Dear LIB readers: I want my husband to get a vasectomy so that he won't have kids without me | Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog

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Thursday 13 December 2012

Dear LIB readers: I want my husband to get a vasectomy so that he won't have kids without me

From a LIB reader
I’ve been pregnant a handful of times. Once was a miscarriage. The others resulted in my family: four lovely healthy children for my husband and me. At my last check-up, my doctor asked me what my preferred method of birth control was. I told her my husband would be getting a vasectomy.
I’ve been saying that every year since our baby was born. And our baby is now four years old. The facts are simple: my husband and I are in our mid-forties, and we feel our family is complete. I am not interested in complicating my hormones at this stage by going on the pill, nor do I feel it is necessary for me to undergo surgery in order to have my tubes tied.

An IUD is not something I want to explore. I know everyone who has one loves it, but something about a piece of metal in my uterus creeps me out. Frankly, after giving birth four times, I think my body’s been through the ringer. I’ve done enough. It’s now up to my husband to be responsible for our birth control.

And so he withdraws. Yes, I am one of “those” moms. This method has worked for us for years now. My husband’s argument that he’ll eventually get snipped, but doesn’t feel it’s urgent, sort of makes sense. Every year I badger him about it, even threatening to withhold sex. But that doesn’t serve either of us very well. His younger brother’s gone through it, as have many of our friends, and still he resists. He even makes an annual New Year’s resolution – but fails to even call for an appointment, let alone show up.

He states we’ve been fine thus far. I know it hasn’t been a priority. He says he hasn’t had time. I say he’s petrified. He claims it’s me trying to control him. I claim it’s my way of keeping things under control. One thing I never say – ever – is the real reason I want him “fixed”: clearly I don’t want to have more children. But I don’t want him to have any. With me or anyone else.

We’re both healthy and fit, and hopefully will continue to stay that way long into our old age. Not to be too morbid, but bad things happen to good people, right? Also, it’s never a forgone conclusion that we’ll be together forever, though it is my fervent hope. And if something happens to us – or to me – I don’t want him biologically parenting any more children. I’ve seen it happen: man moves on, has more kids, originals are kicked to the curb. Sounds extreme, I know, but I don’t want my husband putting any other kids above – or even on par with – our own. I know he loves our children dearly, but I secretly wonder if his love is strong enough – or fierce enough – to put them first if I were out of the picture.

For now, I hope it is. And I’ll continue to push for that vasectomy, closing that chapter once and for all.

108 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hmmm may God help u oo I think he knows more than u but if u luk at some thg tht we thnk thts good we shld also look at d repercussion to it but upon all God is involve

Chika said...

Linda watch what you post here o. As for the writer you are nothing more than a SELFISH b***h. Vasectomy cannot be reversed while the other methods can. Have you ever sat down to think, what if something bad happens to your kids (God forbid).
Your husband na mugu sha . If na me wetin i go tell u sha for your miserable life you no go ever raise that topic again. Besides lemme give you a word of advice never threaten a man with sex cos pussy is a surplus resource God has blessed us with and it is everywhere all d man needs to do is to look across the street and I promise you he will get it.

BONARIO NNAGS said...

Mehn dis one is way above me,av not impregnated a girl before,talk more of controlling myself.I pray u both resolve it amicably.Ehen plz don't listen to Tuface if he tries advicing u on dis.loolz

~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

hot girl said...

Chai!blood of Jesus.
this woman go kill person o!
husband run! ruuuuuuun!!rrrrruuunnn oooo!!!
some women are just so greedy,and selfish.can you just imagine this woman?
u dont want ur hubby to father children from any woman or yourself? are u his god?wat if something happens to these kids or he finds out he is not the father of those kids bcos u did away match?
take your time o!before amadioha go desend on u.
nonsense!

Anonymous said...

Some women are so so dangerous! We have not gotten out of the silly apple Eve "confused" Adam to eat and this one his busy manipulating her husband for some stupid reasons.

HOT GIRL said...

infact God go purnish you for suggesting that to a healthy man.if you don tire to marry comot for road make young ones like us fall in.haba!
HUSBAND NO DEY,THE ONE WEYN DEY U WAN COMOT HIM THING.AMADIOHA BEND UR MOUTH

Anonymous said...

@chika, i think it is nt bad if u were soft wit ur words.u trying to make a point bt u dnt hv to tk it personal.she's only asking for an advice here.#GIT writes

Anonymous said...

You cld try a natural method of birth control. See a gynaecologist for consultation.

Anonymous said...

Minus the extreme tone of this writer, this is my present situation. I have a daughter who is about 6 months now and my wife is already pregnant. She refused a condom and said she is too young to consider any form of birth control that is more complicated than withdrawal method. she is educated, with a university degree and upwardly mobile.

I know withdrawal doesn't work all the time. At least my daughter and the current pregnancy can attest to that. I am okay with a condom, but she refuses to compromise what she calls her "pleasure". I say she is selfish, but she refuses, saying she is a woman that likes her sex. Now her liking her sex has placed us in a predicament. We talked about abortion, but none of us wanted to do it. so we are stuck with an unplanned baby and the economic implications.

Why do Nigerian women find it difficult to embrace the tried and tested methods of contraception. Wishful thinking can only go so far. As for this writer, she is very very very callous. glad she aint my wife.
Dan nijeria

Anonymous said...

Well I think her husband should do as she said cause ave seen men do worse. And If doing dat is going 2 give her the security she desires then its a small sacrifice after having 4 kids for him...unless he has a hidden agenda. He should remember d popular saying"happy wife happy life"

June said...

​¶ support every bit of Ūя comment... ​¶ hate ladies that are Dumb, yet they feel they are smart..Hiss

Anonymous said...

Nice talk chika. I love what u said. She is just a selfish bitch.

tawa said...

Word! U deserve a carton of Heineken beer for this comment

Anonymous said...

Selfish b@@ch.

Anonymous said...

Wonder why people can't make comments without using foul language,what's with the"selfish bitch"haba,I'm sure a reply will most likely have more of the foul language...SAD!

Anonymous said...

she is so selfish I can't even begin to tell!!!

★★PRINCE CHARMING™★★ said...

Just appeal to him and not with threats and nagging about it, you guys are on the same page here, just as you don't want an IUD he may just be feeling that same natural way about not wanting a vasectomy as your not wanting a IUD. So give him that understanding and you guys should sit down and reason all this out as a family and find a solution. Don't sound selfish or in-secured by bringing up the issue that he might go and have kids with someone else later on, no man would appreciate been told that and pushed to get vasectomy, that shouldn't be the core reason for getting one.

Anonymous said...

She certainly doesn't know what it means to be married!imagine putting your husband thru withdrawal shit...one word woman,this dude is already hitting it outside...and na you use ur hand cause am,yeye woman.totally sorry for your husband cos what you have for him isn't love...you are one of those people married cos you felt its sometin u needed to do as part of ur life achievement

dera said...

Chika u are a compound fool. Is dt comment evn neccessary? Grow up!

Anonymous said...

Chika, you have made my morning! God bless you!

Daniel Akobi said...

Stop living in fear dear.
Your husband is just the gentle and polite type otherwise you won't dare push him at the rate you are doing.

Anonymous said...

ℓ̊ agree with u 100%

Anonymous said...

Chika, contrary to what you believe vasectomies can be reversed successfully. Even Dr. Phil reversed his vasectomy and impregnated his wife again after she desired to have another child. Vasectomies are not as big of a deal as men make them out to be.

Mam, unfortunately you cannot force anybody to do anything. If you have spoken to your husband and he refuses to get a vasectomy and you do not want to use the pill, then ask him to use condoms, which would probably be the best option for you if you question his faithfulness. There are also non-hormonal IUDs that you can look into. They are pricier, but last for up to 10 years I believe now(he should pay for it too).

I fully agree with you avoiding hormonal birth control. With the almost epidemic prevalence of fibroids in black women, I do not support hormonal forms of birth control either.

Anonymous said...

Selfish Wish

Anonymous said...

So you want LIB readers to help you convince your husband to get a vasectomy? Abi??. How is that possible? You are a very selfish woman. I really dont know why Linda should post this.

Anonymous said...

Well..she gave us a tOne!...chika gave her a corresponding advice!.....just that she as got her right too...4 kids aint joke, she is scare and husband no like idea of d control...#bigDilemma, but I still see a Trust issuse, yes doubt but have a hopeful trust wife..cos u right men move on...so those you women if tides is on urside!......niyinugar says so

Anonymous said...

You are the only one that has made complete sense here and I thank you for it. I don't know why people are taking it cardio. It is ok for the woman to do birth control while the men are left out? The people that think the wife is selfish are obviously the selfish ones and are obviously not married either. Every woman wants her children to be the only children are husband has. Datz just how we were created. A vasectomy can be reversed and its no big deal. I think it's time men started taking birth control as not only a woman's responsibility but also theirs.

Modupsy said...

Selfish? Yes. But with an excellent reason! I understand men saying d woman is selfish coz dey luv deir penis..but the females saying it heRe I'm sure don't have children yet.
Do u know d risk women face while having children? Death, mental issues and likes. The risk of having an ectopic pregnancy is so high these days dat its scary and if u don't no wat ectopic pregnancy is, try google.
My point is we women sacrifice more dan enuf for men in dis partnership (not service o) called marriage. Is it too much dat we ask d men to take a step and meet us halfway? Concerning her nt wanting him to have other children shuld d marriage collapse......we all know it goes naa, d moment he has other children, his previous ones become his least priority and let's nt 4get dat most likely by this time d woman might have reached her menopause o
So, tell me, who's selfish?

Modupsy said...

FIY Vasectomies are reversible.

Anonymous said...

So. Is vasectomy un-natural.......Mchw if u aint got nothing to say jst sharrrrrap!

Anonymous said...

There's absolutely nothing selfish about her demands,they just need to reach an understanding, looking at what men are capable of doing when the biological mother of his kids is nomore in d picture. Then its going to be another woman's call. 9 chances against 1 those kids will be kicked to d curbs

Anonymous said...

I tink ur being selfish here!!!! Tot love ȋ̝̊̅§ supposed 2 b selfless?...#justasking

Anonymous said...

Why should d woman do all d shots? I hate taking pills,and injections. I wish my husband would take responsiblity for birth control.

Anonymous said...

one word "selfish"

Nekkyblues said...

Babe its exactly what you would want. what about what he wants. If your no longer secure with your hubby simply because u do not want to have kids any longer then YOU GO AND TIE YOUR TUBES. period. Why have him do it when it is you who no longer want it.

Anonymous said...

What is wrong with men sacrificing for their wives,women would readily go thru shit for men but when a woman asks,she becomes selfish,abeggi...

Anonymous said...

Lmao @ surplus pussy...word!!!

***Lush said...

A vasectomy -- just like tubal ligation -- IS reversible.

In developing/third-world countries like Nigeria, it may not be. But in America and other countries with advanced medical technology, the tubes that are snipped can be re-tied.

The first step here is to have a serious talk with your husband about what the procedure is. Meaning, what exactly will be done to his manly parts. Most men are hesitant about vasectomies, fearing they may not be able to attain an erection or the procedure is somehow harmful.

After you've talked to him and calmed him down, you then bring a doctor into the mix. You can make an appointment or, if you have friends in the medical field, invite him/her over for dinner. If you can't, ask your husband out for a meal then stop at the doctor's as if you forgot you had an appointment or because you need to pick up something.

Those are just suggestions oo. I'm sure you can come up with a way to fill your husband's head with the information he needs.

Personally, I fully support your desire for your husband to get a vasectomy. When you guys first discussed it, he agreed. Now he wants to back out.

Women can't back out of a pregnancy. At least not without serious consequences to their health. Given your age and the 'completeness' of your family, he should straighten his spine and follow through on his word.



***Lush

Anonymous said...

So u call vasectomy a small sacrifice huh?.why dnt u remove ur uterus and see hw small of a sacrifice it really is.

Anonymous said...

Mschew.hv u asked if it can be reversed in nigeria?mscheewwww

BLOGLORD said...

why does this woman have negative and wicked thoughs running through her head? yea i know some men can be silly but c'mon ma'am! why would you want your husband to have a vasectomy? do u know that shit is irreversible?
u are a selfish, wicked, untrusted woman who sees her husband in negativity. otherwise how do you explain imagining him having children outside? has he ever cheated on u or does he have such traits?
am really so angry at you.
please!

***Lush said...

A vasectomy -- just like tubal ligation -- IS reversible.

In developing/third-world countries like Nigeria, it may not be. But in America and other countries with advanced medical technology, the tubes that are snipped can be re-tied.

The first step here is to have a serious talk with your husband about what the procedure is. Meaning, what exactly will be done to his manly parts. Most men are hesitant about vasectomies, fearing they may not be able to attain an erection or the procedure is somehow harmful.

After you've talked to him and calmed him down, you then bring a doctor into the mix. You can make an appointment or, if you have friends in the medical field, invite him/her over for dinner. If you can't, ask your husband out for a meal then stop at the doctor's as if you forgot you had an appointment or because you need to pick up something.

Those are just suggestions oo. I'm sure you can come up with a way to fill your husband's head with the information he needs.

Personally, I fully support your desire for your husband to get a vasectomy. When you guys first discussed it, he agreed. Now he wants to back out.

Women can't back out of a pregnancy. At least not without serious consequences to their health. Given your age and the 'completeness' of your family, he should straighten his spine and follow through on his word.



***Lush

Anonymous said...

I really don't understand the need for all this name calling. Granted, the tone of this writing might seem a little too harsh, but that doesn't mean that the woman had an intent to kill her husband or something. I mean vasectomy is reversible. For years, women have been the ones putting their lives in danger for surgical birth control procedures, No one called the men selfish for wanting their wives to go through those procedures. Vasectomy is a very safe and easy procedure, that only takes a few minute and little to no pain. You people should free the lady joor. Unfortunately, SOME men have the reputation of sleeping around.

Anonymous said...

I really don't understand the need for all this name calling. Granted, the tone of this writing might seem a little too harsh, but that doesn't mean that the woman had an intent to kill her husband or something. I mean vasectomy is reversible. For years, women have been the ones putting their lives in danger for surgical birth control procedures, No one called the men selfish for wanting their wives to go through those procedures. Vasectomy is a very safe and easy procedure, that only takes a few minute and little to no pain. You people should free the lady joor. Unfortunately, SOME men have the reputation of sleeping around.

Unknown said...

The underlying reasons for her request are simply: LACK OF TRUST AND FEAR. She alludes to them in many ways in her post. Perhaps she knows her husband is capable of making a mistake outside their marriage (but who isn't).

Her approach about it is wrong however. She is badgering him, and that in itself is not allowing him think and make a decision. FAMILY planning involves the family, not one side forcing the other to make concessions. Both have to have a serous heart to heart where she should reveal her real fears to her husband, exactly as she has done here. I wish them all the best and a fruitful and happy union.

Anonymous said...

I thk she has a poinT,men hv kids all d time outside wedlock,a friend of mine has 3kids,wen her hussy die,his mistress came with extra 4 kids,most of them re younger dan her own kids,now they re all dragg d man's property,going to juju etc,abeg ladies wise up,instead of her mourng her so caled beloved hussy,she is going into battle.men,pls dont make life difficult for ur wife

Anonymous said...

The best comment so far, pipo insulting her are those dying in silence,she is insecure and if it will ease her mind so what, I and my hubby are discussing vasectomy for him n I dint see anything wicked or callous in it!

Anonymous said...

As in you desreve 20 cartoons of heineken self..don't mind the selfish brat..kai dunno there re still dumb love blind men in this world o ..hiiaaan
Volt.

TAATA said...

Chika nsii juo gi Onu for calling the wife selfish! As for you HOT GIRL,Thunder will fire ur left nyash for throwin cause at a woman dt jus seeked advice,I'm sure you re not married either. Women did dz,Women did dt,and y'all wud judge a Wife at any chance witout knowin wot she's seeing. I had difft views as a single gal but being married you wil see tinz frm anoda perspective. IF the woman is scared of losing d Love in her home to a baby outta wedlock prob cz d Man fit de Chase wella,Fine nd I pray God kips dia 4 Children. Wen a Married Man wud stick hz D**K into a Vjay witout Rubber,Puttin hz Wife n kids outta hz head at d Time,Who can be more Selfish than Him? They go nd bring baggages home n want us d Wives to accept dem n give dem anoda Chance,but a woman wil ask for a Lil thing n she wud be called SELFISH! If she dint Love her hubby n her kids she wudnt think of all dz cos dz kinda affairs make d Love to be Divided and even leads to Broken homes. If Only Men Pray and go for Counselling like women do,trust mi marriages wud be made in Heaven nd Divorce a thing of d past! Women re d ones alwz lookin for solutions to a happy home whyl d Men Careless not withstanding,they love dia Family. She only asked for advice n I believ we av Drs here to tell her whch option to take. But my Candid advice,Writer: If d Man na achu pieces,Gbaaa ya Amu(Vasectomy in Ibo) Castrate d Prick n be sure der won't be a babymomma outside if that's ur greatest Fear. Anytin reasonable to avoid broken homes n makin doz kids fatherless I support. Enwere ka nwoke ga esi achu nwanyi,d only solution is to Gbaa ya Amu(Castrate)and Even Foo ya Aji.... LOL! #Carried OKpekesis#

Anonymous said...

Thank You @Prince Charming 4 dat advice....its so mature & hit d nail right dere.

ade said...

so selfish a woman,

Anonymous said...

Vasectomy can be completely reversed if it isn't total... Please guys, no need to resort to insults & name calling. You really might not understand what she's going tru. Also, there's so much a woman can allow her body go tru. If the man has been promising to do the proceedure, then he should man-up, & go for it. Like said there's partial vasectomy & the total one.
That said, I think the woman in question has an important role in convincing her hubby. Get your facts right, consult with the best surgeons & gynaecologists & weigh d options. May God see you tru.

N.B: probably her fears stem from her husband's way of life. Maybe she's 'justified' in her thinking. We will never know.

Anonymous said...

Only single women and insecure men will think there is something wrong with her request. She has 4kids already, why should she put her body through and more stress. There nothing wrong with trying to secure ur future and that of your kids. He is in his forties. What will it cost him... More kids?

Anonymous said...

@ TAATA my Dear u toooooooooooooo mush jor.. U'v spoken ma Mind i de tell u!!! Cant stop laghn.. Hmmm i just de imagine hw a guy man lik me go under go IGBA AMU!!! Chai nawao...

Anonymous said...

Well, having a vascetomy is not the end of the world- it can be reversed. But why can this womam get sterilised herself??? she can't give all the responsibility for contraception to the husband

Anonymous said...

I agree with prince charming!was a wise comment.

victor said...

Dear anony 7:19 I don't know if u know what vasectomy is? It is irreversible. Why do you think many people ponder before doing it. You need to get educated on the topic. Don't go deceive your husband with the promise of reversing it unless he is a dunce.

Anonymous said...

U ppl ar nt getin d gist,she says she doesnt want him 2 eva hav a child either wt her or som 1 else afta der 4 childrn ,meanin she wants a PERMANENT vasectomy.

Anonymous said...

I realise that all the people talking are either men or unmarried girls/women. I am in this same predicament and I want my husby to get a vasectomy. We have 3 lovely kids and we have agreed the family is complete. He won't get the birth control but he wants me to subject myself to all the contraception while he rocks away. Typical of men, they like to eat their cake and have it, God help us!

Anonymous said...

Reallydont understand why you guys are calling this woman names, I totally agree with her view, this might not be the entire story. In my case few months to my wedding found out dat my hubby had a child after wedlock forgave him n all. Looking at us from the outside you see a very inlove and happy couple but less than a month after d wedding I saw that he was cheating, he begged me and I forgave him and this cycle has been going on n on. I always warn him dat he mustn't bring some illegitimate child cos dat would just be the end. So I understand why this lady is coming from, men are not to be trusted at all

Leerato said...

Someone needs an advice or just encouragement, d first tin some of u will say is "Linda be careful of wat u post". If this issue now is not serious, which one is? Who cares if she is selfish or wicked, if u want to advice her, or tell her she is wrong, we can do it without laying abuses on her or calling her names. Some people are just here just for d fun of calling someone foul names. I've read that it can be revised amongst our reply but some of us are still laying abuses on her under d notion that it can't be revised. Please, d issue might not be important to you, but others learn from post like this. Let's act as matured people for once and stop behaving like saints without sin or any selfish thoughts.

Anonymous said...

Young woman, ever that about killing ur husband straight up?
Yes o, bcos dat way u'll fulfill ur selfish ambition all well as also preventing him from sleeping with other women...
Well, it's not only ur husband's luv that is in doubt here, IRS too is really questionable.

U need serious prayers sha

Dr. Pinch said...

What nonsense advice? Let her remove her womb then they will be even. Nonsense selfish woman moving from blog to blog with her wicked intentions. One cartoon of henessey for chika.

Dr. Pinch said...

Anon 10:24 insecure u said, I want to ask u a question will this surgical procedure stop the man from sleeping around? Which is better, what if the man gets the procedure done and now starts sleeping around without protection knowing he can't get any woman pregnant and then in the process contracts HIV and kill the two of them? I wonder how people think at times.

Anonymous said...

Ur husband is right! U are trying to control him. Ur selfishness is probably causing marital problems. I'm a woman with 3 children and had a tubal. God made our bodies differently. So what men can continue to have children til death. Remain selfish so the orphanage can raise u children. U better care sweetheart ur too old for pregnancy.

James said...

@ Anonymous December 13, 2012 7:19 AM

Vasectomy IS a big deal. Don't be an idiot. Reversal is never full proof. You only have a 30% chance of impregnating someone again. Just shut up.

Anonymous said...

Dumb people! A condom is a form of birth control. Vasectomy is too extreme for goodness' sake. Gosh! I hate the way some people think.

ibo boy said...

Sharp Guy would put some sperm in a sperm bank and get the vasectomy.

Anonymous said...

It's amusing how most of the people insulting her don't even have their facts right. A vasectomy IS REVERSIBLE. Reversing tube tying for women..not as easy. I don't know why people come here for something as serious as advice. This blog is what you visit when you want entertainment, gossip or to pass judgement on other people. A good chunk of the people that comment either come to apportion blame for no reason and insult people or else give absolutely senseless advice, especially the kind from the point of view of a chauvinist *hiss*

Anonymous said...

It is difficult to embrace these methods cos there is no health care plan in place in naija in case of any complications. Unlike here where sexual Health is top priority and free

Anonymous said...

This same selfish bitch? So she has decided to come here to gain support. Lady, you are still selfish and domineering no matter which blog you send your stupid story to.

Anonymous said...

its obvious that most people haven't got a clue what vasectomy is (Google indeed is your friend) it is indeed reversible and i dont see anything wrong with having it done for the right reasons.
why is birth control the responsibility of the woman ? why cant it be both parties responsibility, marriage is a partnership.
it is the woman that would get pregnant ,have the child , her body would go through hell,hormonal changes every now and then , she will go through menopause again another hell,
why cant he see that all these drugs in form of birth control are messing her system up. INCONSIDERATE MEN

Anonymous said...

@ Chika: you obviously are not married and will do anything to get married, hence d crazy outburst..who can blame you..maybe when u finally get married u'll know what it's like to push a baby outta ur v-jay jay 4 (FOUR)darn times!! dat's if u r a woman O!

@Lush: thank you very much for d advice, u seem to be d most sensible thus far..

@Victor: what do you know u r talking about?..if u aren't sure, goggle it! abi u haven't heard of goggle before, seems u only know how to watch porn and comment rubbish on blogs..

about the writer:
i see no harshness in her tone. if any thing, i applaud her writing skills..she sure knows how to pour her heart out on paper..

i'll advise that u have an appointment/meeting, ur husband in attendance, with not just any doctor but an experienced and knowledgeable one..s/he should educate ur husband on vasectomy after which u two can sit like two adults that love each other and deliberate more on it..help him understand ur needs..don't be too pushy..

as for all the other people commenting and raining abuses about being selfish, it's now u can talk selfishness, ryt?.. when she was giving birth to four where una dey?..
do u know if she wanted just two and her hubby persuaded her to do four?!!.. what do u call that, huh?..
some people here don't even know what vasectomy is..u should all goggle it and then u can come back and rant..vasectomy is REVERSIBLE..taking too many pills is never good for any one and pills are known for having side effects..
marriage is a two way thing for crying out loud..let the man do his part!!!
look at Ojukwu and d family, who knew of d oda child and which lady would want that..i guess bianca would have gone for dis had she had a premonition prior now..
#IMHO

*blogger in the making*

Anonymous said...

No need for name calling. I think both the husband and the wife should consider all options available critically b4 a final decision. Firstly the tone of the writer suggest an underlying element of fear and trust which must first be addressed. with the present morality level in the world today a 90% certainty may be unachievable but will go a long way in resloving issue at hand. Secondly, the birth control method to be used should be the one which both party are comfortable with. it might even be d use of condom that might resolve the issue. Vasectomy is reversable but not in this country. Are u willing to go the extra cost if u need baby in the future. UID is reversable even in our present locality. My advice is for both party to opt for a reversable method puting into consideration the uncertainty nature of the future. A visit to a doctor can help u get full information.

Anonymous said...

But its not by force though. Please leave your husband alone, after all - "AINT NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!"

Anonymous said...

Ya'll are screaming "selfish", "she's scared", "she doesn't trust him"!!!!! Well I don't blame her! Most women in Nigeria today will never the total number of children fathered by their husbands until the man's burial. If that's what she wants, then so be it. Besides, the fellow isn't particularly against it, he's simply stalling. Love is give and take, 50/ 50, and meeting your partner halfway!

Anonymous said...

I wish all of yu who said the woman is selfish would just shut the hell up. Wen she was carryin belle for 9 good months, for 4 times, she wasnt selfish then abi?! She has done her part now its time for d husband to do his. Marriage is give and take. She went thru hormonal changes 4 good times cos of pregnancies nd yall r here sayin shit..let the man go thru his too ! Mtchew if the woman wants it and d man loves his family enuff there shud be no reason y he shudnt do it.

Anonymous said...

Nne,ure not just selfish o,ure slf-centered plus,ur brain needs some refining,what if u loose them 4kids(GOD FORBID)#justsaying..I'm sure ur hubby aint dumb too tho.puleease,hv a rethink.

Anonymous said...

If you really don't want to have any kids, just freeze some eggs (just in case) and remove your ovaries. You can also tie your tubes its quit easy. We women worry over nothing; you don't want any more kids then take control of your own body why bother asking your husband you get a vasectomy. I personally think she’s being selfish, she’s scared her husband will impregnate another woman. There is more to this

Anonymous said...

As a man, like the majority of men, I 'd never subscribe to a Vasectomy even at age 90.

I pose a question to all the Women here. If at age 26 with 2 kids, will you gladly jump at having your womb tied-up?

Common sense says, NO.

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO CONDOMS??

Judy said...

@TAATA, u just too funny my dear, Wat u said is very true n u made ma day. As 4 those of u saying vasectomy is irreversible pls use google 4 some research n u'll be better informed n not showing ur ignorance. I should know as a medical practioner. Linda pls post am comment.

Anonymous said...

True talk.... I once met a man who wanted an unprotected sex with me all because he has a vasectomy done. A lot of 'our' nigerian men think with their dick. I hope they are able to come to a compromise though.

***Lush said...

Look at all the overblown male egos talking!!!!!!!!!

Men, think with your heads not your penises! You can still have sex after a vasectomy! You will feel arousal. You can get hard. Your energy and virility will not be diminished. I promise!

Any pregnancy can be dangerous but a pregnancy after 40 carries more risks. It takes a serious toll on the woman's body -- mentally, physically, and emotionally. She can die and the child can be born with SEVERE health problems.

This woman has had four children for her husband (male and female I'm sure). So what else does he want?!?!?!?!??? What else is he looking for that he cannot make this simple sacrifice for the sake of his wife and the happiness of his marriage??? Why should the wife AFTER FOUR CHILDREN subject her body to more difficulties and start taking pills? Why can't the husband take responsibility for birth control (aka family planning)?

IUDs are NOTORIOUS for falling out and getting misplaced. Half of the women I know 'lost' their IUDs. Condoms can rip. Some women are allergic to them because latex affects bacteria in the vagina.

This woman has EARNED every right to request that her husband get himself snipped. If, in his old age, he wants to remarry and continue making babies, he can reverse the vasectomy. His wife's health (and life!) is at stake here...



***Lush

Anonymous said...

Shehu shagari lost four kids in a day!...:hmmm diz woman get mind oh but no bi ha fault bcos no woman who is loya n loving can suggest such 2 ha hubby

PP said...

I wish I could reply to some comments here. A man metioned a 6 month old baby, a pregnant wife who refused to use any for of contraceptive except the withdrawal method. Here is the question for the man, why won't you use condom? Simple. May not be 100% effective, nut highly effective with no health implications. As for the lady in this topic posted, she may be suggesting something so extreme, but it doesn't make her a bad person as the men on this blog and even women have made her out to be. I hope you all realize that birth controls such as the pill has health risks associated with them. E.g blood clots which is potentially life threatening. Why won't the man sacrifice as much as you all want her to sacrifice her health for him? Most men here in the US who have established families get a vasectomy in their middle age. And yes! It's reversible, although we advise you not to think of it as being reversible. A bit expensive for out of pocket payment ($10,000 and up). We advise it to be done within ten years of getting a vasectomy for a better chance of pregnancy. Guys it's not that big of a deal, and ladies, do not sacrifice you health further than you have already been doing for men. Even though I'm in the health profession, my man knows better than to make me do all the sacfrice. You don't want a kid, use a condom or get snipped!
Clarissa..

Anonymous said...

Love ain't got nothing to do with it, honey ur life is at risk. Take action to save ur life and marriage. Withholding sex will surely send.him packing. Get ur tubes tied!

Anonymous said...

To those asking about condoms. Sex helps preserve the bond. Give it your all ( skin). Women should avoid barriers when possible because husbands can easily seek equally pleasurable sex outside the home once accustom to sex with barriers. It's not full proof but any measures are necessary to have one up on the snatchers.

Anonymous said...

Oga niyi!,bawoni???? Hmmm!.

Anonymous said...

Ewu gambia.. U der calllin Ojukwu.. He had kids eva b4 sirin a few wit Bianca. Olodo!

Unknown said...

Vasectomy is a surgical procedure for male sterilization and/or permanent birth control. During the procedure, the vasa deferentia of a man are severed, and then tied/sealed in a manner such to prevent sperm from entering into the seminal stream (ejaculate). Vasectomies are usually performed in a physician's office or medical clinic.
There are several methods by which a surgeon might complete a vasectomy procedure, all of which occlude (seal) at least one side of each vas deferens. To help reduce anxiety and increase patient comfort, men who have an aversion to needles might opt for the "no-needle" application of anesthesia while the "no-scalpel" or "open-ended" techniques help to speed-up recovery times and increase the chance of healthy recovery.
Due to the simplicity of the surgery, a vasectomy usually takes less than 30 minutes to complete. After a short recovery at the doctor's office (usually less than an hour), the patient is sent home to rest. Because the procedure is minimally invasive, many vasectomy patients find that they can resume their typical lifestyle routines within a week, and do so with minimal discomfort.
***Because the procedure is considered a permanent method of birth control (not easily reversed), men are usually counseled/advised to consider how the long-term outcome of a vasectomy might affect them both emotionally and physically.***

Unknown said...

Vasectomy is a surgical procedure for male sterilization and/or permanent birth control. During the procedure, the vasa deferentia of a man are severed, and then tied/sealed in a manner such to prevent sperm from entering into the seminal stream (ejaculate). Vasectomies are usually performed in a physician's office or medical clinic.
There are several methods by which a surgeon might complete a vasectomy procedure, all of which occlude (seal) at least one side of each vas deferens. To help reduce anxiety and increase patient comfort, men who have an aversion to needles might opt for the "no-needle" application of anesthesia while the "no-scalpel" or "open-ended" techniques help to speed-up recovery times and increase the chance of healthy recovery.
Due to the simplicity of the surgery, a vasectomy usually takes less than 30 minutes to complete. After a short recovery at the doctor's office (usually less than an hour), the patient is sent home to rest. Because the procedure is minimally invasive, many vasectomy patients find that they can resume their typical lifestyle routines within a week, and do so with minimal discomfort.
***Because the procedure is considered a permanent method of birth control (not easily reversed), men are usually counseled/advised to consider how the long-term outcome of a vasectomy might affect them both emotionally and physically.***

Unknown said...

This woman is just practical cos I'm sure she already knows her hubby is getting 'fresh fish' outside!I don't think she's insecure,I think she knows her marriage is close to being over,its more of a psychological issue. She's obviously no longer hot looking & dats why insecurity set in. The fact that you don't want ur hubby to have oda kids wen u are out of d picture makes u selfish. Madam both you & ur hubby should go for the vasectomy! *end of story!*

Unknown said...

Vasectomy is a surgical procedure for male sterilization and/or permanent birth control. During the procedure, the vasa deferentia of a man are severed, and then tied/sealed in a manner such to prevent sperm from entering into the seminal stream (ejaculate). Vasectomies are usually performed in a physician's office or medical clinic.
There are several methods by which a surgeon might complete a vasectomy procedure, all of which occlude (seal) at least one side of each vas deferens. To help reduce anxiety and increase patient comfort, men who have an aversion to needles might opt for the "no-needle" application of anesthesia while the "no-scalpel" or "open-ended" techniques help to speed-up recovery times and increase the chance of healthy recovery.
Due to the simplicity of the surgery, a vasectomy usually takes less than 30 minutes to complete. After a short recovery at the doctor's office (usually less than an hour), the patient is sent home to rest. Because the procedure is minimally invasive, many vasectomy patients find that they can resume their typical lifestyle routines within a week, and do so with minimal discomfort.
***Because the procedure is considered a permanent method of birth control (not easily reversed), men are usually counseled/advised to consider how the long-term outcome of a vasectomy might affect them both emotionally and physically.***

Anonymous said...

The writer is nothing but a selfish b**h

Anonymous said...

I'd double that last quantity of heineken for you jor....you deserve a heineken brewery. Don't mind the selfish mum biatch, so shameless to be ranting on and on. Try using sex as collateral and I bet you it'll only be a matter of time and you'd find out that you mid-fourties veejay aint got notting on the those two decades younger and like was rightly said 'in surplus'....go snip you tubes heifer and stop being stupid

Anonymous said...

Dera you are so stupid, it's beyond comprehension and you know what is more stupid than your stupidity, it's that you flaunt the damn thing! Get a live 'cos just like you're comment- you're gone!

Anonymous said...

I don't think she's being selfish, yu probably didn't read the whole write-up. She has ǎ̜̣̍ very strong point. Yu can suggest dat he freezes some of his sperm cells and den get ǎ̜̣̍ vasectomy. Dat way yu guys wld hav nothn to lose peradventure somthn bad happens 2u. I knw dis, if yu bring up dis suggestion,he wld hav no other excuse for refusing.

Anonymous said...

U're a moron who doesn't hv the simple common sense to google wat a vasectomy is

Anonymous said...

Ignorant moron! A vasectomy is reversible. And y shd she put her body thru the wringer having his kids and still b responsible for the birth control? Wat is he saving it for? Do u morons know dat dia r more serious side effects to female birth controls than u hv with vasectomies? I've never heard of a man having cancer due to a vasectomy but female birth control hormones can gv u endometrial, ovarian and breast cancer. They can also wreck a woman's endocrine system. IUCDs can cause persistent bleeding. The safest means of birth control for this couple at this time of their life is actually a vasectomy. And REAL men go for it. Twats!

Anonymous said...

You guys want women to go through all the trouble when it comes to birth control. It is not like BC or IUD don't have their own side effects on a woman's body! The women is not being selfish, just thinking of another alternative.

The impact of a vasectomy on a man, is less, than the impact of birth control, tying tubes, or an IUD on a woman.

Ever hear of a vasovasostomy? Vasectomy CAN be reversed.

Anonymous said...

Well said. The comments above are very ignorant. No matter how much education nigerians have there are still educated illiterates out there.

Anonymous said...

CAPITAL DUNCE! What makes you think it's only your wife's responislity to have birth control measures? Don't take matters to your own hands and you'll end up with 10 children in 9 years. Stupid ignorant sexist nigerian fools!

Anonymous said...

Vasectomy and removing the uterus are not the same thing. The woman did not ask him to be castrated. I gather in 2012 people are still uneducated and quite backwards

Anonymous said...

So yes a vasectomy is a small sacrifice for ppl in their 40s who want no more children

Anonymous said...

CAPITAL DUNCE! What makes you think it's only your wife's responislity to have birth control measures? Don't take matters to your own hands and you'll end up with 10 children in 9 years. Stupid ignorant sexist nigerian fools!

Anonymous said...

@Anon December 17, 2012 10:36 AM

Why not? You women want men to handle all the trouble of providing for the children you give him, including the products of away matches you play.

Real men do not allow women dictate to them what to do. Real men definitely do not let women tell them to mutilate themselves. Read the post, she doesn't want the man to be able to have children at all. This kind of woman would be manipulating him in other areas too. It's bad enough that he is married to such a woman, it's even worse that he lets her control him like that.

MY TURN said...

I think this is the DUMBEST DEAR LIB story ever....why would you share this here? you should share it on some medical show or something where you would get GOOD advice. I can imagine how you feel,plus i believe this issue weighs on your heart? So go tell a doctor who would see and speak to your hubby.

For all you know it just might be fear. Yes MEN GET SCARED.

MY TURN said...

I think this is the DUMBEST DEAR LIB story ever....why would you share this here? you should share it on some medical site or something where you would get GOOD advice. I can imagine how you feel,plus i believe this issue weighs on your heart? So go tell a doctor who would see and speak with your hubby.

For all you know it just might be fear. Yes MEN GET SCARED.

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