2 ur husband"@maximus,tk it easy ur husband will come around in no time.
Anonyms 10;36 pm u r Alicia says herself. Ewu gambia coming here to reply under anonymous because the whole LIB have finished u!!! Sad lonely desperate failure. Which one pained u most abt maxi? D fact dat she has her life on track @ such a young age while ur still blog trolling ehn kwa. Devil oshi. Keep hating. Infact this is a war against u. Ur bomb had bn ticking for a long tym nw, and I guess maxi's post is wer it blew up in ur face
Amarachukwu says so...
@Alicia,,,,,I am so so disappointed in u.......from ur comment,i doubt if u have a happy home,if u're married and if not i doubt if u could ever have a happy home if u eventually get married.....For u to insult another woman's husband dis much shows the kind of wife material u'll make....I pity any girl child that comes ur way cos u'll sure mislead her....
@Maximus,,,,,Congrats on the safe delivery of your baby......God bless the new born........Firstly u should patiently and tactfully remind ur husband dat ur father is Nigerian and if he lives in Nigeria,he deserves to see u once in a while and his grand children at least,u both own the children.......but dont allow dis worry u or change ur attitude towards him,,,,he will definitely reason with u one day!!!
Anonymous 11;29pm is Alicia says oh!!!!! Gosh even a blind man could tell from afar. Mehn dis Alicia you av proper sour belle. Who hurt you abeg? Too many guys used you as a cum bucket I guess. Keep hating asin steady be drinking haterade till the break of dawn. Witch! Your time on this blog is up. Alicia says oya pack and go! Keep coming back and replying under anonymous. Keep making a fool of yourslf. You made a mistake by abusing som'ns husband, ppl reprimanded you, but no instead of accepting you were wrong you came to reply and defend your stupidity under various anonymous tags! Lmao at such indescribable stupidity. Rabid dog like. Ukwa achinka tufuo n'ala zo ya ukwu. A waste of blog space. Ozu nwuru anwu
Everyone can kiss my ass! He is foolish in the sense that he married a Nigerian or half Nigerian yet wants his kids to look like straight up oyinbo people and denounce their Nigerian heritage. makes absolutely no sense to me or to any right-thinking human being.
You're a dumb fuck
Amen!! Russians are so racist, everyone knows that!
I pity you.
Gbam!!!
Maximus, no offence, but I think you need to listen to your husband. I'm not saying it's right for him to hate Nigeria or Nigerians. No one should ever "hate" anyone. But, honestly, what happened to his dad is something that happens a lot in this country. Nigerians are not the sort to be trusted easily. I've recently come back to the country (I've never lived here as an adult until now), so trust me when I say I speak from experience. Yeah, when it comes to having fun, Nigerians are probably on top of the list. Otherwise, I urge you to tread carefully. The man knows what he's talking about.
Chucks
Hi, Maxi.Congratulations on yr save delivery & for the new born baby. Don't worry yrself OK just give your husband some time he will certainly calm down. PRAYER ! I do not known if U'are a Xtian or not? God own the heart of Kings, Chief and every body (yr husband inclusive) and direct it to wherever he wants. He promised to do things according to yr heart desires. Let your kids know where they come from, also about the culture of yr father land ( it may be through books, internet, home video,e.t.c). About killing someone with Juju or not, the Bible says he that dwelleth in the secret place of most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. Wicked/Evil people are all over the world and their network covered the whole world only those protects by God are saved. None of us choose where to be born God did and with reason & purpose.
anon September 10, 2012 11:29 PM is definitely Alicia. Coward. you can't come back to defend yourself.
I always use my mane to comment. Is it that hard to believe that people agree with me?? What's up with this gang mentality anyway?? I forgot, that's common of typical, fake, hypocritical Nigerians.
Because its Maximus i should no longer comment,abi???
I don't have time to come and defend myself. Notice i didn't come back until two days later to reply comments. I'm a full-time student, so please! I don't know maxinus other than seeing her comments from time to tie, neither do i follow her on other blogs to know what she posts. Even Linda that can see IP addresses can tell you we're probably not even in the same country
I don't have such time. What i said makes perfect sense and if you guys weren't so far up her mulatto butt, you'd see that. I've read other advice-seeking posts and many if not most of the comments were no different than mine. Nigerians are so fake its a shame
I'm sure if it was someone else that told this story Maximus would have had worse to say than Alicia. The truth is bitter, and that's not Alicia's fault. Maximus shame should even catch u for having this type of man as a husband. I once dated a Nigerian who didn't grow up in Naija and felt he had no business with Nigeria. How very retarded of him. Mchew! Anyways, back to the issue.....get him to talk to a shrink. This is anger for his relatives should not be transferred to the whole of Nigeria. THAT'S JUST SILLY! His mother is another mumu in this matter. I guess he got that from her. It's not by force to rep Naija but there should be a limit to his hatred before he transfers it to the kids. And as for the kids, they are still too young right now so let him no get his hopes high about their skin colour and hair cos it changes!
alicia please give it up. you are now using mulatto butt. how disrespectful and even racist of you? i'm sure you are a fat, short, black ugly bitch. i forgot you are a student, still a kid with the brain of a pea. go back to your studies and leave adults alone. you are obviously so bitter in real life.
Lmao!!! This is funny. Maximumu actually replied a person? Whoa!!! Now I know without an iota of doubt that there's some truth to what that anon said. I don't join the crowd in ass kissing cos I hate it with a passion. You don't feed me and I'm quite sure I can buy you and ask the seller to keep the change. Whenever I see your comments (@Maximumu), I picture a person with a very low self esteem who comes to blogs, seeking for appreciation and love (not that it's a crime). But in all honesty, like Deekay said, if this was another persons story, you'd have said worse than Alicia says (same reason why I call u maximumu).
Lwkmdfh! Still surprised that you replied, cos I ALWAYS call you maximumu and you never reply.
P.S not everyone will love you. IMO people that tell you exactly how they feel about you (good or bad) should be the least of your worries. Fake ass folks like most of the LIB readers that have commented so far.......... Hmmm, be greatly wary of them. #okbye.
Shut up!! Yet you Nigerians would be the first to call someone blackie or monkey or gorilla. Notice how you didn't hesitate to call me a black bitch. Looool. Stop the double-standards. just like someone thinks its mean to call someone fat but ok to poke fun at a skinny person.
I think commenting on blogs is fun and i take nothing serous here. You bitches are not paying me. So kiss my ass!!
Congratulations on your Babies Max. two labour room trips aint no mean feat. ehen, what was that you said again? hubby doesnt like being nigerian? see, my dear, u see no matter how independent we young women try to pull we are ehn, this love thing just creeps on you. before you can say jack, your emotions become tied to your hubby's. if he's not happy, you most definitely won't be happy. disobeying him really isnt a good idea. fashi raising the issue for now. give it time - say six months before u chip it in casually into conversation when he's in a good mood. also forget the idea of travelling down without his consent. truth? naija is not exactly the safest place to be, and you dont wanna be risking being in it on O_Y_O levels - feel me? do as he has said oh! family comes before country i beg you. with time he'll come around. okay? Houston and MD we have quite a few naija parties going on, sometimes even having people who have flown in fron naija in attendance. Give ur immediate family ur full attention for now oh jare! u no be nursing mother? kisses
Maximus, all you need now is God. Talk to God about anything and consider it done. It might take a while but God's word is A and Amen. God bless you darling. S
I never comment on any of this stuff but today i will and i hope you see this comment. First, i empathize with you. it cannot be easy for you especially since children are involved. That said, please understand that your first concern should not be teaching your children about the Nigerian culture but instead, it should be the mental mindset of your husband. Sounds to me like he hates the Nigerian race. This hate can only bring destruction to him and those around him! You need to get him help so that he can deal with what he is feeling. If you're not careful your children would learn to hate from their father!
I sympathise with you, but did you not know your husband was this way before you married him. He is 30 the chances of him changing his views are very slim especially as he has lost contact with his Nigerian Heritage. You should still try to give your children a good impression about Nigeria, teach them the culture and share positive stories....
Apparently,your husband mourns his father still and is afraid for his kids. That's normal. Once bitten,twice shy. Things happen and a lot of people find it hard to get over the death of a loved one,particularly if the death was questionable. Bear with him,he's just trying to protect u and the kids. He may be right,he may be wrong,but give it time. You both are young and still have a long way to go. For now,forget lasgidi and ph and focus on raising your children to be God fearing,kind to others and tolerant of racial diversity. Rebellion isn't the answer. Constructive silence weakens any man's defence,with time. Be patient,nigeria isn't going anywhere. Nwayo bu ije. Congratulations on your new baby..I wish you all the best and pray you handle this matter tactically..hot heads and cold hearts never solve any problem. Ciao. Itz NKEM.
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