Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Dear LIB readers: I went through my husband's phone and now I'm devastated

From a female LIB reader
I went through my husband's phone yesterday because of my recent suspicions that he's cheating on me but what I saw on the phone was far worse than what I was expecting to find there. It has practically ruined my life. My husband told his cousin via bb chat that he had fallen out of love with me a long time ago, that the only reason he's still in the marriage was because of our three kids. We've been married for eight years and I've done everything I know how to be a good wife and this is what I get? It would have been less painful if he was cheating. I don't know what to do. I even called in sick to work this morning because I've not been able to stop crying. Should I confront him? Should I release him by giving him a divorce? I love this man to death and I can't believe he stopped loving me along the way. What did I do? He always said I was a good wife, when did I stop being that? He has been so distant lately that I thought he was seeing another woman. My husband has ruined my life.

516 comments:

1 – 200 of 516   Newer›   Newest»
Joy said...

i think the best thing to do now is to pray for him and if you know those things u used to do when u people were newly married, u should start doing them again, look pretty and sexy for him, i believe that wit this and prayers, u'll win ur man back.

Anonymous said...

Hnmm!!! Truly Truly sad to knowing this @ a point like this. All the same, make out time to ease yur pain (cry if u have to), 'en talk with him from a clear mind and nt a heavy heart so as nt to say some wrong. U defo will get a clearer view of what shuld be yur next step. BestWishes

Anonymous said...

Men are dangerous beings. Only God can be trusted.

Anonymous said...

Stay but try and fall out of love also wit him.:)

Anonymous said...

Don't divorce him, just accept your fate.Remember you not all dat juicy again after 3 kids. Better still, look for a secret companionship. Im giving you dis advice based on my mum's experience.

BLOGBABY said...

Aayah!Sorry for u woman!

Anonymous said...

Hmmmmmm my sister pele and thank God for ur life,all u need to do in situation lik dis is pray if u can add fasting to it will be better,dat God should renew ur love to ur husband,u guys av come a long way to just walk lik dat.all is well wit u d lord wil see u thur

Anonymous said...

I really do feel ur pain. Sooo sorry dear!!!!

Anonymous said...

Madam, please dont be, it is either he has seen another woman outside or u ve a role to play in this, first go to God in prayer to renew his love for you which He God can do. Secondly can u remember what he says he likes about u when u were courting, u need to do those things again, ve u forgotten to look after yourselve tending to the home, him and the children including your work, please change your hair style, dressing, wear sweet perfumes at night not only in the day, so attack it both spiritual and physical! Dont look for pastors look for God himself, he is by your side, the bible says - if the ways of a man pleases the Lord, he will cause his enemies to be at peace with him. So start now, not by crying but on ur kneels straight to chase away any eve outside oooo. Men are very good at i dont love her any more if they find someone who attracts them outside. Please act quick and dont lose ur home for urselve and ur children. If u are too fat, slim down. Change quick. Sori LIBers, my long .......

Anonymous said...

Fight for ur marriage first...do not confront him! He might end up hurting u more..for him to still be in the marriage cos of ur kids shows his a good man. Look for those things that made him fall in love with u yrs back...make him fall in love with u again. Go extra miles to save ur marriage dear, don't just give up

Faithlinks Healthy Tips said...

Oh my, you shouldn't have gone thru his fone, what you don't know won't harm you!!cos i think he wouldn't have told you anything abt his lack of feelings for you, well my candid advice is for you dear to be strong and pay more attention to your kids while you occupy yourself with work and hobbies, also be very prayerful....Time will heal ur wounds

Anonymous said...

Wow!!!wat can I say??dt u shldnt ve checked his fone?I really feel for u.it hurts a lot wen u realise dt som1 u re still in love wt doesn't care abt u anymore.like its killing!u ve to confront him!@least now u know!dnt pretend abt it.he will definitely be like'why did u check my fone n all dt privacy shit,but u can't deny the fact that u know now.confront him,don't fight or use a harsh tone,be calm,talk abt wateva it is dt made him change n talk abt solutions...he needs to see reasons why he has to make it work cos divorce is never fair,especially to the kids..then pray!there is nuthn impossible for God to do.infact pray b4 u confront him tho.wish u the very best.this is jst a phase n I pray u get tns sorted out...

Anonymous said...

Isn't your hubby a Nigerian man? They are all the same: DOGS!!!

Anonymous said...

*sobs* do ur best and leave the rest to God. pray incessantly he will definetly come to ur rescue. prayer is the key.

ladi odus said...

well, i will advise you confront him. A problem shared, a problem half
solved.

Anonymous said...

God led you to this revelation...my dear wipe your tears maybe you can demand an explanation from him and then consider your next move ....if it doesn't work out....(im glad you have a job )give yourself time to grieve and thereafter take your kids and move on peacefully you cannot force love out of anyone.....but you have a Father whose love is not seasonal....Goodluck dear

Anonymous said...

in the marriage circle, there r times wen one wld feel he or she dosent love d opposite spouse, i advice u to call him, sit him down n talk about it n see how it goes from there. Continue being as loving n affectionate as u've always been n most of all, put him n ur marriage in prayers....everyth will b just fine.

taata said...

**Sobs! Why do men cheat is a question av been askin myself for long.its very painful to kno tht d man Ʊ had babies wit wud leave Ʊ along d way al cz he's gettin a piece of pussy elsewhere. Its bad and hurtful to go to yur hubbys fone but once in a while act isn't bad as well cz tinz can be revealed too and tht way Ʊ kno were Ʊ stand. Thts why alot of married women are now bein unfaithful too cz err1 is tied of dia hubbys infidelity and they seek inner peace from Lesbianism and infidelity too 4gettin to embrace God. All d same my advice for Ʊ is to be sure Ʊ aint Fat,unkept n tattered lookin and also ask yursef if Ʊ re stil d wife he married. If Ʊ are clear in all dz areas then confront him and hear wot he's got to say. I hope Ʊ two find ur love back in a meaningful way not a Hopeless place* Mbok!Hope dz helps

Anonymous said...

o my dear, that what we women see but i tell you, you may never know what you did wrong if you don't ask him. Go to him not in anger and ask him to make you understand what would have gone wrong. don't go to him angry, put all you want to discuss in prayer to God also before you have this talk and wipe your tears my sister ok.
i know it must be hard to take but most time we do what we think is our best and the our husbands don't get it becos we are all different individuals who have come together to become one. Don't start thinking of a divorce dear, believe that God will redirect your husbands love back to you. it has taken me four years of my own marriage to begin to understand what my husband really wants most of the time. But i am still working on my marriage and trying to be better. i pray everyday i am enough for him because its just the two of us no babies yet. so my dear your not alone at least you have your kids and if that's his reason to stay back you capitalize on that, love him, pray for him and your family and leave the rest to God. if he is still in your home with you dear you that's a good sign.
PS: don't change you attitude towards him ok.. don't give the devil any chance.

Anonymous said...

My dear role up your sleeves and get on with your marriage. He must be upset about something to say so.It is almost certain he don't mean it so confront him and you will see he has something to talk about. Once you break that silence, everything will align and your marriage will be back on track.
My wife once told me she don't love me anymore. I almost sent her packing that morning but after a second thought i said to my self there must be a reason. This is a woman that loved me with all her heart and ready to die for me. I confronted her about it and it came out that i have been offending her and she lacked the courage to break me down. Now its History. She is happy again taking care of the kid and patiently waiting for me to return home every day.

You can do same but i strongly advice that you take the discussion with him lightly. Don't allow high voice and angry confrontation. It will be sorted.

Please tell us how it went within on week.

More.....

Anonymous said...

why na, you personally called for this hurricane sandy. you shouldn't have gone through his phone o.

Anonymous said...

I think u should tell ur hubby wat u saw n d reason u went tru his phone. Ask him wat he think u were doin b4 dat made him love u dat ur not doing now. Crying or divorce is not d solution now, try 2 spend more time with him ALONE without d kids. If d love is totally gone den u divorce him

Utonwa said...

Perhaps he married you for the wrong reasons...maybe because your boobs were standing with fierce nipples,the children, with his help brought it down...he is beginning to see and feel the sagging skin of your belly..he thought you'll remain a girl forever.Perhaps you get weaker in bed with fatigue..perhaps what he saw in you before he married you wasn't permanent. Believe me, if he still thinks you are a good wife and got no other woman,then your hubby whom you love is greatly troubled.Continue to be a good woman and give him a little time but do not relax or sleep with your four eyes close(make the man no kill you one night in oda to free himsef,abeg o).

Anonymous said...

That's the problem in being too inquisitve.its better you sit him down and talk abt it.u might just learn somethings.if u love him,pls dnt give up

Anonymous said...

My dear its the truth he is seeing other ladies,men are dogs,that is why alot of married girls now do their thing outside,cos these men are not worth being very faithful to,i dont trust any man especially in Nigeria,i will never give my whole heart,they dont deserve it,and an information to ladies,if u trust ur man just pick his phone up and check ,u will be shocked,i do that that is why i dont trust any man,imagibe a friend claiming the Husband is the best,meanwhile her husband is even asking me out,even a girl from my place her husband is asking me out,thses men dont respect their wives,its a pity

Anonymous said...

I always say it ,women hear no evil see no evil ,keep away from your husbands phone.now how can you confront him ,his not boLd enough to tell u,if you love him to death ,just be you my dear,afterall if you had not checked his phone. U will still remain same person ,that is the price for checking husbands phone.

Anonymous said...

My lady an advice,dont divorce,do ur thing and ignore him,once u ignore a guy and stop making him ur priority,they will know ur worth,he is stupid

Anonymous said...

just be urself, pray for him and continue to b d good wife he use to know. God wil see u tru.

Anonymous said...

Firstly, take it to God in prayers, nothing he can not mend, they show love and care to him, pamper him, make him feel like that man that was in love with u before......men can be confuse sometimes, he probably didnt mean it or so to say, Not just by saying u love him, show it to him and if it doesnt work then we can think of another thing,dnt jst give up easily, u so love him and can win his love over again.....all d best

Anonymous said...

My dear its a sad situation but u have to confront him. U deserve an explanation. Let him tell you what caused such. Pls be patient and try to work it out, dont walk out of the marriage oh. rrr

Anonymous said...

My Dear, I am a man and will STRONGLY advise you against confronting him if you want to save your marriage. If you trully wish to save the marriage, do not confront him as that will give him an excuse to justify his emotional state of mind. Please note that at some point in time in a marriage, each individual will go through a phase of not loving their partner but the ability to demonstate stick-to-it-ism is what helps marriages overcome. Stick to being a good wife and mother. instead of confronting him about the bbm, tell him that he has been distant and you are very worried and would like to know if it is anything you have done. if he says no, then ask him if he is happy with you as a wife and mother. please be open minded and be prepared to listen to him without interupting him. once he has spoken, try and do the things that a God fearing wife would do and do them with a smile. simple things like saying thank you to your husband who goes out to work to pay all the bills goes a long way as i am sure you will be happy to hear thank you after you serve him a meal. It might be that like i was, fed up of the lack of appreciation for the things he does around the house instead, he gets put down as the media today has taught women to do. A husband and father that is not cheating on his wife will have a reason for feeling as he has noted. The two most important things to a man from a woman is respect and appreciation. Pray for your marriage and God will answer you.

Anonymous said...

go to d lord in prayers he answeret all tins.....

ARINOLA said...

I don't think u should be too hard on yourself, it's devastating really, but d last thing u need now is to cry all day and castigate urself, it won't solve anything, u need to speak to him and see if he's even willing to work on the marriage. You both need to go back to where you started from, and work hard at it, it takes a lot of effort and prayers, nothing is beyond God

Anonymous said...

Sweetheart I feel your pain. Many married women have to deal with such challenges at some point in their marriages and these marriages have been revived. When you spend many years with somebody, some people mistake the lack of passion and excitement for lack of love. He is your husband and God can fix your marriage. Are you a Christian? If so,take the matter to pastor whom you trust. You and your husband need to go for counselling and you need to take your marriage up in prayer. It will be well. Don't give up, don't despair. Many women have dealt with such matters and overcome them.

Jeff said...

My Dear i totally understand how you feel now. but i think all those qestions should be channeled to him. and pls and pls when confronting him. keep your emotions behind you. he will come to his senses. just discuss it with him. Am glad he was not cheating on you. God help you

Tororo said...

Abeg wey u go sit Down for gutter, @ least u stay wit man for eight yrs, pple neva fit stay wit man for one day,nor b say d men nor o,dem dey street dey hussle. Dey dere dey speak english wen ova don",I called sick dis morn @ my work place"u even get work. Mtshewwwwwwwwwwwww

Fresh said...

Your husband didn't ruin ur life cause he has no power to do so. But u should find check within ur heart and find out where u've been insensitive to what has been going on in your marriage.Most times ladies takes lot of things for granted in marriage which their husbands still expect them to take cognizance of.Go back and rem those things that ur husband love about you while he was dating you and trying to bring those things back to his memory.

Anonymous said...

What you don't know won't kill you, why did you go through your husband's phone in the first place? I'm a woman and I wouldn't go through my man's phone 4 any reason cuz i'm still young and i'm not ready to die of hypertension. However, I'll suggest you confront him, tell him you want a divorce and see what he says, i'm really sorry about this dear, may God console you :)

Anonymous said...

our people will say wat you dont know cannot kill you.but now that you know and its killing you, next thing is to look for a solution. you either stay back and win him or quit. i will advice you try your best to keep your marriage.....Neyopizzle

Anonymous said...

I am not against wives going to hubby's phones but it depends on what you are looking for. My phones are passworded but not because of my wife. Its because it might get lost and you never can tell what will happen especially when you have numerous bank alerts.

Meanwhile i advice both parties to stay off each others phones for peace sake.

More............

Anonymous said...

Hmmmm it's painful thou,bt u ave 2 get him 2 tell u what u ave don n why dat Luv is no more there cause 2 me marrage is 4 better 4 worse.I'm really sorry

Anonymous said...

Get down on ur knees and ask God for
mercy

Linny John Lawrence said...

awwwwwwwwww!!!!! i feel your pain darling, pls don't give him a divorce, don't confront him either, I've never been married so i don't know the best way to handle this situation. u just shouldn't have gone thru the damn phone #sobbbbing

Anonymous said...

my dear...u need to see marriage realistically and NOT ideally..both of u will not always be euphorically in love..it is also unfair to divorce ure husband because of what he said! at least for the sake of your three kids keep it..u have no idea how divorce affects kids..at least he is not cheating..or even if he was, why not take a positive view and keep doing the good things u do...he probably cherishes u and who knows that love might grow again...if ure Christian, remember that the Bible cites infidelity (adultery) as the only ground of fornication!! Take a positive view Id say..but wanting to divorce him, it's a bit extreme..for the sake of ure kids at least..

Anonymous said...

Dry ur eyes ands lets go on our knees dear

Anonymous said...

Call him for a talk and you guys should go on councelling.He has to fall back in luv with his wife.

Anonymous said...

Thank God he is nt cheatn on u.Al u nid to do is to pray and ask God for him to return back ur husbands love and try and approach diplomatically .trust me it wil wrk

Anonymous said...

Pray fervently, God has a solution to
Every problem..the battle is not urs

Omo said...

Dearie, I'm so sorry about this. The greatest mistake you made was to go through his phone because sometimes it's better not to know some secrets. Well, since you have discovered this now, I advise you put yourself together and check yourself to see where you have gone wrong. You'll need to go to God in prayers and ask Him to intervene. Then you need to start working on how to be a better wife and make your husband love you again. It is well with you. There's nothing prayer and submission to your husband cannot do. God bless you.

Mmakamba said...

sweety its such a terrible realisation 2 discover a hurtful thing like that.

what i advise is that u talk deeply to God and pour out all ur worries and fears to Him. dont try to figure out how He's going to do work it out but jst talk to him and continiue to be a good wife.

i dont think u shld confront ur husband about it though.

anjola said...

well its probably gonn be the toughest time of your life yet...Be strong about it, confront him..and tell him you gonn give him a divorce if thats wat he wants...and talk about the kids, and the arrangement for them will be..and as for if he is willing to give your relationship another try?...not sure thats a question you wann ask...cuz those words???..WOW, for somebody you been with 8years ...thats some crazy shii..//well its easy for me to say, i'm not in your shoes...i know that..we not gonn totally know how those shoes hurt...but we both know thats the best line of action..if he wants to make it up ..gooD, but dont "SLEEP OFF"..wish you the best tho'

Anonymous said...

Omg! Dis is soo sad. Some pple will say wat u don't knw won't hurt u, but really I'm glad u knw this. Pls talk to him and ask him wata went wrong. U can also ask him wat wld happen now or moving 4ward. Stay strong 4 urself and d kids

roziette said...

my dear the truth is always bitter but its better u know the truth which will surely set you free. do call his attention to your discovery and talk like husband and wife please no sentiment. ask him what did u do wrong and why he stop loving you, from there, you can now decide what is best for you. if it is spiritual or physical. my dear i know how you feel but try and trash it out with him. best of luck

roziette said...

my dear the truth is always bitter but its better u know the truth which will surely set you free. do call his attention to your discovery and talk like husband and wife please no sentiment. ask him what did u do wrong and why he stop loving you, from there, you can now decide what is best for you. if it is spiritual or physical. my dear i know how you feel but try and trash it out with him. best of luck

Anonymous said...

Pls do not leave him....tell him what u saw,not in a angry tone but in a sober way that u are ready to make tins right and most importantly knw wht went wrong.so u can work on it..divorce is not the way out...

Nikeey said...

Top 7 ways to stop your man from cheating:
1. Stop nagging and fussing about everything. It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. If you want your husband to fix something around the house, ask him in a nice way while you are scratching his head.
2. Fix him breakfast and dinner. Cook his favorite meals and create new dishes with his favorite foods.
3. Leave the past in the past. Don’t constantly bring his mistakes, his past mistakes and old flings in the present. Leave the old stuff in the past, let it go.
4. Keep yourself up. Brush your teeth, keep your breath smelling fresh, bathe in perfumes or good smelling soap. Comb your hair and keep it looking good daily. Keep your nails and toes manicured. eyebrows arched, lips and face crust free. If he loves you it doesn’t matter if your booty is flat, he still want you to wear those hip huggers jeans. He knows exactly how you are shaped and he wants you anyway. So get your sexy on ok. He’s waiting.
5. Listen To Your Man. You may think that what he has to say is silly but this is the part you really need to listen to. Men don’t explain themselves to often so it’s very important to listen he speaks. From that great speech you learn your man and what he wants. Remember that a man is the king of his castle and he wants to be treated that way.
6. Respect Your Man. Many times and most of the times we are usually right. At times in a relationship being right or wrong is second to respect. You should respect your man at all times and sometimes that mean shutting up and not telling him what you really want to.
7. Be nice and respectful to his mother. Mother-in-laws can be a handful but don’t forget she’s still his mother. The Bible says to honor your mother and father. No matter what he says his mother did to him and what she didn’t do for him is not your issues. He’s telling your his issues because you are his friend and he should be able to tell you everything. He’s not telling you this to take up a fight with his mother. He will always love her regardless and he’ll never forget anything bad you said about her.

Culled from another blog though..."Live and learn or crash and burn". You have all it takes to make it work. A wise woman builds her home but a foolish one pulls it down with her hands. I wish u all d best and not divorce.

Anonymous said...

Wow! i feel terribly bad for u oooo. I cann just imagine. Something like this happened to a friend of mine who said who had a chat with me and said some truthful but not nice words about his girlfriend which she saw and obviously ended their relationship. I kinda felt bad about it but hey its too late and they were only just dating, however urs is very different.

I dont even know what to tell you except for you tell ur hubby and have him tell u where and how it all went wrong. I really hope u can sort this out as i can imagine the pain u could b going tru.

tororo said...

Abeg wey u go sit Down for gutter, @ least u stay wit man for eight yrs, pple neva fit stay wit man for one day,nor b say d men nor o,dem dey street dey hussle. Dey dere dey speak english wen ova don",I called sick dis morn @ my work place"u even get work. Mtshewwwwwwwwwwwww

Anonymous said...

Something must b wrong somewhere we only heard u side.

Arasi said...

Tins like dis do happen in marriages. U need to "sparkle" the marriage, try to make it work. Do tins that u alwaz do to him wen u are till dating, tins dat made him to marry u.

Kerry Neuls said...

Find out why before concluding. Me too I could nt sleep bcos I think my wife is cheating n her past deeds are opening up. Last night I regretted a lot after I saw something that made me believe a lot of things I heard and saw.

Anonymous said...

It's a passing phase my dear, he will come back around! Most relationships go through that phase and don't panic just stay strong by your mans side!

Kenyan babe

CantRmbrMyName said...

Useless man!
Cheating spouses usually give one excuse or another. He probably told his cousin what he did to justify his cheating on you!
That he is cheating alone is enough grounds for a divorce.. But since you love him & all, you guys need to talk. Best wishes.

Anonymous said...

My dear,people fall in and out of love every time.....it's normal.....we're only human,Very painful dear....but stop crying and pull yourself together and get that man to love you back again,just think of what you used to do when you were dating,become a gal friend again not a wife.if you've added weight,shed it fast and focus on yourself.......yes be selfish,just for a while......go out more....have fun,act like you have a boyfriend,take your time to dress up in the mornings,be cheerful,or fake it.....and see what happens.Divorce should not be an option as long as you still love him.

Anonymous said...

Madam,
Confront him with the intention of resolving issues with him. Find out where the real issues are. I believe its something that can be resolved amicably. I know a lot of readers on this platform will advise you to quit, particularly the unmarried ones but please don't take any action that will jeopardize the future of your kids. This you must consider before any other thing.God will see you through.

BONARIO NNAGS said...

First what a woman doesn't know won't hurt. Thank God via providence u saw this,its better u approach him to know what went wrong,before it degenerates to a much ugly situation. Atleast he still fancy ur children,dats a gud point to work with. I wish u d very best.



~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

Anonymous said...

All u need nw is God,u nyd 2 pray hard cos 1ce a man wnts 2 leave notin wil bring touch hs heart...I dey tell u!!!.

Anonymous said...

Whao! I feel your pains . I am a man and I know its sometimes possible for the flame to go out but for me,there are little things that have helped me.

1. Prayer-I believe in God and my wife prays so much too.
2. Be his wife and not his mother

3. Self examination-Are you focusing on the kids and neglecting him?
These and many more will help.

I pray the Almighty will restore the flame of your marriage.

Anonymous said...

Aww sweetheart..u shuldnt have done that.But now that you have,i think u shuld talk to him about it.This isnt a case of hide and seek oo.Talk to him,and talk to God.Goodluck

Chioma said...

He doesn't deserve you,no man is worth dying for..be strong and live for ur lovely kids that God bless u with...pray and follow ur heart....

Anonymous said...

Wow! That's sad.#1- did u force him to marry u in any way?.. #2- did he find out a bad secret about u after u got married? Nne take heart.@badass

Anonymous said...

What u dnt know wont kill u.......... Thats y i try not to go thru my bfz fone.

Anonymous said...

More like you destroyed your life ooo. I always tell people what you dont know will not kill you, its what you know that will kill you. you were fine until you checked your husbands phone. i have learnt a lot from it and i dont bother checking it except i believe i am strong enough to take whatever my eyes sees.
You can make good use of the info you have but you need to thread carefully so it does not backfire cos men like to get defensive and attack back and in the process the main focus is lost. Pray and ask God for guidance he will see you through.

rita H said...

How can u say ur husband as ruined ur life.i itnk u shd put ur self to gether and look for a way to attract ur husband back to u.its only but noirmal that ppl fall in and out of love.mayb u av lost the touch of wat he saw in u dat made him get married to u in d first place,look at ur dress sence,eating habit,weigth..mayb u dnt even makeup to look attractive to him again,i know its not easy with 3 kids but am certain that if u look inward u wld know where u av gone wrong.meanwhile divorce is not an option.lastly pray to God.

Urerime said...

i can imagine how sad you are, please dont give your husband a divorce, communication is key and the backbone of every relationship, talk to him about it, not in a confrontational way, just a nice heart to heart talk. find out what made him fall out of love with you, ask what you can do to remedy the situation. above all pray to the Lord God that has the heart of your husband in his hands and can stir it like a water course. remember nothing is diffcult for God. may God help you in Jesus Name.

Nero said...

Uhmmmm,sad...the worst feeling of getting married and your spouse falls out of love with u...there is more to this story i think,but the woman shudnt give up,instead she should re-strategize,work on her negativities that the husband has always complained of and focus on making your hubby fall in love with you again,may God see u through...if u really love this man,determination is the key!

Sasha Diamond said...

Did you say you still love him? Then you can't give up without a fight. You need to fight for the sake of love. You need to confront the issue. You need to know what has changed and why he has stopped loving you. Then you need to adjust if it is within your power. Start praying seriously! Approach and invite the Holy Spirit before you approach your husband. It is well with you.

Steve Awunor said...

The only way to turn, is to our Savior Jesus Christ in prayers, He still answers us all.

Anonymous said...

Both of you need counselling...

Anonymous said...

My dear, I know you are hurting and may find it hard to believe that you will look back one day and chalk this as *one of those things*. But in most marriages at some point one or both of the spouses may feel that they want out, however, it is a phase that most couples go through. I don't know how old your husband is, but there is what is known as the 7year ITCH which occurs after about 7years of marriage. And then the Middle age crisis ; at both times , the man seeks validation on his looks, performance, worthetc. If you have settle into routine this could happen. What you shuld do is to look inwards, what were those things that attracted him to you? Dressing, sex, food, stroking his ego etc. If you confront him, you maight lose out, that he didn't tell his cousin he's having an affair doesn't mean he's not. Read books, but more importantly, talk with him, and PRAY . Do not despair, most couples go through this, how you handle it makes all the difference. Pls be careful the people you discuss your problem with. If your cousin is some 1 you can trust, talk with him/her without him disclosing to your husband. THiS TOO SHALL PASS. It is well.

Nkaylicious said...

wow.. That must hurt.. I really dont know what to say.. wouldnt wish that for my enemy sef.. BUT.. i think you should engage the cousin and try to find out what you are doing wrong.. warm up to his family and see if they can back you and try to help in winning ur hubby back. U NEED PRAYERS O.. pele. I shall pray for you too.. :(

BIBI said...

sorri dear, many of us in marriage r in it jst 4 d kids sake. it's obvious he has found luv else wer n it not ur fault. d life am living 2day is a sacrifice 4 my boys not to suffer 4rm a broken home not dat am happy

vion said...

Ist of all its not smart to go through a guys phone no matter what bcz u'l see more dan u bargaind for in most cases. 2ndly,he met so many girls b4 u buh stl chose u to b hs wife so if der ws any luv or attractn in d ist place dat lead him to make dt decision,t shud stl b there some wher,u jst need to find it. Pray hard and try sometin different with him.maybe that wil do d trick bcz a lot of ladies relax nd bcm boring 1nc dey have a ring on dia finger,dey feel der's no need to work hard again for d guys attention and dats jst wrong.3rdly, divorce is never a gud option esp 1nc kids are involved. Work hard to get him to fall back in luv nd pray.

Anonymous said...

Both of you need counselling. But you need it first to assist your husband to come back to you.

Anonymous said...

I'll advise you confront him in a pleasant manner so he would tell you why. Do not try to divorce him because shit happens in marriage but your ability to talk things over and live happily ever after is key. Goodluck!

Anonymous said...

My sister,

'The heart of man is countiously and desperately wicked'-remember the bibile verse?
Go to God in prayers in the midnight and judge him faithful, ask for wisdom to handle the situation because no amount of human wisdom can deal with the matter (from the experience of my parents, it got worse even with 3rd party intervention).
I can imagine the way you feel right now, keep doing your thing. I will join my faith with yours girl!

Anonymous said...

My dear,am sorry about what u saw but please find a way to talk to him about he being distant lately and ask him if he still loves u.If he is truely out of love with u during the talk he will say something that will prove that.And please pray and don't think about a divorcing him, it is against the Word of God.

delson said...

My Dear Sister.... Do not 'confront' but approach him on your amazing discovery and try to let him tell you what has made his love for you to have gone this bad. You do not need to fight or quarrel. You both can work things out. God will save your marriage.

Anonymous said...

What do you expect when you go looking for something? You will 'FIND IT' sorry sha. U will jst have to confront him then.

Anonymous said...

Prayer is always the answer. It is God that helps to build a solid marriage. He will give you wisdom on how to make your husband fall in love with you all over again. Don't despair. Also take not of the things he may have mentioned that he likes or dislikes and work on them. Tolu

kehla said...

Pls tell him your mind,don't die in silent.he might be joking or wanted to behave2his cousin that his tough(u kw how African men behave),menh i don't want2believe is true.#smh#

bumble bee said...

I feel ur pain sista,buh believe me I have the best plan for you and its not divorce,its seperation,get an apartment,move in with d kids,he can have dem on weekends and you on weekdays,go back to looking good,have u let yourself go? Rediscover yourself,you know how you looked when he first met you,go back to that your sexy self,I'm sure with kids came the baby weight,enroll in a gym, get back to looking fit,create your me time,and don't do this just for him,but for yourself too,a lot of women let demselves go after a while in a marraige and dts why the men loose interest,buh you want your man back? Then give him space,don't reward him with your presence,let him understand that having you is a blessing to him,and how can you achieve that? Is to give him space,let him do whatever he wants to do,without you being worried,and you too,hangout with friends,meet new people,I didn't say have sex with them,also to boost your self esteem,know you are still very attractive,mingle,flirt,don't jst go overboard with it,remember you have kids!!! Let him know you are having a swell time,let him know you can do better with or without him,let him get jealous,when he sees you looking all fly and good,den he'll start feeling what he felt when he first met you,but pls if after a while of doing and nuffin changes,den maybe he's truly out of love,den you can grant him a divorce.. I wish you well,stop crying girl,tears have never solved anyfin esp when it comes to men,what they need is a strong woman who shows them what they'll miss if they don't have them in their lives,we r a blessing to men and its high time you show him..

Anonymous said...

Try and remind the man of the reason he fell in love with u in the first place, distance yourself from him a bit.. Men are attention seeker, get his attention by nt giving him any attention.. Dress beutifully.. Even while in the house.. Walk around smiling no matter what, let him get suspiscious! Lol its called the Love game :D

Anonymous said...

Wow, I can't even imagine what you're going through. Going through your spouse's phone is an absolute NO, ignorance CAN be bliss. If you're happy and your partner treats you good, why rock the boat?!
You have no choice now, you need to confront him.

Anonymous said...

All u have to do is pray for him. U can't divorce him, u made a vow to stay with him till death do u path. I know it's not easy but u have to try. The Lord is ur strength.

NIFEMI said...

Just commit it GODS HANDS.

Anonymous said...

You don't ve 2 live,just keep been the good wife that you are and pray to GOD 4 help he will see you tull.

Anonymous said...

like seriously? Maybe ur husband is my type that so hates ladies with insufficient nd unreliable sex life, u've obviously refused to give him d best of it, or maybe ur snatch stinks which freaks any sane man off,,,,,those afformentioned tips can make any man fall out of love.....u can still revive him back...
Good luck

#ejikebigdick

NIFEMI said...

COMMIT TO GODS HANDS

Urerime said...

i can imagine how sad you are, please dont give your husband a divorce, communication is key and the back bone of every relationship, talk to him about it, not in a confrontational way, just a nice haert to heart talk. find out what made him fall out of love with you, ask what you can do to remedi the situation. above all pray to the Lord God that has the heart of your husband in his hands and can stir it like a water course. remember nothing is diffcult for God. may God help you in Jesus Name.

ugbala chinonso said...

This is ridiculous.... But maybe u shud luk back n check wat av warranted this unlovable attitude of ur husband..n u set things straigth...its obvious u av behaved wrongly in d past.
Milatos ugbala

Anonymous said...

My dear,your husband has not ruined your life,rather the devil is attempting to ruin your marriage.While this may sound like cliche,the truth is every opposition or negative situation come from the devil and your only victory is thru Christ.
Have you considered praying to God to restore your home and sincerely waiting patiently for Him to do His work??Have you invited Christ into your home?

Also,check ypurself as well,have you slacked in your responsibilities,do you go out of your way to impress him,do you still turn him on like when you guys just got married,when last did you have a serious conversation about wht he would like you to do to him,do you make him feel like a king,do you serve him with the best china?

After,praying make sure you do your works.

Anonymous said...

Pls tell him and let him know you read the chat, so you dont die in silence, its a step to making it better

dammyibk said...

This is really sad...you need to take a deep breath and think,tearz will not solve anything.you have to be strong and look back and ask yourself these "what brought you together?how did you meet? what did he like about you then?what are those things you do that made him long for you back then?maybe at one time you stopped been who you were?you cant just divorce him without trying..am glad you know there is a problem,your next move should be how to solve it.every marriage has issue and challenges,this is yours and how you solve it will determine your children's future.

POLA said...

Awww, that's so sad. Something has caused your husband to get distracted so he wants more. But why on earth would you go through your husband's phone? Now he's gonna be defensive that you invaded his privacy. Anyway, you cannot undo what's done; have a heart to heart discussion with him,apologise for going through his phone and ask him if he still wants the marriage. Do not let this change the "good wife" that you are.
I wish you well........

Anonymous said...

Please discuss it with him and see how you would win his love back, the Lord is your wisdom.

Anonymous said...

Seek God..he's ur only hope.and think back,do those things he fell in luv with

seyi said...

I feel so sad for u. Although a husband is not like a boyfriend. I went thru my bfs phone 2 weeks ago and I almost died. But I just believe a true man has nothing to hide. The amount of secrets in a mans phone is directly proportional to how fast he collects the phone if u "by chance" hold it. Ask me how I knew! If I just hold my bfs phone, if u see d way my guy will just snatch it back, he will be fidgeting and u can just see that he has a lot he is hiding from me! That was wat prompted me to start snooping around. I wouldn't have done that if he didn't act suspicious. Now social media has made cheating quite difficult wivout been caught cus even if u delete ur messages, ur twitter accnt, fb page can still be accesed very quick, how many boys have time to start deleting messages there? How many men end their conversation on bb? So there is always something to hide. Sometimes privacy is important, but most women that pokenose into their husbands phones and all, its done out of suspicion, very few women do it out of possesiveness. In other words a woman must have noticed or seen something for her to start checking her husbands phone. As bad as it is, its also a life saver. Cus ur husband can just pack and leave u one day wivout u knowing what the problem is. So as u don see am, I think u should confront him about ur findings and pray as well.

nifemi said...

short of words

Anonymous said...

its true wen they say "what you dont know wont hurt you". I went thru my fiance's fb account and wat I saw definetly changed a whole lot of tins. Aldo we still hanging onto d rship, I know deep within me that it wont work again, I lost him a long time ago.I tank God that I am not married to him yet.thats by the way sha.

my dear,i think you shud pray hard about this before you confront him and be tact wen u do that, he may not be pleased u saw that msg and will probably flip and say hurtful things that he has been nursing in his heart, which will most def brk your heart more.
pray my sister bfr u talk to him, if it is meant to be, God will not let you be put to shame.All d best!

Anonymous said...

Sorry dear.. I think yu shld fight for it. Since U̶̲̥̅̊ stil lovehim den don't let go, don't confront him. Jst trace ur footsteps, make him fall in love wt U̶̲̥̅̊ again. Become his bestfriend. Its nt goin 2b easy bt yu'v got to fight for it. God's blessings dear...

Nanpan irmiya said...

sorry dear, please dont stop loving your husband he is your God chosen and you are his God chosen one, pray to God, so that he should come back to his senses

Anonymous said...

Oh boy...it has 'beed'(if there's a word like that). Don't know what to say.

Afrojuice Williams said...

He hasn't ruined your life. Nobody has! you have only found out the hard bitter truth that you seemed to have been in denial for as long as he fell out of love with you. All you need now is to "LOVE YOURSELF" & "YOUR KIDS" really really much. When you start loving yourself, you will appreciate your life better and find happiness (Yes happiness that he will not give you). Pray and God will see you through.

Anonymous said...

I don't even know what to say to you right now remember you have 3 children by this man so you have to think abt it you have to pray abt it ask God abt it and also you can't make somebody fall back in love with you because honestly you would be doing that for rest of your life when you're done praying about it God will help you make a decision um if at the end of the day you make a decision to move on there's always going to someone else out there that will love you more good luck

Anonymous said...

Pleas don't be too sad, remember that life happens! When it does, we need to know what exactly to do.

Knowing what exactly to do is not always easy because we do not know the causes of lots of things.

I advise you to sit him down on a heart to heart talk - if he's ready for a mature conversation, that is.

If there are things you need to change please do and if not, don't ever think everything that goes wrong is your fault, life just happens!

Really, a little separation sometimes does magic!

Priscy said...

this is sad...
she should start talking to God seriously about the issue and then confront him to find out what she has done to warrant the latest development, and then talk to their pastor or trusted family member to have a word with him.
I dont think divorce should be the option here... if they can win this why should they lose?

Anonymous said...

Thats why i always tell my friends that the worst thing you can do to yourself is go through your boyfriend/husbands phone cos most often than not you"ll always find something that will cause so much pain to you... That saying about 'what you don't know won't hurt you' is so so true.. my advise to you is to tell him what you did( going true his phone) and ask why he has fallen out of love with you and what can you do to bring back the love in your relationship...

Anonymous said...

Oh dear. I'm sorry darling. I have only been married for three years and sometimes i feel like he doesn't feel what he used to feel anymore. its alright, he has not ruined your life. Its a feeling- it can be changed. Happy endings are nice, so I think you need to talk to him. tell him the truth,"i read your message...". ask questions- where did i go wrong? is there something you want me to change? You might end up having one of those "turn-around-for-good" conversations. One that would help you rebuild your love. On the downside, he might not love you anymore. He might love another woman. He might ask for a divorce or say things that would make you ask. A divorce would not be the end of your life. If you make up your mind to pick yourself up- you would. With a job, a passion, friends and God, lines would fall in pleasant places for you. Please be strong. I would pray for your home as i pray for mine.

Anonymous said...

Sorry dear but women why go through your husbands phone, does the word privacy not mean anything to you,well now that you have found what you re looking for why complain,even the bible says seek and you shall find. Am a woman married for 12yrs now i do not check my husbands phone or follow him around like most women do. What u do not know does not hurt, word of advices

Kim said...

Sorry dear :( If your husband doesn't love you anymore you have to let him go. It will be selfish of you to keep him in a relationship that was dead long time ago! As for the kids, you can share custody. With time the entire family will adjust to the new life, even though it will not be easy. You can spend time working on your marriage (like most of the advices here will suggest) but you can't force your husband to love you.

Anonymous said...

Curiousity they say killed the cat! Unfortunately, most women do this... and always end up hurting. However, the deed has been done, you must now face the reality and talk to your man about it. Its a good thing he chose to still stay wit you cos of the children, most men wont...that raises alittle hope. Lets hope he doesnt have danming reason for his actions too, so its important you guys talk about it and real fast too. i pray God will give u the wisdom and energy to carry on. Best wishes!

Bella said...

That last sentence was so piercing it brought tears to my eyes. I feel your pain. This is one of my biggest fears in life.

Ugochukwu Nwora said...

Marriage is all about tolerance, love and forgiveness. I think it will be unwise to confront him now that your mind is unsettled. you might ruin it completely. Take out time to express deeper love to him. Surprise him with things that he loves so much. Cook his favorite foods, etc.God instituted marriage and only him can mend the leaking parts. Each marriage is unique and will need unique approach to solve. You may need to seek help from a marriage counsellor to have a deep understanding of your marriage peculiarity before taking a decision.

Anonymous said...

Its very painful when you love someone and the other person hates you. I am just short of words but I know what it feels like

Ugochukwu Nwora said...

Marriage is all about tolerance, love and forgiveness. I think it will be unwise to confront him now that your mind is unsettled. you might ruin it completely. Take out time to express deeper love to him. Surprise him with things that he loves so much. Cook his favorite foods, etc.God instituted marriage and only him can mend the leaking parts. Each marriage is unique and will need unique approach to solve. You may need to seek help from a marriage counsellor to have a deep understanding of your marriage peculiarity before taking a decision.

Anonymous said...

My dear, there is no need to feel bad, Just take your prayers to God, alot of marriages are facing the same fate, but we should constantly remember our vows, I think you should comfront him, first apologize for being nosy, but do not make a fight out of your discovery. Tell him you understand and also tell him that you willl always love him and if there is anything you can do to make him start to love you, you will do but trust me when i say that you can never force anyone to love you when they have fallen out of love with you. I pray God will anwer your prayer and rekindle the fire in you marriage....

Anonymous said...

Pray woman!!! Pray and have faith and keep being good... With God, nothing shall be impossible... He will restore your love back into your husband's heart... Keep praying, don't stop and may God be with your family, amen!

belle said...

Prayer is the key. Wait till you are told since u still luv dis man and keep praying. Don't give another woman opportunity. Meanwhile keep being d loving wife, let him see d reason he married u in d first place. All d best

Ugochukwu Nwora said...

Marriage is all about tolerance, love and forgiveness. I think it will be unwise to confront him now that your mind is unsettled. you might ruin it completely. Take out time to express deeper love to him. Surprise him with things that he loves so much. Cook his favorite foods, etc.God instituted marriage and only him can mend the leaking parts. Each marriage is unique and will need unique approach to solve. You may need to seek help from a marriage counsellor to have a deep understanding of your marriage peculiarity before taking a decision.

Anonymous said...

Take d matter 2 master jesus

Anonymous said...

who send u? i bet ur own phone isnt clean too....mtschew......

Anonymous said...

Don't confront him. He might just be bored with you. Stop being too available, give him some physical space, take a trip or go spend sometime with a family member, by giving him space you are giving yourself space to reflect and revamp yourself. Start caring about you a bit more. You may have changed without knowing it, just work on yourself inside out and figure out ways to make you relationship more exciting and spontaneous. Find time to do those things you used to do when he fell in love with yu, before marriage and before kids. While you're improving yourself, he'll be missing you and he'll notice the changes and may just start falling in love all over again.

Anonymous said...

Confront ur husband, but don't let him knw that u went tru his phone just talk 2 him n knw what the problem is. Gud luk

Anonymous said...

i really feel for u,it will do u a great deal if u sit him down and talk to him about d whole ishh

Anonymous said...

Just pray about it. Find out what you have stopped doing and begin doing them again. Sometimes in marriage we stop being their girlfriends and turn into their mother. Go out with him and plan a nice surprise. i will say don't confront him. do all that you need to do to win his love back.

Anonymous said...

That's really sad

I never get it why a guy/Lady love someone so much 1 day and then they change suddenly :(

Try speaking with him and see if you can sort things out.

Wish you the very best

TEE.....

Anonymous said...

Jst keep being a good wife,and keep trying 2 win back his love,do not divorce him,do not confront him,jst keep being good to him,suprise him in bed,be more creative,jst b der 4 him,he will come around if not he doesnt knw wat he has,fight for ur man darling

Anonymous said...

Talk to him and tell him what u saw
Plead with him and tell him how much u love him
Pls I beg u let ur marriage work cos I wish I had a wife who loves me the way u lov this man despite all the millions of dollars I spend on her and my children.God bless u

Anonymous said...

Hmn.just confront him and seek counselling.God will see you guys thru in Jesus name.

Anonymous said...

Sorry dear, this is exactly why I always advise women not to check their husband's phones. Your husband doesn't define your life, seek your own happiness and keep loving him. Most men like kids never know what they want till they loose it. He still loves you but he is just expressing his thoughts with a relative. You should not allow this drown u. I once thought I didn't love my wife again too, but today she is my bestest friend and cannot imagine life without her. Ps keep your head high during this trying time of your wedding and don't confront him

Kafayat Sholola said...

They say good things come to those who wait but the best things come to those who pray. Dont try to work God into your schedule, work ur schedule around God. He is always available. Dere is no justification n there is nothing anyone can say to make u feel better just pray n all things will work out for ur own good.

Anonymous said...

common u don't hv to take dat, gv him a break. men are stupid.

Mabel said...

Please dont kill yourself because of one man oo! you have three beautiful kids to care for and they will grow up to reward you greatly. Focus on your job and career and take care of yourself.. na today? Men will always be men and women will always be women too/ Try and discuss it with him to see if you guys can work it out ..otherwise move on with your life...You may just meet someone better1 By the way , his head isnt correct.When those useless babes finish his money and ruin him , he will realise the grass isnt greener on the other side.

chi chi said...

awww, so sad. how devastating! i'm so sorry. i think the best thing to do here is to talk to him about it, u can just start by mentioning his recent distance and lack of attention, and go from there. You definitely have to talk to him about it. Hope for some resolution, but prepare for the worst. pray before talking to him and during this whole difficult time, for a calm and clear mind, and for God's directions.
www.jewelzmag.com

Anonymous said...

Try very hard to look like the woman he married. A lot of women leave themselves when they get married. Try to constantly look wow.

Anonymous said...

Is such a pity....
Linda please I think you need to hear this.....
BREAKING NEWS!!! 3 notorious armed robbers have just been apprehended by area boys in Onitsha! Instead of burning them, the area boys brought out 3 louderspeakers, tied the robbers to the speakers and played Tonto Dike's new singles!! The robbers are now shouting "Please burn us! Please burn us!!

Tonnexy

Anonymous said...

My dear you have to put your self together. This things happen often in marriages and that why it is said that children are like life wire. Pls continue to be good to him and am sure he will fall back in love with you.

fikky said...

Babe, you gotta be patient o.
Don't tell him you went thru his phone, that's just more petrol in fire. He will sooo capitalise on that.
Just ask to talk to him coz u feel he has been very distant lately and u still love him.
I pray all is well with your marriage.

Sorry o, stop crying.

Anonymous said...

Try and spice things up. What where those things you were doing b4 that made him fall in love with you? Its time to try them again.

Anonymous said...

Its very painful,jus pray to God since u don't want d marriage to end. after that sit him down and talk to him. u mine have done some thing that is chasing him away frm u. I wish u d best. GINA

Anonymous said...

madam,i feel ur pain, i bliv u shld talk to ur husband abt it, and u two shld decide on what to do on how to help urslvs,ur marriage and ur children. jst av a longggggg talk,im sure that wil help,rather than dieing in silence. mind u,u r nt d onli one dieing in silence, he is too. so jst talk 2 him ok... God bless u and ur marriage.

Anonymous said...

hello, all you need do is just pray to God for a renewed love and that God should bring the spark back, it can be done. be more romantic and talk to him still..i will pray along with u.

nellie said...

My dear pls do ur self good by nt confronting him,he sure will be glad u did bcos rt now,he can't find a way to say dat to your face,at least he still respects you.stay in dat marriage for d sake of ur children too and be nice to him too.pray n ask God to show you new ways to act.He will surely answer your prayers.This same tin has happened to my sister n told my dear he respects and luvs her more dan b4,d secret is prayer n focus and even chooses some funky dresses she wears to work everyday weda he travels or is around.Be strong my dear.I repeat dnt discuss it yet,may be much later but sure nt now.

Anonymous said...

Of course you have to confront him and let him know of it. Although, its part of marriage because I once felt same of my wife but now loving her more again. You also have to check what you are doing wrong of late.

Anon said...

This is a really sad experience and is alrigth to feel the way you are feeling, but I think is too early to conclude and give up on him, direct confrontation may not an option for now. Why don't you remind him as often as you can how much you love him and ask him to tell you where he thinks that you are falling short of his expectation?I guess that migth help him to regain his senses back. Above all, take it to the Lord in prayer, shalom!

Anonymous said...

U av to sit down and talk with him. Suggest some form of therapy if he is willing cos therapy works wonders. You also have to pray and get other people who aree willing to joiin you in regular agreement prayers. I bbelieve there wiill be a changee after thatm

Anonymous said...

You don't need to release him by giving him a divorce or funny things, all you need is to PRAY over it.

Anonymous said...

You must understand no one has the power to ruin your life except for you. Your hubby falling out of love with you is not the end of the world. In marriage there are different stages of how we feel about our spouse. I believe it is just a phase he is going through. You continue to love God, yourself, him and the children. Do not neglect all the good things around you because of this, or else it will make things get out of control. Major on the positive and not the negative. Pray for love to reign in your home and the wisdom to take practical steps to resolve underlying issues. Never let any being take the power to love and have a fulfilled life from you. Your hubby will come round, it may be he is frustrated with his achievements in life and the fear of the future.

LESE said...

No Sweety, only you can ruin your life! This is the problem everybody want to marry now now now, you rush in you rush out! Marriage is a whole new ball game it's not dating o! Communication I say is key, and only when 2 are willing.

Anonymous said...

oh dear! this is serious,but would you rather pretend it's not true?you can believe God for turn around,if He ordained marriage,hates divorce and cares about you,He can change things for your good.you& your husby are two,God is the only third person in marriage,in proverbs the bible says,"a three fold cord can't easily be broken"
Please don't cry,now is the time to believe.God is able...
ONEA....

Anonymous said...

oh dear! this is serious,but would you rather pretend it's not true?you can believe God for turn around,if He ordained marriage,hates divorce and cares about you,He can change things for your good.you& your husby are two,God is the only third person in marriage,in proverbs the bible says,"a three fold cord can't easily be broken"
Please don't cry,now is the time to believe.God is able...
ONEA....

Leerato said...

This kind of issue is a very complicated one... I will suggest u pretend like you don't know. Instead work on ur reltaionship with him. Don't confront him, let him be the one to tell you if he decides to. Just cry and be prepared for anytin(worst) becos if u tell him, he will have something against you(going tru his fone). Take heart, when it comes to love, expect nothing but anything.

emmlaw said...

*speechless*

Anonymous said...

Dnt bother to divorce, for God's sake, since u are aware he is no more in love wt u just pack urself together, love God, love urself, love ur children he would definately rot in hell, Dick full every where. stw

Tamara said...

How can u say dis to ur self..ur husband has not ruined ur life,did u see on the text dat he has another family outside..plz dnt use negative words lyk dat..u av nothing to worry about,all u have to do is just to report him to his maker..dats all...tell God ur problem,he wud guide u on what to do.its normal in marriage,u cant love ur selves everytym..jst put dose knees on the ground trust me ur husband will love u more dan he did wen u both met..plz dnt fail to do dis if u rily want ur marriage..PRAY...Is dere anytyn to hard for God?

Willow said...

An elder once said love in marriage fades, and the only thing that remains is tolerance and understanding. Marriage is full of thorns and hot nails. I think you should confront your husband, that's the only way you can have peace. Its good you hear from him directly. Things in love hurt.I can feel your pain.

Cosy mma said...

Keep praying...don't give up at all.
Update ur perception abt marriage.
start seeing him as ur boyfriend and u as his girlfriend.
Renew ur love partern and rekindle ur passion.

Anonymous said...

OMG!I actually tot I was reading abt myself. D only diff is dt I did not see a chat where he said he's fallen out of love wit me but I hv seen trash he discussed wit his gf abt me. I'm dealing wit it though but back to ur case, don't sink into self pity.it will ruin u, destroy ur self esteem. No partner is perfect. Even if uve fallen short, communication is d key. He shld let u know wat uve done if he is interested in d marriage, not to say such inappropriate tins and to someone else. Be courageous! Confront him and deal wit it but don't let his foolishness destroy u. Its not worth it.

Anonymous said...

Gosh! So sorry. Wish i could give you a hug cos i have been there before. I travelled to London to spend 5 days with my boyfriend and i thought we were having a fantastic time until the idiot used my laptop to check his emails and forgot to sign on. Trust the female vibes in me, i became an investigator looking for emails with other babes but to my surprise i saw an email to his cousin's wife saying he feels like he has been in a bondage and she advised him to take a step at a time. OMG! i was devastated but silly me made excuses and went back to him.

My advise to you is to start praying and fasting ASAP. Most guys find good women boring so attimes you need to form nasty or cold. I have learnt the hard way that they dont like things the easy way. They love the fighting and making up.

Once in a while, go hang out with the girls and let him babysit and nag at home.

It is well with you. May God give you the wisdom to hold your home

Anonymous said...

ppl dont fall out of love bcos thier partners change, atyms ppl fall out of love bcos the it just dies. many times we might not be feeling our partners again for no reason. but i guess with time he wud cum back to himself.thats how marriage is my dear,it gets boring atyms.

Anonymous said...

why are u going through ur husband's fone? what u dont know won't hurt u hunnay

Anonymous said...

I can feel ur pain. I believe this is a time u need God more that ever before. Ask Him for help and wisdom. Give ur husband attention and show him love more than before. Talk to him about it when u ve gotten urself together. God will see u tru.

becky said...

Confront him and both of u should air ur mind and possibly try to resolve issues. I don't advise a break up cos d kids will definitely be affected. And remember there is nothing impossible with God. Take it to him in prayer and also check yourself to know when and why ur husband has fallen out of love with u.

Tongue said...

I found out something fishy about my wife too yesterday and now I don't know what to do. Life is a bastard Mehn.

Mustapha Horlahyeancah said...

Poor woman its a lot to take in......... God would definitely see U through!

Angeleyez. said...

My darling what can I say? Very few things are as hurtful as unreciprocated love. As a rule of thumb, NEVER GO THROUGH YOUR PARTNER's PHONE(S)!!! Unless you are searching for motivation to end your marriage but if you know you are not going anywhere, why torture yourself? As in love as my hubby and I are, I know to never go snooping around his gadgets. He gave me his passwords to various accounts but I have never had the urge to go snooping because I know in spite of our "Romeo n Juliet" love affair he is still a MAN and I'm not ready to break my heart and my home. That you felt the need to go through his phone suggests other underlining issues. You can cry but not for too long because I believe there's a reason you saw what you saw, why not use the info to your advantage? Step up your game! That he loved you once means he can love you again but it will take prayers and a lot of hard work. I know how easy it is for most married mothers to lose themselves in the daily running of their homes. That you are a good wife doesn't mean you can't be better. When last did you put on some sexy outfit for the viewing pleasure of your hubby? When last did both of you enjoy time together alone? When last did you make his eyes flip back into his skull with a new sex position? Please don't get me wrong, am not saying you are at fault, we are way past fault finding! This is damage control before it gets too late. I'm a 37yr old mother of 2 angels and I have been married for 10yrs. I run a hectic work schedule but I always find the time to go online and research new ways to blow my man out of his mind in bed( and yes...pun intended). It's never too late to make a change. As for confronting him with the info, please don't! Men hate it when their wives go all FBI on them. It's a tough one to pull off on a man still in love with you, can you imagine the reaction of one who isn't? He is probably looking for the slightest opportunity to fight, please don't load bullets in a hunter's gun when you know you are the prey! Wipe your tears my love, if you still love him then I guess he is worth fighting for. Go online and find out ways to put the spark back into your marriage. I wish you the best of luck #hugs!

Anonymous said...

You ruined your own happiness by snooping around ur hubby's phone...Good for you.

Anonymous said...

My sister take heart u hear, because nobody send u to go tru his phone in the 1st place, u are feeling like FBI abi. as a senior CIA agent u must ve found a way out nah, u dont no what privacy is abi....oya Jack Bauer solve ur problem u r on ur own. long hissssss. watin u no know, no go kill u.

A by Adaeze said...

http://a-by-adaeze.blogspot.com/

The Realist said...

Talk to him about how distant he has become.Don't tell him you went through his phone though.Ask him specific questions about what went wrong. If it is something you can change then change it. If the problem is all his then it might be wise to let him go.

Anonymous said...

@correctbabe, sorry dear its really painful, but I would advise you call your husband and ask him, if you hav offended him in any way, beg hm to tell you. but you have to be sober in doing this.

God will build your home.

Anonymous said...

No honey, he didn't ruin your life. Take it to God in prayer to put love back in your marriage. On your part, try 2communicate, look good, prepare his favourite meals n do the things you both enjoyed while u were courting. No matter what he says I believe there is still a spark of love somewhere in his heart that can be rekindled. It is well

Lara said...

I feel for u, 8 years is 2 short a time for a husband to fall out of love with his wife after 3 kids. l'll advise u confront him, l mean ask him about ur discovery but u have to apologise for going through his phone becos mobile phone is a personal thing and u see what it has cost u, whatever his response will let u know what to do next, most importantly go on prayer and fasting, there's no situation God cannot change, life is phases, be strong this phase will pass away.

Anonymous said...

As much as I am itching to say 'who sent u message' I sincerly feel your pain! This is deep. My advise is wake up in the morning, look beautiful, go to work, do things and create things that make you happy, above all let him know you saw the chat without a tear drop from your eyes and walk away with a smile. It may seem like the hardest thing, but men CANNOT handle what they dish out. Prayer, Happiness and ur huge smile is your only weapon.

Ipromote ByDempo said...

I can tell 50% of marriages in the world suffers something like this, oh well she stated that the Man didn't cheat on her. I believe in the saying that says "In every problem lies within it is a GREAT solution" - Friday Demola

She already discovered what the problem is " The husband fell out of love with her" now the next step is to try to find out what really made the man to stop loving her like he used to in the olden days. Divorcing would never solve the problem at hand; he didn't utter the word that he didn't love her anymore. What she should do now is to try to take the husband out (On a special date).. They should be in a private room together "I mean somewhere different from their home" If they are in Lagos, maybe Eko Hotel and suites would be fine.. In that room she should stripe herself and before making love to him, she should ask him "What can I do to make you happy darling, because lately i discovered you've changed alot and I want you to be the same man I met years ago, anything you want just tell me" This is just one of the ways of getting the man back... By doing this, the man would be tempted to say what made him CHANGE..


Http://Ipromotebydempo.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Frist of all pray and ask God to direct you, then afterall you can confront him. He should then tell you the piece of his mind. Sorry sweetie that's what we see in this world now.

uk certified...dharmi said...

so sorry m'am,jus pray about it n confront him to know where you went wrong..the lord is your strength

Anonymous said...

we men are that way sometimes, after series of sex, we dont find anything interesting in the woman anymore especially the one u see everyday. But bear in mind that divorce is not the solution, think about ur kids, u dont want them growing up in a broken home trust me cus i coe from one. u were not meant to see what u saw on his phone i suggest u continue living like nothing happened as long as he keeps treating u well. if things start falling apart u both should see a marriage counsellor.

Blessing Eremionkhale said...

All you have to do is to pray and love him more. Renew his love for you by doing the things that made him fall in love with you in the first instance.

Anonymous said...

he's cheating and as well falling out of love with you. he wanted you to find out about only the fallen out of love part. trust me he knew you would go through his phone soon. when you go searching you shall find. what you don't know wont hurt you. big lesson for you. so why sulking 89% of marriage still stand because of the kids the rest maybe love or something else.

Anonymous said...

This is the norm of Nigerian men, best to go through fones and all b4 the marriage, but once married, its for better for worse. As long as he treats u well, that's all that matters. He WILL fall back in love someday again. Men just don't know how to deal with the ebb and flow of every relationship.

Anonymous said...

Men Lie:
Men lie to protect and to justify.

i go funny as well and i hve a cousin that is on my case about by actions... i tell i dnt think i am in luv with my GF anymore...

anoda senario is the flat line period... which every relationship has. when something bcomes constant you then to feel it is not there anymore. e.g, if u wear thesame perfume every day, u know it gets to a point when u stop perceiving the smell. at that point you feel it not working anymore and you desire change. every relationship has this period and it sometimes take cheating to appreciate what u have at home (i am nt saying it is right)

Anoda example is the teenage factor: a lot of teenagers say they hate their parents to justify their rebellious ways. it does not mean a lack of love of lack of appreciation for their parents

Finally before you take you decision either to stay with him or not.... i tell my friends to listen more to how a man treats you rather than what he say (to u , his friends or family)

In your situation, i believe its the flat line period and he is justifying his wrong doing by claiming the absence of luv for u.

Patience and an injection of romance will help u justify whether he is still into u.

Wish u all the best.

FortySeven said...

Actually, your husband didn't ruin your life. You did that all by yourself. You went snooping and bit off more than you can chew! Now you have to deal with it.

I trust my wife completely but I do believe she's entitled to some privacy and as such I would never go through her phone. But that's just me. It's obviously different strokes for different folks

Segun said...

what u saw may not be the exact. he may have a different reason for saying that to his cousin. you can confront him but with a mind to resolve. since u stated u love him to death. think of your children as he said he is doing and resolve with him. divorce is not the solution. segun

Anonymous said...

i always tell women that when you dcide to go through your partners phone , you will find exactly what you are looking for or even worse.

Anonymous said...

Hello woman,am going 2 b very Blunt with u,pls don't c mi as Hard but I av been made 2 b so

Pray,dn u must also learn 2 fall out of luv 4 ur hubby,learn 2 move 2 d next level by devoting more time 2 God,ur children n ur job.Ignore ur hubby,u are giving him too much attentn,don't call him just 4 d fun of it,call him when its imp.

Go out,av fun n b happy,Pretend as if he is a done deal(does not exist).remember if anythg happens 2 u,he wld remarry asap and dose lovely kids wld suffer.look good all d time and av mad fun.

U are lucky its not too late.


#its my view

Anonymous said...

Dear Wifey, my heart goes out to you, it sure is a bitter pill to swallow, but know one thing that it isn't the end of the world. I'd suggest you date your husband again, ask him out on a few romantic dates without the kids (just like it used to be before getting married), it might just be that he isn't getting enough of your attention. Rekindle your sex life invest in lots of sexy lingeries. All the best xxxxxx

Leke Taiwo said...

Don't be devasted dear, you just need to spark up your marriage again.
1)you really need to pray for God's intervention because God can touch his heart to love you more.
2) you need to make him attracted to you more, dress your best every day, buy good clothes that he will like on you.(not trashy clothes anyways)
3) cook him great dishes regularly, go the extra mile on his food
4) constantly tell him that you love him. call him when he is at work and just say "How are you doing? I love you."
I wish you the best. Please pray.

Auntylicious said...

My dear, i feel your pain. Men are idiots and they say a whole lot of rubbish.He has probably met one jezebel that is turning his head for now. Please pray, it would blow over.It usually does. But that depends on YOU. Dont watse your energy crying for your childrens sake. They need you. Just watch him and pray more. I dont believe in confrontations because they hadley work! Nigerian men have turned into something else these days. But they always regret it after destroying good things. There is a bad wind blowing out there. But God would see you through. Remember. you have done nothing wrong. He's just puffing. As for the bb, pls ignore. If you have older marrid friends, you would hear all sorts that they say.(as in men) God bless

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