I have been married for 12 years with no kids. The doctors say I'm alright, the problem is with the wifey. I'll be turning 44 this Saturday and I want children of my own. I've endured for 12 years and I think I've had enough. Is it time to move on?
Please I want opinions from male readers only. ThanksMale readers only? Niggam say what? Please ladies, feel free to share your thoughts on this! You will tell me if you're the moderator of this blog. *hiss* :-)
BTW mister, giving up on your wife is almost like giving up on God. #justsaying
212 comments:
1 – 200 of 212 Newer› Newest»Adopt or find a surrogate.....leaving your wife is nt the solution
Y not try adopting a child! Think about it, if you were the one in her shoes, will Ɣ☺u be happy if she dumps Ɣ☺u απϑ move on with her life.
Mr man. if u really loved this woman u will not be thinking of leaving her. these days people dont marry for love anymore and its sad. they marry for a reason. i know kids makes a home warm but mr man listen to me and listen real good.
leaving her for another woman is just the most stupid action u can ever cary out. why not put urself in ha shoes. reverse the situation. how would u feel????
have a talk with her, visit a fertility doctor with her am sure they can come up with some good options for u both rather than giving up on her. if u do that u r really mean.
Problem is with the wifey? what? she has no womb? She doesn't have fallopian tubes? or she had an abortion when she was younger? What exactly is the problem with the wifey?
You can give up o. You are free to do so. I have family friends who got married in 1980. they are childless. They would have been grandparents already sef. They are still happily in love, its amazing.
Have you not heard of adoption?! Sometimes your child comes when you take the pain to love another child.
At the end of the day, it speaks to your character. You do not sound like a nice person. FOR BETTER OR WORSE!
With God all tins are possible just keep ur faith in God or better still go 4 an adoption...
KINDLY REFER HIM TO YOUR PREVIOUS POST !!!!!!!!!
KINDLY REFER HIM TO YOUR PREVIOUS POST !!!!!!!!!
KINDLY REFER HIM TO YOUR PREVIOUS POST !!!!!!!!!
KINDLY REFER HIM TO YOUR PREVIOUS POST !!!!!!!!!
@linda d man wld be 44yrs dis sat nd ur last line sound lik he shld continue 2endure, I doubt it if u wld remain wit such man wen u knw der is notin wrong wit u.....bros jst find 1gf nd borrow her belle jawe...
Have you read the story of Nneka & Issac Moses? Or better still read Gani Adams struggle to have a baby.
Like Linda rightly pointed out, giving up on your wife of 12years is as good as giving up on your God because of what some stupid Doctor said.
I think I know who this is. Well all I can say is ur mind is already made up. You married your woman for children and without that you can never truly love her.
Do share your thots with her, she might just make it easier for you by letting you go. And I am female you sucker.
Please lets try to be marrying for companionship so that we can appreciate whichever life God gives us afterwards.
I understand that an African man will want to have kids of his own no matter what. He may not even want to consider adopting. 12 years is a long time to wait for a child. But God does wonders. No matter how bleak it may seem, God has a way of doing things. If you wants to leave his wife, it's your choice but give it a second thought. You can try surrogacy. It is very expensive and difficult to find someone willing to carry a child for someone else but keep praying and God will visit you
You people calling Adoption. It seems you don't understand the African mentality: Do you think it's that easy to take a child you are not related to in any way and take him as your own? It takes time and dedication. Doesn't just happen like that. I can see it's only women that are talking here. Also, What exactly is stopping the wife from conceiving
Just one question. If you were the one with the problem,would you want her to walk away?if you even found out that she was considering it,how would you feel?
linda i gbadun u jare... If u want d truth u hv to get opinion of both men and women.... i know 2 men one left his wife after 10yrs of marriage bcos they cldnt hv kids . D man ws told he is ok his spem count was ok but d lady hs seriously infertile .. Dis lady met another man and got pregnant 6mnrhs later and she is a mother of twins boy and girl 1and half yrs old and she is heavily pregnant soon 2 deliver..... D other man left his wife aftr 18 yrs becos she could hv a baby boy despite d fact dat they hv 2 girls alrdy ....he went of with a 21yr old undergruate and got her preg.. She delivered a girl a first , and a gain another gir... He is with d 3rd woman now dat one gave birth to another baby girl last week.....:linda tell dat man 2 wait 4God's time ool
Walk away? no sir! ur vows said 'for better,for worse'; unless of course there was the option of walking away if she cannot bear you children. put urself in her shoes...how would you feel if you were the 'barren' one? happy? there are other options, like adoption...i have an adopted sister, she was just a day old when we found her @ the hospital from where we began the process...she's one year old next month...trust me, there really is no difference if only you open ur heart to adopt a baby. who knows, it might be the 'miracle' drug, cos many a couple have adopted a child and miraculously had their own babies. also,i don't want to sound cliché,but remember Abraham n his wife,Sarah...there's nothing God cannot do,if only u have unwavering faith in Him....don't walk away from ur marriage.
When did Linda becomes a marriage consellor. She is not married and probably dont have a boyfriend. What God has joined together, is for better for worse. There is nothing God cannot do.
And Linda, I think you're being impartial. He asked for men's opinion because it is easier for them to relate to his predicament. Had it been a woman that asked for this, you'd have considered her request
Mr...pls, let me remind u of your vows "for better or worse" also you have other options...u can adopt or get a surrogate mom, etc...
Z
Leaving you wife is not the solution my dear brother. There are so many children out there seeking to be adopted. Why not adopt a child? If you truly love your wife, you will want to remain with her even if she cannot conceive. Bless a child in the orphanage with your love and you will not regret it. So many of these kids have great potential, you might even raise a future president of this country. Pray about it if you are religious, discuss with your wife and do it.
difficult postion to be in and we who are not in ur us shoes can only say what we feel u could do, but we only talk like this cuz we're not the ones this is affecting. My advice,
1 Speak to God, he's never late, (the one woman that was allowed to be barren was d girl that scorned King david in the Bible, so ur wife is not barren, its just a matter of time).
2 speak to her and her what she has to say. Any confession to be made? Ask her wat u think u guys should do, (adopt (if u cant wait)or be more patient)
3 be patient, some have waited 12,14,20,25. etc. Urs cant be different. God has not changed,he's still the same.
4, Be postive, God is not alseep, or vacation.
It is well with u.
25 years old V.
4 to do things for children around, God can see ur heart and asnwer ur prayers before u even know it.
1st he needs to tells what the problem is. is it that she cant carry a child cos some women are so fragile(Giuliana Rancic) that they cant carry a child where science has now made so possible to have surrogate mothers.
or is it that she doesn't have a womb. even if u have waited for 100yrs nko. what of Nneka and Issac Moses who waited for 14yrs?
God gives children no man. whats the probability that if u get married to someone else u wld have a child?
im sorry but if u hav held on for 12 years,y giv up now? the devil always rie to make us give up just wen we are closest to our breakthrough.you dint say what exactly her problem is but whatever it is ,there i no problem without a solution,medical science has evolved so much that child bearing i not a major issue these days there are so many options:artificial insemination,IVF,surrogate mother,u name it,i think u just have to try harder n be more patient.
Linda u said it all....giving up on ur wife is like giving up on God d giver of children mister. It sure will be extremely difficult to endure buh not impossible to endure....seek God cuz only His grace can sustain ur marriage now,and He is d only one who can give u kids my brother. U aint guaranteed of kids in ur next marriage. Ur bible says it all,get d best advice from dat book of wisdom....it can't mislead u! God bless u,my prayers are wit u. It is well.
u can always adopt n give a home 2 those motherless babies out there n God'll bless u richly for dat. pls don't abandon ur wife now. she needs u more now than ever b4
Pls I beg u in d name of Jesus,don't leave her o! Have u tried ivf? What of Adoption?after 12 yrs what do u want her to do? Hang herself?
No dnt walk away itsnt d ryt to do.
True that @For better for worse! Well said, man, Well said.
I know it's not easy, Honestly speaking you have tried. You strike me as a true christain for you to have waited on d lord for 12years. I can also see how u truly love your wife. I have also been believing God for something dear to me for a very long time and i have not given up neither do i plan to do so anytime soon. Please my brother dont give up instead look unto Jesus who is the author and finisher of all faith (Hebrews 12 : 2) Take it to God in prayer with your wife, dont give up my brother. So many people have been mapped out for great testimonies this year and i know you and i are part of them. Please dont spoil this loving and Godly home you have. I will continue to pray for you and you also have to do same.
This year 2012 is a year of great testimonies only if you believe.
MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND GRANT YOU YOUR TESTIMONY IN JESUS NAME, AMEN.
Sir.....you n your wife r just vessels to which your children will be born. It's God that gives children, the ability to make children, the sex those children will be etc....it is not of your making. God brought this woman into your life n you chose to marry her. For 12 years you both have been together....this is not the time to let her go. Ask yourself, if you leave and remarry n have a child, what makes you thing dat that wife/marriage will be successful? That dat child will be a model one etc? Sir....look into surrogacy, adoption etc.....dat child may be what bring luck into your marriage....God uses different ways to bless you....if you can open your heart to love one dat isn't yours, then maybe dat is the lesson 2 learn......I know of a lady who adopted a child with her husband...after d adoption d child became sick....and this woman did eberything, even sleeping on d floor of the hospital...when her husband saw all she did...he said dat he didn't think a mother could have done more had the child been his own flesh.... Few years later they had theirs. Sex isn't a job, it is 2 b enjoyed....if both of u r under pressure nothing may happen...release yourself from all the stress See what happens.......
God's time is d best. he can n will do it 4 u. pls don't leave ur wife
Well said Linda.... Giving up on her is like you are telling God He's not capable. BTW, i have an uncle who has been married since 1992 (dats 20yrs) and still no child and trust me they r still together loving every moment and still putting their faith in God. My advice is just for you to adopt and not Leaving her at dis time. Trust me, she doesn't need or deserve dat. For better for worse remember...... God still has you in mind. Dont give up on God and her.
ill be happy if you leave because you are not worth her time.....you have already made up your mind so please get lost it will be the best thing that ever happened to her..mtcheww naija men eh "the problem is with wifey"..really?.... are we sure since we were not there with you in the doctors office.....
Dear Linda Ikeji,
I think that 'Male readers only? Niggam say what? Please ladies, feel free to share your thoughts on this! You will tell me if you're the moderator of this blog. *hiss* :-)' is the funniest line I've read on your blog. I f you were beside me, I'd give you a hug for this display of wittiness.
This female reader is wondering what kind of problem 'the wifey' has (not even 'my wifey' anymore.....issokay...); is it as a result of something she might have done to herself such as an abortion, or is it something that was out of her control?
I honestly don't know which way to tell Mr Oga to turn; all I will say is there have been couples faced with similar problems who waited for even longer that 12years, and were eventually blessed with their own kids. There were some for whom kids never came and the adoption route was taken and the family is still going strong.Then there were some for whom this burden was to great in the marriage, and they decided to go their separate ways.
I sincerely hope that you make the right choice as concerns this. Don't forget to seek God's direction as concerns this please.
which part of for better for worse didn't you understand, when you were taking your vows?
Adoption, Surrogacy
You think those things are cheap, easy and 100% effective ba? Alright. More grease to your elbow. Keep running your smelly mouths
Sir.....you n your wife r just vessels to which your children will be born. It's God that gives children, the ability to make children, the sex those children will be etc....it is not of your making. God brought this woman into your life n you chose to marry her. For 12 years you both have been together....this is not the time to let her go. Ask yourself, if you leave and remarry n have a child, what makes you thing dat that wife/marriage will be successful? That dat child will be a model one etc? Sir....look into surrogacy, adoption etc.....dat child may be what bring luck into your marriage....God uses different ways to bless you....if you can open your heart to love one dat isn't yours, then maybe dat is the lesson 2 learn......I know of a lady who adopted a child with her husband...after d adoption d child became sick....and this woman did eberything, even sleeping on d floor of the hospital...when her husband saw all she did...he said dat he didn't think a mother could have done more had the child been his own flesh.... Few years later they had theirs. Sex isn't a job, it is 2 b enjoyed....if both of u r under pressure nothing may happen...release yourself from all the stress See what happens.......
With this type of scenarios, you dont ask public for advice, I think it is personal thing. Naijas are known to be hypocrite on issues of this nature, and what they will be telling you is what they wont do if they are in your shoes.
My candid advice is that, seek advice from elders and when I said elders, I mean ELDERS, or better still, take a best decision that you feel is the best in this circumstances. Goddluck pal
Having baby girls or boys has got nothing to do with God. Nigerians need to go back to basic biology. The man has X and Y chromosomes which can produce a boy or girl. Ladies have only X chromosomes for girls. Having a girl is not an issue with the woman but the man's sperm. This however can not be controlled by anyone. It depends on the sperm that swims fast enough to fertile the egg
i will say ask her i-ur wife -if she would allow you marry a second wife. I mean any woman should be able to understand. my aunt was in a marriage for 10 years without a child. Her husband asked her to marry another wife and she agreed and her husband second wife gave birth and treats those children as her own. all together now she has been married for fourteen years still no child, but her husband still loves and cares for her. So maybe poster you should ask your wife for that option, before in desperation she goes and buys a child for 350k and pass it off as your own.
Mr man u dont need to walk away.
Nnenna and Mosses of GogeAfrica were married for 14yrs dey just had a child.
you dont have faith if you have faith there will neva be a second thought.
i will give give you some tips,pls put it into practice,believe and have faith the God i serve will never forsake you
1.Always pray for your wife in her absent and in her present,hold her stomach tell her u will bear children for me.
2.write out the name of your child always pay his/her offering.
3.visit the orphanage home,buy them gift.
4.Take one of your niece or cousin little ones like 1 yr + take him or her like your own.dont treat her like a maid.
5.As you are having sexual intercourse with always say to your self my wife will be pregnant,think positive i assure you dat God will put a smile on your face.
6.Always give your wife special treats,say good things to her.
7.Let your faith be stronger than hers
God bless you.
People calling couples that waited and finally had kids, do you mean to tell me that there aren't others who waited long enough and didn't have kids, then went on to separate and marry someone else and they finally had kids? Not all stories end happily ever after so...
Mr, seems u have waited for 12yrs, jus dont worry, cus the God of Anna will do it for u too
just be patient and wait for the lord never changes.who told you that when you marry another woman that your case will be diffrent.so if the table is turned around ,would she walked away.you have a lot of option ,adoption,IVF and a whole lot.wish you all d best.okwy
All this people that is telling him God said this, God said that, remember God helps those who help themselves. So my solution for him is not to divorce his first wife, but marry a second, abi you no be nigerian?
Awwwww!!! 12yrs already. Letz look @ it this way: what has sustained ur marriage all deez 12yrs? I think you should try and remember what it is and hold onto it..forever!! Truth be told, u don't exactly want to leave her else you won't open dis topic up for discussion. Here's how such stiff situations are handled: when in doubt, seek to do the RIGHT thing. And u cn always do RIGHT by d Word of God. Sir, pls Don't let ANYTHG cause u to dissolve ur marriage. Cos, u may get another wife who MAY gv u a child and den u MAY b faced wt a far worse situation dan childlessness. Bottom line, let d Lord have HIS way. Keep trusting HIM. U won't b ashamed.
Pls livig ur wife is nt d best. In d bk f Genesis cld u remember abraham & sarah gave birth when, they were old. Ve faith in God & continug 2 pray.
I live near a couple who had their first set of kids after 18yrs.
Both in their late 40's
They had a set of twins. A boy and A girl.
Your delay is not your denial.
Funny how we all profess love of God and have issues showing love to another in the form of adoption. I do find the 10yr, 15yr etc miracle birth stories annoying. Maximum of 3 years after marriage if I find we (I and the future Mrs. whenever she shows up) can't have children we will adopt. A kid doesn’t have to come from your own loins before you can show love and care for him/her.
I do blame our society though.
Every time talk gets to food I am told ‘go and marry’. It appears marriage is all about having someone cook and clean up after you and raise a brood for you (if you are male of course). So if it does happen that she can’t give you kids then automatically she becomes of no use? What about companionship? When the brood grows who’s going to keep you company?
The man is just being the typical African man. Science has provided numerous ways he can get his desire yet he wants to bail on her after 12years. If he is so desperate to have a kid he should do like all other African men, get someone pregnant and bring the child home. You don’t bail out on someone you’ve taken 12 of the best years of their lives.
if you were the one the doctor said had problem what would you expect from this lady? that is exactly what you should be doing instead of looking for cheap way out. you may just be jumping into one hell of a woman simply because you want a child desperately. dare i say you didn't love her in the first place
wale
Y call the doctor stupid, no need for that, they say wat they come up with medically
Nigerians!!! we have lost it. Surrogate mothers ( also known as giving another woman belle but still remaining married to your wife) or adoption (also known as giving another woman belle then settling her) there are options my brother. Dont listen to these emergency pastors who talk about Abraham and Sarah. Didnt Sarah tell papa Abraham to go do am with the housegirl? Abegi! Talk it over with your wife, Abandoning her would not help you. Talk and pray with her. God ( or science) can do anything.
Well spoken...God s still in the business of answering prayers
Anon May 24, 2012 12:02 PM what are you talking about? There are loads of Africans with adopted kids. Perhaps you are still living in the Dark ages.
Anon May 24, 2012 12:04 PM; only "becomes?"
I don't really know why this is a topic. Were we there when you took your vows? It looks like you want to leave and you are looking for justification and support for your warped idea.
Y call the doctor stupid, no need for that, they say wat they come up with medically
That sounds like a Great idea... And when d new one doesn't have u dump her too, then u meet one who already has children and u can't get her pregnant, then shed dumnp u! Goodluck
Well,without meaning to be mean,if he wants children cos'he luvs children and not becos of what the world will say,they should adopt while they wait on God.The diapers will smell the same whether they are yours or not and the baby will call you and your wife mama and dada just like your biological child would have.The baby will love you as its parents and you will grow to love the baby and of course,am assuming you love babies already so that won't be a problem.And who knows,this baby might open the door for your biological children to start coming.This shouldn't be an issue in this age we r in.Pls check the date.There r many options.Your life may not be better for leaving that woman so my advice is stick to her tru thick and thin and find a solution together.Those are the kind of values you will like to pass to your children anyway and ur wife will forever love you for that.
http://creamycravings.blogspot.com
honestly i know how heartbreaking it can be not having a child after waiting for so many years but remember that you and ur wife have been in this together for so long living her does not sound pleasant but all the same the nature of her inability to conceive also matters you know best but nothing is impossible for GOD to do i dont support you leave her
dear wife leaver,better stay there and support your wife till the child comes,i can imagine the shape of your mouth ''problem is with wifey''.hey,alu!! Did you marry her for child bearing?if child comes praise God,if it's delaying,adopt and then your own will come.trust God for him to prove his word to you,leaving her wont solve it cos if u do,u have no guarantee the next woman will be able to bear children,cos children are from the Lord,you dont want to anger the Lord by leaving the wife of your youth,okay my dear....take it easy,ur child will come just focus on loving your wife,no matter what.
Dear Mr. Man you are an idiot. Ok Bye.
But y do u people lyk abusing Linda jst bcos she tells u her personal problem? Its nt fair at all. Meanwhile she isn't d one advising dats y she posted d story. Linda I heard Kosi Akilo dat was kidnapped so days ago has been found, can u confirmed?
-Abimbola O
i think to let the sleeping dog lie you have to find another woman get a different apartment for the new woman and let her know that you have another woman. make sure you dont care hatred between them .you can as well adopt a child for the childless woman you have before so as to relief her from thinking.
mistymoe
Jointly find a surrogate so your wife can also be part of the process and also experience the joy in having a child even though it will be through a surrogate. BUT DO NOT LEAVE YOUR WIFE.
He should hug his bible and cry to God for mercy if he is a believer. The truth of the matter is we dont create life on our own. If he married his wife for reasons other than child bearing, it will be easy for him to stay. if he married her solely for that, then he might even be doing her a favor by leaving her. She deserves to be loved irrespective of whether or not she has a so called problem.
If u married just for children and u have done all u can and nothing then leave. But if ds woman has done u one good in 12 years, been there for u, loved u and u love her then I say stay with her. Read http://ibinike.blogspot.com and my story may help u. I was d one with d problem but my hubby stayed. We have kids now. Love makes d journey a lot easier bro. I know it is not easy but I'm sure u havnt tried all available options. Love ur wife n trust God.
I feel the comments have been quite unfair so far, the poor guy came for advise and who are we to judge him? All this rubbish on adoption adoption do you all think its that easy? What if he wants a child of his own loins? It surely is not the same as adoption!I have both so I know! For those advising him on IVF etc u need to understand that these methods fail thousands of women on a daily basis and I'm sure they have tried some too. Those calling on him to wait for miracles what if it never happens? Why are we so hypocritical? Why hasn't anyone suggested that he has a child with another woman with his wifes permission? What's this nonsense about her rights and not their rights? After all millions of Nigerian men have kids outside their marriages which their child bearing wives are very aware off and never bat their eyelids! Why can't he take a 2nd wife and have the kids he desires? Let's stop being the hypocrites we are!
Adoption or surrogate hun!
Personally I think you should talk to your wife about surrogate. If she knows she is the 1 with the problem then I'm sure she would be open to other option...IVF, surrogate etc. As an African person I know option is not something you would want. But I think you should explore other options. Leaving your wife is not the solution. There are other and better options. Talk to her, talk to a specialist. But then again I don't know your financial situation so the other solutions may be too expensive for you.
I'm a woman and I know your wife must be hurting that she can't give you children, but it would tear her apart if you leave bcoz of that. Communication is key in every relationship, something African men lack.
Dont give up its not over, Direct your prayers on the reason Doctors say she can't have children. And try to comprehend that children comes solely from JEHOVAH even in IVF.
Try surrogacy
Try adoption
Trust in God wholeheartedly loving your wife the more.
DONT WORRY YOUR HEAD YOU WILL HAVE THEM ROUND YOUR TABLE IN JESUS NAME (YOUR TESTIMONY IS COMING ON THIS BLOG AMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN.
I love this comment. And I agree.
My own advice is simply, Adopt a child. God is miraculous u never can tell what will happen in future. www.9janewsmag.com
Thks 4 dis comment,wat xcatli is d prob wit d wife?evn @dt,dere r so mny oda options u guys can try out instead of leavin her
Let the have faith
Oga,u askd 4 advice..nw ur calling our mouths smelly abi?? Its not your fault
The second man's story made me laugh...hahahaha! Useless man. Girls no be pikin abi?
Dear Poster, I hope you make the right decision for you, your wife and your unborn children. I will include you in my prayers and I hope other posters here will do the same.
Lol@check d date
Oga,u askd 4 advice..nw ur calling our mouths smelly abi?? Its not your fault
May God's judgement come upon you. it looks like you r not married. cos if you were and you were in the wife's position. i don't think you will say what you just wrote..
ther ar surrogates in naija ,it will be u and ur wife's biological pikin ,except u get another agenda ,bros
I'm 37 and I have five kids. My wife passed away 3yrs ago. Now here is your solution, if your wife is beautiful, of good character and a good cook, divorce her for me! The five kids I have are ok.....
for better for worse bro...
Why are you this abusive against the man?? Do u know what it takes to be childish? Do u know what they have been through? Why are you judging him? Smh
for better for worse bro
Mr. Should I leave my wifey, go and meet ISAAC MOSES of Goge Africa for advice...........
crappie guy......................if he is the impotent one he will be acting all emotional......nitwit
And the owner of the 1 year + child would release his/her child abi?
Read what you wrote, then put yourself in the wife's shoes. May God's judgement come upon you. ignoramus
Its a lie oo, I knw kosi's family personally, she is not back ooo. Its just rumor dt started from no where. Pls kosi is still missing ooo.keep praying for her safe return
ONOME says......
Lindooooo,the man talk say only man shud put mouth o.lollllll.But I go add my aproko join.lollll
Sir,I understand your predicament o.You are not the first nor will you be the last to experience such a challenge.Million have gone thru it,million more will still go through it.
Some leave their wives and go have children outside,we are Afrcicans for pete's sake.Some adopt,some try surrogacy,some try IVF.The choice is yours.I WILL NOT JUDGE YOU SIR,no way.I do not wear the shoe,I do not know how it pinches you,all I do know is that childlessness can break even the best of marriages founded on religion and love.Do what you think is best for you is all I will say on the matter.
By the way,you should have mentioned your wife's medical issues.It would have helped me proffer my 10kobo worth medical advice:)Is it her tubes(salpingitis),or her ovaries(premature ovarian failure),does she have any congenital chromosomal anomaly:Turner's syndrome etc.Does she have polycystic ovarian syndrome?!!Like I said you have been a bit scanty/economical with info so I and my advice can not help.
If you are still interested in the marriage(like I said I am not going to get all uppity,judgemental,sanctimonious or religious with you,I leave it for others to do:);then let me know.I could refer you to infertility specialists.They would be willing to try and try and try your cases before concluding that nothing can be done.Options would include ICSI,IUI,IVF etc etc
Take care.Your life,your decision.
Mr. Anon who says "What exactly is stopping the wife from conceiving" i want to let you know God is the giver of children, it is not the wish of the woman not to have children but it is beyond her so let us not blame anybody here for not been able to conceive. Lets hold God by his word in Exodus. 23 and see what he would do. If God is God which i know he is Heaven will cause that woman and her husband to laugh. Mr. Husband pls don't loose focus in God, He will perfect everything in your marriage. Delay is not denial. Don't allow the enemies to lead u astray. It is well with u and ur wife.
So hard having a proper discussion with an average Nigerian these days *phew*. Half of the comments are dumb. We can never face reality *sigh* and some fools are abusing the man. Do u know what they have tried in the last 12 yrs? IVF, herbs, hospitals home n aboabdoad, prayers, babalawo, imam, church etc. Do u know what 12 years means?? So u think they were sleeping ehnn? That's why u are coming here to say IVF, ehn ehn they would wait for you ..*long hiss*
Hey bro, if it is confirmed that your wife can't have a child, don't leave her, U both agree on a surrogate or a woman outside to bear children for you. Please keep her in the know of it all.
I do not know which is more offensive that he wants to leave her or that he said he has endured for 12 years. Really??? If I knew your wife I will tell her to leave your sorry ass. In this world of technology you cannot research how to have kids other than the natural way? Plsssssssssss.
http://abroadtales.blogspot.ca/2012/05/what-would-you-do-for-money.html
kai! i feel so sorry for the woman! pls oga dont leave ur wife, i have a testimony of a family friend of 16yrs naw 2months ago has bin blessed with a girl!.
I waited for 13yrs oooo, and now nko i have gat twins! titilayo and titilope! ol'boy i cant still believe it myself! pls oga God is the one that giveth children!
look upto God the author and finisher of our faith. just BELIEVE. don't leave ur wife.
Life is not that hard. If you are ok, get a child from another woman. You don't want to be chasing 5year olds around at old age.
If my wife is ok and I'm not, I'll look for a sperm donor. Its that simple. It sounds harsh but that's what it is.
Do you know that about 90% of nigerian women below 29 has had at least 1 abortion before. I'm into healthcare so I know.
@Aisha Arike.did not want to comment but dnt like people displaying their ignorance on a blog.you are not completely informed.do not come to a blog and say things u are not sure of.you can totally determine d sex of ur kids. i did and knw many people who did.my friend is 10wks gone and we already knw d baby's sex no doubt God has d final say.but never say what u dnt know for sure.u dnt learn that in a biology class.
IT IS VERY TOUGH AND VERY FRUSTRATING STAYING A MARRIAGE WITH NO KIDS ESPECIALLY WHEN U REALLY WANT THEM AND IN OUR CULTURE TOO WHERE BABIES ARE HIGHLY CELEBRATED!!! ...WE FEEL YOUR PAIN....IVF WILL SOLVE THE PROBLEM DON'T GIVE UP
this is when ure love for her and faithis tested..leave her because u aint getting kids??children are a blessing from God but they are not the only blessing....pass the mic mehn!!
Most intelligent reply so far... And from a guy, nice.
My friend U are one kind ooo .. Do U want Ur wife to spell it out for u in black and white that U should have gotten one babe pregnant outside now .... Dude if ur wife isn't pregnant after 2 yrs U should quietly start having children outside the wedding but just make sure in the midst of these u spoil and show ur wife more love than ever .. And when the bubble burst tell her U did it to remove any stress in the marriage and make sure the outside kids learn to know that she owns ur home... Shikena .. A man should have a child oo
Bro lemme give u the best advice ever...get a young wife frm τ̲̅ђε̲̣̣̣̥ village or sumwhere else and make her pregos...U wee stay wit yr wife as long as she is okay with τ̲̅ђε̲̣̣̣̥ child...as for τ̲̅ђε̲̣̣̣̥ younger wife, fix her in a cool apartment or keep her in τ̲̅ђε̲̣̣̣̥ villa..dat way everyone one is happy, no stress and no problem...u are stil married to one wife and able to have yr baby who bears ur blood and dna (unlyk adoption)...If τ̲̅ђε̲̣̣̣̥ wife is not happy,den use τ̲̅ђε̲̣̣̣̥ opportunity to show her τ̲̅ђε̲̣̣̣̥ way out..a woman's barren status shld not prevent u frm keeping ur generation alive...McDreamy
. #:-s> Yes Boss!!
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don't walk away, put urself in her shoes..besides it is for better for worse...God will not fail u...i know it sounds easy to say, wonder wat u re both going through...my brother with God all things are possible..Have faith..
Oga go and marry your wife joor,does Marriage sound like "who wants to be a millionaire" that you walk away from when you like? Imagine if you suddenly go broke and your wife leaves you,will you be happy? If you are so much in need of kids go and adopt.
I know its easier said than done but i think its better for you to stay with your wife,it's not always greener on the other side.
Someone should show me in the Bible where it says " God helps those who help themselves?" Foolish statement.
GOD HELPS.
Period.
Look up to Jesus- the child is coming.
You never said if what is wrong with your wife is medically irreversible, if it is, what other options have you tried besides fasting and praying? You have poured your heart out to bloggers but have you done the same with your wife?
My brother, consider your her feelings o, you think it is easy for her? Don't you think she desires children as well? My brother, if na you, you for like am? I guarantee you wouldn't want her leaving you for another man because of something you can't help.
Surrogacy and gestational carriers might be hard to do in our society but that is an option you can try if you have the money for it especially since it appears you want a child that carries your blood.
IVF is expensive but again, what are you willing to sacrifice?
If you have love in your heart for a child, why not adopt an infant from an orphanage? Or is your love only being held for a child that is all your own? Hmmm, sometimes my brother I have seen where an outside treats the parents better than one's very own child so don't cancel out that idea.
Someone advocated marrying a second wife, I don't agree with it but that's another option IF your wife is in support of it.
So leaving his wife is a better option abi? Ode,oponu,oshi shutup if u have nothing positive to add. Pray divorce is not inflicted on you or someone u love.
I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 5 YEARS.. WITH POLYCYSTIC OVARIAN SYNDROME-MEANING MY EGGS DONT GROW ON THEIR OWN WITH A LOT OF OTHER COMPLICATIONS.(IT HAPPENS TO ALOT OF NIGERIAN WOMEN AND NOT ALL DOCTORS ARE AWARE OF IT GOOGLE IT) HUSB IS VERY SOUND .I SEE MY PERIOD ONCE OR TWICE A YEAR. I HAVENT ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THAT FROM MY TEENAGE YEARS, HORMONAL ISSUES CREPT IN . I DONT THINK FOR ONE DAY IT HAS CROSSED HUSB'S MIND TO WALK AWAY I RESPECT HIS FAITH AND HONOUR HIM MORE FOR THAT . THERE IS THIS BOOK GOD'S WAITING ROOM PART 1,2 &3 12 YEARS IS SMALL COMPARED TO THE MIRACLES GOD DID FOR NIGERIANS IN THAT BOOK. BROTHER WAKE UP! IF I FIND OUT IT WAS MY HUSBAND WANTING TO WALK AWAY NOTHING WILL KILL ME MORE IN THIS WORLD THAN THAT NEWS. YOUR FAITH IS EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE STRONGER THAN YOUR WIFE'S FAITH SEF. GOD WILL LISTEN TO THE CRYS OF YOUR HEART O . IMAGINE IF IT WAS U WITH SAY PROSTRATE CANCER? WHAT WILL U EXPECT FROM YOUR WIFE? GOD HELP US ALL.
My brother I feel u, I feel your pain cos we were not brought up in Africa to believe in adoption and I have to tell u, such can and never will be ok. Pray for divine intervention , direction , cos I know that it's because u love her If not u wouldn't have asked for a second opinion from any one let alone this blog. And that same love will be able to keep you together and even more closer to God in prayer, I know u have prayed , waited, but while waiting and praying, try Ivf or a surrogate . It's not easy, I pray u will come back here to share ur testimony. You will alway be in my prayers, if not, ur final decision will still be understood , the bible did not tell us to divorce due to lack of child bearing but infidelity only. God bless u and your household , Amen. Ella from USA.
Ask GOD giver of children 2 giv u urs.Sacrifice unto GOD nd HE ll neva let u down.U can also go 2 RCCG HGS nd listen 2 testimonies,mayb dat might gear u up 2 av faith in HIM.GOD ll cum 2 ur aid soon nd u ll laugh last.
its not very easy as many unrealistic people on this blog are makin it look.speaking truthfully it wont be easy for both the man and d woman at this stage ie after 12 yrs.infact have anyone heard of womb transplant.just heard dt yesterday to show d level people can go to have their own kids. to the man in question, i will tell u d truth.if you have been a christian before now then i can give u a pastor's number who can help you.he is real and handles such cases with total success but if you are not, u know whats best for u. do you love ur wife well, would your marriage have been what your dreamt of but for this child issue.are u a man of your own as in you take decisions or u are a family toy such that when they bark you react? you know your self. if you are a real man, then sit down and talk with your wife.tell her you want a child of your own and she knows she has issues.what does she suggest ie if u love her enough and care how she feels.you will be amazed she has good alternatives or options.but truth is adopting in Nigeria is no longer easy.if you are a social worker you ll understand.also Nigerians dont know what surrogacy is as in one can hardly get people who will be willing to just carry a baby for u and dts all.lets be real or just shut up. dont say things that are unrealistic. you will be deceiving yourself.some women go for marrying a wife for their husbands though i know alot of cases where d "new wife/baby machine" becomes d madam and chases d original wife but also a couple who did that and its working. i wish you are a true christian, my first option is better. God has solution to every problem and yours wont be different if you believe. i know many people who trusted God and had their own kids especially where there is a revelation.God help u.interestingly am a woman but a realist not an idealist as described by David Keirsey.
Marry a 2nd wife and stop there. Do not marry a 3rd. Discuss this with your wife first.
Please do not leave your wife . remember the vow you both made . You will stand by each other through thick and thin.
Seek other alternatives- adoption , IVF. God will definitely hear your cry . Please read Psalm 112 daily with your Wife. God is still on the throne.
Bros, I can understand the feeling of waiting for God to do something in you life but its not happening. But I beg you to just be patient God has a plan for you. He is testing you and your wife faith. The child he will give you will surely bring you joy. How long did Sarah and Abraham wait talkless of you being 44 years young. As the song says "come and see the lord is good, there is nothing he cannot do, come and see the lord is Good. BE Patient. Dont leave your wife and chop punishment from God o.
You married for better or worse. Start looking at adoption, there are tons of kids out there who need parents.
this is the time she needs you more than ever. wat gives you the impression that the next lady would give you a child? There are couples with no problem and still they dont have children yet. Dont forget that only God gives conception. pls be faithful to her and look up to God, Hes d only one who can solve impossible situations. some women without womb v children...God did it! Dont you ever give up.
Mr man please dont do it just keep on beleiving in God Almighty who did it for Sarah in the bible and He is still at work till date.Have Faith in God and beleive me, u will testify.if you are so lonely adopt a child from the motherless home geting another wife is a wrong option.
Sir, the fact that you even thought about asking this question tells me that you do not really love your wife and you don't even deserve to have a wife at all.
It is sad to know that there are men like you in this world.
Mr man don't u biliv in God?hw kan u liv ur wife simply bkos she knt conceive?she nids u more than ever.miracles stil works......mtchewwww giv ♍ε̲̣̣̣ a break pls! R u d first?
the problem of childlessness nowadays is not being patient, just imagine if a certain abraham can give birth at that age not excluding is wife sarah then with a little faith i think urs is possible.........just believe
Chisom na wa 4u o.na ur kon worse pass.
Candidly,all of us here passing judgements should check it.i don't think either party are pleased to be in this situation.marriages break up for several reasons, not as worse as this.it can happen to anyone and it is when u r in a dire situation that u can know ur capabilities.if u want to adopt pls go for it, if otherwise that u want to leave pls go ahead. It's better to b alone than b continuously unhappy.
@ Dr. Okechukwu, What are you going on about with your definition of surrogate mother and adoption? Are you having a laugh? Your post is so full of contradictions....BTW wat r u? A witch doctor?
I believe it must have been very challenging for this couple.. But then the same God that did for the couple of over 14yrs which I also saw on this Blog can do yours.
If Moses had given up on Nneka, there wouldnt have been Kamara today. May God help you to make the right decision. Good luck
Mr man don't u biliv in God?hw kan u liv ur wife simply bkos she knt conceive?she nids u more than ever.miracles stil works......mtchewwww giv ♍ε̲̣̣̣ a break pls! R u d first?
Impartial??
For better, for worse. For richer, for poorer. In sickness and in health until death do you part. I rest my case.
These are not words to be taken lightly according to how convenient you feel at any given point in time.
Please the option of leaving your wife aint a very good one.You married her with the intention of loving her come what may,why back out at this time when all she needs is love,care and hope.
My simple advise,this is the time for you guys to be stronger together,do a lot more things together,get closer to GOD.He never sleeps nor slumbers,he knows you need children and I promise you He'l not fail in this regard.
DONT WALK AWAY FROM YOUR WIFE!!!
Pls i beg u dnt gve up,my G.0 waited for 15 yrz b4 God answered him wt a boy.i beg u jes kip bliv'n on God.it z wel wt ur soul.
14:33
dude! really?? u want to leave her? what happened to "for better FOR WORSE"?? what if u were d problem? wuld u have loved it if she left u?..r u dat selfish n shallow??..i still have lotsa questions for u buh lemme pause, cause me don't think u can give any reasonable answer to dem..
n e way, just like someone already said, adopt or find a surrogate..for crying out loud dis is d 21st century, d jet age..they r so many thingz u can do but leave her,ok?.. mehn!.. there's a balm in Gilead!!!..there's God, miracles do still happen, u know dat, ryt? He didn't create n e one barren..PRAY!!! (don't know if u r a Christian or how much of xtian u r if u r if u r one)i think u shld grow up too cos a matured MAN won't think like u!..bleh!!
You need to realise that you are going through this experience for a reason. Have you learnt to love UNCONDITIONALLY? And accept your wife with all her perfections and imperfections? You clearly haven't learnt to love, why should the Universe give you children who you may abandon when the can't please you?
Hope. Love. Faith.
www.awakeprograms.blogspot.com
Ppl just talk like its easy!!! Adopt a child whn he's capable of havin 1. I can feel his pains and tryna wear his shoes. Evrybdy wants 2 luk at thr offspring and watch dem grow. Buh smtyms, we hav 2 kari our crosses. D day yhu marid yhr wife, yhu made a choice. I must commend yhu cos 12 yrs ain't a joke. Sm men wud hav had children outside. Mi dr, 4 mi, I tink surrogacy is d best option. Twork it out wv yhr wife... Leavn her wl shatter her. I wish yhu d best. D lord dt has kept yhu for 12 yrs, wl see yhu thru.
I know its hard but if you truly love your wife, you'll be patient and trust in God. My cousin waited 13yrs with his wife and everyone obviously felt there was no hope for them but guess what? They were blessed with a baby boy just recently. It may also interest you to know that both are in their fourties.
Try all means.....prayers + IVF + Surrogate etc.
God be with you.
Oga hold on to what you have now what gives you the guarantee that the lady you are going to will give you an Obama My mom had her first issue after 14 years before then after waiting for 6 years my dad played an away game and had a boy outside beleive me that singular act made him loose most of His properties after His death. Be warned
Gbam! U have said it all. I dnt evn think men will advice hm to leave his wife for tht reason. May God help him.
I like Nigerians when it comes to advising others on what to do. All yakking and trying to show their Godly side and love side. The guy who wears the shoes knows where it pinches. If he follows you guys advise to stick it out with his wife, he may remain miserable the rest of his life and sooner than later, there will be stress in the marriage and it will brake. If he goes to fool around and make babies outside the wifey will be devasted emotionally. There's no easy solution to this problem. The guy is caught between a hard place and a rock.
Fela, what I presume you should do is to have a down to earth discussion with your wife and dont mince words. If you really feel that you not feel actualized without a child of your own blood, let her know it and let her make the decision to either agree to an IVF or get a sorrugate to carry both of you guys' child.
Dont go about it independently unless you want to damn the consequences, which is being called names. I bet you, when women want to do their own thing, they do not even consult with anybody. They do it outright and damn the consequence. So do what you have to do but try to be deligent and empathize.
God bless you
What if you're the one having the problem, Will you like her take a bow and go?
If the reason for marrying my wife is to have KIDS, provided that I am fertile, I will walk away and find another woman to procreate with. Sorry, that's my candid and objective view. Is it not better I walk away than to lie to her everyday and still have kids outside wedlock?Would you consider that love?It will hurt but I have to walk away for me to be happy.That is to me what love is all about.
However, if my reason for marrying her is for COMPANIONSHIP, I shall have a sit down with her going forward. Kids or no kids, I will never walk away from her.
You may not agree with me, but people marry for different reasons - either for kids, romance, companionship et al......Do you think in all honesty that a man/woman from the age of 30 - 45 doesn't know why she/he's getting married to a man/woman? That's why it's good to define what you want from the onset to avoid all these eyaaaaaa ......Your miracle is the choices that you make.Nobody should use Nneka/Isaac as a case study here because you aren't in their lives to know the circumstances of their situation.
Oga sir , just recite those vows you took on the day of your wedding. Marriage is not only when things are good, but we vowed to stay with our partner when things are also not as expected.
It is together forever in whatever.
Linda,are you gonna let that one slide?
Like seriously?hot bird like you doesn't have a bf?
Sharrap you numpty
Some nigerians knows how to give a noonsense advice to people aside,,and when the same problem fall on them,you will start seeing them only in the night,,there are some two people that are not made together as one,,marriage,evendo if they force there self into it,there u see childless,,,and some woman curse there own problems during there youthful age,,man go for a 2wife or u go got de child from a girl friend out there,,just if u still love ur wife,,
@Abimbola O- Kosy the baby that was kidnapped has not been found.
when i saw the broadcast stating that she had been found i was very excited and text her dad to ask if it is true. "She has not been found, she is still missing" he replied. I wonder why people cook up mischief at the expense of parents who are living with the pain of missing an adorable child like Kosy.
Mr, though am not wearing your shoe, but i can relate to how draining waiting could be.However, i would say you have waited this long for a reason so why don’t you still wait for that same reason and pray to God.By the way,whose verdict do you believe?God's verdict or Doctor's verdict?You might end up quitting today whereas your miracle is destined for tomorrow.Whose loss?Just hold on and wait on God.He can reverse the irreversible
i dont u bro but i'm pretty sure u made a vow before God and witnesses to stick with this woman through thick and thin? she and some of the world, indeed some of the people in that very church were u made this said vow,may let u go do what u want and please but pls remember the God factor. God doesn't joke around with vows. if u leave ur wife because of this seemingly small issue that actually has a variety of solutions, i bet u bro u would not like where u could end up. u may feel "ok i would get the next girl pregnant before i marry her" then a insignificant engine fault could see all ur children perish before ur eyes when u're 54. and put urself in ur wives shoes, walk a mile in her shoes, if u feel it would hurt u if she abandoned her vows to u and walked away were something to happen to u or if u were the sterile one, u probably shouldn't give into that devil that only wants to make ur life worse.
How can you even ask that kind of question? What happened to for better for worse? Mr man, there are many other options you can choose from, fertility Issues does not mean you can't have children, it's just going to cost $$ to have kids. Try artificial insermination, invitro, surrogate, and even adoption.
What if the problem was from the man?
There are lots of ple out there waiting for one thing or the oda, either late marriage etc. He made all things beautiful in His own time, your time will surely not pass u by. Keep hoping anf=d believing that He will surely do it. I have a close frnd that waited for few yrs too, bt today shes a proud mother and rite now she is expecting her second baby. it is well wt u. Cheers!
"I have both so I know" what do you mean by that? I also have a biological child and an adopted child and I see NO difference. I adore and love them the same.
I don't think you should leave because there is only as much as the doctors can do, it is also important to have faith and to believe that if it is your portion to have children in this world you definitely will. This is something you can't do for your self only God can do it so just have that believe. What is the guarantee that u leave your wife and meet the next woman you will have children. Unless of course your are both not happy in the marriage any more I don't believe this should be a reason to wanna leave your spouse.
What happened to love and "for better for worse"? I assume you have loved her for 12 years, why stop now? Her problem, whatever they might be, became equally yours the day you chose to be joined together. I can assure you that no matter how bad you feel about not having your own kids she feels 100 times worse. You're talking of walking away, but she can't walk away from herself, can she?. She might have kids one day in the not so distant future and she might not. You could walk away from her and have kids with some other woman but can you guarantee that you'll be happy there and everything would be honky dory? Can u guarantee that you won't look back one day and wish you'd stayed and explored other options with her? The choice is yours, but before you make up your mind imagine if the situation between you and wifey was reversed. Good luck.
Dear Mr Man,
Have you considered other options like Surrogate, adoption e.t.c
While i don't want you to break your marriage i would also consider the fact that staying in an unhappy marriage could do a lot of damage to both of you psychologically.
Y'all want him to stay with his wife. trust me even if he stays he's going to do what his mind tells him. I bet you his mind is made up since day before yesterday. *hish* unless of course the guy no be naija guy o .
Just saying"
By the way yes I am female, and perhaps my comment is sentimental, but I would give you the same advice if you were a woman.
This is no biggie really, look for a surrogate...
Stop insulting linda and GTHOH fool
i am a lady and i know how it feels like because at the moment am going through the same thing that my husband keeps giving me timeline or else he will move on.
on the case of adoption to him its not an option and ivf its not garranted, so i take everyday as i see it and only put my trust in ALMIGHTY GOD.
I know if its the other way round i would remain for better or worse.
Leave her now... ode.
chances are ur sperm is immotile and it'll not matter... mchewwww
y'all need to start opening up to adopting. Its naija so surrogate is out of the option, i dont know a naija woman that'll carry someone else's baby without all the usual superstitions... ish
Just save a life. Adopt a baby. Too many of them. homeless, hungry, you'll not only gain a child but you'd have made God proud of you....
Hey...Mr Man..U're here thinking about leaving her....How sure are you that she hasn't thought a million times about leaving you!!!!!!!..The problem could even be with you..but yet, she's stayed back....Do the right thing...Wait on God....Adoption is a good idea too...
Ok so you leave your wife of 12 years to start over with a new wife and I'm guess a fresh hot young thing abi?
I bet your wife was also fresh hot young thing when you married her.
If that fresh hot young thing couldn't have a child, what makes you think the next one will??
Now I will tell you this so that it will help your situation: There is something called Natural Family Planning. No it's not the rhythm method.
It's actually fertility awareness method. It tracks the mucus of your wife's cycle, learning it she'll be able to tell which mucus is fertile and which isn't. It also tracks her temperature to let you know when she has ovulated so that you guys can use that in the future. It also helps to check the cervix position, you learn when her cervix is hard and closed sperm isn't entering, but when it's open sperm will get through. It increases your chances of conceiving when you actually know what day she is most fertile and the both of you can engage in sexual relations. You can learn this method online as well. Another method is the creighton method, I absolutely love it, because it works with Napro technology which diagnoses the reason of a woman's infertility and treats it. There are specially trained doctors for that. You can just google creighton method and it will show you their webpage. And the thing is, when you learn these methods they cost little or nothing. I am not yet married, but I'm learning the fertility awareness method because I saw changes in my body. The changes happen to be symptoms of low progesterone which aids in getting pregnant and staying pregnant. Now I know that when I get married and fail to conceive, I'll know exactly what my problem is and take it up with my doctor.
So Mr. have you tried to understand your wife's cycle so as to help her conceive??
dont leave her just get a second wife ,both of them dont have to live in the same house if ur rich , but this time impregnant her and let her have the baby before doing the marriage rights.
Seriously,i know it's not easy but leaving her's the easy way out.hang in there,the light'll break thru.i know of a couple in Akure who just had twins after 20 years of marriage.........adoption too is not a bad idea.you and your wife can adopt an abandoned child and change his/her life.God bless you.
bros abeg no leave am o
Boss, please do not leave this woman you call your wife. If you do, you may create bigger problems for your self. Please believe in God, I beg you. Only him can save!
Being 44yrs old does not qualify you to be a father. Since you have shown that you are not matured enough to be in marriage. What happen s if you find another woman who gives you a child and you find out the child has 'down syndrome', blind, deaf, crippled, dumb, or some form of disability? Bet you will throw the child away. Gerout jo!
With God All things are possible so mr man don't give up. There re 2 types of infertility:1 primary- in wch d woman has neva bn pregnant in her whole life.2 secondary- d woman has bn preg b4, even if it's b4 u guys got married whether she aborted or not.So has ur wife eva bn preg in entire life, if yes, then it's secondary infertility. There re many way inwch dis can b corrected by Gods grace. If u ve enough money u can try out procedures(assisted conception) like InVitro Fertilization (IVF)-here d sperm is placed in close proximity to d egg outside the body,after fertilization, the embryo is transfered into the uterus(womb). 2)Artifical insemination: husbands sperm is placed in d uterus at d time of ovulation. 3)Gamete intrafallopian Transfer(GIFT):sperm nd egg are placed in d fallopian tube for nautral fertilization. Apart frm des assisted conception U can do d following: adoption 2)fostering 3)Surrogacy: necessary wen ur wife uterus is damaged Or wen she has a health condition dat she can't carry pregnancy.. A very Gud hospital for IVF if u re based in ABj: is Nisa premerier in Jabi..ie Doc wada's hospital. U can try der. As far as U ve th money.. Lastly Pray seriously cos its only God dat makes evrythin possible .,:
Do not leave her, but go ahead and have a baby outside. I will advise her to do same if it were me.
Do not leave her. But go get a kid outside if that is your desire. I also encourage you have a discussion with her (if possible) before doing. I will advise her do the same if it were me
when you made your vows, i am sure you said in sickness and in health, so wait on the Lord, keep believing. God will make a way . God has already done it, it's left for you to receive and believe it
I see no one true comment in here...smmmh!....people can be fake!..i never wished for such, but if it happens, something must be done, honestly something needs to be done. Am Segun.
Nigerians! Quite a difficult lot! Do u guys ever read or do you ever bother to understand things? Always acting holier than thou yet the most corrupt! He needs advice and y'all are quoting scriptures! Why do u all assume he's christian? Y shud seeking advise become so religious? In wat way have u helped him now? Mssssssccchew!
Ah ahn. Pls stop insulting Linda abeg. You with your bad grammar. Rubbish!
I am on thesame level with you bro,12years too,will be 43yrs in few weeks too and no child yet but i cant just leave my koko.Atimes i feel like doing crazy things but once i remember her smiles and care for me,i just love her more.My plan is to adopt soon.
So you want a group of anonymous people to advise you whether or not to leave your marriage of 12 years? You are an ewu of the highest order.
Go ahead and leave your wife!! Idiot. She will be better off without you. You obviously have no regard for your marital vows.
Oya I've given you advice. Now immedialetly go and file for divorce.
Anyway, xxxo
God bless you for this comment,don't mind the rest shouting adopt and serogate nonesense ,una think say na beans?abi Nigeria don turn Europe or US? A Nigerian or African can't feel good with stupid serogate and adoption.
Men...u wanna leave ur wife of 12yrs???I pray not 2 meet a man like u.just 12yrs n u r tired?wat happened 2 4 beta 4 worse?in sickness n in health?did u just take dose vow cos u felt like opening ur mouth?hmmmm.I lost an Uncle 2mths ago he was shot my unknwn men in Warri.may his soul rest in peace.he was d best man any woman wld av as a husband.he was a friend n cnfidant 2 his wife.15yrs of marriage Ϟ☺ issue.buh dey still lived as if everytin was cmplete.if u choose 2 leave ur wife 2day God wldnt 4gv u.as Linda said n I wld ask 'WHOSE REPORT WLD U BELIEVE?smtmx its gud 2 put urself in ur wife's positn.women endure Ϟ☺ mata hw bad it hurts.we encourage n r prayerful.hw r u sure d fault is really frm ur wife?r u sure u aint d 1 wiv d problem?my dear talk 2 God n he wld direct u.May 24th 2012 11,56am 9ce comment dere
Look at the story of that Goge Africa couple..............was it not 14 years or summin? Plus did you not say all the 'for better or worse in church'? Was tour sole purpose of marrying her for baby productions or you loved her regardless. Love think about all this thinks before choosing to walk away. Remember God created us so nothing is impossible, before you say the problem is from her (which you might have medical proof of that trust me is insignificant when it comes to God), check yourself first, you might actually be the poblem. The problem might just be sincerely asking the right person for help and most importantly BELIEVING an PATIently waiting, trusting that it shall come to pass. Should i bring out more examples, Abraham, did he walk away? After you walk away what will happen? Life is so uncertain that you might marry again and still not have any children. Lets stop worrying and complaining and go and ask the person that made us what the problem is, and trust me, it will make sense from there!
OMGOSH, look at the amount of gramatical errors I made with my first post jheezz man! I was eatin and typing people, na why! lol
Human beings are so quick to judge others. How can you doubt a man's love for a woman he stayed with for 12years. I have learnt never to judge others if I'm not in their EXACT situation. Most of you calling this guy names, insulting him, wouldn't have stayed with this woman for half of those years. Like I always say, LOVE is not enuf in a marriage. FYI, I'm a happily married, father of 2 beautiful kids. How many women will stay with their husband for 12years after being told that he can NEVER make them pregnant. Be sincere with yourself. It is a very personal decision. A family member of mine was married to his highschool sweetheart for 10years with no kids. They amicably dissolved the marriage. Each went on to re-marry and now have kids of their own. Together they couldn't make babies, with others, they made plenty!!...Let every man the decision that makes them happy!!!
My Guy! Afta 12yrs of marriage u want to leave her eh? Dnt tell me u just found out d fault is from ur wifey. Because afta a year or two of marriage, u shud av been bothered y she hasnt conceived yet or even had a miscarriage.
So my dear, i'd advise u av a decent conversatn wit ur wifey b4 any decision is taken. Mind u, nothin is impossible 4 my big GOD.
Message to all- try and do a thorough fertility test with ur partner b4 marriage so that if there r no kids after wards, then u knw its part of God's grand plan 4 u. Stay blessed
Hmmmm..... I hope this is not my friend's husband cos their 12th year anniversary is this year.
I will ask you to go for surrogacy. A couple in my church had the same issue, infact they have been married longer than you have. I heard 2 weeks ago that they had twins. I was overjoyed. The lady had been away from the country for a year and a half. if i hadnt been close to the lady's sister, i would never have guessed that they used a surrogate in India.
Its a bit costly but very effective. Hundreds of ladies in India make a living from being surrogates.
About adopting 1st is really rite, I hav dis aunt, couldn't give birth for years, then she adopts, next ting u knw, she's preggas.
Plus pray hard
Toyin A
what you dont know is, the problem is with both of you, my uncle went through the same, his wife left thinking she will get pregnant elsewhere, but she never, you might leave her , this doesn't guarantee a child anywhere
Anyway there was a staff in my former office that didn't have children for like 12 years,he and his wife recently gave birth to a baby boy,so my chairman there is hope, try and work it out,or adopt and love your wife.
people keep saying IVF blah blah blah...pls google sucess/failure chance.
Love is not an easy thing. it is not easy to love as unconditionally as we should.
Please dont give up. it would shatter your wife whom you have promised to protect and love.
ask your wife for her opinion and choose one of the options she gives.
One thing most people don't realise is that this man has made up his mind. No be today the mumu begin de show him wife the signs.
Men learn this,a woman's womb gets hostile when she is under pressure either by others or by her own mind. You think she is not already drained that she can't have a child? The moment you assure her its not abt the kids but her and even start talking adopting she will relax and her body will accept ur sperm. Even you sef go de release angry hostile sperm, how e go go fertilise ehn.
Take her on dates and on trips okay, just let her know its about her. You will be surprised what unconditional love can do to the human psych.
But if I were your wife,hmmmm, I probably will want a divorce right about now, cos ur attitude towards me is depressing.
Lastly, my Dad's bro had to wait, 9months, our kingsman 17yrs and a family friend never, he and his bro are impotent and yet they have lovely adopted kids.
I bet they would have left their wives if it were the reverse. Men are usually born selfish. Mothers should start training their Sons differently
What ever happened to for better or worse? If you both can't agree on other options, I guess yes is the answer.To thy onself be true!
wat if d other woman u meet also cant bare children, how many women wld u end up wit. smh. mennnn, all dsame, jst like i have a friend dat loved her boyfriend sooo much and dey were together for 5 years. d stupid bf SUDDENLY realised in the 5th year of relationship dat my friend(his gf) is too short. so that was the reason he broke it off. U know WAT U WANT already. d fact that u can actually tink of dis option showS u are a big coward and an ingrate. what if u were d woman or wat if its ur sister that had this issue? ur wife is not God dat makes babies. Ders something called Fasting and PRAY. it exists and IT works for me, cos we all have and serve a living GOD.
Sorry I am a lady n I won't let this one slide cos'a ur request4jux male readers comments. I had an aunt that has been married for 15yrs her husband was gonna divorce her on their 15yrs anniversary. I was worried so I went online and also told some friends one woman adviced me to tell her to visit NORDiCA FERTILITy centre. Now she has two boys and she n her husband are living happily. Don't give up on ur 12yrs marriage cos'a a child try other method I heard this pple can do things u won't believe. And the thing is ma aunty is in her 40's she was already in menopause. I suggest u visit this clinic. Na d money wea I get naim I borrow u so (if its ma neigbour) Nuffin is impossible~NUF SAID.
Linda make sure u post ma previous comment o! Make we no fight!
SMH, some people sha,I'm sure when you were wooing her and high on lust you said you'd do anything for her, when you made your vows to her, did you ask random strangers their opinion? No,after you've satisfied your lust and are obviously looking to get a pretty young thing in her place you are asking for advise. What a retard.
Ps: don't only walk away, o no, do the moonwalk or electric slide..... a little more appropriate and dramatic.
its time to adopt!
Not an expert on the subject, however I'm sure this poster has heard stories about couples who had children after many years. Why can't you be patient? Have faith and ride on God's will. This child your wife eventually has might be of global influence. If you knew this for sure, would you have more patience?
Please be patient, like the cliche saying: God's time is the best!
just have faith with God all things are possible
When I see things like this I cringe!
Do people truly understand the vows they make anymore? "For better, for worse" ... Or isn't that what they say??
Marriage is a mystery by God & only godly people should embrace it, for then it will make sense... And not the charade the world has turned it to be!
Now, Mister thank God the problem isn't from you (shey?)... If it was, would you want to stay married? Would you want A WOMAN to understand & remain with you? If it was your sister, would you want her husband leaving?
Marriage isn't for selfish people!
Did you think it was a joke when you were told "... and these two shall become one!"?? Did you think it was a myth?!
I really shudder at what I hear/read about marriages these days
Anon 12.02 pm Thank you for that question?
i can tell who the women are and the who the men are by their comments and i have to say the men are more constructive and realistic about their advice. sometimes when u r giving advices u have to empathize first, becos this is a man in obvious pain that by God's grace we wouldnt have to bear much less understand. that said; if mutallabs parent cld look into their child's future i am sure they wld have refrained from having him. Children are a blessing to a marriage, but thats not all its about, but when we have a problem, we put a microscope on it and make it larger than life making impossible to see other things and enjoi other aspects of life. Please my brother wait on the lord and he would blow ur mind like he has never b4 done in the mean time enjoy life with ur wife
Really to be honest here,i am a woman and have a heart... for others but i will be very frant and i know other will not accept it with me though am not God but will b plan and honest because we have this same issue in my family. my elder brother happen to b the only male child we have and got married to early for reproduction because we r three 2 female and him but after 11yrs now no issue and my father died after instructing him that he shld take a second wife......thats not the issue here what am about to say is this...the woman that he got married to was his senior and was previously married and has no issue and the husband diedafter 5yrs, the husband younger brother remarries her same thing no child and the man has to marry someone else and sends her back before she meet my brother but we told him not to marry her but he insisted so now the same woman practically sent all my relations and father away and i have been away for studies till my fathers death last year. my elder bros said that she has an issue that doctor has comfirm that her womb cant carry a child though he father a son outside his marriage without the wife knowing but now am saying enough is enough and we all have decided for him to take a new wife which he agrres to do this chrismas and the bride works with gtb.look if this woman is nice or has a good heart pls stay with her but if she is mean and wicked look for an easy way out...that my simple advise
All these women talking here is really annoying...You asked for the opinion of men and i think that you deserve to hear from people that can truly relate. Man to Man, DO NOT LEAVE YOUR WIFE! It rarely works out after that. If you want your own biological child, go and get a decent girl pregnant (you can apologize later because i cant count on my fingers the number of people i know that have children outside). If you can stomach adoption then look into that as well, children always have a way of making the mood lighter in the home even if they are not yours biologically. Trust me as a father, there is a big deal about having your biological children that as you look at them you see yourself. I doubt adoption can bridge that gap. But be very objective with all medical approaches and keep working on it and again, DO NOT LEAVE YOUR WIFE!! Good luck...
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