Dear LIB readers: I went through my husband's phone and now I'm devastated
From a female LIB reader
I went through my husband's phone yesterday because of my recent suspicions that he's cheating on me but what I saw on the phone was far worse than what I was expecting to find there. It has practically ruined my life. My husband told his cousin via bb chat that he had fallen out of love with me a long time ago, that the only reason he's still in the marriage was because of our three kids. We've been married for eight years and I've done everything I know how to be a good wife and this is what I get? It would have been less painful if he was cheating. I don't know what to do. I even called in sick to work this morning because I've not been able to stop crying. Should I confront him? Should I release him by giving him a divorce? I love this man to death and I can't believe he stopped loving me along the way. What did I do? He always said I was a good wife, when did I stop being that? He has been so distant lately that I thought he was seeing another woman. My husband has ruined my life.
Please what's all this "what u went to look for you found" talk? As much as there should be some level of privacy, why should "anything" be found in the first place. Believe me, when a woman who is generally trusting thinks her husband is cheating, 99% of the time, he is! This woman suspected something from his behaviour, and YES she was right. She found something. Couples should be accountable to each other even when in privacy mode. All this neevr go thru each other's phones rule is jsut so that pple can misbehave all in the name of privacy.
Dont' get me wrong, i am not advocating for snooping, but if you are a naturally sane and trusting woman, if your husband gives you reason to suspect him, you are probably right. Then they will hide under the "why did you check his phone rule". Does that justify his cheating or not loving his wife in any way? Abegi, enough with the hypocrisy already.
My dear,some months again the same happened to me i felt exactly d same way.i confronted him and we went for counselling,although we r both working hard to enjoy d marriage now but in my heart i am prepared for anything.im also praying d marriage.so dear,pray for what u need to do no one can advice u on how u feel.
@ FellingSorryTeeto the likes of U can make someone commit suicide! kaiii! Someone is hurting see your presentation, may God forgive you! If she hadnt checked his fone, how wud she have known theres sometin she aint doing right???? Haba!
Man, this is deep. And very depressing. It's things like this that make me afraid of getting married. The longest relationship I have ever had was a year long, and after it broke down something in me snapped. I haven't been able to date women for more than a few months since then.
Now, I read things like this and I wonder if I'm ever going to marry anyone. Damn.
Anyways, you know he's not cheating. You know the truth. You have the upper hand. You can fix this. The destiny of your marriage is in your hands. Don't give him a divorce. Talk to him, but not about checking his phone. If he finds out you checked his phone, man, that's not gonna go in your favour - trust me. Sit him down and talk. Talk about each other. Talk about your marriage. Let him see that you're willing to change for your marriage, because obviously there's something about you that's put him off (probably something you've been doing for a long time).
Anyways, I really hope everything works out for you. Just cos I can't fall in love doesn't mean those in love can't work at it.
Why did you invade his privacy? this is the result of not respecting his space. it is wrong. Secondly, half information is is terrible. Sit down down and talk to him. He is your husband. That is after confessing to ...
Don’t confront your husband, don’t even give him any sign that you saw any message of such. What I will advise you to do might be a bit tough or difficult, but once you can muster courage to do it, I believe you will win his heart in totality. Firstly, I want you to know that your husband loves you, if he didn’t love you he wouldn’t have tolerated you to this stage – 8 years with 3 lovely kids is not a joke. I think you husband is just taking you for granted, maybe you are too possessive or you are too flexible (you do anything to please him, even at your own detriment out of your love for him). Of course, that is what is expected of a good wife, but some men (or women) abuse such good character of yours – they won’t appreciate what they have until they either lose it or about to. If you can be a bit rigid, not meaning you shouldn’t play your role as a good wife. Just try to pretend as if you don’t care much about him again, let things run as if you are dealing with just an ordinary close friend, it would just be for a short period. If he noticed it and ask you any question, reply him with smiles and free mind that nothing is happening. I bet you if you play this game perfectly, 2 weeks is too long, your husband will appreciate you more. You will notice it from his atonement, by start do what he was not doing, probably giving gifts, cracking jokes, calling you more from office, staying longer at home or any other way to win your heart back. Nonetheless, I am not trying to ruin your marriage. It’s just a gimmick that worked for some other people I know. Wishing you the very best in your marriage
Why not find your way around to create an intimate conversation where you can get some information from him about how he views you, the family and home front in general. Then also try to bring up the days when things were so sweet and try to laugh at these things. Am sure that by the time you have conversed with him on those three issues above, you would be able to deduce what the problem is. Above all, take it to God in prayer and he'll restore what is lost.
ALL OF YOU SAYING SHE SHOULDNT GO THRU HER HUSBAND'S FONE. IS IT BETTER THAT SHE LIVES IN IGNORANCE AND PRETEND EVERYTHING IS FINE WHEN CLEARLY IT IS NOT. AT LEAST NOW SHE KNOWS THERE IS FIRE ON THE MOUNTAIN AND SHE CAN WORK TOWARDS QUENCHING THE FIRE. IMHO IT'S LIKE SHE JUST GOT AN EXPO, SO ITS WHAT YOU DO WITH THE EXPO THAT WOULD MATTER AT THE END OF THE DAY.
From my own view, there is nothing wrong in checking your spouse phone, if one has nothing to hide. The only bad idea is to turn it to a work that you do every time out of suspicion. Must husbands and wives have anything to hide for each other on phone? I don’t believe in that. I leave my own phones freely anywhere in my house because I don’t have any secret to hide on it. People should learn how to be faithfully and stop encouraging infidelity in marriages.
..... interestiing read..only a few days ago , i made the commitment not to go thru my current bf's phone...rewind 2010....i found out my ex was planning his wedding while dating me at the same time..offcourse, that was the end of that rship. but i think....but in the end...am happy u now know the situation of things, what you do with the information u have is what will either make or mar your marriage.so my advice......stay in your marriage. no body ever said it will be a jolly ride without bumps, but then u will definitely get to your destination. so my advice..... * intensify your prayers...ask God to bring you two to the place of unconditional love * ask God to bring your husband back to you and restore the love he once felt for you * ur a good wife...ask God to make you a better wife * dont go telling pastors or friends, or family...its a journey of three...(u,ur husband and God) * make an extra effort to be the woman the young lady he fell in love with......(anonymous 12.52pm captures my point here)
one thing i know for a fact is that he isnt just in that marriage for thh kids only. if he was, you would have known a long time ago without even going through his phone.He still loves you deep down.
wish you all the best.
i must say that this marriage thing scares the life out of me but i am excited about it and i know God will walk with me on my Journey.
Hello dear. I'm sure you love your husband m also sure he loves u. There r so many tins we ladies do which we think is ryt but can hurt a man deeply for him to say he has fallen out of love. But I've good news u can make him fall back in love. Do me a favour get this book "Fascinating womanhood" by Helen Andelin. It contains home truth n before u know it (as long as u r willing to follow what d book says) U'll have a happy marriage. I wish u d best of luck. Be encouraged. P.s wish there's a way to reach you.
Don't tell him you went through his phone that will change the subject and not get to the matter at hand.
He most likely won't be able to tell you want you need to do. You need to find a way to have him look at you differently. It's a feeling people have after a while, it's like you seen everything there is to see about a person.
It hurts but don't be sad at least you know how he honestly feels. Now you an opportunity to change things and take him by surprise.
Alert
Whatever you do don't tell him you went through his phone.
Y is everybody saying she shouldn't have checked her hubby's fone?den wat will she do sit dere n 1day D̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ troll her out of her house? Abeg e its Gd sometime jor me I check my hubby's fone n will keep on doing it. I don't truth men D̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ act like mad sometimes n D̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ need uus 2 bring dem bk on track. I pray God sees u tru dis. Buh I don't fink u should tell him abt ur discovery jst tell u r not feeling him anymore. Good luck
Some of us women get married and forget to keep ourselves "together." He did not marry his mother and if what he sees everyday reminds him of his mother, or grandmother, it's easier for him to fall out of love.
I don't know you, but for a man to stop loving a woman, it's normally down to the woman not keeping her game "tight". If you make an effort to look and dress sexy (kids or no kids), he will always love you and want you. Secondly, quit the nagging and show him the respect he deserves as your husband. Thirdly, if you are one of those women that wear powder and what looks like a shower cap to bed, you can just forget it.
Marriage is a life time business some time u gain & some time you loose. If u have a problem in ur marriage & u'r crying bcs of the problem the probem will sontinue & you will continue crying all you have to is to sit down & think verry well then stand firm & face the probem & look for a solution to the probem.
I have read few comments before i decided to write mine, does it occur to anyone that why would a man just stop loving his wife suddenly, the mother of his adorable kids!!! apparently, the woman is likely not to be attaractive anymore, sum women ones they get married, they relax and forget why the man initially decided to settled down with her. I have a friend who was like that too, after 4 years, the husband stopped shring same bed with her, infact he slleps in a separate room for a yr a year, by the time she realised what went wrong the man was akready inroducing another lady as his wife.Uptill this moment the issue is still there. That by d way, women should stop poke nosing into thie husbands fone, eat well, dress well and take care of your home and with God on your side, what more can u ask for?
You should be very thankful to God for 2things; he has nt asked u to leave and he has not ended your life. With these 2 being on the positive,there is hope and you are on the verge of wining. At this point, u can fight this battle alone anymore, u ve to invite the person whose will is the reason for the Union; God. This is not a time to talk to family members and friends, this is not a time to cry and fall sick, this is a time for prayers. God said His strength is made perfect in our weakness, that's one bible verse that interest me the most. This is ur weakness, at this point there's nothing you can do cos when a man's mind is made up, it takes the grace of God to avert it. Go on ur knees and begin to remind God of His promises, before you ask He knows so He's waiting for you to come. Go to God now, although it may take time, all u need is patience and steadfastness. Your husband will come around, he will love you like he's never loved you before. God can do it, all He needs is your trust and Faith. I can't wait to hear the good news cos I know for sure it will come. My heart is with you madam and am praying for you.
You shld b happy u nw kn he's no longer in luv wit u,take it easy nd start thinking of hw 2 move on wit ur life. Bcos d more u stay in dat marraige,d frustrated u become. I'm a lady I'm goin thru similar ordeal,mine is different bcos my hubby refused 2 axcept d fact dat he's nt in luv wit me,he has never bn. In otherwd if u ve d heart 2 manage til d kids grow a little bit fine,bcos dats exactly wat I'm doing. Bt its called"suffering nd smiling"
the fact is if the man has fallen out of love, let him go, because if you keep him, he woul only frustrate u..the magic is gone, thats why couples today buil a friendship so they can have something to fall on after the magic of lovey dovey fades. Tell him what you discovered and offer to discuss it, but dont push him. Good luck!
Since he's till in the relationship because of the Kids, then you need not to bother yourself about it because love will always fade and re-appear again.... God be with you(Amen)
one thing we humans forget is that we are nothing but flesh and blood, there are far more important things to be bothered about than a man that is clearly ungrateful.He has not seen a bad wife that's what's doing him. My dear just pray, as divorce is not needed, pray and love yourself more and your children. What women forget to do these days is love themselves more. For pete's sake who made him a king......see him typing falling out of love with my wife, as if shes the one that paid his bride price. my dear give yourself a treat, look good and go out to work and make good money. Its like you ve given too much attention. abeg use ur time yo worry about your children, extended family, salvation, etc. the list can go on. Just remember you are wonderfully and perfectly made. God's precious gift.
My dear sister we have Similar problem but I have being married for 12yrs and have 4 kids 2 boys and 2 girls my husband abandon us and move in wit another woman telling people dat it was pressure from his family dat made him marry me meanwhile we got married wen we are both serving, am now staying wit my kids but thank God I have a job dat am doing••• •am crying again
Shut that gutter u guys call mouth how would she hav found out if she didn't check the fone? As if u guys don't do it. Dats how she will sit dere n don't find out wat is wrong wit her marriage abeg talk 2 him dat u r not feeling him lately dats y u want 2 discus dis wit him don't tell him abt wat u saw in he's fone. Wish u luck n pray 2 God cheers
The truth is that at least 90% of married couple go through the phase where they think they don't love their spouse anymore.LOVE is a choice, Love is a responsibility and not just a feeling.A lot of people mistake love to be a feeling. My dear the best thing you can do is to go on your knees in prayer, ask God to restore ur marriage. And if you have not received JESUS CHRIST INTO YOUR HEART you need to do it today.Read the book 'THE POWER OF A PRAYING WIFE'.
I KNOW IT'S HARD, BUT I'LL ADVICE U DON'T CONFRONT HIM. JUST PRETEND AS IF ALL IS WELL AND START DOING THOSE THINGS THAT HE SAW IN U IN THE FIRST PLACE; CONTINUE TO SHOW HIM LOVE AND CARE, GIVE 100% TO YOUR KIDS AND HOME. IF ALL THESE FAILS, KNOW IT THAT HE IS SURE SEEING ANOTHER WOMAN. IF THAT'S D CASE, DON'T DIVORCE HIM, BUT IF HE DOES, KARMA IS FOREVER A BITCH SINCE YOU DID NOTHING WRONG TO HIM AND HE CHOSE TO TREAT U BAD.
Pls don't confront ur husband about what u saw o. Pretend as if u didn't see anything and continue your life as normal. I confronted my boyfriend about a message and here I am now without him in my life again. His statement was I hurt myself checking his phone and ended our relationship. I still regret my outburst cos I had every opportunity of getting him back but I was impatient and immature. Fight for your man with the weapon you have and leave the rest to God.
Dear LIB troubled reader, My dear, you're not the only one in this situation. What I know is that his claim that he doesn't love you anymore is just a phase. It will pass. The emotions and sentimental side of love is what he is probably referring to...love has many faces and soon he will discover another side. 2. There is a possibility that your marriage has reached a humdrum phase i.e. things have settled and you both have gotten into a monotonous routine. This may be a contribution to his supposed lack of love. 3. My suggestions going forward: heed the advice of the anon male @ 9.44am and say to yourself, divorce is not an option. secondly, do something new and exciting...go to school, start a business, embark on a project, do anything at all that will give you verve and spark. Something that will restore the bounce to your step. This will do three things: it will make him curious and because men like challenges, he will seek to understand the 'new' you; it will distract you and finally it will make you less available...perhaps you've become too available for him. It is a dicey tactic and I urge you to proceed with wisdom. But above all, pray and talk to God. wish you well oh.
THERE IS NOTHING U CAN DO AT THIS POINT IT IS USUALLY A PHASE IN A MANS LIFE DUE TO THEIR PROMISCIOUS NATURE BUT IF U HANG ON FOR A SHORT TIME AND KEEP PRAYING FOR HIM HE WILL REALISE HIMSELF AND LOVE U AGAIN
If you like look like queen, if you like dress to kill, if you like fuck like a whore. If a man decides he wants to be naughty, its only God that can help you. We lie to ourselves a lot. Marriage is not a fairytale. Common. Those chewing gums out there are vicious. They never leave BABA"s place. Chanting your husbands name and yours. Have you been shot with a gun in your dream, slapped bitten by a snake? Wo, pray we your husband never meets a real Jezebel otherwise you are in for it! Best advice pray. Wake up in the night, naked and PRAY. You can do it! All those ones advising you on the surface, hmmm they never see the koko. My dear use your knees and cry to your God. If you are rightous, he would blow them all away like a whirlwind.Who so ever. Besides, you are on second course of marriage. By the time you get to the fourth level, you would handle things better. Stay blessed
PLZ PLZ PLZ, STOP SAYING "WHAT U DON'T KNW WON'T KILL U".WHAT U DON'T KNW WILL KILL U. IMAGINE A HIV PATIENT THINKING HE OR SHE HAS D FLU (SELAH). I GO THRU MY HUBBYZ FONE N IF I SEE ANYTHING IM NOT DOWN WIT, I CONFRONT HIM ALBEIT RATIONALLY. FUTHERMORE IF IT HAS TO DO WIT A WOMAN , I TAKE IT UP IN FASTING N PRAYER . MY DEAR PRONOUNCE D STENCH OF DEATH ON ANY WOMAN WIT FLATTERING LIPS DAT WANTS TO WRECK UR MARRIAGE COS USUALLY ITS D PRESENCE OF A SEDUCTRESS DAT MAKES A MAN CHANGE FOCUS. PRAY , PRAY AND PRAY.
The best you can do is to PRAY and to LOVE him, as in love him to the point in which he himself wont understand. Take time out for both of you, not just cook, talk to him, cater to him, rub him down, dress up for him, work on yourself. In a matter of months, he himself will be surprised at how much he remembers the woman he has always loved.
I'm happily married, going on 3 years now and I'll tell you, dont confront him, dont ask him anything. The best way to get anyone's attention is to genuinely spoil them with love.
i know u are telling your own side of the story, if your husband is ggen chance to write epistle about you, hmnn you will be surprise you drove him out woman. mean check your character lately. women are very good in changing character once they are married especially when there are kids in the family. i am considering looking for relationship but without commitment as my wife is proofing sturborn recently so i have decided to keep mute and have succor outside marriage. men say something to defend your fellow men though we all know it is not good to have affair outside marrage but women caused to do this most times. woman soory t is a croos to bear know. pray without shifting and maintain good characters as i believe you can still get is attention back.
why is everyone crucifying the girl because she went through her husband's phone,oh please u need to check his phone every now and then to know what is going on there,my friend almost lost her hubby to a prostitute cos she wasn't paying attention to whatever he does,the day she checked his phone after so many years, choi she realized the girl was getting ready to move into her home as a wife sef,and after she found out and confronted him,they talked and then settled,they are leaving in harmony now,she blamed herself for not checking,if your partner acts suspicious or gives you reasons to doubt or check his phone its probably the holy spirit ministering to you. my dear please don't be sad and don't cry just mention it all in prayer,The bible tells us he answers our prayers by fire!!Go to him and do what is right at home, don't act frustrated ,always be happy and tell him how much you will fall in love all over again in your next life. IT IS WELL WITH YOU!!! SHALOM
Hhmmmm, I m newly married just a month and a half, and for everywhere my husband goes he collects bb pin from gels, I was I'll, he took me to the hospital I discovered he collected three different girls pin....on ma birthday he put my pics as his display pics, one of his numerous girls asked him who I was, he said i was his brother,s wife..I cried my eyes out...to top it all cheaters his is favorite program..we r Muslims he invites the best of alphas and ustaaz to our house for prayers, I just look at him and think to am self what a bloody hypocrite he is..llmy marriage is still very very young and I have a kid with him already it's too late for regrets now...now ur story scares the shit outta me.....why do men always have to get away with such acts..?...????????
It's so funny when some really ignorant people think that what you don't know doesn't harm or hurt you!! Are you kidding me! That's one of the most stupid ideas!! I think you are even lucky to have sensed a difference in things and then checked his phone, now you probably have time to work things out with your spouse before he finally makes up his mind and confront's you because actually it was a matter of time before he confronts you and you would have been in shock, plus if he had made up his mind he probably wont give you a chance to work things out with him! Now you can approach him and talk to him mildly after praying to God to give you wisdom and to take charge of your marriage. Your marriage can still be resolved!! Pray hard and act wisely. Every marriage goes through hard times its how you deal with it that will determine how long it will last!! I Wish you all the very best!!!
Madam, rule no. 1- never pry into another mans business, privacy, or anything close to not your business. Its his property (phone, purse, pocket, car, diary, etc). Am a lady; now, you do not have any ryt or jurisdiction to ask him any question concerning what u read. In relationships (courtship or marriage), either party falls in and out of love- its normal. Now, I put it to u that after birth, there's been changings in u as a woman and mother. You've got to get ur swag back on. Am a lazy typer, I wish I could talk to you a lot longer to buttress my point. But the important thing is to get ur swag back on.
Girlfriend it is good that you are crying....You will feel better and as for your hubby just know that no man is worth your life...It is a norm for men to fall in and out of love,just keep praying for him and pretend you didn't see the Bb chat.He will come back home once his chewing gum girls dump him. Take heart
First of all, I want to sympathize with you. I feel so sad and I know it hurts. But I must say, you shouldn't have gone through your husband's phone. A lot of females do that and it is totally wrong. It's like setting yourself up. Truth is, the moment you decide to go through your partners phone, that is the moment uve decided to take the heat of what you saw. I'm sure we've heard if the saying, if you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen. Your husband doesn't know how to tell you about his feelings and that is why he told his cousin. You say it would have been better if he cheated but my dear u say that now but in all honesty NONE IS ANY BETTER. My father always taught me never to go through anybody's phone because he believes, it is a persons privacy. I have never seen my dad answer my mom's phone mines or my siblings. he will let it just ring. Married or not, we all need our privacy. Let this be a lesson to everyone. I have a lot of friends that go through people's phone and claim " they are looking at pictures" but in all honesty, they are reading your private text or bb. And when they see something they don't like, they catch an attitude and at this point I'm like na wetin you dey find there?. Let this be a lesson to everybody. Once again, I do apologize about your situation but sadly, people do fall out of love. Maybe you should try doing those things that made him fall in love with you in the first place. Both of you should work on things and be spontenous. Best of luck!
First of all, I want to sympathize with you. I feel so sad and I know it hurts. But I must say, you shouldn't have gone through your husband's phone. A lot of females do that and it is totally wrong. It's like setting yourself up. Truth is, the moment you decide to go through your partners phone, that is the moment uve decided to take the heat of what you saw. I'm sure we've heard if the saying, if you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen. Your husband doesn't know how to tell you about his feelings and that is why he told his cousin. You say it would have been better if he cheated but my dear u say that now but in all honesty NONE IS ANY BETTER. My father always taught me never to go through anybody's phone because he believes, it is a persons privacy. I have never seen my dad answer my mom's phone mines or my siblings. he will let it just ring. Married or not, we all need our privacy. Let this be a lesson to everyone. I have a lot of friends that go through people's phone and claim " they are looking at pictures" but in all honesty, they are reading your private text or bb. And when they see something they don't like, they catch an attitude and at this point I'm like na wetin you dey find there?. Let this be a lesson to everybody. Once again, I do apologize about your situation but sadly, people do fall out of love. Maybe you should try doing those things that made him fall in love with you in the first place. Both of you should work on things and be spontenous. Best of luck!
I think you should do something sweet. like take him to a fancy restaurant or make him a beautiful meal. and then confront him and let him tell you the truth. so if it is something you are doing wrong, u may have to get better on. maybe he is seeing someone though.let him tell you as it is God will comfort you
Exactly, because he fell out of love, dosent mean the marriage will end, love is not what keeps a marriage , its God, so go to him and make your request known with Prayer and supplication and thanks giving, he will answer you. And stop going thru ur husbands Phone, it was a chat dosent mean its real.
DOnt let another human being's hate words drive your spirits down. Na you get stress. Na you get disease wey follow stress. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, put on a good shade of lipstick and some eye shadow and lose some fat if you have padded on. Buy some sexy lingerie and update your wardrobe an get your sexy perfume on. FEEL GOOD!!! Finally, make yourself scarce. ALways keep a "I got secrets" smile on your lips, act like he is your room mate and find a female friend or relative with whom you can chat with for hours. Make sure he knows you are on the phone but he does not know who you are talking with. Na im go come find you. No mind all dis men. Na becos we dey beg dem na im make. Me na my husband dey beg me because I dont mess with my self esteem and image and I make sure my world aint revolving around him.
Am so sorry my dear, u need to seek d face of God becos he has answers to ur question. pls wipe ur tears and talk to HIM in prayers. i wish u best of luck darling. linda
It is very painful indeed! I am a victim of that also, but life continues. It wouldn't be a bad idea if you get yourself a good companion......you know it is your right to be happy. But don't get carried away by whoever you chose to be with.....men can't be trusted. You don't need a divorce at all, just make yourself happy. 'Shit happens' everyday, everywhere, a lot of people (both men & women)do that a lot!
Some of you are just kidding! The husband is out of love for heaven's sake! I am a married woman, such feelings are not good. My candid opinion is for you to pretend as if nothing happened and go on with your life. You have two options - get closer to God, become more religious to occupy your time OR get someone else by the side, to be sharing your feelings with_ a male ofcourse!
*Linda. What qualifies one to advise another? 1. Education/ profession. 2. Experience/ you've been in a similar situation. 3. You feel the other guy is not smart enough to handle his/her problem.4.etc The only one I see that is legit is professional. All others are just ego issues. We Nigerian are all fake counsellors.
i am so sorry. i cant begin to imagine how u feel. so sorry. babe cry if it helps u ease the pain. u are capable of handling this. pls do whatever ur mind tells u to do but just try to be reasonable. im crying as i write all this. its just so hurtful. but just realise men say alot of trash when they have girlfriends just to prove their love to the girls and convince others of this same love. he may not mean it. i dont see how he cant love u and he still treats u so well. as a human being its simply not possible. u will get over it.
all of u saying she should do those thigs he used to like believe u me it doesnt work. no matter who u are if the man wants to cheat he will cheat if not explain why Brad Pitt cheated on the beautiful Angelina Jolie with the maid???? and as for u guys yabbing her for checking her hubbys phone, obviously u are not married. most married women do it. we r all human
i Dont think divorce is the best option dear. Its in the nature o men to cheat. Not Just men though. But something must ve made him fall outta love. Just try getting him back. You should know the strategies prayers could work too. Stay well dear
Av read most of ur reply and it's all 'pray' 'make ur self beutiful again' pamper him, do the immaginable and the unimmaginable, the possible and the seemly impossible.First, who said u hav been prayerless or don't know how to pray, who said u ar no longer beutiful, who siad its bcos of what u hav done or what u have failed to do, NO, there's nothing as irresponsible as a dickhead! And u, why did u go searching? Don't u know that what the eye does not see, the heart does not grieve about? But now u hav discovered, good, at least u ar no longer the fool, brace it. My advice; pretend u don't know what he's doing, in that case he's now the fool. Try to be the same u he's always known, continue to monitor him till u arm urself wit enough evidence, forward those sxt msgs to safe storages(be wise cover ur tracks). Are u financially independent? If u ar, fine, find a way to make urself happy wit ur children. If u ruffle feathers he'll devise better strategies to cheat on u, and u remain the fool. Continue to hang on for as long as bcos of the Children until u ar strong and mature enough to take the bull by the horn. At the end, it has to be ur decision, to swim or sink the marriage. I say this wit every sence of responsibility bcos no two marriages are the same neither the individuals involved.
Most of us always wait for the last minutes before we go to God. The Bible said something any foundation not based on God can't stand. My advice is don't even think of divorce. This is the time to be bold and go to God for He always answer us. Divorce is against God Plan.
PLZ READ THIS HAPPEND TO ME, n disregard every1 tellin u to cheat as well, plz u will remove all the blessings from ur marriage if u do, Look this is bound to happen in any long term relationship n it doesn't meana a thing trust me, iv been with my husband for 12 years, jus last year, he was tellin as his family he was out of love with me even saying he jus staying with me out of pity that I'm adopted n have no one else, n just a week ago I travelled n he the way this man cried on my return, infact its not the 1st time, it happends throughout the years, we fall out of love with each other, even myself, I wake up sometimes n think why am I married to u,n won't speak to him for weeks n will be crying myself to sleep,look this is wht marriage is about, is staying together, My advice is jus do ur fully best as a wife remind him why he fell in love n married u, its down to us to make our marriage work, if any1 tells they live with som1 for 8 years n won't fall out of love they r lying, even hate each other at times, they r lying, so if the reasons he calls it is the kids he is there let it be for the time being, things will get better, its in ur hands,My advice talk to him, tell him uv noticed ur love is not the same in ur home, n that what can we do, but give it a week b4 u talk to him to calm down urself, n also to change a few things round the house 1st, maybe be waking up early to cook for him, etc blah blah jus lots of sweets sha, ur marriage will not fail, By Gods grace, plz don't cheat, rather u leave with ur head held high, then to be caught as a cheating whore, n thrown out,xx
In marriage there is no option of divorce. The day you said "yes I do" you signed a life time thing. Crying wount solve any problem. Prayer is necessary. There is a book titled "the power of a praying wife" this could help.
its better you try tu save your marriage first before even considering divorce after all he hasn't gone violent. Try to work on your looks, your entire body as a whole by doing d extra work of tightening your V**g** tru kegel exercise as he might not be enjoying sex with you any more. also improve the look of ur breast cos they could be saggy as well as improving ur sex skills. then above all dis pray fervently cos prayer is the key. but rememba, ALWAYS LOOK GOOD FOR HIM
@ Anonymous 9:44AM. Your response is the most mature and best. I am just newly married but will take what you have said to heart incase i find myself in this situation someday. Thank you very much for this advice. I hope the poster takes this advice.
Well this is a really touchy story and i feel your pain.I want to ask every one this question? why do men like women to kill their self all in the name of making them happy? why wont men try also to communicate with their wife what they think their problem is? Is really sad that after destroying her body to give you kids there by risking her life to make it happen and all you can say is that i don't love her anymore ? this is wicked in high order and any man that allow the devil to make them treat any woman that way is ready for hell.My sister,i am really not happy that you are feeling dis way but all i can say is to pray and be good and allow God to do the rest.
Offence No 1, You scroll through his phone because you are already suspicious of his ways. Offence No 2, You are going to confront a Man whose mind is already made up and just managing the situation "Time bomb". My advise to you is Look inward first and ask yourself 'where have I missed it? What was I doing that attracted him 8years ago? Amend your ways and let him begin to see changes, Then pray before confronting him
our people will say what you dont know will not kill you.now you have known this one now, solution is to pray and change your strategy.you may have relaxed too much because you have a husband.marriage is an institution that needs continous conscious efforts to keep it moving well. Buy Mr&Mrs movie. you will learn a thing or two. its a Nigerian movie......@neyopizzle
awww..so touching...I read an article of recent that says white men treat their ladies way too better than African men...both romantically nd otherwise.....Linda do me a favor nd post is as a headline in ur blog...I want to hear ppls view abt this pls.....
Dear sister I feel your pain, I sincerely do. Can you visit this blog http://chidilemchi.blogspot.com/ i promise you you will find help in what has been written. The blog is purely dedicated to solving marital and relationship issues like yours. I pray it blesses you.
Is just so annoying reading that some people are saying she shouldn't have checked her husband's phone . Who lay down that stupid rule? Only in Nigeria I believe. Either she checked the phone or not, she has been suspecting that something is going on hence the reason she checked it. Is good to know than to be in limbo of what is going on in your marriage so that you can deal with it on time before is way too late. If it is a regular thing she's been doing in the last 8 years it would have been a different case. A lie can be gone/hidden for decade but the thruth will surely come out one day in a form e.g. either someone tell her, she catch him etc. Is up to her to use that finding wisely.
Kai! kai!! kai!!! the fear of Blackberry messenger/sms is the beginning of Wisdom, ladies, pls always obey the 11th commandment, " thou shall not check your spouses phone so that you may live long" lets save our fragile hearts please, this is sad. Madam sorry, it is well o
Everyone must hit that road in their marriage when they will decide whether they want to continue or walk. No decision you make will be easy, but the good thing is God will never ever stop loving you. Rely on God. This is a marriage counselors phone number: 08185788256.
Ur not d only, I too found out by going thru his phone. We have 3 kids and knew one another as youth, married and moved to d states. I've done everything to plz him and advance myself. I'm a nurse but can't blame him bcos sexually I dn't enjoy my husband and emotionally. I've out grown him. He's not on my level but a great provider thru hustling. Sad to say but I cheated on him and birth a child by another man. He does nt knw dis. I'm trying finish my schooling and will divorce him but I'm to blame. Be honest with urself. If he dnt luv u it may b over.
It is good you know your husband position with you. Something has gone wrong between the two of you.Fisrt of all check your conscience and be honest with yourself. Then, Watch the time your husband is in good mood, prepare the food he liked most, dress well but simple with light perfum. Then "soberly" approach him. Let him know that u saw the message in his phone and is disturbing. Tell him how his coldness and negative attitude towards you has affected you emotionally. Assure him that you are ready to amend where you went wrong and that he should forgive you for whatever you might have done to make him not to love you again. DONT make trouble with his cousin O! That might ease ur separation with ur hubby! Make friend with him or her to solve ur problem. Gud luck!
I can't believe all these comments telling her never to go through his phone again. Aren't they married?? they r supposed to be one! It isn't her fault that she went through his phone, after all if u decide to trust someone, then u should know if that person is worthy of your trust, and if not, take steps to protect yourself. I pity all of you saying what u don't know wont kill you, until your husband gives u AIDS, then you will know that it can actually kill you.
It's not your fault that you decided to go through his phone, it's ur silly husband's fault for discussing such issues with outsiders instead of you his wife! cheer up, all will be well.
Excuse me oh! My comments are to those who say she should not have looked at 'her husbands' phone and that what you dont now dont hurt. first of all, he is her husband. Which means she is half of him and he is half of her. He should not have a side to him that she doesnt know. If he wasnt ready to be straight, he should not have married her. im not saying she should look through all his things, but she felt something was wrong and she checked and as u can see, she wasnt wrong. i have been in the same situation and believe me, what you dont know hurts more. At least when you know for sure u can do something about it or at least accept it. If he really didnt want her to know, he would not have started acting differently. and for the Lady in question, pls do ur best to make him fall in love again.He loved you once, he can love you twice!! You have a home to save. x
i don't usually comment but reading this post made me draw my conclusion about men. i always say men are dangerous and selfish. they just want women to please them every second of their lives. and we women make them seem they have all the rights, they want to use us how they want and dump when they want. How can a human being, a husband say that about his wife. Someone who stood in the presence of God and swore for better for worse. i pray the blindfold in his eyes fall off for yoursake and your children's. I know there are good men out there and God will give us the best...Amen!
The Anonymous male comment of October 31, 2012 9:44 AM is soooooooooo on point. Other people are so so quick to judge and ask why she read thru her husby's fone.........psheeew. Kasala don burst, dey still dey ask y? Rubbish people.
Abeg, no confrontation o, just talk gently with him. No need to bring up anything about what you read on his fone. Marriage is not easy, we all go thru various phases.
Hello madam. Read your story and I was moved to tears. I can imagine how so much this hurts. There is something I really would want to share with you ma. If its ok by you,pls call me on 08023589810. Stay calm. Linda,please try and reach this madam for me. Thanks.
Madam what did u say DEVA what, well u have not started, when he keeps his phone again pls go and read u hear, then it won't be deva what ever maybe it will be suicide. My gf likes to go thru my phone so one day I called her and sat her down and gave her reasons y I always put a lock on my phone, I made her to understand that the phone, my phone is her worst enemy and she must not go near it rara, if she values our relationship, and now she knws better even if I open it and give to her she won't read... What did they say kills the cat again... Some pls... Curiosity
I said it, I knew it, I knew u will not post, so I wasted my time typing and posting abi... Linda u dey try me ooo. Na yeye dey worry u sha. Enjoy ur COMEDY BLOG and for madam ntoooooooooyi. FBI. Next time if he drops his phone again go and be snooping around for questions guess u can see how ur heart is snooping around for answers now... Rubbish
512 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 401 – 512 of 512Chai!
Stale ά̲̣̥п̲̣̣̥∂
Boring.#okbye.
Ode!!!!
Stale ά̲̣̥п̲̣̣̥∂
Boring.#okbye.
Please what's all this "what u went to look for you found" talk? As much as there should be some level of privacy, why should "anything" be found in the first place. Believe me, when a woman who is generally trusting thinks her husband is cheating, 99% of the time, he is! This woman suspected something from his behaviour, and YES she was right. She found something. Couples should be accountable to each other even when in privacy mode. All this neevr go thru each other's phones rule is jsut so that pple can misbehave all in the name of privacy.
Dont' get me wrong, i am not advocating for snooping, but if you are a naturally sane and trusting woman, if your husband gives you reason to suspect him, you are probably right. Then they will hide under the "why did you check his phone rule". Does that justify his cheating or not loving his wife in any way? Abegi, enough with the hypocrisy already.
My dear,some months again the same happened to me i felt exactly d same way.i confronted him and we went for counselling,although we r both working hard to enjoy d marriage now but in my heart i am prepared for anything.im also praying d marriage.so dear,pray for what u need to do no one can advice u on how u feel.
@ FellingSorryTeeto the likes of U can make someone commit suicide! kaiii! Someone is hurting see your presentation, may God forgive you! If she hadnt checked his fone, how wud she have known theres sometin she aint doing right???? Haba!
Man, this is deep. And very depressing. It's things like this that make me afraid of getting married. The longest relationship I have ever had was a year long, and after it broke down something in me snapped. I haven't been able to date women for more than a few months since then.
Now, I read things like this and I wonder if I'm ever going to marry anyone. Damn.
Anyways, you know he's not cheating. You know the truth. You have the upper hand. You can fix this. The destiny of your marriage is in your hands. Don't give him a divorce. Talk to him, but not about checking his phone. If he finds out you checked his phone, man, that's not gonna go in your favour - trust me. Sit him down and talk. Talk about each other. Talk about your marriage. Let him see that you're willing to change for your marriage, because obviously there's something about you that's put him off (probably something you've been doing for a long time).
Anyways, I really hope everything works out for you. Just cos I can't fall in love doesn't mean those in love can't work at it.
Cheers.
Chucks
Why did you invade his privacy? this is the result of not respecting his space. it is wrong. Secondly, half information is is terrible. Sit down down and talk to him. He is your husband.
That is after confessing to ...
Don’t confront your husband, don’t even give him any sign that you saw any message of such. What I will advise you to do might be a bit tough or difficult, but once you can muster courage to do it, I believe you will win his heart in totality. Firstly, I want you to know that your husband loves you, if he didn’t love you he wouldn’t have tolerated you to this stage – 8 years with 3 lovely kids is not a joke. I think you husband is just taking you for granted, maybe you are too possessive or you are too flexible (you do anything to please him, even at your own detriment out of your love for him). Of course, that is what is expected of a good wife, but some men (or women) abuse such good character of yours – they won’t appreciate what they have until they either lose it or about to. If you can be a bit rigid, not meaning you shouldn’t play your role as a good wife. Just try to pretend as if you don’t care much about him again, let things run as if you are dealing with just an ordinary close friend, it would just be for a short period. If he noticed it and ask you any question, reply him with smiles and free mind that nothing is happening. I bet you if you play this game perfectly, 2 weeks is too long, your husband will appreciate you more. You will notice it from his atonement, by start do what he was not doing, probably giving gifts, cracking jokes, calling you more from office, staying longer at home or any other way to win your heart back. Nonetheless, I am not trying to ruin your marriage. It’s just a gimmick that worked for some other people I know. Wishing you the very best in your marriage
Why not find your way around to create an intimate conversation where you can get some information from him about how he views you, the family and home front in general. Then also try to bring up the days when things were so sweet and try to laugh at these things. Am sure that by the time you have conversed with him on those three issues above, you would be able to deduce what the problem is. Above all, take it to God in prayer and he'll restore what is lost.
ALL OF YOU SAYING SHE SHOULDNT GO THRU HER HUSBAND'S FONE. IS IT BETTER THAT SHE LIVES IN IGNORANCE AND PRETEND EVERYTHING IS FINE WHEN CLEARLY IT IS NOT. AT LEAST NOW SHE KNOWS THERE IS FIRE ON THE MOUNTAIN AND SHE CAN WORK TOWARDS QUENCHING THE FIRE. IMHO IT'S LIKE SHE JUST GOT AN EXPO, SO ITS WHAT YOU DO WITH THE EXPO THAT WOULD MATTER AT THE END OF THE DAY.
From my own view, there is nothing wrong in checking your spouse phone, if one has nothing to hide. The only bad idea is to turn it to a work that you do every time out of suspicion. Must husbands and wives have anything to hide for each other on phone? I don’t believe in that. I leave my own phones freely anywhere in my house because I don’t have any secret to hide on it. People should learn how to be faithfully and stop encouraging infidelity in marriages.
Beautiful comment
..... interestiing read..only a few days ago , i made the commitment not to go thru my current bf's phone...rewind 2010....i found out my ex was planning his wedding while dating me at the same time..offcourse, that was the end of that rship. but i think....but in the end...am happy u now know the situation of things, what you do with the information u have is what will either make or mar your marriage.so my advice......stay in your marriage. no body ever said it will be a jolly ride without bumps, but then u will definitely get to your destination. so my advice.....
* intensify your prayers...ask God to bring you two to the place of unconditional love
* ask God to bring your husband back to you and restore the love he once felt for you
* ur a good wife...ask God to make you a better wife
* dont go telling pastors or friends, or family...its a journey of three...(u,ur husband and God)
* make an extra effort to be the woman the young lady he fell in love with......(anonymous 12.52pm captures my point here)
one thing i know for a fact is that he isnt just in that marriage for thh kids only. if he was, you would have known a long time ago without even going through his phone.He still loves you deep down.
wish you all the best.
i must say that this marriage thing scares the life out of me but i am excited about it and i know God will walk with me on my Journey.
Hello dear. I'm sure you love your husband m also sure he loves u. There r so many tins we ladies do which we think is ryt but can hurt a man deeply for him to say he has fallen out of love. But I've good news u can make him fall back in love. Do me a favour get this book "Fascinating womanhood" by Helen Andelin. It contains home truth n before u know it (as long as u r willing to follow what d book says) U'll have a happy marriage. I wish u d best of luck. Be encouraged.
P.s wish there's a way to reach you.
No
No
No
No
No
Don't tell him you went through his phone that will change the subject and not get to the matter at hand.
He most likely won't be able to tell you want you need to do. You need to find a way to have him look at you differently. It's a feeling people have after a while, it's like you seen everything there is to see about a person.
It hurts but don't be sad at least you know how he honestly feels. Now you an opportunity to change things and take him by surprise.
Alert
Whatever you do don't tell him you went through his phone.
Y is everybody saying she shouldn't have checked her hubby's fone?den wat will she do sit dere n 1day D̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ troll her out of her house? Abeg e its Gd sometime jor me I check my hubby's fone n will keep on doing it. I don't truth men D̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ act like mad sometimes n D̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ need uus 2 bring dem bk on track. I pray God sees u tru dis. Buh I don't fink u should tell him abt ur discovery jst tell u r not feeling him anymore. Good luck
Some of us women get married and forget to keep ourselves "together." He did not marry his mother and if what he sees everyday reminds him of his mother, or grandmother, it's easier for him to fall out of love.
I don't know you, but for a man to stop loving a woman, it's normally down to the woman not keeping her game "tight". If you make an effort to look and dress sexy (kids or no kids), he will always love you and want you.
Secondly, quit the nagging and show him the respect he deserves as your husband.
Thirdly, if you are one of those women that wear powder and what looks like a shower cap to bed, you can just forget it.
Just my 2 cents!
Marriage is a life time business some time u gain & some time you loose. If u have a problem in ur marriage & u'r crying bcs of the problem the probem will sontinue & you will continue crying all you have to is to sit down & think verry well then stand firm & face the probem & look for a solution to the probem.
I have read few comments before i decided to write mine, does it occur to anyone that why would a man just stop loving his wife suddenly, the mother of his adorable kids!!! apparently, the woman is likely not to be attaractive anymore, sum women ones they get married, they relax and forget why the man initially decided to settled down with her. I have a friend who was like that too, after 4 years, the husband stopped shring same bed with her, infact he slleps in a separate room for a yr a year, by the time she realised what went wrong the man was akready inroducing another lady as his wife.Uptill this moment the issue is still there. That by d way, women should stop poke nosing into thie husbands fone, eat well, dress well and take care of your home and with God on your side, what more can u ask for?
words fail me! Jesus wept!!!
Ok goodbye and good luck 0_0
You should be very thankful to God for 2things; he has nt asked u to leave and he has not ended your life. With these 2 being on the positive,there is hope and you are on the verge of wining. At this point, u can fight this battle alone anymore, u ve to invite the person whose will is the reason for the Union; God. This is not a time to talk to family members and friends, this is not a time to cry and fall sick, this is a time for prayers. God said His strength is made perfect in our weakness, that's one bible verse that interest me the most. This is ur weakness, at this point there's nothing you can do cos when a man's mind is made up, it takes the grace of God to avert it. Go on ur knees and begin to remind God of His promises, before you ask He knows so He's waiting for you to come. Go to God now, although it may take time, all u need is patience and steadfastness. Your husband will come around, he will love you like he's never loved you before. God can do it, all He needs is your trust and Faith. I can't wait to hear the good news cos I know for sure it will come. My heart is with you madam and am praying for you.
You shld b happy u nw kn he's no longer in luv wit u,take it easy nd start thinking of hw 2 move on wit ur life. Bcos d more u stay in dat marraige,d frustrated u become. I'm a lady I'm goin thru similar ordeal,mine is different bcos my hubby refused 2 axcept d fact dat he's nt in luv wit me,he has never bn. In otherwd if u ve d heart 2 manage til d kids grow a little bit fine,bcos dats exactly wat I'm doing. Bt its called"suffering nd smiling"
the fact is if the man has fallen out of love, let him go, because if you keep him, he woul only frustrate u..the magic is gone, thats why couples today buil a friendship so they can have something to fall on after the magic of lovey dovey fades. Tell him what you discovered and offer to discuss it, but dont push him. Good luck!
Since he's till in the relationship because of the Kids, then you need not to bother yourself about it because love will always fade and re-appear again.... God be with you(Amen)
Na by force to impose your boring blog on us Adarze. I can't stand shameless wanna-be-bloggers like you begging for readership.
It's not funny MOROON !
@Anon 9.27 am 'They are all the same DOGS' So it means you hav fukced every Nigerian guy abi?
If you want to comment, borrow brain please.
one thing we humans forget is that we are nothing but flesh and blood, there are far more important things to be bothered about than a man that is clearly ungrateful.He has not seen a bad wife that's what's doing him. My dear just pray, as divorce is not needed, pray and love yourself more and your children. What women forget to do these days is love themselves more. For pete's sake who made him a king......see him typing falling out of love with my wife, as if shes the one that paid his bride price. my dear give yourself a treat, look good and go out to work and make good money. Its like you ve given too much attention. abeg use ur time yo worry about your children, extended family, salvation, etc. the list can go on. Just remember you are wonderfully and perfectly made. God's precious gift.
My dear sister we have Similar problem but I have being married for 12yrs and have 4 kids 2 boys and 2 girls my husband abandon us and move in wit another woman telling people dat it was pressure from his family dat made him marry me meanwhile we got married wen we are both serving, am now staying wit my kids but thank God I have a job dat am doing••• •am crying again
Madam go n buy diz movie Mr n Mrs!!!
Shut that gutter u guys call mouth how would she hav found out if she didn't check the fone? As if u guys don't do it. Dats how she will sit dere n don't find out wat is wrong wit her marriage abeg talk 2 him dat u r not feeling him lately dats y u want 2 discus dis wit him don't tell him abt wat u saw in he's fone. Wish u luck n pray 2 God cheers
The truth is that at least 90% of married couple go through the phase where they think they don't love their spouse anymore.LOVE is a choice, Love is a responsibility and not just a feeling.A lot of people mistake love to be a feeling. My dear the best thing you can do is to go on your knees in prayer, ask God to restore ur marriage. And if you have not received JESUS CHRIST INTO YOUR HEART you need to do it today.Read the book 'THE POWER OF A PRAYING WIFE'.
I KNOW IT'S HARD, BUT I'LL ADVICE U DON'T CONFRONT HIM. JUST PRETEND AS IF ALL IS WELL AND START DOING THOSE THINGS THAT HE SAW IN U IN THE FIRST PLACE; CONTINUE TO SHOW HIM LOVE AND CARE, GIVE 100% TO YOUR KIDS AND HOME. IF ALL THESE FAILS, KNOW IT THAT HE IS SURE SEEING ANOTHER WOMAN. IF THAT'S D CASE, DON'T DIVORCE HIM, BUT IF HE DOES, KARMA IS FOREVER A BITCH SINCE YOU DID NOTHING WRONG TO HIM AND HE CHOSE TO TREAT U BAD.
Pls don't confront ur husband about what u saw o. Pretend as if u didn't see anything and continue your life as normal. I confronted my boyfriend about a message and here I am now without him in my life again. His statement was I hurt myself checking his phone and ended our relationship. I still regret my outburst cos I had every opportunity of getting him back but I was impatient and immature. Fight for your man with the weapon you have and leave the rest to God.
Dear LIB troubled reader,
My dear, you're not the only one in this situation. What I know is that his claim that he doesn't love you anymore is just a phase. It will pass.
The emotions and sentimental side of love is what he is probably referring to...love has many faces and soon he will discover another side.
2. There is a possibility that your marriage has reached a humdrum phase i.e. things have settled and you both have gotten into a monotonous routine. This may be a contribution to his supposed lack of love.
3. My suggestions going forward: heed the advice of the anon male @ 9.44am and say to yourself, divorce is not an option.
secondly, do something new and exciting...go to school, start a business, embark on a project, do anything at all that will give you verve and spark. Something that will restore the bounce to your step. This will do three things: it will make him curious and because men like challenges, he will seek to understand the 'new' you; it will distract you and finally it will make you less available...perhaps you've become too available for him. It is a dicey tactic and I urge you to proceed with wisdom. But above all, pray and talk to God.
wish you well oh.
My dear as u r walking out of dat door som1 else is behind waiting 2 enter,don't even ve d "D"word in mind......God is in control.
Huh? Are u psycho? Smh
Why not? The two shall become 1 ...dindirin
You are terribly mean ...what!!
Hehehehe, so, ur wife no suppose know say u get Bank alerts.....superglue hand
THERE IS NOTHING U CAN DO AT THIS POINT IT IS USUALLY A PHASE IN A MANS LIFE DUE TO THEIR PROMISCIOUS NATURE BUT IF U HANG ON FOR A SHORT TIME AND KEEP PRAYING FOR HIM HE WILL REALISE HIMSELF AND LOVE U AGAIN
If you like look like queen, if you like dress to kill, if you like fuck like a whore. If a man decides he wants to be naughty, its only God that can help you. We lie to ourselves a lot. Marriage is not a fairytale. Common. Those chewing gums out there are vicious. They never leave BABA"s place. Chanting your husbands name and yours. Have you been shot with a gun in your dream, slapped bitten by a snake? Wo, pray we your husband never meets a real Jezebel otherwise you are in for it! Best advice pray. Wake up in the night, naked and PRAY. You can do it! All those ones advising you on the surface, hmmm they never see the koko. My dear use your knees and cry to your God. If you are rightous, he would blow them all away like a whirlwind.Who so ever. Besides, you are on second course of marriage. By the time you get to the fourth level, you would handle things better. Stay blessed
PLZ PLZ PLZ, STOP SAYING "WHAT U DON'T KNW WON'T KILL U".WHAT U DON'T KNW WILL KILL U. IMAGINE A HIV PATIENT THINKING HE OR SHE HAS D FLU (SELAH).
I GO THRU MY HUBBYZ FONE N IF I SEE ANYTHING IM NOT DOWN WIT, I CONFRONT HIM ALBEIT RATIONALLY.
FUTHERMORE IF IT HAS TO DO WIT A WOMAN , I TAKE IT UP IN FASTING N PRAYER .
MY DEAR PRONOUNCE D STENCH OF DEATH ON ANY WOMAN WIT FLATTERING LIPS DAT WANTS TO WRECK UR MARRIAGE COS USUALLY ITS D PRESENCE OF A SEDUCTRESS DAT MAKES A MAN CHANGE FOCUS. PRAY , PRAY AND PRAY.
start behaving like him, go out and have your fun. He doesn't deserve any woman but still pray for him
The best you can do is to PRAY and to LOVE him, as in love him to the point in which he himself wont understand. Take time out for both of you, not just cook, talk to him, cater to him, rub him down, dress up for him, work on yourself. In a matter of months, he himself will be surprised at how much he remembers the woman he has always loved.
I'm happily married, going on 3 years now and I'll tell you, dont confront him, dont ask him anything. The best way to get anyone's attention is to genuinely spoil them with love.
babe, go and watch mr and mrs...a nigerian movie on you tube. maybe you go get inspiration from there.
i know u are telling your own side of the story, if your husband is ggen chance to write epistle about you, hmnn you will be surprise you drove him out woman. mean check your character lately. women are very good in changing character once they are married especially when there are kids in the family. i am considering looking for relationship but without commitment as my wife is proofing sturborn recently so i have decided to keep mute and have succor outside marriage. men say something to defend your fellow men though we all know it is not good to have affair outside marrage but women caused to do this most times. woman soory t is a croos to bear know. pray without shifting and maintain good characters as i believe you can still get is attention back.
You shouldn't have touched his fone in d first place coz what u don't know can't and won't kill you.
why is everyone crucifying the girl because she went through her husband's phone,oh please u need to check his phone every now and then to know what is going on there,my friend almost lost her hubby to a prostitute cos she wasn't paying attention to whatever he does,the day she checked his phone after so many years, choi she realized the girl was getting ready to move into her home as a wife sef,and after she found out and confronted him,they talked and then settled,they are leaving in harmony now,she blamed herself for not checking,if your partner acts suspicious or gives you reasons to doubt or check his phone its probably the holy spirit ministering to you.
my dear please don't be sad and don't cry just mention it all in prayer,The bible tells us he answers our prayers by fire!!Go to him and do what is right at home, don't act frustrated ,always be happy and tell him how much you will fall in love all over again in your next life.
IT IS WELL WITH YOU!!! SHALOM
One of d best comments.
Hhmmmm, I m newly married just a month and a half, and for everywhere my husband goes he collects bb pin from gels, I was I'll, he took me to the hospital I discovered he collected three different girls pin....on ma birthday he put my pics as his display pics, one of his numerous girls asked him who I was, he said i was his brother,s wife..I cried my eyes out...to top it all cheaters his is favorite program..we r Muslims he invites the best of alphas and ustaaz to our house for prayers, I just look at him and think to am self what a bloody hypocrite he is..llmy marriage is still very very young and I have a kid with him already it's too late for regrets now...now ur story scares the shit outta me.....why do men always have to get away with such acts..?...????????
What do you mean they are all thesame? If your boy friend abi your husband na Dog, it doesn't mean that all men are thesame . U nko? You be Ashawo!
Watch Mr & Mrs (a good nollywood movie).... you made him fall in love with you once...surely you can do it again!!! Pray.
It's so funny when some really ignorant people think that what you don't know doesn't harm or hurt you!! Are you kidding me! That's one of the most stupid ideas!! I think you are even lucky to have sensed a difference in things and then checked his phone, now you probably have time to work things out with your spouse before he finally makes up his mind and confront's you because actually it was a matter of time before he confronts you and you would have been in shock, plus if he had made up his mind he probably wont give you a chance to work things out with him! Now you can approach him and talk to him mildly after praying to God to give you wisdom and to take charge of your marriage. Your marriage can still be resolved!! Pray hard and act wisely. Every marriage goes through hard times its how you deal with it that will determine how long it will last!! I Wish you all the very best!!!
Madam, rule no. 1- never pry into another mans business, privacy, or anything close to not your business. Its his property (phone, purse, pocket, car, diary, etc). Am a lady; now, you do not have any ryt or jurisdiction to ask him any question concerning what u read. In relationships (courtship or marriage), either party falls in and out of love- its normal. Now, I put it to u that after birth, there's been changings in u as a woman and mother. You've got to get ur swag back on. Am a lazy typer, I wish I could talk to you a lot longer to buttress my point. But the important thing is to get ur swag back on.
Girlfriend it is good that you are crying....You will feel better and as for your hubby just know that no man is worth your life...It is a norm for men to fall in and out of love,just keep praying for him and pretend you didn't see the Bb chat.He will come back home once his chewing gum girls dump him. Take heart
First of all, I want to sympathize with you. I feel so sad and I know it hurts. But I must say, you shouldn't have gone through your husband's phone. A lot of females do that and it is totally wrong. It's like setting yourself up. Truth is, the moment you decide to go through your partners phone, that is the moment uve decided to take the heat of what you saw. I'm sure we've heard if the saying, if you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen. Your husband doesn't know how to tell you about his feelings and that is why he told his cousin. You say it would have been better if he cheated but my dear u say that now but in all honesty NONE IS ANY BETTER. My father always taught me never to go through anybody's phone because he believes, it is a persons privacy. I have never seen my dad answer my mom's phone mines or my siblings. he will let it just ring. Married or not, we all need our privacy. Let this be a lesson to everyone. I have a lot of friends that go through people's phone and claim " they are looking at pictures" but in all honesty, they are reading your private text or bb. And when they see something they don't like, they catch an attitude and at this point I'm like na wetin you dey find there?. Let this be a lesson to everybody. Once again, I do apologize about your situation but sadly, people do fall out of love. Maybe you should try doing those things that made him fall in love with you in the first place. Both of you should work on things and be spontenous. Best of luck!
First of all, I want to sympathize with you. I feel so sad and I know it hurts. But I must say, you shouldn't have gone through your husband's phone. A lot of females do that and it is totally wrong. It's like setting yourself up. Truth is, the moment you decide to go through your partners phone, that is the moment uve decided to take the heat of what you saw. I'm sure we've heard if the saying, if you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen. Your husband doesn't know how to tell you about his feelings and that is why he told his cousin. You say it would have been better if he cheated but my dear u say that now but in all honesty NONE IS ANY BETTER. My father always taught me never to go through anybody's phone because he believes, it is a persons privacy. I have never seen my dad answer my mom's phone mines or my siblings. he will let it just ring. Married or not, we all need our privacy. Let this be a lesson to everyone. I have a lot of friends that go through people's phone and claim " they are looking at pictures" but in all honesty, they are reading your private text or bb. And when they see something they don't like, they catch an attitude and at this point I'm like na wetin you dey find there?. Let this be a lesson to everybody. Once again, I do apologize about your situation but sadly, people do fall out of love. Maybe you should try doing those things that made him fall in love with you in the first place. Both of you should work on things and be spontenous. Best of luck!
I think you should do something sweet. like take him to a fancy restaurant or make him a beautiful meal. and then confront him and let him tell you the truth. so if it is something you are doing wrong, u may have to get better on. maybe he is seeing someone though.let him tell you as it is God will comfort you
Exactly, because he fell out of love, dosent mean the marriage will end, love is not what keeps a marriage , its God, so go to him and make your request known with Prayer and supplication and thanks giving, he will answer you. And stop going thru ur husbands Phone, it was a chat dosent mean its real.
DOnt let another human being's hate words drive your spirits down. Na you get stress. Na you get disease wey follow stress. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, put on a good shade of lipstick and some eye shadow and lose some fat if you have padded on. Buy some sexy lingerie and update your wardrobe an get your sexy perfume on. FEEL GOOD!!! Finally, make yourself scarce. ALways keep a "I got secrets" smile on your lips, act like he is your room mate and find a female friend or relative with whom you can chat with for hours. Make sure he knows you are on the phone but he does not know who you are talking with. Na im go come find you. No mind all dis men. Na becos we dey beg dem na im make. Me na my husband dey beg me because I dont mess with my self esteem and image and I make sure my world aint revolving around him.
Am so sorry my dear, u need to seek d face of God becos he has answers to ur question. pls wipe ur tears and talk to HIM in prayers. i wish u best of luck darling. linda
It is very painful indeed! I am a victim of that also, but life continues. It wouldn't be a bad idea if you get yourself a good companion......you know it is your right to be happy. But don't get carried away by whoever you chose to be with.....men can't be trusted.
You don't need a divorce at all, just make yourself happy. 'Shit happens' everyday, everywhere, a lot of people (both men & women)do that a lot!
Some of you are just kidding! The husband is out of love for heaven's sake! I am a married woman, such feelings are not good. My candid opinion is for you to pretend as if nothing happened and go on with your life. You have two options - get closer to God, become more religious to occupy your time OR get someone else by the side, to be sharing your feelings with_ a male ofcourse!
*Linda. What qualifies one to advise another? 1. Education/ profession. 2. Experience/ you've been in a similar situation. 3. You feel the other guy is not smart enough to handle his/her problem.4.etc
The only one I see that is legit is professional. All others are just ego issues. We Nigerian are all fake counsellors.
Seek and ye shall find! why go through his phone?
who sent u message. Haven't u heard wat u dnt knw will not kill u? deal with d consequences of ur actions.
i am so sorry. i cant begin to imagine how u feel. so sorry. babe cry if it helps u ease the pain. u are capable of handling this. pls do whatever ur mind tells u to do but just try to be reasonable. im crying as i write all this. its just so hurtful. but just realise men say alot of trash when they have girlfriends just to prove their love to the girls and convince others of this same love. he may not mean it. i dont see how he cant love u and he still treats u so well. as a human being its simply not possible. u will get over it.
all of u saying she should do those thigs he used to like believe u me it doesnt work. no matter who u are if the man wants to cheat he will cheat if not explain why Brad Pitt cheated on the beautiful Angelina Jolie with the maid???? and as for u guys yabbing her for checking her hubbys phone, obviously u are not married. most married women do it. we r all human
i Dont think a divorce Will be the best dear.Just try and win back his heart. Prayers Might help. Something must Have made him fall outta love
i Dont think divorce is the best option dear. Its in the nature o men to cheat. Not Just men though. But something must ve made him fall outta love. Just try getting him back. You should know the strategies prayers could work too. Stay well dear
poor you pole sana
Av read most of ur reply and it's all 'pray' 'make ur self beutiful again' pamper him, do the immaginable and the unimmaginable, the possible and the seemly impossible.First, who said u hav been prayerless or don't know how to pray, who said u ar no longer beutiful, who siad its bcos of what u hav done or what u have failed to do, NO, there's nothing as irresponsible as a dickhead! And u, why did u go searching? Don't u know that what the eye does not see, the heart does not grieve about? But now u hav discovered, good, at least u ar no longer the fool, brace it. My advice; pretend u don't know what he's doing, in that case he's now the fool. Try to be the same u he's always known, continue to monitor him till u arm urself wit enough evidence, forward those sxt msgs to safe storages(be wise cover ur tracks). Are u financially independent? If u ar, fine, find a way to make urself happy wit ur children. If u ruffle feathers he'll devise better strategies to cheat on u, and u remain the fool. Continue to hang on for as long as bcos of the Children until u ar strong and mature enough to take the bull by the horn. At the end, it has to be ur decision, to swim or sink the marriage. I say this wit every sence of responsibility bcos no two marriages are the same neither the individuals involved.
Most of us always wait for the last minutes before we go to God. The Bible said something any foundation not based on God can't stand. My advice is don't even think of divorce. This is the time to be bold and go to God for He always answer us. Divorce is against God Plan.
PLZ READ THIS HAPPEND TO ME, n disregard every1 tellin u to cheat as well, plz u will remove all the blessings from ur marriage if u do, Look this is bound to happen in any long term relationship n it doesn't meana a thing trust me, iv been with my husband for 12 years, jus last year, he was tellin as his family he was out of love with me even saying he jus staying with me out of pity that I'm adopted n have no one else, n just a week ago I travelled n he the way this man cried on my return, infact its not the 1st time, it happends throughout the years, we fall out of love with each other, even myself, I wake up sometimes n think why am I married to u,n won't speak to him for weeks n will be crying myself to sleep,look this is wht marriage is about, is staying together, My advice is jus do ur fully best as a wife remind him why he fell in love n married u, its down to us to make our marriage work, if any1 tells they live with som1 for 8 years n won't fall out of love they r lying, even hate each other at times, they r lying, so if the reasons he calls it is the kids he is there let it be for the time being, things will get better, its in ur hands,My advice talk to him, tell him uv noticed ur love is not the same in ur home, n that what can we do, but give it a week b4 u talk to him to calm down urself, n also to change a few things round the house 1st, maybe be waking up early to cook for him, etc blah blah jus lots of sweets sha, ur marriage will not fail, By Gods grace, plz don't cheat, rather u leave with ur head held high, then to be caught as a cheating whore, n thrown out,xx
In marriage there is no option of divorce. The day you said "yes I do" you signed a life time thing. Crying wount solve any problem. Prayer is necessary. There is a book titled "the power of a praying wife" this could help.
its better you try tu save your marriage first before even considering divorce after all he hasn't gone violent. Try to work on your looks, your entire body as a whole by doing d extra work of tightening your V**g** tru kegel exercise as he might not be enjoying sex with you any more. also improve the look of ur breast cos they could be saggy as well as improving ur sex skills. then above all dis pray fervently cos prayer is the key. but rememba, ALWAYS LOOK GOOD FOR HIM
@ Anonymous 9:44AM. Your response is the most mature and best. I am just newly married but will take what you have said to heart incase i find myself in this situation someday. Thank you very much for this advice. I hope the poster takes this advice.
Well this is a really touchy story and i feel your pain.I want to ask every one this question? why do men like women to kill their self all in the name of making them happy? why wont men try also to communicate with their wife what they think their problem is? Is really sad that after destroying her body to give you kids there by risking her life to make it happen and all you can say is that i don't love her anymore ? this is wicked in high order and any man that allow the devil to make them treat any woman that way is ready for hell.My sister,i am really not happy that you are feeling dis way but all i can say is to pray and be good and allow God to do the rest.
Very well said!
Offence No 1, You scroll through his phone because you are already suspicious of his ways.
Offence No 2, You are going to confront a Man whose mind is already made up and just managing the situation "Time bomb".
My advise to you is Look inward first and ask yourself 'where have I missed it? What was I doing that attracted him 8years ago? Amend your ways and let him begin to see changes, Then pray before confronting him
our people will say what you dont know will not kill you.now you have known this one now, solution is to pray and change your strategy.you may have relaxed too much because you have a husband.marriage is an institution that needs continous conscious efforts to keep it moving well. Buy Mr&Mrs movie. you will learn a thing or two. its a Nigerian movie......@neyopizzle
awww..so touching...I read an article of recent that says white men treat their ladies way too better than African men...both romantically nd otherwise.....Linda do me a favor nd post is as a headline in ur blog...I want to hear ppls view abt this pls.....
Dear sister I feel your pain, I sincerely do. Can you visit this blog http://chidilemchi.blogspot.com/ i promise you you will find help in what has been written. The blog is purely dedicated to solving marital and relationship issues like yours. I pray it blesses you.
Is just so annoying reading that some people are saying she shouldn't have checked her husband's phone . Who lay down that stupid rule? Only in Nigeria I believe. Either she checked the phone or not, she has been suspecting that something is going on hence the reason she checked it. Is good to know than to be in limbo of what is going on in your marriage so that you can deal with it on time before is way too late. If it is a regular thing she's been doing in the last 8 years it would have been a different case. A lie can be gone/hidden for decade but the thruth will surely come out one day in a form e.g. either someone tell her, she catch him etc.
Is up to her to use that finding wisely.
Please let her be.
Still workable pray ova it nd reclaim ur hubby.
Thanks for saying “ only God can be trusted”
I would have ask if women are not dangerous @all to u or maybe u're innocent?
What kind of stupid advice is this? Your mum obviously 'raised you well'.
Kai! kai!! kai!!! the fear of Blackberry messenger/sms is the beginning of Wisdom, ladies, pls always obey the 11th commandment, " thou shall not check your spouses phone so that you may live long" lets save our fragile hearts please, this is sad. Madam sorry, it is well o
pray about it my dear, the lord will be ur strenght
Everyone must hit that road in their marriage when they will decide whether they want to continue or walk.
No decision you make will be easy, but the good thing is God will never ever stop loving you. Rely on God. This is a marriage counselors phone number: 08185788256.
Lesson to ladies across the world yet its much relieving to live in the worst truth than wallow in the best untruth....
Ur not d only, I too found out by going thru his phone. We have 3 kids and knew one another as youth, married and moved to d states. I've done everything to plz him and advance myself. I'm a nurse but can't blame him bcos sexually I dn't enjoy my husband and emotionally. I've out grown him. He's not on my level but a great provider thru hustling. Sad to say but I cheated on him and birth a child by another man. He does nt knw dis. I'm trying finish my schooling and will divorce him but I'm to blame. Be honest with urself. If he dnt luv u it may b over.
Word.
It is good you know your husband position with you. Something has gone wrong between the two of you.Fisrt of all check your conscience and be honest with yourself. Then, Watch the time your husband is in good mood, prepare the food he liked most, dress well but simple with light perfum. Then "soberly" approach him. Let him know that u saw the message in his phone and is disturbing. Tell him how his coldness and negative attitude towards you has affected you emotionally. Assure him that you are ready to amend where you went wrong and that he should forgive you for whatever you might have done to make him not to love you again. DONT make trouble with his cousin O! That might ease ur separation with ur hubby! Make friend with him or her to solve ur problem. Gud luck!
I can't believe all these comments telling her never to go through his phone again. Aren't they married?? they r supposed to be one! It isn't her fault that she went through his phone, after all if u decide to trust someone, then u should know if that person is worthy of your trust, and if not, take steps to protect yourself. I pity all of you saying what u don't know wont kill you, until your husband gives u AIDS, then you will know that it can actually kill you.
It's not your fault that you decided to go through his phone, it's ur silly husband's fault for discussing such issues with outsiders instead of you his wife! cheer up, all will be well.
Excuse me oh! My comments are to those who say she should not have looked at 'her husbands' phone and that what you dont now dont hurt.
first of all, he is her husband. Which means she is half of him and he is half of her. He should not have a side to him that she doesnt know. If he wasnt ready to be straight, he should not have married her. im not saying she should look through all his things, but she felt something was wrong and she checked and as u can see, she wasnt wrong. i have been in the same situation and believe me, what you dont know hurts more. At least when you know for sure u can do something about it or at least accept it. If he really didnt want her to know, he would not have started acting differently.
and for the Lady in question, pls do ur best to make him fall in love again.He loved you once, he can love you twice!!
You have a home to save. x
i don't usually comment but reading this post made me draw my conclusion about men. i always say men are dangerous and selfish. they just want women to please them every second of their lives. and we women make them seem they have all the rights, they want to use us how they want and dump when they want. How can a human being, a husband say that about his wife. Someone who stood in the presence of God and swore for better for worse. i pray the blindfold in his eyes fall off for yoursake and your children's. I know there are good men out there and God will give us the best...Amen!
Uve said it all. U n ur God can make every thing come back. Its painful but Be strong
The Anonymous male comment of October 31, 2012 9:44 AM is soooooooooo on point.
Other people are so so quick to judge and ask why she read thru her husby's fone.........psheeew. Kasala don burst, dey still dey ask y? Rubbish people.
Abeg, no confrontation o, just talk gently with him. No need to bring up anything about what you read on his fone. Marriage is not easy, we all go thru various phases.
All the best
When a man is hiding his phone women know there is a problem ...some confront th problem, others ignore the problem and revel in Denial
Hw can u say dat??don't divorce him,just stay nd love him lik u use to nd bhav lik u nva read anything!
Hello madam. Read your story and I was moved to tears. I can imagine how so much this hurts. There is something I really would want to share with you ma. If its ok by you,pls call me on 08023589810. Stay calm. Linda,please try and reach this madam for me. Thanks.
Divorce him, why hold on to something just because of children? You will only be forcing something that is not there.
Madam what did u say DEVA what, well u have not started, when he keeps his phone again pls go and read u hear, then it won't be deva what ever maybe it will be suicide. My gf likes to go thru my phone so one day I called her and sat her down and gave her reasons y I always put a lock on my phone, I made her to understand that the phone, my phone is her worst enemy and she must not go near it rara, if she values our relationship, and now she knws better even if I open it and give to her she won't read... What did they say kills the cat again... Some pls... Curiosity
I said it, I knew it, I knew u will not post, so I wasted my time typing and posting abi... Linda u dey try me ooo. Na yeye dey worry u sha. Enjoy ur COMEDY BLOG and for madam ntoooooooooyi. FBI. Next time if he drops his phone again go and be snooping around for questions guess u can see how ur heart is snooping around for answers now... Rubbish
Don't worry I knw u won't post but wanted u to have a piece of my mind
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