Dear LIB readers: Is it okay for a woman to propose to a man? | Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog

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Tuesday 16 July 2013

Dear LIB readers: Is it okay for a woman to propose to a man?

From a female LIB reader
Linda, Could you please ask your followers if they believe it is okay for a woman to propose to a man. The reason I am asking this is that today I and my cousin were watching the reality TV show Love and Hip Hop and one of the ladies on the show proposed to her love interest. My cousin then said ''she has no self respect''. I was rather shocked because my cousin is female and I did not expect this from her. My point is that, it is the 21st century. I do appreciate that not everyone and even some females do not believe in gender equality but I just want to understand why this is such a big deal.

273 comments:

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Ariesbabe said...

D women folk hv dia pride, dignity n self respect to think abt, dnt ever let a man c u as sm1 dats cheap n desperate. So, d ryt tin to do is to allow d man do d proposing.

Banana said...

Abeg you no get talk. If everybody start to dey ask Linda dis kain question everyday, space go dey for better news? If you want to propose to your man, go ahead but make sure you will play the financial roles too...
Linda post my comment oh..dunno if ur having personal beef with me these days

Unknown said...

wats da fuss as far as she loves hims consider a cen rio where de guy is shy and is waitin 4 her 2 make da first move

Anonymous said...

To me it is wrong for a woman to propose to a man

Rough Diamond said...

Its no big deal if u know d guy truly loves n cherish u. There is dis guy I liked back then but when I walked up to him, he gave me de cold shoulder n I was embarrassed. So if d love is mutual, y not?

Unknown said...

Its not a barer to propose to a guy u love if u nd u c he loves u.....don't let's african mentality make u swallow dat in ur mind.......we r in a free world nd its very easy for u to say wots in ur mind

Anonymous said...

yes if de guy is d shy type but should not be in public
linda how do you purpose as a guy

Anonymous said...

LINDA, WAKE UP!!!!!! POST OUR COMMENTS, THEN GO BACK TO SLEEP. ITS ALREADY MID-DAY IN NIGERIA.

Anonymous said...

Abeg oo! Its not normal 4 a lady to propose to a man! Wot wil be ur ground in dat relatnship? D man wil always be messin around!pls men nd women re not equal esp wen it comes to marriage matters, d man is d head of d family, atleast its in d bible! A man can pay d bride price on a woman's head,can a woman pay d brideprice on a man's head? Pls linda answer dat

Unknown said...

I dnt thinks its a big dealfor a woman to ask am man out...its a normal thing for me

Anonymous said...

I don't think there is a big deal in proposing to a man u dating n luv cus men nowadays find it difficult committing demselves n most of dem wld rather date u for ages than commit or sum jus av cold feet n dunno how 2 go bout proposing.if not for anything at least it gives d woman an idea of where she stands wit d man.I also tnk proposing 2 a man is more or less d same tng as asking a man if u guys r gettin married anytym in d nearest future which almost all gals do at sum point in a relationship.we r in d 21st century and women av as much rights as their male counterparts so if a gal wants 2 propose 2 her bf,I'll say 'go for it gal'!

kween said...

Errmmm... *waiting for comments*

no one, but someone said...

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Unknown said...

well this can be done for a woman to propose me as a man but we going to be best of friends before and i'll know much about her before i can accept her and we start out relationship...

Ashmark Olakunle said...

Ride on.....Nothing wrong about it..Just do it stylishly

Anonymous said...

It depends on d tradition of d people. In india women pay d bride price nt men so wht are u goin 2 say abt dat. So 4 me it up 2 d guy nt 2 u k..

no one, but someone said...

Hmmmmmmm

Anonymous said...

its wrong jor #myopinion

no one, but someone said...

Hmmmmmm

Anonymous said...

HMMMMMM

Anonymous said...

If you are a Christian, which l assume you are l believe the bible is our standard for all we do. Proverbs 18:22 said he that finds a wife, not she that finds a husband. 21st century has got nothing to do with this. It is straight and simple

lekan said...

Yes, it is not ok.

Unknown said...

wat i freakin linda or did u drop u dis tin wen u were nakin azonto post these comments

leema said...

Nope, not okay & never might be..

Anonymous said...

The man will look for ways to dodge.

Anonymous said...

According to my reasoning.proposing can come from any parties.it's ok by me if a woman proposes

Anonymous said...

Ladies always say it is inappropiate for them to propose or express their feelings for a guy they like.is it appropriate for them to strip their bra for made-men musicians to sign autograph on their nipples,post their pictures to musicians instagrams for a date and do runs babe?

Anonymous said...

Ladies always say it is inappropiate for them to propose or express their feelings for a guy they like.is it appropriate for them to strip their bra for made-men musicians to sign autograph on their nipples,post their pictures to musicians instagrams for a date and do runs babe as many of them do?

Anonymous said...

It is not so acceptable. But if only u have study d kind of person u are in love wit. D only reason y he may use u 2 play is if u worth notin. Or he is not ready.

Anonymous said...

It is not Ok for a woman to propose to a man especially in an African setting.

Anonymous said...

Luks cheap n desperate. A female is a prize and a man shuld do all to win her heart including proposing

Anonymous said...

He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the LORD. Its the mans job!

»kruiza« said...

Follow ur heart, if u think he iz d right guy, go ahead... "Aint nobody's business" ....just between u and d guy

Anonymous said...

From the African context, it is not proper for a lady to propose to a man. The lady is not going to pay a groom price on the man so why propose. We pay bride price in Africa and not groom price. I dnt know if it is otherwise elsewhere. The right thing must be done!

blackgold said...

Financier? Is that how u view ur man? Strive toward independence my dear least u risk being a liability.

Unknown said...

Don't u knw it will make u look cheap watz d point ...even if u lov her dnt u knw u will feel u were pushed into marriage sumtymz...tink jor

Anonymous said...

Hey wait o,aw old r u?what do u knw..u should go and drop ur mum's fone and read ur book..play boi wonna b...spoil brat...ole ole...if I c u here nxt tym hen..sad face#

Anonymous said...

It is not an African thing as some of the commenters are saying.........it is WORLDWIDE....Although there are exceptions..most cases where the woman proposes the man ends up loosing respect for her and treats her like garbage....

Anonymous said...

Propose kor propose nii,yeah gender equality exists in the 21st century,still everyone has their role to play in a relationship,its d guy dt proposes not the other way round.

Anonymous said...

This days it is the women that proposes to the man.they will come with papers and show the guy that"I am 3weeks pregnant for you"

Anonymous said...

Yes, i will ask Non naija/African to marry me but no to my own people. They get too much bad mouth. If anything happen, they will be the first to tell you say after all na u ask him to marry u.

Anonymous said...

Bonario oya nw come lemme engage u

Anonymous said...

Bonario says it is right. So, Bonario, would you marry me?

metche said...

It is not rite for a woman to propose to a man. First and foremost it is not our culture.

Secondly it is a man that will propose when he is financially ready to go into marriage. Again if a woman should propose to a man, there will be no regard/respect for the woman even if eventually the man agrees to marry her. The man will throw the woman out at any time and he will say afterall she was the one that forced him to marry her.

A woman can propose indirectly like asking the man "what are we still waiting for" lols

OLAYINKA said...

THIS IS A NO FOR ME....IT IS D GUYS THING LET HIM DO IT

Temibeauty said...

Nigeria culture does not allow it n the bible made us to understand that for dis cos shall a man leave his father n mother n stick to his wife. Which means a man is suppose to ask a lady's hand in marriage not d oda way. So is wrong!

Anonymous said...

I wonder why so many people are making issue out of a woman proposing to a man. Yes it's not biblical and not our culture but its no big deal if a woman does it to know her stand in a relationship. Some men keep women in relationship for more than 5 years and still shy away from making strong commitment. Ladies, when you find yourself in such unnecessarily long relationship, propose to him and if he can't take it,then you know its time for you to move on. If not, you might stay for 10yrs only to watch him get married to another lady. So, be wise.

Anonymous said...

Every thing in life depend's on ones idiosyncrasy. The way u see things is different from d way i see things, my girl friend may propose to me and i take her as a cheap girl looking for a husband, but u might propose to ur boy friend and he takes it as a joyous news. Maybe he wants to say it for a long time and u just help say it. Everything depends on an individual, he's ur boyfriend, u should know him better than everyone

virtuous woman said...

Marriage is hard enough wen its the man dat proposed talkless of a woman.u won't hear the last of it especially wen there is a misunderstanding,and pls don't say its immaturity,its not,its human nature. You will feel cheap and dirty. He will only apologise to u later,but the harm would have been done!wait till a man propose to u,if he doesn't it means he does not want u,move on.

Anonymous said...

please don't do it' my hubby proposed to me and he still makes me feel like I came after him. we are separated now. Always hold your dignity and your esteem. play hard to get. Men respect that, also have your own dough.

Anonymous said...

IN AFRICA ITS A TABOO WHY NOT GIVE HIM A HINT OR BETTER STILL A REASON TO WIFE YOU IT SOUNDS DESPERATE ABEG

Anonymous said...

Excellent! You're right on point.

Anonymous said...

Lol! I assume you aren't for marriages where both parties contribute to the well being of the family. #financier

Anonymous said...

It is the 21st century and yes it is alright for a woman to propose to a man. It is also alright for a man to grow a womb and breast so dat he can carry pregnancy and also breast feed the baby. It is the 22nd century after all .

Anonymous said...

Does it mean that men prefer paid prostitutes to their faithful girlfriends sex?

Anonymous said...

Ok all sentiments, culture, religion aside...Man and woman were created separately for specific roles. A man is a natural leader, the "giver" while the woman was created the "receiver" anatomically, physiologicaly and emotionally. When roles are switched then things become abnormal. A man was created and equipped to hunt, the woman was created to recieve/respond. Its ok to SUBTLY reveal ur feelings to a man if hes not stepping forward but it is a mans duty to chase. Feminism/gender equality brouhaha is applicable to female empowerment but not role switching, understand the difference! In marriage, the man is the leader so allow him to lead from the start, allow him the satisfaction of being a man and making you his wife while u allow yourself the joy and contentment of being chosen. I recommend the book: UNDERSTANDING THE POWER AND PURPOSE OF WOMAN by Myles Munroe (theres also the one for man). Bottom line- its being done but in the beginning it was not so.

Love, Nubia

Anonymous said...

shallow,very shallow.

Anonymous said...

Seconded!

Anonymous said...

Agreed. The man is the head and the woman is the neck. God created man first and then the woman next but God didn't force the woman on the man, He allowed man to "choose" the woman. Read Genesis chapter one and you'll understand the original design of the sequence intended by God...

Anonymous said...

Carry rope tie for goat, carry goat tie for rope, na d same thing! If the propositioning leads to marriage, all good and fine...if not...see the outcome on www.etumekama.blogspot.com! And Linda, if you don't post this, am going to turn down your proposition! You know wat I mean....

Chi gal said...

A guy proposes when he is ready to settle down. After all na the guy name she go take. I might be wrong o! As it is the 22nd century maybe guys have started changing their names, getting pregnant and breast feeding babies.

Anonymous said...

Even if God shows you that he's your Mr. Right, that does not mean that you have to go ahead and propose to him. Instead let him see you as a wife material and not just girl friend or ''shop and run''. U
you can be more closer to him or create a very good avenue for him to see every good reasons to propose to you and do not risk taking his post. If truly God says he's yours then pray that God should open his eyes to see that you are meant for him. What is yours will never elude you.

Anonymous said...

I wonder how people define right from wrong these days, in the olden days women were rated second class citizens and it is very unfortunate that this mentality is still in vogue in the mind of some people even in the 21st century. Now let me ask if your boss happens to be a woman would you obey her or not? Of course you would, and does that change the fact that she is a woman?
Now coming back to the issue of relationship, its a mutual thing, there has to be a consensus of both parties. I believe, it does not matter who proposes whether the guy or the girl, marriage is a social contract and it does not matter who proposes a contract for the contract to be valid. For a lady to propose to a guy means we have gotten to an age where gender inequality has no place. Now, in a relationship whether the guy or the girl proposes both have very essential roles to play and as a matter of fact, these roles are the same but played in different ways subject to the gender playing such a role. The guy might want to do something and the girl supports in which ever way while the lady might want to carry out a project and the man supports in whichever way he can. So which role does the masculine gender play in a relationship that the feminine gender doesn't? Is it financial, emotional, material... I believe relationship is like two halves that makes a piece, one is incomplete without the other. Now let's talk about obligations in relationship, respect is reciprocal, understanding is the key, commitment is inevitable love is the foundation its built on, self sacrifice sustains it, trust makes it peaceful... So, the mentality that goes against ladies proposing to men of their choice is so primitive that the person having that type of mentality (no offense intended) might have to visit a rehab. For ladies to propose to men of their choice, means that they are standing up to their personality, exhibiting the trend of gender equality and letting go of the second-class citizen status that the society has placed them. I think if this should start trending in full force the burden would be lighter on the men, there would be a level ground when it comes to relationship, most of the problems people ar encountering in relationships would be drastically reduced and our ladies would start getting the true respect that they deserve.(I stand to be corrected).
By Shegun Oluwagbemi

Anonymous said...

Its a man,s job to propose. But in a country like Nigeria, you have to constantly tell him indirectly that you want to settle down otherwise he will settle down with someone else.

banks said...

its very alright for a girl to propose to her man.. let them learn to buy rings and not wait for the guy to ask dem wahats ur finger size...lol

Anonymous said...

dont worry! your cousin will die single...

Anonymous said...

Me I don't need any ground levelling . Man no dey carry belle. When God do dat miracle then we can look at the contract again. For now sha, I prefer the traditional values were man proposes. If its not broken why try to fix it. I think the burden on a man and woman are equal. No need to shift any responsibility. But for those super women who can take on the mans and her own responsibility Good luck to them.

Anonymous said...

Please go ahead and take these lady men off the market. Propose to them and leave the real men to propose to real ladies.

Anonymous said...

You can propose to your gateman or houseboy. He will just have to say yes madam!!

Anonymous said...

I hope not to be in the shoes where ill have to. But i dont think its a good idea. If a guy isnt willing to be with you enough to propose to you as a girl, then why do it? it tells a lot if a guy doesnt propose to you. As a woman, wait, give yourself a deadline and if it doesnt meet the deadline.. biko leave!!

Anonymous said...

Lolz ... Interesting topic . But i know we guyz propose with pregnancy this days . Once the chick is knocked off thats official proposal.

Ladies play ur card right to convince him to buy the ring and kneel than taking ownership of the role .

Mrs Charming said...

Most of u are not well in the head. wats all these? pop culture? "i dont see anything wrong with it"? taa! mechionu!! it is not scriptural hence it is WRONG! which part of "therefor a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh" or Adam telling Eve she is his bone of his his bone and flesh of his flesh" did u not read and understand in ur Bible? we keep imitating the westerners forgetting they ve alarming divorce rates. no wonder we are also imitating their rates! follow the scripture and do what is right! all u men that are waiting for girls to propose to u, MAN UP and do what u re supposed to do. if u re rejected, big deal, move on and gain experience from that. u may claim that it does not reduce the respect u ve or the girl but na lie!!! U men love the hunt and no hunter eats the antelope that has arranged itself inside the pot, put in spices and put on the gas cooker. and women wey dey support this kind nonsense talk, na wa for una sha!

Anonymous said...

Also pay dowry!

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