Battered women: What is going on in marriages these days? | Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog

LI_Leaderboard_4

LI_Leaderboard_1

LI_Leaderboard_2

LI_Leaderboard_3

Wednesday, 28 March 2012

Battered women: What is going on in marriages these days?

I got the photo on the left yesterday but didn't upload it because I didn't have all the details. People who sent it to me said it was a woman brutalised by her husband, but they couldn't give me her name or when the incident supposedly happened. So I really don't know what happened to her...but it's obvious that she was badly beaten....by someone. Now, the woman on the right had her fingers slashed off by her husband who is a police officer. He was not arrested for the assault. 

If you're a happily married woman, please re-assure some of us single ladies about this marriage thingy...because for the first time in a long time, I'm beginning to feel kinda happy that I'm single. The things I hear, see, even witness...it's beginning to get to me...

210 comments:

1 – 200 of 210   Newer›   Newest»
uch babe said...

Blood of Jesus!
who ever did this is a tiger not human at all!!!

God have mercy on us in this world.the man should be caged in a zoo with wild animals.

Anonymous said...

This is so sad i dnot even have words how can someone do this to d person d said they're in love with God have mercy were is d guy and why is he not in jail

jescci said...

Linda ds kind news just dey always tire me.How on earth would a man batter someone he claims to love.I fink it's high time we had a legislation dt serves as a deterrent to MANIAC DEPRESSIVES

Anonymous said...

This is sad...

Anonymous said...

NAWAWOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! THATS ALL I CAN SAY.....

Anonymous said...

Thot u were craving marraige linda

Adaku O. said...

My dear, I've been married twice. I assure you that this is not the first time these women have been abused. It starts gradually. It might start with verbal abuse, or just pushing, or breaking things or hitting his hand on the wall or any object around. These are signs. If he hits you once, study shows that he'll hit you again, no matter how much he cried and begged you afterwards to forgive him, how much gifts and flowers he bought kneeling down and asking you to forgive him. History has a way of repeating itself when it comes to abuse. These brutally battered women must have been abused repeatedly before it gets to this brutal and fatal point. My take on this: MARRIAGE IS NO MORE A DO OR DIE AFFAIR. IF HE HITS YOU ONCE, IT'S NOT WORTH IT. IF HE MADE YOU A PUNCHING BAG ONCE, THEN YOU'RE A PUNCHING BAG TO HIM. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!! Physical abuse is impulsive. It's the adrenaline working so his head can't think right until after the abuse. Our society is not helping matters either.

Anonymous said...

These is really bad.

I have been with my husband for 8yrs, married 5yrs and I can say with confidence that he has never raised his hands at me and cheated on me. I know of at least 2 other couples, married at least 8yrs & 14yrs respectively and they are very happy. All husbands are under 40yrs in each situation. Maybe 'cos we live in London and there is less influence on these men.

Anonymous said...

there is a beastly spirit roaming the earth and possessing married men nowadays. only a weak man will harm a woman...men, if u want to punk it out like a punk, engage a fellow man and stop this outrage!!!

uch said...

okay linda,
no marry o! use becos of person downfall remain for floor.
y are u hussling to be a star despite the fact some have tried and failed,that it is bad for some doesn mean it will be bad for others but dont marry so that husband will reach those who are seriously searching.

Bamidele said...

WHAT! This is Barbaric!! Too Bad! I thought Arowolo's case should have thought so many women lesson (Well that's for those who heard about that news then)
WOMEN WAKE UP! Don't wait till you get treated like this before you realise you need a VACATION from the goat/devil in sheep skin husband. I am not advocating for a Divorce rather simply take a leave like holiday (NOT DIVORCE) from your marriage till, the man gets back to his senses. IF YOU DIE in the process of battering the man will REMARRY Next day. A Word is enough for the Wise.
Men Please STOP this IF you still hit your woman, you,re a "less-man" One of the maximum atrocity your woman can commit is ADULTERY, then you find a better and more reasonable way to handle the matter not like this. In-fact don't you cheat on her too? search yourself...

Anonymous said...

Its not like that ohh!!! marriage is sweet if you put God first and learn to respect your man. Men are not evil but females need to learn how and when to talk. sometimes they turn their men into monsters without realising it..the bottom line you need God in your marriage to succeed.

LINDA will you attend my wedding sent you the website. much love.

Anonymous said...

@Linda, my dear truth be told...from what i see, lot of married women out there are experiencing d same shit (even the celebrities) but they all come out with fake smiles on their faces pretending their marriage is the best and all is well, we only get to know the truth when there is a huge abuse or when they are murdered by their partner....I'm single as well but i'm damn scared by the things i see, it will only take the grace of God for one to have a none abusive marriage #MyOpinion

Anonymous said...

See wetin love dey cause.
Love nwantiti.
To all of you women in à similar situation, i say run!!!

But Linda, pls try and edit your Posts very well before publishing. That word should be written "beaten" and not "beating" Thought you studied English Language?

...Susan Peters

Anonymous said...

I'm married wit 3wonderful kids,it aint perfect but thnk God d good times r more...pls ladies if a guy lays his hands on u RUN,life has no duplicate,I just bliv its only lazy women dat take dis cos der r scared to work out something for themselves depending solely on d man...ders absolutely no excuse for hitting a woman

Princess zee said...

Am gettin married in three months and all these sorta stories are really gettin to me too... Can it be dis bad? Why would a man who claimed to luv his woman enough to marry her do this to her... How do u know u're not gettin married to a monster...pls I need to know

Frenchie said...

Lord omg
I've been thinking the same too not only about marrages but all the monstrosities all around us but I'm not sure violence and brutality have increased that much the main reason we hear about these is because now we have internet, fb, twitter, bbm nothing can be hidden for long now
That said these 2 women got involved in the worst possible unions they better run away very quick if their husbands reached that point already next step they might be 6 feet under the ground
So let's hope they'll find the strength to free themselves regardless of whatever feelings they might still have smh

Dame T said...

OBARA JESUS

Chukwudi said...

Chineke! We are nothing but pencils in the hands of the creator...

Ofilispeaks.com said...

What really annoys me is the anonymity that surrounds physical abuse. It is not till the woman dies that her name and the mans name will be revealed. Why are the people sending the picture not stating the name? Should police not go and arrest the man.

I remember a girl on BB saying that her neighbors were disturbing her and that she could not sleep. I asked her what they were doing to disturb her and she said the man was beating his wife. I was like so are you people not going to do anything and she said "it is none of my business, I just want to sleep" We will be sleeping while violence is going...hopefully some people will wake up one day...

Fly said...

Those men shld be thrown in jail and made to pass thru the situations they made their wives passed thru.

Anonymous said...

Linda my dear, I am a happily married woman and I want to assure that not all husbands are beast, so don't b put off by d stories u hear, I am not saying my husband is perfect or that I am, like every relationship, we have our disagreements, but even in d midst of d hottest quarrel, I know he loves me and has my back and he is in this for d long haul. I have never doubted that for a second because it took us ten years after we got married to have our first child and in all that time he didn't waiver or give me grief. I can truly say he is my best friend.
Girls will never tell u d truth, a lot of these men didn't turn monsters overnight, d signs were always there, but they ignored them bc they felt they wanted to b Mrs at all cost and felt they could change him. News flash ladies!! U can't change anybody, u r not God! A man that is not nice to people around him, will not make an exception for u when u stop shacking him.
Ladies, pls pls u do not need a man or marriage to validate u, better to b happy on ur own than married and miserable or worse dead

Anonymous said...

I play Assassin's Creed 1 in which the character you use (Altair Ibn La'Ahad) doesn't have a ring finger because he uses a hidden blade which requires his finger to be removed to show commitment to the ring and for effective stealthy use. I can understand that BUT this is just absolute wickedness. Why remove a part of her body. This are the kind of issues that cause Gamophobia. Please Linda don't develop it. They're plenty of good men out there or you can just wait for me:D. I can't do such

Modupsy said...

This is just sad. No man shuld get away with this. That said, we women need to check ourselves. Simply becos a man ought not to raise their hands against us doesn't mean we shuld taunt and insult them. I'm not saying it mighta been dis woman's fault, but we women can be so unnecessarily disrespectful sometimes, forgeting that the man is human and therefore susceptible to anger
That said, whoever did this shuld not be allowed to get away with it

Olu said...

@ Anonymous 1:54pm. Abeg, you blaming women for the things that happen to them in marriages. There is no excuse on the planet for a man to brutalize a woman. Why do we always blame the victim in our culture. If a woman is raped, its because she asked for it by the way she was dressing or seduced a man. If a child is abused its because her parents didn't dress her well. What about cultures where people dress naked. Do they rape each other. Its monsters that do this to women

Sadly this has being happening for a long time to many women and it is accepted as the norm by some and its because of the internet and blogs that its coming to the open.

Its a shame to read on Nairaland some men saying its okay for them to beat their wives to put her in her place or teach her a lesson, how can any man say that, but some Nigerian men think that way. Abuse seems to be the norm and has being the norm. If a man can think he can beat a woman why can't she beat him when he acts as a child

Marriage is a good thing when you marry the right person. I'm married. But you need to be sure the person you getting married to doesn't share this ideology and ideas and see from their behavior. A man that beats a woman doesn't feel good about himself and is only doing it to make him feel like he has power.

God help us

Anonymous said...

I cross my heart, I ve never left a comment on this blog.
To assure Linda, dia r good men out there. I ve been married for 5 years n he's my best decision ever, my best friend. He treats me like a queen n he respects women generally.
Watch d way a man relates wit d women in his life( his mum,sisters) n d way his dad treats his mum. Den u can ve an idea of how ur man will turn out after marriage.
Marriage is very sweet, don't let d few bad ones discourage u.

swingle said...

Yea, being barbaric act is to say the least. The root cause is that most people don't see wit their eyes before marriage but their heart only.

Swingle

Anonymous said...

Forced marriages often lead to this.
People should base their relationships on mutual love. In Nigerian culture I know of many women made to marry to placate their parents or societal pressures.
Eventually these women become oppressed into submission and become the focus of domestic abuse, this then leads to them feeling isolated and become victimised.
Marriage is not the highest attainment of human success, it means nothing when you are unhappy. That is why people cheat, this is what leads to abuse.
Human companionship can only function if the two people involved are in agreement.

Anonymous said...

Such a man should be arrested. Linda dear, marriage is not a bed of roses but i am enjoying my home and my man so much. Not all men are brutal.

Anonymous said...

Linda I've bin married for 2years and I can comfortably tell you dat not all marriages are bad!infact mi&my husband make it a point of duty 2remind ourselves dat marriage Is not a do or die affair and if one of us is not happy we had beta take a walk than die inside the matter bcos at the end of the day everyone will face God individually on judgement day...I grew up in a home where my dad was always hitting my mum and I swore to myself that I would never let any man do that to me.infact it got to a point that me&my siblings had to threaten my dad that if he ever lays a finger on our mum we will get himm arrested and he would never sEe her again!that was when he had to stop.truth is I don't know y all dis women still stay put in dis abusive marriages,is it d fear of not being able to take care of themselves or don't they have families that care about the.

Enairablog said...

people wicked oooo, Ladies be careful of the guy u run too.
Better go 4 good guys, anyway am still single and searching
@Linda i don't mind.............................

#Olubabafemi said...

Mrs Adaku,
I understand u wrote from experience!
Thank you so much for d enlightenment but...what are d ways forward? In as much as women, on there own parts, contribute to dis things.
We could go extra miles- to dare our husbands.
#Thanks as u reply#

**Olubabafemi**

Anonymous said...

Na wa. Nw dis is kinda xtreme. I wld like to kn wt realy happnd @Sir_fin

Anonymous said...

God will purnish dis man, he will never succeed, and He will surfer for wat he has done

Anonymous said...

It's high time our women realized that marriage is not the end all. Till death do us part doesn't say he has to be the one doing the killing. People don't change...and violence is not a sign of love. Quit after the first slap...the second may land you in a grave.

Anonymous said...

March 28, 2012 9:51 PM as you said you reside in london so them know say police would come and catch them. the picture are gruesome and the man would now say sorry abi well if the woman should stab him in his sleep sebi they would call her a killer well i hope both women learn

Anonymous said...

Men who beat their wives are cowards and drug/alcohol addicts. My father never touched my mum and he advised me to do same. Ladies this is what u get when ALL u consider in a man for marriage is; his Bank account, the size of his Prick and How long he can last on bed.
http://paynize.com/ref.php?page=act/ref&invcod=133781

Dr. G said...

This is horrific! Always nothing can justify a man beating his wife to pulp & slicing her up like bread. I'm a man & have hot temper unfortunately I'm married to a woman who repeatedly abuses me verbally but I could never do this to her & I have been warning her that if she will ever drive me to the point of me losing it then I will seek a divorce because I will never be a murderer. Sorry everyone has problems in marriage but if I can't take it anymore I will call it quits. It's not a do or die thingy. As for you Linda don't give up on marriage just yet. Keep praying God will give you one who will cherish you provided you put him first. Some are lucky some are not. I wish you luck

Anonymous said...

if it is to steal money now house of rep and senate are number one but to see to it that someting is done about domestic abuse like is done in other civilised countries they would not mschew welll let us hope that men would not kill us all in this naija sha ooo

Anonymous said...

I heard the most ridiculous thing the other day, that men are actually allowed to beat their wives. That its in the law somewhere. And I'm like- this country is sooo useless! But think about it, all these men that beat their wives- no matter how much we talk about it, or show pictures, nothing ever happens to them. Yes they might get detained for a day or 2, but that's how far it goes! Its only when they kill that's when they'll arrest d man. I even heard that if the wife goes to report to the police, they'll just brush it off n tell her to go and resolve her marital issues at home. So goin to the police is just useless. We just need to pray to God to find the right man but please if u are in an abusive relationship or marriage, RUN! the law cannot help U o!

Anonymous said...

My dear, sometimes they are nice to everybody but the wife, so nobody suspects that the guy is violent. In some situations you hear gibberish like, "what did you to annoy him?" These evil men don't need a reason sometimes and sometimes when their girlfriends annoy them, they go home and beat their wives.

Nana Ibrahim said...

1st of all, Susan Peters, make your comment and vamoose. It must not be biting.
2ndly, Linda there are good men out there. Men with violent traits would end up as wife beaters. They do it once, they'll do it all the time. They don't mind placating the wife with gifts. Obsessed sick men who feel the need to control a weaker being all the time. Just be prayerful.

Anonymous said...

Linda relax marriage is a beautiful thing.I've been married for 17yrs & my husband and I still carry on like young lovers.we have mutual respect for each other & gat each others back.....he has never for once raised his hand on me,even when we have minor disagreement we talk it over & get it sorted.....bottom line is have respect for ur spouse

Anonymous said...

Wetin dey worry u susan(monkey)

Anonymous said...

Don't compare this animals to yours... what about all the happily or amicable marriages??..its like when a nigerian commits a crime does that mean we all criminals??
This could happen to any woman..what about those that get raped and killed??..at random by strangers??
As someone said just run when u see the signs or the blows coming...and don't look back...
My father never ever hit my mother..and i can never hit a woman..even when one cheated on me!!
A friend celebrated 12 years of marriage..with all the fanfare you can imagine no expense was spared...that can be yours if u choose right!!

Omalicha said...

I kept on shouting 'omg! omg!' as i looked at these pictures. The picture on the right is just gruesome. How can someone be so wicked? wow! too many domestic violence issues, its just sickening. What kind of responsible man raises his hand on a woman?

Chomchom said...

This is really sad......but I must say day in Naija we still have happily married couples. I have known my husband since 1998 and we've been married almost 6yrs and he has never raised his hand against me. We women need to pray for d grace to recognize d signs cos they r always there....those men don't change over nite. Wen a man hits his sister, or any female, he will surely hit u, ur conversations shld tell u how much value he places on a woman...be ready to let d guy go if d spirit of God tells u he is not the one.

There are many males out there, but very few husbands!

Anonymous said...

MY IMPRESSION OF NIGERIA IS THAT GENERALLY WOMEN ARE TREATED AS SECOND CLASS CITIZENS TO MEN AND THEREFORE, IN MARRIAGE, THERE IS A POWER DIFFERENTIAL BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE THAT FAVORS THE HUSBAND. THIS IS A PRIME ENVIRONMENT FOR AN ABUSIVE MAN TO MALTREAT HIS WIFE.

Cynosure said...

Linda pls the appropriate quarters shld b contacted.........this this is very inhuman and unforgivable

Yommie said...

Linda, its my 1st comment even though i have been following your blog for years. I'm sorry to see the lady so hurt. I pray for her recovery. Marriage can be sour or really sweet. It can be endurance or enjoyment... but the truth is - THERE IS ALWAYS THE HANDWRITING ON THE WALL, EVEN WELL BEFORE YOU ENTER INTO IT.

Between, I'm married, 2 years now and its the best decision i have made so far!

Anonymous said...

Damn! some men don't qualify to be called men at all. How can a man do this to his wife; sadly such men can't stand fellow men in physical altercations but can flex muscles when it comes to their wife. Linda nne, you know all men and all marriages are not like these...

Ms E said...

my good God, what are Nigerian "boys" turning into???
killing and abusing women seems like the new thing. im sure some of the women might be obeying God but whatever happened to 'FOR BETTER FOR WORSE'???

Anonymous said...

What really bothers me is that we, especially in Naija and probably other african countries, pretend that this is something new. As if this has not been going on for ages. You think grandfather never smacked around your grandmother? Better think again o! And even with us sending our daughters to university and trying to make them better we still insist on letting them know that they are nothing unless they are wed before 30. smh.

Her Majesty. said...

This has to stop! O man, ur wife is ur flesh. Any home build on a shaky foundation is bound to collapse. God hav mercy.
Secondly,this story needs proper verification cos d face, left hand,neck & top is different 4rm d right hand & d lower top. Different skin colour. Let's not b too hasty with our conclusions on this issue.

Anonymous said...

I was eating wen I saw this and sincerly no more appetite. It annoys mi that linda alwys posts just the women. Y linda. R u just blogging or fighting a cause. These men shld b knwn pls. Publish there name. Like u took up occupy naija. Wat is this. Wat wickness is this. There r a lot more women out there suffering it. If this women die anoda wud marry them and the circle continous. Pls linda balance this story. Can u imagine the slashed hands of that lady. I weep for womanhood.thanks

Anonymous said...

I am, the no Sender.

Linda, Yeah right. You might as well never enter an airplane because it might crash.

Marriage na good thing and you know it. Even now your body still dey do tingilyli tinglyli at thought of Mr. Right showing up.

I believe that communication is the key thing. If in a way you establish the communication channel in your relationship it'd help to expose issues that can lead to violence way before time.

I know that men and I include me self are poor at communicating but with the right sensitivity a woman can draw her man out. If he can talk about it, he can keep the anger that leads to battering in check.

Ladies from start know when to talk and when to also keep away from him if he is in a bad mood and you can tell especially if he gets crabish, carries a frown on his face and answers you in monosyllables. Tread carefully here on.

It is definitely no time for badgering him with domestic issues. Just give him space. He comes with an arguement and is quarrelsome? Answer with a soft voice and do not repeat do not nag at this time.

It is how you handle moments as described above that can likely make the difference between a wife battering husband and a wife loving one.

Therefore, I say make sure you hook up with someone who at best is your friend and you may just have hit marriage jackpot.

Linda, go for it!

Anonymous said...

 ℓσνє all this comment . But it is plain and simple don't marry a mad person. Maybe grade 1 madness or grade 5.
Maeyor.

Anonymous said...

eh ya thank u for giving us hope again cos seriously am so scared.am happy for you all(d ones dat av nt bn beaten) so happy.they wnt beat u in Jesus name.I grew up with it,ma dad used to batter my mum n he stopped d day i told him i will never marry so no man will beat me like dis.dis woman's face reminds me of my mom's face then.ma dad stopped yea but ma aunty's husband continued from where ma dad stopped.it was so bad dat every month i will see one or two ladies beaten by their husbands so i started dating a guy we av bn dating for 6yrs and he proposed on val's day dis year and we picked a wedding date for may 18 and 19 dis year.hmmmm just last week dis guy slapped me 2ce for d 1st time in 6years.pls ask me if i killed his mum or cut his willy.i was pinging actually chatting with a customer and he told me to see kim kardashian's dress.i was engrossed describing a shoe dat i didnt hear and the scene was changed so i didnt see d dress.shikena he slapped me 2ce.i swear to God d wedding is called off,pple r saying bla bla bla bt omo me av made up my mind.just slap and i saw stars of different colours,if he shld treat me like dis woman.i will definitely die now tell me why i shld go on with this marriage.hell to the no.he hasnt evn apologised.after slapping me,he broke my phone.God will help all of us.I hope to find another man if God wants and if not toh make i still dey rock ma life.after all no be only marriage i come to dis life to do.this is just for ladies pls once beaten(in dis case) run run run he will do it again

Anonymous said...

The men that did these acts are the most primitive kind of animals that ever existed,chopping off fingers and whatnot.Ladies,please be prayerful and study the man very well before you say yes to his marraige proposal,the signs are always there,some more subtle than others for the men that are like chameleons.Linda,don't despair,there are still some good men out there.I've known my husband for 11yrs and we've been married for almost 8 years and I thank God for every day I've been married to him,It's like being married to my Soulmate.He's a gentleman to the core.

Anonymous said...

Pls tell her o,linda let mi explain sumtin u dnt undastnd 2 u.marriage is veri sweet and d best tin dt can hapun 2 sum1 if u get 2 marry d *right person*.dt is y if choosin a spouse,pray 2 ur God 4 directns n watch out 4 signs.most of dis women I blame bcos dey av seen signs buh still dey decided 2 stay in it.so dnt ever bcos of dis story say u wnt get married,its d pride of evry woman 2 b married n av kids call u mumy,so therefore pray 2 God 2 help find ur own soulmate n evn after wards still continue 2 pray 4 ur marriage,cos d forces out dere too needs 2 fought .ma dear if any woman tells u marriage is not necessary,its all lie,lik I said,if u av d *right* person.u wil 4eva b grateful 2 God,and note we all r not perfect.I rest ma case

Jesse's wife said...

doesn't Nigeria have a branch of FIDA (federation of international women lawyers) to help these women out? i know they do great work in east africa especially Kenya. They take up your case pro bono, give you shelter, get the bastard arrested and prosecuted and liase with other organisations to help with finding a job or means of livelihood if you are unemployed and offer guidance and counselling to victims. These women lawyers are no-nonsense

youjay said...

Linda dearie and every other person scared, there are good husbands out there even in Nigeria. I have been married for about 10 year to one of the best persons on earth. People look out for wrong things when looking for a man. Some just rush into it as well. It needs all the patience in the world to make it work if based on truth and not lies.

Anonymous said...

It takes courage to take d decision u took and I'm giving u a big huhg for dat. God will grant ur heart desires and you'll get a man who'll treat you right.

Gina said...

I am divorced. I very happily declare that. Its the best thing I ever did. There is a lot of ignorance and religious misconception surrounding the issue of divorce. I was in an abusive marriage also. I choose to leave as that is the only way to save yourself. It is never an issue of the man changing. He has changed already. He is at his worst. I lived separated from my ex for about 6 years. However, until the divorce came through, the 66 phone call a day, waiting at the roadside to curse and draw attention to me, fighting at my shop, dragging to police stations did not stop. Like magic, when the divorce with custody granted to me came through, all the rubbish stopped. It was like the light in his head saying 'you have no right to treat this woman this way' came on. The divorce is almost ten years now. I and my children have no problems with him. Even when we are in contact, he is civil. I understand though that he is still abusive to the women in his life. It all comes down to what people will do with the power your give them. Sometimes, you have to take that power back.
I see divorce as anything you can say God forgive me for and move on with your life. His grace is available for those who take it not for those who suffer to establish their own righteousness.
About stigmas, there is a time in this country when educated women were considered unmarriageable too. There was a time a woman would not build a house but will build it in her brother, husband or sons name.
Women, if its divorce its going to take, take your life out of some peoples hands.Sometimes its not just the man, its him and his whole clan!

Anonymous said...

Did Susan Peters really comment or is it just an imposter? C'mon guys make una free the woman naw! LMAO!!! Sotey person dey leave comment with her name to bring up her issue again. Nawa o! That shows that Susan is really hated on this blog o.

As for the case at hand. Lord have mercy on some men. My gosh how brutal and wicked can a human being be. Linda, i'm not married yet but in a process of getting married this year by God's grace. But to tell you the truth, not all marriages are horrible like it seems to be. My hubby to be is the sweetest thing ever. He is so against men that beats their wife not to talk of him ever dreaming of doing that. He was raised by the best parents ever so he knows better. To say that I'm so happy to have him in my life is an understatement. He is a blessing to me. He is very calm and never yells at me. We have our misunderstanding every once in a while but has NEVER reached the extent of him laying his hands on me or even carrying face for me. And i have friends too that have been married for 10 years n over and still happily married. So you shouldn't be discouraged. Take a look at Michelle & Obama. Even Mr. Jonathan & his wife. There are still GREAT men out there my sister. Keep ur head up.

Anonymous said...

Shut up ur mouth u dis bamidele..is it evri man dat cheats?? U beta giv ur advice and stop talkin trash...if a woman commits adultery,she shud be beaten very much...

Keke said...

YOU KNOW WHAT NIGERIAN MEN HAVE BEEN BATTERING THEIR WIVES FOR YEARS..AND THE ONLY REASON IT APPEARS IT HAS EXPLODED IS BECAUSE OF THE INTERNET AND THE WIDE RANGE OF MEDIA OUTLETS THAT HAVE BECOME READILY AVAILABLE..WE USED TO HAVE A NEIGHBOR A YOUNG MAN WHO WOULD BEAT HIS WIFE TO A PULP IN FRONT OF HER MOM...WHEN I WAS MUCH YOUNGER IT WAS THE ORDER OF THE DAY....SOME NIJA MEN ARE JUST GLORIFIED ANIMALS AND MONSTERS...EVEN HERE IN AMERICA A LOT OF NIJA MEN HAVE NOT ONLY BEAT UP THEIR WIVES BUT VICIOUSLY KILLED THEM....THOSE THAT DO REALLY MUST BE PROSECUTED TO THE FULLEST EXTENT OF THE LAW.....SHAMELESS!!!!

Anonymous said...

So people that don't know how to talk deserve to be battered? As you enter ur marriage, may u always know how to talk! The love don dey shack u now, easy o...

MY VIEW said...

My husband and I have our fair share of argument but what I love about him,is that he usually walks away.He will pick up his car keys and when I stop babbling, he will come back. By this time, I am already feeling guilty and would shut up even if I was right.
Believe me Linda, two good heads are better than one.As long as God is part of the relationship.

Anonymous said...

Ladies.. It good to love a man but love with your heart and HEAD.. He hit u once trust me you will always be a victim to that

Anonymous said...

I feel lyk hugging u ryt now...so sad. May God send u Mr right ijn! Plus wat was so special bout kim ks dress d@ made him slap u! Na wa o! God help us women.

NKECHI said...

I have chosen not to believe that you are susan peters. You sure know better than to show ur urgly head here and did I read you correct Linda's English? You must be a moron. I have not forgotten your Omo Ose English you wrote on your twitter page. I will quote you thus; 'I should COLLECT permision from them to buy it' how does that sound to you? Better shut up and waka pass before I take you to the washer man. Mschio

Anonymous said...

Shut up. You have only been married for 2 years. Keep quiet. You have no experience yet.

Anonymous said...

There is no way we wont see an animal out of 150M population, people are of different behaviour and we can never be the same, the most problem lies on women bcos most Women nowadays did not really know wot they want in marriage since their hearts do really focus on material aspect of life, not the quality a man really possessed and most Women of today believe in power sharing btw their husband which can never happen and that does not mean that husband should not have a respect for his wife. Prayer is just the key to answer in every steps being taken in life.

LALICIOUS said...

At anon 11.47
Men cld gEt angry wit di§ our pingin,,,4 real,,he may nt kno u were pingin wit Чυя customer
He may av bin fustrated wit Чυя pingin 4 long bt cldn't let u kno,,,dat was wђγ he reacted dat way
Cos ℓ dnt C a reason a man wld slap a girl cos of Kim K,,,its funny
Believe ♍ε he has bin angry wit Чυя pingin
M̶̲̅γ hubby made ♍ε 2 unstand dat h̶̲̅eп he i§ arund,,, ℓ shld stop pingin cos it upsets him,,nd ℓ respected his wish
If ℓ ping in̅ his presence,he knos its important
Plz,dnt let what happend btw Чυя parents get 2 u
Even d nicest guy cld lose his temper smtyme
Since he hasn't raised his hands on u 4 6yrs,,,LOL"he i§ a very nice guy"

Mrs X said...

This is too sad.
I've been married 2 years and my husband and I are btw 30-33 and I stand as a testimony that some marriages can be a great experience. We have our disagreements like most couples, but have learned how to best handle it. It helps to know God and also have a spiritual covering.
Sha my family cannot allow this to happen to me, my brother alone will kill persin o, let alone other extended family members.

Marriage sha is a school that no one can teach you about. Figure out what works best for the both of you. I love to cook, but my hubby cooks sometimes, esp on the weekends...full breakfast served in bed. Marriage is basically 2 way street of love and respect, created on a foundation of patience of compromise.
I dated around, met some great guys in my 20s, but I know I married the right man.

When I was young growing up in Lagos, our neighbor used o beat his wife shege. Young bank manager, from a great home, born abroad and used to travel to Jand a lot, had 2 small kids. He'd lock her up in the bathroom and beat her. That bathroom window was the side next to our house. She'd scream for my mom, and my mom and some family members would run to their house next door, and even kneel down begging this man. It was so sad, this woman was prob 27 at the most then. Her husband was probably in his early 30s then.


Long story short more than 20+ yrs later, came across the family on facebook, and the parents are not together.

omoge1 said...

Great job sis, please dont let people convince you.God just set u free from future headaches...congratulation. DON'T GO BACK TO HIM OOOO.

omoge1 said...

STFU OK.........AN ABUSER WILL ALWAYS BE AN ABUSER. IT DOESNT MATTER IF YOU KNOW WHEN TO SPEAK OR NOT. SO SORRY FOR WOMAN WEY GO MARRY YOU u sounds like you might have an abuser trait in you.

Anonymous said...

Ladies that use juju to tie down a man, this can also be a payback.
Ladies that are after material things you can end up with an abuser dont let money push you to your early grave.

Anonymous said...

Hmmmmm! Me I believe it goes beyond physical abuse! Mental abuse is just as bad and can kill as well. A lot of ladies these days are dying of conditions related to hypertension and depression. I know of a lady who almost ran completely mad and had to be admitted to a psych hospital. Luckily her family was able to get away from her lunatic husband who was mentally abusing her. PLSSSS MARRIAGE IS NOT BY FORCE O. Don't love anybody to death! If u think staying will help ur children, in the long run it doesnt cause it exposes them to the worst environment possible.

Anonymous said...

Linda Marriage is not sweet o! Am married for 4yrs and av 2wonderful kids and me and my hubby ar like cat and dog, see if anyone wants to get married now! U better open ur eye well not ur pussy. Men ar animals

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
"MY IMPRESSION OF NIGERIA IS THAT GENERALLY WOMEN ARE TREATED AS SECOND CLASS CITIZENS TO MEN AND THEREFORE, IN MARRIAGE, THERE IS A POWER DIFFERENTIAL BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE THAT FAVORS THE HUSBAND. THIS IS A PRIME ENVIRONMENT FOR AN ABUSIVE MAN TO MALTREAT HIS WIFE"

End of!

Anonymous said...

People it's not about MARRIAGE, it's about the kind of person you married. I've been happily married for 10yrs now, never experienced anything like this.

Instead, look carefully the kind of man you choose to spend your life with. Women love with your brain, not just your heart.

Anonymous said...

To those saying that marriage is 'very sweet',I think that term is relative and depends on how your single days were and what your aspirations are. For e.g, if you were bound in a dark room for a week,then seeing candlelight (after 7 days) would be equivalent to the brightness of the sun,not so?

The encouragement is nice but we need to face reality... fairy tales exist only in. children's books. I hate to use cliches but "Marriage is NO rose garden."

It takes sweat,time,forbearance, FORGIVESS,effort,enormous sacrifice,vigils at night,prayers by the day,etc etc.

IS IT WORTH IT? YES,YES,YES,YES. But rather than hearing this 'marriage is sweet' (I'm choking here,forgive me) and making singles feel that they have failed when their marriages appear to be a basket of lemons, singles need to know how it truly goes down,
what they can do,avoid etc to make it work...

SO THAT WE CAN AVOID THIS GODAWFUL ABUSE THAT IS THE NORM IN MOST NIGERIAN MARRIAGES.

To anon 11:47,here's a hug from me too. I salute your courage,it is one that very very very very few Nigerian woman have.

Yes,it's possible that the assault might be a lone incident,just like it is possible that I might get a ride to work on a Unicorn tomorrow. I pray that God will give you a man who loves you AND respects you.

To all the single ladies out there,DO NOT DEPEND ON A MAN TO VALIDATE YOUR EXISTENCE, work on making the best out of yourself. Get a job,educate/improve yourself continuously,get a life,ENJOY IT(so that you do not mistake 10 kobo sunlight for the brilliance of the sun) and define yourself,above all stick to GOD like white on rice. It is the joy,goodness,and positive values that are already WITHIN you that you bring into marriage. Marriage will not create them for you.

Then you'll find out that you won't be so desperate/eager to accept(as a partner) Mr Questionable Values with a piece of flesh dangling between his thighs. You already have a standard and you want someone in your life who can IMPROVE it. Like some one said,the one who is on the ground aspires to get on his knees but the one on his feet only wants to fly....

God will give you the WISDOM and GRACE to choose rightly those who will ONLY be an additional blessing(and not a resounding curse) in your life.

Natalia

Anonymous said...

Where are the hoes who keep insulting unmarried women? If you are not careful with your desperation for a man or wedding ring or mrs title, these could be your destiny! How can you not love yourself first? It is beautiful to find your life partner but don't be a desperate bitch! Unfortunately, we, Nigerian women are known to be desperate and will only be satisfied when they are associated with men.

Our society is quite fucked up. It doesn't teach women that you don;t need a man to feel fulfilled. It allows our men think it is OK to act like the wild animals we see on discovery channel. We need to start taking the initiative to raise our kids properly so that we don't have yet another generation of weak, desperate women and useless wild animals we refer to as men.

Anonymous said...

March 28, 2012 9:54 PM

You are an example of a dumb Nigerian woman. A REAL man knows he should never lay his hands on anyone, not even a woman. He knows how to control his anger so that he doesn't become a monster. Nigerian men are spoiled! And people like you encourage that shit because of that foolish mentality of yours.

Felix said...

Linda, if you really want to marry you must find a way to meet men outside your class. I am sure you don't have much circle of friends that can help. Stardom is a curse sometimes.
P.S. Where are you and how can guys meet you joor

Anonymous said...

Jesse's wife,

I don't think we have FIDA (federation of international women lawyers). However, we have a few Nigeria based associations for women-

FBHAN (Federation of Brazilian Hair Association for Nigeria)

Nigeria's own NBCC (National Bleaching Cream Cooperation)

NMU- (Nigeria's Mistresses United)

and

DNWC (Desperate Nigerian Women's Committe).

Anonymous said...

LORD HAVE MERCY!

I had never seen such....and a police man?

Totally agree with you Adaku O.

#sighs#

Anonymous said...

Wetin this one de yarn?

Anonymous said...

Babe,wise decision!run for ur life nd for d sanity of all female children u'l ever have.run nd dnt look back o!

Anonymous said...

God bless u for dis!a guy actually said it serves her right cos she must hav annoyed d man!I was livid!in dis day nd age?!

Anonymous said...

@ Anon March 28, 2012 11:47 PM. I applaud your strength.Even though you have said you will not go back to him, you said something that bothered me; you said he has not apologized and that makes me fear for you, that you still have feelings for him.It is not easy but remember, for him to slap you and then destroy your property means he has control issues. Today slap and break your phone, Married tomorrow, beat you and burn your clothes and certificates. Sister, I beg you do not let anybody change your mind. I know this from personal experience, he will beat you again if you go back to him. I pray that God will comfort you and that you will meet a man who will respect and love you. Good luck.


Bev

Anonymous said...

I beg Linda this is not new, it happens all over africa.Well, husbands beating women/wives isn't a new thing in Nigeria. So that rules out the garbage comment about "women becoming more confrontational". To answer your question, women are refusing to hide that wickedness - they are now speaking up and telling the world the hideous devil they married. Unlike before, a woman would hide it with everything she got because of the fear of divorce, shame and so forth.

Cynthia said...

Someone said the women see d signs but choose to ignore it. I tell you some men are extremely good at pretending. I was married for 7months to a man that was described as an "angel" to all he came across, even you reading this will even deny for him if u c him. IT WAS AFTER WE GOT MARRIED DAT HE TOLD ME POINT BLANK THAT IN HIS VILLAGE, THE WIVES ARE REGARDED AS SLAVES & HE WENT ON TO PROVE IT.......I WAS 2MONTHS PREGNANT WHEN HE BEAT ME, REPEATEDLY KICKED MY STOMACH EVEN WHEN HE KNEW I WAS CARRYIN HIS CHILD. Anyway to cut the long story short, the police refused to take my case because there were no marks on my body, and i was told to come back when he does it again! By the special grace of God, my son is 3months old and he had no deformity of anykind (i was really scared i would loose d preg) and as for the beast of a man, i left him after that battery and successfully carried my pregnancy to term and till date, i can't remember what he looks like. I REFUSE TO BE A MAN'S PUNCHING BAG. Ladies its your choice to make.

Anonymous said...

The customary law permits you to beat your wife...Stupid law

Anonymous said...

Guy you got jokes. Pencil noni! Lmao!

Anonymous said...

Dis z mere wickednes..d man has to pay 4t...2GOD,anyman wu raises his hands against ma 2sis,wuld b a dead meat....wel,i dnt pray 4such...na wa o....

Anonymous said...

Please do not be afraid to go to the police. Put it on record and they will show up. The women police officers are the best. They will harass and drill you first but if you insist and show signs that you are fearful for your safety they will do something. Also you can contact an advocacy group or the office of the public defender. YOU HAVE TO SAVE YOURSELF!! Don't wait for society to change and protect or save you, you will be dead by then. AND my fellow women...BE SELF SUFFECIENT!!!! KEEP A STASH FOR RAINY DAY!!! WORK ON YOUR CONFIDENCE!!! No one can love you more than God and yourself. Follow your gut. Where you have tried your best and no result, move on.

Anonymous said...

Linda, please do whatever makes you happy!

bluemagic said...

Dis is rily so sad...I can't even stand d site of it..lyn,marriage aint like dis,cos my hubby has neva thot of lifting his hand n hitting me,n he kips telling me he wld rather leave dan lay his fingers on me...dey r many ways to deal wif anger instead of doing dat to ur wife.So my dear,marry ur frnd n u wld find out dat marriage is d best tin dat cld eva hapn to u...

Anonymous said...

Oga Bamidele....pls stop typing with these bold letters...I take God beg u. Ah ah....

am happily married Linda said...

like i always say, if he slap u once, he wl slap u again, if he push u once, he wl push u over and over again, if a man s a batterer u wl notice while dating him, they cant hide t for too long, n d course of arguments, they wl raise their hands and try or do, so u already have a clue, forget all d begging after, they wl do worse after, am going on 15yrs n my marriage and my man has never tried that, we argue, we scream but thats it and few minutes after he goes 'i just love when u get angry, u r so sexy wt ur eyes glittering like cats eyes' i mean - stay away from beasts - women, get rid of ur insecurities, life is too good to die or be maimed because of a useless goat, watch d home u r going into, if ur man talks down on women - take to ur heels, if a situation happens and he goes 'if its me i'll so slap her' i beg RUN, beasts behaviour r like smoke they cannot hide t for too long, i left 2 men cause of that, my young boyfriend that i was so much in love wt, from a popular family, d whole family knew me but when this guy came wt his animalistic behaviour I saw hell, i got on wt another one and a chld is even involved, he's another animal and thank God i found a man who appreciate me, if i had stayed in those abusive ones, wld i have found a good one? or if i had died n d process, wl i be here to tell my story? pls ladies leave a useless man, there r many good ones out there who wl appreciate u, adore u and make u feel like a woman and it doesnt make them feel less of a man too.

sunshine said...

Hi Linda, am 24yrs old and I have been married for over a year. Everybody was actually sceptical about me getting married at such a young age but I knew I was ready and went ahead. My mum got married at the age of 18 and they just celebrated 45yrs anniversary. I agree that there are challenges in married but a man must be an animal to physically assault a woman much less his wife. Men are actually sweet behind closed doors and a great husband will do anything to put a smile on his woman's face. Believe it or not the woman would have seen signs of violence while courting but they always convince themselves he'll change once they get married or have children especially a son. Please don't be scared to fall in love and get married believe me, it's the most beautiful thing in the world, to be with someone and know that you are safe and he'll do anything to make you happy and vice versa. Here's to wishing you the best and all the single ladies out there Gods blessings in the search

VickyHills said...

Sometimes in our desperation to get married, we ignore the rightful things that need be done. We make ourselves so cheap and damnable to these men which later affects the way they treat us. When there'll be no courtship, knowing his background, his people, your compatability, no brideprice, no formal wedding just pack and enter his house; how on earth do you expect him to treat you right? Nothing good comes easy.

helen said...

My dear Linda God is the author of marriage and he made it beautifuL.I hav been married for six yrs now n I hav never been abused in anyway. The most important thing is get married to the right person and u hav to be a right person too.misunderstandins must come but it shouldn't and neverr lead to abuse.

Taste-of-Mana said...

This is just a sad news, but not new on this Earth. How can somebody beat his wife like that. If I was in her shoes I will not forgive the man. Is better I stay on my own!

Anonymous said...

Dis men need to be raped @least 40times daily by 20 gorilas. These men are beyond human. D man cut off d womans wedding ring finger!!! She no fit wear ring 4 dat hand again! Evil man to d core.

Anonymous said...

Before I make any comment I need to hear from the man; I am a man, I have a mother, I have sisters, I have dated ladies and I have seen fire. I have never beaten a woman before, why? because I have a rare patiece and I am not for wife\women beaters, far from it, women are terrible humanbeings. The Bible is true.

Anonymous said...

I am, the no Sender.

@ Anonymous Mar 28, 2012 03:47 PM, I don't know if you are aware that research has shown that men who witnessed their dad beat up their mum tend to end up doing the same as much as tthey abhor i? It may also interest you to note that the same applies to the women, that they end up marrying men like their dad who beat their mums?
So subconsciously and you may not be aware of it you just might gravitate towards men like your dad or uncle who beat your aunty.
Kindly be careful. I commend you for the courage to cancel your wedding and also resist the cajoling of those who would want you to change your mind. For, you are right, he WILL DO IT AGAIN. It takes a special kind of lady to do that. Your would have been husband is a brute and possibly egotistical. Abeg run for dear life, by purposeful prayer, God will bring you to your true 'bone of your bone ahd flesh of your flesh'. I assure you, there are true husband materials out there, you just make sure that you are equally a true wife material.

Anonymous said...

what kind of sons are mothers of today raising??

Anonymous said...

linda,i am one of the luckiest women in marriage.marriage is bliss especially when u marry a man that loves and appreciates u.i always advise young girls not to look at material things but at the heart cos the sign of a bad husband is always there abinitio.the truth is,we always think we(women)can change man,it is only god dat can.marriage is sweet,consoling,comforting but that is if the right choice is made.i wish the singles luck.

Anonymous said...

Linda, as a matter of fact, this is my 6th year of marriage and I have never seen a single day when my husband fight, embarass or molest me for any reason whereas we live in Nigeria. It is better to inquire from God when it turns to marriage. Depend on HIM and ask for your spouse to-be in prayer.

Anonymous said...

Speechless speechless...is how u guys make me feel.I've read all d comments and I must say dat LIB readers are d bomb.linda I'm scared too buh they are right.all men are nt monsters buh we single ladies must knw dat all dat glitters is not gold.cheers y'all.

Anonymous said...

@ anonymous 04:15 on march 28,

I totally respect your view, and I relate to you 100%

I too was in an abusive relationship... Now at the last stages of my divorce( pls I'm not here to advocate divorce o) but since I made the decisiOn to leave this man... I haven't looked back and never been happier...

While you're in the relationship, he starts with a slap, after an argument, everyone argues, but it doesn't mean you deserve a beating because he's not man enough to handle your views!

Will he slap another man if they argued? No!

Then you start to blame yourself as the woman( maybe I made him do it) this is what they say, " you made me angry, you pushed me too far!"

Let me say this... Women will be women, we are all tell sometimes, especially during an argument, but what makes a real Man is his ability to stay calm and be the leader, not the beater!

My advise to women, if you're in a marriage with thirst kind of men, first serkhelp together, I'm not talking of family or pastors, I'm talking about a neutral counsellor or an anger management class.. If he refuses help once, then pls take this from me, RUN!!!

If you ain't married yet, well that's easy, like the other commenter said; she was just about marrying this guy. Date set and all, but then he asaulted her, mond you assault could be physical or not; but escape while you can, from experience, they don't change.. A bad courtship, ending , is better than a sad, unhappy marriage, ..

A word is enough...,,


Woman who's been abused- but now free- happy- and successful!

Anonymous said...

I'm sry Uch but i think ur reply to Lindas' tots are quite rude and very insensitive.....I grew up seeing my dad seriously hit my mum almost to the point of death. She was repeatedly hospitalized and trust me when i say its a really really sour experience. Till date i still hv those nasty images (over 15yrs now), still see myself screaming at people (and afterwards i begin to hate myself for it) and hating men sometimes and just generally not trusting pple...Its a really difficult situation.

So let God be our strength. Linda i wish u all the best in yours choices, I wish myself luck too...

Anonymous said...

I am over 12 years in marriage, I fought my woman only twice and then purposed in my heart that I will never touch her again. Since this decision, she been the one beating me and tearing my face at any slightest provocation.

Splitting Issues said...

Like most people have said, this has been going on for years, thankfully the world of blogging and the internet is making it difficult to be hidden as in the days of old.
Abuse is not just physical, it can be emotional, verbal and financial,let's not forget.

@Gina,
You are on point when you reminded us that there was a time educated women were a stigma in Nigeria. Thanks for that. You are also absolutely right, it will have to take people leaving abusive marriages to remove the stigma of divorce.
I thank the married folk for speaking up as well and not throwing that 'let her go and marry' statement that suggests that you're somehow less if you're unmarried.
Please continue to speak out and teach your sons and daughters that marriage will not take you to heaven, get you a promotion, buy you a house or get you a job.
Let's teach them to be connected to that person first before considering marriage and if they are unfortunate in their decision, it's not a do or die affair...leave while you can still breath.
A corpse cannot marry or be married.
Thank you

Anonymous said...

I want to reassure the singles out there that not all men are like this. Been married for 8 years, while we have had our quarels, shouting matches, silent treatments, etc, my husband has never come near to hitting me or even the wall. But then I also watch what i say. Having said that, a lot of women are going thru this ordeal and even when you try to intervene some will maintain that their husbands did not beat them. A lot because of societal presure, some because they are not financially empowered and will rather stay in the marriage that at least provide financial security for them and their children.For the singles I will say watch out and be prayerful, the tell tale signs are always there even before marriage.If he has beaten you before marriage, he will do it again, it is not anything you have done, you, it's him.Run for your life.

Proudly Igbo said...

Felix said; Linda, if you really want to marry you must find a way to meet men outside your class

Never do that Linda and please never ever sell yourself short.

BLOGLORD said...

Sometimes people plunge into marriage for the wrong reasons. there is something my mum used to say, if u r dating a man and he hits u and say sorry just pack ur bag n never say yes to a marriage proposal cos he will do it again and again wen married to u.
i have been married for some years, much as i sometimes have issues with my hubby we settle amicably, no hits..
thats cos the understanding is there. issues are meant to spring up now and then but with understanding and true love for each other. violence will never take cause.
much hasd been said from comments here. i will only say that noone should jump into marriage just cos u want to be a mrs\mr. look properly before u leap

lush said...

Some men are beast... He beats you once and buys you a jeep and you think all is well??>..

These men are sociopaths!!

Women be warned o. If you see the signs run for your life. Don't get carried away by the goodies he bribes you with. Think of your children if any or think of your family who will feel the pain if you die in his hands.

Women biko stand up against violence!!!

Anonymous said...

I know its just 2years but I can comfortable predict d worst thing he can do wen he is angry!
Der was no need 4u 2b dat harsh in ur words bcos u don't know mi...

Anonymous said...

My dear,was as confused as u too!lol

Anonymous said...

'@ Adaku...I am in a mariage for 8yrs now and im probably one of the people you would call a celebrity but Im married to a beast. I have been beaten, battered, spat at and punched severally..Sadly he always begs and I stupidly go accept.I always made excuses for him and some people made me believe that things will get better. They never did. He has threatened to destroy my face cos he thinks i am so beautiful and he would rather see me dead. I picked courage to file for divorce recently and he has made all kinds of threats to take the kids and destroy me...I watch my back cos I know he is capable of killing having being threatened with a gun and with his repeated screams of blood at every provocation. The truth is that I saw the signpost before we got married but I thought he was simply a jealous husband. However, after the first beating or rather battering before marriage, I started to have my doubts..It was a bit late cos our marraige date was set..The rest is history. At first I dint want my marriage to end cos I didnt want to be a paraih in the society. I realised how stupid and shallow that was when he did something unbelieveable.. At this point, I'l stop before Linda guesses who I am.. I'm believing God that my so-called husband will leave me alone peacefully. Funny enuff I reported one of the violent incidences to a Lagos police station and was told they do not get involved in these matters advising me to go see my pastor..

Anonymous said...

Some of u r insinuating d wife provoked him.we get provoked all d time;at work,at church,in the bus,e.t.c. My question now is:Do these men raise their hands to beat up their bosses/fellow church member/bus driver at d sligtest provocation?We all know d answer is a huge NO!

There's no excuse whatsoever for a man to raise his hand against his gf/wife.Men shld learn to handle provocations from their wives/gfs d same way they would handle it if it were their boss!

Anonymous said...

LInda, could you please share this article?
http://giftemezu.blogspot.com/2012/03/women-who-face-domestic-abuse.html

Angelo Xpression said...

Ok linda,

Let me give you the full gist as reported by tatafoo.com international. The lady in question and her hubby (if he still is) resides in Abuja (Chai, nnukwu obodo), she slept with his husband's partner and the guy found out and beat her to bits.

In his marauding and battering rage, he cut off her finger with the weeding band on it!!! as a permanent reminder that she should honour the vows of marriage!!! (linda Abeg no ask me how this works) and that she will never wear a band on that finger again, cos she has destroyed her commitment to it (once again, dont ask ask me how this works).

Am a man and my question to all men born of wonderful women out there is, WHY!!!!

(a) Dont you know the meaning of Divorce
(b) Where is our criminal justice system
(c)Women, cant you all run
(d)is there no place where we can lock up these animals and throw away the key
(e) Hasnt he cheated before

Linda, ada nnem, ihe abu case of nwata okwu juru onu.

Kachi fo

Signed
Eze ndi igbo na internet

Angelo Xpression said...

When i was a student in Unn, I caught my room-mate in the act with my then girlfriend, in my room, in my bed!!! legs apart, phallus penetrating!!! Guess what i did, I said "Sorry guys for interrupting" walked straight to the wardrobe, collected my course registration forms that i had come for, walked out, got on a bike that was waiting for me and went back to school. Guess what, before i came back from classes and my usual after class waka which usually entails basketball and some "beering" afterwards, My Room Mate and My Girlfriend had vacated school. i Had to personally assure them in writing and via my reputation as a man of my words (yeah, i am a man of my words, no matter how bad it is, i stick to them cos my words and my balls i break them for no man)That i will not harm them. and my and my guy lived in the same house till we graduated, and me and the chick remain "friends" till date. Omo dem no dey carry anything for head

Anonymous said...

pls susan peters if that was really u fuck out of dis blog u are nt wanted here we dnt like u ur name alone irritates us and take back ur rubish advice or corrections to linda we dnt need it,fuck off.

Anonymous said...

Susan Peters,9.58PM,Linda is correct,you are the one that should pick up your use of English SSS2.

Anonymous said...

as for u ladies scaring linda pls all men are nt decieme we stil hv some good guys out there lk some married women mention here how sweet there marriages are, pls as for those blaming them u dnt expect them to say there marriage is bad y is sweet just to plz u? if u dnt wnt to get married is ur buisness maybe u are nt seeing d guys that wnt to marry u but dnt mk others feel worse lk remaning single is d best NO cos marriage is very sweet wt d right guy and if urs is bad pls try to mk it sweet,and if u wish to remain single 4ever is ur buisness pls dnt lure linda into ur decision.

Anonymous said...

are they both nigerian women. and Linda how sure r u that its their husbands that did this to them.
with that said who ever did it to them, will encounter the wrath of God . Husband or not.

Anonymous said...

linda my name sake am having the same thot as u ooo and its crazy wat this sacred institution has turned to

ephee said...

@lalicious: so u think for him slapping her for once in 6yrs will not make him do it again. y would he raise a finger in the first place. would so same to any guy who raises his finger for once coz i dont wanna die. God help me

Anonymous said...

There are signs before marriage of the men that do this that women ignore because they want to marry. Don't worry Linda. I've been happily married 10years. There are many ex boyfriends I refused to marry because I noticed infidelity or violent traits ( although none laid a finger on me). My friends thought I was crazy at the time because they thought these guys were big catches. I love my piece of mind. I married a simple hard working, God fearing man and my marriage only gets sweeter by God's grace. I know why I refused to marry those exes. Some beat and cheat on their current wives. I always had the mindset marriage is not by force and was very happy single. Some chicks do like marriage is a do or die affair and desperation makes them jump into the fire. Shine your eye well well. Good luck

Anonymous said...

Hhhmm.

Linda, Marriage is not all together bad-o. I've been married for 9years but known my husband for a total of 20years and trust me, he has never raised a finger at me. I'll be 40 this year and he's 44 and a very good God fearing Man who is doing well in his chosen line of business

They are bad and mentally challenged Men out there but just pray very hard for God to give you your own... And My fellow Sisters abeg, make una no find trouble too much because some of us Women ehn, our utterances/behaviour can task the patience of the biblical JOB...Being a Woman and the so called weaker sex does not give you the license to provoke others..

All the same if a Man hits you once, RUN very far 'cos he'll do it again.....

By the way, i hear some Women like to be beaten by their Guys .... They say the reconcilition afterwards is what they like most so maybe thats what drives some of these Men..

adaeze said...

dear linda am 25 to 26 and my fiancee is 31 we are getting married dis easter believe me his d most wonderful guy on earth we hv been dating for long and each time we hv querel he wil be d one on tears begging me on his knee to calm down even wen am wrong,each time i scream at him he dnt scream bck rather he either leave or keep quite until i calm down or he calm me down and tel me how much i hurt him wen i was shouting in a polite way, even some time ago his sis and a friend where asking him to leave me or start treating me lk a man in d house instead of giving me too much hand that am being too authoritative he refuse rather he told me everyting they all said about me,i tink that is wat love is caled and i dnt believe somone like dat wil ever lay his fingers on me so as 4 u ladies advising linda how bad men are pls not all of them are bad unless u hv nt gotten d right guy or someone who loves u,am so hapy cos his d best decision i ever made and i keep thanking God for d day my fiancee crossed my part cos am blessed, and i wish u all d same.

jen said...

the only thing i have to say is ..........MEN..... yet again.

The Family Lawyer said...

yes the law in some parts of nigeria permits that you can flog ur wife with a cane not bigger than the size of your thumb and not more than 12 strokes and also not above her wrist.
so the scenario that plays in my head is like the way your teacher used to flog u in primary school. smhhh.

Anonymous said...

lalicious u r a complete idiot! y would u advise her to go bac to a man dt cannot be mature enuf to tell his wife to be drop her fone instead of slapping her twice. its surprising that sme ppl dnt still undastand that domestic violence is neva a joke.

Anonymous said...

Tnx 2technology and medical advancmnt animals r nw livin among us as humans...women TAKE A BRK. Linda fnd lov wt ur 2eyez open, go in2 marriage wt ur head nd hrt.

Anonymous said...

@Linda,
It is sad that the issue of battering is rampant these days but we need to tell our women to tread softly too.I am a man but i will tell you there was a night my wife provoked me so much that I got annoyed.She woke me up demanding to see my phone and after arguing with her on the sanity behind seeing my phone,i avoided troubles by leaving the room for her but she kept following me from room to room in the dead of the nite.much as i have sworn never to hit/beat my wife,i had to take her phone and smash it against the wall and when i was talking my fingers mistakenly poked her in the eye.she held on to that and started taking pictures of her injury,meanwhile i had warned her enough to let me sleep butshe didnt listen till she provoked me.ALL I AM SAYING IS THAT WOMENFOLKS TOO SHOULD TREAD WITH CAUTION AND BE REASONABLE ABOUT HANDLING ISSUES.

Anonymous said...

yes Linda there are many good marriages and i am happily married-6years now.
i guess you dont hear about the good ones because,,, well just imagine a topic on your blog.....my husband is the best.how does that interest anyone?

Anonymous said...

U are on point babes. Thanks for this comment. bibi

Anonymous said...

pls LIB readers advice, my elder sister is passing through decieme delima right now in her husband house i hv begged and advice her several times to leave d man but she wouln't listen,d last time she left and ran to my house and stayed lk 1week in my place she ran back to d stupid man after he pleads wt her to cm back,lastweek again he gave her another heavy beating that gave my beautiful charming fair sister a black brown sigh on her face with a redish eye but she hide it frm us and rufuse to tel anybody but mistakinly my dady went there to knw y she did nt cm to work for 2days and to gv her some documents cos she work in same local govt wt my dad,dat day my dad shed tears seeing her daugter's eye very red and some area black wen he ask her wat happened my sis lied and said she fell down, my dad ask her wen she contacted epilepsy to fell down and get dis heavy injured my dad did nt believe her cos she always lie that way each time d idiot beat her,my dad now ask d house help who told my dad everyting that happened and how d husband hit her lk there was no 2morow but my sister refuse my dad or any of my family frm taken any action claming d husband has begged her an she has 4given him pls readers advice us on how to help her cos my sister is dieying silently in love that she has for her stupid husband,and each time he hit her is always about a woman or he sleeps out without telling her and if she cal to as him y he did't tel her he's sleeping out a woman wil pick d cal cos d useless man is a politician and if he comes bck d nextday and my sister ask y a woman pick his cal he wil start beating her pls readers help advice us on how to help my sis b4 d stupid idiot kill her 4us she has a 1year old son for d idiot after 3yrs of there marriage.

bammy said...

@anon march 29.9.23am .wow is all i can say,she is d one beating you now?very funny.the tables don turn.so women beat guys too?wow

Anonymous said...

It is sad to see a man do this to a woman that shared his bed!! I av always that men with inferiority complex will do this to their wife.

I av been married for a year and few months, but always wished I didn't! He has never beaten me but he talks aggressively and is very desperate to be in charge!!!

Anonymous said...

thank you @bev,@i am no sender and others.its really not easy cancelling d wedding.am d 1st child,d only girl and 29yrs u knw how dat is in yoruba land.am happy ma mom understands cos she was a victim too.ma dad is ashamed cos he cldnt say a word.what will he say?he has done it b4 so.... @bev yea i still av feelings for him bt I AM NOT GOING BACK.u shld see d colour of stars dat i saw with dat slap.i didnt know his palm cld be dat tough even after dating him for 6yrs n definitely he has touched,caressed me b4 or maybe its ma face dat is too soft.i thot i was going blind,shattering slap.kai cos of kim's dress.does he want to wear d dress?cant we see dat episode again,can't we see d dress on google.do u understand?its really something he will continue if i stay.@bev i said he has not apologised cos d customer is his colleague n he was d one dat gave her my pin to buy shoes so after slapping me n breaking my phone,d woman didnt get any reply from me n so called him dat hey i was chatting with ur girlfriend now n cant get any reply from her.u feel me?so now he knows it was a business chat.he disvirgined me n av Never slept with any other guy so he shldnt even think dat i was chatting with another man or something.looking at dis woman's face and remembering ma mom's face then,NO NEVER.even if am married n God forbid it happens I AM LEAVING FOR GOOD.

Nigerian Careers said...

Pathetic is the word

Nne Somebody said...

Linda, don't be afraid o. There are good marriages just as there are bad ones. The trick is marrying for the right reasons. Don't ignore early warning signals because he's a fine boy or has plenty money, or you can hear your biological clock ticking. Abusive men (whether physical or emotional) exhibit cruelty, if not directed at you yet, at others.

Women can be abusers too so, men, watch out for the woman who will run you down with her mouth and rob you of your self esteem.

Anonymous said...

@Susan Peters... grow up! #enuffsaid... rubbish

Anonymous said...

@ Lalicious...are you alright? After all these stories you hear, you come up here and tell the Anon that left her fiance to reconsider since it might be a one time thing. A man slaps you for pinging because he wants you to see Kim K's dress. NAIJA WOMEN, YOU ARE YOUR OWN PROBLEM. People saying a man can be pushed to anger just kill me. So when a man brings home diseases and babies, it is ok for me to cut off his johnson or even kill him, because that is justifiable now, abi? Please, men are not delicate flowers that do not know how to control their anger. Yes, he is your husband but he is not supposed to be treated like an egg, so fragile that any slight loose comment from a woman would push him to the edge...miss me with all that nonsense.

Men and Women, if your person shows signs of anger and abuse...LEAVE. If you are married, give this person distance. Is it until they bath you with acid or take your life, that you will realize you do not deserve to be battered?

My heart goes out to these women. No offense is big enough to cut off someone's finger.

oluwatosin said...

This ȋ̝̊̅§ absolutely terrible. T̶̲̥̅̊h̶̲̥̅̊e̶̲̥̅̊ man must βε̲̣ killed,he ȋ̝̊̅§ A̶̲̅ disgrace to manhood.

Anonymous said...

sasha says...

@cynthia, pls whats the village,hometown and local govt of that dude?

Anonymous said...

linda since u want to marry a man who is rich....whatever u see take it....i have been asking you to marry one of us as ur we are ur fans and would love and cherish u and would never hurt u but u have refused........

Maggie said...

Without mincing words, this is a clear scenario of adultery committed by these women. The reason i say this is because this is the most unforgivable offence naija men consider really bad, while they are doing same if not more. It's shocking that men react this way when they are basically doing the same. My take on this..marriage is not a do or die affair, no one answers Mrs inside the grave. Pls women dnt stay in an abusive marriage, take a walk when things aren't right again.

Anonymous said...

Av been married 4 five yrs now wit A̶̲̥̅ kid marriage Ȋ̝̊̅s NT A̶̲̥̅ bed of roses bt if u ar wit d right person n u prayed abt dat person before getting married den u ar still on d right page my hubby never lift his hands on ♍ƺ even though we liv n d *UK* whenever we argue or quarrel he just g☺° out n dat hurts ♍ƺ more so dere ar other ways of dealin wit dis issues other dan beating sm men ar just animals ii really pity such women n ii feel 4 dem G̶̲̥̅Ơ̴̴̴̴͡D̶̲̥̅ will seee dem thru º°˚ ii can never divorce my hubby º°˚ cos ii feel hapi n blessed 2 be married τ̅☺ such A̶̲̥̅ lovely person 4 five yrs n by Gods grace many more yrs ahead ijn

Anonymous said...

SMH at the person suggesting that its rich men that beat their wives. Have u forgotten the woman that was killed, Titi. The husband was a jobless lowlife that she was feeding and putting a roof over his head. In fact sometimes its dangerous when she earns higher than him as a lot of those men develop a complex and get envious of their wives.

Anonymous said...

Linda Dear, marriage is not a bed of Roses but is not all marriages that is bad. As a single enjoy your single days and pray to God to give u a man that is in fear of Him.

ChiChiLuv said...

There is NO excuse for what this man have done to this woman, I don't care what this woman did to offend him. He could have sent her packing to her parents house. A real man does not violate a woman this way.

Men who act like this feel an inadequacy somewhere in their lives, they are taking their frustrations out on these women because things are out of control either in their personal lives or business or place of employment so they feel a need to exert control over one area of their lives. They feel power and control in pounding of their wives. They are all very sick individuals that need psychological help AND they need to be held accountable for their actions. It doesn't help that these people live in a country where men will hi-five each other for slapping a woman who "steps out of her place." Our culture needs a serious over haul!

Linda, do not look at these broken marriages instead look at the marriages around you that do work! Associate yourself with couples who are positive and who would make shining examples to you. Would the fact that you heard that a certain doctor is the worst kind stop you from searching for a competent doctor when you are sick? I don't think so.

I have been with my husband for 3 years and married for 2 years. He is my best friend, an excellent husband, lover and a fantastic father. We got married at the ripe "old" age of 34 because I refused to succumb to family pressure to marry one or two of the guys I had been dating even though on paper they looked good, that is, they came from great families, had several degrees under their belts, soaring careers etc. I saw something in them that did not agree with my spirit, I knew that I was going to have to live with it, not my parents, friends or siblings.

My husband does not raise his fists or voice at me no matter how frustrating things maybe for him in his business. No matter how much we may disagree, we remain respectful of one another, there are rules - we do not hit below the belt meaning that the argument must remain on the topic at hand, we do not use abusive language and if we are not getting anywhere, we take a break and revisit the topic.

Marriage is a blessed and wonderful institution where one can grow IF it is entered into with a person who will be a friend and partner. If a marriage is not founded on LOVE, RESPECT, TRUST, HONESTY AND MOST IMPORTANTLY PRAYERS AND SHARED VALUES, it will be a battle to make it work but even then I believe that a determined couple can turn things around for themselves.

Anonymous said...

Really eh,am I've bn married ten years now.I've got two lovely kids nd a caring husband.but to be honest wt u,having nd knwing wat I've got now,I wud luv for singles to enjoy themselves now.I mean there's really no need for d thinking,d depression nd self pity all in d name of not bn married cos u see,marriage is not a days job n shudnt be rushed into at all.for wats d point of leaving ur freedom to sm sort of slavery or torture for some?I am an advocate of singles shud live their lives to d fullest nd not rush into making drastic decisions abt marriage.nd for we d married ones,I call evry kind of ill treatmnt either way,as mans inhumanity to man.dnt do to me wat u wudnt want me to do to u too.therefore if only my partner looks @ me wt sm sort of contempt,bcos I wronged him,we must tlk abt it nd try to settle.then were he hits me once,hmmmmm kasala will burst cos there wl definately nevr be a second tym.marriage is not a do or die affair,if he or she starts to show sm wickerd treats,there's is need to go ur seperate ways rather than stay in it nd quietly send urslves to early graves. May God help us.

Anonymous said...

This is ridiculous. May God help women.

Anonymous said...

First off, it doesn't have to be this way. I am quite happy in my marriage and so is my sister. it can be beautiful when the too parties remember they've got each other. My brothers are doing fine in that area. that is not to say it cannot be a nightmarish place to be in like one of my sisters found out and I have a brother with an abusive wife. Yes my family is large.

If the horrid injuries are inflicted by spouses of these women, they need to run and press charges. Shout and scream the place down telling anybody who listens what they are experiencing and simply leave the union. They don't have to be married to be complete. If a husband inflicts this on a wife and they survive, they won't live to tell the story next time around and they are living with an animal.

Sadly, I have watched supposed battered women's advocate (on Nigerian TV) women too make mealy mouth excuses for abuse and advocate for a 'little abuse' in the name of advocating against abuse. It was so incredulous that my husband actually called my attention to itand was wondering what kind of advocates they were. Sounds made up but it is true. There was a man on the show that was a better advocate for women.

Now tell me with such advocates, it is a wonder more women aren't having their heads lobbed off by their spouses.

I say be consistent and stand down barbaric behavoiur no matter where it comes from. PEACE out!!!

Anonymous said...

Kilode, Nigerian men are becoming Eranko.

Anonymous said...

Abuse almost never stops. These husbands have been showing this behaviors with people around making excuses particularly the wives. Hence this result. Women/men, WALK when abuse shows up. If you show tolerance for that beast called abuse, it only grows worse.
WALK and don't look back of we will be reading about you in the papers and on Linda's blog

Negotiations if any should be done from outside that space. Love yourself and loved ones a little and WALK from the situation. Marriage is not by force. My friend s husband killed her here in the US and now her children are now orphans in the system because the baggar in in jail dn the mother is dead.

WALK and don't tolerate violence from anybody

Anonymous said...

I have a family friend. His wedding was 2 months after mine and my husband was one of his groom's men. He used to have such a terrible temper that i was afraid for the woman that he married. He married her against his parents wishes. In fact, when his mum died, they said he and his wife killed her that they should not come for the burial.

One day, we went to his house to greet the couple, i saw a scene that was imprinted in my mind for life. There were blood smears on the wall, the furniture was torn in pieces, tv broken, etc. What happened? HE and his wife started arguing and he was shouting at her. The wife went and brought a knife and stabbed him in several places even close to his heart and broke the tv on his head.

From then till now, they live as cat and mouse. The guy is so quiet now u wont believe it is the same person. His wife has totally humbled and humiliated him. With all his temper, he cannot beat a woman and never has but the wife na real devil. She will slap him in the street and he will say nothing. They have had to move 3 times because of the wife. They have a one year old son.

I am just trying to say that there are men that are beaten and battered everyday but they still remain cos of the child.

joy said...

There's FIDA in Naija o...I shd know, I'm a member of †ђξ Ibadan branch so I'm sure Lag n Abj have branches too...and Y̶̲̥̅̊êåh, they take up these issues when î†'s brot to public notice by outcry like this...

beamer said...

Surfing is actually gud....write gud vocabs dummy

idy said...

You aren't serious, ® u? Statistics have shown that a man's sense of authority increases when he is engaged and / or married! I'm sure he feels like he owns her now, he has power and /or authority to do as he pleases or perhaps that he's even doing her a favor taking †ђξ relationship to another level...and he is confident enough to let his real self show....

Even if he was REALLY frustrated (which is lame anywayz,) he could've just warned her that î† displeased him instead of getting physical.

Ά is †ђξ lowest of men that get physical with women...and î† is a known battered wife xteristic to make excuses for such evil!

Anonymous said...

U r very stupid mr. Anonymous 1 under bamidele for sayin dat if a woman commits adultery she should be beaten! Infact if u r a man which am sure u r, u'll lose ur dick dis night cos u r not worth havin it to show that u r a man. Only weaklin beats their women is she ur child dat u'll beat her cos even if she committed adultery? Commitin adultery does not start immediately from a woman unlike u men its a step by step process n if she ever decided to go to d learnt of havin sex wit anoda man, it is u, d husband's fault cos u lack d emotional support she needed from u n care in which u denied her while u gave it to ur whores out there! So when u *loser* men cheat on ur wife what should be done to u? Hang u up to d ceilin fan thru ur dick? I tink so. Idiot

Anonymous said...

Did her husband deliberately cut off the ring finger together with the wedding ring to drive his point home that she had no business allowing him marry him in the first place? When i was still in d university, a man who was employed to be the security man at my church then "Church of God Mission" Egede branch in Port harcourt (i will be silent on his tribe) beheaded his wife during a fight. It was the first time i was hearing of such an extreme form of violence against a wife and i was shocked to my bones!! this was like 18 years ago. i still shudder when i remember it. Hwas not a member of the church but was offered that job to assist him as a welfare case. A poor security man, not even a rich guy like these other ones.

Anonymous said...

Pray n watch out for signs... Shikena! I guess u dated ur man for a while before he proposed n u guys had enough fights to push n know his limits n how he'd react when he's EXTRA mad? Abi na 6 weeks datin una do before e propose?

Anonymous said...

Linda, marriage is good when you get married to the right person. Even the word "right" does not mean perfect because there is no perfect person alive.

I've been married for 17 years, have had lots of good times and bad times too. My husband and I have quarelled, screamed, yelled at each other but always end up making up. The only time my husband slapped me, I made it clear to him that if it ever happened again, I would leave him and take the kids. That was over 11 years ago and its never happened again. A woman must put her foot down and make it clear that it is not acceptable and if it does re-occur, she should leave. I know I am mouthy (like most women) so I try and check my utterances when I am boiling mad. If a situation occurs when my mouth just goes full steam, he simply leaves the house and comes back when I've cooled down.

My husband is a kind loving man and he is extremely caring with our kids. He also has a forgiving spirit which is very important. I know that if I was to come back to this world despite our arguements from time to time, I will marry him again!

@UgoChime1 said...

My goodness!!!!!! am practically shivering here from seeing these photos. what is going on????


Am married myself. 4 years in Dec. Marriage is beautiful, although challenging. I alternate between feeling such overwhelming love for my husband and stuffing down a desire to just run away for a few days to anywhere he can't find me. Husband and i argue a lot, but we r secure in d love and commitment we have for each other.

He's never laid a hand on me b4. never never. I told him while we were dating dat i could forgive almost anything but him beating. That if he as much as dares to slap me, I'll automatically take dat as a divorce notice and I'll jejely leave his house for him.

Anonymous said...

See, one thing I like about America is not just because it's yankee..abeg levels dey.

A friend of mine and her hubby were arguing and a nosy neighbor heard and called the cops. The cops came over asked the woman if everything was alright, she said yes. The cops took her outside, away from her husband and asked her again to tell them if truly the man laid hands on her...lol.
They were even looking at her face and hands for marks or bruises.

Nigerian men over here they know well enough not to beat their wives, that is why they come home to marry (unfortunately the one u marry from home, will learn her rights at most 2yrs).

I blame the Govt. for not laying out laws to protect the women. I blame the women invloved too somehow(please don't depend on a man for money..keep urs and leave if u really have to) Most women stay in abusive relationship because they are helpless and hopeless..If ur man is abusive, pls know when to SHUT UP! Don't keep shouting and talking until he kills u.
Just shut up and queitly get ur things together, make good plans and leave...Always save for the rainy day.

But Marital abuse can be avoided if you walk in the wisdom of God..DO YOU KNOW THAT A WIFE IS A TREASURE TO HER HUSBAND? If ur husband does not treat u as his treasure, then either he is a pig or u the woman did not put value on urself.

Please fellow women, go down on ur knees and pray to God to show u the right man for u. Most times, he may not come packaged like Boris Kodjoe(fine boy). But he may just be the best for u. Remember to marry a man that loves u more than u do love him. Remember to check the family out. Remember to marry a responsible, God fearing patient man. Remember that lust and emotional feelings are not love. Don't marry a man because of money.
Someone said that many woman marry their boyfriends and date their husbands-how true that is for some pple.

Look, before u leap...if a man does not love God, how can he love u?

#happilyMarried-Adaeze.

Anonymous said...

My goodness!!!!!! am practically shivering here from seeing these photos. what is going on????


Am married myself. 4 years in Dec. Marriage is beautiful, although challenging. I alternate between feeling such overwhelming love for my husband and stuffing down a desire to just run away for a few days to anywhere he can't find me. Husband and i argue a lot, but we r secure in d love and commitment we have for each other.

He's never laid a hand on me b4. never never. I told him while we were dating dat i could forgive almost anything but him beating. That if he as much as dares to slap me, I'll automatically take dat as a divorce notice and I'll jejely leave his house for him.

Anonymous said...

If u didnt have anything to hide y not show her ur phone then to make her shutup.... I guess u did *wink*

Anonymous said...

I thought this was a pun for sex! Ahaha ohw my mind SMH

Anonymous said...

Sounds like ur TOYboy ..u berrer change cuz d devil as we know is always a lier

Anonymous said...

LooooooooL Sorry ! Run away from her

Anonymous said...

Your comment doesn't make sense..? Your married and have two kids but you and your husband argue.. So? No marriage is perfect, and arguements are expected! So long as there is no violence your marriage sounds pretty normal to me.
Also, I doubt Linda wants to get married just for sex; she doesn't exactly need to get married to sleep with someone you know..
Seriously some Nigerians lack common sense !!

LAMILOLY said...

the man that cut of his wife's fingers deserves to be in the zoo with his mates. LADIES PLS LEARN IF HE HITS YOU ONCE HE WILL HIT YOU AGAIN. *drops mic*

Anonymous said...

weather you are in a good marriage or not,plz all we need is prayers cos African culture does not liberate the female gender.GOD HELPS US....to the battered in spirit GOD WILL HEAL UR SPIRIT....AM SINGLE BUT I TRUST IN GOD COS AM SHORT OF WORDS

Anonymous said...

oh God! am short of words, what can be so bad? adultery? men.. men.. meeennn....

Anonymous said...

OH GOD! WHAT CAN BE SO BAD? ADULTERY? MEN....MEN...MEEENNN!!

Anonymous said...

Its sad to see the negative part of marriage played out everyday. A lot of women are afraid to talk because of what they think will happen if they open up, some are genuinely inlove and wish thhings will get better. While some are not ready to face the society as divorcees and its just so sad. However, all women who have boys can start by training boys on how to say sorry, and how to treat their sisters and relationships as they grow etc. I have observed that boys are brought up to think they can always have their way and should always be incharge and cant be challeged for whatever reason etc. it all boils down to how a man is trained and raised. A man who saw his father beat his mum will definately do it.

Anonymous said...

I am happy to be single.

Once a woman has dated a man that battered the hell out of her, she may never marry until she finds a man that she thinks will never hit her.

Such men are hard to find unless he is a born again Christian or Muslim or a good pagan. God help us women!

Anonymous said...

@Anonymous 3.56pm. I laughed at your comment but it is not really funny. Your friend probably married 'omota' from Lagos. It served him right.

When I was a kid, our neighbour was thrown off a balcony by her husband. The woman was lucky to survive with a broken arm.

He once broke a stool on her head before she divorced him. A lot of Nigerian men are violent husbands.

vun_ibe@yahoo.com said...

Was this kind of marriage conducted in God's sanctuary? Brutality & bestiality in the highest order! Domestic violence - man's inhumanity to man. This is just a tip of the horrors being experienced in marriages of these days. It ought not to be so. Well, it's one of the signs of the end time. But we can choose to live right, flee frm evil & mk the world a better place for others. Marriage shd not be a do-or-die affair. Methink, it's more honorable to choose to be single than damage another life or license another to do same to you.

Anonymous said...

Marriage is God's design, for procreation, enjoyment, harmony etc. But the kingdom of hell has dispatch demons to ruin homes & marriages, so that either party will disobey God's commandment abt marriage n go to hell. God said husbands love ur wife has Christ love the church, wife submit to your husbands, when this marriage equilibrium is in place as commanded by God, ure sure of a blissful home. The foundation of every home matters, marriage been an institution as her own syllabus with which to run the home, how many couples this days has time to refresh themselves with books written by those that are succesful in marriage, do they attend marriage seminars, a family that does not pray 2geda, plan, reason 2geda has created a vacuum for d enemy to fill, the truth of the matter is that d enemy has vowed to ruin God's creation and marriage is among the topmost, so to stay clear of the devils plot, every intending couple must adopt and understand God's purpose for marriage before you say i do, allow God to lead you before marriage, after marriage n always. Man will always need God's guidance at every point in time, without that u can marry a monster who present himself as a sheep. Shalom.

Walefila

Anonymous said...

Linda, dont be afriad of marriage.
Good Sex will keep your union longer.
Most women deny their husbands and gradually the guy feels unconcerned about his wife and wont mind teaching her a lesson of her life.
But i dont support the beating.Our women should be submissive 100%.

izu said...

get married and use wisdom and respect in issues

Femiluv said...

Linda, this has been said countless times. When showing a graphic photo, there should be a warning. Some of us would rather not see stuff like this when scrolling down the homepage. How rude!

Anonymous said...

God in His almighty wisdom showed you some aspect of the guy's behaviour early enough so you could make the wise and bold step to call off the wedding. Good for you dear, please don't let what people say influence you to change your mind. You deserve the very best in life and marriage, never settle for anything less. All of God's best dear!

ElizabethJ said...

My sister,no be small thing o..I am so scared!!!..Although i am engaged but all these news I've been reading and hearing are damn scary..i mean SCARY!!!

Anonymous said...

I think many women make the mistake of using the word 'Man'! A real man is an image of God. Its only a beast that can do this; However, so many women out of despiration end up with beast for a husband. Women, Pray and receive a Man; dnt go after a beast out of despiration!

Anonymous said...

Ladies i am a married sista, have been in this institution for 17years! i can say from day one i have explained to my Oga that if ever by mistake hand push me down, he becomes a bachelor instantly. I grew up in a home where my Father abused my mother and i know it will not continue in my generation.

I am very happily married, my hubby loves and respects me. So we can acheive happiness in marriage. If you are unfortunate to meet a beast first walk away because your prince is waiting.

Pls Niger women dont say your husbands never cheats on you! The wise do not look and so do not see. I have a PHD in Psychology from the US and i know that black men are not wired to be monogamous!

Anonymous said...

I am, the no Sender.

@ Omoge1, came calling and read your retort to my post. Wow, to think you are carrying a torch for ladies and you use such gutter language? Can you believe that

What part of my post should I STFU? I've taken the pain to re-read it and frankly, I guess the perspective I took might have given you the wrong impression. But it certainly was not enough reason to project wife beating into me. I reject it seven times.

Anyway, I took a woman's point of view as in what I wrote was more for protecting the woman than anything. You are right, whoever will beat his wife will do so, for some men wire themselves that way. But should a woman find themselves in a marriage with an aggressive man with the propensity for violence, I think the suggestions I gave can help. But again in marriage there really are no hard and fast rules.
Hope you'll be a lady now and appologise for your use of inappropriate lingo.
P.S. You have no need to worry about the woman wey go marry me. Ok?

Anonymous said...

sweetheart its length not *learnt'..thanks..bye

«Oldest ‹Older   1 – 200 of 210   Newer› Newest»

Recent Posts